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heartpascal · 1 year

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THE WORLD IS BRIGHTER

"The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins—but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back. Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars."

- MATTHEW STOVER, ROTS NOVEL

(r)

• youth by daughter

"my eyes are damp from the words you left,

ringing in my head, when you broke my chest,

and if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,

'cause most of us are bitter over someone,

setting fire to our insides for fun,

to distract our hearts from ever missing them,

but i'm forever missing him."

• home by catie turner

"feelings were fleeting, but now i'm surrounded,

visions of you shaved into the side of my head,

and as i sleep on the other side of the country,

i wonder how it feels to be safe in the palm of your hand,

and i just want to go home."

• broken by anson seabra

"if you see the boy i used to be,

could you tell him that i'd like to find him?

and if you see the shell that's left of me,

could you spare him a little kindness?"

"am i broken? am i flawed?

do i deserve a shred of worth,

or am i just another fake,

fucked up lost cause?

and am i human? or am i something else?

'cause i'm so scared and there's no one there,

to save me from the nightmare,

that i call myself."

• runaway by aurora

"i was painting a picture,

the picture was a painting of you,

and for a moment i thought you were here,

but then again, it wasn't true, dah,

and all this time i have been lyin',

oh, lyin' in secret to myself,

i've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf."

• overwhelmed by royal & and the serpent

"i get overwhelmed so easily,

my anxiety keeps me silent,

when i try to speak,

what's come over me?

feels like i'm somebody else,

i get overwhelmed."

(joel to r)

• leave a light on by tom walker

"and i know you're down and out now, but i need you to be brave,

hiding from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay,

i see your pain."

• it'll be alright by cody francis

"oh, my child i know,

you're hurt and you can't let go,

it's not your fault and you don't deserve,

all the bad and the hurt."

• half light by banners

"it makes me feel nervous,

you have that look in your eye,

oh, what takes over?

what is it that holds you tight?"

"when you're in the half light,

it is not you i see,

and you live a half life,

you only show half to me."

(joel & r)

• daylight by david kushner

"two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer,

souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt,

(oooh),

there's darkness in the distance,

from the way that i've been livin',

but i know i can't resist it,

oh, i love it and i hate it at the same time,

you and i drink the poison from the same vine."

HOWL I LOVE YOU!!!! your song recs are actually my favourite things EVER. i can’t even express how much i love these. so so amazing. edit: howl. after going through all of these….. you have outdone yourself. you are amazing.

also yes this whole thing is just going to be me sobbing and crying and making myself sad about how much i made r suffer. WHAT OF IT. leave me to ramble!

ALSO ALSO heheh he this gif is so good. giggling. gonna watch that film JUST for this moment BAHAHAH

youth — sobbing. this song is just … emotional. its so good. and i think it’s just so :( poor r she’s going through it. “i’m forever missing him” is just so so real for this fic. bc she really just … can’t not think about her dad :( also the lyrics “shadows settle on the place that you left / our minds are troubled by the emptiness” is so r and joel coded. they are both suffering sm OOPS

home — i know this is going to be a common word here but.. sobbing. once again. this song is so :( AND ITS NEW TO ME!! i like hearing new songs and i trust in you and you specifically howl. ANYWAY. also the “so when are you coming home” is so …….. heartbreaking. gut wrenching. R’S DAD ISNT COMING HOME. and she knows it. and the exact lyrics you said like the sleeping on the other side of the country …….. bc her dad never made it there with her … it just makes me so sad.

broken — AAAAAHHHHH. (this is me violently sobbing and crying). and and and. i really like “please, wont someone take me home / before i lose my mind?” BUT SHE CANT GO HOME. and she really does feel like she’s losing it but like … she can’t bring herself to care. AND THOSE LAST LYRICS YOU SAID???? reader my beloved joel will be there soon :( also,,, that is exactly how joel felt and he just didnt want r to be stuck in that mindset yk, to be alone, to have nobody to pull her out of that nightmare yk

runaway — (i accidentally deleted this one…. i-) anyways AS I WAS SAYING. I LOVE THIS SONG. and in relation to this????? what if i cry, specifically, “and for a moment i thought you were here” is so so so. like you know those moments after losing someone and then like. you forget, even if its just for a moment, and then you remember and its just the worst all over again??? yeah, i know that. and yes i will be applying that to r. soz. r suffers with me. and and and “but no, take me home / take me home where i belong / i got no other place to go” like r just wants to be back home with her dad. she’s so sad. UGH. yeah. this song <3

overwhelmed — omg i’ve never actually heard the full song before now :0. anyway. also. this is so r on the journey to bill and frank’s like … before she just … fades. its mfing debilitating dude. also yes bc every time she gets .. overwhelmed, r fr does struggle to hold on to herself

leave a light on — JOEL TO R CODED YOURE SO RIGHT. “i see your pain” has me sobbing and crying because :( I KNOW I PUT A BIT OF A SPIN ON JOEL’S GRIEF AFTER SARAH but tbf we dont see it in the show or anything yk??? like we KNOW he did some … bad things, but lets be real. he didnt deal with it at all. he just fell into darker habits. and i just think him knowing exactly what r is going through, even though it will be different, he still KNOWS. and he can recognise it. and joel just makes me so sad. “but i need you to be brave” sobbing so hard. yes i will relate every song lyric to joel miller/my own fics. what about it. as we should. joel of all people KNOWS how much courage it takes to NOT fall into that headspace. my babies

it’ll be alright — howl ive never heard this song before and i……. im not ok. what the hell. this is so joel miller coded. yes he would relate this to ellie as well canonically. but r…….. its so much worse. joel KNOWS about the bad and the hurt. and joel KNOWS that out of all the people who deserve it .. r is not one of them. AND AND AND “how much longer will you suffer in this life? / but dont give up, just hold on tight / it’ll be alright” what if i sob and cry. joel just wants to reassure r man. these poor tortured souls. maybe one day ill write a happy fic (doubtful)

half light — yes on each and every level. THIS ONE IS SO PERFECT. “it makes me feel nervous / you have that look in your eye” bc joel recognises it :( joel KNOWSSSS. he knows. he’s all knowing. he knows exactly what that look means. he’s seen it in his own eyes. “it is not you i see / and you live a half life” OH WHAT JOEL WOULD DO TO TAKE AWAY ALL OF R’S PAIN. to make her ok and whole and happy. he wishes he could fix it. but he knows he can’t :( nothing can fix that pain, after all, he would know. im losing my mind rn

daylight — THIS ONE FITS SO WELL TOO. idk how you ALWAYS do this. how do you never miss???? “souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt” ??????????????????????? no because joel and r literally are mirrors of each other. they both feel the exact same guilt. and they always will. and the pride that they BOTH have in trying to handle it all alone. like yes r accepts joel and tess’s help (not that they really give her a choice) but she doesn’t WANT to connect, she doesn’t want to talk about it. and i imagine joel to have been the exact same way, only going on for tommy, and yes eventually tess, though u can imagine how long he spent refusing to admit even to himself it was bc he cared about her SMH. ‘business/survival’ is what he woulda told tommy about looking out for her. “you and i drink the poison from the same vine” hmmmm yes they really do. they r one and the same. they’ll self destruct till there’s nothing left tbh. and and and “tellin’ myself its the last time / can you spare any mercy that you might find” is joel coded and no i needn’t say more.

#heartpascal says #howl <3 #sobbing and crying #howl’s song recs #IM SOBBBBIUNNNGGG #THESE ARE SO GOOD #also this got kinda long oops #i can’t help it im obsessde #my favourite part of writing fics is when the amazing howl comes in with their fic recs.#highlight of my day <3 #I LOVE YOU

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dotthings · 2 years

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Episode IV of OBi-Wan Kenobi, with more crying over Obi-Wan and tiny Leia.

THE BACTA TANK SEQUENCE

Mirroring Anakin and Obi-Wan. It certainly underscores their connection and their bond, the fact that Anakin burned Obi-Wan, Anakin’s body burned after their fight on Mustafar, their lightsabers mixed into the imagery, they are mirrors and reverse images of each other as they heal. That was beautiful.

We meet Roken, played by O’Shea Jackson Jr. who I recognized from Swagger (a very good Apple TV series with an all black lead cast). Neat seeing him show up in the Star Wars universe.

“I had a wife once. I knew exactly what she was before we got married. We tried to hide it. The Inquisitors found her anyway.” So was his wife at least force sensitive? Was she a jedi in hiding, who, with the order gone, decided to marry? That’s interesting.

This ep has a lot of Star Wars: Rebels proto-rebellion energy. Proto-rebellion/pre-rebellion/rebellion era is my favorite Star Wars era. I’m living.

Tala being an ex-Imperial, and she’s so kind and she’s devoting herself now to helping people. Adding to the examples of Imperials who changed sides, like Kallus, and TFO troopers like Finn and Jannah.

These Reva and Leia scenes are dynamite and also frightening. Vivien Lyra Blair and Moses Ingram are electric in this battle of wills between Leia and Reva.

That’s the analytical part of my brain, the rest of me is utterly feral over little Leia and how terrified she must be and how brave she’s being and her being being spot on Leia. “I am PRINCESS of ALDERAAN!” I’m CRYING. She's so self-possessed and bossy I love it.

I hoped to see little Leia in the series, I didn’t know she was going to be a lead character in episode after episode or get this rich a look at her childhood.

This episode being a heist (rescue) episode is just making all of this even better. Ok it's a rescue not a heist technically, but I say it's still a heist episode.

“I had a droid when I was younger too. It was taken from me. Like everything else....I know what it’s like being alone…they are not coming for you.” Oh, Reva is so totally one of the jedi younglings. She feels abandoned by the jedi order, and she's so angry, and everything she believed about the Jedi order was shattered....by Anakin, ironically. (Does she know he was the one who did it? Or did he feed her a pack of lies? Did he play Palpatine to Reva's Anakin?) Reva's an open wound of Anakin parallels. I wonder if Vader whispered in her ear to draw her farther into loyalty to him. Did he play on her insecurities, see something of himself in her? Did he tell her, “they failed you Reva, they abandoned you, like my master failed and abandoned me” — playing her the way Reva is trying to play Leia. I have a lot of questions, I want to know how they met (maybe we’ll find out in the next few eps?)

Obi-Wan doing the same distraction noise ping trick he does in ANH, only it’s a bit more effort for him right now. MY HEART IS CRYING.

IS THAT PLO KOON ENTOMBED???????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (If it is, poor Dave, did he finally decide to confirm Plo Koon is dead? Plo Koon is Dave's favorite Jedi.)

This whole scene was so frightening. Tiny Leia, the darkness, the red light, the interrogation machine beeping, a call forward to Leia in ANH. She’s probably had nightmares about imperial interrogation droids most of her life.

“Please! Help! Somebody help!”

Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope

And then the lights go out and there’s only that red circle with Leia in the middle and then that blue lightsaber flashes. How must that have felt from Leia’s pov. What seeing that blue blade means to her, what jedi now mean to her, what Obi-Wan means to her.

Oh, there you are Obi-Wan. Back in graceful badass form. heart-hands

Obi-Wan hiding Leia under his coat like she's a kitten is just so so adorable.

We’ve known Wade and Sully for all of 30 seconds and I’m already sad about Wade dying and Sully’s grief. “Where’s Wade?” “Guess you’re soldiers now after all.”

Leia's 10. She’s too young to be thinking about this, about what the Empire does to people, to the galaxy, about the costs involved in saving her. She is just a kid—her adventure to run away for the afternoon into the woods should not have had such a high cost.

The comfort Obi-Wan and Leia have from each other is HEART SHATTERING.

Obi-Wan couldn’t save Anakin, but he saves Anakin’s daughter, and she continues to save him, through Leia he's reminded of who he is, what his sense of purpose is, and a hope that maybe he’s not an utter failure who completely failed his best friend.

#Obi-Wan Kenobi #Obi-Wan Kenobi spoilers #Leia Organa #Reva #Anakin Skywalker

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fluffallamaful · 2 years

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I see sleepy-anon’s Backfired Protection From Tickles and I raise you Sacrifice Tickles. (DSMP version because I don’t tend to like writing irl stuff.) (Nothing against it! Just don’t like doing it myself :) ) (Also I am so starved for c!Dream fluff I have been living in a desert for so long and then an angst!heatwave hit with the final lore stream someone please help me I need the most concentrated dose of fluff you have) (Do you know how desperate I had to be to brave the ask box, even on anonymous. I’m starving, man!)

Let’s say… there’s some sort of Manhunt going on where Dream is convinced that he has to protect both himself and Punz from the rest of the server, even though the rest of the server already know everything and just want to take him home because he’s in horrible shape :(. But also, Dream still has plans to reset the server soon, because he doesn’t know that there’s another way, and so the rest of the server wants him safe and also wants to disable whatever he’s done. Anyway, they manage to catch him but not only is he not talking, but he also doesn’t trust any of them and will not tell them anything. ESPECIALLY anything that might endanger Punz.

I think you can guess where I’m going with this.

The server needs answers, but they also really don’t want to hurt him because. Look at him. There are zombies in better shape than him. Dream thinks that he needs to protect both his plans and his ally. As it turns out, tickles may not be good way to get him talking, but they are good at 1) assuring him that they really don’t want to hurt him and 2) providing much-needed comfort. The final straw is when he finally realizes that they know Punz is his ally, and Punz is still safe.

He starts crying and scares the shit out of everyone — but it’s not because they went too far as they initially feared. Instead it’s the culmination of nearly three years of building stress and loneliness all finally finding a way out as he finally feels like he’s somewhere safe, and suddenly all of his plans also start tumbling out. Everything, all at once, it’s actually kind of hard to listen to both because it’s so jumbled and because it’s heartbreaking to hear him so upset, and it takes a while to get it all out, but eventually he finally manages to do it. And he’s finally given a bowl of hot soup, and kisses, and plenty of cuddles. He falls asleep in a giant cuddle pile. (Please.)

(I like the idea of Quackity and Sam being two of the interrogators because that is Dream’s worst nightmare, and he’s STILL feeling okay at the end. There’s nothing for him to be afraid of — not even Quackity and Sam. Bonus points if others suggest slightly more extreme ways of getting him to talk (just slightly! hell, maybe they’re even jokes: “we should make him listen to your annoying music” “let’s feed him your terrible cooking”) and Quackity and Sam stubbornly veto everything else because they really doesn’t want a repeat of what they did before.)

(Ah — I don’t know if I even need to say this, but: anyone’s free to use any prompts of mine, yeah? Use them as many times as you want, you and anyone else who wants to do it. :) )

@sleepy--anon you have inspired

also,,, Anon The Destroyer has given permission for people to write about their AUs!!! please make sure to credit them if you do!!

(discussion under cut)

🦙🦙🦙…

ok ok ok so kinda like the manhunt AU,, except that part of the reason that dream is on the run from everyone is also because he desperately wants to protect punz from harm from the server as well 🥲

he’s captured and brought back to the community house, where sam and quackity attempt to coax answers out if him

the idea of him clamping up the same way that he did during his non-verbal phrase in prison is heartbreaking :(( like just absolutely reverting to old habits and techniques that allowed him to keep information in whilst he was being tortured in prison :(( and if it’s quackity and sam doing the interrogating, then it would probably feel all too familiar to all of them.

which is maybe why they leap at dream’s suspicious reaction to sam’s thing squeeze of reassurance. he had placed his hand just above dreams knee during his explanation for them needing information, and a light squeeze to the muscle had quite literally sent a shockwave through dream’s fatigued body. perhaps the sight of dream’s lips quirking at the sides and his shifting posture was almost addicting, but not only that, the subtle increase of thigh squeezes in sam’s explanation appeared to get more and more head nods of understanding from dream.

it’s not long before the subtle squeezes and words of reassurance progress into straight up comfort tickles, from both sam and quackity. they are sure to make it clear to dream that they don’t want to hurt him, and that they only want to help. and my god it’s nice to see him smiling? come on let them see! they can all work this out together, they just need to know what dream knows. they all want it to work. punz said the dream would know how to stop what’s coming! he’ll be so happy to see dream smile as well.

and that’s what does it. the mentioning of punz and his safety breaks dream right then and there. soft giggles turn into sobs. soft tickles turn into hugs and hushed, worried murmurings. after their 5th time reassuring dream about punz safety and alliance-status, the broken man finally breaks further, collapsing into the hug and admitting all his plans through his blubbering tears. he’s showered in reassurance and praise, and then is promptly ushered downstairs to the awaiting rest of the server.

the server dwellers greet him gently and warmly. they offer him a place on the many beds that they’ve set up in the main room of the community house (because slumber parties are cute). dream spots punz and collapses into his arms. he spots george and sapnap and bursts into tears again. they bring him into a hug and play with his hair. he’s offered soup. he watches tommy and sapnap battle it out in a pillow fight. he giggles when george’s hair brushing starts to include the back of his neck. he starts to feel like he belongs :((

🦙🦙🦙…

#something about dream crying from relief absolutely has shattered my heart and it caused me to stray a little and force a slumber party into #there because omg he needs so many hugs #llama asks #but also everyone sleeping in the community house in one big cuddle pile is adorable :((#THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT #soup the destroyer #Soups Manhunt AU #lee!dream #ler!quackity #ler!awesamdude

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madeofcc · 2 years

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July Update 🌞

Hello everyone and welcome to all the new brave and awesome soul that have been following me 🎉 you're almost 900 people potentially reading this (you won't be that many but anyway, you're still here).

As usual, here's a little update about the blog and my life and how both influence each other. I have some annoucement this month so think about reading the blog part to know what will happen during this summer ...

Otherwise and as usual, thank you all for being here and happy summertime to everyone ♥

LIFE UPDATE : Well well ... June was full of surprises, either good or bad. I finally turned 30 last month and never felt better in my life (though I’m a bit terrified to be like super old and alone one day haha but I also always think about how lucky we will be if we actually become old one day with global warming ...anyway). I’m still working full time, and still struggling each month with money (this inflation is a real nightmare I swear T_T) but I feel way better than before. I think it’s because I expose myself a lot more to the sun than I used to before to stay “whitish” as fuck and avoïd police control or racist slurs all the time but now I’m like “Look how tan I am bitch ♥” and I never felt more confident weirdly.

Last week, I also kinda broke my neck a bit. It’s not broken but I still have to make further exams to check if everything is indeed fine but I feel a bit better each day so fingers crossed ... I have few days off next week and I really look forward this moment to finally relax a bit. June was full of content with the DH special and pride edits. I wanted to do more but didn’t had time, especially with all the updates that basically turn a simple 1h photoshoot into a 3 days nightmare just for one pic >< Considering all that ... Here’s the blog update !

BLOG UPDATE : HOLIDAYS ♫

Yep, that’s right, I’m sorry my dear followers but I really, REALLY need, at least, an entire month of break to organise my next moves here.

I’m thinking of a new way to continue and finish DH2. I knew this part of the story wasn’t that essential but it will tell you a lot about Destiny and who her mother was and some characters will have some pretty important change as well (spoilers in the DH Random at coach !). I also want to talk about capitalism and global warming so I have to finish this season. The idea I have is to make 1 post with like 10 important shots from the entire episode and post a long text with every event, including some important lines. Would you be ok for a new DH ?

I want to post it between August and September so I can totally focus on October, aka the best month of the year, and especially Simblreen. I noticed that you were a lot more to enjoy Another Side than DH so I decided to stick on the idea of a new story. This time, it will be a horror story, totally inspired by Hill House/Bly Manor and focused on .... the iconic Behr sisters ! As their background story has a loooot of potential for that kind of story (2 sisters that lived with their grandma ... What happened to their parents ?! Why do they both seem fakely happy ?) I want to write about trauma, family and sisterhood, also want to go back to a full horror story. I’m warning you already, it will be scary and tense ! I can also tell you that the story will be like the Goth one, tell in chapters but it will be way longer than the Goth one. I’ve planned a lot of sidestories inside the main plot, full of characters and dark secrets to discover hehe. Both sisters will also be older as I love to write about YA/adult messed up because of trauma I guess ...

After that it will be .... SHOWTIME ! Not that awesome ts3 EP sadly but I’ll finally start working and posting DH Melodia (the Musical Special) and DH3 that we’ll have all the Coach special vibes and a lot more darker ones. The story will finally get really serious this time, with fun part though don’t worry, but the season will be horrific, gore and violent and most of the plot will focus on sisterhood VS toxic masculinity, including serious issues like rape and harassment so ... Just be prepared ^^” Anyway, I’m already preparing some characters for this part of the story and I can introduce you here a new one you’re going to love I think : Meet Mindy Perez

She’s going to be very important in DH3 and will be introduced in Melodia, with another new character that should been made by @aniraklova this time ♥ We’ll tell you more about it later.

I’m also planning a huge casting call for this part of the story, but this time kind of reverse as I’ll tell you exactly who and what I’m looking for. Just like a real casting call in which everyone apply for the same character you see ?

But plan, plan, plan, I already have to remember myself that I’m on a break and that I can actually play a little for a change :)

I wish you all a great summer. I’ll be reblogging most of the time during this month and will probably catch up on a lot of stories. Sending you all the good vibes that I can and remember to have fun, enjoy life a bit and relax my dears ♥

#July 2022 Update #Blog update #this is so long !#so sorry #but if you read it entirely ! I love you!#anyway #time for fun and play I guess ^^

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kazuharem · 3 years

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"Hiraeth" ↠ Childe [ANGST]

"Can you be homesick for something that is not a home?"

Characters: Childe x GN!Reader (You)

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 3,592 I’m sorry, I got carried away

Warnings: Archon quest spoilers, Childe's story quest spoilers

A/N: This is my first ever Genshin fic, so please look after it kindly! Inspired by Childe's pinkie rings and brought to you by my panic over having to fight him 🤡 AKA help I love this man so much

Special thanks to @seerie and @tartagilicious for carrying my butt; this is all for you, please enjoy~ ♡

Part II: Quatervois

HIRAETH: (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return to; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

But everything is shattering and it's my mistake

━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

“If you were Fatui, I imagine that you would be entitled to a generous reward from the Tsaritsa herself.”

You freeze at the voice, dread settling in your stomach like dead weight. No, it can’t be.

But the figure approaching you slowly is unmistakable.

No, please.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” You stutter, panic making your lips unable to form proper words.

Childe smiles, but you notice it doesn’t reach his eyes. There’s a deadened look in his azure pupils. “Oh come on now, what do you think I’m doing here?” He gestures grandly at the Exuvia, and you shake your head wildly, scrambling backward to move in front of Rex Lapis’ body.

No.

Memories of everything the two of you shared comes rushing at you like a whirlwind and hurt floods your system. Your mind goes blank save for the panicked chants of no, no, no.

Our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this

“You-you were playing me to get close to the Exuvia,” you spit the words out at him. You feel like an utter idiot, completely betrayed and blindsided. How stupid. You knew he was Fatui. You knew he was one of the eleventh Harbingers.

He smirks, the expression now maddening to you instead of endearing. “Don’t act so surprised. You’ve seen this world, you of all people should know that this should have been expected.”

He was right. You had been the one who had let him in, had let him get close. And now you were going to pay for it.

You draw your sword as he approaches slowly, the tip of the weapon sickeningly close to his throat. Archons, please let this be a nightmare. You desperately hope that this was all a prank, someone popping out of the corner to say “Gotcha!” But he is close enough that you can feel the heat emanating from his body and you know it is no joke indeed.

“I won’t allow you to get near the Exuvia,” you say bravely.

Childe grins and there is a tangible excitement in the air. “Oh? So you do intend to fight me?” His glee is disturbing, making you instinctively step back.

Was this really the same man who had whispered sweet promises about his wintry homeland? Was the man before you the same as the one who had pretended to be a toy-seller to protect the innocence of a childhood dream?

“We’ve now come to my favorite part. A simple pleasure, and one that I am oh-so-delighted to be sharing with you,” Childe continues, and suddenly the bow that was slung over his shoulder appears in his hands. “The battle.”

Your gaze wavers ever so slightly as you consider your opponent.

You of all people knew how much Childe loves to fight, the thrill of the battle is what drives him. He chases after it like a drug. But on the other hand, you knew the consequences of what would happen if Childe got his hands on Rex Lapis’ Gnosis. You’ve seen it happen firsthand to Venti, after all.

“I won’t kill you,” Childe proclaims, “I’ll just play along, to feel the thrill of the battle. Besides,” he smirks again, and it makes your skin crawl. “You can never defeat me anyway!”

You grit your teeth as you glare at him, “I can never defeat you?” You can’t help but feel the dangerous edge of white-hot anger run through you, like a hot knife through butter. “You’re completely delusional!”

The laugh that comes out of his chest tells you he is pleased with your answer, “Fighting talk, I love it! Now, let’s see if you live up to it!”

You barely had time to react before arrows start flying in your direction, pure muscle memory is what keeps you out of harm’s way. Your body goes on autopilot, instincts taking over as you do all you could to defend yourself against the onslaught of his attacks. But you refuse to go on the offensive, something Childe quickly notices, and he presses you. The attacks get more ferocious, but you do your best to parry them.

A blade, forged out of water, appears out of nowhere and knocks your sword out of your hands. When you move to follow after it, Childe is standing in front of the Exuvia. ”Not bad, your swordsmanship is quite impressive. But that’s as far as you’ll get.” He sounds triumphant. “I’ll be taking Morax’s Gnosis now!”

“NO-”

There is a blinding light and then nothing. You raise your head to look at Childe, who is staring at his hand. The gloved palm remains empty.

A shocked gasp leaves your mouth as Paimon and you exchange confused looks.

“Well…” Childe begins. The look in his eyes is foreign to you, a brief flash of confusion burns away to reveal fury. You instinctively lick your dry lips, feet unconsciously moving backwards. The Childe who stands before you is not the same Childe you’ve known.

“I see, this is most unexpected,” his voice is much too calm, and you shiver involuntarily. He turns to you. You notice that he clearly looks different now. A purple aura glows around his entire body as he stalks towards you. You’re not sure if it was your imagination, but he looks bigger, more threatening. “You beat me to it, didn’t you?”

Mute, you shake your head, but Childe doesn’t seem to notice. He turns slowly, his manner imposing.

“Where is it? Where is the Gnosis?” His voice is akin to that of a growl, and you gulp.

“I don’t know, I don’t have it!” Your words emerge as a frightened yelp when he jumps down from Rex Lapis’ corpse, causing you to stagger from the sheer force. Lightning crackles all around you and you’re forced to scramble.

“This is going to cost you!” A brilliant streak of violet electricity and suddenly, the ground disappears under your feet. You freefall, wind whistling in your ears, and you make an effort to protect your head from the fast-approaching surface.

Pain blossoms in your body and you can’t help the whimper that comes out before everything goes dark.

Your sword clatters next to you. Childe lands on the ground, his boots creating craters. Everything is far too quiet. He makes his way over to you, brow creasing as he assesses your surroundings. You do not move.

“Hey-” he calls your name, but you give no response. Paimon gives him a dirty look as she keeps trying to revive you, shaking your lifeless form frantically. Worry overrides the anger and panic sets in.

Get up, Childe pleads silently, watching your limp body. GET. UP. Panic rises in his chest when Paimon tugs desperately at your arm.

The tiniest groan of pain, so small, that he nearly misses it, and you begin to move feebly. Relief engulfs him like a tidal wave coursing over his entire body and Childe staggers, trying to keep his Foul Legacy under control. Bile rises in the back of his throat as he watches you lean heavily against your sword, using the weapon as a means to prop yourself up.

The differences and impulses and your obsession with The little things you like stick, and I like aerosol

He shouldn’t be worrying about whether or not you get up. He shouldn’t care. He was a Harbinger after all. The Harbingers prided themselves for being the Tsaritsa’s weapons of war, without being susceptible to useless things such as emotions.

And yet, Childe feels his insides twist unpleasantly as you force yourself into a fighting stance, breathing labored and sword arm trembling.

“I’m not going to let you get away with this,” you say, but your voice has no force, no life. Childe sees the exhaustion settling in and guilt gnaws at him.

But failure is not an option for him. It’s better to end this now.

He grips his staff as he sneers, “You never had any chance of beating me to the Gnosis. In fact, you had no connection to the Gnosis, no matter where it had been taken.” It’s easier for him to be the bad guy if it means he didn’t have to see your tears. It’s better if you were angry, instead of being hurt by the likes of him.

“Unfortunately, it’s time that our battle ends. My quest still beckons.” Despite every fiber in his being protesting, Childe raises his staff. Currents of electricity sizzle in the air.

Just before you throw your arm up to block the blow, you see him hesitate. The hesitation lasts only a split second, but it is enough. You knew. For someone who loves the thrill of the fight as much as Childe did, he never hesitates in battle. Hesitating means the difference between life and death. Hesitating means you lose. As the purple beam of lightning hurls towards you, a small smile appears on your face.

The bolt lands mere inches from you, making your eyes squeeze shut from the stifling air, but the smile remains on your face.

He missed.

When you open your eyes again, Childe is nowhere to be seen.

━━━━━━━☆━━━━━━━

The days following the battle with Childe and Osial have you attempting to help others. It wasn’t until Zhongli had suggested that you rest and Paimon threatening to tie you to your bed, that you relented.

And on one sunny afternoon, you watch the bustling streets of Liyue from the window, confined to your bed, lest Paimon unleashes her wrath.

A quiet knock breaks you out of your thoughts and you murmur a soft “Come in,” expecting to see Zhongli for tea or Baizhu with your daily medicine. The battles had taken quite a toll on you.

You were not expecting, however, the ever-familiar figure in gray with a somber expression.

“Have you come back to finish killing me?” The words that you utter are flat.

Childe winces slightly at your frigid tone and starts slowly towards you.

“Stop.” You throw out a hand and Childe obeys, watching you cautiously. “Before you say anything, tell me this.”

He cocks his head as he waits. And suddenly, you feel the urge to cry, but you shove the feeling down.

“Tell me,” you say, voice hoarse from unuse or unshed tears, Childe does not know. “Who are you? Who is the person who stands before me?” You were trying to put up a front, but he can see the cracks beginning to form. Your voice wavers. “Are you Childe, the pride of the Tsaritsa, the person who went on all these adventures with me, my cheerful comrade in arms? Or are you Tartaglia, the eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers, bloodthirsty and power-hungry, the one who tried to kill me the other day?” There is a hitch in your throat as you continue, “Or…are you…Ajax,” your voice is trembling, the name pushed through your lips as if difficult to say, “Defender of Childhood Dreams, the person willing to give up his reputation to save the hero-like image Teucer has, warm-hearted and kind, the one named after the hero. Ajax, the one who made those promises to me?” You press your lips together as you look away, gaze landing on the window, where it stays.

Childe is silent, for he does not know the answer to your questions either.

And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small Though I try to resist I still want it all

Minutes pass and the silence is overwhelmingly stifling.

“Does it matter which version of me is before you?” He finally breaks the silence. You squeeze your eyes shut at that, not wanting to see, to hear him.

He sees you grit your jaw, tension running a clear line, the same place where he had loved to press soft kisses against. “Yes, because I’m trying to figure out if all the memories we shared were real or not.”

“And if they were?” Childe breaths out, the ghost of his words hovers in the air between the two of you, “What if I told you that they were, every last one of them, as real as the sunlight filtering through the window right now?”

“You expect me to believe that?” You laughed dryly, sound grating and harsh. The laughter continues as you pull off the silver ring on your pinkie and flick it at him. Silver circle catches the light, a tiny streak glinting in a wide arc, and the two of you watch as it sails towards its original owner. Childe catches it by instinct, swallowing hard when he did so.

“And what about this promise?” You challenge, raising your brow. “You sounded so sure when you made this promise.”

“You’ll love the rest of my siblings,” Childe murmurs. He grabs your hand and holds it up for his inspection under the moonlight. “I’m very proud of them. They’re great kids.”

You laugh as you lean back into his arms with a satisfied sigh. “You’ve been saying that so many times, but we haven’t gone to Snezhnaya yet. I’m starting to think you’re a hoax.”

“I promise,” he turns to you, gaze earnest, “I promise I’ll take you there.”

“Pinkie promise,” you offer and waggle your pinkie playfully, “Or else, I’ll throw you on the ice.”

Childe smiles, cerulean eyes disappearing into cheerful slits, as he hooks his pinkie around yours, “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again,” he recites the ever-familiar nursery rhyme. “Close your eyes, I have a surprise for you.”

You look at him questioningly but obey regardless. You feel Childe take the hand that he had been holding and something cold glides up your pinkie.

“Ajax-”

“Shh, don’t want to ruin the surprise now, do we?” Warm fingers grasp yours and you feel his breath ghost over your knuckles. Lips, albeit chapped, press against the unfamiliar coolness, as if branding some sort of unspoken vow.

You give in to the urge to open your eyes and you do, just in time to see Childe sit back with a relaxed smile. “Wha-“ you begin and that’s when you notice a silver ring around your pinkie. “What’s this?”

Childe smirks, a self-satisfied upturn of his lips as he grasps your hand again. “A pinkie promise,” he proclaims proudly. He curls his pinkie around yours but this time, there was a gentle clink. You see a similar ring glinting on his finger. “I promise I will take you to Snezhnaya and you will get to meet my siblings. That is a promise I fully intend to keep.”

Your pinkie tightens around his and there is the distinct clink of your rings knocking together. You decide you rather like the sound of it.

“What about the promise?” You ask again.

Childe does not speak, but you notice his hand tighten around the ring ever so slightly. You can’t read the look in his eyes.

“If you make a promise, you keep it. If you make a mistake, you apologize…” You softly repeat the words he had said to you long ago. “The nursery rhyme Teucer taught me… You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice. The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off so you never lie again,” you recite the words, each one hammering a nail that would seal your fate. “Looks like you’re going to have to break the promise,” you settle back against your pillows with finality.

He swallows then, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. As much as you hate to admit it, you feel hope rising inside of you at the sight.

Was any of it real? Were his feelings genuine?

But the fact remains still, was that he had betrayed you.

“We’re going on two different paths. You, on the path to power. Me, to find my brother. Our paths should never have converged,” you are surprised to hear that your voice is steady, not betraying the turmoil you currently feel raging inside of you.

Only fools fall for you, only fools fall

Childe closes his eyes, sighing softly.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, so faint you barely catch it, “Truly.”

You feel disappointment settle in and you berate yourself mentally. What did you expect?

“You’re full of contradictions,” You breathe out, drawing the covers closer to you as if they could block out the hurt. “You refuse to let Teucer know about your real job because you wanted to protect his childhood, yet you do everything in the name of the Tsaritsa. Who even are you?” You laugh, but there is a little catch in your voice. “You make all these promises with honeyed words, yet you tried to kill me when you believed I stole the Gnosis from you, just because I happened to be in your way.”

“As one of the Eleventh Fatui Harbingers, it’s my duty to see the will of the Tsaritsa fulfilled,” Childe reminds you. It was a reminder you didn’t need. You can’t help but notice the loneliness in his tone.

You snort derisively, “The will of the Tsaritsa. Does it include nearly destroying entire cities, putting thousands of innocent lives at risk?” Does it include getting close to me to gain my trust only to betray it in the end? Was I part of this plan? You want to ask, but you were afraid of the answer.

“She will get that which she desires,” Childe is firm, and you have to bite down the disappointment.

“So where does that leave us?” The question comes hurling out before you can even begin to process it. You bite back a curse.

Childe exhales. “You should know…Anyone who strives as I do to grow stronger shall be called a friend, even if our friendship can only be shown in battle against one another,” he says softly. The expression on his face is forlorn. “The next time we meet, it will be on the battlefield.”

You laugh in disbelief, “Friends,” you scoff, “Friends don’t cross blades with one another.” Friends don’t betray one another, you wanted to add, but you held your tongue. “It would be more fitting to call us enemies.

“I harbor no ill will towards you,” Childe’s admission is nearly silent, “In fact, most of my happier memories were those shared with you.”

“It’s too late,” you grit out and there is venom in your words.

Childe studies you as if trying to commit all of your features to memory. You think to yourself that you have never once seen this expression cross his face, lost and melancholic. “Farewell, comrade,” he finally says quietly, “I hope you find all the answers to the questions you’re searching for.” He turns to go.

“Ajax…” you call his name, his real name. It comes out of your mouth before you can stop yourself and it hovers nervously in the air. He stops at the sound of his name, and he turns back to you, expression unsure. “You hesitated,” you say simply. “Inside of the Golden House. You hesitated to kill me. And you missed on purpose, didn’t you? That means you lost.”

Childe does not say anything. He offers you a slight smile as he pulls the door open. And just like that, Childe is gone from your life, leaving the same way he had entered.

Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

━━━━━━━☆━━━━━━━

Nighttime finds Childe under the tree where he had made the promise to you. It overlooks the ocean, Liyue lights blinking in the distance, a would-be pretty sight if he had better company save for himself. It’s a moonless night and Childe thinks to himself that it is fitting for a night like this.

“You seem quiet, what’s going on?” Childe asks as he plops next to you, jostling your arm.

You huff at him, moving your sketchbook out of the way, “Careful,” you warn.

Childe pushes himself onto his elbows, curious, as he peers down at the paper. “Your brother?” He asks, voice gentle. “Are you thinking of him again?”

You nod, filling in the details of your brother’s face. “I wish I had more information,” you sigh.

He watches you work, your expression was forlorn, lost and Childe wishes he could do something to alleviate your pain.

“You’ll find the answers, I know you will,” Childe offers, draping himself over you. His body presses against yours and the familiar warmth calms you. “Don’t forget I’m assisting you as well.”

“I’m just…homesick I guess,” you admit as you shade the contour of your brother’s jaw. “Have you ever heard of this word?”

“Hiraeth,” Childe mumbles. He remembers what you said to him.

“Homesickness for a home you cannot return to. The nostalgia, the yearning for the lost places of the past.”

It makes him think of warm arms and cheerful laughter. Of quiet nights under the stars and dreams uttered against lips. Of playful fights and adrenaline-fueled battles. Of forgotten duties in lieu of lazy mornings in bed, surrounded by the mere essence of one another.

It makes him think of you.

Home is not a place, it’s a feeling. It’s a person.

It’s you.

He presses a kiss to the smaller of the silver rings, his whisper lost to the wind. Nothing but the sky and the trees bearing witness.

“You were my home.”

Fin.

For more of my works: 📖

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arty-shadow-morningstar · 3 years

Text

Graveyard Siblings (5)

[Masterlink] (PART 1) (PART 4)

-----

Mari and Cass sometimes switch their suits as they have the same body type. Cass would sometimes go out in full Hellbat gear and give the appearance that Hellbat is out more often than she actually is.

So Orphan/Black Bat also sometimes uses guns.

This also helps with concealing secret identities. Maria was rescued by Hellbat from Joker’s Henchmen. (Vicki Vale was getting sus of the new Wayne and Hellbat.)

Unfortunately since Hellbat rarely comes out and she had already made all of her appearance for the month and it wasn’t a busy weekend, the public had come to the conclusion that Hellbat has a crush on the newest Wayne.

Basically everyone thought that Mari has a crush on herself. Which led to some teasing and escalated to Mari announcing that Jason had a crush on Red Hood on live TV.

It didn’t help that a video of Red Hood and Jason re-enacting Romeo and Juliet with Jason on his apartment balcony and Red Hood on the roof was posted on the internet a few days later. (Thank you, Trixx and Tim’s awesome video editing skills)

Sadly, it was taken down 24 hours later. (Tim and the others have multiple copies of it, on the cloud or hardware, hidden around in the manor and their respective safehouses in the US.)

Some people kidnapped Jason to hopefully gain leverage over the Red Hood and to their dismay and nightmares for years to come, Hellbat came instead.

One lucky and incredibly brave reporter asked why she was there instead of her brother.

Mari being a little shit, “Red Hood may be a tough and scary guy but when it comes to his feelings, my brother is a chicken.”

Pictures of Jason tackling Hellbat somehow never made it into any papers.

The criminal underworld hasn’t taken a hint and Jason has been kidnapped a few more times.

Other times Jason was kidnapped:

Robin: Red Hood made a fool of himself in front of Todd recently and he doesn’t dare to show his face.

Spoiler: He was taking too damn long checking his hair even though I told him that no one was going to see it under his helmet and he was so offended that he is currently sulking in the bathroom.

Red Robin: Red Hood can’t think straight when he is around Jason. I mean have you seen the dude.

Arsenal*during a rare visit to Gotham*: Red Hood owes me one now.

Dick finally ends it by going out as Red Hood and rescuing Jason. Gotham is happy that Redson (Red Hood x Jason) ship has finally sailed.

-------

Kate, Babs, Cass, Steph and Mari were out on Mari’s first girls’ night since her move to the manor.

This is set a little after she came back from Paris with Jason.

They watched rom-com movies, did hair and nails, gossip about the superhero community and bitch and vent to each other.

Marinette off-handedly mentioned the crazy shits she had done during her stint as Ladybug. It started with asking about the T-rex in the Batcave and she mentions jumping into the mouth of a live one before.

Everyone in the room was shocked and after a few more questions, it was obvious that she was very reckless and self-sacrificing. Yep, she was going to fit into this crazy family just fine.

And Holy Shit. There is so much trauma packed into this kid. She needs lots of therapy.

Babs finally decided that they all needed to get out and have some fun. All in their respective suits and they went out.

Joined by Harley, Ivy and Selina.

Plagg came along because I want Plagg to meet Selina.

It was a chaotic night and it was a miracle that Bruce didn’t find out about what the girls did.

-------

Batman and Red Hood were on patrol together when Selina jumped in front of them.

“Hello, Boys”

“What do you want, Catwoman?”

“I want to meet my new prodigy, Kitty Noire.”

Cue Marinette jumping down from her hiding spot, transformed with the Black Cat Miraculous. “Hiya.”

Red Hood carries her like a potato sack and points his gun at the other two.

“Nope, she’s my sister and I called dibs. I adopted her. She’s off limits.”

“Legally, she’s mine.” Batman coughed out.

“I did it first. Emotionally. She’s my emotional support sister. You have plenty kids already, B and Selina, get your own.”

“Hey, I am still here and can hear you.”- Maria

-------

Alya was worried for Lila. She had been acting weirdly for the past month.

She looked very out of sorts. Her clothes weren’t in order and her hair was in disarray. She had bags under her eyes and her eyes looked wild. Lila didn’t look like herself at all.

She jumped at any sound and flinched at really sudden movements.

Alya tried to find out what was wrong with Lila and received vague answers.

One time Lila said that Marinette is to blame.

Alya reaches the somewhat right conclusion that Marinette was haunting Lila and hurting her because Lila used to come to school with bruises and claims that Marinette did it.

Alya goes to Marinette’s grave to desecrate it. (Yeah, go anger the ghost that is haunting someone.)

Unfortunately, the moment she tries to do something, the sky turns dark, clouds appear and the wind begins whipping. A Lightning strike near her and there was a cloaked figure beside her with a scythe.

All Alya saw from the figure was the blood-red lips in a very sharp grin and glowing blue eyes, raising the scythe high before she ran away. The scythe swiped the air where her head once was.

Alya didn’t get far before she tripped and blacked out.

When she woke up, she found herself in the hospital with no idea how she got there.

She was told that somebody found her with a concussion in the park and took her to the hospital.

------

The next one on Mari’s hit list was Natalie.

She wasn’t as involved in the whole thing like Lila, Adrien or Gabriel but she still did it anyways.

Her punishment is a little mild compared to the others and was more of a warning to Gabriel.

Natalie woke up in the middle of the night to see a not-so-dead Ladybug sitting on her vanity chair with the moonlight from the windows illuminating her body and her neck. Her suit was torn exactly like the day of that battle with blood dripping down her arms and from her open wounds. The shadows kept her face hidden but glowing blue eyes stared at her.

Natalie was scared at first. But she regained her normal cool composure.

“I assume you are here to extract your revenge for aiding in your unfortunate demise. But before you kill me, I regret my part in my entire thing and I apologize for everything I have done against you even though I knew it was wrong.”

“At least you show remorse over what you have done. Visiting my grave when even my parents didn’t and leaving flowers. I love those purple hyacinths by the way. Did you know that they mean sorry in the language of the flowers?”

“Why are you stalling my death? Just kill me already.”

“Madam Sancouer. You just played a minor role in my downfall compared to what Adrien and Lila Rossi did to me. And you showed more guilt over your actions than they ever did and Adrien claimed to have loved me. And like I have told the Bats, Death is too swift of a punishment.”

“Who are the bats?”

“None of your concern. You should be more concerned about yourself.”

“Lila sees the ghosts of her past and they haunt her. Adrien is in a living nightmare and has no control over his actions and is despised by everyone. What are you going to do to me?”

“Well, since you show some guilt over your actions, let me tell you a little secret. I am not dead. Not really. I mean I did die. But there was a spell in the grimoire that revived me. It took a few days to work.”

Marinette changed to her normal form. It was a little jarring to see an older Marinette Dupain-Cheng sitting on her vanity chair like it was a throne. The Ladybug suit and the wounds were gone. She looked a little familiar.

“Why are you telling me this? What was the point?” Natalie faltered as she wondered why the girl looked familiar. Marinette moved closer and her face was fully illuminated by the moonlight.

“I intend to take everything by which I mean everything from Gabriel Agreste for what he did.”

“M. Agreste just wanted his wife back. You just gave him your Miraculous, you would still have everything.”

“What difference would it make? Sure I had friends and family before but they turned out to be disappointing. I might have become a famous designer like I dreamed of and can't achieve because I died. Besides, he never said about wanting his wife to come back in his tedious monologues. For all we knew back then, he wanted them for world domination. He showed that he would end the world for them. For kwamis’ sake, he nearly started World War III, just for a pair of earring and a ring. He was willing to kill me to have her back. No wait, he did that too. If he actually read the translated grimoire or asked the Guardian or at least someone with magic for help instead or maybe used his head and made some who can heal as his champion using the Butterfly, we wouldn’t even be in this mess. Face it, Mme Sancour, your boss is a power-hungry and very controlling maniac who is also thankfully an idiot.”

“But- he- he just-. You are just a child, what do you know? M. Agreste knew what he was doing.”

“A child who had a normal life up until he tried to ruin it with his idiotic schemes and hiring Lila to do it. A child who had to fight a war on her own.”

“I am sorry you had to go through that but I doubt you and your little revenge rampage is going to solve anything.”

Ghostly Chains wrapped around Natalie’s body, squeezing tight like it was squeezing the life out of her.

“I was all for sparing you, you know. If you had actually listened to my side of the story, you would have spared from my ‘little revenge rampage’. This is going to be a little painful. Sorry about that.” In a tone that was definitely not sorry.

Pain coursed through Natalie’s body. Her skin crawled and itched as pitch back feathers grew out of it. Her bones turned to dust and reformed.

Where Natalie Sancour once was, there was a raven.

An omen of death and destruction for one Gabriel Agreste.

Marinette leaned down towards the raven. Natalie tried to peck her eye out but Marinette held the beak in a firm grip.

“Ah. ah ah. Luckily for you this is temporary. Mostly. Every night, you will assume this shape and each night the longer you will stay in this form. Slowly counting down the days until Gabriel’s downfall. Since you love helping him so much, you are going to help him know how long he has to live. The night you are a raven from sunset to sunrise, that sunrise starts the day Gabriel Agreste will be utterly destroyed.”

She released the beak and headed towards the window.

"Send him my regards."

With that, she was gone.

(Part 6)

#platonic jasonette #graveyard siblings #maribat #ml x dc #marinette meets the sirens

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minniepetals · 4 years

Text

nightlight

— summary: things have never been easy for you but you never expected it’d be them that would make things easier

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, fluff, mafia!au, gangsters!bts, rich!reader

— word count: 7.7k

— warnings: (triggering topics!) reader is sold to bangtan, dysfunctional family, allusions to an abusive father/husband, harassment, reader has a tough life growing up, guns, violence, jungkook calls her a whore (but apologizes), mentions of death, minor character death, insomniac!reader, nightmares, hurt and comfort

— rec music: finding hope - nightlight

Starlight star bright.

Fallen stars shooting in your dreams.

A wish, a hope. A prayer to escape from the world. From responsibilities and from the sacrifices that keeps you trapped in these chains of yours.

You keep yourself from feigning a smile, knowing it means nothing, knowing there is no reason to fake anything when the rest of the world is already doing the job.

Your father doesn't love you.

If he does, he wouldn't have thrown you out of his life when things got too hard, too difficult because he messed with the wrong man.

The same man whom you kneel in front of. The same man who takes your face in his hands, gentler than your father can ever, and gives you a blank look when you meet his gaze.

Call it sickening but his eyes look quite lovely.

Beautiful even.

Maybe that is why you don't flinch away when he holds a sinister smirk. Or perhaps you had already gotten used to your father's actions and now he's the only one that can ever make you feel afraid.

That's why you can't be afraid of the mafia boss.

Because even though he kills, he doesn't hurt you.

Maybe not yet, maybe you're still expecting it, but his hands never hangs in the air, hoping to swipe it right across your face.

"Why do you always stay awake?"

You turn around from the window, catching the gaze of one of his most trusted men.

Park Jimin leans against the door to your supposed room, the moonlight illuminating his pretty face. He has an arched brow, pillow lips pressed together, arms crossed against his chest.

"Is the room not to your pleasing?" He asks you. A soft yet hard tone. "Do you need a bigger room, princess?"

He mocks you. The daughter of a businessman who should have known the consequences to his actions and now his business is at stake, with his daughter in the hands of one of the darkest gangs.

He played with the wrong card and these men will never let you forget it.

Yet you remain calm as you shake your head lightly. Sincerely. "I am thankful for this room," you tell him.

"Then sleep."

As if it is easy.

As if it had always been easy.

"I...will try," you promise him, not brave to go up against him or make excuses. He is scary but not as scary as your father.

You wonder what your father is doing right now. Is he sleeping? Living a better life now that you are gone?

You wonder if your mother is alright.

But then again, she's escaped him so perhaps she is indeed living a life far better than when she lived with the two of you.

"Trying is not hard enough," Jimin says and your gaze falls to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

Jimin scoffs. "Sorry?" He repeats. "For what? Not sleeping?"

"Yes," you hum softly, "and for being here."

"Not really your choice now is it?" He steps away from the door, arms uncrossing. "You've got to be braver than this, princess." The name is lighter. "There's no need to apologize for something you had no control over."

"Still, I.." you watch your hands hold each other, gripping against one another tightly, "I'm sorry for what he's done."

"That should be his words, baby, not yours."

You hear the door click closed and his footsteps echoing away.

"You know how to treat wounds?"

Hoseok stares at the concentrated look on your face, lips pursed, eyes barely blinking one bit as your fingers work their ways stitching him up.

"I've often had to do this," you tell him and it's a bit of surprise. "My father..gets in trouble many times."

He raises a brow. "He's messed with other gangs?"

"I have no clue on the backgrounds. He doesn't tell me and I am in no position to ask."

"You're his daughter."

You don't reply, just keeping quiet.

But he sees you blink, sees the slight hesitation in your hands, how your eyes just stares blankly for a brief moment before returning to focus.

You try to hide it but he knows there's something going on that isn't right.

He shouldn't be surprised. Your father is the one who offered Namjoon to take you in the first place and they allowed it only because they believed you were someone worthy to your father.

But it looks like that isn't the likely story.

He's tricked them, so maybe this should be the moment when he lets the rest know to kick you out.

You're not a pawn anymore at this point.

But he doesn't understand why he doesn't feel like making a move.

The halls of the mansion is dark and empty even when it is daylight so you can never really come to understand how much time has passed until you return to your room, tired and drowsy and check the windows.

It is usually dark by the time you come back from your duties of cleaning and cleaning but even then you can't fall asleep.

Some days are harder than the rest but it's better.

Better than playing your father's puppet in the media as the world's perfect daughter.

"Why don't you ever complain?"

You look up from scrubbing the floors, holding your forearm against your forehead to wipe the sweat.

Yoongi stands in front of you, dirty shoes on so you know you'll have to redo the floors all over again. Yet surprisingly to him, you show no sign of distress.

"You seemed to be living the perfect life as a rich man's daughter," he scoffs, "not that he's rich anymore. So why aren't you saying anything?"

You remain quiet for a moment and usually he'll hurt the ones who hesitates to answer him right away but to your surprise, he does nothing but wait for you.

"It's fake," you whisper.

His brows crease.

"The perfect life," you answer the unspoken question. "It's not perfect, as you can see."

"Oh?" A brow arches and he sounds a little amused. "I thought he was just desperate."

"He is," you say, "desperate to throw me away."

"Well," Yoongi begins to turn away, his steps walking off, "this just got a little more interesting."

You return to your duties, choosing to ignore what he means because you're sure he will not speak his mind if you ask.

You're afraid to ask. .

The library is more difficult to clean because it is so big but you enjoy yourself there more than most rooms.

Mostly because you get to take a moment to read a few things. No one comes in anyways, which brings out the question as to why waste a whole room filled with books when everything is dusty, as if no one has ever touched a thing.

"A-hem."

Your breath hitches at the sound and you're quick to get back on your feet, book slammed closed and placed right back into its slot.

The boss raises his brow. "Mythology?"

"F-forgive me, sir." You lay your head low, too afraid to meet his disapproving eyes.

"You like mythology?" He asks an unexpected question and you know you have to answer.

"It...interests me."

"Does it?" You nod. "Which one?"

"...Hades and Persephone, sir."

Namjoon chuckles. It isn't anything like the dark chuckles he gives to the ones that have offended him and you wonder why.

"What about that story interests you?"

"Well," you say. It's a little easier to speak. "I just..find it quite lovely. Persephone would have been a forgotten goddess if Hades had not given her purpose. Their love created the seasons. The darkness fell in love with the flower."

"More like he fell for her and stole her away to his kingdom."

"But she eventually found love within the Underworld God as well," you point out. "He showed her kindness, showed her that he's capable of love as well, and that he isn't as heartless and cruel as everyone deems him to be."

He takes a moment to be silent, his eyes meeting yours, the same ones that refused to be afraid of him from the moment he had first taken a good look at you.

You were pure, still pure, and too innocent to fall into the hands of a father who couldn't show his own daughter some bit of love.

Namjoon finds it disgusting honestly, and figured that was the case when you were first offered to him. So after finding out it was indeed true from Yoongi, the fact only makes him more bitter.

"I'm sure the God only felt a change in him because of her."

Yet you shake your head gently at his words. "No one can change you, you do that yourself," you say. "The people around you are the ones that inspires you to change."

Namjoon doesn't understand how anyone can ever dare to think of hurting someone like you.

A few days later, you don't know how you got here but here you are, standing in a room filled with people in an ivory dress that falls to the floor.

You've been to parties before, you've been to plenty of parties, and it surprises you that you're let out after just two months of staying with the mafia gang.

Are they not afraid of you escaping?

Then again, perhaps it's because they are prepared for your escape in case you do try to leave.

They'll hunt your father down.

He may not love you as you still dreadfully love him, but you won't risk him at the chance of death.

You stand alone, not understanding what your position is because this is their mission. They're here to hunt someone down.

Distraction, Namjoon states, but you don't understand what that means.

Someone walks up to you, a gentleman, who offers you a drink that you decide to let him down on.

Another walks up to you and another.

You feel uncomfortable in the crowd that surrounds you, making lame jokes, trying too woo you.

"How about we ditch this party?"

Oh no, you certainly cannot do that.

"You know, you look quite familiar."

You don't want to be known and expose your identity, you can't do that when you're in the middle of a mission you're supposed to be a part of.

But with these men around, you can't do your job even though you don't know what exactly you're supposed to be doing.

Someone touches you and you flinch. "Please don't do that."

But he only laughs.

They laugh, shrugging it off as if it is not inappropriate.

But it is and you hate it.

Someone slides a hand along your waist and you flinch again before relaxing when you see who the man is.

"She already came with someone," Seokjin glares at them, ready to hurt the guy who dared to touch you.

You don't know why he makes you relaxed but amongst the crowd that eventually dies down around you, Seokjin feels the safest despite knowing what he does.

Maybe it's because you know him.

A little.

When he turns to you, you lay your head in shame. "I-I'm sorry."

He scoffs. "For what?"

You look up at him, confused. "Hm?"

It's a cute hum. "You did your job distracting them, good job." That was what they meant? You really didn't like it and you think he can understand that by the look on your face. "It's okay, you can leave now. Now go there, we've located our guy."

You look over at where he beckons.

A hallway.

"You're...not coming?" You ask. You know it isn't good to question them and it almost scares you but Seokjin doesn't grow angry.

"I'm shutting this party down," he smirks and you can understand what that means.

When he lets you go, you hesitate for a moment, watching him, and when you come to comprehend the fact that he will do nothing until you leave, you bid him goodbye and rush away.

The gunshot comes a minute later as you're running down the hall and you hear the distant screams.

It's hard but you keep running.

Heels hurt but it doesn't matter.

You have to run.

Find someone, one of them. Leave with them.

Yet you can't get far enough because someone grabs you by the arm, pulls you into a room, and forces themself to hold you against their chest, arm choking you and a gun pointed to your head.

Jungkook stands before you with a gun pointed directly at you. Or maybe not at you, maybe at the man. With a blank stare, showing no sign of weakness.

"Let me go or I'll kill her," the man behind you threatens.

You don't know why he thinks you're important to the man and you're sure even Jungkook thinks that.

Because the youngest only shrugs.

"Kill her," he says nonchalantly. "As if I care."

"Then why'd she come with you?"

"She's just a maid."

The man laughs darkly. "A little whore, huh? I hear you don't usually keep girls around for long. Is she that good?"

"You're sick for an old man."

He laughs again, louder, and it brings shivers down your spine. "I can be sicker." Something wet swipes along your cheek and you realize it's his tongue.

His dirty, disgusting tongue.

It breaks you.

Memories flooding back. Your mother, her tears. You, a little girl, and your father not caring one bit.

Jungkook meets your eyes when it tears up, trembling, but he keeps on the nonchalant facade. As if he doesn't care what the man will do to you, so your tears only falls because you are so, so afraid.

You can't do this.

You're still pure.

You can't...you can't.

"Quite sweet," the man hums and you whimper. "What a sweeter voice."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. "Quit your games and just face me already."

He chuckles. "Alright, fine." He releases you, pushes you down the floor where you yelp at the harsh sensation. "Don't worry sweetie, I'll clean you up later-"

But he doesn't get a chance to say anything further.

Once he's distracted, a bullet has already hit his shoulder with no hesitation.

His head snaps back to Jungkook who shoots again. And then again, and again.

You hold your hands over your ears, tears falling at the continuous gunshots that doesn't seem to ever stop and Jungkook's angry voice rings above it.

"After I'm done with you, I'll deal with your family just like you've done to mine. I'll kill them, each and every one of them. Not even your damn dog will be spared."

He can't hear him, you know he can't. There's no chance of survival left with the continuous gunshots that comes and comes, angry waves of hot tears escaping the maknae's eyes when you look up, and your heart shatters.

A broken little boy of a childhood that forced him into this life.

Seeking for revenge for what someone, that someone on the floor, has done to his very own family.

When the ammo is no longer, Jungkook throws the gun harshly at the wall where it hits and breaks, and runs to hold up the man by his collar, fist coming in contact with his face.

He's already dead but even then Jungkook is not satisfied.

How can he ever be satisfied?

His family is gone, never to return to his side.

A lost man. A lost child.

You get up from where you were thrown and take his arm to pull him away. "Jungkook-"

"Get away from me, you whore!"

You ignore his spiteful words and continue pulling at him. "Stop! He's dead!"

Yet Jungkook doesn't care.

"Jungkook!" A few more punches until you finally got him and push him away. "Jungkook," you call his name a little gentler, "it's okay."

He scoffs and pushes you away. "What does a whore understand?"

He goes to stand again but you force him back down, hands reaching out to lay against his shoulders. "It's okay, Jungkook. It's going to be okay," you repeat again. "You don't have to be afraid anymore."

"I'm not-"

"You're going to be alright." You hold him down, staring straight into his eyes. "I know you're scared," you say, "I know you're confused. But it's going to be alright. You're just a little boy who's gone through so much. You must have been hurting for so long, Jungkook, but you're okay now and I am so, so proud of you."

You hold his face, a soft gentle sensation against him, thumbs brushing away the hot tears that had fallen from his eyes.

You wipe away the blood on his face. Watching him gently, holding him gently.

And Jungkook doesn't understand but he tears up a little more. His chest tightens and he feels himself trembling.

What a lovely pair of hands.

So he surprises you by wrapping his hands around your waist and pulling you in close, face resting against the crook of your neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

You freeze for a second before relaxing and holding him still, hairs running along his fluffy hair, stroking it sweetly. "You're alright now. It's okay."

"Jungkook-!"

The rest of them comes rushing into the room only to find a dead body, blood spilled all around, with you and Jungkook holding onto each other as Jungkook cries.

Jungkook's crying.

Holding you.

He doesn't do that unless he absolutely cannot take it anymore.

He doesn't ever do that in front of anyone but them.

And now you.

You look up at their faces, some bits of blood managing to wipe across your face, with eyes of innocence, and Namjoon wonders why you aren't running away despite the blood in the room.

Despite having just witnessed Jungkook killing someone.

Taehyung lays in the pool when you walk in to clean a day later, body floating under the moonlight, eyes laying closed.

So when he hears a soft gasp and a bucket falling against the tiles, his lids open and meets your eyes from where you stand.

Heat rushes to your face and you're quick to turn around. "I-I am so sorry, sir! I didn't know you'd be here. I-I thought that, that I could clean up early since no one would be here."

What a cute little thing.

"Cleaning up at one in the morning?" He swims over slowly to you, arms laying on the edge of the pool, chin resting against his wet skin with an amused grin. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I..I couldn't sleep, sir."

Sir.

He smirks, a hum leaving his lips. "Can't sleep, hm?" Jimin's told him he checks up on you from time to time and always find you awake at night. "Then come join me."

You turn around abruptly. "W-what? No, I can't do that."

"Why not?" Taehyung shrugs casually. "A good swim is a nice way to clear your head. And don't worry, I won't drown you or anything."

You aren't worried about that.

For some reason.

But you still don't think swimming in the middle of the night is a good idea whether he's your superior or not.

But Taehyung isn't a man who takes no as an answer.

He kicks himself out the pool and the next thing you know, he's wrapping his wet body around yours and dropping the both of you straight into the deep pool.

He watches you struggle from down there, a nonchalant expression resting on his face while your eyes are squeezed shut as you try and fail at getting air again.

So Taehyung swims on over and takes you in his arms where he swims back up and lets you breathe again.

You gasp for air while he holds you and lets you sit against his strong arms.

It takes a moment but you manage to come back to him eventually.

You don't rush to yell at him like he expects you to. You don't even make a scowl.

You just rest your hands against his shoulders, holding on tightly and panting and coughing because you don't know how to swim and the deep water scares you.

He's got to admit though, you look quite pretty all wet like this, resting against his hold, clothes completely drenched.

"Um..-"

He adjusts his hold and your face comes closer to him than the two of you expects.

Your face flushes some more, nose slightly touching, and your eyes gaze into one another under the bright moonlight from above.

"...hi," you squeak.

Taehyung laughs. "Hi."

"It's um...cold."

"Is it?" You hum. "I like swimming in the cold."

"Do you often swim at night?"

He nods. "It's nice after a day of...you know what. It's relaxing."

"Won't you get a cold?"

"I have thick skin, little one." You sneeze right then and he chuckles. "But it looks like you don't."

"I'm sorry," you say as he swims on over to the edge of the pool, "for this and for interrupting your time here."

The man shakes his head assuringly as he settles you on the tiles of the pool. "It's nice to get a visitor every once in a while. Can you stay a little longer?"

You blink. "You want me to?"

"I do," he hums. "Besides, you don't have extra clothes and the boss wouldn't want his floors wet."

You bite your lower lip. "Right."

"There's some towels over there and you can wear my clothes."

You look on over where there's a racket of the white towels and his clothes hanging. But is it right? "I..shouldn't."

"Why not?" He asks, stroking back calmly. "Take it or you'll catch a cold staying here all drenched."

It takes a few more moments of hesitation but you eventually give in and does as he's asked.

The night is a little less lonely as you sit beside the pool, watching as Taehyung floats around on his back, eyelids closed, with a soft tune humming from his throat.

"Hey, you okay?"

You look up at the sound of Jungkook's voice who walks into the main living room, a face of concern resting on his face in this late afternoon. He's gotten gentle towards you ever since that night.

"Um..why do you ask that?" You reply with your own question while spraying the coffee table and wiping it down.

"You look tired," he states. "Jimin says he doesn't see you sleeping a lot..or ever."

"I'm fine," you insist.

But he goes on anyways. "Is it the atmosphere? Or maybe you're one of those people who needs something in order to sleep? Taehyung can't sleep without hugging something or someone."

What a cute revelation.

"Do you need to hold something? But then again, you've got pillows." You don't know why he's acting so concerned. "Or maybe you need a physical someone to hold you?"

And if you do, what will he do?

"Or do you need a nightlight?"

"It's okay," you tell him. "I don't need anything."

"But you can't sleep."

"I'm used to it."

Jungkook frowns. "That's not good, Y/N. You need to sleep." He pauses for a brief moment. "Why can't you sleep?" You don't answer him right away so he calls your name sternly. "Y/N."

You may have gotten a little closer but you still work for him, and you and your father's life is indebted to him.

"I get scared."

It's an honest truth, something that scares you for even speaking off it.

He settles down before you, taking your hand from mindlessly wiping at the same spot for the past few minutes.

"Of what?" He asks, silently hoping for you to meet his gaze.

But you don't.

It only falls to your lap.

"The nightmares," you say.

He hums as if he understands and he probably does. A young boy walking into the mafia life. His nightmares may be a little different from yours but nightmares are all the same.

Leaving you afraid, scared, trembling, and weak.

Too weak and terrified to close your eyes again. Afraid for the darkness to consume you all over again.

Even the drowsiness is not strong enough to pull you back asleep.

"What are they of?" He carefully asks.

"It...varies." You stare at the hand that holds yours. "Sometimes it's of me, trapped and vulnerable. Sometimes it's of me dying. Sometimes it's of my father, or my mother."

You've never spoken of your mother except now.

He doesn't think he's ever heard anything about your mother before. Not from your father, not from Namjoon who holds records of your father.

Even the news that had once made your family relevant to the world has never said anything about your mother.

"She left us, thankfully, and I think that she's happier now so I don't really care that she ran away. But sometimes I dream back to the days when things were rougher. Rougher for her and I couldn't do anything to help. When she ran, I was about twelve then. She wanted me to go with her but back then I cared for my father's mentality and what he'd do if the both of us were gone. He wouldn't do well, he grew sick then. So I escaped last minute when we got on the train and made up excuses to my father not to hunt her down."

"Y/N..."

He squeezes your hand and holds his other one up to your face, brushing away the tears you hadn't realized had escaped.

"Jungkook," you hold the hand that touches your face, "I don't think my father is going to pay back what he owes."

"Yeah," he sighs, "we had a haunch since it's been months."

"Are you...angry?" You ask worriedly. "Is Namjoon angry?"

"There's a good and a bad," he tells you. "The bad thing is that there was a lot of money he borrowed from us. The good thing is," his gaze falls soft your way, his hand grazing your cheek in a gentle manner, "I don't care because he won't be taking you back any time soon."

"What if...what if I don't want him to take me back...ever?"

"Are you afraid of him?" You nod, lips quivering and honestly he knows that was a foolish question to ask. "Oh baby, come here." He takes your body, letting you settle against his lap, letting your head rest against his chest, and holds you there as you cry softly. "It's okay, you have us now, you have me." He strokes your cheek, the same one that filthy old baster had licked upon and though Jungkook feels angry for him and your father, he keeps himself calm for your sake.

"There's no need to be afraid anymore, baby." A gentle promise that makes your heart smile and ache all at the same time. "Even if he does ever pay us back, I won't let him near you, you got that? You don't have to worry anymore. I'm right here."

You go missing a few days later and it creates sets of panicking emotions.

"The security cameras didn't catch her anywhere outside," Seokjin claims. "She has to be somewhere in this house. Y/N can't just disappear like that."

"Look around," Namjoon orders and they all begin to split up.

He walks into the library minutes after searching a few other places with Jimin, running around, calling your name. The library is one of the largest rooms and Namjoon curses under his breath because he knows he should have checked here first.

The aisle that holds that mythology book you like so much.

And he does find you, sitting in the dark room, head against the book shelves.

He almost shouts aloud, afraid you had fainted or something, but then he hears a soft snore and he realizes that you've just fallen asleep.

"Hyung, have you-" Jimin pauses when he finds you as well and the two of them both lets out sighs of relief.

"Inform the others," he orders as he walks over to you, kneeling on the floor in front of you.

You're in a deep slumber but he's sure you're neck will be tense if you don't move in to a more comfortable position so he maneuvers you carefully from the support of the shelves to his own chest.

You stir a little and he hushes you softly.

"It's the first time I've seen her sleep," Jimin says in a low whisper as the two of them watch you.

You look so vulnerable.

Peaceful and lovely laying in Namjoon's arms.

But then your face distorts, brows creasing, lips pressed against one another. Your hands come to rest against Namjoon's shirt, clenching onto it tightly, soft whimpers falling from your lips.

There are two stray tears that falls, your head reaching to nuzzle into the comfort of the boss's neck.

"What happened?" Yoongi asks when he and the rest shows up not long after.

"Nightmare," Jimin guesses by what Jungkook has told him.

Namjoon strokes your cheeks gently, brushing away your tears, shushing you lightly. "Wake up, baby," he repeats a few times until you finally open your eyes, the nightmares too hard to bear. More whimpers leave your lips as you sob a little more.

So he holds you a little tighter. "It's okay, baby, I'm right here. I've got you. You're okay now, baby."

"Your father has gone off my radar."

"O..oh..."

You don't know what it means for you, what any of it would mean. But standing here in front of Namjoon's desk, it scares you a bit.

"I assume the man is trying to escape from the consequences of his actions, not that it's going to help him. If anything, this only makes things worse." He watches you steadily from where he sits, leaned back against his chair, one leg over the other. "Can you tell me where he might be?" He asks slowly. "A safe house? Headquarters? A vacation home he may escape to?"

"There's...a place," you say hesitantly. You aren't sure if your father will be happy about this but then again, is he ever happy when it comes to you? "He has a safe house on Jeju Island."

You tell him the address and he jots it down in a notepad.

"He's not going to give up that easily but neither will I. What's his weakness, Y/N? You must know that, right?"

He hopes and he doesn't hope that it will be you.

For one, if you are then it means he cares more about you than what he shows. But it'll mean he won't be able to get through to the man because he knows he will not use you as a pawn in this game. And two, if you aren't then he'll understand just how bad of a human this guy really is.

Worse than him, a mafia leader.

Because at least Namjoon has a heart.

"He cares a lot about his business," you tell him. "It'll hurt him if his business falls and he goes bankrupt."

Business over his own daughter.

What a piece of crap.

"What..." you hesitate again, afraid to look up since the very beginning when you've entered his office. "What will...you do..?"

"Will it hurt you to see him fall?" He asks you, observing you carefully.

There's a moment of silence as you think it over.

"If he falls...will I fall along with him?"

"No," he's quick to say. "Your father doesn't own you, Y/N, this is your life whether he likes it or not. When I'm done with him, you can choose whether to stay or leave. Either choice you make, I'll make sure you will never fall to the position I hope to break him at."

A choice at your own life.

How different has life finally changed for you.

You take another moment to think again. "Do you believe I should still care about him?"

"He doesn't deserve any of your love and care," he tells you honestly. "He deserves to rot away in hell."

Yet he is still your father.

A father who hurts, a father who doesn't care.

"It's your call, baby."

Your call.

No one has ever given you a choice at anything. First your father, and then the society he had place you in.

Serving as the perfect daughter. Smart, pretty, dependable, and listens well. You don't speak up for your own self even when others criticize you. You don't make friends because your father forbade it. You've never fallen in love, never felt love of any sorts.

And now Namjoon, mafia boss, leader to a ruthless, dark gang, one many fears, is asking for your call.

But you don't know what to do.

"I-I'm sorry, I...I don't know," you admit.

Yet Namjoon remains patient.

"Do you wish to live an independent life, Y/N?" He leans away from his seat, legs uncrossing, elbows resting upon his desk. "Without having to worry about your father or anyone else but yourself? Live your own life, care for your own self and just yourself."

It may sound better than living with your father but it sounds lonely.

So lonely.

So you shake your head. "I want to stay," you tell him and he raises a brow, a bit surprised.

"You don't hate it here?"

You shake your head again. "I like talking," you say, "I like having someone else to talk to. I don't wanna be alone anymore, it scares me."

"This world I live in should scare you more."

"But you're more human than my father can ever be and you care more than what my father can ever give. I-I'm sorry if I'm being selfish, I just-"

"You deserve to be selfish once in a while."

He stands from his chair, rolling it back to take slow steps your way. You look up, meeting his gaze, those intense, piercing gaze, and the world seems to fall silent.

All but the intense beating of your heart.

All but his slow footsteps making his way towards you.

It stops when he's just a few inches away, his height hovering over you and you feel oh so small.

"Human," he says lowly, "no one's ever called me that in a while. It sounds refreshing, like I actually have a heart."

"But you do," you say and point right at his chest. "It's right here."

Namjoon chuckles. "Yes," he hums, taking your small hand into his own, "it is." Your heart skips a beat. "I believe the members won't mind another one added to the family."

"And...you?"

A smirk dances on his lips. "Isn't it obvious? Of course I want you to stay." You let out the breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding onto and he finds it amusing yet sad. "I'll take care of your father," he tells you, a hand reaching out to stroke your soft cheek, "just stay with the maknaes until we get back, alright?"

You nod at his words and he smiles, patting your head.

"Good girl."

Three days later at around 3 am, the door to your room creaks open and you turn from the window to find Hoseok standing in your doorway.

"He's dealt with," the man informs you.

Black suit on, a messy hairstyle yet he still manages to look good.

More than good.

You don't know what to say, how to deal with this. On one side, this is your fault, you've exposed his weakness and location. Your own father.

But on the other side, he's never treated you as human, never treated you as the daughter you deserved to feel like.

So maybe this is the right thing? Staying in a large mansion bigger than yours once was, living a life far better than your father who...who knows what's happened to him exactly.

"He isn't dead," Hoseok tells you, "but he probably feels that way at this point."

"Did he...mention me?"

A part of you still has hope that he has some humanity left in him, wondering whether he's asked about you, whether he's worried what will happen to you.

And Hoseok sees that without you voicing your thoughts so he keeps the story to himself.

You don't need to know how your father only belittled you some more, or blamed you, calling you plain useless, and not caring about what they'd do to you from now on.

Yoongi punched him a good few times for that.

You didn't deserve such words and the old man doesn't deserve you.

So Hoseok just remains silent as he walks through the door, watching you steadily from where you stand.

He stops where you are, brows furrowing at the sight he sees. "You're tired," he says softly with a hand going on to stroke your cheek.

You take that hand, hold it between yours. "You're cold, Hoseok."

Small hands caressing his, rubbing it to give it your own warmth.

"Sleep, sweetheart."

He presses a kiss against your forehead. A soft kiss.

So maybe it's what makes you a little braver to rest yourself against his chest, against his hold.

He's cold but you welcome it.

"Thank you, Hoseok."

"You didn't come back last night," Taehyung smirks at his hyung's way when he walks into the kitchen, hair ruffled and messy from just waking up.

Hoseok doesn't hide it. "How could I?" He says, shrugging. "I wanted to make sure the little one fell asleep."

Fresh morning light filters into the room after years of living in just the darkness. Coffee beans and scrambled eggs filling the room.

Yoongi takes a sip of his hot drink with eyes checking the clock that reads somewhere around nine. "She finally slept."

"So what'd you do to the old man?" Jungkook asks.

"Left him to rot away like the life he deserves," Seokjin says bitterly.

"And Y/N? The media isn't going to try and get into her life are they?"

"I've dealt with them last night," Namjoon tells him. "She can live a peaceful life now."

"Not entirely," Jimin points out with a light scoff. "Since when have our lives been peaceful?"

"Well," Yoongi shrugs, "at least there's some light now."

Footsteps are heard, coming from afar, nearing and nearing, and they almost consciously reach for their guns but the steps are two soft for anyone threatening.

Too soft.

And quick.

You run in, stopping at the sight of them with a soft gasp and Jimin stands from where he sits to instantly rush to your side.

Tears fall from your eyes. You're scared, the nightmares making you feel terrified.

"Hey, it's okay, baby," he holds your face, brushing the tears away, gives you kisses on both your eyelids as the rest joins to surround you with worry. "It's okay. We're right here, baby. You're alright now. You're okay."

"Jin...?"

He hums, asking you to go on when you walk into his office hesitantly, eyes never straying from the computers that surrounds his office, fingers typing away with codes of black and green letters rushing through the screen.

Something you can never come to ever decipher.

"You..you're good with...tracking people down...right?"

He hums again and you fall a little more hesitantly this time.

When he doesn't hear your voice again after a few long seconds, Seokjin stops typing and turns his chair around to face you. "What is it, little one?" He asks. "Do you need me to track someone down?"

His brows are a little furrowed, hoping you don't mean your father. The same one who unfortunately doesn't care much about you.

He doesn't understand why you had the heart to stay and not run away, but then again, perhaps there was no escape.

After all, where would you have gone? He just wishes you hadn't loved him as much.

But the words that comes out of your mouth is something entirely different from what he expects.

"I want you to find...my mother." He stares at you for a moment, a little taken back, and you swallow a lump in your throat. "I just need to know if she's alright," you tell him. "At least then," you pause, "hopefully...another nightmare may go away."

The nightmares, right.

"I just need to know."

He lets himself take a breather, arms opening up for you. "Come here, sweetie." He snakes his arms around your waist, allowing you to fall against his lap. A hand comes up to your hair, fingers playing along a few strands. "If I find her, what will you do? Will you go to find out?"

You're adorable with the slight pout of confusion on your face. He just wishes you smiled more often.

"...may I?"

He gifts you a soft smile, planting a kiss on your temple. "I'll come with you, alright?"

You nod, knowing it'll be better that way. "Thank you, Seokjin."

The street looks like a nice neighborhood. Suburban home miles away from Seoul.

Peaceful and friendly looking.

"There it is," you say softly under your breath as you stop walking, staring at the number of the house a few feet away.

It's a pretty home with a spacious yard, and suddenly you're feeling quite nervous. Small and timid.

How will she react? Will she even want to see you? You had deserted her on that train after all, left her crying and calling out for you from the window. Her shouts echoes in your dreams from time to time, moments you shall never forget.

You told her you'd head to the bathroom, only to escape, hoping she wouldn't catch you. So the instant her eyes met yours outside the train, all thoughts of watching her quietly leave were thrown out and you ran.

Ran and ran without giving her a chance to chase after you because the train had already began to depart.

You left her a letter in your backpack. She had asked you to pack, fully expecting a few clothes and snacks.

But the only thing in it was a photo of you and her with departing words in sloppy handwriting on the back, signed your name.

Would she forgive you for leaving without a proper goodbye?

Would she forgive you at all?

Seokjin takes your hand without a word, squeezing it for comfort as if he understands your thoughts and insecurities.

You look up at him, smiling, and his heart almost melts.

It's a little sad but you haven't smiled so much so he knows that this is good enough.

You hear voices, a cheery child laughing as she jumps and gasp as you grip onto Seokjin's hand tightly and rush to hide the both of you behind a fence.

There's a child with her parents, holding onto their hands as she skips happily.

Her father makes a joke and they laugh. Her and...

Your heart skips a beat, breath held back, tears forming at the brim of your eyes, throat clogged up, mouth feeling dry all of a sudden.

"Careful, sweetie," she tells the child just around seven years old. "You might fall if you aren't too careful."

"But you and Daddy will be there to catch me, mummy."

"Even so," she grins, picking her up in her arms, "I don't want you getting hurt, okay?"

"Ah, mom, you're always so worried about the slightest thing!"

Her father chuckles as he places a sweet kiss on his wife's temple. They share an understanding gaze, something the daughter will not come to comprehend just yet, and walk into the very home you had been seeking for.

Your mother is always worried about the slightest thing because of you, a young child who's often clumsy, a young child who should have never been exposed to the dysfunctional life of what was supposed to be a lovely household.

But she's escaped that.

Got a new husband, a loving husband, and another daughter.

Your half sister, your step father.

"Y/N?" He calls your name, one of the seven reasons why your life has gotten better, why you're saved.

So you turn to him, smiling sweetly even with tears falling away, and take his hand.

"Let's go home."

Home.

The sun has already set when the two of you return, lights by the entrance doorway flicking on when you and Seokjin walk up the doorsteps.

The doors open, revealing Yoongi who has on a grumpy frown.

"Where have you been? It's late and you never answered. Do you have any idea how-"

You wrap your arms around him, falling against his chest, and he freezes up, eyes blinking in confusion, looking at his hyung for an explanation.

Seokjin just smiles and though he remains perplexed, he allows your warmth to welcome him and pulls you in closer.

"You okay, baby?"

You nod against him. "Hungry."

He chuckles lightly.

2 am.

There's a knock at their door and Taehyung comes to open it.

You stand there, looking up at him looking oh so small and adorable. There's hesitation in your eyes, small body rocking slightly from side to side, unsure if this is the right place to come to.

"Nightmare, sweet one?" He asks you.

You shake your head, rubbing at your sleepy eyes. "Can't sleep, want my nightlight."

He tilts his head slightly to the side. "Nightlight?"

"You."

How cute.

It has him smiling no matter how hard he tries to hide it because he likes it. He likes the sound of that.

"Come in, then."

They're already settled in, just a lamp turned on by the bedside and you crawl in to the middle of the large bed.

"Sorry," you mumble quietly as you settle in between Jungkook and Namjoon who holds onto you securely.

Jungkook has his arms around you from the back, spooning you and pressing a soft kiss on your shoulder. "It's okay, baby, don't apologize."

"Sweet dreams." Another kiss pressed against your head, Namjoon pulling the covers up to your neck as your eyes slowly closes.

Your hear the light flickering off and you know you'll have a pleasant dream you haven't had in a long, long time.

"Thank you," you whisper into the quiet night, a confession just on the tip of your tongue but you know you don't have to say it aloud for them to understand.

And they don't have to say a word for you to know either.

4K notes · View notes

dottielovegood · 3 years

Text

ASMR - Chapter 4

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

_______________________________________

You can find chapter 1 here, chapter 2 here and chapter 3 here

Read this fic on AO3

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The following week, Azriel read Elain’s messages too many times to admit. He had answered her that “meat banjo” was, indeed, a vile word, and after that, they hadn’t really talked or texted.

He had saved her number as “Elain”, which had felt weirdly private. As if they were friends, which they were not. He was just her friendly helper, and she was his remedy for nightmares.

However, even though they didn’t know each other, Azriel felt an odd sensation in his chest when he thought about her. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that he was missing her, which was absurd. But the tight little knot in his chest felt very much like longing. He tried to tell himself that this was weird and stupid. He knew that he had a crush on her (even though he hated to admit it), but he could also see that it was a pointless crush. She was an internet sensation, he was a boring IT guy. She was light and happiness and flowers, he was dark and brooding. She made people smile, he made people uncomfortable. And then there was the practical side of things. They had met on the internet. She probably lived on the other side of the country. Hell, she could even live in a different country for all he knew. She might have a partner already - it’s not like he asked. And, last but not least, she probably didn’t have a crush on him.

Before talking to her on the phone, he had just thought that she was a pretty girl that deserved kindness. But after their phone call, he had definitely developed a crush. Which was another reason why he hadn’t texted her. He didn’t want to bother her and he didn’t want to have this crush. He wanted to stop feeling like this for a girl he would never see in real life. Yet, every night before bed, he found himself on her youtube page, watching one of her many videos.

She uploaded a new video to Youtube every Friday, so when Friday came around, Azriel was itching to get home so he could go to sleep (he told himself that he was looking forward to sleeping and not to seeing her face).

However, he had an entire workday to get through first. The office was mostly an open landscape and Azriel’s desk was next to Cassian’s. The only person with his own office was Rhysand, which was fair since he was the owner of the company. At two in the afternoon, Rhys poked his head out of his office.

“You guys are still coming for dinner this weekend, right?”

“Yeah,” Azriel and Cassian answered in unison.

“I told Feyre that I would help her with the food,” Azriel continued.

Rhys looked like he was going to kiss Azriel. “Oh, god. Thank you, man. I was scared that we would have to repeat the Christmas dinner,” he said and shuddered.

Feyre hated to cook and Rhys did most of the cooking at home, but for some inexplicable reason, she always wanted to cook for holidays or family dinners. To everyone’s dismay. Christmas had been no exception. She had burned the turkey, added salt instead of sugar to the dessert and somehow managed to buy the wrong berries for her cranberry sauce. Luckily, Rhys had been prepared and bought a few frozen pizzas and some ice cream, so the day wasn’t that much of a disaster, but nobody wanted to brave Feyre’s cooking again.

“Why don’t you just cook?” Cassian asked without looking up from his screen.

“You know that she kicks me out if I so much as go near the kitchen when we have these family dinners. And since she started the hormone treatment, she has been a bit bitchy when she gets mad, so I’ll just do whatever she says.”

Azriel chuckled. He could tell from Rhysand’s tone that Feyre had been more than “a bit” bitchy.

“I don’t understand why she lets Azriel help, though…”

“Maybe because she knows that I’ll tell her to sit down with a glass of wine and a magazine, and then she can take all of the credit for the food?”

“Fair enough.” Rhys shrugged. “Just burn the food a little bit, or it won’t be believable.”

Cassian snorted. “No one would believe that something edible was made by your wife. Sorry.”

“She does make a great green smoothie, though,” Rhys grinned and held up his glass.

Azriel and Cassian looked at each other and had to bite their tongues to keep from laughing. The smoothie looked vile and smelled even worse.

After a few more minutes of small talk, Rhys went back to his office for an important phone call. “See you on Saturday,” he reminded them before closing the door.

Azriel and Cassian worked in silence for the remainder of the day.

When Azriel came home that evening, he made a quick pasta carbonara to eat in front of the TV. He was re-watching New Girl. It was his comfort show and absolutely nobody knew that he watched it (and had watched it multiple times). He would take that information with him to the grave. But it was fun and cute and sometimes he liked to imagine his friends as characters in the show. Cassian was probably Schmidt, because Nesta was one hundred percent Cece. Feyre was Jess, which meant that Rhys was Nick. And then there was Azriel. He wanted to say that he was a very cool character, but most characters on this show weren’t cool, and also, he was definitely Winston. Alone with a cat - sounds about right , Azriel thought to himself as he finished his bowl of pasta.

When the episode ended he just waited for the next to start. He didn’t have any plans for the night and nowhere to be. His phone vibrated where he had left it on the kitchen counter. He ignored it, feeling too lazy to get up. But then it vibrated again. With a sigh, he got up. He expected to see a text from Mor telling him to bring wine tomorrow, or maybe a strange meme from Cassian. What he didn’t expect was to see Elain’s name on his screen.

He could feel his heart in his throat as he read her messages.

Elain Hey, Shadowsinger. I’m uploading a new video soon. You should watch it!

Elain I hope that message didn’t sound creepy? I just meant that I think you might like it.

Azriel’s hands were sweaty.

Azriel You didn’t sound creepy at all. Of course, I’ll watch your video. May I ask what I can expect from it?

Just seconds later, Elain answered.

Elain You can ask, but I might not tell ;)

Azriel Should I be worried?

Elain Haha, no! I think it turned out great. You were my inspiration :)

Azriel could feel himself blush. He had never been someone’s inspiration before.

Azriel So, I’m your muse? ;)

Oh god, was that too flirty? Was the winky-face too much? He wished that he could take back the message.

Elain For tonight, yes!

Azriel stared at his phone, unsure of what to answer. Luckily, Elain wrote to him again.

Elain What are you doing tonight?

Azriel Nothing. Just eating pasta and watching TV. How about you?

Elain That sounds amazing. I have been editing this video for hours so I’m just tired and cranky, haha. I have just ordered a pizza and I think I’ll just eat it in bed as soon as this video has finished uploading. What did you watch?

Azriel If I told you, I would have to kill you.

Elain Oh, intriguing! Is it trashy drama? I bet it’s Grey’s anatomy! Or maybe… Love Island?

Azriel stared at his phone. Did she really think that he would watch something like Love Island?

Azriel I watched New Girl, okay. Don’t tell anyone.

Elain Your secret is safe with me! Also, I love New Girl! Especially Winston!

It felt as if someone was squeezing Azriel’s heart.

Azriel Really? Which character would you be?

Elain My pizza is here so I am going to put all of my electronics in a different room and eat my pizza while reading a good book. It was great talking to you, Azriel! Please tell me what you thought of the video when you have watched it.

Elain Oh, and I would probably be Winston’s cat. lol

Azriel almost dropped his phone. If he had to be alone with a cat for the rest of his life, he would definitely want Elain to be his cat , he thought to himself. Which was a weird thing to think about someone you didn’t know. Azriel dropped his head to his kitchen counter and took a deep breath before replying.

Azriel It was great talking to you too, Elain. Enjoy your dinner and your book :)

She didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. Azriel was going to be thinking about her for the rest of the night anyway.

30 minutes later, he got a notification telling him that Flower Girl ASMR had uploaded a new video. The video was called “ASMR for IT-guys”, which made him chuckle. He clicked the video and Elain’s beautiful face filled his screen again.

“Hello, my lovelies, lovelies, lovelies,” she whispered in her microphone. “This week’s video will be a bit different,” she continued, slowly moving her hands in front of the camera. “This video was inspired by my friend who recently helped me with some computer-related issues, issues, issues.”

Azriel loved it when she repeated words like that. And he liked that he somehow was a part of this video. It was something that connected them. Azriel paused the video and got into bed, knowing fully well that he would probably fall asleep soon if he kept watching this.

He pressed play again. “So, today, I thought that we would try a few computer-related triggers. I have a keyboard here,” she said and started typing on a keyboard that was out of view. “I thought that I would say a few trigger words while typing them.”

She smiled at the camera and pressed a few more keys. “I just wrote my friend’s name, but you won’t get to know who he is. But you know who you are. Thank you for your help!”

Azriel felt all warm inside.

She continued the video. “The first trigger word is IP address ”. Azriel laughed as she repeated the word multiple times while typing quickly.

“And then we have, laptop, laptop, laptop,” she continued, and Azriel felt shivers go down his spine when she popped the p’s.

Azriel had never thought that he would fall asleep to someone whispering “HTML coding” in his ears, but here he was. Relaxed and ready to sleep.

All thanks to Flower Girl ASMR.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The next day, Azriel texted Elain that he had loved the video. He waited for hours, but no reply came. Maybe she just wanted to repay me for helping her? Azriel thought. Maybe she would stop talking to him now that he had seen the video.

The thought of never talking to Elain again made him feel a new kind of ache in his chest. An ache he didn’t want to feel. This stupid crush needs to end, he muttered to himself as he started to scrub his kitchen counter. He tried to ignore the feeling by keeping busy. He cleaned his apartment and did some laundry before heading over to his friends’ house.

Rhys greeted him by the door and ushered him inside.

“She started cooking like 15 minutes ago, please save whatever can be saved,” he whispered to Azriel. Azriel chuckled and made his way to the kitchen. On the way there, he passed the living room and stopped to greet his friends. He saw most of them on a daily basis because of work, but he was still happy to see them. Cassian and his fiancée Nesta sat close together on one of the green velvet couches. On the opposite couch sat Mor and Amren. Mor was one of the journalists at Velaris News, and Amren was an editor. They had known each other for years. Amren and Rhys had studied together at university, and Mor was Rhysand’s cousin. Once upon a time, Azriel had a crush on Mor. One night after one too many glasses at Rita’s he confessed his feelings to her and she had looked horrified. He had expected her to tell him that she didn’t fancy him and leave it at that, but instead, she had blurted “I like girls!”

Azriel was the first person she ever came out to, and he had felt honored. He also knew now that they wouldn’t have worked out together in the long run (even if Mor had been straight). They were just too different. She was energetic and outgoing and fun, he needed peace and quiet. But she was still one of his very best friends.

Amren on the other hand, he didn’t know as well. She had always been very private, but she was damn good at her job.

“Where’s Varian tonight?” Azriel asked Amren, trying to make small talk.

“How should I know?” she answered quickly. “I’m not his mother.”

Cassian stared at her. “But you are his girlfriend?”

She shrugged. “I don’t like to label things.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. Amren had lived with Varian for the past two years, but she was still reluctant to tell anyone about their relationship.

Azriel made his way into the kitchen, and from what he could tell, he made it just in time.

“What are you making, Feyre?” he asked, because truthfully, he couldn’t tell.

Feyre turned around quickly as if he had startled her. “Oh, hi Az,” she said and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

Something was burning.

“I was trying to make lamb chops with glazed carrots, roasted potatoes, and salsa verde, but…” she gestured to the stove, which looked like a disaster.

Azriel chuckled. “That’s ambitious.” He lifted the lid from one of the pots and could clearly see that she had overcooked the lamb 10 minutes ago. Also, why had she made them in a pot, and not a frying pan? It would be inedible.

The potatoes were still in the sink, unpeeled.

She gave him a strained smile. “Will you help me?”

“Of course.” Azriel put the grocery bag he had brought with him on the kitchen island. “On one condition.”

“Anything.” She sounded desperate.

“Please, for the love of god, let Rhys cook when we come over. You really don’t have to show off. You are good at many things, Feyre. But cooking is unfortunately not one of them.”

She nodded. “I know,” she sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island and buried her face in her hand. “I just...I need to be able to cook when I become a mother.”

Azriel took her hand in his. “You really don’t. Nobody expect fathers to be good at cooking, so why should every mother be good at it? Honestly, just let Rhys cook while you play with the kids.”

She smiled at him. “That actually sounds amazing,” she sighed.

“Right?”

Azriel started to pull out some ingredients from the bag on the kitchen island. He held up the tomatoes and the spaghetti, “How about some pasta arrabbiata with burrata?”

“Sounds fancy.”

He shrugged. “Everything sounds fancier in a different language. It’s just pasta with a spicy tomato sauce, and burrata on top.”

“Whatever you make will probably be better than that mess,” she said and glanced towards the stove. Azriel couldn’t disagree.

“Probably,” he laughed and got to work. Azriel placed all the pots and pans in the sink and started chopping the vegetables for the sauce, and in just 30 minutes, dinner was served.

“You are my hero,” Feyre said and kissed his cheek as she carried the big bowl of pasta to the dining room.

Everyone had already gathered around the table, wine glasses in hand. As Azriel sat down, Mor poured him some wine.

“This looks amazing,” Nesta said and Cassian nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, Az helped a little,” Feyre said and winked at Azriel.

“Just a bit,” Azriel said and took a sip of wine.

The conversation (and wine) flowed freely, as it always did. Cassian and Nesta told them about their wedding plans, Mor gushed about Emerie, a girl she was dating, and Feyre told them about life as a high school art teacher. Azriel would never understand how anyone could choose to spend their days with teenagers, but Feyre loved it.

After two bottles of wine, Nesta and Mor were in an argument about which animal was the cutest.

“No, I am telling you, Sloths are cuter than any animal ever,” Mor exclaimed. “Have you seen their dopey little faces?”

“Sloths? Really?” Nesta looked at her as if she had suggested that the sky was green. “Red pandas are way cuter! They are cute and cuddly, Sloths just look like every single stoner I went to high school with.”

They had been at it for 10 minutes, which Azriel found to be quite impressive.

“Can you both just shut up?” Amren gritted out. “The cutest animals are koalas. They’re even cute when they fight. I am right, you are wrong. Please stop this meaningless discussion before I die from boredom.”

Nesta and Mor looked at Amren, and then at each other.

“We obviously have to see Koalas fight if you want us to end this conversation,” Mor said.

Nesta nodded. “Obviously. Give me your phone, Az,” she said and reached for his phone.

“Why do you need my phone?”

“Because mine is dead and yours is right there on the table. Also, your screen is big and we need to watch this in full HD, for obvious reasons.”

Azriel huffed a laugh, unlocked his phone, and handed it to Nesta.

She clicked the Youtube app, and then her face fell. She looked at Azriel as if he was an alien, and then she showed the phone to Cassian who looked at him with the same facial expression.

What the hell had they found?

He didn’t have anything weird on his phone. And he sure as hell didn’t watch porn on it.

“What?” Azriel asked, and Nesta turned the phone.

Fuck. The last video he had watched was still loaded on Youtube, and of course, it was Elain’s latest video.

“What the hell is this?” Nesta asked, almost looking angry.

Azriel didn’t understand why she found ASMR so wrong, but he desperately wanted to explain himself.

“Well, it’s ASMR. It’s kind of… well, it’s hard to explain, but it helps me sleep and– “

Nesta interrupted him before he could finish. “I know what ASMR is. I am wondering why you are watching Elain?”

Azriel stared at Nesta in shock. Did she also like Elain’s videos? But that wouldn’t explain the anger and confusion.

“Do you...know her?” Azriel asked.

“Yes, we went to university together. She’s our florist for the wedding. She was the florist at their wedding, too,” Nesta answered and gestured towards Rhys and Feyre. “Surely you have met her?”

Azriel could do nothing but shake his head in confusion. If he had ever met Elain, he would have known. You didn’t forget a face like hers.

“Please tell me you’re not stalking her like some creep, Az. Honestly, her last boyfriend was the world’s biggest asshat.”

“I’m not stalking her,” Azriel blurted out. “I’m just watching her videos to fall asleep, I promise. I– I didn’t know that you knew her.”

Nesta eyed him suspiciously. “So, is this just a coincidence?”

He nodded. “Weirder things have happened,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Nesta glanced at Cassian, and then back at Azriel. “Fine,” she said after a small eternity. “You would probably be cute together anyway. Sorry for insinuating that you would be a stalker.” She really did look remorseful. “That wasn’t fair. I’m just very protective of her. She’s the nicest girl, but she has horrendous taste in men.”

Azriel couldn’t answer, because his mind was still stuck on the fact that Nesta said that they would be cute together. He wanted to ask Nesta why she thought that. He kind of also wanted to ask her if Elain lived here in Velaris, and what her favorite movie was, and if she, by any chance, had a boyfriend. But he refrained, he didn’t want to sound like a stalker.

“So, what the fuck is ASMR?” Cassian asked. “Is it like porn?”

Before Azriel could answer, Rhys said “It’s like porn for your ears, I guess,” and then the entire table was laughing.

“Nesta,” Feyre said when the laughter had died down. “Does Elain still have that cute, little shop on River Street?”

“Mhm,” Nesta answered and took a sip of her wine.

Azriel could kiss Feyre for asking. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he could see her wink in his direction before raising her water glass to her lips.

Azriel walked home that evening with a million thoughts in his head.

He made a list in his head:

Elain lived in Velaris

River Street was literally a 10-minute walk from his home.

Nesta thought that they would be cute together

This meant nothing

She probably didn’t even like him back

Just because they were in the same city, it didn’t mean that they would ever meet.

This was still just a crush

And it was probably one-sided

She hadn’t even answered his latest text message.

And as if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

Elain I’m sorry that I didn’t answer you earlier. I’ve been at work all day. We had a leak in the basement and everything was just chaos. I haven’t even checked my phone until now.

He mentally scratched number 9 from his list.

Azriel No worries! Did you fix the leak?

Azriel checked the time on his phone: 23.30

Had she dealt with this leak until now?

Elain Yes! But so many flowers were ruined (I’m a florist) and I had to remake a few arrangements for a wedding that’s coming up.

Elain I’m sorry. You probably don’t care. I’m happy that you liked the video :)

Azriel wanted to tell her that he did care. That everything she said was interesting to him. He would probably even find her Starbucks order fascinating. But that bordered on stalker behavior.

Azriel Again, no worries! Sometimes when you’ve had a bad day, you just need someone to vent to.

Elain Exactly! Thank you for letting me vent :) This day is finally over!

There was a selfie attached to the last message.

Elain was standing in front of a big window surrounded by flowers. She was wearing a white, oversized shirt and her hair was in a messy bun. She looked tired but happy. She was giving him ‘thumbs up’ in the photo and through the window, he could see the Sidra. They were indeed in the same city. It made him both happy and nervous.

Elain Sweaty but happy to be heading home :)

Azriel received that last message when he walked through the door to his apartment. What the hell was he supposed to answer?

But then he thought back to Nesta’s words.

You would probably be cute together.

So he took a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

Azriel You still look beautiful though

He stared at his phone. Would she answer? Would she block him? Would she tell him to stop being a creep?

Elain Thank you :) What do you look like? I might have forgotten ;)

Okay. That was flirty. Even Azriel could tell that that was a flirty text message, and he was usually oblivious to such things. He quickly walked to his bathroom (it was the room with the best lighting). He checked his shirt (no stains) and mussed with his hair.

“Good enough,” he muttered, and snapped a selfie.

Before he could chicken out, he sent it to her.

Within seconds, he received a reply.

Elain Beautiful!

#elriel #elriel fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar #elain x azriel #elain archeron #azriel x elain #azriel

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purplexiasphinx · 3 years

Text

ok so I'm hyperfixating therefore I will hyperanalyze Rider's Lullaby please enjoy

Okay

I'm on mobile so I can't put a readmore so uhhh beware of spoilers pls scroll

Okay

I'm very obsessed with this. First of all, we don't actually... we don't actually have much information on Rider. She's just Rider, y'know? We know a lot about Horse. We know Horse is brave and strong and willing to give up... anything to keep the people she cares about safe. And that's beautiful.

But PAST that. Rider's Lullaby is sort of... well. Okay.

Let me put it like this.

The Nowhere King's song is often called a lullaby. Rider's Lullaby is literally called a lullaby. It's in the name. Okay, now hear me out bc as you can PROBABLY tell this is going to get a little Out There.

OKAY so. They are both lullabies. What if... what if Rider's Lullaby is some sort of... counter to The Nowhere King.

It holds so much love and trust in it, locked hands and bright eyes and longing.

And this fucking line.

I'll never, ever leave your side...

I have not stopped thinking about this line.

ALONG WITH

I'll stay here through the darkest night...

PLUS I keep accidentally writing nightmare king when I mean nowhere king and that cannot just be a coincidence

I mean it CAN but I refuse to believe that because I am MAKING my crack theories and you're gonna LIKE IT

But PAST that because I had a new idea, WHAT IF...

...

what if he just didn't want to be alone?

The Nowhere King kind of reminded me of Elias. You know the one maybe.

this fucking guy.

ANYWAYS

He reminds me of Elias.

And you know what Elias was? (At least, in the manga, which is all I have as I have not seen the anime yet)

He was lonely.

He had Chise, after a time. And they were happy. Or, at least, as happy as they could be while in constant peril.

Who did the Nowhere King have?

He had the mysterious woman, at some point.

And then she left.

She trapped him in Nowhere.

... she made him what he is now.

All that is good can never last, right?

My theory is he was toxic anyways, but she loved him. Probably still does.

He isn't just... some malevolent being here to destroy everything for shits and giggles.

He's a person with thoughts and feelings and he's hurting. That doesn't excuse his actions in the slightest, but that doesn't excuse hers either.

Sometimes the best thing is to end it all. But... what if? What if he could have been saved, if she'd... if she'd just been a little braver? Stronger? If... if she hadn't cared so much, she could have ended it.

At least, that's how I think she thinks.

What if.

She's gotta be tired of 'what if's. Of wondering. Of worrying. Of tearing herself apart with guilt and remorse, wishing she could have just done something.

But she can't. And there's nothing left to do.

OKAY BACK TO THE ORIGINAL TOPIC

Rider's Lullaby is a sign of trust and safety. The Nowhere King's song is a sign of danger, and unease.

I really like the lines "You will bring joy to the Nowhere King... when he sees the light leaving your eyes" combined with the fact that sometimes the light actually leaves his eyes. His eyes are dark, soulless voids... but also they aren't. They have a light. It just...

I don't think that's a soul. That is an evil presence, a darkness within light.

The woman is a light within darkness.

But...

Now, this is gonna go way out past what I was talking about and just do a complete U-Turn back to the Nowhere King because IN CASE YOU COULD NOT TELL he is one of my favorite characters right after the Gang (they count as one character solely because I could never pick between them)

OKAY

So.

his song.

It always contains a lot of voices. More than you can see. The plants sing, sure, BUT.

Those plants aren't centaurs. We've seen centaur trees, and plenty of other things... but those plants are just... plants. That Sing.

And from the Shamans, we know that at least some plants are connected and speak easily.

And then there's the flowers.

I think that they are part of the Nowhere King. They aren't just plants, they're roots. They're connections.

And. Going even farther out.

I think they might also be souls. Souls that the Nowhere King has taken. Stolen. Consumed. Each voice in the chorus is someone that has been lost in the inky-black pool that is... him.

He is a corruption. An infestation.

But... what if he isn't? What if the Nowhere King is really just the skull, and the 'ink' is the real problem? What if he was corrupted, just like the rest of the voices?

What if... what if the light already left his eyes, and he's merely a husk for the one pulling the strings?

What if he died a long, long time ago... and she (the woman) just couldn't handle that? What if she couldn't live without him? What if she was willing to do anything to save him?

What if she was willing to even do something despicable, something nobody was willing to do?

I saw a post talking about how there's probably another world, the one where the Minotaurs came from? What if... what if they're not the only thing that came from there?

A human body can only take so much strain before it collapses. Falls apart.

However, a centaur body...

Maybe something needed a host. And the woman was the perfect vessel... to bring it to the host it needed.

Maybe it offered life. An exchange. It could have a host, and she could have the one she loved back.

But it wasn't him anymore. It wasn't the person she knew. He was the Nowhere King now.

A waking nightmare.

So she did the only thing she could, and locked him away.

Where he couldn't hurt anyone. And nobody could hurt him.

Nothing good is meant to last.

Anyways I'm just really hyped for the next season ok bye

#the nowhere king #centaurworld #centaurworld spoilers #nowhere king #theory #theories #This is all probably wrong but like WHAT IF SOME OF IT IS RIGHT #WHAT IF I'M RIGHT 👀👀👀

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graciethewriter · 3 years

Text

Ice Cold ~Steve Rogers~

Alright so this is Steve's drabble, I hope you all like it! Thank you so so so much for all the support on my last post, I appreciate it so so much! I'm trying to get through all my favorite characters first because I love them the most and then I'll get to the other ones. I am happy to write for a few fandoms but Marvel and Harry Potter are my top two. Anyways please reblog or like if you liked this post. Mwah!

warnings: PTSD, Nightmares, confusion, Plane crash.

this is not edited all mistakes are mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours. It had been hours since Steve had unwrapped his hand from your waist, rolled over into his own dreamland, and you were jealous. You sat there tossing and turning, trying your best to keep your eyes closed but they just drew to the clock and you watched as the minutes ticked by, one by one, until you had enough.

You knew it was a bad idea to get out of bed, the worst and best part about having a war-vet boyfriend was the sleeping, Steve could sense when you got out of bed, when you left. He'd reach for you, you'd be gone, and he would wake in a panic trying to find you. You would've loved to stay in bed with him but it was just pure torture.

You went out into the living room, the house was cold, just how you liked it at night, and everything was quiet. For a while you sat in the dark, thinking about how to convince Steve into finally getting some therapy, although he liked to paint on a brave face for the avengers and America in general he wasn't that man, he was broken and lost.

It wasn't like you hadn't tried before, you did. Often. It always ended in a fight, he didn't want to go to therapy because what would America think if their leader was seeing a therapist, he would be perceived as weak or less then capable, but it was necessary. Things were getting worse and there was no tell to how hard Steve would push back.

Of course he had pushed the same question onto you, and you immediately refused, therapy was not the answer for you, you couldn't just open up to a complete stranger! Not even Steve knew your whole story let alone some random person. Nonetheless, he had proven his point, if you weren't going he wasn't going.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't sleeping anymore, you were nowhere to be found and he was in a... plane? How did he get in a plane? slightly starting to panic he watched the scene unfold before his eyes, it was like a movie, through the eyes of someone else. A movie he watched, a movie he knew all to well.

"Come in this is Captain Rogers! Do you read me?" he shouted through the intercom.

"Captain Rogers, What are your co-" Peggy's voice shoved in through the other mans.

"Steve are you alright?"

"Peggy! Schmidt's dead!"

"What about the plane?" he took a long pause before answering

"That's a bit tougher to explain"

"Give me your co-ordinates, I'll find you a safe landing site." he exhaled shakily before responding in the bravest tone he could muster

"There's not going to be a safe landing, but I can try and force it down."

"I-I'll get Howard on the line, he'll know what to do."

"There's not enough time, this thing is moving too fast and it's headed for New York." he paused for a while before concluding "I've gotta put her in the water."

"P-please don't do this we have time we can work it out."

"Right now I'm in the middle of nowhere if I wait any longer a lot of people are gonna die." he paused again, breathing heavily "Peggy, this is my choice." he pushed the plane downwards soaring through the clouds towards the water. "Peggy, I'm gonna need a raincheck on that dance."

"Alright," she cried "a week next Saturday at the Stork Club."

"You got it." he watched as the water and ice began to form beneath him, he propelled to the ground faster and faster.

"Eight o'clock on the dot, don't you dare be late. Understood?"

"Y'know I still don't know how to dance?" Faster and faster the ground came, fear etched on his face he pushed on.

"I'll show you how, just be there."

"We'll have the band play something slow, I'd hate to step on your-"

He hit the water.

Cold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve awoke with an audible gasp. He took in the room, the darkness, the coldness, the sheets and blankets thrown off of him. He felt so cold, the dream felt so real, everything was coming back and he wasn't sure what was actually going on.

Sobbing so hard he couldn't breathe, so hard he was coughing and gagging on his own breaths, gasping for breath and failing. The panic setting in as he walked around the room.

Then you walked in, and you saw him. It broke your heart, you knew he wasn't okay.

"Peggy?" he asked from the darkness of your bedroom

"No honey, it's not Peggy. Can I touch you?"

"No! No, no, no, w-who are you?" He shouted at your small frame

"My name is Y/N, its the twentieth century, you're at the avengers compound. You're safe. Why don't you sit down?" he complied, sitting on the bed as you walked towards him. "Why don't you tell me your name?"

"S-Steve Rogers."

"Good, good job. Do you know who I am now?"

"N-no" you're heart shattered in your chest but you didn't have time for that, you sat down on the bed next to him and pushed his head onto your chest.

After a while he fell back asleep and you stayed awake, letting him collect himself in sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Steve woke up before you, making breakfast in complete silence. He remembered what happened last night and felt terribly for it. You however didn't hold a grudge, you had lots of time to think last night but when it came down to it you knew he didn't know what was going on, he was confused and tired and scared.

"Good morning baby" you greeted when you finally woke up "why didn't you wake me?" you were responded to a non-committal grunt as he stirred the eggs in the pan. "Steve."

"What?" he responded, almost angered

"What is up with you today?"

"I remembered last night. I assume you're mad" he sighed "I'm sorry, I wasn't in the right headspace, I didn't know who you were but I apologize, it won't happen again."

"Oh Steve..." you trailed off walking over to where he was at the stove turning off the burner and taking his eggs off the stove before turning him towards you. "This, in no way was your fault. This had nothing to do with anything you had control over, you had a nightmare and was disoriented afterwards. I'm not holding anything over you, I'm not saying anything about you and Peggy, I'm not saying anything. Peggy was your first love, she was everything to you and it's normal to still love her just not like you used to. This is a prime example of why you should go to therapy, its very scary some of the things you do. You need to get help and get better so things like these don't happen again, but even if they do, even if you call me Peggy everyday for the rest of my life, its fine. I love you, everything included."

"I appreciate your concern for my nightmares but I am not going to therapy."

"What if I go to therapy too?" you asked in hopes he would agree, he sat an stewed on it for awhile before finally coming to a conclusion.

"Fine, but only if you come too."

#steve rogers #steve x reader #marvel mcu #mcu fic #comfort #tw nightmares #bucky barnes #amazing spider man

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elianaroselight · 2 years

Text

I was listening to my music when the song 'Loyal Brave and True' came on. As I sang along I was reminded of Mei from @winterpower98 's Cursed AU. I had to write this down once it hit me.

War is not freedom.

Over my shoulder, I see a clearer view. All for my family, Reason I'm breathing, Everything to lose.

Mei hears her name and looks over her shoulder, pausing in her recent mechanical project. MK with Yin and Jin were walking into the room, a grin on their faces. Zan was hanging out on Jin's head and she thinks she sees Cherry behind them. "Hey, you three have been working on your projects all day. Come on! Let's go hit the arcade before getting some noodles at Pigsy's!"

Mei looks at Apple who was sitting nearby and Red Son who was standing further over, by his own project. After a moment, Mei puts her wrench down, grinning. "I'm down for a break. This was frustrating me anyways." She stands and stretches, Apple and Red following suit as well. MK only had a moment before Mei was clobbering him into a hug, leading to them both falling over and laughing.

Losing is easy-Winning takes bravery

I am a tiger's fool

Out in the open, No one to save me

The kindest of whispers are cruel

Mei lays her head on Red's shoulder. Today had been tough for her. Between convincing herself to tell Red what had happened to her with that Tiger Demon, telling him and the nightmare she had the night before about watching MK die, she was exhausted mentally and emotionally. It was so easy to give into the depression tied to this knowledge that was constantly pulling her down.

It was so hard to fight it off and not give in. She wanted to succumb so badly, but she had never been a quiter. No matter how bad her nightmares got, how heavy this knowledge was, how hopeless she felt about it all, Mei Long was not going to go down without a fight. It can try to drown her, but she was a dragon connected to the sea. Plus, she knew how to swim.

Should I ask myself in the water, What a warrior would do?

Tell me, underneath my armor-Am I loyal, brave and true?

Am I loyal, brave and true?

Mei looked at the newest demon of the week. Well, three demons. Two were massive, more so than Sandy and DBK. They each wielded a great sword and were pretty fast for being so big. (They definitely hadn't skipped leg day.)

The last one was much smaller and seemed to be the brains of the three with the other two as his bodyguards. He kept taunting them with his silver tongue, literally and figuratively. She tried to block out his words, but they seemed to pierce into her mind like a dagger.

Mei pauses next to MK, both catching their breath. She tries to think of what to do, tries to think what Macaque or Wukong would do in this situation. Her mind wanders back to a recent lesson Macaque had taught her at one of her Sparring Days. She smirks and tells MK to follow her lead, chucking her fear away for the time being. She had some demons to take down.

Cold is the morning, Warm is the dream

Chasing the answers 'Til I can't sleep

Will I be stronger Or will I be weak When you're not with me?

Mei lays in bed, hesitant to sleep while wanting nothing more than to go into the safety of dreamland. Today she had a serious reminder of her new found level of invulnerability and how fragile her best friend is. It was hard to believe she had been like that too as she had never felt fragile when it came to fighting.

Her mind replayed the events from earlier and all she could focus on was the fearful look MK had as a demon tried to step down on him. She had only just barely been fast enough to get him out from underneath and stood guard in front of him as he caught his breath, bearing her growing fangs at the demon.

Now that she was lying there, feeling the bandages wrapped around her arms and knowing MK had way more bandages than she did, did her walls come crumbling down. She didn't want to watch Mk grow old. She didn't want to watch him die. She didn't want to live a day without his sunshine personality and glowing smile. She didn't want to lose her best friend.

The one who introduced her to the rest of her odd little family and pushed her to be better. To do better. To give her a reason to fight tooth and nail (or was it fang and claw now?). Tears pricked her eyes and she now understood why Macaque, her dad and mentor had struggled to sleep for so long. She probably wasn't going to get much rest tonight either.

Who am I without my armor? Standing in my father's shoes.

Mei sat on the couch with MK as she watched who were essentially her fathers and grandfather banter back and forth. She leans back with a smile and looks at MK. MK had grown to be a strong young man in the short time he has been Monkie Kid. One day, he will be able to take Wukong's place as the Monkey King and step into his baba's shoes, (though let's be honest, he was going to outgrow what Wukong had quickly and become more than Wukong ever could.)

She looks back at her dad who had said something that caused her grandfather to laugh. She was truly a mixture of the two, a dragon warrior. And while she knew the road in front of her and MK was going to be rocky and challenging, Mei knew they would make it to the end and beyond.

All I know is that it's harder To be loyal, brave and true.

#lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid au #monkie kid #cursed au #monkie kid cursed au #lmk mei

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pure-kirarin · 3 years

Text

«Forget me not» - Sabo x reader

Summary : Sabo comes back after a mission only to find out that Y/N died a few days prior to that. Nobody told him out of fear of destabilizing him. Warnings: This is very angsty. Death. Tw.

A/N: Feel free to skip this part. This piece is REALLY emotional to me. I wrote it in this spot (click :D) . Pink petals were falling on me as I cried and typed those world, putting all my pathos and angst into them. Then, suddenly, rain started pouring. Prepare your tissue paper and enjoy.

**********************

You came into my life like a breeze, only to fade to dust.

Do I wish I have never met you ? Do I wish you have never came into my life if it was to leave me this way ?

Am I this weak, am I a coward, am I an excuse for a human being ?

If it meant that you didn’t die that day, away from my sight...

Then yes. I wish that our paths have never crossed.

Then you would be full of life somewhere, next to someone else...Someone else that isn’t me, but you would be breathing, the sun would be shining, my world would be turning, knowing that you, my sunshine, my universe, are alive.

Maybe in another life, maybe in another dimension I would be able to make it up to you. To get on my knees and beg your pardon for not being there for you.

If only I could touch you, If only I could see your face, my angel, one last time. Just one time.

If only. If only. If only.

If only I have been there to save you. If only I have been there to hold you in my arms, to apease the pain you must have felt. To carry the burden off your frail shoulders. To hold your little hand in mine as you took your last breath.

You left me without a goodbye, maybe because you knew that I would have died with you that day ? Maybe because you didn’t accept to say goodbye to me anyway ? How brave of you. How thoughtful.

But this thoughtfulness is what is killing me today because I can’t see your sweet smile. Because I can’t kiss those soft lips, my nectar, the only thing that was keeping me alive.

Once again I wasn’t there.

---------------

« (Y/N) ! I am back ! That mission is finally done-- everyone, I am back. Where is (Y/N) ? Why is everyone here ? Why is everyone dressed up in black ? »

It was fall, the perfect season to die. The sky was clouded, the trees were shedding their leaves, ready to die and to be reborn. Sabo came back from a one month mission on a far island. The mission was conducted successfully, he was holding a flower bouquet, white lilies, your favourite flowers. What funest flowers, he always found your tastes a bit eerie.

The flower of chastity, the flower of death.

But he wasn't aware at that time, he didn't know about the symbolism of these flowers just like he was ignorant of what tragedy has happened.

Everyone was in the hideout, Dragon, Ivankov, Hack, Karasu, Koala...Everyone but you. They were all dressed in black, as if they were mourning. A gloomy beam was floating around the castle, as if it was souless.

They looked at eachother, as if they were waiting for someone to talk, to say a word. Koala was the first to come closer to him. Tears started running down her eyes ;

« -(Y/N) won't be able to greet you Sabo...(Y/N) passed away two days ago...All my condoleances. »

At that moment, earth started rotating, he saw his whole world collapse, shredded into a myriad of lily petals. At first, nothing came out, not even a sound. Then came a laughter, a mad, insane laughter. Not one of disbelief, no, but one of refusing to believe.

One of a man trying to fool himself. One of a man that smelled death but decided to be both blind and deaf.

« (Y/N) ? (Y/N) come one, I know that you are hiding haha. You can't be pranking me like this ! Koala, you almost got me here. Where is (Y/N) ? I really want to see her. »

The young woman pinched her lips, her voice was nothing but a long and painful sob ;

-Sabo...(Y/N) is not here anymore. She caught the red plague when we were on our way to the island. She...We couldn't do anything for her ! I am so sorry Sabo...I am so sorry...

-Koala....He put his hand on her back in disbelief, then started shaking her, Everyone, come on say something ! She can't be dead. It's not true. She can't be dead.

Then, all I could remember was white, immaculate white, an omnipresence of white, a color that I was starting to hate. The same white of your favourite flowers, the same white that snatched you away from life. The same white enveloping the body of the dead. The white of the shroud.

And I could swear that I saw you, that I head your voice calling for me from afar.

« Sabo..Sabo... »

But it wasn't you.

His eyes were extremely heavy. His first reflex was to look for you next to him, but you weren't there. It was Koala.

« Thanks god. I had a terrible nightmare, Koala. »

He looked for something, anything in the big, blue eyes, he didn't know what he looked for, but whatever it was he didn't find it. She looked down and said ;

« I am sorry it wasn't a nightmare Sabo....(Y/N) left this letter for you. I..will leave you alone now..Please do call me when you need me, alright ? » She says with a gentle smile and closes the door behind her.

With shaky hands he takes the letter. He brings it to his lips like it's a substitute to your body. Your perfume was still on it. Your writing was cursive and shaky, he almost didn't recognized it.

« (…)

And from my ashes, I want to be reborn like a phoenix, my phoenix. Do you remember ? It's how I called you once we found each other...I thought you were dead, and there you were born again, like a beautiful mythical bird, from the ashes.

I want you to spread mine at sea, Sabo. This way I will be always immortal. Always.

Don't shed a tear for me, this is how it was meant to be.

And because my life stops here, I want you to have a happy life.

I want you to live two times longer, laugh two times harder...Once for you and once for me.

I want you to continue further. I want you to live and I want to live within you, so please don't die Sabo.

I will be immortal as long as you don't forget me.

Don't forget about me Sabo. People don't die when they cease to exist, people die when they are forgotten.

Don’t forget about me, Sabo. »

And then he cried, for the first time you made him cry but not being here anymore. He wanted the only tears to shed for you to be ones of joy but they were tears of grief.

He couldn't comprehend it, that now he will never hear your voice calling for him anymore. That he won't get to caress your hair no more.

Why did you leave me alone ? Wasn't it easier to take me with you ? Why did you deny me of seeing you just one more time ? Why didn't anyone tell me ?

It wasn't sadness, it wasn't anger, it was a whole new feeling that he didn't know existed, a feeling that made him wish he were six feet under the ground.

It was raw, a feeling of irreality. It didn't make sense. How dare anyone live and not you ? How could you, his darling, die out of everyone else ?

How strange to think that only a month a way you were in his arms, and now all he could embrace was the void, your lack.

He was just starting to get over Ace's death. He was just starting to live for you. For your dreams of a happy family, for your childish ways, for your lighthearted teasing, for your burning kisses.

But nothing of this remained but a piece of paper with shaky handwriting and a room full of memories.

For days the memories lived within him, he swore he could've seen you by the frame of the door. He woke up in sweat searching for you only to discover your absence. Your memory was now a burden and the fear of forgetting even more.

« Don't forget about me, Sabo. »

And there he was, in the ocean, spreading what remained of you in the waves. Lilies were floating. White lilies....If only you could reborn from your ashes like a phenix.

He didn't know how to swim but it didn't matter. He felt himself sink in the water, disappearing, merging with your ashes, making one with you.

*********************

« Don't forget about me, Sabo. »

It has been two years now. Two years and the handwriting seemed both foreign and familiar. It has been two years since (Y/N) died, but he didn't remember.

« Don't forget about me, Sabo. »

He reads again, trying to get a recollection of your face, but he couldn't.

What only remained what a vague feeling of déjà-vu when he saw white lilies and a strong guilt for a death that he has never caused.

« Don't forget about me, Sabo. »

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember.

#Sabo x reader #one piece x reader #one piece imagines #one piece scenario #sabo the revolutionary #revolutionary sabo

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hxlyhead-harpies · 4 years

Text

Tendency to Lead Some People On (S.B.)

Requested: Yes

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Allusions to sex and abuse

Title from: Dive by Ed Sheeran

The thing about falling in love was that it was never quite like how people described it. The act was nothing like the plays or the books said, and it was certainly nothing like the songs. It didn’t feel like flying or a freefall, it felt like jumping off the highest spire of the castle. There was nothing freeing about it either; your heart was suddenly caged in your ribs, longing to beat for someone who could never know. There was nothing beautiful or sweet about the act of falling in love with the one person you couldn’t have.

Sirius black walked around the castle with a feigned arrogance only a few could see through. Every step of his was reckless and unplanned, a storm raging through the stone corridors. His childhood had left him hurt and broken, but also wild and untempered. In an effort to disguise the fact that he always felt too much or too little, he became cavalier and at times, pompous.

Those who had the privilege of knowing Sirius Black through more than shouts in the hallways and pranks in the Great Hall knew that there was more to him.

He was incredibly insecure, needing constant reassurance that he was enough. He lived each moment of his life, waiting for someone to leave him. He flinched when voices were raised and when someone moved too suddenly and he woke up from nightmares drenched in sweat. He was incredibly loyal, almost to a fault, and had tender eyes that could read his friends perfectly.

You had the pleasure of knowing the complexities of Sirius Black, having met your first year on the train. You were privy to his deepest thoughts and feelings and stroked your hands through his long locks when he got letters from home. With his head in your lap and his hand clutching your thigh as if you might disappear if he let go, he would whisper to you.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

His whispers always sent a warm feeling through your chest. The act of feeling needed always made you feel light and fuzzy and made your cheeks flush. But your body would become cold again soon.

“You’re my best friend,” he’d murmur soon after. He didn’t need you the way you needed him and he didn’t love you the way that you loved him. But you’d still sit with him until he fell asleep.

Sirius walked through the halls every day with a new bird or beau on his arm. He loved the attention, something he lacked severely growing up, and letting go of his inhibitions. For Sirius, hookups were fun, feelingless, and a way to forget who he was for a while. It may have been an unhealthy coping mechanism, but that didn’t stop him from coming back to his dorm in the middle of the night after crawling out of another stranger’s room.

Every hand wrapped around his bicep felt like a punch to your gut and every flirty smile he sent to others made your head hurt. His romantic advances were never aimed at you. For you, he reserved brotherly shoulder pats and mussing up your hair.

You were sitting by the black lake, Sirius once again in your arms. He was crying, his tears darkening your jumper. He clutched the fabric between his fingers as his body wracked with sobs. You silently rubbed his back and waited for the crying to subside so that you could talk. He always needed a good cry before he could divulge his reasons for such despair.

Eventually, his body stilled and he let out a sniffle. His hold on your sweater loosened and he moved into a sitting position. He faced you but still looked down, fiddling with the grass at his knees. You grabbed his hand.

“Sirius,” you whispered, “are you ready to talk?” He sighed.

“I’m off the tapestry,” he said quietly. You blinked, furrowing your eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“They burned me off of the family tapestry. I’m no longer a Black,” he explained, his voice wavering.

“Oh, Sirius,” you breathed.

“It’s fine. I didn’t want to be part of that bigoted lot anyways,” he muttered darkly, pulling his hand from yours.

“Hey,” you said, making another grab for his hand. “You’re allowed to be sad. As terrible as they are, they still raised you. It can’t be easy letting go of that. Personally, I’m glad you’re not a Black anymore; it’ll be harder for them to hurt you now. But I understand if you feel at least a little bit sad.” He allowed you to hold his hand as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“They said that I’m a disgrace. That I’m nobody,” he said, his voice breaking. You sucked in a sharp breath and squeezed his fingers.

“That couldn’t be farther from the truth,” you said. He looked up at you with his doleful puppy eyes, tears brimming at the edges. Your heart practically shattered at the sight.

“You’re brave and you’re kind. You’re fighting on the right side of the war and you’re a better person than your parents could ever be. They think you’re a disgrace because you didn’t conform to their narrow-minded plan for you. That’s why you’re in Gryffindor, Sirius. So you can be better than who they wanted you to be. So you can be who you want to be,” you said firmly, trying to make him believe you.

Sirius gave you an indecipherable look. “I’m not as good as you think I am,” he muttered.

“Yes you are!” you pleaded, “I wish you could see how amazing you are.” You tentatively reached up to touch his face and wiped his tears. Surprisingly, he leaned into your touch. It was more intimate than any other touch between the two of you had ever been before.

“You’re perfect,” you whispered under your breath, hoping that somehow you’d get through to him. He reached up to his face and placed his hand over yours.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said quietly. You smiled but internally braced yourself for the words that always broke your heart. But instead, Sirius mumbled a quiet “I love you”.

You jerked your hand away, your eyes widening in shock. You stared at him, searching his face for any sign that it was a cruel joke. With your heart pounding against your rib you scooted away, your hand coming to cover your mouth. Sirius raked a hand through his hair and groaned.

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that! We can pretend this never happened, I swear,” he said. He moved his arm as is to reach for your hand but stopped himself. You remained silent and unmoving.

“Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything,” he begged. You moved your mouth to speak but no words came out. You thought back to every person you caught him kissing in empty classrooms. If he loved you as he said, why had he chased so many others? Just this morning he had snogged a girl behind a pillar. How was what he said possibly true?

“Why are you lying to me?” you whispered finally. He closed his eyes tightly.

“I’m not lying to you, I promise,” he sighed. You scoffed and rolled your eyes.

“How do I know I’m not just another one of your conquests?” you asked harshly. He shook his head wildly.

“You’re not! You’re so much more than that for me. You always have been,” he replied. You shook your head and looked away.

“I have watched you chase after every person in Hogwarts except for me. I have watched you kiss girls you barely know and flirt with any boy who indicates that he might be into you. For years I have sat by and watched you flirt your way through the entire school. How the hell am I supposed to know that I’m any different?” Sirius’s face crumpled at your words.

“I didn’t know how to tell you! I always thought that you’d hate me and leave! I never imagined that you’d feel the same. Everyone else was just distractions! Distractions from you!” he was practically yelling now, begging you to believe him. You looked down at your hands.

“You really hurt me, Sirius,” you said, “But you want to know the worst part? Even after all of that, I’m still in love with you.” Sirius let out a breath, a smile slowly filling his face.

“You love me?” he asked, as always, needing reassurance. You met his grey eyes.

“How could I not?” you replied. Sirius tackled you in a hug, pressing you close against him. One of his hands was against your lower back, the other cradling the back of your head.

You could feel his heart beating against his ribcage in the same fashion as yours, your hearts finally only beating for each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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