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achenetype · 2 months

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content warning: graphic violence, drug and alcohol use, slight dubcon if you squint, death, a lot of death actually, vomiting, eating disorders, riko-typical abuse, riko is his own warning, the ravens kind of all love and fuck each other because who else will, self-harm mentions, explicit sex, thoughts of suicide, the riko/reader/kevin situationship is so intense (here's the playlist, btw) , graphic descriptions of injury/surgery, ravens-typical cult/grooming behavior

thinking about the ravens again. this team of athletes bred to be the best of the best, the bloodiest of the bloodiest. the fierce competition for the top spots (and by extension proximity to riko). i know parties in the nest go fucking CRAZY, like i know there’s someone on the team who always has drugs or alcohol and sometimes this well oiled machine of a team likes to lose its shit.

imagining being a walk-on, freshman year. you’d committed to edgar allan university for their pre-medical program, been offered the best scholarship offer of your life, and in your first biology class this boy with sharp cheekbones and a sharper tongue sits down next to you. he asks you for a pencil, which you give him, and he introduces himself as riko moriyama. over the next few weeks, riko convinces you to come to tryouts for the school’s exy team, and because you’re a little starstruck at the thought that riko fucking moriyama wants you anywhere, you agree.

you hadn’t played exy since your sophomore year of high school, but you’re strong. you can run fast. you’re not afraid to fight dirty. the ravens sign you only minutes after you bruise your knuckles punching the mouth guard out of another freshman’s teeth. you hadn’t even gotten settled into your dorm, so moving out and moving into the nest was no big deal.

riko wants every raven to know every other raven, wants to have a network of sleeper cells through the whole school. your team has players from every major, every background. rich kids, poor kids, every ethnicity you could think of. the ravens are all-encompassing. they’re family. they’re everything. you get paired with someone, a sophomore with an easy smile and skin just a shade darker than yours, and you feel amazing for the first time since leaving your hometown.

the first party happens after you win a match against a school from new york city. it’s in the basement of the nest, this long, catacomb-like chamber that the ravens have turned into their own personal den of sin. you barely register a drink being shoved into your hand before your pair partner is dragging you through a sea of people in black and red to a small table in a back corner. he gestures to the powder cut into neat lines on a silver tray, squeezing your hand, and murmurs, “go on.”

the coke burns your nose like you’d inhaled water, but sharper. worse. from across the table, riko grins at you. his hair hangs messily around his face, loose and curly, and you want to lean into his sparkling space and kiss him, but his partner is right there, their arms linked together and his head resting on riko’s shoulder, and the hivemind has been doing its job—everyone knows that riko and kevin are a thing, are exclusive. you don’t stand a chance, especially not as a freshie walk-on.

your partner claps you on the shoulder and whoops. the music is loud enough to drown out what he says, but something shifts in the air. you’re one of them now. one of us. you drink until your vision goes fuzzy and the pounding of your head matches the bass of the music.

you wake up for practice feeling like shit. it shows.

you’re sloppy, aching and hungover, hungry and tired. it’s unacceptable. really, you deserve it when riko slaps you across the face in the middle of the court and sends you back to your dorm. you deserve it when you open the door and see him standing there, see the knife in his hand. you deserve whatever he carves into your back, even though it feels like he’s peeling your skin off. maybe he is. you’d let him do it anyway, would beg for his fingertips to unsheathe you from the body you spent so long trying to hate and hurt and perfect into something unattainable.

you throw up for the first time in months that night. it becomes a habit. eating in the nest is something that one has to dance around carefully. the running joke is that there are two types of ravens: the anorexics, and the bulimics. starve or puke. the result is the same: lean, hollow things that break when you throw them at each other. riko invites you to smoke with him and kevin and jean, the french boy with silver bands around his neat rows of locs, and you pass a pack of american spirit cigarettes between the four of you until you’re dizzy and nic-sick.

you think kevin doesn’t like you that much.

you think it until he drags you into the showers one day after practice and kisses you, mean, like he’s got something to prove and you’re the only person he cares about proving it to. you should have known something wasn’t right, because the press of riko’s body behind you makes you jump out of your skin. he’s got one hand on your neck, turning you to kiss him while kevin mouths at your jaw and collarbones, and one hand under the sleeve of your jersey, tracing over the uniform lines that cover your arm.

he asks you what you use. “box cutter,” you say breathlessly. “i take apart razors or pencil sharpeners when it’s not sharp enough.” you’re not sure why you tell him so easily, or why kevin drops to his knees and licks a stripe up your forearm, his tongue rolling over both your scars and riko’s fingers.

the second party happens a day later. it’s not technically a raven party—it’s a sigma pi frat party, but every sigma pi brother is also a raven, so it’s basically the same thing. you get tipsy, hit a few people’s weed.

you can’t remember when the last time you saw your pair partner was. god, you must be drunk. he was in your room….not today, not yesterday. maybe a few days ago. a week. before practice.

you realize that he didn’t come back with you in the same moment that you realize you’re going to puke.

in the bathroom, you lay on the cold tile and think about what else you’d forgotten, or just been told not to notice. you knew you weren’t the only member of the team to get beaten after a bad play. you remember rubbing ice over jean’s bruises, watching victoria swallow a small white pill dry after meeting riko for a debrief.

you wonder how many layers of makeup are hiding bruises in this house. you think you’d kill yourself if you had to count. you think you might kill yourself anyway.

(no, you won’t. you have no reason to. you’re untouchable. you have good grades. you have family. you have the ravens. you wouldn’t throw that away by cutting too deep or emptying your drug stash into your mouth.)

someone decides to play spin the bottle and kevin’s hand closes around your wrist, drags you into the circle with him and riko and jean, and a junior whose name is something with an m, manuel or martin or mickey. a few other people take spots—victoria, a freshman like you, but she was recruited from a private school in connecticut—alexei, a sophomore backliner whose english was about as good as his passes—a pair of seniors who give you an up-and-down glance as they sit.

you can feel their eyes resting on kevin’s hand clasped around your arm, jean’s shoulder brushing yours. they could burn a hole through you and into the ground with how hard they stare when riko taps your thigh, signaling you to spin the empty wine bottle first.

it lands on jean and the two of you swap spit for around five seconds before he pulls away. you smile at him. he doesn’t return it. something dark and sick curls up in your chest. you think you might puke again, or at least cough up whatever rot has taken root inside of you.

jean spins, kisses victoria, and retreats to find another drink. victoria makes out with alexei for what seems like a frankly embarrassing amount of time. alexei spins, tripping over his words as he does so, and ends up drooling into manuel’s mouth.

manuel’s spin lands on kevin, who accepts a kiss on the cheek before nudging the bottle with his foot so that it points at riko.

watching the two of them feels like watching a pair of animals try to eat each other alive. kevin swings one leg over riko’s lap and riko very unsubtly rolls his hips, leaning in to kiss kevin fast and sharp and hungry.

you’re so hungry. the alcohol swaying like liquid nitrogen in your stomach has done nothing to make you feel full, make you feel satisfied. you just feel empty and sick.

it gets worse when kevin snakes one hand up to yank riko’s hair, moving from kissing his mouth to sucking bruises into his exposed neck. riko tips his head back and laughs. as kevin matches riko’s rhythm, riko reaches around and spins the bottle, one decisive movement

the neck of it points to you. you feel your face heat up. riko inclines his head towards you in silent invitation.

this is a test, you think through the buzz of weed and alcohol.

you take a deep breath and turn to your left, and riko’s lips against yours feel like lightning. you can feel kevin still mouthing at riko’s neck next to you, the movement of his hips stuttering as riko thumbs over your cheek and lets his tongue slide against yours. “cmere,” he murmurs. “stop holding back.”

you’re not sure what makes you bold enough to catch his lip between your teeth and bite, but the little gasp that comes from riko is indication that you’ve done something right. you kiss him deeper, messier, spit slicking both of your mouths before pulling away.

there’s blood dripping from riko’s lips and you’re satisfied in a sick, wobbling way. kevin separates his face from the crook of riko’s neck to stare at you.

silent invitation. silent test. everything the ravens do is unspoken. you’d think the entire team had some kind of telepathy.

you end up pressed between them. you’re dizzy—the world sways in time with riko’s hand on your thigh, kevin’s mouth between his legs. everything slows to a crystallizing point. riko laughs as he guides you and kevin together, watching the two of you kiss, watching the desperate movement of the two of you against each other.

riko laughs and it sounds like bells. riko laughs and everything is perfect. the bass of whatever song is playing is pounding in your ears, muffled by the door that you're not sure if anyone locked.

when you wake up the next morning, you feel dead. you wish you were when you roll over and see kevin and riko in bed next to you, fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces.

you decide to go for a run before your morning practice, tugging on your shoes and jacket quietly so that neither of them wake up. your feet thud against the pavement as you turn around one corner of the school.

your legs burn. the hickeys on your thighs and chest burn with them, dull flickers of pain that remind you with every breath of riko’s mouth and kevin’s hands.

you’re early to practice that day. and the day after that. you climb the ranks, taking #10 and then #8 and finally, finally, settling on #6. you're second-string, which means you get to play almost every game because red cards are beautiful and impermanent and fold in half like the hinge of a door opening. you are real. you are exactly where you are meant to be.

winter break comes and the ravens are taking a team trip to the southern exy banquet. raise morale, get closer. all that. you lie to your parents and say you’re road tripping with your friends, which isn’t technically false, but it’s not true either. you fall asleep on the bus, your head resting on kevin’s shoulder.

it’s the safest you feel for a long time.

"team trip" turns out to be a rather misleading way to say "working our athletes until they pass out or die." you scream the first time someone collapses during sprints. you cover your mouth with your hand when a forty-pound weight caves in someone's chest and you can see the splinters of their ribs. as a pre-medical student, you end up treating those who survive.

by the time kevin comes to you, shaking and mute with his hand cradled close to his chest, you don't flinch. you memorize the position of the bones: carpals, metacarpals, phalanges. you memorize the look on kevin's face when you walk him to the hotel room of another team's coach after rearranging the bones and tendons of his hand to make the damage look half unintentional.

you memorize the lie riko tells you to tell everyone else. skiing accident. too fast. accident. accident. not on purpose. accident, meaning no one's fault, meaning avoidable, meaning, meaning, meaning.

(when kevin is gone and the rest of the team is on the bus back to west virginia, riko tells you the truth. he tells you between kisses that he didn't ask for but you give anyways. he tells you if you breathe a word i'll fucking kill you in low, guttural japanese, the language you'd been learning to talk only to him and kevin.

you nod, and quietly tell him nani mo iimasen. you won't say a thing.)

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s1l4s-l1k3s-t0m4t03s · 23 days

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TW V3NT, ABVS3, GRAP3

you ever been in a 10 months abvs1v3 relat1ionship when the guy was 5 yrs older (you where 12) and then 5 months in he moves away so its long distance and for a month you go into ana recovery and when he came back he r worded you more than twice a day and got his friends to do it to you on camera because you had ga¡n3d w3¡ght so you st0pped 3at1ng anymore and now you feel like your nothing other than your afab body and that there is no way you are l0vabl3 anymore and he used you as a pvnch1ng bag esp when you ever ate so now your only reaction to eating "too much" is to r3l4ps3 and consider s3wersl1de?? yeah haha not me neverrr

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nadekofannumber1 · 11 months

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Death, Oddities, and Sengoku Nadeko

Sengoku Nadeko is one of the most important characters in the world to me. She’s been a character I’ve loved for years and seen so many interpretations of that it’s given such a strong perspective to how she can reflect anyone and everyone that looks within her. Yet, even as a character that I’ve seen so much of, I haven’t seen enough about Nadeko’s relationship with death. Thus this essay will be about the character who really was the first to make me feel seen, and try to make others see one of the things I think interestingly ties parts of her arc together. Thus begins this essay, of death, oddities, and Sengoku Nadeko.

Nadeko’s character has many core tenants tenants; self loathing, disassociation, personal agency, stagnation, and very importantly, control. Most things Nadeko does early on are for a sense of control. Allegorical readings akin her behavior to self harm in her first arc but I’d say over all it’s a bit more complex than traditional understandings of self harm, it doesn’t stick around, she doesn’t have the urge to start again, and it doesn’t leave scars (like with Kanbaru). The way Nadeko engages in her self destruction is by spiraling and getting drastic when her internal world is thrown off balance and not asking for help. And that’s where the metaphorical to pseudometaphorical constructs like oddities come in.

Oddities in series are stated to be the manifestation of human belief. Allegorically speaking they represent mental illness. Yet when you draw the line between being afflicted by an oddity and being one it’s very consistently observable that being an oddity is more akin to death. To give easy examples Yotsugi, Shinobu, and Hachikuji are dead. The rainy devil can kill Kanbaru if she gives in, Araragi’s decent into vampire hood is a suicide attempt explicitly, and respectively in musubi some of Araragi’s coworkers are shown in a lens of terminal illness and a traumatic near death experience. However not all exactly fit the strict dichotomy of life and death in a traditional sense:

- Black Hanekawa’s original form is that of a dead cat though hanekawa being black hanekawa is not really something I can dichotomize as a state of being dead thematically (especially considering musubi+ hanekawa). This leaves it in a larger Schrödinger situation.

-Ougi is the embodiment of Araragi’s self loathing and suicidal feelings as a literal Jungian shadow self.

-It’s hard to consider Tsukihi someone dead if the original child was never alive to begin with but she’s not someone who can die in a traditional sense, but she holds the unchanging nature that oddities have.

- Mitome Sasaki is a coworker of Koyomi who is a werewolf who’s oddity has nothing to do with death and honestly holds stronger neurodivergent coding than anything.

- Some short or side stories have oddities that are more just concepts than anything.

and,

-the whole deal with the gaen family as a whole stands as a thing that’s honestly something between generational trauma and genetic predisposition to mental illness. It’s too complicated to consider something as simple as just death or mental illness.

Even with these outliers it’s worth considering the death angle with becoming god because while Nadeko does parallel a decent amount with Hanekawa, she just as easily parallels Shinobu and Araragi in other ways.

Let’s consider what it means to give up your own humanity in the lens of Nadeko. To become god is to cease to be human, to be above it all and be something that has to love itself because she is god. A true oddity. When she hurt those snakes she hurt herself, but what this is, is beyond the existence of pain. Controlling pain beyond feelings of hurt is a dangerous slope one can fall on, it’s dangerous because part of it is easy to do but it’s hard to stop. Being a person is hard and by never changing, growing, or becoming anything, she like a member of the dead.

I’d say Nadeko becoming a god is an attempt at death in the heat of a moment. But what is my further proof in saying this? If I’m to use something like Mousou Express I’d say the lyrics referencing falling into an eternal sleep speak for themselves. In the early unreliable parts of otori she states “I wanted him to chase Nadeko, I wanted him to save Nadeko, and I wanted him to end Nadeko”. Even with this unreliable part of her hoping someone stops her in otori can be a way to show this seeking of obliteration. More than anything Nadeko’s willingness to fall out of her real life in her own mind can show her strong distaste for living, if she never lets herself experience pain she doesn’t have to know how much she hates living. I wonder, what‘s her plan after this? An interesting question considering all of this is if Nadeko considers herself truly alive while she’s one of the living.

Nadeko spends months doing nothing as a human, and after becoming god she spends months doing nothing as a member of the dead. When she kills Araragi and everyone she knows she would entirely sever her ties to the living and nothing could save her. As a god she doesn’t have to hate that stagnation, she can live on the high of being a god forever. But then Kaiki convinces her there’s enough value in being alive even if it’s not particularly happy. After recovering from her attempt in the hospital for a month or few, she starts trying to live; making manga she wants to. In a way could could compare the godhood to her own NEET-dom but she’s literally improving herself and trying to live even as a shut in, she has friends as a shut in she talks to people for real, she makes her own choices, that’s not a death that’s life, it’s living in the truest sense even if it’s not a traditional path in life. Then after that in Nademonogatari she starts to learn to love herself, and comes to realize how vulnerable of a person she was and is and that’s not something to be ashamed of. Her dark colored desires are granted sympathy instead of hatred, which is a beautiful transition out of ungodly horrible self loathing. I can say clearly that even though Nadeko nearly “dies”, she recovers and becomes happier. I believe that is a beautiful message to a character that means so much to me.

So that’s the tale, the story of Nadeko I intend to tell. Coming to your own conclusions is of course important as well yet here we are. Finishing our discussion of death, oddities, and Sengoku Nadeko.

#head the tag warnings please #cw sui ideation #cw sh #cw suicide #sengoku nadeko #monogatari series #monogatari spoilers #don’t think to hard about the colored text I’m dyslexic #the colored text helps me find the words easier and so there you have it #well I removed a lot in the final project but maybe o should put it back idk #nadeposting #naderamblings #monogatari analysis

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publishedloveletters · 1 year

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nothing makes me happy anymore

#posting ❥#unheard ⚘#cw vent #bpd vent #personal vent #sh thoughts #sh trigger warning #tw sh mention #tw sh in tags #tw sh vent #tw sui vent #tw sui implied #tw su1cide

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mixsethaddams · 1 year

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When He Loved Me. 59226 words. Completed.

Read on ao3

Full warnings and tags listed there.

Read/heed the tags and chapter notes. Avoid chapter 3 or abandon hope all ye who enter. Archive warning does NOT apply to a situation between two main characters or instigated by one, but will apply to one.

Ignore typos for clear skin.

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Everything Steve had thought about his future came crashing down over the course of less than an hour. There was no fighting or screaming, which honestly Steve thought he might have preferred. Fight for me Eddie please god keep loving me his insides screamed but he knew that he didn’t deserve it. Instead, the pair spoke calmly, evenly, about what they should do next. They sat at opposite ends of the couch and they measured their responses because even though Steve wanted it to be loud and messy, Eddie just looked tired.

They had spent a couple of months before that point dancing around the reason why they had stopped touching while they slept, stopped being so enthusiastic when the other got home after work, until one day it was too obvious to ignore. It had become more than an angry slip of the tongue that couldn’t be forgotten no matter how hard they tried and no matter how much they tried to bury it. It was a boulder between them that made them stop just short of touching each other on the arm when they spoke, or stopped their smile from reaching their eyes when they made jokes together. It wasn’t until it was staring them right in the face yet again, thanks to a flier in the mail, and if one of them didn’t say it out loud, it would eat them both alive.

“This isn’t working anymore, is it?”

“No. No, it’s not.”

Steve was the one to move out because of course he was. Neither of them said it but it was him that caused this. They both knew it. Steve was too embarrassed to admit it. Eddie was too polite. He’d called Robin and offered to pay rent for her spare room which she would refuse to take even though Steve insisted. Eddie went to stay back with his uncle for a few days. Give him space to pack up his things, there would be no arguments over who owned what. The more Steve packed away the more he realised how different their tastes were, but he still thought it all fit together so well.

They had spent three beautiful years together. The each knew the other’s favourite weather, predicted how they’d react to a new movie in the theatre or song on the radio, found the curves of each other’s bodies in the dark and knew what noises they’d make when they touched right there. They could feel their way to paradise without even saying a word. They didn’t need to speak, they knew what the other liked, wanted. They’d know each other blind. Steve was new to basically everything that came with this relationship, but Eddie was a great guide. Patient, gentle, reassuring. Everything Steve had never had and everything he wanted now.

When Steve had nightmares, Eddie knew the right things to say to soothe him back to sleep. He would take him in his arms and pull him close, right into the crook of his neck, and whisper sweet promises of how bright the morning would be. Steve would rarely wake up screaming anymore, but he would shake violently into consciousness gasping for air. He’d be flailing and trying to reach for a weapon, so sure that they needed to go rescue someone. Eddie was always right there to grab him and hold him. Steve would breath in deeply while his boyfriend cooed his reassurances, drinking in the smell of Eddie’s skin. Sweat and cigarettes and the awful scented candles the record store he worked at would burn.

Whenever Eddie would have a flashback to his time in the Upside Down, Steve would remind him that Vecna was gone and couldn’t hurt him anymore, couldn’t hurt any of them anymore. Eddie cried in his sleep sometimes, some distant part of him remembering how it felt to be trapped there, but Steve knew how to help him. Softly. Always softly. Anything too fast or that wasn’t whisper-gentle would make him wake up in a panic. Steve had perfected calming him while he was still sleeping. He’d scoop Eddie’s long hair into his hands and hold it away from his face as he kissed his jawline while he spoke truths of how much he loved him against his pulse. The whines would slowly subside and Eddie would become peaceful as he relaxed under Steve’s touch.

It was bliss, for a while. But it was, Steve thought, ignorant. It was never built to last

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Read on ao3

Full warnings and tags listed there.

Ignore typos for clear skin.

#steve harrington #stranger things #steve x eddie #eddie stranger things #steve stranger things #eddie munson #steddie #st fanfic #fanfic #tw sh in tags #tw sui ideation #archive warning applies #steve harrington is not having a good time #stranger things angst #hurt/comfort #tw destructive behavior #tw noncon #seth writes

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iammynightmare · 1 year

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I want to live no only survive.

#cw vent #vent blog #vent tag #vent post #live #survive #suicudal #tw sui vent #anxious #social anxiety #trust issues #sh trigger warning #sh blog #tw selfhate #self h@te #self h@rm

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thesinisterdisaster · 21 days

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TW sh, sui

Kinda feel like I should be admitted to grippy sock jail cause of my unalive thoughts and urges but I can't because the US healthcare system sucks and its too fucking expensive!!!

So ig i just gotta sh and secretly hope someone sees despite the fact that I will hide them or else ill get in trouble with my parents but I want help.

#tw sui vent #tw sui talk #tw sui ideation #tw #trigger warning #help me pls #tw sh related #tw sh implied #unalive #just adhd things #adhd #adhd problems #idk what else to tag

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king--of--ducks · 3 months

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I am Lucifer Morningstar, King of Hell, sin of Pride!

🍎I am Lucifer Morningstar, but you can call me Luci’ or even Apple Daddy if you wish~🍎

🍎I have a daughter named Charlotte, but everyone calls her Charlie. And if anyone hurts her, well, I’ll fucking wipe them out. This is my game, I’m the ref!🍎

🍎Charlie has informed me that I, apparently, have fans on the internet? And I figured if there are people who love me out there, might as well talk to them! Take that depression!🍎

🍎No spamming walls of text/emojis in my ask!🍎

OOC:I have no association with Vivziepop or her characters, this is just an obsessed fan being bored and goofing off. Things will most likely be out of character at times, I’m just kinda having fun with this.

I also decided to edit my pinned post to add this bit. This blog has been covering sensitive topics lately such as sh, ed, sui, and more. If you are not comfortable with this, I try to tag the posts to the best of my feeble minded capabilities, but that is content you can find here, so be warned.

I have a Discord server

Oh wow, it’s lore!

The Morning(star)

The Scars of an Angel

A Brush with Death

The Blue-Gem series

The Blue-Gem series(2)

The Blue-Gem series(3)

The Blue-Gem series(4)

The Blue-Gem series(5)

Mod—

@sockmanduckman

Circle of role players—

Same mod—

@moxxies-wife—Blitzø’s employee #1

@mammon-money-maker—Nuisance

@wally-wackfords-wacky-blog—Blitzø’s old chum

Family—

@charlie-morningstar666–My beautiful little girl!

@the-moth-ex-angel—Soon to be daughter in law!

@alyxdefoisnthere—Bad sleep schedule daughter.

@damian-morningstar—Son

@headlessdeaddancer—My (step-)son!

@mcalastor—fiancé Freaky ass bitch.

@god-the-lord—My father has Tumblr?!?!

@bigdoginthesky—Another dad

@theholymessenger—Gabriel

@theholyhealer—Raphael

@michael-the-morningstar—Michael

@heavenly--knight—Another Michael?!?!

@ask-the-archs—2 for 1

@featheryhoe—King of Lust

Other—

@blitztheoissilent—Blitzø (formerly @blitz-horsie-enthusiast and @blitz-the-o-is-silent)

@logical-imp—Blitzø’s employee #2

@ducky-loyal-servant-of-lucifer—Cure for depression

@xxsmilingdeerxx—Freak

@radio-demon-on-the-air—Freak *2

@fizzythefrog—Blitzø’s bestie

@blue-gem-overlord—Ripoff Lapis

@heavens-gatekeeper—Petah!!!!

@king-mammon—Another Mammon

@sad-bird-stolas—My bestie

@the-original-dickmaster—My best friend

@the-exterminator—Adam’s petty ex

@lute-head-exterminator—Adam’s petty ex*2

@bad-boy-lover—Niffty

@nifftyhasaknife—Niffty*2

@penguinmaster9999—T and pals

@deadbeatbartender—Husker

#hazbin #hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer hazbin #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer magne #hazbin lucifer #roleplay #hazbin roleplay #hazbin hotel roleplay #hazbin ask blog #Apple Sauce:Original Posts #pinned post #pinned intro #king--of--ducks

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fleshdyke · 10 months

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ahdhaoegheiegsh

#sui and sh and ed warning for tags #it’s so insane to me how easy it is to fall back in. like it happens so so so quickly. it’s so scary #like. there’s just this very deep rooted fear in me that my friends don’t like me. it’s my biggest fear and i feel like it’s true for real #this time. like i’m so so so confident that they don’t like me anymore. more so than i’ve ever been before #and it’s just making it so fucking easy to fall back into old habits. you know. like i don’t particularly want to be anorexic to get thinner #at this point. i want to be anorexic so people will notice and worry and pay attention to me #like i feel so so so forgettable. and that’s just my worst fear bc that’s what i’ve been my entire life and i finally thought things were #different. like it’s such a stupid thing to get upset about but like when they don’t eat lunch with me or when they didn’t even bother to #look for me during the last assembly of the year and just went to sit on their own #or when we go to walk somewhere as a group and they leave me behind. like please pay attention to me please don’t make me feel like i’m as #forgettable as i am. please #like if i didn’t know better i’d kill myself to get them to notice me again. notice me more than just a smile and a nod in the halls #like sometimes i want to just stop talking and see how long it would take for them to notice. how long it would take for them to worry #like every time i feel like i’ve found someone that actually likes me and wants to be around me. they always end up getting tired of me #and i’m just always in a cycle of waiting for them to realize they hate me and being ripped apart when they do. and every time i feel this #sort of smugness or i told you so ness because they did eventually leave just like i said they would. and it’s an awful good feeling #it hurts so much but god i was right i was always right #and i think i’ve accepted that this is always going to be part of who i am. people are always going to hate me no matter how much i try #no matter what i change to make them stay they’re always going to leave. i just wasn’t built for forever i guess. i long for someone to stay #so so so bad but i think i’m just always going to be broken like this. i’m always going to be lonely and there’s nothing i can do about that #and i want to be hospitalized i want to almost die from something self inflicted because at this point it feels like that’s the only way i’m #ever going to get anyone to care. i don’t want to die but i want to get somewhere close to it #idk. i want to bleed out or collapse from malnutrition or be found after an attempt bc hurting is so much easier when you have a reason to #rambles #vent

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cherrycola27 · 10 months

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false god teaser

Series Warnings: Mythology!AU. Language, alcohol, drinking. Military inaccuracies. Mutual pining, unrequited love. Allusions to and eventual smut. Minors DNI. 18+. Individual chapter warnings will come as needed. Banner Credit @thedroneranger

Masterlist Playlist

Taglist Form

...........................................

Stories about you have been told for centuries. Each one of them more myth than truth. You've heard so many of them that you've started to believe some of them yourself. Sometimes, it makes you question who you really are.

But you know you really are. You're a Goddess, a pilot, a fighter. At one point, others call you a monster, a demon, an angel of death all because of who you loved and how you hurt them.

You vowed never to be that person again, which meant never getting close to someone again. If you didn't allow yourself to love and be loved, you couldn't hurt anyone like that again.

You doomed yourself to a lifetime of loneliness in the Underworld.

...............

After you and the other Olympians angered the Titans, they cast you to Earth until you proved yourself worthy as Gods and Goddess.

One by one, they proved themselves. Thousands of years later, you still roamed the Earth, still alone and still unworthy.

You found ways to occupy your time. You became a Top Gun pilot, one of the best. You flew missions that no one else could, trotting the globe. Never staying in one base too long.

All of that changed when you were assigned a permanent spot in the newly formed Dagger Squadron.

After centuries of never being in one place for too long, you were thrust into a group that would force you to interact with and befriend them.

And after years of your heart laying dormant, a flame sparked in it because of a man named Bradley Bradshaw.

Coming July 2023

Until then, please enjoy these "false god" moodboards

Board Credit: @desert-fern

Board Credit: @thedroneranger

Tagging some folks who might be interested: @roosterscock @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @mayhemmanaged @lovinglyeternal @lovingbradshawafterdark @wkndwlff @roosterforme @daggerspare-standingby @dakotakazansky @startrekfangirl2233 @hecate-steps-on-me @cassiemitchell @na-ta-sh-aa @milestellerlover @katieshook02 @mak-32 @je-suis-prest-rachel @soulmates8 @ohgodnotagainn @diorrfairy @eli2447 @xoxabs88xox @djs8891 @roosterbruiser @roosters-girl @sebsxphia @rosiahills22 @dempy @seresinsweetie @my-obsession-spn @eternalsams @callsign-magnolia @alchemxx @clancycucumber230 @gretagerwigsmuse @sunlightmurdock @topguncortez @seresinsbabe @withahappyrefrain @lt-spork @multifandomlover4life @lewmagoo @bobfloyds @bobfloydsbabe @ohtobeleah @rhettabbotts @bradshawsbaby

#cherrycola27 #top gun maverick #top gun #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #rooster top gun #tgm #rooster x reader #rooster smut #lt. bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw smut #tgm fanfiction #tgm fic #tgm smut #false god

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savroon · 6 days

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intro post

hello , my name is savron !! i run this blog .

basic info

i dont want to say my age due to some issues with stalking ive had, but i am in between the ages of 15-18 . i am a gay guy (he) who sometimes rambles a lot (which is why i made this blog) !! this is actually a side blog , i do a lot of writing for game franchises cod and splatoon on my main :]

i really like jellyfish and sometimes talk about it a lot !! i am also a fan of botany , weapons (mostly semi autos), art (drawing and writing) and photography

eng/中文 OK!!

warnings

this is mostly where i ramble about mlm love or cry . i am very very mentally unstable so here is the general warning of what i may mention .

sui , sh, sa, hallucinations, paranoia, drugs, addiction

all of this will be tagged accordingly .

#savron #mlm #mlm yearning #mlm thoughts #gay thoughts #gay yearning #achillean #gay mlm #t4t mlm #tw s3lf harm #tw sa #tw drvgs #military #firearms #jellyfish #marine biology #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #writers and poets

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junior-high-rui-official · 7 months

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[ooc post]

wahoooo intro post time

edit: I DO NOT GET NOTIFS FOR ASKS OR MENTIONS!! if you send or answer an ask to/from this blog, please LIKE one of the posts so I get a notif and am prompted to check this blog because I have too many.

i saw people making rp blogs + didn't want to be a total clone + like angst. so this happened.

im @2-kakimiko-1 i run @junior-high-ena-official @riho-hasegawa-official and @jail-x-break-official too

the mod is autistic and a minor and uses he/it and a handful of neopronouns listed here :3 you don't need to overuse tone tags or anything but I struggle to tell tone sometimes so I'd appreciate it if you used them !! my timezone is est if it matters

i'd prefer if you used he/it/they for the character! Ngl I used to say no shippy interaction but I genuinely do not remember why I felt that way so. its allowed now yippee

for all intents and purposes this blog is set around the end of Rui's 3rd year of junior high/the summer of his 3rd year of junior high. :3

ummm headcanon time because I'll be playing by those. he's pan, aceflux, transmasc and he just figured that out, and autistic and bpd. he knows the former not the latter. bad at taking care of himself but that's a given. yeah 👍

this blog has and will continue to cover heavy topics, mostly bullying and occasionally sh and sui related things. they will all be tagged and if I forget please tell me! you are also always welcome to ask me to tag anything, I'll tag common triggers if I remember but if theres something I miss or something you need tagged again T E L L M E P L E A S E

ummm dni. basic dni criteria racist MAP or w/e homophobic transphobic ableist etc um I think that's it tbh uhh dni if youre weird (/neg) about rui and think hes a violent cannibal yandere whatever the hell. since I did mention he has bpd I think this needs to be picked out even though it falls under ableism get the actual fuck off my blog if you can't be normal about cluster b disorders.

uhhh be nice to rui hes sensitive be nice to the mod i am also sensitive/hj

edit: my rp style!! I feel like I should clarify it!!

ooc is the double slash! → // like this

unformatted text indicates speech! → like this

italics indicate actions! → like this

italics with brackets indicate internal thoughts! → [like this]

tags:

#ooc post - ooc post

#rooftop whispers - everything in-character

#rooftop mewls - funny other in-character tag for when he gets turned into a cat by anons. this will likely become a regular occurrence.

#tw ____ - trigger tags

picrew used for cat icon

arc tags and respective warnings:

#kamishiro family angst - series of events catalysed by several rui clones experiencing negative things at once, mrs kamishiro collapsing under the stress of taking care of that all, and as one thing leads to another, other kamishiro family members end up injured and hospitalized. warnings for: hospital related things, overworking, fainting, car accidents, mentions of brainwashing and torture (on exthief rui), descriptions of injury ranging from minor to more graphic to gory.

#project sekai #rp blog #rui kamishiro #kamishiro rui

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