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#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community
jinstronaut · 28 days
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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beautifel · 7 months
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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britneyshakespeare · 8 months
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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waywardsalt · 3 months
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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great
#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshus’ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained#so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do#likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired#hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic#hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow#he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit#he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation#and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now#he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng#and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever#like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting#hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests#and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him#hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked#because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess#his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free#he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves#idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him#like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ‘in character’ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon#when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff#that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then#i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow#im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with#its very cute
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fleshdyke · 1 year
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ahsgsjaugejwjg
#sh/sui warning for tags#been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/#which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk#idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me#and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything#but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time.#like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down#to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk#and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me#and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk.#and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt#one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around#the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a#second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk#i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to#and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared.#idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily.#i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of#thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk.#ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they#kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit#it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to#bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed#and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it#personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was#suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better#rambles#vent
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kerorowhump · 10 months
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#keroro#i love this. she is me. i can live my unbridled amounts of cute aggression towards him THRU HER#i literally need to do this irl#like i just skimmed ep 64 bc i was curious about this trauma switch thing and ive never wanted to grab him and whack him around more#in an affectionate way not because im mad at him oh no. i understand him so deeply. i feel him. i know his most inner psyche.#and he inspires unrecorded levels of senseless violence in me#me in my little ignoramus bubble writing a 4 pages dissertation on his character anyway bc like. i get him ok#his deep seated sense of guilt that he's constantly fighting against. that he needs to repress and deny in order to function.#his fear of abandonment. fear of never being enough. not being able to make up for it. for himself. thats why hes self sacrificing#his selfish childishness that comes from not having been allowed a lot in his youth. taking friends for granted in his past but knowing -#you dont fit in with them. constantly apologizing for yourself. taking space. too much. self indulgence. because friends is s scary concept#and yet one you couldnt survive without. letting them walk all over you. denying your anger. your fears. crawling back to them with a smile#at their feet and biting time because what you really want is friends. company. but you think you don't deserve it. deep down.#maybe u dont. your worst reminder the friend you love. and if they ditch you it's deserved. you don't need them (you do)#why am i rambling!!!! he has ruined me. if im wrong dont even tell me bc i prefer this version in my head anyway#*charlie voice* look at me. psychological trauma up to here#im not saying growing up poor with a father that shames you for your interests and ''disciplines'' you made him selfish but. no yes!#i am saying that. bc i know how it is. growing up with friends that have a lot that u can never afford. u feel guilty just being with them#ok we strayed a lot from the og post which is just me saying I WANNA PUNCH THIS GUY SO BAD (he is me)#keroro gunso
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what if u DID get the pepper and salt grinders as tattoos :3 (do it!!!)
i want toooo im just having a really hard time finding tattoo artists i like in my area :(( a friend of a friend is currently getting her tattoo license & a friend of another friend does stick & poke & some machine tattoos so i think im gonna like look into both of them further ... the girl getting her license rn makes really beautiful work but she lives in germany and the guy who does the stick and poke does pretty stuff but im slightly less into the style and he's also my friends ex so like. idk how awkward that would be
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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
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im literally so understimulated im gonna bite someone
#i guess i understand why my family wanted to have a super super lazy day for the first full day in cali#but. oh my fucking god. my brain feels like its going to explode if i don't do something right this second#ive been sitting in silence since i woke up at 9am because basically nothing is happening#i ate lunch and that's it. we all sat down and ate lunch and then we did nothing#i dont wanna play the boring games they have bc then they'll say im ruining it when i seem uninterested#i just. im genuinely tempted to sleep the rest of the day away. im so bored and understimulated that anything is better than this#i wanna go out and do something!! or visit someone!! or literally do anything besides sit around in silence!!!!#we apparently aren't gonna do anything at all until thursday. we're just gonna sit around. im gonna genuinely fucking scream#also we're not even gonna do anything fun when thursday/friday/saturday comes along#thursday my aunt wants to take us thrifting. but we can't rlly buy anything bc we don't have enough space in our travel bags#we're gonna see a play that was worked on by my cousin's wife. which is like the only cool thing we'll be seeing#i don't even fully know what the other plans are. outside of them all being pretty lame#just!! idk!! i hate being a bitchy teenager but wow old people are boring#just. idk. we rarely get to visit cali and i wanted to maybe do some stuff that my sister and i could enjoy too#not just. sitting around a silent house or going to a thrift store just like i do in my home state
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poorlittlevampire · 3 months
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it would hurt less if my om-84 didnt decide to kill itself last winter
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............
#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt#and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts#as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough#genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man#i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there.#esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly#in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels#but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value#and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that#even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship.#shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again#bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks#and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life#blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now#god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long#.diaries
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snekdood · 5 months
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me and my boyfriend were having a conversation earlier about how creepy my dad is and how he 1 used to spy on my mom w binoculars in his car across the street after their divorce (she got a restraining order luckily) but also 2 i remember him threatening to kill my mom and her current husband and i said something about how "i used to be scared i'd see him outside of my window watching me, even though he would probably just go after my mom i was worried he might try to kidnap me-"
and then it all clicked for me. the reason zero is the way he is is bc of my dad. the reason my comic is the way it is is bc of my fucking dad!
#like yeah he has elements of my brother and sister too but ultimately they suck bc of my dad. esp my sister.#anyways hes maybe one of the worst ppl in the world actually!#vent#learning more and more that if someone reminds me of my dad? i gotta fucking avoid the shit out of them. my sister does. my brother does.#and so does my abusive ex. i just remmebered getting that weird vague feeling when i was with them but brushed it off. I really fuckin#shouldn't've though goddamn. right down to the compulsive lying and extreme manipulation tactics. oh and the wanting to kill me shit#bc i dare make them ever view themselves in a critical light ig.#kinda like what happened with my mom and dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! today has been rough emotionally :))))))))))))))))))))#wish i could say its empty threats but hes an actual republican and has a shit ton of guns so yeah. doesnt matter how empty it is#everyones still gonna assume the worse when you're compiling guns and talking about killing someone you claimed to fucking love#and for him? it really was all about losing power over her. if he couldnt have her no one did. which was ironic bc he never even#fully appreciated her when he was with her and made fatphobic jokes about her. but suddenly she wants to leave and its an issue?#ig when the person you claim to find so unappealing rejects you too it bruises harder if you're a narcissist who relies on building#yourself up by putting people you claim to care about down.#and then he used me and my siblings as pawns in his game. in his 'war' against my mom.#this is why my ex has been so predictable this whole time... ive literally lived through it. it was LITERALLY my childhood#everyone but me believed him when he started making justifications for the way he physically abused her. but thats the#thing about ppl who are abusive in this way- slowly everyone starts to realize they're lying. and the only ones who stick around#are the ride or dies with no standards for themselves.
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bloggirl8842 · 8 months
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Makes me so so sad that my first relationship was bad for me even though nothing explicitly bad happened. I see all these things about first loves or firsts in general and how fun it is but all I felt was obsessive, scared, confused, very rarely good. I only had fun when I was drunk (and he always made sure I was safe when I was drunk ofc) but the rest of it-- and even that-- was so tense and fraught, like trying to make unoiled gears turn
#i HATE that i now associate this w him because that was a friend and now i dont trust him in the slightest and i cant think of him too long#without developing all these unsubstantiated worries. i said i want to be friends again at some point but i really dont know if i can do it#i want to because i miss what was there before but like he as a person is now a trigger for me. its odd because we spoke once since the#breakup and it was good for me at least. it felt good. it felt relieving like having that friend back but if his absence inspires so much#worry (not worry for him but worry about him (who is he really? am i safe around him? is he safe around me? I don't feel safe)) then no.#i need so so so much time to even understand what happened and why it feels so bad and i need an ''after'' to play out to get a real#picture of who anybody involved actually is.#i dont trust him at all even though i want to. what sucks too is i have a great intuition around these things so i know intellectually ther#'s likely nothing that off about him but that he as he currently is is just very bad for me as i currently am. and vice versa. but that fee#like world ending panic if i think about it too much. god i cant wait for september to be over. if he brings up trying to be friends again#(which I hope he won't) I'll have to show him this or some other thing I've written during our time apart so he gets just how much time i#need bc in the moment ill be so relieved to be talking again that ill forget this feeling#we’re working on a show tgt about the devil and in those panic moments that triggers me a bit bc ive had sparse and easy to shut down but#still scary moments where i reflect on very very specific instances and think oh yeah the devil possessed him in that moment. and then im#like girl nooooo it fucking didnt what happened was actually [X] but the fact that my mind even goes there is INSANE#not unprecedented unfortunately. but insane. i was telling my mom some of these things and she was like ‘’that poor kid’’ and i was crying#like ‘’I KNOW he thought he got someone normal and he got ME’’#its so funny hes sad about the breakup in like a normal way meanwhile im like i dont care about the breakup but i think ive committed some#cardinal sins i think there is evil in the water and i may be exhibiting mild psychotic symptoms that ive been suppressing for many years.#i did really leave bc i was just not into it though#this is all like side effects. honestly issues ive been having for years and years but which were triggered and which id been suppressing#since like may/june#i just was not into it and i wanted to be but i wasnt and i got confused#this’ll be a fun memory that i sort of can’t talk about one day
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reel-fear · 9 months
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thinking abt Showtime Henry and Joey ngl, they might be some of my favorite characters I have.
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haootia · 11 months
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goals for june are to reread/watch media that makes me Feel Something and hopefully by july i will be able to synthesize that into meaningful artistic output
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daegall · 7 months
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☆ tiny mishap
➷ in which your very protective boyfriend interrogates you about a certain wound you have
pairing: (opla!)bf!zoro x reader
genre: fluff, slight crack, established relationship!AU
warnings: injuries, booze, mentions of self harm (it is assumed, but false) based off opla!zoro, but has chopper bc chopper <3
word count: 1.5k words
a/n: to my nct audience; LOL SORRY IF THIS CAME UP IN UR FEED AND YOU GOT CONFUSED 😇🙏 currently obssesed over one piece live action dude i physically cannot explain how much i love all the characters :( (esp koby and nami's character development!!!) anw ive been having a major zoro brainrot so :) enjoy!!!
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You grumble and keep a hand to your cheek, shoulders slumped and sore, as you walk into the kitchen, in search of someone specific.
Chopper, your trusty nurse and adorable friend, of course. Who else would heal the cut on your face and bruises on your arm?
Hearing a little action going on in the kitchen, you can only assume is your captain Luffy, or Usopp, as they both are food lovers, after all.
"Hey, have you guys seen Chopper anywhe–"
However, once you make it inside the kitchen, you are shocked to see the person you've been avoiding this whole morning.
"Oh," You breathe out. A frown curls on your lips once you realize he's got a bottle of booze wrapped in his hand, bringing it up to his lips as he turns to gaze at you. "Damn it, I thought I hid those..."
Your boyfriend's got a nasty habit of drinking alcohol. Anytime he wanted. Bored? He's either napping, training, or drinking his stupid booze. Tired? Booze. Feeling happy or sad? Stupid booze.
You've been trying to stop him before he becomes 80% alcohol, but he's better at finding it than you are at hiding it.
"Morning," Zoro mumbles, as he puts his bottle down. "tried to hide these just like you've been hiding from me me all day?"
At his words, you look away, taking a step away from him. "I don't know what you're talking about,"
"Why are you holding your cheek?"
When your eyes flicker back at him, he's got a worried frown, a crease in his eyebrows some might mistake as anger, but you recognize it as care.
He cares for you, and you hate how soft it makes you.
"It's just... cold," You attempt to lie, rubbing at your skin. Bad idea, as you fail to stop your hiss of pain.
Zoro instantly walks towards you, his hands releasing his bottle of beer, and his swords, to raise it to your face. One hand hovers over your uncovered cheek, the other wrapping it's fingers around your wrist gently.
"Show me."
You still, not knowing what to do. You know you're gonna succumb to him anyway, so there's no need to put up a fight, but you can't help how stubborn you are.
So, you don't step away, but you don't lower your hand anyway.
"Y/N," Zoro says sternly.
"It's nothing, I swear, just a tiny... mishap,"
"Then show me,"
Despite his voice being so harsh, and his gaze just as much, you know this is all because he loves you. You can tell by the way his thumb softly runs over your skin, you can tell by the way he steps closer to observe further, you can tell by the way he doesn't force you. He trusts that you trust him, and you hate how it works on you every time.
"Do you at least have any bandages?"
With your tiny voice and small gaze up at him, Zoro knows you've given in.
"You know I always do,"
It's true. With the amount of fights he gets himself into, he has at least 2 packs on him. Also in case you scrape your knee or get a papercut. It's the small things he does that assure you he cares.
He finally releases his grip on your wrist, walking back to pick up his bottle of beer on the counter. Before he can even take a sip, however, you hop onto the counter in front of him, and snatch the bottle, shaking your head.
"It's 10 in the morning." You remind him sternly.
Zoro can't stop the tiny smirk on the corner of his lips, huffing. "Yeah, yeah,"
You know he loves you, he knows you love him too.
It's the tiny things like this that prove it. The way you try to make him a better man, the way you'd instantly take care of his wounds yourself, the way you shush the other crewmembers when he's napping. And unlike you, he loves how soft it makes him.
"Take your hand off now."
Though you have a disapproving look, and grimace, you comply, slowly lowering your hand from your cheek.
You look down at your lap once you hear his sharp intake of air, playing with the hem of your shirt.
Zoro can't take his eyes off the cut on your cheekbone, his heart sinking impossibly quickly, cracking when he sees a bruise right under the cut. "What the fuck happened?"
"It just... happened," You mumble weakly.
"Who did it?" Zoro'a voice, once again, is harsh, but you hear the shake in it, worry.
"...I did,"
You know he takes it the wrong way the next second, considering how you answered him, you would have skipped to conclusions yourself.
"You're harming yourself?!"
You interject immediently, reaching out to grab his wrist, "No! God, no, Zoro,"
You haven't said his name until now, and it still manages to send a wave of warmth over his body. The way you are so quick to reassure him, the way you lean into his warmth, how your skin rubs against his comfortingly, it all warms him inside. He's only ever felt warm with you, which is why he loves you so much.
"Then how did it happen?"
At his question, you frown again, but it's less serious than before, it's more of a pout, if anything.
"It's stupid."
"It's not stupid if you're getting hurt."
"You'll think it's stupid,"
"Our captain is Luffy, whatever you do can't be that bad."
Zoro waits patiently for your answer, taking out the band-aid from his pocket. His eyes shine with anticipation, no longer (that) angry, and you're glad he isn't as worried anymore. You hate making him worry.
"I..." You hesitate for a second, tearing your eyes away from his gaze. You decide that it doesn't matter if he laughs or not in the end, because he won't ever see you differently. He's your Zoro, and he'll always be by your side.
"You know how there was a storm last night?"
Your boyfriend's eyebrows raise at your words, and he nods silently, gently sticking the band-aid to your cheek. He blows on it, making sure it's secure.
"I fell off my bed and face planted onto the floor,"
At your words, Zoro completely freezes, his fingers grazing the skin of your jaw. You can't tell what he's quite feeling, as one, you didn't have the pride to look at him for more than 2 seconds, and two, he remains as emotionless as a rock.
"...Zoro?"
Suddenly, there's a sound. A strange sound that comes from him. It's unfamiliar, but... strangely warm. You come to a conclusion that Roronoa Zoro, your cold, stoic boyfriend, is laughing. He's laughing with his whole heart, eyes squinting as he finally smiles, the prettiest, most precious smile you have ever seen.
Zoro's forehead lands on your shoulder as he continues, an arm wrapping around your waist to secure you in place.
"Roronoa Zoro are you laughing at me?"
"N-no–" He snorts. How dare he lie to your face.
Although he did flat out lie to your face, it's endearing. His laugh and smile is new, comforting, and you swear your could listen to it your whole life and not complain.
"I-I'm not laughing at you, I promise!"
"Doesn't look like it," You huff out with a grumble, facing away from, attempting to hide the shy smile curling on your lips.
"N-nooo!" Zoro chuckles. A sudden warm feeling envelops not only your chin, but your whole entire being, as Zoro tilts your head back to him, your heart almost stopping at the sight of his charming grin.
He's grinning.
And it's all because of you.
You have to admit, you're proud of yourself.
"You're just... too adorable,"
"Roronoa Zoro, you're flirting with me now?!"
"Shhh!" He shushes you, though its playful, and loving, placing his index finger on your smiley lips.
You two sit there, alone and together, for minutes on end, unable to let the moment become a memory. Zoro resumes with patching you up, caressing the bruises on your arm comfortingly.
It's moments like these that make you realize just how special you are to Zoro, and just how special he is to you, because who else on planet earth would be able to get him to laugh thay hard, grin that much, and love you that much?
You'd crash into the floor a million times if it meant seeing Zoro's smile, you'd admit to any embarassing moment, if it meant having to hear his melodious laugh.
"You know," He breaks the peaceful silence, causing you to grow concious of how you were staring at him. To be fair, the both of you don't mind staring at each other. What's there to hide? You love him, he loves you.
"you could come nap with me if you want. I could keep you anchored to the bed so you don't fall out again."
Considering how much he valued his hours of sleep, and alone time, this is something big he asks you of, and you feel a sweet warmth stirr in you.
This time, you don't grow shy, or snarl at his sarcastic remark. Rather, you grin at your lover, reaching up to pinch his chin playfully. "You'd like that, huh?"
"Don't say you wouldn't,"
"And if I drag you down with me?"
Zoro shrugs, ruffling your bed-head. "We'll both get to laugh and patch each other up."
You reach up to peck his cheek, before hopping off the counter. "I'll take you up on that someday,"
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mrfoox · 1 year
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Ok new theory as to why I seem to have liked and trusted Oliver since the beginning: he's an fellow chameleon and I could just feel it and relate at once
#miranda talking shit#Before he even told me straight out that he is good at faking and acting i knew it and that could be why i felt it was easier to be...#Myself around him. I usually develop or use some sort of persona every time i get to know a new person. But with him i...didnt really#And I felt he did the same. Bc then i heard him talking on the phone or meeting other people and his demeanor completely changed and yeah#We are technically kinda unlike each other but i think this thing we can have a whole different level of understanding on. Ive never met#Someone i felt was similar to me in this regard. Until him and i have wondered why i felt so comfortable with him so fast. Bc he isnt overy#Nice and caring which usually get me to get comfortable and he wasnt super joking and fun that is my other type to get my guard down#He was just ... A dude. He felt genuine and not like he was trying to be in a specific way for me and so i think i... Felt that too?#Like ive had many friends through the years and still have but ... I think all of them to some point i have some persona out#Usually its the 'i have to be funny and make them laugh' version of myself. I think that is a version of myself and is still me but its not#THE ME. Bc it tires me to do and i can usually just do it for a day. 6-10 hours then im dead tired. I have many sides but i usually#Involuntary amplify some parts of my personality to appease people. I dont actively do it. Its something i can recall doing since i#Started school. And before i knew it i did it without realizing like a reflex. It can be why majority of people tire me to be around#Bc i end up acting even if i dont realize...? Even friends ive had for 5+ years i end up doing it with. Like Fabian i do less of it#Way less than in the past but thats bc we have been talking so intensely the last two years. So that act of me have dropped a lot. But i#Still feel worried im not entertaining enough or nice enough or something enough when talking with him sometimes and have to ask him and he#Like 'no silence is fine. I like it' but yeah. Oliver i... Dont feel i act... If i do its not enough i can tell on my own. Bc i dont act#'whacky/funny' and not overly nice i just... Vibe. I do still laugh and smile but usually i can just sit and nod along and i dont think#About how i am? Its honestly crazy. Now i came up with this idea as yo why bc ive never been able to before ive not been able to say why i#Felt so at ease with him. But now im like... Is this it? Bc i know hes a pretender so i just never felt the need to with him? I wonder why#He have been pretty open since the beginning but after we passed the 6 month mark it was a shift i felt at least#Now i feel like he tells me almost everything and its kinda crazy. Considering i know he have major trust issues especially with women#He just... Talk and i listen and i guess he isnt used to it and yeah. I like it a lot. When he admitted im basically the only one he doesnt#Use an persona on or act with... And i asked why and he just said well... I dont feel like i need to. That shit hit me bc i feel the same#Feel like i could say anything or share anything and he'd not... Care. Not in a bad way. But in the way it wont change how he sees me.#Many people are unfortunately in the category they do end up adjusting themselves too much when they learn something. Why i dont like sayin#Im autistic bc even if they say they are fine with it its like they see me differently anyway. So i dont share such unless its been years#Or they already know before we get to know each other. But fuck man oliver is special to me and this is my first ever theory i came up with#Never been close to someone else i can feel is an performer in the similar way i am...
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