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#but ill at least out this one up here too
strang3lov3 · 2 days
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hii congrats on 5k i love your writing sm <3!! 🎵 for the emoji one and 🍆 headcanons for pre-outbreak joel congrats again 🖤
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This might be an unpopular opinion but at least I can sleep knowing @joeloverture agrees with me.
Pre outbreak Joel does NOT fuck.
He just doesn’t. He’s too busy, construction and being a dad. No time to fuck.
But he does masturbate. A lot. Like more than most. Usually two to three times a day, in the morning when he’s showering and at night before he sleeps. And he can’t go a day without jerking himself off or he feels like, physically ill.
This is just off the top of my head. Didn’t even open google docs lol, did this right here on tumblr dot com. Smut below - masturbation, oral (f!receiving)
If he’s really pent up, he’ll even do it in his truck on his lunch break. He’s thinking of you, his hot neighbor who’s always wearing those skimpy bikinis when you sunbathe, leaving fuck all to the imagination. Rubbing your legs up and down with body oil. He should be doing that. You have tall fences, something Joel actually installed himself. You think no one can see when you untie your bikini top and drop it in the grass. You know, so you don’t get tan lines. And you think no one can see you when you slip your hand beneath those little white bikini bottoms and fuck yourself, right there in your backyard. Joel sees, he’s seen it all. Right from his bedroom window. He thinks you’re a thrill seeker, there’s no way you aren’t. Masturbating in your backyard, you think you’ve got a dirty little secret all to yourself. Joel knows. Joel fucking knows.
He thinks about what he watches you do when he mows his lawn on Saturday mornings and waves at you, when you’re out on a walk and your dog tangles its leash around Joel, always so excited to see him. You’re always so bashful, so shy. How shy would you be in Joel’s bed, your legs spread wide, where Joel’s eyes are the only feature visible on his face? Licking, sucking, tasting you, he’d make you watch him, oh he’d make you fucking watch. And don’t you dare think about closing those when you come. He wants to watch you cry, see that desperate, needy look in your watery eyes, feel you tug his dark curls as your cunt pulses around his fingers and he tastes your release. He wants it all.
Joel comes into his fist with a loud groan, making a fucking mess of himself. You do this to him, do you know that? He cleans himself up with scratchy napkins as best as he can. It doesn’t really do much, but now his jeans are covered in come stains. He rubs dirt on his pants to try and cover it up. You do this to him.
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I believe that music emoji is for favorite artists right?? Anyway, my favorites are Depeche Mode, The Cure, Placebo, Amy Winehouse, Fiona Apple, Lana Del Rey, and The Smiths. I have a lot of favorites but those are off the top of my head lol. It feels bad to rank them!! I could list 100
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ma1dita · 2 days
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when the curtains close
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a 'partners in crime' installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader
words: 5.3k
summary: (post-tlt) The one where you lose two people in the Labyrinth that day. All strings are cut. (Pollux, Annabeth, Percy, and Mr. D find out the biggest difference between you and Luke.) (Luke Castellan x fem!Dionysus!reader)
a/n: yeah to me this fic sounds and feels like that tiktok of the girl humming to her microwave. split povs: pollux, annabeth, your depictions of the titular battle of the labyrinth at CHB, some blood/gore, death & grief. the usual. you forced me to by lizzy mcalpine. references to cat on a hot tin roof by tennessee williams if you squint
(posted 5/14/24, semi edited—def coming back to this)
The first time Pollux has a panic attack, time seems to stop and the world keeps moving on without him.
He’s reminded of a time when you rambled on about how anxiety takes possession of the senses like a moment frozen in a snapshot meant for you to identify. In the memory, you had your feet kicked up on the dash flipping through a DSM-5 while he and Castor took turns speeding up and down Farm Road (totally normal older sister behavior from you, and when a cop pulled you over, the three of you narrowly escaped a ticket by talking in riddles and godly smoke that smelled like grapes). Pollux still remembers the sound of laughter in the car blending like three different chords to an archaic melody (or squawking crows in the strawberry fields)— the bond between you three laid out before time knew limits and was always meant to be.
It’s still his favorite song. You’re their favorite (and only) sister, they love to joke. These are facts that will never change.
“You two have each other, and well, I’ve got this,” you had said, the Zippo flicking open and closed against your thumb in the blossoming darkness of the car. Pink and purple rays of waning light blanketed the old hatchback as it steadily made its way back towards Half-Blood Hill, comfortable silence shared in the way only siblings can stand to be quiet—when there are no words needed to get a point across. But you’ve always set yourself apart from the pack, not needing anyone like how they need each other.
Not since Luke left, at least. The growing distance between you three since your untimely resignation from camp was proof enough. Pollux’s eyes met Castor’s in the rearview mirror as they both noticed your sad smile. His brother’s voice broke through the silence then, having always been the one blunt enough to say what was on his mind, “You’ve got us too if you let us see you more often.” Your fidgeting stops.
“It’s not you two, it’s just hard to be back here sometimes. I see things for what they used to be instead of how they really are now. Now it’s just… it has to be all business.”
Pollux cracked a smile, “S’what you get for growing up. Soon we’ll just be annoying voices in your head like you are to us.” Shutting your textbook, you turned to look at them from the passenger seat, eyes that match theirs darting between their blond heads, “All of us have to grow up eventually. Except maybe you two— I prefer you in my nightmares like the kids from The Shining. Whenever you get sick of Dad, come see me. Gods know that camp deserves a break from the two of you too.” Your knuckles knocked against both of their heads affectionately as he put the car in park, “My built-in bodyguards, huh? Always looking out for me.”
All words and meaning escape Pollux now as he stands in the greenery of the North Woods with battle gear ill-fitted to his large frame. It’s the first siege he’s ever taken part in, the first time he’s had to use battle strategies outside of Capture the Flag and the first time he’s slashed his way through monsters and demigods with the intent to try and kill or be killed. Sword and Shield could have never prepared any of them for this—as his eyes meet Castor’s and then yours with all of you thinking the same thing, the three of you join the sea of iridescent orange through mind-numbing black moving like a sharp three-pronged sword.
This type of stuff isn’t typical for him, he thinks. He and Castor are used to being comedic relief— being the source of laughs and juice boxes for pesky little campers instead of facing the real world outside the boundaries of the Mist. Perhaps your father babied them to make up for the time he lost with you, but there’s a moment where he wonders how being kept soft will keep him alive in a world as harsh as this one.
Childlike innocence is ripped away from them in the bubble they’ve inhabited until this moment. Home is now a warzone and like lambs set up for slaughter, the twins both turn to look at you as a shuddering gasp leaves your mouth at the carnage in your surroundings, monster blood and fallen friends and enemies at your feet. Breaking away from formation to take a deep breath, he looks at the sky and wonders where your father is, but smoke and soot fill his lungs and he coughs desperately for a breath of fresh air.
Pollux thinks he must have stopped breathing before Castor took his last breath. It wasn’t supposed to be a competition, but sometimes life was just funny like that.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Just like you told him.
Castor was always the more manic one while Pollux knew how to endure. Children of Dionysus are forced to befriend insanity before it makes an enemy out of them—twisting the ugly into what’s real and creating something beautiful out of the deranged. You’ve shown the boys how you detach from emotion by recognizing the details—separating fact and fiction, a methodical process only describable by the blood that runs through your veins. Pollux doesn’t know where to start—everything happens so fast but it plays out in front of him like someone put the pieces together to a stop-motion animation.
He sees Castor’s sword fall to the ground when he gets slashed on the forearm and sees him get clubbed over the head with a metal weapon he’s only seen bad renditions forged for theater practices and hanging on the walls of the armory. Castor falls first to his knees, and then into the dirt with a thud. He never knew there could be that much blood coming out of a person, much less a mirror image of himself. Pollux sees your face come into his line of vision, deep maroon splatters on your face glittering with hints of ichor and then you’re moving because he can’t. The enemy is coming back for him now, and for a moment he wonders if Castor will be mad if he lets him. He sees you turn in an instant, swinging your sword down on the neck of the aggressor, a teenager not much older than he and his brother are—were. It’s funny how his brain immediately makes the switch to past tense, and how he can’t stop thinking about how he’ll now and forever be older than his twin. Pollux then sees you catch the body of the boy you just killed as life seeps out of him slower than it did for Castor.
It doesn’t make him feel any better, though.
His knees hit the ground next to his twin, touching the sludge of dirt soft like quicksand and moist with what he hopes is not blood, but Pollux is not quite sure of what else there is to hope for. His fist is wrapped around Castor’s shirtsleeve, touching faded orange and sweat as he holds on for dear life. Maybe if he tries hard enough his soul will still be intertwined with his. Your hand touches his shoulder, five fingers reaching out to brush the back of his neck and the feeling of your skin helps him refocus a bit, even if you’re saying something he can’t make out. Then the metal of your Zippo lighter feels cool to the touch within his palm and he knows what he needs to do.
The battle isn’t over, but for the three of you, everything stops here. There is no going forward without your brother. You were never meant to be children of war.
Pollux hears the sound of his heartbeat thundering through his ears, blood rushing through his veins and can’t help but notice the silence amid the chaos. There are no words fit for this—and even if there were, Castor and you were always the more talkative ones. He hears the spark of the purple flame between his fingers, blowing the smoke over him and his brother’s body, and their father’s powers blanket them like how you used to tuck them into bed, warm and safe. This is what your family is—unconventional and unending even in different realms of existence. And then Grover’s scream of panic echoes through the air and everyone hears that. Hysteria ensues as monsters and demigods alike run amok, and Pollux realizes he’s stopped shaking. In his father’s domain, he will always find comfort.
You stand above him now directing campers calmly with a free hand—a brewing storm crackling underneath your skin that he now understands. Hidden by the illusion of smoke, Pollux’s tired bones rest alongside his brother’s dead ones— together as they always were meant to be.
The three of you together, his little family—that is a fact he hoped would never change.
The smell of grapes envelops him as he leans his forehead against your muddy leg… when did the battle end? It almost masks the scent of death that rips through the air as your hand brushes through his sandy hair. Pollux stinks of sweat and you stifle a laugh as you see him smell his armpit. You three were always the same type of fucked up. He doesn’t look down at Castor laid across his lap but knows he would’ve found it funny too. Ignorance of reality even for a moment serves as a comfort. Purple meets purple as he looks up at you with a smile that doesn’t fit his face anymore and he croaks, “Wonder what dad would say about our first battle…”
Glory was never meant to be this bittersweet—it tastes like blood in his mouth until he wipes it away from his cheek and realizes it’s Castor’s. In a way, it’s his too, everything about him and within him is exactly the same down to the star stuff the fates wove them from.
“I’ll be the one to tell him. You take care of Castor,” you answer, as if there’s anything else he would want to do and then he realizes you’re crying— and he’s seeing all of the pieces put together in front of him in this photograph in his mind.
Pollux blinks slowly.
Suddenly the image he has of you is more defined— there is new meaning to the sadness you could never shake off all these years, and he is too young to lose his greatest love, which makes him realize then that so were you.
How long does this have to go on? he wonders, grabbing onto your hand with an eagerness only comparable to the feeling he got when you and Luke whisked him and Castor away from Florida all those years ago. This punishment of living while half of his soul does not—what is he supposed to do next? This was supposed to be the safe place. There is nowhere left to run. His thumb rubs circles into the back of your shaking blood-soaked hand, a secret within the smoke.
Pollux thinks there will always be a part of him frozen in time now, a memory of this day hung up in his mind like a portrait as he holds Castor’s cold hand in his warm one.
Annabeth finds you in the middle of the strawberry fields before the sun sets. She knows you won’t be sleeping tonight, not if you can fight it— not when there’s so much to do. You’ve long grown out of your ripped-up and tie-dyed camp shirts, and the one slung on your frame is newly pressed and starchy from the storage room of the Big House, still stiff against your freshly washed skin. When she’s close enough to touch you, you’ve been scrubbed clean of today.
She doesn’t have to be a daughter of Athena to know that you know that she’s there even if you can’t see her, but for once she feels like she has to hide. For once, Annabeth Chase doesn’t know what to say. How can she explain the feeling of guilt that coils around her brain like barbed wire—how can she even begin to apologize for the thing wearing her brother’s skin, knowing that it killed yours? For once, her hubris is crushed by the sinking feeling of humiliation.
“Was your first quest all you thought it would be, Annie?”
As she takes her navy cap off, silver braided strands around her face wave in the wind as a reminder of what Luke put her through. Though as she looks at you now with your berry-stained fingers plucking at stems one by one instead of using your powers, she thinks that your mind is elsewhere—anywhere but here, where everything is a painful reminder of your five years as a camper.
Five years with Luke.
Mourning him isn’t a new feeling for either of you, even though he comes in and out of your lives like a poltergeist you want to bash across the head, just always out of reach. But he’s a constant, even when he’s not here and he’s what binds you two together as you huddle hidden away from the rest of camp.
“He did this for you.”
It’s not a question, more so a fact out of Annie’s mouth when you finally meet her eyes and sigh, “Luke’s always had a way going about things. The most stubborn man to ever live.” You toss another strawberry into the crate at your feet. No one’s working right now, trying to tend to the injured and the dead. Everyone’s doing their best to chase away the nightmares that are bound to come, and she knows you’ll be making rounds with her on the night shift to ease everyone’s anxieties. But there’s a thought so strong it makes her head hurt, bursting at the seams until she can’t stop with her last-ditch effort to fix her found family.
“Maybe if we find him, we can save—”
“He’s been out of time for a while now, Annabeth. We both knew that,” you say, voice firm and unwavering. You’ve never sounded so monotone before, and it hits her as her mouth falls agape, “You’re giving up on him? Why…why would you give up on him?” Anger courses through her veins like fire and she’s mad that she’s at the center of this prophecy, of Hermes’s anger for his doomed son who will love you until the ends of the earth.
And what of her?
What of the hope she has in happy endings, how is it that you’re so damn calm? Annabeth kicks at the crate, strawberries rolling out in different directions and your jaw tightens as you let her be petulant, let her scream and yell until her inner child can catch up with the reality of the world around you.
“How could you?”
Your name echoes as she repeats it, grabbing at your shoulders and she’s as desperate as the truth that shakes her when you cup her face in your hands and wipe her tears.
“You’ve carried the weight of the world Annabeth– you know what it feels like to let it go. It’s time to let him go. There’s nothing I can do or say to fix this.”
Then it hits her that you knew of his fate and yet this was still the outcome. There was nothing else to do but watch him be puppeteered by a Titan and have to fight evil while it wears his face.
“He came to you after he saw me, didn’t he? Why didn’t you tell me? Why don’t you love him anymore?”
Because it wouldn’t have changed a thing, your eyes say. Instead, you grimace as you say, “Wouldn’t that be funny if it were true?” You lean down and pick up the fallen berries, some bruised and covered in dirt, and then you look at her again with teary eyes.
“Some prophecy huh? To lose a love to worse than death. What could we have done besides love him until the end?”
“He’s still in there. I know you know that too. Don’t talk about him like he’s not,” Annabeth insists, and a sad smile settles upon your face. It’s as gentle as the kiss of the breeze on your cheeks.
“I lost a brother today, Annie.”
“Me too.”
The funny thing about planning funerals is that with all the fuss it takes to organize one, you still find extra time on your hands. Barely getting any sleep and dragging yourself out of your dad’s bed, Pollux snores loudly next to you after hours of working on Castor’s shroud. Sleep wasn’t expected for either of you, but being unconscious was the only way of giving your brains a reprieve. The both of you have been busy doubling down on the preparations, even if it means Mr. D won’t be back in time while he’s out rallying gods for war.
The faster Castor’s earthly body is reconnected with his soul, the easier his trip will be into the Underworld, Nico says, and it’s funny how comforting the little emo pipsqueak can be when it comes to matters of death.
Perhaps this is the solace you bring to others with things you’re able to control—keeping camp afloat is something you were always good at, and helping every traumatized child that comes up to you for a juice box or a lullaby eases the guilt that follows you. Walking around Camp Half-Blood for more than a weekend made you feel like a judge, jury, and executioner. Though most of the campers from almost five years ago have either aged out, defected, or died—the ones that remain still look at you like you’re trouble.
Perhaps you always will be.
You even found yourself with the time to pray to Hermes last night for your brother’s safe passage into the afterlife, though if he’s angry at Annabeth, he must hate you for letting Luke go. Dinner didn’t seem appetizing enough anyway, so your whole plate was tossed into the hearth. You hope he likes chicken and rice.
But if a god can’t fight fate, what did he expect you to do?
The Iris Message to your dad last night was difficult, to say the least. Pollux’s hands shook as he continued to paint grape vines onto the silk cloth and the both of you didn’t say anything when your father started to cry. He out of all of the gods knows what it’s like to be tested to the limits—to endure pain and it’s a gift you and your brother are grateful for in times like these. Watching the god display the human emotion that either of you couldn’t as freely made it more real though.
There was also the interesting predicament of Chris Rodriguez being locked up in the basement of the Big House. Replacing screaming fits with serenity was almost second nature, and your gentle hands were what got Clarisse to truly respect you again for the first time in years. You could hear her sneak downstairs and talk to him while he slept (and the look in her eyes when you’d greet her with a cup of coffee made it known to you that she finally understands what it means to love someone who’s lost—two demigod daughters filled with a lot of rage and hurt were more alike than they think).
So the morning of your little brother’s funeral, you found yourself on the shoreline of Canoe Lake, setting your Redbull against the post of the dock and looking out onto the water.
You needed to do something with your hands. In the past few days, if your fingers were not occupied by pen and paper, a guitar, supply crates, or anything else that was helpful to others and all the more distracting for you, it’s been so easy to pick at any little thing. Perhaps it was your subconscious trying to reflect the damage on the inside, but today, your nail polish was chipped beyond belief. A small price to pay to not lose it without a signature boyish smile to ease your worries and amber eyes that could help you escape from the routine.
Running camp was always easier back then with your runaway boy and his scarred cheek.
How pathetic.
Crouched over in the sand, you plucked stones and filled your pockets with them. They knocked against each other — weighing your pockets down as you walked closer to the dock. Swinging your feet off the side and chucking them into the water, you could barely achieve a ripple.
It’s so quiet that you end up wondering if the rocks in your pockets would weigh you down to the bottom of the lake. It must be nice down there, to exist away from everything.
Bubbles surface slowly in front of you, then Percy’s head bobs in the water as he squints at you through sunlight.
“You chucked a rock at my head!”
A smile tugs at your lips, almost indiscernible but definitely there, “I was trying to skip them. Didn’t know you were doing water tricks in there, kid.” His grin gleams like freshwater pearls, pulling himself up onto the dock as his hand clasps yours. Shaking his sopping hair, Percy’s gangly frame sits next to yours like a wet bag of sand—all wrinkly and misshapen and sprinkling you with lakewater.
“Maybe next time don’t pick rocks the size of your fist. How many have you got in there? Your aim is scarily accurate,” he laughs and you huff and shake your head when his hand sticks into your pocket and takes out a few smooth ones to roll around in his hand. You mirror him, watching him skip a few stones into the water that reach a good distance before sinking into the depths of the lake.
There’s something sad about feeling comfortable to trauma dump on the teenage son of Poseidon, but with the way he grabs your arm at your third unsuccessful toss of a rock, you can’t do anything else but sigh.
“Why didn’t any of you call me, Percy?”
He was waiting for this question—it’s been banging around in his head since the beginning of Annabeth’s quest, and perhaps her talk with you yesterday didn’t go as expected so once again he’s left with the difficult part.
Things happen to turn out pretty difficult for him a lot, he's noticed.
Many things could have been made easier in the past few weeks: Ariadne being your stepmother and her blessing to you would’ve made the Labyrinth easier to navigate, and having another demigod to fight alongside him instead of a mortal girl would’ve been a plus too. But he looks at you with ocean eyes and a smaller smile that reminds you of how he looked at you when you dropped him off in Montauk the summer you met him and quit your head counselor job.
“You’ve already made a lot of difficult decisions. We weren’t sure if…”
The rotten wood beneath you creaks under your shifting weight as you turn to him, tucking your legs underneath your bottom.
“Didn’t think I could handle it?”
He shakes his head, “The opposite, actually. Annabeth has this notion that you’re the only one that can save him. You know, back on my first quest I met Luke’s dad and he told me something…”
You swallow instead of answering. There’s no way Percy is giving you Hermes’s advice right now. Somehow this feels like karmic retribution after years of spiting that asshole, and what he tells you next is more of a sign that it must be true.
“He said, ‘Do you know what that feels like? To be so close to someone you love knowing neither of you has any choice but to keep hurting each other?’ I didn’t get it then, but I do now.”
“With Luke and his mom?” you ask, picking at the remaining slivers of varnish on your thumbnail.
“With you and Luke. I didn’t call you, because… why would I want to see you hurt after everything?” Percy says this like it’s something he would do for everyone.
Perhaps it is, but the knot that forms in your throat feels as heavy as the boulder you almost sunk into his skull. He’s tall enough to lean your head against now, and you don’t mind the water spots that will form along the side of your funeral outfit. The shape of him it leaves will remind you of the little brother you gained through so much loss.
“Plus he has a new girlfriend. Absolute horse of a girl,” he jokes. It slips over your head but you still giggle, “I could’ve taken her.”
“I know, that was Grover’s worry. You’re prettier anyway…” Percy pauses, and then clears his throat, “You’ve always taken care of this place, y’know? Even after….I just think someone ought to take care of you.”
Your shoulder bumps against his as you finally skip a rock. It only bounces across the water twice and you think Percy might have had something to do with it, but you’re not bothered by the help this time around.
You wake up in the dark of night to see your dad looming in the doorway to his office. With drool and a post-it stuck to your cheek, he comes over to ruffle your hair in amicable silence.
“Hard at work or hardly working?” he chuckles, leaning over your shoulder to scan over the paperwork sorted into piles for him to sign from his absence.
“Hm. You wish,” you scoff, leaning against your arm as you look at him. He’s not in his usual eyesore of attire, wearing a clean-pressed suit with his hair slightly slicked back.
“You look good. The meeting went okay?”
“Grover will be. The Council of Cloven Elders? Not so much. Neither are the gods ready to take sides. Putting out little fires everywhere as we speak.”
The wheels of the office chair roll as you swing your feet, and if you both listen closely enough you can hear Pollux snoring upstairs. Chiron loved the earplugs you gave him.
Your father’s face smooths out a bit at the sight of you and the sound of his son’s breathing upstairs and he asks, “Are you? Good?”
A shrug slides off your shoulders, “How does one be good in a world like this one?”
A startling scream echoes off the walls of the Big House, rattling the floorboards from below as your father grimaces.
The work is never done for you two.
“Don’t look at me like that. It was worse when he first came here.”
“Don’t doubt it,” he mumbles, brushing lint off your shirt before he notices you’re donning neon orange. “Didn’t do laundry, princess?”
“Pollux and I haven’t gone back to our cabin since... I can wake him up if you—”
Mr. D shakes his head and goes to toss his body onto the couch against the window, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath.
“Dad? Do you think Chris is a bad person?”
A beat passes and you think he may have fallen asleep, but then his voice sounds like gravel scraping up his throat.
“I don’t think anyone can be bad, kid. I think it is more often that people get lost. What Rodriguez needs is someone to take hold of him gently, and hand his life back to him—you…Clarisse… that’s what we’re giving him.”
Now you’re silent, staring at the dust on his name placard at the edge of the desk.
“Do you think otherwise?”
He calls your name again, and you look up like you’re about to lie to him but don’t have the energy to.
“Princess, do you think you’re a bad person?”
He stands up and walks around to your side of the desk, sitting on the edge so you have to look at him.
“I killed someone. During the battle. Didn’t even think twice about it, slashed his neck as soon as Castor went down and…” you sniff. “I kill monsters, not children, Dad. How does that make me any different?”
The last time blood was on your hands like this it was Luke’s in the Garden of Hesperides. All these years later you ended up being right— the only person you vowed to get bloody for is Luke Castellan, and now in a twisted turn of fate, you’ve bloodied your hands because of him.
“Because you did it for your brother. There are no other explanations needed.”
He sees the exhaustion in your eyes, the drop in your shoulders, but your dad also sees the strength in your bones that spans generations and he knows you and Pollux are strong because you are both his.
“Humans believe in life everlasting—glory, as some call it, but they’re too focused on achieving it on earth instead of enjoying what life has to offer,” he scoffs, “Everyone has the guts to die, but no one has the guts to truly live. How sad.”
“His name was Rowan. Son of Hecate. I taught him how to whistle the summer I left. This is all my fault, Dad,” you say shakily as he comes near and pulls you into his side. He shushes you but you relent.
“Luke’s killing all these people to fulfill a promise he made for me. I’m just fucking disgusted with myself for being the cause of it all. What good life can I deserve when wherever I go I leave a trail of blood?”
Love and addiction must be so alike; to know that to be sober you can’t indulge in the vice ever again—not only does it hurt you, but others around you. But through the years you’ve always kept the taste of his name in your mouth, the feeling of his skin under your fingertips, and the knowledge of why he’s destroying the world so he can make you a better one. Insanity stems from fighting for so long that you embrace the pain; feeling something so intensely that when it consumes you you’re able to walk out the other side and wear it as armor.
Not everyone is hardwired to persevere. There are moments like a night like these where it would be easy to give up. Instead, you pour two glasses of whiskey you’ve conjured and hand one to your dad. You both sip on your drinks slowly, embracing the crawling feeling of the burn.
“Liquor is one way out and death is another,” your dad sighs blissfully. He almost looks rejuvenated by the alcohol he knows he’ll hear about from Zeus later, but perhaps the death of his son is a good enough pardon.
“For some of us, we don’t have to think about the answer.”
Mr. D grabs a pen off the desk and starts signing papers to do something with his hands, and then you speak again, “I think I’d rather die than for people I love,” and your dad’s attention whips to your blank face staring at the moon outside the window. “Instead of killing for them. I’ve never been a good soldier, Dad.”
Mr. D looks at you thoughtfully and wonders where all the time has gone that you sit there in front of him with more knowledge than him at your mortal age before saying, “You’re my daughter. You’re a fighter. Death is for chumps anyway.”
He lifts you by the arm to try to usher you up the stairs but you stay in his office chair swatting his hands away.
“Got work to do, you and I. Not getting rid of me until it’s done.”
“When are you going home?” he asks, pulling up a chair next to yours.
“I am home.”
You don’t look up from the papers you were filing, stubbornness leaking through your voice.
“If there is a war coming, I want to be home as much as I can. I’m finishing my last semester and I’ll be here before and after classes. You can’t stop me, dad.”
And he knows that too.
There is no such thing as leaving Camp Half-Blood for you.
Never for too long. Your love for it is scattered everywhere campers can see.
In all these years, you never believed I loved you. And I did. I did so much. I did love you. I even loved your hate and your hardness. - Tennessee Williams
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1800-lemonadeg1rl · 2 days
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Sniffle any louder
Natasha Romanoff x reader
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Minors dni!! Masterlist°•☆
Summary - when you show up to work il lit aggravates Natasha that is until she sees your dire state
Warnings - mention of illness, nonsexual nudity, hurt comfort, as usual not proofread
Word count - 2k
A/n - I started rushing at the end because I wanted to have it out by tonight so the ending might not be as good srry
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Fractures of pain shot through your aching body like icicles as you left the team meeting. God how you wished you'd just admitted you were ill this morning instead of letting your pride get in the way and pretended to the team that you were right as rain. I guess that's what happens when your on a team with literal super soldiers, you too start believing your above any illness or injury. Oh, but how wrong you realised you were when this flu hit you like a ton of bricks. The combined migraine alongside with the distrsssing chill of your bones left little energy left for you to do anything except lie down and rest, which you hated to admit and wouldn't ever given the choice, despite how sickly you'd begun to look.
Your usual bright eyes full of life and wonder became dull and bloodshot from the lack of sleep your blocked nose had caused you the previous night when you chose to ignore it. The skin on your face that was often painted a rosy colour now paled almost deathly looking, comparable to that of a ghost. Your unshakable senses, often remarked as some of the best had become overworked and dulled from the sickness using up all your remaining energy causing you not to notice people around you until they had begun to speak. The gravelly gasping and choking noises that spluttered from your inflamed throat were foreign to your usual bubbly voice.
Despite these stark and clear changes in not only your physical appearance but also how you carried yourself around the compound you had tricked yourself, somehow, into the belief no one around you would notice. Obviously you were unwell anyone could see that from a mile off and if you didn't think out of a house full of spies, enhanced beings and military personnel that not one of them would pick up on something up with you then you must have been seriously down with something.
Unlucky for you someone did notice after your sniffling had interupted their train of thought for the seventh time, it didn't take a genuis but she'd been ignoring the signs since you arrived. Natasha Romanoff had been trying to reread and correct a badly written mission report written by an incompetent intern. This had already been stressful enough for her without the woman next to her trying to desperately through her blocked nose instead of just going home. The first time she actually noticed something was up was when you nearly walked into the door, stumbling around like bambi on ice. This was something someone with your spacial awareness and high senses would never manage to do if they were as okay as they were telling everyone they were. She spotted it again when you began to cough like a smoker and at that like someone who smoked at least five packs a day, a thing she knew you were not. You'd told her a while back that despite your bad habits which were endless and definitely on show today that you never wanted to smoke because it reminded you of your mother. So unless you'd switched up on that which she very much doubted and had taken up chain smoking the answer was clear; you were ill, very ill.
She also questioned why you were even here, how you were even here. Natasha would leap at the first chance to avoid these dull meetings even if it meant admitting illness to the rest of the group. She'd actually faked being ill before to skip debriefs and instead head to the gym. At one point she had no clue how you were even still able to be alive and functioning with how shallow your breaths were. Everytime your mouth opened a disgusting noise alike to the disgust she felt at nails on a chalk board rung from deep in your throat. Aswell your ever scratcher voice that was beginning to drive her insane. It was one thing to come in sick, it was another to make yourself more ill by working harder than usual.
This had made her angry more than anything, angry at your selflessness. Angry no one else would ever do this, including herself. Angry you put working above your own physical health. Angry that you'd risk everyone else getting ill instead of taking a sick day. Angry you couldnt just admit your illness and leave.
Your eighth sniffle really sent Natasha over the edge as she turned to look dead at you and gave you a menacingly dirty look. A scowl that could kill glowering into your soul. Yet in feverly state you could hardly even register the spy looking in your direction as you still tried to process something said in conversation several minutes ago. Throughout the rest of the meeting she sideyed, scowled, gritted teeth, frowned, muttered under breath and cursed in your direction much to you ignorance. On an average day you could recognise what emotion someone was going through just by being in the same room as them and the tone of their breath but right now even with Natasha directly next you, practically right in your face you couldn't pick up a single negative emotion.
After the meeting you quickly stumbled in the direction of your room, hoping to avoid anyone on the way there, which you managed with much ease despite your worsening condition. Once you reached your room you shut the door without bothering with the lock. Stripped to your underwear and crawled back into bed without a sound. Curling up under your soft thick duvets you shivered and slowly cried yourself into a feverish slumber.
Natasha stayed behind to finish her reports, which she easily could have done hours ago without your incessant coughing and sniffling and all round ill noises. It only infuriated her more as she worked quickly, alone and welcoming the silence since the end of the meeting. When she finished up the work she was just about ready to give you a piece of her mind. And thats what she was gonna do. She had strong feelings about you prioritisation of work over wellness and she was gonna share them with you whether you wanted to hear or not.
Easily, she threw open your door and it hit the wall with a bang, enraged she didnt notice your crumpled whimpering figure writhing under the duvet.
"Sniffle a little louder next meeting." She comments loudly and sarcastically before instantly wincing at the sight of you in the bed.
Instantly her whole demeanour changes into one of care and pure unhidden worry. Natasha crouched over your trembling figure on the bed. Quickly she removed the pile of blankets from overtop and pressed a palm to your forhead before just as swiftly pulling it away with a frown. You were boiling 38°c at the very least and yet your body was still shivering. Without thinking twice Natasha knew the best thing for you was a cold, very cold shower.
She carried your somehow still sleeping figure easily into the bathroom as if you were no more than a light weight to her, which you probably were considering her max dead lift. Gently and ever so carefully she sat you down in the bath before turning the cool shower on next to you. Adjusting it so the water pressure was lower than usual so that it maybe less of a shock for when you fully woke.
Soon after the water began to flow your eyes opened to the hazy view before you. Natasha knelt over the bath making sure you were just alright. When you noticed the water and the bath, definitely not where you fall asleep you began to panic. Quickly flailing much like a fish out of water. Thrashing to get out the bath and attempting to scrabble to your feet. Natasha noticed your sudden frenzy and much quicker than you could, grabbed a hold of your hands halting your movements while whispering affirming words to you.
"Shh sh its okay. Your just in the bath, don't worry were just trying to soothe your fever." She begins to rub your palms slowly in a way which soothes you and instantly slows your panic as you go to rest your head on the bathroom wall.
"Hm don't do that darling. Try and stay awake while your in the bath, just for now." She's says quietly afraid to worsen the headache you already had as she coaxes your head off the wall. "That's it good girl. You can do this."
Her small praises would have usually annoyed you and felt almost condescending but right now they were almost enough to make you smile. She was making you feel as if your feeble attempts to stay conscious were really doing anything.
"M' so tired." You mumbled out a response that slumped together into your mouth so it was barely understandable to Natasha yet she still smiled and nodded at you, not wanting you to feel any worse than you already did.
"That's okay sweet girl, the sooner we get you out the bath and some medicine down you the sooner you can sleep." All the while she kept rubbing at your hands and fingers to keep you grounded in the moment. "I'm going to find you some fresh clothes just stay here."
You nodded but the minute Natasha left your head flopped back against the wall as if magnetised towards it. Upon her return with fresh clothes Natasha tutted.
"You really aren't well, are you?" A small attempt at a nod on your part did not surprise her one bit. "See if you told someone earlier we wouldn't be here right now. You have to ask for help when you need it." She knew her words meant little to you in your current state but she wanted to start bedding them in now nonetheless.
"Now, do you need help getting dressed? There's no shame in needing the help."
"Uhm.. I think a bit." Your response was croaky and your voice was beginning to sound worse by the second.
"That's okay, I'll help you then." She gives you a hand getting out the bath and holds you upright as she helps fully undress you. In her panic to get you in the bath she hadn't thought to remove what you were wearing.
You weren't insecure about your body but something like this would usually not be on with you. But right now you knew you couldn't refuse the help Natasha was offering as you could barely even stand still yourself. So begrudgingly you allowed her to undo your bra and slip off your underwear before tossing them in the bath saying something about getting them to the wash later. Putting on the fresh clothes was easier than either of you anticipated as you didn't resist and her strength helped you from falling against the cold tile floor.
Natasha helped you hobble back towards your bed which you instantly fell against ready to embrace sleep again.
"Ah. Not so quick, first the medicine then sleep." She said softly handing you first a couple pills and some water. "For your headache." Begrudgingly you took them and Natasha smiled as she saw the look of grimace on your face finding it both amusing and adorable. "Okay sweet girl just the syrup left, this will help for your throat." You stared at the syrup in your hand with a frown. Just the smell of its contents was enough to make you dry heave and its colour wasn't tempting either. After two minutes of more convincing and praise you managed to stomach it, not all of it but enough so Natasha was happy enough to stop bothering you.
You knew after that you could finally emmerse yourself in a blissful slumber and with little care curled up, face pressing into Natasha who watched over you as you slept making sure nothing interupted your much needed rest.
Tags: @wandasfifthwife @yanaromanov @idkwhatever580 @stayevildarling
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ladybirdswritings · 13 hours
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sweet thing - dbf!joel miller x reader
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Summary: Your life is in disarray. Your father is overbearing, your boyfriend is unkind— and blooming into adulthood is just about the most difficult season you’ve braved. Things only become more complex when feelings begin to develop between you and an old friend of your fathers. DBF!Joel Miller (dad’s best friend). Alternate universe as well, there is NO APOCALYPSE.
Notes: Girl I have been radio silent but this picture awoke me from my slumber because oh my God??? Look at this beautiful, haunted man. Pls enjoy the ideas that came from this still. Idk how well this will do but if u guys enjoy, lmk (I LOVE comments / interactions) and I will add to it <3
A03 | masterlist
sweet thing…
Your father did the best he could. You knew that very well. Charlie was a man respected and adored by his humble community. A hard working father turned single parent when your mom fell ill and god— you were his little flower. His sweet thing. His angel.
Flowers are fragile, though. Gentle, moldable petals and stiff, snappable stems.
It is why he kept you so close to him, so prized like painted porcelain just ready to crack.
It is why you were here. Here at Jackson’s golden hued dance with more powdered, jam-filled pastries and red, roasted meats then you could count on one hand. Here. Instead of the alternative option which was the party your boyfriend decided to attend without you.
You got the invite, sure, yet even as a legal adult— what daddy says? Goes. So long as you remain under his roof, at least. It was infuriating, though. The freedom of all your dear friends, the spontaneity. If only that could be you…
Your eyes drifted to the moustached sponge of all fun and joy in the world, wrapped in a flannel with bourbon in hand. Your dad was seated next to Joel, as he often was. His presence was a newfound thing for these recent years and though Joel would never say it, you had an inkling that he wanted to stand by his friend’s side after your mother… well.
You didn’t know Joel well. No, not at all. His visits were always the occasional dinner or drop in for fishing or some awfully manly thing. You knew well that your mother adored him, though— so that was enough to make him alright in your book.
Neighbor Betsy told you once that Joel had lost his wife and daughter too, and that maybe he was trying to keep your father from going through what he went through alone.
You only laughed at that.
Joel Miller was gruff and cold. Could he have such a warm heart beneath his sherpa coat?
You dazed out, the fingers snapping in front of your eyes made you blink back into the golden hues and roasted sausages on pointy little sticks.
“You alright, honeybee?” Your father asked, laying a heavy arm upon your shoulders. Joel was slower in his approach, eyeing you up and down with confusion and something else in his eyes.
“Peachy.” You only muttered, taking a sip of your freshly squeezed lemonade. Jackson’s finest.
“Oh come on now angel… now you know I can’t have you runnin’ off with that boyfriend of yours. I always told you he was trouble. Member’ when he ditched you down by Church Road during mosquito season? Well you were ripe as a red tomater and who had to pick you up?”
You were riper, redder now. Your cheeks an embarrassed hue not even on the color wheel, not even identifiable. You bowed your head, huffing out your frustrations before simply muttering: “you did, dad.”
He nodded proud, squeezing your shoulder. “That’s right, I did… what?”
Your eyes drifted up to see your father’s oldest friend with an odd kind of expression on his face. Brows pinched and raised, wrinkles plaguing his forehead deeper now.
Joel only cleared his throat, shifting on his boots and taking a sip of his bourbon in preparation. Then? He spoke.
“You ain’t lettin’ her be.” He gruffly offered, eyes set and sure. Your father only stilled for a moment, wondering if it was even Joel’s place to have an opinion… maybe it was.
“Why’s that?” He asked Joel, and the rough looking man only took another swig.
“Mm. We were both young once. We both made mistakes, y’gotta let her make her own— can’t hide her from em’. Just ain’t how it works.”
Poppies blossomed like springtime had finally begun in your eyes. Finally— someone understood. You didn’t expect him to be so… wise?
Your father only huffed, taking a long glance your way as he mused.
“Even if I wanted to loosen the leash tonight, Joel, I can’t. Maria needs me here to keep an eye on crazy old Arthur.”
Joel’s brows relaxed at that, a purpled hand running along the zipper of his flannel coat. His eyes were a chocolate kind of brown, dark and quietly encasing his thoughts within them.
He hummed, gaze drifting back to you.
You wanted to shrink. Perhaps it was because you were on the spot, perhaps it was because the way he stared would make anyone feel small.
It seemed like centuries before he cleared his throat again.
“I’ll take her.”
What?
You didn’t understand it, not one bit. Why was he kind enough to offer you an out here? Kind enough to test your father’s words.
Discomfort radiated through your father’s coat, tension molding its way into his already stiff bones. A long sigh, a glance back and forth as he truly considered. His expression was far too plagued with worry, and you knew well that it was now or never.
You had to slam down the last nail in the oak wood coffin.
“Please, daddy? I’ll check in every half hour, I promise.”
Tension eased, slightly but— still. Your eyes were doe-like and sweet, and he gazed into them for a moment far too long before allowing his arm to drop.
“Every fifteen minutes and you’ve got a deal. Miller, you make sure my daughter gets in and out of that bastard’s house safely.”
Joel only nodded once, jaw tense and expression stoic. Your grin was wider than a field of flowers, and you immediately wrapped your father in a hug. Your thank yous seemed endless, and it made him laugh.
When you parted, Joel had keys grasped in his rough hands. You realized for a moment that you had no idea why he was doing this. What did he owe you? Maybe it was pity. You were half an orphan, after all.
With a cautious glance, your eyes met his own. He nodded once as if to urge you closer, and you stumbled his way. Before you knew it? You were out the door, trailing behind him like his shadow.
Of all the people who cared enough to convince your father to let you go to this party tonight? Joel Miller was the last person you expected it to be…
¿to be continued?
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ultra-raging-ghost · 2 days
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I REACHED POST LIMIT SO HERES MY POST FROM 9:20 ONWARD
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"Goodbye my three little ones, your father has to go"
"Im sorry chat, i guess ill just speak from the heart. the way i lost dapper and pomme i dont think i really.. had time to process, so losing him like this feels like losing all three of them at the same time"
Visiting bagis... poor zeno fucking died to a rooster LMAO i missed bagis place so fucking bad
searching for pepito.... where is my baby.... where is my little pepito, there pepito is
Bad doesnt really know what to do with himself, hes still sad but richas is like. Officially gone. Which is a crazy thing to process. I was having a hard time dealing with it but i think richas' final goodbye made me feel a lot better about it,it doesnt feel like theres a nail in the back of my brain now, im a little more content with this at least. Wont really be happy about it, but more content with it
We're gonna go leave a richas flower (blue orchid) at bagi's old base <3 just like how we left a cornflower at a place special to pomme.
hehehe agent 18/panks_ is in chat and theyre tormenting bad for fun
Offering pepito the opportunity to visit one last place, bad plans on coming back and visiting a couple final places sometime soon, not tonight but soon. Probably gonna end after pepito picks where to go
pepito cant think of anywhere, bads picking one more place to go
PEPITO TIME AT THE OFFICIAL DAPPER TIME SPOT??? LETS GOOOOO
Pepitos gonna be temporarily dapper while in the official dapper time spot <333
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bads back, i got so comfortable in the old house that i forgot we have to leave. Just a wave of sadness washed over me, it feels like leaving home all over again, it feels like we should be able to walk into the old spawn from dappers train station and see pierre and pomme and etoiles again
pomme in chat... assuring bad she and dapper wont be leaving any time soon. Bad promises us he has some really fun stuff hes been working on he thinks we'll enjoy, this journey isnt over
while waiting for pepito we're reminiscing on when he had to triangulate the Dont have Your Gun thing that was playing that he couldnt find LMAO
currently visiting the old subway bad was building with dapper underground.... the new terrain generation generated a FULL end city RIGHT next to it!!!!
gonna visit bobby fields another day, thats another day issue, but dapper wanted to go see it with him lol
Bad found out Lullah and Richas were leaving yesterday, sounds like he didnt know chay was leaving till today
BOOOOOOOO BOOOOOO BOO IS HERE!!!! HELLO BOO!!!!!!
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Pepitos playing around in the balloons Boo left <33
Bad: Yeah i remember when pomme and dapper came in one of these end cities and scared the muffins out of me Pomme: ?????? Pomme: bro you were dead Bad: I STILL REMEMBER.......
We're gonna go play Wordlos (or however you spell it) one last time before leaving the old spawn <3 gonna see if we can get it to work!!!
kinda works!!! Kinda!!! It mostly works!!!! gonna play!!!!!
"I am so proud of your spanish uncle bad!!! its a great advance to know how to explain something, its the most important thing"
We're looking at the paintings, this is it for the day. Richas logged off with bads statue painting so hes probably never gonna see that again LMAO "thats why we get screenshots"
Pepitos saying a little goodnight to the ghosties <33 pepitos gonna eat all of us up because we're so cute. "I see everything, too. EVERYTHIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG". Pepitos telling us to rest, eat, and drink water, and do our favorite things. We deserve it, to remember not to be sad it ended but be happy it happened at all <3
Bads planning on streaming tomorrow, hes not 100% sure what we'll be doing but he isnt gonna let this crank his steam
Pepitos planning on getting on tomorrow! or whenever! pepito doesnt know when pepito gets on LMAO
Thats all for todays stream, ending at 10:15, goodnight bad, richas, pomme, and dapper <3
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ofstardustanddreaming · 14 hours
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werewolf love
headcanon summary: dating a werewolf!tav
content warnings: none
fandom: baldur's gate 3
characters: astarion, karlach, shadowheart
gender neutral reader
anon request
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astarion:
let's just say, the rivalry between werewolves and vampires are kept up with you two when you first meet. he would glower at you, rolling his eyes as you being the designated unofficial leader. he would rather do anything than follow your lead, but he needed to if he wanted to find cazador.
and you, you found any way you could to annoy him in some form of capacity. you held no ill will to astarion himself, despite having wary distrust for vampires. but you're more so into just annoying him because you know you both are coming from the same spot of having a worm in your heads. (you don't want to admit that the perceived hate from him towards you does sting a little.)
but you strive on, trying to at least get his feelings to be neutral towards you. you may pick on him once in a while, but it's mostly because you feel you have to based on the stereotypes. but one day, things seem to change a little.
"you know, dear, i don't actually hate you. a lot of who i am is an act to keep people at arm's length. i know i was doubtlessly a little more cruel to you than others, but i'm sure part of it was for reasons why you picked on me as well." he says one night, having a hard time making eye contact with you.
you soften, giving him a small smirk. "it's okay vamp, i understand. let's just call it even here, yeah? i'd be glad to call you my friend."
"and here i was hoping to call you more than that." he says, giving you a small smile, trying to waive off the tough talk with humor.
"oh, i'm sure we'll get there in no time with the way we're going now." you tell him, excited for what the future holds.
and from there, you guys do get into a relationship. it turns heads for sure, a vampire and a werewolf. but this time, the quips you both deliver to each other comes from the heart, the teasing aiding in the fiery passion you have for one another. because by god, you're both allowed to make funny insults to the other, but the second someone has something to say about either one of you, the other is at that person's throat to make sure that they apologize for the words they said.
be prepared for astarion making every sort of werewolf joke under the sun. he'll definitely have the gall to act offended though when you make a vampire joke right back at him. he gets so pouty about it, having to sulk at the other end of camp, clearly just using this as an excuse to milk the attention you'd give him as an apology.
in the end, you two compliment each other in the dating lives, having a very balanced relationship despite the small rivalry people expect you to have.
karlach:
oh, she loves meeting someone who turns into a werewolf. i feel like karlach herself is someone who wishes she could be a werewolf because she thinks it's badass. she hangs out with you at first as an infatuation, needing to know how you turning into a werewolf works. she wants to know pain levels or if it's something you're used too, everything.
and as you two get to know each other, it turns into romance eventually. you're the sweethearts to lovers, where her gentle enthusiasm for you and your quiet obsession over her turns into a sweet romance. she loves you and how you dedicate yourself to what you believe in, and you love how fiercely loyal to those she trusts. you make a perfect duo with one another that turns into love.
she held no judgements about you being a werewolf, she's someone who holds her judgement based around if thinks you're a good person or not. she was happy to see how good of a person you are, and she loves being around you.
she also thinks it's nice to be able to cuddle with someone whose body temp runs high like hers, and will pout if you jokingly worm your way out of her hug because you say you're warm.
she absolutely sticks up for you anytime someone makes a snide remark, even if you can stick up for yourself. not many people do have something to say, but there's always one person or another who does have something to say. and she's right there next to you, ready to kick someone's ass over it.
"you know, i think that people are just real assholes sometimes." she growls, clearly hyped up after what someone had to say at the bar you were just at. you were taking laps outside, walking around to help her get some of the energy she had out.
"i know karlach, unfortunately some people just talk. there's nothing i can do but let what they say roll of me, not many people do have shit to say to me." you try to sooth her a bit, so that way she doesn't go back and strangle someone.
she releases a huff of breath frustratingly, wanting to do something. so you offer sparring to take her mind of things, and get the rage of what happened off her mind. it helps her, and as always, ends in a bit of a make out session that gets others to sigh at what you're doing.
shadowheart:
she originally had neutral feelings about you, and even after finding out you were a werewolf, she really didn't have any strong emotion about it. she takes her time when getting to know people, and then makes judgements from there i feel like.
it's a slow burn into romance, where both of you originally didn't even really realize you had feelings for one another until other people in the camp pointed out you that certain actions you were doing for one another isn't what people who don't have feelings for one another do.
she doesn't really give a damn that you're a werewolf, and i mean, sure she's curious and asks a lot about what comes with being a werewolf, but she does love you for you and that's the core of who she is. your relationship is one of helping each other, working through navigating your own identities and how that has effected both of you.
she understands how being a werewolf can come with how people expect you to act, considering people also have their own ideas of how she might be because of her backstory with shar. people tend to steer clear of her because of it. part of the reason she acts like she disregards your identity of being a werewolf is so that way you could also disregard part of her identity, something that many others tend to focus on.
but she loves that you tend to take the lead on helping her navigate what she wants, showing that it's not so scary to face identities. it brings you close together, and it makes everyone melt seeing how you both hold the love for each other in the ways you lean closer to one another.
shadowheart tends to your aching limbs the day after a full moon shift, using her healing to help you feel better. she knows that they can be rough, wanting to only be of help.
"i hope this helps you feel better." she whispers, rubbing some of the salve she prepared over the peak aching points. you groan a little as the ache flares when she rubs over them, but then it's a sigh of relief as what she has works fast.
"it does my love, thank you." you tell her, taking a fascination as she turns a little red at the nickname.
"i always love helping you." she says, leaning in and kissing you after she's done. you inhale her smell of rosemary and lavender from the salve, enjoying the moment of being with her.
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charliehoennam · 2 days
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hero's homestead
A/N: just a lil blurb I've had stuck on my mind and had to frigging get out since watching Road House
Pairing: Elwood Dalton x f!reader
Warnings: physical injuries, jealousy, kissing, mentions of grief and death
SHARING IS CARING, SO PLEASE REBLOG
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Growing up in Glass Key made your face quite familiar around these parts. Everyone knew you, not because you were popular or from a rich family. Lord knows you wish you were.
But because the island was just so small, like a little fishbowl with too many sharks circling around their prey, everyone knew each other around here. However, the small island was full of a strong sense of community.
Your friendship with Charlie started while you were in high school. You were just a freshman and Charlie was six when Stephen and his wife would very often ask you to baby-sit.
Saying no to them was nearly impossible. Not only did they pay you well, but they always offered you a ride home and made you sure you had dinner before leaving. They really treated you like you were part of the family and helping one another in the community was just so normal.
They always treated you with welcoming kindness and respect so, if there was anything you could do to help them, you did it. Aside from baby-sitting Charlie, this included working at their book store.
You were around there most of the time. If you weren't at home or at school, you were at Glass Books.
As you got older, you started to spend less and less time there in order to focus on your own personal and professional life.
That didn't mean you were never around anymore. You still made your frequent stop to buy the new read of the week.
"Why don't you just get all the books you want for the month, so you don't have to keep coming back?" Charlie questioned genuinely curious.
"Nah, I like coming here. I like the service. And besides, you'd miss me too much, kid" you chuckled watching the young teenage ring your book up at the register.
When Stephen told you about his wife's illness, it really took you by surprise. She could've easily been voted the happiest woman of Glass Key. The aura she possessed could make the dullest room become the brightest. Her sense of humor would have even the most no-nonsense person cracking a smile. She was an amazing woman and a motherly figure to most.
The entire community mourned her loss. The blue sky and the tropical environment wasn't enough to brighten the day for your neighborhood's residents. The heavy rains that followed that entire week led you to believe that even the island was weeping for her absence.
Between medical expenses, funeral costs and a growing teenager, Stephen had to learn to be a single father quite fast. And that meant working a full-time job to make end's meet.
He asked you to help out with the store and you happily agreed. Glass Books was his wife's dream. She loved spending her days there, in the cozy little bookstore she'd built with the love of her life.
Although you know Stephen has a lot on his plate, you can't help but wonder if he wants to avoid the store and her memory altogether.
You refused to accept money for it, knowing the shop didn't make so much money. Even so, Stephen would still transfer you a small amount whenever he could and would often bring you breakfast, lunch or dinner because he felt it was the least he could do.
All you wanted to do was help.
He was more than grateful, especially when he saw how you could make Charlie laugh by putting on music and dancing in the middle of the store with her.
He could see her slipping into a dark place after the death of her mother. Dealing with his own pain, he did his best. But, you were the best friend she needed. A feminine figure she could go to talk about more embarrassing situations or just to get her mind off of the loss.
Gradually, it seemed like their small family was beginning to heal. Although the loss was a still a fresh wound, and Stephen would often find Charlie clutching a small portrait of her mother asleep in bed, they were managing to keep the pain at bay.
You understand how important this store to them. It represents so much more than being just a simple local book store. It represents her.
The store was just as special to you as it was to Charlie and Stephen.
It had always been your refuge, but now, it was always the place where you met him.
Charlie, with her overly friendly nature that she inherited from her mother, struck up a conversation with the then stranger just outside the bookstore.
Her overprotective father was soon outside within seconds. Although the friendly streak ran deep within him too, he knew these parts were full of men with bad intentions.
Once he realized the stranger wasn't from around, he felt a little more at ease.
Although you remained inside the shop, you could overhear their conversation as you inched towards the door and opened it to stand in the doorway, eyeing the stranger with caution.
Stephen was surprised to know he'd come out of town to work at the Road House. To be honest, neither of you expected him to last very long. At that place, security never does.
The bouncer turnover never ceased with the riots that broke out there almost every night. So, you didn't bother getting your hopes up.
However, Dalton kept coming back. Every other day, he came in with the excuse of using the computer or buying a book just to strike up a conversation with you and lay down his flirtatious charm.
Charlie was the first to notice he would always come around when you were there and, if you weren't, he'd always make sure to ask when you were.
She had quite a bit of fun poking fun at you, telling you he had a crush on you or mocking the unconscious change in your voice you had when talking to him.
It didn't long take for feelings to develop between you and him. There was no doubt in either of you. Although unspoken, the magnetic attraction was undeniably present.
Some of those talks were deep and you felt you could confide in him to share things you hadn't shared with anyone at all. He, in turn, told you about the night on the train tracks and how the last fight he had in the ring haunted him every night.
There was no denying the bond you were forming. However, the rumors that were spreading around the island about the closeness between Ellie and him made you hesitant to make the first move.
When you casually brought it up into conversation, he shook his head and told you it wasn't anything serious and that she'd took him on a date once. You wanted to ask him if he had feelings for her, but that would be too much.
"So what's the deal with you and Dalton?" Charlie curiously asked, having picked up on the constant courtship that you two refused to act on.
"There is no deal. We're just friends. Hardly that."
"I may be young, but I'm no fool. I know there's something going on between you two."
"Sorry to disappoint you, kid, but there isn't. Besides, I hear he's got a sort of a girlfriend" you replied without looking up at her from the book in your hand.
You were both sat in fold-out beach chairs placed in front of the store, enjoying a couple of white cherry slushies, hoping the ice cold drink could soothe the hot, humid weather.
"How do you have a 'sort of girlfriend'? Either she is or isn't."
"Those things are complicated. I guess they're getting to know each other," you shrugged wishing you could avoid the topic.
"Like you guys are?"
"There is nothing going on. Sure, he's cute and funny and all, but he's seeing someone else. He's not interested in me, Charlie."
"So, you are interested in him?"
"It doesn't matter if I am. She's a doctor, she's smart and she's really pretty and drives a nice car. I know I don't stand a chance, so I'd rather not get my hopes up," you rambled, failing to read anything on the page you were stuck on. "Can we please drop this now?"
"Oh my god," she smirked staring at you. "You're jealous."
You scoffed at her ridiculous accusation and shook your head as you closed the book and set it in your lap.
"I am not jealous. I do not get jealous."
"Yes, you are! You totally are!"
"I am not! I just don't want to talk about this anymore, alright? So can we drop it?"
"Alright, alright. Sorry I brought it up."
She couldn't stop smiling as you opened your book to continue reading. Although you weren't her parents, her mind couldn't stop thinking of a way to parent-trap you into getting together.
However, her plans were brought to a halt when Brandt's lackeys invaded the shop just a few days later.
You tried your best to stand your ground and defend the shop along with Stephen. He told you to leave, but you refused.
After the beatdown you both received unwillingly, a fire had been set and the cruel men left. The adrenaline that surged through your bodies was enough to numb the pain in order to get you both quickly back on your feet to put out the fire.
Between the blood loss and the resurfacing pain, the billowing smoke got stronger and stronger. The flames became too strong too quickly and had engulfed the entire wall across the front counter.
Light-headed and dizzy, Stephen tried to save whatever he could from the store. As you rushed back and forth, you realized that the fire had grown too much and swallowed the front entrance.
The heat of it shattered the glass windows. The open air only fueled the fire more. Coughing from the heavy smoke, both you and Stephen got down on the floor to avoid the unbreathable air and attempted to crawl to the back exit.
Everything went dark after that and melded into one huge blur.
You don't remember when you actually blacked out, but you do remember feeling relieved once you heard the fire department's arrival.
The time you spent in the hospital was short - only a couple of days - but it was enough to make you reflect on your life.
An overwhelming sense of regret washed over you as you thought about Dalton.
You'd only known each other for a few weeks, but what if you could've had something special? What if Charlie's jokes were true and he actually ended up to be your soulmate?
She could be wrong too, but the fact that you could've died and never found out if you ever really did stand a chance ate at your mind.
You hadn't fully realized the extent of your attachment until a couple days later.
You show up at the store with a limp from the beatdown you'd received a couple days ago.
Stephan tries to assure you they're fine, that you need to rest and recover, but you argue that you'll go insane if you stay at home with nothing to do, high on pain meds.
Helping the owners clean and salvage whatever they can, Charlie casually mentions that Dalton and left her and her father a suitcase full of money to rebuild the store before he got on a greyhound bus destined to leave Glass Key.
The same regret you'd felt in the hospital strikes you again and secretly consumes you.
You try to play it off and instruct her to not to tell anyone about the money. You barely understand what she said after that. All you can think about for the rest of that morning is that he left and didn't even say goodbye.
When Charlie and her father invite you to get some lunch with them, you politely refuse, opting to stay back and keep yourself busy. You lie and tell them you had a big breakfast beforehand just so they won't worry.
You promised you wouldn't get your hopes up. You knew better than that. Bouncers never last at the Road House. You know this just as well as any of the other residents of Glass Key.
He's gone now.
You just want to be alone for a bit to process it.
The door opens and the bell above it rings as you sweep away at the shattered glass, forcing you to look back over your shoulder.
The sight you see has you frozen in surprise.
His face is impossible to forget. You could never forget those big blue doe eyes, even with the dark skin that circles his right eye.
You groan lightly at the shooting pain from your broken rib as you straighten and turn to face him, holding the broom by your side as you stand next to it.
Dalton closes the glassless door behind him as he greets you with a silent but friendly smile until the cut on your lip and the black eye remind him of the damage he caused.
He doesn't look too different from you. His eye is still a little swollen but mostly black now, his lip busted and the stitches on his eyebrow are all evidence that business has been handled at the Road House.
"So, the Glass Key hero returns" you smile at him, ignoring the sting on your bottom lip. "Charlie said you were riding off into the sunset. You forget something?"
"I'm not a hero and, no, I didn't" he starts, looking around the burned down shop trying to swallow his guilt.
"Changed your mind?"
"Someone kinda changed it for me, actually. A very wise person told me that heroes don't always have to ride off into the sunset. They can stay and make a homestead instead."
Joy bursts within you like fireworks on new years. You try to fight back the smile that creeps onto you lips.
"Thought you weren't a hero."
"I'm not."
You nod biting the inside of your cheek to mask your excitement. You take the second broom that Charlie had been using earlier and left leaning against the wall by the front door.
"This homestead could use a hand" you smile and offer him the broom.
He takes it with a happy grin, feeling finally accepted as if he finally found somewhere he belongs.
"There's, uh, one more thing" he says in a soft voice.
His hand raises to your chin, tilting your head up as he cranes his neck to kiss you in the most tender of ways.
Unable to forget about Ellie, you place a hand on his chest and gently push to stop the kiss.
Dalton's face contorts with confusion. He doesn't notice the breath he's holding, anxiety settling in as he fears that you'll ask him to stop. Maybe he got the wrong signals and you don't like him that way. He'd respect it, if that's the case, but it doesn't mean his heart won't be crushed.
"I thought you were seeing Ellie?"
He blinks slightly surprised. That's not what he had expected to hear, but it makes him kind of happy that you're not asking him to stop.
"She took me on a date and we kissed, but that was it."
"So, you are dating her?"
"What, are you jealous?"
"Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm not jealous."
"You sound a little jealous" he smirks.
"I'm not. I just... I don't wanna get my hopes up."
"I'm not dating her," he says gently stroking your bruised cheek. "I told her there's someone else for me, someone that I really wanna date."
He gazes into your eyes as you smile up at him and let him continue his kiss. You let his lips linger on yours and smile when you feel them stretch into a grin.
The cuts on your mouths hurt, but neither of you bother to pull away.
His kiss gradually intensifies. His tongue flicks over your bottom lip, politely asking for entrance. His free hand reaches for your waist as the other sets against your cheek, leaving the broom tucked in his arm.
You let his tongue slip past your defenses. The gentle way his hand cradles your face has you holding onto his strong forearm and the other broom for balance as the room spins around you from his vertiginous kiss.
Your chest presses against his as you moan softly into his mouth. It takes him every ounce of his self-control to not pin you against the wall.
The bell rings again, alerting you both of another's presence so you quickly pull apart, trying to quickly compose yourselves. Your eyes shoot to the door along with Dalton's.
You realize who it is, so he shyly lets his eyes wander around what's left of the store and sweeps the ashy floor.
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," Charlie smirks sipping her juice from a straw as she stands in the doorway.
"No, no," you reply nervously as heat pools in your cheeks. "Dalton and I were just, uh, cleaning up."
"Cleaning what? The floor or each other's throats?"
Dalton snickers at her candor, glancing at you until she continues.
"Good to see you're back though. And if you ask me, it's about time."
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miss-musings · 2 days
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The Bad Batch Post-"Plan 99" Fanfic
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Summary: Takes place between the events of 2.16 "Plan 99" and 3.01 "Confined." Crosshair finds out Omega has been captured and hears about Tech's death. He struggles with the news and his new routine as a prospective CX operative. Later, Omega makes her first visit to his cell. ~15 minute read
WARNING: Lots of sad, angsty thoughts about Tech's death. Don't read if you aren't comfortable with ~50% of it being Crosshair ruminating about Tech's death and his own guilt.
Crosshair’s neck was stiff from pain. He was lying on his back, and could feel the restraints holding him to the medical table. He heard voices around him, but he didn’t dare open his eyes. He hoped they’d still think he was asleep and leave him be.
“He’s waking up,” an unfamiliar female voice said. “Inform the doctor.”
A heavy pair of footsteps stomped away from the area, but he could still feel eyes on him. He heard the hum of equipment and the clinking of metal objects nearby.
“You may release him from the table,” the voice said again.
Someone jostled his wrists, slapping binders on them, while someone else loosened and then took off the restraints on his forehead, chest and waist.
“You should sit up now,” the voice said to him this time. “The doctor will be here shortly.”
There was no hiding, then.
Crosshair opened his eyes and sat up. A female doctor with thick goggles and even thicker brown hair looked at him. Troopers and a commando were nearby, their guns pointed at him.
Crosshair was in a large room with other clone prisoners lying unconscious on other medical tables in the center of the room, and there were tanks along the walls with eerie-looking bodies inside.
He wondered what new torture Hemlock had in mind for him when the doctor walked into the room, escorted by a commando. His black hair was slicked back, and he was holding his gloved left hand in his right.
He approached Crosshair, as calm and sinister as ever, and said in his chilling whisper-like voice:
“As impressive as your dedication to your former squad is, I’m afraid it has all been in vain.”
Crosshair stiffened.
“Omega is now in my custody.”
No. It couldn’t be. This was some kind of trick. He’d told them to hide.
It was hard to read Hemlock’s face, but in Crosshair’s few interactions with him, he’d been unusually straightforward. Cruel, yes, but straightforward.
But, Crosshair couldn’t bring himself to believe it.
“You’re lying,” he said with a scowl on his face.
Hemlock practically smiled as he gestured toward the door, and said, “I’ll show you.”
Crosshair got off the table and, escorted closely by the troopers and commandos, followed Hemlock out of the room and through the corridors.
They went to a part of the facility Crosshair had never seen before. Some kind of medical wing.
Hemlock stopped in front of a large window. Crosshair stopped and looked in too. He saw a large room full of medical beds, equipment and personnel. Clone prisoners were on the beds, getting blood samples taken.
But Crosshair’s eyes first fell on the shortest person in the room and he felt his heart plummet inside his chest.
Omega.
He hadn’t seen her since the day his squad had left him on that Kaminoan platform, but it was undoubtedly her.
Her light-blond hair was longer. She seemed taller too, as she walked around in the light-gray uniform of Tantiss’ medical personnel. She seemed to be shadowing the female clone Crosshair had encountered when he first arrived on Tantiss.
She looked anxious, but didn’t appear to be hurt at least.
Crosshair glanced at Hemlock, who was looking over at him with a sinister gleam in his eye.
“I found Clone Force 99 with the help of one of their own associates,” Hemlock said. “They made an ill-advised attempt to infiltrate Governor Tarkin’s fortress on Eriadu, and lost one of their own in the process.”
Crosshair’s eyes went wide with fear.
“Oh yes,” Hemlock said. “You would’ve known him as Tech.”
No.
Crosshair couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel.
Tech? It couldn’t be.
His face went blank as Hemlock continued:
“The others managed to escape custody, but no matter. I have what I need now.”
Even with a million thoughts spinning in his head, Crosshair instinctively looked back through the window at Omega.
She was still following the female clone, who was giving her some kind of instructions. She seemed unaware they were watching her. It must be two-way glass.
He was about to take a step toward it – to warn her, alert her, anything – when the troopers grabbed him and held him in place.
“You needn’t worry,” Hemlock said. “Omega will be safe here, for now. I only need her to ensure my work for the Empire may proceed as planned.”
Nala Se. That had to be it.
Admiral Rampart had sent the Kaminoans’ chief scientist to Tantiss when they decommissioned Tipoca City. And Omega had been Nala Se’s medical assistant. Perhaps they were closer than Crosshair had realized, and Hemlock was now using Omega to force Nala Se to cooperate.
If that was the case, he realized, then she would be safe.
They’d need her alive to ensure Nala Se did whatever work the Empire – or rather, Hemlock – had in mind.
And, going by the pleased look on the doctor’s face, she was.
Hemlock stepped toward Crosshair, putting both his hands behind his back.
“And if your former squad ever comes looking for Omega – as I suspect they will – I have plans for them,” he said. “As I do for you.”
Crosshair blinked.
“What plans?”
Hemlock smiled, and said, “You’ll see.”
He then turned to one of the commandos.
“Put him in the detention block,” Hemlock said. “Have him brought to the training room at 0800 with the other candidates.”
The commando nodded and looked to the troopers on either side of Crosshair. They grabbed him by his arms and shoulders, and were preparing to lead him away, when Hemlock held up a hand and stepped toward Crosshair again.
“If you had accepted my offer, you would be free now,” Hemlock said. “But, since you refused, you will continue to serve the Empire. In fact, your true service is only just beginning.”
He looked Crosshair up and down, and took a very calculated breath before adding:
“I look forward to seeing what you will become, CT-9904.”
A chill ran down Crosshair’s spine. Somehow, he could feel exactly what Hemlock’s true intentions were.
The doctor nodded, and the troopers led him away. Crosshair tried to look back at the window for one last look at Omega, but it was too late.
Everything was gone.
*****
All the hours and rotations after that exchange were a hellish blur.
Crosshair and a few other clones were subjected to brutal training and torture – or “re-education,” as Hemlock called it. His plan was to turn them into specialized operatives who were completely loyal to the Empire – to him.
Their conditioning lasted for hours on end every day.
But the nights were worse.
Crosshair was left alone with nothing but his thoughts for hours and hours. Physically hurt and mentally exhausted, he hardly slept each night before the hell of the next day began again.
He kept thinking about Tech. He kept seeing flashes of days, missions, memories together. Sometimes they were cadets, learning how to fight and shoot. Sometimes they were soldiers, running headfirst onto a new battlefield.
He kept hearing Tech’s voice in his head.
“Understanding you does not mean that I agree with you.”
Was that the last thing his brother had ever said to him?
He wanted to believe Hemlock had lied, that Tech was still alive, that his old squad was safe and alive somewhere.
But, he’d been telling the truth about Omega. Why fabricate some long-winded story on top of it?
What the kriff had they been doing on Eriadu? Surely, they couldn’t have been infiltrating Tarkin’s base to try to find him?
He had to know. The uncertainty, the questions were killing him.
But, there was only one person who could possibly tell him; and as much as he wanted to know, he hated the thought of facing her again.
It was all his fault.
He knew it in whatever remained of his heart.
Tech was dead because of him.
Omega was Hemlock’s prisoner because of him.
Hunter, Wrecker and even Echo could be dead, captured or tearing themselves apart with grief, all because of him.
If he’d just gone with them that day on Kamino – he thought to himself every day, every hour – none of this would’ve happened.
Tech would be alive.
They would all be safe.
Maybe they could’ve even been happy.
Crosshair had always despised that his former squad was living job-to-job as mercenaries in the Outer Rim. But, compared to this, it would have been a paradise.
More than once he finally drifted off to sleep with tears in his eyes, only to dream of Tech. Sometimes he died in a firefight. Sometimes he died in a fall. Once he died trying to fly The Marauder away from Tarkin’s mountainside fortress.
Crosshair was almost relieved when the troopers woke him to start the hellish cycle all over again.
There was no chance of rescue. Hemlock would kill or capture Hunter and the others if they somehow found Tantiss.
There was no hope of escape. Even if he managed to elude or defeat his guards again, Crosshair didn’t even know how big the base was, or how to get outside or to a shuttle bay.
So, he didn’t bother counting the rotations. There was no point.
He almost hoped someone would kill him during their operative training. Or he would somehow die during Hemlock’s conditioning.
But, no, he thought. He deserved it.
He deserved all of it.
*****
Not that Crosshair was counting, but it took Omega five rotations to track down his cell.
He was lying on his bed, trying not to think about Tech again, when a familiar fwing hit his skull.
Someone was watching him.
Before Tantiss, he would’ve bolted upright, blaster ready. But now he didn’t bother. They were always watching him.
He felt the eyes drawing nearer and nearer, and that striking sensation against his head became harder and harder to ignore. He could tell something was different. It wasn’t his usual inspectors.
There was only one person it could be.
His heart sank when he heard that soft, eager voice whisper to him through the cell door:
“Crosshair?”
He opened his eyes and looked over to see Omega kneeling at his cell door. Her brown eyes, so full of care and concern, stared back at him.
“What—what are you doing here?” he asked, almost frantic. “You need to leave, before they catch you.”
Hemlock was smart. He was already using Omega as leverage over Nala Se. Who’s to say he wouldn’t use Omega as leverage over him too, if he felt like it?
“It’s fine,” Omega told him. “The guards are on shift break.”
He rolled his eyes and sat up.
“And I needed to check on you,” she continued. “You were still unconscious when I first got here. I tried to wake you, but Emerie said you didn’t cooperate with the doctor.”
So, Omega had found him, tried to talk to him even. It must’ve been sometime before Hemlock had gloated about capturing her.
“Crosshair, what did they do to you?” Omega asked in a very serious and worried tone.
He shook his head and replied, “It doesn’t matter now.”
He looked past her, and scanned the seemingly empty corridor beyond. He didn’t see or sense anyone else watching.
Finally, he was face-to-face with the moment, the person he’d dreaded meeting.
“What happened?” he asked, taking the plunge. “How are you here? Did they not get my message?”
Omega looked down.
“We did,” she said. “We were trying to rescue you and all the other clones trapped here. We infiltrated an Imperial summit on Eriadu so we could track Hemlock’s ship here. But, everything went wrong as we were trying to escape.
“And Tech,” she said, as her voice cracked and her eyes welled up. “… He—he sacrificed himself so we could get away.”
So, it was true.
Tech’s kind face and goggle-covered brown eyes appeared in Crosshair’s mind. His voice echoed in his ears: “Understanding you does not mean I agree with you.”
His brother really was gone. Dead.
Crosshair’s expression went hollow. He felt like a barrage of blaster bolt to the chest would’ve been less painful.
Omega continued her story, but Crosshair barely registered it.
“The next thing I remember, we were back on Ord Mantell and the Empire was there. They took Hunter and Wrecker away, and I tried to free them but Hemlock caught me and brought me here.
“I’ve been asking Emerie and looking everywhere, but I haven’t been able to find out what happened to them,” she said, her eyes wide with desperation and sorrow.
Somehow hearing Hunter and Wrecker’s names snapped Crosshair back into full consciousness.
“They’re not here,” he told her. “They escaped. Hemlock told me so himself.”
Hope briefly shone in Omega’s eyes.
“We can’t trust him,” she said. “What if he’s lying?”
“Hemlock is a bastard, but I don’t know why he would lie about that,” Crosshair said. “Besides, if they were here, I would’ve seen them by now.”
���What do you mean?”
Crosshair looked down and didn’t answer her.
He had long realized what Hemlock had meant when he said he had plans for Clone Force 99 if they ever made it to Tantiss. The doctor wanted his own squad of elite clones to carry out his every bidding, and he was especially excited at the prospect of “re-educating” Hunter and Wrecker with their enhanced abilities.
Thank whatever Force might exist in the galaxy that Tech had been spared that fate.
Crosshair looked back at Omega, who was still waiting for his answer.
“You need to go,” he told her. “Before anyone finds you here.”
“Alright,” she said in a determined voice. “But I’ll come back the next chance I can.”
“No. Don’t come back here at all. If they catch you…”
“I’ll be careful.”
Crosshair gave a high-sigh, half-scoff. She was just as stubborn and willful as she’d been on Kamino. How had Hunter and the others put up with her for so long?
She made a move as though she was about to leave, but then bent back down and looked at him again through the criss-crossing bars of his cell door.
“Don’t worry, Crosshair. We’re together now. They can’t stop us both.”
Crosshair exhaled and threw her a look that spelled out their exact situation. No hope, only despair. No relief, only defeat.
But, unsurprisingly, she didn’t get the message.
She simply looked back at him with such care, such hope, such… love.
“I knew you would come around,” she said. “Tech did too.”
Crosshair’s eyes went wide. It felt as though the blood in his body had stopped circulating.
“He said you were still his brother, and he wasn’t going to leave you behind. … And neither will I.”
She stood up and silently walked away, as Crosshair’s mind raced with a million new thoughts alongside the same old ones.
He felt his right hand tremoring. He couldn't stop it.
Tech had died trying to save him. Tech had died believing in him. Tech had died still caring about him.
With every thought, every realization, Crosshair felt the same truth beating inside his brain like a drum.
Everything.
Everything.
Everything was all his fault.
COPYRIGHT 2024.
Story is subject to minor edits/tweaks as necessary.
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1moreoffkeyanthem · 2 days
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Hey y’all guess what?!? :) it’s time for a new episode of Bedtime Stories With PCE!!!
Who ordered some old man yaoi? That’s right, this one is set right after If Heaven And Hell Decide, with a sick Kyle, worried Stan, the best little immortal cat of all time, adding injury to illness, two middle aged men being massive fantasy dorks, all that goodness. Very sorry to my favorite arthritic ginger it will happen again, very sorry to his extremely concerned husband.
And y’all. I’m dedicating this to the Sickfic Queen herself, @alwaysinstyle who consistently kicks ass and gets stoked about style taking care of each other with me. Ana I love you so much and I’m so proud of you. All the people in your corner, we have you covered.
Also OFC the rest of the RANT homies have been subjected to random snippets of this over the past 2 weeks or so (jesus my sadsack ass needs to get some motivation back how has it been two weeks) but hey I will always be obnoxious when the mood strikes me and this long ass monstrosity is FINALLY done!!! Thank y’all fr for putting up with me.
Here’s •Well, That Would Be Pretty Odd•
A subtle knock at the door drew Stan’s attention and Kyle from uneasy rest. His husband’s head lolled exhaustively in his hand, still drained of energy and, according to the screen displaying his vitals, running a pretty high fever. Stan kept one arm protectively over him and turned to the door. “Yeah?”
The doctor entered, shutting the door behind her. “Hey, guys, how are we doing in here?”
Kyle pulled up slowly, clearly emotional, like he always got when he was sick. “Can I go home yet? Moose needs me.”
“Our cat,” Stan explained. “He’s worried he scared our cat.”
“I did.”
“Scared the hell out of your husband, too, sick as you are. It says on the chart you guys filled out that your blood sugar was low enough to potentially trigger a seizure. If he hadn’t acted as fast as he did, you’d be even worse off than you are.”
Kyle slumped back into Stan. “He always rescues me,” he murmured.
Stan felt like crying. “I’m your knight when you need me, dude.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, what’re we working with here? Stomach flu, dehydration, complications because of the diabetes, all that, right?”
“Right. Kyle, we have you on antivirals and fluids via IV for now, and I know you’re eager to get home-“
“-he hates hospitals-“
“-I hate hospitals.”
The doctor smiled kindly, even after getting interrupted. Stan liked her. “We’re keeping you overnight at least, but if your vitals are still stable and your fever is less than 102, we can send you home.”
Stan knew Kyle appreciated being the one addressed about his own health. This doctor could read the room, that’s for sure. Kyle nodded tiredly, eyes closed.
“How about when we go home? What’s the plan?” Stan inquired, tired as fuck himself but making an exception for Ky, always.
“Fluids, rest, anything with nutritional value that can stay down. Your friend in the waiting room mentioned orange juice as you guys’ go-to when Kyle’s having trouble with blood sugar? And he said you’re always diligent about keeping an eye on his health.” She was definitely addressing Stan now, since Kyle had clearly relinquished responsibility for the time being, knowing Stan had him covered. Hell yeah he did. “Any further complications; if you catch the bug too and can’t take care of him, another bad sugar drop or fever spike, and you guys come right back here. But at this point, it’s looking like this is something manageable from home, fingers crossed.”
And Stan had every finger crossed. He’d take care of Kyle, just like Kyle took care of him. Even if he was kind of scared as fuck, not having seen him quite this sick since maybe college. Or even when they were kids and he needed kidney surgery. He bit the panic down. Kyle was okay.
“Gotcha. I can spend the night? Spousal rights and everything?”
“You won’t convince him not to stay if you say no,” was Kyle’s muffled reply.
The doctor laughed. “I won’t make you leave. The last thing I want is either of you worked up, especially you, Kyle. If you need your husband with you to be comfortable-“
“-mhm-“
“-that’s not a problem in my book.” She tapped her clipboard with long fingernails. “There’s a call button on the bed if you need anything between the nurses checks, and I’ll tell your friend he’s free to go. He isn’t allowed back here, I’m afraid, but I can also let him know he can be the one to pick you up in the morning, if that’s what you two want?”
Kyle mumbled something that sounded like “like a good neighbor, Tucker is there” to the tune of the state farm insurance jingle. The doctor raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, he’s pretty delirious, alright.” A couple quick checks to Kyle’s IV line and heartbeat monitor, and she was gesturing for Stan to lay his half asleep husband back down. “You boys get some rest. We’ll keep you posted.”
“Thanks,” Stan whispered, letting Kyle nuzzle into his chest as she left the room. Once they were alone in the darkened space, he kissed him softly on the top of the head. Kyle was a space heater. But if the hospital staff wasn’t alarmed, they were okay. “I’ve got you, baby, just sleep.”
The next morning, Kyle improved enough to leave and discharge paperwork done, they faced the problem of actually getting the sick man home.
Stan waved off the nurse’s offered wheelchair and stubbornly picked Kyle up because like hell was he losing even a second of contact. That and he took pride in the fact that he was in his 40s and still able to carry his husband.
“Sir, there’s procedure…”
Kyle snorted from where his head was against Stan’s shoulder, coherent enough to be aware but still too weak to insist on, god forbid, trying to walk on his own. “Believe me, ma’am, there’s no way in hell you’re convincing this guy not to carry me. Losing battle, mark my worms- words.”
Someone needed to be home in bed.
The nurse sighed, clearly deciding it wasn’t worth argument. Thank God, because Kyle could out argue anyone normally, but he was fucking tired.
“Just sing me home again, Orpheus,” he murmured into his husband’s ear.
Stan laughed at the reference. “Alright, ma’am, so if we’re all set….”
“Yes, yes, you can go. Hope you feel better.”
Kyle only had a vague recollection of both Stan and Craig yelling at the hospital staff when they brought him in, which was kind of funny to think about. Craig didn’t get worked up about things easily, and Stan was as gentle as they came. But it was nice to know his friend and his partner were willing to act so out of character for his sake. He muttered a “hey, spaceman” in greeting when Stan lowered him into the back of Craig’s car, mid morning sun forcing him to keep his eyes closed.
Craig barked a short laugh, pulling from the parking lot when both his passengers were settled for the short drive. “Someone’s feeling better.”
“I’ll get him set to rights, kick the plague’s ass,” Stan said, softly kissing his husband’s still too warm forehead. “Thanks for picking us up, dude. And for last night.”
“No biggie,” Craig shrugged nonchalantly. “Someone had to keep a level head and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna be either of you.”
Well, he wasn’t wrong there. Craig was probably the least prone to getting over emotional person Stan had ever met.
Craig’s husband, however, was the exact opposite. Upon getting home and getting up to bed, Kyle could faintly hear the frantic voice of Tweek downstairs, bringing Moose back from spending the night over at apartment two.
Kyle was nauseous, not to the point that he had been, but nauseous all the same, waiting for Stan to be done retrieving their cat and filling Kyle’s water. He felt weak as shit, and sweaty, which was probably a reasonably good indicator of his fever coming down, but it fucking sucked. And he was going to need some soup or something in him soon so his blood sugar didn’t get so bad again, which was another thing that sucked, because why do flesh prisons require so much maintenance? Why did his body require so much to function.
He didn’t realize tears were flowing until Stan entered the bedroom, hands full with the water, a KMBS, and one of those bottled protein drinks that tasted like chalk. Moose was quick to jump up and pad softly over to him, big blue eyes so worried and sweet as he curled up beside him. Kyle’s two blue eyed boys.
The second of whom was setting the drinks on the bedside table. There was a straw in each, so Kyle wouldn’t have to move as much to drink. It made him cry harder.
“Shhh, dude, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Stan climbed onto his side and grabbed the juice, holding it to Kyle’s lips. “I know you don’t feel good, that’s okay. I’ve got you. Go slow, okay?”
Kyle complied, the sharp taste of salted orange juice helping both physically and mentally. Plus, it’s hard to drink something and cry at the same time, so his breathing was a little less sporadic. A few sips were all he managed before his stomach started rolling, and he shook his head. Stan understood, setting the cup down and pulling Kyle’s face into his chest. “Just sleep, baby. I’m gonna have to check your temperature and levels in about an hour, but just sleep until then, alright?”
“Mhm.”
Stan would take care of him. Kyle would put up a fight, when he had the strength to, but Stan knew from experience that he’d be ‘secretly’ loving being cared for.
The husbands had a couple favorite positions to hold each other in. They’d hold the other from behind, arms wrapped around and poised to kiss an exposed nape or shoulder as a reminder of their presence. They would entangle themselves like they were doing now, they’d let the other’s head rest on their legs, Kyle would perch himself in Stans lap or Stan would drape over him like a blanket. Holding each other was safe. And in this moment Stan wrapped protectively around his sick partner like it was his sacred duty, one hand cradling Kyle’s head from underneath, fingers gently rubbing his hair, the other arm tucking him firmly against himself, feeling Moose’s purrs vibrating where the cat had claimed his place against Kyle’s back, right below the place Stan’s arm was wrapped around.
Stan glanced at the nightstand clock, keeping watch for the next time they’d need to wake up for a check in. About an hour and he’d get the thermometer to make sure they were still headed in the right direction, check Kyle’s levels, make them both something for, well, he supposed lunch at this point, and call the clinic to let his coworkers know that he’d be out a few days for a family emergency. He’d have to let Kyle’s work know too, before his husband tried to go into school still unwell.
Fitfully, Kyle dozed, sweating in his sleep, which Stan knew damn well he’d complain about when he woke up, but personally, he didn’t mind holding a miniature sun, because it was Kyle. Overheated, but still Kyle.
It hadn’t quite been an hour, but the warmth was starting to concern him. He gently kissed the top of his husband’s head, encouraging him to stir.
“Dude, hey.”
Kyle let out a tired whine as indication that he was awake.
“I know, baby. I just need to check your temperature and then you can go back to sleep.”
“I can check my own damn temperature,” Kyle protested, rolling over onto his back when Stan relinquished his grasp around his beloved. He scowled. “I’m all sweaty.”
Stan chuckled lowly. Was he right or was he right. “Gimme a second.”
Upon getting the thermometer and finding that they were still going in the right direction, Stan relaxed slightly. He let Kyle check both his temperature and blood sugar by himself, because it wasn’t worth the impending argument and the last thing he wanted was to make his husband feel helpless. Fever was down, but he definitely needed something to eat soon.
“Dude, do you think you can handle something solid, or you wanna keep sticking with drinks?”
Kyle hadn’t puked in a while, so he felt like maybe something simple, easy on the stomach, would be okay. As much as he wanted to keep going with the safe option of juice and a protein shake, he wouldn’t get better without something substantial in him and he knew it. “I can try. No promises.”
“You don’t need to promise anything,” Stan insisted, leaning down to kiss him on the way out of bed. “But I have an idea, if you’re okay by yourself for a few minutes.”
“Moose is with me. I’m not by myself,” Kyle remarked with a sleepy smile.
Stan snorted and went to change into jeans, last night’s pajamas not exactly ideal attire for walking to the BBQ place a block over. Kyle was weird about food sometimes, but Brendan’s mac and cheese was a simple, safe, Kyle approved bet. He’d probably want it to get cold first like he usually did (weirdo), but sick Kyle was sort of a wild card. They’d see.
“I’ll be back in fifteen, dude, drink some water.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
Kyle heard the door close downstairs, slowly reaching for his water at the bedside, one hand resting on their cat’s head. Moose was stretched out along his side, fluffy tail dangling off the side of the mattress.
“You sleepy too, young nastyman?” Kyle asked, setting the bottle down and closing his eyes. Moose purred in response.
Apparently he’d drifted off again, waking up to the rustle of a takeout bag and a strong, smoky smell.
Kyle clapped a hand over his mouth. Ordinarily the smell of brisket and ribs wouldn’t bother him, but in his half asleep state, smelling meat on Stan of all people…
“…Dude?”
“FUCKING CHANGE!” Kyle screeched, staggering up to run to the bathroom, tears in his eyes because the bbq place smell all over his vegetarian husband was wrong and disorienting and he hated being sick and fevers made him sensitive and an asshole and-
Falling hard in front of the toilet, he felt his knee go out. The cherry on top of the fucking cake while his stomach tried to escape his body. Kyle cried out in pain, which was cut off immediately by a wave of sick splashing into the porcelain while he attempted to move and take the weight off his left leg, shaking and already crying because he was pissed and it hurt and he couldn’t catch a damn break. Dry heaving and spluttering, he collapsed tiredly into the alcove between the toilet and the cabinets, one trembling arm draped over the seat and the other hand clutching his knee, eyes shut tightly against the light and the nausea and pain.
“Ky, hey, hey, oh, fuck, baby, shit, did you twist your knee? Okay, you’re okay, hold on-“
Kyle leaned over to retch again, choking out “YOU SMELL WRONG” because that’s all he could manage between gasps.
Stan yanked his shirt off and threw it through the open door into the hallway, past where Moose was watching with wide eyes from the threshold. “Okay, I’m sorry, is that better? Here.” He gently eased Kyle’s hand away from his leg, carefully straightening it out. “God, yeah, it’s already swelling.”
“WHY do I have to LIVE IN THIS GODDAMN FLESH PRISON?!?” Kyle slammed his fist against the floor, frustrated beyond belief. Stan caught his hand before he could do it again.
“Shh, Ky, c’mon. You’re okay, it’s fine.”
Seeing his husband like this, sick, aggravating his bad knee mid vomit, broke Stan’s heart. But he had him. He had him and wouldn’t let go. Was that dramatic? Absolutely. But when the fuck was he not dramatic about Kyle’s health?
“THAT FUCKING STUPID ASS NURSE!” Kyle was yelling. “Sending me sick kids, thinking they were just trying to get out of class, that BITCH!”
“Baby, dude, calm down, man, breathe.”
“YOU’RE ONE TO FUCKING TALK!”
Alright, point to Kyle. Stan sighed as Kyle heaved over the toilet again, expelling nothing but water. They really needed to get something in him before he wound up needing the hospital again. Stan gently rubbed his husband’s back as he hiccuped and cried, clearly feeling betrayed by his body. A few minutes of heavy breathing, and Kyle was pulling back up. “I- I think I’m d-done.”
“Alright dude, I’m gonna get you up now, that okay?”
“Mhm”
Very, very carefully, Stan hauled Kyle from the floor, mindful not to move his knee too much and going slow in case of another bout of nausea. Moose trotted into the bedroom after his dads, obviously distressed seeing Kyle cry and immediately curling back up against the redhead when Stan set him down.
Stan was honestly a little nauseous himself, because Kyle’s frustrated tears never failed to make him emotional too. But he knew what to do here, he reminded himself. Fever was coming down, leg flare up was pretty routine, Kyle would rant it out if he had to and Stan would be his yes-man, and liquids were probably going to be the staple for the rest of the day.
He rolled up a throw blanket and propped it under Kyle’s leg, taking some strain off the irritated joint and kissing his husband’s kneecap when he did so. “You want ice, babe?”
“Yes I want fucking ice,” Kyle mumbled, arms draped over his eyes.
Stan could admit to enjoying taking care of Kyle when he fucked up his knee; pissed off Kyle was cute. “Aw, baby, I got you.” He grabbed the takeout bag from the nightstand too, not knowing if the bbq smell was lingering there too. “I’ll stick this in the fridge for when you want something solid, okay? How ‘bout another Ensure?”
Kyle grumbled something inaudible that Stan took as a yes. Poor thing was so upset. But he had every right to be, and Stan would never be annoyed at him for that.
Downstairs, he debated making his husband a smoothie, but the blender was loud, and his head probably already hurt from throwing up. Instead, he just grabbed an ice pack and a shake (strawberry, still gross but the flavor Kyle hated the least), taking the time to scribble out the nutrition information, just in case. That practice was pretty much habit at this point; he’d started ripping off or crossing out the calories on food for Kyle when they were fourteen, when his favorite person was recovering from his eating disorder, and even if he’d been more than fine for a longgggg time, Stan was prone to reverting to the past. When Kyle wasn’t okay, for whatever reason, food lore got crossed out.
“Dude, you up?”
“Mm”
“Shit, babe.” Stan knelt by the bed to carefully apply the ice, reaching a hand up to thumb away a falling tear. “You just mad?”
“Fucking pissed,” Kyle moaned. “It’s not enough that I have the goddamn plague?!? I have to have to fuck my leg up too? My parents are, like twice our age and even they don’t have fucking arthritis!” Kyle pointed two middle fingers to the ceiling as a ‘fuck you’ to god, which was actually pretty funny, but Stan didn’t laugh. That would only make his husband madder.
“Ky, c’mon.” Stan cupped under his head to kiss his cheek, relishing in the subtle smile that action brought. “And your parents didn’t shred tendons and refuse to do physical therapy.”
“I am damn well aware my goddamn arthritis is my own fault, Staniel.” But he sighed contentedly, adjusting the ice pack before leaning back against the pillows. “That helps. I’m sorry.”
Declaring the anger over for now, Stan climbed into bed beside him. “Don’t be sorry, dude. How’s your stomach?”
“I don’t fucking feel good.”
“I know, dude, can you drink a little water? We have to keep you hydrated.”
“It’ll just come back up.”
“Not necessarily.”
Moose crawled up between his dads, small furry head on Kyle’s shoulder, knowing he needed comfort. Kyle rubbed his face on the cat. “Babyman, did I scare you last night? I did, huh?”
“Dude,” Stan started, “he’s fine. You’re fine. We’re all fine. Drink something and don’t move your leg.”
“I didn’t shred my tendons, by the way.” Kyle protested. “I just tore some shit a little.”
“Enough that it’s a problem even now.”
“See, you get it.”
Stan laughed. “Quit being a dick and go to sleep, baby. You know you’ll feel better. I’m right here, dude, whatever you need.”
“I’m not being a dick, I’m being contrary.”
“Same difference.”
“Mm.”
God, poor Kyle, pissed off, sick, having a flare up on top of everything else. “Dude, what do you need?”
“Leg hurts.”
“We have a pack on it, dude. Maybe some ibuprofen? You should take some for the fever anyway.”
“It hurts.”
Stan started to gently rub his partner’s knee. “I know, babe. I know it’s hurting.”
“I hit it on the floor.”
“I know you did.”
“Fuck this shit.”
Kyle knew he was being a total dramatic asshole, but he didn’t care. God had fucked him over; he could be a dick. That made sense. “I’m mad, dude.”
“That’s okay.”
And no he didn’t have the right to be mad. Stan was being so sweet. Always. Any time Kyle’s meat suit betrayed him and he got upset about it, Stan was there, doting and adorable as ever. “I’m sleepy.”
“So go to sleep.”
“Something bad’s gonna happen.”
“Oh, dude.” Stan wrapped around him, carefully. “We’re not OCD spiraling. We’re not. A little rest, alright?”
In actuality, Kyle was too tired to argue.
It had to have been a few hours when Stan felt Kyle stir against his chest, swinging over to get out of bed… and promptly falling with a loud “FUCK!”
“Ky?”
“I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT MY GODDAMN LEG!!!”
Stan sprang off the bed then too, getting on the floor beside his hyperventilating husband. “Dude, shhh, okay, okay, straighten it out.”
Sobbing, Kyle did. “D-don’t, freak, okay? I moved it weird, that’s all.”
“It’s fine, dude. Look at me. I’m not freaking out.” He was just doing a good job hiding it. Stan hated seeing Kyle cry, emotional, probably still feverish and nauseated, trying to get up in the middle of the night and falling on his knee, just the perfect storm of fucked up shit. But Kyle needed to stay calm, above all else. “What did you need, dude? Let me help you.”
“Water,” Kyle mumbled dejectedly.
“And guess what? You have me for that.” Stan carefully felt around his husband’s leg. “Can I turn a light on?”
Kyle responded by throwing up into the trash can, which had Stan gagging too. Fuck. Honestly, he was surprised he lasted so long without sympathy puking. “Hold on, baby.”
Stan rushed to the bathroom to empty his own stomach, somehow only just noticing that he still hadn’t put a shirt on from earlier. And Kyle hadn’t said anything about him wearing “outside pants” in bed, either, which was probably the best indicator of how sick he was.
Flushing down the panic induced vomit, Stan stood and glared at his reflection while he rinsed his mouth out, gulping a few handfuls of water from the sink. He had to keep it together. He needed a plan. Okay. Get Kyle back in bed, check his temperature and blood sugar, go downstairs to fill up his water and feed Moose, go from there.
Kyle had curled up on the floor back in the bedroom, and Moose had the zoomies. Stan sighed.
“Dude, okay, let’s get up.”
“Moving sucks ass.”
“I know it does, babe, but the bed is better than the floor.”
“Quit being right,” Kyle mumbled, allowing himself to be helped back under the covers. Stan snagged his readers from the nightstand, flipping on the lamp and grabbing the thermometer too.
“Okay, melmë, let’s see.”
Kyle smiled a little. “You look like a dad.”
“I am a dad,” he reminded him. Even if he’d bemoaned needing reading glasses and his body getting softer with age, his sentimental side was happy he had made it this far in life, especially with Kyle at his side. “Our son is bouncing off the walls as we speak. Open.”
Down to 100.3, thank whoever the fuck was up there. Maybe he should be thanking Kyle’s God, not having any attachment to one of his own. When he’d first started AA and found that part of the whole thing was putting things in the hands of a higher power, he had posed the question of what to do if you weren’t particularly religious to his sponsor. Mark had said “hell, put your faith in the doorknob if you want. Got you in here, didn’t it?”
“What’s the damage?” Kyle inquired.
“Definitely better. You want to check your levels or can I?”
Kyle slowly opened his eyes. “I got it, sweetheart, you’ve been doing so much.”
“Because I want to.”
“I’m difficult.”
Stan brought Kyle’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. “It so isn’t your fault that you got sick, or that you hurt your knee, or that you have diabetes. In sickness and in health, right?” Kyle’s fond grin only grew, and Stan decided to let up on the overbearingness. He snatched Moose up quickly on the cat’s next lap around the room. “I’m filling your water and feeding the dragon, okay? Be right back.”
So he had sweat out most of the fever, it seemed like. Judging by how sticky he felt, Kyle was fairly certain he was over the worst. At least in terms of the fucking stomach flu. His leg was a different story.
It was dim in the bedroom with only a sliver of moonlight slipping through the window, and the soft light from the lamp, but he could feel that he’d aggravated his knee pretty bad. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. The cartilage felt like it was grinding when he shifted. Kyle groaned in frustration, debating trying to hop over to the closet for his brace, but deciding against it, because Stan would flip his lid if he saw him standing. And considering what his blood sugar was at, being vertical was a bad idea anyway.
Said husband returned to the room. “I come bearing gifts for the king!”
Dork. Freshly refilled water, a KMBS, sleeve of crackers. Stan presented the juice. “Your elixir, melda târ. And-“ he beelined for the top of the closet, clearly having read Kyle’s mind.
“Thank you, my most dutiful and trusted of knights.” Kyle let him secure the knee brace, watching as those careful, strong, gentle hands worked, as Stan leaned down to kiss his leg when he was done. His Stan. His sweet Sir Marshwalker.
“Oh, shit, dude, are you crying? Does it hurt that much?” Stan was up by his face again. Kyle shook his head.
“It’s not that; I just- I really fucking love you,” he sobbed.
“Aw, baby, come here.” Stan climbed into bed and wrapped around him again, avoiding touching his husband’s stomach or leg. A little jingle of Moose’s collar announced their boy’s return to the bedroom, a tiny *prrrt* as the cat settled back at Kyle’s side. “You’re not as warm as you were, Ky, I think you’re getting better. That’s good, my love, you’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” Kyle murmured against him, damp eyelashes tickling Stan’s chest. “You still don’t have a shirt on.”
Stan laughed. So he had noticed. “You complaining?”
“You know I’m not.”
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buwheal · 22 days
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I'm sorry, Spamton. I know you won't believe me, but I'm sorry we hurt you.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
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...
#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it#my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store#and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person#dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much#for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is#trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u#treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her#dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a#god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close#my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he#feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom#which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were#saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were#a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was#distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their#relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her#expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she#grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear#in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i#saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The#Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and#unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much#unrelated
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cuz-reasons · 1 month
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What if I exploded? What then?
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penisbilt · 8 days
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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spearxwind · 1 year
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Hi Alex! I was wondering, since there's leviathans of all fuck off sizes, are there other species in this world? Like Wyverns that can fly above and swan dive to say hi to their leviathan buds?
Hiya! There arent any dragons if that is what youre asking, nor any other massive species.
Besides the leviathans and all the regular sealife, fauna in CD is mostly avian (primarily seafaring birds and jungle fowl on the islands)
There are some bigger birds around but they are nowhere near as big as the leviathans are. I think the max size for birds would roughly be around cutter class sized (the smallest leviathan class), and those DO dive for fish like ospreys, though leviathans might chomp at them if they get too close (the same would happen with wyverns too)
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As a note, there's a non-lore adjacent reason for it too, it's that I do not want the focus to shift away from the ocean and the leviathans. If I made giant flying things there would have to be logistics around that and I would not want them to interfere with what I already have.
Though now that I'm thinking about it, it could be really swag to have hunters who ride on big birds (I am immensely biased), though as much as I like it idk if I can make it work without pulling too much focus from the CD vibe haha
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elegyofthemoon · 24 days
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ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess
#avil plays hsr#idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out#but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM#i gotta line these pieces up first#i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false#UH#ill just tag this as#hsr 2.1 spoilers#because thats the ramble in the tags#but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you#so i just have to wonder too#and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound?#sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder#he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed#so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise?#how did you fool people?#ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER)#at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true#i want to believe those are true even despite his false front#the things i want to talk about is like#well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony#and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time#and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor#but how did the family come to be?#how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME)#ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer#unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said#SOMEONE PROBABLY DID#but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles ✨#my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS
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killjoy-prince · 9 days
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Vendors at my job love me so much there's fighting amongst them in one company over who gets to deliver to my store that week
#prince's talk tag#my secret is i dont wanna deal with people any longer than i have to so i get them in and out as quickly as i can#and the vendors and drivers love that bc they got other places to be#the vendor that told me this said the other receivers will take their time and dilly dally too much leaving a line of trucks outside#but im usually on top of that#there are days where i cant help it but i go as fast as i can bc i really dont want to deal with people#and i can avoid that by taking them in check in their product sign the receipts and get them outta there#vendor also said at least with his company the dispatcher will be like 'here this store needs a delivery done'#and the vendors will go 'no im not doing that store' which will make the dispatcher go to one & say 'well its your route so you gotta do it'#and it was like that for my store before I took over#now the dispatcher will be like 'hey Prince's store needs a delivery' and the vendors are actually fighting like#'ill do it' 'no imma do it!' 'no me!'#ngl it made me happy. i didnt think i was that well liked#like some drivers have showed their appreciation to me about my speed and ability to handle the job but to have people fight over me? wow#and this was like an hour after a manager complimented how i run shit around here bc i know what im doing#and when im not here it all falls apart#which does suck bc i wish the mess wasnt left to me to clean up if im not here#but i am training someone rn who will cover for me when im not around so hopefully that helps a little
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