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xiezuo · 6 years

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Me again. Bts members' sexual kinks?

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Disclaimer : This is a friendly reminder that none of these headcanons are facts. They’re only my opinion and I could be completely wrong about them.

NSFW under the cut

Kim Seokjin | Jin (BTS)

I know a lot of people see Jin as a vanilla man

And I can see why

To me he’s definitely the least kinky in BTS for sure (it’s either him or Jeongguk) but I don’t think he’s 100% vanilla

I feel like he could dabble a little in the dom/sub side of BDSM, especially if he’s frustrated

If you’re acting like a brat and tease him in public I can definitely see him wanting to teach you a lesson

Will make you call him sir/oppa, not really sure about daddy but maybe that too

Yeah Jin is definitely more on the dom side

He likes being the one in control and the one on top

He’ll tell you what to do and praise you if you obey him

I feel like his way of punishing you as more to do with teasing and denying your orgasm rather than something physical like spanking

He’ll make you pleasure him first, whether it’s by giving him a blowjob/handjob or performing a striptease for him

He’ll make you beg for his cock

He won’t totally degrade and humiliate you but he’ll call you his little slut when you beg

And he’ll really make you beg for it like

You’ll be on your knees in front of him and he’s holding his cock in front of you

He’ll graze the tip across your lips and maybe even lightly tap it against your cheek

“Tell me how much you want oppa’s cock in your pretty little slut mouth”

If you really, really pissed him off and he’s borderline hate-fucking you or if you’ve been especially naughty (one example would be to get him hard in public), he’ll chase his own orgasm

He’ll cum all over your stomach or your back depending on your position —but never inside— and leave you gaping around nothing and then leave you to take care of your needs alone

But whenever he does that he always comes back about ten minutes later, much calmer, for a second round, and this time he’s gonna be more thoughtful

It’s not a kink but I’m pretty sure Jin’s dick is big

Like both girth-wise and length-wise

It’s not exactly a monster but it’s hard to take it without prep and he knows that

So even if he’s in a hurry he’s always gonna take time to stretch you out and make sure you’re lubricated enough to take him

Jin’s kinks really do focus more on dominating you than anything else tbh

The most he’ll do is probably choking if he knows you’re into that

If not then spanking is the next option

Min Yoongi | Suga (BTS)

One of the kinkiest for sure

A pure dom 98% of the time, he likes the control he can have over you, but if he’s feeling down or really stressed he appreciates it if you take care of him

He’s kind of sadist in bed, if you’re into that then he’ll have no problem being really rough with you

Really puts his tongue technology to use if you know what I mean

Seriously though, his tongue works wonders

He can make you cum in just over a minute with it and he loves going down on you

Seeing you squirming underneath him completely at his mercy really gets him going

Doesn’t really like using toys on you for that reason, he can achieve better results quicker by himself

He loves it when you ride him, but this little fucker toys with you a lot —he’ll make you believe you’re in control and the second you let your guard down, he takes control again

Loves using blindfolds and restraints on you, like I said, he likes having complete control and knowing he can get you in such a state of arousal and bliss is an amazing feeling

Prefers taking you from behind, it gives him a better angle to hit all the right spots

Really prides himself in making you cum multiple times before him but ultimately chases his own orgasm more than anything else

A master dirty talker

Probably inyo degradation and humiliation, if you give him a green flag he won’t hold back

Wants you to call him oppa, daddy, sir, master, any honorific that puts him into a position of power over you, you name it

Has a weird way of praising you in which he’ll tell you how good you are but still call you degrading names like slut, whore, etc.

Spanks you while fucking you

Into hair pulling

Loves it when you scratch his back

He’s really into marking you anyway he can, whether it’s by biting or sucking on your skin until a bruise appears, having his hand printed out on your ass while he spanks you, holding you so tightly his grip causes more bruises to form, and cum marking

His favourite place to cum is either all over your face or on your pussy, especially the latter because to him it means he’s claiming it as his and his alone

Despite all of that, I can see him being a very passionate lovemaker as well

If he’s feeling particularly sappy or you’ve had a bad day, he’ll take his time with you and actually make love to you

No matter what happens, he takes really good care of you, especially afterwards, to make sure you’re okay and he holding you close until you fall asleep or have to get up

Jung Hoseok | J-Hope (BTS)

Very open to trying out new things to spice things up

A switch but a very very bratty sub, he won’t give in easily

Very energetic and powerful, he can last a really long time

I see him as very shy at the beginning but after you have sex a couple times, it just gets easier to get him into the mood

Will rarely initiate anything but unless he really can’t right now he’ll never turn you down

A grade A tease, he loves going down on you and eating you out until you cry

Not really a pet name kind of guy, to him the hotest thing you can call him is by his name, especially if you’re moaning it into his ear, but he will call you baby or princess, princess being his favourite

Loves using toys on you to make you squirm

I feel like he likes to take his time and he has a lot of self-control so he doesn’t mind spending a lot of time on you

Hoseok likes it rough, he will pound into you at an incredible speed and his thrusts are strong, deep and calculated

Probably has every single sweet spot of yours engraved into his memory and will use this knowledge against you

Breath play is probably one of his biggest kinks if it’s not his biggest, and it goes for both giving and receiving

I’m not saying he’s a fuckboy because to me he’s literally the furthest thing away from that but to him, sex is more about having fun and letting out his stress and frustrations rather than a bonding experience between the two of you

So he rarely gets romantic in bed unless there’s a special occasion to celebrate

Prefers to fuck you on a bed but if you can’t make it there he has no problem improvising and having his way with you backstage in a broom closet

Loves to tease you in public by sliding his hand up your thigh and getting too close to your crotch for your liking

Highkey loves it if you tease him back but will pretend he hates it. You take it as encouragement to keep going

But teasing is the only thing he’ll do in public

I feel like he’d get embarrassed really quickly if you’re having sex at the dorms and he knows the others can hear you, so usually he goes to your place or he makes sure you two aren’t making any noise

Which in his case is pretty difficult because he’s quite vocal in bed

Not saying he’s a screamer, it’s not that bad, but he doesn’t hold back from moaning when it feels really good

He’ll also ask you if you like what he’s doing but sometimes gets cocky and teases you about how much you seem to enjoy what he’s doing

Sex with him is always really fun and more often than not it leaves you walking like a cowboy for a few hours

Likes to cuddle afterwards

Kim Namjoon | RM (BTS)

This is pretty much already a given since he basically admitted this already but Namjoon has a daddy kink for sure

He is a strict dom, there’s no way anyone can manage to dominate him

Really into sexting and phone/Skype sex when he’s away or when he’s busy

Buys sexy lingerie for you, white being his favourite colour, and he loves it when you take cute/sexy pictures in it to send to him either to give him some jerk off material or to give him a sneak peek of what’s waiting for him at home

Loves taking care of his baby girl but he’s more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral

He keeps it for special occasions like anniversaries or when you’ve been really good to him the entire day

Loves it when you submit to him immediately but really doesn’t mind you being bratty from time to time to give him a challenge

Probably makes you give him strip-teases/lap dances when he feels like taking his time with you

If you’re wearing a choker he’ll make you keep it while you have sex

Most likely the type to buy you one with a little medallion that has his name on it

Calls you baby girl, sweetheart, princess, or any cute pet name he can find to show you how much he cares about you

Will sometimes call you down to his studio to “help him relax” when he’s feeling particularly stressed or tense

In fact you guys fucked more in his studio than you did in an actual bed

Prefers to take you from behind, it gives him a better angle to hit all of your sweet spots and allows him better control

Loves to cum on your face and chest

Not really a “making love” type of guy either, if he wants to be romantic he’ll find other ways but sex isn’t one of those options

I have a feeling Namjoon has the biggest dick in all of BTS

And he uses that to punish you if you’ve been really, really naughty to him

Let me explain : he will prep you enough so that it doesn’t hurt too much but he will not let you time to adjust to his size before he starts pounding into you —it doesn’t hurt but it’s definitelt uncomfortable at first, but he’ll make sure you’re okay to avoid accidentally hurting you

Doesn’t go all in with the aftercare, but he’ll clean you up and stay with you afterwards at least until you fall asleep if he really has to go back to work

He’s not exactly super kinky and doesn’t venture in other branches of BDSM aside from dom/sub, but he’s not soft either

His goal is to make you cum at least once before he does

It would be a huge blow to his ego if he doesn’t manage to

Dirty talks to you in both korean and english

Doesn’t give a fuck if people can hear you and wouldn’t even be phased if someone accidentally walked in on you two, he’d just tell them to leave because he’s busy

Park Jimin (BTS)

100% a sub I will fight anyone on this

Everything about Jimin screams baby boy to me

So to get the full effect in bed with him, you have to be a dom

If not, sex is gonna be really vanilla because I feel like just the thought of being a dom makes him uncomfortable, he’s not cut for that role

He’s not opposed to trying though, but I really do see him as a strict sub

He has such a praise kink too, a slut for compliments

Highkey one of the kinkiest members of BTS ngl

Would even be down for pegging if you’re into that, but he has to be in the right mood and has to be in complete trust with you

Tie him up, blindfold him, deny his orgasms all you want

He whines about it but he loves it

I feel like sometimes he’ll act like a real brat just to get on your nerves and push your buttons

But talk to him in a certain tone and call him baby and he goes back into subspace real quick

I feel like depending on the scenario he could be into roleplay

One of his favourite things to do with you is cock warming, it makes him feel closer to you, but will eventually grow impatient and try to move after a while

Will most likely send you dick pics when he’s horny but he always makes sure you’re okay with that first

He preps you for it, it’s never unsollicited even if you don’t really ask for them (you’re still happy to get them)

Very vocal about his needs, if he’s horny then he does absolutely nothing to hide it

Calls you noona in bed, even if you’re younger than him

Loves to be reminded that he’s yours, whether it’s with you marking his body with hickeys (as long as they’re easy to cover up) or giving him a collar/choker with your name on it

Really into breath play, either it’s with your hands or you pulling on his choker, it makes him cum in 0.2 seconds

Becomes an immediate mess if you go down on him, to him it’s the hottest thing you can do and he doesn’t last very long if you do that

He’s quite embarrassed about it and everytime it happens, he’s gonna go down on you until he can get it up again

Actually he really likes going down on you, pleasing you is his number one priority

Which is why he’d be open about trying out pretty much anything you might be into as long as it’s not super gross or doesn’t cause any permanent marks/injuries

You getting off is what gets him off

But the fact that he can come undone so easily when you go down on him gave you the idea of using cockrings on him and those are the death of him

He has such a love-hate relationship with those and it makes him go absolutely crazy

Becomes very affectionate after sex and loves to snuggle up to you and nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck

Jimin is basically a 180 to the way he acts with you in public, because I feel like he can act borderline playboy with you when you’re not in bed and by that I mean he has no problem openly flirting with you in front of everyone and being a tease

But in bed it’s all about you being the one in charge and making the decisions

Kim Taehyung | V (BTS)

I see Taehyung as a switch but in a strange kind of way

Taehyung is very traditional and that’s why I feel like if he’s with a girl, he’s gonna want to be the one on top at all times

If he’s with a guy then it’s going to depend on the guy, he could go from full dom to switch to full sub

But since I’ve been an ass assuming all of them were straight so far I’m gonna continue down that way but if anyone wants to request BTS with a male s/o I’m not opposed to it

Now that’s someone who could send you dick pics/nudes at random times without warning if you’re in a relationship with him

Most of the time he does it to be a little shit and not even because he’s horny

Lowkey a freak in bed not gonna lie, probably has a lot of unusual kinks

Loves playing hard to get —he knows exactly when you’re horny but he’s gonna pretend he’s completely oblivious to it until you straight up ask him to fuck you, even if you shove your hand down his pants he’s gonna remain unmoving

He’s a little shit in bed, he makes you beg for him to touch you

If he’s feeling like teasing you even more, he’s gonna force you to keep your hands above your head at all times and will stop all movement if you disobey him

If you act up on his authority, you can bet your ass he’s going to punish you for it

Whether it’d be by spanking you or denying as many orgasms as he can

Wants you to call him oppa, doesn’t matter if you’re older or younger than him

It’s such a huge ego boost for him if you can cum from just his cock

Taehyung will probably bend you over in so many ways, he changes the position often, so you better start getting into yoga because you’re gonna have to be flexible lmao

Loves teasing but absolutely hates foreplay, it’s a cognitive dissonance but that’s the way Taehyung’s cock brain works

Will whisper the filthiest things to you when you’re out in public just to get you worked up

Hands down the BTS member with the highest libido, if it were just for him he’d have sex with you 5 times a day

Really open to trying new things too and always looking for ways to improve your sex life

Prefers to cum inside and condoms are the bane of his existence, trust me, he’s gonna drop them fast once you both get tested and you’re on birth control

I lowkey see him having some type of impregnation kink, not that he absolutely wants to get you pregnant but the thought of it is really hot to him for some reason

Has absolutely no shame and —this might sound kind of gross to some of you and I apologize in advance to all the Taehyung stans I might offend—but if he never cums on your stomach for a change, he’s gonna clean it off (or partly clean it off) with his tongue

I highkey think Taehyung is the kinkiest in all of BTS but this post is already too long so I’m going to stop there, but I have another Taehyung post in the works so I’ll continue it there

Jeon Jeongguk | Jungkook (BTS)

Jeongguk is also a switch, but just like Taehyung, it’s a little different than what we usually think of switches

He adapts to his partner meaning if you’re a strict sub, he won’t mind always being the dominant one

And if you’re a strict dom, he won’t mind always being the submissive one

And if you’re also a switch then he’ll switch too depending on your mood

Jeongguk is really competitive so I feel like he’ll find a way to turn sex into a competition

Or bet sex when you challenge him at something

Dom!Jeongguk likes it rough, his thrusts are deep and powerful and sure to leave you sore for a couple of days

Grips your waist and thighs so hard it leaves bruises in the shape of his hands

But just like Hoseok, he would rather have you call him by his name than oppa, daddy, sir, etc. Actually he’d be freaked out by it, so just stick to his name or something close to it like Kook/Kookie

But when he’s into subspace he loves being called “baby”

He’s not the type to go down on you very often, he keeps that for special occasions, but when he does it it’s mind blowing

Loves when you go down on him but only asks you to do that when he’s feeling especially dominant, usually he just leaves that decision up to you

Prefers cumming on your stomach, it’s a mess to clean up but the sight is just amazing to him

Sub!Jeongguk is kind of a brat and he loves teasing you and defying your authority

But when you finally get him to submit, you can do a lot of things to him

He wouldn’t like being completely restrained but if you just tie his hands together or tell him to keep them over his head he’ll happily comply

Whether dom or sub Jeongguk isn’t a really kinky person per se

He’s more into rough sex and pinning/light restraints than anything else

And I feel like it would take some time to get him to open up to new things

Like at the beginning of the relationship he’s almost strictly vanilla

But you’ll notice that he has a hard time keeping a slow and sensual pace so when you tell him he can go harder, he won’t hesitate to do it

Has a fixation with your legs and especially your thighs and he loves marking them

He always leaves multiple hickeys on the soft flesh of your inner thigh which makes it hard for you to walk the next day because everytime your thighs brush together it hurts

But you love it

Actually unless you’re the one on top, you’re always sore the next day without fail

And it hurts from your waist to your knees like you had some really intense workout the day before which, well, you kinda did

At first, having sex while anyone was at the dorms was a strict no

But now he lowkey loves knowing that his hyungs can potentially hear how good he’s fucking you

Especially loves it when you wear one of his shirts after sex but it also makes him want to rip it off and go at it again

Really into thigh riding, just the sight of you coming undone on his thigh drives him crazy

If he’s in a rush I can see him really being into dry humping

He’s a really fast learner so while you’ll have to guide him the first few times, when you both grow more comfortable with each other he’ll be able to make you cum each time without fail

This is a random one but I feel like he went to see Namjoon after your first time to tell him about how it went just because it made him so happy and he felt the need to share it with someone

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

Text

"you know, its a good thing. honestly, its good that you see your value even if you dont see it in other places atleast youre seeing it in your intimate relationship. like this is a difference in you - no one prompted this. i didnt say anything to you. i dont think anyone else said anything. you just thought about it and decided on it. thats a really good thing" thank you, friend. because this is a really valid point that makes all the difference and i might not have seen that. for the first time, honestly, im not crazy. like im not questioning my belief as crazy or delusional. i know i dont like this and therefore its wrong. its not 'is this okay' - its not. and now im fed up. and i became quietly fed up. like i just sat on it and sat on it and never spoke about it to anyone. i dont ponder these thougbts with people. i just drive myself crazy thinking about it. because i know it doesnt matter now. i used to think it matter. i used to think that maybe someone knew more or better than i did. maybe i was just sooo dumb and useless that i dont "get it". so i fell in line to what others thought was best. whatever they said, i did. and i would try to seek a certain approval of my own ways so that i could justify believing other people knowing they really didnt know any better than i do. its a really fucked uo pattern thats like just shitty low self esteem. but heres the thing - i gained so much from him. like he completely changed my world view. not who i am but my world view and he gave me, honest to god, the path into humanity. like i also justified my own weakness of not taking more initiative to understand people and thus not feel abhorred by them and continue my cycle of low self esteem. seeing him be the person he is - not because hes great. hes not fucking great. he is legit not great at all. hes not "the best". hes like.. pretty good. okay on a regular basis. but he has a very unique personality and self awareness that mirrors my own in some ways and seeing it play out as an outsider and learning to love this person has allowed me to gain more love for myself. he is weird as shit. hes so fucking weird. i will almost hope to never meet someone as weird as him again because i dont like the odds of humanity turning out someone so weird and not being harmful in some way. but he is confidently weird. and i feel like he might not even be weird at all - hes transparent. hes totally see thriugh and humans are closed off and private and secluded but he speaks free on everything. everything. i have not met a single person like him before and slowly in my own social life away from him ive gained confidence to just be me. like more me than ive been before in an open and honest way. like just speaking freely and backing up what i believe and allowing the world to just be around me. and as people just let me fjcking be - just let me exist as the shitty person i am, each day ive gotten better. ljke im talking sitting on a couch all day no shower not eating chain smoking to getting up and going out to see people and cleaning my house and showering and eating. he didnt do this for me at all but knowing him allowed me o be free enough to discover my own way. like im starting to feel like the bum ive been for a long time but more in like a wow im pretty fed up with myself even. like damnnn. maybe im starting to wake up. maybe the fucking drugs are working and im like well im good so fuck the drugs like all naive assholes. but i dont know. i guess well find out on this awesome rollercoaster of my life. but i feel like im starting to wake back into life. ljke i was dead already, ive been dead and life is moving aeound me and i am a poltergeist . he knew it all along. im just a ghost haunting him. im already dead. but im not really. i have the ability to resurrect and i think i should be grateful that i can. im close to not being able to but i can. so like.. i said it. i said it but not to him but to him and he would know. like i always remember how he freaked out and posted about his ex owing him money multiole times in a row on facebook. he felt super justified in it and never back tracked. and listen - this is already wrong. were on two wrongs. of course its stupid to post anything like that on facebook. but he felt free enough to do it and i want to enjoy that same freedom without worry as well. he kept and keeps repeating that certain things are a waste of his time. and thats suuuuuuper funny to me. like on a shitty i dont even give a fuck anymore level. you know whats a waste of time? A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT REASON. holy fuck. nine months of just... WHAT EVEN IS THIS. HELLO. fuck me, im just like a girl who goes around his place and watches him play video games and sleeps at his house and smokes his weed. thats it. im not even his girlfriend honestly. like that describes exactlt our relarionship because he does nothing for me on a regular basis. nothing at all. so i spend a large portion of my time with a guy who DOESNT EVEN GIVE A FUCK and you want to talk about a waste of fucking time? "its not even that serious of a thing" then you dont even know. you dont even know. but you wouldnt. thats what ill have to work on. he wouldnt know anything about this because i dont talk about it. i mean, if im asked, im bluntly honest about it but i dont talk about it to him or anyone. so he wouldnt think it wasnt "serious". its about texting. its about "spending time together" its about whatever but its about THIS POINTLESS ASS ASSOCIATION WITH HIM. who the fuck are you to my life? like i cant even say hes my friend. i cant say hes my boyfriend. i settled into "the guy im seeing". becahse i dont know how important he should be to give him a fucking name in my story. are you a main character or secondary? and if youre the latter why the fuck you enjoying the benefits of a main? but again - repetition. i cleared this blog out of the earliest entries and you know what? they were all "what the fuck is this". nine months of what the fuck is this. i guess im done being romantic and being like all dreamy about this rogue guy having a life with me. now im like weve been fucking for nine months and created nothing but awkward conversarion between each other. heres the thing. i knew i was desperate. i knew that i pressed hard on fuckboy becahse i was desperste to return to confort and stability of a relationship and living together. i knew that. ive been sooooo careful and sooo insecure about seeming that way again. this may have been one of the first adult ways i went about doing something and im just... NINE MONTHS. holy fuck dude. how casual is nine months. you shouldve left four to five months ago and were still fucking. like he doesnt know what i want in life. like he honest to god thinks im just chilling and living wjthout cause. my god. im fucking old. im sorry. ill be 37 and laugh at myself now but im comfortable with the fact at 27 i realized i wanted true love. i wanted familial love. i wanted a partner in life. more than sex, more than a convinience or simple comfort. more than money, more than drugs. im not looking for a reason to change but i would accept one if it gave me things that were of higher priority and emotionally rewarding to my being. like why should i stop smoking weed when its one of the few things i legitmatelt enjoy? why should i stop smoking at all? why should i work my ass off at a full time job to come home to mt cats? this relationship gives me no purpose. a close intimate relarionshio jn my life gives me no purpose, no reason to get up in the morning other than seeing their face. which is ljke seeing a poster on tbe wall or hearing your fav song. its like an empty enjoyment that fades pretty quick because it gives you nothing deep. i guess im sad that this is life. like im not going to put that on him. i did that with an ex already. like its his fault life has these turns and people chanve and do things and become things. its no ones fault its just a depressing fact everyone lives with. people just come and go and in the end itll be me on my couch typing on a broken phone and smoking weed with my cats. im not depressed. like not anymore than i would be. and whats crazy is i was sober and pissed and got high and continued to be just as pissed because i cant even smoke away the anxious uncertainty. its not about fucking texting. its not a waste of time, youve just made it a waste of time. i didnt go to a party that i was onvited to today. i had a ride too. but ljke.. i knew that id be focused on this and be distracted and burnt out and wnting to go home. i was already on the fence about it anyways. i knew there would be hard drugs there and people drinking and honestly, im better than that now. i really am. i can hang out with these people but i dont need to party with them. its really okay. they can do what they like at their parties and as long as im not putting myself into it, i dont have to care. so its okay. im playing on it more that i didnt go out of anger. its really for the best. i told him i would be coming to get my keys tomorrow in the morning. and like.. i want to. and maybe ill wake uo feeling totally different but in my tired stoned state at 2am i feele more like maybe i wont. like it is important to me. and now that ive made a big deal out of it, i probably should. but like.. thats not really my point. i sent him this... kind of sassy message that basically implied that he was careless for not trying to get my keys to me when hes acting like a jerk and that he wouldnt even know about any of my issues for wanting the keys because he doesnt even know what ive done this week besides fucking laundry at his house because he definitelt hasnt given a shit enough about me to ask at all. like how are you smothered by someone you dont really know about. like youre literally not involved in my life unless i tell you one tidbit of it. like i dont talk to him. ive completely huddled uo in myself now. and i kind of wanted to see if i was deljsional and kept track if he asked me about myself. he never did. NOT ONE TIME. like thats why im stuck on it. how can you feel so overwhelmed as if im literally just peckinf at you lkke an annoying bird or something and you dont see me, speak to me or know anythinf about me. ljke he acts as though im just sending him shit over and over and consrantlt barraging him and im not. at all. the onlt way i could would be by sending one word messages. so this is very delusional on his part and other people would have no problem receiving a message from me. but the keys. id rather just not show up. just remain quiet for the day. but i have no weed and nothing else to do so im not sure what else i would do. i dont even know if that means anything either. ljke oo give me my keys and then i dont even show up for them. who cares, he still gets what he wants. like fuck me lets just end this. its been ruined. it takes both of us to untangle this mess and hes not doing his part so its just ruined. in my head not going to get my keys is like, "oh wow how unlike her to not follow through with something like this i wonder why she didnt come and what shes doing instead" but like its probablt more, "lol dumb bitch cries about keys and doesnt even get them" but at like 9pm at night when he finally realizes i never got them. i legit dont think he cares. its a waste of my time to try and think like ~why is he doing this. i dont care. theres nothing ive done to deserve this and to have no fucking point to now arguing about the ability to hang out? fuck off. ive deserved more. like i deserved a reply to my request for keys. just like a "youre right you can get the keys x" even if im penaljzed for not getting them when i was doing laundry -fine. but lkke.. reply to my fucking message. im not asking some inane bullshit. im asking abiut shit i fucking own outright. i deserve a god damn response when he wastes my fucking time calling about shit HE OWNS in his own fjcking house. like my god. theyre fucking keys. appease me even. laugh at it and tell me theyre in your mailbox. like holy shit, its not even hard to be a dick about that and you sit on no response? its not even a malicious thing. ive explained it even to his mother that its safety now. and hes rrying to impede my fucking safety. like go be you. be you all damn day but you being you doesnt include me so give me back my fucking keys. no one is arguing the being you part. no one is impeding or invading the ability to be you. but being an asshole about it - choosing to ignore it, thats impeding me being me. and i can be me as much as you can be you and i guess im sorry these are rhe consequences. like i try to even think of a reason why hes avoided my mentions of it. like why? you know what i want. what reason do you need to hold on to keys you never even use? what do you think im doing? ljke.. is it ljke im trying to clean up before offing myself? do i have a secret lover im movinf in and need keys for? am i offending his sejbilities of being my care giver by telling him hes not doing a good job? like he was offended by the thought that me saying or being in a huff about him not driving me somewhere meant that he didnt do anything or was being a bad boyfriend. so is this like in his mind some big insult to him and hes not even going to respond to it. like its just soo ridiculous to him hes just going to ignore it? simple fucking quesrion. so fucking simple. but hours of waiting. hours and hours. its 3 now and i want to say ill still be mad but i probably wont be mad enoufb to walk to his house. i want to be. but i guess i just need some depression days rifht now. i am doing good. and im still doing good and feeling down about these things is okay.

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