#and plus its not like anyone can ever do anything bc i dont want to put my big problems onto others

[mrfoox]

Ok over an hour later and no im still a mess...

#miranda talking shit #I know i wont find an answer today bc i need time to weight pros and cons etc but like... My mind really is all over #Do i have the right to set some kind of rules? He's more experienced than me and this was his idea. Meanwhile im a virgin and basically not #Done much at all... Would it be crazy if i set some rules or boundaries anf what would those be? The obvious is. If i say im uncomfortable #It stops. That goes for him too. But idk if i can demand more and what it would be? I at one hand cant see myself setting the pace #Bc im so anxious and shy... Plus i wonder if theres anything one can do about ... Me feelinh potentially used? I dont know #Thats a worry for me. That he'll just want to f me and then hes gone. He said he wouldn't bc he cares about me #But its a worry? But how would that... Work... He have to give me a hug before he leaves? Would that be stupid idk. #My biggest fears is that I'll feel used or develop more feelings. I think i have the feelings under control. I obviously like him already #But if we do this we would go in with those expectations. Id not expect him to love me like that... I feel like i should for my own saftey #Set up some ttpe of rules to prevent me being hurt but i have no experience so i cant say what a rule would be stupid and what would be #Helpful/reasonable? I also know. We wont go all the way any time soon. He said that to me that he knows that im still a virgin #And he would not want to be the one to take it if i wasnt completely comfortable with it. He knows that if we do iy it'll be very #Well... Mild for a long time unless always. I know anyone who knows me will most likely scream and tell me not to... But also more than 50% #Of me really wants to... I feel like if this is a mistake? He'll be the best person I'd be able to do that mistake with? Does that make #Any sense? Because i trust him and like him and i feel like he does the same for me... I feel he would listen to me and respect me and not #Force me or push himself on me? And im definitely curious... Like yeah... And id kinda want to get some more experience... And gasp #Have fun??? Like when we discussed this even i laughed. He made me laugh during this. So i was obviously comfortable enough to do that #I guess this is an brain vs heart thing... Am i stupid and selfish for wanting this bc it'll potentially feel good and I'll feel wanted? #Maybe. Probably. But also... I can not think of any mistake like this ive ever made in my life. I havent allowed myself to do stupid shit #Ive not gotten stupid wasted or done something like that in my teens... This feels. If it'll hurt I'll learn from it and not be scarred #Forever? But i dont know. I think big part is that its new and exciting and all that and i want something like that... I want to feel #Something like that.... At least for a while as long as its actually fun... #Any advice or thoughts please do share. I know i sound naive and stupid bc i am honestly... But is that only a bad thing? #Idk genuinely so... Any thoughts I'll take anything. Or questions or any own experience i just need some others views

[yellowhearther0]

fucking. whatever honestly

#neg #not even using my tag im abt to have a cat 5 moment here #vent #negative #yada yada catchall sorry abt this #but i am jsut. so fuckibg sick and tired of being miserable and in pain all the damn time #its so goddamn isolating to know theres something heavily and wildly wrong with you and have nowhere to go and no ability to do a fuckibg #thing about it because the only people in your life you could go to you dont fucking trust #im SICK of fucking waking up every morning having no idea who the hell i even am im sick of sleeping through half my classes because #i feel like im about to pass out constantly im sick of seeing things that arent there in the corner of my eye im sick of spending everyday #that im at home pratically immobile because i barely have the energy to get out of fucking bed im tired of not being hungry ever so i dont #eat enough even though i know i need to eat more #im so fucking sick of it #i just want to know whats fucking wrong with me so i dont want to fucking off myself because i dont know whats happening to me and im #fucking terrified #im so fucking scared all of the fucking time because i dont know what to do or who to go to or what to say because its all too fucking much #everything hurts and im so fucking tired and i want it to stop and i dont know what to do #and anytime i complain i get taken the fucking piss out of but its my fault because i take the piss out of my own problems #and its not fucking fair to get mad when other people laugh along #and plus its not like anyone can ever do anything bc i dont want to put my big problems onto others #and i brush people off whenever they ask if im okay or not #and its not like i dont want help its just im so bad at asking for it and so bad at reaching out and so so bad at trustibg people when it #comes to things like this that i dont think i ever will get help and its entirely my own fault #im facing the consequences of my actions and now im all alone. #fuckibg. yippee

[justallihere]

i'm going insane bc i was away for the weekend and left my phone alone (god bless) and came back to a whole chapter PLUS love declaration PLUS forehead kiss ?? omg.....

Mira is not letting Xaden rest like ever, I do wonder what Violet told her while Xaden was prepping her bath tho.

“Not if it bothers you, they can’t,” said Xaden. “I’ll make sure they keep it away from you.” 

oh he wants violet to be comfortable so baaaad he's the embodiment of "is the sun bothering you queen" and im so here for it.

i'm totally fine and sane over xaden washing violet's hair im not kicking my feet or anything and im definetely not crying over how soft they are and how much trust must violet have on him bc she's letting him touch her hair after it being threatned to be cut.

forehead touches are my faaaav so u can imagine how well fed i am after this chapter and for that i say thank you alli *dramatically bows*

Xaden not wanting her to feel like she wasnt love so he just declares himself to her had me weak, like it could've been this grand gesture but nothing between them has ever been planned or expected so he just winged it and it was perfectly what she needed. talk about soulmates !!

when u told us the declaration was gonna hurt i didnt have this imagined in my mind but im so glad it happened this way and not the way i thought it was gonna happen. it was so bittersweet !!

ALSO she def knows she loves him shes just not ready to admit it bc in no way in hell would she ask him to say after he declared himself if she didnt know she also felt something

also the way they first slept i know xaden neck was complaining

also violet reminded me of a cat who always try to get closer in their sleep. she just wants to cuddle !! and shes so real for that

Rhiannon is truly a bestie!! not her terrorrizing the love interest we love a ride or die bestie, even if sometimes she's unresonable

“You whisked her away before anyone could check on her.” 

bestie there was not one single part of her that wasnt broken what was the man supposed to do *cries* but i do understand her stress

SLOANE MAIRI !!! not her calling the king of tyrrendor her brother i love that for her !! she's a princess so true. also i looove xaden and liam's talk it wasnt too cheesy bc tbh they dont operate like that but it was so genuine !!

can the guards chill !!

Garrick is just like me!! i too love gossip and will put my hands on it as soon as i can. but garrick its been like 12 hours wait a little longer or violet herself will call u out again. but also not garrick begging xaden no rule to country and he's just like "no <3" love that for him his wife just got back running a country is very far from his mind.

“Is that what you told her to do?” Rhiannon raised an eyebrow. “Get over it?” “No, but you’re not her, are you?”

He's so ??!!

the development of violet a few chapters ago being like "he didnt hold me while we slept bc there had been no excuses for it in Aretia" to now being like "im gonna curl into your arms so hard you'll never escape" and honestly good for them !!

anywayyyy i LOVED this chapter

lol a lot happened this weekend, welcome back!!!

Xaden’s literal one and only concern is Violet and her comfort, fuck everything else. I’m totally not fine and sane about the hair washing so I guess we balance each other out 🫶🏻

They are very much soulmates!! Xaden didn’t plan to fall in love with her, of course he didn’t plan some grand declaration of it either, we’re just going with what feels right. Violet is a grumpy little kitten yes you’re right

Rhiannon is stressed as hell, like give her best friend back RIORSON where is she

Garrick needs both gossip and for Xaden to do his job and he’s getting neither of those things! Too bad so sad!

Thank you!!!! 🩷

#storm in the quiet

[moonshynecybin]

do you have any books recommendations? 🙏

okay usually i like to know a general vibe for recommendations bc this is INTIMATE!!! and im actually in a weird place in my reading journey where im trying to branch out and try a bunch of different books in a bunch of different genres bc i got lowkey sick of what i was reading all the time so this is all over the place. whatever fuck it. here are some recent ones in no particular order that ive enjoyed OR at the very least found interesting. most of these are pretty famous i'll be real im not breaking the wheel here. under the cut bc she is long

our wives under the sea by julia armfield. was this book good hmm i dont know. was it kind of fucked up and interesting. YES. some of the prose is legitimately sooo gorgeous and the portrait it paints of the central relationship is intimate and oftentimes heartrending i still think about it which is kind of what you want from a story tbh... a really slow plot (kind of nonexistent) thats frankly more about grief than anything. theres some spooky body horror here so beware

slaughterhouse five by kurt vonnegut. shes a classic for a REASON. do you ever pick up a book that is very beloved and famous. and then get genuinely and pleasantly surprised that it actually rules. happened to me. legit kind of life changing and also made me laugh out loud. if you havent read it get on it

the kingdoms by natasha pulley. read this over the summer and i vividly remember sitting in the basement at my job hiding so i could read one more page i was RIVETED!!! its historical fantasy its time travel its amnesia it is. on a boat. basically like what if fucked up gay love and also magic made france win the napoleonic wars would that be crazy or what!!! and it was!! also read some of her other stuff which is VERY similar and it was like. fine to good. but i LOVED this one

carrie by stephen king. read it around halloween and i enjoyed it more than i thought i would ! some category 5 stephen king sexism but its an interesting 200 page scifi novel with epistolary elements and some great characters i can see how it launched his career into the stratosphere... really good one to start off with reading stephen king if you wanna dip a toe in but are wary of the 1000 page doorstop novels. i say give it a try !

demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver. recent pulitzer prize winner. its a retelling of david copperfield with a distinctly southern appalachian lens which im always interested in because i am from southern appalachia and frankly the way we get treated in fiction is wild. like hillbilly cannibals who are illiterate coalminers wild. if i ever catch the guy that wrote hillbilly elegy we are throwing hands. but i liked this ! the region does have a long history of poverty and it was interesting to think about that in conversation to the social commentary with a victorian vibe from david copperfield. i mean this is decidedly unvictorian but that was floating in the back of my head at all times reading it so it made me THINK.

giovanni's room by james baldwin. another one where i was like do you see this shit?? this shit is crazy. and the shit in question is one of the most acclaimed and beloved novels of all time. anyways another life changer get on it.

even as we breathe by annette saunooke clapsaddle. another southern appalachia moment ! this one rings VERY true for me actually, despite being a historical novel... written with a lot of love for the area and made me cry a bit cause i was homesick at the time... great mystery and cool local history. also! one of the better representations of the cherokee people ive seen in fiction. which usually im hesitant to like. pin that as a THE major reason you should read it bc the story is ALSO very good but its a central theme of the novel so i thought i should mention it. plus the author is cherokee so she's coming at it with knowledge and care

in memoriam by alice winn. recommendation from a tumblr mutual so i thought id continue the tradition! read it in literally a day so im fuzzy on the details but its about rich eton style english schoolboys getting their spirits basically destroyed in the trenches of ww1... also a gay love story... lots of poetry very tragic but not overly so and certainly very readable... a competent historical gay romance if thats ur thing youll probably enjoy it

the poppy war by r f kuang. interesting bc it initially feels like a historical fantasy novel with a young protagonist going to a magic school and overcoming the odds slash beating the evil enemy story thats been done one billion times. but it is DEEPLY not that. takes the conventions of the genre and kind of refuses to make them reducible or easy to package. deals with war (read the warnings etc). deals with genocide. deals with race. wrestles with the ethics of all of its characters and comes down with some nuance. kind of a slay

and then here's some all time faves that are just GOOD and im reasonably sure anyone would have a good time with:

jane eyre. i have quoted this enough on this blog cmon. also if youre following me youre probably a fan of fucked up relationships so you should go. be with the OG. fly. like its foundational to the GENRE babyyyy

dracula. yayyyyy epistolary novelssss... another "fun" classic along with dorian gray... read em both they slap

the book thief. took me a year to read. made me cry lots.

daisy jones and the six. look at me look AWAYYY from the amazon series look at ME. this is a fun book. and if you are in a reading slump i frankly HIGHLY recommend it bc it is done in the style of like. a documentary autopsy on a fleetwood mac esque band implosion so its told in 100% dialogue as if they are being interviewed. you can read it in a DAY and its FUN and sometimes they CONTRADICT each other which i LOVE

the queens thief by meghan whalen turner. GOD!!!!! all time. all time. straight relationships in fiction that make you crazyyyyyyy and also genuinely delightful twists at the end of each book i LOVED them. i read them all in the pandemic they slayyyy

howl's moving castle. delightful. if you like a silly time in a fantasy world that makes you laugh a lot i would recommend. also the sequel its fun

any terry pratchet novel thank you goodnight

#rapid fire ones: circe by madeline miller. piranesi by susanna clarke. the underground railroad by colson whitehead. the things they carried #also and i am beign so serious. if you have never read ella enchanted you should. it is fun. #callie speaks #asks #staring down my tbr and waiting for my brain to get better. torture. #next up is house of leaves. lfg. #the tonal whiplash on this list is so funny im realizing. 50% fun fantasy and 50% THE HORRORS OF WAR.

[discocandles]

Jason Todd, but he's not around the batfamily very often, bc i can.

It's not unusual for Jason to just kind of be gone for anything bat-esque for a while. Sure he'll still be in Gotham doing some crime fighting, but just not make many appearances in Wayne Manor/the Batcave.

And it's not out of sheer spite, surprisingly enough. its bc after being a crime lord then quitting to be an anti-hero, he came to the realization that being Red Hood couldn't be the only thing he was using his life for. he would end up like Bruce, only using a civilian identity when he absolutely had to. But Jason Todd was legally dead, so he wouldn't ever have to be a civilian, but at the cost of losing himself to a vigilante identity. I don't believe Jason would want to take that risk.

So he makes a fake identity so he can live in a (shaky) routine as a civilian. He still goes by Jason, given its a common enough name. but he changes his last name to Devoss, as it has the same meaning as todd but is of Dutch decent rather than english, bc I'm the kind of nerd that still wants names to mean the same thing even it's not the point whatsoever, so Jason is too. Plus its better than most of the name changes DC has done.

Anyway. Jason's "routine". The only reason it could be considered a routine is bc he typically goes to the same places. he drops by the same coffee shop at least three times a week, frequents the same gym, and visits the library about once a week. he's in the bare minnimum of consistency & sticks to it.

Despite being given enough money from Bruce to count as a solid income, Jason still lives in walking distance of Crime Alley. the landlords there don't care who you are so long as you pay rent, bc who wants to live near Crime Alley? barely anyone. Later he gets a job, which actually cements his routine. he works as a chef in a chain restaurant, and he's so good at it, it's like hes being petty about it.

Actually, being petty is the most common thread most of the people who know Jason Devoss as an aquaintance have. He's petty about entitled customers who start screaming in at his regular coffee stop, if someone he tends to work out with has a cheating partner and the assholeperson has a hole in thier can of mace and their knife is suddenly dull(neccessities in Gotham), Jason has no clue how someone could manage that. Absolutely none.

Ok, back to Jason getting a job. So like I said earlier, Jason gets a job as a line cook, bc they really dont keep people from the job unless you're actively supposed to be in Arkham(exemptions can be made for blackgate). Which is why having a civilian identity is helpful, bc being both legally dead and spending some time as a mob boss probably wouldn't jive with any hiring manager ever. But he's able to make himself a normal part of the scenery, and makes the most effective closing shift, totally not be he has patrol that he's already late for. He begins to have to switch between taking orders and making food.

And this is how he ends up meeting Bernard, bc they have to work together to figure out what Tim would want. Jason realizes that this isn't some other kid named Tim he thinks "oh this is going to be rich." bc no one in the family has been to his work so far since he started working in the front of house, and he hasn't mentioned it to them.

So Tim walks in, and sees his bf, then he sees Jason, who just says "Oh, you must be Bernard's boyfriend. Nice to meet you." Smiling like he's never done anything remotely wrong in his whole life. Now Tim is questioning everything and can only repond with something akin to "Mhmm yup. Nice to meet you too." & is on edge for the rest of the date, bc his brother is being paid to watch his date, and will interrupt them for refills or other nonsense when he was beginning to forget Jason was there.

Bonus points if it's before Tim introduces Bernard to the family.

The batfamily knows where he is, and he knows they know. No one who has met Batman once can have him be unaware of their whole family tree, of course he knows where his son is. Jason will sometimes get visits, most often from Duke, be despite the fact that Crime Alley is mostly terrible, the sunset view is pretty dang good.

Duke will just be sitting on his couch when he gets home, like "you wanted to talk?" to which he and Jason will simply chat. and jason will often give critiques to Duke's technique.

The other common visitor is steph, but that's most ofting in the form of her ding dong ditching him,

-

#petty Jason is something that can be so personal #I almost want to make a fanfic of Jason being the first to meet Bernard after he starts dating Tim #and lording it over tim until he introduces Bernard to the rest of the family #but as I've said at one point I barely know anything about Bernard's character other than kinda sassy conspiracy theorist so idk #jason todd #batfam #let Jason care about his mental health a little please #tim drake #bernard dowd #timber #Tims contemplating how bad it would be if he killed someone who's already legally dead #meanwhile Bernard is just like wow this guy really goes above and beyond with customer service. I should remember to tip him well for it #duke thomas #I was tempted to say Jason pranks Duke during his patrols and that's why Duke lowkey breaks into his apartment #but I think Duke would just show up bc he can #stephanie brown #Steph really brings the get the F off my lawn out of Jason #Bruce would show up but he thinks Jason doesn't want to talk to him so he stays away #bc of course he's gonna be awkward about this it's Jason

[most-annoying-sponsorship]

Submitted propaganda under the cut

Wren - 1

fuckin okay i get Save The Planet is noble or whatever but do you understand i'm MAYBE tired of being told to change Everything abt how I live when everything i could ever do is a drop in the ocean compared to corporations and i dont want to micromanage my entire life for the sake of the planet and its ALWAYS the leftist youtubers shilling it as The Best Most Selfless Thing you can do. like. dude. i am tired. i dont get paid enough to have the energy to care.

RAID shadow legends - 22

I caved and downloaded the app, played three levels and holy shit it’s so boring

I don't think I need to explain myself here.

Every Youtuber has been sponsored by them at some point and they are infuriating

It’s everywhere and it’s a shitty game that feels like the kind of low quality shit you’d see in a mobile add, because that’s exactly what it is

I have not seen a single sponsorship that makes this game sound like anything but a waste of time. Plus, their sponsorships are always sooooo long lol. At least a full minute, sometimes two.

the sponsorships and ads are everywhere yet ive never actually seen anyone outside of the ads enjoying it or even talking about it

They say the exact same thing every time so much that it's become a memorized phrase used as a meme

the art is mid, but not only that, but none of the characteers were designed by someone truly unhinged and horny. giving out that many free summons just makes them look like a scam, like those scammy crap gacha games with promo codes that have one digit repeated (example: 1111, 777, 888, and so on). there's nothing you can do there that other games haven't done better, and there's no overlying premise that draws in fans of stories (talk all the crap you like about food fantasy, at least the lore was fucking WILD). raid shadow legends is like fruit gushers in that it's massively mediocre and wildly overhyped. sure, you *COULD* inflict it upon yourself without hurting too badly, but why would you want to?

You KNOW why

Infamous

gaming.

Annoying, constant, bs, dumb, pay to play, badgering, I hate them. My friend ended up spending over a hundred dollars on this game bc their advertising occasionally works, and when it does, that's not great!

You KNOW WHY.

They don't pay the fucking people they ask to talk about them half the time. Also the game is ugly.

scammy as hell wtf is that game

Do I even need to explain? It's not a helpful product, it's just a dumb mobile game no one needs in their lives.

It’s bad

Everyone’s heard of it. Nobody likes it.

#polls #sponsorship smackdown #round 1

[dpurut]

feet vent. lmao. im serious though

ok this is actually the smallest problem i have going on rn but i swear im at a tipping point and this may be my last straw. I am about Ta Explode. Right now.

I have the flattest feet in existence plus a joint disorder so what i have are basically full rectangles for feet. Ive had my current pair of shoes for 5 years i think. Theyre split at the seams, torn apart, the soles are worn, anything you can think of those things are Busted. I need to get new shoes because I can’t walk in these anymore, it hurts like hell. But YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! we went SHOPPING. FOR SHOES. oh swell.

skechers used to be the only brand i could trust to have wide shoes. None were available. I got frustrated. Tried a few more brands. Got even more pissed off. I tried on some converse for fun but i literally started ugly crying in the store when i put them on because they look like SHOE shoes not some excuse of a shoe made of foam like all the other ones ive worn since birth. I had to take them off really fast bc they were digging into my bones. Its still bothering me.

I know there’s no such thing as a normal human body and i wouldnt change anything about who i am right now bc its whats shaped me as a person. But for once i just want some “normalcy”. To not wear the ugliest shoe. For once. This has been going on forever. My elementary school principal used to stop me at the school gates every day to yell at me about wearing the wrong color shoe. I had to explain to her every time that we couldnt find a shoe that fit me in the right color and remind her my mom had spoken to her numerous times since the start of the school year to inform her. Every time, she called my mom again and held me up so I’d be late to class. Gym class was even worse for a million reasons but that’s another topic.

I want to take a walk. I want to hang out with my friends for more than an hour each time. I want to swim, play volleyball, football, whatever the fuck ball or something i dont know. I can’t do that. I just can’t. And I want to, but I won’t ever be able to. And as long as I can’t find new shoes that fit me, i cant do the rest pf the stuff that i normally can. These americans with their long ass thin ass feet dominate the shoe market and im just a fly circling around it. Im sick of it. All my ocs are gonna have box feet and theres nothing anyone can do about it and in THEIR UNIVERSE, GOOD SHOES EXIST.

#acepostale #vent #i wish i had more friends that i share a condition with. i love my current friends of course but its different when the understanding is #built upon lived experience #im so happy to have a father whos chronically ill and understands what i mean. and a mom whos willing to listen. but you sometimes just need #to curse the fuck out of some horrible shit youre going through. and it has to be away from family

[caninecrypt]

LEAST favorite pony? 😳

+ obligatory self-appointed best pone?

ok i'm narrowing this down the g4 mane six for my own sanity i hope thats ok but i don't particularly think i have like a Distinct least favourite? every one of them has their ups and downs (which is a plus for me imo i loveee flaws) But instinctively rainbow dash comes to mind first. i think its cuz the only times ive been genuinely upset over some of the episodes it had to do with her being like a HUGE dick. Like ive only Ever seen may the best pet win Once and thats bc it just made me so viscerally sad LMAO? RD also just is way too cocky and whiny for my liking sometimes, it just really gets under my skin. plus a lot of the RD-centric episodes i just dont find particularly fun or interesting. fluttershy is pretty close behind but thats just bc i feel like a lot of her character development was stifled and repeated, like she just kept learning the same lessons over and over + her animal companions sometimes just straight up end up doing things for her and she feels kind of useless at times, so it’s not so much HER as a character as it is the later writing decisions made for her. still love rd and flutters tho

fav pony tho, im sooo autistic about twilight sparkle its insane!!!! i think i just do a lot of projection with her (bc i see so many autistic + ocd traits in her and its great that i can relate and analyze her more deeply) but ive always love love loved her, i think shes overall very well balanced and level headed, and her growth never really seems to have been troublesome for me. she has her flaws ofc but they very rarely feel out of place and out of character. she gets the Special Main Character Treatment sometimes but idk it never feels like. wrong. when its done. you know? either way, hard to pin down EXACTLY why i like her, i just know for certain that i read her as autistic and i like that lol also im very okay and willing to listen if anyone wants to add anything to this 👍

[hikari-ni-naritai]

go go prime numbers^^

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

yes!!!!! every relationship has been worth it, even the ones tht sucked and crashed immediately causing me infinite pain.

3. Are you a virgin?

i mean, this is a real ship of theseus question. ive heard your body replaces all its cells every 7 years and its definitely been at least that long, and plus my whole sitch is different down there. so like. no i cant in good faith say that i am.

5. Are you in love?

hard to say honestly. i was at one point, and then those feelings changed into something more manageable. i dont know what to call them now. probably 'love'.

7. Can you commit to one person?

i basically cant do anything else. i dont form those connections with anyone new once i have them.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

i dont know. i used to for sure! now its like. i dont even know if i want to do romance anymore.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

i get jealous of things you cant even imagine. they should lock me up for the shit i get jealous of.

17. Do you like kissing in public?

i dont think i have any particular feelings on it. i would probably be more likely to get shot if i did it these days than back when i was actually kissing people.

19. this ones not here! wild

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

literally nothing would be easier.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

of course not

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

VERY proud to admit that after taking hrt for a few years i have!

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

i dont think so? i have dated someone who my friends hated one of us but it wasnt her, it was me. and they kept trying to hook her up with someone else (who also had a gf at the time). shitty friends, really.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hahahahaha no lol

43. How long was your longest relationship?

how long was tht shit..... uhh like nearly 6 years?

47. How old are you?

30

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

well i sure hope nobody is mad that im talking to people! thats some emily behaviour. people should not exhibit emily behaviour. shes too jealous for her own good. anyway theres nobody im talking to with intent to date so the question's moot i think.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

oh god uh let me grab the only good picture of me ive ever taken.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

if im meeting them online its Vibes. if its in person, like. general body shape? i am definitely not looking at their face bc thats where the Eyes are and we are not about that.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

uhh. something nice where we can walk around outside without a schedule and without being bothered. the botanical gardens are good for this generally.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

i mean is that defined as 'dreams where you cum in real life' bc , basically every single one of those ive ever had has been 'you are trying to find the toilet'. not really very kinky. if theres another definition id love to hear it. if its 'dreams about sex' ive had so very few of those and i think the closest to kink they ever came was a doctor lady giving me a vaginal exam.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

organize an ff14 static that doesnt disband until we clear the thing we set out to clear. my greatest dream.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

god but i feel jealous so often about everything. i think it was when my friend mentioned.... talking to either her gf or her other friend, i got jealous about both but i dont remember which one happened more recently.

83. Who was your first kiss with?

the girl i dated for 6 years.

[endfght]

🎲 🎲 🎲 🎲 🎲 

delilah wayne & kinsey oliver: kins has tattoos,,, (i think) and piercings.... let delilah Do Them. idk anything about soa but delilah is in california?? in la?? if that means anything??? she would probably have a biker bf or smth i literally dont know shit about fuck but xo no one will replace mal ever but let them be besties. she also did hair?? so maybe she can do kinseys i literally do not know but i think that they could be Neat somehow.

riley mckendry & kinsey oliver: did kins develop a problem with her meds after they got out of the hospital or am i making that up??? bc if she needs someone to talk to,,,, she should go to anyone But riley unless she wants to meet hell priests and creatures from hell<3 no but actually if she needs to talk riley is There.

alexander duffy & kinsey oliver: stinky man. Stinky man that needs to Get Away from kins right now. he kind of sucks and is emotional (not like sweet emotional tho like angry emotional the Bad Kind). idk he's just like a Guy. if kins has any paranormal problems??? hes ur man for sure. hes going to flirt with her and im sorry theres going to be nothing that ic an do to stop it. she Is allowed to punch him in the face without warning. pepper spray is Also an option and he would deny it but it would not be the first time! anyway!

shiv roy & kinsey oliver: kinsey in succession when. i went on so much ab mal in succession and deleted it bc this is not the time rebecca. ANYWAY u need to tell me about kins in that World but even without knowing anything i think shiv,,, would love her (but maybe im just biased bc I Love Her). i could also throw out a younger shiv to be closer to kins maybe theyre in college or smth together?? atn had to have covered what happened to kins and mal right? like no shot a story like that Wasn't national. anyw.. yea Them.

colin graham & kinsey oliver: how. many times have we done the father/daughter trope before? who the hell actually cares bc i eat it up every damn time. we're granted one (1) tired apocalypse thread bc truly its what we do best but colin comin across kins n mal on their way home > him offering to guide them there since he has More Experience. him sayin yea sorry ur actually my kids now until further notice so sorry about that but yeah. he did have two daughters and he Will see those girls in kins and mal so get ready for that!! definitely would not be a lee/charlie/alice Dupe. colin is more Chill ok he was a park ranger hes just Vibing. plus he has a dog so like emotional support cuddles for kins or smth??? @graecland.

#＆. inbox ‚ answered . #hallowburnt #IDK WHAT SUBSTANTIAL THREADS DELILAH AND KINSEY CAN HAVE BUT THEY COULD BE SO NEAT #um yea. anyway. #i saw riley and kinsey and got so excited and then immediately deadpanned at my computer bc wtf how can they interact #i think u went back to single ship so obv alexanders flirting would be unreciprocated #u kno u kno #he would just be Annoying #so YEAH shiv and kins??? idk young adult/college besties??? #i dont rmr if u ever said what kins was going to college for but #shiv being her mentor > #(if that At all makes sense bc i have no brain cell) #i think...... shiv getting very protective over kins n mal after hearing their story is Something..... #her flying out to nc to meet with the girls herself... to interview them #IDK i just think that she would see herself in them in the smallest of ways and just #want to Do Something am i making sense #i feel like i am Not #i think that colin and kins could be sweet and like yea we have Done It before but this would be different i swear #these were all so random but kins is fandomless so we can absolutely make them work i Know it

[olivieraa]

I've such conflicting (but mostly) negative opinions about dubbed anime. If so much of it wasn't just "strong American accents trying so hard not to sound like they're reading from a script but they clearly are" then it'd be great.

I'm not an elitist, about anything really (not that I can think of, but maybe there's something idk I'm tired), but I will always pick sub over dub. Am I able to properly analyse subbed anime and the voice work done on it? No. That'd be ignorant. The way a character says "nande? nande da yo!?" in Japanese vs a character saying "what? what?!" in American English is obviously going to sound different. And I can't find flaws when I hear Japanese voices. But maybe people who speak Japanese can. Because if I'm listening to that "what?" in English and it sounds forced, scripted, not passionate enough, bland, too angry, etc then I'll know its bad. Cause its my first language. And maybe Japanese people can tell when voice acting is bad in Japanese. Idk. Sometimes I've been able to. I can tell when a Japanese VA does not want to be there but wants a paycheck.

But for the most part, I'm pretty much sold on Japanese voice work. They're passionate about their job. It FEELS like they're there to try their best. And after having only watched subs since, idk, 2010? I'll be quite harsh on dubs. But here's the thing. I'm biased. Any dubs I seen pre-2010 I vouch for being good. Why? Because I originally watched them dubbed. Inuyasha and Death Note being the main ones. And due to that, I constantly re-watch them dubbed. Its actually hard for me to connect them to their Japanese VA's. Now, to give Inuyasha some credit, when you watch the first good few eps, they're not... the greatest. Just some voices trying to match their mouths to the characters and it sounds so off. But then... then they get the hang of it. And they get better at it.

Death Note I believe is the overall best dub.

YGO... ok. How do I even talk about YGO...

Removing Kaiba bc people have literally said no other dub voice could ever replace his and be able to portray that asshole more perfectly, I think the YGO dub is decent. I don't fault anyone for saying its bad. I think the overall consensus is that its a good dub with terrible (but classic) dialogue. If they'd had the same script as the Japanese version, it'd be brilliant.

People can argue about Joey's accent, Bakura's accent, and say "why give them those accents tho", but Joey speaking in that accent is better than literally 99% of Americans giving generic American voices to characters to the point that they all sound the same. PLUS, Wayne Grayson portrays Joey's emotions brilliantly. And its a personal thing to me, but I like Bakura being British. If others dont, that's fine. I know he can sorta come across as Stereotypical British Villain as Deadpool calls it, but I think he's sassy and I like it. Some voices are a NO. The actor that portrays Noah is the most famous actor (not even VA, he's in movies and shit), but his voice is awful. Same for Marik, and Yami Marik, and Weevil. But then Pegasus comes in perfectly. And Anzu doesn't sound forced. And then some are just ok, like Tristan and Ishizu. Dan Green is debatable.

Like I said, I can only vouch for two good dubs. Maybe if I'd seen Kuroshitsuji dubbed I wouldn't think its so terrible and gave it more of a chance than one episode. But I don't know...

Because as of now, I've seen 10 Attack on Titan dub episodes and fuck me......... they sound like Power Rangers every time they talk. In the Japanese, I feel... inspired? In the dub I'm like "could they have not said this line as a normal human being would???????"

[bellyhurts]

its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

[flower-blooming-in-hell]

i need to scream into the void for a minute here bc like. idk who i can tell this who will understand

just rambling abt mental health (ptsd + depression mainly) and transitioning

but just. !!!!!!!!! i just took my first dose of T!!!!!!!! i officially have my androgel at home! and i just applied it to my skin!! and im waiting for it to dry a lil bit more before i put anything on it (like the sweater im gonna wear to bed tonight)

and im like. i could honestly cry rn not in a bad way but in a "this has been coming for such a long time and im so excited for the future right now" kinda way

i think a reason ive always disliked myself is bc i hate being a girl honestly

my voice is too high and feminine, and my face has never looked like my own (though that could also have to do with the did but still)

im currently planning on ending up looking more androgynous atm, but honestly im on a low dose so i can see which changes i want and how far i want to go

tbh im thinkin i might just end up going all the way tho? not sure

or. all the way isnt the right words but yknow what i mean basically lol

its ? very interesting figuring myself out like this

like im not fully confident on who i am but i know what i want, and i dont want to be a girl. i never really have, and i knew that at a young age. and to a point i do identify with "girl/woman" but thats only bc i was raised one, so i have similar experiences to a lot of ppl who could be called girls/women

plus my mom is def bioessentialist (which i need to look up counterarguments for that tbh) and i love her to death but she just doesnt really understand ... a lot of things

plus yknow. trauma . ive never gotten to fully be myself - i have always been what other people want me to be. its... an experience and a learning curve, finally figuring out who and what i am.

tbh this feels similar to when i got published (technically. it was a competition thing and a prize was getting published alongside others) with the like ... sheer positive emotion and wanting to cry and shaking with the excitement of what ive achieved and get to have

its really weird, being this happy. i didnt think id ever get to feel this way, or that id be excited for the future or have plans for it like i do right now. ive always had the feeling of "theres more things i have to do, so im not finished here." but its never really come out as starkly as it is now.

im really, REALLY happy.

yknow, sometimes i look back on my abuser and think that we were made for each other, and that ill never achieve anything greater than having dated them

and i think this is the first time its actually fully setting in and really occuring to me that i can have a life without them. i dont need them. i never did, and i didn't truly gain anything from being so close to them for so long.

and while i will always be resentful for having to grow up so fast and that i spent so much time on them, and there are still a lot of times that i'm upset with myself for being so unfailingly kind and giving and resilient, times where i wish i broke and wasn't here anymore, i'm truly glad that i didn't and i'm still here.

and i'm happy that i'm not with them anymore.

and i'm glad that i got to have this. and that nobody i currently know will speak negatively about this to me.

sometimes it feels a lot like i move on from them in jagged bits and pieces of glass, like im tugging them out of my skin years after impact

this feels a lot less like that, and more like...

ever since they came into my life, ive felt like . corrupted, evil, gross, whore, etc compared to their bright white purity. like i could never measure up

i think this is the first time in years where ive actually felt pure, in any kind of way

excited for the future, happy, not focused on anyone but myself, confident.

ive always wanted a truly clean slate. and now i have that

i have a better idea of things i want now too, and ive been taking better care of myself as well, and i have so much more energy

i still wish they could see and that theyd be proud of me, instead of whatever the hell manipulative gaslighty bs theyd think up

but im not thinking about them that much either

this is something that i want, and the focus is rightfully on me

...its a slightly weird feeling, but i dont feel selfish for it, for once

#also on a trauma note: #they both really left me in the exact same way huh #they got tired of me and looked for an outside force to make me break up with them #bc they didnt want to do it themselves #cowards

[nineliabilityrisk]

reminder that if any of my mutuals want my discord i will gladly add them, im almost always active on there

and no this does not mean "oh were mutuals but we hardly ever talk!! we havent even interacted!!! surely this doesnt mean me!!!" no. literally if we r mutuals it means i want to interact with you and if you want my discord you are more than free to ask

i am just . you know. hashtag Terrified of reaching out to anyone else first [ not because any of yall r scary or anything i just. dont really know how to do it and dont like sending random messages unprompted kdhdks ] so. if yall ever want to message on discord instead just shoot me a dm and i can give you my username

if you want to plot smth or just. yknow. talk. im usually a lot more comfortable on there bc im more used to it so i will probably be more talkative. plus its a LOT more consistent about notifications so [ shoutout to tumblr for giving me a notification about a reply to a thread FIVE DAYS after it was posted. not like i would want to know about that or anything ]

#ooc | nines speaks

[aaaaatillathenun]

What the fuck is wrong with today? Did I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Is it cosmic?

It started so good. I woke up 45 minutes before my alarm and I was excited to get some “extra sleep”.

There was a big asshole truck driving on the way to work. Like I understand you want some small dick compensation but like at least be able to handle it if you feel the need to get one. This guy kept driving on the line and making me feel unsafe when I tried to pass him.

Then I did my stupid little one hour of work and I discovered that the fucking travel office changed the layout of the travel system we use without telling anyone. A couple weeks after they changed they layout of their website without telling anyone. I fucking hate the travel office. Someone I support has a report pending from a trip he took in April. That’s a whole different fiscal year, shouldn’t there be some consequences for your poor time management? I fucking. Hate. The. Travel. Office.

Then for my fucking class the lab manager didn’t come to open the door to the computer lab the class was in until 25 minutes after it started. Absolute waste of everyone’s time. Everyone was there at 8 in the goddamn morning for a class and your website and door both say that you’ll be there at 8. Where’s the communication? Absolutely fuming. I had to very consciously restrain myself from yelling at him, because honestly fuck that dude. I hope the professor chews him out. I should tell the professor that tbh.

The class was stupid as it always was. CliftonStrengths is a scam.

Then I got lost in the building like a chump trying to get out and I got pissed. I think you’re supposed to exit on the second floor, but how the hell am I supposed to know that? The star on the elevator was next to the first floor.

And its difficult to ride my bike when I’m hauling all the shit around to refill my snack drawer in an extra bag and all the fucking freshmen dont know how to walk on the sidewalks so bikes can get by.

My advising session was actually p good not gonna lie. Someone with the same advisor told me that she didn’t like the advisor bc she was so direct, but idk what she was on bc that was a great advisor and a person I get along with and would like to get the point of view more

Then back at work the fucking fire alarm went off. It was so fucking loud where I was and then we all had to hang out outside for twenty minutes until the firefighters came. And no one knows still if it was a drill or not but idek if it matters bc the “floor safety officers” were so bad at their job and didn’t really know what to do.

Then I found out that one of the systems we use wasn’t set up properly for me and I talked to my supervisor about it to try and get her to fix it. THEN I found out that I had actually been looking in the wrong place for a fucking year and it WAS set up correctly.

Also I checked my bank account and the term tuition has not been taken out of my bank account even though I have the payment confirmation. So I’ll wait for another like week and then check again.

I also realized that I forgot to pay rent and utilities for October. I need to let my roommate know that I’ll be renewing for another 6 months. However part of this non payment is bc she didn’t put any of the utilities i to tricount so idk what I owe her. I’ll get the check when I get home today tho. Hopefully she’ll let me waive the three day late fee because she also didn’t do anything for the utilities.

I hate when my job makes me feel like a travel agent and reimbursement machine but when it’s anything else I’m so out of my depth because all I ever do is travel shit.

Lets see how the rest of this shit day will go. I still have an hour and a half left of work plus I said I would show my face at a social event for my volunteer club, but that’s ok bc the new officers will be picking up the tab so I get a free drink or 2. But then I have a bunch of readings to do tonight.

Why the fuck did i decide that working and going to grad school at the same time and also living so far from everything was a good idea.

#personal #also why is it catching? #i mean honestly one of my friends in a different state is also having a bad day

[bizarreandjarring]

i dont know what's wrong with me, whenever I'm drawing/ painting I'm enjoying it so much like I'm having the time of my life, it's like the only thing that I can do and get lost in the zone while doing it, when I finish though...I hate how it looks like, like I despise it, and I try to tell myself it's ok bc I don't want a career in art, I'm not posting it anywhere and it's just for me and maybe my close friends, but I can't help comparing myself to other people when I see their art and it just sucks, I watch a bunch of tutorials and observe people's process like MAYBE if I do this right then I'll finally be satisfied. sorry for ranting in ur asks u can ignore this if u want I just needed to tell someone

don't apologise!! I'm absolutely always down to talk about art process and how it sometimes really really sucks and feels bad lmao

honestly comparing my art to others is something i really really struggle with, and i find it really hard to figure out my own style and artistic voice and not like absolutely hate it compared to other people. but its so awesome that you find so much joy in the process and you gotta hold on to that and focus on that enjoyment and fullfilment that you get from it!

idk if you want my advice like i don't want you to feel like i'm lecturing at all so you can totally ignore me but my take under the cut so i dont blow up anyones dash

if i was in your situation and just really not liking the outcome of things that you're doing, i'd go full experimental with it

i did this a LOT in school where when i hated every single thing i made i would just stop and start doing all sorts of like random clay crafts or weaving or like one semester i full on painted stuff and just detroyed the shit out of it. it's hard to compare yourself to others with that kind of stuff bc it's not anything you poured your heart and soul into

if that doesn't appeal to you, you could also try stuff like doing studies and copies, even tracings. just experiment drawing in different styles and practice drawing an object that you really like. when i'm really really down on my art i usually just draw a bunch of like shitty cartoon cats or frogs on a page just because i don't trust that anything else that i draw will come out any good, but i can still enjoy the process plus then i have a bunch of frogs

anyway just trust that happiness you feel when you make art!! that's it! thats the whole point you already have everything you could ever need

also here is an example of the aformentioned "just draw random shit" when i guess i was pretty angy about not being able to draw

#i hope whoever sent me this sees this and i hope you luck with your art #honestly you can always talk to me about this stuff art is HARD #i mean ive been doing it properly for what like...7/8 years? and i struggle its a learning process #but the practice will only make you better #and REMEMBER the art ecosystem NEEDS diversity!!!!! #it would suck if all this stuff looked the same! #ask