#because tbh he should be someone who is taking care of men/leading them etc. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scoobydoodean · 1 year

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The only issue I've ever had with DeanLisa is that it reads too much to me like the "I've met you only a handful of times and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" ala Disney Princess + Prince trope, and I just can't stand that trope. That's just a personal preference though

But I've never had a problem with Lisa herself - I think she's really fucking cool actually, and that she really did care about Dean. I think they both were reaching for an ideal, a dream, and they found solace in each other, but the circumstances that led them together (the second/third/fourth) time were not conducive to a lasting relationship.

I think it's more biphobic to be super anti DeanLisa tbh? (as a concept, not saying you have to ship them). Bc it's denying that part of Dean, like people really wanna dive deep into Dean's queerness in the way he interacts with men, but it's incredibly biphobic to then deny a relationship he had with a woman that meant a lot to him. That relationship doesn't take away from his queerness, he's still bi even while he's with a woman. Sure, I can see the argument behind comp cishet relationships and how that's bi/homophobic, but I think in this situation it's more nuanced than that? There's so many factors that lead into Dean going to Lisa (mainly feeling completely abandoned by everyone..which...he more-or-less was, be it on purpose (Cas) or not (Sam)) after such incredible trauma, he's obviously going to go to someone who he can find comfort in, that he already knows, who cares for him and he cares for back...I don't think that's comp cishet

I guess I lived in my own little SPN bubble bc I had no idea people hated her so much until fairly recently, as I started seeing posts and stumbling upon old fics where she's written as a nasty bitch for NO good reason

I appreciate your thoughts on them, tbh bc I feel like I don't ever see people talk about them or it's in a very disparaging way

Yeah I agree with you. I have no problem with people just saying "I don't like it. It just isn't my thing. It's boring, it doesn't appeal to me, I do not vibe with it, I like another ship better, he should have gone to Cassie instead, I don't think the storyline ever should have been done because of x,y, z" etc. What is sooo weird to me is people who can't live with just saying they don't like it and have to make the fact that they don't like it some kind of moral issue and/or talk about it in a way that ends up just displaying their own (internalized or externalized) biphobia and misogyny (edit: and even ableism—because I have seen that one quite a bit too).

I have seen people say:

Lisa and Dean are both used up because they've had so much sex with other people and therefore the relationship is nothing more than an expression of their mutually low standards, where simultaneously neither of them are good enough for the other because they have had too much sex. (Which was then back tracked to Dean being the only one who is all used up from all the sex he has had, because we wouldn't want to be misogynists).

Dean and Lisa's relationship is conservative christian (as someone raised in a conservative christian home, I can assure you that is not the case).

Dean and Lisa is a heteronormative relationship and is therefore bad. That is... not only very debatable, but based on what? Why? What is so "heteronormative" about it? I'll pay someone $50 if they can tell me without being biphobic, homophobic, or misogynist, or basically line for line describing a post-canon or AU destiel fic they’ve recced before just replacing Lisa with Cas. (Having a home is heteronormative? Parenting a child? Living together? What is it? I can never get a straight (heh) answer.)

Dean/Lisa is biphobic. Again... why? Because Dean is with a woman? Do... do we know what bisexual means? Are we sure?? Because it sounds like—frankly—the queer community yet again being one of the more biphobic communities around, and saying bi people are only interesting and acceptable when they are in same sex romances, and otherwise they are heteronormative and bad and wrong and boring. Which is a great thing to make bi people on the internet (whether you count yourself among them or not) read. Like. I think the way we interpret many characters who are not explicitly and openly bisexual as bisexual has also in some sense poisoned people into treating bi-ness as like... an exciting accessory, instead of a sexuality. Which is again—not how bisexuality works, but is how people on Tumblr often seem to treat bisexuality when they act like it is an accessory being thrown on or taken off by a character. "Well Dean isn't wearing his bisexuality accessory right now since he's in a 'het' romance, so he is not shiny enough and I am not interested in him". It's just fucking weird and it makes me uncomfortable.

Also, I don't know why this comes as a shock to some people, but calling something "het" is not inherently an argument proving that thing is bad and wrong, and suggesting that it is is also fucking weird.

Edit: Another one I forgot—"Dean is messed up/'damaged' therefore Lisa should never have allowed him in her home". Because we think people with PTSD shouldn't be shown kindness by people who don't have PTSD, I guess, and people without PTSD should avoid people who have PTSD at all costs.

Like. It is no secret that I utterly despise Sam/Amelia. But you know what I don't do? I don't go around calling it heteronormative, or applying my weird conservative christian leftovers about sexual purity to the relationship, or saying Sam was too messed up in the head and a "normal" woman never should have allowed someone so "damaged" to be in her life, in order to shout from the roof tops how "problematic" it is for them to be together. I just say "I don't like it because Amelia is not an enjoyable character to me. I find her extremely awkward and uncomfortable and I don't like the way she talks to Sam and don't understand the romance."

#mail

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des8pudels8kern · 2 years

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Saw someone earlier saying that if Jaskier is supposed to be queer-coded then Joey shouldnt be playing him as he "isnt gay" and like, can we please not be that fandom which forces actors to comment on their sexuality to satisfy the crowds? Joey has been very private about his personal life, we have no idea at all how he identifies and Id hate to think of the fans or the producers putting him in that situation

I. What? Do people not know what queer-coded means?

It's implications. Hints. References for the initiated. Little nods that can be read a certain way but don't prove anything. It's being able to sell something to China without having to change anything. A queer-coded character is a character that is not textually queer. And Jaskier, however much I read him as queer-coded, canonically represents as heterosexual - we have had mention of several lovers, all of whom female (unnamed wives, mothers, concubines - the latter could technically also be used for men, but it hardly ever is - and the Countess de Stael). Jaskier is not canonically queer. To the contrary, evidence supports him being heterosexual.

It's possible that the queer subtext fandom sees is deliberate. Actual code, put there on purpose, rather than fandom interpreting the character a certain way despite it not having been intended as such. Because that is also possible - in which case we would read Jaskier as queer-coded when the subtext is just coincidence rather than actual code; certain characteristics/behaviors/words used by creators who know certain character archetypes and tropes exist but not what meaning they carry for some of us. Unless someone comes out and gives a clear statement, we have no way of knowing.

And what if it's deliberate? Even if the creators would like to make a character queer but, for a variety of reasons, don't do more than coding that can be easily denied and ignored, the character remains not canon queer representation. Jaskier won't be queer until canon, not subtext, makes him so. (If they queer-code a character to keep viewers interested and create buzz but don't want to make the character queer, that’s queerbaiting, which is also a possibility and something I wouldn’t put past tptb, tbh.)

It's a possibility that that might happen. I doubt it (you probably sent this ask in reaction to that post, but for everyone else see Geraskier is the new Garashir). If canon does make Jaskier queer, then, yes, the character might retroactively have been queer all the time, but any non-queer character can in theory have a queer awakening later on in canon. (And many, in fact most characters that never become canonically queer share some personality traits with queer people that said queer people (or some of them) consider to be typically queer. Has commented on the looks of a member of their own sex? Must be queer. A man who cares about personal hygiene? Gay. Awkward, insecure, etc? They are closeted and afraid to be found out. We all try to see ourselves in the characters we love, but ultimately none of these behaviors are inherently queer. They are just behaviors and people can have them for all kinds of reasons.)

So, should all characters be played by openly queer actors only, unless it's contractually determined right from inception that a character might never e.g. have a bi awakening or other coming out? Is that it? because that would... lead to characters not becoming queer, tbh, not unless they are conceptualised as queer from the very start. No more following a story. No more developing characters. Do you think Joss Whedon (yeah, I know, but he was formative for pop culture) created Willow as queer rep right from the get-go? Because by the reasoning of the person you mention, there would have been no way to take her in that direction once she was created and cast on the basis of S1 facts only.

Jaskier is not queer at this point. This is not a queer role being taken away from a queer actor.

If it were, if Jaskier were an openly bisexual character, from the get-go? Then, yes, I'd want him to be played by a bi (or pan or similar) actor. These days, there are out actors to be cast in these roles (which wasn't always the case), but out actors are still part of a minority that is often disadvantaged and are less likely to be cast in not explicitly queer roles due to prejudice and queerphobia, so those explicitly queer roles should go to them rather than cishet (or cishet-presenting) actors. Yes, yes, everybody should be allowed to play every role, but we don't live in that post-queerphobic utopia yet so let's keep queer roles for queer people.

But again, Jaskier is not canonically queer. Any queer-coding fandom sees is subtext and speculation. And we do speculate, because it's fun, because we want to see ourselves, because we are tired of the ever-same stories about the ever-same people... it doesn't matter why. Fandom speculates, fandom interprets, fandom stereotypes, it enhances the aspects it likes and disregards others. And that's fine. No harm done.

Where harm is done, however, is in speculating about the sexuality of real people. It's painful for people to be harassed about something as private as one's sexual and romantic preferences by tinhatters who insist they've followed the clues and discovered the ultimate truth. It's incredibly painful and dangerous for "fans" to try and out an actor - whether or not the actor in question is queer, the potential harm to their career and relationships is real.

I don't tend to search for information on the private lives of celebrities I like. If it's bad enough, I'll hear about it. if it's not bad, then it's none of my business. Could Joey Batey be queer? None of my business (and, as elaborated on above, not relevant to Jaskier). Not any of our business. Unless and until he goes public with a relationship, we know nothing about his preferences. And if he ever does go public with a partner, we'll still only know "likes x" while he could very well also like y, or be z. We don't know. It's none of our business. We have no right to this information and he is not obligated to tell us. Unless it's relevant specifically to the job at hand, actors' private lives are none of our business.

#anon #reply #i'm sorry this is... really long #what was supposed to be as short reply turned into a rant about several things that have been bothering me about fandom for a while #the witcher

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atopearth · 4 years

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Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 5 - Heaven’s Feel Route (1/2)

Day 1-10 Since Sakura barely appears in the other routes after a while, I kinda forgot how soothing of a person she is, and how sweet it is that both Shirou and her love to cook for each other. I like how Shirou prioritised taking Sakura home for her safety rather than caring about the possibility of him and Shinji fighting (since Shinji doesn’t like Sakura going to Shirou’s place to cook). Honestly, with how beautiful and kind Sakura is, it’s really saddening how she feels like the only time she can truly be herself and have fun is when she goes to Shirou’s place to cook and spend time with him and Taiga. They’re such simple everyday things, but somehow it’s so difficult for her to truly have something so simple in her life. That bruise on Shirou…was it from one of the bugs at Sakura’s place or something? Although it seems implied in the UBW route (and explicitly shown in the UBW anime), I guess both Sakura and Rin were inspired by the Shirou four years ago that kept challenging a high jump bar for three hours persevering and never giving up for such a long time. Even though in the end, he wasn’t able to succeed, I think seeing him continue to try so hard really affected them and their mindset. In a sense, both Shirou and Sakura were feeling crap at that time, Sakura was probably plagued with the Matou family circumstances as usual with no outbreak at all (until she met Shirou properly and he taught her how to cook etc), and at that time Kiritsugu just passed away so Shirou was really down and just did reckless things as an outlet I guess. And yet now they’re both here supporting each other, it’s so cute. I loved how he brought a tea set and quietly had tea with her in the classroom until she felt better (since she seems really bothered about Shirou’s bruise).

I think a lot of the reason why Shirou is the way he is, is not only because of Kiritsugu saving him influencing him, but also the people he encountered in the fire ten years ago. It’s surprising, but it seems that in Shirou’s memories, a lot of the people he saw who died in the fire were people who sacrificed themselves for others. People who gave their lives to save children, people who would give their own limited water to another, only for them to die instead etc, and although there were people who walked past others “leaving” others to die, it didn’t really feel like something Shirou would blame them for, because he knew, he knew that in such a place surrounded by death, what you should blame aren’t the people who tried their best to survive but the existence of the fire itself, and that’s why I think Shirou is someone who aims to save everyone by not allowing such things to happen in front of him ever again, rather than the idea of saving people when terrible things happen. Well, I guess it’s kinda surprising that to an extent, Kotomine did understand Kiritsugu’s motivations etc fairly well, or maybe it took him 10 years to understand lol. Anyway, I guess it’s kinda interesting how even though Kiritsugu barely taught Shirou much about being a superhero saving everybody etc, Shirou still ended up going on this path towards an impossible dream just like him.

Hmm I guess Zouken is “alive” through the existence of the worms? Nice to see Shinji out of the picture (for now) but Zouken is definitely not going to just stop fighting~ Honestly disgusting to picture Rider “eating” an innocent woman’s spirit and mind etc, I wonder how many people they’ve done that to already… I loled when Shinji got reprimanded as useless by Zouken, but yeah he’s probably going to be even more annoying from now on even if he’s not a Master so zzzzz. On the other hand, Shirou panicking and consulting Rin on how he can protect Sakura from the war is so cute lol. Innocent Illya is always so cute but dangerous🥺🥺 I don’t blame Shirou for having a soft spot for her when she acts like that, and it’s not like she’s faking either, she’s genuine, but at the same time, she’s genuinely intending on killing Shirou. Omgg Taiga was so cute when she got traumatised at how scary Saber can be in a sword fight🤣 Everyone is so cuteeeeee lol. I love how Taiga misunderstood Shirou and Saber’s relationship (since she wants to sleep in the same room and will always obey Shirou lmao) and did a choke hold on him and threw him, but he was too heavy and she nearly hurt herself. It was so sweet how Shirou reprimanded her for doing something that could have hurt herself rather than being annoyed at her throwing him, he’s such a good boy. You definitely didn’t raise him wrong, Taiga!! LMAO at Taiga and Sakura talking about bras and sleeping with them on or not at night right in front of Shirou hahahaha. But yeah, it was really heartwarming how insistent Shirou was on telling Sakura to stay over because he was worried about her. He’s so nice😫 HAHAHA, Taiga totally deserved it when Sakura nearly killed her covering her mouth, she literally just told Shirou Sakura’s bra size!! It was hilarious but so embarrassing hahaha. Not gonna lie, Shirou was so cool when he carried Sakura back to the room. Sakura really is so reckless though. She fell asleep in the bath with a high fever and then fell down after she changed into her clothes, like seriously, take care of yourself better please Sakura!! You really can’t blame Shirou for being so worried about her tbh. And yes, I love it when the girl tugs on the guy’s shirt so that they’ll stay beside them until they fall asleep, it’s such an adorable thing to see all the timeee!

Oh man, seeing Assassin suffer such a gruesome death was terrible… I’m kind of surprised that Kuzuki lost considering how adept he is, but I guess…Sakura is a monster? Lol. Umm, that dream of Shirou having sex with Rin was way too vivid to be a dream imo, Sakura definitely did something to him! Does she eat men for magical energy or something?😟 Saber said he’s lacking magical energy, she’s definitely stealing it!!! Anyway, it was pretty cute how Sakura insisted on staying to take care of Shirou since he apparently has a fever. But at the same time, it felt ominous lol. Like, I don’t doubt Sakura’s intentions, but there’s definitely something dangerous about her that she’s probably aware of to an extent even if not fully. Lol at her getting mad every time Shirou mentions Rin though. Honestly though, Rin is the sweetest girl ever when she got all worried and concerned about Shirou not coming to school, she legit thought he died at Ryuudou Temple, it was so adorable to see how annoyed she was that he was so alive and well hahaha. Omgg, things were so peaceful without Shinji, I should have expected he’d come to get back Sakura yuckkk. Wow, he’s so disgusting, I can’t believe he just hit her straight away, and even insulted her and Shirou saying Shirou is just using her for sex, he’s straight up disgusting!! I wonder if Sakura’s fevers are caused by a lack of magical energy or something, I mean, her eyes changed back to being lifeless when she fell down due to the fever!! I never realised but (spoiler!) technically, both Sakura and Shirou were “adopted”! It’s kinda saddening when you think about that though, by getting adopted, Shirou was able to lead a normal life, whereas Sakura being adopted turned her whole life upside down… It’s nice to know that Shirou said he’d scold her if Sakura became a bad person (since she asked what he would do), but would he really? I feel like he’d comfort her and try to get her back on the “right” path more than he would shout at her haha.

I knew that Sakura found light and meaning to her life after taking care of Shirou after he got injured, but I didn’t think that Sakura was actually the one to persistently go to his place all the time to convince him that she should take care of him and cook for him etc. But I guess regardless of what her motivations were, she definitely didn’t expect that Shirou would give her the spare key to the house that Kiritsugu used to always use. Seeing her smile and so cherish that gift was quite touching, and at the same time I couldn’t help but admire how much Shirou trusted her that he could give something so important to her. I am legit so sad that the monstrous Assassin that appeared (and consumed the previous Assassin) also ended up killing and consuming Lancer😭😭 Honestly, I kinda find it frustrating that this is all happening. So, does that mean that if you take Sakura away from her home, they aren’t able to control her anymore or something? Or is it just Zouken causing trouble? HAHAHA, I loved Shirou’s impersonation of Rin at a yakiniku place being that she’ll devour her fill and say she went easy on him lmao, and I love how Rin said he was right🤣🤣🤣 Now that they’re cooperating (due to Caster still existing even though Shirou defeated her), I’m so glad to have the Shirou and Rin banter again! Like, Sakura is cute, but yeah. And lol at Rin realising too late that Shirou’s lunch was huge because Sakura made it hoping to eat it with him. I bet she waited for Shirou at the archery range thinking he’d go there since she suggested for him to go there🥺 Oh nooo, and she bumped into Shirou and Rin!! Omg, I love how Rin so easily cleared everything up and made Shirou realise that Sakura wanted to eat lunch with him! Rin even apologised about it, she’s legit so clear about it and so cool, I love her. I bet if Rin wasn’t there, it would have just turned into a situation where Sakura would be sad and Shirou would be clueless lol.

I loved how Shirou readied himself to go into the deadly Chinese restaurant that serves super hot spices from Hell (since Rin told him to go there after school), and he enters only to witness Kotomine eating mapo tofu (seemingly) furiously with his deadpan face lol! I knew Kotomine wouldn’t hesitate to reveal that he was a Master since Lancer is gone now and he wants info, but he really said it so nonchalantly lol. I loved how he actually ordered more than one serving of mapo tofu lmao, it was a great way to end their conversation hahaha. Do people really eat that just by itself?! On the other hand, it was obvious that Zouken used his blood sucking bugs or whatever they are to somehow live all this time (hundreds of years!), but it seems like there’s a limit and he’s reaching it since he can’t go out in broad daylight anymore. I was wondering when Shirou was going to remember his promise to meet with Illya at the park LOL. He totally deserved Illya getting mad at him, she waited for him in the cold!! Although Shirou saying he’ll do anything for her to forgive him leading to them going on a short little shopping trip seems to be the right choice (since there’s a CG of her enjoying the snow with Shirou), I really enjoyed how in the other option, Shirou takes Illya back to his house. I know it’s dangerous since she’s a Master, but it was just so innocent and sweet to see her enjoy something so simple like tea time with Shirou, exploring his house and even feeling sad that this is the place Kiritsugu was, so even if she wants to get mad at him, she can’t even show him anymore. It’s saddening, but it was rather bittersweet. Oh and I loved Saber arguing with Shirou about how dangerous it is letting Illya into the house, it was hilarious lmao.

Oh wow, so I guess Zouken devours humans with his bugs to kinda take their place/body? And his body is kinda literally bugs? I felt so sorry for the woman that literally got eaten… Hmm, so this magic of his only keeps his soul alive, so no matter how many bodies he takes over, he can only retain the form of Zouken himself, and due to that, his body is constantly rotting since it’s at it’s utter limit I guess. I find it so terrible that he now has to get a new body every few months now when he used to last fifty years in one, he’s really been killing so so many people! His soul is rotting is an interesting way to phrase how his existence really can’t be sustained in this world anymore… It seems like Archer recognises that “shadow” that swallows up everything and was forced to defeat it before or clean up after it…. It’s kinda disgusting that Zouken states that his simple wish for the holy grail to grant is for him to be able to live (without rotting) and yet he sacrifices every other person’s wishes to live for himself. I’m not surprised that Saber ended up getting consumed and possibly controlled by that dark thing that consumed Lancer too, but I’m honestly disappointed. Well… Rider appearing to save Shirou was rather random and unexpected even if Shinji wants Shirou to be alive so he can prove to everyone and Rin that he’s not inferior to him.. I knew Sakura would be “happy” that Saber is now gone, so she can have Shirou to herself, but I guess Shirou went against her expectations that he won’t get hurt anymore (since Saber is gone), and instead he’s going to go out even more now… I wonder if her intense hatred for whatever that is hurting Shirou is kinda causing her to go around at night as the “shadow”? Anyway, apparently Sakura is more of a pervert than Shirou lol! She legit just masturbated to him after seeing his stomach and his back when she tended to his wounds lol! And lol is Sakura like a yandere?! She’s literally thinking about hurting Shirou so much that he can’t go outside just so that he won’t be able to hurt himself anymore… Like, lady, I don’t know about hurting him to stop him from hurting himself…isn’t that a bit contradictory?? At least put him in a cage or something instead LOL.

Oh wow, I never realised that Taiga’s family is rich and has many housekeepers! That’s why Shirou was able to ask for one to help care for Sakura’s fever whilst he went to school. Like dang! LMAO at Tiger Dojo 28 when Illya tries to take over the Tiger Dojo with a tank and Taiga destroys it in one hit hahahah. Now that I think about it, when Rider said she protected Shirou because her Master said to not let him die, did she actually mean Sakura? Lol. Honestly, with the fact that Sakura being the legitimate successor of the Matou family and being the one who used a Command Spell to order Rider to listen to Shinji making him a pseudo Master, you really gotta wonder how Shinji can be so shameless and disgusting to take Sakura hostage and kick her and harm her all the time when really, he’s only a Master because of her. Hmm, Rider has eyes of petrification and she never used it until this route?! Anyway, Sakura always stops going crazy when she realises that she hurts Shirou so I think everyone should just do that from now on if they want Sakura to stop lol.

I’ve always been a bit unsure of what exactly is wrong with Sakura so it’s nice that Kotomine is explaining things lol. But hmm basically, Zouken placed a crest worm inside of Sakura to monitor her, but since this worm has lived inside her for 11 years, it’s practically become a part of her like a Magic Circuit and has since transformed into her Magic Crest. But when this crest activates, it violates all her nerves and absorbs her magical energy, and since it’s so entrenched within her, it can suck all her magical energy dry and eat her for nutrition if it continues to rampage once activated.. Oh, and the crest activates when Sakura refuses to fight the battles as a Master and tries to abandon it… That’s so cruel.. and I see…Zouken never intended on using her in the war until now because he saw her as the shadow (and thought he could win the war this time)! So in the end, it’s because Shirou cared about her too much in this route that led to this lol. Ooh and I guess that shadow appears because Sakura is already using most of her magical energy to sustain Rider, so that requires the worm to get the energy somewhere else somehow..

Kotomine was right when he told Shirou to leave so he could perform surgery on Sakura to save her (from the attack she used on herself so that she wouldn’t hurt Shirou). All this time, Sakura has been carrying heavy mental burdens being beside Shirou. It was only when she could do simple things like cook with him at his house that she could wish for something like a normal and happy life. Even if it was like a dream, it was a happy dream for her, and she would continue doing that forever if she could. But the truth was, just as being with Shirou brought her an endless amount of happiness, it also brought her pain because she couldn’t help but think that she doesn’t deserve him, especially when she compares herself against others like Saber and Rin. She’s not as strong as Saber and she’s not as fun or witty as Rin, so she feels that she can’t win against them in any area, but regardless, she loves Shirou and wants to be the one with him even if she’s not pure. But at the same time, the fact that she’s not pure (aka a virgin) like the others makes her hesitate, she feels bad that she’s not pure like Shirou, she feels like she can’t stand by him like the others can, she can’t raise her head with pride and fight with them for him, because she doesn’t believe she deserves him, and it’s saddening to think of how terrible of a life she’s had this whole time.

Shirou’s choice between continuing to be a superhero or discarding it to protect Sakura (since as long as she is alive, she will be forced to fight and kill others) is an agonising choice. What Archer said really hit the nail on the head though, all this time, Shirou had lived in order to save as many people as he can, if he chooses to protect Sakura, he’ll be giving up on this belief that makes up what the person “Shirou” is. He’ll be burdened with the fact that he abandoned his belief for one person and will be tormented by that fact for the rest of his life. Not only would his individual guilt destroy him, but the fact that he is abandoning Kiritsugu’s promise would kill him on the inside… But I guess at the same time, Shirou can’t forgive the fact that he was always beside Sakura and yet he knew nothing of the pain she experienced and mentally carried. He was so oblivious to her even though he vowed to be a superhero, he must be thinking about how foolish he was to even dream of being a superhero when all along, he couldn’t even protect one of the closest people to him. And also the fact that he ignored how probable it was that Sakura was involved in all this by believing in Zouken’s words that she wasn’t, just because it was convenient to believe so, since if he doesn’t know, then there’s no reason to fight against her or be wary of her. But now, he’s forced to face the fact that she is Zouken’s puppet and he has to choose what he prioritises most. I didn’t realise how much Illya’s simple gesture of patting Shirou’s head even when he pushed her away (due to the pain of his indecision and regret) could sway me. I legit cried because it was such a touching thing to do for Shirou right now. She knew he was in pain and she knew she couldn’t leave him, all because she wanted to protect him and be his ally since she loves him. It broke my heart to know Illya felt so much for Shirou, she’s such a sweet girl. Illya’s right, huh? If Shirou chooses to persist being a superhero despite sacrificing the people he loves most, he is choosing the same life Kiritsugu followed; one where he threw away all the people he loved to save people he didn’t even know. In the end, regardless of which choice Shirou makes, he will hurt himself. By sacrificing the person he loves now, there is no limit to his sacrifice in the future, because if he has already sacrificed one of the most important people to him now, he won’t allow himself to hesitate to sacrifice anything else that’s precious to him in the future, because that’s the path he’s chosen. And that’s just so terrible, because it really will end up just being that same lonely path Kiritsugu and Archer had walked, a life where you abandon everything and yourself for a dream that is the “right path”… I also find it so saddening that Rin is burdened as the supervisor of this land and it’s people, so she has to harden her heart and kill Sakura to protect them. The Holy Grail War between a Rin and Shirou who have both sacrificed Sakura must be a painful one.

I never realised how much I needed Shirou to choose to protect Sakura instead of persisting in being a superhero until I actually made the choice and went to the Tiger Dojo haha. Although he’s choosing to protect the person he loves, I don’t feel like he’ll be completely abandoning his ideals, because as he said to Sakura before, if she’s doing something bad, he will scold her, and I think in this case, he will with the best of his ability stop her from causing any more harm and he will risk his life to do it, whilst using his life to atone for it if Sakura kills anyone. Ooh, so if Shirou chooses to protect Sakura, Kotomine uses up his Magic Crest (he just used up all the magic that was built up through generations!) to treat Sakura and is able to remove most of the crest worm! I guess he’s really interested in seeing how much suffering Sakura’s existence will cause upon Shirou and Rin lol. Sakura’s loss of magical energy is slowly eroding her sanity?! So that’s where the shadow comes from, huh? She’ll eventually lose all sense of herself due to that loss from the crest worm huh.. You know, with the way things have gone, a lot of people may say it’s cliche, and that even the part where Sakura unleashes all her true feelings and thoughts to Shirou is within reason of what you would expect her to say and him to react to, but I couldn’t help but have my heart crushed by it all. And I think that’s because a lot of it stems from the fact that I’ve read through the other routes. If I didn’t read through the previous two routes, I don’t think Shirou’s dilemma between choosing Sakura and persisting as a superhero would hit me as hard, because if I didn’t see his perseverance and unwavering determination, I wouldn’t truly understand how hard of a decision it was for Shirou to choose Sakura (even if he intends on saving everyone else along with her) because he is carrying the risk that people could die by allowing her to live, and Shirou choosing that shows how much he cares for Sakura and how much he doesn’t want to lose her. For Sakura, this is the first time you ever really get to see her true raw emotions of everything she has felt this whole time, and seeing her cruel past contrasted with how everything was in the beginning, you can really see how the “boring” slice of life parts of her life in each route was really what kept her going this whole time, Shirou gave her hope even if he was oblivious, he gave her happiness in the simplest form she could imagine and hope for, and now seeing Shirou choosing to help keep her simple happiness over everything else really melts my heart because of how much she had suffered all this time by herself. When Shirou said he would be her superhero, it honestly felt bittersweet because it really feels like a very painful compromise of his dream, yet it was also beautiful because it also means that Shirou has finally found something he himself deems to be more important than anything, for once in his life, he’s chosen to be a “normal selfish” person.

It’s kinda cute how awkward they were the morning after they had sex lol. I think the funniest thing was the fact that Rider was there the whole time they were having breakfast hahaha, she didn’t say anything at all so I didn’t notice lol. It’s kinda saddening that Sakura is riddled with competing emotions of not wanting Shirou to be hurt, but also being happy that Shirou is getting hurt for her now since she’s suffered all this time and he was oblivious to her pain. Although she’s leaning more towards being happy that he’s getting hurt for her, I feel like she’s being influenced by the worm and the shadow etc and is being consumed by the darkness into feeling like that. But of course I’m sure it stems from a part of her that feels like that, I just feel like the shadow probably amplifies all those negative emotions. Although I should have expected to see Saber Alter considering what happened to Caster, it was still kinda saddening to see her appear like that. And lol, legit there’s going to a whole army of the Servants as an Alter version with how the mud is consuming them all… Saber Alter looks pretty cool, mainly her armour though, her face looks a bit too…dead? I always hate seeing Archer die😭 Especially when he sacrifices himself to protect Rin. It also seems like he has some sort of regret towards Illya too? Was he not able to save her in other times or something? Anyway, it’s interesting that Archer is able to kinda like “combine” with Shirou and grant him the battle experience etc he had? On the other hand, I really wonder how Shirou is going to react when he realises what the shadow actually is… I find it quite fascinating that they could transplant Archer’s arm to Shirou (since he lost his left arm to the shadow when he protected Illya), and that it doesn’t disappear because now the arm is being supported by Shirou’s magical energy now. Lmao at Illya and Rin arguing about Shirou being their Servant since for Illya, she didn’t kill him the whole time the war was on, and for Rin, Archer gave his arm to Shirou and saved his life so he should take Archer’s place now was pretty funny hahaha. It was hard to pick between the two, but seeing Illya so happy if you pick being “her Servant”, it’s kinda worth it haha.

I’ve never really been interested in Kirei, but it was nice to know that his father called him Kirei because he hoped for him to be beautiful, moralistic and I guess, a good person. And he lived up to those expectations, but never felt anything for doing what he did, so in the end, even though he did “beautiful” things that his father was proud of, he was never really the “beautiful person” he was supposed to be. It’s interesting that he forced himself to continue like that hoping he could understand this beauty through being a priest etc like his father, but I wonder, if Kirei didn’t feel so restrained by being the beautiful person he was supposed to be all his life and instead questioned it when he realised it, would he have turned out the same way? I know he says he finds beauty and interest in other people suffering and all the supposedly “bad” stuff, but I feel like questioning what’s good and bad is a part of life, and I feel like if he actually allowed himself to ponder it more instead of actually doing these “bad things” to see how it affected him, maybe he could have also understood himself better and understood his father’s beliefs better. Now, instead of questioning things, he’s just gone all out to do all the stuff that makes people suffer in order to satisfy himself for all the “happiness” he lacked when he was doing good stuff. I think in a sense, it’s kinda saddening that Kirei never really got the chance to explore himself properly because he was so obsessed about what was so great about doing good imo. I don’t blame Sakura for getting angry at Shirou. It’s like, if it was still before when he wanted to hide the war from Sakura I would understand, but she’s a crucial part to the war now, and it’s obvious that his arm isn’t really his anymore, it’s really disrespectful of him to lie to her that it’s just a bit of an injury, it’ll only make Sakura worry even more and think of herself as even more useless. His kindness will kill her someday honestly lol. I’m glad Shirou reflected on his actions quickly and apologised for prioritising “looking tough” for Sakura rather than her feelings.

Overall, for now, there’s nothing much to say about the fights since they’re really just the shadow eating up everyone lol. As for the emotions though, I’m really liking how Shirou has been dealing with the ups and downs of caring for Sakura and prioritising her. His decision was definitely the highlight of the ten days, but I also really enjoyed seeing how cute and innocent Illya was. Kinda wish she did get her own route haha. Otherwise, things are just building up for now as usual, so nothing much to comment! I’ll still say that although I see why Sakura is the way she is, I honestly still find her a rather lacklustre heroine where I don’t particularly feel anything for her? It’s like, for Saber, I got annoyed sometimes with how stubborn she was, but Shirou was also stubborn so fair enough, and I just really loved Rin because of how cool and great she was etc. But for Sakura, I honestly don’t dislike her or like her because I still feel like she’s more of a trope than a character to me? It feels like she’s there to push Shirou into doing what he needs to do to protect her, but on the other hand, there’s nothing really interesting about her? Maybe that’ll change in the second half though, so we shall see~ Honestly though, I just don’t want to see Rin or Illya die🥺

#fate stay night

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foegold · 4 years

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people be wanting to know about a lil blue bastard. this ones long as hell so its under the cut jsdhfg

Your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

farmer! he’d just keep living the way he’d been living. it’s the sort of life he imagines he’ll return to one day, after he’s seen and done enough. ‘enough’ is a really arbitrary end goal though

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

who in the party wouldn’t he trust with his life tbh. in the most literal sense he’d trust Eli with it just because he knows Eli can bring him back from dying in some stupid and ill-advised way

What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

frogs are good, try to be nice to people but if they’re mean to you first then at least a few bets are off, the rich should probably be eaten. killing is sometimes necessary but maybe try some other stuff first

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

he doesn’t have any siblings, and his relationship with his mom and recently present dad is. a little weird, and not all the way comfortable, and not like really bad, but just confusing? it’s confusing. at least he’s had more transparency from his mom recently than just about any other time. it’s a start

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

he trusts other tieflings a little quicker than other races but its not really saying much because he’s not smart and if you’re good at talking and sound like you know what you’re talking about he’ll just believe you. he doesn’t have the good sense to second think it without prompting

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

so far just about every interaction with nobility has been messy or bad or scary or all three so right now the opinion is “not great”. also thats just too much money. whaddahell would you do with that much money. he’s generally uneasy with authority figures at best, and flat out paralyzed by them at worst. he’s easy to bully when he doesn’t have anyone backing him up and he knows and hates it

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

he cycles through an assortment of sweaters but the one he wears the most is the heart sweater he got in Wunjo that’s been altered a few times in the last few months. he do keep collecting those scars tho, before starting adventuring he had a handful of minor scars just from working around the farm with the animals and the equipment and from romping around in the country. now he’s got all sorts, but the most prominent ones are: the thin scar on the left side of his face, starting just below the eyebrow and curving gently below his eye (the last time Leo would leave a mark on him); the twisted angry scars across his torso from being mauled by a giant undead horse(?); and the fluid, patterned necromancy scars slowly spreading across his back, creeping along inch by inch

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

besides his own house, Roman’s house has been the nicest! its warm and theres soup and friends there. there was a run down little ranch house somewhere at some point, but he’s not so sure anymore that he didn’t just dream about fixing the place up with his best friend

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

he doesn’t have a god he actively worships, but he’s peripherally aware of the god in the mountains that’s responsible for some of the most brutal storms in the region. he doesn’t care much about religion but hes got the same amount of concern most people would have about evil deities and what their followers do

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

probably woodworking! its handy, it’s useful for living out in the country where you have to either make the tools or furniture or fun items to put on a shelf you want, or go out of your way and also spend money to get them. maybe an actual alchemy set and/or poison kit but 1) playing with poison just a fun hobby for him and Xan to get into when they have the time and the plants for it, and 2) man he wouldnt follow the instruction manual anyway so whats the point

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

will his friends be okay? will he be okay? is there an FAQ for tieflings learning that they’re much closer to fiend lineage than they originally thought? that would be convenient and helpful. is john gonna figure out more about the little men named ‘adam’ that’re allegedly everywhere? if he could know one thing about the future, he’d like to know if everything will end out okay. if things will turn out as nice as he’d like them to.

What colors are associated with your character?

looks at the camera like im on the office

blue, white, and black are the big ones but im trying to pepper in a few other colors. reds and yellows are a close second

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

everyone sits squarely in the #1 spot on the rescue list

that aside john and roman are extremely high priority, they’re not the sturdiest and if something looked at them too hard they might keel over. baster and xan come next, he knows baster’s a shit brick house but he keeps seeing bad things happen to her and really hes just had Enough of it. eli’s a little lower priority because they can heal themselves if they’re in a tight spot, and then blu considers himself least concern. he knows he can get thrashed around some and still survive, he’d rather take a beating and know he’ll walk out of it than let someone else take it and wind up dead

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

pathos, it’s easy to make him feel for u. legit any of them work though as long as you talk it up good enough he’ll believe you and if there aren’t any glaring conflicts between what you’re selling him and his base morals then it’s relatively easy to get him on board

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

idk probably something really simple that he put all of .5 of a second of thought into. hes not smart and doesnt have good foresight so he’d probably ask for a frog or smth unless there was something very much more pressing and present

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.?

favorite(?) spell is life transference. it hurts a bit but it keeps his friends safe so it’s worth it. invisibility is up there too, its fun and easy to steal from stores when ur not visible

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

he doesn’t like lying and also lies really poorly. he’s usually just honest from the get-go, its easier and feels better. if he has to lie its through omission, bold faced lies really just dont work

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

all sorts....bro the world is full of animals and lots of them like to be pet

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

he thought he’d grow up and be a farmer like his mom, the adventuring thing was extremely unplanned and impromptu. he hoped he could be a kind and brave person though, the way Canna described his dad.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

random roll says it’s Roman, he’d probably laugh because the only reason that would happen is because the party is fooling around with potions again. Roman’s very married and very in love with his husband and makes sure everyone knows it all the time

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

that doesn’t seem like a very viable circumstance, the only npc thats important enough that he’d listen to for something like that is his mom and she actively encourages him to take care of himself and his friends, and lets him make his own decisions about what he’s doing with his life, so

What unusual talents does your character possess?

idk if its all that unusual of a talent but he got really good at stealing and pickpocketing and he can do a sick flip. also does some black magic sometimes

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

it’s his name, u kno. bluebell is his middle name, but Canna called him bluebell growing up and he latched onto it a lot more than arden, and he thinks its a nice name, and a nice flower, and it sure would be nice if people would stop laughing when he introduces himself as “Blu”,

(blu was originally a stand-in name until i named him something else but it really grew on me and it fit him so! it didnt change, he just got other names too)

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

The Moon. 👀

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

he’s def scared of magic sometimes, especially his own. he also really wants to understand it better though, and be less scared, or at least control it better. imo it’s a healthy fear, theres been lots of magic mishaps

How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

he learned common and infernal from mom! and he’s learning draconic from xan. it’s a nice downtime activity, sit down with ur best friend and homie and learn a new language just for fun

#asks #hohg.....thats a lot of questions lksjflsahfdg #c: blu

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janiedean · 5 years

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hello dearest (not) anon, excuse me if I don’t reply to you directly but as I want to block each single one of you I’ll keep the original so I can lovingly delete it after I’m finished. :)

now, I was this tempted to just delete or troll you, but as y’all have honestly seemed to not realize that you’ve gone overboard and that I didn’t want to get further involved with this dumb shipwar but you’re basically making me go like

so fine, whatever, I’ll address this one because it has all the single dumbest arguments we could have and I kind of want it for safekeeping, so.

point one: starting an ask with you freaks and then complain we don’t complain about jaime calling brienne ugly makes me wonder if you actually re-read your asks before you send them or if you even bother to make sure they’re internally coherent, because sorry but you’re basically saying this entire fandom is made of **freaks** which last I know was not a compliment to anyone’s aesthetic, so you already don’t have ground to stand on;

point two: stupid is actually a universally degrading word when referred to a specific person and used to undermine their intelligence, especially if continuously repeated. now, in *itself* it’s not damning - an argument can be stupid, a discussion can be stupid (I mean I’ve seen people savagely arguing over who had to wash the dishes, that’s a stupid reason to argue with anyone), a law can be stupid (all of italian bureaucracy is definitely a challenge for anyone for one), of course it’s all about how it’s used. for one, if used ironically and not meaning it, as in ‘my stupid son charging against dragons’, it’s not damning either, because wow, wait a moment, every single person who says that also knows that jaime is doing that out of ptsd fight instinct and that there’s nothing funny about it, but as we are people outside the narrative who love the character, we don’t mean it in a demeaning way. obviously charging at a dragon is suicidal, and it’s exactly what he’d have done (probably also in book canon I’ll give them that), but we all know why he did it, and btw dork is nowhere near on the same level as the stupidest lannister, it can be meant positively as well and tbh it’s used way more positively than that - I mean, there’s dorks in love and idiots in love as ao3 tags, no one uses them to insult the people in the ship they’re writing about now, do they? however, the whole thing about ‘the stupidest lannister’ is completely different because it implies cersei, someone jaime trusts implicitly and who’s his sister and, to him, also his lover and his other half - going by your own/their own definition - continuously demeaning his intelligence. now, I don’t think you quite realize how emotional abuse works or how that works, but let me tell you: if people you are that close with or have a fundamental impact in your upbringing (your parents, your siblings, your first teachers etc.) tell you that all the time, you end up believing that. and what comes with it? if you think you’re more stupid then them, then it means that their decisions will be better than yours because you’re too dumb to take them properly and they’re not, and you won’t even start to wonder that maybe they’re wrong and you’re right, and it’s an exceedingly common thing that happens between abusers and their victims, ie convincing them that they’re not smart enough to know what’s good for themselves, and so coming from cersei who also doesn’t want jaime to put two and two together and realize he’s a different person from her and actually, worse, doesn’t even consider the possibility that he might actually not be a different person from her, it’s straight up emotional abuse of the ugliest kind and it has nothing to do with *fans of the character* calling him a dork over his utter lack of smoothness when hitting on people, because we know why he doesn’t know how to hit on people. other than that, in the show they made jaime canonically dyslexic. now, if you even don’t get that calling someone stupid for thirty years will do a great fucking lot of damage to them (I mean, I’ve been told I was snobbish for three years by a teacher I didn’t even particularly admire in my formative years and I still have to finish unpacking the consequence of that shit, I can’t imagine being constantly demeaned by your relatives or people you trust implicitly) I doubt you’ll realize the fucking wrongness depths of the implication that the only lannister with a canon in-show learning disability is *the stupidest lannister* especially when there’s still the stigma about dyslexic people being dumb because *they can’t read* when that’s not true at all and they just need different ways of approaching a text and then they’re good to go and it has nothing to do with how smart or no they aren’t, but I’m going to tell you: it’s ableist as hell, falls under harmful stereotypes about dyslexic people that tv shows should go against, not reinforce and it has really disgusting connotations, so excuse me if I am pressed about it and other people are pressed about it and your opinion belongs in the trash and I really hope you’re not a teacher not are planning to become one;

point three: now we go at how you don’t get at all how those two work and how brienne’s character is structured, but here, let me explain you: a) jaime calls her ugly when they meet and after he loses the hand he only calls her ugly in his head and/or to her face when he’s irritated or she has misunderstood his intentions or he feels hurt by the fact that she misunderstood his intentions (when he gives her oathkeeper in the books), and in the show he stopped mid S3. on the other side, she calls him an oathbreaker and all the worst things she can call him - if you missed it, they insult each other and they start their relationship thinking the worst of the other person, and even with that he spends the entire first chapter of his in asos checking her out but you didn’t notice that I suppose; b) jaime does not call her ugly at all after he punches ronnet connington and in the show again he hasn’t since mid s3, and given that they were supposed to start as enemies and she insulted him right back, I won’t be here being pressed about them trading insults when the entire point of the story is that they stop insulting each other after they get to know each other and get closer to each other, or have you missed that too? c) the fact that he calls her ugly is actually narratively important because let me explain you something that you don’t know because you obv. haven’t read brienne’s chapters: most of the time she remembers being hurt by other men when it comes to her feelings, it’s when she found out they lied to her about her looks. she got her first trauma related to her looks when her septa told her that people who called her pretty were lying, and she got hurt during the bet with hyle and so on because those people were courting her and telling her nice things and then they were all planning on screwing her literally and metaphorically, so if someone went to brienne and told her ‘oh hey you look hot as hell let’s bang!!’, she wouldn’t believe them. let me guarantee you, she wouldn’t. the fact that jaime did not compliment her at all if not going all the way around to do it about her fighting prowess and maskerading it as insults means that he never lied to her about her looks or about anything, and the fact that then he changes and genuinely respects her and trusts in her and gives her THE THING SHE’S WANTED MOST IN HER LIFE ie a sword and a knightly quest and someone actually believing she could be a knight and carry out her vows instead of thinking she was a joke weights a lot more than any insult he might have thrown at her in the past and actually, she can trust him to not make fun of her/she can know for sure he’s not joking exactly because he never had a problem with calling her ugly (which she knows she is according to westeros beauty standards in the beginning) nor to tell her mean things when he thought them, and so since he never lied to her before and she can see that he changed, she has no reason to think he could or would lie to her after, and considering that most of her trauma is tied to having been lied to in that sense... sorry but no, it doesn’t bother me at all because if it’s an enemies to lovers kind of trope I really don’t think I’d expect him to gift her flowers at their first meeting. I mean, *enemies* to *lovers* implies that at the beginning they don’t like each other, or did you forget that words have meanings? also, hairy is not an insult. I suppose that for people who insult other people about the peach fuzz mustache most women have it would be an insult, but let me tell you: it’s not. and given that I’ve seen posts over posts about how it’s an expression of feminism to not shave I really think you haven’t even checked that discourse lately - personally I don’t care for it but like, having body hair is not automatically a crime nor a reason why you’re unattractive. get lost. and like, excuse me if insults traded by people who didn’t know each other and that they both outgrew when they did know each other are nowhere near on the same level of making someone think they’re too fucking stupid to take their own decisions and always have to follow someone else’s lead, and excuse me if I’m way more than mildly worried that anyone in this fandom would look at that stupidest lannister bullshit and actually don’t feel horrified at it.

now, honestly, can y’all just stop with this grasping at straws which happens to also be ableist as hell while pretending to give a fuck about brienne as a character - because you don’t, it’s obvious from how you don’t understand her issues at all - and keep to your own lane or what? because honestly, it’s obvious no one has ever called you ugly in your life and that you never had to deal with anyone demeaning your intelligence because you were most likely too busy demeaning other people’s, but you’ve been at this bullshit since 2013.

didn’t you get bored?\

#jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #jb wank #ableism cw #receipts #only slightly less toxic than chernobyl's ruins #anti-cersei lannister #anti-cersei #anti-lannincest #anti-jaime x cersei #emotional abuse cw #dyslexia mention #sigh #can't y'all be more obvious just DON'T

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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674.

have you ever violated school dress code? >> I wasn’t allowed to wear anything that would have violated any school dress codes, so I have no idea how that would have ever happened.

if you are listening to music, is the singer male / female? >> I’m not listening to music.

what [ if anything ] do you give up for Lent? >> I don’t observe Lent.

what phrase leads your mind directly to the gutter? >> I mean, I can’t think of any on command, but there are plenty I come across online and stuff that make me snicker. I just like wordplay, tbh.

when you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? >> I mean, it’s mostly Can Calah who gives the impassioned arguments in defense of not giving up. I just listen and gripe and wait for his infallible logic to work its magic.

what are your opinions on immigration? >> I don’t have a blanket opinion on immigration. I have no personal issue with individual immigrants, no matter their story. They’re just people to me, who want the same things I want -- to survive, to have their needs met, to make a better life.

would you tell an actual immigrant your views? >> Of course I would, if they were unsure where they stood with me.

what was the subject of the last list you made? >> I don’t remember the last time I made a list.

do you ever get nervous before interviews / important meetings? >> I mean, I would if that was a thing that occurred in my life.

who pays for the majority of your belongings? >> It’s pretty evenly split between me and Sparrow.

would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? >> Of course...?

what is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? >> I mean... that depends on many factors, including what the outfit is for and how much money I have.

is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? >> ---

when was the last time you were embarrassed in public? >> I don’t remember.

have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? >> I mean, maybe a long time ago. Doubtful, though.

the importance of education, rate it from 1-10, 10 as most important? explain your choice to rate it as such? >> I rank formal education rather low on my personal importance scale, but I rank informal, interest-based learning very high on my personal importance scale. I love to learn, but I don’t operate well in school settings and actually end up learning less in those settings.

what is the coolest science experiment you've ever done? >> I haven’t done any cool science experiments. :(

are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? >> No.

how do you deal with a fight between yourself and a friend? >> I don’t know how to deal with that kind of thing anymore.

when you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? >> I haven’t been in this situation in a long time, I don’t know.

have you ever played around with "dry ice"? >> No.

do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? >> Of course they are, if we’re talking literal children (not teenagers). It takes some time for a small human to develop the sense of independent reasoning and reckoning of consequence that would allow them to take full responsibility for their actions.

how do you, personally, define music? >> I never really thought about it, it’s one of those concepts where I basically take my understanding of it for granted.

should the military draft take both men AND women? why / why not? >> That’s not a debate I’m willing to get into. I want nothing to do with a draft and I ideally wouldn’t want anyone else to have to deal with getting drafted, actually.

when was the last time that you corrected someone? >> I don’t remember. It was probably something really minor and not a big deal for either party. --Oh yeah I remember now, it was about why Bourbon Street is named Bourbon Street.

when was the last time you were corrected? >> It was also probably about something minor and nbd. I think the last time might have been when I misspelled “Lolth” because believe it or not, I’ve been doing that since 2009. I always misspell it “Lloth”, it’s just what happens.

when did you last say " i told you so "? >> I don’t remember. I try to avoid saying that unless it’s about something funny/silly.

is there any celebrity you like to " keep up with "? >> Not especially. I mean, there are definitely actors and directors that I pay attention to more than others when they get involved in new things, but I always forget to like, keep regular tabs on them or whatever.

celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? >> Boo.

what is the most life-changing book you have read? >> I couldn’t say. A lot of books I’ve read have had a significant impact on me in some way.

have you had a negative impact on anyone's life? >> Sure.

has anyone had a negative impact on yours? who / why? >> Absolutely. I’m not going to elaborate, the negative impact that others have had on me is both 1) way too lengthy and sensitive to elaborate on and 2) not worth dwelling on right now when I just want to chill and take a survey.

what does marriage mean to you, specifically? >> It means legal recognition of our partnership, which is necessary for things like, say, being each other’s advocates in a medical emergency.

how will you know when you are ready to get married? >> I didn’t bother fretting over whether I was “ready” or not. We’d been living together for a couple of years by the time the topic even came up, it didn’t seem like a weird next step to make.

how much time have you spent contemplating your own death? >> Way more time than is logical, probably.

is there a joke that you just can't stand? >> I mean, probably. There are a lot of insensitive jokes out there.

have you ever read any self-help books? >> Yeah.

what's your take on the obesity problem in america? >> I don’t have a take on it. You know what I do have a take on? The constant social pressure to be thin, and the resultant contagious obsessions with eating the “right” foods, compulsive exercising, and worrying about a number on a scale. Being fat, of all things, shouldn’t be this dramatically frightening or repulsive to people, but that’s what we’re made to believe, and that’s the message we’re all internalising on a daily basis. I’m fucking tired of it. I got enough problems.

what is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? >> I don’t think I’ve ever flipped that hard on anything. There are things I’ve liked casually that I ended up not caring about later on, but nothing that I loved that I started hating later. I might shift from being obsessed with something to just being chill about it, but that’s it.

what is something you used to dislike, but now like? >> I disliked Metallica as a child.

when ( if ) you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? >> I don’t plan on being a parent, but how I treat children in general is almost directly in contrast to how I was treated as a child. I treat them with respect, I listen to what they have to say, I let them feel their feelings, I show interest in their interests, etc.

do you equate spanking with physical abuse? would you spank a child? >> Let’s just say that I did not ever feel loved or respected when I was spanked. I felt terrified and shameful and being left alone to self-soothe afterwards with no real understanding of why I was being punished so harshly definitely didn’t help. I don’t feel like my understanding of right and wrong was healthily developed by corporal punishment. I don’t see any benefit to it, but I see a lot of harm. So, no. I would not spank a child.

what's the most ridiculous thing you've done this week? >> I have no idea. I don’t think I’ve done anything especially ridiculous?

--- did you regret it / love it / hate it / want to do it again / etc? >> ---

is emotional cheating ( in a relationship ) as bad as physically cheating? >> I have no opinion on this, it’s irrelevant to my life.

if your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? >> ---

when you look at the sunset, what do you think about / feel? >> I mean, it all depends, don’t it? I don’t have the exact same thought every time I look at something.

is there someone you wish you could trust / you wish was trustworthy? >> No. I just wish I didn’t have such overdeveloped trust issues.

is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? who / why? >> Well, yeah, and those people are, therefore, no longer in my life.

how has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? >> I’m not sure, I haven’t really kept track.

have you ever walked out of a boring movie ( in theaters )? >> No. I did want to walk out of Infinity War, though. Not because it was boring, but because it was pissing me off. (Also, that was back when Anthony was still around, and he wanted to walk out too.)

how open are you with people you know online? >> It depends on how I know them, what we have in common, how long I’ve known them and to what degree, etc.

what do you think of athletes that take steroids? >> I don’t think about that.

if a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to effect how you view him/her & his/her work? >> Not really. I barely notice when scandals like that happen, anyway. It also seems like most scandals are just sensationalised overhyped nonsense to get people talking about whoever it is, for publicity, and has nothing to do with, like, the merits of the performer’s art or whatever.

what is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? >> ---

what is one fashion trend that you hope makes a comeback? >> ---

what is one that you wish would just die out already? >> ---

have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol / drugs? >> I don’t drive, period.

are you overly attached to your material possessions? >> No. I can be a bit under-attached, in fact. I’ll throw a thing away in a heartbeat. (This doesn’t apply to like, electronics, or any other expensive thing that I use on a constant basis. But like, t-shirts, books, toys, novelty items, other shit that ends up just taking up space and collecting dust? Bye.)

have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? >> Not since I was a teenager, most likely.

living in poverty: what do you think it'd be like? >> I... I have lived in poverty. Poverty is my default state of existence. I don’t really know what to tell you about “what it’s like”. What’s it like to not be poor?

what is one " diet " that you think is just utterly worthless? >> All of them are worthless to me.

what advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body / appearance? >> I wouldn’t give them advice. Advice is what the entire world is going to try to give them. I’d imagine they’d be tired of advice (unless they’re specifically asking me for it, I guess). But I’ll always have a “mood” or “I know that feel” to offer, because... yeah. Same. The shit sucks and there’s no easy way out of it.

what advice would you give someone about to start high school? >> I don’t even want to think about that phase of life, I’ll pass.

what foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? >> *shrug*

what foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? >> I mean, I don’t know. USian attitudes towards and assumptions about a lot of countries are... misinformed at best.

have you ever felt entirely unwanted and alone? >> Yeah.

in your eyes, which is worse: rape or murder? >> Nope, don’t care.

do you understand / read shakespeare? >> I have never been able to grok Shakespeare, and I’m not interested enough to keep trying.

would you feel comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? >> Most likely not. Luckily, that’s not likely to happen.

do you know anyone that lives in a foreign country? >> I mean, yeah, I use the internet.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #266

“... and buried deep beneath the waves, betrayed by family, to his nation with his last breath cried: beware the daughter of the sea.”

What's the last thing you looked up in the dictionary? Shit, it's right on the tip of my tongue... I was making sure I was using it right, which I was. Do you ever listen to instrumental music? Rarely, and if I do, it's normally game soundtracks. Who did you last sit on? I'm hoping you mean like... on their lap lmao in which case it'd probably be Jason. No one wants my fat ass to sit on their lap nowadays. What do you think about wind? I HATE wind, unless it's hot and there's a nice breeze. Has there been anyone that you wanted to get to know but never did? Well of course. That happened in high school a lot. What's the last thing you looked at that reminded you of someone? Teddy's picture on my shelf. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Not that I know of. I couldn't even begin to imagine either of those trying that. Do you have a gag reflex? A VERY STRONG ONE. Would you rather have sex before you're married or wait till marriage? I don't care. Tbh by now, I kinda think before is wiser only to ensure you two are compatible in that area. It wouldn't matter to me personally, but I know that's important to some people and can cause issues and built-up bitterness. Just use protection, Christ. Have you ever let someone hit you? Um no? Do you have friends in other states/countries? Plenty. Been on the Internet since before I was even a pre-teen, talking to strangers lmao. Do you ever pay attention during church? I would try to back then, but I never succeeded well because my mind would wander out of boredom. Do you have self-control? That very much depends on the situation. I can be EXTREMELY impulsive, but in other cases hold it together. Have you ever broken a window? No. When was the last time you freaked someone out? I'm sure it was a few nights ago when I had another nightmare and woke up screaming. Mom always yells my name to snap me out of it. Have you ever gone on a date with a weirdo? No. Who's the last person you called a bitch? I don’t know. Is anyone in your family disabled? Yes. What do you want for Christmas? It's hella early to think about it, but I'm quite certain I'll be asking for a treadmill. How many moles do you have? I don't think I have any? Aren't freckles and moles different? Do you own any comic books? No. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I don't know. I never did really nasty ones because I wasn't stupid. Do you know anyone who has been raped? Almost, anyway. Idk if I know anyone to really has been... I hope not. Are you an atheist? No. I think there's... something. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Well yeah, from like, carnival games and stuff. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? I dunno, probably a family member when I changed my FB profile picture. How many times have you been stung by a bee? Once. Those fuckin hornets better stay the holy fuck away from me. What was the last flavor of gum you chewed? Probably something fruity. When was the last time you used tape? Ummm probably when I had to tape the side of my laptop screen a bit. When was the last time you said fuck? A couple questions ago in this survey lmao. Have you ever stolen something? Only this pink crayon I thought was beautiful at Sunday school oof. Who would you like to kiss right now? Maaaan there's three people I would so long I wasn't involved with anyone else. Mark of course lol, Jason, or Sara. Who was the last person you told to 'Shut the fuck up' to? Ha ha, probably playfully to Sara. Why were you last nervous? So I joined this group on deviantART called the Guiding Light Project, which is about mental health help and positivity, and there is a list of people seeking help and what their problem is. I decided to reach out to two people I really thought I could help, and one was a guy. Men make me so nervous that I was very nervous sending him a message, but it's going very well. Whose pants did you last take off? Uhhhh. OH YEAH HEY when I was hanging out with Colleen and she got me to change her son's diaper. Hate hate hate hated it. I do not ever need kids. When was the last time you were disturbed? Hm. I'm sure over something I saw on Facebook. NO, WAIT. Sara, do not read this. When I was at Ashley's, we were watching Naked and Afraid, and they caught a chameleon to cook for food. I almost screamed. Poor thing looked terrified when the guy grabbed him. Why did you last feel awkward? Also when messaging that guy. When was the last time you got in a fight with your best friend? It's been a long time. Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Only a friend. Who was the last person you read a book to? My niece had me read a book like fifty times. Who is the person you say the naughtiest things to? Ha ha, Sara when we're having our stupid fangirl moments. Who was the last person to send you a letter? Sara. It's still on my shelf. :') How do you feel about war? I’m a pacifist, so guess. Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? Hm, maybe cupcakes. Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you have any tough life decisions to make soon? Nothing major. At what time of the day do you usually have the most energy? In the morning, once I've passed the drowsy phase. Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral. Do you like the color orchid? Ye! Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? Uhhh I literally want to be both? I'm *realistically* more interested in shooting weddings for the income, but if I had my way, I'd be perfectly financially content being a nature photographer. Man, I hope that happens. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Are you interested in health and wellness? "Rather than interests, I consider them two very important things I should always try to pay attention to. Health is very important." <<<< This. Would you ever be a fitness coach? HA no. Do you ever question whether something that makes you uncomfortable is a good thing or not? That's a very good question. This can definitely lead to you questioning flawed morals, so in that sense, it sure can be. In other ways though, it can certainly be a bad thing. Do you think for yourself? Yes. I am, generally, very opinionated and follow my gut instinct. Do you live life on your own terms, or do you do what everyone tells you to do? The former, usually. I can be AWFUL at making decisions though, so I definitely consider advice. What color is your bike? I don't have a bike. Are you due for a hike? There is physically no way I could handle a hike in my current shape. Muscle atrophy in the legs is not fuckin' fun, and with hyperhidrosis and THIS heat? Oh, hunny. Have you ever created a themed scrapbook? As a kid, I fainty remember having one? How often do you eat dessert? Very rarely. I don't need it. What's the trendiest item you own? Oh boy, I don't have a clue. I don't even know what's "trendy." Did you pull an all-nighter last night? No. When was the last time you wrote an essay? My first semester of this year. Do you enjoy writing essays? I actually do if it's a subject I'm passionate about. Do you enjoy learning? Yeah! What is your favorite fairytale? Fuckin fight me if you say Shrek isn't one. What is your favorite name that starts with a "Z"? I have no idea. Maybe Zena, though I prefer it with an "x." Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school? Yes. I have before. Do you own a princess crown? No. When was the last time you were jealous of someone? Ugh... with how bad my PTSD has been lately, I've been having periodic episodes of raging hate and jealousy of the girl he dated after me, thinking things like, "what if he loved her more," "what if he also told her this or that," etc. They're not even together anymore, but my brain doesn't care. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? Maybe? What was the last thing you killed? I think an earwig-ish thing. Whose number did you last get? The girl's who adopted Bentley. When was the last time you used a public bathroom? Probably not since an appointment with my psychiatrist some time ago. Have you ever used someone for money? Wow, no. Do you have manners? I honestly think I have great manners. Have you ever woken up and realized that yesterday really happened? That was ABSOLUTELY the day after the breakup. It didn't at all feel real when it was even happening. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? Last November is when we had to put Teddy to sleep. God, I miss that baby boy. Or did Mitsu die later? I don't recall for sure. Do you know anyone who retired at a young age? I mean, probably. I'm just unaware. When was the last time you took a taxi/Uber? Where were you going? Never, actually. We don't really have those here. Have you ever been diagnosed (by a professional) with OCD? Yes. Do you know any married gay couples? Distantly. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? SARA! I feel like kids having a sleepover when I've been with her. Is there anything you should tell someone, but don’t want to? Yes. Have you ever woken up somewhere and not known how you got there? I don't believe so. Do you live somewhere where recreational marijuana is legal? No. Have you ever quit a job with no notice? No. Do you have nightmares often? HA, it's just about a nightly basis now. Have you ever been on any sort of government assistance? I've gotten loans for school and stuff. Does that count? Did you have your own bedroom when you were growing up? No, I shared it with my little sister. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic. Are you comfortable with your weight? Fuck no. How often do you listen to classic rock? Semi-frequently. Not as much as I did in high school. What about country? Just about never ever. Do you know anyone inside and out? I don't think that's possible. Is anyone in your family sick? Both Mom and Grammy are fighting cancer right now. I don't think my grandma has much time left. She can't walk on her own anymore. What kind of camera do you have? A Canon EOS Rebel T6. What is something you know you shouldn’t do, but do anyways? Download music. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Idk. Is photography one of your interests? Of course, I aim to make a career out of it. Do you know your neighbors very well? I personally don't. The person to the right of us, though, my mom knows decently and is a total and complete sweetheart. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? "Kind of (I hurt myself for my own purposes, but I did want attention paid to it), when I was a teenager, because I desperately needed someone to treat me with compassion and, like, take the shit that was happening to me seriously." <<<< I don't like admitting this, but it's happened. I want to emphasize that it was not the primary reason and was rather impulsive anger and self-hate, BUT for the mentioned reasons, I did want this shit taken seriously and realize I really needed help. Has anyone ever called you conceited? No. Do you write ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Certainly. Not like I used to, though. Who were you last really mad at? REALLY mad? I'm not sure, but probably Mom. What is a sad song that you like? "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has been in my head lately. What is a rumor people tell about you? I don't know of any. The only rumor that I know has ever been spread about me was that Jason and I had a baby in high school. Despite the fact I was slim then lmao. If you were given 1,000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would you do with it? Definitely plant a forest around a house I'd like to model myself, dig a nice pond for more wildlife... a lot of stuff that would benefit nature. If you had to flee their home country, where would you live? Canada. Do you think psychic abilities exist? Which one would you like to have? No. I'd like to uhhhh... predict the future when I will it myself, I guess. What’s a skill or craft that you would like to master, but haven’t? I wish I could draw exactly what I see in my head. How did you find out Santa isn’t real? My mom just told me. What’s a personality trait that you wish you had? CONFIDENCE!!!!!!! Do you believe in getting revenge on those who do wrong by you? If so, how do you go about it? Noooo no no. That creates so many more problems. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family think you’d had done? That's a great question. If you could shop for free at one store, what would it be? For the sake of being smart, Wal-Mart. Necessities are there. Do you have any pets? If so, what are they? I have a Siamese-esque cat and a champagne ball python. I'm currently DESPERATELY trying to talk Mom into a Mexican red knee tarantula... and I really want a hognose snake. What event in your life would make a good movie? The breakup and my recovery. If you could dedicate your life to solving one problem, what would it be? Discrimination. Where do you find meaning in your life? Quite honestly, I don't feel it has much meaning currently. I'm not doing shit worthwhile. Do you believe things happen for a reason? Hell no. What do you think is a conspiracy? Honestly, I believe in quite a few. The one I believe in most was that the government was 120% involved in 911. Research. It is unbelievable. I'm very dubious that the "first" moon landing was real, either. There is an overwhelming amount of evidence it was on a soundstage. Why? America wanted to beat Russia in the space race. I love conspiracies. Do you believe in the afterlife? How do you picture it? Yes. I don't quite know how I picture it, but I lean towards like... this nirvanic state of peace and knowledge, and unity between the dead. What’s a superstition you believe in? I don’t believe in any superstitions. None. What is the dumbest way you’ve ever been injured? YOOOOOO when I was at Colleen's in-law's having dinner once, I literally took a large bite of rice RIGHT WHEN IT CAME OFF THE STOVE. I didn't know it'd only just been removed. My tongue was burned for weeks on end. Do you mind conflict? Hell yes I mind. I'm terrified of confrontation. If you could start a charity what would it be for? Something with mental health. Maybe to help those who can't afford help/therapy. If you were a cryptid (bigfoot, mothman, ect.) what would you be? I'm already a cryptid. What’s your ideal temperature and weather? Hm... like 55 and partly cloudy. What topic could you give a 20-minute presentation on with no preparation? Gay rights. Have you ever worn those drunk goggles? Yes, for D.A.R.E. in elementary school. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the subject of course, but I'm normally very good at agreeing to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal fucking cruelty. Dumbasses getting gored are well-deserved. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Lita Ford is a badass. Slays on the guitar and is just cool. What color of roses do you find the prettiest? I actually like the classic, deep red. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? I don't think so. Why do so many fans with OTP’s insist that their ship is real? I don't really know, but it's annoying. Some people are just friends, y'know. Being similar/compatible does not equate to actually liking each other like that, and the feral ones are just... wow. Do you draw fanart of anything? Not anymore. There's soooo many pictures I'd love to draw of Mark, but I literally love him so much I don't want to disgrace his face with my poor ability to make shit proportional lmao. Favorite thing to see in museums? Fossils! Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No. What things have people shamed you for? My AvPD doesn't want me to think about this. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? Probably at some point. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Do you watch The Masked Singer? Any theories? No.

#survey #surveys #questions

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bthump · 5 years

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What is your favorite, most dark/twisted griffguts scenario/hc/au or whatever?

dark and twisted eh? lol this is a question and a half. advance warning for a mention of consent issues.

This is a fic idea I’ve considered writing but gave up on pretty quickly bc I didn’t think I could do it justice lol. And also I never finish anything and this is a novel’s worth of material.

AU where the behelit is an ordinary apostle behelit, and also Guts’ instead of Griffith’s. It opens at pretty much the exact same time, after the rescue, when Guts sees Griffith attempt suicide and it hits him that it’s all his fault. He destroyed Griffith and there’s no way to fix this, no one to kill to make it better, he threw away the only thing he’s ever wanted.

So the Raiders followed him down to the lake, Casca and the rest of the Hawks stayed behind, and the behelit opens. Guts ends up sacrificing the Raiders for ~the power to fix his mistake~ and becomes a monster with magic healing abilities. Because I figure that if you’re not sacrificing the person you actually love most, then you need to compensate with quantity lol, and after all the Raiders were the example, alongside Griffith, of “the place [Guts] belonged,” which should count for something.

So the result of this is you got Beast of Darkness Guts who is basically fixated on Griffith. You got a Griffith who spent a year of torture thinking about Guts and realizing he’s desperately in love with him and is thus fixated on Guts. He’s also fully healed and has a super powerful monster under his command so he’s obligated to go back to pursuing his dream in some form or another.

The situation is Griffith as an unstoppable warlord leading an army that grows and grows as dissatisfied peasants join him and others see the way the wind is blowing and join him to back the right horse, and strikes fear into the hearts of nobility until he eventually takes Midland by force (which is doable bc it’s weakened by a century long war and also an insane king). He’s embracing his “cruelty” and doing whatever it takes to attain his dream which means stuff like executing nobles and whatever to send a message and strike first with fear and intimidation. He’s more distanced from the Hawks than he was pre-torture. His image is scary and ruthless and powerful.

On the flipside he’s super traumatized and emotionally vulnerable, like lbr he’s got complex ptsd and he’s devastatingly emotionally reliant on an apostle boyfriend which in no way helps, not to mention the issues he already had pre-torture like guit and self-loathing. And the whole point is that contrast. Like Griffith ordering fortresses to be burnt and razed to the ground vs Griffith being unable to sit too close to a campfire because sometimes the radiating heat gives him panic attacks. Griffith fighting effectively at the head of an army vs Griffith losing his grasp on the present in the dark and forgetting he’s not in a torture chamber. Part of why Griffith is more removed from the Hawks now is to keep these vulnerabilities hidden.

And wrt Guts and ~dark and twisted~ griffguts content, Griffith commanding a literal monster in battle vs Griffith, eg, never once saying “no” to him in bed bc he’s low key afraid Guts wouldn’t stop, both due to his own trauma and Guts being monstery, and he’d rather just never let that situation come up. Like, loving and needing Guts but being afraid of him after the apostle transformation, and denying that fear to himself. And it could vary. Sometimes being with Guts would be perfect, everything he wants, emotional and physical fulfillment, and sometimes it would pretty much be a form of self-harm. Sometimes he would crave sex and sometimes it would trigger him. Sometimes everything at once. That kind of thing.

And like lbr we’ve seen his inner darkness, Guts as an apostle would be a nightmare. He wouldn’t care about anyone except Griffith, possibly to the point of low key being a threat to the rest of the Hawks, and he’d be extremely possessive and needy. I don’t think he’d be like, completely out of control like the armour makes him, but I feel like his judgement would be shot, his impulse control would be shot, he’d have way more casual asshole tendencies a la Black Swordsman Guts (or even his imo insufferable cockiness post-vacation). He’d still have that eagerness to please wrt Griffith tho, so he wouldn’t be completely beyond Griffith’s control. He’d obey orders, at least to the same extent he did as an ordinary human lol, and he wouldn’t do anything to threaten Griffith’s image, his control and leadership over the rest of the Hawks, like insubordination or w/e. He likes the idea of Griffith being feared, and of being the only one (give or take Casca, probably) to see the vulnerable side of him. And he likes the idea of Griffith needing him to achieve his dream as well as needing him emotionally.

Like, in chapter 71 Guts basically realized that his desire to become Griffith’s equal by finding a dream of his own was stupid and doomed from the start, so I don’t think Griffith pursuing his dream again while he has no goals himself would bother him because now he knows how important he is to Griffith. And also I imagine post-torture Griffith would be willing and able to tell him that he values him over the dream. Even shares that it feels like an obligation to him. Like after that torture chamber monologue it’s easy to see him being more emotionally forthcoming with Guts, more revealing, more self-aware, at least in some ways.

They would both relish the sheer intensity of the others’ feelings for him, but Griffith would be afraid of his own feelings, how vulnerable they make him, and he’d be afraid of Guts’ literal monstrosity, both rationally because he’s a big undefeatable obsessive monster, and irrationally because apostles instill instinctive fear in humans. (That instinctive fear as symbolic of Griffith’s intense life-ruining feelings esp post-torture might be interesting tbh.) Guts would be afraid of Griffith hating him or growing indifferent, but as an apostle that would manifest in clinginess and possessiveness and a constant craving for proof of Griffith’s feelings. And for Griffith’s part he could take advantage of that in manipulative ways. Like I love the idea of an intense toxic relationship where the life-ruining feelings between them are occasionally weaponized by both.

Oh and you also got Griffith’s self loathing and guilt, and the knowledge that Guts became a monster entirely because of him, to help him, plus he rescued and healed him, and so he’d also be torn between feeling like he doesn’t deserve Guts, and feeling like he deserves Guts but in a penitent way, esp if he feels responsible for his monsterism, which he would whether that’s rational or not. Plus also feeling like Guts, as a monster who sacrificed a bunch of his friends to become one and now wreaks havoc in battle, is the only person who can understand him. “Do you think I’m cruel?” “What kind of question is that for the guy who killed a hundred men?” writ large. All the emotional dysfunctionality implied in that exchange taken to 100.

Griffith getting more ruthless and fucked up and taking comfort in a fucked up relationship with a literal monster as he pursues his dream. “You’re rough enough to share this with to the end.” Griffith in part relishing Guts’ monstrosity because it means they’re in this together. They’ll be together because who else would want them? Like a dark contrast to a happy Golden Age AU where Guts tells Griffith how he really sees him and it’s a step towards emotional healing and self love and whatever, this would be Griffith hating himself and being comforted by the thought that Guts is down in the dark with him. Dragging each other down instead of lifting each other up, yk.

(Guts tells Griffith he doesn’t regret it. This applies to both becoming a monster for Griffith’s sake, and leaving in the first place and all the destruction that caused, since it eventually led to both of them getting everything they’ve ever wanted. A kingdom, the Hawks, each other, everything worked out perfectly. Right?)

Also you have Casca and the rest of the Hawks for that excellent outsider/disturbed onlooker pov. Casca’s got her close relationship with both as well as her protectiveness of Griffith. Judeau’s got his detached perceptive observation. Corkus has his outrage and resentment. All good potential perspectives on this imo. Like eg imagine Corkus sowing discord by pointing out that they have no reason to trust Guts esp now that he’s a literal monster since he’s not even a Hawk after abandoning them, and they can’t even trust Griffith to keep him in line because lbr Griffith already fucked them all over once because of Guts.

Idk how it would end though. Something fucked up. Like say Griffith achieves the dream, settles into ruling, the realization that he only hates himself more than ever eventually creeps up on him, and he ends up goading Guts into killing him, like an impulsive and somewhat subconscious act of suicide. Guts becomes Zodd 2.0, wandering battlefields, looking for someone strong enough to take him out. Or maybe just living miserably ever after as Griff sets his sights on an empire (bc he can’t stop, bc as soon as he stops that’s akin to declaring that this end is worth all the deaths and pain and etc on the road to it, and nothing’s actually worth that, so he’s trapped and it sucks) would be a nice anticlimactic ending. Yk, something depressing.

Like overall it would be a giant trainwreck with extreme contrasts wrt power dynamics and emotions, which is basically my favourite kind of thing. Like there are definitely way more straightfoward ways to get dark and edgy griffguts lmao, like about a million post-Eclipse scenarios, but still it’s probably my favourite of the darker ideas I’ve had.

I just love the idea of post-torture Griffith + apostle Guts lol they’d be like the epitome of dysfunctional yet inseparable, and it’s a great starting point for compounding all of Griffith’s canon issues and exploring them.

#Anonymous #ask #headcanons #b #ty for asking i enjoy these opportunities to ramble about dumb au ideas and stuff #canon divergence

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dalek-in-heels · 5 years

Text

Hi hello, I have Feelings about some (not all!) of the ways I’ve seen bisexuality and polyamory discussed in Magicians fandom recently, mainly in the context of how queerness is represented in the show / speculating about what’s next. Queerness and polyam are two things that are near and dear to my own lived experiences, so I want to put my voice out there. This turned into a 2k word jumble, but as always I am open to discussion around any of it! My opinions/experiences, not law, I like hearing other viewpoints, etc etc. <3

tl;dr 1) I think it makes narrative sense why Quentin hasn’t explicitly confessed his love for Eliot to his friends yet.

2) I think it’s canon that Quentin and Eliot are each unique representations of people whose bisexuality/queerness/no-label-sexual-fluidity manifests in different ways.

3) I think it’s canon that there is polyamory in A Life in the Day.

—

First, I want to make clear that, after literally decades in fandoms that queerbait (or not even that), I feel passionately about the writers finally giving us more explicit queer love stories. Like, viscerally anxiously needing some emotional resolution for Queliot. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this invested in a ship before tbh.

That said, I won’t be mad about how Quentin & Eliot’s arc has been represented so far, as long as it does continue to develop going forward. Like, if it’s not explicitly addressed at all the rest of this season? That’s an issue. But if it’s only addressed again, like, tonight or even just in the finale, and leaves open the potential for more development in season five while Eliot is actually not possessed? I can see narrative reasons for why that works better.

In large part because of Quentin’s motivations this season. This is key: They are telling a story about a man who has been suppressing his feelings for the man he loves, who he thinks doesn’t love him back, and who is currently possessed by a monster. Quentin’s cautious. He’s depressed. He’s not going around making declarations, precisely because this is a very different love story than the ones we’ve seen between any of the other couples. Not only because they’re two men, but in large part because one of those men is possessed.

Don’t get me wrong (ha)—I am 100% in the camp of people who want Quentin to make some sort of confession despite all of this, and I definitely daydream about there being some sort of extra footage from their 50 years that we’ve never seen. But also? Story-wise? I get why it hasn’t happened yet: The more things that are out there in the open for the Monster to use against Quentin—and against Eliot’s body—the more damage can be done.

I think that’s one of the things that’s so powerful about that scene in 4x06, when the Monster asks, Why do you care about him so much? and Quentin simply says, Because I do. Yes, we know from Eliot’s memory that it’s because Quentin loves him, but like can you imagine Quentin admitting that to the Monster? What shit the Monster would pull with that knowledge?? It’d be horrible. Quentin knows better. He’s keeping details as close to the chest as possible for a damn reason.

—

Which brings me to Quentin’s bisexuality: I don’t think him not talking openly about his feelings for Eliot erases his bisexuality. Yes, arguably he could have a conversation with Julia or Alice or whomever about it, but what purpose would that serve? Him just feeling even worse admitting out loud that he’s trying to save the person he loves who doesn’t even love him back? Much easier to contain if you don’t say it out loud.

One of the things I’ve really loved about Quentin actually is that his bisexuality is a version that’s relatable to me on a personal level. Quentin is a queer man who has mostly dated women (as far as we can tell in canon). I’m a cis woman who has, largely due to circumstance, mostly dated men, despite coming out as bi 17 years ago. There were also long stretches of time where I didn’t date anyone. None of this has made me less queer/bisexual. My sexuality is an undeniable aspect of me, but also, I pass as straight. A lot. Which is frustrating because I never want to pass as straight in straight spaces or queer spaces, but it’s a super common experience for a lot of us. I’ve known so many women who pass, many of us because we date men, and therefore people don’t see our sexuality as valid since it’s ~ not in practice. It is a part of us; it doesn’t matter what we practice or not.

Quentin is bisexual—or whatever label we as fans want to put on it, but he is not straight. He has had queer experiences and expressed queer feelings. That is canon. Honestly, one of the reasons why I’m drawn to him as a queer character is because he hasn’t put a label on it in canon. They are telling the story of a character whose sexuality is not heterosexual, and it is not the most important thing about him. That is valid. That is the underrepresented experience of many of us, and it is satisfying to see someone represented on television who has experiences with people of different and similar genders, and that is not the core of the relationship conflict. He knows who he is. As Jason has put it before, it’s the one thing Quentin isn’t anxious about. I feel that.

But okay, back to trusting if the writers will represent Queliot or not going forward? I think it’s important to remember that this show has always been pretty fluid sexually, so the writers driving down this route with two of their male leads is, while new ground, not an absurd expectation. On a less queer show, I’d be less trusting of how they’ll handle it, but I feel like out of any writers I’ve loved, these might be the ones who get it on some level? Yes, there are still majority heteronormative things going on, but this is not the first queer relationship we’ve seen on the show: We’ve seen Eliot with randos, we’ve seen Eliot with Mike, with Idri—and with Quentin.

Which, while we’re on that—Eliot’s queerness? Should also not be erased. He is not gay. He is somewhere on a fluid queer spectrum. That’s literally canon, so any hand-waving away of that is erasing it. Sexuality is just so much more complex than that, and I think it’s simplistic to say otherwise. There are people who see themselves in Eliot’s version of queerness (mostly men, sometimes women), just the same way so many people see themselves in Quentin’s version of queerness (mostly women, sometimes men). We deserve more explicit text of their past relationship and Quentin’s current feelings, eventually, but tbh I still think how it’s being portrayed is valid and has made sense within the larger narrative so far.

—

Okay, now I really need to talk about how polyamory is portrayed on the show.

I’m not sure how many people active in this fandom are polyamorous or not (please feel free to give me a shout if you are? I’d love to make more polyam friends here), so extremely bare bones crash course here, since it is an often misunderstood, underrepresented, and stigmatized relationship model:

Polyamory is a relationship model that can take many forms (not necessarily marriage, not necessarily hierarchical), and is always rooted in consent, open communication, and building trust between all partners and metamours (your partner’s partners) in a polycule. All polyamorous arrangements and other versions of non-monogamy are consensual—if they’re not, then quite frankly it’s not polyamory; it’s cheating or, at the very least, pretty dang toxic.

For many of us, polyamory tends to be an alternative to the monogamous “relationship escalator”—instead of every relationship we form having the expectation that it’ll lead to marriage (and/or moving in together, having kids, etc), we choose to explore all the different types of relationships that can form organically in our lives: maybe a long-term partner or two, more partners who are casual but no less cared for and respected, etc. Or there’s solo polyamory, where your primary commitment is to yourself, but you have open consensual relationships with multiple other people, short-term or long-term. There are literally endless other possibilities.

As for how this relates to Quentin & Eliot’s time at the Mosaic: I’ve seen the argument that it couldn’t have been a happy polyamorous thing if only Quentin had two partners. I don’t buy that. Sure, it’s common for there to be relationships where two people each have another partner or multiple partners, but that is not the one right way that polyamory is done or that people who practice it can be happy with.

I personally have been practicing polyamory for several years, and there have been long stretches of time where I simply haven’t wanted to be with anyone else besides my primary partner, even when he has had other partners, and vice versa, and I have still lived my damn life with love. Yes there has been jealousy and insecurity to varying degrees, but there is a lot of support to identify their roots and actively work through them, and face fears. “Love isn’t zero sum” is a phrase thrown around a lot in polyamory literature, but it’s true: The partner who’s only with one person isn’t somehow getting less love. They have their partnership, they have a rich, full life outside of any romantic/sexual relationships, and they have the freedom to be open to other relationships should the opportunities come along.

So, anyway, back to the Magicians: Do I care if the writers intended to show a version of polyamory on the screen in 3x05? Not really. Because what happened anyway, is they did.

I don’t think the writers would or even could get away with representing an explicitly polyamorous relationship, mainly because that is still pretty damn stigmatized and rarely out in mainstream culture. But I do think that they did what they could to make Quentin and Eliot be able to build a family together, which I think was a key part of their narrative. How else would they have shown Quentin and Eliot having a kid in that context? In the space of a highlights montage? I’m not saying Arielle was a fully formed character either, or that she wasn’t a pawn of some sort, but I don’t think she was a pawn to somehow prove Quentin and Eliot had any less real of a relationship. I think if she was a pawn, it was so that they could raise a kid together and have a family. (Which isn’t great, but that’s a whole other issue, not a queer erasure issue.)

My personal headcanon for the 3x05 timeline is that Quentin, Eliot, and Arielle had a polycule that was basically Quentin/Arielle and Quentin/Eliot, with Eliot and Arielle as metamours, who also have some level of romance and maybe the occasional sexual relationship. In my headcanon, they were all happy together, raising a kid together, growing up and out of the insecurities and fears that Quentin & Eliot had back in the present-day timeline. Like, I can’t picture a 25 year old having the exact same hang-ups as a 35 to 75 year old, you know? People grow up. They settle into themselves.

I think that kind of happiness is inherent in how Quentin and Eliot talk about it when they come back: it was sort of beautiful, we worked, who gets that kind of proof of concept. So why would Eliot turn down Quentin when they get back, if that life was so good? I think it’s because wow that is a lot to live up to, when he knows they are not the same people now as who they’d turned into in that timeline. They have those memories and some of that wisdom, sure, but also they are the same people they were back in the future. Eliot doesn’t trust Quentin would choose him in this context, so he runs from things he’s afraid of fucking up or not living up to.

Whatever they are or will become now, I really think that the polyamory in that other timeline was real though. Even though nobody was boning or making out, there was a family of people raising a child together. There were people spending their lives together. It’s not as much representation as we (queer people, polyamorous people) deserve, but it’s not erased either. We focus a lot on the fact that Eliot, upon return, brought up You had a wife. But quickly following that was And we had a family. That’s not nothing.

I think I’ll just end on that note. This is already so long. Let’s see what happens tonight!! [screams into the void]

#polyamory #bisexuality #queer representation #queliot #the magicians #magicians meta #quentin coldwater #eliot waugh #arielle #oh god i've never posted meta this long i hope i don't die

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jiwontiddy · 6 years

Text

100 Reasons to love Kim Hanbin (iKON B.I)

1. had a mental breakdown during mix&match and ran away to go to Busan but he didn't have enough money so he ended up at a park and stayed there until yg staff members picked him up (plus yunhyeong had a mental breakdown too and started crying because of him)

2. I just wanted to escape from all of this

3. did mix&match while doing smtm3

4. loves his little sister so much

5. he said when hanbyul was born every single day of my life was filled with happiness

6. made his mother a bouquet of flowers for parents' day and decorated it with money bills lmao

7. learned how to professionally arrange flowers (we love boyfriend hanbin oof)

8. 'iKONIC is my life' 🤧💞🤧💖🤧💘

9. crazy work ethic

10. works 24/7 never takes a break

11. producing music is a type of hobby for him he doesn't see it as work

12. his studio is basically his second home

13. he stays there sometimes over night and doesn't go to sleep

14. you'd think he'd have health problems because of his lack of sleep but he's perfectly healthy 🙏🏼

15. except for that one time when he collapsed at the airport after being at the studio w friends and not getting enough sleep even tho they had to catch a flight at 7 am

16. you need to sleep when you die - Kim Hanbin 2018

17. is really reckless tbh

18. but a great leader overall he really does lead the group well

19. chanwoo and mino etc. were really scared of him but now he's changed and is less intimidating

20. unless they're recording or at dance practice 💀💀💀

21. expects everyone to be on time for practice but is the last one to arrive because he's still asleep

22. "if the camera wasn't here you would've gotten hit" actual words that came out his wonderful mouth (lets pray for chanwoo)

23. [finishing their insta live] Yunhyeong, "we have to get back to practicing" Junhoe, "we have to get yelled at again by Hanbin"

24. a very determined bean

25. takes his job veryyy serious and doesn't take it for granted

26. he's basically in charge of producing/composing and writing all of iKON's songs 👍🏼

27. he's the mastermind behind Love Scenario

28. tbh he deserves award for best producer and composer

29. has never been in a relationship but still writes the best break up songs

30. love scenario, killing me and goodbye road are all break up songs which makes analyzing the lyrics so much more interesting since they all cope with a traumatic break up in a different way and it shows different stages of getting over someone

31. h i s l y r i c s g o d d a m n

32. We were in love, we met and became a memory that can’t be erased. It was a commendable melodrama, a pretty good ending. That’s all I need. I loved you.

33. Freedom and new relationships but behind that is an empty heart. On this dark night, I’m alone again. Her existence is such a big part of my world. I try but I can’t take her out of it. Once I did take her off, I broke down. But I can’t tell myself to be ready to die, it's killing me.

34. I've loved you to death, but at the end I did not die.

35. Just go, back to him. It was wrong from the beginning, only I became the fool. You were never once mine.

36. that one time when he saw a couple during a fansign and called them out hE WAS SO BITTER LMAO

37. double b......that's all

38. "Bobby oppa looks dangerously attractive without glasses...wow man"

39. he's such a sweet heart to kids omg

40. a die hard animal lover

41. he is SUCH A GOOD DANCER FRICK THAT MIX AND MATCH STAGE WHERE HE WORE THAT RED BARET IM STILL NOT OVER THAT

42. tho he said he doesn't like dancing

43. but he still choreographed amazing dances during their survival days like how can one be so talented??

44. he's dumb but at the same time really smart if that makes sense??

45. like he doesn't know who koreas first president is but he knows who the army general was that led the korean army to win the battle in incheon for the 38th parallel line ?????? WTFSJSHSHSH

46. a girl group enthusiast

47. but can't do the dances even if his life depended on it (except for heartshaker and recently red flavor)

48. he said he doesn't pick favorites but if he had to they'd be Seulgi and Dahyun

49. he writes poems when he feels emotional

50. he usually gets his inspiration to write songs from movies, dramas, books or poems

51. his muse is actress Kim Jiwon he's so whipped for her

52. his favorite scene from one of her dramas is Fight My Way ep. 7

53. it shook him so much that he wrote a whole song about it

54. he wrote like 10 songs inspired by her

55. his gf is gonna be the luckiest girl alive let me tell you that

56. he rarely cries but got emotional recently at one of their concerts :(((

57. he's super close with Jinhwan

58. he wrote songs with G-Dragon, Tablo and Psy

59. he co-wrote whistle by Blackpink and empty by Winner

60. he fell during his second round in smtm it was so cute but so funny

61. his song Be I was the first smtm song to go down in history by charting at #1 in melon

62. he could have passed easily in my opinion he had such an amazing crowd control like they were going crazy over him

63. also Swings didn't like him because he was an 'arrogant ass' but after he realized that Hanbin was kind of experiencing a crisis he felt sorry and said if he'd knew he had protected him from the start

64. had to censor his own fans at a concert

65. one and only fuckin one and only🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

66. he should be working on his solo album but instead he's out here releasing ikon's 3rd album

67. he has this habit of patting his left chest (above his heart) whenever he's nervous

68. never forget when he used a translator app to get closer to Japanese girls

69. whenever they have a comeback he usually turns off his phone for the next 24 hours so he doesn't see how the song charts

70. he and the boys actually don't care about charting at all

71. [NO SHADE I REALLY LIKE MOMOLAND] he could have produced a similar song to LS to use the hype around it like momoland did but instead he wrote Killing Me me which is more aggressive and totally the opposite of LS

72. he really likes rice soup uwu

73. he usually does vlives on channel+ since he's more comfortable there

74. one time he accidentally started a live on their regular channel and fans started pointing it out and he immediately went into panic mode LMAOOO

75. he is such a perv sometimes i can't

76. had a minor crisis when Bobby was in the US and had no one to cuddle

77. he's such a bean who deserves all the love in the world

78. got his ass whooped by Jinhwan for getting a tattoo (we love a rebel)

79. he suffers from rhinitis hence why yg gifted him an air purifier lol

80. has a producer team which consists of YG trainee Millennium (aka Raesung), Seung (and I guess One)

81. Seung is an artist, a composer, celebrity and a jobless guy (his words not mine)

82. Hanbin as a hyung and role model for Raesung: a concept

83. Chanwoo is more scared of Hanbin during recordings than he is from staying in a haunted house with a ghost let that sink in

84. 'ladies first' no matter what

85. cried during the final of win:who's next but was still able to crack a smile for Team A

86. the fact that Hanbin comforted Mino even though Mino was supposed to comfort Hanbin

87. got a turtle in japan and called him Michelangelo

88. forgets to eat sometimes

89. his name is B.I not BewhY

90. says he doesn't get scared easily but he does

91. king of spoilers

92. but hates it whenever the other members spoil something

93. fun fact: he made the guide for Love Scenario around May 2017

94. "Everything is in english, I can't speak english" also Hanbin "Turn that shit on" "so savage, so tight"

95. has a strict concept for his Instagram: black and white only

96. did a whole vlive with a dog filter on uWU 97. loves to hike

98. basically everything he does is so cute

99. but he can be so sexy at the same time

100. Kim Hanbin is one of the most talented and hardworking men in this industry and he's still getting slept on,, please support this bean

#kim hanbin #ikon #b.i scenario #hanbin imagine #hanbin ikon #b.i ikon #yg ikon #b.i imagines #ikon scenario #ikon imagine #kim hanbin scenario #kim hanbin imagine #b.i style

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themysteriouslou · 5 years

Note

👀 all of them for leslie?

The Basics

1. Give their full name, and describe them or post a picture! (Height, build, hair, eye, and skin color, etc.)

Full name's Elena Leslie Grünewald! Only a handful of people refer to her with her first name though. 5′4/5′5, lean and fit. Wavy, medium-dark chestnut hair; gray eyes, light skin that gradually tans, has a scar that runs across the right side of her jaw.

2. How old are they?

28!

3. Sexuality and gender?

Heteroflexible, cisgender female.

Pre-Game

1. How did they end up at the Hope County Sheriff’s Department? How long have they worked there?

Her father told her about the job just as she graduated from the police academy. He had been a colleague of Whitehorse’s when the two were young men in the office and following his transfer he kept in contact with him, so he must have mentioned her interests in a passing conversation. As for the second question, she has been working there for a year.

2. Relationship with Pratt, Hudson, and Whitehorse?

Pratt: he was the first to welcome her to the department—it took them some weeks but they grew close to each other during that time. He teased her a lot (because he was a little shit) but they got each other's back and genuinely care about the other's well-being.

Hudson: one of the first alongside Pratt to welcome her to the county, as well as the one who gave her some insight and help on how to work at the station. It took longer to befriend her than Pratt for the simple fact Danny’s death had been a recent thing and she was still blaming herself from it, but she eventually warmed up to Leslie.

Whitehorse: She has a soft spot for Whitehorse—she knew him since she was a child and had enough good memories of him to consider working alongside him a blessing. Likely sees him as a surrogate uncle figure due to the trust he extended to her as soon as she was given the duty of a cop.

3. Do they have an education?

Yup! Bachelor’s Degree in Criminal Justice.

4. Where are they from? Did they speak a different language there?

She’s from Virginia! Aside from speaking Italian in her maternal family’s household, English has always been her main language.

5. Is there anyone outside the valley that might have come looking for them?

Her relatives and some of her friends back at home—she keeps in contact with them occasionally so I'd think they wouldn't make a big deal out of her going radio silent at first. However, they'd definitely start suspecting something's wrong if there hasn't been a call from her in months...

6. Did they have a religious background of any kind?

Quite — the Grünewalds aren’t attached to religious institutions but they’re Christian nonetheless. Leslie considers herself a believer, just more laid-back and chill about it.

Inside Hope County

1. What was going through their head when the helicopter went down and during the subsequent chase?

It was a mix of words: an increasing stream of "fucks" on loop coupled with an exasperated “are you fucking kidding me”. She was almost moving on autopilot—it was a terrifying experience for her but she knew she had to escape, she had to be fast or else, it was over.

2. Were they afraid of Joseph and Eden’s Gate? Angry?

Leaning towards afraid—she didn’t know what was going on and the only thought on her mind was to get to somewhere safe. Leslie had a few run-ins with Eden’s Gate before the attempted arrest and could understand why the locals were wary of them. Mainly, she was cautious.

3. Did they trust Dutch?

Let's put it this way: waking up cuffed to a post isn’t the best way to start trust between two people.

4. How did they feel about their team being taken by the cult, did they count them as lost, did they want them back, did they not care?

Les was worried sick—the memories from hours before started to return as she recovered, which meant she remembered trying to stop the cult from taking Joey, Staci's and Whitehorse's screams, and the Marshal’s protests as he was found by the peggies. More than anything, Leslie was determined to recover them—she was not going to leave them behind if she had anything to say about it.

5. How did they take to the idea of being part of, if not leading, the resistance?

It… didn’t dawn on her she was leading the Resistance at the beginning. She was just doing what she thought right—if she could help the people of the county, so be it. Then one day she was at the county jail, talking to several Resistance members and one of them said “you gave us hope to fight back”. It baffled her at first, but eventually she slotted right into the leader role.

6. Which companions did they recruit, and who did they travel with the most?

All of them! Nick’s a constant companion of hers, the second companion often varies depending on the region she is at.

7. Did they have time to find romance amidst the chaos? How did they do it?

It's... complicated, considering she fell in love with one of her enemies. Not even her knows how did it happen.

8. Feelings about Joseph?

Mixed. On one hand he's the man she was ordered to arrest and the accusations against him, the bad he inflicted onto the county's residents should've convinced her he should be taken down. On the other hand... Leslie can see his point. She gets what's he's trying to say and why he is doing all of this, she sees him treating her carefully and taking his time to make her understand (which in turn makes her feel more conflicted tbh). Reading the BOJ in an attempt to understand him only furthers these mixed feelings.

9. Feelings about the other Seeds?

Faith was the scariest Seed for her—she gets into your mind, her persuasion convinces you that you belong with the cult and her management of the Bliss is absolutely terrifying. Leslie feels like she was walking on thin ice around her, yet she didn't see the need to refuse to listen to her (likely because her story pulls her heartstrings and her instinctual need is to help others, even her enemies and people who wronged her).

As for John, Les can admit he doesn't put pretenses and is straightforward about his motives. He doesn't try to use pity or fear to get to her, rather he just tells her the reason he is the way he is. She appreciates honesty in people, so I think she'd be the same way with him. Snarks a lot at him through the radio, though, and probably enjoys messing with him way too much, but that's it.

Jacob... well, here's the complicated part—Leslie should fear him, shouldn't feel at ease in his presence, shouldn't feel safe when she's in his arms, yet she does. It was a matter of survival what made them grow closer and fond of each other and now they don't know how to deal with it. She wants to soothe his scars, both physically and psychologically, wants to be there for him. Wants to save him. For the most part she tried to pretend these obvious feelings weren't there, but as the war wages on, with every unplanned meeting... it's just more difficult.

10. How did they handle having to kill animals and other humans? Had they done it before?

Killing animals wasn’t hard—Les participated in past hunting trips with her male relatives and the county people before. As for killing humans… she tries to not do it when she has the chance. Killing Angels and peggies in self-defense still leaves a bad taste in her mouth though.

11. Which canon ending did they choose in-game, and would you have changed the ending at all?

She choose the Resist ending. Leslie is too stubborn to go back once she had made her choice. As for the second part of the question: boy would I have. I would have spared and arrested the Seeds. Having to kill them hurt me and made me wish we could've given them a chance at life.

Personal

Favorite weapon(s)?

Any type of rifles and explosives! Molotovs and pipes are a recurrent thing in her inventory too.

2. Stealth or firepower?

Most of the time she likes stealth. However, it’s not uncommon of her to go Rambo and punch everything on sight if she has no other choice.

3. How did they spend their time, when not fighting peggies?

Lots of time spent at Fall’s End and the 8-Bit Pizza Bar. You could also find her enjoying the regions' scenery, drawing, fishing or doing tasks for the locals—basically she spent her time on things that relaxed her or took her mind off the war.

4. Where did they live during the events of the game?

Les wandered A LOT. Her actual house is at the border of the Whitetail Mountains and Holland Valley region, but she has had few opportunities to go there after the Reaping. After, she mostly uses her secret log cabin and takes naps in abandoned cars and houses/bunkers.

5. Any other facts you want to share about your Deputy!

- can tie a cherry stem with her tongue.

- used to practice baseball when she was younger.

- doesn't know how to ice-skate for the life of her —her face practically belongs to the floor if someone manages to convince her to try it.

- will laugh at the dumbest of jokes.

- prefers calling to texting people but know she's a keysmasher.

#deputy leslie #sorry it took me too long to answer!#{ tangled ramblings of hope county }#foofygoldfish

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babiewonho · 6 years

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thoughts on shownu nd wonho

[audio of calebcity’s anime villain laugh bass boosted plays] WOW….amira u truly want me dead askfjaskfj wow…Hyung Line…i’ll start with mister wonho bc that’s where my brain is takin me Buckle up!! [this is 2k words when will i die]

my favorite fake maknae…mister babie..something i find very unique abt him is even tho he was supposed to be the leader he also has a lot of youthful naive charm that matches more of a Follower type of personality. like while we saw him be a leader in no mercy, and he did an excellent job esp with gun being covered up for his lack of dancing skill, i think that is a very unnatural state of being for him, and he exerts an unfortunate amount of energy trying to lead others. he has the skills necessary but i think he overextends himself to employ them. his natural state of being is more of a follower in that that’s where he’s more comfortable. he stresses too much about keeping everybody happy at once and takes too much responsibility. he’s naturally a workaholic and sacrifices his health for the sake of work.

so honestly i’m really glad he didnt end up being the leader and i’ll get more into leder shownu later :D but i take it as a blessing that he’s allowed to take more of a backseat and speak up when he wants to rather than always being in charge. tbh wonho is kinda Out Of It all the time and while i think if he was a leader he’d fight to stay in the moment i think he needs that time in his head to decompress. tbh it’s really funny that he cld have been the leader to me in no malicious way just bc he’s never There askfjasf like when minhyuk said he always needs to go looking for him bc he just wanders off and he’s getting coffee and he’s like what :D and he needs extra explanations and stuff all the time and minhyuk n the others need to direct him in what he’s doing all the time.

that’s why i said the fake maknae thing bc in many ways he has a really youthful kind of innocence to him like just a silly child. like when ck took the glass away from him at the awards show so he wouldnt break it kasfjsa and then the bottle like a big brother would do and wonho was like :/ okay…and wiping his tears. we rly see a shift from him as a Hyung to someone who the others end up taking care of in a very natural way. there’s a big reverse dynamic there, in particular with him and changkyun. which is rly interesting! changkyun kind of steps up to be more mature in situations with him. it’s really cute…

when i think of wonho in the position of a hyung, i think it’s in a non traditional way. when i think of him i think of light blue and him being a Healer. he is a big reminder to stay in touch with your emotions and feel them. at the taiwan concert…i believe at least! that it was that one…when everyone was holding back their tears wonho was like just cry!! to hw in particular he said that there were a ton of people there to hug him and support him when he cried so he should just do it so he didn’t regret it later, and he has a very nurturing heart. he makes this one face…it’s like a mix of a pout n a sad smile?? when he pities another member…it’s a very gentle and empathic facial expression…i’m not used to seeing men make that face.

so i think he DOES offer a form of guidance/wisdom as an older member but it’s not in a structural way if that makes sense like minhyuk saying “walk over here” or ordering them around it’s like a Healing presence..a calm spirit to offer Peace and Serenity. being in touch with his emotions i feel also creates an openness within the group where they feel better about expressing themselves, at the very least bc they cld use him as a scapegoat, which i dont think he’d mind. like wonho cried first!!!

part of his openness with his emotions is what makes him seem childish not in an unlikable way but rather…like he never got that Hard adult shell that makes people fear expressing themselves and their true thoughts. when he is happy he is brightly adorably happy he’s literally :DD just delighted and that brings out protective instincts in those who are around him which is another part of why he’s a fake maknae 2 me…he gets teased like everyone else but i dont think anybody cld have the heart 2 be mean to him his eyes are just too sparklie…also his LAUGH…is so loud and genuine and beautiful and it makes me feel such joy and it makes the others happy too nothing is really funny to me until wonho laughs that’s like the official comedy stamp his :D smile n HAHAHAHA laugh n his wheeze

he’s also really stubborn like a child which i find endearing but i know cld be frustrating sometimes but i find it funny askfjas he’s a baby…he asks for opinions n then doesnt care bc he already made his mind LMAO

he is also!! just so so full of LOVE. his heart is so big…he loves his family and monbebes and his members and he’s so transparent about it and it’s absolutely precious. he radiates love and puts a very beautiful calming blue energy into the world and everything about him is very gentle like body language wise. he speaks very softly even though he’s Loud sometimes the words come out soft if that makes sense. the way they are pronounced in spite of volume. he doesn’t spit out words and i think that’s kind of why he stutters so much they’re so soft n undefined they blend into each other. they need more shape…but he also holds things gently and doesn’t exert a lot of pressure in his fingertips. he’s very cautious and not aggressive and is not prone to anger, though he can get frustrated.

i really thank him for his honesty with fans abt how he’s feeling etc bc i think it creates a very nice friend like relationship. he rly cares abt keeping up updated and it’s so precious i feel genuinely cared for lmao…i literally take care of myself sometimes bc of his tweets like dont forget to eat etc and that’s so special

there’s more things i cant think of right now but u know…i cld happily do this forever but MISTER SHOWNU…ur time to shine (forever…)

NOW…shownu is the official leader which is also unique because nothing about shownu besides perhaps his powerful body commands Leadership our eyes are drawn to him because of this quiet power he exudes but he doesn’t have that dominant personality type in fact i find him a very passive person he’s not fussy at all and seems to value group harmony over his own personal feelings

i think sometimes being a leader is burdensome to him for the reason that he has more of a quiet let things happen personality but that’s what’s interesting. the members don’t respect him because he Commands their attention. they follow him instead rather bc they just respect him and Know he’s the leader.

even though leadership doesn’t come naturally to him in the traditional sense and minhyuk often assists or does more tradition leader things and has to remind him to speak, he has a whole different form of leadership where he’s quiet but when he Does say something everyone just respects it and doesn’t question it. i feel ppl follow him out of respect and affection rather than anything like intimidation if that makes sense. they just look up to him and admire him and respect his wishes.

he was a leader during no mercy and ppl followed him without question mostly. he’s really good at having a friendly personality but still making sure people focus during dance practice. ppl might think this form of passive leadership is bad but i think there’s no need for him to interject generally bc mx flows very well with their dynamic and doesn’t need to get adjusted much. he also imo has kihyun and minhyuk as co-leaders which happened naturally and not out of his inability to lead efficiently, so i think if he’s lacking in any way, they’re there to cover that up and i think this also helps remove stress from him.

shownu is also just so likable!! on running man they said when ppl dont talk much, strangely you want to pay more attention to them and i think that’s happened to shownu his whole life. people are watching him without knowing and then when he speaks they’re so pleasantly surprised because he’s so funny and most of it is said in such a flat way, like deadpan humor. he’s a comedy genius because what he says is so unexpected most of the time but also so powerful. if shownu said like…”legs” i’d pee myself laughing bc something abt him is so fucking funny and endearing and goofy and HIS laugh itself makes me laugh too like …he invented comedy lmfao he’s absolutely not boring that’s a misunderstanding of his personality he definitely needs to get comfortable somewhere before his real personality is revealed but he’s gotten a lot better at that which is why he’s been advancing through variety and im so proud of him for that and impressed

also adding to him being so endearing the members just genuinely adore him and i think when he went to law of the jungle a taxi took him to the location and ck said to the cab driver “take care of him/drive safely” which is very sweet and just shows like the Depth of their affection for him. everything he does the members just find so cool and funny and endearing and he brings them a lot of happiness

he’s also such a good fit for the group because he’s so CHILL like minhyuk cld be gnawing jooheon’s leg off while wonho fights changkyun over a piece of shrimp and hyungwon is getting dusted by kihyun and shownu’s like :) i love my family and HE LOVES THEM SO MUCH LMAO like he genuinely adores his members and you can feel that too like not even just things like him giving up lines (hw in beautiful) or splitting his commercial earnings among his team which he didnt even want kh to say but he imagines himself doing things with them in the future like going on trips and he really sees them as his friends/family rather than coworkers and it’s so lovely and beautiful he’s just so goddamn fond of them lol

also hyung line with each OTHER is so precious bc wonho is rly like a little happy kid around shownu n shownu is so calm n chill and wonho is like :DD hello!!! n shownu pretends he doesnt care asjfsafj it’s so funny wonho is just going around hoping for shownu’s love like he said in that fansign note n shownu ignores him n teases him asfkjasf it’s so cute when shownu teases it’s so funny it rly shows just how fond he is and shownu always laughs when wonho laughs and humors him?? and by humors him i mean wonho babbles a lot n makes little silly side comments and if shownu is within hearing distance he always tries to reply to those and he makes wonho giggle and it’s precious and he listens and shownu just really Understands the member’s personalities like when he said he likes when mh talks a lot etc he understands them and just doesn’t want them to change bc he loves the way they are like i kno that sounds fake deep but it’s true…

wonho is just so cute…n youthful around shownu i love the dynamic it’s amazing how similar they are in age like a year apart n yet wonho seems so young around him and shownu just teases him n theyve known each other for a long time n are so comfortable with each other n they work out together like…we love strong muscle men with hearts of gold …also this is just random but wonho pronounces “shownu” so cute n also i love hearing shownu say hoseokie like it’s just adorable shownu always calls the memebrs by their real names n fogets to say the stage ones like who is even calling changkyun “I.M.” at this point who is that….

#asks #analysis

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atopearth · 4 years

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The Men of Yoshiwara: Ohgiya Part 3 - Gakuto Route

It’s interesting to see the mother’s different priorities towards Kiyoha in each route lol. For Gakuto, it seems like Kiyoha’s considered an adult after her first visit to Yoshiwara, so now she’s to be trained to take over the business as the new head. Although he Gakuto really made the worst impression on her by forcefully kissing her as an apology for making her wait, I did find it interesting that Kiyoha didn’t enjoy it at all and hated it haha, I guess I can see why Gakuto would be interested. He’s confident, he’s popular, there’s probably many women who would happily take that kiss, yet she rejected it so adamantly haha. Although, for a lot of the arguments they have, I do feel like she took the fighting a bit too far, Gakuto helped keep her in line by speaking out honestly that although they’re both prideful, it’s not like they really wanted to fight, they just don’t like to back down from one another though. I never really realised that Gakuto could also choose to reject clients, nice to know that they do have a bit more freedom than it seems. It’s kinda saddening though, just as Gakuto is forced to serve clients as a geisha, Kiyoha is just as entrapped by her circumstances since she feels that she must court Gakuto so that she can have the influence and connections of interacting with a popular geisha, as well as bear a worthy heir for her family through him. Everyone is so bound to their duty and their fate, it’s actually rather disheartening.

I found it endearing that Gakuto pushed her in order to make her forcefully acknowledge and understand that she wasn’t ready. I’m sure there were other ways to do it, but Kiyoha is really stubborn and prideful, so I think him pushing her down and kissing her was the only way for her to admit that she couldn’t do it after all. It was sweet how he properly listened to Kiyoha and backed off when he knew she wasn’t ready to sleep with him. I also liked how considerate he was by reassuring her that it was fine and that she should just be honest with her feelings, and not force herself just because this is something she needs to do. Hmm, Gakuto is looking for his sister, but he’s from the mainland so it’s weird that she would be on this island…hmm, I wonder what his circumstances are. Wow, okay, that escalated really fast. Honestly, Kiyoha was pretty overbearing to force him to reveal his eye under the eye patch just so she can see whether he has a scar and is the man the woman who went to her store talked about. Like, seriously, Kiyoha really could have handled it better, but instead she hurt Gakuto by forcefully seeing his scarred eye and digging up his personal life by invading his privacy rather than asking him. But I see, he is the guy that woman was talking about, guess they did not end amicably if she scarred his eye, and he scarred her forehead. I wonder what Gakuto wants revenge on her for though, I feel like the scar isn’t the main reason.

I love Gakuto. He can be all superfluous and sexy when he wants to be, but other times, he could be so crude and brutally honest, it’s pretty hilarious to see. It was expected, but to think that Gakuto’s mother sold him as a kid to Yoshiwara for alcohol expenses was saddening to hear, but I think the worst thing was that she sold him to one of the worst stores in Yoshiwara, where all the sick geisha are and where all the “fallen” geisha would be etc. Just imagining how devastating of a place it could have been makes me shudder, it sounds like a place full of death. I’m glad Gakuto had a friend; even though he died eventually. When Gakuto said he didn’t deserve someone honest and pure like her since the higher up he is as a geisha, the more dirty he is, I really liked Kiyoha’s answer. She just told him to make himself cleaner by being with her more, since he said that his heart feels cleaner when he’s with her haha. I’m glad Kiyoha was able to take Gakuto to his friend’s “grave” (considering their store and status, dead geisha get thrown together into a nameless grave) and reminisce about the things they talked about. They felt like such precious memories. Lmaoo at Utsusemi and his big mouth, he legit just tells everything about Gakuto to Kiyoha, it’s so funny to see Gakuto tell him to shut up hahahaha. It’s funny how Ageha has a loose mouth too, they all just casually tell Kiyoha about how importantly Gakuto regards her lol. So cute how Gakuto is very fond of candy though hahaha.

Although their first time ended up happening in questionable way, it was understandable why Gakuto was so enraged and yet so sad when doing it. Kiyoha forcefully stopped him when he finally found the woman who gave him the scar, and tried to comfort him with herself, which I felt was understandable from her perspective. She’s been wanting to protect him this whole time now that she’s closer to him, and I can see why she would be willing to do anything if it would satiate his wrath. She just wants him to be the happy person that he is with Utsusemi and Ageha… I see, Gakuto wants revenge because this woman was supposed to elope with Yoshino (his dead friend) since they were in love, but on the day of the elopement, she never appeared, and Yoshino was captured and punished cruelly, thus leading to his death. Considering that she was the first one to fall in love and go kinda crazy about it (she slashed Gakuto with a razor during one of her quarrels with Yoshino?), I’m curious about what the true reason for her not appearing actually is. It’s saddening that this caused Gakuto to unable to find it within himself to truly trust love, nor to truly invest himself in friends since he believes that it will only hurt him, and he can’t take that anymore. It’s so painful to hear that Gakuto had since then spent all his life rising up in the ranks as a geisha just because he wanted a better information network to find this woman and get revenge on her. It’s heartbreaking to think that it’s the only thing keeping him alive. It was sweet of Kiyoha to tell him that despite what he says, he’s someone that’s a big softie, no matter how much he wants to distance himself from others, he’s too kind, it’s impossible for him to really not care about Utsusemi and them.

I thought it was really sweet how Gakuto specially ordered fireworks in the shape of flowers for Kiyoha, it was really cute how they played with the sparklers🥰 I think it’s nice that regardless of what burdens Gakuto is carrying, he can’t help but feel a sort of fondness towards Kiyoha. If this was real life, I’d be sceptical of Kiyoha going to Utsusemi and Ageha for advice on what to do about Gakuto and his revenge, especially since she barely knows them, and who knows if they’re really friends with Gakuto or enemies considering their work. Anyway, this is an otome game and all the LIs should be good boys so we’ll ignore that hahaha. I’m just glad Kiyoha consulted someone before Gakuto did anything rash I guess. Tbh, when Gakuto plead to Kiyoha asking her to not abandon him, and that she promised to stay with him forever, my heart really broke. I know she just wanted him to come to his senses and stop focusing on revenge, but the way she said things to the broken Gakuto really hurt. I’m glad she didn’t really leave though. Gakuto’s plan to use Utsusemi and sacrifice him to get the woman (by telling the authorities that they’re trying to elope) really showed how much hate is within his heart, as well as how much he is willing to give up all his emotions and relationships for this revenge plan. I’m glad Kiyoha got them to spread rumours that Gakuto might be thinking of eloping just so the others at Ohgiya would watch him like a hawk, it’s a pretty good idea considering she can’t be there 24/7. Considering what their relationship was like in the beginning, I find it really sweet how much she wants to protect him now, and how unconditionally supportive she is towards his worrying mental state. Seeing him finally sleep peacefully when she was by his side was really nice but saddening. I found it really heartwarming to see Asagiri and Takigawa both worry over Gakuto due to the rumour spreading a bit more crazy than I thought it would. It’s saddening that Gakuto can’t see how important he is to other people. I can see why Musashi would want Kiyoha to just choose another geisha, especially considering how dangerous it could become. My heart broke when he said he will always devote his life to Kiyoha and that’s why he wasn’t able to agree with her actions, it hurt when she said she’ll set him free then, she’s so blind to everything else but Gakuto🥺

I kinda got scared that Gakuto really was going to kill the woman and they would have to stop him from getting too crazy lol. But it seems that Kiyoha’s feelings finally got through to him, and all he really wanted was for the woman to apologise to Yoshino’s grave. Can’t really blame the woman for going nuts and being scared of Gakuto tbh lol. Can you believe it though? The reason she didn’t go to elope with Yoshino was because she didn’t think he’d take it so seriously. Like wow, knowing the consequences, who would joke about it? And why would they give you a time and place and everything if they weren’t serious? She obviously just abandoned him and wanted to make herself feel better by saying she didn’t think he’d take it so seriously. It’s honestly disgusting that to this day she still can’t admit that her actions caused his death. I find it saddening that Yoshino loved such a selfish woman. On the other hand, because Gakuto left Ohgiya to look for her (and end up finding Kiyoha!) so now he’s been like jailed for running away… The only good thing is that everyone knows about this revenge story now, so they’re not too harsh with him. It’s kinda ironically funny that his popularity is booming even though he’s in jail lol. And he’s back in a jiffy!

Honestly, the thing with the woman got a bit draggy, but honestly it was heartwrenching when Gakuto talked about how before all this was resolved, he would always dream about the day Yoshino was screaming as he got captured, then beat up as punishment, and when Gakuto finally had the chance to sneak food to him, all he found was his lifeless body. It’s just so terrible to think that he had to experience something like that with someone so important to him when he was so young, it’s understandable for him to have been so adamant about revenge. I think it’s pretty cool how Gakuto paid off his own debt, it really shows how popular and well loved he was with customers and the people at Ohgiya. I found it hilarious how corny and cheesy Gakuto was on their wedding day, but I think it was really sweet and refreshing to compare to how he was towards Kiyoha in the beginning. It really shows how honest and heartfelt his feelings for her were because he couldn’t word it in any other way. It made me so happy to see them happy like this considering everything that happened. The other ending is pretty interesting! I kinda like that in this ending, he does get married with Kiyoha, but instead of taking care of her business alongside her, he stays as the keeper of Ohgiya to maintain order and protect the district, I feel like with what happened to Yoshino, it’s something he would like to do so that such a tragedy wouldn’t happen again to anyone else. Omgg is this the only route where Kiyoha actually has a kid?! Because dang is their kid cute lmao. I loved the sequel!! It was so sweet to see a lightened up Gakuto playing with kids and being so loving and protective over Kiyoha, I enjoyed it! Kinda wish it was longer but it’s all good.

Overall, I think I love Gakuto the most. I honestly didn’t expect it because I didn’t like the eyepatch look, but I’m actually impressed and happy that there was a reason for the eyepatch, I honestly thought it was just going to be a design thing hahaha. I think what I loved most about this route is that even though it was dramatic, I felt that it was done really well. I also liked the transition of Gakuto and Kiyoha being like a playful stubborn couple that weren’t able to really show their affection until Gakuto’s past caused him to nearly mentally break. I think it showcased nicely the ups and downs of a relationship (in a dramatic way of course) that wasn’t too contrived. I felt that the portrayal of Gakuto’s pain, his grief, his fear and his indecision alongside his love for Kiyoha was done really nicely, especially when accompanied with Kiyoha’s unrelenting love for him and protection of him. I also really loved how much Utsusemi and Ageha was a part of it as Gakuto’s friends and to help Kiyoha save Gakuto since she couldn’t do it by herself, I think it’s great to see that it wasn’t just love that was able to help him, but it was also because his friends were there that everything could be resolved in it’s own way. I also liked how things weren’t resolved as peacefully as it could have been if the writers wanted something cliche (since it ended with the woman’s accidental death), it really felt like they thought about it imo hahaha. Anyway, I really enjoyed this route!

#the men of yoshiwara #the men of yoshiwara ohgiya

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sonfaro · 6 years

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@you-me-and-the-force-between-us Thank you for your rebuttal. My response will be similarly long, and tumblr is being annoying so I’m switching to a new thread.

“Normal behavior isn’t always guaranteed by everyone. That’s life. Of course there are always going to be outliers of people who don’t think as they should. But they’re small compared to the number of people who CAN make these differences, so making comparisons like these are not only hurtful, but useless. It doesn’t matter WHAT language you use, somewhere out there–is going to fan over a serial killer or want to become one, because it’s not about language, it’s about personal experiences.” It DOES matter to those who are left behind. To those who’s people are routinely NOT treated in this way. Infantilizing dangerous white men at any level of media sets a tone. To see that kind of behavior follow into fiction and NOBODY have a problem with it is beyond bizarre to me. I’ve had friends locked up for far less who never got treated like the children they were, so forgive me if I’m a little sensitive to the subject. “People who sympathisize with these types of people are either going through some sort of fucked up, I’m edgy 100%, phase that they’ll grow out of or have some serious mental instabilities. It isn’t the media’s job to walk on egg shells with language,“ It’s the media’s job to present the truth with no spin. When they do things like this, it absolutely poisons the well. There’s no one to blame for his crimes but the monster, but there are people to blame for how that monster is viewed by the masses. “This other rhetoric about what’s being said and how it compares to fiction–it’s bullshit. And let’s be honest here for a second–just honestly speaking–looking through OP’s page you can very damn well tell this post isn’t done with good intentions in mind; it’s a clear attack on a group of people under the facet of being a good citizen who truly cares. Which also pisses me off.“ In what way? I’ve literally seen someone claim that Kylo is ‘young’ and ‘doesn’t know any better’. That sort of language does exist amongst the fandom. “(I’ve seen people call others abelist for using the word crazy on this hellsite, but idc either way) “ You’re sympathizing with the villain is all. Which is fine, “ Clearly it isn’t??? Because that’s OP’s point. That’s what OP has a problem with, saying that we’re like criminal sympathizers because we sympathize with a villain–so YES I agree, I’m JUST sympathizing with a villain IS ALL, nothing more. That’s the point.“ OP’s point is about the language being used: the infantilizing and woobifying. I can sympathize with Erik Killmonger, but know he’s a grown man and his end in Black Panther is justified. I’m not going to say “He’s basically a teenager lashing out” or nonsense like that - which IS a thing that Kylo stans have said. “ALSO JUST SO EVERYONE’S AWARE. This ISN’T the media saying this.“ Matt O’Donnell, listed below the lawyer in OP’s post, is a reporter. He lists the killer’s status as an orphan (with no reason), his young age (with no reason), and suggests he had a ‘troubled’ background. These are softening social cues. And the media doesn’t have to make these quotes the headline. It is they who present these quotes as a worthy title for an article. “Darth Vader is one of THEE most popular villains of all time, and most people ADORE baby-fying him.” Not canon Darth Vader they don’t. If you want an Alt universe Kylo (like Emo Kylo Ren) it’s whatever. That's a separate idea. “He was Kylo BEFORE KYLO EXISTED–he’s WORSE than Kylo–so where’s all the hate there?“ I disagree. Vader was a tool for the Emperor. Kylo IS the Emperor now. And the hate is largely gone because in canon Vader died sacrificing himself for the hero. “Why isn’t the majority of the world turned into serial killer supporters by now? A. The majority of the world isn’t into star wars. We’re a big fandom, but the world is bigger B. and the majority of Vader’s fans don’t try to justify his actions. He’s liked because he makes a great foil for our heroes. Why isn’t OP making a comparison to Darth Vader and attacking his fans? Again, Vader’s fans generally don’t make excuses for his actions. Because OP has an agenda to attack Reylos and make them seem like horrible people, because that’s just the way the shit rolls on Tumblr nowadays. Agreed, he definitely does. “[...]Committing a crime due to violent media, is far less easy to prove, and there has been no direct connection thus far.“ Right, but your post flat said “It isn’t true”, and that has not yet been determined. Hence my post. “All of these still prove my point–media alone does NOT transform you into a violent person UNLESS you already have a predisposition to being violent (like a history of abuse or a mental illness etc). It ISN’T true until you have enough statistics that back up your claim, and this doesn’t. What’s unhelpful, is not being well researched in a matter and making blatant claims. “ But I didn’t make a blatant claim about video games. I literally said the jury was still out. In response to you flat saying it wasn’t true. -_- “The media compares Hux and FO to Nazism because there’s a legitimate comparison to make (I know some SW fans disagree with me, but there is blatant Nazism parallels imo), because that was done PURPOSEFULLY. They took one evil regime irl and were inspired by it to create a fictional one of it. Every writer and design EVER takes inspiration form real life things to create something, eve villains. But let’s give an example here of a rational comparison and a shitty one:- Hux is like a Nazi (this can be confirmed by the imagery in SW, and background information, etc) - Hux is like a Nazi and therefore if you like Hux you like the Nazi party and therefore you’re a Nazi apologist. Hux is a Nazi and you’re a Nazi apologist.“ This is a bit of a straw man. You’d only be a Nazi apologist if you thought Hux’s POV were correct. Once more, liking a villain is fine - liking them to the point where your sympathy leads you to defend their views and actions is another thing entirely. “Saying that someone who likes Hux or the FO is like someone who might have agreed/sympathized with the deaths of millions of people is a HORRIBLE, inaccurate comparison to make (also Hux is LIKE a Nazi and Hux IS a Nazi are two different things, “ Again, that’s not what’s happening here. OP is talking about a specific action (how shippers talk about Kylo). Not liking the character in general. “And if you’re going to make the point that forcing yourself into someone’s mind is akin to rape, and therefore Kylo’s a rapist (and therefore Reylos are rape apologists–no lie i hear this shit WAY TOO much) then guess what?Obi-Wan is a rapist.Vader is a rapist.LUKE is a rapist.” I mean Vader definitely attempted to force himself into his daughters mind in ANH. Dude was the villain. The jedi mindtrick is more deception than anything else - morally suspect but not a painful violation unless there are more than one person doing it at the same time. Which is the actual term Pablo Hidalgo prefers for what Kylo does to Rey in that scene - a violation. “She (or he idk and idc tbh) is basically insinuating that Kylo Ren sympathizers cause school shooters sympathizers.“ Or vice versa, that the media and how damaged white monsters are portrayed is the reason Reylo’s see Kylo as sympathetic. Which was what OP’s excuse was IIRC. Personally I think the fault for both lies more with societies internal preference for white dudes, but that’s my take. “//Also–just for future notice–I don’t suggest ever using a Buzzfeed article to support your claim because your credibility will go right out the window. Buzzfeed is a pandering shitfest that is really written more by biased bloggers than actual reporters. I suggest using articles without bias and an actual good writing team and reputation.//“ I mean at this point that’s every news organization ever - least in America as far as I can tell. You can barely open a paper or watch the news without someone's opinion’s being clear. And it’s hardly the only article: https://www.salon.com/2016/01/12/we_need_to_talk_about_ben_kylo_ren_star_wars_and_the_media_narrative_of_the_mentally_ill_school_shooter/ https://www.theverge.com/2016/1/1/10698090/emo-kylo-ren-star-wars-parody-twitter http://www.forcematerial.com/home/2017/11/5/we-need-to-talk-about-kylo https://geekmom.com/2016/01/trying-not-to-raise-kylo-ren/ Kylo being compared to real world evil isn’t new. Shoot, there’s a bunch that link Kylo to the alt-right as well. Double shoot, Adam Driver himself straight compared him to terrorists. Kylo gets compared to lots of real world evil people. It’s going to happen. “Yup that’s definitely what happened. It wasn’t like he literally saw Luke about to kill him in his sleep“ No, he LITERALLY saw Luke post realization that he was in the wrong but still holding his lightsaber (like an idiot) and jumped to the conclusion his uncle was going to attack him. Luke’s behavior (which is a character assassination if I’ve ever seen one, but that’s an argument for another time) also happens only after peering into Ben’s mind and seeing nothing but evil. Ben then definitely attacks his uncle after that - from his point of view in self defence, sure - but from the overhead view an unnecessarily. “Oh no–wait, I was wrong:“ ...the article LITERALLY lists him murdering the kids. -_- “Oh so I guess it’s like I said before–people PICK AND CHOOSE their biases!! There is a UNMISTAKABLE comparison between Vader and Kylo FOR A REASON–the two ARE very much alike. But Kylo is a shooter and Vader’s tragic and grand?? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THIS BULLSHIT.“ Uh, yeah. Vaders complete arc requires six movies at two hours at least each to tell. It’s pretty grand (lofty, big, etc). His heel turn alone is a culmination of three whole films. Also, the article presents Kylo as tragic as well, with Drivers portrayal being described as: “a mixture of pain and hurt so raw it threatens to rend the fabric of the series every time he's on screen“. Did you actually read it? “really made me want to pluck my eyes out. Holy hell my dude, why did you use this as a reference when it’s so clearly just—bad?? I think I lost five years of my life.“ Because it’s another example of Kylo being compared to the evil that is a school shooter. Again, it’s not the only time, and it’s not the only horrible evil he’s compared to. OP was insensitive about it though, given recent events. “And I want to make this clear–I don’t give a single FUCK if you don’t like Kylo Ren. That your opinion.“ I like his character a lot actually. I think he makes an excellent, compelling villain based on Adam Driver’s work. My issue is people attempting to pretend he isn’t one, or that his past trauma absolves him of ANYTHING he’s chosen to do, or that anyone owes him anything at this point, or pretending that this 30 year old man’s childishness can be justified at all. My bigger concern is that sort of thing happens in the real world for folks just like Kylo and that the two often sound exactly the same. “ I CARE when you bring real people into stupid fictional shit and say “You’re the reason why this is happening. It’s YOUR fault things are this way” I don’t think that was OP’s point at all. Least as far as he’s said. “ESPECIALLY when fiction is used right after a real tragedy like this. “ THAT I can agree with. Dude was insensitive. “ It’s disgusting to be compared on ANY level with someone who might do something like this–and again–it isn’t true. “ No one compared you guys to the shooter. How you TALK about the villain was compared. “ Read up on mental illness, debate gun control, read up on what actually causes school shooters to occur, look up psychological studies of BOTH sides, not just what Buzzfeed says–they aren’t accredited to make those calls in any way.“ The article I listed didn’t list the causes of school shooting at all. Did you just skim it? “STOP accepting this shit behavior my dude. It ISN’T OK or educated AT ALL. It’s downright stupid.“ The behavior I don’t accept. The point - that dangerous young white men are coddled both in and out of fiction - is all too true though.

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lysitheaioandeuropa · 6 years

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hey! let’s talk! about me!

I’m gonna bullet list in hopes to keep this concise (UPDATE THIS SHIT IS A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AND I THINK I WILL BE MAKING SEPARATE POSTS), bc i know it definitely isn’t going to be very organized. Before i had my fucking mental breakdown this afternoon, i actually had a lot of thoughts this morning. Some good, some bad, but i felt like i was taking the time to really acknowledge and process some things that.. I don’t get to acknowledge and process often. Or that i just flat out refuse to, or i choose to repress memories, or am still struggling with “wait, did that really happen or am i making it up,” which apparently is a sign of childhood emotional negligence or some shit like that. So basically this will prob end up being a series of extremely personal anecdotal text posts that i have shared with.. Absolutely no one prior to now, for all of my two followers to read (but tbh y’all don’t even have to, i’m mostly keeping this up here for me & prob to have something to share w my therapist, but i won’t stop y’all)

Part I - Oh no, I Caught “The Gay!” Alright, so boom: sexuality. I know i don't shut up about being gay, i know i am entirely way too hype about having a gf and being absolutely fucking smitten with her (AND WOMEN IN GENERAL), but when it feels like i’ve been forced into being silenced about that for sooo fucking long, shit can you blame me? I’ve been pretty open about it as an adult (p much 20 & on or so), it wasn’t like.. This huge secret or anything, but it also wasn’t something i went out of my way to make public. I never officially came out, and unfortunately when people found out it was because this real crazy chick decided to out me out of nowhere and i guess i just figured i had to own up to it, i didn’t really care what people thought of it then. It was weird answering questions, but easier to navigate in my 20s, though more on that later. I did let my partners know if i was dating anyone seriously (as seriously as you can as a teenager anyway), but past that idk, it just never came up. And i sometimes envy the younger kids/adults that like.. Have all these resources and labels available to them now, you know. I feel like its a lot easier to explore who you are and your identity today than it was when i was in middle school, having an extremely hard time sorting out my feelings for my “friends” (read as: i usually thought i just really wanted to be their friend, but also was v aware of how attractive they were to me, but it didn’t seem okay to talk about; whereas, middle schoolers now are a little more open? Have more labels? i have always settled for gay, Bc i did like and develop feelings for guys too but even then knew i liked my friends more). And i mean it was always something i personally was okay with, i wouldn’t deny myself the pleasure of finding girls attractive whatsoever. It’s weird looking at kids now like “oh no, they’re only children!” But i was all of 11 yrs old, first day of sixth grade, when i literally prayed that hands down THE prettiest girl in my 5th period would sit next to me as soon as i saw her walk in and had instant butterflies when she smiled at me and took that empty desk, like holy shit lmao (bruh.. She was 5’1”, puerto rican, and in my head at the time, looked RIGHTTTTT. We were partners in that class for the rest of the year and best friends outside of that class and her voice & her laugh, like bro!!!! Again, confusing and frustrating to have a crush on her, know that, be her friend and hello ofc she’s gorgeous so every boy was always after her too. Navigating feelings was so hard, but then i found a boy to crush on and felt normal again lmao). BUT it just seemed like the normal thing to do was not talk about it or ever bring it up to anyone at all at any point in time which i realize now is.. Yikes lmfao. I think it would have been different if i had someone to navigate that with, i was “mature” enough to figure it out on my own, and know to just keep it to myself, and accept it and not feel like a weirdo or anything, but not always be so eager to act on it. Again the older i’ve gotten, the easier it’s been to tell the story of how my parents thought the neighboring boy and i were so cute together in pre-k & meanwhile i was kissing this one girl during nap time, lmao. So like, i’m okay with that much; i don’t and never have felt guilty about being gay (bi, pan, whatever), even growing up in a church bc it rly was something that just came naturally to me from the jump. Puberty was slightly confusing but not a total shock either.

High school was even more so challenging and confusing? Bro. one of my best friends (and we’re def still friends now) and i were very close and the bitch had absolutely no boundaries whatsoever. Granted she had always been like that, I had been friends with her since the 6th grade as well and had seen her with other girls and boys but never put too much thought into it (you will see that this is my reaction to 90% of shit that happens to me). I’ve posted before and recently about being gay but not wanting to be predatory but getting mixed signals in “regular girl friendships,” and this was fucking textbook, lmao. I never got my hopes up or anything, and i just didn’t consider being with her a real option, but yeah, no, i deadass liked her and i’m sure she knew and didn’t mind the attention either lmao. Call it my first situationship i guess, lmao. We shared a locker so she would leave me notes and gifts, and vice versa, we’d bake for each other, we’d walk to class together, usually have lunch together, so on and so forth; she had no problem holding my hand and hugging me and being affectionate and calling me baby but like.. We weren’t dating. That was a thing. I both welcomed it and brushed it off; i was really comfortable with her physically, but still thinking i should only be dating boys even though they made me extremely uncomfortable and i’d flinch if they got too close (lmao, i have an entire separate section ready for men; cue eyeroll). I mean she kind of lead me on but not rly? I knew not to take it srsly BUT i also knew i’d be down as fuck if she ever changed her mind lmfao. Deadass she’s a 10/10 both then and now and she’d always do this cuuuute thing where she’d wrap her hands around my neck and kiss my nose and bruh i’d melt. Most people were already convinced we were dating *shrug* anyway though, this guy tried to hook up w me but i was like ehhhh so he ended up hooking up w her instead and i started dating my first boyfriend (who was terrible, abusive, and legitimately ruined my life in the short span of 10 months or so but that’s in the men’s section). It’s not like all of that magically stopped either though but i never pressed her for anything more, just entertained her and got butterflies every time she would hit me w that “i’d so love to date you” but her issue was she was comfortable with women but not sexually. I obviously wasn’t trying to sleep w her at 14, but i get it, that's her prerogative & it never got in the way of our actual friendship & i 100% value her as JUST my friend, she’s been rly great to me and has been there for the shittiest of times and has gotten me out of some rough spots. It was what it was lol. And there were other pretty girls after her that i would have considered pursuing but just never went for it. There was this senior girl i had for a class the following year and she also was and still is just jaw-dropping, beautiful, like holy shit. Something about her reminded me of strawberries and just made me feel cozy, you know? She always smelled nice, her hair was strawberry blond wellll past her waist, and she had to have been dumb to not notice me checking her out 25/8. Anyway though, i’m not trying to talk about every single girl i’ve had a crush on; the point is, i have always been firm on my sexuality you know, i never felt like i had a “questioning” phase and it just felt normal (and it has been annoying to have people question just bc i wasn’t “out” long enough to them? Or bc i’m straight passing as far as being fem + dating shitty guys goes). The only weird part was just never pursuing or never having the means to, obviously every girl is 500% straight in high school, or they sure were back then at least. I knew all of like two or three openly out girls and while i was not interested in none of them, i did envy the confidence they had not in just “hey i’m GAY,” but one of them was notorious for just pursuing any girl she was interested in and having it work in her favor? Even the “straight” ones? In my head i could only think like bro how the fuck? Anyway, proceed w checking chicks out on the sly and dating shitty guys (#bars)

So of course, college came around right, and thankfully i knew myself well enough at this point to know that my relationship with women was completely different from my relationship with men. How we interacted, how they made me feel, etc. i moved out at 17, had my own apartment, all that jazz. I had a serious boyfriend but we did do the “open relationship” thing for a bit and lo and behold, available women were everywhere. And we’d chat, flirt, and i knew the physical attraction was there (and, you know, i’m not going to get graphic or anything but confirmed i enjoyed that aspect as well) but not rly much else. So again, never put much thought into it, i was open to being with women romantically but it just never came up and finding straight guys to date after that boyfriend and i broke up was just easier. At this point, i took a “cross that bridge when i get to it” when it came to “officially” being out; it seemed pointless to make this huge deal when i was still just dating dudes, or not dating anyone at all. Not too long thereafter though, one of my close friends (i only have a couple) called me freaking out, it was adorable, lmao. So this girl confessed her love to her and she was confused about what she should do lmao (my gaydar went off THE SECOND I first met my friend and i mentioned it in passing but she always brushed it off). The whole “do what feels right” line is tired but that was the only advice i can give her really. Putting a little more thought into the situation this time and wishing i had someone i could call when i was freaking out over a girl i told her like “you know, there’s nothing wrong if you’re gay. I’m gay, i turned out just fine.” long story short, if you ask her she will always credit me for helping her come to terms with that, but she was also the first person outside of a boyfriend that i said that out loud to and.. It was nice. We kinda helped each other through that and it was nice to have that one gay friend finally lmao. But let’s just fast forward to maybe a year after that, i’d talk to girls here and there nothing serious, when the same crazy girl that liked my friend wants to talk to me (i told y’all the lesbian/local community dumb small) my friend didn’t care and i wasn’t trying to date her seriously, i was in town for the holidays and figured it’d be fun, whatever. So i was going to LIC w A HUGEEE group of my friends. Like. a significant amount, that i had only seen a couple times since high school, and that i obviously did not share my personal business with. This girl knew i wasn’t out, i told her not to be acting crazy either smh. So i knew the girl in passing but not like officially and we did most of our talking online/texting (bc thats how lesbians meet lmao). Keeping that in mind, this is the first time i’m actually meeting this girl not irl but def f2f y’know.. And this is the third time that i’m saying she’s crazy. We find a place to meet at LIC between sets and i told my friends i was waiting for another friend of mine thinking that would be the end of that. Now the whole “lesbians are crazy and move way too fast” trope was a thing w this one bc as soon as she spotted me she ran to me and just kissed me, i swear it was straight out of The Notebook, bro and i turned around and my group of MAYBE 10 friends that caught that were literally staring, wide-eyed, jaws dropped. And i just brushed it off and said k, i’m ready to go, and the questions from there on after just would not stopppppp. It was partially embarrassing bc i am not a spotlight ass bitch whatsoever, but most people that saw us together strangers and whatnot thought we were a “cute couple” and we were complimented most of the night. But every time she’d hug me or kiss me or anything, my friends would be ready behind her back in group of three trying to mouth over me like “girlfriend???? Dating?????” and no she wasn’t my girlfriend but the way she was all over me i had to claim her as such at that point to make my life easier lmao. And i can laugh it off now because no, it rly wasn’t that big a deal to me then but it does kind of suck that it ended up not being my own choice y’know. I had fun with her, the night ended well, she left w me and slept over (nothing happened [that time] but it was still nice nonetheless lol). New years eve was the next couple days and we made plans together and again, we weren’t official or like REALLY talking and it was a (different) group of us going to this house party. I didn’t think she’d do the same thing like, bro without asking or anything, imagine if i was a person that did seriously mind?? Anyway, she got drunk and was the life of the party, she has quite the presence, and by the time it was midnight she straddling my lap making out with me and thats how i came out to everyone else i knew and whoever wasn’t at any of those two events sure did receive texts and pics of my date and i. It was embarrassing initially cause this girl!! Why the fuck did she do that!! Lmao, explaining myself to my closest friends was odd bc they were offended i didn’t tell them sooner and i’m just like.. It never came up at all you know. With that said, i have waited to see if i would ever seriously date a woman bc i knew i wanted to but the opportunity never presented itself until recently, and that’s why ya’ll see me out here screaming on rooftops about how gay i am bc i finally get to do that, on my own terms, and bc i love someone soooo so so dearly.

#okay so this part isn't complete but its late and i didn't wanna back out on posting it #fair warning if you decide you want to read this irs super long #rly personal (nothing graphic or anything - just personal)#and it's stuff i have never said out loud or to anyone.. ever p much #maybe mentioned in passing but thats about it #this part is the nicest part to write about bc.. the others i have planned are rly ugly #but they'll also be posted soon enough #personal #?#me #idk i feel like this should have another tag #writings

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