#but also more than that its the way carlos clutches onto the back of TK's neck during it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

morganaspendragonss · 3 years

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quédate un segundo más (1/8)

@911lonestarangstweek day 8 - t is for...tumour, terminal, treatment

title from voy a quedarme by blas cantó, translates roughly to 'stay a second more'

thanks to @halsteadmarchs and @tarlos-spain for the beta!

as shown above, this will be eight chapters if all goes to plan, and i hope to finish it before season 3 begins. much of what is written both in this chapter and in future ones is ripped directly from life and i am only writing from my own perspective and experiences of losing a loved one to cancer.

ao3 | 1.6k | angst, hurt tk, cancer, terminal illness, more warnings to come in future chapters

A rare genetic mutation.

That’s what the doctors tell him when the results come back.

A rare genetic mutation that has rendered his cancer practically undetectable until its latest stages, until all that’s left to do is wait to die.

TK’s hands shake as various leaflets on Managing Your Diagnosis and What To Expect and Looking After Someone With Cancer are placed in them. He feels two steps to the side of himself, his entire world halting in its tracks the moment those words had left the doctor’s lips.

“I’m afraid it’s not good news,” he’d said, eyes wide and empathetic. “Your scans and blood results have come back showing evidence of a tumour on your pancreas. There are treatment options which we can and will—with your consent—pursue, however I have to inform you that your cancer is entering stage IV. It has begun to spread to your bladder and liver. I’m sorry to say that, at this point, treatment is more focused on managing your pain and making you as comfortable as possible; we do not anticipate recovery.”

It’s just… TK’s fine. He feels fine. Like, sure, he’s been a little more tired recently and he’s been getting these weird pains, but they always fade after a while, and he’s fine.

But he couldn’t deny the blood spotting his pee, the last straw which had finally sent him to the doctor’s office.

Too late, apparently.

A touch on his knee brings him back to reality with a start. TK looks up to meet the doctor’s kind gaze, and he wants to cry.

“I understand this is a lot to take in,” he’s saying. “If you have any questions, please ask.”

“I…” TK shakes his head, swallowing a couple of times before dropping his eyes to his knees, the words on the pamphlets blurred through his tears. “How long?”

The doctor hesitates a moment, then sighs regretfully. “I can’t say for certain. People frequently outlive their projected timeframes; equally, it could be less. However, given the way your tumour looks and the rate it appears to be spreading at, I would estimate around six months.”

Six months.

Six—six months.

“Oh,” TK says, and it feels wildly insufficient but it’s all he has. What even is there to say? He’s dying, and that’s...that’s that.

“Do you have a support system in place?” the doctor asks. “This is going to be a difficult process, and you are going to need other people to help you through it.”

TK nods slowly, not looking up. “M-My husband. Carlos. He was supposed to come with me today but he was called into work last minute. He’s a detective, so he couldn’t exactly refuse—not that that stopped him from trying.” He laughs wetly, remembering how he’d insisted that everything would be fine when Carlos had stalled leaving this morning. “And there’s my dad, and my team—my family. I’m a paramedic and I work in a fire station, so we’re all pretty close. I… Shit, I’m sorry. You don’t need to know all this.”

“It’s okay.” The doctor is still smiling, still so understanding, and TK wonders—just how many times has he had to do this? “I’m glad to hear you have solid support behind you; that’s going to be incredibly important for the coming months. I’ve also given you a few leaflets about support groups you can access, that your family can access, and, of course, your treatment team will be there every step of the way.

“Now,” he continues, returning to a semi-professional aspect, “I want to see you later this week to iron out how we’re going to proceed. For now, why don’t you go home and rest, allow yourself to process this? Does Friday at 10.30 work for your next appointment?”

TK nods absently, clutching the pamphlets tight enough to crease them. “That’s fine,” he whispers.

“Okay,” the doctor says, just as quiet. “Are you going to be okay to get home?”

“Yeah.”

But he doesn’t move. He can’t. In this room, he’s separated from the rest of the world—TK doesn’t want to go back into it, where he’ll have to tell everyone he loves that he’s… That he…

“TK.”

TK’s head snaps up at the doctor’s voice and he flushes a little at seeing his pointed look. “Sorry,” he mutters, scrambling to stand up.

The doctor stands too, much more gracefully than TK, and gets the door for him. “It’s okay. I’ll see you on Friday, TK, alright?”

He mumbles an affirmative then steps out of the office, taken aback for a moment by the bustle and noise in the corridor. It’s strange to witness it now, to see all these people who don’t know him from Adam going about their lives, while his has, in the span of thirty minutes, completely crumbled.

TK takes a deep breath (and how many of those does he have left?) and joins the flow.

He’s home.

That’s… He doesn’t remember it. He must have unlocked the front door because the keys are in his hand and he’s standing in the entryway, but TK has no idea how he managed to get from the doctor’s office to here.

He made good time though, judging by the clock on the wall.

Small victories.

With heavy steps, TK walks to the sofa, easing himself down and tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. It still doesn’t feel real that there's this—this thing inside him, growing and mutating and killing him. He’s not sure when it finally will.

Maybe in a few months, when his skin is sagging off his bones and his hair is gone and even the very act of breathing is a challenge.

Or maybe in a few hours, when Carlos comes home and TK has to break the news. TK can picture his face now, the way his ever-present smile will crack and break, the shock and hurt and grief that will take its place.

He thinks he understands his dad now.

TK closes his eyes and tries to clear his mind, just for a moment, of everything that’s happened today.

Which, as it turns out, is a mistake, because that’s when he remembers the letter that came for them yesterday and the phone call they’re going to make after dinner.

The phone call they were going to make after dinner.

TK wants to scream at the unfairness of it all. They’ve been waiting for that moment for so long, the moment in which they found out they were finally cleared to adopt a kid. And now…

Gone.

Carlos is going to be crushed.

As if the universe is reacting to that last thought, the door suddenly swings open, marking Carlos’s return from his impromptu shift. For a moment, TK panics. He’s not ready, dammit, he needs more time to plan and to figure it all out, how he feels and what he’s going to say, but—

But, in the end, it doesn’t matter. He could have had the most detailed and well-thought out plan in the world and it wouldn’t have mattered.

Because all it takes is one look at Carlos’s smile for TK to fall apart.

Carlos is by his side in an instant, gathering him in his arms and sliding to the floor with him when TK can no longer support himself on the couch. TK fists his hands in his husband’s shirt and cries into his neck, all the emotion that’s been slowly building all day exploding from him all at once.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Carlos shushes, which only makes TK cry harder, because how is he supposed to tell him that it’s not?

He shakes his head and clings onto him tighter, feeling Carlos do the same to him in return. TK’s always felt safe in his arms and it’s no different now; he thinks that, if he can just stay here forever, maybe things will turn out okay after all.

But the moment ends, as they tend to do. When TK’s sobs have run dry, Carlos carefully pulls back from him, his hands rising to cup his face and wipe the tears from his cheeks.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” he asks softly, so much worry in those damn eyes that it hurts. “Is it… Did the doctor say something? Are you okay?”

TK opens his mouth, but the words refuse to come out. All he manages is a wordless shake of the head, and even that turns Carlos’s expression into the picture of devastation. He can’t bear to look at it, so he wraps his arms around Carlos’s waist and leans into him again, resting his head on his chest.

Carlos holds him and presses a kiss to the top of his head. “We’ll get through it,” he promises. “Whatever it takes.”

And it turns out that he does have a few more tears left in him; TK squeezes his eyes shut and breathes out shakily as a couple of lone drops fall down his cheeks. “We can’t,” he whispers hoarsely. Carlos stiffens and shifts as if to look TK in the eyes, but TK doesn’t let him. If he has to look at Carlos, he doesn’t think he’ll have the courage to say it. He hesitates a moment longer, a huge lump forming in his throat, but eventually he manages it.

“It’s cancer,” he chokes out. “Stage IV. Incurable. They think… I’ve got six months.”

It’s like time stops.

They’re both motionless on the floor of their front room, neither saying anything, barely breathing as the weight of it settles between them.

TK doesn’t know how long it lasts for, but suddenly Carlos sobs and grips onto him with a bruising strength. Carlos’s body heaves and shakes with the force of his cries, and it’s TK’s turn to hold him as tears drip down Carlos’s cheeks into his hair.

And, in that moment, it becomes real.

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ao3theskyisblue · 4 years

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It Takes 784 Muscles to Hide a Body

Summary:

It takes 4 muscles to smile,

16 muscles to frown, . . 784 muscles to hide a body, And 0 muscles to never speak of it again.

Written for Lonestar Week Day 7 - Anything Goes

Link to AO3

“What – in the world, are you doing?”

TK froze, his shovel plunging mid-way into the dirt as he looked up sharply, wincing as a shadowy figure holding a flashlight shined the light right into his eyes. The figure must have noticed TK shrinking away because the flashlight quickly lowered. With no words of apology, he instead moved to shine the flashlight on the ground in front of them.

TK groaned when black dots swam in his gaze, blinking repetitively to try and adjust his eyes to the dark once more. His own flashlight had been smaller, far less powerful, and placed on the ground beside him. The glow of the receding sunlight was still present, but not enough to create enough lighting in the middle of a wooded clearing where TK had begun digging.

There was no mistaking that voice.

“What are you even doing here?” TK winced; his eyes having adjusted to the faint illuminating rays around them well enough to see a very unimpressed single eyebrow lift. He recognized that look, because it was the same look the man standing in front of him gave to the crooks he caught when he called them out on their bullshit.

“That is the question, isn’t it? One that I should be asking, mind you, because if I didn’t know you any better, I would be calling in backup for a potential crime scene.” The figure said drily, eyes lowering to where a decently sized pit had been dug relatively deep in the ground.

The metallic part of the shovel that TK had been working with flashed its presence in the glimpses of light. There was a small mountain of already dug-up dirt right beside where TK was standing, and he was sure his face had to be smudged with debris and the gloves on his hands caked with soil.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Carlos? I accidentally killed a man and am currently getting rid of the evidence.” TK said without even so much as a blink, hand reaching for the shovel again to kick-start the process again. The hole should be deep enough, so why hadn’t it shown up yet?

“Oh, did you now?” Footsteps crunched against the dead leaves on the ground as the man walked closer, pausing to stand on the other side of the pit TK had dug to face him. “Then where’s the body?”

TK glanced up from his ministrations on the ground, eyes narrowing on the crossed arms that emphasized bulging biceps, a hip weighing slightly more than the other in a cocky stance. Placing the shovel beside him once more, TK leaned on the handle with one arm, a leg crossing over the other. He met the man’s gaze straight on, head tipping up in defiance.

“Did you know, that there are over 700 muscles in the human body? And it takes 784 of them to even attempt in hiding a body. No way am I going to waste them to drag an entire body out here, so obviously I chopped them into bite-sized pieces.” TK rolled his eyes, sending Carlos a ‘you get me?’ look as if they were discussing what they should have for dinner. Carlos didn’t even flinch.

“Did Mr. Carson get on your nerves again?” Carlos’ lips were twitching now, though his expression still completely stoic, and TK kind of hated police officers sometimes.

Just sometimes.

He was quite fond of one of them all the other times.

“I swear, if he starts to call my very well maintained hair a wig one more time – “ TK scowled, stopping his hands at the last second from running a hand through his hair in frustration, remembering that the gloves were still caked in dirt and other glorious findings that used to be a part of the forest floor.

“Did you have to resort to murder though? I quite liked his pecan pies.” Carlos mused, uncrossing his arms and opting to place his hands on his hips, relaxing his stance. It was true – Mr. Carson made some of the best pecan pies in the city, but his mouth needed a filtration device when it came to everyday conversation.

“That’s because he doesn’t call your curls an unfortunate by-product of hair rollers. Then you might understand the pain.” TK muttered, not being able to glare at the object of his frustrations at the moment, so he opted to glare at the manmade hole separating them instead. Carlos chuckled, ducking his head so that he could meet TK’s gaze.

“Alright spill, what are you really doing here?” Carlos asked, his eyes now purely shining with curiosity, lips tipping into an endeared smile when TK pouted.

“You’ll laugh at me.” TK huffed, tearing his eyes away from Carlos’ unrelenting gaze, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the hand that was holding onto the handle of the shovel.

“Is the reason any worse than hiding a body? Because I really can’t think of anything worse if I’m being honest.” Carlos raised an eyebrow and was giving him that look again, but TK only chewed nervously on his lower lip.

“TK, I think whatever it is that landed you here, in the middle of the woods digging a very impressive hole at night grants an explanation.” Carlos’ tone had turned serious – border lining concern. TK turned his head to meet Carlos’ gaze once more, shoulders slumping in defeat at the ‘I can see right through you’ expression on his face.

Fine.

“A bone.” TK blurted, closing his eyes and cringing at the admission. When he opened his eyes to gauge Carlos’ reaction, he would have laughed at the dumbfounded expression he was currently donning if the situation had been in his favour.

“I’m sorry, come again?”

“I’m digging for a bone.”

“…”

“..?”

“I just – did you and Buttercup switch bodies without me knowing, or is this some sort of a feti – “

“Oh my god.” TK groaned, not even bothering with the filth on his gloves this time as he ran an exasperated hand down his face. “No, that’s gross, Carlos – no, I meant Buttercup was hiding one of his bones around here and forgot to dig it back up before we left. He was looking around the station for it, so I’m trying to find it.”

Carlos’ hand on his flashlight loosened, letting the object tumble to the ground, thankfully stopping before it fell into the pit in front of them.

Silence.

TK tightened his grip on the shovel’s handle, eyes darting over Carlos’ face to catch any sort of movement – a twitch of a muscle, a tip of the lips, a widening of the eyes.

Nothing.

The sun’s rays had almost completely settled down the horizon now, and pretty soon, the two men would be left with only their flashlights and each other to hopefully find their ways back to civilization.

If TK could somehow find a way to get Carlos to snap out of it first, that is.

“Are you telling me, that you’re out here on the brink of twilight, in the middle of nowhere, because you’re trying to find a doggy bone?”

Carlos’ words seemed to catch in his throat, and TK couldn’t really pinpoint what exactly it was that made his voice shake but pushed it aside as probably confusion. The firefighter met the cop’s gaze head-on, and in a completely serious tone, replied,

“…Yes?”

And Carlos lost it.

“I hope you know that I really, really hate you right now.” TK grumbled, glaring at the laughing figure of his boyfriend in front of him, bending down slightly to clutch at his stomach with whatever he found so hilarious about this situation.

Carlos’ bright laughter echoed in the clearing around them, probably scaring the birds that were also wondering what the fuck was up, but TK couldn’t find it in himself to even pretend to be mad.

His chest warmed in contrast to the cool tone of the evening - witnessing Carlos laughing as unabashedly as he was right now was a sight that will be forever ingrained in his memory.

“You – I just – TK, why didn’t you just bring Buttercup along? He has a sense of smell almost 40 times better than ours.” Carlos choked out, before going into another fit of laughter when TK’s eyes widened in realization.

Oh.

Damn, he hadn’t even considered that. He had seen Buttercup looking absolutely miserable at the station, whining pitifully for a toy he had lost, and TK hadn’t thought twice but to immediately come back here after shift.

The crew was going to have a field day when they heard about this.

“I probably should have just gone with trying to find a time capsule, huh?” TK knew his cheeks had to be on fire, and not the type that could be easily put out.

“Actually, the only time capsule located in Austin right now is the one below city hall. So, if you really had been digging that up before 2105, I honestly would have been even more concerned.” Carlos chuckled, ignoring his fallen flashlight on the ground between them.

The minimalized light surrounding them now cast a comforting glow in the shadow of darkness, the sun officially too tired of their game to stay any longer.

Suddenly, spots of blinking lights pictured before them, and TK shifted his gaze to follow, eyes shining in awe at whatever he was witnessing.

“Fireflies.”

TK turned to see that Carlos hadn’t even bothered to follow the blinking lights like TK had, instead, looking like there was nothing he would rather be looking at than the man standing in front of him.

“It’s actually rather rare to see them nowadays.” Carlos added softly, eyes trailing after the speckles of light, granting TK a moment to admire the stunning profile of a man who had not left his side since first coming into his life. The man who had somehow found him in the middle of the night even when he had a shift just hours before – tracked him to the middle of the woods and need no reason to stay other than to offer his company.

I love you.

“Guess we’re pretty lucky then.” TK opted to say instead, heart thumping wildly in his chest both at Carlos’ quiet ‘I am,’ and the three words currently echoing in his mind – the warmth of the feeling leaving a prickle of electricity along his skin.

The tiny flickers of light danced closer towards him, and TK grinned when a couple of them even swarmed around him for a while.

“Seems like they can’t resist a pretty face.” Carlos teased, laughing lightly when TK scoffed, offering a fond smile at the sparkles of light blinking in a rhythm only they knew.

“How’d you know where to find me, by the way?” TK asked, tilting his head in a silent question. Carlos sent him a wink.

“I followed the blood trail.” Carlos deadpanned, before snickering at TK’s unimpressed stare. “Okay, fine. I may or may not have tracked your phone’s GPS.” Carlos admitted sheepishly, eyes lowering to the ground beneath them. TK would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little impressed.

“Aw, I’m honoured. You used your fancy police equipment to find me.” TK batted his lashes playfully, and if Carlos hadn’t still been standing one pit apart from him, he was sure that comment would earn him a chastising shove.

“I was worried, when you didn’t answer your phone.” Carlos confessed quietly, and TK’s expression immediately softened. He had left his phone on silent and shoved it in his pocket when he had started digging, the device’s vibrations probably getting lost in the movement.

Eyes locking with Carlos’ once more, TK could make out a hint of fragility, an almost uncertain look that he instantly wanted to erase.

“Thank you…for being here.” TK matched Carlos’ answering grin with one of his own, immersing himself in the moment. It was probably his imagination, but it almost seemed like the light from the fireflies brightened around them, casting an ethereal glow in their pocket of intimacy.

“Next time you want to hide a body, hit me up first, okay?” Carlos’ grin suddenly turned teasing, and TK groaned, laughing dejectedly.

“You are never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Absolutely not.”

Unbeknownst to the two men, the glowing flickers of light that had watched the entire exchange mustered all their strength to shine even brighter, giggling amongst themselves. Flying over their heads, they maneuvered themselves to create the shape of a heart, just as one of the men made his way over to the other, gathering him into his arms.

“Let’s go home.”

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #lonestarweek2020 #Day 7 - Anything Goes

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braveclxrke · 4 years

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911 Lone Star fic -

TK struggles the cope with the aftermath of being shot; inner demons he thought he left behind in New York follow him to his new life.

Read all the chapters on Ao3 (chapter 1 below)

The pale light crept in from the window, filling the apartment with a warm glow. Carlos carefully rolled over in the bed, over the last weeks he’d gotten used to moving cautiously in the bed, not wanting to knock TK. However, as he moved, he couldn’t feel a body next to him, Carlos looks up to see that TK was nowhere in the room.

“TK?” Carlos called; his voice already filled with concern. Carlos threw the sheets off his bed, walking around the apartment “TK?” If Carlos were moving, he probably wouldn’t have heard it, a small faint voice.

“I’m fine” The voice was quiet, Carlos walked towards the bathroom, trying the door handle but finding it locked.

TK stood in the bathroom, his hands bracing the sink. TK had gotten out of the shower about five minutes ago and gotten dressed for work but was still stood facing the mirror, not being able to bring himself to leave the warm comfort of the bathroom. Today was his first day back at work, he’d been off for around ten days, his dad, the doctor and even Carlos had tried to convince him to take more time off, to heal more but TK wanted to get back, he needed to. “Everything alright?” Carlos called from outside. TK had been staying at Carlos most nights, wrapped up in the arms of the man he swore was just a one-night thing.

“I’m just getting ready. I’m fine” As TK spoke his chest felt tighten like someone had tried a rope around his lung pulling it tighter at every word. TK looked down at his watch. He sighed, a ragged cough following, TK clutched his chest and leaned over the sink, using his other hand to brace himself. TK squeezed his eyes shut, the pain radiating throughout his whole body. Eventually, he pushed himself up, looking into the mirror; TK looked tried, and he felt it. He hadn’t slept probably for days, every position in bed caused his chest to ache and burn, everything hurt; movement, drinking, eating. TK felt his stomach churn and felt goosebumps rise on his skin; maybe he was getting sick, coming down with the flu. TK sighed and headed towards the bathroom door and unclicked the lock, pausing for a moment before pushing open the door. The once warm, steamy air was suddenly cold, and clear. Carlos was stood in the middle of his room, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, today was his day off, the sight of the man-caused the frigid room to feel a little warmer.

“You okay?” It seemed that was all anyone asked TK now, and his answer had never changed since he left the hospital.

“I’m fine” TK pushed a smile on his face, trying to soothe Carlos worries. From the look on his face, it wasn’t working, Carlos walked over to him, his eyes scanning his body and face, TK tried to keep the smile, but he could already feel it falling. Carlos came to a stop in front of him, after a moment or two he reached his hand up, bringing it to TK’s collar fixing a crease in it.

“You know you don’t have to do back?” Carlos didn’t make eye contact with TK, focusing on his collar. “The 126 would understand- “

“The doctor said I’m fine to go back” TK interrupted him, shifting on his feet.

“She said you could take a few weeks to heal, its barley been two weeks” Carlos finished with the collar smoothing it out. Carlos kept his hands on TK’s shoulders. He looked up at TK; his large eyes focused just on him “I know you’re feeling restless, and you want to help but…” TK kept his eyes on Carlos as the man seemed to search for the right words. Carlos moved one of his hands to cup TK’s cheek, causing TK to lean into to comfort, closing his eyes for a second. “-You’ve got to take care of yourself tiger.”

TK looked at Carlos and felt his chest tighten for another reason, and for once, he didn’t quite mind it. TK reached his hand up and placed it on top of Carlos “I will” He quietly said, a small reassuring smile on his face, Carlos matched it. TK leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Carlo’s lips, wanting to stay in the moment for longer but willing himself to pull away. After the solar flare, TK had made a lot of decisions, one of them being admitting to himself that Carlos was more than just a fling. The pair still didn’t know much about each other, but TK was enjoying getting to know the man; his favourite meal, his friends, his hobbies. The horn roared from outside, and both men looked towards the door. “I’ll see you tonight” Carlos smiled. TK gave another swift kiss to Carlos before heading out the door.

TK pulled open the front door; his father was stood outside his car, waiting for TK. His body was tense, arms over his chest, his shoulders tight, TK knew when his father was stressed, he’d seen it when his parents got divorced, when TK had gone out on his first call, his first overdose and now. Owen had made it clear that he had wanted TK to take more time off, to heal more, but TK couldn’t take it anymore, he was agitated and needed to get back to work.

“Morning,” His dad said in a cheerful voice, uncrossing his arms.

“You know I could’ve driven myself,” TK said, walking passes his farther towards the car.

“Nice to see you too son” TK could hear the sarcasm in his dad’s voice, “We agreed that if you’re going to come back, we’re going to do it on my rules okay” This time no sarcasm in his voice. TK paused for a moment before pulling open the car door, he slowly bent down to get into the car, his chest protesting the whole time. TK tried to steady his breathing, but he couldn’t quite get a handle of it, “You okay?” Owen asked, TK went to say something, but he couldn’t get the words out, like the rope around his chest had tightened around the words causing to them to become lodged in his throat “Son” TK looked over at his dad, his face was screwed up in worry. TK took a moment, making small breaths slowly until the burning passed.

“I’m fine, I’m okay” he breathed, sounding like he’d just run to the car.

There was a pause, Owen pulled his lip into a thin line. “If you need more time to-“

TK held his hands up “-I said I’m fine!” He yelled, “Can we just go please?” he muttered, with that TK turned away from his father facing out the window. There was a pause, the car hadn’t started, for a moment TK thought his dad wouldn’t leave, but then the car engine broke the silence, the car pulling out of the drive.

“So, for the first week or so I don’t want you on fire calls, the stress will be too much for your lung, even with the mask and everything” This was the other condition to coming back, one TK was still struggling with. “Other calls, we will decide case by case.”

“You mean you?” TK snapped, still staring out of the window as the scenery went past.

“Yes me, I know you TK you’ll think you’re ready and push yourself too far” It was clear TK’s attitude was starting to grate on his dad, he just wanted to keep his son safe and currently his son was being a dick. “Everyone is excited to see you, it’s all the 126 has spoken about all week, buttercup has missed you the most, won’t get off your bed” TK wanted to be excited, want to be eager to see the team again. Still, it just wasn’t there, and his mind was preoccupied, it had been since he left the hospital. TK reached into his pocket and pulled his headphones out, plugging them into his phone, trying to drown his mind in the music.

After what felt like the longest ride to the station, the pair pulled up. TK looked out of the window, the large doors to the fire station were open. TK stayed seated in the car, he thought once he saw the station, he would be excited, that all the doubt and worry in his mind would have been flushed out but as he sat there staring at what was his second home, his family he could only feel dread.

“Hey kiddo, you doin’ alright?” It was then that TK noticed his dad had gotten out of the car, walked around to TK side and was now crouched next to him, the car door open. “-And before you say ‘you’re fine’ you’re my kid, I know when you’re not okay” TK finally looked over at his dad, he looked exhausted, not only was he dealing with cancer, but now he had to take care of his son; it was meant to be the other way around. TK and his dad had always been close, talked about pretty much anything, and everything and his dad had always understood.

TK once again pushed a smile onto his face, turning to face his dad “Uhh just-just a little nervous to get back to work that’s all.”

His father reached up and cupped his sons face. “And that’s okay” His dad gave him one of his signature smiles before standing up and turning to face the station. TK followed suit, his hands nervously hanging at his side. As they turned the corner into the station, the team were cleaning the truck, chatting amongst themselves. After a moment the group turned around, hearing TK and Owen walking in.

Judd was the first to walk towards him, a subtle smile on his face “Hey kid” He said, his voice more quiet than usual. Judd pulled TK into the careful hug like he was holding a fragile bird.

As they pulled away, Paul came forward, shaking his head.

“Good to have you back kid hasn’t been the same without” With that Paul also pulled TK into a hug, being even more careful than Jud, giving his shoulder a squeeze as they parted

Before TK could respond, Marjan reached up for a hug, a soft smile on her face. Behind her was Mateo. “So, does this make you the probie now” Mateo gave TK a broad smile.

TK gave a small laugh, it is all his chest could conjurer. “Afraid not probie ” TK joked, pulling the kid into a hug. As TK pulled away, he heard several little footsteps coming into the room, and then a loud bark.

“Buttercup!” TK beamed, the large dog bound towards the boy, stopping at his feet while wagging his tail. It had only been about two weeks since he’d seen Buttercup, but damn, he missed that dog. TK quickly bent down and hugged the dog, petting his head while Buttercup rapidly licked his face.

“Think we know who TK’s missed the most” Judd joked. After petting Buttercup and tussling the dog’s hair, TK quickly got up again and was confronted with a sharp pain in his chest, causing him to stumble back slightly.

“TK?” His dad panicked, grabbing onto his arm, TK clasped his eyes shut tight, taking slow, steady breaths.

“Is-is he okay?” TK heard Mateo spoke, after a moment, TK opened his eyes to see all the excited faces turned to fear and worry.

“I’m fine, I’ m-I’m okay” TK tried to reassure them, but none of the worried faces changed “I just stood up too quick, Buttercup got me all excited” TK tried to joke, he saw some of the worries disappear, but it still lingered.

“Alright alright, time to get back to work” His dad called, the group gave TK a finale smile, a few shoulders squeezes and light pats on the back. TK headed towards the rooms, placing his stuff in his locker, changing into a comfortable work shirt and hanging his shirt on the hook before going back to the bedroom. The room was empty, everyone off doing work. TK slowly walked over to his bed, sitting down carefully. TK took a deep breath, squinting as his chest ached. TK’s head hung a little lower, his eyes feeling heavy.

TK sat on the edge of his bed, grey joggers with a top, TK bounced his foot up and down, he just wanted to get out of this place, having been confined to a bed for a week. “So, your X-rays have come back clear, it seems the lung isn’t deflating and is healing quite nicely, so I feel happy discharging you from the hospital” TK felt a rush of relief, finally. He felt his dad reach over and pat his shoulder, a smile on his as well. “However, it’s going to be around six weeks until your lung is 100% back to normal so I recommend taking it easy, especially with your job, but if you’re careful you could be back to work in 2 weeks if the work is light” TK nodded along to what she was saying. Still, if he was honest he wasn’t listening after he heard the words ‘he can go home’ TK was just thinking about leaving.

“Thank you, doctor; we appreciate it” TK turned to his dad who for the first time in a while had a genuine smile on his face, his eyes full of appreciation.

“No problems” The doctor smiled back “So before you are discharged, you need to pick up some medicine, you need some pain relief.”

All the excitement TK had felt had deflated “Opioids?” his voice had lost all its confidence.

The doctor gave the pair a strange look. “Yeah, I’m going to prescribe you- “

“I can’t take opioids” TK stuttered, shaking his head.

The confusion the doctor had only increased “I wasn’t aware of any allergies- “

“I can’t take those drugs” TK continued, not giving the doctor any more information.

“Sir you have to understand your wound will heal, but due to the seriousness of it, it will be excruciating-“

“I’ll be fine okay” TK assured her, he had to be.

Owen stepped forward, giving the doctor a small smile. “Doc, could you give us a minute please” The doctor paused before giving a slight nod and leaving the room. “TK…”

TK looks down at the ground, shaking his head. “Dad I know what you’re going to say but…” Tk looked up at his dad, trying to make him understand “I’m not talking those pills okay I’ve already relapsed with all the morphine they’ve given me- “

Owen stepped forward, giving his son a sympathetic smile, placing a hand on his shoulder. “TK that isn’t a relapse, you were shot okay. You need pain med.”

“Yeah, so I’ll get something over the counter okay?” TK could tell his father wasn’t convinced, he just wanted his son to be okay, to be able to take his medication but TK knew the truth. TK knew what would happen if he took those pills home if he started retaking them. It was just a flesh wound, it would heal, TK could get over it, but taking those pills again “Dad I…I can’t”.

TK and his father had spent a long time arguing about the pills, eventually, once Owen had heard from the doctor that technically not taking the pills won’t affect his recovery, he agreed. TK reached up with one hand and ran his hand through his hair. Since they left the hospital, TK had had a constant headache, like there was a small unbroken voice in his head fighting to get to the top. The voice was saying the same thing over and over, but TK had managed to drown it out. With working out, with Carlos and now TK was hoping that work would do the same. TK had to drown the voice out; there was no other choice.

#911 Lone Star #911 lone star fic #TK Strand #Carlos Reyes #Tarlos #fic #my fic

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