#beedle should though the fuck

[ladyrijus]

The vague time-skip between Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom is so interesting to me. People say it's been seven years as a homage to Ocarina of Time. Others say it's more like three to five.

Personally, I think it's a lot more, and the reason why, is because of 1) Purah's aging and 2) Link's "Tony Hawk" status.

Now, I get it, the two don't seem exactly related, but ask yourself this one question: How exactly did Purah age herself?

In Breath of the Wild, we learn through her diary that she tested the beta rune for anti-aging and it did its job a little too well. So well, that she considers making its counterpart, an aging rune. Notwithstanding all the ethical implications of age manipulation, Purah could have very well aged herself over the course of a few years, if we include the time it took to research the rune, plus the testing of its functionality.

But what if she didn't?

I know you're reading this with doubt. It's Purah. She's going to do it. Hear me out.

In her diary, Purah wrote that she had accidentally reversed 70 years of her life over one night. It led her to fear that she would become a newborn baby. She had every right to be scared. All that she has learned in her lifetime, gone, just like that. Can you imagine, then, how daunting the prospect of aging oneself would be? What if she accidentally aged too quickly, with a deteriorated mind that could no longer keep track of all that she has learned and discovered? Even worse, what if she goes too far and dies? The Sheikah are no exceptions to death. With anti-aging, the risk was having to relearn everything from birth. With aging, the risk is not being able to learn at all. Mad scientist that she is, she wouldn't take those chances. Even the strongest calculations would still show a margin of error that is too high to look over. She's not invincible.

So let her age naturally. What does that tell us?

Disregarding her mental age of 124 (the oldest of the Sheikah, ignoring all Sheikah monks), Purah was physically six years old in Breath of the Wild. If we assume her form in Tears of the Kingdom is equivalent to the form of her 24 year old self in Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity...

18 years have passed.

There's a lot to be said about how Zelda and Link don't look like they've aged at all, but that's not the important part. The important part is that Link, Hero of the Wild, hasn't had to save the world in almost two decades. Look at yourself from eighteen, twenty years ago and look in the mirror. Do you recognize yourself? Maybe, maybe not. But the differences are striking, aren't they?

I think that's it. That's why the people of Hyrule don't recognize him.

#beedle should though the fuck #i thought we had something... #anyways i need to sleep #tloz #loz #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #botw #breath of the wild #totk #tears of the kingdom #totk spoilers #ocarina of time #oot #hyrule warriors: age of calamity #age of calamity #hwaoc #link #purah #zelda

[thegeminisage]

last night when i stopped playing i aimed myself at a stable and jumped into the tower so i had no choice but to fly there upon opening the game today, even though i was going to fuck around and do something else lol. at least stables make me remember my amiibo...

omg its the infamous underpants stable...finally i get to see what it's all about. i should run around in mine too. solidarity

PRINCESS ZELDA ORDERED THEM TO--????

OKAY GIRL GET IT IG LOL

lmao when i talked to penn with no clothes on he was like. are you gonna investigate undercover??

SCREEEAM this guy is like oh you're dressed in our new uniform

aw. beedle goes "we meet again and again - i wonder how many times we met in our past lives!"

the girl with the dogs who straight up won't look at or speak to any naked men, including me. lesbian queen

alright, up the mountain road i go...totally naked

killing me to ignore these koroks but they're all just too far out of the way :/

oh i found it! lmao they really do think i'm one of them

ik this is like. fake zelda. im hoping its yiga zelda tho bc this is simply too silly. it reeks of yiga shenanigans. real fake zelda was a bit uncanny

ah, i'm required to go gearless for this...smh this eventide bullshit

"we'll learn from your methods, we're just not confident in the physical side of this" THIS GAME IS RATED E FOR EVERYONE

wow. i just BARELY made it. whew!!

omg they MISHEARD HER?? it's not even a yiga thing?? man come on this truly is the urban legend of zelda

rip they put their clothes back on. it wouldve been funny if they got so inspired they stayed naked forever lol

i guess i'll put my clothes back on, too...

froze in terror like a prey animal when i saw this block puzzle but i did actually get it this time.

standing under a talus's crotch trying to ascend up thru its body when i caught sight of zelda and my throat got a little tight. life truly is so textured

lol these treasure hunting bros are here. thank you for telling me exactly how to solve the puzzle! what is this skyward sword (sorry skyward sword)

most of my complaints re: tears of the kingdom center on botw exhaustion - that i'm sort of tired of the map and have no more joy of exploration anymore after 100%ing such an enormous game (almost twice - on the first file i did everything except the korok seeds, but i got enough to max out my inventory i think). but every once in awhile i will come across an area that looks totally and completely innocuous and get incredibly tense out of nowhere. and sure enough in a minute i will remember, "a guardian used to be here," or "a lynel used to be here." it takes a minute, but i do remember! and even knowing they aren't here anymore, it's a little hard to relax. if i were ever to play botw again*, i bet i would feel the same way about areas that have hands now lol. (*highly unlikely given the previously mentioned botw exhaustion - maybe in many years after some other zeldas have come out for me to chew on! i highly doubt i'm going to replay totk either. as much as i love it, this is It. inevitably though there will be dlc so this runthrough won't be my only time playing it Ever)

ANYWAY i have to take a break now to do stuff and idw this post to be really long again. so.

#personal #loz blogging #totk lb #totk spoilers

[afeb]

Draco Malfoy - Ravishing

I walked out the Yule Ball early, a sickening feeling growing in my stomach as couples began to slow dance. It simply reminded I’d come here solo off the back of Hermiones advice: fat lot of good that was.

I wandered the empty halls of the castle, taking my heels off and walking bare foot. I watched as Draco, also alone, turned the corner ahead of me. I decided to follow him, having nothing better to do. I turned the same corner and frowned as he seemed to have disappeared.

“Follow me, Y/L/N?” I jumped as I peered behind a large black curtain, seeing Draco sat on a stone bench by himself.

I moved to sit across from him. “Better than being at that ball.” I sighed. “Where’s Pan?”

He shrugged. “Went off with some Slytherin.” He bitterly said. “Where was your date?”

“Didn’t have one.”

He scoffed and smirked. “Really?”

I frowned and folded my arms. “What’s so funny about that?”

He raised his hands. “Not funny, I’m just surprised.” He defended.

“Oh...” I sighed. “Well, thanks I guess.”

He leant back a little as his eyes trailed over me. “So what’s your ancestry?” He asked.

I frowned. “Why does that matter?”

He shrugged. “Just wondering.” He drawled out, when I didn’t reply he asked again.

“Just...witches and wizards, like everyone else.” I vaguely replied.

“So no muggles?” I shook my head. “So you’re a pure-blood?”

I scrunched my nose. “Don’t use that word.”

“What, muggles?” He smirked.

“No.” I snapped. “The P-Word.”

“Pure-blood.” He said loudly. I simply glared at him. “You know, you and I should really stick together.”

“And why’s that?” I asked.

“There aren’t many pure-blood families around anymore, everyone these days has some muggle in them.” He bitterly said. “How come I never knew? My family knows all pure-bloods.”

I stood and went to leave, finished with this conversation but Draco followed me. “My family aren’t like yours, we aren’t proud of our heritage.” I shortly said, heading towards the Ravenclaw home room.

Draco shoved his hands in his pockets. “They should be.” He said. “So you keep it a secret then?”

“As best I can.” I said as we stood outside the Ravenclaw painting.

He gazed at the portrait. “You’re not in Slytherin?” He asked.

I scoffed. “God no.”

He looked mildly offended before a smirked graced his face. “Well, I’ll leave you alone then.” He leant a little closer. “You look ravishing tonight by the way.”

Before I could respond Draco turned and cockily strolled away.

***

“I’m home!” I called into the house as I dumped my suitcase on the floor. “Hello?”

I walked into the kitchen where my mother and father were deep in conversation. “Ah, just the girl I wanted to see.” My father smiled as he enveloped me in a hug.

I chuckled and squeezed him tight. “What were you guys talking about?” I asked as I hugged my mother.

“This.” She handed me a letter.

Dear the Y/L/N Family,

You are cordially invited to the Malfoy Mannor for lunch on the 20th of December.

Please RSVP before attending.

Yours sincerely,

Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy

I frowned down at it. “Well obviously we aren’t going.” My mother and father shared a look. “You aren’t seriously thinking about going.”

My mother stood by my side. “Your father seems to think he can convert them to our way.” She sighed. “I don’t.”

My father looked at both of us. “Look, we made a decision to incorporate the muggles way into our life, we said Y/N could see muggles if she wished. If our family can do it, maybe they can too.”

“Do you know anything about the Malfoys?” I asked. “They’re vile people.”

My father looked sternly at us both. “We’re going, end of.”

Both mine and my mothers mouths dropped. “I’m not being nice.” I said.

My father smiled and kissed my forehead. “I don’t want you to be.” He smirked before leaving the room.

***

Our carriage pulled up to the Malfoy Mannor, the family patiently stood on their doorstep. I rolled my eyes and looked over at my mother, who was doing exactly the same thing.

“If for nothing else, enjoy the food.” My father winced before opening the door and helping us out.

“Mr. Y/L/N,” Lucius opened his arms. “A pleasure to meet you!”

“And you.” My father curtly said.

They shook hands before the attention turned to my mother and I. “Are these beautiful ladies with you?” I wanted to gag.

“Yes, this is my wife, Y/M/N, and this is my daughter, Y/N.” I didn’t take the hand that was offered to me.

“Pleasure.” I shorty said, my eyes flicking to Draco as he held back a smirk.

“Please, come in.”

You wouldn’t believe Christmas was in five days. The house was dark and cold, no decorations what so ever apart from a feeble Christmas tree in their large living room. It was far too big and grandiose, it was cocky.

We were all soon seated around the table, an excessive amount of food laid out on the table. The servants placed napkins on our laps.

“Thank you.” I smiled brightly at the older lady.

“We don’t thank the help.” Lucius politely said.

“I do.” I innocently smiled back.

I saw Lucius fists ball for a second before he tightly smiled. I didn’t have too much food, more so pushed it around my plate to appear as though I was eating. My father and Lucius spoke about everything from politics to Hogwarts. Nacissa attempted to speak to my mother, but much like me my mother either ignored her or didn’t make an effort in the conversation.

Thankfully Draco didn’t speak to me, simply stared into space. “Draco,” his father said. “Why don’t you show the lovely Y/N around our house whilst we discuss other matters.”

“Yes father.” Draco said before standing, beckoning me after him.

I looked towards my mother who smiled encouraging, her eyes telling me to convince Draco of our ways. My father smiled brightly as I left the room, Draco leaning against the wall in the hallway. He perked up when he saw me.

“The lovely Y/N.” He mocked, offering me his elbow to hold.

I slapped him away. “Get on with it then.” I grumbled.

We didn’t speak as we wandered the house, ending up in the library upstairs. I gazed around the books as Draco watched me closely.

“You like reading?” He asked.

“Oh yes,” I sighed. “I love books. Any type, it doesn’t matter to me.” I turned to smile at him.

He stood and approached me, I grew a little uncomfortable as he reached over from behind me, his chest brushing my back. “This is my favourite.”

He pulled a small book from the shelf. “Tales of Beedle and the Bard.” I smiled. “My mother always read this to me.”

Draco smiled down at me. “I had a Nanny growing up and she always read me stories.”

We gazed at each other for a moment. “No muggle books, I see.” I noted, stepping away and looking out the window.

Draco scoffed. “Why an earth would we have those?”

I shrugged. “Some of them are good.” I defended, opening the small book in my hand and reading over it. “There’s an author called Terry Pratchet and he comes up with the most amazing stor-“

“I don’t care.” Draco snapped. “Whatever it is, it’s terrible. Everything they do is terrible.”

“And everything you do is so great?” I snapped, slamming the book down.

“All those muggles do is start wars and mate, they’re hardly intelligent creatures.” He sneered as he stepped towards me.

I scoffed. “What about the war You-Know-Who is starting, and how do you think you were born?”

He peered down at me. “At least our mating is clean and right, they’re just like animals.”

Our faces were close together. “I’d happily mate with them.”

Suddenly Draco grabbed my jaw and pressed me against the tall window. “Don’t say that.” He snapped. “Someone as pure as you shouldn’t even consider mating with such filth.”

My small hand tried to pry him away, but he was too strong. “Why does that bother you? Hm?” I glared.

His eyes flicked down to my lips. “Because I want to fuck you.”

Before I could utter a word his lips were harshly pressed to mine, body rubbing against me. I attempted to push him away but Draco stayed put. He was good, too good. I slowly ran my hands through his hair, his evil smirk forming against my lips.

“Knew you wanted me.” He jeered, lips pressing down my neck. “You’ve always wanted me.”

I gasped as he bit my neck, sucking the sensitive flesh. “Draco.” I breathed out, rolling my hips up against his.

“Want it, little girl?” He taunted. He quickly spun me around, hand immediately palming my behind. “You can have it.”

His hands went to the hem of my skirt, pulling it up and over my ass and groaning as he saw my green underwear. “Like you knew I was going to fuck you.” He sighed before moving my underwear to the side and sinking his fingers into me. “So wet.”

I moaned deeply and pawed behind me, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. His fingers came to my mouth as I tasted myself from him. “Taste that? So sweet I could drizzle you on my breakfast.” Draco breathed.

He quickly pulled himself out, easing his tip into me before harshly grabbing my hips and thrusting into me. “You always wanted this, didn’t you?” He moaned into my ear. “Wanted my cum inside you, no one else’s.”

“Yes.” I agreed, throwing my head back against his shoulder as he kissed over my neck.

“No muggle could make you feel this good.” He promised. “No muggle could make you cum on his cock the way I do.”

“No, only you.” I agreed, my hand gripping his hair tightly as he moaned again.

“Fuck, I wanna see you filled with my cum.” He confessed. “I wanna see you carrying my child, knowing that it was my clean cum that got you pregnant.”

“Ah, fuck!” I wailed out, jumping as his hand came to cover my mouth.

“Shut up,” he snapped. “Your daddy has high hopes of you fucking some muggle, how disappointed he’d be knowing his little girl is getting pregnant from me.” He sneered.

I moaned into his hand. His arm circled around and began to rub small but harsh circles into my clit, groaning as I clenched around him. “You gonna come, Sweet Thing?”

I nodded frantically. “Good, cum for me.” My moans were muffled by his hand as I clamped around him, my pussy spasming as he forced an orgasm from me.

His hand dropped from my mouth as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body flush against his. “Cum inside me.” I whined out. “Please.”

“Fucking hell, gonna paint your womb with my cum.” He promised as his hips stilled and hot ropes of cum came inside me. “Fuck.” He leant against me, kissing over my cheek and neck.

He pulled out, watching as the cum leaked from me. He sighed and pulled my skirt down, turning me around. His hand softly cupped my face as he leant in and sweetly kissed me.

“Don’t clean yourself up,” he smirked. “I want to know you’re walking around with my cum inside you.”

I bit my lip and nodded. “We should get back.”

His hand gripped mine as he led the way back to the dining room, letting go of me once he heard our fathers yelling at each other. We entered the room and my mother quickly pulled me away from Draco.

“Y/N, thank god, we’re leaving.” She spat at Narcissa.

“And another thing, language like mudblood and pure-blood are so outed it’s laughable!” My father yelled.

“At least I don’t want my off-spring mating with dirty genes.” Lucius snapped.

“The only dirty genes are yours.” My father retorted. “Thank you for dinner, the chicken was overcooked.”

My father grabbed mine and my mother’s hand, pulling us past Draco who simply smirked and winked at me.

Once in the carriage my father ranted and raved about the idiocy he’d just been in the presence of, my mother quickly making her distain for them known.

“What about the boy?” My father asked. “Was he any better?”

I shook my head. “Baffoon.” I said.

That wasn’t totally true.

#draco #draco malfoy fanfic #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy smut #malfoy #tom felton fluff #tom felton angst #tom felton smut #tom felton #harry potter #harry potter fanfic

[minervahopebeyond]

Blood Daffodils.

Chapter 14: The letter.

It was a very normal dinner when they had an epiphany about Death’s request, well... actually Padfoot had it but it still counted.

“It could be the Hallows, I mean we have one of them-“ His godfather started to say and his dad sighed with exasperation.

“Not this again.”

“What?” Draco asked curious took a sip from his glass.

“It’s nothing, Sirius always had this stupid idea that the invisibility cloak is the invisibility cloak-“

“The one from the Tale of the Three Brothers?” Ron asked excitedly, his face matching Malfoy’s. And, once again, Hermione and Harry didn’t have the slightest clue about what the rest of them were talking about. Being muggle-raised sucked.

“Where have I read that before...?” Hermione asked, a frown on her face.

“Dumbledore left you a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard. It’s from that book.” Draco answered calmly.

Oh, great, so Harry was the only one who didn’t have a clue about what was going on.

“It totally makes sense! Harry, your cloak, the charm never fades... even the best ones get old and don’t work as well as they did when they were bought. Since when has the cloak been in your family, Mr. Potter?” His dad squinted his eyes, trying to calculate.

“That I know of... I guess that my great- grandfather had it and passed it on.”

Draco widened his eyes, an amused smile appearing on his face. Harry loved to see him like this, so in his element. So focused to achieve his goals and so happy when he discovered something useful. Sometimes he had to think about something else in the meetings, because if he paid attention to Malfoy... He started to get this itchy feeling on his lips, wanting to snog the hell out of the boy right in front of everyone.

“Okay, so let’s assume we have the cloak... What else do we have? She said it was two things.” Draco said as he stood up and leaned against the table. He never could be still when he was figuring out something, he always was moving, walking, jumping in his place, his feet’s were always alert, ready to do whatever it was needed at the time. It was one of the things that Harry liked best about the boy.

“If the hallows exist, I want the Elder wand. Imagine having that, we would win for sure.” Ron said, a wishful tiñe in his voice.

“I’m not on board with being murdered for power, thanks. Been there, done that.” Replies his dad, making Sirius’ and Draco’s laughter echoed in the kitchen.

“I think I would want the stone... Jamie is here with me, but Regulus isn’t... It would be nice to tell him that I destroyed the horcrux he stole.”

Okay, Harry was really not understanding anything. He turned to look at Hermione and her face of confusion told him that she didn’t had a clue either. Maybe the name of the tale was familiar but if Hermione Jean Granger wasn’t participating in a conversation, then she most definitely didn’t understand what they were talking about.

Then, Draco widened his eyes and covered his mouth with his hand in astonishment.

“What...?” Harry dared to ask.

“The stone... We don’t have the wand, no one tried to look for it so we don’t have it, but the stone.”

“I think we would know if we had the resurrection stone, little cousin.”

“Would we?” The blond boy had the smug smile that he loved so much and Harry wanted to slam his own face against the nearest surface just to try to get his brain to work properly again. “What did Dumbledore left you three?”

They all answered, a little tired of going over again the same thing that had been buggering them since August: trying to understand what the fuck did Professor Dumbledore wanted with his will. They only figured out the sword so far.

“Why would he leave you his personal copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard if it didn’t mean anything. Why the snitch?”

“I don’t know, Malfoy. That’s kind of the point. Scrimgeour said that the snitch would open when I’d hold it because it remembers their first touch, but I grabbed it and nothing happened...”

And Draco literally started to laugh saying that they have been so stupid all this fucking time. At this point, Everyone was watching him like he lost his mind (which was possible, Malfoy had been through enough, he wouldn’t blame him for losing it).

“Potter, work with me a little. Think about your first match.”

Harry frowned. He remembered loving every second of it... Except when Quirrel started to curse his broom. He could recall being so obstinate, making every single thing to catch the snitch, even as a first year, even if it was his first match. He remembered reaching out, so close to touching it with his fingers when... Holy shit. He widened his eyes and looked at Malfoy who was grinning like a mad man.

“I didn’t catch the snitch with my hand...” I said, realizing what he meant this whole time.

“You nearly swallowed the thing. I wanted to punch you in the face for that one.” He replied happily and Harry couldn’t help to look at him fondly.

Did Draco think back then that he was cute too? After their fight he had confessed that he found Harry the most attractive bloke in school and, when he heard it, his heart almost came out of his chest.

Take that Nott, he notices me and he likes me the most... At least physically.

What was a little disappointing, was the fact that what Draco thought about how he looked like had nothing to do with his feelings. Harry was glad that the boy found him attractive but, at the end of the day, he wanted for the blond boy to choose him first in every sense... which was not happening.

On Valentine’s Day, he tried to ask Malfoy out on a date. Not that they could go anywhere but his father said that him and Padfoot were having a romantic dinner, so the four of them needed to find another thing to do. Call him naive if you want, but Harry supposed that Ron would want to spend it with Mione alone, that left him and Draco to have a nice time for themselves in his room... And he started to plan it all: which album of Queen they were going to dance to, what would they eat in his room, at what point he was going to kiss him, and just imagining the smell of the daffodils filling his room was enough to put a goofy smile on his face. When Harry suggested to cook some pizza and take it upstairs, he was not pleasantly surprised to find out that Draco had actually planned an evening that included the four of them. At least they got to spend the night together, that was something, right?

“Potter.” Draco said, snapping his fingers in front of his eyes. He blinked repeatedly, as he came back from his thoughts. “Go fetch that Snitch.” He commanded and the green-eyed boy complied.

It turned out that a message appeared if Harry put the snitch in his mouth ‘I open at the close’ Nobody seemed to understand it, Ron only said that he was getting quite tired with Dumbledore’s Riddles. He couldn’t blame him, really.

“So you think that the stone is there, Kid?”

“Yes. Although we can’t do anything until it opens...But at least we know what’s going on... kind of.”

And after they started to assume that the Hallows were real, that one vision that he had about Voldemort torturing Gregorovitch for a wand that he could not find... It was finally starting to make sense. At least, now, Draco and Mione couldn’t be mad at him for letting him into his mind, because they had advantage, they knew what to expect when they would come across him again... Maybe he would carry the Elder Wand with him.

—————————

He was kissing Draco lazily that morning, he loved to do that. He loved to feel like the mornings were an extension from his dreams, this reality where he got to wake up with the blond boy’s arms around him. For a few minutes, he could pretend that this was permanent, that this was the way that he was going to wake up for the rest of his life.

The thing was that Harry had started to have hope, for a multitude of reasons. One being the smile that Draco offered him on these very same mornings, so truthful and warm. Another one being that confession about him being the highest rated boy in the list (yes, he was pretty proud of that). And, on top of everything, they were acting a lot like a couple lately... they would hug more, or kiss more, or hold hands a lot... Ron always had this annoyed expression on his face whenever he saw them together. Harry was aware that he was doing something wrong with Malfoy, he could live without the redhead wearing a scowl constantly on his face.

Draco separated their lips a little bit, just enough so he could talk.

“We should get up, training starts in like half-hour and we haven’t eaten yet.” Harry groaned and kissed him again, biting his bottom lip playfully.

“Or... We could stay here and skip breakfast.” Because, really, he could live without it and this was a much more entertaining thing.

“You can’t skip meals, Potter. We talked about this.”

This was another reason why he was getting hope, Draco was dying he had his own problems, and still, he found time to take care of Harry... To talk about the importance of a good nutrition and to come and spend the night with him whenever he realized that it was almost midnight and Harry wasn’t even attempting to get into his bed. Sleeping was overrated if you asked him, he spent six years of his life sleeping four hours each night and he was doing pretty well. Malfoy didn’t agree with him, though.

“You are such a killjoy.”

“Yes, now get up.”

The day passed by pretty smoothly. There wasn’t anything weird about it, no drama, no tantrums, no Ron and Hermione arguing about stupid stuff, and the more important thing ever: no coughs. None. Not even a small one. Harry seemed to be on Felix felicis again given the fact that he was smiling and skipping around the house from the happiness alone.

That was why it felt like such a punch to the gut to find the parchment on Malfoy’s desk.

They rarely spent time in Draco’s and Ron’s room. Probably because it was difficult to be alone in a room that was shared. The blond boy was in the shower, Ron was downstairs with Mione (he couldn’t go and interrupt them) and he was bored. He actually went into Draco’s room because he couldn’t find one of the vinyls, and since the blond boy tended to hoard as much of them as he could... He guessed that he could go and have a look around.

Now, Harry was regretting to ever had entered the room. His eyes were fixed on the parchment, Malfoy’s beautiful letter displayed on it. He didn’t even read the letter, he couldn’t. It was wrong wasn’t it? But...

Dear Theo:

There was this little voice in his head telling him to read it. That he could keep the secret. He was already biting his tongue to not tell Draco how he felt, and that was hard enough, he could keep this to himself too, couldn’t he?

‘No, Harry. This is awful. It’s private, you can’t. Just turn around and go.’

The boy was starting to hate the high morals that Gryffindor had instilled in him through the years... But to be fair, he never seemed to apply those morals whenever Malfoy was involved. With trembling hands he took the letter and began to read it.

Dear Theo:

I want to tell you so much that I don’t know where to begin. Let’s star with the most important thing, shall we?

The Deathly Hollows are real. Remember when we wanted to become the Masters of Death back when we were like five? I can’t believe that it is something actually possible, my prat of a father always made fun of our ‘childish dreams’ but who laughs now, huh? I have a connection to the other side, I can do the old rituals and I have a quest that has been a petition from Death herself.

I can’t help but to wish that you could be here.

His heart started to hurt. It felt like someone was strangling it. He was so naive wasn’t he?

Harry took a deep breath and resumed his reading, forcing himself to read that same line again.

I can’t help but to wish that you could be here. I know that you would love this, the mystery, the riddles... Even in this very obscure context is unbelievingly fun to try to solve this.

I miss you dearly. We haven’t got to spend any time together this year and I fear that we are not going to... Things are too messed up right now and I don’t have much time left. Potter says that he is going to finish this before June but, honestly, I don’t think that it’s going to happen.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

The tears started to escape from his eyes, he moved away the letter, trying to avoid staining it with his tears.

Please tell me that you are being safe...That you are being as cunning and ambitious as ever (well, tell me in a metaphoric sense of the term because this letter in not going anywhere and you can’t respond to it). When the time comes, I hope that you fight with our side. I really really want you to. I don’t know if that still means something to you but I wanted to tell you.

I had a dream last night, about us.

Harry’s heart stopped working for what it seemed to be ages. Last night? Like... The night previous to this beautiful morning where Draco kissed him for almost an hour? Oh... No coughs... at all. Fuck. How fucking naive he was, thinking that maybe he was the cause of Draco being healthy... It was because of Nott, of course. He let out a sob before continuing reading.

We were together at the beach (it looked like the one from Bill’s and Fleur’s cottage because I don’t know any other beach, clearly), you looked at me and smiled, and when I asked you if you were okay, you answered: ‘Yes... I haven’t been for a while...but I guess that I’m okay now.’ Were you really there? I can’t help but wonder if we really met in that dream... It felt so real, I don’t know how to explain it.

Harry couldn’t stop crying. Wishing that they haven’t met there at all. Even if it was a cruel thing to wish... He didn’t want to think that Draco and Nott met in their dreams because they missed each other so much. Not when the blond boy hugged him in his sleep and not when he woke him up with a kiss.

If it really was you, I’m glad that we got to see each other. At least like this.

Be safe... and try to laugh. It truly was a vision to see you showing off that beautiful smile of yours. You deserve to be happy.

Draco

He heard the water in the bathroom stop running. Harry left the letter where it was and abandoned the bedroom as fast as he could. He couldn’t go back to his room, Malfoy was probably going to look for him after he got changed. And he was crying his heart out. So bloody pathetic.

He changed his direction and started to walk down the hallway to knock on the door of the main bedroom. He heard a ‘come in’ so he opened the door and close it behind him once he was inside. He raised his eyes. Padfoot had a book in his hand and his father was resting his head on the man’s lap, both of them looked at him and froze.

“Harry...?” His dad asked with fear in his eyes.

“Can-“ Another sob escaped his mouth. “Can I stay here? I- I just-“

And he was being pulled into a hug. The nicotine smell was invading his nostrils.

“Muffliato. Please.” He begged, because the idea of Malfoy finding him crying like a little boy in his parent’s arms was embarrassing enough, he didn’t need for it to actually happen. His father complied and gestured for him to sit on the bed with them.

He wanted to scream from the pain. It was so fucking unfair. The tears kept coursing down his cheeks, he had to take off his glasses because it was impossible to see with them anymore, all tarnished from his crying.

“What happened?” Padfoot asked calmly, Harry only shook his head. He didn’t want to tell them. “It’s Draco, isn’t it?” And that only made Harry cry even harder which, he supposed that it confirmed Sirius’ suggestion.

His father tried to ask what was it that Draco had done but his godfather cut him shortly, saying that Harry would talk if he wanted and when he wanted.

After a while, he started to get this painful feeling in his chest. The anguish that got settle inside of him was starting to feel like an overwhelming wave that was crushing every single bone in his body. He needed to speak, he needed to talk to someone.

“He writes to him.” He whispered, his voice weak and thin. “I know I shouldn’t have read it, but I did. He thinks that they met in dreams-“ He said chocking as he let out a sobbing sound. “ Draco spent the night with me and he met in dreams with him. Isn’t that so fucking romantic?”

“Oh, Harry... Hou don’t know what that means for them-“

“He says that he misses him dearly. That he doesn’t believe that I’m going to finish this before June, even though I’m fucking trying” He cleaned his eyes with the back on his hand. “I know it’s really shitty of me but sometimes I wish that he would choose me. And I know that it’s wrong because it’s going to kill him. I fucking know it, but I want it. I want him to write letters to me, I want him to be with me, I want for him to sleep beside me and not think about someone else. I want him for myself and I can’t have that so I take whatever it is that he can give me.”

“I know, Prongslet. I totally get it.” Sirius said as he played his his hair, soothing him. His dad was rubbing his back... It felt so good to have them near. He couldn’t imagine what it would be of him going through all of this without them...

“You know...” His father started to say. “It’s possible to be in love with two people at once.” Oh for fuck’s sake.

“Oh, yeah? Was that what happened to you?” He spat out his response. He knew that it wasn’t fair, much less to his dad and with Padfoot right beside him... But he was just so fucking angry and sad.

“Yes...” His father answered with honesty, Harry could feel the hand of Sirius tense for a second before resuming to run his fingers through his hair. “After school, I kept dating Lily and eventually fell in love. When she got pregnant I asked her to marry me, and then you arrived... There wasn’t a single day where I didn’t love Sirius, though.”

“That’s just sad.” He replied stubbornly.

“Is it? It gave me you... with your beautiful green eyes and your mother’s sass.” He heard Sirius chuckling so he relaxed. Maybe they really talked about this... Maybe it was okay now. “What I mean is that love is a million different things, you always love people differently, even when you are in love. Maybe it’s not going to happen tomorrow but... what if you turn out to be the one who spends the rest of his life with him? Would it really matter if he had Hanahaki for someone else?” Harry groaned.

“You don’t get it. You just don’t. I want for him to love me like he loves him. I know it’s fucking cruel, alright? But I want for him to love me so desperately that he would get the same squeezing feeling around his heart that I have everytime that I imagine them together. At this point, I’m bloody surprised that I’m not the one with the Hanahaki.”

“Okay... Prongslet?” Harry looked up. “How about you tell him how you feel?” He was about to respond but Padfoot cut him short. “I know what you are going to say: he doesn’t love me back and yada yada yada, BUT there is this very” And the man child coughs trying to hide the word ‘huge’.

“Sirius” His dad said in a reprimanding tone.

“What? I was just coughing. Anyway there is this possibility where you are.. you know... wrong.”

“About what? Maybe he has some feelings for me, which I doubt: I was barely mentioned in the letter-“

“Maybe he has THE feelings for you, you bullheaded oblivious very-son-of-your-father Potter.”

“SIRIUS.”

“What, James? They are worse than us! That’s saying something”

Harry started to get up, cleaning the rest of the tears with his sleeve and putting his glasses on.

“Hey, where are you going?” His father asked as soon as he started to walk to the door.

“Away from you. I don’t need you to give me hope when I know that I’m going to end up heartbroken.”

And he was closing the door behind him when he heard Padfoot yell.

“You know who said the very same thing at Grimmauld??” But whatever he was about to say was interrupted by him slamming the door.

———————-

Later that night, Harry found himself alone in his room and looking at the ceiling. His head was filled with images of Malfoy and Nott together at the beach, smiling to each other...

‘Potter says that he is going to finish this before June but, honestly, I don’t think that it’s going to happen.’

The thing was that he really wished to have a shot at being with Draco. That could only happen if they finished this on time and after they destroyed the locket, they were pretty stuck. The only clue that they had was Bellatrix...

They needed her wand to get to inside of the vault. What could they do? Steal it? They needed to be near her for that... Malfoy Manor was the place were the Death Eaters meeting were being held, he knew that because Draco told him, maybe if they infiltrated that Manor, they could get the wand... Or even her hair, with how much polyjuice Malfoy and Mione had brew in the last months they could do whatever they wanted.

But if they went inside of the Manor, Draco wasn’t coming with them. Not in a million years. Harry feared how his family would react if they saw him. Sirius and dad weren’t an option either, much to his dismay, someone needed to stay here with the blond boy and take care of him... And even if everything went wrong and he wouldn’t get to come back from this one, they would take care of him and Draco could be with Nott without Harry being in the middle of it all. He could actually let them be happy...

He needed to talk to Hermione and Ron about this. He just hoped that they would agree with him.

Sometimes being the good and selfless Chosen One sucked.

#drarry #fanfic #fanfiction #prongsfoot

[abizarreyodelingincident]

Ridiculous Optimization: The Art of Finding the Right Tool for the Wrong Situation

Chapter three: Meet your spirit animal, BE your spirit animal

(fair warning, Wind's the viewpoint, he's crude and a sailor)

Wind's grin threatened to lock his jaw muscles into place and he didn't give a shit about it. Their latest portal jumped had dumped them in three feet of salty water and the song of the waves was calling his heart.

Outset Island. Home.  

Wind half-swam, half-ran up the sands of the beach and beckoned the rest of his friends to come over, with a loud 'Come on!'

He couldn't wait to show them his home. Gran would love them and force them to take better care of themselves with her patented 'old lady's guilt tripping'. He couldn't wait to see her use it on the old man. Oh, oh, he could make Twilight wrestle with Mrs. Rose's giant pig. And show the woods on top to Hyrule. At least on this island, they weren't likely to lose him. And Wild would probably love to try the jump of courage on the other side-

“Big brother!”

Wind's heart leaped in his chest, joy warming him at the sight of his little sister running down the dock to greet them.

“Aryll!” he called out, rushing to hug his sister. How long had it been? Weeks now! At least!

“And who's this one?” Wind asked, kneeling to better coo at the seagull in her arms. His sister had tucked a hibiscus in her plumage, on top of her head.

“Her name's Marin.”

Behind them, a cacophony of metal and wood rang out loudly, followed by squawks and yelps. Wind whirled around, ready to draw his sword, only to see that his friends were helping up Wild, who looked like he'd just been pushed, and

Surrounded by the flippers he'd been taking off, Legend rested on his knees, paler than a ghost.

***

Wind… was worried. It wasn't like Legend at all.

Obviously, Warriors had teased him at first, mocking their experienced know-it-all for his two left feet. Right up until the point it became very obvious that this hadn't been a mere accident. Warriors had been equally quick to apologize and back off, but Legend hadn't really spoken to anyone since. Very gently, he'd gone up to Aryll (Wind hadn't placed himself between them, but the desire to had been there) and he'd asked if perhaps he could borrow her friend.

Under their astonished eyes, Legend had then walked up the dock with the seagull in hand and sat next to the tower, facing the sea. He hadn't moved from that spot since. Just one hero and a bird, one silent, the other singing.

“It's okay, Link,” Aryll had told him, “Marin likes him. She only sings when she's happy.”

They'd collectively decided that Legend needed time on his own. Fair enough. But he couldn't help think there was something more to do. However stupid it was, Wind felt a little responsible. This was his home, his timeline-slash-dimension-thingy. Maybe he could have warned him if he hadn't been so excited to show off the island.

He'd gotten to give the tour to the others, at least. Left Warriors at the dojo, Four on the beach looking for seashells, Twilight and Wild at Mrs. Rose's little enclosure ('Whoo! Go, Twilight! Show it who's boss!' 'THAT PIG IS WORSE THAN GANON!'). Sky had found a tree to nap in the shadow. Time had opted to stay on the porch of Wind's home, drinking tea and eating scones with his gran. (He was never living it down, the Links agreed.)

It was nearly as great as he'd imagined.  

Except…

“Still there?” Hyrule asked, following Wind's gaze back to the docks.

“Yup,” Wind grunted. Surely there was something he could try and help Legend out of his funk.

“Do you think he understands her singing? I don't know a spell for it, but it's Legend. Maybe he has a ring for hearing animals' thoughts?”

Possible. But he didn't really react much to Wolfie differently, so… probably not. There was something about that seagull that mattered to him.

He kicked the sand, grumbling. Come on, Link! Think. His mask wouldn't do much except tell Legend how much vitality Marin had (and that felt really counterproductive here). Hyrule didn't have a spell. Twilight only really got the body language. Aryll… eh, his little sister had to be pretending to get their words. No way in hell could she really talk to animals.

Not like he interacted with animals all that much himself. At most, he just found Beedle and…

“Oh, I've got it!”

***

“What do you want?”

“Hey, Legend, look what I got you!”

“A… pear with a screaming face?” It spoke of Legend's unease that the words lacked any acidity, but were merely confused, as if he'd been daydreaming for hours. Scrap that 'if', actually.

“A Hyoi Pear. They're super rare.”

“… I'm not hungry.”

Wind snorted. “Thank fuck, because that'd be really awkward. They're not for eating. Well, not hylian eating at any rate.”

Legend's eyebrow ticked, and his expression nearly resembled its usual self. “Well, thanks for the horrible babble, I'll put it on the chimney back in my world. It should serve as a deterrent to visitors. Or maybe I'll feed it to Ravio.”

Give Wind another fifteen minutes of talking and they'd get their snarky badass back. But it was unlikely the conversation would last this long.

“Oh stop yapping for a minute, you greenlander. I wasn't done talking. The Hyoi Pear allows you to take control of the animal that eats it.”

The seagull's song cut off with a startled screech. Wind had to cover his ears. Ouch.

Legend glared at the fruit, holding a protective hand over Marin. “I'm not-”

“Don't feed it to Marin. Obviously. There's like a metric ton of those winged rats around the place. So, you just need to wear the pear on your head-”

“Okay, now I know you're bullshitting me.”

“I'm serious!” Wind shot back, his face scrunched up in annoyance. “If you put that fruit on your head, it will absorb your thoughts and when a bird eats it, your mind will go inside the bird so you can control it!”

“That's… unexpectedly dangerous, if you ask me.”

“Well, it usually works until something jars you out of it.” Wind shrugged. He'd never had a problem with it, except maybe the guilt of having driven a bird face first into a cliff. “Or the bird shits it out.”

Legend sneered. “Charming.”

“It is what it is. But it's probably better than just whispering all day, if you ask me. So, you want it or not?”

For a moment, Wind almost feared Legend wouldn't. That he'd stay there, glaring at Wind's hand, glaring at the fruit that dared promised such a thing. And then Legend snatched it out of his hand, and near tossed his signature hat aside.

Yup. Wearing a Hyoi Pear really made you look like an idiot. But for once, Wind had zero desire to laugh, at all.

One of Marin's brethren dove straight for Legend's head. In the corner of his eyes, Wind saw Hyrule flinched, itching to protect his fellow hero, but more than that, he saw the tenseness in Legend's body. The hope he held at bay, the fear that this was somehow a prank. That he'd done something he thought of as ridiculous on the blind hope that maybe, maybe this would let him speak to Marin…

Wind whooped when he saw the seagull had taken the bait, and Marin took off after him. She rapidly twirled around the flailing Legend-in-a-bird, chirping softer than a winged rat had any right to do. Soon, she was leading him by the tip of his feathers, playful, gentle. Two old friends in the under the clouds, riding the sea breeze.

“Is he…” Hyrule began, hesitant. “… is he crying?”

Oh, Hylia-damnit! He was so sure that would have helped! Well, nothing to it now. He'd tried.

As he was moving to slap Legend upside the head though, a gentle hand grasp his arm and pulled him back.

“Leave him,” Hyrule said. “You told him how it works. Let him make his decision. Some things… well, you gotta face yourself.”

Wind rubbed the back of his head, a little puzzled. He could get the feeling, but why seagulls? Honestly, they were, at worse, little pests. Not exactly inner demons, right?

But well, Legend appeared alive again for the first time since they'd made it to his home, and that counted for more than a hell lot.

And above, two seagulls danced on the breeze, singing.

BONUS:

Beedle liked heroes. Heroes helped his business stay afloat, as no one else was quite the brand of rich and desperate as an adventurer on a time limit. So they usually didn't mind his gouged out prices so much. Oh, sure, he was the recipient of the stink eye from a little boy in green tunic every so often, but you couldn't be loved by everyone.

The sail clothe that served as his door flapped dramatically, like someone had attempted to kick it down.

Contrarily to his expectations, the person that entered wasn't some burly seven feet tall pirate, but a young man with a kind face and a superbly woven sail wrapped around his shoulders like a cloak.

“Welcome, welcome to Beedle's wandering shop! For your daily travelers' needs.”

The customer smiled pleasantly. “Why, hello. I hear you're the only place in all the great seas where a man can find Hyoi Pears.”

“Ah, you are well-informed.” Beedle rubbed his hands together. Another soul with a desperate need, ready to pay through the nose. “Indeed. Hyoi Pears are very rare and even I only have a limited stock.”

Limited until he found more buyers, of course.

“How many do you have?”

“Oh, for you, sir, I believe I can go up to fifteen.”

“Perfect. Here's all my money.” The adventurer tossed a silver rupee on his counter and leaned forward, a dangerous glean in his eyes. “I want your entire stock.”

“What?!” Beedle jumped in indignation. “Fifteen pears go for one hundred and fifty! Are you trying to bankrupt me?!”

He faced down pirates with bad breathes and more scars than face! Hylia, he sometimes made deals with bokoblins from the great sea! Who did this upstart adventurer think he was dealing with?

A fist slammed against the counter and rattled the very structure of his boat. The man was almost halfway over the counter, his eyes burning. For a second, Beedle feared he understood what demon gods and monsters felt like when staring down the blade of a hero's sword. It was… a certainty… a promise that if you moved the wrong way, you'd find your vital organs in four different locations by the next time you blinked.

“Your. Entire. Stock.”

Beedle squeaked. What in the world was up with this madman that they wanted to control birds so badly?!

“IT'S FOR LOVE!”

DOUBLE BONUS:

“So, Wind, we're very proud of you,” Time said, his face the very picture of neutrality, “Hyrule explained everything. You have shown compassion, kindness and creativity in helping your fellow hero. We couldn't agree more with the principle.”

Wind crossed his arms. “Don't butter me up, old man. Where's the 'but'?”

As one, Time, Hyrule and Four gestured to the beach.

“Last warning, Legend!” Warriors screamed, bolting across the sand whilst a seagull divebombed after him. “If you don't knock it off, I'll start shooting you down with my firerod!”

“Nooooooo!” Aryll screamed from atop the observation tower. “Don't hurt them!”

Wind didn't need to borrow his sister's telescope to see the grimace twisting Warriors' face. Nor any sense enhancement to hear the barely restrained shriek of rage from their captain. Well, at least he was practicing his stamina.

He'd say Sky could use the exercise, but their cloud-headed harpist was sitting on a rooftop and cooing over a few birds of his own.  

“What?” Wind said, digging his heel in the wood of the porch.

“Did you perhaps consider what might happen if you gave Legend the power to control a bird?”

Well, no, but fuck if he was gonna admit that to the others. Besides, it was only a bunch of seagulls. What would they do if the Helmaroc King's chicks showed up? Piss their breeches? No, Wind knew it hadn't been a mistake at all.

Legend, who had until this point been sitting in a meditative pose, dusted off his tunic and stood up.

“Wait,” Hyrule started.

They turned to look at the beach, where, yes, Warriors was still being chased by the seagull, then to Legend, getting back into Wind's house, humming.

Twilight jumped out from behind the corner, eying the sky warily. “It's as we fear, pops,” Twilight said, solemn. “He struck a deal with them.”

The seagulls cackled.

Okay, so maybe he was gonna hide the Hyoi Pears from Legend till they swapped worlds again.

#Linkeduniverse #Linked Universe #LU Wind #LU Legend #RO:ART

[anxious-gryffindor]

Hey, I’ve been thinking about this HBO Max Harry Potter series and... I think the best thing they could do is tell a whole new story that we’ve never heard anything (or almost anything) about before.

Like, look at Fantastic Beasts 1, that was a pretty good movie, it didn’t contradict canon in any way and I didn’t see a lot of HP fans hating on it. When you get to Fantastic Beasts 2, though... the controversy starts to rear its head. Becuse now they’re telling a story we already know some things about. So we notice inconsistencies (like the McGonagal thing), the diversity has to get erased bc they’re too chicken to put it in (aka Dumbledore not being gay - I know technically this was never in the books and it was a cop-out from the begining, but, still, when they delve into his story, it just becomes more obvious), the whole Credence is a Dumbledore plot is bullshit and my only hope is that it’s a lie, etc. Another thing worth noting is that this Credence-is-a-Dumbledore plot ws created in order to surprise us - because that’s what happens when you’re telling a story everyone knows the ending to: it’s hard to surpirse people, so you have to bend over backwards to do it. If they tell a new story we don’t know the ending of, problem solved.

And don’t even get me started on Cursed Child. Like, there are thousands of problems with that story, I think it’s safe to say it’s universally hated in fandom, but one thing I think is worth noting: the Time-Turner mess. Cursed Child directly changes canon when it comes to time-turners, bc that’s what you have to do when you’re telling a story so close to canon. If she ws dealing with an entirely different time-frame, different countries, different setting, etc, she could have probably found another way to tell an interesting story without creating this inconsistency.

Lastly, this might not be an argument considered valid for some people, but I think fandom has a lot of ideas and different interpretations of the less-explored parts of the story they could decide to shine  light on in the HBO series (yes, I’m thinking of the Marauder’s Era, more specifically, but other too), and if they go against some of really popular fandom ideas and screw up our favourite characters, I think people are going to get upset (myself included).

But if they make a whole new series, they could take the opportinuty to create new things in the HP Series, get us invested, and generate the least amount of controversy. I mean, I don’t know if I trust them to do this right, but I, for one, would really like to see more on the other wizarding schools around the world. Or they can tell us a story about the early days of the wizards in the USA, like the funding of MACUSA and all that. Or create a story around the Salem Witch Trials. Or imagine a Pureblood War in Europe around the Medieval Age. Or tell us about the first Triwizard Cup. Or how wands were created/became a big thing. Or go to the future and imagine what happens when Wizards finally starts to integrate magic and tecnology. Or expand on the stories in Beedle the Bard, going by the Fantastic Beasts idea. There are so many interesting parts of the HP universe that have never been touched, and I would feel 10 times better about htis series if this is what they did.

I guess if I absolutely have to choose over one more “known” time in the HP storyline they could take, I’d say the original series, bc at least we already have the movies, and if the series sucks, we can just ignore it

...Although, I guess they can’t really fuck up the next generation any more than Cursed Child already did? Or... well, maybe they can. I’ve learned not to understimate JK Rowling.

TLDR.: If HBO Max wants the fandom to watch, enjoy and not create controversy around their new HP series, they should leave alone the parts of the universe we already know things about and the characters we already care about, and instead, explore an entirely new part of the universe.

#hp #harry potter #hbo max #this seris is making me nervous #i just don't want them to piss on my babies #why can't they leave us alone?? #and I'm not even going to get into the fact the JK's going to get money for this and how fucked up that is #hbo max harry potter #harry potter hbo series #please god don't let them mess with my babies #marauders era #mwpp era #hogwarts founders #Next Gen #next generation #even like #tom riddle #i'm afraid of what they might do to him #dumbledore and grindewald #fantastic beasts has done enough damage to them #slytherin trio #there could be more i'm forgetting about #HP Fandom

[sage-nebula]

Years ago I might have rated Skyward Sword higher, but I replayed it recently and while I might rate it higher than you it's definitely not one of my favorites. Personally I wish they would have focused on more actually clever things with the motion (I will always remember spinning the spider around to expose it's weakness! I loved that!) and like most people wish they stopped at one Imprisoned fight. What did you feel were its weaknesses?

The gameplay. 100%. Skyward Sword is unplayable for me.

I love everything else about it. The music is gorgeous, the characters are wonderful, the art style is beautiful, and the story (aside from not calling Hylia a demigoddess like she should be) is fantastic. There is so much about it to love . . . 

. . . if it was an anime, or a manga. But as a game? It fails horribly.

1.) The motion controls are NOT 1:1, even with Wii Motion Plus. And if Skyward Sword were designed like any other Zelda game, where you could hit monsters any way you pleased and they would take damage, that would be fine! But because Nintendo was so confident that they had 1:1 motion controls, they decided to make every monster—even ones as basic as Deku Babas—into puzzle monsters where you had to hit them a precise way at a precise time or your attack did no damage. And you know what? That’s bad game design even if you have absolutely perfect motion controls. Because let’s pretend, for the sake of argument, that the controls were 1:1 with the Wii Motion Plus, as advertised, and my problem was that my coordination was poor. In that case, the game is still unplayable, because it means that people without perfect coordination for whatever reason (maybe they just never developed those skills, maybe they’re disabled in some way) can’t play the game. For a series as wide-reaching as Zelda, it’s a problem if you’re cutting off a huge portion of players from being able to enjoy it. And on that note . . .

1.5.) The motion controls were MANDATORY. I understand that Nintendo has been in love with motion controls for a long time, and I accept that. But you should be able to turn them off. Like, they’ve put them into just about every big budget game they’ve released the past couple of decades. The Splatoon games have them, Breath of the Wild had them, and so on. But in each game, you can turn them off. Hell, even though Breath of the Wild does require them in a couple shrines, those shrines aren’t required to beat the game. To 100% it, sure, but not to beat it and get a full experience out of it regardless. So for Skyward Sword to require the motion controls to the point where you’re not even given the option to turn them off (which, again, makes sense given that they based even insignificant monsters around them) is terrible. It’s terrible for people who don’t like them, but it’s absolutely HORRIBLE for people who are disabled and thus can’t use the motion controls. Skyward Sword’s motion controls are a huge middle finger to disabled folk, and that sucks.

As a side note? I was much younger when I played Skyward Sword than I am now, and in much better health. But even back then, I could only play for a couple hours before I got winded because of all the damn sword swinging I had to do and whatnot. This is why I think it’d be unplayable to me now; I’m not healthy enough for a damn video game and that sounds like it should be an oxymoron, but it’s not.

2.) Once again, the dungeons are too damn long. This was a complaint I had about Twilight Princess as well, but it bears repeating here. Whether it’s because of my ADHD or otherwise, I just can’t handle dungeons that take hours to complete. Breath of the Wild was, pardon the wordplay, a breath of fresh air in that sense. Finally, the dungeons were a reasonable length again. But in Skyward Sword they were not. They were insanely long and full of goddamn motion control puzzles, which made them feel like a chore x2 (because they would already be a chore due to the length, but the miserable motion controls made it even worse). Games should not feel like a chore to play, but Skyward Sword still did.

3.) Fucking EVERYTHING was a puzzle, though. So I’m going to elaborate on this a little more in a second, but basically Skyward Sword didn’t have an overworld. Skyward Sword had a hub area (the sky), and then several puzzle dungeons that led to even longer puzzle dungeons on the surface. The Faron, Eldin, and Lanayru areas were extremely small areas filled with puzzles that you had to complete just so you could get to a dungeon with more puzzles. There was nothing to explore in these areas, nothing to see, because you were too busy solving puzzles so that you could go solve more puzzles. And I hate that! I get that puzzles are a big part of Zelda, but you know what, exploration should be too. Exploration is what the series was literally founded on, even if the limitations of the NES meant there really wasn’t that much to find. So to have a game basically be nothing but dungeons, especially for a person like me who isn’t jazzed about dungeons in the first place, was a huge buzzkill.

4.) There really was NOTHING to explore. So, to elaborate on what I mentioned in the previous point: Aside from the surface area basically being nothing but dungeons (dungeons that you had to backtrack through five billion times), the sky was empty. It was just completely empty. There was nothing there. You had Skyloft, the Pumpkin island, the roulette island, Beedle’s ship . . . and that was it. Oh sure, there were other floating rocks here or there, but there was nothing on them. There was nothing to do. And considering this followed Wind Waker, where there was so much to discover in the ocean, so many different islands that had secrets and people and cabanas and minigames and whatnot, it was a massive disappointment. Nintendo showed us that they could give us huge areas to explore, they just deliberately chose not to for a 25th anniversary title. What this meant is that you had nothing to give you any breathing room between dungeons. Because again, the surface areas before the actual temples were basically little mini dungeons. So whereas in past Zelda games you’d have little sidequests and places to explore in-between dungeon crawling, in Skyward Sword you really didn’t have that. So not only could I not breathe because of all the physical exertion, but I also couldn’t breathe because the game gave you no time to rest. Goddess Din give me strength.

5.) The backtracking was INSANE. My god, another reason this game could have benefited from more areas was so that you wouldn’t have to keep exploring the same damn areas again, and again, and again, and again, AND AGAIN. The Imprisoned fight you mentioned was bad enough, because that wasn’t a fun fight and so to have to do it something like three separate times was miserable. But it was also miserable that there was literally nothing to this game below the clouds or above them, so they just had to keep inventing fetch quests to send you back to the same areas time and time again. Seriously Nintendo? At least Twilight Princess had more places for us to go, even if they looked boring. You couldn’t even give us that for the 25th anniversary title. Smh.

All in all, the gameplay experience of Skyward Sword is just absolutely miserable. From the forced motion controls to the fact that it’s nothing but dungeons pretending to be a map, I had to force myself to keep picking up the Wiimote because playing it felt like doing a chore akin to mowing the lawn. Which sucks, because as I said, I love the story and the characters to pieces. Fi’s farewell makes me cry every time I rewatch the scene on YouTube. But while story and characters do carry weight and are important to when it comes to Zelda games, ultimately, Zelda games are still games and therefore gameplay is paramount. If a game is not fun to play, then it has failed as a game. And unfortunately, Skyward Sword is one that failed as a game, perhaps because Nintendo invested so much time in the story and characters that they forgot they were supposed to be making a video game instead of an anime. It is what it is. 

#people keep talking about a Skyward Sword remaster but nah #what it needs is a reMAKE #from the ground up #keep the story and characters the same #change EVERYTHING about the gameplay #change the whole surface #actually put shit in the sky to explore #otherwise it's a hard pass #because I'm not going to buy a game that's not fun to play #when I can just watch all the cutscenes on YT for none of the pain #Anonymous

[parkkate]

Take it or leave it 📚📚

Sometime in 8th year...

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Potter?”

“Umm… leaving the library?”

“I don’t think so.”

Potter lets out a sigh, one that’s supposed to let the other person know just how annoyed you are.

“Give me the book,” Draco demands, holding out his hand expectantly.

“Excuse me?”

“Give me that book,” Draco growls. Potter looks completely unimpressed. “Are you deaf?”

“I just borrowed it,” Potter says. “Wait until it’s your turn.”

“No,” Draco says defiantly. “I need it now.”

“Need?” Potter echoes with a raised eyebrow.

Shit. “I want it now,” Draco corrects.

“Ask Madam Pince for another copy,” Potter says dismissively. He makes a move to walk around Draco, but Draco blocks his way once more.

“It’s the only copy,” Draco snarls.

Potter gives him a speculative glance.

Draco grits his teeth, his eyes narrowed into slits. “This,” he takes a threatening step forward, “happens to be my favourite book.”

“‘The Tales of Beedle the Bard’ is your favourite book?” Potter asks sceptically. “It’s a children’s book.”

“You’re the one who just borrowed it,” Draco points out.

“Malfoy, I don’t have time for this. I’ll bring it back tomorrow. You can have it then.”

“No.”

“Malfoy!”

“No!”

“Why are you so obsessed with this book?”

“I—I just—” He hesitates, averting his eyes. He can’t possibly tell Potter how anxious he’s feeling right now, how his chest tightens with every breath and the only thing that’s going to calm him down is diving into the stories his mother used to read to him as a child.

“Is it really that important to you?” Potter says quietly.

Draco’s eyes snap back to his. There’s much more sympathy there than Draco is comfortable with. But there’s also a hint of hesitation.

“It is important,” Draco admits grudgingly.

“Why?”

Draco groans. He should have known Potter wouldn’t make this easy.

“None of your business.”

“Hey, you’re the one who’s begging—”

“I’m not begging,” Draco snarls. “You know what, keep the damn book. I don’t care!” Fuming, he stomps out of the library and back to the common room. As soon as he enters, however, he immediately feels overwhelmed. The room feels stifling. There are too many people in here. He quickly darts up the stairs to his dorm room and throws himself on the bed. He tries to block out any unbidden thoughts as he stares at the ceiling, waiting for nighttime to come. For the nightmares to come.

A determined knock on the door startles him into a sitting position. Potter bursts into the room without waiting for an answer.

“Fuck you, Malfoy,” he barks and tosses something at him. It’s ‘The Tales of Beedle the Bard’ Draco realises. He stares at Potter, wide-eyed, confusion washing over him. “Thanks for making me feel guilty,” Potter snaps. “I was going to—I haven’t been—I thought it might help—Ugh, but I think you need it more than me.”

Draco blinks at him in astonishment. “You too?” he simply asks. He’s too surprised to think about what he’s just admitted to Potter.

Potter stills and eyes him intently. He gives a tiny nod as though he doesn’t really want Draco to see it.

Draco looks down at the book in his hands. He already feels calmer, a little bit more in control. He hears Potter clear his throat and tears his eyes away from the book reluctantly. Why is he still here?

“How would you feel about a compromise?” Potter proposes quietly.

“Compromise?” Draco echoes sceptically.

“Yeah. I thought—I thought we could… I don’t know, share it?”

“How would we do that?” Draco retorts, already feeling frustrated. He just wants to be alone. Well, that’s not completely true. But being around other people is just so exhausting.

“We could read it together?”

Draco snorts. “No way, Potter. You’re such a slow reader.”

“I’m not!”

“You are.”

Potter slams the door shut, and for a second, Draco thinks he’s going to attack him. Before he knows what’s happening, Potter is sitting beside him, cross-legged and his arms firmly folded on his chest. “I’m not a slow reader,” he insists. “But if you’re going to be such a pain in the arse about it, then I guess you can read it to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s my compromise. Take it or leave it.”

Draco stares at him incredulously. He notices the crease between Potter’s eyebrows and knows he has no other choice. There’s no arguing with Potter with that stubborn crease in place.

“This is ridiculous,” he mutters. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Potter squirm and something weird flickering across his face.

“I need this as much as you do,” Potter mumbles. It takes Draco by surprise. He didn’t expect Potter to admit it. Is it really that bad?

After another moment of hesitation, he quietly opens the book. “There was once a kindly old wizard—” He stops when Potter’s head whips around. “Stop staring, Potter. I thought this was what you wanted.” Draco can tell he’s biting the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t say anything but simply nods and wriggles into a more comfortable position. Draco sighs, mentally shaking his head. “There was once a kindly old wizard who used his magic generously and wisely for the benefit of his neighbours…”

Draco wakes with a start and blinks in the darkness, disoriented. It takes him a moment to realise he’s in his room, in his bed. The copy of ‘The Tales of Beedle the Bard’ is still in his hands. He tries to straighten himself but immediately goes rigid. He looks down, his eyes slowly focusing in the darkness. His pulse quickens inadvertently when he sees a mop of black hair resting in his lap. When did that happen? Oh, yeah, he noticed Potter edging closer while he was reading ‘The Fountain of Fair Fortune’. By the time they reached ‘Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump’, their shoulders were touching. And at some point, Potter’s head plopped down on Draco’s shoulder. Draco stopped reading, scolding his heart for nearly jumping out his chest.

“Don’t stop,” Potter said sleepily. Draco tried to sneak a peek at him. His eyes were closed. “I’ve never had anybody read me bedtime stories before.”

“Are you serious?” Draco said with a frown.

He stil can’t believe it.He stares at Potter’s head, at his shoulders rising and falling evenly as his words echo in his mind. Maybe reading to Potter wasn’t so embarrassing after all. And if Potter really was talking about needing ‘Beedle the Bard’ to keep the nightmares away, it seems to have worked. He looks peaceful at least. Huh. Draco realises he didn’t have any dreams either. Not the worst outcome, he thinks with a mental shrug. He lets his head fall back against the headboard and closes his eyes. Still, it’s a little weird to have Harry Potter sleeping in his lap. But… it’s not horrible. It’s actually… quite okay. Not that he’d ever admit that, he thinks, before he drifts off to sleep again, not even realising that his fingers are twisted around soft, black hair.

Inspired by this post, specifically @delightfuloverkill ‘s addition ^^ 

#drarry #drarry squad #draco malfoy #harry potter #writing #so #this is another thing i found in my drafts #i comletely forgot about this #i definitely need to clean out my drafts more often :D #queue

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You. Smug. Bitch.

by Dan H

Thursday, 05 February 2009Dan deals with That Woman again~

A quick mea culpa, added 20.09.09: A random anonymous troll picked me up yesterday on the title of this article - okay they actually picked me up on "whining" so I suspect they were just an outraged fanboy, but they were actually quite right that reaching for gender-specific insults as a first recourse in an argument with a woman, even one you're not actually talking to, is not okay. I'm leaving the title as it is, because I don't think you should try to cover these things up, but I do actually regret the choice. It's a rather nasty silencing tactic, and it shouldn't have been my first instinct.

While Kyra was writing her review of the insestimably worthy On The Jellicoe Road, a genuinely moving book about love and pain and hope, I was reading The Tales of Beedle the Bard, a genuinely infuriating book about what a great writer JK Rowling is. 

The Tales of Beedle the Bard is a mercifully short collection of “stories” the sole function of which is to provide JK Rowling with a vehicle to have Albus Dumbledore suck her children's book cock. 

Want to hear more? Here's a quick summary of the stories: 

The Wizard and the Hopping Pot

  Summary: Good Wizard helps Muggles with magic. When he dies, his bad son decides not to help the Muggles, the good Wizard's magic pot starts jumping up and down and annoying the crap out of him, so he eventually gives in and helps the Muggles. 

Cheap point scoring: Notice that while the hero of this story is the Good Wizard who helps Muggles with magic, and that the villain is his selfish son who refuses to help Muggles with magic, that in fact the Wizards in the world of Harry Potter never so much as think about using their magic to help anybody with anything (often including themselves – see “but why didn't they cast ...” moments passim ad nauseam). 

Favourite Lines: “'Begone,' cried the son. 'What care I for your brat's warts!'” 

Dumbledore Apologia: Rowling uses the first set of Dumbledore's notes to introduce us to two straw men who will remain with us throughout the book. The first is Brutus Malfoy who (along with many other “Muggle Haters” tried to suppress the story of the Wizard and the Hopping Pot because it was “Pro Muggle”. Because these books are about 

tolerance

 get it? The second figure that Rowling invents to make herself look good is Beatrix Bloxom who “believed that 

The Tales of Beedle the Bard

 were damaging to children because of ... their unhealthy preoccupation with ... death, bloodshed, wicked magic ... and eruptions of the most disgusting kind”. 

Do you see? Because JK Rowling writes really dark, books where dark things happen in dark ways, and some people just can't 

take

 that. 

The Fountain of Fair Fortune

  Summary: Three witches and a Muggle knight travel to the Fountain of Fair Fortune, which can reverse all your misfortunes. One of the witches is terminally ill, the other is extremely poor, the last is heartbroken. The Knight is just a Great Big Loser. They face perilous quests, get to the top of the hill, and discover that It Was The Journey That Was Important. It turns out that The Fountain Isn't Magic After All. The knight marries the heartbroken witch. 

Cheap Points Scoring: What the fuck? One of those chicks was suffering from an 

incurable fucking illness

. You don't just make that sort of thing go away with positive thinking. 

Favourite Lines: “The sky was rent with the first ray of the sun.” “The crowd surged forwards, each of them shrieking their claim for the Fountain's benison.” 

Dumbledore Apologia: The Muggle-Haters tried to have it banned again! (Lucius Malfoy this time, because a witch marries a Muggle at the end). But Dumbledore was like, no way man, because people should totally be allowed to marry Muggles if they want to. I'm so glad that JK Rowling is presenting these thoughtful, incisive comments on the nature of racism to the British youth. 

The Warlock's Hairy Heart

  Summary: Actually this one's alright, because it's essentially ripped off from other, better fairytales and doesn't have anything to do with the Harry Potter mythos. Warlock cuts out his heart, tries to marry a hot chick for prestige, she asks him to put his heart back in, he does but it's gone TOTALLY EVIL and he kills her, then himself. 

Cheap Point Scoring: Not from the text of the story, but Rowling takes pains to note in her introduction that the maiden in this story is the one exception to the rule that “Beedle's witches are much more active in seeking their fortunes than our fairy-tale heroines”. Becaues JKR is a FEMINIST. You can tell by the huge numbers of well realised, empowered female characters who get things done on their own behalf in the Potter books. 

Favourite Lines: “Though many a maiden was intrigued by his haughty mein, and employed her most subtle arts to please him, none succeeded in touching his heart. The warlock gloried in his indifference and the sagacity that had produced it.” 

Dumbledore Apologia: Dumbledore first of all tells us that the whole “removing your heart” thing isn't possible in the Harry Potter world. We had already worked this out because it was kinda cool, and Harry Potter magic sucks donkey balls. Then of course he goes on to tell us that this story is all about love love love love love love love. Because I don't know if you caught it, but the power of love was what the Harry Potter series was all about. That and tolerance. And death. Gosh they were a profoundly complex series of books. 

I should also add that Dumbledore's explanation of this story is particularly heavy handed: “And sure enough in seeking to become superhuman this foolhardy young man renders himself inhuman. The heart he has locked away slowly shrivels and grows hair, symbolising his own descent into beasthood. He is finally reduced to a violent animal who takes what he wants by force, and he dies in a futile attempt to regain what is now forever beyond his reach – a human heart.” 

Okay I know I was keeping these summaries short but what the 

fuck

. I mean, I know JKR was always keen to have people interpret her work correctly, but even I never thought she'd be this blatant. I mean she is literally, literally having Albus Dumbledore tell you how to interpret the story. Literally. Fuck. 

Babbitty Rabbity and her Cackling Stump

  Summary: Stupid king wants to learn magic. Hires a conman to teach him. Conman gets Babbitty Rabbity to do magic so that the King thinks it's him doing it. This all goes wrong when the King tries to use magic to bring back a dead dog, because death is srs bzns in Harry Potter, oh yes. So Babbitty Rabbity runs away, and then threatens the King with a curse which makes everything better. Oh by the way, witches are being persecuted in this story because it is teh burnining tiemz! 

Cheap point scoring: Babbitty Rabbity and her Cackling Stump is mentioned in Deathly Hallows. Were I feeling cheap, I'd suggest that Rowling wrote this completely fucking nonsensical story because having stuck herself with the title, she couldn't think of a remotely sensible way to make it work. I mean really “Babbitty Rabbity”. 

Favourite Lines: “Seeking a vent for his fear and anger, the charlatan approached the window of Babbitty the washerwoman.” 

Dumbledore Apologia: Dumbledore, of course, insists that this pile of nonsense involving stupid kings, fraudulent magicians and the like is all about 

the tragic and irreversible nature of death

. This set of Dumbledore Apologia is particularly hilarious because it's basically a venue for JK Rowling to say “death is totally irreversible in my books, even though you can talk to dead people, and they can come back as ghosts, and portraits of them possess all the features which they had in real life, and are capable of experiencing all the feelings and emotions that person would in real life, death is still 

totally overpoweringly important

 in this world”. 

I'm going to digress again, but the more JK tries to explain the whole death thing, the more stupid it sounds. No magic can bring somebody back from the dead. Okay, the mirror of Erised can show you your dead parents, but that's not bringing them back. Okay, your dead parents can appear out of a wand, and talk to you and give you messages from the other side, but that's still not bringing them back. And okay the dead literally watch over you in this world. And okay, magical artefacts exist which allow you to literally see the dead people who are literally watching over you. And okay, there are ghosts. And okay, if a portrait is made of a dead person you can talk to that person exactly as if they were still alive, and they'll have all the thoughts, feelings, and memories of the dead person, and you can talk to them every day, and they can express pride in your triumphs and console you in your failures, and they can make independent decisions, but that doesn't mean you can bring people back from the dead, oh no. Death is 

final

 in this world. So final that once you're dead you certainly can't show up and have long conversations with people in imaginary train stations. Oh wait. 

Basically the prohibition against bringing back the dead in the Potterverse is like that business with the British Sausage in that episode of Yes Minister. You can have your dead relatives about talking to you and walking around all you like as long as you don't say they're back from the dead, it's okay. The moment the “B from the D” label gets put on somebody, they become a hideous twisted abomination created by a man's foolish desire to cheat nature. 

The Tale of the Three Brothers

  Summary: See 

here

. 

Cheap point scoring: See 

here

. 

Favourite Lines: “It was only when he had attained a great age that the youngest brother finally took off the Cloak of Invisibility and gave it to his son.” 

Dumbledore Apologia: See 

here

 and 

here

. 

Conclusion

  In short, 

The Tales of Beedle the Bard

 sucks whatever unfortunate item or items you might care to present to it. It's written in this faux-Brothers Grimm style which sounds like a nine year old's first attempt at creative writing. Of its hundred and eight pages only fifty-six are taken up with the actual stories (including illustrations) the rest being Rowling's self-serving introduction and “Dumbledore's notes”. 

Like everything JK Rowling wrote after 

Prisoner of Azkaban

, 

The Tales of Beedle the Bard

 fails on pretty much every level. It's not a book of children's stories. Fairytales and folklore can't 

be

deliberately created, not even by the world's best-selling novelist. No child is actually going to grow up listening to the story of the Fountain of Fair Fortune. 

Ultimately, TToBtB is not about the tales themselves, it's about Dumbledore's notes. It's about providing with yet another way to tell her readership, directly, what they are supposed to think about love, death, the relationship between Wizards and Muggles, and of course about Albus Dumbledore and the Harry Potter books. 

I rather suspect that her next published work will simply be a single note saying “having read this, you feel that you better understand the nature of love, sacrifice, and mortality.”Themes: 

J.K. Rowling

, 

Sci-fi / Fantasy

, 

Young Adult / Children

~

bookmark this with - facebook - delicious - digg - stumbleupon - reddit

~Comments (

go to latest

)

Wardog

 at 18:17 on 2009-02-05Quite frankly anyone who uses the word "benison" in cold blood deserves everything they get.

Seeking a vent for his fear and anger, the charlatan approached the window of Babbitty the washerwoman

Hello there, I'm seeking a vent for my fear and anger...

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 19:45 on 2009-02-05Happy Christmas!!!!!!!

permalink

 - 

go to top

http://rudecyrus.livejournal.com/

 at 22:26 on 2009-02-06Man, Rowling really loves alliteration and rhyming words.

Can Dumbledore just go away already? We've spent more than enough time with the old coot.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Wardog

 at 10:53 on 2009-02-09Y'know, I think it says something about the nature/quality of your Xmas present to your good friend, Dan, that you had to also give him a 

fighting fantasy book

 to 

make up for it

. =P

By the way, Rudecyrus, I've noticed a couple of comments from you scattered around the place - welcome :) I think an over-reliance on alliteration and rhyming words are yet more evidence of a mediocre author struggling to replicate a fairytale style in most superficial way way possible. Sigh.

Isabel, I'm so sad about President Roslin - 

spoiler spoiler spoiler

-

-

-

When I thought she was dying of cancer, I was actually really into her - in that context, her semi-saintly and infalliable moral compass actually worked really well for me. For the first season and a half of BSG she was actually one of my favourite female characters on TV, like, ever - I loved the fact she was strong and vulnerable, compassionate and ruthless, and generally just a strong women in a position of power and responsibility. But then she kind of didn't die and from that moment on I completely lost faith in BSG as a whole, and the character alongside it. BSG still really upsets actually because until that exact episode (Epiphany - it is branded on my memory) I thought it was one of the best shows I had ever seen. There were problems associated with it than just Roslin, of course, but the conclusion of that arc was indictative to me.

Generally I start to hate characters when they stop being characters and start being mouth pieces for the author - like Dumbledore and, I have to say, Sam Vines and Vetinari by the latter Discworld books...

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 10:59 on 2009-02-09The FF book was for Dan. Beedle the Bard was really for FB. :D

permalink

 - 

go to top

Sister Magpie

 at 17:03 on 2009-02-11

The Muggle-Haters tried to have it banned again! (Lucius Malfoy this time, because a witch marries a Muggle at the end). But Dumbledore was like, no way man, because people should totally be allowed to marry Muggles if they want to. 

Oh man, really? For some reason of all the notes this is the most egregious. Too bad it wasn't a Wizard who married a Muggle man. That would get left out for not having anything to do with the story.

Isn't there also a thing that says these were supposed to have been translated from the ancient runes by Hermione? Which makes me think Hermione's a really poor translator, but also wonder why fairy tales were ever supposed to be written in ancient runes. But I only heard that second hand, so maybe I'm wrong there.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 18:35 on 2009-02-11

Isn't there also a thing that says these were supposed to have been translated from the ancient runes by Hermione? Which makes me think Hermione's a really poor translator, but also wonder why fairy tales were ever supposed to be written in ancient runes. But I only heard that second hand, so maybe I'm wrong there.

Given that she did the translation (if I remember right) in the middle of 

Deathly Hallows

, this would imply that Dumbledore either:

a) Wrote his annotations in ancient runes for shits and giggles, rather than producing a proper translation himself - which you'd think he'd do, given that he seems to think it's important that these stories are told.

b) Dictated his commentary from beyond the grave.

c) Secretly survived the series and rode to the Moon on Hagrid's motorbike waving a middle finger at the audience and yelling 

Fuuuuuuuck yoooooooou suckeeeeeeeeeeeeeers

, leaving behind reams of commentary on the writings of the Great Rowling.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Dan H

 at 11:35 on 2009-02-12

Isn't there also a thing that says these were supposed to have been translated from the ancient runes by Hermione?

Yes, they were. A poster on Death to Capslock did point out that this actually makes the really awful style make more sense (because if *anybody* would use the word "benison" in cold blood, it'd be Hermione). And of course since "Hermione" is really JKR's self-insert, it sort of fits anyway.

As for the runes: surely you know that *everything* was written in Runes in Olden Times.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Rami

 at 16:38 on 2009-02-13Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the entire point of runes was that they were easy to carve into solid surfaces like stone or metal? So were these tales supposedly engraved into stone slabs, like the Ten Commandments Of Worshipping The Great Rowling?

permalink

 - 

go to top

http://miss-morland.livejournal.com/

 at 23:16 on 2009-02-19At this point, I'm mostly interested in the HP books as source material for fanfiction. Alas, BtB doesn't seem to have much potential in that respect...

permalink

 - 

go to top

Wardog

 at 12:37 on 2009-02-20Well, not unless you want to ship Albus Dumbledore / JK Rowling

permalink

 - 

go to top

http://miss-morland.livejournal.com/

 at 13:24 on 2009-02-21Hee. I wonder if anyone has ever written that...

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 00:19 on 2009-04-07

JK Rowling reads Beedle the Bard at the spouses of world leaders.

What I want to know is what terrible ransom the G20 paid Rowling to get her to let the hostages go. Are we looking at the world's first fantasy author with a nuclear arsenal?

permalink

 - 

go to top

https://me.yahoo.com/a/tjLTVHEducFb4rKDHU5DukBHtQcCbTVMEEq55v0CxV4-#5e156

 at 12:54 on 2009-08-09Hm I don't think guys who are ruthless enough to become leaders care for their spouses wellbeing that much.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Viorica

 at 01:57 on 2009-11-23Having stumbled upon this article by the miracle of the random generator, I do have to defend Rowling on one point. The crazy woman who thinks that these stories are unsuitable for kids due to their darkity dark darkness is probably a parody of Laura Mallory and her ilk as much as it is an advertisement for JKR's infinite wisdom.

I actually read a series of (fanfic) stories about Hermione telling Ron about Muggle fairytales, and Ron trying to puzzle out their logic. Unfortunately, I've lost the link . . .

permalink

 - 

go to top

Rami

 at 06:09 on 2009-11-23

probably a parody of Laura Mallory and her ilk

Er, Laura Mallory? Who's that?

permalink

 - 

go to top

Dan H

 at 11:01 on 2009-11-23

The crazy woman who thinks that these stories are unsuitable for kids due to their darkity dark darkness is probably a parody of Laura Mallory and her ilk as much as it is an advertisement for JKR's infinite wisdom.

Like Rami I've never heard of Laura Mallory, but yeah, I do get that the HP books have come under attack from people who insist that The Children Must Be Protected.

The problem is that Rowling *also* likes to deny (implicitly rather than explicitly) the existence of other works of children's literature which are *far* darker, *far* more mature and *far* more disturbing than her own. There's a kind of recieved wisdom grown up in the last few years that JKR is some kind of benchmark for the handling of serious themes in Childrens' books.

I actually read a series of (fanfic) stories about Hermione telling Ron about Muggle fairytales, and Ron trying to puzzle out their logic. Unfortunately, I've lost the link . . .

Oh come on, how OOC is that. Since when has Hermione *ever* shown an interest in her Muggle heritage...

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 13:56 on 2009-11-23Google tells me that Laura Mallory is the person who claimed that the culture fostered by 

Harry Potter

 books pressures people into joining Wicca and causes school shootings. Best sources I can find for her views are a 

carefully-written Daily Mail article

 of the "we're giving this person coverage because she's crazy, but we're not going to call her crazy to her face" variety, and an 

Encyclopedia Dramatica

writeup (watch out, potentially NSFW banner ads).

permalink

 - 

go to top

Rami

 at 16:35 on 2009-11-23

Oh come on, how OOC is that

Just want to confirm -- I'm guessing OOC == Out Of Canon?

Best sources I can find for her views are a carefully-written Daily Mail article

Hehehe, carefully written Daily Mail article.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 16:38 on 2009-11-23

Just want to confirm -- I'm guessing OOC == Out Of Canon?

I'm guessing either that or Out of Character...

Hehehe, carefully written Daily Mail article.

Well, written with sufficient care to make sure she doesn't notice they're making fun of her. Not written with sufficient care to make the reader not feel talked down to. ;)

permalink

 - 

go to top

Rami

 at 16:55 on 2009-11-23

I'm guessing either that or Out of Character...

Seriously, people, the TLA namespace is crowded enough already ;-)

permalink

 - 

go to top

https://me.yahoo.com/a/gNLVidA.xeLuPiOU_2B_USM.HYNFjA--#b0b6b

 at 15:13 on 2010-08-26Hi there, hope you don't mind a late and admittedly ranty comment. I only just got around to reading Beedle, and by god you're right: it is so smug and sanctimonious and badly-written and just plain 

infuriating

.

I actually detested The Warlock's Hairy Heart a bit more than the others. In all her gushing and spewing about how wonderful and almighty Love is, through this story (maybe not so much in the actual HP series) JK seems bent on specifically endorsing the heterosexual, happy-ever-after 2.3 kids and a white picket fence kind.

It seems so because, at the outset, this baddie does nothing remarkably bad beyond deciding that the life and duties of a husband and father are not for him. But by the story's logic, this points him towards the Dark Arts and *

wham

* - he has become a SERIOUSLY EVIL WIZARD.

Later in the story when the Warlock reinstalls his heart and cosies up with the witch, his feelings are described in unmistakably sexual terms - like his being suddenly aware of the witch's smooth, silky skin and all that. This is what the reader is expected to recognise as Love.

But of course there's no change possible for Dark Wizards: he goes and kills the girl, because 

of course

 he was just repressing himself all these years, and everyone knows that abstinence turns people into the most horrible sexual deviants.

While Dumbledore's commentary on this story is as unenlightening as usual (his powers of literary analysis do not impress me, and neither does his deep familiarity with a single quote by Alexander Pope), it does perhaps become a bit interesting when you consider it against Dumbledore's own non-heteronormativity and brush with the Dark Side. As you've pointed out elsewhere, it seems quite clear that the two go hand in hand in Rowlingland. It also becomes apparent that Dumbledore is a flaming hypocrite.

We might make concessions for Beedle himself, who was writing in a different era, and for all we know maybe wizards traditionally had no role for celibates in their culture. But for Dumbledore to esteem Beedle's late-Medieval values as some sacred, universal truth frankly boggles the mind. Jodel on the Red Hen website writes viciously about the gaping lack of a sense of history in the Potterverse, and to me it shows here very starkly indeed.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Dan H

 at 15:26 on 2010-08-27I was okay with the Warlock's Hairy Heart as a fantasy archetype (although you're right that in the context of Rowling's wider worldview it's annoying).

What're Jodel's articles? There's a whole lot of stuff on the Red Hen and I thought I'd take a look, but can't find the article you mention here.

permalink

 - 

go to top

https://me.yahoo.com/a/gNLVidA.xeLuPiOU_2B_USM.HYNFjA--#b0b6b

 at 07:58 on 2010-08-28Yeah, I see what you mean. I guess what gets to me is that the whole hairy heart thing ought to be recognisable as a fairy tale archetype, but instead it comes across as Family Values being hammered over the reader's head.

The article I'm referring to is 

The History of Magic

. Rather long, but very interesting stuff.

permalink

 - 

go to top

http://ipslore.livejournal.com/

 at 00:54 on 2011-06-03'Fairytales and folklore can't be deliberately created, not even by the world's best-selling novelist.'

'Oh,' says Neil Gaiman. 'A challenge.'

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 08:29 on 2011-06-03Neil Gaiman, 

creating

 folklore? I think you need to look again. ;)

permalink

 - 

go to top

Michal

 at 00:42 on 2011-10-13

Fairytales and folklore can't be deliberately created, not even by the world's best-selling novelist.

Ahem, 

Ruth B. Bottingheimer disagrees.

 So does Suzanne Magnanini.

 (On whether fairy tales can be deliberately created, that is. I don't think either would give much merit to J.K. Rowling). Both books were assigned for my Fairy Tale & Folklore class back in uni.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Shim

 at 07:24 on 2011-10-13I'd be interested to know what fairy tales are actually discussed (the only one I saw mention of was "Puss in Boots", which I'm not sure I quite consider a fairy tale for some reason.

Anyway, without reading the books I'm not sure if they do actually disagree, but if they did I would disagree back. I mean sure, many traditional stories, including many fairy tales were deliberately invented out of whole cloth, rather than developing from fragments through many different storytellers. But when those authors were writing them, were they actually deliberately creating fairy tales, in the sense we think of them, or just writing stories? I mean a fairy tale to us is quite a specific thing and a bit hard to define; they're fantastical but not just fantasy, they have certain types of characters and roles... lots of things written around that time are probably not considered fairy tales (bet there's loads of stuff in Grimm's nobody cares about). And I'm not convinced the category of "Fairy Tales" existed in the same way at in the 16th century. I would expect that they were really just writing stories, and somehow some of those stories came to be what we now call Fairy Tales. It's a case of evolution over centuries. Whereas someone sitting down now, in a completely different literary environment, where authorship is known and protected, and you can't easily reuse someone else's material and change it about, and it hasn't had a few hundred years to get filtered and adapted... surely they're just writing a story. It's like the old "mythology as fantasy" "Beowulf as fantasy" thing.

It just strikes me as being like trying to invent a national pastime or traditional song. You might invent something popular, but the way things achieve those particular statuses is arbitrary, mysterious and impossible to control. Also it takes a long time.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Orion

 at 07:59 on 2011-10-13But the flaw with the "Beowulf as Fantasy" meme isn't just that Beowulf is old; it's that it's largely uninterested in the things fantasy books are interested in and not addressed to the same audience. You can point to a great many differences in function between a quasi-oral poetic epic and a strictly literary prose fantasy. 

I'm not confident a similar gap exists between "stories about fairies written for print by individual Europeans from a few centuries ago" and "stories about fairies written for print by individual Europeans today"

permalink

 - 

go to top

Arthur B

 at 08:59 on 2011-10-13But fairy stories created by authors for print are an exception, the likes of Andersen and Morris arising as a response to collections like Grimm's which collected together stories originally recounted as an oral tradition. And only a very few fairy stories cooked up from whole cloth for print - most of them Andersen's - ended up feeding back into the oral tradition. (Chances are you didn't read Andersen's original text when you were little, you listened to someone paraphrasing them.)

And the point that I think Dan was trying to make in the article is that you can't artificially design something specifically to make that jump from being a story printed in a book to a part of an oral tradition retold and paraphrased and adapted by storytellers for generation after generation. The fact that Andersen's stories managed it was in many ways an incredible fluke; the prospect of Rowling's stories doing it is remote, not least because there's very little reason to be interested in them unless you've already got hooked on Potter.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Michal

 at 18:31 on 2011-10-13Shimmin, I hate to say "now that you put it that way", but...now that you put it that way, I'm not sure those books disagree, either. The audience for Straparola and Basile was not the same as the perceived audience for fairy tales in the 19th century, though you could argue that they were at least attempts at imitating oral traditions (namely, the 

1001 Nights

). I think we can blame hyperbolic book-jacket blurbs for this one, since both books contest the original source of what would become fairy tales read to children; neither claims that this was what the authors deliberately set out to write.

(In regards to authorship, 

Wikipedia

 surprisingly has a good list of what made it from Straparola's 

Facetious Nights

 into 

Grimm's Fairy Tales

. For anyone who cares, 

the entirety of Facetious Nights is available online.

 And if you want to see what fairy tales are discussed in 

Fairy Godfather

 and 

Fairy-Tale Science

, Google books has a partial preview you can take a look at.)

The point about fairy tales today is also a good one, since the term 

is

 pretty ill-defined. I hauled out my 

Spells of Enchantment

 collection (edited by Jack Zypes, who's the big name in fairy tale scholarship and all) and its got stuff from Aurelius to Straparola to Voltaire to George Macdonald to Lord Dunsany (and even Jane Yolen!), which seems maybe a 

bit

 too large a net.

I hae no desire to read 

Beedle

, since I didn't even like 

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

 back when I was 11 and I don't submit myself to books I know I'll hate. Maybe someone could fill me in: what does J.K. Rowling claim? Is it just a background book going "here's the folklore traditions of a world I created", or is she actually deliberately saying "this is a book you should read to children, with helpful notes in case your kid misinterprets what I wrote?"

permalink

 - 

go to top

Michal

 at 18:34 on 2011-10-13Side note: despite the title of her book, Magnanini seems to prefer the term "wonder tale"for what she's talking about.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Dan H

 at 18:57 on 2011-10-13

Maybe someone could fill me in: what does J.K. Rowling claim? Is it just a background book going "here's the folklore traditions of a world I created", or is she actually deliberately saying "this is a book you should read to children, with helpful notes in case your kid misinterprets what I wrote?"

I'm not sure she claims anything, which I think is sort of the problem.

When I said "Fairy-tales and folklore can't be deliberately created" (which was, I freely admit, a poor choice of words - as a couple of pointed out Hans Christian Andersen managed to do exactly that, and a lot of fairy stories do in fact have a specific author) I think what I meant (and it was a long time ago now) was that you can't sit down in the present day and write an original story which will be read by a modern audience in the same way that they would read a story passed down to them as traditional, unless you deceive your audience about the story's origins (what I actually said implies something stronger - that no consciously authored story can become traditional, and that clearly isn't true).

Beedle the Bard doesn't work as children's stories, because the stories only make sense in the context of the Harry Potter books, and the Dumbledore's Notes sections are as much part of the text as the actual stories (this also raises questions about how the book is supposed to be read - a book of fairy tales can be read in any order, whereas ToBtB seems designed to be read straight through).

The book is probably best viewed as a simple tie-in. It's not supposed to be enjoyed for itself, it's supposed to be enjoyed as a companion to the series, the pleasure of reading it comes almost entirely from recognition of familiar concepts from the Potter books. It's like Quiddich Through the Ages and Magical Beasts and where to find them, it's all about the novelty of somebody producing a "real" version of an in-world text.

permalink

 - 

go to top

http://gx1080.livejournal.com/

 at 21:59 on 2011-10-13That "History of Magic" article seems like a very long way of saying:

"The protagonists do the exact same shit that the bad guys do and they are never are called on their hypocrisy"

Which sounds like yet another fall of hack writing.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Sunnyskywalker

 at 22:41 on 2011-10-13There is certainly a lot of that in the Potter books and the Red Hen article. That, and "the wild guesses the protagonists make about some people a thousand years ago based on a few scraps of hearsay should be considered factually correct and not missing any essential details." Mixing up what the characters could reasonably be expected to know and understand accurately with what the author knows about the backstory, and expecting readers not to notice the difference: also hack writing.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Andy G

 at 23:51 on 2011-10-13Anyone else noticed how angry the RSS feed looks with this title repeated over and over again on it? ;)

There was a big thing in Romanticism of artistically re-creating nature and hiding your own artistry, and I guess the same thinking was behind fashioning fairy tales that were more Volks-y and authentic than the real thing.

permalink

 - 

go to top

Janne Kirjasniemi

 at 20:10 on 2011-10-15

Anyone else noticed how angry the RSS feed looks with this title repeated over and over again on it? ;)

Yes. Now I have a feeling that I shouldn't comment on anything and also a slight sadness over my unintended smugness and the hate it has inspired in the RSS feed. 

On subject, like said, a traditional story or fairy tale or the very wide strata of literature discussed here is considered a part of story-telling heritage because several generations have upheld that tradition. So, for a modern author to write stories which in form or other qualities resembles this, it is not in any ways a bad thing and if they are succesful enough, well, they will beome traditional stories or whatnot in the future. But I suppose the problem is that J. K. Rowling did not just make up new tales as a new project, but rather made up some storytelling mythos for the Potterverse which feels like further milking of the success of Harry Potter in a rather cynical way. It seems like just a way to make parents and assorted other people to buy more of the same stuff, with the illusion that this is something new and special. Instead of writing new stories altogether perhaps?

permalink

 - 

go to top

In order to post comments, you need to 

log in to Ferretbrain

 or 

authenticate with OpenID

. Don't have an account? See the 

About Us

 page for more details.

Show / Hide Comments -- More in February 2009

#Ferretbrain #Harry Potter #The Tales of Beedle the Bard #Dan H. #J.K. Rowling

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Can I pleeeease have a fluffy maybe a bit smutty first "I love yous" fic? Maybe they'd been going out for a while or it's the catalyse for their long and happy life together (yes I'm still in denial) either one of fine? Thank you for all your amazing stories I live for them! We are so blessed!

((A/N: This is… well. It exists.))

James and Sirius were… well JamesandSirius. You never saw one of them without the other, and if you did, they were miserable for having been separated. They were spontaneous and sometimes made rash decisions, but most of those turned out okay, so they didn’t stop. They couldn’t surprise each other, but everyone else, well, they never stopped being surprised by those two.

It was the day before Winter Break started, and everyone was lazing around. There weren’t any classes, and everyone-- teachers and students both-- just wanted to get out of there.

Today, James and Sirius weren’t wreaking havoc like they usually did with their free time. Instead, they were lying on the floor of their dormitory, staring up at the ceiling that was temporarily enchanted to act out The Tales of Beedle the Bard. Currently, it was on ‘The Warlock’s Hairy Heart’, not that either of them were truly watching.

“I’m going to miss you,” James said out of nowhere.

“Unless you’ve got some news for me, mate, we’re going to the same place for break. There won’t be an opportunity to miss me because I’m not gonna leave you alone.”

“I mean after Hogwarts.”

“Again, unless you’ve got some news for me, that doesn’t make sense. We’re getting a flat together, remember?”

James sighed aggravatedly. “You know what I mean.”

“Can’t say I do.” For once, he wasn’t being difficult on purpose, and James was fully aware of that.

“We’re living together next year, but what about after that?”

“We keep living together,” Sirius said, the ‘duh’ in his tone obvious even if he didn’t make the intonation. “Why are you so worried about this anyway?”

“I’m planning.”

“Planning what?”

“The fuck do you think?” James asked, rolling onto his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows so he could look at Sirius.

Sirius tilted his head back for a moment with his back arched to make eye contact, then relaxed again. He shrugged, frowning that he didn’t automatically know what James meant. “If I knew what you were thinking I wouldn’t have had to ask.”

“People get married after graduating from Hogwarts. A few years, then bam, wedding bells and suddenly their best mate lives in a different town and they don’t see each other everyday.”

“Ah.” Sirius tilt his head. “Y’know, you have a point.”

“I know I have a point, Si, that’s--”

“No,” Sirius cut him off, “I mean, that’s a really good point. We just need to make sure we don’t get married.”

James frowned at him. “How do we do that?”

“We get married. To each other.” He rolled in a way that was distinctly uncomfortable, but had the advantage of letting him see James without having to get up. “Let’s get married.”

James raised an eyebrow. “That was a shite proposal.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t a proposal, it was more like… asking if I should propose.” When James didn’t immediately say anything, Sirius said, expectant, “So?”

Confused, James asked, “‘So’ what?”

“So do you want to get married?”

“Yeah totally,” James said, not even having to pause to think about it. “Can we do it over break?”

“Sure.”

“...That was still a shite proposal.”

~~~

Euphemia was equal parts excited and flustered. Excited, because they were getting married and she could officially claim Sirius as her son. Flustered, because she had thought they were still pining over each other but suddenly she was planning a wedding for two people who insisted they didn’t care how nice it looked, they just wanted to get married. She would roll her eyes and mutter, “Boys,” when that would happen. If they were a little bit older, they would put more stock in this day (although she did appreciate that they were more excited for their life after this than this single day).

For all that it was their wedding and she knew she should respect their wishes, she did ignore that bit. They might say they didn’t care if it looked gorgeous or where it was or what they were wearing, but she knew they would regret not having decent wedding pictures. So despite her and Fleamont’s desires to make this wedding opulent, they settled on a simple wedding in their backyard. She wanted to drape the area in gold and white, fill it with all the glory her boys deserved.

Instead she focused on hanging fairy lights, filling the empty area with soft, warm light. She got them and Remus and Peter suits, she bought a few bouquets because like it or not, each of the grooms was going to be holding one, for pictures if nothing else. She didn’t bother with chairs, knowing the union would be short, and the guest list comprised of four-- six if you counted the officiant and photographer, which she didn’t.

She watched as Sirius linked his fingers with James, giving his hand a comforting squeeze and started to tear up. She knew that they belonged together, but she hadn’t been sure she’d live long enough to see it happen. She leaned into Fleamont’s side and could tell from the way he molded into it that he was thinking the same thing.

The officiant wasn’t saying much, more giving direction for when they needed to do what. Personally, she would have liked someone who knew the boys, someone who could give them the romantics they deserved but didn’t ask for.

He asked Sirius to place the ring on James’s finger, which he did, giving his hand a light kiss after sliding it on and smiling softly at him.

~~~

Sirius closed the door behind them and rested against it, still smiling at James. He felt like he hadn’t stopped since the ceremony. He chuckled, “I can’t believe Mum was so into that.”

James shook his head. “I can. I think she’s just happy you’re officially part of the family, y’know?”

Sirius hummed but didn’t dwell on it. “She didn’t ask how we got together, or when, or… anything really. I kinda thought she would.”

James shrugged, undoing his tie and the top buttons on his shirt. Then his coat came off, then the vest, then the shoes. He felt like a bloody cake with all these tiers, not particularly caring at the moment that he looked resplendent in black and gold-- he just wanted to be comfy.

Sirius took off his coat, but stopped after that, just watching James rub his hands over his face-- after a small break to take off his glasses. “So.”

James looked at him expectantly.

Sirius looked around the room in a showy way. “It is our wedding night. I hear there are traditions about this sort of thing.”

James snorted and said, “Yeah, cause we’re so traditional,” but held out his hand for Sirius, pulling him in for a kiss. Sirius opened his mouth for him automatically, pressing up against him without hesitation, though he couldn’t feel much through his suit. James smiled against his mouth, leaning back to unbutton his vest for him.

Afterwards, Sirius hummed, snuggling up to James under the covers. “I love you.”

James giggled, then it turned into a full laugh, making him sit up so he didn’t asphyxiate or summat.

Sirius glared up at him, but not because he was actually upset-- well, he was a little bit. James gave great cuddles and now he was gone. “Are you coming back down yet?”

With a last little laugh and shake of his head, James flumped back down to the bed. “I love you too, you tosser.” He shifted to his side to face Sirius. “And just so you know? You could’ve said that before we got married.”

Sirius shrugged unrepentantly. “You could’ve done too.”

#filled #prongsfoot #marauders #james potter #sirius black #euphemia potter #getting together #hogwarts time #no voldemort au #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

[ryttu3k]

Haha my arms are killing me :’D

Some thoughts and impressions! I’m currently up to... if I say that I’ve done eight shrines so far and finished the second major objective, that should be vague enough to be non-spoilery! Obviously, major spoilers beneath the cut!

Will be using the tag ‘ry plays botw’ for these!

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

More specifically, I’ve reached Kakariko and spoken to Impa.

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

SPOILER SPACE

Okay, we good? Off we go!

Ancient Hyrulean mecha.

HOW OLD IS HYRULE? I’m tentatively placing the timeline between MC/FS and OoT, so far - we can rule out pre-Skyward Sword, because it explicitly refers to princesses from the bloodline of Hylia and knights with the spirit of the Hero, and that doesn't happen until then. Post-MC, Sheikah are still around, Ganon arises. They use their technology to fight against Ganon (the mecha and the Guardians included). Eventually, Hyrule falls. 100 years later is BotW. After that, they eventually rebuild a much smaller kingdom, having lost a lot. GanonDORF is born to the Gerudo, begins learning about demons, and learns about Calamity Ganon, eventually leading to the events of OoT. We’ll see if later events confirm/debunk that. BUT STILL. At least a thousand years between Hylia’s era and the Sky era, and now a 10,000-year gap? Goddamn.

I’m moving into Kakariko. It’s fucking beautiful and it’s a Sheikah village and do you know how long I’ve wanted a Sheikah village. SEVENTEEN YEARS. THAT IS HOW LONG.

Ridiculous flower lady is my favourite NPC so far. I just wanted the pretty flower!! It was sparkling!! Don’t hurt me!!

Lowkey curious to see if the plum tree lady in Kakariko also attacks but I’m not masochistic enough to try lmfao.

Of all the things they brought back from OoT, it was the cucco-finding game :’)

Gave up on attempting to do a vegan run, since you need insects for elixirs. Oh well. At the very least, I’m not going to actively hunt! Animals are safe around me, unless I accidentally pick up another frog or fish!

A goat attacked me :( BE MY FRIEND.

I did befriend a horse though!!

BEEDLE.

So. Link is heavily implied to have fucking died in the past. Full-on. I mean, implied already by the name ‘Shrine of Resurrection’, but still.

Link is the fucking cutest. Please protect this baby.

Including from my lack of coordination. I fell off the fucking tower like three times and I lost count of how many times I fell in the icy water.

No mention yet of the Triforce! Very curious to see how it’s going to come into play, it wasn’t even mentioned in the flashback bits from the King and Impa.

Ancient Hyrulean mecha tho.

#ry plays botw #- #-- #--- #---- #----- #zelda #breath of the wild

[thegeminisage]

ok, i'm doing the shrine at this stable to fast travel right and i catch sight of the faron cliffs with all the jungley palm trees (fav!)......and a LIGHTNING GLEEOK

oh man i'd totally get my ass beat. that's insane. i should not be here lmao i need to find a great fairy so bad

there's probably an erectile dysfunction joke to be made about president hudson's signs but i am simply too tired. it's hilarious to me though

I SEE THE PIRATE SHIP..............this is gonna lead me to saving lurelin, i just know it

there they are, just like in the livestream and trailer 😭

GOT THEM!!!!!!

wait...theyre going to HEBRA??? what about lurelin????????

:(

i don't want to go back to hebra.

UGH this is so UNFAIR!!!!! :( :( :(

ok, i'm just gonna see if i can figure it out online. this is getting ridiculous

never did figure out what was up with giving the lord of the mountain fruit. and those columns of light...what ARE those???

was checking up on the horse god, who has obviously moved, and these guys were like ohhh we're looking for the famed giant white stallion, we'll never find it, and then i walk up and it's right fucking there lmao.

obviously i'm too weak to tame it but still. incredible

beedle also gives you little lectures when you buy or sell bugs, like, "it's natural that some people are afraid of insects before they get to know them," and "catching bugs is ok if they're relased back into their natural habitat," and "we're not better than bugs - if we destroy nature, there won't be ANYTHING left. no bugs, no us, nothing!" ok climate change woke king <3 you're a freak but i respect you

ok, im gonna try this zelda well quest......

i'm glad the stable music is still playing or this WOULD be kind of creepy actually. no way thats actually zelda though, im sure the answer will be funny

scream it literally was funny. it's just some lady singing, plus misheard lyrics by everyone in the stable. relatable!!!!

SOAR LONG!!! bye bestie <3

#personal #loz blogging #totk lb #totk spoilers

[likelylupin]

Bed Time Stories

Nineteen days. Only nineteen more days before he was back at Malfoy Manor, in the comfort of his own bed, albeit only for two weeks. He wasn’t fooling even himself by saying he’d been fine, though that’s what he would tell anyone who bothered to ask. However, anyone at Hogwarts could tell you, Draco Malfoy most definitely was not fine. Or at least, it would take a lot of strength to be so.

It was evident in the way he carried himself. Slumped shoulders, looking down at his feet, shying away from eye contact. He didn’t speak to anyone but Pansy and Blaise. He didn’t have the energy or the will for much else. While he used to loudly brag and pick fights, it was now as if everything he did was with the intention of not drawing attention to himself.

And his actions were not unwarranted. He’d been cornered and hexed by a couple of sixth years last month while walking alone in the Charms corridor. Not but a week ago, a fifth year Gryffindor student tripped him, laughing when he spilled his books across the floor.

While he was landed in the hospital wing quite often, nasty hexes and pranks were not the sole cause of his problems. He seemed to be followed by constant whispers of Death Eater, Dark Mark, or something of the sort. Most of the time he sped up past the whispers, past the judgmental, staring looks. But they didn’t go away when he stopped hearing them.

Sometimes it got too much. The voices in his head were too loud, and he couldn't help but think everything they said was at least a little true. He was like every other Malfoy, he was a filthy Death Eater, he should be rotting in Azkaban, he had no place at Hogwarts. He wanted to brush it off, remind them all the war was over. However, when you hear it often enough, it gets harder and harder to brush off. Solace was hard to find these days.

Today, November 29th to be specific, was not a good day. The rain and sleet outside the castle did not drum in the lazy way it usually did, but pounded on the walls and windows like it was trying to break down the very building. Though it was the middle of the day, the sun was dimmed by the dark storm clouds, casting out any light that would have gotten through. The weather was not the only reason, however, that November 29th was a bad day. He’d gotten a letter from his father this morning, and while to anyone else it may not have seemed like a big deal, a letter from his father never had a particularly good effect on him. It was hard to sleep, hard to eat, hard to focus on the present when all you can see is the past.

He still loved his father, but he hadn’t brought himself to visit him in Azkaban just yet. Seeing his father brought back too many memories: of disappointed looks, of stinging Dark Marks, and of cold, plain fear. Fear of Voldemort winning. Fear of being a slave to Voldemort his whole life. Fear of his parents being killed. Fear of dying in that stupid war. Fear of disappointing his father. And, okay, fear of Potter dying.

Not that he would admit that, in fact, he’d probably deny it. But on the sleepless nights, after the Dark Lord had visited Malfoy Manor along with the other death eaters, that’s when the fear finally got to him. That Potter may end up dead, and if he did, he knew You-Know-Who stood a chance of winning. And Draco knew what that entailed. The muggleborns and even half bloods would be killed and tortured. And in some time, muggles themselves would go down the same path, working as slaves to a world they had no idea existed. While he didn’t necessarily agree with the muggles and muggleborns in the wizarding community, and especially not Hogwarts, he couldn’t wish anyone to a fate like that.

So no, letters from his father didn’t put him in the best mood. It was just his luck that after reading one at breakfast, his new Ministry monitored wand would malfunction on a simple spell. In front of every Ravenclaw and Slytherin in 7th and 8th year Transfiguration, nonetheless. McGonagall did what she could to stop them then, but she couldn’t prevent the students from saying what they wanted as soon as he was in the corridor.

Whispers, so many whispers.

...wand from the ministry...because of his probation… a shame he isn’t with his father… it’s what he deserves...

It’s a shame he isn’t with his father.

Draco glanced down at his forearm.

Yes. It’s a shame I’m not.

It was all he heard in his head as he sped walked away. He walked till he saw the Library. He took a deep breath, pushing open the door and trying to breath.

He looked around. Madam Pince was restocking the shelves, floating the books to their proper places with her wand. She didn’t even look up when he entered. He saw a Hufflepuff girl seated by a window, nose in Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them. She hadn’t looked up either. He didn’t see anybody else from his position at the door, so he walked to the shelf he knew he would find the book he was looking for. Not that he would tell anyone, but to calm down he imagined his mother, smoothing down his hair and reading him back to sleep on the nights he’d woken up from nightmares as a child. It was a private affair, one his father was not aware of, and probably wouldn’t condone. He was not a comforting parent, but a strict one. Fear was a weakness, and one you must conceal. Draco sighed. His father seemed to be everywhere today.  

As he made his way down the aisles, the last person he was looking for walked out, holding the exact book he wanted in his hand.

Draco’s words left his mouth before he had the time to process them. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Potter?”

“Uhhh, leaving?” Draco rolled his eyes at that, too tired and upset to care if he seemed irrational.

“I need that book.” Potter glanced down at his hands.

“I just borrowed it, I think you can wait your turn,” he replied, making another move for the door.

“I can’t do that, I need it today,” Draco said, stepping in front of the shorter boy.

“Then go get another copy.”

“There isn’t one.”

“You can wait until tomorrow, then.”

“Potter, you idiot, I need it today!”

“It’s just Tales of Beedle the Bard. Why is it so important?”

Draco elected to ignore the question, holding his hand out. “Just give me the damn book.”

Potter stopped, meeting the taller boy’s eyes with his own. His stare didn’t necessarily soften, but he looked more thoughtful than frustrated now. Draco suppressed the urge to shudder. “Why is it so important?”

Draco faltered, only for a second, but from the flash in the other boy’s eyes he knew it hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“Keep it then,” he spat and stormed off towards the door. He pretended not to hear anyone calling after him.

He was not about to tell the Golden Boy himself he needed a damn children’s book to calm down because of some Ravenclaw’s petty insult. He wanted none of Potter’s savior bullshit, and especially not his pity. Or at least that’s what he told himself as he stalked away from Potter, down the hall, up the stairs, and all the way back to the Eighth Year common room.

He stepped through the portrait hole, immediately realizing this would not do either. The two people he would not have minded, Pansy and Blaise, were absent for the time being. There were too many people, too many loud voices, to much. He sucked in a deep, measured breath through his teeth and did his best not to sprint up the staircase. He opened the door to his dorm, making his way to his bed, knowing all too well he was fresh out of any Sleeping Draught from Madam Pince. He usually kept in on his bedside, either to chase away his thoughts when awake, or his nightmares when asleep. He all but collapsed onto the green comforter, using his last bit of willpower to not think, not think, not think, not -

Draco lifted his head slowly, his thoughts interrupted by the soft knock at the door. “Blaise, I would really appreciate if you just came back another time.”

“I’m not Blaise,” a familiar voice responded. It was deep, soft and sweet and slightly raspy. The sound made him conflicted between swinging the door open immediately or casting a locking spell that could not be countered by Alohomora.

He straightened, sitting up, deciding to react with the medium of the two. He steeled himself, reeling in the emotions he’d let go when no one was there to see them, and replied. “Come in.”

The door creaked open, revealing the very boy he’d known would be behind it. He held the book in his hand. Draco waited.

Potter seemed to get the message, not waiting for Draco to say anything further. “I wanted to make an offer.” The blonde boy raised an eyebrow, silently pushing Harry to continue talking. “Listen. I-uh, I take this book out to read sometimes,” Harry said, not meeting the other boy in the eyes. He seemed embarrassed, stumbling on his words.

“I mean, Sirius told me my parents read it to me before they... yeah. So sometimes I read it and pretend they’re still here, just on the days I get a bit overwhelmed. It helps me calm-”

“You too?” Draco interjected before he could think better of it. Harry finally looked up to meet his eyes. He hesitated for a few seconds before nodding, small and slow, but made no further move to speak.

“So what was your offer?” Draco asked, eager to breaking the heavy, tension filled silence.

“ We could share it,”

“And how do you suppose we do that?”

Rather than responding, Harry approached him, dropping the book in the blonde’s lap and plopping down next to him. If he noticed the other boy tense, he gave no signs to show it, as he swung his legs up and onto the bed, all traces of nerves gone. He settled back against the headboard, staring up at the other boy expectedly. Draco just stared, his mind lagging a few seconds behind what had just happened. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Potter spoke.

“Read it to me.”

His voice was quiet, but confident. It startled Draco just how easy this came to him, as if this was something that happened every day. As if he wasn’t the savior of the wizarding world, sitting next to a near Death Eater. Harry closed his eyes.

“Keep your shoes off my bed, you heathen,” he replied, settling back into the pillows next to Harry despite his better judgement. He was careful to leave a space between them.

Harry compiled. He smiled like he was trying not to as he kicked his shoes off, but he didn’t say anything else.

Draco opened the thin book, the worn cover familiar in his hands. He took a breath in and began reading.

“There once was a kindly old wizard who used his magic generously and wisely for the benefit of his neighbors. Rather than reveal the true source of his power...”

And Draco kept reading, the words as familiar to him as they’d ever been. He payed attention to the book, but he was dimly aware of the other boy, visible from just the corner of his vision.

He hadn’t noticed it at first: the distance between them closing slowly, gradually. Sometime around start of The Fountain of Fair Fortune, Draco realized that the pair were shoulder to shoulder, leaning up against each other as Draco read and Harry listened. He wasn’t sure when or how this happened, but he wasn’t going to complain.

Some pages later, Draco had a mess of dark, curly hair rested on his shoulder. His breath may have caught for a moment, but he read on, allowing himself only casual glances to the boy leaning on him, though it took some measure of self control not to stare. Somewhere near The Tale of Three Brothers, Draco felt himself begin to nod off, succumbing to the weight pulling his sleepy eyelids close. He placed the book on his bedside table, settling further into the pillows next to Harry..

And for once, Draco decided he wouldn’t think about it. He wouldn’t think about the letter from his father, the insults from the Ravenclaw boys, or what on earth it meant that the Boy Who Lived was asleep on his shoulder. He didn’t think about what would happen when he woke up, what would happen if someone found them, or what Harry would say. As for now, Draco was content to let his breathing slow, matching the rhythm of the rise and fall of Harry’s chest as he listened to the soft sound of rain outside.

After a moment’s contemplation, Draco slid Harry’s glasses off his face, resting them atop the book on his bedside table. He rested his head atop the shorter boy’s, and fell asleep.

Draco shifted, rubbing his eyes as the golden sunlight of the afternoon streamed in from the window. He opened his eyes, blinking sleep away from them as his vision came into focus. At the same time, he pushed himself up, or attempted to. He stopped when he felt the weight keeping him down, and his eyes began to focus on the boy, still asleep on his chest. Draco froze, sinking back down into the pillows to not wake him.

The events of the early afternoon flooded back to his mind. The letter, the insults, the library, the book, Harry. Harry. Draco allowed himself a glance at the boy. Asleep, without the glasses, he looked younger somehow, more peaceful. Not like someone that carried the weight of saving the world on his shoulders. His eyes glided across his dark brown skin, from his long eyelashes to his pink lips. Once the blonde realized his ‘glance’ lasted a lot longer than anticipated, he decided once again not to chide himself. Instead, he reached his hand up, previously resting on Harry’s waist, to run through his dark curls, as unruly as they’d ever been.

Draco smiled for the first time in what felt like years. Because nobody was there to watch him. Because Harry was asleep on his chest. Because for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t worrying about what would come next. He was content to run his fingers through Harry’s hair, letting his eyes drift closed once more, and fell asleep once more.

#drarry #harry potter #draco malfoy #hogwarts #drarry fic #drarry fanfic #drarry fanfiction #drarry fandom #8th year #8th year hogwarts #tales of beedle the bard #harry #draco #malfoy

[royalblurryfacedbastard]

today i bought Fire Emblem: Fates, TLOZ: A Link Between Worlds and Story of Seasons: Trio of Towns and im extremely anxious about it even though ive wanted ALBW since i found out that Ravio is p much me w elf ears ive wanted Fire Emlem for quite some time and i love harvest moon so obviously i wanted to get Story of Seasons cuz the HM games i have are so much better than the other ones in the shop so i didnt wanan get those

ive honestly given up at trying to save money cuz more than $200 will go to gas and food and whatever the fuck when we go to see brockhampton next week. its w orth it but its so much still. and. im axious. ive given up on trying to save any money bc why should i save. itll be wasted on something else if i dont waste it first. and at least i waste it on things i want. idk. i hate myself and i feel like my anxiety medication isnt working rn whcih is annoying

i might be able to get a nintendo switch next month which i was actually planning on getting even before i got my summer job and then i can get breath of the wild and i can run around as Link and beat monsters and see Beedle n his shop. bc thats what im trying to hold onto rn. idk. im really anxious and empty and weird and idk how to get it to go awaay. i wanna play Zelda and see Beedle and feel good again i wanna feel okay again

#personalstuff #negative i guess idk #mental stuff

[thegeminisage]

today’s zeldablogging which is full of spoilers:

the sight of my new sword sends a thrill into my heart tbh

if i ever replay this game, which tbh idk if i will, it's so Big, SS was only a third or a quarter of this size and i've only beaten it twice, im going to get it as soon as possible next time

anyway im back at the tower i suppose i'll crawl down and check out the enemies properly

i dont like gliding to towers i've discovered bc it feels like i've been plopped down into the middle of nowhere with no context

vs if i walk to them i know "where" i came from/am, if that makes any sense

(it doesn't)

i can see that flying thing closer than ever from here and it's DEFINITELY a divine beast no doubts left

yk tho. i dont WANNA check out the enemies. i wanna find that weird blanked out place at the top of my map!

haha i can feel it already

i'm so anxious to get to the end of the game and uncover the plot im gonna be like "FUCK EXPLORING" for the rest of it and only go to the places i need, now that i've got this map

i can always do more thorough exploration after, i've been spoiled that there's postgame content, but even if there's not like any other zelda game it'd put me right back before the final battle

god im having to go ALL THE WAY AROUND the lost woods i can't even glide over the nearby river to make the path shorter i bet there's an easier way to do this from the other side but i havent been there yet

ah, another forest covered in fog. black fog. how inviting.

ohhh, it's a shrine trial. wonderful. in the pitch blackness!

this is already worse than eventide

luckily i have the weird glowy skeleton suit i bought from the boy gerudo clothes store

i forgot to mention it bc i had no IDEA what it was for, but here we are

like. this has to be lmao

i keep dying in my first six steps what am i doing wrong??

oh, maybe bc i'm gliding in, i see a bridge on the map

ohhh god i hear a hinox...why, lord

haha im like.following the ways the statues point and. they're pointing at the hinox! wow!

lol when i realized the stone birds had torches on top i started over so i could light them all

OHHH I WOKE UP THE HINOX I DIDN'T EVEN GET A SURPRISE ATTACK IN

MASTER SWORD HELP ME

oh god this glowy armor has no defense!!

i'll just leave the helm on, then

oh thank fuck i used an atk+ elixir and it waasnt so bad

see, like, i COULD explore that upper ridge but thanks to the map i already know it's full of silver lynels. no thanks.

oh my god the yiga clan is RELENTLESS right here i guess bc i'm going around the back of (shudder) hyrule castle

oh!! a stable, thank goodness, i was starting to get wigged out

i guess all those people on the road had to have meant something

this isn't even on the map!!

oh wait lol yes it is

aww, i don't see beedle here...i was sure he'd be at everyone, i don't think i've encountered one where he isn't yet...

i'll be honest, i've grown kind of bored of combat

and know i'm biased but i genuinely i don't think it's me, i think it's the game's difficulty/"difficulty"

i used to see monster camps and think STRATEGY, is there a beehive, barrels to blow up, a place i can glide down from, this is so fun!

which gradually morphed into "okay this is gonna be a bit of a long haul but there'll be Treasure and sniping from afar is still fun"

idk if the black bokoblins/moblins/etc show up after you've done more things or bc of the area you're in but i'm noticing more enemies with more health, higher defense, and higher attack, and the barrels/metal boxes/beehives/etc becoming rarer, and when they do appear, being almost pointless to use because you're more likely to blow yourself up than do any real damage to the mobs

and like i love this game. it absolutely deserves every bit of its raid reviews, and this feeling COULD just be because i've been marathoning it for 12 straight days and i'm anxious to see the end and get back to my life

but to me, attacking a flat area full of black moblins and bokoblins isn't fun even with the stealth/snipe element bc you can't take them out in 1-3 shots, you have to stop and slash at them, and that alerts EVERYONE else, and it's just pointless

(lol i found some flat ruins by the stable which triggered this rant)

like, even the yiga clan hideout - my instinct was to snipe the enemies as i went, which would have made it a bit more fun imo, even though the stealth bit wasn't bad and i enjoyed that section quite a lot

i just don't like the—idk a better term for it unfortunately—"fake difficulty" thing where you just have to slog your way thru 1000s of random battles, i don't like it in rpgs either

kind of like almost wherever i explored at first i would run into minibosses rarely and then almost constantly

which, yeah, most of them aren't as hard now, But Still, it's the point of the thing

maybe i'm a bit defensive about "real gamer" bullshit and "women can't game" stereotypes while being super bad at games my whole life while my brother was fantastic at them

but like i just don't find that fun?? sure a good challenge once in awhile like eventide isle would be fine (even tho that was hellish and i'll never do it again) but that should be. every once in awhile, not. EVERYWHERE

anyway

frankly @ this point i'm REALY tempted to speed thru it before my surgery

bc i would hate to be laid up in bed and still have to worry about mobile browsing bc botw spoilers and tumblr's interface being awful

anyway i can;'t travel further in this direction without getting over near rito/hyrule field territory

and not only are those towers further away than i'd like but i wanted to do gerudo highlands first so back to the desert i go i guess rip

oh my god the wastelands tower goes down into NOTHINGNESS you're SUPPOSED to apporach from above

also i heard kass!! kass, buddy, where are you ;_;

oh i LOVE these cliffside structures i've been looking forward to them for so long

but i can't find kass ;_;

ALL tower shenanigans must CEASE until he is located!!

wait, he's...i see him! he's at the top of the tower! oh my god!

I'M COMIN, KASS

awww he wants to play the song for the hero who fell 100 years ago! he doesn't know it's me! ;__;

oh gross level two cold here and i didn't bring much cold food...just my warm doublet

wait

i have food AND the jacket and im STILL cold? this is level THREE? wtf wtf wtf

good thing i also have the ruby circlet but jeeeesus

i still have no food so i can't stay long

oh shit i found some guardians

still ones thank god

dude i found a HUGE cool mural for one shrine!!

yeah, this game is definitely still as full of fun secrets and as deslightful as when i first began playing it

and it came at a good time bc i just lost angela and it helped me feel Real Joy again

most displeasure i find with it now is because "AAAH ZELDA AT SOME POINT I NEED TO GET BACK TO MY FUCKING LIFE"

i'm so worried about spoilers and being behind now that some of the fun is draining away

i think after a bit of time has passed i'll either go back and finish exploring properly or straight up start a new file

and do it Thoroughly

when i can relax and go at my own pace instead of feeling like i'm racing the internet, my dashboard, my friends, my brother, etc

this region is soooo cold and i am so certain i'll get better cold gear in the rito area that im just activating the shrines and not even going inside to use my little food as efficiently as possible

im lit not even going inside

oh it's dropped to level 2 cold...thank god

THERE i got them all now to rush to ritoland

wait...i thought i read the 10k fairy wrong but i see ANOTHER on the map!

i bet SHE wants 10k and i have four thousand fucking rupees UGH

i thought there were only 4 and the horse fairy counted.......

ohh my god the divine beast is much closer from where i'm gliding...it's so big

I SEE DINAAL BUT I'M ON A FUCKING GLIDER SLKDFJGH

oh i've been typing it wrong all this time. dinRaal.

ohhh this region is so pretty so far...unlike the highlands which is miserable, i HATE snow in this game, i actually do wanna explore around here, i wish i didn't feel so hurried

oh god that divine beast is just So. it is So Big

god i passed the fairy on my way to the tower...10k! and i haven't been watching my cash bc i thought i misread something

all this time i've had 12 and 13 thousand rupees and i was blowing them on dumb shit

SILVER bokoblins...? come ON

good loot, tho

got the tower!

ohhh man. tat divine beast. oh boy. oh dude. big. so big. jesus fuck

oh hey i see rito village!! just where i wanted to go first

they better have good cold gear here :|

OH FUCK THERE'S THE BEAST SCREECHING

oh my god it's SO BIG im SO SCARED jesus FUCK

i wonder if kass will be here

IT'S RITO ISLAND MUSIC

IM GOING TO CRY

IT REALLY IS!!!! IT REALLY IS RITO ISLAND MUSIC

oh god it's BEAUTIFUL

aw omg the goddess statue here has a flower crown!

all right, fifteen heart containers...the rest will be stamina 5ever

no wait fuck i should have gotten stamina this time!! i'll get a heart from the beast

well i know you can trade them, somewhere out here i think

this beautiful too tbh this is all nice and orchestrated Damn

geez the armor will set me back even more money! not TOO much but when you're saving up for 10k...

well, against my brother's advice, i'm selling monster parts...i know i'll regret it later if i need them to upgrade armor, but i'm trying to stick to the common ones i have like 100+ of, so

aaand 10! woohoo

awww all the little baby rito in the hammocks :')

OMG the biggest rito looks like an owl! kaepora reference

oooh here comes a memory

AHAHAHA

revali and link were rivals. ok. im down with that for sure

and his specisal ability! an updraft!! PERFECT tbh

aww teba's husband doesn't want her son to be a warrior

tho i like the idea that ritos are hotheads hahahaha

zoras and gorons are both kinda collected we needed some assholes

HA i look forward to when revali gives me his special ability

i'm crying teba is such an asshole i LOVE him

wow i guess it's time to fight the beast already...? that was so FAST

omg i get to ride him!!!! yessss

oh my gosh we're up so HIGH oh man oh man the world is so tiny but i know it's really so huge oh god the divine beast is so BIG

lol i probs should have upgraded this rito armor.......

oh well too late now lmao

ohhh i love it when they talk to me

TEBA?

HE'S HURT OMG ):

nintendo would never kill him but omg im so worried about him

AAAAAH THERE'S REVALI

ohhh he's a DICK i LOVE HIM

ooh the master sword DOES glow when it's near the malice blight stuff

lowkey tempted to go back and upgrade this armor lol but i don't wanna leave and who even knows if i have the mats...

i'll just brave it thru like this and it'll be something to brag about later since apparently i suck at everything else

like doing eventide with five hearts on the blood moon

LMAO REVALI IS SO SMUG "you'll need to activate all the terminals, think you're up to it?" he's a DICK and i LOVE HIM i LOVE THE RITO

the music in this one is SO COOL?

i feel more like i'm fighting for my life/against something larger here, rather than just trying to creep through gently without disturbing anything and solve a puzzle for the others

and it's 100% bc of the music jesus christ

i LOVE how much gliding is involved this is EASILY my favorite divine beast so far

lol revali's tone of surprise in "there are two terminals remaining" i love him so much

"just one terminal remaining hmph what do you know" pls

all five down now the true test is can i beat the boss LMAO

the last 3 weren't nearly as bad as i expected, tho the lightning one's teleporting thing was almost too fast for me with my one-handed weapons

so maybe hopefully with good food this will be OK too

ok, i got level 2 cold food so i can get by with just wearing the pants :U not as much defense as i'd like but better than nothin

"it only defeated me bc i was winging this"

"can't believe i'm saying this but avenge me link!!"

ohhh there's accordian in this version of the fight song 

KASS ;_;

i wonder if kass's teacher WAS revali, or knew him

LMAO revali trash talks me when i get hit

KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME i didnt even watch that movie and im laughing at the meme

lmao "broke" the master sword with the last bow

eeeewww

DAAAAAMN

wouldn't even look at link as he left "your job is far from finished you know zelda has been waiting an awfully long time"

haha "i'll be plucked" as well thanks nintendo

"we've been ARTFULLY patient these last 100 years you won't suffer a feather over a few more moments"

geez i love him so much

that was definitely the best divine beast

tho the zora one is a close second

i gotta go make sure teba is ok

IM CRYING ZELDA JUST TOLD ME TO GO TO HYRULE CASTLE

soon i promise ok

time to go see the great fairy :U man i really thought my armor had been improved all it could be...

and 10k down the drain...

omg she's pink :3

im ALSO warping back to akkala to see if i can get any guardian armor yet i've collected a fair amt of parts!

LMAO I FINALLY HAVE THE MATS AND I DON'T HAVE THE CASH rip

ohhhh i see a new storm over hyrule field...DNW

lol maybe i SHOULD have explored it before now...too late now

holy shit i almost ran straight into a flying guardian going after this soul piece

ok, i need a plan...if i wanna beat the game before friday i gotta be Smart

i still need to finish exploring all the provinces, at least at the sursory level i gave to the highlands, but hopefully maybe a little better

i need to go back and do shrines and sidequests

and obviously i need to actually finish

counting today i have three days left so i guress i'll assign one task to each day, the last task obviously being on thursday

less than two hours left for playtime today, but i guess today i should explore, tomorrow i should shrine/sidequest, and i can do a LITTLE of that thursday if needed, and thursday i'll storm hyrule castle. ok

slkfjgh

SDLFGJHDLFKJG god. ok

aaaah the ruins music makes me so sad ):

pffft cute i got a memory where zelda was like STOP FOLLOWING ME I DONT NEED A BODYGUARD at link how adorable

i wanted to get all the memories before i beat the game but they're like ALL in/around hyrule field/castle and i'm afraid if i go there now that i've gotten all the beasts freed i'll trigger endgame events that i can't stop

so i guess i fucked myself over

i think i'll go ahead and get all the towers tho

so i can move around freely

i have time for like one MAYBE two before stream starts

aw this tower in the cold place is so cute and short

looked it up & apparently the heart/stamina swap is in hateno so im gonna go find it!

oh i came at night but that monster store guy is here!!

omg DUDE he sells DARK LINK gear?!?!

and apparently your movement speed goes up at night

the mask and bridles are pretty cool but i HAVE to have this

lmao and i just sold all my parts for that 10k...!

man he doesn't give you a lot tho...like, it has its own currency...i could never sell enough to get even one :/

ok, i can buy the tunic or the legs...but not the face. hmm

i guess the legs alone would look pretty dumb, but i have black pants and a hood that can kinda go with the tunic, so

this is kinda outta nowhere but i wish there was a recipe book for everything we've unlocked or read about, i just can't keep it all in my head

LOL omg that was freaky

okay but now i gotta quit

i didn't get all that i wanted to done, but maybe more later tonight but def tomorrow!!

playing a bit more bc bad choices

oh hmm it looks like i was mistaken and that storm isn't over the castle afterall! thank goodness

oh my god there's SO many shrines in the hebra peak range?? why???

LMFAO im thawing blocks of ice to get to this shrine and one has a moblin in it

me: stops thawing

OH MY GOD

THIS RANGE HAS AURORAS

IM GONNA CRY JFC

and i missed snapping a picture because of enemies!!! im so mad

too bad SO sad i am going back to those fires that started and waiting for night again i WILL get a picture

ugh and now it's snowing

i guess i could unlock this nearby shrine in the meantime

ooh, is that a cabin

;___; old man

end of the game and i still miss you

O: shield surfing

oh man i didnt actually wanna DO it now but

i actually dont know how to do the thing lol

lord, i had to google it. no one said a thing about pressing A

that was fun!! also i was worried i'd get lost so maybe i'll just. not do this for now

THERE! YES! AURORAS!

ooh god there's a silver lynel down there

i know i've been bitching over and over about fights but i lowkey wanna fight it to see if i can

i won't though bc my cold armor isn't very upgraded and my defense would be shot probably even with def+ food

as an aside im glad rivali's ability recharges so quickly i was afraid they'dmake me wait ages like the others

ohhh my god there's SO MANY silver lynel around here WHY

they have such a long detection range and such a scary roar )))):

thank god for rivali's gale i can fly right over him...otherwise i'd have to Run

there's another maze shrine here and im highkey like Ugh

idk if i'll quit when i get to the entrance or after i solve the maze...

i guess i'll give it a quick try and if it's horrible i'll stop until later

naturally i'm wondering if i can solve it on my map first and/or get to the top

if i could before with as little stamina as i had then: sure i'd be able to

probably there are guardians and the answer isnt THAT easy but

the entire maze seems to be one path which is absolutely useless to me like it doesn't look like a maze you solve on paper so i obviously have to find a door or go above or below all that somehow

uh

there are no guardians up here at ALL

in fact i think i even see a hole down to the shrine...

ok, what's the catch, what gives

ah no the hole only goes down a couple of feet and has a chest with a diamond in it

the devs saying "nice try but no" lol

i did find the entrance pretty quick from the top tho! and now i can warp back anytime

or no wait this WAS the challenge i can just go get my orb and ches

DUDE THE ATK+ LEGS......DUDE

ok i gotta figure out the shrine the chest is in and get it i NEED it this armor plus a def+ elixir? i'd be unstoppable, no more dodging fights for me!

well, less dodging fights

ok, so i looked it up and the chest is in a gerudo maze which i didn't even know existed bc i either missed it on the interactive map or it wasn't ther

but it looks Difficult so im gonna save it for tmrw

#personal #loz blogging #botw spoilers

[thegeminisage]

time for MORE ZELDABLOGGING hell yeah today’s stream of consciousness:

i’ve decided that i wanna go south bc like im never gonna catch up with my brother and im Not in the mood to do heat-resistence stuff so i might as well see a thing he hasn’t, right?!

if i get too bored i can always turn around and go north!!

furthermore he’s getting closer to hyrule castle and i dont wanna lol

fast traveled to the dueling peaks and found the tower already

ooh and lake hylia is south as well! tho ofc im doing the southeast one first

and i’ll probably get tired of storyless exploring before i get out that far hahaha

wow the tower is close to the border, i can see the lake hylia province from here

there’s an Immense palm tree lookin jungle and i think i see a giant armos?

but the mountains divide it pretty neatly so it looks to be an easy walk assuming those guardian statues don’t move

ah. of course they move.

at least they can’t get up and walk around :|

too bad you can’t play around in the menu while you wait out rain. i’d rewatch m memories and shit

i climbed this one red looking cliff and the sky went green and the weather changed to all cloudy forever so im probably about to die

and just like that, glided to the tower. easy peasy

ah, the faron province!! cooool

ah wow!! it’s bigger than i realized *w*

watching a lightning storm from one of these towers is fucking terrifying

that lightning does Not fuck around

the maddening thing about this game is seeing so much cool shit in the distance and you can’t check it out yet, or it would be such hard work

i see some glowy shit and a giant pink tree and i wanna explore everything but also it’s so Much

it’s kind of creepy out here :/ maybe i want to go do story after all lol

im ging back to the shrine you hang glide off of so i can start from  somewhere familiar >_>

idk why im so cautious playing this game. like. its a game. its not like it can hurt me

im having trauma flashbacks looking at eventide island

wait is this a

i hear town music!!! omg omg

PEOPLE ;_;

ohhhh my gosh what a beautiful peaceful beachside town

reminds me of bodhum/new bodhum and bits and piece of ff11, which i say with the greatest reluctance

i love everyone in this village just bc they are here

oh god it’s so beautiful i love beaches so much i want to live here

oh my gosh there’s a gerudo here!!!!!! OH MY GOD I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE MM TALK TO ME

she’s asleep in the inn lol

oh hey the painter dude is here too

some of these hylian npcs are poc which is so do cool and overdue

ooh a chest game

i lost lmao

OH MY GOD

the gerudo lady is awake and she is. so tall oh my god

im gay

i am Gay

I Am Gay

oh, man. oh man

are they all  so beautiful. so Strong. good god

i wish this village was bigger i could have happily stayed here for hours

omg

someone a long time ago was standing on a mountain that looked like a broken heart and was like, is this not the place to find your soulmate…? but i haven’t found mine yet

someone mentioned a similar legend here and on the map i see a mountain with a whole heart on it pfffft

im so sick of seeing these stone cirlces everywhere…i can’t blow them up..what do you DO with them? complete the pattern maybe??

oh my god it worked

i’ve passed by so many…how will i ever get all these seeds……..

i know the game wants me to sail here but i hate sailing, it’s tedious, i want to control my boat with the fucking control stick

holy fuck dude the sword im using is so strong?? it cut down a palm in a single swipe!!

the longer i play the more i hate the blood moon

oh no i found a hinox

i was going to avoid him but he has an orb….

idk where it goes tho so there’s no point there’s no point the blood moon will bring him back okay Okay

hes a red one anyway so no big, when the time comes

oh my god ANOTHER hinox with an orb

i bet they go to the twin shrines near the village

but i’m supposed to find a tablet before i do that…….i don’t wanna skip another quest like the zora helm also thats a Long walk jesus christ

NNNONONONO GOD

GUARDIAN THAT CAN WALK OVER THERE NO FUCKING THANKS SO GLAD IT DIDN’T SEE ME

so fucking glad

exploring is so dangerous Why

why do i suck SO much at combat

oooh a bokoblin camp with a black mobiln :/ Yikes

aaand bomb arrows takes care of THAT

i love seeing farosh flying around here but i can NEVER CATCH HIM

i was just a few minutes too late to getting him at a really good spot

but the dragons seem to take the same route over 24h, so there’s that

oh hey im back at green cloud plateau

okay Um am i crazy or did i just hear something roar? was that the wind??

oh god i see a question mark from here something already knows im close

oh ogd oh god why i bet it’s big and awful

IT’S A LYNEL LOL

i dont have any healing or defense stuff no way

oh no i think there’s a shrine up there where he is ): but i can’t get it

AND A HINOX RIGHT NEXT TO HIM? NO THANKS LOL

jesus i knew i’d die here

at least there’s no orb on this one

oh noooo more lightning god the storms here are brutal

omg i found shelter behind a waterfall and there’s the shrine i was sensing!! yes!!!!!

holy fuck im not safe here either i nearly just got fried

in the shrine we go holy shit

may the weather be better when i get out

damn i keep finding ore today… #blessed

I SAW FAROSH AGAIN HE WAS SO CLOSE BUT I WAS STILL TOO SLOW…okay they DEFINITELY take the same route everyday i think

or at least if not at the same time, the same places

ugh i went over to this one place and the weather turned to all lightning forever

KASS? HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU’RE GONNA GET FRIED

im so glad to see him ;_; it’s creepy out here

uh…i think…i have to get struck by lightning…on this hill…oh my god i’ll die???

maybe my lightning rod will work……? please…………..?

aaaaand it did nothing. great. ok

/saves game

……../dons metal armor weapons and shield

LMAO IT WORKED HOLY SHIT

oh my god im alive!!!! i had mipha’s grace just in case but i took an electric elixir

jesus FUCK

yes nice i didnt even have to do anything just get the…chest…….

B R O

i got rubber tights!!! electric resistance!!!!! NICE

ah and when i came out the storm was over :3

but kass is gone ): i wanted to tell him i figured out his song!!!

i knew i should have talked to him before i went in :/

lol i find a boat after playing in the water for 100 years…..not that i wouldve used it, but

aw i met and saved a traveling couple, i’ve saved them before

oh my gosh a STABLE!! all the way out here!!!!

THERE ARE PEOPLE

man i wondered what that couple was doing out in such a remote place

oh wow beedle gave me a single ancient arrow…apparently it deals huge damage even to guardians

maybe this is what the start screen meant by the right tools!!!!

but there’s only one…

robbie from akkala gave it to him…NICE i’ll remember

ah some guy here said there was something glowing at the top of floria waterfall…i gotta check that out

ooh a shrine back here too…nice

god there’s a chest in here that’s REALLY hard to get bc camera angles but it has an ancient core (looked it up) and i need one to upgrade my runes………smh

man…nah. im out. there will be other cores & this is crazy ridiculous

its just the stasis rune anyway and i use that one the least

five big hearty radishes means TWENTY FIVE EXTRA HEARTS

but you can only have a max of 30 lol so

AAAH HERE COMES FAROSH AND IM FINALLY AHEAD OF WHERE HE’LL BE OH MY GOD

I HIT HIM I HIT HIM

I FINALLY GOT A SCALE

almost died for it but. i got it. he throws electricity involuntarily and it’s major stuff i shoulda worn my rubber gear

i kinda wanna wait and see if i can get another……..but i have shit to do

holy shit farosh came back around & i got another scale…wish i could hit his horn

AAAH NO A GIANT STONE THING IS HERE….i have no idea how to fight them im leaving

well idk if the stone thing or the dragon or the shrine was what was supposed to be glowing up here but i don’t see anything new

im almost done exploring this province, actually

gotta walk along one beach and climb the heart mountain and that’s it!

a little tempted to grab my horse since it’s such an easy direct road, but i’d be getting on and off all the time ):

fml there’s a guardian on this beach…pls dont move pls dont pls dont

oh thank god its stuck in the sand

omg there was a chest in the sand but it WASNT A CHEST it was one of those yellow octoroks!!!! but!! i shot it! and got money!!!!!!!! #nice

NOOOO another stone thing!!

but you know the last one took a lot of damage from one accidental bomb so maybe

how do you fight it?? i can’t damage it???

OH OMG THE ORE THING!!! OKAY LET’S DO THIS SHIT let’s go i cooked up so much good food

oh my god i took him down in just a handful of bomb arrows…THATS what ive been running from?

not nearly as scarly as lynel tbh

and i’ve been marking the minibosses on my map so now i can look for jewels there if i ever need to

i found a fuckton in this region but lol i sold them all

i know one great fairy needs 10k rupees and like…..Yikes

im getting pretty good with my bow, i can hit far off targets bc i know how high to aim and shit

i’ve kind of been wondering what happens if you get to the edge of the map

but the wind gets so strong on the beaches i bet you just either run out of stamina if swimming or can’t make the boat get past it if sailing

but what happens if you get to a land edge though…?

i actually dislike getting to edges of maps haha it creeps me out. that disreality unrealization shit. no thanks

in la noire the edges of the map have u-turn streets and you realize the cars are all just on one endless track and no one is in them and no one ever goes home and you start to wonder if this actual universe is a simulation and it freaks you out

anyway.

omfg someone from the yiga clan selling bananas like i actually could have bought some if i wanted LMAO

he actually had me fooled for a moment even though i know what npcs named “traveler” mean

why do they all give me bananas when they die anyway………whats going on with this.

oh my god this dude at the heart shaped pond is in love with this gerudo lady here. and like. same oh my god she’s so Big

but lol you can choose to say “yeah talk to her” or “nope, rival time!”

me: aggressively wants to flirt with the gerudo lady but not in a straight way

pls this cutscene was so cute

but she deserves better than a weirdo like this guy

he like, gave me a twenty, and she fussed at him for being stingy, so then he have me a hundred, and THEN

HE ASKED FOR HIS MONEY BACK LMFAO no way fucknuts

wow and with that im All Done with this province O:

i mean yeah i got quests and shrines to come back and do, but i’ve SEEN everything, yk

maybe now i’ll go up to death mountain haha i feel so slow ): i hope what i saw and did made up for my slow story progress

whoa this weapons guy said he’d remake mipha’s trident if i ever broke it!! what a relief

ah i finally figured out the shrine puzzle by zora’s domain…gotta give that thing a dragon scale. but i like my dragon scales too much so i won’t. maybe later

oh hey the death mountain region tower! that was easy

uhhh what…is that

oh my god a FLYING GUARDIAN are you KIDDING me??? why???????

and they’re everywhere! fantastic!!! my ass is DEAD

oh okay this region is called akkala

at least i get guardian arrows here eventually :|

oh my god ONE SAW ME FUCK

oh my god

I RAN UP TO THE TOWER AND IT’S COVERED IN THE BLIGHT

what is that thing crawling all over death mountain?!

what is happening OH my god!!! so much!! everything!!! all at once!!!!!!!!

wait

that’s the divine beast

oh my god

oh my god.

oh my god it’s so big but even still it looks tiny in comparison to the mountain, oh my god

omg it gets cold up here only at night?? omg

NO there’s a still guardian up here too ;_;

i’m gonna try to kill it!!! good first try it can’t move and there’s cover RIGHT here

second try really but im stronger now

now, i have bomb arrows and lightning rods

ok lightning rod does nothing, bomb arrows dont work in the rain, but i killed it with shock arrows!!

and it wasnt v hard bc i was behind cover the whole time lol

but like, with those arrows - i used maybe 9 or 10? and that was all i used, i threw a couple of bombs at it too i guess

now to figure out how i even get IN here w/ all this gunk…..

fuck a bokoblin near a cooking pot saw me and accidentally set itself on fire lmao

ok i can’t climb past the blight, i tried, but how the fuck do i get rid of it i dont see any eyeballs )))):

……………………….w ait

this bokoblin has a shield with the hylian crest on it. the HYLIAN crest

these ruins have the red carpet with the double line of gold on the side

i’m crying this was someplace special

i don’t know what it was bc it can’t be the temple of time or hyrule castle but it was someplace real i recognize the style of it so faintly and it’s COVERED IN BLIGHT

oh my god………..this is so Much

ah ok a beam fell when i shot the first eyeball and i was like why arent there anymore?? but apparently i can magnesis it

oh wow i found a piece of a room…….totally trashed, jesus christ

must’ve been a lab or library

omg its thundering outside…..that has nothing to do with zelda but it makes this creepier

THERE’S A GUARDIAN AT THE TOP SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

its not alive tho thank christ

jesus fuck the divine beast is SO BIG and the mountain is still SO MUCH BIGGER i feel so tiny every time i look

anyway it’s 5am and there’s lightning so i gotta unplug for many reasons, this is a fine stopping place, can’t wait to get my ass kicked by that thing and rescue a goron, holy fuck

#loz blogging #botw spoilers #not too spoiler heavy bit a lil bit #personal #snap story incoming #this storm is gonna be a real humdinger #i worry all the time about my aunt's outdoor feral cat colony ):