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jeffhane · 3 years

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dynasty live watching: an incoherent post so that i’m not spoiling people on the twitter tl (i doubt any of this will be chronological or coherent enough to actually contain spoilers but better safe than sorry!)

oh my god the “previously on” - i forgot abt fallon and evan....

Theyre at a FUNERAL??? this was actually predicted but oh my god. if its steven i am going to be so mad. what an unfitting end to the- WAIT WHAT SIX MONTHS? what was that font;;;;:; whes sueiwjwk

copper arch🥵🥵🥵

this is cute. this is cute i like faloon pretty women so true

BYE I FORGOT ABT THIS VASE

fallon is genuinely such a bad person this is so bizarre,,,, i think she needs to calm down about oiterally everything ever

“This wedding is our chance to break the cycle of craziness” babe ur literally the one making the cycle of craziness

w. was that an ikmenn of liam getting his head off

JEFF MY BELOVED HE LOOKS STUNNING IN THAT OUTFIT. WHYS ALEXIS HERW “POWER COUPLE” YOU WERID MANIPULATIVE PERSON GET AWAY FROM HIM LOL

alexis is up to no good. bad bad jpeg. why do they write her dialogue like this

adam is acted so well lmao he’s the most unhinged person to ever exist *screams*

ohhh dominique, i don’t remember much abt her 😭😭😭 this woman she’s with is beautiful

ITS LAGGING????? i cannot Believe tjis

~rebrand~ ok girlboss!!!!!!!!! can we ship this businesswoman i dont recall her name with fallon???? id like that i think

too many plotlines have happened in too many minutes, i’m already forgettint things that have happened... isn’t blake supposed to be in prisoj? no? Ok: sure

adam is constantly doing this expression that is like 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁 HI SAM HI SAM HI SAM BEAUTIFUL MAN I LOVE HIM WHOS THIS MAN

raf is so stunning ughhhh i’m loving the costumes this season, everyone looks great! is this man a sam love interest? nervous? that is kinda cute. i miss stevej though. sadness. so many emotions

UHHHH hi alexis sure ig ur here

~OMENS~ babe that’s a tad dramatic don’t you think?????????? “Ignore the lore at your own peril” alright

WHOS THAT? WHOS THAT? OH HER OK

bye everything is going wrong for this......:..:::... *rubs hands together evilly* that will certainly be entertaining

credit scene!!! such a beautiful cast! where’s anders, oh how i miss him... i miss monica too wasn’t she supposed to be BACK🤔🤔🤔🧐🧐🤨🤨

its a commercial break... havent had to watch the show with these for so long😑😑😑. getting american ads is so funny bc the vast majority of them are Not at all relevant... at all

BACK TO DYNASTY!!!!!! was that a slinky? huh? oh ok that’s why the marriage is happening at the manor. #whenyouonlyhaveoneset oh hi ok monica so shes not going to be here?????😑😔😳

WHY IS SHE GETTING A CAR I FEEL LIKE THATS FORESHAWDOIWIJG FOR UMMMMM.... NOT GOOD THINGS ..... ITS LAGGING AGAIN 🤨

blake having dinner... ok hi cristal,,,,; is the priest subplot back? that was a weird one

adam???? how on earth does adam work his way into everything? NEXT GUEST? HUH? are you cheating on your wife? HI CULHANE! HI!

“straight people are exhausting” i mean yes, objectively, absolutely, but culhane is #notstraight .... idk how i feel about sam and this man. also what? huh? staying here? ok cool ig

OHHHHH he got married i see i see

“Haven’t you milked the carrington cow already” but....... she is literally the person who deserves the stuff..... k......... i don’t like dominique but she was given the short end of the stick also blake stop manipulating people just bc they tell u the truth😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

frustrated that we haven’t seen fallon in any non-wedding related stuff yet i always liked her more ~dramatic~ plots . like she’s a sweetheart but i do want her to evolve beyond thsi. idk if that makes sense. ok bye

“A relative’s happy marriage” uh???? we live in a society😔📈

who is father lynch<3333 oh he is in the hospital that’s not great oh adam upset that’s new /s

y is kirby dressed like an elf. god bless.

ughhhh i just think adam is not good for kirby. he’s not good in general. so true . what is he up to. ads again hhhhhhhhhh💯

omg we are back!!!!! blake wear the suit!! hi liz!!! i’ve seen pictures of this outfit, it looks nice. “I really want things to work out with liam” now that would be great but you’re in a soap opera so the chances of that are .... I DONT EVEN ONOW IF U CAN WEATHER ANYTHING W CRISTAL...)))))!$$ NOT NECESSARILY THE BEET CHOICE????

~technically it wasn’t cancelled~ alright love i feel as though you’re not telling the full truth here. ok his name is ryan . we know that now . cool . this relationship is awkward but it could be sweet

what the Fuck is dominique talking about this is so creepy😭😭😭 please do not market lingerie to ur niece 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 why does no one in this show know how to be polite

“You want me to stake my personal assets” i’m sure this would be meaningful if i knew anything about finance????? WAIT WAIT WIAT WAIT WAIT DHE REHEARING THE SAM DONS G THE SONG ALEXIS DONT INTERRUPT HER SINGING THE SONG🧐😔😔😔🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥰🥰🤬😤😤😤😤😤😤

~duplicitous sham~ that’s quite a juicy phrase ms fallon. alexis i dislike your marriage. and you in fact. yes x . “We were just like any other newlyweds” except the newlywed factor........:

anders. oh my god i adore him so much. he reminds me of my grandfather . YES adam is dangerous. anders i love you so much. be my grandfather figure. top 10 cool old dudes of all time.

liz is so beautiful how am i suppised to “Focus” on the “storyline” kirby just went 🥰🥰 also hi culhane ily babe

“My father’s convinced adam is pure evil” you see, that is......... trueeeee...........:.::: im sorry culhane ily love

this dialogue unfortunately does not flow all that well LOL . people dont think up things like this on the fly “my love is like that boutineer” sir i guarantee that metaphors r not going to save ur relationship... HI sam. so true. hi ily. samhane? culsam? 😳😳

DONT STEAL ANDERS SPOT OH HI JEFF YOU LOOK STUNNING.......... BEAUTIFUL BOY ....... HI!!!! ~you are the only family you’ve ever needed~ shit none of this wouldve happened if the Carringtons werent so greedy ij the first place

~true love has many faces~ how many anti liam omens can they sneak in into the episode 😭😭😭😭 hi laura whats up

the poor waiters at this establishment...... why does laura look like a rlly young version of my grandma........: huh.... wont think abt it /... alexis bad mom.jpeg

“I don’t want to miss my sons special day” ok bye i don’t #care she’s kind of rude

fallon trying to avoid future drama is confusing to me as that used to be her ENTIRE THING? HUH??? everyones talking to their moms today what the heck do that many people talk to their moms???

jeff hiiiii <333 that maroon suit!!!!! love!!!!!

Dont hurt anders you strange little evil man!!!!!!!!!!! (Adam, for reference)

fallon likes to ~e n u n c i a t e~ her dialogue. Drama Teachers Love Her

FIRBY SCENE! WELL THEY R TALKINF! UWU ! UWU ! smiles:) smiiiiiles:) the height difference i cannot do this😑😊😊😊🕯🕯🕯 BYE

BueirHWIIDWJDIWIFJWIFJWJJFWJFJWJDJWJDJWIFJWJFJWJDKWJDJWDJJWHDWHDHWHEHWHDHWJDJWJRJWJEJWJDJQUEUWJEJWJEJW CRIES SOBS SCREAMS THIS OS SO FUCKING FUNNY

Kirby you dumbass😭😭😭😭😭 ALEXIS WUDIWNDJW JEFF CAN YOU NOT HEF FCANKREMTIWN WHY IS THIS DIALOGUE IM SCREAMIGNRJFJD

kirby babe you are the kist imorjri WHQT? HUH? when all the characters have the maturity of a 13 yr old <33333 DID THE SHOW JUST END?????? OK.... DAMN.... they were really 2 minutes away from the end and remembered that things are supposed to happen in tv show episodes.... i cannot tell whether it os over actually?????? huh??? going to keep watching because it would be so embarrassing if i missed a few minutes oh yeah theres more

IM SORRY WHYBARE THESE PEOPLE SO STUPID. every single one of them. ih my god l. ohhhh my god . “I never meant to hurt you” you cheated on him. both of them are bad people. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 kirby darling what were you thinking . this dress on kirby is STUNNING ugh, she’s so charming . adam Shut the fuck up. He hasn’t said anything but shut the fuck up. OH MY GOD ADAM SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD I HATE ADAM SO MUXH. OH MY GOD HOW IS HE THE WORST PERSON TO EVER LIVE 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶 HES SO EVIL

“I didn’t want to tell you because i didnt want you to think of me as a monster” why did you do that stuff then bro . Kirby you SHOULDNT trust someone after they say that? How naive? Huh ?

omg hello jeffs grandma!!!!! she deserves better than every shitshow in this family... god🤨 dominique being a good person? i like to see that. she seems so genuine. ok this is nice . wait... SAFE? 😳😳😳😳 💴 💵 #money i miss monica

why do they never have sufficient lifhting in WAIT..... HER?????? #dumbofass HI JEFF <33333333 HI you can scam and whatever ur allowed to i support u

ooohhhh GORGEOUS fallon outfit

“Such a fail” IS THIS 2012 . CRINE HEIDJWJFIWNDWJDNWKFJW ENJDJSDJWJNDJWJD they keep saying folklore and im thinking its some sort of reference to the album and i get confused. wheres scheming fallon. need scheming fallon. do a scheme. do it

“We are that lucky couple” press x to doubt .... wait who is this🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 this seems cincerning im cocnentwd why did it zoom in on this random man

#how many ads are there you ask?#too many #i never watch things live #this is .... a lot #american cell service is so cheap #cruella de vil ad😭#how does the cw app work #more ads ig #i dont have the attention span to remember what happened before the ads

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the-fiction-witch · 4 years

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The Enchantress P6

REAL LIFE X MAGIC X MYTHICAL CREATURES X FANTASY COUPLE TBS X READER RATING SMUT + CUTE

I groaned a little as the sunlight was in my eyes, as the morning light came through my window I smiled looking down to y/n as she laid on me her head on my chest her breasts against my stomach, her thighs wrapped around my leg the bedsheet on around her arse and my hips her arms around me tightly mine around her too slightly playing with her hair running my fingers around the soft smooth skin of her back, she was sleeping so peacefully on me I could have laid like this with her forever.

She shifted a little as the morning light hit her eyes gently groaning, she moved a little shifting in her sleep "Ummmmm" she groans

"Umm Good Morning y/n" I smiled

"Hu?" she asks moving a little to look up at me "hi?"

"Hi" I smiled playing with her hair

"What are you doing in my room?" she complains nuzzling into my skin

"I'm not in your room" I laughed

"What happened last night?" she asks

"You went out hunting" I smiled hugging her tighter

"Yeah... but why are we snuggling in your room?" she asks

"because you crawled in my window last night" I smirked playing with her hair

"Ohh I see" she smiled resting her chin on my chest "Did-"

"Yes" I smirked "You where a lusty little baby last night"

"So where you" she giggled kicking her feet a little as she moved a little to lay on her stomach on top of me kicking her feet in the air as she giggled "happy you're not enchanted anymore?"

"Not really, I kinda miss it" I smirked

"Want me to be again?" she asked

"Only if you're going to let me do that again" I smiled giving her a little kiss resting my forehead on hers "Are you mad at me?"

"for what?"

"Not stopping you?"

"You were enchanted, I was hunting, It was bound to happen" she giggled "Plus I could hear you yelling for me from like the other side of town"

"sorry" I blushed "I tried to stay quiet" she smiled giving me a kiss and getting up trying to fix her hair "Y/n can I ask you something?" I asked her

"Of course" she smiled

"Do you have to eat me now?" I asked her

"Not if I don't want to" she smiled slipping her robe on

"Do you have to put your robe on?" I asked

"why?" she giggled

"I like seeing you without" I smirked

"So what I have to walk around the temple naked?" she asks

"I will if you will?" I shrug

"Deal" she smiled throwing her robe on my bed and going off into the temple.

I went through the temple as the darkness fell looking around trying to find y/n, I saw the door open and I looked outside "Y/n? Are you out here?" I asked her

"Yeah" she answers sounding sad

"Y/n? are you crying?" I asked sitting on the steps beside her as she held her dress tightly "What's the matter?"

"I don't feel very well that's all Thomas," she says

"Aww, come here" I smiled giving her a little cuddle and kissing the top of her head "hey? Do you want rabbit for dinner? hu? shall we go get a fuzzy little bunny for dinner?"

"No thanks Thomas," she says

"Really? but rabbits your favourite?" I asked a little confused but felt her little kisses up my neck "Ooohh well I'm sure that can help you feel better" I smirked enjoying her little kisses until- I felt a sharp sting of pain in my neck and I pushed her away, she had blood on her fangs and was bleeding "Y-You bit me!" I complain holding where I was bleeding "How could you bite me?"

"I'm so sorry Thomas I couldn't help it," she says as she began to cry again "You smelled nice, and I'm so hungry"

"Oh y/n, please don't cry, it's okay it'll stop bleeding in a minute, please don't cry y/n" I told her giving her a little cuddle "Your really hungry aren't you?" I ask and she nods "maybe we really do need to go out and get you some dinner"

"Thomas I need to talk to you about something"

"course, what is it?"

"I think I'm pregnant?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, "what makes you think so?"

"I'm starving, I ate three people today and I' still hungry, my tummy hurts like hell, and I can smell men from a mile away" she explained

"That does sound... concerning" I answered, "Does that mean you have to eat me?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Your mum ate your dad?" I shrug " assumed that was the common practice?"

"Not really, she just liked eating people" she laughs "Besides who even knows if it's yours anyway"

"When did this start?" I asked

"last week"

"then likely it's me... or one of the guys from your last hunt." I told her "honestly it's me or someone you've already eaten"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, either way, I'll treat it as if it is my little baby in there" I smiled giving her tummy a little kiss "I love you y/n, and if you want me to I'm happy to stay and look after our little baby" I smiled resting my forehead on hers and she smiled nuzzling close to me

"I love you too" she giggled nuzzling close to my neck "Ummmmmm you smell nice"

"Thats because your hungry" I laughed

"And I think baby likes the smell of her daddy" she giggled

"Awww I'm sure she does or he?" I smiled

"she" she giggled

" how do you know it's she?" I asked

"Moon daughter? Enchantress? we're always female" she shrugs

"Aww, so I can't have a little boy?"

"I don't know there's never been one in recorded history"

"You think thats gonna stop me from trying?" I smirked

"well not for three weeks Mr" she warns

"Three weeks? it takes you guys a month to have a baby?" I ask and she nods "This is going gonna be a month of complete hell isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is" she nods "Can we have rabbit for dinner? I'm very hungry"

"Of course we can" I smiled "You want to hunt? or do you want me to go out and get some?" I asked

"hunt, but I need assistance" she smiled holding my hand

"Okay," I smiled giving her a kiss and helping her up as we went out into the forest.

I sighed as I finished work waiting around for him

"So come on tom what have ya got to show me?" luke asked

"follow me Luke it's out in the woods," I told him making him follow me out down the paths till we reached the temple "Here is it"

"Whoa... what is this place?" He asked "Ohh I bet its where those enchantress girls take ya to have their orgyies before they kill ya" he laughed

"Looks kinda dangerous we likely shouldn't go in there" I lied

"Ohh come on tom grow a pair of balls lets go see if there are any hot sexy enchantress'" he smirked starting to climb the steps

"Oh no come back" I lied with a sigh as I lead him up the stairs and into the temple shutting the door behind us as he looked around

"whoa... this place is cool" he laughed looking around "dude I need to ask ya... did ya lead me out here to uhhh tell me ya like me? cause I don't swing that way, I'm flattered, Hell a little curious but-" He began

"No, I did not Luke" I told him "Oh I think I heard something down here," I said pointing towards the room I now share with y/n

"what? ya think there could be some sexy little thing in here?" he laughed coming around the corner to see y/n laid on our bed in her usual dress with her very obvious baby bump I didn't realize how fast it would grow it was literally like I woke up and there was a huge baby bump but it only takes her a month so what did I expect "Holy shit! you're an enchantress! fuck.... your less hot then I thought the fat stomach really puts me off, face is hot though" he said

"Oh man she doesn't kill you I will" I laughed

"What?!" he asked very confusedly

"Thats my wife you dick"

"Oh, shit, sorry man- wait! you're married to an Enchantress?"

"Well... not formally married but close enough" I smiled

"what do ya want from me?" he asked

"Angel?" I smirked to her and within seconds she had clawed his neck and he fell to the floor bleeding out

"Thank you for dinner Thomas" she smiled starting to eat

"Your welcome angel," I smiled

"want some?" she asks as she ripped off an arm

"I'm good," I laughed.

I smiled as the sun was still out and the heat of the day still around as I headed home from work through the thick forest as soon as I got in I dumped my work stuff by the door

"Thomas? is that you home?" she asked from our room

"yes Y/n it's me, angel!" I yelled back "Not that anyone else ever comes here" I laughed

"Come in here!" she yells playfully

"Just a sec Angel I need to get dinner on"

"Dinner can wait! I have a surprise for you" she smiled so I laughed going to the bedroom door

"What's up?" I asked leaning on the door but I saw something that made me smile wider than I ever had in my life.

Y/n laid in our bed the soft blue and white blankets and covers around her sweet body, her hair messy and out of its normal place, her face tried but it read of so much joy, and in her arms laid the little body of a sweet baby.

"Somebody wants to meet you" she smiled

I quickly went over sitting on the edge of the bed

"Uhhh hi" I smiled looking at her cute little face giving her head a tiny kiss "I'm sorry I missed it," I told y/n pressing my head to hers giving her nose a little kiss

"Its okay," she smiled

"Does she have a name yet?" I asked

"yeah" she smiled "Tasha, Like your mum" she smiled

"Aww, Okay, Hi Tasha" I smiled as y/n handed her to me.

I smiled as I turned through the tree's seeing the temple

"DADDY!" little Tasha giggled as she pounced down the stairs like a wolf and jumped into my arms

"Aww hi hun" I smiled giving her a cuddle

"Daddy, daddy Can maybe I go out with mummy on her hunt?" she asks

"Tasha... you know you can't hunt yet, little lady your not old enough," I told her putting her back down as we headed inside

"PPPPPPllllleeeeeeaaaaassssseeeee!" she whines

"Alright we'll go ask mummy," I told her as we headed inside and out into the garden where y/n stood doing some gardening being careful of her baby bump

"Mummy!! Daddy said I could hunt!" she giggled

"I said she could ask mummy" I correct

"Well see" Y/n told her before she ran off again and y/n came to me "she's kicking again" she complained

"Awww its okay angel, it won't be long now "I remind her giving her a kiss "I missed you"

"I missed you too" she smiled resting her forehead on my own and giving my nose a kiss.

#tbs

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frostygar · 4 years

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The Flash S5 Ep5 Thoughts

- If I were Nora I wouldn’t come either, you betrayed her heart and her trust.

- Nora may have almost hurt a couple BUT I love sassy Nora who rebels against her parents it’s really refreshing for someone to actually not like Iris. And she caught the bad guy so WOO NORA MY BABY IS DOING JUST FINE

- So the writers finally wrote someone to tell Iris how she acts “condescending, I know better than you” and they most certainly do not have Iris change, AND Nora ends up forgiving her? Wack. Unrealistic. Boring. Change things up smh

- “You know, Nora, I wish you would try to understand who your mom is today.” UMMM BITCH SHE’S THE SAME DIDN’T YOU JUST HEAR HER???? Also why don’t YOU try to understand your daughter’s actions under years of neglect from your step sister. (also I watch Riverdale and that show pisses me off but NOTHING has ever pissed me off this much omggggggg)

- Cisco is back! YASSS WE HAVE MISSED THE VIBES 🥺🥺🥺

- OMG PROFESSOR STEIN!!! Small crossover we love to see it, and we also love to see Cisco and Caitlin’s friendship! Even if it hurt Cisco ugh a crying atm

- UMMMMM EW. EW WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WHY IS THAT CREEPIER THAN ANY RECENT HORROR MOVIE please…….. I much prefer Elongated Man… aLSOO ALSO how did they not hear that weirdo fucking pounding his fucking hands into the glass I feel nauseous.

- I know I wanted journalist!Iris again but like because she’s being even worse than she normally his (and Barry) I literally just want her to get the fuck off the screen. I even took a small break and watched something else and I can still feel the anger inside of my body… like I just can’t even look at Iris OR Barry. That’s just sad… the worst sibling duo since Bughead

- Barry working with your journalist sister-wife is probably not professional but no one would ever point that out so… rip to me wanting to watch shows that down ruin everything over a disgusting

- Schrap… give us more of these cool words to use I love them. ALSO NORA AND CECILE BONDING WE LOVE TO SEE IT

- Oh Cecile not you too… if Iris doesn’t respect her own daughter she’s not owed respect back. Besides, since when the FUCK is it “disrespectful” to say that your mom nags at you… all mom’s do it. Nora is raving about her mom wanting to control her and is talking abut her nagging at her over everything and Cecile is like "this is the west household and that means that all west's are respected" like girl you have been civil and understanding to everyone and everything this whole time and suddenly its out the window??? I understand that in black households it’s a big thing to respect your parents, especially a mother who raised a child alone, but this is some pedestal bullshit and highkey right now I want basically everyone except Nora, Caitlin, Cisco, Ralph, and even Sherloque, fucking dead for the rest of the episode………. wow I never thought a show could literally make me this mad.

- That scene afterwards was really weird. Like in my family we can never really move on like that, but also how would Nora get all of that to fit together and stay for like five seconds and why wouldn’t Cecile give Nora the screws like—

- Cisco vibing the chalkboard and knowing it’ll hurt him and he’s not going to tell anyone I’m: sad.

- “Did I scare him away?” CAITLIN! 😭🥺 Also didn’t he MAKE Killer Frost or am I just dumb and slow lol

- This Meta is so gross yet so cool asdfghjkl EW THAT’S GONNA GIVE ME NIGHTMARES, THE META’S MASK HEAD THING BEING IN SIGHT AND THEN DISAPPEARING AFTER SAYING “FLASH” EWWW although funnily enough I’d rather watch that than Iris and Barry so um

- How is The Flash able to make the most disgusting, creepiest thing than like any horror movie

- Barry trying to force date shit with Iris is so awkward and weird and forced… I hate it a lot

- This woman not being impressed with Iris or Barry is giving me life … ARE THEY REALLY NOT REALIZING THAT IRIS IS BASICALLY THAT WOMAN IN THE FUTURE WITH NORA??? “She’s so cold, she gave her son what she thought he needed but was wrong” like… how dense are these fuckers???

- Why is Barry acting like this is his last night with Iris? Like I can wish but why is this forced domesticity that makes me want to rip out my eyes happening rn? EW I WAS LOOKING DOWN AT MY LAPTOP AND I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THE META IN THE CORNER I’M SO DISGUSTED.

- Barry,,, she is exactly like that woman fuck off there’s a time to be supportive to both women and rn it’s not to Iris. GOD NOT IRIS ACTUALLY REALIZING IT OVER BARRY??? The fanservice and ruining Barry’s character is real and it HURTS

- Why is the meta looking at Barry and Iris as if he knows who they are… he only knows the flash

- Caitlin realizing he was hurting himself to help her I— “I could bring my value to the team” BUT YOU DID WAY BEFORE YOUR POWERS. You’re smart, you know science, you help The Flash help people. Sure the powers are a big bonus but he brought so much value even before :( If anything ever happens to Cisco and Caitlin’s friendship, ever, I will kill everyone and then myself

- I know this show is about The Flash and rn the season is about Nora but like,,, constantly talking about her and having westallen scenes is just so… overdone. They talked about it outside of the gala, then it showed Cisco and Caitlin for a few minutes and then they’re back. Give it some rest Jesus

- Every time someone says that Iris probably dampens Nora’s powers to keep her safe literally feels more like “the more I say it the more true it has to be” like… shut the fuck up can someone (Caitlin or Cisco) PLEASE slap some fucking sense into this boy??? Blindly following after your sister-wife isn’t healthy and it’s dumb as fuck. See, kids, this is why you don’t date and marry (and eventually have a kid with) your step sister

- Now Iris is being the smart one…………………. this is the weirdest, forced bullshit that I’m more used to from Riverdale.

- I’m glad there’s more cute bonding between Cecile and Nora. But what kind of kids would be mean to someone who lost their parents? That’s a tv thing yes but irl??? I’ve never heard or seen it and it just… cannot be true. Also how does Cecile know about a story from when Barry was ten?? Like how would this come up with her and Joe for him to tell her? Really that story was… westallen? And the fanservice grows… That was an awful way to show Nora that Iris sometimes can be a good person when she was in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. God why does NO ONE get that Nora was raised by an awful mom and she already has all of these bad feelings for her? Why are they trying so desperately hard to downplay Nora’s rightful feelings? Oh, right, because Iris isn’t supposed to be able to do wrong… God why do we watch the CW’s awful shows that pander to toxic/gross couples that are catered to while the better main side cast is tossed to the side?

- That was a weird (and creepy) scene with a random face call by Iris lol

- OH GOOD RALPH IS BACK BECAUSE APPARENTLY EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT HIM LOL. HE’S FUCKING SPIDERMAN-ING HISMELF OMG??? Also why does Iris have to come along every single fucking time?? Also also how didi the meta know whoo to capture like all he saw was The Flash

- MAKE THIS META INTO AN ACTUAL HORROR MOVIE BC THIS SHIT IS SO FUCKING SCARY. LIKE SOME PEOPLE SOMEHOW SAY THAT THE BABADOOK IS SCARY (when it’s boring and not scary at all smh) BUT THIS IS SO FUCKED

- YES META DUDE HURT IRIS PLEASE WE. BEG OF YOU

- Did Iris just fucking jump… for Barry… when Ralph should be the one getting him? The pandering I—

- EW RALPH… ATE HIM?

- The way that Iris is suddenly called a badass… the fanservice isn’t even trying to be hidden

- RAGDOLL WHAT A GREAT META NAME

- Don’t tell me that after a couple of stories of Iris as a kid suddenly makes Nora forget all the times future Iris treated her like trash and thinks it’s okay because she has the ability to be nice (but never is)???

- Future Iris made her “accomplishments” off limits??? What kind of dumbassery—

- They’re gonna make the one character who actually called Iris out forgive her after five episodes??? Jesus we couldn’t have one thing, one character who doesn’t like Iris could we?

- I’ve never seen any books or movies about Nancy Drew (but I will give the new one a try because I’ve heard it’s good) but when the awful detective female leads (basically just Betty and Iris) call themselves Nancy Drew makes me automatically hate Nancy Drew. If Nancy is a selfish, annoying, whiny bitch who can’t do no wrong and butts into people’s lives then she sure is like Iris and Betty

- This family bonding is just so fucking FORCED. Poor westallens having their scenes have to shoved in and the quality ruined. I’d feel bad if I wasn’t called racist for how they write Iris (and Barry together). I already go through this shit on Riverdale I’m basically just dead inside lol

- WAIT SO AFTER ALL THIS TIME NOW YOU THINK ABOUT USING DEVOE’S SATELLITES??? WHY WOULDN’T THAT BE THE FIIRST THING AFTER SALLY WAS DESTROYED?

- Cisco understanding that Caitlin is afraid and not ready yet 🥺🥺

- So that episode was fucking AWFUL. The only good thing about it was Cisco and Caitlin’s friendship and the cool yet horrifying meta. Everything else was just… the fucking worst. I’d literally rather watch disgusting Bughead step sibling kissing scenes than people try to downplay Nora’s feelings all because “no one can hate Iris” uwu

- I’m not usually this… hateful. But something about that and (typically older) people using the “you HAVE to respect your elders!” mindset when they don’t respect the people younger than them. Like, if my older sister doesn’t respect me, why the fuck would I respect her? Respect isn’t given, it’s earned.

#The Flash #Barry Allen #Caitlin Snow #Cisco Ramon #anti-westallen #Nora Allen #anti-Iris West #Ralph Dibny

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sizzleitupwithmaria · 5 years

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i guess i have to return the favor now @baura-bear

anemone: favorite flower?

i really like baby’s breath

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

frasier babeyyy

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

idfk

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“dude, i just jizzed” (please don’t ask for context)

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

i’ve been vibing with san pellegrino lately

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

probably not

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

yeah

Baneberries: Favorite song?

the punch up of you make my dreams from punch up the jam

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

everyone hates each other and i don’t want them to do that

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend?

not really?

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

n i g h t

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

a cat so i could sleep for a long time

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

a farmer??

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

some are fine but they’re mostly shit

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i’m afraid of death bc what the fuck happens??

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

the first album i remember listening to is rumors by fleetwood mac

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

idfk it’s like 9pm i’m tired

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

right now? nyc

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when people acknowledge my existence whoops

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

just a sweatshirt, i’m about to Sleep

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

my friend ashley

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

uhhhh classified (it’s nothing scandalous)

Columbine: Are you tired?

when am i not tired

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

the weekend and also my crush’s birthday so i can talk to him whoops

Coneflower: Dream job?

art historian that acts on the side

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i’d get hurt a lot but i wouldn’t die

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

i have a purple build a bear that i made with my best friend in first grade, i still sleep with it

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

by the greater population? no

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

getting “cast” in play as a freshman

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? l

fuck them

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

probably one of my friends

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

mario kart babey

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

talking to other people

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

i’ve maintained a 4.21 gpa, i got cast in play, and i talked to my crush quite a bit

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

average

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

sure why not

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

have a bf or gf LMAO

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

queen dance parties

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

by saying very nice things

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

i like to write and take more ap art history notes than i should

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

my own brain?? the internet??

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

quite a few i’d say

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk, somebody once said i had a red aura

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

depends on the day, rn i think i’m fucking ugly lmao

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my lips and my laugh (weirdly)

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

my body shape in general

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

when i was two years old i had a set of alphabet blocks and when i was sorting them i used to hold onto the one that said “C” because there was a picture of a cat on it. it’s sitting on my windowsill now

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

idfk

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

uhhhhhhhhhh

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

BEING QUEER LMAO

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

idk what it means but i’m named after maria von trapp :)

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

columbus ohio, aka NYC Lite (at least in my opinion)

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

sky blue with purple peace signs and full of a bunch of shit

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

they’re alright so far, better than preteen years

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i was turning 12? and one of the two friends i had over called their mom to leave early without telling me. yeah.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

NOT WELL

Pink: Where is home?

my house?

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

my personal life i have no idea but i’d like to preserve the library of alexandria

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

ummmmm they’re a good artist and also funny

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

living in an apartment in nyc, having a nice wife and a cat or two and working at the met

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

my father’s love

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

fall play sleepover last year

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

uhhhhh either beginning of october two years ago or winter break two years ago

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

to have my room clean

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

depends on who i’m talking to

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

theater

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like eight hours? maybe seven

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

i have to go to school

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

my jean jacket that i painted :)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

like...... alternative androgynous artist? sure

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

literally just a hug

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

my history test tomorrow

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i read of mice and men for english class and i’m currently rereading good omens

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year? i

lead role in the fall play with good grades

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

yes but i wish i didn’t

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i have a crush on three people rn WHOOPSY DAISY

#nice lmao

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riverdaleroundup · 6 years

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Riverdale Roundup: 2x14“ The Hills Have Eyes”

Oh hey. It’s me. That bitch you hate. It’s been a hot damn minute but i’m ready for some fresh ass teenage angst. The journey to get a link to watch this god forsaken show has been TREACHEROUS! The lord has been punishing me for not having basic satellite in my dorm room and not having the patience to wait for midnight for this shit to come on Netflix. Like I feel like Jesus is pressuring me to go down to my communal living area and watch TV with the plebs who live on my floor but I would rather shave off my eyebrows than interact with these people. So after YEARS of looking for a good link I've finally made it. I would like to thank not only God but Jesus.

First off we need to address that Chic is just so damn creepy and also a truly awful house guest. Like don’t drink out of the juice carton and don’t use Betty's shower. He’s going to get written up in page six for being an ungrateful house guest. Also him standing on the stairs waving will haunt my dreams for weeks to come.

Cheryl is not that pleased that her mom is still pimping herself out to the men of Riverdale. Penelope is pissed that Cheryl ruined her chance at happiness with Hal, but really who loves Hal? Penelope comes for her 15 year old daughter over having never been in love. Like she’s in 10th grade but whatever.

Hiram offers Veronica and Archie the lake house for the weekend and i’m like ummmmm. What father sends their child out on a romantic getaway? Also Veronica demand's not to have a chaperone and Daddy just agrees? Like I’m 20 and I feel like I need a chaperone still. If my mom isn’t coming with me on a trip I feel unsafe. Like excuse me where are the adults? Who is going to hold my passport?

Oh so it’s a safe house. I get it now. He’s not just looking to facilitate his daughter getting dicked down.

FP and Jughead need a new place to live since the whole of Sunnyside trailer park is getting evicted. Tragically there is minimal affordable housing in Riverdale and FP works at a diner. Yikes.

All of my hopes prayers have come true and Moose has finally graced our screens. I think he got hotter. Like his face thinned out a bit and his hair looks good and he’s got that jean jacket and i’m INTO IT.

So is this whole scene just an ad for Love Simon? We get it. The movies coming out. Are Moose and Kevin secretly hooking up or like? What is Midge supposedly so cool with? Or is it just that she knows that they went down to the river to hook up and casually found a dead body?

I honestly just want Moose and Kevin to be together. Who cares about Midge? Not I.

Veronica is like our lake house is “rustic” and i’m like really bitch? I doubt that. Do you want to see rustic? Would you like to see my canvas tent complete with plywood walls that my father built and a composting toilet? It’s a yurt bitch. Look it up. But like not a mud hut. Don’t get it twisted.

Jughead is only into going to this cabin so that he can get some Intel on the Lodges. Betty like doesn’t love that idea. She needs to get away from her creepy ass brother and i’m like girl he has caused so much trouble just send that bitch back to the youth hostel where he belongs.

So if life was normal Alice would never let her kid go on an over night sex weekend but I guess now that they are covering up a murder she’s a little more lax with the rules. It’s hard to lecture your daughter about responsibility when she witnessed you mopping up the blood of a drug dealer.

Chic is so damn creepy. I’m done with him.

What I want to know is why would the Lodges go to this lake house for the summer? They are so Hampton's people. They should be off rubbing elbows with Ramona Singer and Luann De Lesseps.

Can I just say that Andre is honestly hot. Homebody can like get it.

Archie is shook that Andre has a gun as if he wasn’t walking around locked and loaded only a handful of episodes ago.

Lodge Lodge. Really Veronica? How clever. Florals? For spring? Ground breaking.

Cheryl is pissed that she couldn’t come on the couples weekend so she calls jughead to ruin their getaway because she’s a petty bitch and I adore it. Stir up the shit girl. Stir it up.

Jughead is pissed. This is why Betty should have come clean before. Like you kissed Archie. You didn’t have a secret love child together. It’s not a big deal.

I adore that Cheryl introduces herself with her twitter handle. She’s looking to gain followers. She’s ready to be a social media influencer.

Toni tries to play therapist to Cheryl and she is not having it. Like don’t touch her sans consent.

I know that i’ve said this before but Archie has the world's largest head. We know it’s not holding a big brain so like what’s up there? Extra storage space? Room for activities?

Why do they need to unpack their stuff? They’re staying there for like 2 days. I don’t unpack when i’m staying somewhere for 2 weeks. I just rummage through my suitcase like a drifter looking for cans in the trash bin .

Jughead and Betty promptly make up about the whole Barchie kiss thing and then hear Archie and Veronica getting it on.A friendly reminder that these children are 15. This feels wrong. Jughead has a point. All Veronica and Archie know how to do is fuck. Like what do they actually talk about?

Jughead goes digging for info and Betty does not love it. Veronica assumes that they are still pissy about the kiss so she suggests that they all unwind in the jacuzzi.

So everybody is going hot tubbing. I miss my hottub. If my dad could just like do a girl a solid and fill that ish back up again I would be very grateful. Give me all the chemicals.

Veronica is like “ just so things aren’t awkward I think that Jughead and I should make out just like really quick.” Very sound logic. See this is actually something that 15 year olds would do. Although under normal circumstances they wouldn’t be on a sex getaway in the woods funded by one of the girls fathers.

All of these characters are way to self aware with their ship names. Jughead just used bughead and Vughead all in one sentence.

Veronica and Jughead kiss and it’s awkward for all. All that’s left is for Archie and Jughead to kiss and everything will be Gucci. Honestly at this point who hasn’t Archie kissed?

Betty puts on her awkward ass cam girl outfit and then her and Jughead get it on real quick. Evidently she watched the new fifty shades of grey movie and is feeling very sexually liberated. Someone needs to oil the bed springs in this house. Just saying.

Archies doesn’t want to talk or have sex so really he and veronica are at a loss. Talking was a stretch in the first place.

Archie chops wood the next morning so he can get out some of his sexual frustration about watching his best friend make out with his girlfriend and then he scampers off to meet Andre in the woods

Why does Veronica have an umbrella? It’s not raining.

Joise is pissed that her mom is sniffing around the Sheriff. She’s not down for this whole affair thing. Oh so Josie's dad knows about Sierra and ‘Tom’. Did we know that that was his name prior to this? Did I just miss it because i’m always referring to him as Sheriff Silver fox or Hot Dad?

Oh so is the sheriff really going to leave his wife? You know what they say….They never leave the wife.

Juggie and Archiekins chat about the time that their girlfriends made out and then Archie is like btw really sorry about making out with your girlfriend. Jughead points out just how incestious their group is and predicts that they are probably going to explode at some point. Foreshadowing my dudes.

Also why are they sitting four feet across from each other throwing a football? Is this what boys do?

Josie spills the beans to Kevin about the affair and it’s a very Cheryl move. Throwing out all that drama. Destroying families one step at a time.

Veronica confirms with Betty that she and Jughead have been doing the deed and she literally praises the lord that Betty and Jughead have moved past holding hands and hugging. She didn’t want to be the only non virgin female of the group. Betty also admit that she likes to dress up in the worst wig ever known to man to make their special time together more exciting. Maybe keep that to yourself girl.

So Hiram bought the trailer park for the serpents but really what's good? Jugheads detective senses are tingling.

I love Moose so much. If Midge could just go away that would be ideal. She can go do jingle jangle with someone else and leave Moose to Kevin.

“ I’m just going to this gay rom com alone.” Same Kevin. Same

Midge is like “ we need to find you someone” and Kevin is like “ yeah how about your boyfriend?”

I’m confused. Does Midge know that Kevin and Moose like got it on once upon a time or not? I’m feeling like it’s a no tbh.

Are there really so many desperate men in Riverdale that Penelope can keep a steady stream of business? Does she have to scour Greendale for potential suitors as well?

So glad Josie and Kevin are friends now. It will make being step siblings so much easier.

Riverdale has moved from being sponsored by covergirl to being sponsored by upcoming teen rom coms. This is only slightly more subtle than a focus in shot on the lash blast mascara.

The Lodges are so rich but they can’t even afford the monopoly with the credit cards? Shame.

Hiram bought the riverdale register? What the heck Hal? You fool. I’m also confused because I thought that the Lodges were fresh out of cash. They supposedly “risked it all” building to Sodale thing but yet they can afford to buy Pops and the town paper + a trailer park? These New York investors must of come in hard with the cash.

Oh there is mad tension in this friend group rn. Jughead is like : Archie you’re really stupid” which I mean at this point is a well known fact. Archie calls Jughead and Betty boring and paranoid .Betty calls Veronica sexually manipulative. Veronica kink shames Betty. This is relationship health. Have they finally reached the point in high school where all your friends turn on you and nothing is ever the same?

A bunch of townies break in to defuse the tension between the ‘ core four’. We all know it’s you under that hood Cassidy. I recognize that flannel.

Veronica hits the panic button in her room because of course she has one of those. That’s honestly my dream. Give me a panic button. Give me a panic room. Please.

The townies run off when the alarm goes off but one of them steals Veronicas necklace and for some reason that really sets Archie off. Like is this necklace significant? It’s not even her pearls.

Andre really casually shots this guy. Like same. Hope he got grammas scone recipe first.

Josie and Kevin call a family meeting of their new little clan. Honestly blended family goals. Adam Sandler would be proud.

Cheryl kind of comes out very casually Toni. Toni is Bi, Cheryl is not straight. It’s the beginning of a love story. Tale as old as time. Are we ever going to address Cheryl being creepy with Josie or are we going to just let that slide?

Hiram asks Archie if he’s pissed that Andre shot a teenager and Archie is like “ Nah fam. I regret not shooting the black hood. Shoulda never threw my gun in the river”.

Hiram reminds Archie that all those who hesitate are lost so like don’t pussy out next time.

Jughead is really creeped out by Chic and i’m like same bro. Get that crack addict out of here. The issue being that Chic has really nice bone structure but he’s too gaunt to be truly hot so it really takes away from the appeal of his character. At this point he’s just some freaky kid who hangs around the house and eat cereal while making full eye contactt. It’s a no from me fam. Also he constantly looks constipated. Get some smooth move tea girl.

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sagastar-blog · 6 years

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MemoToTheMetaverse 2.4 “Gaia Says to Jeff, Let’s Take the Black Keys Car Service!”

Gaia, our hero, the story’s 16-year-old tomboyish female protagonist, walks around in a magnificent green, blue, and white bathrobe. Her long darkreddishbrown hair is dripping wet. Gaia is the planet Earth in human form, and has always been entirely awake, or aware of this fact. She’s recently emerged from the family “scuttlebutt,” a solar-powered steam room of sorts off the side of the family’s entirely ordinary first-floor Highland Park, NJ, apartment. She speaks into a hairbrush:

Gaia: So glad to be here with Dan and Patrick of the Black Keys. Guys! Good morning! What brought you to The Orchard on this leg of the current intergalactic tour?

[Dan Auerbach--the lily-white reformed stoner father / lead singer of the indie blues rock duo from Akron known throughout the universe and beyond as The Black Keys--is a large Bert from Sesame Street doll.]

Dan: Ummmmm. Gee. Let’s see. Well, I guess we figured we were in the neighborhood, you know, New York is kind of a thing...Hey, um, Do you guys have any coffee here? I could also really use a bagel. Like, with cream cheese, yeah? Thanks. Okay, yeah.

Patrick, a narwhal hand puppet and the drummer in the band, wears hipster glasses and grunts somewhat rhythmically: Me too. Please. Thanks. Whatever.

Gaia (turns towards the kitchen and yells): Daddy! Do we have any bagels left?

[Jeff is Gaia’s 39-year-old father, who has sole custody but, as any parent must no, very little immediate control over his daughter. He’s actually a young Bengal tiger in disguise as a human and also the Master Creator/Destroyer of All.

Jeff: Yeah, hold on. Do they want everything like usual?

Patrick the narwhal begins gnawing on the top of Bert’s head while gently spanking it from below with its tail, and grunts: “Sure thing, boss.”

Dan is distracted by Gaia’s proverbial “décolletage.” It must be said that Gaia is a beautiful, buxom, and rather rambunctious young woman, and has been for a few years now something of a man-eater. More problematically, she’s been neglected by her boyfriend/cousin-in-law, Amateratsu, the local mediocre neighborhood son, thanks to the way she’s been done dirty and wrong by life--HER LIFE, yes, but still--in recent times.

Dan: Thanks so much Jeff, that’s great. Gaia’s taking good care of us in here.

Jeff: She’s a fantastic hostess. You should check out her bedroom! It’s kind of a mess...Gaia, do you think you could maybe try sweeping some day?

Gaia (returning to her interview): Dan, Patrick, do you ever wish a great wind would come along and wash away all the beer cans and bottles? I mean, like, take Akron....maybe all the rubber tires and factories and stuff should be...

Dan: Burned?

Patrick the narwhal has heard this story so many times already. He continues drumming on his lap, staring rather obtusely at Gaia’s round ass as she busily picks up last night’s detritus. He doesn’t mind getting interviewed today because he owes his ex-wife so much in arrears for child support that he’s willing to put up with Bert’s narcissism for yet another day.

Gaia: I was thinking, wouldn’t it be nice if Brian Wilson and the rest of the Beach Boys could just bury the hatchet and do, like, a benefit for the environment or something? Like, what is it going to take for some big shot celebrity musicians to actually get involved in American public life?

Dan: What we need, clearly, is the American version of Bono. Otherwise, Africa will become China and then we’re all fucked.

Gaia: Precisely. (prepares her hookah for the day’s first toke....Jeff doesn’t mind that Gaia is going through a phase in which she smokes as much cannabis as she wants when she’s at his house. She’s not always home from school, so he figures it’s a balanced approach to Creation/Destruction.)

Patrick: Do you think we could hit that?

Gaia (eyes smoldering): Butt of course, Monsieur Patrick. Et toi, Dan? Qu’en volez vous?

Dan: Did you just ask me where I’m flying next?

Gaia: EH bien. Si vous voulez faire le countertransference avec moi, ca va couterez...(she lights up)

Jeff (buttering and cream-cheesing the bagels): Gaia, I’m serious! Your room!

Gaia (tucking her Bert and narwhal weiweis into her bed): I suggest we take the Black Keys Car Service to the eco preserve.

Jeff: Gaia, can you please explain to our guests what that will entail?

[Pollux and Castor emerge from the basement, all sparkly. They’re stars from an intergalactic talent competition known as Copernamici. As the head stars in the constellation Gemini, they are Amateratsu’s siblings, relatives of Jeff and Lucius. Pollux is slightly brighter and cheerier in general, whereas Castor has a beautiful, rich baritone voice.]

Castor: I was hoping we’d get to go to the preserve. There’s so little nature here in The Orchard, which is kind of ironic, don’t you think?

Pollux: Yeah, I was just thinking that it’s weird that there are signs all around this town, what is it called here Highland Park, that say things like “Tree City U.S.A.” and “No Hate Here.” They can’t even see us when they look up at night! Where exactly is the eco preserve, Gaia?

Gaia: Sore subject. Which is why I suggest taking the Black Keys Car Service! Daddy, you explain in a longwinded monologue which is not exactly a siloloquy but who cares because Shakespeare was SUCH a bitch...

Jeff (sets down the coffee at the C2 Center for Educational Brainwashing, where he is paid 27 dollars an hour to help privileged children improve their SAT scores): THE BLACK KEYS CAR SERVICE is one of the greatest ideas ever. It is the solution to the problem we face today aboard Spaceship Earth. (speaking into the ship’s PA system microphone) Humans! You have, since the dawn of the industrial revolution, been shitting in your own scuttlebutt! You have been, like cyborgswine, befouling your own trough. Your pollution--Ohio, we’re looking right at you...OH GEEZ, Cuyahoga was a great R.E.M. song about you burning rivers...where are you Michael Stipe when the galaxy needs you?--will no longer be tolerated. I have come here, people of Earth, to save Gaia. Only, the way it works is that Gaia doesn’t need salvation. Gaia, your planet Earth, will outlive all of you. Life will persist on this planet whether you want it to or not...at least for a little longer. The point here is that I am here to protect Gaia from all of you who have been either neglecting and violating her. (Hugs his daughter tightly.) The latter is worse than the former, but there are no innocent people in this world of ours, right Gaia?

Gaia (not a victim..a survivor): Correct.

Jeff (continues): Now. You, humans, will end this farce of an existence. You have serious environmental problems which you are not capable of fixing by yourselves. The first step in solving a problem is admitting that you have a problem. The Black Keys Car Service is the best way for you to admit you have a problem.

Jeff and Gaia step out to their electric car.

We’re not suggesting that you need to trash your entire civilization. No. That’d be impractical. You need to recycle it. You need to throw away a lot of stuff that’s bad.

Amateratsu (offstage): I SUGGEST FEEDING ME!

Jeff: Let’s shoot a bunch of shit into the sun, like old junk that’s bad for Gaia. Let’s figure out a way to use nuclear and other technologies sustainably and responsibly. There are no such thing as “bad nukes,” just as there are no such things as “bad phones.” You have technology and you need to learn how to use it wisely. I say I’m wisdom unemployed. I don’t need to spend my time pretending to teach here at the C2 Center for Educational Polyamorous Cockblocking and Blueballing. It’s not very fun, rewarding, or productive for me. (Imagine that, John Lenin!)

It’s not easy for you to accept that you’re a computer virus and that your existence is a threat to lots (not ALL) other life here on Earth. I get that! We have a suggestion...

Gaia (grabs the mic and screams as loudly as possible): Just send an ordinary unmarked car to Jeff’s house at 35 S. Fifth Avenue in Highland Park, NJ, 08904, U.S.A, Earth, Dimension 1(?)=1 / infinity. (Everyone knows my real address is one over infinity!) But make sure it’s like really smooth and cool...you know, like it should be the kind of car service that Dan and Patrick would use and then try to cash in on by selling out...like El Camino.

But it can’t be an El Camino. It should be like a 2002 Ford or something. Not eco-friendly! It needs to be authentic and real, like Akron but WORSE. If I’m being violated, at least let Jeff on the Lester GangBangBus. You know what I mean? SO the one thing about The Black Keys Car Service is that it’s got to be both legitimate and correct. There will be no “Black Keys” cds or music or anything directly related to the Black Keys in the car, obviously. The music should be a delightful mixture of T. Bone Burnett classics, which is to say stuff that would sell at Starbucks and not offend Jeff. This is how Jeff learns! By doing human anthropology. We don’t hate your culture. We just have taste and need a little bit of respect, so like, no music referencing “niggers,” “bitches,” and other unsavory aspects of your filthy human world. I’m sorry, but there’s a difference between you listening to what you like in public and you exposing me and my Daddy and my friends to your pollution. We need to be protected, like in an eco preserve!

Jeff: What Gaia is trying to say is that I don’t ask for much. You’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. That’s fine by me. I’m used to it. But now that you’ve been caught, you have to admit it. You have to admit what you’ve done and you have to do it soon by sending The Black Keys Car Service, which is recognizing me as someone valuable and worthy of dignity and respect, as well as adoration, of course.

Send me a private car with a driver--let him be exactly like the dude who plays bass and also keyboards for the Shins, if not that guy himself!--who recognizes me as JustJeff and takes me where I want to go. For free (i.e. without charging me money or making me feel awkward). You know who I am, so stop pretending! Allow the driver to speak to me like a normal person. It will be great! And please let there be bagels with cream cheese and coffee in the car. Other than that, there’s nothing else for me to request. If you do that, i’ll know that we’re going somewhere together.

If I’m going to save you, Gaia, it’s going to be on my terms, not theirs. We have a lot of work to do and must take practical steps. The Black Keys Car Service is the best way to get moving in the right direction.

Gaia (fidgeting with her phone): OMJ, I hate this phone! (throws it out the window and turns up the music, which I believe is some Dusty Springfield song, but we can’t be sure...)

#black keys #justjeff #memotothemetaverse #michael stipe #cult gaia #gaiaonline #gaia #astronomy #astrology #amateratsu #sci-fi & fantasy #fan fiction #comicon #comic books #theology #rolling stone magazine

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grizzlefur · 7 years

Text

WWEm - Nobody Calls Dean McFly a Nerd

Transmission date: Monday 18/Tuesday 19 September 2017

Yeah, I said this would be 'punctual' and 'up a decent amount of time before the PPV', but hey

i was ill, and also you're not the boss of me

(unless you are)

(in which case my salary hasn't been coming in and we need to talk)

so without any further ado (just kidding, this is gonna be ado city right here) i present to you SATURDAY AFTERNOON RAW!

(yeah, you thought it was gonna be sunday, didn't you?)

(daniel did)

(he was super unprepared and is currently eating lunch in his booth)

(it looks delicious)

(bastard)

ahem

yes

wrestles?

opening on an in memoriam for bobby heenan

aww

we're in san jose

i should be able to make some kind of sport joke there but i can't find it

anyway, here's kurt

apparenrtly we have two matches at no mercy that are mania-worthy

casual shade at the rest of the card there

kurt says that's not all, and now here's the miz

with his bros, but not his wife

oh yeah, she's pregnant

that makes sense

boo for the next year or so when i don't get to steal her style ideas

miz, meanwhile, is wearing black trousers and a white jacket and growing a shitty beard

the single look doesn't suit you, mike

he's complaining that he doesn't have a match at mercy

kurt's like dude i was just saying that

jordan/elias/hardyz in a four-way tonight for a shot at him

miz complains that kurt puts his son in the match ahead of his super-qualified and totally legit hangers-on

kurt has had enough of your tone, young man

miz gives him a lecture about responsible fatherhood

see how kurt isn't beating the shit out of him, shane?

this is called being a responsible employer

miz fucked up his words at least twice while i was writing that last sentence

get it together, dude

anyway, here's jj to step to him

and defend his dad's honour

in a new magic eye singlet

i think he's secretly dressed as a tractor

jj asks kurt to put curtis and bo in the match so miz can shut the fuck up

never gonna work, dude

miz says one more thing about his father

gets fucked on, as promised

booker gives sage words about how jj needs to control his temper

dude, did you watch your entire fucking career

for example, jason has never dropped an n-bomb on air

later tonight we have brock and braun being interviewed (bad) and roman giving an address (worse)

but next, alexa/nia

brilliant shot of them walking backstage

alexa's expression of barely-restrained terror sells it

but first have this advert for cena/reigns

because god knows we haven't talked about it enough

back to jj backstage

as kurt storms in to tell him to calm down and focus

jason responds by ranting about what everyone thinks of him

dude, this is the opposite of calm and focus

kurt talks some fatherly shit at him, boils down to #hatersgonnahate

tells him to win the match

bet he never thought of that

but actually now, here's alexa

doing her best 'ignoring the proles but also lowkey bricking it' face

and also nia

bell rings, alexa runs away

like you thought it'd go any other way

eventually gets back in the ring, gets dicked on for a while before trying to talk nia down

and running away again

heads up the ramp, headed off by sasha

and then nia flattens her

(alexa, that is)

sasha's just lurking at ringside like oh hey there

alexa totally just hit a curbstomp on nia

i thought we banned that

alexa sets up on the top rope, goes for a crossbody, gets samoan dropped to death

sasha attacks nia after the pin, gets fucked on

and oh hey, bayley's back

somewhere, emma is just like yknow what i'm good

the three of them face off against nia and take her down

oh my god, i would watch the shit out of sasha, bayley and alexa as the shield

#extremefantasybooking

nia leaves, bayley extravagantly hugs everyone

they both raise alexa's arm, then remember who she is and bayley suplexes her into oblivion

i really should have seen this coming what with it being san jose

+10 hometown boost

cole recommends we go to wwenetworkrightnow.com

someone needs to learn how web addresses work

and also hypes kevin/shane in a cell

which...no

and gameplay ad for 2k18

ooh, it's got billie in

i'll probably play it, but not preorder this one

destiny 2 and injustice 2 exist, along with others

ad for total bellas, which looks less good

and a package of wrestling peeps eulogising heenan

apparently we're gonna get more of those throughout the show

cole tries to do heenan banter, corey shuts him the fuck down

and now, a video package about brock

god, i hate ppv setup shows

this is all footage from 2002

transition straight into mania 30 without a AND THEN HE BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK title card

and along came a strowman

okay, i will never not giggle at the announce table sandwich spot

paul claims that was the first time in brock's life he got carted off the battlefield

see above, re: BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK

this package has just reminded me of luke harper's existence

what happened to him?

internet says him and rowan are still signed, but little else

anyway, package is over, here comes cesaro

and also his best bro

i will never get over their fusion dance pose

actual fact

they're up against the good brothers, who are still jobbing wherever possible because we saw the shit that happens when they get to main even

ad for smackdown, which i am super unhyped for

the aftermath of vince 'blading is awful unless it's me' mcmahon

let's see how that trash fire goes later

sheamus wants to talk to us about nostalgia

and also about how he clearly doesn't understand the difference between sequels and remakes

conclusion: fuck nostalgia

and here come the kkb to fuck it for us

apparentliy seth and dean are both exploiting each other

cesaro responds to what chants by repeating the same phrase half a dozen times

which is kind of great

wait, sheamus has mtn dew and liverpool fc patches

now i need to study the rest of both of their jackets

anyway, they finish their usual proclamations, and now here are seth and dean

seth describes them as like if taxi driver and braveheart had a really ugly baby

seems legit

although i don't love the 'yeah but you look dumb' retort

they talk about brothers a bunch, gives anderson and gallows a perfect chance to cut in

and call seth and dean nerds

seth's like oh no dude you shouldn't have said that

dean is not happy

nobody calls dean mcfly a nerd

cue brawl

ending with seth and dean in the ring and everybody else outside like bwaaaaaahhhhh next time gadget

but fuck that shit, here's an ad for asuka

meanwhile, kurt has once again taken the path of least resistance and made this into a triple threat

expect spots, shenanigans, and a champion win

cesaro and sheamus 100% just kicked gallows in the dick

ref like whatevs i'll allow it

book talks about the good brothers not finding their footing in wwe, cole's like ummmmm dude they were tag champs

this match is primarily seth and dean and the kkb doing rapid tags and good wrestling and anderson and gallows being like yessir we are also here

oh hey, anderson tagged in

had to happen evetually, i guess

cole almost calls gallows 'the big dog', catches himself in time

accidental double hot tag takes us to seth/cesaro, and frankly the other four can go home

weird spot where seth goes for his turnbuckle bomb then has to redirect halfway through to not throw cesaro into anderson and gallows' corner

seth eats a magic killer, dean breaks the pin only to get thrown into a barricade by the kkb

someone in the ring just shouted "sports entertainment!" and i don't know in what context

sheamus and cesaro do their flapjack cutter, then both forget who's legal and roll out of the ring, then both run back in and go for the tag at the same time

with cesaro doing the pin and sheamus just holding seth's right calf

is this a fucking laurel and hardy movie

and then anderson forgets how to set up a superplex

-checks the headlines for an epidemic of fail ravaging san jose-

double double suicide dives from seth and dean

next up in 'spots that make not a single fucking lick of sense when you think about them'...

whatever the good brothers are good at, it's not selling when they take a suicide dive

sheamus blind tags off dean, dean hits dirty deeds on anderson, sheamus steals the pin

would you look at that, a champion victory on a ppv setup show

cole started a sentence with "The Bar claims...", i totally hear the barsgays

cesaro poses on the ramp, sheamus hobbles off backstage, seth and dean don't give a shit

but nowthe miz rallies his troops in the locker room

(if you know what i mean)

bo interrupts like dude i used to do motivational speeches can i criticise your technique

bo and curtis give their cvs, throw some casual shade on their boss

realistically, why is matt hardy in that match?

the others have at least been winning a bunch lately or have had their boss shouting at the gm

has kurt been hassled by seven deities

this video from mania 21 brought to you by pizza hut

ok, but...why?

yes, edge won the first mitb

why are you telling us this now

okay, nobody knows

cole does an awkward segue into cena/reigns

corey forgets how to speak english

don't worry dude, attempting to hype roman reigns matches does that to me too

and now enjoy this video package of the parallel histories of john cena and roman reigns

i remember when there was live wrestling on this show, not like 80% clip shows

(yup, turns out i still hate ppv setup shows)

(however much of a tire fire smackdown is, at least it won't be a ppv setup show)

i really don't get why they can say bitch on the live shows but then censor it out of the video packages

okay, even in retrospect this cena promo was fire

and straight from that into an advert for vince's totally legit head injury

back in the real world (ha), kurt is on the phone

he certainly spends a lot of time on that phone

which is...an accurate representation of management, i guess

kudos, dubby dubby wee

+0.01 reality points

(current score: -89887452.99)

pan over to goldust standing inches from a poster with his back to the room

and then he turns round without paint on

whaaaaaaat

and the bodysuit undone partly as well

he wants another shot against bray in his real face

which raises the question: if he wins, why was the paint there in the first place

some kind of anime power limiter?

leaves, then pops back in to snap in kurt's face as usual

but in the ring, it's curt hawkins

woo

he's closed the star factory

and replaced it with the curt hawkins history machine

huh?

he's going to make history by ending his 114-match loss streak

well, that makes sense i guess

at least he's aware of his failings

and here comes apollo crews

the apathy is just rolling in off the crowd in waves

titus is here too

corey is either listing the current roster of titus worldwide or naming random celebrities

hard to tell

apollo shows off all the athleticism and none of the charisma, as ever

curt actually gets a nearfall, which is good for him

ticker advertises raw next week for 'ontario, CA'

ok, a) CA is a real state abbreviation, and b) ontario is big

unless it's going to be on the road through ontario in some kind of epic monday night raw travelling roadshow

i'd watch it

anyway, while i was distracted by the ticker, apollo won

i love how his 115-match streak gets an onscreen graphic

up next, brock and braun talk

sigh

after a small dancing child with cancer

it's an ad, ftr

not dolph trying another new gimmick

great, here they are

complete with paul growing out of brock's left shoulder

long beat before paul remembers his client can't talk until at least halfway through the segment

got to pace himself

braun: "My actions speak for my words!"

...i got nothin

some next-level uplit glower coming from braun though

which i just read back as 'quilt glamour'

next big aesthetic of 2017

this lighting makes braun's tattoos look like absolute shit

i'd provide a pic, but then i'd have to keep looking at them as i tracked one down

just trust me

i think it's the combination of veins and scar tissue

the way this shot is arranged, brock looks like an uncomfortable child as his parents argue over his head

paul decides cole's interview displeases him, so he's writing his own

tbf, cole is entirely unnecessary in this situation

yay, brock's warmed up

leans into camera, and the scale difference makes him and paul look like an 80s album cover

oh hey, brock got to do a mild swear

quick, let's censor it out of all future broadcasts

and the segment's over

thank god

and next...roman delivers a message

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE

after these recaps of the women's title happenings

yeah, primarily making me double down on the fact that a women's trios competiton would be rad

and they've added bayley to the no mercy match?

for reasons

emma complains on twitter, and she's kind of right

but now (sigh) roman reigns

the presence of roman has made cole forget what time of year it is

he is just a well of negative thought

standard loooooooong-ass beat before he talks

opens by bigging up cena's talking skills

maybe a bad start

and then probably swears? the tape delay caught it

namechecks alex riley as the boring white version of himself

which is...fair, tbh

calls cena a bitch again, take a shot as you despair for the writers' lack of better material

rolls a vt from 20fucking12

of cena basically having the same problem with the rock as roman has with cena

the main difference being i don't want to punch past cena in the face rn

the real angle we want to see is cena v past cena

get on it, r&d

roman calls cena out for not being here today

is smug af

halfway decent promo, but tbh most of the good bits were shamelessly ripped from cena material

which, hey, steal from the best

in any case, he's gone

but now, renee interviews the hardyz

asks them how they're going to deal with fighting each other in the 6-pack

they're both like welp, it's kind of what we do

matt does the broken accent for one line, everyone pops

and wyatt cut

i like to think matt is still in full flow and just hasn't realised the cameras are off

but yeah, here's bray

and here's a total bellas ad

strong juxtaposition

and also an asuka ad

led with a quote from fucking sun tzu

excuse me while i sigh so hard my lungs collapse

they're on a big push in china

so someone must have realised it isn't the same country as japan

and yet

this summerslam recap slideshow is mostly a chance for bray's music to keep playing so we can here the full track

which is fucking great

and here's

dustin rhodes

the dramatic renaming is slightly let down by the fact that both his tron and the fucking clothes he's wearing say GOLDUST in big letters

could they not have just put him in some generic gear for this match

cole has clearly just ctrl+f'd his internal monologue, and now he's awkwardly calling dustin rhodes by his full name at every opportunity

but yeah, if you were trying to be the man behind the gimmick, why would you still be wearing the hey-look-at-my-junk bodysuit?

pins bray in the corner ropes, kicks him twice in the inner thigh (honestly officer), and then eats a sister abigail for the pin anyway

cue finn on the tron

dustin can't even have this loss to himself

finn is here to tell a story about his youth

in the form of the next big YA novel

i would totally read a novel series anbout a fictionalised finn bálor

finn points out that even the man behind the demon is a man who made himself a demon

so not exactly harmless

reason 1745 i love finn bálor: understanding of symbology

after this bobby heenan memorial, enzo will be here

so i kind of hope it lasts half an hour

and now the announce team awkwardly eulogise some more

and cut to a video package of his greatest moments

this is about 409000% better than enzo turning up

oh fuck, here he is

i am loving the number of boos he's getting

oh thank fuck here comes braun our lord and saviour to bodycheck him into the underworld

casually chucks him into the ring over the top rope from the floor

san jose loves him

spinebuster to death, then powerslam out the other side

walks off, neville turns up while he's halfway up the ramp

gives the angry giant a wide berth

and red arrows enzo for shits

demands a mic, does enzo's shuffle and how you doin', leaves

and san jose fucking loves him

beating up enzo is not good for your heel heat

oh wait, apparently he's sticking around for a fight

after this ad for smackdown

and this recap vt of enzo getting dunked on

cut to charly interviewing enzo in the trainer's room

he's like woe is me i am dead

but btw i'm still gonna win on sunday

but in any case, now it's neville v gran metalik

rip el rey de las cuerdas

neville tears his mask open

ooooooooooooh

-shocked silence-

metalik responds with a lovely step-up tope

neville intercepts a moonsault into the rings of saturn, successfully stands up to lucha rage

and now after beating enzo, he's painted a huge target on his back for every luchador in the company

but now a hispanic heritage month thing about jennifer lopez

for whatever reason

it's worth noting that we're halfway through september, and wwe hasn't mentioned it until they have time to fill on a ppv setup show

one ad for 205 later, here's elias to open the main event reunion tour

he is disappointed in san jose

but also in all his opponents, so there's that

threatens a child in the audience that he'll get them and their mother kicked out of san jose

do...do wrestlers have that power?

and here's a diss track about his opponents and also btw san jose

interrupted by the hardyz before he can get to their verse

ooh, jeff's gone back to his old pre-mermaid arms sleeves

in all their improbable glory

and curtis and bo don't even have their own entrance any more

oh, and they get their boss to come with them

well, i guess he'd be coming on announce or w/e anyway

ok, no, he's just gonna lurk

and commence huge brawl

someone's brought miz his studio chair for ringside

brief moment where it looks like the heels are all going to work together, then elias is like ohhhh wait i'm a huge dick -kicks bo in the kidneys-

incredibly slow tower of doom setup for the hardyz to suplex the miztourage superplexing jj

elias goes for the cheap pin, jeff breaks it

and then elias eats a poetry in motion for good measure

matt then immediately turns on his brother, side effect for a nearfall

jj deploys approximately 63% of the world's suplexes, miz throws him into the audience because no rules motherfuckers

matt twist of fates bo for a nearfall, broken by elias

who then hits drift away on matt, pin broken by jeff

crotch drops elias, swantons axel, miz breaks the pin

and jj hits kind of a meh neckbreaker for the cheap pin

insistent crowd member with an I PAID TO SEE DANA BROOKE sign

oh, honey

miz comes into the ring to sarcastically applaud jj

and then tries to punch him and gets suplexed to death

until curtis and bo come in to kick some shit out of him

and finale

and some post-beatdown smacktalk from the miz

calls him a bastard, which we can get away with when it's used in its technical sense

and fade on the twat triumphant

(my new feminist porn site)

...

that's the worst joke i've ever made on here

i am sorry

right, this is normally where i would roll on to smackdown

but, while i do have a weekly quota of sweaty men falling over, it's about to be filled by the new season of strictly

i have diverse interests

so until i get back, here's a line to tide you over

----------------------------------

damn, that was a good line

and if anyone was expecting another kind, you are seriously overestimating our budget here

so failing that, how about some SUNDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN?

(yeah, no mercy starts in like nine and a half hours)

(this whole punctuality thing was never going to take)

so yes

do the show

oh god this is going to be the vince mcmahon drama hour, isn't it

now lasting two hours

raw was mostly bullshit, expect this to be bullshit for other reasons

oh hey, let's kick off with a recap of the whole angle

if you can't remember what happened, read this blog more carefully?

really can't help you with that

oh hey, i want to punch vince in the throat again

funny how quickly that comes back

they've put so much reverb and filters on this audio that kevin is basically unrecognisable

his name is legion

ok, yeah, i'll never not pop for vince getting the shit kicked out of him really

we're in oakland today, so [topical joke about the a's]

and opening with some shane

commence the dramening

whoever designed the graphics for hiac this year needs to calm the fuck down

HANDS AND SKULLS ALL HANDS AND SKULLS HANDS OPENING A SKULL HELL IN A CEEEEEEEEEEELL

apparently vince had three fractured ribs

and shane is now here to sing his praises and how much he loves him

one day they'll work out what they want the image of the mcmahon family to be

shane condemns kevin to hell in the cell [sic]

work out the name of your show, dude

HANDS AND SKULLS AND FIIIIIIIIIRE

okay, now i need to calm down

but later tonight in other angles, corbin/styles for the concept of an open challenge

but next, randy

come back shane, all is forgiven

well

most is forgiven

but first, have this ad for cena/reigns

again

i miss creepy cheerleader cult alexa

oh, and here's aiden english

guess we know what randy's here for

sweet lennon shades, dude

aiden provides his own dubiously-scanning version of randy's music

calls him a tool, gets a massive pop

keep the faith, oakland

shot of the announce table reminds me once more of the a+ announce team on here

and here's randy

oh look, still a tool

"this could be a well-laid plan by aiden english...or it could be a crucifixion"

byron saying what we're all thinking

my money's in column b

guy at the front of the round with a kane sign is either slightly ahead of events or significantly behind

we will see tonight

aiden takes a backbreaker on the barricade, then slams randy into the announce table anyway

nice to see him get some solid offence

still gonna lose, but

gets a thumb to randy's eye while he argues with the ref

adding randy to the calm the fuck down list

and then counters a top rope crossbody into a shoddy-ass rko

handy slowmo replay of the shittiness of that finisher

oh hey, here's rusev to defend the honour of musical theatre

or possibly to recover his honour in the eyes of the noble people of bulgaria

or to...rip randy's teeth out?

esoteric threat there

randy agrees to the match, then immediately gets momentarily distracted by aiden and kicked in the face for the pin

rusev then runs off up the ramp instead of getting down to tooth-ripping

i'm simultaneously disappointed and thankful

stands on the stage, rejoices at his reclaimed honour

oh, but tom has news

kevin will be here via satellite

from the next room

seems inefficient, but hey

tradition

also tonight, charlotte's back to talk about her dad

but now, here's jinder

walking backstage sharing smug stories with his crew

and he'll be here after this ad for kids with cancer

what's the opposite of an ad?

an avert?

but then it'd just be an a

appropriately for oakland i guess

BOOOOOOOM SPORTS JOKE

damn, i'm good

ad for total bellas, and now rusev is freaking out backstage

renee comes to interview him, has to immediately explain the word 'elated'

rusev is off back to bulgaria to be a hero again

but now, here are the singhs and their amazing alveolar trills

and also their boss

in a possibly ill-advised spotted shirt

or maybe i just spend too much time critiquing wrestlers' fashion choices

jinder is doubling down on mocking shinsuke's face

this is the most incisive and well-written angle

the singhs are continuing to find jinder's jokes more hilarious than is healthy

and now jinder's getting at the crowd for being racist against japanese people?

sure, dude

they've spun a really long mic spot out of one pic of shinsuke and a bunch of racism

oh, and there's the japanese people can't say /l/ joke

credit to oakland for all just going oooooooooh there

this is genuinely breathtakingly racist

crowd start a that's too far chant

p sure he crossed that line weeks back, but welcome to the party

we have whisky and non-discriminatory humour

does some ranting in punjabi to 3% of the people of his alleged country, end segment

the announcers are all like yeah, that was a bit much

let's move on and try to forget that

up next, corbin/styles

in the allegedly open title challenge

after this repeat of the video about j-lo off raw

remember last year when they did the whole month of different latinx people?

but sure

but now, renee interviews shinsuke

who's like yeah that jinder's a funny guy -lowkey furious-

and then leaves

and here's aj

and a replay of styles/dillinger last week

that was a good match

aj has thoughts about kevin/shane

he thinks kevin shouldn't be messing with the man who brought aj to the wwe and started smackdown live

remember mania?

but now to talk shit about "shortcut king" baron

and list his recent failures

(which are hilarious)

and here comes the dick himself

with his new intro i still don't quite get

corey is talking shit about baron for seeing the us belt as a trophy

which...it is?

gregg mentions aj's weight, and i get briefly distracted by the fact that he'd only need to cut a few pounds to be a cruiserweight and how good aj/cedric would be

anyway, while i thought about that, baron attacked aj before the bell, leading tye to run in and take the fight to him

refs have removed tye, but baron's selling a fucked leg

so aj puts him in the calf crusher as well, cos why wouldn't you

hit aj's music, guess the thing's over

with baron rolling around at ringside going OW MY LEG

we get it, dude

but up next, charlotte

after pizza hut gives us a random clip of the past

this time, it's mitb 2011

i have no fucking clue what rationale they pick these clips on

but hey, it's nice to watch bryan win things

and here's baron hobbling around backstage

renee comes to interview him, he screams about feeling violated

not sure that was where you wanted to go with that, dude

swears vengeance, end thing

and here's charlotte

in street clothes

and oh look, she and her dad have written a book and it's out today

such coincidence

remember when charlotte was meant to be her own thing distinct from her family?

she's here to thank everyone for their tweets and positive energy

or possibly thoughts and prayers

the former seems more likely these days

but ric is apparently going to be ok, so i can resume talking shit about him without feeling bad about it

one day he'll die and i'll feel momentarily bad for all the crap i've said about him before going on with my life

charlotte has learnt an important lesson about the fragility of life and shit

and here's nattie to be insensitive

she's like cool your dad's ok but let's talk about the important shit

nattie is hosting wwe's first ever celebration of women?

it's totally a thing they should do

but we have a heel doing it, so this is going to be shitty

okay, yeah, it's going to be celebrating all women by looking at nattie in particular

because we're all basically her

charlotte's just like yeah whatever i want a title shot

good shutdown

and here's becky to be sarcastic

in a really nice waistcoat

and also challenge for the title

oh, and here's naomi

who can imagine why

in an enormous white pimp robe

sure

i take it back

an enormous multicoloured pulsing pimp robe

she doesn't even get to say she wants a shot before tamina and lana cut in

lana's here to talk about how bitches ain't shit and her client deserves a shot

so nattie has a tantrum outside the ring about all these women overshadowing her celebration of women

here's noted non-woman daniel bryan to weigh in

making the main event a four-way for a title shot

remember when there was more than one angle in the division?

of course you don't

never happened

and up next, new day/hype bros

the building may explode with enthusiasm

after this ad for brock/braun, at least

back in the room, the bros are already here

and the usos are on announce

lovely shot of someone in the crowd joining in with the new day intro but forgetting how many times they've been champs

loving all the match card graphics, where big e is totally doing his best broken matt hardy

meanwhile in the match, mojo steals e's ab stretch spank thing

but yeah, they've announced new day/usos rematch at hiac

like anyone didn't know that was coming

e takes a broski boot, kofi shows he can fuck a team up on his own

zack tries for a rollup, eats a midnight hour for the pin

usos front, new day party, end thing

but now let's go back to the mcmahon drama

leading with a recap of vince getting beat on

and now here's kevin via satellite from what looks like a high school theatre supplies room

still life with canadian, spotlight and big red square, 2017

kevin is sorry for what he did, but it's all shane's fault for making him want to do it

claims to have nothing but respect for vince

he's also apologising in advance for the carnage at hiac

and maintaining that he's the good guy here

end thing

have a graphic for the women's four-way

and an ad for john cena's superhero body spray

which you should not attempt

and now here are the hype bros backstage

mojo is tired of losing all the time

proposes drastic action

but now here's dolph

presumably to complain about gimmicks

which he's made into its own gimmick, so it's only a matter of time before wrestling collapses in on itself

and then i'll have to watch scandinavian crime dramas for this blog or something

daniel's ears pricked up at that

i told you, no cable knit jumpers in my studio

in any case, dolph is now being hhh

"Was that fun? Can I run NXT now?"

and now he has more things

corey is filled with rage and despair

and now he's hbk

except modern hbk

hat and flares, no shades or weird bondage vest

oakland is united in wanting him to do cm punk

dolph ziggler, celebrity impressionist

dolph rants some more, goes back out

and now he's in dx

remember when we had cumbersome overlays as part of entrances

i kind of love it

the dx music is still great, too

dolph rails against dx trying to stay relevant, despite the fact that they haven't been since the late 90s

shouts at the crowd for not appreciating the craft

and he doesn't care about the crowd

cares enough to choreograph numerous elaborate entrances with costumes and props and shit, but hey

and then wanders off

is this going anywhere in particular, or is it just that we had some time to fill?

announce team move swiftly on to hyping no mercy

but next, main event

i'm not optimistic for the chances of the one heel in this match

especially because it's tamina, and she doesn't get to win things

after this ad for 2k18, in any case

back in the ring, becky's already here

but fuck that, let's have an ad for 205

oh, and tamina's already here too

becky at least got music

and here's naomi

showing us that enormous fur robes are actually really hard to dance in

i do like her mismatched eyeshadow though

charlotte's back in one of her dad's robes, which makes a certain amount of sense

i still miss peacock queen charlotte

oh, and lana's lurking at ringside

hadn't noticed

match starts, immediately go to a roman/cena ad

because why bother actually watching the main event

all three faces briefly team up to dunk on tamina, because why wouldn't you

naomi springboard crossbodies charlotte and becky simultaneously, cos she's great

pan out to nattie watching the match and looking smug

naomi gets her submission on charlotte, becky breaks it up so she can disarmher naomi

because submission wrestling goes so well in a four-way

charlotte spears tamina, it's pretty great

and then moonsaults her and naomi simultaneously

i talk a lot of shit about charlotte, but it's good to have her back

becky breaks a figure eight with a leg drop, which seems dangerous as fuck

everyone is dead

becky takes a samoan drop and then a splash from tamina, naomi breaks up the pin in a really cool way, lana pulls her out and gets fucked on, and then something i didn't quite catch put tamina down for a pin by charlotte

oh right

superkicked naomi, then took a big boot from charlotte

she does do a very big boot indeed

so yeah, charlotte/nattie at hiac

feel like we've seen this before

but hey, who am i to expect variation and originality in wrestling

and we fade on charlotte being like fuck yeah my dad isn't dead also something about a match

right, hopefully this'll get posted before no mercy

if it does, hmu on twitter @waruce if you don't already

but for now, i'm off to watch the rest of the week's wrestling before i run out of week

#WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown #wre

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somethingsohappily · 7 years

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Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Here ya go! 2, 8, 10, 11, 14, 15, 16, 24, 25, 33, 35, 36, 44, 45, 47 :D

Oh geez that’s so many! Thank you!

2. Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it:Ummmmm I like more masculine/butch presenting girls or athletic girls?? Like not to say that feminine girls aren’t beautiful, it’s more like historically if you look at most of the girls i’ve had feelings for, at least appearance wise, there seems to be some similarities ahahahaha. 8. Current haircut?Buzzeddddddd. Though I’ve been debating growing the top part out a bit more, but I feel like i don’t want to deal with the growout and there’s something cathartic about buzzing your hair off? 10. Describe the best date you’ve been onHonestly, I haven’t been on any super amazing dates. I just don’t date a lot/when I did it was with boys unfortunately, and then my partner and I kind of barely went on dates. So if someone wants to rectify that, that’d be sweet! I have a lot of really fun date ideas for someone else though!! 11. Describe the worst date you’ve been onSo! I was trying online dating with boys mostly cause i figured maybe this would help me find the ‘right one’ (that didn’t work ahahahah) ANYWAYS. This one guy asked me out and he was like ‘okay so why don’t we hangout in this building on campus and watch Avatar the Last Airbender and get shitty food out of the vending machine” and because to me this sounded ideal cause it was basically hanging out, I was super into it! And then I got there and he was like ‘actually lets go to dinner instead’ and then it turned out he didn’t realize i wasn’t 21 yet and had only planned bars and i couldn’t go in, and basically i was mad the whole night cause i just wanted to watch Avatar and eat cookies from a vending machine.

14. If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?Ummmmmm I need to feel comfortable with you, and honestly at this point there needs to be a really strong friendship in there. Like romantic things and dates are fun, sex is great, but also i want someone i can just hangout with or go grocery shopping with or have really weird conversations with. Friendship is a must. Ummmm having some goals/ambitions that she’s working towards is a big thing for me. Like you don’t need to have your life 100% figured out, and you may not have a high paying job/or heading that way, but as long as you’re passionate about something that’s what I care about! It’s really attractive to me, even if you’re really enthusiastic/passionate about something I don’t understand, just the fact you’re into it is really cool and i love hearing about it! I guess also someone who cares a lot too and is genuine, like you have to be a good person with a big heart, i don’t think we’d work out otherwise. And maybe.... it’d be cool to have someone that seemed genuinely excited about me/wanted to talk to me/prioritized me, because I’m really enthusiastic about my partner and like to prioritize them, so feeling like it’s balanced and equal is a must. (This felt really long but I’ve been told by my therapist that this isn’t actually unrealistic or too crazy to want. Amazing.)

15. Describe your dream weddingI honestly have no idea, like my friends always ask about this and I’m like ‘ummmmm i want my future wife to be there??” ahahahahahaha

16. Do you want kids?If I do, I do not want to give birth to them because pregnancy freaks me out. Also at least for me, I feel like there are so many kiddos in foster care that I’d rather just make sure some had homes. So if I do have kiddos, they’ll be adopted. Orrrr I would be down to be a foster parent for teens to offer them stability. I’d also be okay if I didn’t have kids (depends on my partner honestly) just because I work with them and I feel like in my own way, I already have some? 24. If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?Uhhhhhh just be genuine, don’t try and be super impressive or anything like that? I’ll feel like you’re faking it and I definitely won’t feel comfortable! Mostly just get to know me, know that im not into big gestures, and little things are way better. If you have a good heart, there’s a good chance i’ll give you a shot. 25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?GIRLS. 33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?I think i love easily, which is kind of my downfall. But I guess after my last relationship, I think it would take more time, just because I don’t know if I’d let myself fall super fast for someone/I don’t actually think I’d trust myself enough with those feelings? If that makes sense. 35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?I had a huge crush on my high school swim co-captain. (though I didn’t know that’s what it was until later when I was like ‘oh shit you’re gay dude) It was so bad, we had to work together on a lot of things and I think i spent 99% of the time being really embarrassing. 36. The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)Hate it, though I’ve seen it through more than once. Honestly, it’s trash, and transphobic, biphobic, and makes it seem like every lesbian cheats on each other. So I’m just not really into it. Also I hate like everyone but Tasha and Dana. 44. Who was your first lesbian crush?That I like legitimately owned up to? Ummmm probably this girl i met at college orientation? I oddly enough (jk not a surprise) made friends with a ton of LGBTQ+ kids right off the bat, and then my friend was like ‘oh sarah is straight’ and I remember being so disappointed because she told it to this girl I was obsessing over (I checked her facebook and went through all of her pictures wayyyyyyy too many times). And then I was like ‘ummm what’s this mean?” and then I pretended to be straight for like 3 more years. 45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?Actually this past year, though I’d been thinking about the label for a while! I’d been identifying as bi since I was like 21? And I’d been trying to be okay with the idea i may be with a boy someday, and finally was like ‘i never want to date a guy, i picture no future with a guy, i would never sleep with one, im not bi” and it’s felt a lot better and was a huge relief. I’m late I guess? Or at least it feels that way! 47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….. I still want to marry Jillian Michaels.

#long post #questions #sorry guys i can't give short answers

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wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey · 7 years

Text

Scarlet Heart Ryeo: Episode 17 Part 1 (Spoilers)

Ok Hae Soo is back and running things again and doesn’t respond when Chae Rung tells her Jung has a plan to get out her out of the castle. Good. Sorry Jung my son but you can’t marry Soo, she is So’s future intended

Woo Hee is reporting that So is not doing efficient work…why girl? Is this part of the plan? Is she SPYING for Yo?!? NO. Pls say Baek Ah and them know about this and she is a double spy. I am confused and unhappy…ok apparently she has been trying to do this for her people, but it hasn’t been doing much good…

HECK NO YO IS TRYING TO BLACKMAIL HER BY SAYING HE WILL TELL BAEK AH THAT SHE IS HIS “DOG” YO I HATE YOU AND I HATE THAT I LOVE YOUR CHARACTER BUT ALSO I HATE YOU

umm either Yo is going crazy or someone is haunting him, or making him feel haunted and IT LOOKS LIKE EUN AND TOSSES THE BROKEN ARROWS THAT HURT EUN AND TELL HIM TO REMEMBER PAST BONDS!!!

WHOA AND NOW IT LOOKS LIKE HIS DAD HAS SHOWN UP TO JOIN THE HAUNTING AND

YO FALLS OVER?

OOOOOHHHHHHHH YEAH WANG SO AND THE BOYS (BAEK AH INCLUDED) ARE HERE DECKED OUT IN BLACK AND SILK MASKS I LOVE

ALSO SO HESITATES TO LEAVE (DOES HE FEEL A SMALL BIT OF COMPASSION FOR YO EVEN NOW?? MY SON

Wook runs in looking all genuinely worried for Yo for about 2 seconds before he is like AHA my time has come. The self-centered little toad

AAAAAHHHHH HAE SOO TOLD SO THAT’S SHE DOESN’T LIKE HIM WANTING TO BE KING BUT SHE NEEDS TO BE WITH HIM SO OK WHATEVER HE WANTS AAAHHH! SHE JUST REMINDS HIM AGAIN NOT TO KILL HIS BROTHERS *cue me tearing up just because everything*

UMMMMM I think things are about to go down but Hae Soo is in with the king not good

Aw drat Yo is blaming Soo for everything, saying that because she helped So cover his scar So took what was his and set Yo on the course of killing his bros…dude take some dang responsibility for your own actions…or maybe blame your mom she sure hasn’t been innocent in this

THE REBELLION HAS BEGUN! BUT SOO IS IN THE ROOM IN THE WRONG PLACE

OOOOOHHHHHHHH evil queen tells Yo to abdicate to Jung so they can “save the throne”

Aw nooooooooooo no no now finally Yo sees the depths of his mother’s love for him–or rather the lack thereof. NO NOW I WANT TO CRY BECAUSE YO IS CRYING “WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME? AM I EVEN YOUR SON? OR JUST SOMETHING THAT EXISTS TO SIT ON THE THRONE” NOOOO WHYYY FEELS WHYY

Oh GOSH THE QUEEN BLINKS AND LOOKS TAKEN ABACK BUT SHE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING SOOTHING JUST DON’T BE THIS WAY WE NEED THE THRONE

AND

YO SAYS HE UNDERSTANDS SO NOW

AND ORDERS THAT YOO BE REMOVED

Soo you should probably run. Just saying

OMG OMG OMG WHAAAAAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!?!?!?! QUEEN HWANGBO ASKED HWA TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE WHOLE WORLD AND LOVE AND HWA SAID THE WORLD AND SO–THE QUEEN SAID SHE WOULD THROW WOOK AWAY WHAAAAAT WHAT THE HECK HAS HAPPENED HOW HAS EVERY SINGLE FAMILY FALLEN APART WHY

I MEAN I WOULD THROW WOOK AWAY TOO BUT FOR VERY DIFFERENT REASONS. THIS IS WHY SELFISHNESS AND GREED ARE SO AWFUL. IT ALWAYS ALWAYS COSTS LOVE AND FRIENDS AND FAMILY

*sighs*

OK now the general and Wang So and Baek Ah are out front ready to take on the palace and of course we all know that So looks wicked awesome in that armor and his side swept bangs but can we…can we just set aside a moment and note that Baek Ah also looks ridiculously attractive in that armor! Backing up his older bro :) MY SOFT SWEET LOYAL SON MY ARTIST AND MUSICIAN IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU IN THIS FIGHT I SWEAR

Um what is Lady Hwa doing??

Yo is having like both a literal and figurative heart attack right now and I actually feel sorry for him. He was afraid if being thrown away like So :(

Side note I find it very interesting that the three people he rather deliriously asks Hae Soo to choose from as the next king are Wook, whom he has thought for a while now is a traitorous wretch, So, whom he has despised for So long but now actually feels some kinship with (and who is incidentally leading a rebellion against him now), and Baek Ah. Yes. Not Jung, the perfect younger brother whom Yoo wanted to crown, not Won, the brother who has seemed most loyal to him through it all, but Baek Ah. I wonder why he says Baek Ah. Because it is ridiculous to him? Because Baek Ah has quietly been supporting So since forever?

YO WRITES AND GIVES SOO THE PAPER AND SAYS HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO SURVIVE :( AND THEN HE DIES :( MY EVIL EYELINER SON HAS PASSED ON FOR REAL :(

Why does Soo have to see so much death :(

And So walks in looks a bit fierce but then he sees Soo and Yo and he just kind of stops

WAIT WHAT. So reads Yo’s final proclamation, asks Soo if she read it, receives a negative, and then proceeds to tear it to shreds? Why?? Did it say one of his brothers that So doesn’t want to be king? Or…maybe it said So, but So is giving that up for Soo? WHAT IS HAPPENING

Okay evil queen could look slightly more upset that her eldest son has died…

OMG AAAAAHHHHHH HAE SOO SUDDENLY KNEELS BEFORE SO AND DECLARES HONOR AND EVERYTHING TO WANG SO SHE IS THE FIRST TO PROCLAIM HIM KING I CAN’T OMG!!!!!!! AND HE LOOKS TAKEN ABACK

BUT THEN HE SAYS YEAH I AM KING AND EVIL QUEEN IS LIKE WUT AND SEEMS VERY TICKED OFF I LOVE IT

MEANWHILE EVERYONE IS BOWING TO WANG SO AND I LIVE

LOOK AT MY SON ALL GROWN UP AND GETTING KINGED. BAEK AH LOOKS SO PROUD OF HIM. SO PROUD

Ugh Lady Hwa has once again managed to worm her way into people’s good graces :/

Wook is sitting in his office/study sulking like the loser he is. Why isn’t he arrested yet. Can we throw him jail pls thanks

Um Soo looks gorgeous and So looks gorgeous and now he is king CAN THEY PLEASE GET MARRIED ALREADY CMON GUYS

awwww Soo is so happy for So and thinks he will no longer be remember as a bloody monarch and thinks that she will help him OTP

Wook and Hwa are each a mess. Gosh. Somewhere deep deep in side of me I feel the faintest twinge of regret for what a good person Wook could been but that’s it. I am so done with him and his angsting and his hurt little self. You did that pretty much on your own dude. Hwa…you pretty on the outside but I would not wanna see your heart, because that’s pretty twisted at this point…

Ok like I get why the general wants to go home, how his heart hurts because of his daughter but…can he NOT keep casting shade towards So? He had NOTHING to do with that. And he only killed Eun because Eun asked him to send him on to his wife? And btw GUESS WHO TRAINED SO IN THE WAY OF THE SWORD?! YOU BRO. CAN YOU PLZ GIVE MY SON A HAND OR FAILING THAT AT LEAST A BREAK?

AAAHHH SO KEEPS ASKING HIM TO STAY HE WANTS HELP AND WISDOM AND HE CAN’T EVEN GET THAT?! MY HEART MY POOR SON

GENERAL YOU TELL HIM TO BE A GOOD AND WISE KING BUT HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE A WISE KING WITHOUT GOOD MEN TO ADVISE HIM? GOSH

SO IS SAD :( HE SAYS THE GENERAL IS AFRAID OF HIM NOOOOOOO COMFORT HIM SOO

AWWW SO ASKS SOO IF SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YO’S PAPER SAID, TO KNOW IF SO STILE THE THRONE AND SOO SAYS NO SHE IS THE LEAST CURIOUS OF ALL SHE IS PLACING SO MUCH TRUST IN HIM AND WHO HE WILL BE AS A PERSON AND A KING AND HE IS JUST SITTING THERE LOOKING SO ALONE AND UNSURE I CAN’T

AWWW THE PAPER WAS BLANK AND HE DIDN’T WANT MORE CONFUSION SO HE RIPPED IT UP AWW MY SWEET SON

AND HAE SOO COVERS HIS HAND WITH HERS AAAAAHHHH!!! AND SHE SAYS SHE IS RIGHT HERE AND WILL NOT LEAVE AND LEANS HER HEAD AGAINST HIS SHOULDER AND PATS HIS HAND AND I FREAKING CANNOT HE LEANS INTO HER MY HEART I AM SO HAPPY OTP OTP AAAAHHH

#scarlet heart ryeo #when kdramas kill monica #aaaaaaaahhhhhhh #so is finally king #my precious son come into his own #he has come so far #and soo is right there beside him #it's beautiful #and baek ah was behind him the whole time what a supportive brother #i wish to goodness nothing bad will happen ever again but that will probably be ruined in the next half #cuz we have yoo and wook and hwa running around still to mess things up #ugh #i just want to enjoy happiness without worrying about its end for once #this show delights and kills me #everytime #also in the end i still love yo's character and pity him #bye bye evil eyeliner son #find some peace

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otpofotps · 7 years

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did i grow up in 2016? have i made progress? is this what i came to japan for?

i honestly don’t know how to answer that and i don’t think im in the right place to answer that right now. but let me elaborate on the dinner with the kouhai, finally, because it led to….a lot. of internal ramblings…. some of which became external.

so this kouhai says lets get dinner and im like sure! but inside im like ummmmm but its not like we talk often or much at all and i only told one person about the upcoming event and he was like yeah idk maki sounds like a date and im like yeah ikr. but it was wishy washy like, it was also very plausibly not a date and just him wanting to get friendlier with a senpai. i have trouble understanding that maybe only because its never something i would do. this…is only the beginning of things that i do not see myself agreeing with the kouhai on.

so the dinner happens and it was like…. ooooookay. for me, it was just one of those things. if the cards were clearer i could’ve played it better. but i didn’t know the line and he didn’t make it clear and i fucked it up. because how presumptuous would it have been of me to treat it like a date and flirt? not that i know how. but i played it off super platonic because im incapable of putting myself out there like, hey maybe i have romantic intentions towards you. i just cannot do that mentally. its a hard knock life but its mostly just me making it hard. if he had made it clear it was non platonic i guess i could’ve done better. but…. then there was the other problem

we talked. obviously, duh, thats what dinner is, but because of the societal position we are in (as in our commonality is ipse) then like…yeah obv we are going to end up talking about ipse, and japan, and so many other things i’m uncomfortable talking openly about. guess what, i am not 100% satisfied. or even like 50%. but he was like its been a good year, hasn’t it? and im like, internally, dude, what in the fuck do you want me to say to that. you’re a kouhai and i’ve had a years longer worth of experience in japan and my answer is no, i’ve not had a great year. i didn’t want to say that. i didn’t want to say that to someone who still has a lot of potential to do whatever he wants in japan. it is entirely possible for him to achieve/maintain happiness in japan. but we are not the same people. and my experience of ipse is probably very different from what yours will be.

so talking to him brought out a lot about what i was thinking applying to japan and what i think now. this dinner happened like second to last week of december. fitting or just a downer for the end of the year, can someone else clarify for me because oh dear god it did get worse from there

it became incredibly, amazingly, horrifyingly clear how different we are. in almost everything we talked about that i had an opinion on, he had the opposite. and worse, he reminds me a lot of this particular person in my department that i have decided from here onwards i hate… i cannot remember what i call him here. maybe [y]. they have such…similarities.

it scares me because ive spent an entire year understanding why i don’t trust people like [y]. i hate being like oo emotions scary the world is bad and cynicism is the answer im not one of those people. but there is always a part of me that distrusts certain people. most people (all people?) maybe, until i feel some certain tick where i feel like suddenly i can show that i am emotionally invested in our friendship / whatever. it feels so dumb typing that out. but its something i need to confront. this text post isnt the time…. but [y] has been such a justification for why i do this. because people like [y] exist. people that i feel like i can be friends with and then go and humiliate you or make fun of you or imply your friendship means nothing to them. this sounds like [y] fucked me up or something and i promise he didn’t, i’ve always been like this, but it sucks that [y] is someone i still have to deal with, and i really don’t want to see the only kouhai i have a connection to become someone that i never can invest feeling into a relationship with.

so yes. i do not see myself being able to smoothly befriend the kouhai. or like…whatever, you know. but then the Key conversation happened which led to…some drunken ramblings that unfortunately i don’t recall very well but i’m sure my friends do.

so. god….. it was just such. i overreacted. but tbh its not a topic to have been talking about on a potential date not date. basically, it went like “well i came to university in japan because i want to marry a japanese person” (him)

and just like that i just. was like ….no. i cannot explain what took over me but i was just like. no. “you chose the country of your university based on who you want to marry? aren’t you like 18?”

“well…yeah.”

not that the conversation really exploded after that but for me at that point…it was not a good evening. the rest of that conversation was basically “so you wouldn’t base your career decisions depending on your spouse?” (him) “fuck no” “…thats…unusual…” “really? i feel like thats something you could expect from rikejos” (i am so dumb please don’t punch me) “not really?”

for him, he probably meant that not as a wife in japan obligatorily follows husbands career path trajectory and abandons her own career if necessary, but as in partners will consider their partner (non specific genders) in times of career choices. i took it as the first one because i am so dumb, and girls and feminism and japan and marriage is really, really, apparently /really/, touchy subject for me.

so i was touchy and a little miffed for really no real reason, and then a week later i drank too much vodka and went on a rant about this specific conversation and girls in japan, and how that’s not who i want to be, i want to have a career, blah blah blah i am really the worst. not because i have strong opinions about something that is certainly a valid topic to have strong opinions about but i put down other types of woman. i basically said something (on the vodka fueld rant) about how i don’t want to be a housewife, how im meant for more than that. and it breaks my heart that i said that (my friend told me later). because that’s not who i want to be. that’s not feminism. feminism shouldn’t be that being a housewife is a shameful thing or lesser thing. feminism is the right to CHOOSE. you want a career as a researcher? go ahead! you want to stay home and take care of the home? go ahead! its about not being reduced to stereotypes. its about that there shouldn’t be the assumption that the wife is the one who does the household chores. its that society assess the value of a job based on the money it brings to the house, but how can we ever assess the value of the housewife.

i am shamed and sad that i said things that i didn’t realise i believed. or maybe i knew, but i didn’t want to know, and hid my eyes from it.

and not that its entirely the dinner’s fault, but it certainly did bring it (my later drunken rant on [y], the kouhai, and girls in japan) out.

so yes. 2/10, the dinner was an interesting but not entirely positive (as of yet) experience.

#personal #i just thought of the corniest line from what is probably jdrama #人とちゃんと向き合うのが怖くて逃げてんのかよ #but it is true if only slightly #i also realise this then does not explain my previous text post about the kouhai dinner #lets say he is very different and that partly inspired me to make plans with some people ive never #tried approaching before and it went incredibly well #so i will not say it was not a dinner that didnt have any positive outcome

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