#big vent
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“MLB SPOILERS: From what I've read from the leaked bible, it's pretty clear that Adrien is full of shit. Adrien will finally break off his ties with Chloe in the future because he finds out that the reason why Marinette has such a hard time with confessing her true feelings for someone she likes is for reasons related to Chloe. This will be seen as "the straw that broke the camel's back" moment, with Adrien finally standing up to Chloe and telling her to screw off. However, the reason why I don't buy it is because this moment comes FAR TOO LATE and only seems to come at all when it actively effects Adrien.
Chloe is Marinette's BULLY. She's BEEN bullying Marinette in the entirety of the show's run. Not to mention that she's also been bullying, intimidating and manipulating not only the whole entire class, but even others outside of her class. She even treats her best friend terribly. Basically, she’s been a crappy person to anyone who isn't Adrien himself.
Chloe’s BEEN a terrible person, but NOW??? ONLY NOW 5 seasons in, THIS situation in particular is Adrien’s breaking point??? Only now that Chloe messes with “the girl that he loves” is what sets everything off? I don’t think Adrien is a bad person, but I do think that he’s selfish. I understand why Adrien was friends with Chloe for all these years (because she was the only friend he had while growing up and he (somehow) sees “redeemable qualities” in her), but this situation doesn’t put him in a pretty good light. Chloe literally got away with being a terrible person, but it only matters to him now just because it directly affects HIM, not the fact that it affected literally everyone else.
This kind of stuff is part of reason why people tend to not like Adrien, because the boy’s so oblivious, naive and even sometimes selfish about everything.”
#adrien salt#big vent#vent#rant#adrien agreste salt#ml#mlb#ml salt#mlb salt#chloe salt#chloe bourgeois salt#ml leaks#mlb leaks#miraculous spoilers#ml bible#mlb bible spoilers#ml bible spoilers#toh spoilers#miraculous ladybug#miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir#miraculous ladybug confessions#western magical girl confessions#confession 2065
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"why do you act like you're retarded?"
I dunno. why are you acting like an asshole?
why is that something to be angry about? if I WAS retarded should I be offended? no. instead YOU should be mindful of my special needs. why should you be angry? why is being called retarded an insult? and if I'm not why are you just comparing me to one?
I don't understand. like... I feel offended. not because you compared me to a mentally troubled person. no. it's because I FUCKING AM MENTALLY CHALLENGED DIPSHIT and you think I'm ACTING.
I've just been getting worse at HIDING it.
yes I'm easily distracted. yes I'm very forgetful.
yes I show little interest in shopping or dressing up.
yes I FUCKING FORGET my duties.
it's why I have my phone with me to REMIND ME dumbass. no I haven't been getting WORSE. I'm not weaponizing my ADHD as an excuse.
but when you come at me like this expecting me to just suck it up and be "normal" well... I'm not?
like I'm not even offended by being called a retard. that's NOT an insult to me. the thing that bugs me is the disconnect you have with my struggles and how something so EASY for you isn't easy for everyone.
bottling these up won't do any favors. my explanation fall on unhearing ears. you are unable to understand me. I won't waste my breath.
but I WILL put this here.
I did hear you alright. I just don't feel like you're WORTH the argument.
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I was having such a great day yesterday, i was able to wake up early, open the house, have lunch by myself and stayed outside of my room for once, got a bit of outside sun, even called what now was my favorite cousin over to help me with Skyward Sword HD, but i can't have a good day, can i?
The immediate moment my mother came home, she already made fun of me, saying that she thought i had finally gone crazy by talking to myself.
I ignore her.
Then, she starts shaming me in front of my cousin, talking shit about me while he's around.
I ignore her.
She realizes im pretending she doesn't exist and starts talking shit about me TO MY COUSIN, IN FRONT OF ME, deadnaming me and using female pronouns in a really condescending voice, at this point i don't know anymore if he kept the conversation going because he thinks the same or if the air was just uncomfortable to reject her words but i wasn't defended, it hurts me more than anything, i felt like i lost the only friend i had in my family right there.
I told her she messed up with my medication for again coming to my space in the room for no reason and moving things around, losing a bunch of them and of course, what did i even expect? It was MY fault somehow, im screamed at and told how she hates me for needing this hrt, that she doesn't even want to buy these things.
Im just.... so tired at this point, I don't think i can take more of this for that long, it happened and i just had to sleep for a whole day because my head was spinning between committing murder or suicide. i just want to leave this, i don't know what i did to be hated by them my whole life, to live through this abuse for two decades, but i just can't take this anymore, i just want a way out.
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Vent about mental and physical health
I’ve got that stupid fucking thought again
goddamnit
i just
I don’t deserve any of this
I’m not trying hard enough and my ‘best’ isn’t, and will never be, enough.
I can’t even walk half the time. Everything hurts but no one listens. my chest, my bones, my ribs, my shoulders, my neck, my head. Everything.
but everything falls on deaf ears.
I try asking for help so many times. I try offering help. But I’m shut down, belittled, lied to, ignored. I can’t get help because no one listens. They blame it to anxiety or to not sleeping enough or to not eating enough or on my period. it’s dehumanizing.
so much of my energy is spent on simply staying alive, and I don’t even want to anymore. It’s so hard and I just don’t want to anymore.
I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry about that. I’m okay for the most part.
I’m just so sick of my situation and the people who make it so unbearable.
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i think this is genuinely more then a breakup like she was here for the first time i could touch her and now she did this and its all. its so much and i cant i want to stab it out of me so bad but i can't i keep cutting and it just nothing helps i had a dream about her and i woke up crying on the floor im just done i miss her i want her back ane only her the way she touched me she literally took my everything when she was here her hand was the first hand i held romantically and its all i want god fuck im so done ill find a exit eventually
#big vent#vent#tw sucidal ideation#tw suicide#tw self harm#sorry moots#Spotify#the microphones#mount eerie#phil elverum
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Sometimes, I wonder if I should just abandon drawing Eddsworld. Find a new fandom. Give up
Don’t get me wrong, I adore Eddsworld and it has a very special place in my heart
But there are times where I feel like, no matter what I do or draw or whatever, it’s never enough
Why can’t I be happy with where I am? Why do I crave the fame of others? Why do I want the same numbers they get? Why does their approval matter so much to me? Why do I feel so small? Why why why
Maybe I’ll just focus on my ocs for a bit. Take a break from Eddsworld and come back to it later. Hopefully, I’ll feel better
Goodnight
#vent#big vent#rant#<< maybe??#lunar speaks#im going to bed. it’s 2:30 am#I’ll probably delete this later#I’m probably overthinking and overreacting
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I fell in love with my best friend and fucked up on properly telling her because I was afraid of losing her as a friend or rocking the boat.
I tried to be okay with the rejection for five years because I didn't want to hurt her or lose her or make her feel bad. I helped her make dating profiles and talk to crushes. I was in physical pain. I was happy she was growing but devastated too. And I hated myself for that.
Lockdown happened and I was silently happy. There was a pause on my pain. Then I fucking hated myself. My friend wanted more and I was happy for the stall.
I tried so, so hard, to just move on and keep my best friend. I didn't want her to be hurt. I didn't want her to feel alone. I wanted her to grow and I wanted to see it.
Now she has a boyfriend.
And I finally broke.
How can you not feel guilty when you have to cut contact with your closest friend- the person you went through EVERY major life growth until now, because YOU just COULDN'T get over unrequited love?
I tried. I tried I tried I tried.
5 years of trying so bloody hard to just get over it.
I am happy for her. She's grown into the most incredible woman. She has a job, a social life, love, family, soon a new home with cats and fun decorations. She's getting everything she deserves in the world and I want her to have even more.
I'm very sad.
And for that I feel guilty.
I really want to believe in the future this will be a blip in life. The same way some bullies in school are now just blips. The same way some grief is now just a blip. A lesson to be learned, a step in the stair of being alive.
Right now I feel like a monster and I hate that I've caused all this hurt and I wish it had gone differently and I'm happy for her and I'm sad and I'm terrified and I feel
I just feel
A whole lot of feel
Last year I wanted to kill myself because my OCD got so bad I thought I'd never be free of it. Those triggers that made me suicidal are now NOTHING. Because I overcame them. I want this to be the same. I want to go to her wedding one day and clap and be happy. And I want her to come to mine.
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Ok, I'm kinda going against the storm. (That's a saying i just made up lol.) Here's why, most students at my school are jerks. Very grumpy and don't like enthusiastic people like me. So, apparently some people have... Taken some form of an advantage from that. Some kids are "trying to break me." But, no one has managed to fully break me yet! You know the saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Lies. Words can hurt more than anything. I know that for a fact. (Sadly) I've gotten used to it a little. (Some of my classmates said/say, "shut you f#cking furry a$$ mouth" , "Raise your hand if your hate furries", and other things along the lines of they hate my guts.) It's... It's actually starting to cause me a lot of anxiety and depression at this point. I actually don't know how long I can keep myself together. Recently, one if my neighbors was pushing me around and punching me. Trying to steal my stuff and claiming it as hers. (But i was too scared to get in trouble if I fought back. I didn't even tell my mom) So here's what I have too say about that, I'm done with being used as someone else's toy!!!! I'm done with being used as an excuse for taunting and bullying!!!! I'm done with being used as a punching bag!!!! I'm done with being a sad excuse for a person!!!! I want to be me, I want to be friends with people, I want to live a life without bullies, I want to live a life where I'm not getting beat up. I don't know how long before I snap and leave.... I don't know know how long before they stop.... I don't know how long before I just scream at their faces.... I just don't know.... I just.... I think i need to take another break. Things are just not going good for me. And I don't think they ever will.... I'm at the edge of the cliff if life and death right now. I don't want to be pushed iff into death.... So I am gling on break
#big vent#my life is hell#My life is going to TAKE me to hell#The students and neighbors already make it feels like it#I might be going on another temporary hiatus#I don't know when I'll come back#But for now#I'm leaving Tumblr#I will come back#Just after this sh!t passes#so dont worry#I'll hopefully be fine after a few weeks#I just need to help me mental and physical health
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Tw: school lockdown/shooting
Years ago when I was high school I remember the entire school going into lockdown for 5 hours. I was in AP dance, had math next. Had no idea what was going on. I was scared since the dance room was covered in mirrors and dance bars and nowhere to hide.
I remember finding out who had caused the lockdown and being so scared but truly confused and gut wrenchingly sad because the kid who did it, I never would have guessed honestly. He was in my next class. He used to wear full suits and do magic tricks. Sure, he was different but it didn’t bother me and I was so dumb in math and he used to help me a lot. He had a crazy high IQ apparently (says the article) it was like a 136. I sat right in front of him. He taught me that coin trick, the one where you can make it disappear. I used to give him my lime skittles cause I hated them and he liked lemon and lime, we used to sneak goldfish in the class too cause our math teacher was dramatic about food like that was the reason I couldn’t grasp the formulas. His favorite book was “The Odyssey”. He won some Shakespeare reciting competition. He was nice. I didn’t understand. I still don’t honestly.
Anyway.. I blocked it out for a lot of years because what else was I supposed to do with it, but with the recent heavier discussions I wanted to look up the trial, what had caused it, what was his reasoning, and what was his sentencing.
In total he had a Glock 22, knives, lighter fluid, a hatchet, four firecrackers, a lighter, and a magnesium fire starter. When they asked why he said “ so I could chop people into little bits and light them on fire." He planned to hold the class hostage and disable students with no fatal gunshots so he could improvise the rest of his attack.
Thankfully there was a teacher there that was paying attention. She realized he was off, something was wrong, pulled him aside. Talked him down. Told him he didn’t wanna hurt anyone and she could get him help. It worked, but really should we have to depend on our teachers to de-escalate these situations? What if he hadn’t listened? What if she hadn’t noticed? What if she was having an off day herself, the kids were loud, she was behind on grading, whatever it may be. We shouldn’t have to worry about these things in school
And I don’t wanna age myself but this was A MINUTE AGO and we are still having this problem… it makes me sick for this younger generation…
Anyways… he is out now… on parole… I don’t live in that town anymore. He was released recently. Just… I’m tired of seeing this shit on the news still. I really am. I’m exhausted. And every time I see it all I can remember is that horrible blood draining feeling of being huddled up with other dancers in a corner hoping that whatever was going on whoever they were, wouldn’t walk by and see us in those mirrors.
#big vent#heavy vent#I just… I didn’t know where else to put this#brain wondering at 01:00#curiosity kills the cat I guess…
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I just want to go home I can't go home and I can't cancel the flight and no one will talk to me I'm going to be so exhausted tomorrow I can't go to sleep like this I was I was in a coma oh my god
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vent, sad, trigger warning.
“its your fault i yelled at you bc you pushed me to that point”
“its your fault you believed because you’re supposed to know things and im not perfect”
“its your fault I act that way because you make me”
“its your fault you cant move on because you’re pitying yourself too much unlike other people”
“its your fault i did this because you were supposed to know better and teach me better”
“you’re hurt because you hurt me? -_- okaaayyy”
“You keep pointing at old mistakes when ive changed”
Its your fault I act out because..” I have disabilities and traumas and you don’t. I know you better than you.”
Its your fault I feel so low because.. “I have problems on top of the nonsense you just started”
“I would die and you wouldnt blink an eye”
“You dont want me happy”
“You will move on and forget me soon”
...
sometimes you dont get any closure.
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x
there's actually a lot more going on than just my dumbass car that I need financial help with. I'm in debt and it won't kill me but it pulls me thin over weeks and months and years. I was kicked out of therapy for my debt because my insurance coverage dates didn't kick in when I wanted them to and I don't know if I could call anyone and correct that. I don't know who's wrong. the job was a call center online, there's not an office I can go to.
my mom's been sending me money even though she's out of work. her mother, my grandma, is addicted to opioids and taking double doses and calling the ambulance to use as an Uber whenever she's out of drugs but she doesn't understand she won't GET more just because she runs out because they are REGULATED. they can tell she's getting too many too fast.
my wife's mother I'm actively afraid of dying. she just got brain surgery and demanded to be released before she was ready. I don't know how the hospital let her go. she's incoherent. my wife is taking care of her but my MIL doesn't recognize her, talks about her in the third person. has been crying about wanting to die and being in pain for two days straight.
I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I need another job? or to doordash nightly, consistently, after working full time, for the extra income? commissions, when I can figure out to pull myself out of the laziness exhaustion hole I've been thrown down? if my hands stop hurting long enough for me to do them, maybe I just need to push through harder
I just don't understand. it all went to shit. is it just shit for me? is god real, does he hate me that much? what sin am I atoning for, this life has never been one that I wanted to live
i spreadeth my hands for aid and there is neither help nor comfort
my job, the owner, has a brand new farm. sends me home early so as not to pay me overtime, where I make $15 an hour, and I pay my $1100 rent
if I am to lay down and die all I ask is that the pain be absorbed with me, and that it ends, and no one else needlessly endlessly experience it
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“I woke up and shoulders hurt and I can’t move them past a certain point”
“It’s because you do use those muscles”
Like what if I told you it hurt like this WHEN I was constantly using my fucking muscles every day. When I was a line cook and slinging 20lb stock boxes across the kitchen for fun with the boys. And how they saw me rapidly deteriorate until I could hardly deal with a stack of five plates or until I couldn’t life a quart sized can of beans.
#big vent#but got it the chronic pain is my fault just because it doesn’t have some fucking name attached to it
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i feel extremely physically weak it’s like i just hurt people without even knowing
i’m such a fucking jackass, i never do anything right even if i don’t have any bad intentions
can someone just give me a hug or something i’m such an awful person
i wish i wasn’t writing this. i’m so weak to the point where my brain is fucked up. sorry i didn’t know im sorry
im not asking for attention i just
how come i’m just this stupid? how come im so weak? even i was stronger back then and i was smarter but now i just hurt others without knowing it
i’m trying to hold on. it’s hard i just want to be a better person. i am so sorry for what i did in the past. if i could go back and undo everything i would do that. i’m so sorry. i’m trying my hardest to be nice and caring, and when im suffering at least please know it’s actually for real this time. i’m having much more serious issues than last time. i didn’t know what i was in for back then.
i wish i could just do the things i love without having to worry so much about the littlest things. and now i can’t have that love and happiness anymore because i ruined it for myself and i realized that. what i did messed up how im seen on the internet and now im seen as a jackass and that one kid who used to act immature online.
it just hurts okay. i don’t mean to be attention seeking this time. i’m actually suffering and i could actually die if i get weaker like this. what you’ve seen from me before is nothing compared to what’s happening now. if i could kms i would right now, not keep threatening it online like i used to.
but why should i even try to keep up anymore? what’s the point in improving myself if all it’ll do is just make my former friends think like im lying? it’s just effort that makes me tired. i tried to before but i just couldn’t. the damage was done. i’ll just accept the fact that im immature, stupid, and dramatic and i’ll always be remembered for that.
i’m trying so hard not to cry i don’t want to cry over something this stupid but i just can’t imagine how it could’ve affected how my friends see me.
please, post this on instagram anyone who sees this. i just want everyone to know. i’ve learned from everything i can’t even get back my old instagram just to tell people.
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Love working and having my art in a queer Latin space that always encourages queer Latin events…yet never takes my input, always puts me on the back burner, and always casts me aside. I just want to SCREAM: I AM a queer Latina, you DIPSHITS. I’ve tried and tried and fuckin’ TRIED, to take the owner(s??) event ideas that are diverse, and I’ve had some damn goods ideas. I’m just not Latina enough or queer enough I guess. The excuse is always “timing”…wanna know what trigged this rant? Them announcing an entire Pride themed art show, THREE DAYS after I POLITELY, PROFESSIONALLY, and personally, and EMOTIONALLY, expressed how I felt about my treatment there. That’s what’s hurtful. Is I’m told to go to them with any and all issues, no matter how big or small, so I DID, I presented them with a LEGITIMATE concern, and their response? Exactly. Anyway…know your value. And feel free to take your talented little ass someplace the helllllllllll ELSE: That’s what I’ll be doing. And you may be thinking bruh, should you be posting this? The answer will always be yes. I don’t give two last fucks who sees this. And what’s crazy, is these people know how they’ve treated me now AND in the past, is wrong. There’s more context to that, but long story short, they know. All I have to say, is karma is a cat.
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Shout out to everyone with OCs who are purposefully problematic
Your characters views (hopefully) aren’t your own, and it doesn’t make you a bad person if you have problematic characters.
Same for consuming problematic media. Just because you enjoy a show (South Park, for example) doesn’t mean you support the views presented in said show!
You can consume and create media mindfully, without dismissing the fact that these things are still bad!
I know from experience it can definitely desensitize you, but please, even if it’s obvious I want to say remember to think about just how bad these things are. I made the mistake of treating real events as fiction in my mind and it ended in a lot of regret.
Your views are not your characters
Just because you made a character do awful things doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty about it.
I personally try to keep these things away from public view so no one takes it the wrong way, but I got a bit too comfortable and told some folks about a very problematic character I made. It’s hard for me to not hyper focus on the bad parts of an OC and it makes me want to talk about them so much, to process them. But of course.. this didn’t go over too well out of the blue. I was 100% in the wrong, I made people uncomfortable, I just hope they understand I don’t condone their actions..
#I want to cry#this post is mostly self assurance#I make these characters to explore things#not to justify them#dead dove do not eat#mental health#sensitive topics#discourse#I suppose#vent#idk#big vent#rant
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