#but i am about to cry

[caramelapplesauce]

happy birthday to the queen herself, lily jane evans <3

30 January 1971

יוֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ,” יוֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ, יוֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ לְשׁוֹשָׁן “יוֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ

(Yom huledet sameach,

Yom huledet sameach

Yom huledet sameach le'shoshan

Yom huledet sameach)

All around the table, the Evans were all looking at Lily expectantly. Her mom broke the silence and said, “Go on and blow at your candles, sweetheart. Make a wish.” 

Lily closed her eyes tightly and wished for an adventure. Up until that point, Lily didn’t have many friends, besides Petunia and the very nice, poor boy she had befriended this past Hanukkah. She wanted something more. She dreamed of living in a kingdom and being the most favored princess of village. She wanted to have people love her like she loves others. 

She blew out her candles with this in mind.

30 January 1977

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!”

“CHA, CHA, CHA!”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!”

“CHA, CHA, CHA!”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LILLLLYYY!”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!”

“CHA, CHA, CHA!” 

Everyone was gathered around Lily and the three tier cake that Marlene was able to get the house-elves to make. They were all smiling wildly and waiting for her to make her wish. She closed her eyes and wished for peace. She wished that she would stop wanting Se-Snape to be with her celebrating her legality in the wizarding world. She wish that his words didn’t hurt anymore. She wished that the world outside was as kind and joyful as it is right now in the Gryffindor common room. She wished that Voldemort didn’t exist and that this war would be over before they graduated. 

She blew out her candles with this in mind. 

30 January 1981

“Happy birthday to you!”

*baby babbles*

“Happy birthday to you!”

*baby babbles*

“Happy birthday, to mama!”

*baby babbles*

“Happy birthday to you!”

Harry, who was in James arms, starts clapping and laughing giddily. James laughs as well and moves to give Lily a kiss on the forehead. 

“Happy birthday, my love,” he whispers to Lily as he pulls her into a little side hug, “Go on and make a wish.”

He gestures towards the little round brownie cake that him and Harry made. It had a three candles in it. Lily closed her eyes and wished for all of her loved ones to make it through the war safely. They were going on Order missions every other day and more and more of her friends were dying. Marlene was ambushed at her home in late November and Dorcas was soon after. Remus was undercover constantly and Sirius was getting frustrated with how long this war has been going on. Lily just wanted everyone she loved to make it to the end. 

She blew out her candles with this in mind. 

30 January 1982

וֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ,” יוֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ, יוֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ לְשׁוֹשָׁן “יוֹם הֻלֶּדֶת שָׂמֵחַ

(Yom huledet sameach,

Yom huledet sameach

Yom huledet sameach le'shoshan

Yom huledet sameach)

Remus voice was just above a whisper as he sang to the lone candle he was holding. His tears fell silently as he closed his eyes and wished for Harry to be okay. He wished that he saw it coming. He wished he saw the signs that his boyfriend was going to betray his favourite person in the world. He wished that her sacrifice was worth it.  He wished for his best friend to come back. He wished everything were different. He whispered, 

“אני אוהב אותך פרח השושן שלי” 

(I love you, my lily flower)

He blew out the candle with this in mind.

#uhhh #this was not going to be sad #but i am about to cry #my bad #hope you enjoy i guess #lily evans #happy birthday lily #birthday through the years #jewish lily evans #jewish remus lupin #sorry could not find the transliteration for the last bit of hebrew #and the bigger chunk of hebrew is hebrew happy birthday #marauders era #marauders #the marauders #marauders girls #james potter #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #remus lupin #sirius black #canon compliant #harry potter #fuck peter pettigrew #hp marauders #hp #fanfic #drabble #jily #just ranting

[astearisms]

catalysts, protectors

#man those episodes #so many things put into perspective #like Simon’s role as a protector and his kindness and empathy and compassion and existence being the catalyst for the rest of ooo to #flourish #and Betty is a protector of Simon #I wonder if the last two episodes will explore more of her character? there’s so much to be explored about her giving so much of herself #to Simon but not thinking about what she wants for herself #do we get to explore her feelings or see her at all? will she have changed or learned to let go #I think there will be some sort of closure for the both of them #but at what cost #I am still crying over that scene with Simon’s memory of Betty and their song #my art #fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #simon petrikov #betty grof #petrigrof #golbetty

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post. #writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers. #at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going. #when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like. #it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases - #at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory. #it was what i had seen. #and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol' #so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID. #he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

[teaboot]

You need to make art that nobody else likes. You need to make art that speaks to you alone. You need to cradle a serpent that eats its own tail and you need to love it until it loves you back

#The best art I've ever made will never be hung in anyone's home #That's not the point #It's not about being good #It's about being real #It's about eating something unpalatable #It's about being consumed #And tasting bitter #It's gorging yourself on crude oil just to feel something different #It's biting your tongue to make yourself cry #I'm saying that I am capable of making you feel good through personal sacrifice but I kind of don't want to cut myself up like that #If you want my heart to taste good you have to prepare it yourself #That isn't my problem

[taylornation]

We have exactly a fortnight to go through the five stages of heartbreak before THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT arrives. 💔 Thankfully, Taylor and Apple Music made these playlists to prepare us.

Press play and let us know what stage you’re in. 🥲

#Taylor Swift #The Tortured Poets Department #TS TTPD #I Love You It's Ruining My Life #You Don't Get To Tell Me About Sad #Am I Allowed To Cry? #Old Habits Die Screaming #I Can Do It With A Broken Heart #Apple Music #5 Stages of Heartbreak #Playlists

[words-writ-in-starlight]

listen I expected literally Nothing from the D&D movie okay, like I can't make it clear enough that I expected the most soulless money grab with a good cgi budget imaginable, I went in having already gone through every stage of grief and landed on acceptance and LISTEN

I fucking CRIED during this dumb RPG movie. it wasn't just "not terrible" it was objectively good with a clever plot and compelling characters and sincere emotional beats. this movie loves D&D so fucking much and it NAILS the "a bunch of goobers try to be cool and accidentally discover The Power Of Friendship And Also Great Violence" classic D&D party vibe. their barbarian's last name is fucking Kilgore and my entire family cried in the theater.

I hope they make twelve of these motherfuckers.

#honor among thieves #dnd #dungeons and dragons: honor among thieves #holga kilgore #she is a BARBARIAN whose name is KILL GORE like who among us has not been in a party with this exact character #some new player who picked whatever they were told was the easiest class and gave them a name that is 98% a joke #and just piggybacked their backstory onto the most experienced player's as like rp training wheels #and then smash cut 60 sessions later and we're all getting choked up over john dingus or whatever #do you motherfuckers know how rarely i cry????? about ANYTHING????? #god it was so good #i am going to watch this an unhealthy amount #i want a separate movie for every red wizard and also one about xenk's backstory #his name is X E N K with an X these writers have played some fucking DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS #do i have to buy dead in thay now?????? i think i have to buy dead in thay now #i literally ran dnd on friday and this movie put me in WITHDRAWAL i want to play some dnd Now

[magnolia-breeze]

"zukka is so silly and harmless" "zukka shippers are so chill" have u read the fic???? have u seen the tags??? have u consider "the-prince-whos-never-known-unconditional-love" and "the-fool-who-gives-it-too-freely"???? that is not a chill ship that is a military cruiser.

#zukka #atla zukka #atla #avatar the last airbender #i am so not chill about them #prince zuko #sokka #'i dont see it but its so fun' no its not im crying every night under the zuko/sokka tag on ao3 #zukka nation #zuko x sokka

[averageludwig]

OOH WAITER , MORE DEMOMAN PLEASE!!!!!

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #art #fanart #tf2 demoman #i am going. completely INSANE #i cant stop thinking about him lol #i cry just thinking about him #like tear up #wdym tavish tf2 isnt real lol #WAHHHHHHHHHHH #this is pathetic #Averiart

[idledee]

i'll be your heart

#Yeah I Never Talk About It But I Am Fucking Crazy About Chainsaw Man And Fujimoto's Voice #chainsaw man #denji #makima #pochita #csm #doods #last semester i decided to read (redacted ) before an exam and spent the whole night crying #portfolio

[sunshinediaz]

but do you get it? do you see how real and organic and wonderful buck’s path to queerness is? do you see how his face lit up after that kiss because it all made sense finally? do you see how this is going to impact his story for the rest of the show because now he gets it, now he knows? do you get how important it is to see a bit macho firefighter figure out he’s queer in his 30s on prime time television?

#i am about to cry???? #amanda talks

[polarsirens]

Would you have fallen in love with her?

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 neverafter #neverafter #ylfa snorgelsson #prince gerard of greenleigh #elody of greenleigh #fanart #my art #am i done thinking about this entire conversation? no #god. this moment for no reason got me crying #and that line too. ylfa's so so pure #she loved you for more than you could hop? and #and gerard's little chuckle and yes #stomp on my heart why don't you

[ovegakart]

A while back, Legend was on a solo mission that had led him into an asteroid field and his ship took damage. Luckily, there was a space station nearby that he could land on and try for repairs. The Windfish Station was long abandoned but the power was still running. After landing only sort of crashing into the hanger he was greeted by the stations A.I., Marin. Marin helps Legend locate parts for his ship and she asks him to tell her about his adventures.

The station is old and crumbling, it wont last for much longer. Legend asks Marin if she wants to come with him. She says yes. But she cant leave without making sure the station and the data on it cant be claimed by monsters. So legend suggests blowing it up. Marin is sad but agrees. But she has always wanted to see more than the station so she is excited.

Legend repairs his ship and sets charges around the station.

Marin doesnt survive being extracted from the stations computer.

#linked universe #spartan links #halo crossover #lu legend #links awakening marin #im so evil #cry about it #i am NOT a writer #this is why i draw

[inkskinned]

i got my isbn today for the book. 8 months to go. my mom and i were talking about what the next steps are. i was eating trail mix, standing on one foot, phone tucked into my ear.

"yeah," i said. "the problem is that tumblr as a market is like, not something that can be studied." there's this weird wave of nostalgia and affection for this place that came up over me: how lovely we avoid consumerism. okay, it sucks as a creator. but also? keep stickin' it to 'em.

my mother made the sound at the back of her throat that i also make, the one that means i've got an idea. "you should figure out some kind of reward for presale amounts. maybe you give out poems or a mug or a signed book or something. would your followers like that?" my mother is sweet, and kind, and i have no idea how to explain on this website you can buy someone crabs.

i put more m&ms down the hatch. i had to speak through peanuts and almonds. "if it passes 25 thousand i will print the book out in its entirety and eat it live on camera."

"oh god. no, you don't have to do that." she was anguished. "just tell them that you'd love them to read it, and that they've inspired you to write. you got started on that site, and they helped you keep going. raquel, you love these people. the community? you talk all the time about the other writers and artists and whatever else. tell them that you're hoping for their support, they'll come through."

"no," i assured her. i discovered i had dropped an m&m, but an ant had already found it, so it belonged to him now. i will let his little life have a surprise blue treasure in it, too. "i'm gonna fuckin' eat the book."

#writeblr #:) #the small secret love i have for y'all. the way i am filled with gratitude. #for the nosebleed club. for stephen particularly. #for every artist i've ever been in contact with and collaborated with. #for every person who has commented on my work and passed it along or fallen in love with it #for every silent 'just hitting like' follower and for every person who sends me dms and for each of you #i know i suck at replying bc i have anxiety. but like. you keep being here. so i keep writing. #i legit wouldn't be here without you. #thank you sophie thank you katie thank you carolyn thank you stephanie thank you jess #thank you if you're reading this #i got too overwhelmed with love and have to stop writing this FAR too early into the thank yous bc im about to cry with love

[alexbutrandomthoughts]

So you're telling me, you're not obsessed with two gay ass motherfuckers, that permanently altered your brain and you do not think about them every living moment of your life, and you don't cry about them on daily basis? Ah. That's.......cool.

#satosugu #xicheng #soukoku #haikaveh #wangxian #matcha blossom #kavetham #hisollumi #sakuatsu #mitsukou #beefleaf #hualian #wrightworth #iwaoi #mikayuu #me naming every ship i was obsessed with at some point or another #guess my life purpose is crying about gay people #there is actually couple of others but i am not tagging em fandoms do be scary

[southern--downpour]

gl!ranboo doodle sheet bc i am actually going insane

#generation loss #genloss #generation loss fanart #ranboo #ranboo fanart #haha get boxed idiot <- said while actively crying #virgil arts #this was drawn at like. 4-5 am while i watched my bf play a half life mod #dude this series has actually grabbed hold of my brain its so so good #also i was in fact looping puppet boy while drawing this #songs just good also started making me feel very sad about gl!ranboo and i think that was the point lmao

[theostrophywife]

snow on the beach.

pairing: theodore nott x reader.

request: can you write some cuddles with theo? maybe he’s comforting reader, or maybe reader is comforting him, but this boy need some love pretty please.

song inspiration: snow on the beach by taylor swift.

author's note: as soon as i saw the gif by the lovely @dramaticals, i knew that i had to write a piece with it as the cover. get in, babes. we're simping for theodore nott.

The snow fell softly over Hogwarts, covering the castle with ice and frost. From the beach, Theo watched as the flurries glittered against stone and spire and frowned as the cold seeped into his bones. Underneath him, the Black Lake was frozen solid yet crystal clear. It might’ve been unwise to venture out so far from the shore, but Theo welcomed the clarity of the cold. 

The cigarette cradled between his slender fingers provided some much needed warmth, the nicotine filling his lungs and dulling his senses as he released a cloud of smoke into the air. Spread-eagled on the ice, Theo sprawled out like a snow angel, blinking away the snowflakes as it gathered on his lashes. 

Beyond the treeline, Theo glimpsed his friends chasing each other on their brooms. A loud cackle echoed from the Forbidden Forest as Mattheo hurled a snowball at Draco. Enzo and Regulus cursed as they narrowly dodged the attack, racing away from Mattheo as he laughed maniacally, clearly relishing his reign of terror. On any other day, he would’ve been flying right along his mates, but today was different. 

The boys could sense it as well. All morning, Theo had been distant and distracted. He barely participated in the conversations happening around him during lunch. When he turned down Mattheo’s invitation to play quidditch in the snow, his mates took the hint that Theo really just wanted to be alone.

So here he was, smoking in the freezing cold and hoping that the frigid air would provide a moment of reprieve from the complicated thoughts and emotions swirling within him. For his efforts, Theo was rewarded with a sore arse and a growing migraine pulsing behind his eyes. In other words, he was truly shit out of luck.

There was no escaping today. 

A soft shuffling beckoned his attention, but it wasn’t necessary for Theo to turn around to know who the steps belonged to. He could identify his best friend by sound alone. You always walked with purpose. Judging by the decisive click of your boots against the ice, Theo could tell that you were on a mission. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as you came into view, your cheeks and nose flushed from the cold. 

With a hand on your hip, you cocked your head at Theo and posed a question in your usual no-nonsense tone. “Would you like some company or would you prefer to brood alone?” 

Theo looked up from his cigarette, biting back a smile. You were always straight to the point. Never one to mince words. Theo liked that about you. 

“I don’t mind the company if it’s you, principessa.” 

A soft smile graced his face as you transformed your robe into a blanket, laying it on the ice and beckoning him to move. Theo happily obliged and attempted not to chuckle as you fussed over him, clearly biting back on lecturing him on the dangers of catching hypothermia in this weather. You placed your bag underneath his head before laying beside him in the cocoon of fabric. 

Without a word, you tapped your shoulder. His heart warmed at the familiar gesture as he leaned against you. A sigh of satisfaction slipped past his lips as you ran your fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp and easing all the tension from his body. 

“What are you doing out here?” Theo asked as you toyed with the curls at the nape of his neck. “You hate the cold.” 

“I do, but I don’t hate you.” 

Theo nuzzled against your neck, humming softly as the warmth of your skin soothed his senses. “I missed you at breakfast. Thought you were sleeping in, so I didn’t bother to wake you up.” His mouth quirked in amusement. “We both know what happens when your sleep is interrupted.”

“I’m not that bad,” you said sheepishly. 

“The last time I tried to wake you up before noon on a weekend, you threw a slipper at my head.” 

“I thought you were an intruder.” 

“Mhm,” Theo murmured against your shoulder. “That explains why you yelled, ‘Leave me alone, Theodore!’ after physically assaulting me.” 

By the way you shifted beside him, Theo knew you were rolling your eyes fondly. “For your information, I woke up bright and early this morning to head to Hogsmeade.” 

“Has hell frozen over?” Theo asked dramatically, furrowing his brows as he looked up at you. “The Y/N I know wouldn’t be caught dead in all this snow. Especially not without stealing at least three of my hoodies before stepping foot out of the castle.” 

You chuckled, brushing a strand of wavy hair away from his eyes. “Contrary to what you may believe, I’m not completely helpless without you. I bundled up and braved the snow to pick up a package from the post.” 

“I wish you would’ve told me, dolcezza. I would’ve gone to the village with you.” 

“That’s sweet of you, Teddy. But it was a quick trip and I managed fine on my own.”

Theo grumbled with displeasure, but rested his head on your shoulder once more. The two of you sat in comfortable silence, just soaking up each other’s company. You were clearly aware that something was on his mind, but you didn’t push. You knew that Theo would talk if and when he was ready. It was one of the many things he appreciated about you. Whenever you were together, there was never any need to fill the silence. Even without words, you could read him like a book. 

After a while, Theo put out his cigarette and turned over to face you. You smiled as he scooted closer and breathed in your strawberry shampoo. He brushed the snowflakes off of your cheek, but more fell to take their place. 

“How did you know I’d be out here?” 

“For reasons I will never understand, you love the cold. You said it helps you think clearly,” you replied, tracing the moles and freckles that littered his skin like constellations. “I figured you had a lot on your mind. I imagine the anniversary is a rough day for you.” 

Theo blinked in surprise. Though you told each other nearly everything, Theo had never disclosed the anniversary of his mother’s death. He rarely spoke about her to anyone. Even after ten years, the loss still made his heart feel hollow. 

“You know what today is?” He asked in a small, quiet voice. 

You nodded in confirmation. “Your nonna mentioned it in her last letter. I know you usually like to be alone to remember her, but I wanted to at least check up on you.” 

There was an ache in his chest as he met your concerned gaze. You placed your hand above his heart and rubbed over the spot like you knew how heavy of a load it was to carry. Theo’s fingers gently closed around yours. 

“I’m glad you did.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked softly. “All these years? I would’ve liked to be there for you.” 

There was a hint of pain in the edges of your voice as though robbing you of the ability to comfort him physically hurt. Knowing you, it probably did. You cared so deeply and loved so fully. It was just the type of person that you were. It was what drew him to you in the first place. 

“I didn’t think I could,” he admitted truthfully. “After my mum died, my father never spoke about her again. He just acted like the day of her death never happened. For him, it was just another normal day and not the day that I lost half of myself. My father said it was weak to show emotion, so I never did. I had no choice but to be strong, so I am.” 

Theo closed his eyes and attempted to tamper down his emotions. When he opened them again, he was met with your heartbroken expression. A pang of guilt struck his heart like an arrow. The last thing he wanted to do was upset you. Seeing you in pain was worse than enduring the Cruciatus curse and Merlin knew he had plenty of experience in that regard. Thanks to his cruel, ruthless father. Theo started to apologize, but startled when you cradled his face in your hands, your gaze full of bravery and determination. 

“Emotions don’t make you weak, Teddy. You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to grieve and rage and cry. You don’t have to be so strong all the time.” 

The words struck him to his very core. It had never occurred to him to let his armor fall. He wasn't aware that was even an option. All his life, Theo thought that repressing every ounce of emotion was the only way to cope with his mother’s death. He wasn’t granted permission to speak of her, much less grieve over her. Self-preservation had been drilled into him even before he was sorted into Slytherin. It was how he survived.

“I don’t?” He asked in a broken whisper. 

“No, you don’t.” You replied, pressing your forehead against his. “I’m here for you and I won’t judge you for being vulnerable.” 

Theo swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I don’t want to weigh you down with my burdens.” 

“You won’t,” you promised. “Whatever heaviness you’re carrying, I’ll carry it with you. You never have to do anything alone, Teddy.” 

The ice in his chest cracked and the armor he so carefully crafted around his heart splintered off into a million tiny pieces. It should’ve terrified him, but instead, all Theo felt was relief. You were giving him a safe space to feel. A luxury that had been ripped away from him the day his mother died. 

“I miss her so much.” 

With those five words, Theo felt the dam break. Years and years of sadness and anger and grief washed over him like a tidal wave, flooding his heart with the intensity of it all. The rush of the current would have wiped him out entirely if it hadn’t been for your arms wrapping around him, holding him to the present like an anchor. Theo clung onto you for dear life and sobbed. 

He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He cried until the front of your sweater was soaked with his tears. He cried until his throat was raw from screaming. He cried until his eyes were bloodshot and red and as heavy as lead. Through it all, you hugged him tightly, holding him against you firmly as you rubbed his back and whispered soothing words in his ear. 

“It’s okay, Teddy. Let it out. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Theo gripped the back of your sweater, bunching up the fabric between his fingers as he unleashed ten years worth of grief out into the open. You didn’t balk at any of it. The two of you had weathered the good, the bad, and the ugly together and none of it had scared you off. Theo believed you when you said that you weren’t going anywhere. To you, it was a sacred promise. One that you had kept faithfully since the day you met him. 

“I’m here for you,” you declared in reassurance, rocking him back and forth. “I always will be.” 

He didn’t know what he did to deserve someone like you. During times like these, Theo was convinced that you were his guardian angel. A gift from above to offset all the shit and misery that life brought. It was cathartic to cry in the arms of the girl he loved because he knew that you would hold him as he fell apart and put him back together in a way that only you could. 

After what seemed like ages, Theo finally looked up. With a sniffle, he watched with an awestruck expression as you wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed his forehead. 

“I got something for you,” you whispered softly. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but I think it might help. It’s a way to commemorate the loss of your mother, but to also honor the happy memories that live on in your heart.” 

You fished around in your bag and pulled out a small paper lantern. As you held it in your hands, it glowed as though enchanted. 

“Back home, we light these lanterns and release them to honor the loved ones we’ve lost. I asked my mum to mail me one and it just arrived in the post this morning. Special delivery.” 

Just when Theo thought he was all out of tears, a fresh wave crashed over him. He was the reason why you’d trudged out in the snow and frost so early in the morning. To pick up the most thoughtful gift that anyone has ever given him. Theo couldn’t help but bawl. 

Your eyes widened. “Oh no. I didn’t mean to upset you. We don’t have to do it if you want to. I can send it back—“

Theo shook his head. “No, no, no. It’s perfect. It’s the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever done for me. Thank you. For writing to my crazy old nonna and letting me get snot all over your favorite sweater and turning a shit day less shitty. Thank you so much, Y/N.” 

You smiled, brushing his waves back. “You don’t have to thank me, Theo. I’d do anything for you. That’s what you do for the people you love.” 

His breath caught in his throat. Theo looked up at you with hopeful eyes. “You love me?” 

“With every fiber of my being.” 

Before he knew it, Theo was crying again, but this time it was happy tears. He leaned in, cradling your face in his hands just like you always did to him, and pressed his lips against yours. The kiss was so soft and so gentle, like he was afraid that you might disappear. 

“I love you, Y/N,” he declared with certainty. Theo loved you like the moon loved the sun. He loved you like the shadows loved the stars. You were the light that he’s been waiting for in the darkness. “I think my mum would’ve loved you too.” 

You smiled, intertwining your fingers together and kissing his knuckles. “I wish I had the chance to meet her.” 

“You still can,” Theo said with a smile. “Will you show me how to light the lantern, cara mia?” 

After you showed him how to enchant the lantern, Theo was able to light it by himself. The lantern glowed in his hands as he looked over at you. “What’s next?” 

“Usually, we say a few words to honor the dead. It can be as short or as long as you’d like.” Theo swallowed thickly. He seemed to be grappling with his thoughts, searching for the right words. You grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed. “There’s no right or wrong way to do it. As long as it comes from the heart. Don’t be scared, Teddy. I’m right here.” 

Theo nodded, smiling softly as he squeezed back. He composed himself for a moment and stared at the lantern. 

“Ciao, mamma. It’s Teddy. Today was really hard. It’s been ten years since I lost you, but I still feel you everywhere. I miss you a lot. I’m sorry that I never talk about you. Even now, it still hurts. But I’m learning that sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the pain. That it’s okay to let other people in and let them carry the burden with you. I’m lucky, mamma. I have nonna and my cousins and my mates. I have Y/N. She takes care of me. She always asks me about my day. She remembers every little thing I tell her, like the fact that I hate crusts on my sandwiches and pineapple on pizza.” 

You chuckled as his nose scrunched up in disgust. The sincerity of it all made your heart feel like it was overflowing with love for this beautiful boy. “She’s always bossing me around and fussing over me, but I secretly love that she cares so much. She’s got such a big heart, mamma. I’m lucky to even occupy a small portion of it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve got Y/N to watch over me. I love you and I miss you. I promise I’ll talk about you more. Ci vediamo, mamma.” 

Your eyes welled with tears as Theo released the lantern. He turned to you, wiping a tear away. “Hey, none of that,” he teased. “I’ve cried enough for the both of us tonight, love.” 

“I’m sorry. That was just so beautiful. I’m so proud of you, Teddy. I know it wasn’t easy, but you were so brave.” 

He leaned down to kiss your temple. “Couldn’t have done it without you, cara mia.” 

Theo laced his fingers through yours and tugged lightly. “Now come on, dolcezza. Let’s get inside where it’s warm. I know you’re dying to lecture me about being out in the cold for this long.” 

You chuckled, not even the least bit surprised at how well Theo knew you. 

Later that night, after the two of you dried off, changed into pajamas, and snuggled underneath your warm blankets, you listened as Theo told stories of his mum. You laughed when he recounted the time his mum hexed Lucius for stealing her shampoo in third year. You cried when he recalled the way she’d always let him curl up in her bed after a nightmare, singing him to sleep and soothing her Teddy. 

In one night, the memories that he kept locked away in his heart for ten years came spilling out of Theo. You soaked up every detail like a sponge, hanging onto his every word. The sun was rising by the time he exhausted himself, but he felt so much lighter than he ever had. With your arms wrapped tightly around him, Theo knew that he was loved beyond measure. He could feel the affection and devotion radiating between you, like an invisible string that tied the two of you together.

As you spooned him, Theo grinned and kissed your fingertips. “Thank you for letting me talk about my mum. I’ve never told anyone any of that before.” 

“What makes me so special?” 

Theo turned over and smiled. “You make me feel safe,” he whispered in the darkness. You teared up at his words, knowing how hard it was for Theo to let his guard down. The fact that he allowed himself to be vulnerable around you was a privilege that you’d never take for granted. “You take all my fucked up, broken pieces and put me back together again. With you, I feel whole.” 

“It doesn’t matter how many times you fall apart, Teddy. I will always be here to pick up the pieces.” 

“Me too,” Theo murmured sleepily. He leaned over and kissed you, soft and sweet and pure. Your heart ached for him. You were convinced that your soul would’ve searched through infinity and back just to find him. “That’s what you do for the people you love.”

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