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loliwrites · 1 year

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No one asked for this and if you've never seen The West Wing, you probably don't care. But the chokehold these two have on me. It's just a whole lot of pining and fluff.

AU of 4.10 Arctic Radar if Jack hadn't asked Donna out for drinks that night.

“The two CBO reports are right on your desk, as is the East Asia paper. Your call sheet is clear. If there’s anything else, I’m happy to come in early tomorrow. Do you think I could go?” Donna wrapped her scarf around her neck, dejected. Of all the things she’d ever done for Josh, and how little she tended to ask of him, his little trip down memory lane with Jack Reese was just the icing on the cake.

“What time is it?”

“Quarter to eight,” she grabbed her bag. Somehow they both knew he was going to let her flee.

“Sure,”

Donna pulled on her long, wool coat and fastened the buttons to keep it closed. By the time she reached outside, the cold November air would be in full force and she wouldn’t have the hands to secure them.

“Those are good stories about you, though,” Josh paused, giving the briefest of thoughts back to Donna’s underwear and Karen Cahill debacle. “Those stories would make me like you.” It also wasn’t lost on him that those stories had made him like her.

“You like everybody,” she folded a note into her pocket and grabbed her bags.

“Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving. You won’t be coming in early tomorrow. You won’t be coming in at all,”

“Is there anything you need?” Despite whatever feelings she was having at the moment – of seemingly being forgone by her latest crush, there was true sincerity in her tone.

Josh wished in that moment she hadn’t sounded so sincere. He wished she hadn’t asked him that at all. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve her kindness when he’d so flagrantly decided to tell Jack those anecdotes. It was true, he did like those stories. Those stories were endearing. The minutiae added up to the whole of this woman he simply couldn’t live without. “No, I’m just saying,”

“Okay,” she flung her bag over her shoulder and left the bullpen. “Happy Thanksgiving,”

“You too,”

And yes, telling Jack those stories had been a decision, albeit not one laced with intended malice or meant to sabotage. How could someone not like those stories? How could someone hear those and not fall a little more in love with her? Josh had genuinely thought he’d been doing her a favor. If he liked these things, any man would. Any man would be lucky to have the woman in those stories. Had the roles been reversed, and he was hearing these stories for the first time, he’d have stormed the halls of the West Wing to find her. He wasn’t sure why Jack hadn’t, though he had to admit there was a hearty amount of relief that he’d hadn’t.

It was unfair of him, he knew that too. How many times in the past had he sabotaged her dates, advertently or not? He kept her at work late. Gave her stacks of work she’d never get through, knowing she had dinner plans. It was work she’d have to do eventually, but it wasn’t so pressing that she miss a dinner date. His recurring jokes about Dr. Freeride. And more than a few times, he’d leave her with a parting comment that the man she was going out with was a dud. Or an idiot. Or a jackass. Or a subspecies of bipedal man. And when she’d come back from those dates, he wasn’t nearly surprised that she’d come to those same conclusions. Yes, it was beyond unfair. Donna had been nothing but supportive with the rise and fall of Mandy. And the re-emergence of Mandy. She championed him to go for Joey Lucas. She was even a cheerleader to his relationship with Amy. Even when Josh would recount all their horrible arguments to her, Donna was supportive every time they reconciled. And here he was, subconsciously (or not) sabotaging every lead she got on a relationship.

“Hi Ma,” he blurted into the phone and tilted his head to the side to cradle the receiver between his cheek and shoulder. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten to this point. Hadn’t remembered returning to his office or hearing the phone ring.

“Hi Joshua, happy Thanksgiving,”

“Happy Thanksgiving,”

“Roberta told me there was a cold front moving through the northeast. Said it looks like it’s gonna be pretty bad so stay safe with your plans tomorrow,”

Josh glanced down at his watch and then rubbed one of his eyes with the back of his fist. “I will Ma, I’ll probably just be here,”

She tsked him, “you don’t have to work, do you? Where’s Donna? Did she go to Wisconsin this year?”

“Donna’s in town.”

“Well invite her ‘round,”

He nodded like an obedient son, “okay.”

“Joshua, I mean it. Throw a turkey in the oven for that girl. She does enough for you every other day.”

“Jesus, okay Ma.”

“I’m just saying, cook her a goddamn meal.”

He nodded again, “I will, I will. Scout’s honor. Look, Ma, I’m gonna pack up and get out of here. I love you,”

“I love you too,”

They both clicked the line dead almost simultaneously. Josh sat stunned in his desk chair for a moment. He stared at the phone and after a second, chuckled. Florida had turned his mom a little more… spicy than she’d been in his youth. He took a second to think about what his dad would say about this new version of his wife. Probably would’ve doted on her just as much. But before the emotions could fully sneak up on him, Josh took a deep breath and stood up from his desk. Inspired by his mother’s words, he threw on his jacket, flung his backpack over his shoulder, and all but ran out of the West Wing.

He wasn’t really sure what he was going to do – or say. What could he do or say that would make things better? Short of going back to Jack and really giving him a piece of his mind. Because all Josh really wanted to say to him was that there was no way in hell he deserved Donna. If he didn’t like those quirky and off-color stories about her, then he didn’t deserve the girl who also had stories that were a little more wholesome.

Like the time she left the festivities after the Illinois primary, booked herself a one-way ticket on some ragtag regional airline, and got herself to Connecticut eleven hours after Josh had gotten there. She was still new in his life by all accounts and had never met his parents. But having her there for his father’s funeral had meant everything to him.

Or all the times she’d been there for him after Rosslyn. She literally kept work away from him. She cooked for him. She cleaned for him. She nursed him back to health. And he knows that had he asked, she would’ve bathed him too. Though he’d never ask. She had run herself ragged for the months of his recovery. Most nights she never made it back to her apartment. When he’d become mobile again, he often found her curled up on his couch in the morning.

And then, for the second time that evening, Josh wasn’t sure how he’d ended up here. He remembered stopping by the liquor store for a six pack. He thought he’d finish those off by himself. But he hadn’t remembered how he’d gotten here. At the steps of her apartment, looking up at her window. He knew she was awake. He could see the light coming from her great-grandmother’s lamp. He always teased her about that lamp. It was gaudy. It gathered dust. And for some reason unbeknownst to him, it gave off this low frequency buzz whenever it also gave off light. He ascended the steps, keeping his eyes on her window for as long as humanly possible, and only pulled his gaze away from it so he could ring her buzzer. Waiting and waiting, and growing colder and impatient, he rang the buzzer again. It wasn’t like her to leave someone – anyone – waiting outside. Then with a particularly strong and cold breeze, Josh ran his hand down the line of buzzers to the other apartments in the building. Surely one of them would ring him in.

God bless the tenant on the second floor.

Josh whipped the door open and ascended the old wooden stairs, two at a time. He kept his hand on the banister as he turned the corner and ran up the next flight. Just as Donna had been to his apartment countless times, he’d been to hers too. Usually he was drunk and yelling at her roommate’s cats. And by the following morning never remembered why he’d been there in the first place, but he had been there before. Now as he knocked on her door as gently as he could as to not startle her, he hoped he’d be happy to remember this night.

He heard the chain on the door slide and when the door started to creak open, he raised his gaze and soon found himself staring upon Donna.

“Hi,” he offered, taking a moment to take in the sight. She was wrapped in the enormous flannel blanket he knew usually lived on the back of her couch. It didn’t look as though she’d been crying, though her expression didn’t exactly look pleased. “I brought a peace offering,” he lifted the six pack and flashed an overcompensating smile on his face, hoping she didn’t slam the door on him.

Donna glanced at the beer, then pulled the door open a little wider and stepped to the side to let him in. Josh took that as a win and Donna figured as much. Truth be told, she didn’t exactly know what she was feeling. It was no secret that her past romantic exploits hadn’t gone spectacularly well. From Dr. Freeride and the lobbyist who couldn’t shut his trap about his agenda once he found out she worked for the deputy chief of staff. To any number of blind, and otherwise, dates she’d been set up on. And perhaps the worst of all was her last more serious encounter – Cliff Calley. Serious. What a joke, she thought. It had been two nights that were great, followed by two depositions that weren’t. Not to mention the sheer and utter embarrassment of having her boss hand over her diary to Cliff for him to read. She could’ve died in her skin right then and there. Not to mention the trouble and grief she’d put Josh through. And thank God he’d been mature… or sane… enough to realize that he didn’t need to read her diary to make it all go away. Perhaps he would’ve been confused why he showed up so often in her nightly recounts of the day.

“I really am sorry, Donna,” Josh offered again as he rounded into her kitchen and pulled open the drawer where he knew the bottle opener was kept.

“Quit apologizing. What are you, moonlighting as a Canadian?” She took the open bottle and downed a first sip. “I’ve already done that,”

He suppressed a smile as he popped off the cap to a beer for himself. On their way out of the kitchen, he reached forward and clinked his bottle against hers for good measure. “I wasn’t trying to ruin that for you,”

“I know that, Josh.”

“I mean it,”

“I know,” she folded one leg beneath her and sat back down on the couch. The blanket fell away from her shoulders as she moved to take another sip.

“Are you mad at me?”

Donna imagined that’s how Josh sounded as a child and had been the thing he’d asked his parents countless times after Joanie. Always searching for a sort of validation. Proof that he had been wrong or bad and was worthy of the anger; most of which he felt within himself. Just as she suspected his parents had, Donna couldn’t summon too much anger at him. Sure he knew how to push her buttons. And knew how to rile her up and piss her off. But the anger was always short lived and she’d be left with a sense of enduring love.

She took another sip of her beer and settled back against the couch as Josh sat at the other end of it, angled toward her with one leg crossed under the other and his free hand stretched across the back of the couch. “You did a fool thing, but… I expect you to do fool things. You’re a man, you can’t help it.”

“Donna,” he half-whined.

“Well I haven’t exactly seen you knock one out of the park when it comes to women. Watching you try to flirt is almost as painful as watching you do a press briefing.” She smiled, vindicated when he choked on his beer and coughed. “It’s just like that time you told the entirety of the communications staff about the history of our non-anniversary,”

“But that’s a good story, too.”

“But you got it wrong.”

Josh opened his mouth to speak but he quieted himself. It wasn’t worth saying that he only got the story wrong because she had told him a wrong version of the story. He’d reiterated the story as he’d been told by her. He couldn’t help if she had recounted a false narrative to him. But that wasn’t worth it. Being right wasn’t the point right now.

“Despite what you say, guys don’t go out with everyone. At least not the ones worth anything. They want a well-to-do woman, not an assistant. And if by some stroke of luck or charm they can look past my job title, they can’t look past the fact you’re my boss.” Upon seeing a hint of a smile cross Josh’s face, Donna extended her leg and kicked him. She managed to pull her leg back before Josh was able to grab hold of her ankle, though he did try. Maybe a part of her wished she hadn’t been too quick. Or that he had been quicker. “Anyway, I really like Jack. So much so, that he’s the type of person I could see a lot of potential with. That’s why I asked you to talk me up to him. I didn’t imagine you’d do such a spectacularly awful job at it.”

“Donna, I think you’re missing a big aspect of this–”

“Josh,” she leaned forward and set her bottle down on the coffee table, effectively trying to cut him off completely. But he wasn’t having any of it.

“No, no, listen. Would you really, honestly want a guy that wasn’t endeared by those stories? I mean, your future husband is going to hear these so-called embarrassing–”

“Not so-called, they are.”

“Your future husband’s going to hear these and he’s going to think less of you for them? You’re gonna spend the rest of your life with a guy who you have to censor yourself around? Donna, I’m pretty sure you were attending your town’s Holland-fest, dressed in wooden clogs and a funky, white pilgrim hat well into your college years. You’re gonna have to hide a lot of your life from this husband.”

She shot up from the couch, “look at you with the sensitivity!”

Josh mirrored her movement and stood in pursuit of her. “All I’m trying to say is that a guy who doesn’t like all the little quirks that make you Donnatella Moss from Wisconsin, doesn’t deserve Donnatella Moss from Wisconsin.”

Donna exhaled and folded her arms over her chest. “Well that’s very kind of you to say. But for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t hide my life forever. Just until the guy knows me. Until he knows that I’m cute, and witty, and not an absolute nutcase.”

“I think you should give yourself more credit. You’re not just an assistant. You happen to be the assistant to a very important–”

And this time he was sufficiently cut off. He’d have rather it been because she interrupted him with another plea or remark. But instead he was cut off because her phone started ringing. She ran to it, though the man who was usually responsible for making her phone ring was currently in her apartment. And as soon as she greeted the caller, and Josh saw how she blushed and placed her free hand over her heart, he knew it was Jack. And he knew that whatever night they were going to have, was now over.

Josh sat back down on her couch as she continued her conversation in the kitchen. He stared at his beer for a second, and then with slow precision, lifted it back to his lips, tilted his head back, and took a long sip that finished it off. How many times was he going to have to lose this girl? And how long was he going to pretend like it didn’t shatter him every time she started up with someone new? His mother had been right, of course, and he wondered how long it had been since she realized her son was in love with his assistant. He ventured to assume she knew from the first moment she met Donna – the day after his father had died.

As much as Donna’s presence had meant the world to him, he also sensed that it had meant a great deal to his mother, too. It was Donna, after all. She could make anyone feel comfortable or loved. And as soon as she got to his childhood home, she took it upon herself to begin tasks no one would’ve ever asked of her. She immediately entered the kitchen and whipped up a quick pot of her mother’s hearty stew. She had asked Josh to join her, and in between their light and gentle conversation (mostly of Josh recounting memories of his father), she would ask him to get her things from around the kitchen. Do you know where the lid to this pot is? Do you think your mom has vegetable stock? That’s alright, beef stock is fine. Where’s the vegetable peeler? Do you mind washing those potatoes? And when she’d finished cooking, Josh brewed a large pot of coffee and assisted her in scouring the kitchen. That night, Josh’s mom found her deep-cleaning all the bathrooms. And dusting and vacuuming the next morning. Finally Josh asked her why she was doing all this, and Donna just shrugged, “this is what I would want help with if someone important to me had just passed away.” From that moment on, Josh didn’t have one phone call with his mom where she didn’t ask about Donna.

Realizing he’d been caught up in a memory, Josh laughed at himself and glanced toward the kitchen. Donna was still on the phone, and suddenly growing uncomfortable being in her space while this other man was monopolizing her time and attention, Josh stood from the couch and carried his empty beer bottle into the other room. She made quick eye contact with him when he set the bottle in the recycle bin.

He jut his thumb back over his shoulder. “I’m gonna head out,” he whispered.

“Hold on one second,” she quickly responded. Josh wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or Jack, but he paused anyway. Donna set her phone down on the counter, “thank you, Josh.”

It wasn’t lost on him that she was keeping her voice down so Jack didn’t hear it through the phone. She neared him with outstretched arms, and taking him into a hug, he buried his face in her shoulder. “You’re welcome,” he backed away from her knowing that if he didn’t create some distance between them, he was going to inadvertently sabotage this new upcoming fling… or relationship. “Happy Thanksgiving, Donna.” He quickly side-stepped her and went for the front door, hearing the soft patter of her footsteps behind him.

“Are you going to be alone tomorrow?”

He pulled open the door and looked back at her. “No, I… I have plans,” he paused. “Do you need somewhere to be tomorrow?”

She shook her head, a grin stretching over her face, “no, Jack just asked if I’d go over to his place. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to be alone before I accepted.”

That one felt like a turkey carver to the heart. But Josh still shook his head. “No, enjoy your time. I’ll see you Friday at work. Early. I want to prep a bit before advising Leo on the CBO notes.”

“I’ll be there, boss.”

Josh let his smile widen a little bit, but he was soon out of her apartment. He was almost at the flight of stairs down when she shut the door and he looked back at it. Truth was, he was going to be alone tomorrow. In all actuality, he’d probably just go to the office and spend the day there. His intention was to ask Donna to do Thanksgiving with him, but once the phone call came through, he knew there was no way he was going to ask her to forgo a day with her newest flame to be with him. She would’ve dropped her plans in an instant.

Josh made it back outside. He looked up at her window. The glow from her great-grandmother’s lamp was still present but this time he also spotted her walk past the window, the phone still glued to her ear. Josh looked down at his feet and pulled his coat tighter around himself. Another Thanksgiving without the girl he really wanted around. He was starting to get used to it.

#this a fic #fic related #josh lyman x donna moss #josh x donna #arctic radar au #i'm such a sucker for workplace romances #tww #fic #mutual pining #but these two are SO DENSE #i love them so much #will also be on #ao3 #once i figure out what to call it

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