#and the bad childhoods and parents. and the fear of god and how it can negatively impact one's queerness and identity

[mondothebombo]

✨Small Canon Things in Ninjago That Aren’t Necessarily Important to the Plot, but Important to Me Pt 2✨

(in honor of the first post reaching 2.5k notes)

1. the reason the ninja can’t summon their elemental dragons anymore is bc they’re too traumatized

2. Kai takes laxatives

3. Lloyd felt responsible for Nya’s sacrifice

4. Morro took a shot while he was in Lloyd’s body

5. Cole’s favorite color is orange

6. Chamille, the master of form, is a “bad girl” post s4

7. the ninja were literal children when they waltzed into Chen’s tournament and proceeded to beat all the adult EMs in the competition

8. prior to seabound, Nya resented her parents for not being there in her childhood, her mother more so than her father (✨mommy issues✨)

9. Nya is hyper-independent as a result of her childhood; while Kai is more openly accepting to his parents because he has a better memory of them

10. Wu was close enough with Lilly that he could remember whether or not she wore a necklace

11. Cliff Gordon was a “womanizer”

12. Lloyd didn’t naturally hit puberty until s8

13. Cole and Jay are best friends

14. whether or not you see Pixane as a bf/gf situation in canon, they are canonically soulmates

15. Jay has not yet received his inheritance letter

16. at least up until the Merge, Zane’s statue is still in downtown Ninjago City

17. ninjago citizens are fully aware their only protection are six super-powered teens/young adults

18. the ninja are still famous, public figures

19. Jay is the only ninja who hasn’t died (yet)

20. despite being a terrible actor, Lloyd is always sent on the undercover missions

21. the ninja are on first name basis with each others parents

22. Cole’s favorite genre of music is soft rock

23. Zane has selective memory

24. after Nya’s sacrifice, each ninja depicted a different stage of grief (Zane-Denial, Kai-Anger, Lloyd-Depression, Jay-Bargaining, and Cole-Acceptance)

25. Cole never actually had feelings for Nya, he was just flattered by the attention and petty about Jay being mad at him

26. elements react based on the master’s emotions

27. Jay is so emotionally dependent on being around other people that he loses his mind when he’s alone for too long

28. Lloyd had a chat with god and wasn’t impressed

29. Cole’s snoring can be heard throughout the monastery

30. Nya is not a morning person

31. Kai and Skylor have been in a situationship since s4

32. Lloyd being the grandson of god is not common knowledge

33. the group of civilians that were on the bounty when Cole fell are probably the only ones who truly realize the danger the ninja put themselves in on the regular to protect the city, and how close they are with each other

34. Wu didn’t want to tell the ninja about the green ninja prophecy because he was afraid of having a repeat of Morro

35. since s8 at the very least, the ninja all shared a room on the bounty until the monastery was rebuilt

36. Jay’s confidence in his own abilities fully depends on what others believe he’s capable of

37. several villains have called the ninja out on being “just a bunch of kids,” and then proceeded to get their shit rocked by said kids

38. the overlord can gloat to Lloyd all he wants to in crystallized, but fact of the matter is Lloyd defeated him when he was like twelve

39. Kai and Nya raised and took care of each other, it wasn’t just Kai doing all of the work

40. Kai is two years older than Nya

41. Zane’s biggest fear is losing his humanity

42. Lloyd’s biggest fear is becoming his father

43. Nya’s biggest fear is losing her individuality

44. Cole’s biggest fear is letting his family down

45. we the audience are the only ones who see the characters as legos; they’re real people in-universe

46. Kai likes spicy food

47. while elemental masters are immune to their elements to some extent, their elements can also be shown to hurt them in some circumstances

and as always, feel free to add on!!

#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #mondo’s metas #my hcs #mondo’s hcs #ninjago jay #ninjago nya #ninjago cole #ninjago kai #ninjago lloyd #ninjago zane #ninjago wu #ninjago dragons rising spoilers #kinda

[kalki-tarot]

How will you meet your Future husband or wife?

Pick a pile 💕

Disclaimer — The images I use to select a pile are from Pinterest, I hope the readings will resonate with you. I'm not responsible for any decisions you make in your life from my readings. I'm just a beginner and these readings are just for fun. Tarot is not 100% accurate and does not replace medical treatment and diagnosis.

Masterlist for more!

Pile 1

Just before meeting them, you'd be having many things to do. There would be so many things or tasks in your hands just before meeting them. Your day might go very sad and weird. You'd feel a need of balance just before meeting them.

This is a very specific message for someone, but you'll have two options to select from which bus or train you wanna reach your destination by. Divine timing and intervention would take place and you'd choose that bus in which your fs might also be present. And you'll meet them in the bus or a train for the first time. Or you can also meet them at the place you reach after travelling. You can meet them while traveling to some other city or place.

You might've done a lot of shadow work and emotional healing before meeting them. You've become very strong by the time you meet your fs. I'm so proud of you pile 1.

You might randomly talk about finances or about work with them. They'd seem so rich and wealthy to you or vice versa. You'll feel an emotional connect with them on the first meet as if you both have known each other since many lifetimes.

They'd see you as someone very caring and emotional. We have the lovers card here with the tower which suggests me two things. First, They may fall in love with you at first sight. And second is they might have some bad past related to their love life.

They may not approach you directly. They're stopping themselves as they've been hurt in the past before. They are so guarded around you. But they definitely love you. They'll gather strength and release fears regarding love and approach you. Just give them some space and time. Don't rush things.

Pile 2

When you first meet them, they might wear a tuxedo or a suit. And they might also be drinking some kind of drink the time they meet you. I think it's a party where you both meet. I get strong libra placements by the justice and two of swords.

You might go to a party and you might meet them there. You probably lied to your parents about this. (I'm not judging anyone, this is what's coming.) Your friends might make you agree to come to this party. It's a fated event. For some of you, This could also be someone's wedding. For instance, you went to a wedding with your friends you didn't thought you would. But you meet them there.

This person might come across as careless or even a playboy with many girlfriends but in reality this person is a hard worker, and very career oriented. They don't get time to think about girls. But when they see you they'd think that you are a freakin' reward from god for their hard work they've been doing all this time.

This person sees you as their treasure, someone they wanna protect as you're like a prize to them. This person can be famous in whatever field they're in. They have many eyes on them online/irl.

This person will blindly fall in love with you. They may not know whether to pursue you or not. They're indecisive about you. The hierophant came, this is a confirmation that you might meet in a wedding or some ceremony.

Pile 3

You might meet them on a cruise/ship or when the timing is right. Universe will lead you both towards each other. You may also know them from childhood or past. You may even shared a past life with this person. I think you or this person will manifest your union with each other. This is a very romantic connection! This person may belong to a place where there are mountains and rivers.

This person is very caring, loyal, honest and committed. You're lucky to have them. This person can be your romantic soulmate. 22 and 66 may be significant. You may be seeing this angel number or will see before meeting them.

This person definitely had a bad past in love or family. They may come across as rude or cold at first but this world's cruelty made them like this. Very heartbroken energy from this person's side. Someone betrayed them or lied to them. They got cheated and their idea of love changed. But this person is moving moving forward and working on himself. He's slowly leaving his past behind.

This person loves you very much. No matter what this person will love you. They're so sweet and loving. They see in your deep water like eyes and wonder about a lot of things. This person is very emotionally connected to you. They see you as their wish fulfillment. You are the brightest star in their sky. They find you very nurturing and caring. They love your giving nature. I can't describe how emotional and romantic this energy is! Very beautiful and loving. Wow!

Pile 4

You can meet them near water, lake, sea or beach. Your current energy seems very indecisive about a lot of things. You can meet them when you are at crossroads in life. Or when you're emotionally detached from everything. This person will randomly appear in your life like a thunderbolt when you least expect it. This person or you may be 20-35 years old when meeting eachother. You may meet them in a few days or 6-12 months, as we have 2 of swords and 6 of pentacles here.

You'll meet them when you're going through a big transformation in your life. Cycles in your life might be ending at that moment. This person will bring happiness in your life.

This person can be your divine counterpart as we have 2 of cups and lovers card. They're very romantic and caring.

You need to work on your fears before meeting them. Do some shadow work. Be aware of what holds you back and restrains you from finding love in your life. Leave the past and move forward in life. It's time for a change.

#tarot reading #tarot blog #tarot cards #tarot and astrology #pick a card #tarot #pick a pile #tarot asks #tarot community #tarotblr #tarot spread #divine counterpart #the divine masculine #divine feminine #divination #future spouse pac #tarot pac #pac #tarot pick a pile #tarot pick a card #pick a picture #astro notes #astrology #astro observations #bollywood #tarot blr #tarotcommunity #tarot beginner

[sturnioloshacker]

sex in seattle - a vinnie hacker smut

a/n: requested by anon; lowercase intended 

cw: praise kink, dirty talk, blowjob, sex, orgasm denial, smut. this is an nsfw short, everything written is fictional. interact or don’t interact, i’m not your mother

summary: vinnie is thankful for having sex in his room with you, but not thankful for being caught in the act

the front door of vinnie’s childhood home opens and we’re both greeted by his parents maria and nate with opens arms and big hugs. this year, i’m celebrating thanksgiving with vinnie’s family and friends. It’s always nice to have a bit of a change which is why i’m currently in seattle with the best boyfriend in the entire world and his family and closest friends. we walk in and it feels so cozy, warm and full of love. 

“the turkey is still in the oven so make yourself comfortable, love”, maria warningly says.

“thanks, maria.”

i go to sit next to vinnie but instead i’m pulled by my hips and into his lap. not that i’m complaining though! while everyone is busy preparing the table and setting up the food, vinnie starts to act up. he starts bucking his hips up, the friction becoming too much all of a sudden. 

“vincent, what are you trying to accomplish here?”

“baby, please, i need you now”. he whines softly in my ear.

“bub, we’re here with your family and friends. we can’t just go and have sex like we do back at home in la.”

he whines again as i get up from his lap to go and see if his family needs help with anything. being told that everything is under control, I’m suddenly spun around to face my boyfriend. 

“how about i give you a tour of my room?” he smirks, taking me by the hand and leading me to his room.

this boy i swear to god, always so horny!

he takes me in first before closing the door behind us and pushing me up against it. he quickly follows my movement, capturing my lips in his for a steamy and sensual kiss. little moans and gasps escape my lips as he squeezes my ass and presses his chest against mine, allowing his tongue to explore my mouth and graze my lips. i slowly drop to my knees and i’m level with his growing boner. i press a quick kiss to his clothed dick before hooking my fingers around the waistband, pulling them down to find that he chose to go commando today. good lord. I wrap my hands around his length, giving him a couple of strokes before taking him in my mouth.

“god i love the way you wrap that pretty little mouth around me, princess. so pretty.”

i giggle around his cock, the vibrations sending shivers up his spine. i speed up my movements, making vinnie throw his head back in pleasure, the intensity getting him close to the edge. He grabs my head and pulls me off, his breathing rapid. 

“as much as i wanna cum in your mouth, i would love to cum in that cute little pussy of yours.”

he helps me up from the floor before picking me up and throwing us onto his bed. he presses a quick kiss to my forehead before aligning himself with my entrance. he pushes in all the way, bottoming out once he’s fully inside and making us both moan in pure ecstasy. i quickly adjust and give him the nod of approval for him to start moving. 

“oh vin, that feels so good, please don’t stop.” i moan out.

“not stopping, pretty baby. not until you cum all over my cock.”

i can feel us getting so close. i clench around vinnie’s girth, feeling him twitch against my walls. my heart beats faster and my breathing becomes erratic as i feel the knot rapidly unravelling in my stomach. i cry out as my orgasm washes over me and i cream all over vinnie’s cock. i grind against his cock as i ride out my orgasm, getting him close to the edge. 

“fuck, pretty girl. you’re gonna make me cum so hard.”

“cum inside me, pretty boy. i need to feel you inside me so bad.”

“hey guys, you almost done with the room tour? dinner is read- JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK?!”

vinnie and i both scream in fear as we whip our heads to the open door where his brother reggie stands, mouth wide open and hands in his hair. We quickly cover ourselves with the blankets and sheet underneath us, trying to hide our bodies from the younger brother.

“knock next time, dipshit! how much did you see?” vinnie asks, fear exiting his body. 

“um... just that last bit. fuck, now i’m scarred for life. anyway, dinner’s ready when you two are.”

reggie shuts the door and vinnie turns to look back down at me.

“i just lost my orgasm. shit, i’m sorry baby.”

“it’s okay, bub. i’ll give it to you later on tonight, promise.”

“this is one of the many reasons why i love you so much. happy thanksgiving, my pretty.”

“i love you so much. happy thanksgiving, handsome.”

#vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker fanfic #vinnie hacker imagine #vinnie hacker x reader #vinnie hacker smut

[lurkingshan]

Unknown Episode 6

Well, we wanted them to bring the pain, and my god did they do it. If you had any remaining doubt that this show knows exactly what it's doing with this story, this episode surely put it to rest. There were so many excellent scenes this week, and not all of them are strictly from the source material. I'm going to walk through the episode by favorite moments, because there is so much worthy of discussion here.

That first scene between Qian and Yuan, when Qian put his hand on Yuan's face and expressed his worry, was original to the show, and it got me right in the heart. It is exhausting to love someone you know won't love you back in the same way, and Yuan has been crumbling under the burden of trying to restrain his feelings while staying close to Qian. That Qian is both the source of his comfort and his agony makes it all so much harder, and Qian's blinders to Yuan's feelings means he is constantly making it worse for Yuan without meaning to.

I also loved the whole sequence at the H.O.T. party, from Yuan arriving sad and sick and vulnerable only to see Feng Ning getting cozy with his brother, to Qian knowing instantly that something was wrong with Yuan and becoming distracted, to Qian and Feng Ning's chat clearing up their relationship and the show allowing her to be awesome and not at all villainous about it, to Qian following Yuan into the backroom for the confrontation. It was a short sequence but it all built masterfully to the moment we've been waiting for since episode 1.

And what a scene that was. I loved that it began with Qian trying to care for Yuan like he always does. He is at a work event but he cannot focus on anything else until he knows Yuan is okay. But Yuan has hit his limit while his guard was down, and it all finally comes spilling out in the worst way possible. The emotions of this scene were perfect--Qian was truly shocked, deeply upset, and importantly, betrayed by Yuan crossing this boundary and imploding their relationship. And Yuan is also feeling upset and betrayed, because he has always counted on Qian to accept him no matter what, and in this moment, Qian failed him by rejecting him in a way he never has before. They are both clearly devastated to have this relationship ruined because for both of them, it is the most important one in their lives.

It's not surprising that Qian goes into full avoidance mode in the aftermath; he has no idea how to navigate his conflicting instincts. He doesn't want to reject Yuan and in fact it hurts him deeply to do so, but he can't accept him either. He's too shell shocked and angry to return to caretaking, but the guilt is clearly eating at him. So he hides, and finds a way to keep avoiding it by sending Yuan away. And this led to two more fantastic scenes, because this show cares about all its characters and the entire family unit, not just the two leads.

First, San Pang and Yuan. I love that despite making many mistakes and ultimately accelerating the implosion between the brothers, San Pang is not intentionally being malicious here. He is genuinely trying to help because he loves both Qian and Yuan, he doesn't want Qian to be hurt by Yuan's feelings, and he is clearly hoping Yuan can move on from it if he intervenes. Yuan knows this too, which is why he does not hate him despite his interference, and why he feels comfortable pushing San Pang to explain why his love for Qian is such a bad thing. I love that the show went here, and that San Pang couldn't come up with a logical reason why it's wrong. It just feels wrong to him, and isn't that the case with so much cultural taboo?

Second, I love this show so much for not forgetting Lili in all of this. Her increasing anxiety and fear at seeing her brothers' relationship fall apart without understanding why was so heartbreaking. This is her family, and she has had her own very rough childhood and survived parental abandonment too, and suddenly everything is blowing up and no one will explain it to her. Yuan clearly doesn't want to leave her anymore than he does Qian, but at this point he's not being left with much choice. And Qian is not in a headspace to offer her any explanation or comfort. I'm glad her pain was not overlooked.

The way this episode ended, with Yuan setting off for a lonely stint abroad, and Qian not even giving him a proper goodbye, was the final touch of heartbreak. Qian loves his brother so much, and I think he'll regret sending him away so coldly when he is finally able to process what happened here--he may already be starting to regret it, judging by the forlorn look on his face as he leaned in his doorway recalling their memories together. I was glad that at least he left Yuan a token to take with him; he can't face him right now, but he does care. Some time apart will likely do them some good, but in the meantime there will be a lot of loneliness in both their lives. This show hurts so good.

#unknown the series #taiwanese bl #shan shouts into the void

[cryptidcorners]

Mike Schmidt x Reader Headcanons

= Character: Mike Schmidt

= Media: Movie!Five Nights At Freddie's

= Prompt: N/A

= Description: You and Mike had been dating for several months, which not many knew due to his wishes for privacy. Mike was a shy character, and you didn't expect to wake up in his arms now and then. You had known each other for years, and unlike your past partners, you finally found someone who truly understood you.

= Request: N/A

= Tags: Comfort, Fluff, Slight Angst? Romance, Headcanons, Established Relationship, just Sweet Stuff ! + Reader is Gender Neutral

= Warnings: Mentions of Childhood Trauma & Kidnapping, Mike is incredibly Stressed and Depressed From Work, Nightmares ! + FNAF Movie Spoilers

Despite his fluctuating work-life and raising his sister all on his own, he makes sure to engage with you as much as possible. While Mike can't afford to take you on dates, he spoils you at home and gives you the strongest hospitality anyone can offer. His highlights are hearing about your day, rambling about your interests. He barely thinks about talking about himself (let's be honest, you're all Mike thinks about).

He'd definitely not understand the lore you're fixated on sometimes, but he'll listen regardless.

Painfully shy around you. He gets nervous even asking you for a hug or kiss. Mike hesitates to hold your hand in public or share romantic gestures in fear you'll be disgusted by his lack of experience for affection. He's always delighted (and relieved) when you melt at the feel of his touch.

Cuddling! God, he loves it. His pills do help him sleep, but you help him relax. Mike prefers spooning you, his arms wrapped around your body is something magical, at least to him. He sleeps much better with you.

Anytime Mike flashes away from his nightmares, it helps him dramatically to wake up to you backed up against his chest. Sometimes he'd lazily wake up, desperate for some type of comfort. A lot of mornings were encouragement and warm hugs, which was more than another for both of you.

Mike is very clingy. Due to his trauma of Garett being kidnapped at a young age, he gets incredibly worried when you're gone for too long, especially if you're late.

So damn awkward when he's meeting and/or visiting people you know. Mike cannot socialize with anybody for the life of him. He doesn't bother telling you though. As long as you're enjoying yourself, he'll bare whatever is bothering him if it means seeing you this way.

Very protective. If he ever sees anybody making you uncomfortable (or if he even thinks so) Mike goes ballistic. Sometimes restoring to violence depending on how severe it is. He definitely feels bad afterwards, especially due to embarrassing you like that.

Will intentionally wear shirts/sweaters you like. Mike craves your validation, and loves the feeling of you complimenting him. (Give him a hug, please!) + Gets weak when you fix his tie or adjust his shirt collars.

Marking! Marking! Marking! (Giving + Receiving), I definitely see Mike giggling as he's kissing you or being kissed. His laugh is definitely infectious, and charming to see.

Loves it when you play with his hair, especially when you're cuddling. Slipping your fingers through his curls drives him crazy and makes him melt.

Mike definitely loves pet names, but I imagine he'd love your name much more. He holds it as stronger than any title ever. For him, personally he'd take whatever you call him, Mike is sweet like that.

You cannot tell me that you playing/interacting with Abby destroys his heart (in a good way). Seeing you as a parental figure to her makes him so happy, I bet he cries in joy thinking about it.

Sometimes he's so stressed from work to the point he'll fall into your arms for comfort in an attempt to channel his internal hardships.

Mike is definitely the sweetest kisser ever, not very experienced but he still gives you butterflies. Will hold you every time you kiss, making you feel secure every time. Even if it's a light peck, his hands will either be wrapped around your back, briefly caressing your sides or tight on your shoulders.

Speaking of kisses, he 100% gets lightheaded after them and giggles like a teenager after.

Uses his puppy-dog eyes a lot, even without realizing it.

Says "please" + "sorry" way too much. Absolute sweetheart.

Wears those goofy aprons when he cooks, he doesn't know you think it's cute/funny. Mike likes them way too much.

Hates public areas so much, prefers peaceful walks where it's quiet. Loud noises stresses him out.

Mike cannot tell sarcasm, info dumps or complicated jokes. He'd either just tilt his head in confusion or giggle in an attempt to make it look he understood.

Feels so guilty when you give him money or gifts and he can't repay it. Mike is a giver !

Such a comforter, he'll always listen to you vent, even if he's dead tired from his job. Bet Mike would hold you tightly, telling you everything will be okay.

Mike is pretty private about his feelings, especially his trauma. He's more focused on you on anything !

Loves you more than anything, would 100% run across a haunted pizzeria fatally injured for you in a heartbeat.

#💤 Mike Schmidt #mike schmidt fluff #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #headcanons #fnaf #fnaf x reader #writing #fnaf movie spoilers #writers on tumblr #fnaf movie #five nights at freddy's #josh hutcherson

[vinillain]

Great wave chapter 2 spoilers// analysis cuz ahahahaha Adamai… when I get you…

Alr, rant because I’m the biggest Yugo & Adamai fan of all time. And I overanalyzed this chapter to death.

And how the way Adamai treats Yugo is one of the main reasons he’s distant from Amalia.

This pattern of behavior isn’t new, in s4 he was quick to come to Yugo’s defense when Nora was chastising him. Using words like “we” and because both of them were still feeling the euphoria of their reconciliation came to each-others defense in a new unfamiliar environment. But after he sees how shady and “heroic” their family is he ops to leave, and does so without explaining himself (about the dofus) to Yugo or trys to convince him to come along. Something he definitely would have done in s1-2. (And this is because they have grown so far apart the bond they once had is distant, albeit still there)

This behavior is similar, and again appears here in their entire conversation.

Yugo who was brooding and trying to be alone after his vision is greeted by Adamai, who IS genuinely worried about Yugo, since Yugo now carries the dofus of their people he and Adamai’s bond is “strengthened tenfold” allowing him to “almost hear his thoughts” and definitely feel his fear and dark feelings. And he immediately calls Yugo out when he tries to hide how upset he was (which tbh he likely does because of Adamai’s next reaction in a bit, meaning this is a common cycle)

Eventually after some talk Yu breaks down and is honest that he isn’t okay. That his visions terrified him, and here Adamai isn’t dismissive right off the bat, he states that he could feel how bad it was because of their bond, and knew it must have been bad if it shook Yugo up this much

And Yugo tells him about the vision and how “I am the cause.” To which Adamai questions as he seems to think internally, and Yugo like in chapter one with Amalia doesn’t question anything, again he only says “It was real.”

(I am roughly paraphrasing their dialogue so it’s not 100% accurate)

At this point Adamai scoffs at him to which Yugo who’s still upset by his vision flips out on him starting an argument. Asking if he “bores” Adamai

And Adamai tells him he needs to think with his head. He possesses the power of a god and can’t afford to think with emotions. Which is true, TOT said that Adamai was the logic to Yugo’s actions. He is the thought and the anchor, but while he isn’t wrong for saying this, the way he went about it is making things worse, but it also it makes sense why he did act this way towards Yugo.

Adamai is not someone who bases his feelings on emotions anymore.

He’s spent his entire childhood training and getting ready to meet Yugo and find their people. After the loss of Grougal he has spent his entire life trying to fill the void with an adult parental figure who holds power and wisdom that can help him achieve his goals the way he knows mortals can’t. Hence the “we needed someone with more guidance” like in s4 to Yugo. We don’t see exactly what happened to him from the OVA’s-s3. But we know it had a drastic change on him physically and especially mentally. And a big part of that is that he essentially became a vessel to their peoples dofus. In order to cope with his own trauma and feelings and taking on that responsibility of all this power he surprised any emotions or feelings that could cause him to act rash or get in the way of his main goals.

And when he did let his emotions take over because of his blind rage, he ended up hurting people he cared about which left him even more apprehensive to show any ever again. (Hence why he left his newly found family in s4) But in doing this to such an exstent the way he does, he never actually solves any personal problems of conflicts. Especially with his loved ones. He can’t rekindle his bond with Yugo or try to fix their relationship because he refuses to show any vulnerability. Which makes sense after he was left behind, betrayed and hurt so many times, and more so when he realized that he hurt others in his own pain. He doesn’t want to get hurt or hurt others again.

And as he states, Yugo has power beyond any mortal comprehension. He now carries the weight and responsibility of their people, and their siblings dofus. Honestly just their peoples future in general. He holds power, power many people want to steal from him or rid him of. Adamai compares Yugo’s situation to how he had to handle the dofus. That he needs to swallow any emotions and think logically. Which he has always done more out of the two of them. Vulnerability is a weakness to him. And Adamai doesn’t want Yugo to get hurt or hurt others like he has in the past.

He is cruel and harsh in his words. Telling Yugo he does “bore” him. And completely downplays his twin’s feelings because he sees them as being weak. But he DOES care about Yugo, in his eyes Yu will end up suffering more if he shows this vulnerability. It’s why he is mean and tells Yugo he can’t be acting like a child when he has all this responsibility and power in his hands. This isn’t the same when they were little kids, the stakes for them and their people are much hire now.

But to Yugo, who’s tried to fix their relationship countless times, is naturally upset at this. He feels unheard, that’s he’s being over dramatic and that his feelings don’t matter. That he isn’t allowed to be upset at his own trauma. Which is something i think paralells Goddess Eliatrope. How people dismiss her feelings and say she’s overreacting. That she needs to “get over herself” because she is a great goddess with all this power. Etc. something I hope we see more with Yugo aswell.

Being a king already isolates him enough, being a demigod with all this power does so even more. To Yugo, Adamai is the only one he can turn too when he’s upset. It’s why he was so desperate to find him in s3. Over growing old and being immortal. The problems that mortals can’t comprehend. (Something that definitely upsets him because the more power and godhood he gains the more distance he has between himself and his loved ones.) But when he opens up to Adamai about his fears and issues he is shut down or ignored. And that’s why he won’t open up to Amalia. If Ad dismisses and scoffs at his feelings then why should he try to open up to her? He adores and loves Amalia and fears the rejection she might give him. It’s why the moment she was slightly dismissive with her “Calm down, it was just a dream” he immediately leaves to be alone. He already has to deal with Adamai, he doesn’t want her to do it to him too.

But by doing this he is hurting her too. Like him Amalia is STRESSED beyond belief. She has a ton of weight and responsibility on her shoulders. And she can’t manage the conflicts of her people (especially with the eliatropes) If Yugo isn’t there to help her, If Yugo won’t be vulnerable to her. If he doesn’t trust her or won’t rely on her with his problems then how can she? How can she be open with him if he runs away from her at the deepest issues when they share so much intimacy and love.

Their is already clear tension among the Sadida’s and the (VERY FEW) Eliatropes who now live among them. Many are unhappy with the changes, some openly voicing how “Armand would never have allowed this” suggesting they don’t like Yugo as their king either. And the old man talking about how he lost his son in the war, that the eliatropes haven’t faced sacrifice. (And this is despite that fact that they don’t know anything about their past or the war they went through, how they lost their own families- claiming they don’t understand Sadidan culture or tradition but never trying to learn the other sides either.)

Communication is the key to relationships. Being open and vulnerable is how we understand eachother. Something reflected in the main three so far and the Sadidans+Eliatropes. Yugo keeps shutting Amalia out because of how Adamai treats him. Creating this endless cycle of distrust among the two and it’s reflected in their own people. Both could be amazing rulers and created a better place if they were both open with each-other. But they won’t, and unless Adamai and in turn Yugo open up and show vulnerability. They don’t have to show all of it, trust is slowly gained. Little by little in a healthy manner. But if Yugo doesn’t then the discourse and tension will continue to grow among all their people. (And if you’ve seen the teaser for a certain upcoming chapter you can see how that’s going 😭😭😭)

Anyway, in conclusion: someone please get them therapy

#I love Yumalia but Yugo and Adamai make me even more insane #tragic siblings #when I get you… #YAY TRAUMA #they bring out the worst in each other #wakfu #la grande vague #the great wave #wakfu the great wave #wakfu la grande vague #wakfu yugo #eliatrope #wakfu season 4 #king yugo #wakfu adamai #wakfu s4 #wakfu amalia #amalia sheran sharm #eliatropes #sadida #goddess eliatrope

[shiftinglea]

How you create

“To become a master of creation (or manifestation), we need to see and accept the simple truth:

You create every single experience in your life.

There are no accidents, coincidences, or “bad luck.” You have created everything in your life, either consciously or unconsciously. This is how it works:

We create on three levels:

Soul level

Subconscious level

Conscious level

Let’s start with the Conscious level. On this level, we create our reality with thoughts, assumptions, beliefs, and intentions. Basically, this is what the LOA community teaches you. You create with full awareness of what you are doing. There is no need to talk in detail about this level of creation because you probably already know it: your assumptions/state create your reality. I will talk more about the state in another post.

The Subconscious level of creation is the level that most people don’t know or aren’t aware of. You create your reality with very little awareness on this level due to programs, patterns, and scenarios hidden in your subconscious. Such patterns are mostly created during our childhood because kids (until 12 y.o.) still have developing brains and they absorb information like sponges.

Here is an example of the subconscious level of creation:

A child grew up in a family where parents used to blame rich people for their issues. This child would receive subliminal messages that money is bad. So growing up, this child will subconsciously distance themselves from money. He/she will sabotage themselves from making a fortune. They might consciously want to be rich, but on a subconscious level, there is a belief that money is bad.

So until they reprogram this belief, they might experience difficulties in manifesting money consciously because there is a contradiction on a conscious and subconscious level. It’s still possible to manifest money consciously with a subconscious fear of money, but it can be more challenging to remain in the state of wish fulfilled since there are contradicting feelings about money.

The Soul level of creation is more mysterious in a way. Our souls hold larger agendas for this life that we are not aware of. Unless we are. This agenda is connected to evolution and moving to the completion of itself. For example, in your previous life, your agenda could have been to experience forgiveness. This life’s agenda could be something else. When the soul has experienced everything it wanted to experience through many lifetimes, it feels completed.

Your soul always leads you to growth, expansion. It leads you to the right people, places, opportunities, events, books, posts, etc.

I have a theory that people who are interested in LOA have a specific soul agenda (or at least one of). This agenda of yours might be experiencing yourself as a conscious creator of your life. To experience yourself as God.

Some people don’t know (or don’t remember) that they are Gods. But you are being led to this knowledge not by chance. It is because your soul wants you to remember it. Your soul wants you to create the life you desire. To be God.

Sometimes our souls create something that we would have never chosen to create on a conscious and subconscious level.

For example, tragedy or traumatic events that happened to you. You didn’t create it consciously or subconsciously. But your soul chose to experience that. We might not know what was the purpose of that experience until we leave this physical state and move into the spiritual realm (or “death” as you might call it).

But it’s important to understand that your soul never wants your suffering. It wants your growth and expansion.

Masters of creation always agree with the experience she/he is having, even if the experience does not appear to be favorable because the master knows that on some level (subconscious, conscious, or soul), he/she intended it. And if the master doesn’t like the creation anymore, then he/she simply chooses (creates) a new experience.

They never feel trapped in their reality. Why would they? If they created it in the first place. They can create again.

When I was learning about the three levels of creation myself, I had this question:

What if I want to create something, but my soul doesn’t have it in its agenda? Does it mean I won’t be able to create it?

But then I was given this answer:

It’s the choice of my soul to create whatever I choose on the Conscious level. In other words, the intention of my soul is to experience itself as a conscious creator in this life.

Otherwise, I (and you) would not be led to LOA, shifting, void, etc.

So yes, your soul would create everything you have chosen to create on conscious (and subconscious) level.

#loa tumblr #loassumption #void state #loa blog #neville goddard

[cpunkhobie]

The thing about leo is that he's a lot smarter than he lets on and he KNOWS he's a lot smarter than he lets on. He does this because ppl assuming he's dumber than he is and underestimating him is a lot safer than letting ppl know how much he has sorted out in his head. The issue arises when he still wants to be credited for the smart work he does while avoiding ppl knowing he's smart. He wants to have his cake and eat it to. I actually think Splinter also falls under this category - which is letting his true strength and wit be hidden behind showmanship and apparent laziness.

The difference between Leo and Splinter is that Splinter KNOWS that if he wants to be underestimated he also has to deal with the emotional weight of ppl looking down on him. BUT although Splinter is more aware of it than Leo is - and thus more emotionally prepared for the burden on behalf of being older - Leo is Still a teenager, and doesn't have that emotional awareness and stability. And this isn't to say that Splinter has emotion stability, oh no*, because a good amount of Splinter getting underestimated is due to his own depression, however he is able to better come to terms with it.

It's also really neat to see how much Leo's arc mirrors Splinter's own teen years, specifically with how Leo hides behind quips and showmanship to hide his feelings of inadequacy - something you can see a LOT during Splinters childhood and how Splinter LITERALLY hid behind showmanship. Like the reason that Splinter is so much better at handling this underestimation burden is because He Has already gone through what Leo is currently going through. HOWEVER, this does not mean he's accurately processed it and thus that habit of hiding behind flashiness and pizzazz got passed down to his son. Which is funny, considering how Splinter basically raised the turtles off of his Lou Jitsu movies.

Like, to Splinter right, Lou Jitsu was his Peak. That's the guy who was prepared for any situation that's the guy who kicked ass that's the guy who saves the day. Lou Jitsu is the guy who lives up to All the pressures and standards that Splinter was put under growing up. Lou Jitsu is all the ways in which Splinter feels inadequate. He doesn't feel like he can live up to the golden standard that he once was, so he simply stops trying to live up to it. GOD I could analyze splinter all day you have no idea. BUT BASICALLY, staying on topic. Even though Splinter forgo raising the turtles in a typical fashion**, in a way he still raised them through his fucking Lou Jitsu movies. But he never TOLD the turtles that the guy in those movies was him. That's character is based off of what he once was but isn't anymore. (I'll get into that in another post probably.)

But by not telling his sons that the man they so looked up to was their own father - he opened up a door for him to once again be underestimated. Now this is for a lot of reasons a.) what I've already said above in Leo's case; it being the safer option b.) not wanting his sons to resent him for no longer being that cool bad ass guy (you're just a rat, we need a tiger) c.) fearing he won't live up to that standard - once again feeling inadequate. d.) being known as Lou Jitsu putting him and his sons in danger (most likely option.) and e.) more stuff that's off topic

It also becomes so clear how much his sons took from his example - how you can see, in this case, how Leo mirrors his father. It's just harder to see than in regular parent child relationships because *gestures.* It's also because of how much Leo has learned from Splinter, even in ways he can't see. Ultimately he learned the strategic advantage behind ppl expecting little of you from Splinter. Which lets be honest, is a whole nother issue in of itself but that's once again, off topic.

asterisks and citations:

* this emotional instability is shown by how much he clings onto that image of himself as Lou Jitsu, which is also to cope with his current reality which is transforming from this badass super hero into a rat. That's his character it's if what Splinter didn't get cooler because of his mutation and trauma, what if he just got sad. This sadness us also backed up from his history of feeling inadequate considering his LONG FAMILY BLOODLINE OF MYSTICAL NINJA WARRIORS. The pressure of being one of the last people in your family still living, of having to watch your mother leave you so young, of having the weight of the world on your shoulders since birth.

** this also ties into the above asterisk, in which Splinter is so lax with his sons and the severity of their destiny because of how he grew up. He didn't want to pass on that same weight and burden onto his sons, he wanted to give them a life where they could choose their own destiny, where they didn't have to grow up with the rigid household he grew up in. Of course he chalked up his unhappiness with his childhood To the Destiny and rigidness, and not to the fact that he never gained praise and positive affirmations or attention from his only living parental figure. The Hamato's chronic feelings of inadequacy is - say it with me now, generational trauma. Welcome to the Asian Household Good to have you

OH SHIT I REMEMBER NOW. Splinter is also a lot more Mature than what we see on a surface level considering how even till the literal very end of the world he STILL stuck by his ideals of protecting his kids and his family no matter the "greater good." He wasn't going to sacrifice his sons or their lives in order to protect the world because he would find a better way. Because he saw what the familial standard of sacrifice in the Hamato DID to the Hamato clan. He was one of the last Hamato for a long time!!!! The only other one was his grandpa !!! He watched his mom leave him and die to protect the greater good and what the movie is about is about BREAKING that chain of sacrifice because YOU DON'T NEED TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF. you need to TRUST THOSE AROUND YOU to get through it. A mindset that was completely lost upon the generations of the Hamato clan/family. Trusting your family was something that fundamentally conflicted with the Hamato because of their origins - and Splinter was SICK of it. and no amount of world ending would stop him from putting his sons first and *shakes you* ITS ABOUT GENERATIONAL TRAUMA !!!!! ok now that is all I think

#headmate deleted the post so REPOST 💪💪 YIPPEE <- exhausted #rbs encouraged #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt splinter #rottmnt analysis #rise tag #jonah with a megaphone

[tendergraphite]

Bunny Corcoran: Neglect In Plain Sight

Bunny was the baby of his family, and you'd of thought this meant he received endless fawning—In reality, this had been far from the case. Many emotionally abusive parents like to lament on how attentive they are, but in all truth the Corcoran's had purely been self serving: As Henry famously put it, Buns parent's were ''Like certain reptiles who hatch their young and abandon them to the elements.'' He hadn't received enough for textbooks, I find it hard to believe that hadn't extended to item such as clothes, or worst of all food.

It places a rather rancid lens over the comments on Buns weight, as he wouldn't have been fed consistently threw out his childhood; He'd have constantly been questioning himself where exactly he would be getting his next meal, and when you have experienced this type of consistent neglect you don't suddenly brush that of when your older. It wouldn't have mattered how much he ate now, or how often—Because what if this one would be his last meal?

It makes one wonder, has Bunny actually been taught how to do much of anything? His family saw getting a job as disgraceful, so he wouldn't have been taught invaluable life skills on how to get a job, only how he should/needed to mooch of others. Maybe that's why in so many scenes he's snatching things from others, and why he let's everyone else do the work (Does he know how to cook, even?) Richard had described how Bunny had a major habit of stealing, and when taken out of context from the rest of the above information it sounds as if he'd done it for the sake of doing so.

These ideas are shown to be even more so plausible when we take into account Bunny's Mother's eagerness for an autopsy—Something a family member should hardly want due to it's invasive nature: But she had requested one, because she feared her son would disowner the family; Not even because she feared foul play.

The family only cared for their image, not for the work it would've taken for that image to be true.

To add another layer, because Bunny never gained a job he never would've understood the value of money in the real world. No wonder he felt so free to request large sums of cash, he doesn't have an actual concept of money nor it's worth only that having an expensive taste is the right taste; and of course Richard whose had to work for a lot of his early life would look down on Bunny for such an action, he actually understands moneys worth and has to trifle with it for so long—Bunny was never taught moderation, so whenever given the chance to consume with no end, well what would you think likely to happen?

Now I must address the elephant in the room, Bunny's blatant homophobia and sexism. As distasteful as it was, it cannot be used as a reason to justify his murder—The entire group believed what he had, mayhaps not in the exact same way but in their own mortifying ways: Julian was classist, Francis sexist—All of these characters are just as bad as one another, one was just more vocal than the rest.

Take for example the ''Death is the mother of beauty'' Scene, where they'd all been describing how they'd be revered as Gods—But as soon as the comment of ''Common crackers'' Was made, that had crossed the line; Because it failed to fit into the idea of the picturesque.

Bunny was the bird that sung truth, and don't we all hate truth? For truth as Julian assures, is not a virtue./sarc

Abuse gets romanticised, let's admit it; if it cannot be wrapped up in a pretty box no one wants it—Whenever someone actually faces the effects abuse can have on a person, they squeal like piglets and run away from it because they cannot face how ugly abuse can make a person. No one magically becomes a dead beat, nor somehow is simply lazy by nature. We all want control over our livelihoods, but some of us believe we lack the capabilities to do so.

It's easier to be a Richard Papen, to demonise people like Bunny and say: At least I am not them, I am something better—When really, we should all be aiming to put ourselves on the same level as one another; because in reality, we are all equals.

That is not to say tolerating another's behaviour is the right thing to do, you are meant to speak up and set boundaries; to communicate and come to an equal understanding. But what is the one thing discouraged by Henry? Discussion; Richard isn't allowed to talk to Bunny ''Because he'll make it worse.'' Richard was an entirely autonomous person who'd been forcibly dragged into this situation, but chose to lay back and simplify Bunny to such a degree he could excuse murder; Richard picked a side, when there is no side.

But that's the wonder of this book, it convinces you murder was the only escape—That we should kill those who inconvenience us, who harm others with seemingly no reason. It's easier than patience, that's for sure.

#the secret history #bunny corcoran #henry winter #richard papen #dark academia

[ghosttotheparty]

a mess of holy things 13 also on ao3 // prev // next cw: brief meltdown; subdrop/panic attack during sex; death of guardian (not wayne don’t worry); grief; mentions of child abuse & childhood trauma

“No, I’m just saying you’re turning into a slut,” Robin says lightly, her voice garbled from the gummy bear between her teeth as she tears its head off. She’s laying on her bed with her legs up against the wall, her hair spread around her head.

Steve rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I know.”

“How many times have you had sex now?” she asks, rolling her head to look at him, nibbling at the body of the gummy bear now. He shrugs.

“I don’t know. A few.”

She raises her eyebrows.

He raises his back.

“Is it good?” Robin asks lightly, reaching back to the bag of gummy bears that’s resting on her belly. “You’re not getting bored of it?”

Steve scoffs, his head falling back against the wall.

“God, no. Don’t think I could get bored of it.”

She hums for a moment, looking at the ceiling.

“Maybe the guy I was with was just really bad,” she says thoughtfully, and Steve lets out a laugh. “Because it was real boring.”

“Have you considered having sex with a woman?” Steve questions sarcastically.

“Oh, yes, I have,” she says. Steve giggles, reaching over to take some gummy bears. “I just need a woman that also wants to have sex with me.”

“Hm.”

They’re quiet for a moment, and Steve thinks. He doesn’t know very many women.

“Is Nancy dating Jonathan?” he wonders aloud abruptly. “Or like…”

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Robin says. “I keep thinking she’s dating Jonathan, but then Argyle will come over and kiss her to say hi, and then Nancy wears one of Jonathan’s shirts but she’s got Argyle hair ties around her wrist… I don’t know.”

“You don’t wanna just ask?”

“Eh.” She shrugs. “Not really a big deal. They’re all happy, you know?”

Steve hums and looks at the ceiling again. He thinks some more. Maybe Chrissy is single.

They’d like each other, he thinks. They’re both silly, funny in their own ways, and they don’t really match exactly, Robin’s rough flannels and mismatched socks and choppy hair that she cut with scissors in her own bathroom compared to Chrissy’s frilly blouses and manicured nails and pink lipstick. But Steve has a feeling they’d like each other.

“Do your parents know about you?” he asks after a moment. She’s quiet.

“Yeah.”

He looks at her. She isn’t eating the gummy bears anymore, but she’s holding one in her fingers, squeezing and squishing it, brushing it against her lips absently.

“How did that go?” he asks quietly.

She sighs heavily, clearing her throat.

“Uh…” Another exhale. “I don’t know. I just told them at dinner one night. Kinda randomly, I just… couldn’t keep it hidden anymore.”

“What did they say?”

Robin looks at the ceiling blankly.

“‘…Don’t tell Grandma.’”

Steve blinks, waiting for her to continue, but she just lifts the gummy bear to her mouth and tears its head off with her teeth.

“That’s it?”

“Mhmm.” She takes another breath. “We don’t talk about it. It just kinda hangs out with us, I guess.”

He looks across the room and thinks some more. About what it might be like if his parents knew. If the fact just dangled around their heads, unaddressed, ignored. If they could do that, just ignore what they would surely despise.

“Are you gonna tell your parents?” Robin asks softly, like she can read his fucking mind. He scoffs.

“I don’t know,” he mutters. “Don’t know if it’s worth it.”

She looks at him, lifting her chin to see him.

“They won’t understand,” he says quietly. “They won’t get it.”

She sits up. Swings her legs around to rest across his lap, letting the gummy bears fall to the side. She’s looking at him curiously, silently.

Steve sighs, letting his head fall to the wall.

“…They raised me to be God-fearing,” he says quietly. “And… pure. They raised me so, like, intentionally… good. And if I tell them, I…” Steve scoffs, laughing humourlessly. “‘Hey, by the way, I’m an atheist and I like it when my metalhead boyfriend shoves his cock up my ass and puts his fingers down my throat.’”

Robin lets out a laugh, and he half-smiles.

“They don’t have to know all of that.”

“That’s all they will know, though,” he says weakly, his smile falling. She looks at him in confusion, furrowing her eyebrows, frowning. He sighs.

“They view homosexuality as… disgusting,” he says after a moment. “It’s just sexual to them. It’s just sin on sin.”

His fingers twist together, and then he reaches for the cross around his neck, lifting it to touch his lips absently.

“If I say I have a boyfriend…” He pauses, his voice weak and soft. “They won’t think about us holding hands or teasing each other or being sweet with each other. They won’t think about…” He cuts off, his throat tightening. “About how he wipes my tears away like he’s scared he’ll break me. Or the way he pulls me closer even when he’s, like, fully asleep. Or the way he cooks for me when I mention I haven’t eaten, or the way he kisses my temples when I have a headache.”

He looks at the ceiling, blinking tears back rapidly when his eyes sting. Robin reaches and holds his forearm.

“They’ll think about us sinning,” he says weakly. “They’ll think about— about him corrupting me, or manipulating me, and— and it’s bullshit, because he hasn’t. He’s— He’s so great.”

“He sounds really great,” Robin says, and her voice sounds thick now, and he hates this, this bullshit that unites the two of them.

“They’ll never see how great he is,” Steve says heavily. Robin’s hand is warm on his arm. “They’ll never get it. They’ll take one look at him and do the fucking Sign of the Cross. I don’t…”

He sighs again, reaching over to take her hand, twisting their fingers together.

“If I tell them… I don’t know what they’ll do. But I think… I don’t know. If the love they have for me is worth keeping. You know?”

She nods. Sighs. Squeezes his arm.

“It sucks,” he says softly, whispering. “Knowing your parents don’t love you the way you want.”

He glances at her when he hears a sniffle, and there’s a tear falling down her cheek. He wipes it away, but she doesn’t seem to notice, her eyes downcast and glassy.

“It sucks,” she says, her voice breaking a little bit. “My own parents don’t love me. Don’t know who can.”

It sends a shard of glass through Steve’s chest. That Robin fucking Buckley can’t see how loveable she is, how precious. How amazing and perfect, and…

“I can,” Steve says quietly.

She looks at him, her eyes shining, gleaming, her lips pursed like she’s trying to stop them from quivering.

“…Really?”

He nods, tilting his head at her.

“You’re my best friend,” he says softly. “You’re so cool.”

She scoffs, sniffling, and her hand tightens on his, squeezing his fingers. Her eyes close, and another tear falls down her cheek, and then Steve’s eyes are burning, and he tugs her closer by her hand.

Their arms wrap around each other, and Steve squeezes his eyes shut, burying his face in her neck. Her shoulders shake when she sobs quietly, and he runs a hand down her back, over the wrinkles in her sweater.

And he feels kind of like he did when Eddie first started being sweet on him, touching him lightly, calling him pet names. It’s different with Robin, of course. Still warm. Familiar. Entirely platonic but somehow more.

They stay there together, arms around each other, legs tangled, as they talk. Robin tells him about every girl she’s ever had a crush on. Steve runs his hand through her hair until it’s untangled as he listens, feeling the way her jaw shifts as she talks and chews the gummy bears. The sun sets outside, the sky dimming, and neither of them moves except to flick on the lamp on Robin’s bedside.

It’s warm here. Safe. Steve lets himself exist quietly with Robin, lets himself become sleepy and giggly and a little bit childish, because she’s doing the same, wrapped in a blanket and rocking back and forth as they laugh about nothing. He thinks that even if their parents can’t love them properly, maybe it doesn’t really matter at the moment. It doesn’t really matter if they have each other.

─────────────────

Steve wakes up before the sun rises.

It’s Saturday. Eddie had been working at the Hideout, but he’s in bed now, hair damp from his shower, eyes closed peacefully. Steve looks at him in the dark, rolling onto his side to face him.

He hadn’t woken up when Eddie came back after work. Eddie must have been as quiet as possible, taking off his jacket and setting his keys down, getting fresh clothes and taking a shower, all while Steve slept peacefully in bed. He isn’t even touching Steve right now. There’s a space between them, a chasm that makes Steve ache.

He pauses, looking at Eddie. At the fan of his eyelashes across his pale cheeks, at the metal studs in his skin. At his cheek that’s squished against his hand, tucked between his face and his pillow. At the strands of hair on his skin.

“Eddie,” Steve whispers softly, hesitantly. He doesn’t expect a response, but Eddie’s eyes flutter open slowly after a moment, and he looks at Steve blearily, tiredly, his eyes not quite all the way open.

“Hm?” Eddie shifts, closing his eyes for a moment before he blinks them open again. “You okay?”

“Mhmm.” Steve gazes at him. “Missed you.”

Eddie smiles sleepily, humming, lifting his chin a little bit, and Steve moves closer, close enough that their noses nudge together. Eddie exhales slowly, and Steve thinks for a moment that he’s fallen back asleep, but his arm moves, sliding from between them to wrap around Steve’s waist. His hand presses into the small of his back, and he tugs him closer.

Steve kisses him, smiling, tucking his hands between them, shrinking against Eddie’s body as their lips part. Eddie hums again, fingers spreading over Steve’s back.

“Sweet baby,” Eddie murmurs when they separate, his lips brushing Steve’s. Steve smiles again, his cheeks flushing with warmth. He sighs, nuzzling into Eddie’s throat as Eddie rubs his back once more.

He could whisper it right now. Right here. Lips pressed to Eddie’s tattooed skin, Eddie’s heartbeat against his hands.

He doesn’t say anything.

─────────────────

Steve sits on the sofa while Eddie finishes putting away the groceries.

He’d cried in the grocery store. He doesn’t know why.

His cheeks are still tacky with tears, and he feels fucking exhausted for no reason at all. All he’s done today is go with Eddie to the grocery store, and he’d managed to ignore the way the overhead lights buzzed and made his head ache, the way the squeaky wheels of other peoples’ carts scratched at the inside of his skull. Until someone passing bumped into him, their shoulders knocking together, and he just burst into tears like a child.

Eddie almost dropped their basket, setting it down and quickly, gently, pulling Steve aside, his voice hushed as he asked what was wrong, what happened, but Steve didn’t have an answer. Nothing happened. Nothing was wrong. He was just crying.

Eddie gave him the keys to wait in the van while he finished up shopping, and Steve took them quietly. He’s been quiet since. Stared out the window in the car as Eddie drove, only tearing his glassy eyes away from the world going by when Eddie’s hand landed on his thigh gently, squeezing and holding him.

Steve squeezes his eyes shut as they start to sting again, his head falling to the back of the sofa. He’s tucked into himself, arms crossed over his belly, knees drawn up, and he listens to Eddie in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, balling up plastic bags and stuffing them into a drawer.

It goes quiet after a few minutes. And then the couch shifts as Eddie sits next to Steve carefully.

“Hey, baby.”

Steve opens his eyes and looks at him, rolling his head, before he lifts his head.

“Hi,” he says softly, whispering.

“What’s goin’ on?” Eddie asks gently, leaning against the back of the sofa. Steve looks away, across the room, shrugging. “Did something happen?”

“No,” Steve chokes, eyes watering again. “I just…” He shrugs, sniffling. “Feel like shit today. I don’t know.”

“What do you need?” Eddie asks softly.

Steve is quiet, shrugging again, and Eddie just waits for him.

“…Hold me.”

Eddie moves without hesitation, wrapping his arms around him tightly, pulling him close and running his hand over his head carefully. Steve falls against him, squeezing his eyes shut again. His breath shudders. Eddie hushes him gently.

“Breathe for me,” he whispers softly. “Nice and slow, baby, you got it.”

Steve takes a deep breath, reaching to cling to Eddie’s shirt, and Eddie’s arms tighten around him, his hands pressing to him firmly before one of them slides into his hair and tugs.

Steve sags against Eddie, exhaling sharply.

“Harder.”

Eddie’s fingers twist into his hair and pull so it hurts. Steve exhales again.

“There you go,” Eddie murmurs. “That’s it, baby.”

Steve whines weakly, face burning as he buries his face in Eddie’s neck, but Eddie just holds him. Pulls his hair. Rubs his back.

“Just want you to touch me,” Steve says when he can speak again, whispering.

“You wanna get off?”

Steve pauses. And then shakes his head.

“Just want your hands on me.”

“C’mere.”

He pulls Steve closer, shifting to sit sideways on the sofa, legs outstretched, and Steve lets him manhandle him gently, lets him pull him so he’s laying on his chest, their legs entwined.

“There we go,” Eddie murmurs. His hands run over Steve’s back gently, tracing his spine. “Good?”

Steve hums, nuzzling into his neck, hands tucked against his chest.

“Harder,” he says softly.

Eddie’s hands press more firmly, pushing Steve against him, and Steve bites his lips to stifle a groan.

“Let it out,” Eddie murmurs. “‘S okay.”

Steve whimpers weakly, pressing closer as Eddie’s hands squeeze his hips firmly. It hurts a little, but Steve likes it. It makes his mind go a little fuzzy, makes whatever is squeezing his chest so tight a little looser. He hums.

“That’s okay?” Eddie checks after a moment, his hands loosening. Steve nods, reaching back to find Eddie’s hand blindly, and he leads it down to his ass, pressing firmly. “Right here?”

Steve nods again.

“Please.”

Eddie kisses the side of his head, and his hands are strong as they press into Steve’s flesh through the fabric of his pants. Squeezing and pushing and gripping like he’s massaging his ass and his thighs, and Steve melts against him, brows furrowed as he focuses on the feeling of Eddie’s fingers on him. He presses his hand to Eddie’s chest and then slides it up to his neck, pressing against his pulse.

“Feel good?” Eddie asks softly. Steve nods.

“‘S, like… grounding,” he mumbles, his hand falling lax on Eddie’s neck loosely. “Like it.”

Eddie hums quietly, his voice rumbling above Steve’s head.

“Bet you’re having fun,” Steve mumbles after a moment, and Eddie scoffs, a sound that makes Steve smile.

“I definitely am.”

His hands squeezes again, and then one of them lifts and taps Steve’s ass lightly, absently, but Steve fucking lights up inside. He hums, his back arching.

“Yeah?” Eddie says, sounding a little surprised.

“Mm. Yeah. Please.”

Eddie laughs softly, doing it again.

“You want me to spank you, baby?”

Steve nods desperately, back arching again.

“Please.”

Eddie kisses his head again, his fingers tightening on his ass, squeezing hard.

“You’re so sweet.”

Steve nods absently, letting out a weak yelp when Eddie’s hand lands on his ass abruptly, hard.

“Color?”

“Green. Again. Please.”

“I got you, baby.”

He does it again. And then again. Alternating hands, rubbing and soothing in between slaps, and they’re both hard, but Steve doesn’t think it really matters. He feels like he might fucking fall asleep here, despite Eddie’s hands forcing feeling into him, despite the way particularly hard hits jostle him.

“Okay?” Eddie asks after a few minutes, hands rubbing over where Steve’s ass is blooming with warmth.

“Please don’t stop,” Steve mumbles weakly, sleepily. “Feels so good.”

Eddie’s hands squeeze tightly. And then one retreats before it slides under Steve’s pants, pressing to his bare skin. Steve whines, nodding before Eddie can ask.

Eddie pushes his pants down carefully, smoothing his hands over Steve’s ass.

“Color,” he says softly, whispering.

“Green.”

“‘S gonna hurt more without fabric in the way.”

“I know,” Steve mumbles. “‘S okay, I want it.”

“Tell me why first.”

Steve exhales sharply, swallowing the lump that’s formed in his throat, and he takes a slow breath.

“Just…” He pauses, pressing his cheek to Eddie’s shoulder, gazing at the bat’s wing around his neck. “Wanna feel it.”

“Why?” Eddie whispers.

“Need it,” Steve says, almost whining. “Need to feel it. When we were in the— the grocery store, there was too much,” he says, his voice softening. “The lights, and the noises, and my— my jacket, and the guy bumping into me, it was just… too much. When it hurts, just— just a little, I can feel it. ‘N I don’t have to feel anything else.”

“Baby,” Eddie breathes.

His hand lands on Steve’s ass with a sharp slap, and Steve jumps with a startled Oh!

Eddie’s hand smooths over the skin gently, squeezing and soothing, and Steve nods, breathless.

The skin of his ass feels hot when Eddie finally stops, rubbing his hips and sliding a hand under his shirt to press into the small of his back. Steve is shaking a little bit, breathing hard into Eddie’s neck, fists clenched in the fabric of his shirt.

“Okay?”

Steve nods, letting out a weak whine.

“Thank you,” he says breathlessly. Eddie turns his head to kiss his temple, humming softly.

“Of course, baby,” he whispers. “You know I’d give you anything.”

Steve nods again, smiling.

Eddie starts to pull Steve’s pants back up, but the fabric scrapes over his no doubt reddened skin, and Steve hisses, wincing. Eddie lets out a thoughtful noise before he holds Steve’s waist, pushing him to the side carefully.

“Stay here a moment,” he says, shifting to get up so Steve can lay on his front on the sofa. Steve groans, reaching for him half-heartedly as he stands, and Eddie laughs lightly, catching his hand and bending down to press a kiss to his knuckles.

He comes back with a bottle of lotion, and he sits on the edge of the sofa next to Steve’s legs. Steve closes his eyes and sighs as he listens to the click of the bottle before Eddie's hand, cold with lotion, smooths over the hot skin. Steve’s breath catches in his throat, and he hums.

“So beautiful,” Eddie murmurs, leaning to press a gentle kiss to his ass. “My perfect boy.”

He pulls Steve’s pants up carefully, slowly, tugging them so they don’t slide over his skin, and he smooths out the waistband of his underwear by tucking his fingers under it and running them along the elastic.

“Maybe we need to get you some silky panties so it doesn’t hurt.”

Steve giggles into the sofa, cheeks warm.

“Could be cute.”

“It would be very cute,” Eddie says lightly. He smooths his hand over Steve’s ass gently, tenderly. “You feel okay?”

“Mhmm.” Steve sighs. “C’mere.”

Eddie moves back onto the sofa and Steve shifts to give him space, settling with his head on Eddie’s chest. Eddie runs his hands through his hair and then over his back, more gently than before.

“Wanna stay here for a little while?” Eddie asks softly. “And then I can go start lunch?”

Steve nods, sighing.

“Yes please.”

Eddie kisses the top of his head, and Steve suppresses a smile, sliding a hand down to slip it under the hem of Eddie’s shirt. Eddie hisses a little when his cold fingertips find his skin, and Steve snickers.

“Sorry.”

“I don’t think you are.”

“Mm.”

Eddie plays with his hair. He breathes.

Steve likes it when he breathes. Which is probably the most insane thing he’s ever thought to himself, but it’s true. It’s almost reassuring to hear Eddie’s breath, to feel the rise and fall of his chest. Steve wishes he could listen to it all the time, wishes it could play on repeat in the back of his mind. He wishes it was possible to get a sound tattooed.

“Do you wanna go out this weekend?” Eddie asks abruptly.

“…Out?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and he sounds shy all of a sudden, like he’s nervous. “Like— Like on a date.”

Steve lifts his head, looking down at him. Eddie’s cheeks are pink.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says again, glancing away, taking a breath. “I just… I just realized we’ve never actually been on a date, and…” He looks up at Steve, his tongue flashing over his bottom lip. “I know a place that’s… that’s, like, queer friendly.”

Steve blinks, smiling slowly.

“…Really?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie smiles, tilting his head at him like he’s fond, like Steve is a cute puppy or something.

“You wanna go out with me?” he asks lightly. Steve suppresses his smile but he can’t, and it grows into a bright grin, and it’s the first time he’s actually smiled all day. Eddie’s eyes drop to his mouth, his expression lighting up like he’s realizing it too.

“Yes,” Steve says, shifting to lay on top of Eddie’s body, their legs entwined, their chests pressing, and Steve’s heart feels like it’s beating harder, like it’s trying to reach Eddie’s through their skin and the fabric of their shirts. “I wanna go out with you.”

Eddie suppresses his own smile.

“Okay.”

He lays back down, kissing Eddie jaw and then his neck, biting teasingly when Eddie’s hand tugs at his hair.

The date is on Friday. They go to a diner that’s just outside the city, on the corner of a block in a colorful neighborhood. Eddie parks the van out front as Steve looks at the building, at the glowing OPEN sign in the window. It looks quiet, a little bit empty; there are a few people sitting at the bar, sipping from white mugs and looking at newspapers and notebooks, and there are two women sitting behind one of the windows, across from each other, laughing. There’s a pink triangle on the entry door.

Eddie holds the door open for Steve, tilting his head politely as Steve passes by him with a suppressed smile, and the woman behind the counter glances up at them when the bell above the door dings cheerfully. Eddie’s hand takes Steve’s, lacing their fingers and pulling to lead him to a booth in the back.

They sit across from each other after taking off their jackets, and Steve looks around again. There are flashes of color everywhere he looks even though it’s mostly brown inside; the seats of the booths are a muted teal, and there are glowing neon signs on one of the walls, reading things like girls girls girls and soups & sandwiches. There are gumball machines and a pinball machine and there’s bunting draping in the air over the door to the kitchen. It’s made up of small American flags, but when Steve looks a little closer he realizes the flags are upside down.

When Steve looks at Eddie again, he’s resting his chin on his hand, watching Steve with a small smile.

“Hi,” Steve says shyly, leaning over the table to look at him, mirroring him with his chin on his hand.

“Hi,” Eddie says softly. “What do you think?”

Steve glances around again.

“‘S nice,” he says before hesitating for a brief moment. “You don’t think they’ll mind that…”

“That they’ve got queers for patrons?”

Steve scoffs.

“Yeah.”

“Nah,” Eddie says softly. “They don’t mind.” He looks past Steve, hesitating before he gestures with a tilting his head. “See those ladies over there?”

Steve looks over his shoulder at the women sitting by the window. They’re holding hands across the table, and their ankles are locked, and Steve can only see one of their faces from where he’s sitting, but she’s beaming so brightly it’s like she’s reflecting the other woman’s expression.

“Oh,” he says softly.

“Yeah.”

Steve looks at Eddie again, biting his lip, and he crosses his arms over the top of the table, hiding his hands. His eyes scan Eddie’s content smile, his hands resting on the tabletop and holding his chin. Steve starts to pull his hand out from where it’s tucked against himself but he stops, hesitating, his stomach flipping. Eddie’s smile grows.

“Go ‘head,” he says softly.

Steve suppresses a smile, biting his lip again as he pulls his hand away and reaches across the table, grabbing Eddie’s and pulling it toward himself. Eddie bites back a laugh, amused. Their fingers twist until Steve is holding onto Eddie’s middle and ring fingers, holding them loosely before he squeezes absently, nervously. Eddie brushes his thumb over Steve’s fingers gently. Steve looks away.

“Hiya, boys.”

Steve jumps at the sound of the waitress’s voice, looking up as she approaches their table and sets two menus in front of them. He starts to pull his hand away, but Eddie squeezes, tugging it back in place.

“Can I get you started with any drinks?” she asks lightly. She’s smiling at them, like she doesn’t even see them holding hands.

“Uh,” Eddie says, looking at Steve with raised eyebrows.

“Do— Do you have orange soda?” Steve asks, looking up at her again, and she nods before looking at Eddie.

“Ginger ale.”

She nods.

Steve exhales as she walks away, her ponytail swinging behind her, her shoes clicking on the floor, and Eddie squeezes his hand again.

“Hey,” he says softly, and Steve looks at him. “We’re okay.”

Steve nods, taking a deep breath, squeezing his hand.

“We’re okay.”

They only let go of each other’s hands when their food comes, and Eddie immediately kicks at Steve’s feet to prompt him to move them forward so they can lock their ankles together. Steve feels like he’s thirteen or something, his cheeks flushed with heat because his crush is touching him. It’s ridiculous. But Eddie keeps grinning at him across the table like he knows.

They get pie to share. It’s stupid. Almost embarrassing, especially when Eddie grabs a paper napkin and reaches over to wipe Steve’s chin himself. Steve rolls his eyes and snatches it from him as Eddie giggles. His lips are stained red.

Steve is fucking obsessed with him.

He clings to Eddie’s arm as they leave, no longer scared of being seen, almost wanting it now. Wanting people to look over their mugs and hovering forks to see these two boys, these two men, fingers laced, cheeks warm. Wanting people to see exactly how Steve feels, exactly how his heart beats in time with Eddie’s, how his veins are twisted and tangled in the shape of Eddie’s name.

Eddie holds his hand in the car. Steve can barely tear his eyes away from him, gazing at the side of his face, at the lines in his skin that deepen when he smiles after glancing back at Steve.

“What is it?” he asks, his voice light as he slows at a stop sign and looks both ways, leaning to see past Steve.

Steve shrugs even though he isn’t looking at him.

“I really like you.”

His voice is small.

Eddie’s smile widens.

“I really like you too, baby.”

Steve squeezes his hand, grinning, and he sighs heavily, waiting. Eddie pulls his hand away from Steve’s to turn the van into the parking lot outside his building, and Steve whines petulantly, which just makes Eddie laugh.

“Gimme a second, honey.”

Steve sighs, waiting, and he could swear Eddie is doing this on purpose, pulling into a parking spot and then pulling out again, straightening the van, pulling in again, pulling out. Steve scoffs and hits his head against the headrest, rolling his eyes.

“You’re so annoying.”

“Don’t wanna take up someone else’s spot.”

“Mhmm.”

Eddie is smiling as he finally stops the van and pulls the keys out the ignition, and he turns to look at Steve, eyebrows raised.

“You’re pouting?”

“…No.”

“Baby.”

Steve looks at him. And kisses him, leaning across the center console and crashing their mouths together. Eddie laughs, turning to hold his face. He reaches to unbuckle Steve’s seatbelt;t before doing his own, and Steve just tilts his head to kiss him deeper and he scrambles out of the seatbelt. Eddie hums, caressing his cheeks.

“Wanna go inside?” he mumbles between kisses. “Hm?”

“Mhmm,” Steve hums, nodding, but he doesn’t pull away, his breath catching when Eddie tugs on his lower lip.

“C’mon.”

Eddie holds his hand as he leads him upstairs, their fingers locked. It’s a little dark, the lights lining the stairwell dimmer than they should be. They’re quiet, not even whispering to each other as they ascend the stairs, and Steve steps up close to Eddie as he’s unlocking the door, pressing his face against his shoulder.

They’re kissing before the door is even shut behind them, before Eddie’s even flicked the lights on, and they kick their shoes off, shove their jackets off, clutch at each other. The inside of Eddie’s mouth tastes like cherry pie, sweet and sugary and fucking delicious.

Steve wraps his arms around Eddie’s neck and lifts onto his tiptoes, groaning when Eddie grabs his thighs and lifts him up. Eddie grabs his ass when his legs wrap around his hips, reaching to put one hand on the wall to steady himself as he makes his way to his room with Steve clinging to him.

They pull the clothing off each other’s bodies, breathing hard, touching and kissing and licking, and Steve keeps thinking there’s no way he can ever feel what he’s felt before, what he felt the first time Eddie pressed into his body, but the sun is somehow shining down on him even though it’s the middle of the night and they’re hidden in Eddie’s bedroom. Eddie holds his hand, clutching tightly as he opens Steve up tenderly, as he sucks kisses into the sensitive skin of his inner thighs.

Steve’s hand is tight in Eddie’s hair, holding on like he’ll float away if he lets go of him.

He’s whimpering, whining and moaning, and Eddie’s fingers feel so fucking good inside him, moving slowly, gently, carefully, fucking in and out of him, forcing soft noises into the air. Steve bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut and exhaling sharply.

When he opens his eyes, he can’t see. His vision is blurred, the light from the lamp suddenly brighter than it usually is.

He opens his mouth for a breath, but there’s something on his chest, keeping his lungs from filling, and a tear escapes his eye. His hand clenches in Eddie’s hair hard.

“Baby?”

Steve exhales sharply.

Eddie moves up over his body, hovering over Steve, and Steve can’t let go of his hair. His hand is clenched tightly, shaking, and he can’t let go. He’s gripping so hard he’s probably, definitely hurting Eddie, and he can’t let go.

“What’s your color?”

Eddie’s voice is muffled, like Steve is underwater, like there’s something between them. Steve’s eyes blink, stinging,

“Steve. Color.”

Steve exhales again, and his voice is weak, cracking like a thin layer of ice when he finally says, “Red.”

Eddie’s fingers pull out of him, and Steve wants to protest, to whine Come back, but he can’t get any other words out.

“Come here,” Eddie says softly, kindly, and Steve squeezes his eyes shut, tears falling down his face, into his hair. Eddie holds Steve’s hand where it’s stuck in his hair, and Steve tries to let go, but he can’t.

“I’m sorry,” he says weakly, almost whispering. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I—”

“Steve,” Eddie says firmly, pulling him to sit up. “Don’t apologize, baby, it’s okay. We’re all done.”

Steve takes a stuttering breath, opening his eyes to look at him desperately. Eddie is looking at him tenderly, nodding when Steve inhales, and he’s so beautiful Steve starts to cry again. Eddie reaches up to gently detach Steve’s hand from his hair, and Steve closes his eyes tightly, trying to loosen his hand. Eddie holds his clenched fist in his hand, running his thumb over his knuckles.

“Baby,” Eddie says softly. “Look at me.”

Steve opens his eyes.

“You wanna get dressed?”

Steve pauses, looking at him, and then he nods.

Eddie leans to grab their clothes from where they’re discarded next to the bed. He sits up with a hoodie in his hand, one that was on the floor within reach. He lets go of Steve’s hand to help him get dressed, to help him pull his boxers on and tug Eddie’s hoodie on over his head before he dresses himself as well.

Steve covers his face in his hands, trying to hide, and he weakens even more when Eddie touches him, when he runs his hands over his arms gently, squeezing.

“Stevie, baby…”

“I’m sorry,” Steve chokes, his voice muffled. “I’m so sorry, baby, I— I don’t—”

Eddie shushes him gently, pushing his fingers through his hair.

“Steve, sweetheart, come here.” He pulls him in so their foreheads press together, and he caresses his cheeks, nudging their noses together. “Breathe,” he says softly, whispering. “It’s okay.”

Steve sniffles, reaching to hold his waist, gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly. He tries to breathe, to inhale slowly, normally, but it doesn’t work, and his breath gets caught in his throat, choking him.

“You got it,” Eddie murmurs.

When Steve exhales smoothly, Eddie lifts his head and looks at him, smoothing his hair out of the way carefully, gently.

“I’m sorry,” Steve breathes. Eddie shakes his head patiently.

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“But…”

But it was a good night.

They’d gone on an actual date, and Steve had had fun, he’d held his boyfriend’s hand in public without worrying, without being scared. He’d kissed him in the car and giggled and blushed, and everything was fucking fine.

“Look at me,” Eddie says firmly, and Steve lifts his head, his vision blurring. Eddie is looking at him intently, tenderly. “You don’t have to apologize,” he says gently. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you understand?”

“But…”

“But nothing, baby,” Eddie says, leaning forward in emphasis. “You did so good for me, okay?”

Steve’s eyes flutter as he blinks tears out of his eyes.

“I’m so proud of you,” Eddie whispers. “I’m not upset at all, Stevie, okay?”

It must be clear on his face that Steve doesn’t believe him. Because it doesn’t make sense that Eddie wouldn’t be upset; Steve’s ruined their night. There’s no way Eddie isn’t at least disappointed.

“Steve,” Eddie murmurs. “Baby.”

Steve looks at him again, letting him wipe his tears and cradle his jaw.

“I would be upset if you didn’t say anything,” Eddie says gently. “If you didn’t stop me, and you just… let me keep going even though you didn’t want to.” His voice sounds tight. “Okay? You never, ever have to apologize for stopping anything. If it’s… If it’s sex, or if you don’t feel like talking, or if you don’t feel like being touched— anything. You understand?”

And something about the way his voice sounds, so firm, almost demanding, almost authoritative, makes Steve feel a little lightheaded. Makes him melt into his hands.

He’s so nice.

“Stevie,” Eddie says softly. “If you decide that you never wanna have sex with me ever again, that’s okay.”

Steve almost pouts, his head tilting, and Eddie smiles weakly, his thumbs brushing over Steve’s cheeks.

“That’s okay,” Eddie says adamantly, shaking Steve’s head gently, playfully. “You don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to, okay? ”

Steve nods weakly.

Eddie leans in again, nudging their noses together.

“You don’t ever have to apologize for not wanting something,” he says softly. “For saying no or telling me to stop or asking for more time or fucking anything, you understand me?”

Steve nods, his eyes fluttering again. Eddie holds his jaw and shakes his head playfully again, and it’s kind of condescending, kind of mean, but it makes Steve’s mind go blank.

“You understand me?” Eddie asks again, more intently, waiting for a verbal response.

Steve isn’t thinking. His skull is full of static.

“Yes, sir.”

Eddie blinks.

And Steve’s own voice catches up to him. His face flushes with heat, and his eyes burn.

“I’m—”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Eddie says, half-smiling now. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

Steve scoffs weakly, but he’s crying again, embarrassed, and Eddie wipes his tears away, leaning in to kiss his forehead before he lowers his head to press his forehead to it.

“Is that what you wanna call me, baby?” he murmurs. Steve’s stomach flutters. He nods. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, his voice weak again. It’s almost a whine.

“That’s okay,” Eddie whispers. “You can call me that.”

“But it’s weird,” Steve says quietly, shyly, and Eddie huffs out a laugh.

“You know I don’t mind weird.”

Steve smiles weakly.

“I like it,” Eddie whispers softly, the end of his nose brushing Steve’s. “I love taking care of you, baby.”

Steve nods, closing his eyes, exhaling slowly, and their noses brush again.

“I love taking care of you,” Eddie repeats intently.

Steve tilts his head and lifts his chin to kiss him softly, and Eddie lets him, humming quietly and holding his face like he’s something precious.

Eddie guides him to rest on his shoulder when they part, and Steve sighs, melting against him.

“Okay?” Eddie asks softly. Steve nods.

“…Thank you, sir.”

“Of course, baby boy,” Eddie murmurs, and he kisses Steve’s head, running his hands over his spine, and Steve think he might be fucking fine.

─────────────────

Steve’s hair is damp with rain as he makes his way up the stairs to Eddie’s apartment. He feels heavy; his jacket is almost soaked, and his jeans are sticking to his legs, and his bag is weighing his shoulders down. He lets it drop to his elbow before dropping it to the ground as he stops outside Eddie’s door.

Eddie answers within just a few seconds, and Steve smiles, tilting his head at him as Eddie steps aside for him to come inside, but something is off. Eddie’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asks, dropping his bag next to the pile of shoes by the door, letting Eddie take his jacket. Eddie scoffs, his expression lightening.

“Nothing?”

Steve gives him a look as he toes his shoes off, kicking them aside.

“What’s going on?”

“Uh,” Eddie sighs, an eyebrow raising as he looks Steve up and down, half-smiling. “You don’t have an umbrella?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Steve says lightly, moving closer, setting his arms over Eddie’s shoulders and playing with the curls that have escaped the bun his hair is in. Eddie holds his waist easily. “Also yes, I do, but I forgot it.”

“Ah.” Eddie sighs heavily, slowly, his eyes skimming Steve’s face. “Wayne called.”

Steve blinks. His stomach twists.

He’s never met Wayne. Never even talked on the phone with him. But he loves him.

Eddie has endless stories about it, about his collections of mugs and trucker hats and bottle openers, about his banjo and the quilts that litter his living room. About how he’d stay up with Eddie to help him with his homework or to listen to him rant about whatever book he was reading or whatever campaign he was planning. About how he came home one day and threw a brand-new hairbrush at Eddie a while after he started growing his hair out. About how sweet he’s always been, how loving.

“Is he okay?” he asks, his eyes widening. “What happened?”

“He’s fine,” Eddie says quickly, smiling, shaking his head, pressing a hand into the small of Steve’s back. “He’s fine, it’s just…”

Steve stares at him as he hesitates, his lips parted like he’s going to speak even though he doesn’t say anything. Steve touches his face, brushing his thumbs over his cheeks. His eyes look a little bit red.

“It’s Linda,” Eddie says after a few moments, his hands holding Steve’s waist firmly like he’s steadying himself on him. Steve freezes. “She, uhm. She had a heart attack. She didn’t make it.”

He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, shakily, nodding his head absently. His eyes are glassy.

“How do you feel?” Steve asks softly.

Eddie inhales, laughing humourlessly, letting out a shaky, “Uh…”

“Baby,” Steve says, and Eddie meets his eyes. His eyelashes flutter as he blinks tears back, and his tongue swipes over his lower lip briefly. Steve slides his hands down to his arms.

“Come here,” he says softly, reaching for Eddie’s hand, and he pulls him along gently as he goes to the living room. Eddie follows quietly, sniffling, and Steve’s chest hurts. He pushes him to sit on the sofa, and Eddie falls on it heavily, looking up at Steve helplessly as Steve lowers to sit on his lap, his knees on either side of his hips. “Okay?”

Eddie nods, his mouth quirking into a tired smile. Steve sets his hands on his neck, tracing light lines over his skin.

“Tell me,” he whispers.

Eddie closes his eyes and takes a slow deep breath, relaxing against the back of the sofa and lifts his hands to rest them on Steve’s thighs.

“I, uhm…” He opens his eyes, but they’re hazy, glassy, trained on the collar of Steve’s shirt. It’s a plain t-shirt, grey and loose-fitted, but it’s nothing Steve would ever have worn even a year ago. The cross on Steve’s necklace is hidden behind the fabric. “I don’t know how to feel.”

His hands are kneading Steve’s thighs gently, absently, like he’s fidgeting.

“What are you feeling right now?” Steve asks softly. Eddie pauses before he shrugs.

“Just… I don’t know.” His voice cracks. He looks at Steve, looking into his eyes for a moment before he looks away again, squeezing Steve’s hips. “I’m… Sad. But. I don’t know.” He shrugs again, shaking his head. His head falls against the back of the sofa.

Steve brushes his thumb over his throat lightly, his heart aching.

“I feel angry?” Eddie says after a moment, his expression shifting into confusion. “I don’t— I don’t know why, it— it’s like she slighted me or something, I don’t…” He does that laugh again, that awful laugh that grates on Steve’s skin, that laugh that’s void of joy. “I don’t know.”

“You’re allowed to feel angry,” Steve says quietly, tucking a loose wisp of hair behind his ear. The tunnels through his earlobes are black today.

“It’s not just anger,” Eddie breathes, his hands sliding up to Steve’s waist like he’s pleading with him. “I… I feel relieved.”

He whispers it. Like it’s a secret. Like he’s ashamed.

“That’s okay,” Steve whispers back, but Eddie shakes his head, blinking rapidly.

“It’s not,” he breathes. Steve takes a breath to say something, but Eddie speaks again. “She’s dead. I— How can I feel, like, content with it?”

“She was cruel to you,” Steve interrupts, leaning down with emphasis. “She was mean. You have every right to feel relieved that you don’t have to worry about her anymore.”

Eddie’s head falls back again and he sighs, looking at the ceiling. His eyelashes are wet. Steve traces the bat on his neck, caressing its grotesque face, its intricate wings. Eddie’s hands squeeze his waist, kneading and holding him tightly.

“Talk to me,” Steve says after a few moments. Eddie takes another deep breath.

“Uhm,” he says. His voice wavers, and Steve hates seeing him like this, hates seeing him sad. “I saw her a few years ago.”

Steve nods, caressing his neck.

“I was nineteen. Wayne had… Wayne had had an accident at the plant,” Eddie continues, steeling himself. “He was injured. It wasn’t, like… He was on bed rest, you know? And when he called me, I just… I panicked. I’d only lived away from him a little while, and I just… I went to him. Just in case.”

Steve smiles fondly, nodding. Of course Eddie would go to him.

“He couldn’t really walk. He was still… I mean. Wayne’s a character. He kept tellin’ me I didn’t need to go all the way down there, but he… I could tell he was happy I was there.”

Steve’s smile grows. Eddie’s accent always grows heavier when he talks about his hometown or Wayne. Steve likes hearing his accent.

“So one day, I was…” Eddie sighs. “I was in the kitchen fixin’ up some tea. Wayne was in bed with a book. He took my room after I left town.” Steve nods. “And, uhm… There was a knock.”

He slips a hand under the hem of Steve’s shirt, pressing to his skin. His hand is warm.

“I thought it was gonna be, like, a neighbor, or— or one of Wayne’s work buddies, but it was—” He cuts off, choking on his own voice, and Steve’s stomach hurts. “It was Linda.”

He pauses for a moment, slipping his tongue over his lips, kneading the soft flesh above Steve’s waistband.

“She didn’t recognize me at first,” he says quietly. “I, like, froze when I saw her, and she— she just stared at me. And I could— I could see the exact moment she realized who I was, I mean she, like… Her eyes went all wide. And she looked me up and down, and I— I remember I was wearing just a black hoodie, but she looked at it like…”

“Yeah,” Steve says softly when he doesn’t finish.

“I’d had these done,” Eddie says, lifting a hand and touching one of the piercings on his lower lip. “And I had, uhm, one here,” he says, touching the side of his nose. “I let it close a while ago, but it was, uhm, just a silver hoop.”

Steve nods, smiling.

“She… She just stared at me, and neither of us knew what to do.” Eddie looks at Steve’s chest again, his eyes glassy, and it’s like he’s zoned out completely, like he’s barely even there. “She had a, uhm, like a casserole dish, and a— a Bible. And I just kinda stared for a moment. And then she, uhm, like, snapped at me about… You’re not gonna let me in?”

Steve sighs.

“And I just said no.”

Steve scoffs, and Eddie’s expression lightens. He looks up at Steve’s face, his hands tightening on his waist.

“And I asked what she wanted, and she told me she heard Wayne was hurt so she came by to see him, and I… We started arguing. And Wayne came out of his room to see what the fuss was, and he was— he was limping, and hobbling, and Linda and I both, like scolded him for getting out of bed. And for this… brief moment, we were… one in the same.”

Steve’s expression tightens. His lips purse.

“Wayne saw the Bible she was holding,” Eddie continues. “And he…” He half-smiles, tilting his head fondly even though he’s just staring into space. “Goddammit, Linda,” he says in a clear impression of Wayne, his voice gravelly, his accent thicker. Steve smiles. “I told you I don’t want that shit in my house.

“I helped Wayne back to bed,” Eddie continues. “And Linda let herself in. Started to heat up the casserole. I told Wayne to stay put, you know, that I’d deal with her.”

“I assume she didn’t go easily,” Steve says. Eddie shakes his head.

“She, uhm… She argued. Told me she just wanted to speak with Wayne, say a prayer for his health. I told her Wayne wasn’t interested.” He trails off into silence, chewing on his lip. “…She said she wanted to help me, too, but… but that I was already too far gone.”

Steve blinks. Recognizes the words from Eddie’s thigh.

“I told her to leave.” Eddie blinks, looking up at Steve. His lip trembles, and his eyes fill with tears. “That was the last time I saw her.”

Steve touches his cheek. Eddie turns his face into it, taking a stuttering breath.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he says softly. Eddie blinks his eyes open, shrugging again. “Eddie.”

“I feel like shit,” Eddie says, a tear falling down his cheek, his voice shaking. “I hate feeling like this, like— like I’m fucking vindicated or something. Like this is justice.” His eyes are wide like he’s desperate to say this, like he needs Steve to hear him. “She’s dead. I should be, like, grieving, but I’m not,” he says despite the tears on his face, despite the trembling of his hands.

“Eddie,” Steve says firmly, holding his face. Eddie’s tears run down his fingers, dampening his skin, and Steve thinks he could use the tears as holy water, could use them to bless himself, to purify himself. “There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling.”

Eddie’s breath shudders as he exhales. He looks up at Steve like he’s helpless, like he’s listening like his life depends on it.

“She abused you,” Steve says after hesitating for a moment. “She was cruel. She used God to use you. You have every right to be glad she’s gone. Okay?”

Eddie’s eyes flutter. Steve wipes his tears away tenderly.

“Whatever you’re feeling is fine,” Steve murmurs. “You can be angry, and you can be sad, and you can be happy, it’s… It’s all fine.” He looks him in the eye. He looks tired. “Okay?”

Eddie’s eyes blink at him. His hands are still trembling a little bit.

“…I love you.”

Steve almost startles, blinking, freezing, and Eddie’s expression doesn’t change; he’s still gazing up at Steve, looking at him like he’s fucking reverent.

“I know it…” Eddie pauses, taking a breath. “I know this is really bad timing, but I…” His eyes flutter, and he presses his lips together, hesitating.

Steve leans down and kisses him. It’s a slow kiss, gentle and lingering, and Eddie’s hands slide around to the small of his back, holding him close. When Steve pulls away, he stays close, their noses nudging, their foreheads pressing.

“I love you too,” he says quietly, whispering. “It’s okay.”

Eddie exhales shakily, and he lets out a quiet sob, and it tears through Steve’s body, rips him to shreds right in Eddie’s lap. He kisses him again, holding his face gently, pushing a hand into his hair when Eddie gasps into his mouth. Eddie wraps his arms around his waist, holding him tightly, pressing them together so close Steve feels like their skin might melt together.

Eddie makes a soft noise, a weak groan that slips between Steve’s lips and rumbles into his chest. Steve whines back, his arms wrapping around Eddie’s neck, his back arching when Eddie kisses him harder, biting and sucking on his lip, and it’s like the air in the room has suddenly become hazy. Eddie lifts a hand to grab Steve’s throat, holding him in place as he licks into his mouth.

Steve hums, keening, slumping against him, nodding when Eddie pulls away for a brief moment to look at him. He doesn’t let go of Steve’s throat, squeezing a little bit as his other hand slides around to his back, pushing under his shirt and rubbing his skin. Steve reaches to hold his wrist, gasping for breath, cheeks warm. Eddie is harder under him, and Steve’s blood is rushing.

“Eddie,” he gasps when they part.

“Mm.”

“Do you… Do you wanna have sex?” he asks breathlessly. Eddie grins, his teeth nipping at Steve’s lip.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Steve asks, pulling away to look at him. His hair is already a mess, and his cheeks are pink, and his eyes are glassy again, but it’s a better shine than before.

“Yes,” he says softly.

“Can we do it here?”

“Do you want…”

“I’ll go get it,” Steve says quickly when Eddie’s hands set on his hips like he’s going to nudge him to get up. “Wait here.”

Eddie smiles lazily, softly.

“Okay.”

Steve goes quickly, tugging his shirt off on his way and tossing it aside as he grabs the lube and a condom from Eddie’s bedside table. They’re sitting in plain view, next to a half-full glass of water and a book Eddie’s been reading, and the sight of them, so casual, so easy, makes Steve happy somehow.

Eddie is pulling his own shirt off when Steve goes back to him, and Steve tosses the lube and condom to the sofa next to him before unzipping his jeans as Eddie watches, hair even messier than before, frizzy and staticy from his shirt. It’s a relief when Steve finally peels his jeans off his legs; they’re still a little damp, but he hadn’t noticed the discomfort until now. Eddie lifts his hips to pull his jeans and boxers down his hips, pushing them to his knees before reaching for Steve, who takes his hand as he kicks aside his clothes.

He falls onto Eddie’s lap again with a sharp exhale as their bodies meet. Eddie’s skin is warm.

“I love you,” Steve breathes, pressing their foreheads together as Eddie reaches for the lube and tugs at the small of Steve’s back to make him arch it. “I love you so much, sir.”

“God, I love you too, baby,” Eddie whispers. The lube bottle clicks twice, and Steve lets out a weak sound when Eddie’s finger presses to his hole, cold with lube. “I’m so fucking grateful for you.”

Steve whines, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck, hiding his face, groaning when Eddie squeezes at his ass, spreading him open. They’re both quiet as Eddie fingers him open, his fingers pushing and prodding, spreading his fingers and making Steve ache in the best way, except the occasional whisper, the soft brush of Eddie’s breath on Steve’s bare skin.

Is that good?

Fuck, yes, sir.

Steve groans when he feels ready, when the heat in his stomach is threatening to overflow, and he reaches back to swat at Eddie’s hand, whining a weak Please.

He lifts onto his knees for Eddie to roll the condom on and spread lube over himself, and he looks down at Eddie, who looks back up at him. They just look at each other for a moment, eyes shining, lips parted as they pant. And then Steve kisses him so hard their teeth clash, and Eddie groans, squeezing his ass. They don’t pull away, feeling blindly for Steve to lower himself onto Eddie, and he moans into Eddie’s mouth as he does.

“Mm, God, Eddie.”

“Fuck.”

Steve lets out a sound that’s high in his throat, breathy and weak, and Eddie’s hands spread over his waist, holding him in place for a moment. He’s trembling now, shaking as he clings to Eddie’s shoulders.

“Shit,” he breathes sharply. “You’re so— You’re so fucking deep—”

Eddie hums, gripping Steve tightly, and they pause there, staying for a moment.

Until Steve shifts on his knees with a weak whines, rising and then lowering, his eyes squeezed shut so tightly he might get a headache. He sounds pathetic.

He moves faster after a few moments, arms wrapping around Eddie’s neck, face buried and hidden, his voice muffled as he whines and pants and groans as Eddie touches him, holds him. Eddie’s hips shift for a brief moment, rising to meet Steve’s movements, and it presses him even deeper, and Steve lets out a fucking wail.

“You okay?” Eddie asks breathlessly, pausing. Steve grinds down against him, whining, breathing hard, nodding into his neck.

“Green, fuck, Eddie,” he whines. “Please, sir, please, please—”

Eddie slides down the sofa a little bit, holding Steve’s hips tightly, keeping him in place, and he fucks him, looking up at him, watching closely, carefully. Steve whines. He’s rambling, mumbling fucking deliriously even as he listens to Eddie’s soft voice, murmuring to him.

“My good boy,” he says softly, so fucking softly. “My baby boy, you’re so perfect.”

Steve sobs, pushing a hand into Eddie’s hair, holding it tightly as he gasps for breath, moving against Eddie’s body, winding his hips, tucking his face into Eddie’s neck. He can feel Eddie’s breath on his shoulder, warm and soft and comforting.

“Fuck, that’s it,” Eddie says roughly, hands gripping Steve’s hips so tightly it might bruise, when Steve moves again, up and down, and Steve groans at the sound of their skin meeting, soft slaps that fill the air like mist. “That’s my boy, there you go, baby.”

Steve whines, and there are tears on his face now. Eddie tugs at his hair to make him lift his head, and he gazes at him for a moment before he pulls him in, and he licks Steve’s tears away, and maybe he thinks the same about Steve’s tears that Steve thinks about his. Steve groans, his eyes closing again as Eddie’s tongue slides over his cheek, as his hand pulls his hair and his other hand squeezes his ass.

Steve grinds against him, reaching up to hold Eddie’s face weakly, his fingertips pressing into his cheeks.

Their faces are pressed together, breath mixing in the air, bodies moving desperately.

“I love you,” Steve breathes. “I love you, sir—”

Eddie whines, licking his jaw before his hand lands on Steve’s ass sharply, the sound ringing out around the room like it’s empty, like there’s an echo.

“I love you too,” he whispers roughly. “Fucking beyond words, baby, I can’t even fucking tell you—”

Steve comes with the words caught in his throat, choking on them as he repeats them again and again and again and again, like a mantra. Like a prayer.

Eddie says it back. Again and again and again and again.

They get dressed slowly. Quietly. Eddie pushes Steve’s hair back after helping him pull on a sweater, and Steve pushes him gently so his back is to Steve, so he can pull his curls back into a ponytail.

Eddie makes coffee. Steve hugs his waist as he pours it into two mugs, resting his face against his back between his shoulder blades, his cheek squishing against him. He can smell the fabric of his shirt, and it’s nice.

They sit in the living room, on the sofa, and then Eddie looks up at Steve, his eyebrows taut.

“Do you… Would you mind if I smoked a cigarette?” he asks. He looks shy.

Steve shakes his head, smiling, and he reaches to set his mug aside.

“Where are they?” he asks as he gets up. Eddie looks up at him, and his eyes are shining again as he smiles.

“Uh, I have a pack in the drawer there,” he says, gesturing to the table by the sofa. “There’s a lighter there too. I’ll open a window.”

They sit on the windowsill, blankets wrapped around themselves, mugs set between them.

Steve holds up a cigarette for him, and Eddie leans to take it between his lips, suppressing a smile. Steve fiddles with the lighter for a moment, staring at it, and Eddie reaches silently to show him, moving his hand so he can flick the lighter and tilt his hand without burning his thumb. Steve tilts his head as he holds the light out, as Eddie leans in and inhales, puffing smoke out of his mouth as he leans back again.

Steve sips his coffee as Eddie smokes, leaning against the window. The glass is cold even through the fabric of his sweater and the blanket that’s wrapped around him, but he doesn’t mind. He gazes at Eddie, watches the end of his cigarette glow brightly, watches the smoke drift around his head and out the window that he’s opened. Eddie drains his coffee and tapes the cigarette ash into the empty mug.

“How do you feel?” Steve asks softly when their eyes meet.

“Better,” Eddie says. His voice is soft, quiet, almost shy. He smiles.

“Do you wanna talk about her?”

Eddie shrugs, taking a drag, sighing the smoke out of his lungs.

“I just…” He’s quiet for a moment, looking out the window, watching the world outside for a moment. “I was so young when I lived with them. And it just feels like… like there’s still this little boy somewhere inside me that went into hiding because of them.”

Steve nods, holding his mug to his face so the steam is on his skin. He wishes he could take it all away from Eddie, wishes he could reach into his chest and pull out all the heartache and sadness. Eddie is quiet, looking at the windowsill between them. It’s white, the paint chipping at the corner of the wood.

“I keep having to remind myself that I didn’t deserve it,” Eddie says quietly. “All the shit they gave me.”

And Steve doesn’t know what to say.

He’s reminded of the things Eddie’s said to him about Steve’s own parents, about the way they talk to him, the way they touch him.

“They turned me into someone else,” Eddie says quietly, tapping the cigarette on the mug again, sighing. “I wasn’t the same when I left their house as when I moved in.”

He looks up at Steve, and he looks like he wants to laugh like that again, to dismiss it and change the subject, to pretend he’s fine. But after a moment, his eyes are gleaming, watering again, and his lip quivers even as he twists his mouth to suppress it. He shrugs, blinking his eyes, tilting his head, and he looks so small Steve wants to tuck him into his chest to keep him safe.

“I was so soft before them,” Eddie says, his voice just a breath, and Steve’s chest splits open.

His eyes burn suddenly, and he nods, blinking tears back.

“I’m sorry they stole that from you,” he says softly.

He pauses for a moment before he leans in, through the air that smells like cigarette smoke, over his mug, and he touches Eddie’s face with his free hand, holding him as he kisses him gently. They linger there, eyelashes fluttering against each other’s cheeks, before Steve pulls away and looks at him, touching his cheek.

He takes a deep breath, looking at Eddie’s piercings on his mouth, looking at the bat on his throat, at the subtle reddish bruise that’s hidden in the bat’s wing from Steve’s teeth. He slides his hand down to Eddie’s chest and presses over his heart like he’s trying to feel the heat of his blood.

“He’s still in here,” he says quietly, looking at his hand pressing over Eddie’s sweater. “Little Eddie.”

Eddie suppresses a smile, sniffling, putting his hand over Steve’s like he’s holding it in place.

“We can… We can make him feel safe now,” Steve says, looking into Eddie’s eyes. “He can exist without being scared now. At home.”

Eddie’s smile wavers. His hand presses harder over Steve’s.

“I love you so much.”

Steve kisses him again, tasting coffee and cigarettes on his tongue.

“I love you so much too.”

♡ permanent taglist: @estrellami-1 @theplantscientist @spectrum-spectrum @carlprocastinator1000 @starman-jpg @romantiklen @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme ♡ holy things taglist: @stevesbipanic @pearynice @ao3whore @slowandsteddie @swordsandflowercrowns @dragonmama76 @mikeys-thoughts @sofadofax @cyranyx @kazalohiku @lostonceandneverfound @strangerfreaks @bitchysteveharrington @nailbatanddungeon @newtstabber (comment to be added/removed to/from either list!!)

♡ art of steve and eddie ♡ pinboard // playlist ♡ buy me a coffee

#in case anyone missed it: updates will now be every other week! #so the next update will be this upcoming tuesday #term ended this week and i have a ton of assignments i need to do and im also going to my parents next week so i have a lot going on #anyway #go eat something yummy #drink some water #take your meds #stretch your neck #love you all #mwah mwah mwah #steddie #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #a mess of holy things

[777-v3nus]

Analyzing the Dethklok boys and their relation to Gods

So I've recently gotten into Metalocalypse and was kinda upset that no one in my vicinity has either not heard or cares about this show enough to yap and analyze it with me but then I remembered that I have a Tumblr just collecting dust and this is a perfect place to just...talk. But anyway going back to the whole purpose of this post I wanted to touch on the boys pretty literal godhood presented in the show and how it reflects on their character and their backstories starting with...

Toki Wartooth

Starting off with one of the easiest to analyze since he arguably has the most lore present to the viewer. Throughout the series, toki is presented as the most childish as well as the most emotional of the group with parallels to the angle of death sprinkled everywhere. It's prophesized that anyone he loves or finds dear kicks the bucket with the boys being an exception (since IMO their prophecy and own godlike powers kinda cancel it out). Whether it is that child fan whom he was unironically doing the favor of declining her until the last second or his own father- everyone he loves either dies or never progresses in life (i.e. Dr.Rockso). By nature he is a bad omen who particularly gets canceled out by another member- I'll get into that shut up- but also has weird relations with the big man upstairs, Jesus Christ. His appearance is even similar to that of him and in scenes of his childhood where he's being heavily abused by his parents, you can see parallels of the lashings on his back. When being tortured by Magnus alongside Abigail they are crucified and put into the position Jesus once was in. [Also, sidenote I find it interesting how he deals with stressful situations either by tweaking or age-regressing by having Pickles be his caretaker. Since you can see him slowly regress through the series (no he did not regress all of a sudden after being saved you can clearly see how he regresses throughout the series, and I stand on that bruh) but regresses hard during the aftermath.]

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Being the adonis he is, I think Skwisgaar represents life to counter Toki's roots in death. His appearance replicating common ideals of angels paired with his height and canonical attractiveness, Skwisgaar is truly a seductress of all sorts. To the point, I get huge Zeus feelings from him (hell it was kinda pushed into our faces during the episode showing how many children he's fathered). His learned skill contrasts itself with Toki's raw talent and has a constant clash- going back to the fact that they represent death and life respectively. I think their constant fighting kinda represents the back and forth between life and death, and those small tidbits where they do show compassion towards each other are a display of how one couldn't exist without the other. It's the fear of Toki possibly getting better than him that pushes Skwisgaar to be on top of shit and it's Skwisgaar's superiority complex and constant snubbing of Toki that pushes the other to battle for the same position. It's another interesting thing how they both deal with their traumas differently. as I truly believe Skwisgaar is prolly hypersexual due to being constantly exposed to well.. sex. And when he's not pondering on that aspect of his life then he's parading around his guitar skills as another coping method. I mean his guitar is LITERALLY part of him 24/7.

Nathan Explosion

Saw a bunch of discussions/debates on what Nathan could be, ranging from power, love, and rage (tbh that's more William than anything). And I think it's a mixture. Nathan is the only member of Dethklok to actually seem to have a stable background out of all of the band, also being the only member consistently in non-one note relationships. And while he does divulge himself groupies he seems to be genuinely interested in having long-term relationships as seen with him getting ready to propose to Abigail (which I honestly think he didn't really want to, he just felt something was missing and hoped a woman he had something with could fulfill that purpose). All of this makes me think he has some domain/relation to love as well as power seeing his influence of thousands being the head of Dethklok. His power is so insanely strong that whenever he doesn't deliver or even when he does via performances the area goes to shit and he strikes up chaos. A little part of me wonders if that's because all of the boys performing is like some Leviathan event but I digress. And in this role, it is Nathan who counters...

William

William arguably has the least info bout his background other than how his two parents died and how he was treated harshly in school, there's not jack about him. However, I do feel like he has domain over hate, pride, and chaos. I mean this man's hatred is so intense that it extends to every part of himself and is an essential part of Dethklok's sound. Without him, they are positive, which funny enough is pretty reflective of the role of bass in a band. It's the link between the drums and everything else. So no matter what the rest of the instruments are doing at that moment the bass sets a tone and is fundamentally dictated by him. He's a mean, vulgar, and brash force that in a weird way counters everyone a tad bit. (love lil bro for that tho).

Pickles

Quite literally being dubbed the mother of the group by fandom and cannon I think Pickles represents the maternal figure of the group kinda. But at the same time he neither counters nor has a specific role in the group that isn't being the drummer. (though drummers act like the temporal glue i.e. wrangling his stupid bandmates to the right path) He takes on this id personality yet also acts brash. The closest thing I could compare him to being a Dionysus figure. Specifically how he represents overindulgence which can be seen in his multitude of addictions but his insanely high tolerance, other than the relation to alcohol Dionysus also has 2 sides just like pickles. One minute he is the most stable and mature of the group and the next he is thrown into a jealous or petty rage. (which can be seen in fatherklok of with Abigail and Nathan)Most often being spurred on by his family history of being the scapegoat for all their problems. And if you subscribe to the pickles is trans propaganda (which I fully am fucking down for) then the weird parallels between Dionysus's split presentation between femininity and masculinity interacting with each other is interesting to see. Especially when he becomes a maternal figure for toki, Skwisgaar, and William- but a pseudo partner for Nathan who also kind of represents the patriarchal power in the home. Paired with Dionysus having domain over theatre and entertainment is interesting with his roots in glam metal being the frontman for Snakes and Barrels.

anyways little shitty rant is OVER! I love this series so very much and I'm sad I just got into this fandom.

#metalocalypse #pickles the drummer #william murderface #toki wartooth #skwisgaar skwigelf #nathan explosion #character study #professional yapper #character analysis #RAAAAAAH LOVE THESE FUCKS #i could also go into how they rep different types of metal #AHHHHH' #grinded writing this listening to MF DOOM gfvgx

[confused-wanderer]

Fanfic writers, please show Jason and Dick’s turmoil towards Bruce. It doesn’t matter if the writings fluff or angst, I just want to see realistic repercussions of their time with Bruce.

Obviously, he was not the best father by a long shot. Hell, he never even knew how to parent, teach or take care of children, he just wanted to help. But the road to hell is usually paved by good intentions.

Bruce would’ve fucked up a LOT with Dick, never knowing when to be cautious or straightforward, kind or angry, especially to someone who’s suffered almost exactly like he had. Someone who’s seen his parents die, his world shatter and now is filled with vengeance and trauma. Someone who needs his attention, even on stupid matters while he’s going through his own battles of staring out as batman.

With Jason, he must’ve had a whole NEW problem. Jason’s experience on the streets, his niche triggers and responses to some mundane activities or phrases, Dick’s hatred towards him and Jason while also trying to make sure this one doesn’t get himself killed. With fear and frustration comes anger, and cold logic so I’m pretty sure there must’ve been a few instances to say the least where Bruce retorts with something out of anger or trying to get Jason to realise just how serious things are, only realising too late how much it affected him.

I want their hesitation and fear portrayed. How Dick hesitates to tell Bruce something about a topic that was sensitive when he was younger. The way he holds his breath, waiting for the onslaught of lectures and scoldings, or how he laments on something like “God I’m so careless how could I have missed that?” Which would have previously been met with “You are no detective, you need to do better, this could cost you your life.” But instead hears “it’s okay, we all make mistakes. You’ll get it next time, maybe a few practice rounds would help.”

How Jason gives up hopes of communicating with Bruce at all after the arguments they’d had in his childhood over everything and nothing. How nowadays he doesn’t speak much at all, and always answers in curt sentences, thinking Bruce would not have the time, care about unimportant details or not approve of activities. It’s why he hesitates on the edge of a panic attack or needs help to call Bruce, always keeping it as the last resort. But instead of hearing “I always told you to be careful” or “You could’ve avoided this..” he hears “How does it feel chum? I know it hurts, but how can I help?”

Because when Tim came, let’s be honest he saw Robin as a job. He didn’t give a flying fuck and thus remained relatively unaffected by Bruce. Not to mention with two robins, and Tim being Tim, Bruce could never really pick on things to actually hurt him. In time, sure he gradually saw Bruce as a father figure and they got closer, he still has a lesser fear and knowledge of Bruce’s behaviour.

Just a fic which shows Bruce trying, changing and not realising just how some things he did or said fucked up his children. How he tries to understand why, for the life of him, Dick never really talks about what’s really bothering him, or how he can help, or really anything about his life that he genuinely enjoys. Bruce lives for conversations with Jason, and keeps trying to remain upbeat and patient while he prompts conversations every time because he doesn’t understand why Jason has become just as quiet, if not more than how talkative and expressive he was as Robin.

Shit happened, and there’s nothing he can do to fix that, he knows that. But he doesn’t know what actions or words of his are actually ingrained in their minds. He doesn’t remember the emotional extent of how bad some things seemed. He might remember being strict with Dick, but he doesn’t remember how he had once told Dick that he would never feel the happiness like he did with his parents before when the kid had come crying to him on the anniversary of his parents shooting saying how much it hurts. He recalls being harsh with Jason when he had done incredibly reckless things trying to find his biological mother. He doesn’t remember telling Jason that maybe it’s a good thing that his mother doesn’t want to see him.

All I’m saying- Give me a fic in which through something, supervillain, mental breakdown - something that makes Bruce have that moment of realisation of how, no matter his intentions, feelings or context, he’s responsible for their fear of him. I want to see how he reacts to this revelation, his moments of panic, guilt and horror when he realises just how badly he fucked up. How he desperate starts trying to change himself, how he slowly tries to start building relations and starts being more patient, caring and considerate..because he truly loves his children, and he misses them.

#Bruce Wayne #batman #batfam #batbrothers #batbros #Tim drake #red robin #Tim drake robin #dick grayson robin #dick grayson police officer #nightwing #Jason todd red hood #red hood #Jason todd robin #batman and robin #batfam fluff #batfam angst

[quitealotofsodapop]

Post-JTTW Stone Egged Au asks: Bad Ichor

Amassing some Post-Jttw egg asks with similar vibes of "reject gods. stay monke".

Hehehe many questions - main ref post here. Btw in future try sending one sentence questions/comment as replies to the specfic posts. sometimes I find asks referencing a post and I can't remember which one they're talking about.

Wukong in the au makes a concious effort to inform his cubs and his people of what his mother sacrificed to bring him into the world. Her statue and the paintings on the walls of Waterfall Curtain a tapestry of a ruler more fair and far grander that any celestial in the monkeys minds.

And when their little chaotic Eclipse twins found the Consort's resting place, more of Wukong's parent's sacrifice was uncovered. Along with the King's delayed twin brother Luzhen. The little prince grows up being taught how him and the "larger him" share parents, but they aren't here in person anymore but they love him very much. Luzhen has met his and Wukong's parents during the holidays that allow it and gladly runs up to Yē Lín and Shíhuā calling them "Baba" and "Mama" let he's known them all his life. He misses them a lot. But older Brother/Mama and Bama/Baba are really good to him so he isn't sad for long.

Wukong never lets Heaven realise that Luzhen isn't his biological child, as he fears the Emperor or Queen Mother attempting to sieze custody of Luzhen out of spite. The few higher up that know agree that baby monkeys need to be with monkeys.

Pigsy is still uber confused when Luzhen refers to Wukong as "mama" and "gege" in the same sentence tho.

Mac and Wukong are still super petty tho. They call upon their ancestors during the cubs' naming ceremonies to give their little one's blessings. And along with Shíhuā, Yē Lín and Guanyin making an appearance, the royal couple are invoked to send divine blessings of protection down onto earth. They know who's calling them. They aren't happy about it but they won't hurt the little ones.

MK is still a huge JTTW fan, even more so since to him it's like learning about all this cool stuff his family did back in the Before times! And he was there for a lot it! (even if he wasn't born yet). Him and his childhood besties deduced early on that they have *some* kind of family in the Celestial realm, just not sure who.

As for the Dragons:

Going by Ao Guang still being upset by the theft (barely, in Jttw his wife let Wukong have it), of the Staff, I imagine that dragon can be super petty. Ao Guang doesn't like Sun Wukong at all for the theft and the havoc in heaven, even if he was cordial to him during the Journey.

When the youngest son of the Ao Run/Ji is fatally wounded by the Samadhi Fire, basically every royal dragon had an attack of pstd to when they lost Ao Bing. They started to hate Sun Wukong for his recklessness.

Then DBK, Wukong's older sworn brother and godfather to his young twins, suddenly goes on a rampage forcing Heaven's hands.

The royal dragons basically took DBK's imprisionment as an excuse to bail out. Dragons don't like the gods, and they don't like Sun Wukong.

Mei's parents hadn't wanted to cut ties with the monkeys, but Mei was a super sickly dragon pup and Ao Yi simply couldn't emotionally deal with cutting off her family with that happening... her and Long Chen continue to send Wukong's family birthday presents, card, and the occasional letter - all covert like a spy mission. Other dragons who disagreed with the royals continue this practice as well.

And ofc S4:

:)

Nezha: "Jade Emperor, there's a message for you from Sun Qi Xiaotian." Jade Emperor & Queen Mother: (*super intrigued! Did he find out about their connection?*) JE: "Send him in." Nezha, peaks head out of window: "Yeah he's in." MK: (*busts through wall like a Looney tunes character, shaking with anxiety*) MK, like he's on fast-forward: "Mister Jade Emperor sir I'm so sorry but Azure Lion's got this memory scroll and he trapped my family in it. He tricked me and my friends into freeing his old buddies from the Brotherhood but he wont let my mom loose and NOW he has my baby sister and little bro (it's complicated) and they're on their way here right now to kill you and my powers are glitching out and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!" JE: "Uhhh..." Queen Mother, rolls her eyes and turns to her entourage: "Prepare the safehouse. Contact all the bodhisattvas and the Kings of Hell, and tell our armies to be ready for a big game hunt. And get this child some peaches." MK: (*heavily breathing/mid-panic attack. gives thumbs up*) Mei, peaking her head in: "Wow. Girl bossing!" Nezha: "And Sun Wukong my lady?" Queen Mother: (*looks over MK like he's the most precious thing in the universe. like she doesn't want to let him leave*) Queen Mother: "For the sake of my daughter... find Sun Wukong's mate the Six Eared Macaque. He knows those Brotherhood brutes well. It's the least he can do for giving my grandson such distress with that disappearing act." Rumble & Savage, appear from the Queen Mother's shadow: "Do we gets peaches too?" "I like melon better." Queen Mother: "Who are these?" MK, calming down: "My older little siblings. They're twins. Azure didn't take them. Probably because he couldn't catch them." Rumble & Savage, proudly flexing: "We're too fast!" "And we got our bama's powers!" Queen Mother: (*notices little red tiger-stripe-like markings on the twins' bodies*) "OH!!!! He had twins! My love! More wàizēngsūnérnǚ! Twins too!!" JE: (*frozen stiff on his throne, completely shocked*) "Can the brown one repeat what he said about celestial beasts coming to kill me?" MK, blanking at QM's use of chinese: "Did the Queen just say-" Orchard Maidens, quickly shuffling the Noodle Gang out of the Throne Room: "SO! How about those peaches?" "You'll learn soon enough." "Sorry, but we're going into lockdown." "He's taller than didi!" "Must be mother's genes that did that."

Basically MK is calling in the big guns early cus he's panicking, abd accidentally uncovers the fact that he's somehow the great-grandchild (by reincarnation nonsense) of the two rulers of Heaven!?

All he wanted when all this Scroll nonsense happened was a day off!

#post jttw stone egged au #jttw stone egged au #stone matriarch au #sun wukong #lmk sun luzhen #lmk xiwangmu #lmk queen mother of the west #lmk eclipse twins #lmk rumble and savage #lmk mei #long xiaojiao #lmk mei's parents #lmk nezha #lmk aus #lmk #lego monkie kid #long post

[shoyoist]

rekha :(((( just to torture ourselves what kind of angsty scenario do you imagine would bring hanma to tears if he’s in a relationship with you? sobs or is it only the death of those few he cares about that can break a man like him :(((( bye i’m so sad over him now pls

content: fem!reader (feat. my selfship content), established marriage, papa! shuji, angst. accidental pregnancy. mention of not wanting kids, family-related insecurities. thank you for indulging me rivvy<3

note: ok listen! i've been thinking about this all day. shuji isn't much of a crier, but when he does cry, it's over the people he loves.

shuji always says to you that he doesn't wanna have kids. and hey, you're cool with that. you don't need kids to make a family and a home with him.

just the two of you is plenty enough<33

but you get one accidental pregnancy after the other, and you find yourselves with two or three kids that shuji ends up loving more than life itself.

he jokes to you every now and then about how he doesn't know why he was so apprehensive about the idea before.

he's so happy! he loves his little kids, they share his and your features so evenly, their bubbly giggling at his silly faces are so adorable, taking care of them is so fun and god, he's just so full of love and joy.

until he's painfully reminded of why he didn't want to have kids— when they grow older and their personalities start clashing with his.

as a father, shuji jumps from too easygoing to too overprotective real quick. he finds something like their secret cigarette stash, that they've been drinking at parties, or they miss a curfew or two and it gets him irrationally mad at them — and when shuji's angry, he yells </3

he's just concerned for his kids because he knows full well what a reckless, dangerous childhood is like. and while he wants to be the chill parent so bad, he gets scared sometimes.

and his fear for his kids' safety comes out as anger and yelling. and his kids take after him, so his anger only makes their tempers flare up — which often results in a shouting match between father and children.

and while shuji tries to stay kind, sometimes, his kids say the meanest things at him.

(credits to my gf for these lines btw! this is actually from my selfship 🤭) one time, shuji is trying to confiscate his son's phone and ground him for a bit for staying out of the house a whole day and night after a prior argument, and it goes like this ↓

“give me your phone”

“what the fuck, you're not serious- i'm a grown ass adult!”

“give me your phone. you're not fucking grown. you're grounded, and i'm keeping tabs on you from here on out. now hand it over or i swear to god, i will take it from you”

his tone is threatening enough, and your son has no choice but to hand over his phone and shuji shuts it down and pockets it.

your son hisses under his breath like “this is bullshit”

and shuji retorts with a “this is how being a parent is”

and then his son says, in the meanest tone he could muster— “yeah, because you and mom were sooo smart for having so many fucking kids while being world's most wanted.”

and for a tense moment, there's a silence before shuji just heads to the front door and his shoes on, takes helmet and jacket and storms out, slamming the door shut behind him. he drives somewhere like yokohama wharf and just. breaks down and cries. all by himself. imagine ;( </3

he lights himself a smoke for the first time in years, tears rolling down his cheek and hanging for a moment at his jaw before they fall and stain his jeans with tears, and he's just wondering if he's a good father at all in the end.

he cries and cries and cries— and when he finally comes home to you late at night after everyone else has gone to bed, his eyes are puffy and red, and his hair is dishevelled. he looks so sad.

and when you hold out your arms for a hug, this big, 6'6 (because he was 6'4 at age 16. he's grown at least a couple of inches since then!) tall man, smelling of cigarettes and tears in his leather jacket and ripped jeans just slumps into you, his wife that he loves so much and just wants to be good to.

he's silent as you lead him to bed and help him undress, and while you're in bed, wrapped up in eachother's arms under the blankets, he asks you in a raspy, hoarse whisper, “am i... am i a good father to the kids, baby?”

and god, you kiss him, kiss his forehead and his face and his hair and you tell him yes, yes shuji you're such a good father to our children, and you're so good to me! so good to me and so good to the kids, shuji. you're okay.

he can't help but cry again after he hears that. he cries quietly but he sobs out loud, body racking and shaking your shoulders along with his own each time he takes a ragged breath in.

shuji knows he's not a family man. but god, god he wants to be one so bad. he wants to be good, for you and for his children that he loves so fucking much. and it makes him cry, whenever his fear overtakes him and convinces him that he may not be enough.

#‶｡ଘ.*+ — [ loveletter ]. #‶｡ଘ.*+ — from : [ river! ]. #OOPS THIS GOT SO LONG! HAHA 💀 #okayy since it's my selfship i'll turn off rbs #but yes! i hope you enjoy the read river 😭💖 #hanma x reader #hanma angst #tokyo revengers angst #tokyo revengers x reader

[monsterhighlovurr]

Headcanons for Tokis childhood and deathcurse

TW:child abuse

Toki is an angel of death, not in the sense that he CAUSES death, but he is always around people when they dies because he is the angel that guides them to the afterlife. We can see this with Juliette in dethkids, his friend father dethlessons, his dad in dethdad and his cat in dethhealth. They were all sick and dying beforehand (cancer with the little girl and his dad and an unnamed illness with the friend father) Toki was just the angel that guided them to death. Even the cat had a “little bit of a cough” in the beginning of the episode, Toki just gave him its send off. How brutal a persons death is indicates if they go to heaven or hell, if they die peacfully, they go to heaven, if they die a slow and agnozing brutal death, well, you know…

Tokis parents were abusers. I hate the narrative that Tokis parents were justified in their abuse and torture of little Toki because they were simply trying to prevent his death curse when in reality, Toki lived in a cult and his parents were abusive, his parents would have abused and tortured him death curse or not.

However, I do believe the village and caught on to the fact that Toki was always suspiciously present when someone died. There were alot of deaths in the village, not because of Toki, but because they wouldve died anyway, the winters were very harsh and the commune was very cruel. Deaths plauged the village but now they had someone to blame it on. The village thusly ostracized Toki for suspicion that he may be the cause of the deaths, leading Toki with no one to surround himself but his parents. Toki rarely got to play with kids his own age as they quickly learned to stay away from the “cursed boy”, it was based partly in hatred, but more so in genuine religious fear that they had done something wrong and had pissed off the gods, who had now sent them a cursed child to pay for their sins. Toki now has to spend most of his free time at home doing chores instead of singing in the choir with the rest of the little boys.

This is oddly enough the only time his parents show true compassion and defend their son. Less because they actually care about him, more because claiming that they birthed a devil child is a direct insult to them and calls into question their own souls and associations with the devil. Little Toki is confused and untrustworthy of his parent’s reactions and internalizes the remarks and treatment (or lack thereof) from the village and wish his parents would punish him harder to cleanse his impure soul. His parents do treat him slightly worse when a member of the village dies, but they also comfort him and defend him from attacks, which confuses poor little Tokis mind even further. They do this because a small part of them believes that Toki is really a devil child, so he must be punished to keep him in check and to pay for his sins, but he also must be comforted and taken care of so that he doesn’t lash out at them and take their souls + they genuinely feel bad for him being isolated (its a cult, the worst thing for a member to face isnt abuse and torture, its isolation from the commune, they have very confusing morals) a big part of them is still convinced that Toki is a normal regular village child however, thusly they treat him how the rest of the village children are treated, which is very badly. (I still want to emphasize that this is a cult and his parents are still abusers, they still wouldve abused and tortured him just as harshly if he wasnt a demigod, and they dont abuse and torture him because hes a demigod, him being a demigod just changes *how* they specifically go about it, and because of the religous aspects of their cult, if they were fully convinced that Toki was a devil child and caused the deaths of the village members they would have just sacrificed him in the name of god.)

Adult Toki is quite the extrovert, which seems normal on the surface, but he is also extremely codependent and starts to loose it when he is isolated for extended periods of time, wether socially or physically, which leads to him trying to find companionship in *anyone* good OR bad if dethklok ignores him for too long. Like Rockso for example. He also blames himself for any type of social failing or isolation to an unhealthy degree. Now that Toki is an adult playing sinful music, spreading devilish messages and causing mass chaos and destruction with his band makes his parents fully convinced that he is the son of the devil and they wish that they had killed him when they had the chance. Now they are too scared to do so.

#metalocalypse #mtl #toki wartooth #headcanon

[ariscats]

If i write all my analyze at once, it’ll be a whole masters, so im going to post it in parts.

Jameson Hawthorne Analyzes, Part1: Childhood

“I am hungry/ I have been hungry/ I was born hungry/ What do I need?/ I am something/ I have been something/ I was born something/ What could I be?” (Abbey, Mitski)

Jameson grew up as the grandson of a billionaire. He was born exactly 364 days before his older brother Grayson and was born because his mother wanted one more thing to love her. However, she was barely ever there, therefore he was raised by his grandfather. Having 3 brothers already made parental attention hard because its almost impossible to give the same amount of attention to the 4 equally, but having to fight for the attention of a billionaire making his empire? God. This is not something discussed a lot in the books but how present was Tobias was in the daily life of the brothers? I know he was relatively present but was that present enough for four kids? The answer is no. While Grayson tried to be perfect, Jameson tried to be worse so he could at least be the best at something.

Jameson was raised to be extraordinary. But his grandfather made him believe that he wasn’t. He just “wasnt”. At 10, his grandfather told him that his bigget fear was true, that he would never be as good as his brothers. his only chance was to be worse. Cheating, mindgames, doing things he shouldnt bc he could. Whatever he did, he had to do more, bc nothibg would never be enough for him or for Tobias. He would never be enough and he would never do enough, so he had to do more. Risk more, search more, feel more. He is the one who never gives up.

He would never be enough for his grandfather and his mom was to busy in her own traumas fo pay attention to him. He wasnt anyones favorite, but he was Graysons best friend. For the longest time, it was Gratson and Jameson, two conpletely oposite brothers who needed each other. While the parenting in his childhood might not have been the best, you can say it was bad. He had everthing, he could do everything, he was the most popular guy at school and he had his brothers. He grew up pushing himself to the impossible, but at leat he knew that, at the end of the day, he would have his brothers.

Also, Jameson is incredibly intelligent and talented. He is really, really good at radical sports and won several nationals and even internatioanls championships. And, he is smart enough to always find another way to do things. At seven, he carved the walls/floor of his bedroom because he understood that he couldn’t do the castle of cards stand up.

#the inheritance games #the brothers hawthorne #avery grambs #jameson hawthorne #the final gambit #averyjameson #the hawthorne legacy #grayson hawthorne #nash hawthorne #avery kylie grambs