#and the worst part is I kinda dig the angsty idea

[tired-twili]

A friendship between a Fluff writer and an angst writer is the funniest thing.

Fluff: "yeah person A and B have been through a lot, but they were constantly there for eachother and they eventually get a happy ending!"

Angst: " yeah but what if A died..."

Fluff: ...0-0

Angst:..."what if B killed them👀"

#based on true events #and the worst part is I kinda dig the angsty idea #its a battle of wills at this point #twili speaketh nonsense #writing #writing funny

[jaimehwatson]

20 Questions for Writers

tagged by: @sybilius thank you! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I'm currently sitting at 99! I'll have to do something a little special for my 100th :)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

214,959

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The ones I've written for the most are Our Flag Means Death, Warhammer 40K (mostly the Ciaphas Cain series, my favourite boy), Snowpiercer (the TV show), and Sharpe! But there are quite a few more I've written at least a one-shot for - I get inspired by a lot of different things, and I also love exchanges like Yuletide!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Restless Nights (OFMD)

You're the sun that makes me shine (OFMD)

Want to do something weird? (OFMD)

The Hidden Places Where The Fire Burns Hot And Bright (Stranger Things)

Sounds kind of dumb when I say it, but it's true: I would do anything for you (OFMD)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Almost always! I really appreciate nice comments so I make sure at least say thanks :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The first one that came to mind was one of my Sherlock Holmes fics, Some things you do just to see how bad they make you feel, which deals with Holmes's depression and drug use negatively affecting his relationship with Watson. It's a really sad one that I didn't come back to add a happier sequel to until a year later!

But I've written some pretty angsty Our Flag Means Death ones too, particularly I hope it stays dark forever, I hope the worst isn't over and It isn't that much fun, staring down a loaded gun

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think a lot of my fics are pretty happy! If I'm not writing something fucked-up and sad I'm usually writing a happy couple having good sex and a generally nice time. But if I had to try to pick one, maybe my little trilogy What makes Ed happy?, which gets a sweet Ed/Stede reunion at the end

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've fortunately avoided that so far! The comments I get are 99% lovely and maybe like 1% something kinda weird that maybe comes across a little bit negative but just makes me shrug my shoulders and say oh well

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Often! If there's any particular kind I gravitate towards it's probably characters slightly awkwardly but excitedly exploring a bit of light BDSM for the first time

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

One of the first fics I posted on Ao3 was a crossover between Death Note and The X-Files called The エクス-Files! (Translator's note: エクス means X) It was a really fun writing experience, and if that idea sounds fun to you at all, you should definitely check it out

But my craziest crossover (and maybe my only other one so far unless I'm forgetting something) is definitely my 2023 Yuletide fic Danger and Dance, in which Remington Steele and Laura Holt investigate a mystery involving DJ Crazy Times of "Planet of the Bass"!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, is that a thing people do?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so but I'd be honoured if someone did!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not yet co-written anything that's published anywhere, but a good friend and I once put quite a bit of effort into a story taking place in the universe of The Dark Crystal like a decade ago - now I want to dig that up again and see if it was any good, I remember we had fun with it!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Ciaphas Cain/Amberley Vail! The Ciaphas Cain books and Warhammer 40K in general were what really got me into writing fic regularly and participating in fandom more. Part of what made the ship so initially appealing to me, beyond just how much I like the characters, was that they're 100% canon but their relationship isn't the focus of the canon - you just get little hints and references to the fact that they're definitely fucking offscreen while the main thing going on is fighting aliens and shit. So it provides a great opportunity to speculate about what goes on when they're alone together and you don't see it, and how it might tie into their character development and the events of the canon storylines.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I mostly write a lot of shorter fic, so I don't really have any longer WIPs that gradually fizzled out the way I know some other writers struggle with. That being said, I do have plenty of sparse drafts that I started writing or outlining a little bit of and then never sat down and finished because I got distracted by some other idea. One that comes to mind was a Warhammer 40K fic that would have involved Cain and Yarrick meeting and getting involved in a Wild-West-style saloon shootout in space - fun idea but it never really went anywhere

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at character voices, especially when I write fic for books I love and I can imitate the style of the narration

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't think my description is as good as my dialogue. A lot of my writing experience before I got into fic was in theatre and video games, two mediums where you're much less likely to have a narrator, so I don't have as much practice at it. I find it difficult sometimes to really get across the image in my head in a way that makes sense and flows naturally. But I do think I'm getting better at it all the time!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've never really done that beyond the occasional word here and there! If I was going to, I'd want it to be a language I can actually speak, and/or have a friend who speaks it look over it. Maybe one day I'll get to use my French skills in a fic but it hasn't happened yet!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

In the sense of actually deciding "I am going to write fanfic and put it on the internet for other fans," it was the Pathologic games! But in a more general sense, I've been making up stories about my favourite characters since I was a little kid. A while back my mom found something I wrote in high school based on Lord of the Flies that was really cute

20. Favorite fic you've written?

My proudest accomplishment is my OFMD wrestling AU, Tonight on Ring of Revenge!

Tagging @augustmourn @grandmastattoo @the-girl-with-the-algebra-book @scyllas-revenge if you feel like it!

#tag games #fanfic #my writing #our flag means death #ciaphas cain

[chemicalpink]

대취타 (daechwita) | Emperor!Yoongi x Reader | Part ONE

Pairing: Emperor!Yoongi x Assassin!Reader

Words: 2.7k

Genre: Emperor AU, Historical AU (kinda), very badly written SMUT at the end, power play, angsty

Warnings: there is mention of death, killing, smut in public place, some traditional korean things may be wrong, mentions of slavery.

A/N: No thoughts, just Agust D.

Summary: You used to be an assassin, got caught and works at the palace as a servant up until you are escorted to the main palace, either to meet your inevitable destiny or for a change of plans.

OR

The one where Min Yoongi is an Emperor and is cocky and kinda of an asshole but you both get naughty nevertheless.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

After somewhere near to twelve months being forced to work at the Gyeongbok Palace, you have somewhat become accustomed to having both hands and feet chained while moving around the place with a sword always on the back of your head, ready to chop it off were you to do any funny business. It was no secret that there were hundreds of enslaved servants at Gyeongbok Palace that were once top tier criminals, and whilst most of them received a similar treatment, you used to come and go from your assigned place of work with half a dozen more guards than the rest. Just as you would expect it to be, seen as you were Korea’s most famous mercenary. That day, however, the sight of a hooded man completely dressed in black caught you by surprise. That was definitely new.

Your usual companion, a young royal guard named Jungkook, held your arm forcefully while he guided you through the sumptuous building where most public officials and gwageos of Korea made their home while on service. You both made your way through corridors,  sets of stairs and turned right more times than you deemed necessary just so you’d have the lesser chance of finding an exit out of wherever the man was taking you.

At least, that is what Jungkook pretended by doing so, but you were able o pick up his intentions and noticed how you had been up and down the same stairs in a matter of minutes. You also noticed how the dark-haired man was forcing you to zig-zag through different levels, even though Gyeongbok had the plainest structure inside it, just a few sets of stairs on the front and tons of long corridors inside. Truth be told, you would have been insulted if Jungkook weren’t to be that precautious. 

You both headed down a particularly long corridor where not the slightest sound could be heard except the echo of your own footsteps. Jungkook turned your way and stared, you smiled at him. He looked back to the front and grabbed your arm with more strength than before.

You took the gesture as a compliment, even though you had no idea what was the reason behind such a mystery, or why that hooded man dressed in black had exchanged a few words with the head guard before Jungkook had grabbed your arm and taken you away from your workplace by the river. After a whole day of washing who-knows-who clothes, seeing him planted there beside the other six guards you were assigned wasn’t exactly how you pictured your day to end like.

Nevertheless, you were quick to make out the exact words that were exchanged when Jungkook made himself known to the man guarding the main palace’s entrance, Jung Hoseok, captain of the royal guard. Soon enough, the sky above seemed to have darkened a thousand shades, the mountains that could be seen from the front yard seemed to have enlarged and you could have sworn that the earth had trembled under you. It had been a while since you had left yourself feel fear inside you.

You turned to look at the new hand holding your arm. The black leather from his glove, a perfect match to the rest of his attire.

You both made your way down yet another corridor and you managed to entertain yourself looking at the elegant forged sword that he carried. The gleaming pommel was shaped like an eagle in mid-flight. Realizing that you were looking at the weapon, Hoseok rested his gloved hand on the golden head of the bird. 

You had stopped for a second to consider whether you would be able to take to your advantage the lack of security and just shoot your shot at freedom, go berserk and use the captain’s weapon against himself, just like that old man that used to be in charge of you had chosen the worst day to push you roughly and ended up in a ditch. But there was far too much echo in the corridors to attack him without alerting the whole place .

Sometimes you wondered if it wouldn’t have been better to die the night you were betrayed and captured. However, while walking down endless corridors, there were already far better questions to ask yourself. Had they finally decided to behead you? It was a favourite of the emperor’s after all. Your stomach churned. After all, you were deemed relevant enough to be executed by the very own royal guard captain. But, if they were to kill you, why bother the tour around Gyeongbok’s corridors?

You finally came to a halt before some glass doors in red and gold, so thick that it was useless to try and see what was on the other side. Captain Jung Hoseok bowed lightly with his head to the other two guards that flanked the entry and they hit the ground with their spears in salute.

The captain once again grabbed you by the arm with such force you were sure he had let a bruise. He pulled you towards him, but your feet were unable to move.

“Would you prefer to remain enslaved, then?” he asked in a mocking tone

“Maybe if you’d tell me what is all of this for, I wouldn’t be so opposed to it”

“Don’t worry, it won’t be long until you find out for yourself” 

Your palms were most definitely sweating. Yes, you were about to die. It was finally time to.

The doors opened with a crushing sound and before your eyes appeared a throne room.

“Here” groaned the captain as he pushed you forward with his free hand.

Being freed from the chains that held your feet together, you tripped over yourself and your bare feet slipped on the smooth floor when you tried to pick yourself up. You turned your head back around and saw six more guards that ported the royal seal on their garments make their way inside.

Fourteen guards plus Captain Jung Hoseok.They were part of the royal family's personal guard: ruthless and lightning-fast soldiers, trained from childhood to protect the emperor with their own lives. You barely managed no to choke on your own spit. Groggy and bewildered you turned your gaze to the front. Sitting on an ornate wooden and jade throne, a handsome young man awaited. Your heart stopped when you all bowed to him. You were before the very emperor of Korea, Min Yoongi. 

Both your eyes and the emperor’s crossed paths.

Min Yoongi offered her a smirk. One that hid a twisted intention behind it but reeked of royal charisma at the same time. Sprawled on the throne, his chin was propped up in one hand and his almost white-blond hair gleamed in the dim light. He wore a black hanbok on which the royal seal embroidered in gold tones occupied almost the entire bib.

Something in his eyes, and the way they contrasted with his almost white hair, took you apart. He was painfully handsome and should be less than thirty years old.

Emperors are not supposed to be attractive. They are whiny, stupid and disgusting creatures! But he ... he ... how unfair of him to belong to royalty and be handsome at the same time.

Min Yoongi stared at your tensed body and then raised well-groomed eyebrows “I wasn’t expecting you to be so young” he supported his elbows on his thighs “i’ve heard some fascinating stores about you, How’s life now after being used to all the excess you granted yourself before?”

Cocky son of a bitch.

“I couldn’t be happier” you hummed while digging your broken nails into your palms.

“After almost a year here, it kinda seems like you are somewhat alive, how have you been able to achieve it, when life expectancy around here for slaves is barely that of a month?”

“It’s still a mystery, I have no doubt about it” You gave the emperor a seductive look and repositioned the handles as if they were lace gloves.

The emperor turned to his captain

“Such a naughty mouth she’s got, huh? And she doesn't speak like a member of the mob”

“One would hope so” you exclaimed

“Your highness” snapped Hoseok

“Huh?” 

“You must address him as ‘your highness’”

You gave him a mocking smile and then returned your attention to the emperor.

To your surprise, Min Yoongi laughed.

“You are aware that you are a slave, aren’t you? Haven’t you learnt anything from this time you’ve been serving?” he started walking towards you until he was so close that you could easily appreciate the exquisite embroidery of his hanbok and smell the aroma that he gave off, not perfume, but woody and fresh nonetheless. Yoongi smiled.

“I demand to know-” you started but Hoseok pulled you with brutal force before you could come any nearer to the emperor “I wasn’t trying to kill him, you fool!”

“I would watch my words if I were you,” Hoseok said while burning his eyes on her

“i honestly don’t think you would dare”

“Oh yeah, and why is that?” 

Yoongi strode back to the throne and sat down. His gaze shone more than ever.

You looked from one to the other and made yourself stand taller.

“Because you want something from me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought me all the way here. I’m not stupid, you know? It is obvious that you are here in fulfilment some type of secret mission. You are testing me to find out if I am in good physical and mental condition. I know that I am not crazy and that I am still in possession of my physical faculties. So I demand that you tell me why you have brought me here and what it is that you need from me if my destiny is not to be beheaded.”

Both men exchanged a look. Yoongi joined the fingertips of both of his hands. “I have a proposition for you”

 “I’m all ears then” 

The emperor's eyes sparkled with amusement at your insolence, but they lingered for a moment too long on your body.

Min Yoongi crossed one leg over the other.

“Leave us alone” he ordered the guards “Hoseok, stay where you are”

You turned to the emperor “So?”

Yoongi limited himself to once again sprawl on his throne “I need some help with the empire. Someone that help me solve the...more complicated cases”

“So what you need is a servant that does the dirty work for you”

“In short, yes”

“So what happens if I agree?”

“After six years of service you will be granted your freedom”

“Six!”

“Five”

Although the emperor tried to hide it, you noticed that he was tense. He wanted you to accept. He needed you to accept so desperately that he was willing to negotiate. Your eyes sparkled.

“Make it four”

“Fine” he replied “It is a deal then. But if you fail, you will be beheaded” 

“My habilities are perfectly fine. Thank you very much”

Yoongi made a gesture with his hand to Hoseok “Take her to her chamber so she can take a bath” he stared at her “You have your first work in the morning. Do not let me down, Y/N”

Every work after the first seemed almost the same, after some official research, you were sent a brief coded message to your room that contained all the information that was needed for the job, the name of the culprit plus the usual places they used to hang out.

A few seconds worth of work were all piling up to your ultimate freedom.

Even thought you were the sword behind all of those crossed out names in the Emperor’s list, you were quick to find out that Min Yoongi was by far, more entertained and playful about the blood that stained his hands than you ever were.

It was a usual day after work that you found yourself enjoying the occasional luxury of the outdoors bathhouse that Min Yoongi’s personal Harem had to offer, minus the presence of the concubines that usually strolled around the palace, the moon shining on top of your head as the steam from the hot water raised highly from the temperature shock.

“I never took you for one to enjoy the luxuries that the concubine life has to offer, Y/N” you couldn’t exactly say you were surprised to see him standing behind you, the whole place was his after all “Should have made it cleared that this place is exclusively for me and my girls to have fun in”

“Yeah? I don’t see anyone else here though” you continued your bath routine but poked open an eye to tease him, just the way you had become accustomed to do so for the past year or so, left hand covering your boobs as you turned to him “Got stood up, again?” 

“Don’t you just love to play with fire, Y/N” though you had already turned your back to him and were convinced on carrying on with your bath, the sudden apparition of two hands holding your hips in place along with the wet kisses that were being left on your right shoulder made you think twice “I think it is time for you to get burn”

His right hand easily found its way down the water and started playing with your folds, your wetness getting mixed with the hot water you both were in, his mouth never ceasing to scrape every inch of skin he could find, his temperature rising by the second and his rock hard cock against your ass.

Your knees buckled unconsciously as two of his fingers were inserted into you and started pumping rapidly and you could feel him smirk on your back.

Your hand was quick to found his cock and pump it a few times a little too roughly “You know” you murmured as you turned to face him, making his hand drop from inside you as you watched his face contorted in pleasure “I don’t think it is fair of you, your highness” you could feel his thighs tensing as you kept on pumping him “to jump on a girl like that” you got close to his ear, grasping it between your teeth “I thought you said I was gonna get burned, what happened then?”

Something snapped inside him that made him slam you to the side of the pool while taking both your hands inside one of his own, having you bent over, his cock grazing your exposed pussy underwater. From behind you, Yoongi slowly teased you. You both moaned loudly, not caring if any guard that may have been in a nocturnal shift might hear you. 

Yoongi chuckled, knowing him, probably about to make a witty remark but you clenched your walls around him “F-fuck,” He moaned, his eyes squeezed tight, “You feel so good around my cock, so wet.”

There was no use denying that you felt so satisfied as Yoongi’s hips pressed into you, his cock buried deep inside you. Something you were trying so hard to conceal of not having dreamt about it before in the past year or so, pretend not have touched yourself to the thought of the Emperor wrecking you the way he did to his official concubines.

Yoongi’s cock twitched inside you. You felt your orgasm building within you, burning brightly. You threw yourself back, trying to prolong the sensation, rolling your hips.

“I don’t think I’ll last much longer” Yoongi said behind you and you shook your hips teasingly, while turning your head with a coy smile “argh you’re such a bitch” He moaned loudly once again “But two can play that game”

The hand he had rested on your hips to keep his pace was soon to find your clit, pinching it, rolling it and driving you to the edge until it suddenly stopped, followed by the heat that erupted from within you when Yoongi cummed inside you, his hand releasing yours from his hold and slapping your ass as he laughed “Such a good girl but I have an early morning tomorrow” 

“Min Yoongi, you son of a-” 

“Later, Y/N!” he said, grinning widely as he exited the bathhouse. 

#bts imagines #bts smut #yoongi smut #min yoongi imagines #bangtanarmynet #yoongi imagine #yoongi fic #yoongi oneshot #yoongi scenarios #yoongi fanfic #yoongi drabble #yoongi angst #historical au yoongi #historical au bts #emperor!yoongi #hyunglinenetwork

[broken-clover]

Splendidus

None of you are free from my fish

Well, anyway, this was supposed to go i a completely different direction at first, so I might still write that later but for now have some very mildly angsty Zappafish. Aside note, super special thanks to @samarline for being willing to draw mer!Zappa, it made it a lot easier to visualize how he’d look.

Additional content warning for needles

-

Lately, it seemed like Raven was offsite more often than not.

Axl couldn’t exactly object to that, but he could certainly sulk. It was annoying enough to just have three people trying to watch over an entire aquarium. I-no might have been a genius, but she was also kind of an asshole. Of the two scientists, Axl would have much preferred having Raven around to talk to. So just his luck that he’d be out for what felt like the fifteenth time in the last month.

He couldn’t complain too much, though. For the most part, I-no had been content to work in the lab by herself, running a couple of tests on Sharon. Axl had been free to go about his business and deal with the daily chores.

With all the other Mer fed and the floors scrubbed shiny, he had settled down in one of the aquarium’s back rooms with a sandwich in one hand and the other buried in a mop of wet white hair.

“How’s the crab, buddy?”

Venom made a little chirring noise, taking a bite of meat. He’d gotten far bigger over the last several months, but still fit comfortably into Axl’s lap. It wasn’t his choice to do so- strangely, it seemed that Venom preferred cuddling up with him while eating. It definitely seemed odd, but Axl took it as a good sign. The ray was growing properly, eating regularly, and getting a little bit more social. He counted it as progress. Even if he still needed to hand-feed him sometimes. Venom had gotten oddly attached to him.

“What’cha think Raven’s up to?” He knew Venom couldn’t reply. It just felt nice attempting to chat anyway.

“Mree?”

“I guess it’s possible. Hope he isn’t thinking of bringing in another one. Then again, Bridget’s fitting in nicely, so I guess a new roommate wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”

Venom seemed displeased by the sudden lack of petting, and butted his head against the man’s hand insistently. Axl conceded, offering some apologetic scritches.

“My bad. Well, d’ya think you’d like a new roommate if we got one?”

The ray seemed to understand that well enough, and gave an indignant huff.

“Taking that as a no, then.” Axl shrugged. “Guess I don’t blame you. This place is getting pretty crowded.”

The two of them continued to sit, just enjoying each other’s company. Axl wasn’t one to complain, especially when he had so much time to himself, but it seemed almost too weird for him.

“I woulda’ figured I-no would call by now…”

He reached down to his radio, only to find that it was missing. “Huh? Wait a second, when did I lose that?” He sent Venom a look. “Any ideas?”

The mer sent him a blank look. If anything, he seemed annoyed that his favorite source of pats was no longer relaxed.

“Sorry, buddy, but I kinda need my radio. Promise I’ll bring extra treats tomorrow?”

Venom offered a displeased huff, slipping out of his lap and wiggling back into the tank. He let himself be pat one more time before he went back to finding a place to settle on the sandy bottom.

Despite the sting of guilt, Axl wasted no time hurrying back off outside. He knew I-no would spare no expense at chewing him out if he’d missed something important. And if there was one thing he didn’t need right now, it was another one of her lectures.

Digging around the front lobby yielded nothing. Axl retraced his steps back through the building, through his morning cleaning routine, but he didn’t manage to find the radio lying around anywhere. He combed what felt like every last inch of the main structure, only growing more annoyed with each failure.

“Coulda’ sworn it’d be in here. Where could I have left it?”

Quickly running out of ideas, he headed back towards the administrative building. Maybe he’d left it in the breakroom? It seemed unlikely, but not impossible. Or maybe the med lab? The scanner room?

There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary in the breakroom. The bag of donuts was empty, so he crushed it up and tossed it in the wastebin while looking over the note Raven had left behind again, for what had to be the fifth time in one day.

‘Apologies, my colleagues, I had to go deal with some negotiations over in Dragonica. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but hopefully it will be soon. You two, please try not to kill each other while I’m gone. Axl, make sure to check on Bridget and make sure he’s integrating well. I-no, make sure the surgical tools are all properly sterilized.

~Raven’

‘Dealing with negotiations’ was a phrase Raven liked to use. It was never easy to guess what he meant by that. Sometimes it was working with other aquariums and advising them on their facilities, sometimes it was legal business, and sometimes it was custody transfers. The latter was the best, in Axl’s opinion. If they were lucky, it meant they were getting a new Mer sent to the facility.

He dropped the note back on the desk and headed up the stairs. Checking the med lab was always a good idea. He seemed to spend an odd amount of time in there. There was a meeting room, but for some reason, they never had discussions in it, unless Dr. Kreutz finally came out of his office for some reason or another.

There was no sign of anyone when he pushed the door open. Axl supposed that was a good thing. The only person he’d expect to see was I-no, and they tended to butt heads. Especially if he *had* managed to miss something while he’d lost his radio. 

As soon as the thought crossed his head, he spotted the black box perched by the sink. A surprising amount of stress lifted off of his shoulders as he approached and grabbed it.

“Sheesh, how’d I manage to do that…C’mere, you little troublemaker.”

The device was safely reattached to his belt, and checked twice to make sure that it wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe he needed to replace the latch? It didn’t look broken. He didn’t like to think that he really had been so reckless and just left it there, but…

“What the hell are you doing in here?”

Axl was snapped out of his thoughts by a harsh voice. He spun around, catching sight of a familiar face, even though it certainly didn’t look happy to see him.

“Shi- ah, I-no, hey, just had to-”

That just seemed to annoy her more. She immediately stormed into the lab, pushing past her co-worker to start digging through the cabinets furiously. “Ugh. The one thing I tell you not to do, and you-”

“Hey, hey, hold up.” Axl tossed his hands up defensively. “I lost my radio, I was just trying to find it.”

Her mouth pressed into a thin, hard line. “...Alright, I’ll buy that.” I-no went back to yanking open drawers. “Now d’ya need me to babysit you all day, or can I get back to my job?”

“Yeesh, what crawled up your-” Axl cut himself off. No need to piss her off more. “Sharon causing trouble?”

“Sharon? Nah, put her back in the tank half an hour ago.”

He tilted his head. “So what, then?”

I-no paused again, sending him a look. “That’s none of your business, Low. Now get out.”

“But w-”

“Out!” The scientist was perfectly willing to start dragging him along towards the door. “I can only deal with so much at once!”

He stumbled along as he was pulled, taken off-guard at just how strong the woman was when she’d been annoyed. She still held the tools she’d grabbed from the table in her other hand, clutching them with a white-knuckled grip. Awkward as it was, he could swear that he could make out at least one scalpel. What the heck did she need that for?

As he turned, he caught sight of something moving in the tanks. It was minute, difficult to even notice, but he could swear he saw something colorful standing out from the usual plants and sand.

The door slammed hard behind him. Axl took a moment to rub the spot where it had hit him on the back of the head, then turned to look at the plain metal. I-no certainly hadn’t been messing around. What had managed to get her so riled up? It seemed ridiculous that she’d be so angered just because of a little accident.

He knew that he should have turned and left. Whatever it was, it probably wasn’t his business. There wasn’t any reason to stick around any longer. No reason. None at all.

Axl crouched down, pressing an ear to the door. Everyone had already been fed. The world wasn’t going to end if he just wanted to indulge some curiosity.

The steel was thick- specifically for the purpose of keeping people from trying to do what he was doing right that very moment- but he knew a good spot near the bottom that made it a bit easier to hear. Not to say that he used it in abundance. Only that Raven and I-no tended to listen to him more if he just-so-happened to bring the treats that they just-so-happened to have been thinking about the night before. That was all.

“Dammit, I thought he’d never leave…” He could make out I-no muttering to herself. She gave an irritated sigh. “...might as well deal with you, then.”

So there was someone else? It couldn’t have been Raven, that made too little sense. Another Mer? He could have sworn he’d seen everyone while he was feeding them. Aside from Sharon. Was Sharon causing problems? Why would I-no lie about her being finished, then?

The sound of something snapping was easy to figure out. But what were the gloves for?

“...The fuck did I leave that petri dish? Can I just have one thing go right today?”

Axl couldn’t help but agree to that question. He turned a little, trying to find the right spot again.

“There it is. Alright, prettyboy, time for you to hold still.”

Ky, maybe? I-no did have a habit of calling him that. It answered a couple questions, but not enough. He could count the amount of times Ky had gotten himself hurt or injured on one hand, how would he have managed something like that so suddenly?

“Easy...I said sit still...sit still!” Somewhere, water splashed. “Stop moving!”

That was even odder. Ky was supposed to be one of the well-behaved ones. He took his vaccines and blood samples with utter calmness, only rarely getting wound up when tests dragged on and on. So it wasn’t him, then?

The distressed squeak that followed more than answered his question. Definitely not Ky. And from the sound of it, not any other Mer at the aquarium. So they’d gotten a new one?

Axl couldn’t help but be annoyed at that. Why would they keep that from him? Because they knew that he liked being able to greet the new transfers? What was wrong with that?

A moment later, his anger dissipated. He could care about the ‘why’ later, what was happening in there that made the poor thing sound so upset?

It was tricky to discern much over the sound of splashing water. It had gotten a lot louder all of a sudden, which he couldn’t think of as anything but a bad sign.

“Hold still, damn it!”

There was another squeak, even louder than the last one. Axl was pretty sure that he would have been able to hear it even if he wasn’t pressed so close.

Something slammed against the counter. He flinched at the noise, but I-no’s tone offered very little comfort or reassurance.

“Fine...guess we’ll do this the hard way…”

He really didn’t want to know what she meant by that. He was about a half-second away from busting right on in when an ear-splitting cry almost made him fall right on his ass out of shock. This one didn’t stop like the other had, boring right into his ears for what felt like a millennium, with the splashing growing harsher the whole time.

At one point, he could hear something spilling over. All of the analysis tanks were built into the floor, it was impossible to tip them over. The Mer had escaped? 

“How- hard- is it- to keep- you- still- ?!”

Was...was I-no wrestling the damn thing? Was this really happening? He had to be hearing wrong, right?

The splashing died down, instead replaced with wet slaps. Axl was getting a vague sort of idea on what I-no was attempting to do, yet it still confused him greatly. Was she trying to drag it back into the tank, or out? What had she been doing to make it scream so loudly in the first place?

After a minute or two of struggle, I-no seemed to have gotten it where she wanted it. “Shit, what a mess...gonna be a pain in the ass to clean this up. What did you have to do that for?”

Another displeased noise acted as a reply. It sounded like someone right on the cusp of crying.

“...It was just a needle. You need to calm down.”

Axl could hear weak sniffling. Injections? God, he knew some of them didn’t take needles well, but this was something else. Not even Venom had been that loud. It sounded like someone being tortured.

“...Take it easy.” I-no’s voice went unexpectedly soft. “I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

The room went quiet, aside from the soft whimpers. Axl wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. He knew that whatever was going on in there was probably just routine medicine, but all he had to go on were the poor creature’s frightened screams, and those were not painting a very pretty picture.

“Shit, where’d I put…?” Just like that, her voice went hard again. “It broke?! Are you kidding me?!”

He had no idea what she was ranting about. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

“When did the last drug shipment come in? Damn it…”

It took Axl a good moment to realize that I-no was approaching the door. He managed to clamber to his feet in relative silence and round the corner, pressing back against it.

The door opened not a moment later. I-no’s boots clunked against the linoleum almost curiously, like she had been expecting to see something. She couldn’t have known he was there, could she?

Footsteps started plodding down the hall. Axl barely waited until they were out of earshot before he swung back around the corner. The door had been left open, effortless for him to weasel on through and slide in.

He noticed the signs of the struggle immediately. Puddles had been left all over the floor, with a few smashed bottles littering the tile with shards. One of the tanks was an absolute mess, half-empty with sand and plants kicked up into piles and adding to the mess on the floor.

In spite of the mess, Axl couldn’t focus on it for very long. He caught sight of something squirming and twitching, half-hidden behind one of the supply carts. Fighting down an unexpected spike of unease, he carefully avoided the broken glass and approached the other side of the room.

Synchiropus Splendidus, the mandarin dragonet. Axl could recognize the species immediately. The bright colors and lovely patterns had made it one of his favorites, but he could also easily tell that something wasn’t right with this one. The veins of rainbow running down its sides were dimmed and dull, twisting against a backdrop more the color of muddy pond water than sapphire. The human half fared no better- with each nervous, heaving breath, Axl could catch a full view of the creature’s ribcage, pressing against the skin as though there was barely enough space for them to fit. The bare skin was ashen and sickly-looking.

He realized that the Mer had long noticed him, and was watching with frightened eyes. He also realized that I-no must have dragged him in order to try and keep him still while she worked. The examination table had holes for restraints- one for each arm, one for the chest, and two for the tail- rendering the creature unable to move outside of pitiful wiggling.

“Hey…” Axl extended a hand, doing his best to look nonthreatening. 

It didn’t work. The table rattled and clattered with the force of a body slamming against it again and again, desperately trying to pull itself free.

“Woah, easy, easy- !” He tried to reassure the creature, frantically looking over his shoulder to make sure that I-no wasn’t alerted to the noise. He reached out to try and distribute some pats on the head, trying to be forceful enough to make the slamming stop while also being calming. If he wasn’t worried about I-no, he’d still be concerned about the damage the Mer could do to itself by bashing its head like that.

He felt the thrashing die down into an uncomfortable squirm. Axl merely offered more pets. “Easy...there we are. Nobody’s getting hurt today, savvy? Jeez…” He let his hand slip back to make sure there weren’t any bleeding wounds from the banging. From a glance, it didn’t look too bad. “What’s got you so riled up?”

While it was obvious that the creature was unwell, even with a closer look it was hard to tell why. There were no clear injuries or trauma, at least nothing on the surface. Malnourishment, maybe? It would make sense. Considering the beautiful scales, he could see an eccentric socialite buying a Mer and not knowing how to take care of it properly. 

While lost in his thoughts, he barely noticed a hand grasping for him. With how it was restrained, it was hard to get far, but Axl was close enough that fingers could latch onto his leg suddenly, making him jump back.

“Fu- don’t do that!” He gave the creature a look, but there was little bite to it. “What do you want from me…?”

Reaching into his pockets, he pulled out a little container of shrimp that he usually used for luring Venom out. Just the sight of it made the dragonet start wiggling again, staring at the food intently.

“Huh? You hungry? Guess I can buy more…” Axl trailed off, pulling a shrimp from the container. He held it over the Mer, who shot up far quicker than he would have expected to snatch it. “Want another one?”

“Step away. From the table. Now.”

He felt his heart sinking, muscles going tense from I-no’s sudden voice. Sheepishly, he turned towards the door, looking as embarrassed and pitiful as possible in the hope that she would take pity on him.

The woman’s hard expression held no trace of sympathy. In one hand, she gripped a glass bottle of something he didn’t recognize at a glance. As soon as he moved, the dragonet started getting restless again, slapping his fin against the metal.

I-no’s eyes locked onto the temp. “Go wash your hands, right now.”

“Huh?” Sure, that was standard procedure when they were done, but why did she feel the need to tell him? “What’s the big deal-”

“The ‘big deal’ is that if you don’t get your stupid ass sterile, you’re gonna be crawling with bugs!” Annoyed with his inaction, I-no grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and dragged him over to the washing station. “D’you really just put your hands on everything like a dumb kid?”

“Bugs?” Axl was still about half a minute behind her. “Wait, what do you mean?”

Rolling her eyes and huffing, the biologist pinched the bridge of her nose. “Parasites, Axl, he’s crawling with parasites. They transferred him to our facility so we could flush them out.”

Despite her words, he found himself more worried than disgusted. Still, to appease his co-worker, he got to work scrubbing his hands.

“Poor guy...wondering why he looked so sick. Any idea what we’re dealing with?”

“Is ‘everything in the damn book’ an appropriate answer?” I-no had already wandered off, going back to the Mer on the table to look him over as he eyed her warily. “Because, that. Even some off-book symptoms. Can’t exactly do anything too severe until Raven gets back, but until then I’ve gotta take down stuff for the lab file.”

Her eyes flicked back up to Axl. “Care to explain why you came back in after I kicked your ass out?”

“I-I heard screaming.” He replied half-truthfully, hoping it would be enough. “I was worried someone had gotten hurt.”

I-no sighed, annoyance betraying a hint of a smile. “Goddamn boy scout. You at least managed to get him to quiet down for a good minute. Maybe it won’t be a waste to keep you around. Besides, I need a grunt to write stuff down for me.”

“How touching.” Axl replied, knowing that was as close as he was going to get to a real compliment. Without missing a beat, he swiped a blank medical file from the nearest cabinet. “Ok, can I get a name?”

“Nothing officially registered, but his last handlers called him ‘Zappa.’

“Wait, what? Like the singer?”

She shrugged in reply. “Not a damn clue why. He responds to it, more often than not, so no point in changing it.”

“Whatever you say.” Axl started writing. “Mandarin Dragonet, right?”

“Yyyyyep, captive-raised in a facility down in Sydney. Adult male. Can’t say much for his current physical state, ‘absolute shit’ isn’t exactly something we can put in the books.”

“Okay, got it.”

“Not much to say about cognitive functions, they’re pretty standard for the species. Bit shy, from what I’ve seen. It’s hard to pin down a lot of behavior patterns since he’s in a lot of pain right now and it’s making him erratic, that can get dealt with once we’re done scraping out his guts.”

“Woah-woah-woah, time out a sec.” Axl nearly dropped his pen. “You’re doing what?!”

“Surgery. Too many worms in his guts for drugs to be of much use.” She replied nonchalantly. “Pretty much gonna start putting him down as soon as we’re done with his paperwork. Raven should be back by then.”

I-no wasn’t joking, was she? “It can’t be that bad…” He trailed off, looking at the sickly Mer again. “...right?”

She leveled a calm, frank look at him. “Axl. You can’t get all bleeding-heart on me now about this. He’s got so many worms in him that he can barely eat. They’re starving him to death. We had to schedule it for today no matter what, because if they waited any longer to put him under, he probably wouldn’t have been strong enough to live through it.”

She plucked the file from his hands and glanced over it. “Good. That should be all we need for now. I’m really gonna have to ask you to leave, I can’t have you interfering.”

“Wh- I’m not gonna do anything, promise!” He protested.

“I don’t believe you.” I-no placed the file down on the counter, before procuring a little bottle from her labcoat pocket and an empty syringe from a drawer.

As soon as she attempted to fill the syringe, the Mer on the table began pitifully squirming once more. When it didn’t work, he began to scream, loud and shrill as he tried to slam his tail against the metal and find a way to break free.

“Stop, stop!” Shouted I-no, though she and Axl both knew that shouting back was pointless. She dropped the needle and grabbed onto the table to keep it from wobbling.

Axl tried to grab on as well, but a floor puddle made his shoe skid and knocked him on his ass. “I-no, he’s afraid of shots!”

“Yeah, no shit, genius!” She hissed back. “But did you miss the part where he’s going to die if I don’t give him one!?”

“I know, I know, just-” He cut himself off with a grumble, picking himself back off the ground. “Shit, he’s gonna give himself a concussion at this rate.”

Zappa had stopped wriggling so hard, noticing that there wasn’t someone trying to stab him anymore. I-no took a little step back. She slowly reached out towards the abandoned needle which worked for all of two seconds until he caught her and began wiggling again.

“It’s medicine.” Axl said. “Um, wait, you don’t know what that means, do you? Medicine is good for you…”

The Mer still looked at him with distrust. Axl rubbed at the back of his neck. “Dammit. Just gotta find a way to show him…” A thought hit him. “Hey I-no, can you hand me an empty needle?”

She eyed him suspiciously. “Are you about to pull some stupid stunt on me.”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“...Fine, here.” Handing him a plastic-wrapped syringe, I-no immediately went on to opening the storage cabinet and rifling through it. “But if you end up giving yourself an embolism I’m gonna leave you on the floor.”

“I can accept that.” Axl replied. He unwrapped the little package and dropped the wrapper into the wastebin. Zappa still looked at him with caution, but he didn’t start resisting again.

“Here. This is a shot, see?” Zappa winced as he held the object up, giving a couple of warning thumps with his tailfin. “Easy, mate. Just relax a sec.” One hand reached across to roll up the sleeve of his shirt. When that was done, he took the plastic cap off the needle and let the Mer see. “I know it looks really pointy, and that’s really scary, but I promise it won’t hurt. I’ll show you!”

Axl reached back across himself, took a deep breath, and sank the sharp tip into his upper arm. It stung slightly, of course, but he kept his breath calm and held it there for about as long as a shot usually took. He withdrew the needle from his arm, drawing a bead of blood but otherwise no worse for wear.

“See? Jus’ a little pinch.” He dropped the used syringe in the biohazards bin. “That’s all. Think you can do it, too?”

He didn’t know if Zappa understood his words, but after seeing Axl stab himself and not immediately keel over, he seemed much more calm. I-no seemed to take it as a good sign and grabbed the bottle.

“Not too shabby, Dolittle. Let’s see if it stuck.”

Zappa still watched her with a bit of fear as she approached, but he didn’t scream again. Axl decided to stay in view, keeping a comforting smile. There was a brief whimper as the sharp tip went in, but Zappa kept his eyes shut and remained otherwise calm until it was finished.

“Done. Stuff’s pretty fast, it won’t knock him out all the way, but he’ll be so out of it he won’t be afraid of anything else I do before Raven shows up.” I-no nodded firmly. “What’s with you and pulling weird stunts like this?”

Axl raised his hands innocently. “Relax. I promise it’s not gonna become a habit or anything.”

“Well, I’ll believe that when I see it.”

He could have kept arguing, but he simply rolled his eyes and turned away. Zappa already looked calmer, head lolling back and forth with drowsy, half-closed eyes.

“Heh. Probably feelin’ a little fuzzy, huh?” Axl reached over to brush a bit of hair out of his eyes. He noticed the way the markings drew up past his cheeks, and a reddish blotch seemed to almost make a heart shape in the middle of his forehead. “Pretty thing, huh? Gonna look even better when you’re all better. They’re gonna fix you up all nice and good, okay? And you aren’t even gonna feel it. You’re gonna sleep right through everything, and then you’ll wake up all better. And I’ll be right here when you wake up again, okay buddy?”

It was hard to read the Mer’s expression. Axl just hoped that he believed him.

#needles tw #mermay #writing #guilty gear #Axl Low #Zappa #Illyria Aquarium AU #Frog Writes

[the--sad--hatter]

Bad Habits (Bucky x Reader)

WARNINGS: Smut, Angst, Mental Health, Unhealthy Relationships

SUMMARY: The only thing that makes you feel better is being in Buckys bed, even if it makes you feel worse at the same time. Because you’re addicted to the hurt as much as you’re addicted to him.

It hurts and it stings and it burns and it breaks your heart and yet you keep doing it, not in spite of the agony it causes you but because of it. When the worlds a little too loud and being alive is a little to exhausting, when your skin starts feeling too tight and your that tight ball of pain in your chest makes it’s presence known, you run to him.

 When the world is too much for him and he remembers that his own mind is his own worst enemy, when the nightmares of what his hands have done without his minds compliance haunt him, he runs to you.

Eventually, something breaks and you always end up with your bare skin pressed against his, his teeth embedded in your neck, his hands bruising your hips, his cock buried deep inside you and his eyes looking straight through you.

 Sometimes it’s a pattern. He knows to expect you when you come back from your therapist, already stripped down to his boxers and waiting on the bed for your return, knowing you’re going to climb onto his lap and ride him until you can’t feel your legs anymore.

 When he comes back from a mission with someone else’s blood on him you know to step into the shower after him and bend to his will, letting him use you to remind himself that he is in control.

 He’ll wake up from a nightmare and won’t bother stopping to wipe the cold sweat from his skin before he makes the journey to your room, sliding beneath your sheets and hands pushing your panties aside before you’ve even fully woken from your slumber.

 Because the worlds a cruel place and life is painful, there’s not a day where you don’t bear the marks of your unhealthy union with Bucky on your skin. Bruises on your thighs from his fingertips digging in when he holds your legs splayed apart and fucks the anger into you, a perfect imprint of his teeth on the back of your neck from where he bends you over and claims you in the basest most primal way. Your marks on him always fade too quickly but you’re provided with plenty of opportunities to redraw the lines down his back, your nails slicing through his skin as he brings you to the precipice of pleasure and shoves you over, drowning you in bliss and self-loathing.

 It used to be so much kinder between you, before the clothes came off. He would smile at you like he smiled at everyone else, you would smile at him more than you smiled at anyone else.

 THEN

 You could see his figure in the doorway, shoulders hunched like he was inadvertently trying to make himself smaller.

 “Can’t sleep?” You asked without really looking away from the tv screen.

 “No.” He rasped.

 The broken sound of his voice actually made you look up and you inhaled sharply at the sight of him. Sweat rolled in droplets down his bare chest as it rose and fell rapidly while he fought to regulate his breathing, trying to fight back some semblance of calm. Metal fingers pushed damp strands of hair out of his face, his bloodshot eyes boring into you and you knew he was having similar thoughts about you. Your own skin was clammy, your own eyes so tired and dark they looked almost bruised. In the shadowy room, in the middle of the night you were both exposed for what you were. Two very broken people. He moved slowly, like he was in pain, as he dragged his body over to the couch and slumped down beside you.

 “What are we watching?” He asked.

 You turned your head away from him and back to the tv.

 “No idea.” You said.

 He didn’t reply and you both lifelessly watched the screen, neither knowing nor caring what was on it. At some point he leant to the side and without saying a word, laid his head on your chest, stretching his legs out across the cushions. Some of the tension eased from his shoulders and he took a shuddering breath and that was that. He stayed that way for hours, until the sunlight started to intrude on the almost peace you were sharing.

 “I’m going to go to bed.” He announced, standing up lithely.

 You just nodded, eyes still focused on the screen. He looked down at you for a moment, expressionless.

 “Come with me.” He said.

 It was worded like a question but sounded more like an order.

 “Why Bucky? Why would I do that?”

 “Don’t you want to feel something? Fucking anything? I do, and... and I wanna feel it with you.” He asked with a bitter, humourless laugh.

 When you didn’t answer, didn’t even look at him he walked away.

 You did want to feel something, something other than the cold numbness that came after the dark soul crushing pain. Your mind could be cruel, pushing anger and depression onto you for so long but eventually something inside you would snap and you’d stop feeling altogether. You didn’t want to be numb anymore.

 With every step towards his room there was a voice in the farthest regions of your mind screaming at you to stop, turn around before it was too late but you ignored it. The awful truth was that when you could feel, when you weren’t cold inside, you were in love with Bucky. Even now when you were lost, he meant more to you than anything and you would follow him into hell itself if he asked you.

 So you knocked on his door and into your own personal hell you went.

 NOW

 You had tasted every inch of Bucky’s skin except his lips. His hands had picked you up and pinned you down, his fingers had been wrapped in your hair or pushed deep inside your pussy but he had never held your hand. Your arms had been wrapped around him as he thrust his cock inside you but you’d never held him. Your legs had been spread for him, wrapped around his waist, slung across his shoulders, tangled with his under the sheets but he had never even walked by your side. Unless you were fighting bad guys or fucking each other, you acted like the other didn’t exist.

 He was using you, taking everything you had and draining you dry but you were doing the same to him. Deep down, you both knew it wasn’t healthy, that was why you couldn’t look each other in the eye anymore. He was your crutch, your addiction and you were his outlet, his metaphorical punching bag.

 For the thousandth time, you returned from an appointment to find him waiting for you.

 He was sat back on your pillows like he belonged there, his hair fanned out, framing him. This might be hell for you but he sure as hell looked every inch the Angel. As soon as you stepped through the door he held his arms out, waiting for you to crawl into them like you always did. It might be wrong, this affair, but he knew you, he knew what you needed and he relished in providing it. It was more than most people could say about their partners.

 Your therapist suggested that loving Bucky was safe for you, because you thought he didn’t love you back and you were afraid of having a normal, healthy relationship. She was right in a way. Love was dangerous in your eyes. Every day, all across the world, people were destroyed by it. Wars had been waged, lives ruined, people killed all because of love and how it can break us when it goes wrong. At least with Bucky, you knew the kind of pain you were setting yourself up for. And maybe the kind of pain you felt with him was addictive. Being hurt by Bucky was better than being loved by someone else. You didn’t love him because it was ‘safe’, you loved him because you didn’t have a choice in the matter. He had your heart from the second you’d met him and his hold on it was too strong to fight, even if you wanted to.

 You joined him on the bad, straddling his thighs and feeling the familiar burn of lust in your veins.

 “If I asked you, would you kiss me?” You said softly, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

 He stilled underneath you and inhaled sharply. You chanced a look at him, your heart contracting painfully at the tick in his clenched jaw and the hard look in his eyes. His hand cradled the back of your head, gently pulling you to him. His lips brushed lightly against yours and you waited for the other shoe to drop, to be pushed away, for him to laugh or be angry but that wasn’t what happened. His lips parted and he caught your bottom lip between his, kissing you tenderly.

 “I’d give you anything you asked for.” He murmured against your mouth.

 You could feel the burn of tears behind your closed eyelids and you knew you should walk away, should run. You should be brave and strong for both your sakes and end this. But you couldn’t just kick the habit. You needed him. So what the hell were you going to do?

 “Maybe we should just share a room, instead of having to come looking for each other all the time.” He whispered.

 Maybe he was just as addicted as you were. Maybe the fact that you could find solace in each other actually meant something.

 “I love you.”

 He didn’t say anything for the longest time, just looked at you with an undecipherable expression. You almost flinched when he slowly cupped your cheek in his hand.

 “I’ve been waiting a long time to hear you say that doll. I love you too.”

 Maybe two broken halves actually stood a chance of making a whole.

A/N - Believe it or not, this was 100x angstier before i edited it for public consumption. It’s just an angsty kinda day folks, at least I gave it a happy ending? 

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#bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2017

Not a very good year for hit songs. Still better than the next one, though.

And a very satisfying #1 that launched an entire infodump about a specific band. I’m not even sorry.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2017 might not sound super distant, but it’s already distant enough to analyse what started to happen to me that year with some clarity. This is when I started to lose some of my energy and motivation. A lot, in fact. Everything suddenly felt exhausting and this whole “what’s even the point of anything” mentality started to fall on my shoulders. And you know what, at first, while making these recaps, I had no idea what started it all. Was it that super rare infection I caught in early 2018 and almost made me lose a part of a finger? Was it both my grandfathers dying in mid 2018? Was it the general state of the world? But no, I did some digging and noticed this general exhaustion actually started right during summer 2017 and I was like what the f█ck happened in summer 2017? That summer was fine?

And then it clicked. I know exactly what kickstarted my spiral into about 18 months of depression, and it’s got nothing to do with health or family. It’s something that shouldn’t have affected my life in any way, and that I kinda tried to ignore at the time, and some of you might even find me overdramatic or cringy for letting it affect my life. But yeah, as I’ve realised while making these lists, Linkin Park was actually a super important part of my life, so it makes perfect sense: what started it all was Chester Bennington killing himself. Clearly, someone who had contributed so much to convince me that life was worth living and who suddenly decided it wasn’t worth it, that had a huge impact on me, whether I wanted it or not.

Aaaand now I’m crying again. Great.

Anyway. Uh. Important albums that year! Yeah so uh. Depeche Mode made Spirit and it wasn’t good, and so I kinda lost faith they would ever make a great album again, but I did realise one of my teenage dreams and saw them in concert in the Stade de France in July 2017 (it was huge. Going home after that felt like waking up from some sort of hypnotic trance. They even played Walking In My Shoes, one of my absolute favorite songs from them, along with a video featuring a trans person going to work and I started to bawl my eyes out in the middle of the f█cking crowd). Nine Inch Nails also made Add Violence and continued to be super good, and Indochine made 13, and while it wasn’t nearly as good as Black City Parade, it was also better than La République des Météors, so I was pretty happy about that. EDIT: Forgot about Under Your Spell by The Birthday Massacre, which blew my goddamn mind, but still not as much as the next album I'm gonna talk about.

But the defining album of the year, to me, was Mike Oldfield making a sequel to my favorite album from him, with Return to Ommadawn. Of course it’s not as good as Ommadawn. But still. If Ommadawn felt like discovering a new strange country full of weird folklore and forests and mysterious buildings, Return to Ommadawn feels like going back there half a century later and seeing things in ruins and wounded people, but still trying to seek beauty and joy in a partly destroyed landscape. It makes perfect sense considering the circumstances that surround the making of this thing, and it was the only way to make a good sequel to such a legendary album.

Unelligible songs that piss me off... uh, actually there’s only Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen. Why wasn’t it a huge hit. Come to think of it, why hasn’t any Carly Rae song been a huge hit since Good Times. This feels unfair.

Time for some honorable mentions, then.

Feels and also Slide (Calvin Harris and a lot of other people) - Got nothing to say about either of these songs, but they’re both pretty good.

Katchi (Ofenbach) - Nice little earworm.

No Roots (Alice Merton) - Super surprised this was a hit. Good.

OK (Robin Schulz ft James Blunt) - That’s a James Blunt song in the year of our lord 2017 and it sounds actually good??

What About Us (Pink) - Really caught my attention and made me wonder if I should listen to Pink again after a long streak of mediocre Pink songs.

Congratulations (Post Malone) - I find the song mostly boring but the guest verse ending with “uh, Malone... I gotta play on my phone...” is the stuff of legends and that got a chuckle out of me every time I heard it.

Glorious (Macklemore) - I’m glad this was a hit here but at the same time it’s not my favorite song from him. The music video is adorable, though.

Fly (Odyssey) - Nothing to say about that one.

XO Tour Life (Lil Uzi Vert) - The fact that I was regularly humming this is either a sign of quality or yet another sign I was depressed as shit.

Devil in Me (Purple Disco Machine) - What a great artist name.

Symphony (Clean Bandit) - Nothing to say here either, just good sound all around.

Attention (Charlie Puth) - 2017: The Year Charlie Puth Made A Great Song.

All Stars (Martin Solveig & Alma) - The last cut. It was on the list at some point. I really like it a lot, though.

And now, the list. The stuff I genuinely love starts at #6 and things that are still on my mp3 player to this day start at #4.

10 - Chained to the Rhythm (Katy Perry)

US: #73 / FR: #10

I just love the concept of a Katy Perry song about how Katy Perry songs are happy nonsense distracting you from actual issues. What can I say, I’m a sucker for meta stuff.

9 - Water Under The Bridge (Adele)

US: #88 / FR: Not on the list

An Adele song projecting actual positive energy!? That automatically goes on the list.

8 - Praying (Kesha)

US: #67 / FR: Not on the list

You know I mostly dislike slow emotional songs regardless of how good they actually are. I will, however, make an exception for this one even though I very rarely listen to it considering how emotionally taxing it is. That’s definitely a fantastic song, though.

7 - Viens On S’aime (Slimane)

US: Not on the list / FR: #53

“Listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their words and their decorum, listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their ideas and what they’re saying”. Well said, dude, well said.

6 - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back (Shawn Mendes)

US: #23 / FR: #91

That’s a very good song for running and that is becoming increasingly rarer, so I’ll take what I can get.

5 - Paris (The Chainsmokers)

US: #42 / FR: Not on the list (that’s irony for you)

Unlike Closer this is an unrelatable song about rich young people that can afford to live in Paris just “to get away from [their] parents” but honestly that’s the only negative thing I have to say against it. It sounds fantastic.

4 - Castle On The Hill (Ed Sheeran)

US: #40 / FR: #50

We’ve now entered the realm of songs that are still on my mp3 player to this day. This is the only Ed Sheeran song I’ve ever liked, and I love it. It sounds like a lost U2 song. Maybe from a strange dimension where U2 became more fragile and emotional instead of more pretentious.

I have no idea why this guy keeps making such boring stuff when he’s got that kind of song in him. I have no clue.

3 - Something Just Like This (Coldplay & The Chainsmokers)

US: #5 / FR: #19

Hey so Coldplay is still on my lists, apparently. It’s a bit too slow, some lyrics about superheros don’t make much sense, and the drop isn’t super good, but my god, that guitar near the end makes everything worth it. Just amazing colors and textures all around.

It’s not even my favorite song on that EP! I think Miracles (Someone Special) is even better, but eh, this one is a close second.

2 - 24k Magic (Bruno Mars)

US: #16 / FR: Not on the list (#13 in 2016 but I put it on the 2017 list instead)

Am I the only one to like this more than Uptown Funk? It’s so much fun to sing along to it. And unlike Uptown Funk, it’s making me feel nostalgic for an era I actually (vaguely) knew, the super colorful and ridiculous early 90s. My s.o loves it too and when it comes up on the radio or on our playlists you can bet we’re both going PUT YOUR. PINKY. RINGS UP. TO THE. MOOOOOOOON like two idiots.

This is the song I could have put on the previous list but elected to put on this list instead since it was elligible for both years, by the way! Since 2017 was less good than 2016, I thought it would be more interesting to save such a great song for later.

It would have topped the list too, if it wasn’t for something I didn’t expect to be elligible before reading the French year-end list.

Strap yourselves in, because I had no real opportunity to talk about this band at length in the posts made for the years when it was the most relevant in my life, so this is going to be quite long.

1 - La Vie Est Belle (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

As you already know if you remember some of my previous lists, Indochine is a band I started to love right in the middle of the absolute worst years of my life. These guys had been around since the 80s as a super successful new wave band, then became very unpopular and went underground for about twelve years in the entire 90s, then one of them died, then every member except the singer basically rotated, and then they suddenly re-emerged in 2002-2003 with Paradize, a monster of an album, full of energy, sinister themes and weird provocative songs, and an entire generation of angsty teenagers (me included as you can guess) embraced it wholeheartedly.

And all of a sudden Indochine was the favorite French mainstream band of local young punk/goths! So many kids with the Indochine logo in highschool. Nowadays the band is mocked and well-loved in equal doses by just about everyone, but I suspect it’s just because we’ve all grown up.

Placebo, Linkin Park and Indochine were the bands that ruled my entire world in 2003/2004. My mother hated all three of them, because of course she did, but especially Indochine, because according to her it was partly their fault if I was gender non-conforming. See, she used to say, they had put all kinds of bad ideas in my head and now I was all messed up.

...Holy shit, that’s a lot of blame to put on a ridiculous new wave band who’s first hit song from 1983 is just a long nonsensical list of shitty old Bob Morane pulp novels.

But here’s the problem. Even if Indochine kept having hit song after hit song, those were never the best songs on their albums. Here I am, 31, making these top ten lists since last December, and becoming more and more frustrated to see none of my favorite modern Indochine songs are elligible. My favorite Paradize singles were Mao Boy, Popstitute and especially Marilyn (god, this song rocked my entire year alongside Placebo’s The Bitter End. 2003 was such a fantastic year for dark energetic hit songs)? Too bad, the biggest hits were J’ai demandé à la lune and Le Grand Secret. Alice & June had four fantastic singles? Too bad, none of them is elligible! Same thing for the entirety of Black City Parade. Oh, but that song I hate from La Republique des Météors is elligible, I guess!

So we’re in summer 2017, and my life is completely different now, and Indochine releases La Vie Est Belle (I’m linking the album version and not the music video because it has some violent themes in it). I’m in my car doing some errands and the local radio goes “hey new song from Indochine” and I’m like “oh shit, gotta hear this” and then two minutes later “oh wow, that is super good. Won’t be a hit though”.

And yet, it was a hit! It became huge, even! And at that point I was already loving that song even though I thought it was just a super good but tragic love song about a significant other dying too young.

And then, about a month later, the wordplay of the first line finally hit me with the force of a semitruck. It’s not a love song. It’s a song about the singer’s dead twin. Who died in 1999.

It’s such a devastating, beautiful song, and yet it’s full of energy. I. adore. it. It’s exactly the kind of song you need to continue to fight and to live and to help other people in this day and age. “Life is beautiful and cruel, it looks like us sometimes” indeed. And it’s one of the best on the album, too!

So yes, 15 years after I first fell in love with this band and after they helped me during super dark times, finally, I can put one of their songs at the top of one of these lists, hands down, no debate whatsoever.

That probably sounds ridiculous but it’s genuinely making me feel extremely emotional.

Next up: I thought music sucked that year because I was depressed but I relistened to it and no it wasn’t just me

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw #suicide mention tw #I can't believe I'm almost done with these lists #that was a wild ride guys

[bionicdragonguardian1]

Ranma 2/4

Part 3; Final: chapter 26-38

After this it’s on to good and proper timeline deliberation

These two are honest-to-God morons and I want to punch them in the face

*sigh* Ranma…

Y’know I almost had hope that this differed in the manga

Guess not

I DO NOT approve of alienation

However, getting emotional character development out of Ranma is like pulling teeth

So alienate away

Emotional Oof

THANK YOU!

*chuckles* Ryoga, you’re great

BREATHE

He’s dying don’t kill him early

FINALLY!

Ooo

didn’t see that coming

*tightly* I’m fine

okay, Ranma, you know what to do

*heaves giant ass sigh* RANMA!

*screams*

Look I know no chill, kay, shut up

RIP my shipping heart

*sighs* FUCK!

Not gonna lie, I’m Ranma

Careful, Akane might kill you

And with the way Hinako’s acting she deserves it

I’m actually with Nabiki on this one

I love how Ranma is rolling with this

Ooo that’s gonna sting

Those 3 are terrifying, honestly

Hinako, your timing is awful

STOP USING RANMA AS YOUR LANDING PAD SHAMPOO!

Ranma blubbering hurts WAY more than I thought it would

Ranma, you’re digging your own grave here

Someone call me when he learns his lesson FINALLY

*cringes* Yikes, tbh I can’t tell if she’s playing him

Ranma you shit

WHY

Why is it always Kuno?!

Oof this gonna hurt w Kuno’s understanding of Ranma’s curse

Expect all Ranma and Kuno- especially Ranko- interactions to hurt really bad

Ukyo, you’re an idiot

You too Ryoga

Honestly

Alright, that’s funny

Ukyo, you’re lucky they’re dumb

Oh God, you two are SO wrong, but I love it

Aaand what does that say about you two Akane?

Ooo I could make this really mean

It’s SO tempting

Well, that went nowhere

Poor Ranma

So many trans vibes, honestly

*screams* HOW? Who? WHY?!

Wha-wha-what?!?!

Ouch, that’s gonna sting SO bad

heheh

Ouch, that hurt surprisingly more than I thought it would

Further proof that Genma SUCKS

Just this once, gimme soft

PLEASE

Close enough…

Okay, this fight was AWESOME!!

*sigh* Why am I even surprised by Genma’s reasoning anymore?

If Ranma cries, Imma cry

Excuse me while I go scream

I literally don’t even know what to do with this

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on, I guess

okay, the end was funny though

Soun, is that bird didn’t look out of it’s gourd I’d believe you

*Chucks whole birdhouse* “fair”

A+ pic of Ranma

In his defense, he can argue something else, they just won’t listen cuz Shampoo won’t go with the truth

Alright, so Shampoo is smart, but with Ranma she’s an idiot

Wouldn’t the smart idea be to send Ranma AND Akane in with all 4 objects at the start?

Ok, Shampoo Sleep-Fighting is funny

Ranma is so underwhelmed that he’s just not even caring anymore

How Kasumi the scariest one to be possessed

Alright, anything with Nabiki on the cover worries me

Holy Shit he played Nabiki

I’d be impressed if I wasn’t annoyed to hell

Let’s all be glad right now that Genma never mastered this

Where do you think he would’ve sent it?

My inclination’s the Tendos

If nothing else I’m impressed by Nabiki

Now play this man like a kazoo PLEASE

When Ranma lectures you on how you’re acting like kids, you done fucked up

I’m with Ranma

Are you sure Akane?

Cuz I’m not

Heheheheh

Thems the breaks Ranma

You deserve it

Holy Shit Ryoga, nice

Now, I understand that Pigs are your life, but you might be dead

And honestly, I don’t blame him

Okay, that one’s gonna hurt

No matter how you slice it

Morality, Ranma, I know you have it

I hate this

Ok, that was uncalled for

Ranma he’s gonna kill you

Also WTF are you thinking?!?

Oof

Wait… what?

I’m officially concerned

Ok, I actually kinda like this interlude

Akane… seriously, trust is a thing you need to learn

One would think she’d learn…

Okay, that is actually creepy

I would too Ranma, I would too

Jesus fucking Christ, you suck Happosai

LetRanmaMeetHisMomCOVID19!

Gemma you shit

Happosai, go fuck yourself

Nevermind, don’t let him meet her, this is ridiculous

“Where’s the fridge?” “Akane wanted it”

I shouldn’t’ve laughed as hard as I did

*sigh* I just want Ranma to have ONE normal parental figure in his life, is that too much to ask?!

I already hate this idea

He comes back Imma scream

Since when?

On what planet does penpal = boyfriend/girlfriend?

Ryoga, PICK ONE!

I’m getting annoyed with you Ryoga, which sucks cuz you’re one of my faves

Ryoga, how are you this gullible?

You deserved that Ranma

I would wish the fate of being Kuno’s wife on no one

Ever

Congrats Ukyo you’ve actually made me freak out

I don’t appreciate it

At all

*shudders*

Oh this is SO weird

Of y’all keep making comments like this WHY do you keep trying?!

Nevermind it’s Hiroshi and Daisuke, they’re in the know

I’m going to say it again

AKANE LEARNS TO SWIM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

This is why you don’t buy cheap food people

I can’t lie, I’ve been waiting for Akane to get possessed

That moment when the ghost is honestly being a bit too sensitive

Actually, he didn’t, so shut up

I could make the Hawaiian thing so Explicit

But I won’t, cuz y’know consequences and stuff

I’m not going to ask how Ashura drowned at Josenkyo

Taro, quit being a dick, you turn into a Minatour-like thing

God he’s dumb

When Crazy and Crazy wanna duke it out, Ranma’s got the right idea

Excuse me, what?!

Ooo, now you’ve made Akane mad, run

Wtf is wrong with you, Kodachi, he’s literally unconscious!

I think that was almost character development?

I can’t tell

Ranma should not look that good in a suit

Whoa, she actually like… said it

Damn

Everyone’s got 4 sec to start treating Ranma like a person

Oof, right in his pride

Akane, I need you to stop being cute for 3 sec so I can focus

Yeah, I ain’t making it dormant

Ranma, I can’t tell if this is sexism or jealousy, either way it looks ugly on you

“At least he’s scaring the cats” harsh Kasumi

Okay, so I’m 90% sure it’s just jealousy, which better but still ugh

Ranma, you can be kickass when Akane is too

Ya goddamn moron

I’m going to beat that into him

There will probs be some angst about that

Not gonna lie

Look I’m good at it

Sorry

Ranma, if you want to get MURDERED that’s the way to do it

Smooth one, idiot

Called out

You better do this right or I swear, I’ll kill you myself, Ranma

I believe that is a fail

Of epic proportions, congrats

You NEED to learn to keep your mouth shut Soun

Awww

But he’s not lying!

Ranma, just run, she’s actually pissed this time

FUCKING RUN!

Alright, Akane, NO

You’re playing into the patriarchy

Oh, right… 80’s...

I’m changing that!!

Oh My God PLEASE tell me Ranma gets deaged!! Please!

Ranma’s got more patience for assholes than I do

Jesus

Hah

He deserved that

Part of me wants to see Kasumi actually get pissed off

YES!!

I LOVE degaging plots!

Ranma, I want you to math that one out, just a little

YES!

I am LIVING for this!

There is so much wrong with that sentence Kodachi

Ok, that was a little too cruel Akane

Someone either get Mousse recognized as Legally Blind

Or someone get him glasses that work!

Either one, but PLEASE

I just got a “draw me like one of your french girls” joke from a horse

Even though the widespread joke is LITERALLY at least 30 years later than this image

OOF

Ice Cold

We’re running out of chapters for her to find out

She better have a canon way of doing it otherwise I’m gonna be really mean with it…

Bean… Gun… Plant…

Eh Seen weirder

Aww Valentine’s Day chapter!

Yes!

Poor Ranma

These two are blind to each other

Heheh

Aww

I love these dorks

Heheh oops, busted

I still just find the principal an honest annoyance

Wait… when did Ranma start wearing a school uniform?

Congrats Miss Hinako!

I just now realized that I’m going to have write someone who is ok with having a female chest

Gag me with a spoon

Bleh

I’m bad at that

I really do want to give Ranma clothes that do actually fit his female form

Ranma needs to look at the terms and conditions of good curse

Cuz this is getting creative

Uh oh

Ranma you have a brain, please use it

Hehe, she’s doing her body laundry

Oh shit

THANK YOU SOUN!

Fucking Happosai

Why are you the actual worst!

Oh shit

Goddammit Nodoka

That one was ALL on you

I expected this from Nabiki, but wtf Nodoka?!

Happosai you twisted fuck

Heheheh alright that’s funny

If nothing else Shampoo is sneaky

WHY is that the only way to undo it?!

Poor Akane she is so lost

Aw, poor Ryoga

Definitely not, Akane, but thank you for posing that question

Thank you for calling him out on his ego

This would be hilarious to see this before anyone had any bit of a clue about Ranma’s two forms

Also, Ranma, you need to keep her safe from the Kunos 

 *sigh* Akane, you’re wrong 

 Ooo, not good 

 And that is what no self control looks like folks 

 What is with that ending? 

 And this is what manipulation look like folks 

Also, y’know, robbing someone blind 

 I’m assuming this is Konatsu and I love them already 

 I’m using they/them cuz I’m unsure of what pronouns to use 

 Y’know I thought the Cinderella thing was a joke, turns out I was wrong 

 I do not understand Konatsu’s thought process w Ukyo at all 

 Also, can you not knock them out? 

 I am forgetting the name of that one Hero from Supergirl but if my understanding Konatsu is correct I’m DEFINITELY going to do that

Yeah, that’s NOT how that’s gonna go over 

 Okay, can we all agree that the trick Kuno used on Ranma is HORRIBLE, right? 

 Wholeass mood for Ranma 

 Like you two need to shut up 

 I just want Ranma to wear a sun shirt and trunks to the beach ONCE 

Ryoga… how are you so lost that you came up through the ground? 

Ranma, how are you both a dick and a good friend at the same time? 

 Just tell me How on Earth did Akari justify the hot water for Ryoga with revealing that he’s Pchan 

 I’d like to think that’d be something they wouldn’t skip over 

 No questions, just punches a grave 

 Why does that grave hit back? 

 Honestly Nodoka almost finding is stressing me out 

 I could be SO angsty with the Neko-ken Fear thing 

 Someone tell me not to I’m that much of an asshole 

So glad that she’s apparently gonna learn bc I would’ve been SO mean 

God, Genma you actually suck 

 Oh, thank God she’s not too smart 

 The fact that he’s 300% ready to die is actually depressing 

 That was actually quite touching

If we ignore the way Ranma phrasing that is just plain wrong

Uhm… what?

 C-can she do that?

I hope not

God, you two are so dumb!

Is her definition of “manly” emotionless?!

Bitch, have a heart!

Oh God make them ALL leave! ALL OF THEM!

You feel? You said “you’re leaving”

 Ranma, the fact that you didn’t put that together I can’t help you Like my dad says “I can’t fix stupid”

The fact that he feels the need to run screaming from his own house…

Nabiki, WHY

I’m convinced at this point that there is something Nabiki HATES about Ranma and that’s why she’s making his life a living hell

Cuz you do realize at least ⅓ of his problems are because she told someone something that was private

I can’t tell if that’s an insult or a backhanded comment

Either way, RUDE

I can’t tell, is that Konatsu or is that Tsubasa?

Must go back and check cuz Akane’s comment about “trasvestite and a homosexual” confused me since Ranma mentioned being “the first male kunoichi”But then who HAS TO BE Tsubasa says they’re a straight guy

*sigh*

 Yep, nope, that’s Konatsu

My understanding was that Konatsu was like actually trans in canon

Apparently I mixed that up

I’m making it canon

 MtF Konatsu

 Bisexual Konatsu

One of these days someone is going to teach people to cook before assuming they know what they’re doing

 Seriously It’s not that hard

Did they seriously just try to marry an unconscious Akane to Ranma?!

What The Fuck?!

Aww, she’s cute

Ryoga has a bad sense of direction, but he’s never missed before…

Okay, that’s a little strange

Why is she hatching?

Poor Mousse

Lol, that was so sweet until Ranma was dumb

It’s still sweet, who am I kidding

“Do I look like I wear Totoro underwear” oh that’s GOLDEN

Le shit

 Firstly, Genma is still and idiot

Second, how is he already in Moscow?!

Third, why do I find this hilarious

Oh fuck

YES Kick her ass Akane!

I’m confused

Ok, was heralding back to the first chapter intentional?

Why does he have the staff in the bath?

Ok, I THINK I know what’s happening here…

Oof Can you two leave?

Ok, I was DEAD wrong

Wait…

If she…

If the DROWNED AKANE Imma commit murder

Damn, if you wanna piss off Ranma that’s how you do it

I don’t know why anyone would think pissing him off is smart

Oh, thank God, she’s okay

What is with this kid?

Why is he such a pain in the ASS?!

So I know she’s not dead

Unless SEVERAL DOZEN Fanfics have lied to me

Which is entirely possible since they were all listed as AUs

Uhm… Ranma… you okay?

Good, get him out cuz he’s clearly in shock

 This hurts

Okay, hate to be the one who complains that Akane’s not dead, but that doesn’t track

At all

Can I rescience this?

Please?

Am I going to be an ass about it, probably, but it’s me no one should be surprised by that in any way

“Honored and crazy guest” I mean, accurate

Alright, Shampoo you’ve got exactly 1 chance

Then I’ll maybe apologize for calling you names constantly

Oh I am gonna be such an asshole in this scene

Also extend it some

Oh, God I could be such a dick

I’ll restrain

I’ll just write one-shots instead

Mousse do the right thing

You have a Moral Compass I know that!

“Anytime THIS YEAR!” Damn the witty quips

Yeah, but you won morally

That’s what’s important

Why the Scooby-Doo line?

Go Ranma!

Ok, so that comment about Ranma basically fighting a God is NOT an overstatement

Noted

Congrats Ranma you made me Google a word

Turns out it is a word that had its height of use in the 80s

Neat

Explains why I had no clue what it meant

Someone shoot those damn chicken brains OUT OF THE SKY!

 “Only rocks”, rocks Ryoga just confirmed are 3 Tons

*sigh* I’m gonna have to physics the shit out of that

Joy

I cannot tell you the amount my heart dropped when I saw a full color double spread

Jesus Christ

DAMN

You’re gonna make me cry, dammit

Aww

YAY!

Heheh poor Ranma

Chill, hun, you’re good

Aww he’s tiny!

WHAT IS WITH YOU 2?!

STOP trying to marry your kids while they’re unconscious!

I’m not crying you are!

*tightly* I’m fine

Kodachi LET IT GO

 Literally everyone else too! I hate you all

Just so it’s on the record I’m pissed

Ok, so “back to the start” is definitely an oversimplification because Akane knows Ranma loves her Ranma knows she knows

Akane! Your turn!

Ooo, IDEA!

#ranma ½ #ranma 1/2 #ranma #ranma saotome #akane tendo #kasumi tendo #nabiki tendo #genma saotome #nodoka saotome #soun tendo #happosai #80s manga #90s anime #COVID19 binge watch #COVID19 binge plotting #full series au #shampoo #mousse #ryoga #ryoga hibiki

[krizaland]

You keep referencing your old fear of IZ but will we ever hear the whole story?

Alrighty! In honor of the spooky season, I think it’s time I told you all the full story of how my fear of Invader Zim came to be and how I conquered it!

When Invader Zim first came out I was at the ripe old age of 5 years old. I never saw the first episode but still enjoyed watching cartoons off all kinds. Except Ahh! Real Monsters which I’m still afraid of to this day 

My first encounter with Invader Zim was when I was 6 years old. I was watching Tv at my cousin’s house when an episode (I believe it was Door to Door but they memory’s kinda foggy) popped on. 

I never knew Zim was an alien but my goodness he was the cutest boy I had ever seen! I didn’t even care that his skin was green I just thought he was cute! 

“Wow! I love Zim!” I remember giggling.

“Really? I think Dib’s better” My cousin countered.

Now, she was like a few years older than me so I really looked up to her and wanted to be like her.

So I took back my love for Zim and pretended to like Dib. I never really understood why she preferred Dib as I always thought he was mean.

I did catch a few pieces of episodes here and there on my own and did see Zim’s alien form. However, my child brain was quite stupid so I always thought he was just an oversized bug who liked to talk to his cousins. (Yes. I thought that the Tallest were Zim’s cousins. I was that stupid y’all.) I never once considered that this oversized bug and the cute green skinned boy were the same person.

Now, I should probably note that I had an insanely overreactive imagination growing up. (This is part of what inspires me to write lol)

So Zim sorta became an imaginary friend of sorts. Because I had fallen in love with him, I assumed that meant we had to get married (Curse you Disney for your unrealistic expectations!)

So Zim and I had a cute little imaginary wedding.

Everything seemed fine until the day I found out about the harsh truth.

I remember going upstairs to my room when I heard Tallest Purple’s voice coming from the upstairs TV.

“I thought you were trying to destroy the Earth?”

I gasped! Who was trying to destroy the Earth?!

Sure enough I looked up and saw the oversized bug once more.

“Ah yes! You heard wrong! My original plan was to destroy Mars! Just a little warm up before I destroy the humans! I’m an unstoppable death machine you know! Well, Invader Zim signing off!”

I felt a pang of fear in my gut. Zim?! The cute green skinned boy I called my imaginary husband was really an evil alien out to destroy the Earth?!

I ‘confronted’ him and he owned up to being an alien. 

I felt my heart shatter into a thousand bite sized pieces. I never felt so betrayed! So bamboozled! So smeckledwarfed!

I let out a scream and ran into my bedroom. I spent the rest of the day sobbing and cuddling my Scooby Doo plushie.

I remember going to see a ‘friend’ of mine. (She was a pretty shitty friend but I still liked her.) 

I brought up Invader Zim and we chatted for a bit. She begun to tell me about a girl in the show.

“Are you talking about Gaz?” I asked as I tilted my head.

“No. No. She was a beautiful girl and she was also an alien.” My friend explained.

I realize now that she was probably referring to Tak.

However, my foolish child brain was convinced that Zim had somehow turned a girl into an Irken!

Needless to say, this did not help my fears.

So after talking to my friend I kept having nightmares about Zim turning me into a half human half Irken hybrid.

I got so scared that I had to sleep in my parent’s room for a week.

After that, I would run screaming at the mere mention of the show.

My brother used to watch Nicktoons a lot and would often torment me by referencing Invader Zim (as well as Ahh! Real Monsters.) 

As I got older, a lot of middle schoolers would walk around wearing brightly colored GIR shirts. I would always cringe in fear and avoid them.

I couldn’t even walk past a Hot Topic without my stomach churning.

Eventually, the day came where I could take my fear of Invader Zim no longer!

I was 13 going on 14 and there was an Invader Zim marathon on Nicktoons.

There used to be a large TV right in front of the kitchen table, so my brother decided to watch the marathon there.

Unfortunately, I wanted to eat my snack and my mom refused to let us eat in our bedrooms.

My brother was being nice for once and offered to change the channel. 

I was about to say yes but something in me snapped.

I was so sick and tired of hiding in my room whenever the show came on. I was tired of gasping at the sight of GIR shirts. 

I was so done with living in fear.

“No. Leave it on. I can handle it.” I said as I sat down with my snack.

“Are you sure? I can always change it.” My brother offered.

“It’s ok. I can handle it.” I insisted as I started to eat.

And with that, I stared straight ahead and decided to give it a watch.

The episode was Hamstergeddon, and the moment Zim started screaming about Pipi, I felt a change in me.

In that moment, Zim no longer seemed so scary. In fact he was funny!

Soon I found myself laughing instead of screaming. 

Why was I so scared of this show? It was comedy gold!

When I finished eating, I went to the upstairs and grabbed both my Kirby and Scooby Doo plushies. I sat down in front of the upstairs Tv and turned on Nicktoons.

The opening theme song used to sound like nails on a chalkboard but not anymore.

Now it sounded like music to my ears! Soon, Invader Zim went from one of my greatest fears to one of my most beloved special interests.

And it was just in time for my scene phase!

I rushed to Hot Topic and bought every piece of GIR merch I could get my angsty scene paws on.

When my 14th birthday rolled around I asked for a plushie of Zim off of eBay. The seller was an asshole and he charged us an arm and a leg but it was well worth it.

My Zim plushie went everywhere and I mean everywhere with me. To the park, to my brother’s soccer games! Even to renaissance fairs! Hell there’s said to be an ad for some autism organization that has footage of me holding Zim. 

I let myself fall in love with Zim all over again (Only this time I didn’t marry him like an idiot.)

I delved into the Invader Zim fandom and begun to churn out OCs and extremely cringey fanfiction ideas. 

When my scene phase wore off, I realized that Zim wasn’t very nice so I kept him away from my other stuffies for a little while.

However, I was no longer afraid of Zim but I still cringed when I looked back on my old ideas.

Fast forward to August of 2019.  Rise of the Teeange Mutant Ninja Turtles was on a massive hiatus and I was slowly going insane on the world’s worst cruise.

As I suffered aboard the SS Retirement home, I scrolled through tumblr and noticed that Netflix had just released Enter the Florpus. 

Maybe, I had gone completely insane on that boat or maybe I was just excited to see Invader Zim make a comeback.

Either way, I felt my special interest in Invader Zim reawaken

The first thing I did when I got home was dig out my Zim plushie, log into Netflix and turn on Enter the Florpus.

In that moment, I fell in love with Invader Zim all over again. 

I soon wrote up my first Reader insert fic and now here we are.

Now, I love Zim free of fear and cringe! 

#invader zim #Anonymous

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

Avengers Infinity War-First Time Watching Reaction Play-by-Play (Pt. 1)

I’m about to cry... Loki... please no...

Thanks you wrinkly purple nut sack

“We have a hulk.” I’m gonna cry

“I assure you brother, the sun will shine on us again.” AGHHHHH

How on earth is Thanos able to beat up the hulk with only one infinity stone but when he has all of them, the hulk is able to put up a fight?

Oh bye hulk.

Neat trick Heimdall. How come you couldn’t do that with Thor and Loki?

HEIMDALL NO!!!!

No ones had the ability to wield two infinity stones at once? Lmao. Well, in the first avengers, Loki had the scepter AND the tesseract soooo

And the TVA laughs at you Thanos.

HE CALLED HIMSELF ODINSON AGHHHHH

I’m crying

Loki is dead now

Fortunately the existence of the show is helping to alleviate the pain, but we will never see THIS Loki again...

Thor has lost everything. I feel so bad for him. He’s lost his mom, his dad, his friends, his home and people, and his brother.

Good thing Heimdall knew to send Hulk directly into the sanctum. Poor Bruce.

Thanos, I will take great pleasure in your suffering in death. Know this. There is no quadrant in space that you can flee to where you can avoid my wrath. “You think you know pain?” I’ll make you beg “for something as sweet as pain.”

Is Tony like, able to predict the future or something? Morgan Stark?

No more surprises ever Stark? About that...

Science bros hug

Ben and Jerry’s product placement. Nice

Course Vision made himself go offline. Smoochie time with Wanda.

Would shoving the time stone down a garbage disposal even do anything lol? Like, I feel like it would destroy the whole building lol.

Call your boy Steve, Tony!

Suck up your pride.

Poor Bruce. Always getting filled in on all the details last minute.

Bruce has it probably one of the worst. Dudes getting chucked around the universe into places he has no ideas what’s going on in.

Flip phone time

CALL HIM

Oh no

Rumbling?

Ah cripes

Quick make a call on the run

Multitasking is a lifesaver Tony

Poor New York. Why would anyone want to live there in this universe?

Earth’s closed

Go away

Spider man, spider man,

Ned is my favorite avenger.

How did no one see Peter lmao

STAN LEE

EXCELSIOR

SPIDER MAN IS GOING TO SPACE

lmao Tony ain’t gonna be happy

Work it Stephen. Do your interpretive dance moves.

EARTH IS CLOSED

GO AWAY

HEY—my life isn’t that meaningless...

Savage, ratchet

He exhausts us too

Banner having performance issues.

Hulk is on hiatus apparently

Dude you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards.

heck yea, CGI time

Ebony Maw got no chill.

Hey maybe don’t turn your back on the enemy

Stephen, you almost crushed Bruce under a taxi.

Eh I’ve fought this guy in Marvel Champions... he’s not that tough

Hey Peter

Bye Peter

Tony, master of summaries.

Hulk is in his feels.

It’s a simple spell but quite unbreakable

Meme time

Cmon Stephen you’re supposed to be powerful

Sleepy strange

Capey to the rescue!

I love how Peter doesn’t even question the existence of wizards.

CAPEY NO—

SAVE HIM CAPEY

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY SPIDEY

Wong really just sent that beast to attack poor Inuits huh?

Wong is invited to the wedding

“I can breathe.” *exposes face to space*

Okay that was pretty sick. I don’t particularly like the iron suit as it feels kinda lame since I loved that Peter made his own, but it works here.

Poor pepper

You just had to leave the phone tony

At least Bruce somehow found it

Hell yea it’s my favorite space group, the Guardians of the galaxy. Featuring dance daddy, sleeping invisible man, dance mom, sleepy rabbit, and angst plant.

Now I’m hungry for cheddar

Poor Gamora lmao

Oh and I can’t forget mantis

Mantis you got a killer mean face

Angsty teen plant

Huh they learned Grootish

Uh oh

Gamora knows something up

Oh hi thor

He is not a dude. This is a man.

Poor Peter quill lmao

Heyyyyy Chris Pratt worked out hard to get into shape for this role lmao

Poor Thor...

He literally lost EVERYTHING

Peter is jellyyyy

Drax has a man crush

ASGARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Thanos isn’t that smart. Just like, double the resources.

Oh thank you thor for being sympathetic

Peter, stop it. It’s not a competition of who has the worst life.

Gosh I love Chris Pratt so friggin much. He’s a national treasure lmaoo. I love him so much.

Peter grow up

Both of you

Children

Oh there’s an actual place called Knowhere

Oh yea Tivan the collector. Didn’t he die?

Half of the Asgardians? I didn’t see them

Kevin bacon is an avenger

Oh Gamora... how did she know where the soul stone is?

Nidavellir? Axe time

Lmao I love the rabbit

HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS

Thor and rocket rabbit are my favorite duo now

I love rocket so much lmao

I like this thor much better than the one we saw in Ragnarök. (Again, I love that movie as just a movie, but not as a Thor movie)

Good bye morons

Oh hey Paul Bettany

SO CUTE

Love you guys

Wanda vision

Don’t get too attached tho

“I just feel you” oh no... I know where that line comes back around

Promises to go back? To who? For what?

Robot lover

Robosexuality (futurama anyone)

I SHIP IT SO MUCH

Poor Vision lol

Convenient TV News exposition is convenient

Go with him wanda

You just messed up

Poor vision

WRECK EM WANDA

SHOW THEM THE POWER

No more phasing? Oh no.

Cmon Wanda MESS EM UP

No more phasing? Vision should be friends with ghost

It sure is lucky that no one seems to be out and about in Scotland huh?

IMAGINE if Wanda had the powers she had at the end of wandavision right here. Thanos and everyone else would be no match

BOSS GIRL MOMENT

OH HELL YA

THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE AN ENTRANCE CAPTAIN AMERICA ROGERS!!!

AND THE FUTURE CAPTAIN AMERICA SAM TOO!

AND BLACK WIDOW

You aliens are no match

I wanna kill them

Cowards

Gosh Nat is such a badass

Wow Steve looks great with a beard

Digging the suit too, more subtle

Poor Gamora oh my gosh

I wonder why Thanos chose to keep Gamora? She didn’t really display a fighting spirit here

I’m confused. Gamora was described as the last of her kind but the flashback showed only half of them being killed which is more accurate to what Thanos wanted?

Cmon quill, take things seriously...

Oh dear

Quill, be serious...

PETER BE SERIOUS

Swear it

KISS KISS KISS YEA

Dangit drax

Lmao poor drax

I got a bad feeling about Knowhere

I thought Tivan died? Like in the explosion of the power stone?

Drax don’t

Drax be patient

DRAX NOT YET

Drax you couldn’t even take on Ronan... don’t do it ya lovable dummy

Gosh poor Drax

Poor Peter quill

Nice hits Gamora!!!

Just kill him

If someone shot him in the head right here it’d all be over

Oh my gosh I feel so bad for Gamora

Phenomenal acting from Zoe Saldana

He’s not dead... sooooo what’s his play?

Ah

Illusion

Copy cat for Loki

Oh my

Oh so he planned this

OP bastard

Already has the reality stone

Soooo Tivan is dead then?

Oh my that’s horrifying

Grimace lmao

Peter

Cmon

Peter

The emotion

Chills

I hate you Thanos

I really do

OH MY GOSH THEY SAID I LOVE YOU

Thanos you BASTARD

Copying Loki’s move set

Poor quill

This is the last time they see each other huh?

Wait wait wait wait wait, I remember that another Gamora from another timeline comes in and helps. How come she isn’t arrested by the TVA? She’s a variant just like Loki???

You tell em Rhodes

They have nothing to be forgiven

Hell yea baddie Steve

Oh do they think Tony is dead?

Love you Rhodes

Get Steve looks great

BANNER AND NAT

Awkward tensionnnnn

Quick kiss before it’s too late

Lmao poor Sam and his crush on Nat

Lmao Ant-Man and Spider-Man

How long is vision unable to phase?

Poor Wanda... if only they could get it out in Wakanda (I hate how much I know about this without watching).

Isn’t white vision with this visions memories now? Like, can him and Wanda get back together?

WAKANDA

Rest In Peace KING T’CHALLA, Chadwick Boseman! Wakanda forever!

White wolf baby. Lesssgettttittttt

BUCKY BABY LOOKING LIKE JESUS

Poor baby, one fight to another. His only calm in wakanda...

Precarious needle positioning is precarious

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

CMON TONY SAVE HIM

Oh peter

Lmao

Oop

Fault?

Love peter. Perfect awkward teen

“You can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man if there’s no neighborhood.” That worked out perfectly.

Omg peter you’re making even me feel old asking about the “old” movie Aliens.

CAPEY TO THE RESCUE AGAIN

Soooo is ebony maw dead now? He didn’t last long

Cmon you cocky cuckoos

“I’m peter by the way.” “Doctor strange.” “Oh we’re using our made up names... um-I’m spider man then.” Gosh I love peter so much lmao

Yayyyyy PTSD we love that. Poor Tony. He needs therapy. They all do, really.

Man I know how this ends...

Harsh strange... harsh. You’ll learn that the universe also depends on these guys.

Peter is an avenger. Lmao he’s so perfect at being awkward.

Oh no. Poor Gamora. Quick, kill him with the soup.

Thanos, just DOUBLE THE RESOURCES. For cripes sake man. You don’t gotta be a genocidal maniac.

Gamora is only in here 20s? Or I guess maybe 30s now.

Thanos, you don’t understand. Wanna know why you can still see people in poverty happy? Because they see the hope. They value family. You could have given them resources. Not killed them.

Part 2

[amorremanet]

For the three-sentence fics: Sheith, flower shop AU?

pairing + AU setting = “3-sentence” fic (the post)i would like to formally apologize to regris but not for my deliberate failure to understand the word, “three”

also posted on AO3 because whoops, it got long

“Here’s what I don’t get about your situation with Regris,” Shiro announces, pushing up his black-framed glasses with a sigh that wishes it were pensive.

Mostly, he sounds like someone’s trying to drag him out of bed against his will. On the plus, he doesn’t sound like he’s been moping in his room all day, while blasting his favorite angsty girl singer-songwriters, sad acoustic songs by artists Keith has never heard of outside of Shiro, and the occasional hour-long loop of “Careless Whisper.” He also doesn’t sound like it’s noon-thirty on a Saturday, he’s only gotten up to take his meds, and he doesn’t want to admit to or deal with any problems that might have a hand in why he’s napping all day.

But on the downside, his, “I know I have to go to campus today, but God, five more minutes? Stop expecting me to wake up, eat breakfast, and put on pants like an adult” whine isn’t much better. It only has a slight edge because he’s being difficult, but at least he isn’t actively disregarding himself again.

For his part, Keith shrugs without looking up from the arrangement he’s working on. It’s a special order, made up of red roses, yellow lilies, pink orchids from the Blooms of Marmora’s private hothouses out back, and pink juniberry flowers. Keith took this exercise in sculptural horticulture as a commission from Lance, something suitably unique for his, Hunk’s, and Allura’s upcoming “triad-versary.”

This project being a commission for a kinda-sorta friend is irrelevant. Keith owes it to himself and to his work to focus. Besides, Lance’s rich-ass parents don’t mind letting their youngest drop over a grand on something that’s going to wither, wilt, and die within three weeks. He promised Keith an extra tip to go with his commission fee, if Keith, “can really, truly capture the no sé qué of True Love? Like, dazzle me. Find a way to embody how Shiro looks like someone drop-kicked Red into rush-hour traffic when you used to making out with Regris, but do it with flowers. Okay, Mullet? Can you make that magic happen for me?”

Which doesn’t help, as a direction, because the fluffy, black cat-shaped diva who Keith and Shiro belong to would never allow someone to do that to her. Also, Shiro never once looked like that when Keith was still with Regris. But hey, whatever. The money’s good, and Keith knows way more than he likes about how Lance looks at his significant others. He’ll portray that in this arrangement, and everything will be copacetic.

Except for the part where Shiro apparently needs to ignore Keith’s silence, swish out his ponytail, and pipe up with: “Granted, there’s a lot about the situation with Regris that doesn’t make sense to me? You like him, he likes you—”

”And we like each other better when we aren’t dating. When we aren’t screwing around either, for that matter.”

“Keith.” Folding his arms over his chest, idly drumming his left hand’s organic fingers against the high-tech prosthetic on his right-hand side, Shiro digs the small of his back at the counter. “Come on, I’m serious.”

Taking several deep, slow breaths, Keith tries to remind himself that he loves Shiro. Ghosting his fingertips up one of the lilies’ petals, he tells himself that Shiro means well, and that Shiro deserves for his alleged best friend to listen to him when he’s trying to help out. Never mind that there’s nothing to help with, because despite the ostensible focal point of the conversation, this is more for Shiro than it is for Keith.

This works great until Keith’s mouth takes over: “I’m being serious,” he blurts out. “Just because Regris and I like each other doesn’t mean that we should be together. We weren’t working out, so we’re over like that. It’s not a big deal.”

“Six months together isn’t anything to sneeze at—”

“What, it’s not that long.” Keith huffs. “Or are the standards different because I’m a hot mess with Mommy issues, Daddy issues, abandonment issues, and whatever other shit our therapist tells you about me?”

As soon as he says it, Keith chokes down a sigh and a chilly feeling of regret. He can barely force himself look at Shiro, now. Whatever’s glimmering behind his eyes makes Keith want to bolt to the break-room and throw up. The worst part is that he hopes the look in Shiro’s eyes is hurt instead of disappointment — as if Keith needed any further confirmation that he is wrong while everyone else is right, and he’s broken, which will leave him alone in the end, whenever everybody he cares about realizes how much better they deserve and runs out.

At the absolute best, he might only be dropping uncomfortable surprises on Shiro’s head. Normally, Keith doesn’t mind Shiro hanging around the shop while he’s working. Shiro has more free time than Keith would’ve guessed came with an MFA program and holing up in the apartment is terrible for him, emotionally. Keith’s bosses and coworkers have taken a liking to Shiro and he helps out without expecting anything in return, so they don’t mind. Technically, it’s against protocol for Shiro to spend his free time writing here instead of pretending to write at a coffee-shop or a library like his classmates and the undergrads he’ll be teaching next semester.

Selfishly, Shiro steadies Keith’s nerves when customers are being assholes. He keeps Keith motivated when Kolivan’s being impossible to please, and keeps him focused when Ulaz won’t listen to anyone but Thace even though his latest big idea sounds completely asinine. He keeps Keith from going off the handle too badly when Antok’s acting like he knows Keith intimately just because his husband’s kinda taken Keith on as a floristprotege, or whenever Murphy’s Law finds some new way of crashing the party.

Most days, Keith wouldn’t even mind Shiro leaning on the counter, swishing out his ponytail, and refusing to admit that he’s feeling upset about something and desperately wants Keith to give him some extra attention. After so long with each other, Keith recognizes that behavior and understands it. He can usually deal with it fine, even when he’s up to his goddamn eyes in actualizing Lance’s pseudo-surrealist floral love letter, and placing the flowers to Lance’s annoyingly precise specifications.

Most days, however, involve Shiro chilling behind the counter with a notebook or his reading for class, not interrogating Keith about his most recent ex. Never mind the fact that Keith and Regris romantically split up almost seven weeks ago. It’s a fair enough point to Keith, but apparently, Shiro doesn’t think that it matters.

Shiro takes a deep breath of his own before he points out, “If you didn’t want to let Dr. Hall talk to me about you, then you didn’t need to waive confidentiality. You can change your mind and back out of that whenever you want.”

“Yeah, because Coran and Kolivan will really let me get away with that.” Rolling his eyes makes Keith feel petulant, but whatever. Hopefully, Shiro’s looking at the ceiling, so if Keith aims his expression at these roses, maybe Shiro won’t see anything. “It’s bad enough that they ganged up on me about how it wasn’t fair to make you see a therapist without doing anything for myself—”

“They talked to you about your well-being because they were concerned—”

“It was worse enough when they dragged the gang into a godawful bullshit interv—”

“Again?” Shiro pinches the bridge of his nose with his prosthetic fingers. He winces, possibly losing control of how much pressure he’s applying again. “They were concerned and doing what they thought they had to do to make you care about yourself—”

“They should’ve listened to you. I mean, you told them not to do the stupid intervention. You told them how I’d take it…” Keith should have something more to say about this. Something better. But he should also be able to look at Shiro, given that he’s the reason why Shiro might be deliberately squeezing too hard on his nose, and Keith can’t manage to look up from his arrangement.

He fluffs one of the orchids, so it looks like he’s doing something.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” he says. “If they heard I wasn’t letting you keep tabs on me, they’d flip out at me like I’m a five-year-old.”

“It’s not their therapy.” Shiro sighs as if it’s taking a massive amount of effort for him not to snap at Keith right now — which it probably is, considering how much of a headache Keith is, even on his best days. “The fact that they helped talk you into seeing Dr. Hall does not mean they get to have a say in what your treatment—”

Keith cringes at his flowers with an audible ugh, even though none of this is their fault. “Well, I wouldn’t feel good about doing it, okay? You waived your confidentiality with her for me. Doing the same for you is only fair.”

In all likelihood, it’d be fairer if Keith told Dr. Hall half as much as Shiro makes himself open up about in his sessions — but still. Shiro gets to ask Dr. Hall whatever he wants about Keith and vice versa. For now, Keith gets to wrinkle his nose at a clutch of juniberry flowers that refuses to match up with Lance’s sketches. He furrows his brow at one of the laminated sheets that he’s working with and tries to ignore the way that Shiro’s hugging himself in perfect silence.

“Look, for what it’s worth?” he says, when Shiro stays quiet for so long that it’s a miracle Keith doesn’t go puke. “You were right about me and Regris liking each other and clicking well. That’s why we pulled the plug. Broke things off before we started hating each other—”

“But why would it need to have ended that way with him?” Shiro protests, ever hopeful about Keith in ways that make no earthly sense. “Who says that you couldn’t have made it work in the long run and been really happy together?”

“Why do you keep asking me questions like that?” Keith can’t get his juniberry flowers to behave, so he moves on to arranging the little section of orchids and roses. “You know I never have a good answer to them. Since, ‘Because books and movies and TV lied to me, real-world relationships always end in pain if you don’t get out of them quick enough’ is a logical fallacy now or whatever?”

To his credit, Shiro doesn’t take Keith’s bait. He could do what he’s done before and point out that it’s always been a logical fallacy. Instead, he shrugs as if he’s trying so hard to stay casual that it might literally kill him.

“Maybe I keep asking because I know you’re capable of finding an answer, if you try a little harder. Maybe I think finding that answer could help you.” Tucking his long, bleached-white fringe behind his ear, Shiro says, “Also, you’ve started shutting down when anyone else in the gang makes an effort.”

“I talk to Matt and Allura very openly by my standards.”

“Your standards make dead men look perfectly forthcoming. And I understand why you do things like that, Keith, I get it, but…” Shiro heaves yet another sigh. Unfortunately, this one sounds like he’s about five seconds off from crying.

Even in profile, the wide-eyed, lip-quivering, open look on his face makes Keith amend that estimate. Shiro’s probably more like two seconds away from a crying jag. His glasses slide down his nose as he hangs his head, and Keith’s breath hitches in his throat. He curls his fingers tight around the handle of his pruning shears. Shit, there must be something he can say to make Shiro stop looking like that, to fix things so he doesn’t feel so upset and cry. Doing that exhausts him, and Shiro has class tonight, so God help him, Keith has to figure out how to keep Shiro from crying when he deserves so much better than this—

“I promise, I’m not trying to put you under a microscope,” he says, more gently than Keith deserves. “But you’ve been logging way too many hours here since you and Regris broke up—”

“I’ve been working with Lance on this anniversary piece.” Keith’s hands tremble as he lets up on the shears and adjusts the roses. “We had some pretty intense negotiations. Then, I had to fit in extra time in the greenhouses. Ulaz grew these orchids, I couldn’t use them without doing the legwork to replenish—”

“Lance only commissioned you three weeks ago, Keith.” Shiro turns to face Keith properly, slouching at the hips and looking down to meet his eyes. “You started taking all this ridiculous overtime six weeks, almost seven weeks—”

“I know when Regris and I broke up, Takashi. Unlike you, I was actually there for the conversation.”

In the face of his given name being sneered like that, Shiro arches an eyebrow and squints at Keith over his glasses. For a moment, he holds that unimpressed expression, the one like he can see right through whoever’s on the receiving end of it and there’s nothing they can hide from him. Keith’s heart stutters — he might have worked his way from disappointing Shiro to legitimately making him angry.

Given how rarely he shows it when someone’s getting to him so badly, Shiro should be ready to throw a punch. Keith’s more than earned it, by now. He’s been stubborn and difficult, short-fused with a hot temper. More than anyone else in Keith’s life, Shiro’s the one who’s gotten stuck putting up with the worst of Keith’s habits, all the signs that he isn’t worth the effort that it takes to show him any kindness.

When Shiro’s prosthetic arm twitches away from his organic one, that has to mean Keith’s got something painful coming to him. A smack, a punch — it doesn’t matter what. Shiro’s finally going to hit him now, after so many years of never doing that to Keith and seeming like maybe he never would. Pursing his lips, Keith nudges the arrangement down the counter, so it won’t block Shiro’s shot. As Shiro reaches out toward him, he knows that he deserves it. Expecting a fist, Keith flinches.

All that Shiro does is caress Keith’s shoulder. He’s so gentle about touching Keith with his prosthetic, so ginger about squeezing him that, if not for how heavy this arm is, Keith might not have noticed anything.

He should say something now, most likely? That’s probably what you’re supposed to do when someone you love, who has every right to be fed up with you and every right to take a swing besides, chooses to show you mercy instead? But as his eyes go wide, as they sting at him and his lips tremble, Keith can’t find the words. Or any words, for that matter. His throat barely manages to make a wobbly, bemused little noise.

“Keith, you’ve been miserable since you broke up with Regris.” Shiro’s lips quirk almost like he’s trying to give Keith a reassuring smile. “If you’re scared being hurt, or scared of how you feel about him? I understand that. And if you feel like you don’t deserve him? I disagree, like… I’ve told Lance and Allura so many times that he was great, but he still didn’t deserve you. But if you love Regris so much, then dumping him won’t make you feel better. You’ll just watch him with other people and hate yourself for feeling jealous—”

“That wasn’t why I broke up with him!”

Gasping at his own voice, Keith lets his eyes dart all over the shop. He glances in every corner until he’s sure that no one else is in here with them. It’s been a slow morning. No other customers, and aside from Keith, only Kolivan’s come in. He’s back in the greenhouses — right, of course there’s no one else in the shop… No one but Keith and Shiro.

Shiro, who is currently half-agog and blinking at Keith. The question he doesn’t say makes itself obvious: Why did Keith break up with Regris if he wasn’t running from his feelings and the threat of letting himself get attached to another person, the way he’s done with so many other people who’ve tried to get close to him, whether romantically or not.

Keith inhales deeply and looks down at the counter. “It didn’t feel right, okay?” he says. “Being with him when I can’t shake someone else. He deserves better than that.”

“But that’s… Keith, what are you…”

When Keith manages to look at him, Shiro has his entire face scrunched up like a bunny who’s trying to read one of Thace’s invoices. His confusion kindles something warm in Keith’s chest, makes it flare up brighter than fireworks, but — no. No, Keith can’t. Surely, Shiro would’ve done something by now, if he felt anything like Keith does. He would’ve said something. Maybe he doesn’t agree with the obvious truth that he’s too impossibly good for Keith, because Shiro insists on believing in Keith so much that it hurts sometimes. But if he felt even half of what Keith does, then he would have—

“Okay, so who can’t you get out of your system?” Shiro tries to beam at Keith, but his tight, wobbly smile is so obviously fake that Keith wants to scream. All it does is make Shiro look like part of him is dying.

Why do you even need to ask that question? — the thought burns Keith’s throat but he doesn’t let himself say anything.

Squeezing Keith’s shoulder again, Shiro forces a chuckle. If it weren’t so clearly phony, the affection behind it might manage to make it reassuring. “I mean, as long as it’s not Matt, there’s hope, right? You can’t really do anything about him being aromantic, but… Come on, who is it? Someone lucky, obviously, but that goes without saying? As long as they’re open to it, we can figure something out. If they really don’t want you back, we can try to find…”

Shiro trails off as Keith’s hands ball up in his sweatshirt. However that sentence was meant to end, Keith doesn’t want to know. 

Craning his neck and standing on his toes, leaning over the counter between them, Keith yanks Shiro down into a kiss. Their noses knock against each other but Keith tilts his head, throwing himself into this. His chest feels empty but his pulse bangs in his ears and behind his Adam’s apple. He clings so hard to Shiro’s shirt that, if not for the fabric, his nails would be digging into his palms. This is not good, this is going to go wrong, Shiro might not kill him exactly, but oh shit, oh shit, oh shit — Shiro can’t like this, he won’t, but his mouth is so warm and God, Keith’s thought about this for so long… Shiro’s prosthetic hand lets go of Keith’s shoulder, and of course, he’s going to shove Keith away soon, there’s no other way this ends, but—

Keith whines as Shiro’s prosthetic cups his cheek, as Shiro wraps his organic arm around Keith’s waist. As Shiro deepens the kiss, Keith can’t tell where his heartbeat’s gone. It’s not until he needs to breathe that he lets any space between his mouth and Shiro’s. While Keith pants, Shiro doesn’t give up on holding him.

“Oh, my God… I can’t even…” Shiro huffs, nudging his forehead into Keith’s. He lets out a breathy, half-strangled laugh. “Lance and Allura are never gonna let me live this down… I kept telling them you didn’t? That you’d never—”

“Shiro, I love you so much,” Keith says, backing up just enough to let Shiro get a full view of his face. “But Lance and Allura are not invited to this kiss, okay?”

“Duly noted.” With a fond, open smile, Shiro presses his lips into Keith’s like he never wants to let this go.

#noirsongbird #sheith #keith x shiro #flower shop au #mine: voltron #mine: fic #mine: writing #voltron legendary defender #keith kogane #takashi shirogane #someone please help keith kogane #someone please help takashi shirogane #no seriously someone please help these boys they're such dweebs i'm dying #that said this is basically fluff by my standards #all i did wrong was some mutual pining and references to both of them being in therapy #……and some day i need to let regris be happy too but anyway