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circle-with-me · 4 hours

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sunshine in my eyes

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x reader

tags/cw: domestic nicky, lots of fluff, very mild nsfw conversation, swimming

word count: 1k

tag list: @malice-ov-mercy @baddestomens @sitkowski @somebodyels3 @broken0mens @tearfallpixie @cookiesupplier @meekahy @lacktoesandtoddlerants @sammyjoeee @collective-heartbreak @agravemisstake @catharsis-in-darkness @to-be-written @collapsedglasshouses @itsafullmoon @lma1986

author’s note: after i posted my cute beachy Will blurb yesterday it got my wheels turning. i’ve been wanting to write something fluffy for my beloved @deathblacksmoke so i thought why not continue the summer trend? also, the cringe is intentional bc they’re cute and in love thx 🫶🏻

The lawn mower roars outside while you get a large glass of ice ready. You look outside the kitchen window and see Nick hard at work in the yard. Sighing, you grab the pitcher of lemonade from the counter and pour some in the glass. He had been working outside all day in the heat while all of your chores were inside and air conditioned. You figured the least you could do was bring him something cold to drink.

It wasn’t all for nothing, at least. This is the first summer in your new house. You had brazenly planned a get together with the guys and a few others later that evening. Both of you wanted to make sure the house looked perfect for your guests.

You fill your own glass and push your way onto the back porch, carefully sitting them on the table. Yelling at Nick, you realize it’s useless as the mower is far too loud. You wave your arms around and finally he looks up. He gives you a confused smile and turns off the machine.

“What is this?!” He yells, waving his arms around in a mocking manner. You roll your eyes at him as he laughs.

“Come get your lemonade, jerk!” You yell back playfully.

Nick accepts the drink with a smile and a kiss on your cheek. He doesn’t need to say much about the taste—the smacking of his lips and soft mmm’s as he drinks serve as a positive review. It’s impossible to say no to him when he asks for another glass… not that you would ever say no to him in the first place.

“How much more do you have left, Nicky?”

He sits his drink down, scanning the yard and considering your question. If you said you thought the boy you met seven years ago in a cramped venue in Richmond would be sitting on a porch with you now gauging how much yard work he had left, you would definitely be lying. Domestic bliss wasn’t even on your radar then, but now, you can’t imagine life without it.

“I’m almost done with the back. I just have to do some shaping around those trees over there,” He says, pointing. “I gotta make sure I didn’t miss anything in the front. I should be good after that.”

“God, you’re so hot when you talk about yard work.” You tease, fanning yourself. Nick whips his head to face you, smirking.

“You think so?”

“Mmhmm… It gets me all hot and bothered.” You lean across the table, touching his arm and winking.

“What are you going to do about it?” Nick responds teasingly.

“Probably go take a cold shower. All by myself.” You dramatically drag out the last few words and stand up to head for the patio door. The chair screeches behind you as Nick scrambles out of it to catch up to you. He grabs you by the arm and turns you around, pushing you against the door. All attempts at being serious are gone now as you can’t stop giggling at him.

Nick pins your arms above your head, planting quick pecks all over your face. His face is slimy and covered in sweat. You try to squirm away from him but he holds you tight—committed to making you miserable. He whispers filthy comments in your ears as his hands roam and you quickly realize you’re losing control of the situation. You manage to sneak out of his grasp, opening the door behind you and slamming it shut.

“Don’t you dare take a shower without me!” He groans.

“Sounds like you better hurry up and finish that yard work then.” You giggle.

The party goes off without a hitch. The guys took it upon themselves to handle the grill so you didn’t have to. You sat and listened to them argue over whose technique was best for what seemed like an eternity before you announced your famous jalapeño poppers were ready. They all swarmed the table, picking the plate clean and thanking you in their individual ways. Nick stayed at the grill mouthing a silent thank you. You winked at him and brought him a special plate you had saved just for him.

Later on, everyone decides to go swimming once their stomachs have settled. You lose count of how many times Noah throws you in the pool, but you get your revenge in a heated game of chicken and a devastating pool noodle attack. Looking around to share in your victory, you catch Nick laid out on a pool chair. His head is lulled against the top of the chair. He’s chuckling at all of the chaos—the arm lazily draped across his bare stomach jumping as his soft belly shakes. The happiness radiating from him makes your heart flutter.

He’s alone though, and you can’t have that.

Nick keeps his eyes on you as you step out of the water and pad over to him. You grab the towel placed over the other chair and dry off with it. When you’re done he coaxes you into his lap and you happily oblige, curling into his arms with your head on his chest.

“You okay, Nicky?”

All he does is hum in response and the vibration you feel through his chest is bliss. His entire body is warm from laying in the sun and he wraps the towel around you tighter, kissing the top of your head.

“Then what are you doing over here all by yourself?”

You feel him take a deep breath but it’s not from anxiety or discontent. His heart beats next to your ear calmly. You know there’s nothing to worry about.

“When we first met,” He starts, dragging his hand up and down your arm. “Did you ever think we’d have all of this?” He waves his arm and you look around. You see a backyard you’ve both worked so hard for full of friends that you would trust with your life. Memories of younger versions of the people you love so much creep into your mind. It’s all a little overwhelming how far you’ve all come.

Seven years. Seven summers. This one might just be your favorite of them all.

#nicholas ruffilo x reader #nicholas ruffilo fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo fluff #nicholas ruffilo fic #nicholas ruffilo #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fluff #nicholas ruffilo blurb

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anemonelovesfiction · 3 days

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10 ~ Cowgirl

Tonowari x Avatar! Reader x Ronal

Warnings ⚠️: Eating out, Riding, cowgirl, slight suffocation if you squint, passing out

Not Proofread

MDNI 🔞

This one goes out to whoever sent me this ask I apologize for it being late, but better late than never? And I used camera instead <I’m so sorry but I hope you like it still>

Holy crud it’s been ten whole days of this event and I couldn’t be happier to spend them with you guys!

Translation Station

Tsahik: Shaman; Healer; Interpreter of the will of Eywa

Marui: Home (in the Metkayina Language)

Olo’eyktan: Male clan leader

Paysyul: Water lily

Tawtute: Sky person (Human)

Yawne: Beloved

Word Count: 3k

It had been tough news to choke down when Jake had called your brother, Norm, to come help with Kiri after she had remained in a comatose state after having connected to the spirit tree. I’d actually been the one to deliver the news to Jake that it had sounded like Kiri had suffered a seizure, but what was an even harder pill to swallow was the gorgeous pregnant Tsahik coming into the marui - a word I’d learned meant home for the Metkayina- I could have sworn her gaze had lingered on me slightly but it could have been my mind playing tricks on me. Her gaze breaking as she finally looked around the room and avoided eye contact with Neytiri.

“I see that I am not needed here.” She stated in Na’Vi, although I had been mesmerized by the difference in her pronunciation in the words to make my hands work as quickly as I’d wanted them to -out of respect for her and the title she held- I’d learned Na’Vi alongside Norm back on Earth and we often studied together, testing one another until we nailed the language.

She had been carrying a basket filled with things she would have used on Kiri had we not been occupying the space in this Marui, my gaze still caught on her as her beauty was starting to make me nervous, had we overstepped out bounds with her? Was she upset with us at the moment? I attempted to slap Norm’s hand to catch his attention so we could start removing ourselves from her way but he’d written me off as him, Max, and Jake continued talking amongst themselves, I fought to roll my eyes as I capture Neytiri grasping the woman’s arm.

“You are Tsahik!” Neytiri almost growls at the woman and as soon as she turns I realize she is heavily pregnant, I attempt to knock some sense into myself but she speaks before I could move.

“Remove these things.” The woman holds her head high and I feel like I’m about to start shaking from having upset her. Her eyes look over to Neytiri as a means to get her to translate but I’d already stood up at this moment, grabbing my bag, capturing the tsahik’s gaze once more, flinching once Neytiri had opened her mouth as I scooted past her.

“Out! You have done nothing.” I didn’t bother watching the guys scramble as I hear Jake muttering something about them taking a break. I’d taken a liking into Mo’at’s training of the next Tsahik for the Omatikaya and stayed close enough to watch what this Tsahik had been doing but far enough away to give them their privacy if they needed, but with her sturdy work and continual chanting, she’d managed to get Kiri to wake up.

Kiri’s immediate response was to start crying and as Neytiri began to comfort her daughter I could feel the tears welling up in my own eyes. I’d always been a bit sensitive since I was younger, but to have witnessed something like this was like a miracle in and of itself.

That had happened about two months ago, Jake ended up having to talk to me before we left as the Tsahik and Olo’eyktan had wanted to speak with me personally, at that moment I’d believed I’d done something wrong and started feeling nervous, had I been in my human body I would have started sweating profusely but I was metaphorically shitting bricks.

To my surprise the Tsahik had done all of the talking as her husband just watched me, Jake had been there to translate if I needed it but more as my safety cushion, I was surprised to hear that she was straightforward with how I’d managed to capture her attention, how easily I’d followed her instructions without being asked, and how emotional I had been upon seeing Kiri waking up, but she absolutely floored me when she stated that she and her husband had wanted to court me because of a pull she felt for me.

_________

That wasn’t the last time I had been nervous around her, she was rather rough with her words but I understood that part of it was her placing boundaries between herself and her privacy, but nothing would have prepared me for what would happen when I came into our shared marui with a polaroid camera as it was a human contraption, but my intentions had been set to seeing this as a positive thing, although I wasn’t sure how the conversation would go.

Tonowari would be the most understanding out of the two as he was soft spoken, very kind, and usually won over with a kiss or two, but even then I wasn’t sure how he’d handle this either, I’d actually pulled back the flap of the marui and held the camera behind me as I walked in to the beautiful scene before me.

Tonowari had been gingerly rubbing a fragrant oil on Ronal’s belly carefully, it was the kind that helped ease her pain with the burden of having to carry such a large child, it also smelled very sweet, but I knew better than to think I’d be undetected as the woman had eyes all over her head.

“What have you got there, Paysyul?” She asks without turning her head to look at me and I stiffen my body at the thought of having been caught, I let out a sigh as I remove the object from behind my back and bring it forward instantly, knowing I couldn’t hide this thing behind my back forever.

Tonowari is the first to turn and tilt his head in curiosity, but his nose crinkled as he saw what I had been holding, they had both become familiar with being able to tell what tawtute contraptions were and from the look on his face he was leaning more toward not wanting to know what it was. Ronal easily capturing her husbands disapproval is quick to lift her gaze and settle it on mine, bypassing the camera in my hand and immediately talking to me.

“What have you brought into our home, paysyul?” She asks with a flick of her tail, ears going back as her head tilts slightly, one arm going to stroke the oil on her belly as the other planted on the floor to support her as she leans back a bit.

“A camera.” I stated stupidly as I comment on the device in my hand but feel frozen in fear as I’ve never really had an argument with them before, but I knew I was overstepping an invisible boundary by having brought this thing in here in the first place.

“And why have you brought this into our home?” Tonowari is quick to chime in as one of his hands goes to Ronal’s lower back to give her some support as the two are sitting on the floor, his other just settled on his lap.

“I- I wanted to- to tell you-“ I stopped talking at that moment as my nerves had started getting the better of me and I could feel my throat closing up, my eyes were starting to get wet but not to the point that I would cry- at least not yet.

“Take a breath paysyul, we are not mad, just curious.” Ronal stated sweetly and I could feel the tension leaving my shoulders as I drop them.

“Take a breath and start again.” She encourages and it honestly helps as I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling my heart beating back to normal and my eyes drying up, my vision no longer slightly blurred.

“This is a camera, we used it back in my home to capture a moment in time, and we saved it forever.” I responded once I’d gotten out of my own head.

“Thats what our stories and song cords are for.” Ronal adds in but is given a look from our mate, I could only bite my lip nervously and looked back down.

“Does this hold a sentiment to you?” Tonowari asks sweetly and waits for my answer, all I could do was nod wordlessly.

“I can- I can show you how it works if you want.”

_________

“Th-this isn’t what I had in m-mind-“ I moaned as I slowly slid down Tonowari’s member, my hands placed on his muscular abdomen as I lowered myself even more, still having a hard time taking all of him in, I could still feel a slight sting of pain as I was not used to having to ride him as Ronal usually took that roll. But she was busy stuffing his mouth with her cunt as she rode his face instead.

Although she was on his face she was facing me, placing her hand under my chin to keep me form looking down and closing my eyes, I wondered how a woman as pregnant as her could keep such balance but never questioned it as I’m sure she’s had practice after her first two kids, these two were truly insatiable.

I could feel her snaking her arm around my back and grasping my braid, giving it a sensual tug and hearing a moan rip out my lips, she’d brought my kuru close to her mouth and before I could question what was happening, I can feel her tongue on the tendrils of my kuru, having caught me off guard with doing that I slide all the way down Tonowari’s length, taking him to the hilt and moaning with pain and pleasure as Ronal continues to tongue fuck my kuru.

“She’s squeezing around me already,” Tonowari was strong enough to have lifted Ronal off his face just to speak only for her to shush him and slam herself back down onto his mouth.

Whenever I first had gotten my Avatar, I was eternally grateful to be a driver, but once I had to learn the ways of the Metkayina I noticed my Kuru would purposely split in two before the tendrils started going crazy. I even had to ask Norm and Jake if theirs did the same thing as I never recalled anyone else’s doing this, but to my surprise theirs didn’t, it wasn’t until I’d first mated with Ronal and Tonowari that I noticed theirs did the same, it was fashioned in such a way that the three of us could connect ourselves together while being intimate.

Just as Ronal had been done teasing my Kuru, she’d brought it over to Tonowari’s, connecting the two together and allowing me a second to feel everything he had been feeling at this moment, the gentle calmness that washed over me once connecting to him reminded me of sitting at the beach while listening to the waves lap in the distance, closing my eyes as I feel the warmth of the sun. Right when I lifted my hips from his, I could feel a newer connection, as if it were a windy almost stormy day on the beach but every fiber of my being knew everything would be alright, thats what it felt like when connecting to her.

“Oh paysyul you feel incredible, why don’t you try sliding back down on him hm?” Ronal asks as she lets go of our intertwined kuru, knowing that even if they fell to the floor they wouldn’t disconnect unless we willed them to or pulled them off one another.

Right as I slide back down I could feel Tonowari swipe his tongue over Ronal’s cunt and her hips bucking against his mouth, I let out a whimper, tossing my head back as I let out a strangled moan silently thanking Eywa for allowing us to experience what the other was feeling before a sudden flash of light stirs me out of my thoughts.

I raise my head upright, opening my eyes to find Ronal with the camera near her face as she continues looking through the lens of the camera, she then removes the camera from her face as the picture prints out, she gently takes the slip of paper and removes it from the bottom, airing it out to get the picture to develop.

“Look at you,” She coo’s, turning the picture around to let me catch a glimpse, my eyes closed in pure ecstasy, my hands still settled on Tonowari’s abdomen but you could see through the space between my arms with his teal cock buried deep inside my cobalt blue skin. I could feel the purple blush settling on my cheeks at this moment before feeling Tonowari thrust his hips upward, causing a yelp to leave my lips.

“That feels nice, ‘Wari,” Ronal states as she places her hands on his chest, still holding into the camera as she grinds herself all over his mouth. I sneak my hands past hers and grasp the camera, taking a steady hold of it and looking through the lens, snapping the picture right when Ronal had started coming.

Her eyes slightly opened but only the whites were showing, indicating her eyes were rolled to the back of her head, which often happened as she was sensitive from her pregnancy. Her bottom lip sucked in through her teeth as a sinful moan had escaped, her knee’s coming closer together toward Tonowari’s face and her hips slightly blurred due to the speed at which she had been grinding his face with, her tail raised behind her stiffly. A groan coming from the man below her, whose arms had been wrapped around her thighs in an attempt to keep her placed where she was.

I could feel everything through our bond and felt myself tighten around Tonowari’s length once more, stopping to readjust myself, i stead of having my knee’s straddling him, I’d placed the flats of my feet on the floor of the marui, giving me the best position for me to ride him better.

Ronal has a drunken expression on her face as she has felt fulfilled, she gently slides off his face and once she does I can see most of it from the nose down glistening in our mates juices. I smile down at him and use my arm to extend the camera above our bodies, since I was naked and my breast were perked up it was obvious what position I was in, I snap the picture and wait for it to print out, refusing to tear it off and handing the camera to Ronal, having her take a look at the picture as a smile frames her gorgeous face.

“This one is a moment worth savoring, paysyul.” She smiles at me and places the camera down, leaning over toward me and placing her lips on mine, I couldn’t help but grind my hips in an attempt to get closer to her, hearing our groaning partner below, who desperately grasps my hips. Ronal gently places her hand on my cheek and forces her tongue inside my mouth, as I moan I hear the click of the camera, opening my eyes, slowly sucking on Ronal’s tongue and disconnecting from her mouth fully only to see Tonowari holding the camera with a smug smile on his face.

I could only grow hotter at the scene before me as the two of them had now been paying full attention to me, Ronal placing her hands on my breasts and running her thumbs alongside my nipples, a rush of excitement running through me. Understanding what they wanted I lifted my hips up, with the help of my feet, and slid back down forcefully, coming into contact with Tonowari’s hips and moaning loudly, doing that motion once more as I felt Ronal kissing my neck.

“Goodness Paysyul, I’m closer than you think,” Tonowari growls out as he places the camera on the floor, now fully grasping my hips as he lifts me up himself, watching where our bodies were connected as he slams me down, his hips rising to meet mine, and a lewd moan slipping through my lips as Ronal plays with my nipples.

He keeps the same motion going, making me feel like I was seeing stars, accepting my fate as I screwed my eyes shut, allowing my legs to do some of the work as I rose up and slam back down on his hard cock. I swear I could see flashes going off in my vision and other was at this moment I’d no longer felt Ronal’s light touches on my breasts, I couldn’t bear opening my eyes as I felt the same heat spread across my cheeks.

“Fuck I’m close!” I yelled in English and felt Tonowari set a faster pace as I slam i to his cock without faltering.

It felt as though each slam of his cock was taking my breath away and I was struggling to catch it, I could hear my breaths coming in short shallow huffs as his iron grip on my hips keeps me at bay between losing myself and reality.

“Thats it paysyul, why don’t you be a good girl and come for us?” Ronal coo’s from whatever corner of the marui she had been standing in, another flash going off from the camera.

“I’m fuckin’ close-“ I moan out as I attempt to grasp Tonowari’s abdomen for some sort of stability, feeling as though I was dipping down low in a hole that would be impossible for me to dig myself out of.

“Come Paysyul. Paint my cock white with your juices,” He barely manages to get those words out and I can feel my pleasure toed up in a tight strong that knotted right in my stomach. I could feel it taught in my abdomen ready to burst.

“Thats it,” He coo’s at me in an encouraging manner.

“Come for us yawne,” He speaks once more and thats when I reach my limit.

Everything seems to have frozen in time and all I can feel is my orgasm fast approaching completely knocking me out cold.

#HeatwaveInPandora2024 #avatar #avatar smut #avatar the way of water smut #afab reader #tonowari x you #tonowari x ronal #tonowari smut #tonowari x reader #tonowari #ronal x y/n #ronal x you #ronal smut

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gothra · 21 hours

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I’ll never forget when I was arguing with a person in favor of total prison abolition and I asked them “what about violent offenders?” And they said “Well, in a world where prisons have been abolished, we’ll have leveled the playing field and everyone will have their basic needs met, and crime won’t be as much of an issue.” And then I was like “okay. But…no. Because rich people also rape and murder, so it isn’t just a poor person thing. So what will we do about that?” And I don’t think they answered me after that. I’m ashamed to say I continued to think that the problem was that I simply didn’t understand prison abolitionists enough and that their point was right in front of me, and it would click once I finally let myself understand it. It took me a long time to realize that if something is going to make sense, it needs to make sense. If you want to turn theory into Praxis (I’m using that word right don’t correct me I’ll vomit) everyone needs to be on board, which mean it all needs to click and it needs to click fast and fucking clear. You need to turn a complex idea into something both digestible and flexible enough to be expanded upon. Every time I ask a prison abolitionist what they actually intend to do about violent crime, I get directed to a summer reading list and a BreadTuber. It’s like a sleight-of-hand trick. Where’s the answer to my question. There it is. No wait, there it is. It’s under this cup. No it isn’t. “There’s theory that can explain this better than I can.” As if most theory isn’t just a collection of essays meant to be absorbed and discussed by academics, not the average skeptic. “Read this book.” And the book won’t even answer the question. The book tells you to go ask someone else. “Oh, watch this so-and-so, she totally explains it better than me.” Why can’t you explain it at all? Why did you even bring it up if you were going to point me to someone else to give me the basics that you should probably already know? Maybe I’m just one of those crazy people who thinks that some people need to be kept away from the public for everyone’s good. Maybe that just makes me insane. Maybe not believing that pervasive systemic misogyny could be solved with a UBI and a prayer circle makes me a bad guy. But it’s not like women’s safety is a priority anyway. It’s not like there is an objective claim to be made that re-releasing violent offenders or simply not locking them up is deadly.

#I’m sorry #there are just people out here who need punishment and to be contained and rehabilitation will not work #like I’m one of the more insane people who thinks that you can rehabilitate anyone if they want to change and learn from their behavior #ANYONE #but there are people out here who do not and will not ever want it #and those people shouldn’t get a pass because you read incomplete abolitionist theory once #and now you think that a UBI would solve everything #that’s the thing about most abolitionists that I’ve noticed #once you press them on the hard shit #they go #well there are some good books on the subject #there are some other creators #okay #and what have those other books and creators said?#Tee Noir once started off a video telling people not to ask her to defend her defense of prison abolition #they should just ‘Google it’ she said (or something like that)#now I don’t watch Tee Noir #gothra #feminism #social justice #prison abolition #criminal justice #prison reform #tw vomit

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sophieinwonderland · 2 days

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Preface: People are going to assume this is a response to recent drama. So I want to say that I started writing this draft before that one blog's response to me. It was shortly after midnight on the 8th when it was just barely what I consider my Birthday. I was reflecting on my 3 years of existence and where I am now. The fact that I got the response I did later that same day is a total coincidence.

I don't feel like I have friends anymore...

That's an awful thing to admit.

I have one other system I feel like I talk to with any sort of regularity, who I love and consider friends. But they're not involved with syscourse which is so often where my mind goes. And so I don't talk to them about it because I don't want to trouble them, which means I don't talk to them because I can't think of what to talk about.

What else do I care about?

I mean, there are other things I care about, but they probably wouldn't care about those things. And I struggle to find something to say. Something that feels worthy of their time. But again, not syscourse or something that would bring them down.

I've had other friends. But they've faded away with time. One by one.

And a lot of that is my fault. I'm not good at being a friend or knowing what to say. And I'm not very good at opening myself up.

And when I can't think of what to say, I choose to say nothing. I ghost people I like because it's hard to maintain those relationships.

And I'm aware on some level that this hurts people. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who treated others the way I do.

And there will be times when I'll decide to do better. I will, with full confidence, say that I'm going to change. I'll be a better friend. A better person. I'll fully believe this is something I'll succeed at for the rest of the day. Then the next day comes and that conviction melts away.

I think one reason Jaiden's story of having ADHD appeals to me is that if this was the problem with us, maybe, we could identify it and then just take one little pill and it will fix me.

That's a nice fantasy, isn't it?

A naive fantasy that ignores the fact that I'm in the brain of someone who was homeschooled and barely had any friends as a child either. But it's a nice fantasy to hold onto anyway.

So, yeah. I don't feel like I have friends, for the most part, outside our system. I have a blog. I have followers. I have plenty of mutuals I like interacting with.

But there aren't people who I truly trust to let in. It doesn't feel like anyone actually knows me or who I am anymore, if anyone ever did.

Since I haven't posted on it for a week and don't know when I'll post on it again or if I will, here's a confession: I made @anti-lies! Sorry to ruin the mystery for anything speculating! Though I didn't think I was even that subtle about it.

But the only person I know who guessed it was me was SAS! Which, congratulations! But also, that's kind of a sad thought that the person who might know me better than anyone is someone who was my archnemesis for the past two-and-a-half years.

To be fair, SAS did imply that other people might have guessed it. But if so, whatever circles those conversations are happening in aren't ones I'm in.

Oh wait, I'm not really in any circles am I?

I'm on the outskirts of the community. I mean, that's sort of by choice really.

Public posts can bring more awareness of plurality and tulpamancy. Locking myself in Discord servers or some isolated community makes me feel like I'm wasting my time because I need to be talking about it publicly where the world can see. I really, really don't want to be part of a Discord server. It's my choice to stay out of those spaces and I don't regret that decision.

But sometimes it's weird when I realize that most everyone else is. That they're actually in plural communities in a way I'm not.

I wonder, do people even realize I'm an outsider? Again, by choice. I've been invited to servers and chose not to go. I'm not being ostracized or anything. I've turned down attempts at bringing me further in. No one is to blame but myself. But either way, the result is that I don't feel like I'm really part of the communities I spend so much time advocating for.

#vent #personal

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aita-blorbos · 3 days

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AITA for fighting my boss with the guys (gender neutral) we'd imprisoned? Apologies if this is a bit long.

This takes some context, I think. I (late teens/early 20s-ish, and that's all you're getting) have worked under my boss "K" (middle-aged) for a while now. I was their right-hand-man, so to speak, and I was privy to a lot of the plans they intended to put into motion.

Enter the "guys," all roughly my age or so; I'll refer to them as B, G, Y, O, and R. They had something K wanted, so K sent me to distract the others and keep them busy, then go get the Thing while they were trapped. Well, uh, one thing led to another, and by the time I got to the Thing, R and O had gotten back home, leading to a fight between us once they realized why I was there. I managed to shake O a minute or so in, but K had to bail me out from the fight with R, which I'd had to juggle with actually getting back with the Thing.

Here's where things start getting wild. When I gave K the Thing, I'd done it under the assumption that they would use it to put their plan into action, and we would both rule the world. However, as soon as they had the Thing, K tossed me aside. Literally. My back is still stinging from it. I figured, "hey, maybe i just missed something important, but i think i can still clutch this!" so I gave myself a moment or two to pull myself together, then went to rally the rest of K's forces.

Things…didn't really work out. O had apparently come racing after R and me, and they'd started fighting K while R, Y, B, and G took on the rest of us, and they were winning. I tried to get K's attention as soon as I realized I was losing, but K just left me there.

I ran off after that, fully intent on finding some desert to cry in before K's plan came to fruition and inevitably destroyed it all- because I'd finally worked out that the plan wasn't to rule the world, but to end it- but G followed me. They actually let me vent my emotions, which was kind of a nice change of pace, and I wound up venting so hard I told them pretty much everything there was to know about me. I'm not telling the internet at large, though.

The point is, after I was done and had expressed how sorry I was for helping K, not to mention how I had kiiinda been TA in pretty much every interaction I'd had with the others…G gave me back something I thought I'd lost in the fight, then hugged me and asked me to go back with them to stop K.

I agreed, and the two of us returned to the fight to find that G hadn't been the only one making friends while we were gone, and K had seemingly beaten them all.

I, uh. I slugged K in the jaw at high speeds. It was more satisfying than I think it should have been.

Everybody seemed to get a second wind when G and I showed up, but we still couldn't quite beat K. Eventually, I tried to talk K out of it, hoping to channel my inner G, but K just blasted me in the face.

I'm not entirely sure what came next. I think the blast ended up knocking me off my feet, and I think I vaguely remember seeing K running after me, but then it just kinda goes dark.

That's where I'm at now, actually.

I just…I don't know, I have a really bad track record with doing things and ending up being TA, and even though I'm pretty sure this time would have been justified, I just can't help wondering if maybe this could have all been avoided if I'd just been a better right hand somehow.

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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rabbittwinrithings · 1 day

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An Announcement

(The announcement below is copied from my discord)

Hey everyone! This announcement has been a long time coming, I’ve just been pretty busy these past months. This announcement will have some good news, but also, some bad news.

First off, the good news:

End of last year I graduated from college and a few months after I got a new job! I had to move to a whole new state and it’s been perhaps one of, if not the, best experience of my life. This job has been amazing. My new place has been amazing. And just my life in general has been amazing! I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so content in my life! Sometimes I’ll just start looking around and be struck with disbelief that things turned out so well for me. Basically, I got a really nice job in writing and I couldn’t be happier!

With this new job, it has also given me time to discover old and new hobbies such as writing my own new material, reading, and I’m getting back into playing/running Dnd! (And once I get my hands on my sewing machine next month you better bet I’m gonna start sewing again!! And get back into cosplaying!!!)

But with this all new amazingness comes with a down side. My new job offers little time in the terms of modding. By the time I’m done with work I’m usually exhausted. (this may also be health related which I’m trying to figure out, but we’ll see.) And on the weekends I find myself looking for new hobbies.

Let me rip the bandaid off real quick:

For now, I will no longer be working on my mods. That doesn’t mean I hope nothing new comes out of them. I’m still hoping to make an announcement later that may open up *some* of my mods for fan made expansions (if users wish to do so,) but I’m still trying to get all that sorted out. There was a lot of update work being done, and I’m still figuring out what to do with it.

I also still love seeing mod patches like replacers, translations, and such (like always, just shoot me a message first so I know they’re coming out.)

This also doesn’t mean it’s forever over. One day, I may return, but for now, I’m stepping aside.

With that sad news said, I want to let all of you know what a ride all this has been! I first started modding because I wanted to find a creative writing outlet, then it turned into realizing I could make a portfolio for a future career with it, and then, finally, I realized how many people enjoyed my work. There were a lot of times where I self doubted whether or not I was a good writer, but seeing the overwhelming support over the years for my art has helped me get over that. My final years of college weren’t great, and modding and you all helped me through the vast majority of it. Because of all that, I want to thank each and every one of you for your support!

Now, just because I’m stepping away from modding doesn’t mean I want to stop creating. Like I said, I still love writing in my free time, so maybe in the future I can post various personal writings I make here.

And with that, once I get everything figured out about the future of my mods, this server may be taking a shift in a new direction from being solely about Sidekicks of Tamriel, but just as a general Rabbitt Winri server and whatever personal projects I pursue in the future. (I will also be changing my various social media accounts accordingly too.)

Once again, I cannot thank all of you enough for what you’ve done for me! None of this would have been possible without you!

#sidekicks of tamriel #SOT #Thank you all again so much!#Love all of you!

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danothan · 7 months

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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao #feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy #danbles #and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth #or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities #or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to #or whatever else #i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy #I’M certainly not going to #but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer #and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where #i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything #but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on #it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way #idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences #even negative ones are valuable to me #but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem #maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem #fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀

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godsfavoritescientist · 1 year

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Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.

#ford meta #actuallyautistic #everyone go read the wikipedia page for 'stilted speech' right now #long post #ford isnt very good at masking. he doesn't have the kind of (unintentional) autistic coding that is Palatable To Neurotypicals.#definitely looking-too-deeply-at-a-kid-cartoon right now but in *some* ways. a world where the majority of people think its easy to like an #-understand ford is a world that would feel safe for me to unmask in.#i truly truly hate that fully explaining my thoughts on ford requires me to say so much about myself. but god is it such a crime-#-to use a fictional character as a lens through which to try and explain to people how to be more understanding and accepting-#-of things like this.#making fun of stilted speech is so normalized that people don't even realize they're making fun of someone for being weird.#people think its Someone Thinking They're Better Than You but its something people lay awake at night wishing they could stop doing.#and yet they still end up using the Wrong Words and being labeled a Pretentious Asshole just for talking differently than the norm.#maybe there really are people out there who deliberately use big words to try and sound smarter than everyone else. I don't know.#all I know is. in a world where its pretty obvious that people who use a discongruently complex vocabulary get made fun of for doing that.#why would someone deliberately trying to impress people do something that would only get them laughed at.#sorry for being genuine on main. as if its my fault </3

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