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sapphicomenn · 3 years

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WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS

“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??

what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS

ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??

the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL

LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.

“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU

GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA

WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT

tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-

oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP

oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.

oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve

“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not

aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS

*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”

awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI

the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man

FLOATING WATER BASE

back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.

now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS

i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?

oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????

“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-

blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.

CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS

HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu

“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?

“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO

if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying

“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor

loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong

tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS

“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”

“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think

“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK

“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man

“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS

why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules

“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D

oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.

mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL

HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS

WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably

“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong

guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(

OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT

loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair

HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY

*B O N K*

hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT

CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER

COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

glass cage go brrrrr

HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys

im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.

thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK

tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO

wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???

o hi loki welcome to stark tower

“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”

“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE

HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window

oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.

BROTHER FIGHT

CHAOS EVERYWHERE

PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN

what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.

SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR

yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?

cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA

“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”

“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street

“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.

the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up

“and hulk. . . smash.”

LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???

i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground

hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK

i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.

“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome

loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS

HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”

oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/

yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.

TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS

tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?

and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ

STAN LEEE

the people love em. yey

council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??

“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3

*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins

once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it

#artemis rants #the avengers #avengers #marvel #the mcu #marvel movies #marvel cinematic universe #glowy cube is back!#chitauri = seafood #LOKI #MAN IS PLAYING GALAGA EVEN AFTER BEING CALLED OUT #SHIELD IS A DICK #SPACE LEVIATHAN

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jeezperseus · 5 years

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A PLOTTING CALL IN TWO PARTS.

like for a msg !

CHARACTERS & INFO.

perseus hayden alexander xavier lehnsherr.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— adopted son of charles xavier & erik lehnsherr. nineteen. pansexual. accidentally married. regenerative healing & healing touch. fc: nick robinson. generation why by canon gray.

split knuckles, impulse tattoos, red solo cups, the copper taste of blood, post-ripped jeans, a story told in two parts, peals of laughter strong as vodka, shaking hands shoved in pockets, greasy fast food, low flying planes, cuffed shoes, the soft notes of a piano, a baseball bat in the back seat.

barbara “bobbi” morse.

APPLICATION / MUSING TAG

— former agent 19. thirties. bisexual. divorced. enhanced. fc: jessica alba. emotionless by drake.

gentle hands, biting remarks, unknown skill, non-disclosure agreements, hidden stashes of cash, studyblr accounts, handmade bullets, a tongue taught to deceive, coffee-mug rims, set shoulders, precise results, minimalism, lilting accent, a broken mirror, clean test tubes, red-painted nails around the hand of a gun.

andromeda rosalie isley-quinzel.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— adopted daughter of pamela isley & harleen quinzel. twenty-one. pansexual. single ( see below ). precognition. fc: lana condor. finest hour by cash cash.

whispers from a voice both soft and powerful, sloppily cut hair, pointe shoes, paint stains on every article of clothing, cassandra foretelling the trojan war, dirt under your fingernails, a love a week, the gold tinsel of a crown, unexplainable dreams, bundles of flowers, the soft rustling of worn cards.

roman darkhölme.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— son of raven darkhölme. twenty-four. pansexual. enchanted. persuasion & power absorption. fc: miles heizer. lost boy by ruth b.

the unexpected answer, washing your hands, casual disinterest, stacks of cash, little clear baggies, practiced ease, a silver tongue, whispers of the past, old cobblestone streets, bad decisions in the best way, sweaters and flannel, the burning of flowers, white lab coat, fear of the unknown.

loki.

APPLICATION / MUSING TAG

— the god of mischief. 1000s. fluid. open marriage. fc: daniel gillies & katie mcgrath. wild things by alessia cara.

dark skies, a long steel dagger, fog coming in, green & gold banners held high, the twisted around truth, stories told from a thousand tongues, crooked grin, a crown just out of reach, salt in wounds, ourborous, contrary to a point, blood superiority, loneliness as something else, eyes in the back of your head.

winona falcone.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— daughter of sofia falcone. twenty-six. bisexual. single. darkness manipulation. fc: shay mitchell. take me to church by hozier.

expensive fur, champagne glasses, hands covered in blood, instagram perfect, beautiful but deadly, the rich kids of gotham, sharp edges for a reason, dark hair in waves, a product of a situation, cherry stems tied with your tongue, heels on a hardwood floor, the many shades of red.

skylar helix mccoy.

APPLICATION / INTRO / MUSING TAG

— daughter of hank mccoy. twenty-two. lesbian. single ( see below ). genetic atavism & genius intelligence. fc: jennie kim. 400 lux by lorde.

a field of vibrant yellow flowers, the yipping of a small dog, fangs bared, constellations of words, no apologies, thousands of discarded ‘what ifs,’ the call of the wild, a small crescent moon necklace, pride without arrogance, false confidence, spitting blood, intelligence without direction.

CHARACTERS & WCS.

perseus hayden alexander.

a former foster care sibling.

it’s been a while, but he’s a pretty memorable kid / hasn’t changed much at all. until age 5 / 2004, percy was in foster care + went through a bunch of homes. this is someone who was in one of them! probs knows stuff abt him that even he doesn’t/doesn’t rem. the possibilities!

first relationship / current enemy. TAG

basically, it was percy’s first relationship back in his teens !! cute lil puppy love except he’s awful so not puppies more like … squirrels. like his first everything !! and then they broke up n it didn't go great !!! since then it has evolved and gotten much much worse - they’re now totally and completely against each other, hate each other, and will fuck w each other when given half a chance.

first relationship / current enemy.

barbara “bobbi” morse.

old mission target.

bobbi worked with shield for a very long time! she went on various missions, undercover and classified and the like. on this particular mission, this is someone she was targetting. what for is up to you, but the options are rather open to interpretation. just generally something that would have set them against shield’s desires.

rival.

bobbi being widely competitive when it comes to just about anything (science, training, lecturing) is bound to attract some friendly competition. they’re constantly versing each other, even in the simplest things, like giving out test results or getting ready.

ex that ended on bad terms.

it’s a common story. girl meets person, girl dates person, girl and person breaks up, girl literally hopes person dies in a fire. for whatever the reason, they didn't part ways peacefully. and you bet your sweet ass she plays the part of scorned ex great.

andromeda rosalie isley-quinzel.

poly ship. ( 0 / 2 ) TAG

andy has baggage, certainly. she’s a past weapon x detainee, unbeknownst to her, adopted from a broken family, and had her heart broken by the first person she dated. she’s serial dated for years. but these people, they made her stop & start to appreciate love for what it is again. this connect can be filled by someone of any gender.

ex. TAG

andy was younger and very awfully naive. she’s never really gotten over it. for whatever reason, they broke up— it could have to do with her slightly overbearing personality, or general attitude, or whatever, totally up to you, but it was the other muse’s decision to break up, leaving andromeda heartbroken and now seeking out love in places it’s not.

former prediction.

andy PREDICTED something about this muse, in the past. how long ago and what is up to you. it was something SERIOUS, though, and most likely bad. it could be as wild as death, or marriage, or a death in the family, or a regret, etc. it’s rly up to u !!

roman darkhölme.

childhood love.

this is honestly rly cute. they were lil lil kids when they were friends and were super cute n close. they got fake “married” once or something. they were just best friends who grew apart. now roman is hella dif. he’s manipulative and a total fiend and it’s like “where’s that cute lil kid who promised to fight off all the bad guys in my life??” like … cute n sad.

enemy.

they see him for what he is: a manipulator. they either have past experience with him or are just adept ( VERY adept; he’s good at hiding ) at noticing him. they don’t enjoy him. not his view of the world, his actions, or his drug dealing. roman doesn’t like them for a point. he doesn’t like being exposed.

clientelle.

the darkhölme-mccoy drug dealing business is going great, actually. paragon is full of just the type. and with roman’s skill of persuasion, they haven’t gotten caught yet. this is someone that roman knows from that particular side of his work. he sells them drugs.

loki.

someone he had a kid with.

the other side of the story. not someone he fathered/mothered, but rather someone he had a child w. can be any gender for obvs reasons. how old the child is is up to u!!!

someone he pretended to be someone else with, extendedly.

for them, he pretended to be a different person… for a very extended period of time. it’s a trick he played often, but for them it was honestly excessive. the nature of their relationship is up to you, but upon coming to paragon this person finds out that loki is LOKI ! god of mischief, stories, lies, what have u. they’re probs pissed lmao

asgardians.

while most midgardians known them as the god of mischief / alien asshole, this character knows a side of loki outside of the lore. they’ve met their kids & can even remember little loki, just around causing mischief, not trying to overthrow odin & what else. they have a better understanding.

winona falcone.

older sibling.

the oldest falcone ! mwahaha. so it’s this whole big thing that WINONA IS THE HEIR, but she wasn’t always. she has an older sibling who was disinherited from the family & cast out. a big ole family disgrace that none of them like to talk about. the reason behind this is up to you ! but it can range from being a MUTANT to a DEGENERATE to being SOFT to whatever. sofia is a pretty uptight gal.

best friend.

she’s not trying to replace raph. she didn’t think she would actually ever be given the chance, and for good reason. i mean, look at what happened to the last guy who took the spot. but they’re friends, for whatever reason ( and, damn, do the people commenting on her instagram posts speculate ).

ex.

she’s always been the exception that proves the rule. her sexuality is no different in that she’s not hte most comfortable with it. it’s just another thing she never told sofia about, lest her position as heir was to be threatened. that makes her exes an interesting story, especially considering she won’t acknowledge some of them.

skylar helix mccoy.

hateship to ship.

open to fem aligning nb & girls / both have reputations that proceed themselves ! sky obvs bc she had one inherently n bc of what happened & the other for w/e reason. pref an xkid. they knew each other when sky was younger but they didnt get along & when they reconnect , they dont get along right either. theyre a PLAYER really. like new girl on their arm every month. sky becomes one of the girls, rly. and sparks fly. and shes mad abt it. they have this antagonistic hatefuck relationship. and she finds herself starting to rly like them, falling in lov w them, unbeknownst to their own feelings (that shes the ONE). and like that

tutoree.

girl is, in fact, a genius, though people of many have expressed their disbelief at such a fact. she literally didn’t have education for eleven whole years of her development and is still ahead of her peers. she tutors in her free time. while totally organized, studyblr style, her teaching style leaves something to be desired in her paraphrasing of many a thing. ( vicki vc king george iii did what? sky vc fucked half of england )

someone who knew her before.

she was a prodigy child. famous beyond her years. even now, she’s on vogue lists, has millions of instagram followers, the whole thing — but for different reasons. this person knew her before she got taken, and are likely a child of the xmen or someone who was at xaviers. they remember the fearless child, ready to dive into anything, the kid who was always the top of her class. brash and happy, but kind, in a way she no longer is.

#* ━━ ◤ ᴹᴼᵀᴴᴱᴿᵀᴿᵁᶜᴷᴱᴿ ᴰᵁᴰᴱ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᴴᵁᴿᵀ ᴸᴵᴷᴱ ᴬ ᴮᵁᵀᵀᶜᴴᴱᴱᴷ ᴼᴺ ᴬ ˢᵀᴵᶜᴷ / ooc . ◢

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idealisticrealism · 7 years

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Blindspot 2x10 recap

(Aka the one where Patterson suffers more than she ever deserves to, and the team begrudgingly adopts Roman)

So, here I am, back by... well, vague demand... to provide you guys with another overly long and rambly recap. It seems that, regardless of what this show does, I will inevitably have a lot of thoughts and opinions about it-- and surprisingly there's some of you who are actually willing to suffer through reading them haha.

So I hope everyone had a nice hiatus/holiday period, and here goes.

Okay. Shit. I have to say that this show totally got me here with the whole Borden vs Patterson pistol duel. I was convinced that Borden would be the one who was shot, because who the hell would dare harm our precious Patterson?? The writers, apparently. (Sadists, the lot of them). Also to Borden's credit, he does sound genuinely horrified when he realises he’s shot her, and I do really still believe that he truly cared about her. But sigh, way to sink my ship, show. And then ugh my lil baby slumping against the wall and being all “don’t touch me!” and ugh this is the worsstttt

Ok where did Jane spring this fancy-ass car from? Isn't the usual method to go for something old and nondescript that can be hot-wired, rather than something that probably has like inbuilt GPS or something? But ugh anyway poor Roman looks like a freaking mess. But come on, Jane, bringing him in on your own is a terrible idea. The moment he wakes he'll be like a frightened and cornered animal and just lash out. Aaaaand yep, there he goes, with the head-smashing and the almost-shooting. And then he literally goes, tossing himself out of the car. That was kinda cool, tbh. But sigh, Jane honey, mistrust is practically a part of his DNA, of course he's gonna flip out rn. I feel so sad for her though, she's literally always just trying to help and yet only ends up getting beaten and battered because of it (either physically or emotionally) and then abandoned. Ughhhhhh.

Naw Readey baby. I'm so glad you're okay. And apparently enjoying the morphine buzz lol. And aww Zapata has been there watching over him and ugh this friendship is everything

Interesting that when Nas recaps the mission and the explosion to Weller, she doesn't mention that Reade suggested aborting when they lost a cell signal and she was the one decided to press on. Honestly rn I can't tell if her guilt over the dead agents is genuine or she's more upset that Shepherd both outsmarted her and got away. But of course Weller reassures her, because he supports his team no matter what. I just wish he hadn't placed his loyalty in her. Also I know Archie is a fantastic actress but I literally cannot stand the slow, pausing, breathy way she makes Nas speak. It just sounds so stilted and makes it difficult to actually focus on the scene. But I'm sure gonna try and focus because Weller has finally pulled his head out of his butt and is actually making protecting Jane a priority. (Hallelujah). Then he tells Nas they need to find her and she's all "I'm not hopeful"-- and yeah, I bet you're not, lady. You're probably hoping Jane DID die, so there's no one around to stop you manipulating Weller. But ugh the tears in Weller's voice... finally, boy, you're realising just how much you cannot lose Jane. And just bc I’m feeling magnanimous, here's a hint for that thick skull-- it's because you LOVE her, you idiot. Gawd. Anyway, Zapata is once again being cast in to the role of Team Anti-Jane, which is kinda freaking repetitive and annoying, but hey, the writers need to put other characters in opposition to Jane just to make Weller's support of her stand out all the stronger, making us ~love how he fights for her~ so we forget all the times this season he was a complete ass towards her. Like don't get me wrong, I love Jeller, and I actually also look forward to the moment that Zapata and Jane come through this with an even stronger friendship, because that's undoubtedly (or at least hopefully) what this is eventually leading to. But sigh, even though I can somewhat justify Zapata's behaviour as a result of her fear and trauma over the explosion and Reade's injury, I just wish her attitude towards Jane could be a little more nuanced and complex than the current GRRRR JANE'S THE VILLAIN HERE GRRRRR. And Nas doesn't bloody help by planting the suggestion that if Jane returns, it could just be to continue spying on them. Thanks, devil-lady. Next time I'll ask if I want your input. But aaaaaaaanyway, I'm gonna move on from that and instead cry a lil bit over "Jane was-- Jane is loyal." Oh, son. Took you long enough, you giant idiot. She just had to almost die for you to get there. And then ugh next thing we know Jane's being dragged into the bullpen and ughhhhhh "Please I just need to see if they're okay" aND UGH SHE LOVES THIS TEAM SO MUCH IT HURTS ME, she loves them even despite how poorly they've treated her lately (yes, they had ~some~ reasons, but seriously). And then ughhhhh Weller is charging over there like an enraged bull and I love that for a moment Jane doesn't know if he's angry at the guards or her but then he demands the cuffs to be taken off her and ughhhh she has a second of relief before she's apologizing over and over and desperately telling him that she didn't know-- bc lbr, from her past experience she would totally expect to be blamed for this, and she's not wrong (lookin' at you, Zapata and Nas). And then Weller PULLS HER IN FOR A HUG and she's all ??????? because whaaaat? Affection and reassurance?? What are these strange things?? But ugh the way her eyes close and she sinks into him for a second ughhhh I JUST WANT JANE TO FEEL SAFE AND LOVED AT ALL TIMES PLEASE. THIS IS ALL I WANT. But lol he tells her that they understand and there's a little camera cut to both Nas and Zapata who are very dubious as to whether they do understand and sigh I can practically read the rest of the season's theme in just this few seconds of footage. But anyway then ugh there’s Jane's distress when she sees that not all the team is there-- the terror that they might have been hurt and just ughhhhhhhhhh. Also thanks for that totally wooden-sounding line about Reade's surgery, Zapata. I’ve decided I'm going to interpret the stiltedness of Audrey's normally flawless delivery as her not approving of her own character's attitude lol. But anyway Jane drops the Borden bombshell (naww, she says "he doesn't work for us", because she's on their side and always has been and ughhhhh) but anyway everyone has a collective "oh shit" moment as they realise Patterson and Borden are both AWOL. And then Jane brings up Roman and then has to explain what happened to her (that's right, guys, Shepherd planned to make her watch you die because she knew that YOU ARE ALL* (*minus Nas) JANE'S FAMILY AND LOSING YOU WOULD DESTROY HER. CAPICHE??? Ugh. But ugh Jane tells them everything Roman saving her and then about zipping him etc. And sighhh Zapata's got her angry pants and Jane-glare on yet again, but again I'm going to put it down to fear for her friend's life because that's the only way I can justify it without getting annoyed by it lol

Aaaaaahhhhh my baby Patterson. Waking up with your wound apparently fixed by the very man who shot you. Interesting that it seems (from the DWB thing) that he was officially trained in general practice/family medicine, and yet can also apparently do the job of a psychiatrist, AND perform surgery. Amazing. Such skills. Also okay I have to say some things bc I have such an issue with this bullet wound. Like people always seem to get shot in the abdomen in movies and shows (even like Jane did at the start of the season), and it's always all "oh it's okay, the bullet missed vital organs" but like uhhhmmm you know what fills up like the entire abdomen?? Bowel. You know what has a ton of blood supply that bleeds like mad, and also contains bacteria that can easily kill you if it gets into your bloodstream? Bowel. Ugh. And don't even get me started on how unsterile this whole environment is. But aaaanyway, it's tv and therefore she's totally fine and dandy rn, even magically managing to pull the IV from her arm with zero bleeding and disconnect the other end from the bag without it immediately gushing all over the floor. Maaaagic. Still, the fact that she's planning on strangling Borden with an IV line is pretty badass haha. Tbh the tubing would probably snap, but whatever. And then aaaaaaahhhh Shepherd is there and Borden tries to bargain for Patterson's life, even though all it achieves is torture rather than death. Welll.... you tried?

Meanwhile the team's still searching for Roman, and Weller comes into the lab where Zapata and Jane are already running a search, standing on opposite sides of the table. Mmm, symbolic. I wonder if they spoke at all?? Did Jane try yet again to explain herself, to beg forgiveness even though her crimes are long since paid for and now she has nothing at all she needs to be forgiven for? Sigh. But anyway, Zapata used her hacky skills to use Patterson's system to track Roman's phone. And finally he answers and is all ??!!!?????!, which is fair, and ugh my little crazy puppy is more like a little lost puppy at the moment. I kinda wish Jane had told him his name was Ian rather than Roman, tbh. But ah well. Then Roman gives very vague directions for where he is (seriously, man, you could be a lot more specific) and ugh he's just such a mess rn. He's actually literally like a puppy, and can’t concentrate on anything but the most basic of needs and sensations. Naw my baby

Ughhhh poor baby Patterson, suffering though both physical pain and emotional heartbreak. I had such high hopes for you two. And then ugh "everything I did was for my late wife" and lol Patterson and I have the exact same reaction: "just what every girl wants to hear" lol. Ugh, my poor baby. Borden truly seems a little unhinged rn, which is so sad. I miss my beautiful sweet cinammon roll of a man. I miss the Borden from our fics, the sweetheart who is as loyal to the team as any of them, who uses his training to help them and his empathy to support them. That Borden is long gone, now. But omg Patterson "Oh I'm sorry. Your side sounds really cool, so you should just go ahead and untie me, because I'm converted" lolll. That’s my lil sassmaster. And then in the other room Shepherd’s finding out that Roman's been zipped and wow this show is really enjoying these dramatic sharp-closeup camera shots rn lol

Ugh Roman's exchange with the little girl. Slightly disturbing with the whole fork thing (though lbr I'm not a huge fan of kids messing with my stuff either lol) but kind of sweet in a sad way when he asks if he knows her. He's searching for any connection and is so saaaaad. And then all the 'hunters' (haha, get it? Coz they’re hunting him?) come in and wow that's a lot of practically identical looking dudes haha. It's like a camo print and baseball cap convention in here. And he gets the lady and the kid out but there are other customers in this place, what about them? You can see them in the background briefly but there’s never any screaming from terrified bystanders when the shooting starts lol. But ah well, mere details. Thankfully Jeller arrive in time to be part of the shootout, which ends when Roman stabs the guy who's shooting at them in the neck. Which is a lil vicious, maybe, but let's not forget Jane nearly choked a guy to death on her first day out of the bag. These two seriously have both survival instincts and protective instincts up the wazoo. Granted, him more on the former and her more on the latter, but still.

Ugh and now Roman's cuffed in the interrogation room and Jane is upset about it and Zapata's like "Reade's injured bc of him" which is not entirely unreasonable since Roman WAS the one that got all the explosives and helped set up the trap, so.... but then Nas, in her usual manipulative way, supports Jane-- bc while she agrees Roman is ‘the enemy’, she still wants to use him and she knows a gentle approach is the best way to do that. Wow, snake-lady, Weller sure picked a winner for his rebound. Well done, my idiot son, I’m surprised she hasn’t bitten your head off during sex yet. But anyway speaking of idiots, now they're all telling Jane she has to lie to Roman about zipping him, because even though they vilified her for lying to them (when she did it to try to PROTECT them), they're suddenly fine and dandy with lying when it serves their own purpose. And yes, I can understand their perspective-- Roman might be their only way to save Patterson. But Jane lying to him now is eventually going to destroy anything she builds with him in the future. And my, my, doesn't this all sound familiar?? Then she goes in there and ugh my poor lil puppy is still so lost. And she promises that the team can help him like they helped her and tbh part of me is kinda dubious about that, especially the whole "they helped make me feel full again", given how they've treated her this season... but at the same time it is also kinda true bc in S1 they gave her a purpose and a 'family', and at least in S2 so far she has still had the purpose part. Plus, she says 'helped', indicating that they weren't solely responsible for making her feel full again. I think a lot of that she did herself, just with assistance from Weller and the team and a little from Oscar and Roman and Oliver and basically anyone that she connected with even briefly. But still, the fact that she lies to someone she loves because the team made her is upsetting to me...

Speaking of upsetting, Shepherd's getting her torture on. Although honestly, as far as torture goes, this is pretty weak. All talk and no action, really. Like yes, a perforated eardrum hurts. But like Shepherd herself says, it does heal. Which was obviously what the writers were aiming for, because it's Patterson, and you can't permanently injure her or disfigure her since she's a series regular. But dude this torture is actually kind of embarrassing. People can perforate their eardrums just from cleaning their ears. Such a minor injury is hardly effective torture. And reinserting the needle in the same ear, trying to get her to suddenly break and talk? Completely pointless. If she was serious about torturing Patterson, she'd take an eye. Or smash her fingers, like she vaguely threatens to do but doesn’t ever get close to doing. Or if she wanted to keep her hands intact (ie, she wanted to use Patterson for her skills later) she could rip off fingernails or toenails. Cut off toes. Slice a bunch of cuts into her body. Break her legs. Poke her in her wound. There are literally so many ways to inflict pain on someone, and the fact that Shepherd supposedly chose this one only is just too ludicrous for me to believe. I mean c’mon, writers. As much as I would have hated seeing Patterson hurt, YOU chose to put her in that position, so you at least do it right...

Awwwww Roman's in the magic lie detector machine and he looks so sad and worried and Jane's there watching over him and ughhhh he just wants to help her and have her approval and ughhh my puppyyyy. Then Nas just ups and leaves partway through and Jane chases after her but Nas just shuts her down, then basically outright says that it's Jane's fault that they can't find Patterson. At least Weller hears that and very obviously dismisses Nas before reassuring Jane, clearly seeing how much she blames herself. And okay it's out of frame but from the way his body moves he definitely seems to put his hand on her upper arm and ugh FINALLY, BOY. FINALLY SUPPORTING HER IN THE WAY SHE DESERVES. And then as he walks off, Jane's left there all overwhelmed bc of guilt/worry over Patterson, the anger from the others, Kurt suddenly being on her side again (she's forgotten what that felt like, I bet), and also the fact that she now lied to Roman for no reason, since he wasn't able to help them find Patterson anyway. Sigh. I wish she had just gone back to the room and told him the truth right then, explained as best she could and apologised. Maybe it would have worked.

Interesting that Weller sent Nas off like a good minute before he headed to the lab, but they both walked in at the same time. Did they have a conversation outside? Did she linger around the corner and listen in on what he said to Jane? Or idk whatever lol, it’s tv. And so now we find out that Sandstorm has communicated in some kind of code that they need to crack, and one second Nas is all "oh shucks this is very complicated it might take weeks" and then the next she's suddenly like "wait look at that random book in this miraculously appearing photo, that could be the key to a book cypher!" Like wow, writers. You really didn't put much work into that one, did you? Like I understand there are time constraints involved with an episode but seriously that was just embarrassingly convenient. And then the ridiculous way Nas was all "okay so if we convert this and do that, it just might-- oh it worked!" Oh geez. C’mon. Give us a little credit here. On a brighter note, props to the other Laura (gypsyscarfwoman) who I believe noticed the book a few eps ago and commented on its possible significance given that it's the history of Rome and there's been strong Roman themes (hehe) in this season.

Oh look who it is, Mr Director Man, my initial fave choice for the mole. Still disappointed about that, though lbr he's still being shady enough that he could still be up to something. Also wow is it midlife crisis time or something bc his haircut looks like that of a teenage boy who’s trying to get in with the 'in crowd' lol. But then he basically tells Nas to piss off and I instantly take back anything bad I ever said about him. Forgive me, Pelly. Your hair looks great and your suit is the most dapper of all. You are the bestest and I thank you for freeing me of Nas She-Demon Kamal and also for rightly ascribing (at least partial) blame to her for the deaths of those agents in the explosion. Now, if only Weller would shut up and stop trying to get her to stay, that would be great. Gotta say, it's really not fun to see him trying to protect her, bc it kinda lessens all the times he did the same for Jane. But whatevvvs, I'm terrific at only seeing what I want to see, so consider the Weller parts of this scene zipped from my memory lol

Great, we're back at the useless torture, and clearly Patterson is as impatient with it as I am lol. And daaaamn she's dropping some truth bombs about the lack of loyalty amongst Shepherd’s followers haha. But seriously if Shepherd lets THAT get to her, she's not the terrifying warlord she was made out to be lol

So they've cracked the code, brought in the chick that owns the garage at the listed location, and now they're making a whole lot of impossible threats (Gitmo? Really Tasha?) before she admits she provided a getaway car to Borden. A car that was fortunately VERY distinctive and able to be picked up on traffic cams. So handy.

Lol Shepherd is still in the midst of a tantrum and decides that Patterson has to die. Well, that was several hours wasted for nothing then haha. Borden convinces her to let him kill her, and I'm stunned to see that he's actually about to go ahead with it. Also shaking my head at the fact that the tourniquet is improperly positioned and not tight enough (though it appears to be wrapped around a fake bit of arm so whatever), and the fact that he inserts the wrong type of needle that shouldn't already be attached to a tube, plus he does it without palpating the vein, and seems to think he needs a whole bag of saline to prove that the vein is patent rather than just a quick 5ml flush. Sigh. But anyhow while he’s farting around, Patterson is doing such a good job of talking him out of it, and he admits that part of him loves her (*wails*). And then when he hears the team’s car he holds her hand for a sec and tells her goodbye and ugh dammit you two. We could have had it aaaaaaalllllll

And so the cavalry has arrived but run into a bit of a bit of a dilemma of their own, the car flipping when they hit a damn landmine. The most shocking bit of the whole thing, though, is that Zapata jumps straight out from the back and runs to Jane's door, frantically asking if she's okay before calling Weller over to help free her. Is this a weirdly written backflip of her attitude or is this her real regard for Jane breaking through the anger that had been masking it? Personally I hope it's the latter, bc I've always liked to think that Zapata does care about Jane, and needs her, because right now she needs an outlet for all her negative emotions and (unhealthy as it is) she knows Jane will bear it, will be that proverbial punching bag for her because JANE knows she needs it (and knows that it isn't actually about her specifically at all). Hopefully it's a situation that doesn't last much longer as Zapata eventually finds better outlets (and apolgises her ass off to Jane). I just really need Zapata and Jane to be buds again. Sigh. But anyway ugh Weller pulls her out and they're clinging to each other for a sec until she sees Borden bolting for the trees and Weller takes off in pursuit. Really, son? It's like a bear trying to run down a cheetah. But sure, knock yourself out. Meanwhile I'm more excited to see the ladies save their other lady friend and ugh my precious babies. Even if Zapata and Jane are at odds rn, they can agree they both love Patterson and would do anything for her. #TeamBlindspotLadies

So somehow Weller caught up to Borden (I suppose it’s true cheetahs aren't great over long distances) and now they're getting into a punch-up, and while I can believe Borden probably got some martial arts training after joining Sandstorm-- possibly from Remi herself-- I still struggle to believe that he would ever win this fight. I did pause it at a hilarious spot just now though where there's just an upside down foot about to smack into Weller's face haha. And then Borden manages to cuff Weller's hand to his ankle, which is amusing but I definitely call bullshit, because anyone that’s been anywhere near handcuffs would know they would definitely not fit around a grown man's leg, especially not over his trousers. Not a chance. But whatever haha. And then ugh he says that Borden can't shoot him and he's all "not yet" and ugh remember when these two were buds?? Guys that would talk about sports during Weller's sessions but then Borden also always listened when he needed to talk about his dad or Taylor or whatever? I am so sad we lost that. Goddammit writers why couldn't you have just listened to me and made Pellington the mole. I guess I have to be thankful that at least it wasn’t Tasha...

Noooo Pellington stay away from Roman!!! Stop hurting my baby pupppyyyyyy. Ugh and now there's the tears and the yelling and damn I am impressed with Luke Mitchell rn. He's absolutely killing it this ep. And then aaaaahhhhhh Pellington is gonna send him to the CIA to be tortured just like Jane and okay I take back all the nice things I said about you earlier, getting rid of Nas doesn;t make up for hurting my puppy. But ughhh Weller and Jane stand together against him, and then Weller threatens to quit if Roman is taken away (ugh the way Jane looks at him when he says that, just let me die right now). But I wonder if Weller’s threat is just because he knows Pellington doesn't want to have to find a replacement, or if he's starting to suspect that Pellington might have other reasons-- possibly Sandstormy reasons-- for wanting to keep him in that role??? And then ugh he argues to keep Nas, and while that initially bugged me earlier (I'm sure it's rather clear by now that I'm less than a fan of her, and especially of her thing with Weller), his language actually makes it clear that he wants her back because her needs her knowledge of Sandstorm, and doesn't think he can figure them out and catch them without her. And with that lightbulb moment, I'm back to being just a little less displeased with Weller. Not overly happy with how he's suggesting to use Jane and Roman's connection to get info, but then Pellington is pretty ruthless in his methods so Weller probably has to pretend to be that way too, even if he's planning on doing things differently. But dude, he is so setting himself up to be screwed over, and when that inevitably happens (*cough* when Nas betrays the team *cough*) Jane is the one that's gonna be there, picking his ass up off the ground. Because she loves him, and helping others is just what she does. Also ugh Jane with her hand on Roman's shoulder while he looks down at her... I can't even deal with these two.They are my babies and i love them

Firstly, I love Reade's apartment and I want it. Secondly, hmmm, a patient who had major vascular surgery going home the same day as he had his operation? Yeah, nope. Not ever. But again, tv land, so.... *shrugs*. The teasing Reade and sarcastically caring Zapata is so great until bam! the world's most unwanted kiss bursts awkwardly into the scene. Oh Gero. Gero, Gero, Gero. WHATREUDOIN. I seriously hope that this kiss-- and her reaction to it-- was just a way to get the "will they get together?" question completely out of the way by giving it a resounding no. Although lbr I don't trust the writers not to create a scene later where Zapata comes to Reade and is all "I was too scared to admit it to myself but I know now I'm desperately in love with you, let's ride off into the sunset together". Which would be THE WORST. Honestly like 99% of the time I am like YESSSS GIVE ME ALL THE ROMANCE but this has just never been a romantic ship to me. This has always been two people who love each other because they are BEST FRIENDS, regardless of the fact that they have different sets of genitals. And it's not just bc I want Reade and Sarah to find each other again, or to see Zapata fall for the 'forgetful terrorist' that she currently dislikes so much. It's because Zapata and Reade's friendship has always been one of the most beautiful and powerful parts of the show, and to imply that that kind of connection can only be had if you're also getting naked together... well that just pisses me off, because it cheapens the whole thing. So quit it, Gero. This is a ship that should never sail, okay??? Let's hope Zapata sticks to her guns and Reade realises that they never would have worked and they both just agree to forget it ever happened

Ughhhhh Jane bringing Roman food and reassuring him that it's all only temporary and then giving him the coooooin and ugh their haaaaaands and the "we'll figure it out together" and aaahhhhhhhh save meeeeeee

And then ughhh here's my next favourite brother-sister relationship, with Weller bringing sunflowers to Patterson who is talking adorably loudly and ugh he gets choked up as he gives them to her and he tries to encourage her to rest but lets her show him what she found anyway bc he knows she needs it and so she shows him the article about Borden's death-- or rather, Nigel's death (lol Nigel Thornton just makes me think of Nigel Thornberry. Smashing.) But ooooh that was clever by the writers--- this ep is titled "Nor I, Nigel, AKA leg in iron". Which could be interpreted as Nigel having his leg in irons, aka being trapped. Shackled. Like they're implying Borden was kind of 'chained' to Sandstorm, with no chance for freedom. Also she insults Borden's medical school which upon googling doesn't appear to be a real one, so that makes me wonder if Hardyshire is a name or a brand that one of the writers doesn't like or something haha, and it's their own little in-joke lol. Then she talks about the book code and he asks how she knows and she says “come on, I read the notes" which I do not understand? Which notes? And then Weller FINALLY gives her the phone belonging to the Sandstorm contact (still betting it was Remi) and lol after Patterson splutters about having "all of the questions" they easily decrypt it with the book key. And so they immediately find a video file (is there more on the phone or just that one file?? Will we see more next week?? It occurs to me now that I haven’t watched the promo yet lol). But yeah what is this leopard thing???? I always thought her neck seemed strangely uneven by just having the bird on one side. So I assume they scrapped the leopard tatt, right? Like didn't do it at all rather than it being in invisible ink or something. Which means that maybe Sandstorm thought it was somehow too revealing, like it could tie back to them somehow? Or maybe whatever the tatt was about is no longer an issue? Or something???? (also did you notice how well behaved I was just now and didn't make a single comment on Jane's great butt haha)

So sandstorm is altering Phase 2 but Weller's role in it is still important. BUT WHAT IS ITTTTTT GERO JUST TELL US

Awwww nooo my baby Roman is having his first mempory, but it's an awful one (statistically, I guess that makes sense, given so much of his life has been awful). But ughhhhh idc if he was a terrorist before I just wanna give him a huggggggg

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #ngl I kinda forgot I did these for a minute #good luck wading through this mess of feels and thoughts tho lol

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