#but when i showed him “jan water” | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peterparkersnose · 1 year

Text

Rough Day

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

word count: 1k (short but sweet)

warnings: death (not prominent character death), child abandonment, descriptions of medical terminology, not angst but reader is comforted by joel, defined relationship with reader x joel

a/n i cannot wait for the last of us, im writing so much joel content to feed you babes in late december/early january (and after jan 15 when the show airs) title is not to be compared to the iconic din djarin fanfiction, it just fit too perfectly to pass up and make a possible reference (update 01/16/23 first episode was brilliant. only word i can use to describe that masterpiece)

summary Y/N comes home after a hard day of working at med bay and Joel comforts her

masterlist

join the tag list

read time: 3 mins 23 seconds

The walk home seemed longer tonight. Maybe it was because of the sheer exhaustion from not sleeping in almost days, or maybe it was just from the horrible day you had.

The vision of the woman with the fresh bite on her leg plagued your mind.

Her sobbing baby next to her made matters even worse.

The tourniquet didn’t work. The infection spread too fast. The woman didn’t even know she was bitten for days. How could you not notice an open wound on your leg?

How could Tommy had let someone into the compound who was clearly not well?

You shook your head as you fumbled through your keys to get the right one. It was silent. The crickets were even gone, nothing else moved except the flickering light on your porch.

Joel had to fix that one of these days.

The old door creaked open. The only light left on was the lamp Joel would leave on for you when nights like this would occur.

What time was it now- after 11? He would most definitely be asleep.

You kicked your boots to their place and set down your bag. Angry with the state of your scrubs, you began peeling your coat off and leaving it on the floor.

The stairs creaked slightly as you made your way up them. You pulled at your socks that clung to your feet. The bedroom door was left slightly ajar, you could see the lamp light peering through the crack.

Pushing the door slightly open, you found Joel propped up in bed with a book.

“Your still awake?” you asked, immediately taking the top of your scrubs off.

“You know I can’t fall asleep without you,” he said, a harmless dig at your absence lately.

You genuinely felt bad for being gone. It wasn’t your intention to work a double at the hospital wing and then have 3 people come in with all very serious problems.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, opening your drawer and searching for a comfy shirt.

Joel raised his brows in concern. Your tone was off. “Everything alright?” he asked, folding the corner of his page and slowly placing the book next to him.

Ignoring the question that would most definitely bring tears to your eyes if you answered, you changed into some of Joel’s old flannel pants that were two sizes too big.

You turned to the mirror in your bathroom, staring blankly at your toothbrush.

“Y/N?” he asked, the bed creaking as he sat on the edge. “Please don’t,” you whispered from the bathroom, finding the courage to turn on the water to brush your teeth.

Looking up from spitting out your toothpaste, you found him standing adjacent of you with a worried look on his face. Your eyes looked tired and he knew you had an awful day. Joel knew there was definitely a story behind that face causing your mood.

The stress of the day always seemed to fizzle out when you were around him.

“Come here,” he says, accepting your embrace. The tiny sniffles you gave broke his heart. He held you close to his chest. One hand rested on your head, another arm wrapped around your back.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen. She could have lived,” you choked out. “Mhm, I know baby. Let it out.” he sighed.

Joel didn’t have to know the story to understand what was happening. He felt the energy coming off of you. It was bad.

“Everything will be okay.” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. “Let’s get to bed now, hm? We both could use some sleep.” he said, placing his hand on your waist and walking with you towards the bed.

You anxiously sat at the edge of your bed as Joel turned off the hallway lights. He hated the look on your face when he returned. Zoned out, you stared at the tiny photo on the dresser of him and Sarah. His large body broke your trance, engulfing you in another hug. “Everything’s going to be alright. Stop lookin’ so pitiful,”

Your hands grabbed his hips and drew him closer. The scent of pine filled your nose. He had been on patrol earlier that day you assumed. His hand carefully rested on your head, stroking your hair. Your forehead sat against his stomach. Joel’s stomach gargled, causing you to let out a brief laugh.

“Get in,” he said playfully, tipping your shoulder back as you fell into bed.

“Gassy,” you whispered, bringing your eyes up to match his. He was standing over you, your knees in between his legs.

“What did you say now?” he asked, smirk on his face. His large frame fell over yours. You yelped as he caught himself with his forearms next to your body.

“Watch it,” he whispered in your ear. He showered your face in kisses as you squirmed. Using his body as a catapult, you forced yourself out under him. Finally free.

You scooted over to your side of the bed and curled into the smallest ball you could. Joel knew exactly what you wanted.

He pulled up the sheet quickly with a snap, and let it fall over you slowly. He knew you loved this.

“Pillows good?” he asked. You nodded, a small smile appearing on your face. “You need anything else while I’m up?”

“No. But thank you.”

He climbed slowly in next to you. Joel clicked off the lamp and moved in right next to you. It was almost as your body was fit to compliment his. You two matched perfectly.

“We can talk about it in the mornin’ if you’d like.” he offered. He felt your head nod against his chest.

“Goodnight darlin’,” he said, wrapping an arm around you. “I’m sorry today didn’t go well. Tomorrow will be good, I’ll make sure of it. We can make a day of it,”

A sigh of relief came from you. He always made things better. He was right. Tomorrow would be a better day.

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @jmillerswife

1K notes · View notes

monzamash · 1 year

Text

say yes to life — daniel ricciardo

daniel ricciardo x you (femreader) | 2.2k summary – a trip down memory lane. warnings – 18+ (sex, coarse language) prompt – 'you look good like this' from @percervall 💖 a/n – the third instalment of the #monzamashspecial and exists in the red desert universe (throwback to where this little blog began) x title inspired by the gang of youths song. masterlist

You wanted so badly to go back to the place you fell in love with him. Missing the way the campfire smoke blowing in the wind made your eyes water and the screams of elation coming from the water out in the distance. Daniel loved so freely; pottering around the campsite making sure everyone was happy, content, having the time of their lives. Especially you.

The two of you had only been seeing each other for a few months, a whirlwind romance turning all the traditional rules of dating on their head. He wanted to see you in his world, away from the lavish hotels and the fast-paced lifestyle that you both hated so much. Away from civilisation as you knew it, with him, alone in the wilderness with a case of Dry, singing around bonfires and sharing kisses hidden under the stars.

No manmade structures as far as the eye could see – just the handsome man who had picked you up and swept you off your feet to the other side of the world. Returning home.

“It’s so serene out here… Peaceful.”

Your unspoken wish was to stay out here forever with him, tasting the sea salt on his lips and feeling the sand beneath your sunburnt feet. Even though it was quintessentially Daniel, right down to the number 3 painted on the side of his buggy, it also felt like you. Like you belonged in his world, the missing part to life's puzzle.

Somehow, he had found you amongst the chaos, in the hoards of people taking everything from him. Every ounce of energy he had to give. But you never took anything. And he knew in that moment that this place would never feel the same without you in it.

You were his home.

“I knew you would love it.”

He whispered it into your windswept hair as you walked along the coast, hand in hand, watching his nieces and nephew splashing in the shallow water; zinc covering every inch of their little faces.

Daniel had promised you a night alone together before you left Perth for your road trip to Coral Bay, wording up his brother in law that the two of you would be sneaking off down the coast for some alone time.

I wanna show her everything, man; he'd confessed, feeling the pressure to make every second count, right down to the minute. You were laid-back and much to his surprise, his exact energy match but he wanted you to know him. Like, really know him. He wanted to tell you all of his silly little stories like the time he nearly cut his toe open on that rock over there, or when he swore he saw the ghost of Harold Holt out beyond the rip. He wanted to share it all with you.

And while he was worried about giving you the full Daniel Ricciardo experience, you were just basking in the chance to get to know him like this. God, it felt personal, intentional the way he pointed out little fishing spots that he and his dad would sit all day in the summer holidays, chasing the shade and shooting the shit; almost always catching nothing.

“One time I caught a crayfish but it was undersize so had to throw it back… Absolute heartbreak and I lied to everyone at school when we got back in Jan – said it was this big.”

Daniel held his arms out as wide as they would go, chest out and a smile as bright as the glowing sun above, “They all saw straight through me.”

Those small, insignificant stories he thought he was telling meant the world to you. It was a glimpse into the life of a man you were falling in love with, getting closer and closer to with each passing moment. They were off the cuff tales of his childhood, mentions of Michelle and his mum making lime cordiale icy-poles, homemade no less and each one made you smile wider. Buzzing with the thought that maybe, right now, you were making memories that you would pass down to your kids.

Someday.

“Are you ready for this?”

“Maybe we should have a safe word…”

“The same one we use when we...”

You didn’t need to stop his sentence, knowing that he knew better than to finish it with his 8-year-old nephew sitting on his lap – the smirking face showing his hand. The deadpanned look you were giving him made him laugh as he leaned down and turned on the van, shoving the gear stick into place so you didn’t plummet to your death down the cliffside.

The feeling was evergreen when you casted your mind back to that day, remembering the way Jonty jumped down from Daniel’s lap and all your travel companions waved you off, hollering I miss you already and don’t get lost as the two of you drove off into the red desert, even further from civilisation. You'd all been joined at the hip for over a week now, the idea of going it alone terrified you - until you remembered that all you needed was sitting right beside you.

Ready to show you what real adventure meant.

And boy, was it an adventure, weaving through saltbushes and spotting kangaroos from the passenger seat.

“Reckon you could fight one?” You’d ask Daniel, curious to know where the boundaries of his confidence lie, “Easy.” And part of you believed him – he could do it all, fearless as he drove up and over salt plains, making you squeal as the van hopped up a 90 degree cliff, all you could see was the clear blue sky above.

“You trust me, yeah?” He asked, looking down at your hand white knuckling his thigh, long nails digging into his bare skin. I do, you whispered with conviction because you did. Wholeheartedly, but that didn’t mean your heart wasn’t in your throat the entire time, wheels screeching as the van bumped it’s way over the ledge, revving red dirt and creating a cloud of dust.

“We’re here,” Daniel cheekily announced as the dust settled and you were met with a picturesque view of the ocean – waves crashing into the cliff side, already lulling your racing heart. It was adrenaline, pure and simple. You were dazed and confused until you felt Daniel’s hand on yours, clasping your fingers with his and asking if you were okay.

You were more than okay.

“I am… that was exhilarating.”

You were wide-eyed, stunned at how beautiful it all was; how beautiful he was. You didn’t even think twice, frantically unbuckling your belt and launching yourself over the console into Daniel’s body. He could see in your eyes how charged up you were when he grasped your face in his hands, desperate to have you close after a couple of long hours of driving. You melted into his kiss until your knee accidentally nudged the gear stick, lurching the van forward.

“Fuckin’ hell!” Daniel gasped, a loud laugh following closely behind as you held onto him for dear life. Whoops, he chuckled as he turned the van off and grabbed a handful of the flannel material hanging loosely over your shoulders, matching his. In one smooth motion, he was dragging you over the gear stick again; carefully this time and making sure you were settled in his lap before he captured your lips in a strong kiss, continuing what you started.

“What a view.”

Daniel’s compliments always made you blush, still to this day but back then they washed over you like a wave of reassurance, that he felt the same way – desperately in love. Almost. They were never obnoxious or over the top, just small little words of affirmation sealed with a kiss to some inch of your skin, noses brushing from the nearness. And now every time you felt the tip of his nose tracing down your neck, breath hot on your skin, you remember that day. Like it was yesterday. The way his hands pushed up your shirt, fingertips searing across your hips and holding you up so you could really feel him.

“Thought about this all week,” He whispered as your hand made quick work of his jeans, shimming him out of the thick denim and the boxers hugging his delicious hips. Me too, you barely hummed as you arched your back and tried to rid yourself of your own shorts, accidentally pushing back on the horn and making the two of you erupt in laughter.

Daniel wrapped one arm around your waist and leaned to look under his seat, roughly pulling a lever that sent him backwards and you forward over his shoulder, a quiet squeak slipping from your lips. He could do it all and looked even sexier doing it.

“That’s better, ey?” He asked, grinning from ear to ear as he leaned back in his seat and slid his warm hands under your shirt, squeezing your sides so that you knew he had you. Always.

“Much,” You simply sighed as your fingers danced down his own buttoned up flannel shirt. One by one, each button revealed more and more of his strong chest, mouth agape at the sight of the man you were falling for, head over heels. He did the same to yours, pushing the soft material from your shoulders and reaching behind your back, unclasping the latch on your cotton bra, the feeling of his fingertips sliding it from your warm skin sending chills down your spine.

“You look good like this.”

That was the first time he muttered those words to you but now it was something he told you every single day. They were the first words he would whisper in your ear in the morning as the dawning sun-rays stretched across your rosy cheeks and they were sometimes the last words he’d groan into your neck as he came undone above you, shortly before you fell asleep wrapped up in his arms. “You look so good.”

“Show me,” You whispered against his parted lips, “Show me how good I look.” It was a simple request, one you hoped to god he would fulfil. It was your first time having sex in the driver’s seat of a car, but not your last as it happened. Daniel was nimble, able to shimmy himself into the perfect position, teasing you with his slick tip, glazed with the promise of you wrapped around him. It turned out that he loved taking you like this; in a van, in his HiLux, on the back of a motorbike but especially in his Porsche. Seats back, windows steamy.

You were two pieces of a puzzle, cut from the same cloth and it made you emotional thinking back to the early days. The way his cologne mixed with your perfume was like an amalgamation of pure love, the scent to this day making your heart flutter. And it always transported you back to that day in the van, so many years ago now. The taste of his tongue colliding with yours as he swallowed you whispered moans, hyper aware of how pin-drop quiet your surroundings were. There was nothing but ocean and desolate land each way – solus.

“No ones here, darlin’ – we can be as loud as we want,” Daniel reassured you, circling you back and forth on his cock, filling you to the absolute limit as you held onto the steering wheel behind you, needing to grip something as he set your body alight.

“Don’t think I can be quiet when you touch me like that.”

A moan slipped from your lips as Daniel licked the pads of his fingers and found your clit. Visions of that day come swirling back every time you touched yourself, conjuring a memory of him pushing you to the edge to help you along on those lonely nights without him. The angle, the intensity, the intention to get you off as quickly as humanely possible, knowing round two would be taking place in the back of the van shortly after – desperation spurred you on.

The darkness in his eyes as he watched you squirm, rutting on his dick without a single care in the world but to make yourself feel good. That vision of you above him inspired his own high to build, the knotting in his stomach undeniable as you lurched forward and licked the soft skin below his ear, curls damp from sweat, skin salty and freckled from your day spent under the sun. It was unforgiving, the way your orgasm began to crescendo, riding it out slow.

Wanting this moment to last. Etched in your memory forever.

“I’m coming, Dan.”

You didn’t really need to say it because he knew. He knew from the way you gripped the roof of the car and controlled the way his hips moved with yours, holding your ground and keeping that toe curling pace he’d been teasing you with. He also knew from the violent blush creeping up your bare chest and the way your eyebrows stitched together in concentration. Identical to his, mouth left agape and in complete awe of how fucking unreal it all felt. Heavenly.

“I’m coming too, baby. Fuck, right there...” Daniel’s breath was jagged, curls unkempt from your fingertips doing their worst. Tangled and dark, a mess pressed between your foreheads as you leaned down and kissed him through your high, aching to have him close as you came undone, hips rolling and squeezing everything you had to give and taking back just as much. He always had a lotta love to give.

“I love you.” You whimpered in the afterglow. And it was the first time you’d ever said that to someone like him, someone you genuinely loved with your entire heart. Someone who, without a second thought, said it back; I love you more.

There were a lot of firsts on that trip to Coral Bay, ones that you cherished until this very day, standing in the spot where it all happened. 10 years of memories all rolled into a camper van and a couple of swags. Reams of sheets messy from reliving it all, indulging like you did as young twenty-something’s, now with real life responsibilities and on the precipice of your whole life changing.

“I can’t wait to bring her here.”

Daniel swept your hair behind your ear as you cuddled into his side, the same sound of the waves lapping against the cliff below like they did back then, lulling you into serenity again. He smiled and cradled your cheek with one hand, and your growing belly with the other. Enamoured beyond comprehension, speechless by how strongly he felt and content with where his future was headed. With you and the family you were starting together.

“I know she’s going to love it. Just like her mum.”

But for now, you could be those kids again. Dumb and falling in love. Sharing kisses under the starry night sky, holding each other close, reliving the good times and most importantly, saying yes to life.

Just like you did back where it all began.

a//n – it's danny ric week so it felt fitting to release this on the eve of the ausgp. thank you to mar and the anon who requested the prompts used in this fic. love ya's x masterlist | askbox

#daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo smut #daniel ricciardo x reader #f1 imagine #formula 1 #f1 smut #daniel ricciardo one shot #monzamashmasterlist #the monzamash special #dr3 #f1 writing

757 notes · View notes

khihi · 3 months

Text

i'm not gonna be able to put my thoughts on this into the kind of wording they deserve because my brain is burned to a crisp at the moment, but now we've got all the chapters i'm sort of piecing together a narrative...

the story starts with kris, whose photos are very tender and exposing – they seem to be about him learning to being comfortable in himself, letting himself be soft and let out his emotions in a healthy way (the shower that washes away the black and white to reveal the gold).

there's comfort and relief in the solitude of his photos – it feels like he's embracing a fresh start for himself – the first new chapter. his nudity isn't for show as much as it is in the others' chapters; it feels more like an innocent "naked as you were born" kind of situation.

then you get bojan, who is the opposite of kris; instead of water, we have fire as the main element, and also a lot more focus on props and costume to tell the story of this guy who finds himself being close to burnout so much. but also perhaps to hide and protect himself.

unlike kris, we're seeing someone who finds little relief or healing in the loneliness of his images; in fact, he never really feels alone in most of his images — he stares down the lens with such intensity it's making it clear to us that he's up there in the spotlight surrounded by an audience. unlike kris, any of his nudity's all for show.

then chapters four and five; jan and nace both expressing a turmoil of emotions in their own shoots – nace's internal stress and strain being put on show, paired with jan's determination to keep the messiness of his own emotions in the dark as much as he can – they're both uncomfortable with themsleves in some way on their own...

but then they come together, and there's happiness and love and support. they look at the audience, but there's no fear or worry there like there is in bojan's shoots; just a silent determination that they're there to protect and care for each other.

then, finally, we've got jure's pictures. which are clearly meant to be sexy as fuck. i think it's interesting how the story began with kris being comfortable and unbothered by any potential onlookers while half naked, then progressed to bojan putting on an uncomfortable show of his half-naked body for any spectators, then on to jan and nace not really showing off much of their bodies at all, and now the story concludes with jure very much putting on a show for the audience but feeling totally comfortable in doing so. he's lounging around in most of the photos – hell, he's got the goddamn baby boo socks on, he seems very comfortable, even playful about letting us look.

so the arc – one of the arcs, at least – i'm reading into this story is finding a healthy balance between showing yourself off - giving the intimate parts of yourself away, if you like - and hiding yourself away from all the discomfort too many eyes on you leads to. it's being confident and comfortable in yourself enough to have fun in revealing enough of yourself without letting it burn you out.

at the end of a good story, the protagonist is usually changed to the point of no return. there's no going back to the innocent, relaxed state that we began with in kris' photos, not after having gone through bojan and jan and nace's photos. but we can find a happy ending within jure's photos, even if changed.

the relief and comfort found in jan and nace's photos together leads us very nicely to the reason behind this happy ending, i think; they feel safest and most supported when together. and that goes, i think, for all of them. while jure might be on his own here, he's surrounded by images of his bandmates. he can be comfortable and confident in himself because he's got his friends behind him. art intertwined.

#joker out #jure maček #kris guštin #bojan cvjetićanin #nace jordan #jan peteh #disclaimer im almost certain damon and or the boys didnt have this in mind when making these images #but art is subjective and you can extrapolate whatever the hell you want from it and this is what im extrapolating so. there.#also this is way longer than i thought it was going to be when i started typing #not rereading or double checking this i'm just gonna post it #it is what it is even if it doesnt make much sense

90 notes · View notes

izpira-se-zlato · 2 months

Text

JO Malmö, 15.03.24

Gig report! Partial at best, but better than nothing?

I showed up ten minutes before doors, got beautifully yelled at by my friend for pulling a xia and being at a gig I'd said I'd have to miss due to work, but I was able to make it work short notice, and still got second row Jance side

super tame soundcheck – Vem da greš where Bojan made us sing, and Gola. In the end, he played the drums to the playback of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance

Ola, the first opener, sang a cover of Hold Me Closer and I cried. My first Bojere song

gig started with SSOL. The irony was not lost to me

Bojan was so bubbly and cheerful and bouncy it was lovely

Bojan kinda perched on the barrier for Plastika

he went into the crowd on the Kris side during Umazane misli, which I noticed when the security guard pushed his way through the crowd

Bojan sang a rap verse of the karaoke in the crowd

he remarked that this was the first time he experienced one of their gigs from the crowd and that it was pretty good and that he'd stay there

at that point, he realised he didn't know how to get back to the stage, so Bees startled wrangling us to make a lane between first and second row. People were very respectful

we got Kris NGVOT 💛💛💛

Nace sang part of NGVOT at Jan, to which Jan smiled back and ruffled Nace's hair

we got lots of Jance interactions in general

Jan wasn't feeling so hot at the end of the gig (from how he chugged water, we assume it was dehydration) and Nace seemed a little concerned and then just very securely kept Jan tucked into his side for Novi val

jure in the body chain harness?? My friends and I screamed when we noticed

there were a lot of foreigners 😂

a few Slovenians

Bojan did the horns at Haz

Bojan tried to raise the microphone stand for Kris and failed so Kiki had to come and fix it for him

Kiki in general had to come and fix stuff

the setlist said that they had astp planned but exchanged it for šta bih ja

I forgot to mention but we also got Bojan Demoni scream, like a proper one

he has his shirt tucked into his pants at the start but it came out and then we saw a sliver of tummy at some point

he skipped over to Kiki at some point and like cuddled him and got a kiss to the cheek

also Kris came over to Jan at some point and sang (or looked, I'm a little shaky on that) very intensely at him

During Ona, Nace was like. Vibing to the beat and that meant thrusting his hips in time to the beat and he kept smirking at Jan and just. Gaaah.

Bojan seemed really happy by how many words we knew from šta bih ja and Bluza

he said again that the album would come out in October

him and Kris in marching outfits

also Bojan, Kris, and Nace in Finnish colours on a Swedish stage

Bojan shouted out all the crew people during soundcheck: Primož for in-ear sound, Klemen for lights, and Andi for venue-sound, Kiki for everything else – and of course Vita for photography (he went from Primož on the right side of the stage from our pov around the room until he reached Vita on the left side of the drums)

#jan peteh #nace jordan #nace ja jan #joker out #kris gustin #bojan cvjeticanin #bojan ja kris #jure macek #jo malmö #my gig footage #gig report #sys tour #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #jure maček

65 notes · View notes

anxious-witch · 4 months

Text

Analysis of Jan and Nace photos number two, because I am insane and I kept rearranging the pictures to get a coherent story.

For the record, this isn't only subjective at this point, I am legit clowning, but I am having feels and idc.

Light and dark, or as @c28hunter pointed out, ying and yang. (Perhaps a theme? Since Kris and Bojan were water and fire, Nace and Jan are light and dark?)

I'd go with this being them before each other.

Doesn't necessarily have to be before they met, although that's certainly one way to look at it. But this is them before they truly connected.

Nace is in the harsh light, he feels too exposed, like all his imperfections are on display. He is all too aware of it, gripping his shirt tightly and crossing his arms over his chest. In that way, only his arms and tattoos are on display, his chest staying hidden.

When he is alone, in the light, he is tortured by his thoughts, and he tries to particularly hide his face with his hands in picture two. In picture three, he has clearly been gagged, his face twisted up from all the ways he tried to make himself fit into something he is not. Into something acceptable in the eyes of others.

Jan, on the other hand, is cloud in darkness. Dark background and the light that illuminates his features is softer, leaving more gray.

He stays in the shadows, and covers up his face with his hand and hair. We are not prvy to all of him. And yet, the first picture is giving a sense of resignation. He looks tired. He is looking at us, he knows he is being observed, even in part and he wants nothing to with it.

In the second picture, he looks more distrustful, his eyes away from the camera and covered by his hair. Almost as if he is giving someone off the frame a side eye. Maybe showing his own distrust, even to those that aren't looking to dig things up about him?

The two I put as next are these. On the left, we have Jan and Nace in the sane shot, but not quite a unit yet. But we already see a change here. They are both now clouded more in the shadow, Nace even more so than Jan, as if Jan is giving him the protection of his shadow here.

Nace looks intently into the camera, but he doesn't look tortured or afraid in the same way he did when he was alone, under the light. He still hides his body, this time with a coat, we don't even see his neck, only his face.

Jan on the other hand, lost that resignation we saw in the first part. He still looks mistrustful, but now he has something to lose. He keeps a close eye on us, while still he remains partially hidden.

On the picture on the right, we get a glimpse of the true intimacy between them. They stare at each others' eyes. There is a palpable softness, even as their noses are blurred with the soft gray. As many ppl pointed out, it almost looks like they are in the shower, partially covered by fog from the hot water, or behind a glass door.

The care they have for one another is the focus, not their reaction to the viewer. They don't know they are being seen.

In comparison to the left one above, this picture has harsher lines. They are being more exposed and Jan is stepping closer to Nace, once again, showing that underlying protectivness. But Nace isn't scared, he is showing off his face fully and giving us an intense stare. He isn't alone in the light anymore, and Jan makes him brave.

Another intimate moment of them laughing. Jan's face further softens and he looks almost silly. Nace's eyes are half closed in laughter. It's giving us a glimpse of how they are safe and happy when there is no one watching. There is more light, but compared to the photo on the left, the light isn't harsh.

Then we get to this. The first time I saw this picture, I immediately thought "this is on the verge of being sexual". But on the closer inspection, this picture conveys sm more than that.

It's a callback to Nace's individual photos, where he was gagged and twisted up. After he and Jan met, he got more comfortable speaking up, forgetting about the viewer. Even here, he isn't looking at us, but rather at Jan because we matter less now. What matters is Jan.

But Jan is still very aware that we are watching. He covers Nace's mouth, but if we look at his hand, it's almost gentle. It's a warning of someone who cares. It's as if he is saying "don't speak before you are ready".

And at last, we get to these. Inverted from the start, we get Jan's cover of darkness first. I am still unsure if Nace is present in the shot at the edge of the picture or not, but either way, I still think this picture can be ready as another way of Jan protecting Nace from our view.

He is taking the toll of our gaze on himself and staring back defiantly. "I have something to lose now, and I will not let you touch it any more than I allow." Gone is the resignation, and instead there is a fierce protector born out of it. The dark that used to resign him is now a way to keep someone he loves safe(in whichever way that love may manifest).

Then we have Nace. Nace who is once again in the light, but it's far from the harsh one he was in before. And Nace doesn’t hide from it and neither does he preform.

He has bits of himself he wants to show on display and he is comfortable with being seen. He feels safe.

To be loved is to be changed. And they both changed, finding balance within each other. I don't know if this was how the pictures were meant to be sorted, but I certainly had fun analyzing them this way.

If anyone has anything to add or maybe wants to switch something around, I'd love to know your thoughts! Sorry for emotional ramblings on a random Tuesday, lmao

#joker out #rio rambles #jance #jan peteh #nace jordan #tw body dysphoria #tw body insecurity #rio's analysis

62 notes · View notes

absolutebl · 5 months

Text

This Week in BL - 2 GREAT Shows but everything else is kinda blah

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. Happy new year, BLabies!

Jan 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - This show is really earning its chops, and these actors are executing beautifully. I think this is a great BL, and it reminds me quite a bit of ATOTS, only the physical comfort between the actors is more genuine and easy to watch. Unfortunately a guitar came out. Nice communication tho.

That was a very lovely romantic sex scene. Very prettily done. Classy boys, very classy.

Gah what a beautiful final scene with Day saying the last thing he wants to see is Mhork. Pure unadulterated romance of the highest order.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 7 of 12 - If killer, why hot? Poor Tarn compelled to try to rescue everyone else from their fate, because he cannot save himself from his.

Meanwhile Phaya is finally learning that you catch more water snakes with honey lube than vinegar.

Stellar confession from Phaya brutally honest and very fated mates.

And another lovely sex scene, so I guess that was a vision and not a fantasy Tharn had.

Lets be clear those two shows were GREAT everything else this week was kinda blah.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I find the backstory very odd. Are they twins? What happened to Blue? Am I meant to care? Do I care?

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 10 of 12 - I mostly just feel sorry for First. He’s so rightfully confused. Zee/Sprite keeps blowing hot and cold because they two different people! The after sex cuddle was cute.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 14 - Love getting more JeffAlan. Also I switch favorite character allegiances in the trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 6 of 12 - Didn’t air this week and I hardly noticed.

You and My Stars YT 1 of 2(?) - school kids, love triangle, it’s cute enough.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) 1626 ep 20 of 24 - Just so boring. 3/10

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I’m not into the love triangle. Although I kind of like the new suitor, he’s honest and a good communicator. I appreciate these things in a BL boy. But I begin to wonder if triangles should be left for KBL. Also, this should have been an 8 epper, 10 is too long.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 8 - No ep until Jan 12

I Became the Main Role of a BL (Japan Sun Gaga) ep 1-3 - AKA BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen - A rising star is paired with an (older) former child actor (doesn’t think he’s good enough) in a BL series. It’s fun, built on a dynamic of off screen paralleling the on screen, so near constantly meta. All the tropes are there but are as a result of the filming process. The star turns out to be obsessed with the former actor and very dorky about it. In fact, everyone in this show is a little gremlin weirdo (affectionate). There’s tons of scenery chewing miscommunication drama, slapstick, voice over head hopping, and eccentric sides characters. “And he comes with feathers” applies to a number of my friends. You know I don’t like stories around fan obsession, but otherwise this was enjoyable. 8/10

A nice start to the JBL year. Keep em coming, Japan.

It's done I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have a spare day.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Night Dream (Sat YT) 6 eps - It’s a pain to track down and I really didn’t like the first episode so… DNF

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year end round ups (so far) are as follows:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

Best Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

BL 2023 - Cute Bits of Domesticity

BL 2023 - Boys Feeding Boys

BL 2023 - BOOP!

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

Next Week Looks Like This

Starting This Week:

1/9 Time the series (Thai Gaga, WeTV, Channel 3) 10 eps - MFlow Entertainment brings us yet another "fix the past" narrative. After witnessing the gunning down of his beloved, a heartbroken actor uses a magic pocket watch to go back in time and discover the truth and maybe fix it.

1/11 Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) - Soga, who, after a divorce and relocation to Osaka, seeks solace in dining at 26-year-old Sakae's restaurant. Unbeknownst to Soga, Sakae sees him as more than just a regular customer.

More Coming Jan 2024

Beside You (Thai YouTube)

Love For Love's Sake (Korea ????)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan ????) - five years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so... probubly not. I won't be watching this.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Yes, you SHOULD apologize!

This was a FANTASTIC moment! Last Twilight

Night Dream referencing the Shrimp Trope.

Some didn't like this bit BUT I love a claiming moment, even in a briefing room... especially there.

I ALSO love a good Grandma Moment in a BL.

Such a good sex scene. The Sign

(Last week)

#two great sex scenes this week!#both from thailand #thai bl #Last Twilight #The Sign #this week in bl #bl updates #the sign the series #for him the series #Twins the series #I Became the Main Role of a BL #Japanese BL #BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen #BL series review #taiwanese bl #PitBabe #Night Dream

129 notes · View notes

fuckthemforthis · 5 months

Text

Maribor recap or long rambling, some pics and trying to make sense in my head:

1. Thank you @chibi-chellist again for reaching out, it meant a lot not to be alone! Rambling about the boys is so much better in person and when it's not one-sided. I enjoyed meeting you and sharing experiences! 💕

2. Kaj pa Ester? is one of the cringiest things I've recently seen, especially dialog wise haha BUT it is also funny and kinda cute. Very teenage-y I guess, with too much lots of kissing and parties for which scenes they used some terrible modern cajke music (like use the good old soul ripping ones that don't mention Elon Musk... teenagers today smh). Anyway, I wouldn't mind it being longer and better developed in the emotional areas which you see they scratched but need deepening to give an actual sense of plot and sense to the movie. Could be due to the fact it was supposed to be a show first tho. However, I couldn't see Bojan's personality, mannerisms or gestures so in that sense I feel he did a great job acting 👏

And THE SCENE. Oh boy. Less sad and more frustrated bojerking. Putting shame aside to admit I would love to have it available on demand, especially for some ragged breathing appreciation...

3. Bought and tried Jan's fav cookies, yaay! They're really soft and don't crumble so I approve and will enjoy. I'm sure sentimental reasons are definitely a big part of why he named them as favorite and when I think about it they really suit him but there are better Slovenian cookies like almost any from Težak bakery in Zreče.

4. Half the venue were teenagers or parents with anything between 4 to 12 year olds. I was surrounded. And since I sat a few rows above the backstage entrance, kids all tried reaching for them as they were going off stage and among all the girls there was an 8 (?) year old boy who reached out and Bojan gave him a high-five... and lemme tell you I very much dislike kids but the way that boy turned and excitedly smiled melted my icy heart.

5. Third concert of theirs, third time on Jan's side. And I think Kris somehow knows & takes revenge by not singing NGVOT whenever I'm in the audience 😔

Well Krisko, princess dear, no photos of you 😝

6. Found it adorable how as ASTP was starting, Nace went to drink some water, took his bottle and clinked it against Jure's 🥂

7. Love that Maks was there again, I like the guy. At some point during the concert he was leaning on the fence above me taking pics and I missed half a song watching him work 🙈

8. As I was behind the loudspeakers, I heard Bojan's singing fine, but talking barely because it was often too distorted. What I did hear was him saying we came there for a workout to burn all the cookie calories from the last few days... and boy are you on the wrong track because I came back home with four different packs of cookies 🍪

9. Band dad Niko's daughter was with him watching the concert from next to the stage and he danced with her and it was adorable. The existence of good dads baffles my poor unloved ass...

10. We all know how in the setlist there's a connection between Padam and Demoni because Bojan even sometimes said "and when we fall they come", but I realised the chain starts with Dopamin. First you get a dopamine rush and feel like flying but soon you experience a crash because your body used up all the good stuff and then comes the falling and the demons (and then you go back to someone so the demons would go away but that someone just plays you again - if I wanna extend it to Katrina). Yes it's kind of a concert - post concert sadness - concert rinse&repeat metaphor

11. Janči had problems with his pedalboard for the first two or three songs, he and Kiki spent minutes fiddling with it trying to get it to work. Poor guy can't catch a break.

12. So yeah, the last point is based on Jan being sick, but it's actually about the main reason I like them so much - the connection, love and care they share.

I realised Jan wasn't okay during the concert so Bojan just confirmed it for me. He obviously still slayed, and he went to play at the front a lot, but there were telling moments.

A) When Bojan came to Jan at one point and rubbed his back in a very non performative way, squeezing at his shoulder and whispering something.

B) When Jan plopped down during Padam I thought "not when he usually goes down, is he okay?" and then Bojan leaned down to stroke his hair.

C) The most telling of all, when he sat down during Umazane misli. I kept looking at him, ignoring the left-front-right karaoke. He looked so tired and off, put his head in his hands and then Kiki gave him a bottle of water. When Nace turned around and noticed him like that, he smiled encouragingly and told him it's okay three times (yep they were close enough to read lips) and that's when I was 100% sure something was wrong and he was either feeling off emotionally or sick. He then got up, went to the front, played his ass off and only when he was walking back was it visable again for a moment how empty his expression was.

D) Jure coming to comfort him and cheer him up as soon as he could lift his ass away from those drums, leading him to the front where in the end Jan turned out to be the one stroking Nace's back in a "yeah it's okay" kinda way

E) As they were leaving for the final time, someone gave Jan a wrapped present he looked actually happy about and he threw back a pick but it fell where the person couldn't reach so Nace took over making sure the person gets it.

That's it. They are all utterly beautiful. And anyone who knows me, knows I use that word to describe people first and foremost on the inside. Beautiful.

#joker out #my emotions are still all over the place

71 notes · View notes

tikus-library · 4 months

Text

"The Look"

Avengers AU - Quick Fic

Characters: Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Reader

Posted: Jan 20th

WARNINGS: none, idiots being idiots

A/N: I was at the laundromat yesterday when I saw the gif and needed to write something- so gave this.

Like, Comments, & Reblogs are always appreciated and loved.

**Please Do Not Repost or 'Fix' My Work**

Leave kudos on Ao3

“Here comes Y/N! Do the thing- do the thing!” Sam elbowed him, shit eating grin in place.

Bucky sighed with his entire soul, “Sam, it doesn't do anything, it's just a look, that's all, it doesn't matter”

“If it doesn't matter then do it.”

“Why would I?” He shot back as Sam stopped, shifted his hip out and crossed his arms.

Sam rolled his eyes to Steve, “he won't do the thing!”

“Steve get your friend”

“He's more your friend than mine these days pal,” Steve chuckled.

“Here she comes… you should see how she reacts to it, you'd understand me Steve, this one here is just an idiot.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes as Steve shrugged, shook his head and raised his hands in classic ‘I don't know’ fashion. “fine-” he bit out, stepping out between them and tipping his head down and looking up at you.

Today couldn't get worse. Today everything was wrong. Today every file that was sent to you was backwards or upside down, some were even corrupted and Tony thought it was the funniest shit, as if you could be any later now you had to do a quick debriefing of the three stooges that were currently coming back in from a mission and really as if you didn't get enough shoved on your plate– wonderful, you perked up realizing the three were right there, together, you could get it done in five minutes as long as you heckled them.

You could just stare at Steve or Sam. They were good, wholesome, wonderful guys that were not the sergeant. Not that Bucky wasn't wholesome or handsome– actually he was very handsome, distractingly so, especially when he smiled, or put his hand through his hair, or just breathed in your general vicinity.

Speaking of the Sergeant you saw him step forwards and meet your gaze, head dropping, hair shifting forwards to frame his face, lips pressed down and bright blue eyes focused on you.

Your brain flat lined.

Y/N stopped in her tracks, her determined steps halting, Bucky cocked his head to the side and was surprised when she did an abrupt about face and practically RAN back in the direction she had come from. He shoved a hand into his face.

Great, now you were scared of him, as if he didn't have enough trouble figuring out what to say to you. Now you wouldn't show your face around him.

Steve guffawed, bringing Bucky back out of his depressed thoughts. “Good gawd Buck, I forgot the effect you had on a woman.”

“What?!” He demanded, “she ran out of here in fear for her life!” Sam cracked, a howl of laughter spilling forth, Bucky clenched his fists, “you think that's funny?”

Sam clapped a hand on his shoulder, “that wasn't fear man! That girl wants you, she wants you real bad.”

Bucky jerked back, blinking hard. “No.”

Steve nodded as he looked over at him. “That wasn't fear pal, that was panic, I can tell you this much – Y/N is quiet because when she does speak she can't keep her mouth in check, which usually tends to land her in hot water.”

Bucky turned to Sam, who was wiping away a few tears, “she has literally called us both hot, but said there was no way she would date us.”

“But when I asked her for her opinion on you–” Steve laughed, but sobered and leveled a look at him, “buddy, ya need to talk to her.”

“It was pretty colorful,” Sam murmured

“What did she say?” Bucky asked.

Sam shook his head, looking over at Steve, “did you see the way she shivered at the look?”

Steve nodded laughing as he moved around Bucky, “makes you realize what she said had to be true.”

Sam gasped as the two continued to walk, “Y/N! She really is full of surprises! Scandalous!!!”

“WHAT DID SHE SAY?!” Bucky cried following the two.

#the Look #james bucky barnes #quick fic #sam wilson #steve Rogers #reader

63 notes · View notes

wen-kexing-apologist · 11 months

Text

Trans Allegory in Cupid's Last Wish

When I first started my BL journey a few months back, I watched Cupid’s Last Wish as a comparison point for Earth and Mix’s acting after seeing A Tale of A Thousand Stars, because, to be honest, I struggled with Phupa initially and wanted to see if it was a character thing or if Earth just wasn’t a strong actor (I have settled decidedly on Earth being a good actor). Cupid’s Last Wish did not seem to have the widest reception when it came out and I was deep into a rapid BL Binge Watch, so I wasn’t paying the most attention to the story and what it was trying to say when I initially started it. That is, until Episode 6…when I burst into tears after one particular scene, because I had the sudden realization that this show has a trans allegory baked into it. I wanted to watch it again, using that lens from the beginning. In conversations with @lurkingshan she said she was having trouble connecting with Earth as an actor, and I suggested she try this show because it gave me the info I needed to understand Earth’s acting ability. And we picked up @so-much-yet-to-learn along the way.

And so a group watch began! There will be spoilers in this post.

Plot Summary: “Korn and Win are childhood best friends. Conflicts arise when Win's father includes Korn in his will, granting him part of the family's farm's stocks. Misunderstandings follow, breaking up their friendship of 22 years. Their path crosses again when Win gets into a car accident with his sister Lin, and wakes up to find his soul in her body. To return to his original body, Win, in the body of Lin, sets off on a road trip to collect holy water from 4 temples across the country within 7 days. The companion to his journey is none other than his friend turned foe, Korn.” (My Drama List)

Notes:

From the point of the body-swap onward, we will be referring to who is shown on screen as Mix or Jan depending on the actor because we are following the character of Win the entire time, and naming the actors is my way of not invalidating the fact that Win is always present even when Lin's body is on screen.

Anytime we talk about changes in a biological aspect of the story in terms of its connection to trans people, we are referring to the changes trans people commonly experience on HRT (hormone replacement therapy).

Characters: Win: Reason All of This Is Happening, played by Mix Sahaphap Korn: Win’s best friend, played by Earth Pirapat Lin: Win’s sister, played by Jan Ployshompoo Non: Win and Korn’s childhood best friend, played by White Nawat

Episode 1:

One of the first line we get in the show is Win saying “I want a female name”, it is not established until partway through the scene that Win is referring to a female name for a calf. From a trans allegory lens, this is a beautiful establishing moment that there will be gender fuckery about and I love that they let the statement sit for a moment before the reveal.

Win is obviously in love with Korn, Korn is obviously in love with Win, but we see a moment where Win withdraws into himself and gets sad because he sees Korn interacting with Lin and has convinced himself that Korn might not actually feel the same way he does. The jealousy and withdrawn nature that we see occur in Win whenever Korn and Lin interact is going to be a central plot point.

We see Mix when Win wakes up, and we see him standing on one side of the mirror while Jan’s face is reflected back at him.

We end the episode with Win waking up in Lin’s body, fighting everybody to try to attack Korn, and then falling into Korn’s arms, where the imagery shifts from Jan in this scene to Mix as Korn holds Win. From the moment that Win is placed into this female body, Korn still sees Win, the man he has known his whole life.

We identified a pattern going forward: We see Jan when there are multiple witnesses, and we see Mix when it’s just Korn and Win in a scene together or when a scene is shot from Korn’s perspective.

Episode 2

We see Jan when Win tries hitchhiking, and when Win’s being harassed by the men that were picked up by the person he was hitchhiking from, and when Win and Korn first sit down at a restaurant. Places where they are in public, places where Win forgets that he is in the body of a woman and therefore more prone to experiencing danger.

At the restaurant, the waitress walks away, and the scene shifts to Mix when Win and Korn are alone and start talking to each other, then back to Jan when a waitress is called to the table.

At the temple: Mix when Win and Korn are walking alone together, Jan when another person comes to warn them about the spirits in the mountain, and Mix when they are alone again.

Win realizes he has a much smaller appetite in Lin’s body. Trans appetite change: Real.

“That bit about not realizing the danger because you never thought of yourself in a position of vulnerability around men. Real.” -@so-much-yet-to-learn

The type of ghost that is said to exist in the woods of the temple, Krasue, is only a head and entrails, no body. That’s trans, baby.

Episode 3

We see Jan when Win and Korn start running up the stairs towards the temple, Mix when Win faints and gets cradled by Korn.

“Lin is not as physically strong as you” -Korn

Something about Korn having to constantly remind Win about the function of the body that he is in reads as trans to me.

Mix when by themselves, Jan when they run into the woman in the woods, Mix when they leave.

“Just Being Friendly” plays when Korn covers Win’s eyes (Mix is the person on screen for this) …sure puen puen puen…uh huh. This isn’t part of the trans lens stuff, just noting the irony of the song with what we know about the heart eyes between these two.

We see Jan at the public temple.

Win is told by the monk at the second temple: “You are in a female body, keep reminding yourself of that,” Jan’s face:

Cuts to Mix

“If you see things with your eyes and not your heart you won’t see clearly. If you cover your eyes with your hand, you will not be completely blind. But if you shut down your heart you will be completely blind.” Identity is internal, Win is still Win even though he’s in Lin’s body, etc. etc. etc.

Mix when Win and Korn are alone together in the car, Jan when they check in to the hotel.

Win gets a new room when he learns about the open bathroom, “is this because of the sexual tension between Win and Korn or because of the body he’s in?” -smytl. The entire road trip so far, Win has been forgetting about or willfully ignoring the body he is in, but he was just reminded of his body by the abbot.

We see Jan when Win is on FaceTime with his mom, after their mom overhears her employees gossiping about how she should be worried about her daughter traveling with a man. Switches to Mix when Win is off the phone.

“Do you not want me to get cold because you don’t want me to be a burden?” \\ “No, because I care…I care about Lin, she’s not as strong as you” \\ “I think Lin’s body needs more rest”

Korn is always addressing Win but at the same time has to remind Win that he’s in Lin’s body. This is where we can start to see the seeds of doubt about who Korn has feelings for be planted in Win’s mind.

But Korn never has trouble using Win’s name, always referring to Win by his name when they are alone, not trying to maintain pretenses in public.

Win never sleeps in as late as 8am and then takes a nap in the car

“You sleep better on testosterone, and often sleep for a shorter time,” -smytl

We see Jan in the restaurant

We see Mix in the car once again singing to ‘Just Being Friendly’

Episode 4

We see Mix when Win is by himself, Mix when Korn finds Win, Mix when Korn walks them back through the forest, and Mix all evening and in the morning. We only see Jan when they start walking towards the temple.

We see Jan at the restaurant talking to the waitress, Mix when it’s just Win and Korn at the table.

“You worry too much about Lin’s body” -Win

We see Mix in the car, Jan at the rest stop and in the bathroom. The fact that we get Jan for the entire time that Win is alone in the bathroom is intriguing in terms of what getting your period does to remind trans people of their bodies.

They are making brain chemistry a part of the character, they aren’t just plunking a soul into a body. Win’s hunger is impacted, his temperature regulation is impacted, his mood is impacted on his period because he’s experiencing different hormone levels than usual. Noticeable changes in body function can be a part of hormone replacement therapy when people start estrogen, progesterone & spironolactone (transfemme) or testosterone (transmasc).

We see Mix when Win is crying and getting hugged/comforted by Korn. We see Jan in the restaurant but then Mix when he starts eating.

Episode 5

Let’s talk about all the times we see Mix grappling with the period pain, rather than Jan AND that we see Korn care so well for Win AND that Mix is on screen for those scenes so you know that Korn is seeing Win in these moments despite Win having a period.

“Hearing stories over the years of transmacs being comforted by a partner through period pain…For someone to see you so clearly that something we were raised to consider profoundly gendered could not shake their idea of you?” -smytl

We see Jan at the hotel lobby and in the hotel restaurant when the waitress is there. Mix is present when the waitress walks away and Win’s jealousy comes out to play. Jan is present when Korn’s boss drops by for a chat. Win has an angry reaction to being called Korn’s sister. Win, in fact, gets angry or otherwise upset whenever he is referred to as a woman by Korn

Win gets jealous, Mix is on screen when Win plays up his femininity a bit around Korn’s boss to try to warn Korn’s boss about flirting with him.

Episode 6

Now, looking at the entire show with a trans-lens means I have found a lot more scenes that I can read as a trans allegory. But Episode 6 truly has the most obvious moments of transness at least to me (a trans person). Win spends a lot of his time this episode looking at himself in mirrors, grappling with the identity of who he is and whose body he is in:

Korn helps Win (Mix) with his seat-belt “When you’re female-presenting, accepting help feels like the status quo. When you’re male-presenting, accepting help is making a conscious choice. There’s subtle shifts, I don’t know how much of it is being out and feeling like myself or hormonal changes adjusting the brain chemistry but I definitely take pride in the ability to do things myself, care for other people in a different quality than I used to before.” -smytl

We see Mix when Win is leaving the car and running to the stable, Jan when they get to the stable. Korn called Win “Lin” when he fainted after treating Katin’s bloat (Katin is Win’s most favorite dairy cow) because they are around everyone at the farm. Korn is intentionally mis-identifying Win because they are around Win’s entire family who do not know that Win is in the wrong body.

Korn’s calls Win “Lin” again when he pulls Win away from his cousins. His aunt and uncle pick up on the fact that Lin is acting like Win. We see Mix when we cut to Korn carrying Win away and talking with his friend. Again, intentionally mis-identifying Win because they are around people who are not aware.

Win looks in the mirror and sees Lin.

“You looked just like Win, I wondered if you swapped bodies.”

We see Jan on the farm, and with White’s character (White’s character is in love with Lin so it makes sense that he is seeing Lin’s body).

We see Mix when Korn arrives on scene.

“Please keep Lin safe” says Win’s Mom, and Korn and Win share a knowing glance.

“Mom was right. He loves Lin.” THEN MIX STARES INTO THE SIDE MIRROR OF THE CAR AND JAN STARES BACK (Win looks and sees Lin).

Gifs from @thepancakelady

Now this is the point where we remember that most of this episode has been spent back home, where everyone around Win kept seeing and referring to him as Lin. Even Korn did it to not…literally out Win. And then they leave, Korn says “I don’t love Lin any more than you” and Win convinces himself that Korn is in love with Lin. Because he just spent all this time being around people that did not affirm his identity.

Which leads to the scene that started it all.

Here we are with Win repeating over and over and over again “You are Lin. You’re not Win. You’re Lin. You’re not Win. You are Lin. You’re not Win. You are Lin. You’re not Win. You are Lin.”

Every example that he thinks about in his time with Korn on this road trip where Korn is caring for Win physically, Win replaces himself with the image of Lin’s body. THIS! SHOW! IS! TRANS!

Win (as Mix) runs to the ocean and has a massive screaming breakdown in the water. I don’t know about anyone else, but that sort of frustrated, heartbroken all-consuming rage is something that was very familiar to me when I came home and had my identity constantly undermined by my family.

“I don’t want to have good feelings for you anymore” \\ “Why not?’ \\ “I don’t want to be soft again.”There is something to be said here about toxic masculinity classifying softness as a negative thing and Win grappling with feeling perceived as feminine leading up to this. But more likely, based on the context of the previous scene, Win is struggling with the idea that Korn’s connection is to Lin’s body and not to Win’s soul.

Episode 7

We see Jan at the wheel when it was just Win and Korn in the car in order to signify that Win is dealing with less developed upper body strength, this is one of the only times we see Jan on screen when it is just Korn and Win alone, but it quickly cuts back to Mix. We see Jan in public again. We see Mix when Korn starts massaging Win’s shoulders. In fact, every point of physical care and intimacy that we see between Win and Korn, Mix is the one on screen. When we did see Jan on screen with Korn in the flashbacks Win has in Episode 6, he is literally shifting his own mental image of the body he is in. But Korn only ever sees Mix. But Win is so caught up in the body he is in that he routinely fails to account for all the moments of emotional intimacy and care that Korn gives him throughout the journey.

We see Jan when Win starts eating, and then Mix when Korn ties up his hair.

Korn switches to sleeping on the floor instead of the bed at this point, despite the fact they have shared a bed multiple times by this point. The end credit scene shows Korn holding Win’s hand from the floor, so the most likely interpretation is that Korn is deeper in his feelings and isn’t sure he can bear sleeping next to Win.

We see Jan around others.

Episode 8

Win dreams of Lin. This is one in a number of examples of dissociation as a form of dysphoria.

Win and Korn confess their love for eachother and share a brief kiss. Win very quickly realizes the body that he is in, and overthinks how Korn must be viewing him. Win breaks the kiss, and stays far away from Korn the rest of the evening.

Lin wakes up in Win’s body. Non sees Mix at first, realizes that it’s Lin and then sees Jan. In previous scenes with just Non and Win, Jan is on screen (unless Korn is also present in which case Mix is there). Non is in love with Lin and therefore sees Lin’s body when he’s interacting with Win.

We see Mix when their Mom comes in.

When Win has the flashbacks to everything, he keeps forgetting about the stuff that Korn did to make him smile, the emotional connections, he only remembers the times that Korn took care of his body, but this time he sees himself instead of Lin.

Non sees Mix in Lin’s body and Jan in Mix’s body so he’s also internalized the consciousness of the person.

Something about the solidarity between Win and Lin when they first meet again, seeing each other in their respective bodies in a way many around them don’t. That’s trans friendship, baby!

When their bodies are switched back, Korn immediately makes eye contact with Win because he’s always always seen Win. Korn has been traveling with Lin’s body this whole time, but the person he has been through all of this with is Win. When Win is finally in the body that is his, Korn needs no time at all to adjust.

Episode 9

Swapping the bodies back in the hospital feels very medical, with the monk asking everyone to leave the room while he performs the body reassignment, and then walking calmly out to Korn and Non waiting in the chairs asking how the procedure went.

Episode 10

“How could I not know my own children?” “More a generally queer thing than specifically trans, but a parent (anyone) so entrenched in their idea of you that they remain oblivious to what seem like obvious discrepancies to others. Continuing to act under that assumption until you are forced to confront their misperception and correct it because you can't continue the lie anymore.” -smytl.

Wardrobe Choice

Win’s wardrobe throughout the show consists entirely of simple, utilitarian clothes that are loose and prioritize comfort over style. It follows the same stylistic choices consciously made by many transmasc individuals, namely selecting articles of clothing that obscure or draw attention away from certain features. Some of this may be attributed to Mix’s choice and comfort level in clothing (but this is a trans allegory so we’re analyzing the wardrobe with that lens). The choice in attire becomes more apparent when Jan is on screen as Win, and we see Win as Jan choose to continue to wear Win’s clothing as what is most comfortable for him.

Those styles are:

Loose pants, often cut to have added structure or with side pockets along the hip or thigh, which break up any curve there in a silhouette.

Multiple layers of t-shirt and jacket or overshirt when out in public, usually left open in the front. The parallel vertical lines of the placket draw the eye up to the collar and away from the chest. The straight lines also minimize the appearance of any curves beneath, and make the torso seem boxier.

Jackets with multiple patches or patterns, or plaid flannel shirts, which again visually distract to break up body lines. The only time we see Win without these added layers is when he is alone with Korn, in a hotel room where he cannot be seen by passers by, where his focus is on relief from period pain. His decision to wear a simple t-shirt without the added layers shows his comfort level with Korn is higher than anyone else, to take off the layers of protection and concealment.

And the most prominent wardrobe choice, a sling bag carried cross-body in front, which covers and draws focus away from the chest beneath. This can also be a form of emotional armor or comfort item to hold onto for reassurance under stress, and is indeed gripped as such in moments of tension throughout the show. The bag is only used during the body swap and when out in public.

Final Thoughts

Notably, we didn’t notice a lot of gendered language being used until Win and Lin are back in their respective bodies. And in the rare instances of gendered language being used during the body swap (like in Episode 4) the pronouns are messed up. Win (played by Jan in this moment) says “krub” initially and then changes it to “kha” when he remembers that he’s in a woman’s body.

Something else that truly makes us capable of reading it as trans, rather than a typical body swap, is that for the majority of the show, only one body has been swapped. Lin’s soul is stuck in limbo for most of the show, leaving Win’s body an empty, waiting vessel. Jan is utilized in this show mostly as a reminder to the viewers that the outside world is seeing Korn with Lin when they are on their journey. Do we think the trans allegory is intentional? Honestly, no. But watching the show with that lens in mind, seeing the body swap as an allegory for transness does greatly improve the story. It still falters at the end, the plot is not revolutionary. But it holds a lot more meaning, has a lot more weight if you see the barrier to Win and Korn actually getting together as Win being unable to believe that Korn is actually seeing Win this whole time. Win is convinced Korn sees him as Lin and would not actually love him as a man. And it makes Korn’s love and care for Win more powerful if you read the story as trans and know Korn has seen Win, as a man, the entire time, despite him being in a female body.

(shout out to @so-much-yet-to-learn and @lurkingshan for their contributions during the watch party and in writing this post, this was a group effort)

#trans allegory in cupid's last wish #clw #cupid's last wish #mix sahaphap #earth pirapat #earthmix #cupids last wish #wka long post

175 notes · View notes

peterparkersnose · 1 year

Text

Christmas Vibes

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

word count: 1.3k

warnings: nostalgia, age gap, horrible attempt to capture joel’s accent (fuck), just christmas fluff :)

a/n this kicks off my joel stories in preperation for tlou show on hbo max starting jan 15! enjoy and have a happy holidays. please tell me you understand the vibe aspect (triangle, purple, thursday, the number 4, blueberry pie) bc if not i am just really undiagnosed.

summary Joel tries to make Christmas special for Y/N once again

masterlist

join the tag list

read time: 4 mins 59 seconds

“It’s snowing,” you sighed, looking at your reflection in your window. The street lamp lights outside were plagued with the falling snow.

“Never liked winter,” Joel shuttered, taking off his jeans. You heard his belt clank as it hit the hamper. “Really? Not even Christmas?” you asked, playing with a strand of your hair with your gaze still locked outside.

“Sarah always loved it. I liked seeing her happy so I tolerated it.” Joel sighed. You could see the reflection of his flannel pajama pants in the window. You were touched that he mentioned Sarah. He rarely did. Even if you slept in the same room with that eerie photo of the two of them together staring at you, you never dared pushing the subject.

“What did she like?” you asked, testing the waters. “Hmm,” Joel thought. “When she was real young she loved Santa. Her grandpa would come around every year dressed up as ‘em. I’ll never forget her face every year when he would come.”

You nodded, not sure what to say. “I miss Christmas.” you sighed, sitting down next to Joel in the bed. “How many did you get? Before…”

“12.” you sighed. “My mom would always go out and cut us down a tree. I sometimes think about the smell of a real tree. It’s much different when the tree is in the woods versus your living room. I miss it. Every time it gets cold like this, my memories come back and it makes me hate this damned broken world even more.” you sighed, laying down on your back and staring at the ceiling.

“We always had fake trees,” Joel commented, flicking off the lamp. He was unsure on how to respond to you, so he tried to take your mind off the bitterness of the memories.

“You give fake tree vibes.” you told Joel, reaching for his hand in the sheets. “How can one give fake tree vibes?” “You just do.” “Explain?” he asked, grabbing your hand tightly “There’s no explanation. Just like how Maria gives off former yoga teacher vibes,”

He stopped and thought for a moment. “Well I’ll be damned, she really do.” “Told ya.” “Go to sleep,” he sighed. “She most definitely had a pixie cut when the world wasn’t shit,” you added.

“Where does your mind come up with these things?” Joel chuckled. “Ellie and I had a very intense conversation about it on patrol a few days ago. Just like how Tommy gives off cinnamon raisin bread vibes.”

“Stop that,” Joel insisted, shuffling in bed. “It’s too accurate. Freakin’ me out.”

“Maybe she has a dragonfly tattoo too. Somewhere special where only Tommy knows. Very yoga teacher-ish.”

“Go to bed Y/N.” Joel huffed, slamming his eyes shut.

Joel didn’t even know why he was doing this. He didn’t even like Christmas when the world was still normal.

But he liked you sure of a hell lot more than he hated Christmas.

His back ached as he dragged the tree through the gates of Jackson. He had picked out the greenest tree he could find and cut it down. The horse would have been useless with a close to 120 pound tree (he estimated).

“Need some help?” Tommy chuckled, arms crossed amused watching his brother lug in a tree. “S’pose I could,” he hissed at him, dragging the stem of the tree against the dirt ground. “All this for a woman?” Tommy asked, lifting the muddy end of the tree. “Your tellin’ me you wouldn’t do this for Maria?” “Maria wouldn’t want it,” “Well if she did?”

Tommy paused for a second to think. “Hell no,”

The tree barely fit in the door to your house. Joel cringed at all the needles he was going to have to pick up after this.

“Got her in?” Tommy asked, entering the house with the end of the tree still in his grips.

Tommy saw the makeshift tree holder and set the tree in the metal hole. Joel propped it up, holding the tree up for Tommy to bolt the tree to the metal plate.

The two of them now out of breathe took a step back to see the enormous tree.

“I think you may have underestimated the size of your house, big brother.” Tommy said, patting Joel on the back.

Joel’s eyes were glued to the top of the tree pressed against the ceiling and jutting outward.

His arms were crossed with one hand rubbing his brow. “She’s gonna hate it,” he muttered. “I think it’s rather cute. Quirky if you ask me. She likes that shit, don’t she?” Tommy re assured his brother.

“Should I cut it?” Joel asked. “Nah. You went out and did the dirty work. If she doesn’t appreciate it, she doesn’t deserve it. I always got a lighter if you need it.” he suggested.

Joel swept the needles up from the ground in preparation of your return. You had spent the day distracted by Ellie. The kids were having a winter festival down in the square and you two were volunteering.

Joel most definitely owed Ellie one after this.

He found the red and green blankets from storage and placed them on the couch. Holiday decorations were rare to find (minus halloween) and he was trying his best.

He was in the middle of fluffing the pillows when he heard the old door creek open.

A sudden gasp came from you as your hand clasped over your mouth. “What is this?” you asked, a smile widening on your face.

“I know it ain’t perfect, I didn’t measure right but it’s…”

“Joel, it’s perfect.” you insisted, wrapping your hands around the man who was cowering in embarrassment. “It’s too tall, the tree ain’t right.”

“Shh,” you shushed him, wrapping an arm around his rib cage. “I love it,” you muffled into his chest.

“Oh!” you said, suddenly realizing what you had done that day.

You and Ellie had made strings of snowflakes all day with the kids.

The white paper cut outs strung perfectly around the tree.

“Careful there,” Joel said, balancing you as you stood on your tippy toes to reach the top. “Ready?” he asked.

“Ready for-”

Joel hoisted you up by your waist erupting a squeal from you. “Joel!” you laughed, squirming in his reach.

“String…‘em,” he demanded with his raspy voice, struggling holding you in his grip. As you strung the paper around the branches, needles dropped down. Specifically on Joel.

“What are you doing?” you asked after hearing the noise of Joel spitting. “Them damn needles- in my face.” he grunted, finally letting you down.

A tiny laugh came from you as you faced him once again. “What’s so funny?” he asked. You carefully plucked the stray needles out of his bushy eyebrows, making sure they didn’t fall in his eyes. “All better now,” you smiled, kissing him on the cheek.

“I’m surprised your not covered in sap,” you commented, sitting down on your comfy couch in Joel’s arms. You handed him his cup of coffee. “Showered ‘for you got home,”

“What if I wanted you covered in sap?” you asked, staring up at the tree. “What?” Joel asked, confused. “So I could have washed it off of ya.”

Joel sucked his teeth. “It’s a damn shame,” he sighed, taking a sip of his coffee.

“And you brought this in all by yourself?” you asked, grabbing Joel’s bicep. “Mhm,” he lied, taking Tommy’s credit. “My strong man,” you said, folding closer into his body.

“Thank you, Joel.” you sighed, remembering the previous night. “It’s just like old times.” “Well, I’m glad you like it,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“It gives off Christmas vibes,” Joel said, very proud of himself. “Yes Joel, sure. It gives Christmas vibes.” You chuckled, enamored at his attempt to understand your humor.

“Just like how Ellie gives off the vibe that she can only wear red socks on a Friday.”

“Stop that shit already,”

“And how when the world wasn’t like this, Tommy probably had shit credit.”

“He did,” Joel laughed. “Stop it now, your still freaking me out.”

“You brought it up!”

“Yeah, because it was funny when I did it.”

“Yes Joel. Hilarious.”

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry

660 notes · View notes

ofstarsandvibranium · 7 months

Text

Go For It

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: There's a bit of tension between you and Isaac since he doesn't want you to get hurt by any of his teammates, especially Jamie. But you're a grown woman and you what you want.

Meet Cousin McAdoo | Caffeine Crash | Tour de Richmond

It'd been a few days since you've seen Jamie. You figured you'd keep your distance since Isaac was making a big fuss about you two hanging out.

Eventually, you said "fuck it". You're a grown woman and Isaac can't tell you what to do. You wanted to see Jamie again. Therefore, you came by the pitch in the middle of their practice. Isaac was taking you to a show at the West End later so it'd make things easier for him anyway.

"Hey, Roy!," you nod to the coach, who gives you a grunt in response.

Your presence is noticed by the boys who all give you nods and waves. Your eyes lock with Jamie's and you smile, giving him a wave. He smiles and waves back but then when he sees everyone looking at him, he immediately stops and looks down.

You sigh, "Did Isaac give him a talk?"

"Gave everyone a talk. You're off limits."

You groan, "For fuck's sake. I can see whoever I please."

"Whoever you please? Like Jamie?"

You cross your arms over your chest, "Maybe...has he mentioned me?"

"Maybe he has. Maybe he hasn't," he matches your pose but looks a lot more intimidating than you, "What would your intentions be with him?"

You snort, "I'm not like a gold digger or something, Roy. I like Jamie. He's funny and sweet," you let your arms drop, "I get it though. You're protective of him."

Roy drops his arms too and scoffs, "I'm not protective of him. He's lil' prick!"

You pat his shoulder, "Suuuree. Try all you want, Roy. But I'm well aware of how that mean exterior covers up what a complete softie you are inside," you poke his cheek and then turn your attention onto the pitch, "If I go over there, will you hurt me?"

"Do you want to take that risk?"

You shrug, "I'm sure I'll be fine," you say as you walk onto the pitch to approach your cousin.

"Hey."

"You were supposed to come after practice was over," Isaac states as he's watching his teammates dribble balls up and down the pitch."

"I got bored. Figured I'd watch hot sweaty men kick a ball around."

Isaac grabs a ball and lightly kicks to you, "Have a go?"

"Alright," you toss your things to the side and do your best to control the ball.

The guys cheer you on as you do your best to keep the ball as close to you as possible. Sometimes you'd kick it a bit too hard and you'd chase after it.

"WHISTLE! Five minutes then scrimmage!" Roy yells and you plop yourself onto the grass. Isaac tosses you a spare water bottle and you drink from it.

"That was fun."

"You're not very good," Jan Maas states, which earns him a slap to the chest from Bumbercatch.

You laugh, "No, it's okay. I'm well aware my football skills are lacking. Maybe I should show up at practice to learn from you guys!"

"Wouldn't mind having a beautiful woman here to motivate us," Richard says with a wink but then scurries away from Isaac's intimidating gaze.

You lightly kick Isaac's ankle, "Oi! Knock it off! It's just shameless flirting."

Jamie then walks by you, giving you a nod, as he grabs his water bottle a small distance from you.

"You alright, Jamie?" you ask.

You watch as he glances from Isaac to you, "Yeah. I'm good." He continues to look down, avoiding you.

You roll your eyes and stand with a grunt. You approach Jamie with a whisper, "Hey."

"I'm not really allowed-"

"Oh fuck whatever Isaac says. He's being dumb and overprotective. Listen-"

Five minutes are up! Scrimmage! Now!" Roy yells and you groan.

"Sorry. I need to go," Jamie tosses his bottle down and heads back onto the pitch.

You're not going to let Jamie avoid you. You grab a spare jersey for the team Jamie was one and joined the pitch. Everyone looked at you confused.

"What? I'm bored and wanna see what all the fuss is about!"

The guys then looked at Isaac on what to do. He shrugs, "Let's show 'er how it's done, boys!" they all cheer but then he puffs his chest out and says, "But if any of you hurt her, you're dead!"

The cheering immediately stops.

"I'll be fine! Let's go!" You look to Roy who gives you a questioning look. You give him a nod and he yells, "WHISTLE" and the scrimmage starts.

You do your best to keep up with them. Dani kicks you the ball and you're screaming as you head towards the goal.

"Jamie!" you kick it towards him and he grins, kicking it back to you, yelling, "Go for it!"

You run, kicking the ball as hard as you can and everyone stops as it flies through the air and into the net.

You and the guys burst out in cheers and hollers. Jamie runs over to you and picks you up. He spins you around but then sets you back down as the guys crowd you. They're jumping around and cheering, patting you on the back. You never expected them to be so excited for you.

You laugh as Roy goes over to break it up and get back to playing. Jamie stays back as the rest of the guys head to their positions, "You trying to steal me job?"

You snort, "Hey, you told me to go for it."

"True."

He starts to head back but you call out for him, "Jamie!"

"Yeah?"

You hesitate for a moment, but then that voice inside is yelling, 'Fuck it all!'

"Y/N?" he calls your name, walking closer to you.

You smile shyly, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Your question clearly takes him by surprise. His eyes widen and brows shoot up, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Jamie, we're grown adults. We don't have to do what Isaac says."

"He said he'll punch me in me face if I even look at you! And I like me face unpunched!" you couldn't help but laugh the slightly frightened look on his face.

You place a hand on his shoulder, "I'll deal with him. Are you free Friday night?"

"Yeah. I can be free Friday night," he smirks at you.

"Great. I'll grab your number before I leave then."

"Fucking mint," he says in disbelief, smiling widely at you.

"TARTT! HURRY UP, YOU PRICK!" Roy shouts.

"I'm coming!" Jamie yells back and he's running to the pitch, a big smile on his face.

#jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt #jamie tartt fic #fem!reader #f!reader #female!reader

129 notes · View notes

arliedraws · 10 days

Note

Do you think Harry was in love with Sirius? Something more intense feeling at least than just friendship/fatherhood? Because the intensity is burning across the pages and it really reminds me of being much closer to real love than any mentorship thingy, idk how to say. Now, I don't want to be so brainrotted that any platonic relationship is just shipping material. I wouldn't even say Harry's feelings were the same as the canon romantic relationships like Harry/ Ginny and Ron/Hermoine but being someone's main person, apart from parents and kids (which Harry never really got) is often the husband/wife/significant other

look at the transference in ootp, when Sirius pulls back from giving good advise to Harry and Harry withdraws too, and in the end Ginny helps Harry out with the ,,am i possessed part,, something he asked Sirius before. Later after Snapes woret memory bit, Harry confides no one why he doenst have occlumency lessons anymore but tells Ginny he wants to talk to Sirius. Its interesting to me that, Ginny took over some of Sirius's emotional duties and filled a void after Sirius's emotional withdrawal and and Harry grew in love with Ginny later. I think those are linked but that's me.

Also the books are littered with how often Harry remarks upon Sirius's handsome self so that doesn't really help. If Harry was in love and after the war he and Sirius got on with a quiet secluded life somewhere where they could see the sky, do you think Sirius could have developed the same love in return? I'm into Sirry waters here now I guess, but there's something that just keeps reminding me that Sirius was Harry's true main love, wether romantically or otherwise coded. I don't think it'd ever go into sex or stereotypical husbands sharing a flat like wolfstar is but def more closer than best friends. A secret thied option?

Canonically? No, I don’t think so.

I joke that Harry has a crush on Sirius but unfortunately, I don’t think his constant pointing to Sirius’s attractiveness is actually Harry speaking—I think it’s Rowling illustrating the “waste” that is Sirius’s life. She’s trying to show us the consequence of good looks and too much cleverness, as if to say that Sirius has nothing left. Because Harry doesn’t call Sirius handsome post-Azkaban—only pre-Azkaban Sirius is handsome (lol sure Jan). It’s funny to me how she built some really wonderful, complicated characters but did not really understand who they were.

Anyway, as much as I find Sirry fun, I don’t think Harry was in love with Sirius romantically, but he did LOVE Sirius more than anyone else. You could link emotional closeness with romance, I suppose, but I personally feel that it’s simply that Harry sought Sirius’s advice and support because Sirius is like a father to him.

Now, I could see Harry and Sirius living quietly together as adults, coping with their traumas and simply escaping the limelight for a while. Sirius, in my opinion, is Harry’s parent. The only reason I take to the Sirry route sometimes is when I am feeling feral and want to shred stuff with my teeth.

#sirius black #harry potter #hp meta #asks

21 notes · View notes

turtle-steverogers · 2 years

Note

Read a story online earlier about someone who buys two cups of tea and sits and pretends that their father has just gone to the bathroom when he's been gone for several years, and I couldn't help thinking, what if this was Steve? What if just after waking up from the ice he goes for a walk and finds that the diner he and Bucky spent every afternoon in just sitting and enjoying the others presence, Bucky reading the new Si-Fi novel he got from the library and Steve sketching the other diners, both of them getting something to drink for free becase they help out the owner whenever they could, is still there. So he goes in one afternoon, and the booth they'd always sit at is still there, yes the seats and table top is diffrent, and so is the decor, but the booth is still there, and he orders two drinks, soda maybe, or water, and pushes one across from him and sets a Si-Fi book he bought earlier that day next to it, because as much as he said he didn't like them, they still remind him of Bucky and decides that maybe, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much, to pretend, just for a little while, that Bucky is just in the bathroom, or mabe taking up a girl at another table, and he'll be back soon. He'll come back and pick up his book and he'll tell a joke, and they'll both laugh and all of a sudden everything is right again, just for a few minutes, just while he pretends.

oh my god. here's a fic.

“Can I get you anything else, hon?”

The man looks up from where he’s idly sketching the soda machine, a glass of chocolate milk half finished next to him. Across the table, there’s another glass of chocolate milk-- this one full-- and a sci-fi pulp that looks like something Lucy would find in her grandmother’s library placed neatly next to each other.

Smiling, the man shakes his head. “No, thank you,” he says, before ducking his head to return to his sketch. A clear invitation to leave him alone.

Lucy flashes him a grin and nods. “No problem, hon. You just let me know if you change your mind.”

The man nods and mumbles another, ‘thank you’, but doesn’t look up from his sketchbook again. It’s not unusual for people to come into Jan’s Kitchen to idle, but Lucy feels a tug at her heartstrings; the poor guy looks like he’s been stood up for a date. He’s been sitting in the booth for some time now with two drinks, the other a clear placeholder for someone, and every so often Lucky will catch him staring around the restaurant expectantly. Still, it’s none of her business, and she’s not there to judge any which way. So she leaves the man alone and tries not to feel too worried for him when an hour later, he closes his sketchbook and plucks up the other book, leaving one empty and one full glass of chocolate milk on the table, along with a ten dollar bill. There’s a note written on the corner of a sketchbook page when Lucy goes to clear the glasses.

Keep the change.

The next time Lucy sees the man, it’s during a Saturday lunch rush. He comes in with his sketchbook and the same pulp novel tucked underneath his arm, and specifically requests the booth in the back-- the same one where he’d sat the previous time. Harried, Lucy tells him that it’s not available.

“Oh,” the man says, and for a moment, Lucy could have sworn she knew him from somewhere. Maybe a low scale movie? Some odd TV show? All corners of New York yielded itself to some amount of famous people. She wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been in something before. “That’s okay. I’ll come back.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucy says, mostly because she hated feeling like she’d disappointed a customer.

The man smiles, waving a hand, and even though his eyes hold a certain sadness-- a weight-- he looks genuine.

“No, it’s really no problem. Thank you for your help.”

He strolls out of the restaurant then, and Lucy watches him go. He dresses sort of oddly, too. In straight khakis and an old looking button down. His hair-- while short-- is neatly parted. Huh. odd. Shaking her head, Lucy turns to greet the next patrons.

When Lucy shows up for her shift at Jan’s on Tuesday night, the man is already sitting in the booth in the back, sketchbook open and two cokes sitting on the table. Like the last time she’d seen him, one was still full and pushed to the other side where the sci-fi pulp was neatly placed. It’s thankfully quite sparse in the restaurant, and Lucy takes her time tying her apron around her waist, watching the man’s hand guide the pencil smoothly across the page. He looks exhausted, eyes heavy with dark, pronounced bags underneath them. His skin is pale and there’s a fine tremor to his hands as he sketches.

“He’s come the last three nights,” one of the other waiters, Harvey, says, leaning over the counter by her side. “Sat in that same booth, ordered--”

“Two drinks? Yeah, he was here one other time I was working, then came in a couple days later asking for that seat. Had to turn him down, ‘cause it was a rush, but…”

“Yeah, I dunno,” Harvey says. “First I thought he was being stood up.”

“Me too,” Lucy says, crossing her arms. The man’s shoulders are tense, nearly drawn up to his ears. “But I’m thinking that’s… not the case.”

“Yeah.” They watch as the man erases something forcefully, then looks out the window. His hand is clenched so tightly around his pencil that Lucy thinks it might break. “What do you think his deal is?”

“I dunno,” Lucy says. “But he looks kinda familiar, doesn’t he?”

Harvey cocks his head. “You know, kinda? He’s definitely military. I mean, look at the way he’s sitting.”

And now that he mentions it, Lucy can see it. The way he’s choosing to sit on the side that faces the entirety of the diner-- a vantage point. Eyes darting around every few seconds, clearly clocking everyone coming in and out, even when he’s distracted.

“Shit, you’re probably right,” she says.

“I just hope he’s okay,” Harvey says. “Like, either way, he looks damn lonely. I hope he’s got someone at home, or something.”

Lucy shrugs, but she can’t help the way her chest aches. The man seems sweet, if anything. She sure hopes he’s not all alone. No one deserves that sort of hell.

The door jingles as someone comes in and the man jumps, clearly torn from some sort of reverie. Yeah. Definitely a vet. Or something like that.

“Yeah,” Lucy says. “Me too.”

“Just two waters, please.”

“Sure thing,” Lucy says, smiling at the man. He’s been coming into Jan’s Kitchen regularly for nearly two months now, always at the same booth. Though never at this hour. It’s nearly 4:00 am, and he looks like he’s been through hell. His shirt is rumpled and his hair is sticking up in the back. There’s remnants of a flush on his cheeks, and his eyes are blown wide and a little glazed. Biting her lip, Lucy thinks back to her conversation with Harvey about him possibly being a vet. Maybe he had a nightmare? Either way, he doesn’t look good. “Lemme get those for you.”

The man doesn’t answer her, and Lucy goes to grab the two glasses, along with a slice of cherry pie. They have extra, and he looks like he could use a pick me up.

“Here,” she says, strolling back up to the booth. “And I got you a slice of pie on the house.”

The man looks up at her, eyes wide. He looks close to tears.

“You didn’t have to--”

“I know,” Lucy says, placing a fork down for him and nudging it forward. “You don’t gotta eat it if you don’t want it, but it’s there if you do.”

The man bites his lip, looking down at the pie. His eyes look misty, and Lucy wants to ask. More than anything she wants to sit and ask if he’s okay. But it isn’t her place.

“Thank you,” the man whispers.

Lucy smiles. “No problem,” she says. “Just holler if you need anything else.”

Before she can turn to leave, she catches sight of the man’s sketchbook. On the page, there’s a half-finished drawing of a man-- short hair flopping over a handsome face. There’s a boyish smile etched onto the lips of the drawing, portrayed with such palpable and evident fondness that suddenly, Lucy feels like she’s invading some sort of privacy, and it hits her all at once. Oh. Oh.

“I think he lost someone,” she says to Harvey when she gets back behind the counter. “There’s a-- he’s drawing someone, in that sketchbook. I saw it. It looks… I don’t know. You’d have to see it, but I think-- I think he’s grieving.”

Harvey looks up from where he was logging tips in the register. “Shit, really?”

Across the restaurant, the man is poking at the pie with his fork. They both watch as he eats a bite, then pushes around some of the filling before sliding the rest of it across the table towards the other water glass and the sci-fi pulp.

Here, he seems to say. You finish it

Lucy blinks. Next to him, Harvey deflates.

“Yeah,” Lucy mumbles. “Shit.”

Of the sheer amount of shit that tends to happen in New York, aliens invading was not one Lucy had been expecting.

Luckily, she’s out of town that week, visiting her grandparents in Pennsylvania with her parents and her brother, but she watches as the invasion unfolds on the television.

It feels like an out of body experience, watching giant space whales and ugly looking lizard-type-things ravage her home. She feels frozen. Utterly helpless. Next to her, her brother is crying and she can hear her parents and grandparents talking in the other room. Surreal barely covers half the feelings in her gut.

On the screen, Iron Man flies past, and it feels wrong to be surprised by that, too-- the presence of superheroes, fighting the aliens on screen. None of it makes sense. None of it.

She watches in horror as the Hulk slams a couple of aliens into the ground and Thor uses his magical hammer to behead another. It’s as disturbing as it is captivating.

The camera switches and Captain America flies through the window of a bank, landing hard on top of a car. His helmet had been lost somewhere between the last time camera footage caught him and now, and Lucy gasps, hand clapping to her mouth.

“Oh my god,” she breathes, feeling lightheaded, and of course. Of course the man from the diner is Captain goddamn America. So that’s where she’d recognized him from.

Her head's still spinning as her screen lights up with a text. It’s from Harvey.

well. we were right about him being a vet

When Lucy returns home from her grandparents’ house, she doesn’t go back to work, because there is no work to go back to. The diner was amongst the buildings destroyed by the Chitauri Invasion-- details they now know on the other side of the tragedy.

Still, she goes to help clean up the debris. Everyone in the city is pitching in, it seems, and it all feels so huge. Too huge to tackle. But she figures she can start in a familiar space.

The man-- Captain America-- is there when she arrives. He’s dressed in worn jeans and a black t-shirt, covered in dust and grime. He looks tired. Stripped down and snuffed out as he stares at the remnants of the diner. Clearly, he’d been helping with the relief effort, but right now, he just looks stuck.

Lucy watches as he reaches into his back pocket, extracting something. She recognizes it immediately as the sci-fi pulp. There’s a paper poking out of the top now, and for a long time, Cap just stares at it. His hands are trembling; Lucy tries to think of the last time she’d seen them still. They were always shaking when he came in.

A battle seems to wage in his mind before Lucy sees him abruptly shake his head. His eyes squeeze shut and his grip tightens around the book, then he bends down to place the book in a pile of already cleared rubble-- the stuff that’s ready to be loaded to a landfill.

He turns to leave after that, shoulders slumped and head bowed. He doesn’t look like he knows where he’s going. Lucy is almost certain he doesn’t. Everyone lost their home, it seems. And he must have lost his long before the rest of them.

It’s a terrible, juvenile curiosity that has Lucy picking up the book when she later passes it. It isn’t her business-- she knows that-- but there’s a part of her that can’t help it. The spine cracks as she opens it, and the page falls out. On one side, there’s a letter, and Lucy doesn’t make it past the Dear Bu-- before she turns it over. Not her business.

On the other side, it’s the drawing of the other man. The one with the handsome face and the boyish smile. Lucy recognizes him now, she realizes. She’d read the history books. Seen the reels. Sergeant James Barnes, KIA 1945. Captain America’s best friend. Looking at the picture now, Lucy wonders if that’s all they’d been.

Not her business.

And clearly, Cap wants to lay this particular bit of himself to rest. She places the book back into the rubble, burying it a little more thoroughly than he had, and praying that he finds the closure he seems to be craving. He deserves it, she thinks. Anyone would.

Dear Bucky,

Jan’s is gone now. Destroyed by aliens, if you can believe it. Though, I guess you wouldn’t believe that anymore than you’d believe that I died and came back to life, or that the future has phones you can put in your pocket now. Or maybe you would, judging by this goddamn sci-fi I’ve been lugging around for you. In any case, I’m sorry. I can’t seem to keep anything of ours alive. I tried, though. I promise. Made sure to drink a couple cokes for us. Even sat in our booth. Our names are still carved underneath, did you know? I don’t think anyone would realize it’s more than just random wood-scratchings if they didn’t know they were there, but I did.

Anyway, I miss you tons still. I don’t think that’ll ever stop, but I think losing Jan’s is making me miss you extra right now. It’s like parts of you keep dying over and over again and I cant

I miss you. I love you. I love you so much. I hope you’re resting easy up there, Buck.

Love,

Stevie

Thanks for reading!!!

#steve rogers #stucky #bucky barnes #mikey answers #stucky fic #lovely lovely anon #AHHH ANYTHING WITH THIS SORTA GRIEF AND YEARNING KILLSSSS ME #thank you anon for this THANK YOU

657 notes · View notes