#mental stuff

[orangechickenpillow]

Yeah, um..... it's Tuesday

#😀 #this might be it for me people #(<- is being dramatic) #meme #shit post #random #mental stuff #mental illness

[sadpurpleblood]

okay im being weird again and i have to share it with tumblr

ive been thinking about numbers. specifically negative numbers. and how they kinda make... substraction irellevant? like 1-1 is the same as 1+(-1). Obviously. but we still learn substraction is like. A thing different from addition at first. Even though its kinda redundand. because it just makes more sense in the world of yk physical objects. Where you cant rlly have -1 apples and such.

Also the many oddities about zero. not gonna get into the dividing with it part but. Essentially, you can get any number plus its negative out of it? Like 0=1+(-1). Again like. OBVIOUSLY. But we created two whole like. Numbers with that. We made something out of nothing by also making its antithesis be. but math doesnt care. 0 and 1+(-1) are the same thing to math.

I feel like im starting to sound strange and to not make sense so ill stop here but. yeah.

#weird thoughts #math #mental stuff #kinda? not in my usual context but yeah #im not sounding very normal rn

[eternitysoup]

I apologize if this post comes across as incoherent; I'm feeling a bit off today.

I have a strong dislike for my manic energy and the strange sensations it brings. It's a peculiar state where I feel wired, jumpy, and easily irritated, even when there doesn't appear to be any cause. I've made a conscious effort to avoid caffeine (I did have a little yesterday to be honest.) since it tends to exacerbate these feelings, but even without it, I still experience them.

This sudden surge of energy is a stark contrast to my usual state of chronic tiredness. Oddly enough, it's not my body that craves high activity levels but rather my mind. It conjures up unnecessary guilt and an incessant feeling of needing to be constantly engaged. Being still doesn't seem like an option during these times.

I attempt to cope with this restlessness by cleaning, exercising, or stretching, but it's a challenging task. I find it difficult to regain a sense of centeredness when I'm in this state. At times, I even question if there might be an underlying condition causing these fluctuations. Why is it that some days I can barely stay awake while on others, I feel an urgent drive to do everything?

I've come to assume that perhaps I'm naturally prone to being a bit spazzy and living in a somewhat chaotic manner. I've always attributed my frequent fatigue to my weight, believing that being overweight is the primary cause. However, even after losing 44 pounds, I haven't noticed a decrease in my overall fatigue levels, although I'm pleased with the weight loss itself.

I used to attribute my constant stomachaches to my eating of greasy or spicy foods. However, even when I eat healthy meals, my digestive system still seems to react adversely. I'm uncertain about the root cause of these symptoms.

Even if I were to have a medical condition, the financial burden of seeking professional help is a major obstacle for me, and there's always the concern that I might be dismissed due to my weight and occasional erratic behavior. I worry that medical professionals might perceive these symptoms as simply a part of who I am, and therefore not take them seriously.

So, what can I do on my own? Well, starting with a nutritious diet and regular exercise is a good first step. Engaging in brain-training activities, like the Elevate app which I found helpful in the past, might also assist with mental fog. I'm considering resubscribing to it after having canceled my subscription a few months ago to save money.

Speaking of finances, I need to improve my money management skills. It's challenging to complain about funds when I allocate money towards purchasing weed. I often struggle to justify this expense, as I feel it could be better utilized elsewhere. I find that marijuana genuinely helps me calm down.

I've been without it for the past two days, and as a result, I feel agitated and restless. It would be wonderful if this influx of energy came with enhanced focus, but instead, I experience a sense of unease without a discernible source. I'm left wondering where these feelings originated from.

Regardless, I'm determined to harness this energy. After all, it is my body and my brain, and I should be the one in control. I am committed to addressing and improving these aspects of myself, as functionality is key.

#journal #my blog #blog #life #my journal #my stuff #my post #sorry for being depressing #mental health #mental stuff

[undertale-writing-times]

I'd love the jealous prompt "hey, you okay? you look off..." with Dusty, please!

I decided to go with something a little different this time :3

Dusty, for such a long time in his life, forgot what being happy felt like. 

All he knew was the anger that bubbled out of his soul, trying to drown him each and every day. The sadness filled him to the brim. 

He forgot what being happy was like. At least for a long time. He made friends, with the other Bad Sanses, and then he met Y/n.

They made his soul feel… light. They made him feel happy, and he was always afraid that they would leave him. They could find someone better for them than himself; then they would leave.

And he felt so guilty. 

They could find someone better for them, but he wanted to keep them. He wanted them to stay with him, he didn’t want to lose this happy feeling. 

He was so damn selfish.

Today he and Y/n were spending the day together, and they bumped into someone that Y/n seemed to know. They’d been talking for a while now, and Dusty was leaning against the wall watching while tapping his fingers against his arm. 

He was mostly lost in thought.

“They seem happy with that person” Pappy says, floating around him. Dusty tenses up, then sighs, shutting his eyes and letting out a soft sound of annoyance. He was going to try to ignore his brother. There was no way that his brother was really… here, right? It was just his magic acting up and his mind trying to work against him. 

“Oh? You’re ignoring me now? Come on brother, you know that I’m here” he floats closer, laughing lightly, “You think just ignoring me is going to make me disappear?”

“Shut up” he grumbles. 

Pappy, instead, looks over at Y/n and the friend. “You know, Y/n seems really happy with that person. Do you think they’re happier talking to them than they are with you?” Dusty growls lowly under his breath but Pappy keeps talking, “I mean, they’ve been talking to them for a while now, and you’re just over here leaning against the wall, all alone. As you should be, of course. What happened last time you had people that cared about you?”

“Shut up,” Dusty said with a bit more force.

“You killed them. It’s only a matter of time before you kill them, or they leave you because they can do better than a dirty brother killer”

Papyrus would never say that. Dusty tried to remind himself, reaching up to tug his hood more over his face, his hands shaking. Papyrus would never say that, it wasn’t real. His breath was coming in faster pants, and he reaches up to scratch at his cheek. 

"Hey, you okay? You look off..." He suddenly heard. 

Dusty’s breath hitches in his chest, his eyeshines quickly shooting up to see Y/n standing in front of him. They were looking at him with a little frown on their face. “I wanted to come and check up on you, I saw you were shaking.”

"I-" he stops, shutting his mouth quickly while causing his teeth to click together. He gave a slow nod, hoping that they would drop it. Of course they didn't; they let out a little sigh and gently pulls him into their arms. "You silly skelly... come on, you can stand over there with me" They lead him back over to the friend to most likely try to get Dusty to talk so he can get out of his own mind. 

He latches onto them, hiding his face into their side/chest the best that he could. Their arm was around him, and the warmth from them and the way that they were breathing slowly helped him calm down and relax.

Pappy wasn't there anymore, at least not that Dusty could see, and he wasn't talking so he didn't feel too worried about it anymore. Dusty really didn't think that he would hurt Y/n, at least not enough to kill them. Sure, sometimes he would scratch them on accident but that was an accident! It always was. He never hurt them enough to kill them.

He was here.

They were here.

They were both safe... 

#Dusttale #Dusttale Sans #Dusty #Dust #Dust Sans #Dusty X Reader #Reader X Dusty #Mental Stuff #Pappy is mean >:( #undertale alternate timeline #undertale ask blog #undertale alternate universe #undertale imagines #undertale au #Undertale AUs #sans au #undertale multiverse #Undertale Fanfic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Fic #Fics

[starburstdragon]

Sometimes I think about how my old therapist said I couldn’t be autistic because I expressed my emotions “too strongly” and I think about all the autistic (and adhd. solidarity) people who have talked about how their autism (and adhd. solidarity) results in emotional disregulation that. Makes them emote more strongly than other people. Like what the hell Rebecca

#bloomposting #autism #mental stuff

[lalaland-e]

I can't put into words how painful it is to be perfectly in love with everything you hate about your body.

#Broad shoulders #All the fat and folds #Strong arms #I love myself so much and I've come a long ways mental health wise #But I don't think there's a way stop that little awful voice every time I look in a mirror #christian faith really pulled through for me #mental health #mental stuff #mental stability #Love your body #self love #inner demons

[bpdcrybaby213]

Where is everybody when I'm in that week long depressive episode? Where is everybody when I'm manic? Where is everybody when I'm in a BPD episode? Where is everybody when I'm suicidal? Nobody wants to deal with the bad parts. This is why I deactivated Facebook. Nobody cares.

#bpd thoughts #bpd stuff #bpd things #mental illness #mental stuff #mental health stigma #mental health struggles #bpd life #bipolar disorder

[jasper-j]

Who else feels like this?

#art #artwork #digital art #my art #character art #idk man #oc art #im bored #boredom #Ded #blank space #blank face #blank stare #blank #idk #mental #mental stuff #feelings #feeling bleh #bleh

[kitsunerokko]

still maddening and annoying that twitch is a ptsd trigger for me, like, yes, as in the livestreaming website. it's... never fun to explain why i can't show up to friends's stuff, or if i do show up, it won't be for very long

#mental stuff

[violetnshenanigans]

I'd like a day where I can focus on my homework and take good notes and wash the dishes without needing an hour or five to hype myself up

Just one day where I didn't worry about what other people thought and didn't feel the need to be perfect

A day for me to be okay with making mistakes

A day to not be weighed down by stress and self expectation and being afraid of rejection

A day where I can draw what I think of on the page and not have to keep starting over

Just one day...

I wonder if that day will ever come

#violetnshenanigans #mental stuff #id like to be okay for once

[orangechickenpillow]

I'm being hunted for sport in my own home (has anxiety)

#jesus my week has been shit #and next week is gonna be so busy and i havent slept through the night in three days #🙃🙃🙃 #ive had enough #🤏 this close to my body shutting down and literally exploding #personal #mental stuff #anxiety #mental illness

[sadpurpleblood]

any tumblr people have a quest to send me on.

i wanna at least. feel like im not totally wasting my time.

#plz #mental stuff #blegh

[angelbvn]

stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. i am so stupid.

#mental stuff #actually mentally fucked #actually mentally ill #depression vent #depressing thoughts #self loathing

[undertale-writing-times]

Oh, the angst prompt "You could have died, you know" with Dusty?

I know you most likely wanted this to be a ship thing with like Y/n, but I had to do it differently haha sorry

Sometimes when Dusty's mind worked against him too much, he would get violent with anyone around him. Normally Nightmare could just grab him with his tentacles and hold him. Nightmare couldn't feel the tentacles so, you know, why not? Other times they would have to lock him in his room or even Axe would hold onto him and squeeze while he thrashed and screamed. It... It was a time that Dusty hated his mind and body. Pappy was the one to normally trigger it, and it happened sometimes when he got way too tired and couldn't tell what was real and what was fake.

A lot of times, he would even hurt himself; scratching at his bones and there were scrapes on the walls too from him trying to get out of his room when they locked him in there. Luckily, normally, he could stop himself from using bone attacks, knowing that that would be dangerous.

It didn't happen too often, though more often than he would like to admit.

Today, when he started to come through, he didn't feel the familiar kinda slimy grip of Nightmare's tentacles or the coldness of Axe's arms. He did feel arms around him though and when he looked up he felt something drip down onto his face. Killer was the one holding onto him now.

What the hell?

"Killer?" He spoke, his voice softer than normal and feeling hoarse. What happened this time? He didn't even remember when his mind started to go this time...

"Finally, you bit me, you know that?" He lets out his own laugh, his grip around Dusty still tight, just in case. When his eyeshines shot down he could see the wet mark on Killer's jacket, did he really bite him? Ouch, right on the broken part of the arm, and... he shakes his head and looks away. What the hell happened?

"You can let me go now..." He mumbles, which Killer did, and he scoots back rubbing at his arm, "Why would you hold me like that?" It might make more sense for him to, honestly. They both had similar LV and HP but still, that might have... most likely made Dusty's mind work overtime. He could see a few broken things around, did he use his magic? That's never happened before.

Was it because his mind told him if he killed Killer he would get a lot of LV? Damn it.

 "You could have died, you know," He grumbles under his breath, moving his arms around himself. Damn it damn it damn it! He hated this. He hated his mind, he hated his body. He hated everything that made him him. 

Killer looks at him then smiles, giving finger guns, "Nah, I don't think so. I got a hug." He pushes himself to get up and walks towards the exit, "You should clean up when you get a chance, I'm gonna go get something to eat." He walks out, rubbing his arm again. It was most likely hurt. Dusty watches him go, then down at the ground, and he pulls his knees up to his chest hugging onto them and hiding his face.

He wished that he could control himself better.

#Dusttale #Dusttale Sans #Dusty #Dust #Killertale #Killertale Sans #Killer Sans #Killer #Friendship #Bad Sanses #Mental stuff #I feel bad for him #Fanfic #Fic #Fanfiction #undertale alternate universe #undertale alternate timeline #undertale ask blog #undertale imagines #undertale au

[neptunejheart]

My hyperfixations keep me alive. I don't think I could let them go. I am not ready to die again. In that same breath, I can't live life the way that the world wants me to live so something has to give. I am really being my best and doing my best.

#my life #hyperfixation #actually autistic #actually adhd #actually neurodivergent #autism #autistic #adhd #mental stuff #sigh #loassumption #loa #spirituality

[fruityheffalump]

I feel like my body has finally figured out that I don't have to be at work at the moment. My sciatica seems to have calmed down and my chronic pain is a whisper at the moment.

But now feels like everything has just crashed. I'm not sure how to describe it..... it feels like my senses and nerves are shot to hell and every little thing is a bit too much.

Slight irritations, little noises bother me more, slight differences in the way things smell. I don't want to speak, normally I do a bit of vocal stimming (making random loud weird noises) at least 2-3 ish times per day but I don't even want to do that.

I can notice even more of a difference in scents. Just in this last 20 minutes, my nose has picked up at least 4 very distinct scents. Which seems like a lot of sensory input for being static in my bed.

I'm exhausted but have all the trouble sleeping at night. Morning sounds and light keep me from sleeping in. Even with ear plugs, the noises are almost like nails on a chalk board.

The most comfortable place for me right now is in bed under my weighted blanket.

I was laying here, pretty comfortable. Feeling kind of floaty, which was nice. But eventually I had to get out of bed and eat food even though I didn't want to ruin the feeling.

Now I'm laying down putting off going to the bathroom because I'm semi comfortable and don't want to mess it up.

I just feel extremely burnt. BURNT. And I haven't done all THAT much... at least I don't think so?

I've gotten over stimulated quite a bit this last week so maybe that's it? I got pretty close to a meltdown yesterday...

I don't know. Is this a normal thing for autistic folk?

(I'm phrasing it like this because I haven't been officially diagnosed but I've got down a rabbit hole of research the last two weeks and am pretty certain I'm autistic)

I have to go to the tire place soon so that'll be....fun.

#help #neurodivergent #autistic #burnout #actually autistic #mental stuff #chronic pain #neurodivergence #personal #text post