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thekingofwinterblog · 4 years

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An Analysis of Dabi - Chapter 266-267

*Mayor Spoliers for MHA chapter 266 below”

Following the events of MHA chapter 267, there have been some debate wheter we should take Dabi on his words, in regards of how little he cared about Dabi and what Hawks did to him.

here ill give my thoughts on it, and break down how dabi acts through the chapter and why.

To begin with, in chapter 267 he attacks indiscriminatly with his fire when attacking Hawk, leading to a situation where he could easily have hit dabi if hawke didnt save him. however, as he himself admits, he fully expected Hawk to save Dabi. Which he does(the irony).

There are essentially two ways of looking at this. either Dabi’s words in the next chapter is reinforced here by the way he attacked and could easily have hit dabi, or he took a calculated risk, and banked on Hawks sacrificing more feathers to save Dabi. in the chapter itself there is nothing to prove this either way, but juding by what happened in the next chapter, im going to say he was banking on the second one.

Now, even with this, it shows that this isnt a traditional friendship, as he was most certainly putting Twice in danger with his actions, showing that he is ruthless when it gets down to it, but i really doubt he thought Twice was in real danger of being left behind, as he clearly understands hawks a lot.

Following up on this, he only attacks Hawks again once Twice jumps out of the way. and again it is possible to debate here, as Hawks is clearly distracted by Twice escape from him, and as such a brilliant time to attack.

Following this, it is dabi who encourages twice to go out and save the day for the league, and as he leaves Dabi gives Twice a highfive for encouragment.

Like all the moments ive discussed so far, there are two interpretations of this scene. Either Dabi is giving his buddy an uncharacteristic show of friendship and encouragement to twice as he’s going out to turn the tide, or he’s just prepping him up to use for his own ends.

following him realised that Hawks was fast enough to exit and attacking twice again from the entrance, Dabi tries one last ditch effort to save Dabi, attacking Hawks both through distracting Hawks and through killing him with fire.

whatever his feelings, Dabi is clearly giving it his all.

following Twice’s death, Dabi explodes in Anger with a blast of fire so strong it blows up the upper windows in the room they were fighting in, that was on the other side of where the blast was directed. Also, he’s screaming in rage.

followin this little outburst, he begins to really lose it, and starts kicking the tar out of Hawks.

also, ive seen a few different translations of what he says here. in this scan he’s mocking Hawks by sarcasticly calling him out on how he just killed Twice(that entire topic is also delving into the central themes of this series which im not going to cover in this post), while in other translations he just screams “How Dare You Kill Twice!”, which one is correct i dont know, but neither really supports the idea that Twice dying didnt affect him.

Also note that throughout the first part of chapter 267, all of Dabi’s speech bubbles are jagged, rough and all around doing a very good job of showing that what just happened really affected him. he’s yelling, shouting being all around the opposite of the calm seemingly never gives a shit guy Dabi always tries to portray himself as. it is a huge departure from how he’s almost always been throughout most of this story.

following up on that, Hawks tries to call him out how he doesnt look like a guy who’s friend just died.

only for Dabi to immediatly mock/reject that idea by telling Hawks that His tear Glands are burnt up, so he isnt physically capable of crying.

Here Dabi begins to fall back to his defence mechanism. Detachment. he purposfully tries to mentally detacht himself from Twice in order to lessen the hurt. Dabi immediatly tries to fall back to how things were when he first met the league, back when he really didnt give a shit about him. Asserting that he didnt care about twice, twice was just part of his plan, the mission, a pawn to use and nothing more. He goes further along in that path as the chapter proceeds, and he begins to calm down, but at this moment, just after Twice died and Dabi failed to save him, that facade is just words.

This is not the face of a guy who just suffered a setback to his plans. this is the face of a guy, who really, really hurts, and has the source of his hurt firmly planted beneath his boots.

Twice’s death really hurt Dabi, far more than the man who constantly tells everyone how he doesnt care about anything would ever be willing to addmit. so he tries to go back, back to how it was at the start. anything to stop the hurt.

Dabi tries to be sarcastic here. to make this all another one of his jokes about how he doesnt give a shit about anyone. but the reality is that it really isnt. Twice is dead, his budy just got stabbed through the head because Dabi made a bad tactical assessment.

his assesment that he’s pretty broken up over it is completely honest. He simply tries to say that its not because he actually liked Twice, or the leage for that matter. no, for him the only thing that matters is the mission.

And that might be true going foreward, that Twice’s death will lead him to double down on that mission to really distance himself from his criminal, broken found family.

but for right now, the only thing that matters to him is turning the guy beneath his feet into ashes.

As Hawks begins to speak and ask him who the hell he is, Dabi lets him, instead of just delivering the killing blow and be done with it. why he does so, isnt exactly clear. maybe he wants to jab the knife in by telling Hawks who he is(as if thats a secret at this point. just like tobi, there is only one real candidate at this point), maybe he’s curious what hawks last words will be. maybe he’s just not thinking straight.

However, once Hawks is done, It’s very clear that Dabi has calmed down. his speech bubbles back to normal, and he reinforces what his motives are while going back to the cooky arrogant kung-fu guy he always tries to portray himself as.

In other words, He makes a concious decision to reinforce his own self image of who he is. Stain’s true successor, a man who despises false heroes more than anyone else in the world.

this isnt exclusively a defence mechanism to try and distance himself from the league and Twice in order to not hurt, as its things he truely believes in, but its hard to not say that it’s the main motivator. a return to the simpler times when he was alone, and didnt need to be part of a group. after all, if youre alone, you can never be hurt when something happens to anyone else. kinda like what just happened when his friend just died in front of him.

Dabi desperatly tries to push away the pain of Twice dying, and unlike Toga who’s main motivation is always being honest, Dabi is the exact opposite. ever since joining he’s always been the main arguer against not caring about anyone in the league. howver, as shown back during the city arc, Dabi made the choice to stick by Shigaraki when the going got tough, not leaving behind his comrades when it seemed they were losing.

and finally, trying to reinforce that idea to himself, he prepares to kill hawks while delivering the biggest lie of the chapter.

Wheter you believe that Dabi is being honest about never caring about anyone in the league, i think we can all agree that The last things he says to Hawks is such a bullshit lie.

this matters to him insanely much, and the only reason he would feel the need to lie about it to a dying man, is if he is trying to convince himself that no, he doesnt care. he doesnt care about anything that just happened.

But actions speaks louder than words, and as we’ve seen this entire chapter, Dabi fucking lost it when Twice died and he twisted the knife in before he landed the killing blow.

Dabi cared about Twice, and he took steps to avenge him by burning his killer to a roasted chicken.

#dabi #hawks #twice #analysis #manga #mha #mha 267 #mha 268 #spoilers

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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December 27th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 27th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood~! (http://www.inhibitcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

there are many great scenes, but i am particularly fond of victor in the parking garage. specifically, i enjoy the unfolding of events once masha joins the party. i love the fact that victor freezes up and just flat out doesnt know what to do. not only does this fit with his character, but i actually think its refreshing for a protagonist with powers to still just be a regular person deep down who does not have the required training to deal with that sort of situation. not to mention i love seeing paulina's powers in action

spire

Agreed! The garage is one of my favorites too. I love how Paulina is breaking rules left and right- not just laws (lol) but all the concepts that have been established so far about how powers are supposed to work. I really want to figure out what's going on(edited)

RebelVampire

or is she breaking laws? as in the powers. obviously shes breaking the other sorts of laws like dont set ppls property on fire. but i will save theories on the powers for a bit later. i do enjoy that she throws a wrench already into what's established. tho i felt bad for victor that nobody is listening to him.

another scene ive been enjoying is the current flashback where victor is a bouncy child. mostly because i love how excited about everything victor is. like wanting explosions just cause its cool. and i think its just this real contrast that builds tension for the narrative since youre like "victor man what happened O_O"

spire

No one listened to him then and no one listens to him now. I would love it if someone took him seriously for once

I would also love it it someone let him REST

RebelVampire

yeah my heart really hurts for him. because ive been in that position of sitting there constantly trying to tell someone something and then being ignored.

although i really think ppl need to learn moderation in regards to their expectations for victor most of all

cause it seems like ppl either 1) expect nothing from victor and think hes a loser or 2) pull a nate and expect victor to auto be this extremely capable person despite not having trained for anything in years

Superjustinbros

*jumps in

Hello~!

RebelVampire

hey super!

Superjustinbros

Hey Rebel!

Pleased to be here~

spire

Hello~

Superjustinbros

And hello to you too, Spire!

RebelVampire

another scene that i enjoy was when julia, david, and victor snuck back in to the building to eavesdrop. on a technical level i liked the writing for it because it was a scene that moved the plot along but also served to show off the relationship dynamics that exist between those specific characters. so as a narrative construct everything in that scene felt like it had purpose to one end or the other.

Superjustinbros

I just want to say, the faces in this comic are incredible.

http://www.inhibitcomic.com/comics/2658763/chapter-5-pg-11/ Especially this one on the bottom right

And then they play bloody Laser Tag

RebelVampire

yeah the faces on the kid are really some fantastic exaggerations

Superjustinbros

Oh yes

RebelVampire

but suits them cause theyre kids

Superjustinbros

There's lots of fun to be had with giving characters over the top faces.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Victor has been shown to be a drastically different person than he was in his youth. What is the past incident that several characters bring up that apparently resulted in a trial and inevitably got Victor kicked out of Urquhart? What does it have to do with Masha, and do you think Julia was involved somehow considering she’s also at Earl Estate? Is it the reason Nate and Victor’s relationship soured as well? Do you believe the incident is what changed Victor so much, or is it several aspects of his life? Do you think any of this has something to do with why Victor has failed to improve at Earl Estate? Also, why do you believe Victor’s inhibitors are now failing him so badly? Lastly, do you believe his missions with Nate will have an effect on Victor’s personality? How so?

Superjustinbros

tfw it's already time to answer question 2

I'll stop posting these to the chat now

RebelVampire

well considering adult victor has some issue controlling his powers when hes emotional, im gonna assume something of that nature happened. potentially maybe to that bully who keeps picking on young masha. cause i feel like victor is gonna stand up to them or attempt to and get mad and then accidentally severely injure them or something. idk about julia being involved

tho looking back it looks like she has all her fingers as a child

Superjustinbros

That seems like a very good interpretation.

Considering he does shoot out electricity at impractical times, at least from what I've seen(edited)

RebelVampire

as for nate and victor's relationship souring, i think theres more at work than just this incident. i kind of get the impression that nate just kind of likes taking things out on victor even when everything has nothing to do with victor. but i think basically all this crap combined to shake victor's confidence and that's a large reason hes not improving. cause he just has no reason to be confident anymore.

spire

I think Vic's self worth has been raised into a precarious position thanks to being a gifted (in this case- super powered) child, and with how much his spark-outs are emphasized through the whole comic, something terrible must have happened with a spark and that lack of control was touted against him, which makes it near impossible to repair his self esteem

RebelVampire

yes definitely all that. cause i feel by and large that victor has just given up on himself. which tbf i dont blame him cause literally nobody is doing anything to help really. like theres not a truly positive influence. although to nate's credit i guess he's trying? just ya know, in a super bad way

spire

Lol yeah. That's a good way to put it

Nate is helping but in the worst way. Vic needs some genuine, earnest support

As for Julia, I suspect she gave herself frostbite? Noor is very strict about Julia forming ice around her limbs, and she must have been moved to Earl for a similar outburst of her own powers

RebelVampire

tbh i think julia has more control of her powers. from the impression i get anyway. i kind of think julia is just reckless and doesnt think her actions through. though i mean might of been an outburst too. i could really go either way. and maybe its both.

though frostbite is way more tame than what i was thinking happened XD

i was picturing more encasing an ice and then shattering said ice

frostbite sounds more reasonable and less horrific

spire

Omg

Julia just thought one day that it would be cool to be a snowman

She didn't consider the fact that she can't move. Once she becomes the snow man ️

RebelVampire

that sounds like something shed do. even now cause i dont feel shes anymore responsible than she was as a kid

which ya know narratively speaking is kind of a good contrast with victor in a way

spire

Yeah

RebelVampire

cause victor has no control of his powers but has a sort of reserved control of himself. whereas julia has control of her powers but is an explosion of bad decisions waiting to happen

spire

I love that about them. Despite Julia's recklessness I think it's good for Vic to not be sitting alone in his room 24/7

RebelVampire

idk i agree and disagree. its good for him to get out and socialize, but im not sure the ppl around him are well-suited to kind of give him teh space he needs.

tho tbf im not sure the estate is the healithiest place in general

it kind of feels like prison

QUESTION 3. Victor’s life changes a lot when he’s forced to join Nate’s team. Why do you think Nate is so vehement about having Victor as a temporary member on his team? Is he honestly just trying to help Victor, or is there is some other hidden reason? What did you think the way the retrievals were handled says about the world and its view on Variants? How might the first mission change Victor’s perspective on Variants and how they’re treated (if at all)? How will it affect how Victor deals with other team missions and/or the course of the story? Lastly, do you believe that Victor will be able to makes amends and bond with the team, or will he continue to be chastised and treated somewhat lesser?

spire

The way that variants are trained at places like Urq and Miller to almost solely police their own community is disturbing. Vic wants no part of it and it's perfectly understandable

Variants are monitored so closely through their whole lives. it's invasive.

RebelVampire

yeah. and i mean...theres a degree i want to be understanding. i would not want untrained variants just walking around causing accidents and such. cause theyve shown that their powers can be damaging not just to others but themselves and also all the property around them. so i can understand that variants kind of need a special thing going on for everyone's protection

but man do those places feel like prison

like when you cant even let someone's mom see their kid off

thats a bad sign

spire

In that kind of environment a variant is pressured to do whatever they can to appear trustworthy. Even if Nate is trying to help Vic out I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed

RebelVampire

that could be although i feel theres easier ways then making under the table secret deals. tho tbh i think theres a mix going on here. like i think nate does want to help victor and wants to see him succeed. but i also feel like nate isnt altruistic either. more like he wants to help victor cause he feels like victor is his one failure that he cant leave to continue to be a failure just for the sake of his own pride.

Superjustinbros

“I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed”

This thought caught my eyes

RebelVampire

although it could also be that nate sees something of himself reflected in victor. cause nate did freak out when masha wasnt just flat out listening to his captain's orders. and i kind of feel that reflects his own feelings of being unsure of himself

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

but i kind of wonder if theres an issue of dormancy at play in all this? cause if nate feels like he's losing his powers and position soon, that could be a prime motivator in whatever he feels hes got to do

like hes running out of his chance to do that one super awesome thing that immortalizes him in history

spire

Ooooooooo that's a very interesting thought

Reminiscent of thinkin you need to be ultra successful by the time you're 30

I hadn't thought of nates motivation that way before :0

RebelVampire

yeah and this is kind of an extreme case of needing to be successful by 30. cause in this case its kind of true in a way. since im sure if youre a variant the powers are kind of part of who you are. but by 30 you lose that and essentially have to redefine who you are as a person. and i think thats more true with the way their system is set up since their glorified prisons are so life encompassing.

spire

Yeah. That's got to be terrifying, knowing your whole identity is going to disappear one day, one day SOON

RebelVampire

yes. or so were led to believe. cause tbf i got sinister vibes from that scene with the doctor checking young victor for dormancy. so maybe all we know is a lie and dormancy is not a natural process but something forced upon variants.

spire

OOOOOOOOHH

Terrifying if tru

Superjustinbros

Yeah that scene creeped me out a bit

and it just came out of nowhere

RebelVampire

cause i agree with young victor. why are you checking a kid for dormancy if you know the typical ages for dormancy

and i feel that line is there for a reason

spire

I wonder if he's still wondering that now, 9 years later?

And I hope he is

RebelVampire

maybe hell remember it

Superjustinbros

Exactly, Rebel. (about the dormacy part)(edited)

RebelVampire

cause to tie in the 2nd part of that question, i def think victor is on the path to see the injustice in how variants are treated

those facial expressions in the van were already on the extreme i feel sorry for these people side

QUESTION 4. Inadvertently, Victor becomes involved with a dangerous arsonist named Paulina. What do you think Paulina’s powers are? Is she a pyro as many believe, or is there something funky going on with her powers like Victor believes? Why do you believe Paulina attacked Miller, and why do you think she’s so desperately looking for Chalice? Where do you think Paulina even came from given she isn’t declaring any facility as her origin? Why, of all people, do you think Paulina went to Victor specifically for help? Given Victor gets Julia involved, how might the residents of Earl Estate affect Victor helping Paulina or not? In general, do you believe Victor will help Paulina or not, and how will this choice affect the rest of the story?

Superjustinbros

I'm going to say maybe she has multiple powers versus most of the other characters that only have one

spire

That's what I was thinking too

Superjustinbros

I mean she really is mysterious, since her profile is still //||?⁄⁄/⁄\ | on the site

RebelVampire

idk. i mean its certainly possible. but im also willing to think that she has one power that doesnt fit any of the predefined powers the world established. so like shes a new variant type. or that she knows how to use her pyro powers in a way that nobody thought possible

but multiple powers is still possible

im just more willing to error on the side of it still fitting in with established laws and we just dont get the full picture yet

Superjustinbros

maybe like dark/gravity powers, or some power that's otherwise considered taboo?

spire

I think ultimately Vic's going to be looking for some truth and working with Pauli will appear? To get him some answers

Superjustinbros

Considering het background is nothing like the others

And yeah, maybe that ends up happening

http://inhibit.smackjeeves.com/files/what.png I mean can anyone translate this(edited)

RebelVampire

no but its probably just for the purposes of making her mysterious

and wont change to not give new readers spoilers XD

spire

Yes I believe that's simply to keep it mysterious for new readers

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

i think victor will def help paulina, although im not sure i get the impression paulina is gonna inspire victor to look for truth persay. though if she gets him to chalice, i think chalice will make him question stuff.

Superjustinbros

Maybe, just maybe.(edited)

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that paulina didnt come from any facility but instead has been living and training outside the system. cause we dont really know the process by which the facilities collect variants in the first place. like obviously we see victor's mom bring victor. but like...was it the law? was it under threat hed be taken anyway? how did ppl know?(edited)

and without knowing these things i can think of a lot of reasons paulina just skirted by the system

Superjustinbros

Definitely could be something outside the system, since it's still a mystery

spire

I'm wondering if the only reason Pauli chased Vic down to Earl is because she has blackmail to make him help her find chalice. If she asked anyone else she's obvs get turned in to the police or taken home?? Wherever that is???

Well, I guess it's not really black mail. So I don't really know

RebelVampire

maybe paulina just picked him cause hes the only variant she knows now who didnt immediately try to arrest her

and tbf

victor is a good choice cause he would seem easy to intimidate into doing what you want him to do

spire

TRUE LMAO

RebelVampire

tho i couldnt fathom why she wants to find chalice. i mean the assumption is she wants their help. but maybe she super hates them and chalice is corrupt and bad. and that there is no good in this world. or something depressing like that.

Superjustinbros

lmao

Plus he's the protagonist

RebelVampire

paulina got super meta and said "hey victor you feel like a protagonist. you can probably help"

Superjustinbros

Protagonist Syndrome in a nutshell

RebelVampire

that makes me feel bad for victor. victor seems like the last person whod ever want to be a protagonist

just wants to sleep in his room instead

spire

Hashtag relatable tbh

Superjustinbros

Yes

RebelVampire

since we only have 4 mins left, are there any final thoughts to share?

Superjustinbros

I'd love to do the same lol

I want to say this has been a great read so far, it's got great characters, lots of emotion, and lots of charm.

(And lots of good expressions)

Good luck with the comic, Eve, it's really going strongly so far.

spire

I think inhibit really nails what it feels like to be pinned by the expectations put on you by all levels of society, but still allowing itself to breathe and be funny and so human

RebelVampire

i think inhibit is a great story with memorable personalities. but most of all it has a relateable protagonist whose inner demons can speak to most ppl, and watching his journey is definitely probably something that will inspire hope

unless victor dies

then no hope

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Eve Greenwood / evegwood, as well, for making Inhibit. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Paypal Donation Link: https://www.paypal.me/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/evegwood

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Princess Pups by Lindsay Hornsby. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, January 3rd, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Princess-Pups

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #inhibit #evegwood #eve greenwood

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serkewen12 · 7 years

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Something There Part 7

Annnnnd I’m back! Here we go lovelies! I really hope you enjoy and I’m so sorry about the long wait!

Pairing: Thomas Jefferson x Reader

Word Count: 3431 (I know it’s shorter than normal, it felt like the right place to end the chapter)

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six)

Tag List: @imagineham @musicalmoriarty @la-frenchiest-frite @imaginebeinghamiltrash @wolfphantom-m @daveedish @shamagangster @secretschuylersister @love-doesnt-discriminate @icanneverbesatisfied @getupoffathathang @withthatbitch @marquiis-de-la-baguette @consumed-by-musicals @drugsdiggs @hamfan22 @lawliette1031 @hamfamhamfam @y-lue @chloehamiltonn @patron-saintof-sluts @hanakatsumi @americanrevelation @ginnemer @mofoing-democraftic-republican @stone0502 @merrahonthawall @miightymiighty @mysterywriter36 @iknowthekoolaidflavor @lafislife @canadian-hufflepuff @librarychild @gingerpatchkidd @kimmy-h-life @imreallyfredweasley @parksxo @ccecode @spn-applepie-imagines-deactivat @panromantic-rose @axreblogs @thepaddyb @thats-so-riah @fangirl11032001 @nadialinett14 @cookiepie111 @stress-and-obsess @louisianaspell @herfirstrefrain @astudentsnightmare @secretfanficreader @pumpkjnspjcebreeze @sangshit @thatpunkrockfandomchick

Angelica had never left an event so quickly in her life. Lafayette nodded with understanding as she had kissed his cheek before hailing a cab. Angelica called (Y/N)'s phone multiple times with no response, she tossed her phone in her bag with an angry huff.

"Damn it! What the hell happened back there? I'm sorry but can you please drive a little faster? This is an emergency."

When the cab pulled up in front of the Schuyler home she rushed up the walk way and when she reached the porch she stopped in her tracks. (Y/N) was sitting on the top step with her knees pulled up to her chest with tears cascading down her cheeks. She was slowly pulling bobby pins from her hair and throwing them into the yard.

"Oh sweetie..." Angie said as she slowly approached her. (Y/N) jumped and quickly started wiping the tears off her face.

"Angie! I'm sorry... I didn't want to go home. I knew he would go there to look for me. I'll pick up the bobby pins," she said as she started to stand up.

"You sure as hell will not," Angelica snapped," Come on let's go inside and get you cleaned up."

You followed Angelica into the living room and sat on her couch. You stared at you hands as she sat next to you and looked you over. You must have looked like a disaster, mascara running all over you face and your hair half out of the up-do Peggy had worked so hard on. You felt your bottom lip start to quiver and a familiar burn in the corners of your eyes as tears threatened to start flowing again. No... no... no more tears.

"What happened? You ran out of there so fast and did I see you slap Thomas?" Angie questioned.

"Alex was right about everything," you whispered.

"What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean Alex was right?"

"About Thomas..."

"What did I tell you about letting Alex ruin this for you girl? Thomas..."

"THOMAS DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!"

Angelica jumped back slightly at your outburst. You took a shaky breath to calm yourself down.

"I heard him," you whispered, "I heard what he said to Aaron. He told... he told him that he needed to be quiet because he had worked so hard to earn my trust and then he told him that he would use me in any way that he pleased..."

Angelica gasped and wrapped her arm around your shoulders tightly as your tears started flowing again.

"I'm so stupid Angie... I just... can I stay here for awhile?"

"Consider it done. I'll go get the spare room set up and grab you some pajamas."

Angelica hurried up the stairs to find you a change of clothes leaving you to wallow in your thoughts. Your phone buzzed continuously in your bag causing you to frown as you fished it out. Texts from Alexander, Hercules, Lafayette, and Thomas were coming in over and over. Asking you what happened, asking where you had went, if you were okay, and the ones from Thomas begged you to let him explain and to answer your phone. You had ten missed calls. As you held it your phone lit up with an incoming call. Thomas. You glared at the screen and swiped to red circle and quickly shut your phone off then tossed it across the couch.

You slowly made your way up the stairs and found Angelica finishing making the bed in the spare bedroom. She looked at you and gave you a small smile, which you tried your best to return.

"Eliza is on her way home and she will most likely have Alex with her," Angie said with concern.

"I don't want to see him. I don't want to see any of them. I don't want to hear all the "I told you so's"," you said as you sat down on the bed.

"I will make sure that he leaves you alone. Here are some pajamas, just lay down and get some rest," she said as she left.

Angelica had successfully kept the boys at bay with a lot of help from Eliza. You didn't wake up until almost noon the next day. All of the crying and stress had collapsed down upon you and when you woke up your body felt stiff and heavy. Quietly you made you way across the hall into the bathroom, not wanting to alert the sisters that you were awake because you didn't feel like talking to anyone. Looking into the mirror you let out a small sigh. You had mascara smudged half way across your face, your hair was tangled and sticking out in all directions, your eyes were still red and puffy, and you knew you were going to have dark circles after scrubbing off the make up. I'm a mess.

Stepping into the shower you winced as the water stung your skin. You had turned it up higher than you usually did but your aching body needed it. The water running against your skin brought the smallest amount of relief. The lump in your throat was starting to return as you rinsed the shampoo from your hair.

"I'm not going to cry...I'm not," you whispered to yourself.

Your mantra had failed and you sank to sit in the tub and let the water wash over you. A million questions swirled in your brain.

"How could I let this happen? Damn it I promised myself I would keep my guard up..." you seethed through your tears.

You sat in silence as you thought over the events from the last three months. How did he manage to weasel his way into your heart so effortlessly. Then again this is my fault... I was the one who thought it would be funny to prove Laf wrong. Who's laughing now? That son of a bitch most likely. No matter how many times you thought over every dinner, every meeting, every text message, he had never shown a single sign. Now it was too late and the damage was done. I love him.

"I was ready... this was supposed to be it. I wanted to tell him," you sobbed.

You thought about how you had defended yourself and your relationship with Thomas to your friends. They had been so against it and angry, sure they had said they were going to give him a chance, but you knew better. I bet they can't wait to tell me how they were right about him. Alex and his smug grin he gets whenever he is right floated through your mind and it made your scowl. Alex knew you were in love with Thomas and you didn't want to think about what he might say to you now.

Thomas's voice echoed in your head, all the nice things he had ever said, his laugh, that tone he got when he was alone and only talking to you. You willed yourself to forget all the things that had seemed so sincere, all the things he had said that made your heart race. You tried to will yourself to hate him, but instead you found yourself hating how much you loved him even after what had happened.

"What do I have to do (Y/N)? How can I ever make you see?"

"You don't have anything to apologize for."

"You called me Thomas. You've never called me Thomas before."

"Listen to me, you are going to look amazing. You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

"Maybe I should talk to him... let him explain. No, no, no this is exactly the kind of bullshit thinking that lead me to trust him in the first place. He showed me his true colors and there isn't anything else I need to hear," you scold yourself. I love him. Loved him... no... no matter how much I try... I love him.

It had been three days and you had still refused to turn your phone on or talk to anyone except for Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy. Angie and Eliza had been doing everything they could to help comfort you. They had run off Hercules and Alexander again this afternoon. Peggy on the other hand was ready to commit homicide.

"I'm serious (Y/N) I've watch a lot of 48 Hours Hard Evidence and I'm pretty confident that I could get away with it," Peggy said between bites of ice cream.

"I don't want Thomas dead," you said quietly.

"Why? He deserves it for what he did! I can't believe him," Peggy complained.

"Because I love him Peg. Damn it.. loved him. Who was it that said I was crazy for being worried? Who was it that said Thomas would never do anything when I said I was worried? Oh that's right it was you!"

"I know and I'm sorry."

"I need to go home," you said.

"Why? I thought you wanted to stay here until you were ready."

"I need my own clothes," you mutter, "I don't really want to leave... but I need my stuff if I'm going to stay here."

"I can go get you some of your stuff," Eliza said as she came into the living room.

Eliza had been gone for almost an hour. You were beyond thankful to her for offering to go get you your things. She had taken a list your wrote out and promised to do her best to find everything. When you offered to go with her she insisted you sit back down and relax. Peggy had gotten up and headed upstairs leaving you alone in the living room. You flipped through the channels on the television and stopped on The Food Network. Masterchef was on, usually seeing one of your favorite shows would have brought a smile on your face, but not today. You frowned as memories of all the times Thomas and you had lounged on the couch and debated about the contestants. Quickly switching the t.v. off you put the remote down and crossed your arms and focused on the flames dancing in the fireplace.

"He's even ruining my favorite show," you lamented.

"Hey (Y/N) I'm back," Eliza said as she walked in pulling a rolling suitcase behind her.

"Thanks so much," you reply gratefully as you sat up.

You started digging through the bag looking for a new pair of pajama pants and Eliza slowly sank down onto the couch. There was an envelope in her hands and she looked nervous as she turned it in her hands.

"What's that?" You asked.

"It was stuck to your door when I got there," Eliza said carefully as she handed it to you.

Looking the envelope over you saw that it was blank and opened it, Thomas's handwriting was immediately recognizable. His elegant script was unmistakable as your eyes quickly scanned the beginning of the letter. The familiar lump in your throat returned as you read his plea for you to return his calls, to say anything just so he knew you were okay. He wants to know that I'm okay? How the fuck does he think I am?! The sound of paper crinkling as your hands tightened around the edges of the letter permeated the air. For the first time your despair gave way to anger as you shot off the couch and crossed the distance to the fireplace.

"(Y/N)?" Eliza questioned.

"That bastard wants to know if I'm okay? IF I'M OKAY?! HOW THE FUCK DOES HE THINK I'M GOING TO BE AFTER WHAT HAPPENED?" You shouted as you looked one last time at the letter before throwing it into the fire.

Eliza came up and stood next to you and watched as the paper curled in the flames and his carefully written words turned to ash. You trembled slightly as rage coursed through you.

"He thinks he can just write me a pretty letter and I'm going to come crawling back? Like that will erase what I heard him say..."

Eliza nodded in agreement, "I hope that he burns."

The clock showed 8:20 am when you finished getting dressed. You knew you couldn't hide forever and you had to return to class.

"I'm fine. It's going to be fine," you said to yourself.

Slowly you piled your textbooks and papers into your bag. You were forever grateful that Angelica had made sure that you knew the assignments you had missed over the last week and you were pleased that at the very least you weren't behind on homework. There was enough to worry about when you thought of returning to the university without having to be bogged down with past due work. You slipped on your flats and snagged your phone off the charger before heading down stairs.

Before you had made it halfway down the stairs you stopped when you heard Angelica's voice and she sounded irritated.

"I already told you not to come here Alex," Angelica snapped.

“I know, but I'm worried. She hasn't answered any calls or texts and now she has missed a whole week of school," Alex reasoned.

"We are all worried, but (Y/N) will come back to school when she is ready."

"At least let me see her so I can let the guys know how she is," he begged.

"I promised her that I would keep you all away..."

"It's okay Angelica," you said as you walked down the rest of the stairs.

Angelica turned around quickly and looked at the backpack in your hand and back to your face and frowned. She came over quickly and looked concerned.

"(Y/N) what are you doing?"

"I'm going to class today," you said simply and you spotted a smile spread across Alex's face.

"Are you sure? Honey it's okay to wait a bit longer. If you aren't ready, you shouldn't force yourself," she said.

You pulled her into a hug and walked towards Alex, "I'm not sure if I'm ready, but I am sure that hiding here isn't going to solve anything. I'll see you later Angie."

Alex walked beside you as you went down the street and seemed to be at war with himself trying to figure out what to say.

"So..."

"So?" You questioned without looking at him.

"How are you?"

"How do you think I am Alexander," you deadpanned.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not exactly."

"Alright then..." Alexander trailed off.

Nervous energy coursed through you as you walked closer and closer to the door of your first class. Alexander hadn't left your side for the entire journey across the campus. Slowly as you walked into the classroom you were almost scared to look up at the row where you knew Thomas sat. He was always there early, being the damn over achiever that he was.

"Well at least you won't have to stress about homework," Alex said cheerfully, "You're welcome by the way."

"Oh please what do you want? A metal? We both know Eliza rode your ass about making sure to tell her what the assignments were," you groused.

"That's beside the point," he argued as he pulled out his notebooks.

As you pulled out your books you turned and threw a tentative glance over your shoulder. Thomas's desk was empty, but it didn't take you long before you made eye contact with James. He tried to give you a sympathetic look, but you only glared before willing back around. A frown marred your features as you stared at your desk and mulled over Thomas's absence, it was a relief if you were being honest, but at the same time the familiar feeling of concern was trying to weasel it's way into your head. Thomas wasn't one to miss classes, even when he was sick he was usually there looking like death warmed over. No, nope, it doesn't matter. (Y/N) pull yourself together... he just broke your heart, he doesn't deserve an ounce of your concern.

"I had to present our debate project all by myself!" Alexander ranted dramatically as you both sat at your normal lunch table with Hercules and John.

"Oh please, it's not like you don't love to show off," you scoffed earning a laugh from Herc.

"Yeah Alexander, you are basically the biggest mouth in the school, I highly doubt you had an issue debating all on your own," Herc said.

"Soooo what was the outcome of the debate?" You asked throwing Alex a look.

"I won of course."

"Then what the hell are you bitching for?"

"Because I can," Alex complained.

You rolled your eyes and dipped your fries into ketchup. Alexander spoke quickly as he gave a play by play of how the debate had gone. John shook his head as Alex waved his arms as he angrily complained about being insulted.

"Where is Thomas? I noticed he wasn't in class today," you commented absentmindedly.

Looking up from your food you saw all three men staring at you looking surprised.

"Who gives a shit," Herc bit out.

"Yeah (Y/N) why does it matter?" Alex asked.

"I don't know. I guess I was just thinking out loud..." Why did I say that?

You frowned at the fact that you couldn’t stop thinking about him after everything that had happened. In the back of your mind the phrase surfaced again, you love him. God damn it!

"Well you won't have to worry about him, " Hercules commented, "I had a little discussion with him about staying away from you if he knows what's good for him."

"Are you serious?" You snapped.

"Oh shit..." John said. "What?"

John pointed behind Alex and you felt yourself stop breathing for a moment. Thomas was standing not far off staring at the table like he had seen a ghost. James was standing next to him and looked concerned as he realized you had seen them. You tried to pull the best glare you could muster but it just wasn't working. You weren't ready. He was standing there with that magenta sweater you loved so much and sadness marred his handsome face. You felt a hand on your arm and quickly looked away and saw John holding out a napkin. Your plan to be strong had crumbled and tears were flowing freely instead of the glare you so desperately wanted to send his way.

"I need to go," you said in a rush as you grabbed all your things.

"(Y/N) wait!"

You ignored them as you rushed away from the table and towards the street to head home. You wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. I wasn't ready... Angrily you wiped away tears as you headed towards Angelica's.

"(Y/N)!"

James's voice rang out behind you and you prayed that he was at least alone. You didn't want to face Thomas and look weak. Stopping and slowly turning around you felt a small amount of relief when you saw him by himself hurrying to catch up to you. He began to cough a bit as he finally reached you and you reached out concerned that he was going to have an attack.

"James what are you doing?"

"I... I had to talk to you," he said as he calmed his breathing.

"I don't want to hear it," you snapped and began walking again. I know it isn't his fault... but then again how the fuck can I know that he didn't know what Thomas was up too. They are best friends after all.

"Please! Please hear me out," he pleaded, "You need to talk to him! He is a wreck! I've never seen him like this..."

You felt something snap as you whipped around and shoved a finger into James's chest, "OH HE'S A WRECK? HE IS A WRECK? WHAT ABOUT ME JAMES?!"

James shrunk back slightly, "I know what he said hurt you and he is an idiot, but I think there is more to what..."

"NO! There isn't a damn thing more to what happened! I should go talk to him? I don't fucking think so."

"He is miserable. He has barely leaves his house! I don't know what to do," he said desperately.

"Well he should of fucking thought about that before he did what he did! He can go to hell! The both of you can just go to hell!" You shouted as hot new tears streamed down your face before storming away leaving James staring at the ground.

#Something There Series #i'm back baby #hamilton musical #thomas jefferson x reader #jefferson x reader #thomas jefferson #x reader #tjeff x reader #reader insert #hamilton #alexander hamilton #john laurens #james madison #hercules mulligan #angelica schuyler #eliza schuyler #peggy schuyler

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