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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year

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the "what are you even talking about, like what do you mean when you say this" overlap imo between people talking about who's Bad At """conflict""" & talking about who's Bad At """"""social skills"""""" like. those supposed Social Skills being about carbonized Rituals that serve to indicate you're not a threat to each other, b/c the only reason to truly deviate from "never behaving in a way someone doesn't expect or feel they immediately understand / sympathize with" is b/c you're using more spontaneous communication to Fight, with an eventual winner/loser, and talking is just a power struggle and/or power play to assert your preestablished higher status, i.e. already being thee A Winner here

like this exhausting dynamic b/w these two bros just like talking about what they got out of [xyz] experience and how perhaps especially when you're supposed to be [the concept of Men] things are elevated re: the proximity to / frequency of fighting each other and always assessing each other's Threat Level, and these two random guys just have this tepid discussion and any time someone goes "and i also alternately/additionally thought/felt [xyz]" the other one does the bizarre like, semi exasperated? "no yeah Of Course" as though like oh we are so on the same page you didn't even have to say that and actually you're kind of an asshole for even starting to say it before i immediately cut in as soon as i realized i could agree at all to tell you to shove off with voicing it, how dare you even theoretically think i don't think exactly what you're thinking now shut up….again: exhausting

like Communication, the more freeform or extensive, is Bad, b/c you're potentially in Conflict, and conflict is fighting & being threats to each other & someone potentially needing to be crushed b/c how else do you resolve a Conflict Fight? versus like, can not the concept of A Conflict be more distilled to something so matter of fact that nobody even needs to Feel any ways about it. like the "theoretical" conflicts that would just be like. something can't happen as something hypothetically intended it to. like a scheduling conflict being, in fact, a conflict, without anyone needing to have been in the wrong for having an appointment on thursday afternoon, and without anyone needing to Concede The Point of scheduling anything on a thursday afternoon b/c they are the one who Lost w/e negotiation about how to work around this. can not "i was operating on one understanding of what's going on for you / what you're trying to do and why, and now what's happening isn't aligning with that idea that i had about how things are" be a conflict that can be resolved by perhaps talking to that person. versus assuming you must be correct b/c you're normal and so something's wrong with them and/or they're messing with you on purpose b/c they're an asshole now, and even if you realize you were wrong about something way down the line you can just be like "well sorreeee how was eye supposed to know [xyz] and i Thought i was being Nice b/c i Thought you were [xyz] so i was in the right and now you're coming after me by being like 'actually by doing that maybe you hurt or even simply inconvenienced me' like so i'm evil now?? could you not have politely let me keep stepping on your toes forever b/c i assumed something was true? and if you did ummm How Could You Be So Bad At Conflict as to know ppl respond [like this] and so instead politely let me keep stepping on your toes?????? i also resent all this"

versus if you see the conflict of "i seem to have misunderstood you / you misunderstand me" as Not Necessarily Threatening then you can comfortably just actually communicate about it. that autistic people who are used to thinking of themselves through the lens of [how others may interpret any/everything about them], having to be more aware of themself as An Other than A Self, won't assume everyone's reading everyone else's mind at all, or even think of that as the ideal approach, and will like, readily give & seek information from others to actually try to be on the same page and have this Constructive experience where you've worked together to navigate your interaction as two different people who would not somehow magically be in alignment, unless you consider the "alignment" to be the power differences that must exist and the priority in Socializing, thus what makes for "good" "social skills," is never threatening them, or god forbid Disrespecting them by Ignoring them: say, how autistic people will have less status/[the social capital] b/c of being autistic, yet the assholes will be Talking (the medium of a fight) and Asking anything of others like participation in an interaction (fighting) and btw by thinking they're Allowed to talk all freestyle rather than in the hollow scripts of "i'm amicable i'm not threatening you. directly. this may be passive aggressive" and by treating me as a mere equal they're trying to drag me down to their level and/or elevate themself to mine, and b/c this is a disruption of the power hierarchy that must exist, we have a problem, and they started it, and they're an asshole

(also: i & many people Do also consciously disrespect & ignore the [socializing = power struggles] concept & its goings on lol. and there's also ofc no real "normal" Universal social style across all cultures and groups and individuals and Misinterpretation ft. bad faith reactions happens on endless fronts. but nt people will pretend there are Rules that everyone has had to be Trained on and if you disobey you'll never deserve to be treated as a person. all "and people only smile when they're happy. unless, did i miss a memo? that frowns means happy now???" etc etc like you see it's all passive aggression or the tools of passive aggressiveness but to "help" someone without threatening them but you Can be pissed if they misunderstand, or at least know you were in the right.)

the way it's Normal(tm) to never actually think of how you don't Know someone else's thoughts/feelings, to never presume they could operate differently and for reasons you can't just accurately infer with a guess re: why You'd do it, to not try to actively undergo a mutually cooperative interaction to better understand each other / be working with the same info, but oh it's autistic people who Are doing all this who never think about how other people are different from their weirdo asses. the "social skills" of assuming wrongly, getting mad at others for supposedly realities you just made up, responding to assuming xyz & being mad about it by punishing/excluding someone & possibly getting others in on it. whilest nd people with their Wrong social existences & approaches are always navigating communicating/socializing as something to do actively & consciously to connect with & understand other people and Don't necessarily think [wow this person doesn't seem to be behaving Amicably towards me?] is a) correct or b) proof they're an enemy to defeat, b/c that's how they're generally treated? the whole time you know communication can fail and you're navigating that w/active effort & constructive intent while people who operate on [if someone does something you don't expect / not according to the script: kill or be killed. or kill just b/c you can & that's the only way you can relate to yourself/others] are like wow what an asshole who i guess doesn't want to get along with anyone so let's see them in hell.

not to mention being shut out from even basics of communication b/c socializing is about respective power levels and you do need Authority to do things like "say whatever" or "have people care about your personal experience at any time" or "say anything at all, actually" like ppl discussing things like "i don't know that i can't Read Cues, vs that i just know they might mean any number of things" vs if someone's not looking at you while you talk it can't be b/c they're actually trying to listen better, it's b/c they're ignoring you / uninterested to pwn you, if they show they relate by saying "hey yeah that's like when i [xyz]" they're one upping to pwn you, if they smile they're happy people only smile when they're happy unless did i miss a memo that frowns means happy??? b/c if someone also makes any expression it Must have been caused by You and they're letting you know as much to pwn you.....or ppl talking about how they can never jump into a conversation b/c they just Can't Get The Timing Right the way other allistic ppl can walk right up and barge in and be absorbed into the convo, or even have a [one on one convo w/ the autistic person] quickly turn into [one on one w/the newcomer, Excluding the autistic person] and other people being like, is it about our "social skills" and "timing" or is about when you' have the authoriti're understood to have the superior social status, you Deserve to do things like cut in on a whim and be listened to, timing does not matter, Not ignoring / forgetting the inferior person does not matter. like, the issue isn't always just "i tried to jump in and it went a bit awkwardly," it can be standing there and talking and being completely ignored w/o much evident conscious effort, or even the least time on some pending [choice to ignore]. you can be hypothetically In the interaction, like, allowed in the group, w/o people noticing when you talk, b/c you don't warrant Listening/Processing, or at least, the least response to indicate that and thus validate that An Exchange is occurring, versus: shut up already b/c shut up always unless someone else wants you to one word answer a question and then possibly misunderstand you w/hostility, but if you Explain anything in unasked (as it always is) depth you're a) out of line, nobody told you to talk more hence the only reason you'd be justified to do so b) defensive, also out of line when you deserve others' judgment, and/or obviously a sign of knowing you're out of line and thus doing too much to avert your just punishment c) providing info b/c you think w/o info i might be Wrong b/c i'm Dumb & Bad. no You. d) all of the above and more

and if, perhaps because trying to talk live & in person means stuff like the above, and other behaviors/mannerisms being judged as weird so let's kill them b/c obv they're killing us by being so weird, and if you're trying to be "normal" that's diminishing your ability to actually communicate or like get through your day and requires hurting yourself for the benefit of others so they don't hurt you more (spoilers. the resonance w/experiences of other instances of "you're responsible for how other ppl, who are superior / have authority, treat you, and have to 'earn' their positive treatment or even neutrality b/c you do not Already inherently deserve it," i.e. interpersonal abuse) and still won't even fully or always work (see prior parenthetical) b/c even if one person pretends things b/w multiple parties can be unilateral, it is not (see: prior)....anyways and If all that means say, someone can communicate a) more effectively and b) with less real pain & depletion via Other Mediums, like emails / otherwise written, non real time correspondance, or god forbid something so Unreasonable as real time / in person that's still not talking, with correct Tone and Inflection and Body Language and Posture and Eye Contact and Handshake and Je Ne Sais Quoi and Cut Of Your Jib and All American Interests And Sensibilities and Etcccc, like what a tyrannical demand that could just never even be considered and i have the Right to eye contact and phone call and etc etc etc (you do not) Stop Hiding (you warrant avoidance if you think no one should be able to avoid you)

and parallel to nd people having the theory of mind and social/communication skills that don't understand all interactions as asserting or vying for power or indicating you're Not threatening someone in the realm of supposed social power, and thus do not operate with that premise, the victim blaming that is "obviously that treatment is bad and i would know it is bad and not tolerate it because it is bad. so people subjected to it have to be worse than me, and deserve it more" where it's also definitely not the fault of the people issuing the treatment, b/c how could they Really know it's bad if the other person is experiencing it without Stopping them, hence telling them It's Okay??? well sorrreeeeee how was i supposed to know that [xyz] was actually hurting you, it's your fault for not blowing up at me, which would've been deemed this uncalled for reaction if you had, and now i'm mad if you're Making me feel Bad b/c that's the discomfort that really matters????? fuck you for telling me, with this kind of response why didn't you tell me?? like, uh oh, same logic at work. and that when other people keep running into the realities that actually their good faith expressing of "actually this hurts me" or more spontaneous reactions to being hurt are just taken as justifications to treat Them as some aggressor / problem creator wronging the other, ofc they aren't likely to simply keep trying that when it's not serving the purpose it "should" or supposedly Would, b/c well if only this person did xyz then nothing bad could ever happen to anyone. and when people ofc Have to become accustomed to [other person or people who can & will treat them badly if they want to, or even just thoughtlessly, b/c they can, & don't choose to do the opposite, b/c even if they're aware they've hurt someone it only matters if they feel justified / they care more about keeping their relative status (it's being autistic, it's [the Authority of Superior Status is coming from inside the house: the concept that husband owns a wife, parents own children; familial abuse])] then it's like wowww they just put up with it, it's their fault then. god forbid that even if they extricate themself from one abusive situation, they're still vulnerable, other ppl take advantage of the vulnerability & they're now in another abusive situation and are used to navigating that indefinitely, vs how someone else might have the preexisting advantage of Not being used to that, not having the experiences to navigate it more indefinitely, finding it more extraordinary & thus having more confidence in their assessment of the situation, and not having the kind of vulnerability in the first place to a) have been in such situations prior b) be stuck in this one now, including perhaps being able to expect that their feelings will matter to others and others will support/help them on that basis, or that their feelings will even be regarded as real/existent. Being Autistic.

(also, yknow, other nd experiences. like adhd classics of "but if you cared / cared to try, you would simply [xyz]" and the like. this is about the crossovers, this is about the "it's the same thing. [who has the restricted autonomy? who has the power at the expense of others' autonomy?] extended universe")

and like the idea that abused people were just Bad at """Conflict.""" and that even if they're extricated from one abusive situation, they might have xyz behaviors / approaches that aren't Normal and that Those make them "worse" at "conflict" too. that nobody "normal" could be lacking in their "normal" approach to interacting with others, neurodivergent people and others who get to be, like, Others(tm) others, definitely don't have [behaviors / experiences related to repeated trauma??] pretty across the board, they're probably just doing more fucking up at being normal which is why they don't get to be considered normal in the first place, ofc. like, what tf is Normal Joe doing to question if they're perhaps not now and have not always been and may not always be the Perfect Interactor. much less to actively try to navigate that, and assume there'll be more to learn b/c there's all these other people who are all different and all always changing. and to perhaps Try to be safe to interact with beyond "well i Mean well" "well a normal person wouldn't regard anything i did as Tryinnng to hurt someone" "well is it my fault i just Assumed you were simply as normal as me? aka the nice thing to do? the thing you should be trying to do?? way to be a weirdo, like having experienced traumatic harm and now that's like, a part of your life and you're not actually Wrong about it or Lied To that that's possible b/c it clearly is and you can't be aware of the precarity re: that happening again b/c welll it's not normal for it to happen surely, i'd Know if it was, you can't recognize your vulnerability, you're kind of an asshole for making that experience anyone else's problem, it's not My fault, keep it to yourself and just get over it asap" like the real problem is if someone might have to so much as consider consciously doing something differently b/c someone else is different than they thought and also nobody's Above considering others and how they're affected by your actions. liiike so long as i didn't mean to, or so long as we don't really care about how they're doing b/c they Are less of a person with a wronger existence that means they bring it upon themself and there's a Narrative about how actually my Superiority is a noble burden that is only trying to punish them towards being as superior as me. and/orrrr i don't even have to think about it & thus have any narrative b/c it's so streamlined / obfuscated as there being any deliberate interference that this is all just Normal, right. people are out of line suggesting [xyz] is ableist or something b/c ughhh it's not about any principle it's about some emotional quota like, okay i've begrudgingly assessed Some things as sympathetic/reasonable to not do, & that's enough, & you can only ask so much of me vs this being a constant often conscious lifelong matter to deal with like it is for people who could be hurt by it?? the contempt is effortless and normal and you have to be trying to be evil & feel evil about it for anything to count. if other people say they're affected a) who cares b) they're probably being too sensitive. another way they're worse. i'm not entitled here c) are they even frowning to prove they're sad? well they're either too sensitive Or they're manipulatively exaggerating / faking it anyways. the convenient fact that nobody can provide external ""proof"" of their thoughts or feelings or intentions, which means i'm always justified if know i think i am, which, let me check, yep: i know i think i do, and it means that i can assume other people are shit inside and hurting them doesn't do anything Real and they deserve it anyways

anyways merely being Normal Mode and Not Thinking You've Been Malicious Or, Sometimes More Importantly, Out Of Line Re: Your Justified Authority is maybe not a basis of successful interactions. what if you try thinking of yourself as [an other, to all others] and not better than other people if you've never much noticed being treated as worse, or at least not as As Worse as Those people or That person, and maybe just b/c You'd only explain something to someone to patronize them b/c nothing should ever not be immediately understood, doesn't mean other people trying to convey their experiences and ideas to you b/c they know you're different people are attacking you as so inferior to you as to be patronized, b/c you're different ppl and they Are better at communicating / socializing when not treating others as inferior or superior Or only equal b/c of being Litchrelly the same person as you, Never even share a thought b/c Of Course i'd immeidately agree with it, how dare you, shut the fuck up

(thinking how people can Parallelly share a space without talking / seemingly interacting more directly than that, as "i am comfortable w/your presence" and/or "we can both use this space as we see fit simultaneously w/little to no need to hash anything out abt it / may rather silently work around what the other is doing" and this may be seen as signaling hostility / contempt / some power play, like also when cats do it b/c they choose to be around you. or just so Weird. you can't even go to a public place Alone, are you kidding? weird And sad)

maybe just saying "don't be afraid to ask questions / for help :)" doesn't make everyone comfortable asking questions / for help, or otherwise able to. maybe not even doing that much & simply thinking your being Normal & correctly Friendly implicitly conveys it to all & makes you approachable is not that guarantee, either. maybe saying "just tell me if anything makes You uncomfortable" doesn't put the responsibility on them for real, just surely takes any blame off you (no?). like sorry do you Want to asap reach a point where you can forever stop being concerned with how what you do may affect others and assume you're perfectly correct abt the needs of everyone you encounter and how your behavior is good enough to one size fits all treat anyone? speaking of being patronizing, and the attitudes behind it. someone who's abused is now Wronger about how to treat them so that they can feel safe. if they want to communicate in ways that seem weird or too distant they're wronging Me, if some misalignment can only be recognized through someone being hurt (as only judged as reasonable / real by the more Normal party) and having to have a conflict as a Fight to determine who the Wrong / Loser party is, what do you mean that's not going to feel safe to everyone. it can't be that a lot of people easily hurt others without having to notice it or Feel wrong about it. dunno how it could be that ppl are like "does being autistic share traits/behaviors associated w/trauma or is it that like everyone is all but guaranteed trauma for being autistic" and if it does well clearly what matters is no normal people feeling bad for thoughtless contemptuous abusive treatment or having to consider operating on different social values/principles towards any & everyone? the autistic people should just become not autistic, i.e. not exist, i.e. also it's their fault how other ppl treat them, whoops it's the same logic behind [anyone abused in any situation / form]

also the idea that like, what, oh someone's Wronged if they didn't feel they had the Chance to Befriend someone or even be Close to them, like, what, is anyone Entitled to even have some trial run at being any given person's friend, or close to them, or w/e other personal access to them? ppl can then cite a noble Concern like oh but if they don't let anyone in they'll be alone, oh but if a child avoids me their shit parent in their room then that can't be good for them, oh but if an autistic person goes unpunished then they'll always be hated & mistreated (as deserved), like, the primarily cited Benevolent Magnanimous reason for the disdain is secondary to [i'm just justifying continuing on exactly as i've been doing, b/c i already can] like yeah oh my god could it be possible that people in shitty positions going through shitty experiences might have complicated reactions to that reality that is different than yours but not Wronger just b/c you think yours is better / more Normal, which means better. and if they ever take on any blame / take on more responsibility in ways that they direct inwards, like that they Continue to be responsible for how others feel about them, what they assume about them, and how they treat them, (which they probably are b/c that's totally for [inferior abnormaller people] like nervous unconfident loser weirdos like them who just Failed to respect Themselves enough to not be abused & continue to be blamed for that, as well as for not being treated w/basic respect as an equal person) well then how heroic to use the idea of their compounding hurt to wash your hands of your own responsibility in any interactions w/them. they have to become as Normal as me first, how unreasonable for someone to recognize that even "normal" interactions involve some people being deemed superior while other people are more scrutinized, punished, and blamed, w/no recourse, even in Casual Friendly exchanges :) so mean to have been too uncomfortable to say they were uncomfortable or have felt too unsafe to say they felt unsafe! *i* was within my rights as [but i'm just so normal and well meaning] and i mean what do they expect, their standards are impossible and unreasonable and unfair b/c it's not i the range of Normal to Haaave to accommodate them (ugh. the Real imposition), and they're just using excuses vs taking Responsibility & enacting Agency anyways, their fault entirely. people are so sensitive these days you can't just have a conversation??? i have no problem w/this logic thanks

anyways it's half past one and i could always go on. normative standpoint "bad conflict skills" [handshake] "bad social skills" like hmm are they really. so heroic to worrying abt if [xyz] is bad for themself but what's good for themself would probably make you think they're even more of an asshole who's wronging you (e.g. someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [preventing the least conflicts via people pleasing], someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [being deemed marginally more socially successful via masking]), are you being wronged or did you presume you're entitled to something / perceive someone else as entitled b/c they weren't acting like you're inherently better than them, which you are, there's not a problem unless power is threatened, which makes it always the totally inferior people's faults, *i* didn't think there was a problem & *i* would've known (backup: well how was *i* supposed to know)....who gets to be superior, who's always in the Process of having to work for deserving basic respect as a person (b/c they keep failing to deserve it ofc), who's more vulnerable and has no recourse even if they don't like it and would be out of line just asking for otherwise / merely implying as much by expressing that they're hurt, who has the power to hurt someone whether through malicious schemes or spontaneous thoughtlessness/ignorance, who has restricted choices re: their autonomy, who gets to choose what happens to other people & the elements of their personhood, their time, energy, body, feelings, effort, etc, & hurt / imperil (require they take on more vulnerability/precarity) them to enforce it....but who cares like just go "i'm so normal that it's relatable" & wash your hands of anything, after all your time as the individual hero out here lol. try being an Other To Others rando as good as anyone else who can handle the idea they're wrong / don't already know how to be perfectly right abt everything / not feeling the least actively malicious or "out of line" isn't the end all be all sole priority. what are we talking about with what "conflict" fundamentally is, or how to approach it, or the same re: being "social"? well only assholes who wanna flex on me by being pedantic would bring it up

#long post abab #''they're the same picture'' [parental abuse] [being autistic] [Authority over Others enforced w/interrelated/fractaling power systems]#age 7 a teacher duly informing me of my punishment for not only not breathlessly obeying some gesture from across the gym while looking in #that direction but not parsing it as an order; much less what it meant; in the first place? so it's a wednesday then #the feeling that you must just be failing to follow some Rules and it's on you to Succeed before things are decent?#the fact that that is indeed the assertion other people make about the situation?#one iteration of [you're treated worse b/c you deserve it] lining up w/another. & one isn't Wrong/Mistaken for noticing this....#the posts about like weird but positive Family Holiday Celebrations they didn't realize that not everyone did....that but the evil version #you can just make up xmas dinosaur or big sandwich day. you can also just make up ableism or that children are parent's property lmao #but then also. those things are so permeating / common that it's like ppl are against them in name only....#but you're also supposed to think that Nothing is different abt your situation than anyone else's & they just Acted Right through it #anyways. baseball metaphor re the rules you're supposed to learn lol...#hugely popular recess game that i tried to join in Once & nobody ever taught us even when playing it in gym #i'd inferred / observed Some rules but obv messed up quickly enough (made Worse for prior success: being on second lol. (what))#that was around the end of recess luckily ig but i was quite aware of ppl grousing amongst themselves that i'd ruined the game #back to foursquare where we made up rules b/c it's a game lol & having fun #next up: my being the One person in fifth grade who couldn't already ride a bike; also no instruction; also in front of everyone lol #they went off & did other stuff anyways & i Did learn but thx to One gracious peer lending a hint #(that being: it's harder to balance if you Falter in speed. going a bit faster only makes it Easier to maintain balance. it was So True)#having it pointed out by other ppl w/extra zany upbringings like oh i guess our parents didn't like want to know things abt us / talk to us #or ever play w/us much or teach us much? the classic [parent does xyz for you even if you wish they wouldn't & then just starts like slowly #and increasingly resenting that you don't know how to do it yourself already? or in the first place?)#certainly the overlap Between also personal abuse & being nd lmao. i will Never keep that room clean lol....not up to that shit #and ofc every Interpretation of behavior is kneejerk Reality / all that matters; you Are responsible for another / adult person's feelings #And their actions per their feelings. and their feelings abt your feelings abt their actions! just like being autistic in the wild #next up: being queer also lmfao. insert it into this post throughout. if you'd just act right. you can't expect getting to be as much of a #person as me who can make choices / have their autonomy when you're not as normal as me? hello???#parent can't bring themself to directly invoke concepts like Gay or Trans but Can just be like umm what's wrong w/you (rhetorical) >:(

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lovebugism · 6 months

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omggg im craving a halloween themed , rockstar!eddie x shy!reader at a halloween party , matching costumes and everything & he sees a ton of guys hitting on her & is like ???? my baby?

here you go lovie! hope you like it! — eddie takes his girl to a bar on halloween and gets jealous when guys hit on you like you're not already his (shy!reader, rockstar!eddie, established relationship, 1k)

fictober (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)

The world didn’t know you before today.

You’ve been just Eddie Spaghetti’s girlfriend for so long — but now you’re Eddie Munson, up-and-coming rockstar and lead of Corroded Coffin’s girlfriend. The title carries a certain weight with it. You wear it with pride, but it weighs you down just the same.

What’s weird about tonight, though, is you’re not sharing Eddie with the rest of the world like you thought you would. He’s having to share you, because everyone and their goddamn brother’s been all over you all night.

Apparently, your coquettish rendition of The Bride of Frankenstein is making everyone else as crazy as it’s making him.

“God, go save your girlfriend, Munson,” Gareth jokes across the booth, laughing into his drink as he watches yet another guy stop you at the bar. “At least one of these assholes is gonna steal her from you.”

“She’s not property, dude. She can’t get stolen,” Jeff scolds from beside him, then flashes Eddie a sheepish glance. “But, yeah, the odds aren’t in your favor, Eds.”

Eddie pays no mind to his friends’ teasing — or the anger swirling like fire in the pit of his stomach.

“Nah. She’s alright…” he mumbles into the rim of his glass. The whiskey burns his throat going down. It doesn’t match the flame rising in his chest at the sight of his precious girl talking to some douchebag dressed like Elvis Presley.

He wouldn’t say it if he didn’t think you weren’t a hundred percent fine. These bozos aren’t trying anything with you — hell, they can barely make conversation with you. You’re just entertaining it because you’re the sweetest thing on the earth.

It’s laughable more than anything.

He’s humored by it all. Not jealous. Definitely not jealous.

“Yeah, who’s the famous one here, again?” Jeff’s girlfriend jokes. She’d left to go to the bathroom with you but came back alone when you got stuck with dollar-store Elvis. She points to the rest of them with a long, manicured finger. “It’s you guys, right? Because I can’t really tell.”

“Fuck off…” Eddie grouses, forcing a grin while the rest of them laugh.

You return then, with a drink in hand and a frown on your face at the sight of your suddenly grumpy boyfriend. “You okay?” you wonder quietly, smoothing down your skirt when you slide into the booth.

The boy moves over to make room for you. “‘M fine,” he answers with a mumble that makes you assume otherwise.

You reach a hand to his face, smoothing fluffy curls behind his ear. His cheek is warm against your palm. His faded seafoam Frankenstein paint job smears on your wrist.

“‘M sorry for taking so long. Some guy stopped me on the way over. I didn’t wanna be rude.”

Eddie shakes his head. Not a single part of him blamed you.

“It’s okay, babe. Not your fault.”

He’s full-on beaming now. Just because you called that asshole “some guy.” It feels good to hear you say that, to know that that’s all he is to you — just some fuckin’ guy. You won’t remember him later, if you still do even now.

Honestly, you’ll be lucky to remember your own name at the end of tonight.

“He get that drink for you?” Eddie asks, nodding to the frosted glass in your fist.

You shrug. “Yeah. He bought it, but I watched the bartender make it, so it’s fine.”

He nods, proud and sparkling with it. “Good.”

“What is it?” Gareth wonders, squinting across the table.

“An Old-Fashioned.”

“You hate whiskey,” Eddie laughs, licking the alcohol from the plush of his bottom lip.

“Well, yeah, but he asked what I liked, and I didn’t know what to say, so I just told him your favorite drink,” you ramble, all mousy, as you drag the falling sleeve of your corset back up your shoulder.

Your cheeks heat with embarrassment, still a bit overwhelmed by the attention.

Eddie’s grinning something fierce beside you. His chest swells with so much pride he thinks he might burst.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest fuckin’ thing?” he singsongs with a rosy grin, wrapping the ripped sleeve of his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer.

Then he kisses you. Like, really kisses you.

It’s deep and intimate and sloppy. He opens your mouth with his and slithers his tongue inside. He tastes like bitter-sweet alcohol. You get drunk on him accordingly.

The rest of the table gags.

Your lips click audibly when Eddie pulls away. His smile glistens with a mixture of your saliva, lips a deeper shade of pink and slightly swollen. You wipe your chin with the back of your mouth — some of Eddie’s face paint comes with it.

“Where’s he now?” the boy asks with a mischievous squint in his deep chocolate eyes.

You shrug, totally uncaring and just wanting to be kissed. “I dunno.”

“Still at the bar,” Gareth answers for you, snickering to himself. “Giving your girl the sex eyes.”

Your face screws up in disgust. “Sex eyes?” you repeat, nose scrunched.

The group laughs.

“Think you can get him to buy you a round? You know, for the table?” Eddie asks you. His fingers trace shapes on your bare shoulder. You have to fight back a shiver.

“You want me to go talk to him?” you gape, like you must’ve heard him wrong.

“I want you to go get us drinks, sweet thing. Work your magic, you know?”

He’s not in the most right headspace right now. You know this. He’s still high on the post-show adrenaline and mellow on the alcohol. He’s jealous and in love with you and aflame with hatred for bootleg Elvis Presley. He gets rash when he’s raging, risky and unpredictable — a deadly concoction.

“Eds…” you hum quietly, brows scrunched like the idea pains you. “I don’t wanna make you mad…”

“You won’t make me mad, sweet thing,” Eddie assures, squeezing your shoulder. He presses a sanguine peck to your waiting mouth, then his voice gets all low. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll reward you after.”

He smacks one last kiss to your buzzing lips.

You blink at him until your senses return to you. You slide out from the booth and saunter back to Some Guy, who’s seemingly been waiting on your return this whole time.

There’s a sudden sway to your hips now, but it’s not for him.

It’s for Eddie.

The boy with the wild hair back at the booth, missing splotches of his face paint and wearing your lipstick knows this too.

#published by bug #eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfiction #st drabbles #eddie spaghetti drabble #event: fictober!

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suiseisyojo · 1 year

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before and after

「riddle rosehearts x gn!reader」 ↳ gift for: @shinmon-c !! in which ramshackle dorm’s roof collapses and like a lost little alice, you knock on heartslabyul’s door.

As a feather-like sensation speckled your lashes, you blinked while the crackling sound of splintering wood surrounded your eardrums throughout the space of your bedroom in time with your consciousness regaining from sleep.

“Mm⋯” Stirring in your bed, you pushed your body upwards in congruence with another loud, reverberating crack. Between the interstice of glossy fatigue enshrouding your eyes, you peered upwards and squinted—then the realization struck you. “No way?!”

Planks of moldered wood began cleaving through the roof and descending, galvanizing you into scrambling awake. You hurriedly scooped up Grim into your arms from his spot at your feet, the disgruntled protests spilling from his mouth not nearly as loud as the clamor of the roof collapsing in on itself, and you bolted from your room.

The entire dormitory quivered and clacked, your heavy breaths integrating with its every motion. “What’s happenin’?” Grim spat out tiredly, the vexation from being woken up suddenly thick in his voice as he hopped onto your shoulder.

“Our bedroom roof just caved in.”

It didn’t take long for the Headmaster to arrive afterwards, accessing the damage—and giving you his opinion on the matter. It appeared to be a daunting task to repair, his judgment assigning the dorm unfit for living in.

Without much of a choice, you went digging through what rubble you could manage to lift; the egregious chore leaving you only able to snatch a few belongings between the clefts of wood and stone.

You could hear the Headmaster’s words echoing in your head as you did so: “Aah, how terrible! I didn’t expect it to fall so soon⋯ For now, you’ll have to board with another dormitory until it’s fixed. I’ll make sure to put an expedite on it, how kind of me♪”

And so, with only two bags to your name, you found yourself at Heartslabyul Dormitory explaining the situation to its Housewarden.

“——I’d already put in a request to get it patched up before this happened, but I don’t think he listened.”

Listening with rapt attentiveness to your story, Riddle heaved a sigh as he thought about what you went through. “I wish I could say I was surprised. Your dormitory is still in dreadful condition,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “and it’s just like the Headmaster to overlook its state.”

“All my cans of tuna are missing under all the rubble,” Grim groused with folded arms, the flickering flames on his ears lit with disappointment.

“That’s why I was hoping you’d allow Grim and I to stay here for a few days,” you implored, knowing Riddle was the only Housewarden who wouldn’t turn you away. “We promise not to get in anyone’s way, Riddle-san. We’ll take a spare room, or even a closet! Anywhere’s fine!”

Upon hearing you mention something as shabby as a closet, Grim piped in with slitted eyes, “I wouldn’t want that!” Then a toothy grin curved on his kittenish countenance. “Let us stay with Ace or Deuce!”

At that request, Riddle felt his shoulders stiffen. You, sleeping in the same room as one of your fellow first-years? You were all a very close quartet⋯ but the idea of you possibly sharing a bed with another boy was enough to twist trepidation inside his gut.

“As if I could allow you to stay with those two,” Riddle started austerely, “you’ll be a distraction for them, and I won’t allow noise past a certain hour.”

You felt your throat tighten, unease rippling down the column of your spine. “Then where could we stay?”

“You can stay with me in my room,” Riddle declared as he looked over at you, the beginnings of dewy tears congregating on your eyes piercing through his heart. “My bed is big enough for more than one person.”

Both you and Grim found your eyes growing wide in perplexity, and Grim shouted, “Us in your room?!”

“No, just [Name]-san. Not you. I can’t possibly have your fur all over my sheets; the amount of cleanliness rules it violates⋯” Riddle trailed off, voice becoming softer as he did so, “You can go with Ace; he should be appropriately accustomed to your dirtiness.”

With half-lidded eyes, Grim leered at Riddle with a nearly blank-looking skepticism, “Sounds to me like you just want [Name] all to yourself.”

A white-hot flush flourished on Riddle’s cheeks, and he averted his gaze as he retorted, “Silence! While you’re in Heartslabyul, don’t think your impertinence will be excused. If you want to stay here, you’re under my rules right now.”

Then a mischievous, cruel simper curled on his thin lips. “And if Ace isn’t suited for you, you can always sleep with the hedgehogs outside.”

Gulp. “A-Ace is fine!”

Riddle couldn’t stave off the airy chortle that flowed from him at Grim’s expected reaction—there’s no way he’d allow Grim to sleep among his hedgehogs, the poor babies would be anxious all night, but he knew mentioning it was the perfect bait to capture Grim with, and it made him happy to tease the feline like that.

But⋯ it wasn’t like Grim was wrong in his earlier assumption. It was childish of him to arrange for you to sleep with him because of the jealousy smoldering hotly in his chest, and yet, still, he wasn’t going to revoke his invitation either.

As you entered Riddle’s room, your heart thumping in your ears, you surveyed his room—and it was exactly how you’d always imagined it. A multitude of magical treatises were jammed upon shelf after shelf, a wondrously perfect reflection of his studious nature.

“⋯ What? Don’t space off and stare too much,” Riddle chided you lightly, finding himself self-conscious of your riveted eyes scrutinizing his room. It was the first time you’d ever been in there, of course he’d be embarrassed by your impression of it.

“Ah, sorry! I was just thinking it suited you,” you apologized softly, a smile toying with your lips, “even the bed is as luxurious as a queen’s.” And it was even bigger in size than you thought it’d be—he sleeps on this every night? There’s so much room!

“Well, yes, most beds are bigger than the child’s-sized one at Ramshackle.”

“Y-You’re not wrong⋯”

Before you stepped in farther, Riddle seized your hefty-looking bags from under your fingertips and brought them over to the left side of the room. “We’ll have your bags over here; you’re welcome to place out any belongings you have as you need. I just ask you don’t make a mess,” he said whilst removing a stack of books on the nightstand, placing them back onto his private desk.

“You really don’t need to make any special changes for me, Riddle-san! I’m the one intruding, after all,” you waved your hands in a panic to dismiss his concern and care, feeling overwhelmed by his consideration. “I really do appreciate it, though.”

Shaking his head, Riddle gave you a reassuring, breathtaking smile, “You’re welcome. I want you to be comfortable during your stay here⋯ and with me.”

You didn’t have any doubts you’d be content staying with him. Although, truthfully, you were definitely nervous. Your stomach was a fluttery mess as butterflies swirled around, percolating a sense of embarrassment. And it was simply because you’d be staying in the same room, the same bed, as Riddle.

How could you not be wrought with nerves?

Little did you know, Riddle was ruminating on the very same notion.

⋯⋯ Wasn’t this practice for when you finally lived together?

#riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #gn reader #x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader

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sunflowersandsapphires · 4 months

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The last pair

pairing: Frank Castle x fem!reader x Matt Murdock

summary: Frank is a simple man who cares more about convenience than appearance. And you and Matt refuse to let him hear the end of it.

warnings: none? language, i guess?

a/n: I wrote this for my bestie @madschiavelique because they inspired me and I wanted to share it. Hope you all enjoy!

w/c: ~600

Frank was beginning to regret his aversion to doing the laundry. It wasn’t that he didn’t do it ever, it was just that he tended to push that off until absolutely necessary—and there had been one pair of pants left in the dresser this morning, so he hadn’t been forced to wash his jeans.

You see, Frank was a simple man. He exerted the effort necessary, when it was necessary. His appearance was at the bottom of his list of priorities most days, a symptom of his military training and constantly having bigger fish to fry after the subsequent tragedy. It didn’t matter what he wore or if his hair was brushed, or if his face was clean shaven—more than likely he’d be covered in blood by the end of the day.

But that was before. Before Red, before you. Before he took a step back from his other identity and tried his hand at a civilian life again. Something he hadn’t had for decades. And it was almost peaceful…

But your ceaseless giggles were threatening to shatter that delicate peace.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll stop.” You panted, breathlessly. Looking up at him with tears of humor sparkling in your eyes, you took in his glaring eyes and comically grumpy frown and began cackling again. He grunted, shoving past you gently as he stalked to the bedroom.

“Frank, wait! Come back!” You called after him, guilty yet gleeful.

“What on earth are you laughing at?” Of fucking course he would come home right now. Why not let everyone in his life share in his humiliation?

Matt hurried inside, shedding his coat, already grinning at whatever had set you off. He strode over to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and kissing you hello before rephrasing his question. “What’s so funny, angel?”

“Frank’s outfit.” You barely made it through the two words before the force of another round of bright giggles bent you in half.

Matt turned his head towards the older man, cocking it slightly. “Oh?”

“Don’t encourage her, Red. She’s seein’ things.” Frank spoke gruffly, avoiding Matt’s blank gaze as a deep crimson blush crept up his cheeks.

“Aw, Castle,” Matt pouted in fake sympathy. “She teasing you, baby?” Letting go of your waist, Matt sauntered over to Frank.

“Shut up, Red.” Frank hissed, standing rigidly as Matt tenderly rubbed his shoulders. Kissing Frank’s cheek, Matt began to apply a bit more pressure, kneading the tense muscles in Frank’s upper back. Groaning in satisfaction, Frank tipped his head forward, letting Matt massage his neck with one hand.

“That feel good?” Matt murmured, smirking at Frank’s relaxed expression.

“Mmhmm.” Frank hummed, resting his forehead against Matt’s shoulder.

With the larger man sufficiently distracted, Matt allowed his free hand to drift down Frank’s torso to his…velour track pants?

“Frank, honey,” Matt began, trying to keep his tone even.

“Yah?” Still limp against the lawyer, Frank’s voice was muffled by Matt’s neck.

“Why are you wearing women’s pants?”

Behind the pair, you shrieked with laughter. Frank straightened, breaking free of Matt’s grasp.

“They were the only clean pants, ok!” He groused, marching into the bedroom to change. “If it’s so damn ridiculous, I’ll take ‘em off.”

“Matty, you don’t even know the best part.” You laughed, sidling up to Matt in the bedroom doorway. “Those pants are hot pink, and they say ‘juicy’ on the butt in rhinestones.”

That had you and Matt both in stitches, practically collapsing to the floor with wheezing laughter.

“Ya know what? I’m dumpin’ both of ya.” Frank called from the bedroom, stifling a smile of his own.

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aralezinspace · 1 year

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Send Me to Sleep

Requested by anonymous: fluff with insomniac reader and the prompt "why are you still up?"

A/N: Here have some tooth rotting fluff, I am not responsible for your dental bills xD fun fact, the thing Dream does to help reader sleep is the same thing I do to get my tiny humans to go to sleep, made this slightly bittersweet to write b/c after next Friday I won't be working with tiny kids anymore i'll be working with college age kids ANYWAY hope you enjoy!! 💖💖

~~Requests are open!~~ ~~Current WIPs~~

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

It was almost as if the ticking of your antique alarm clock was mocking you, loudly reminding you of every passing second you spent awake when you should be dead to the world.

Your insomnia was nothing new, it had plagued you since college. It was conditional on your stress levels, which was somewhat ironic: the more stressed you were, the less you slept. The less you slept, the more stressed you became.

Since figuring out that pattern your senior year, you had done everything you could to keep your daily life stress free enough for you to sleep, and it had been working out for the most part, aside from busy times of the year when work, family, and friends all collided in a few hectic weeks. Times of the year like Christmas, the height of summer, and for some reason, the entire month of April.

This week was not supposed to be one of them.

You stuffed your face into your pillow to muffle your frustrated scream. It was now going on 3:30am, and you had to be up and getting in the shower at 6. You sat up with a heavy sigh and ran your fingers through your hair. Sleep was obviously not coming tonight, so you decided to get some chores done around your apartment.

Under the hot spray of the shower two and a half hours later, you groaned as you felt the heaviness behind your eyes that indicated your body was ready for sleep. Of course it had to happen when you were getting ready for yet another busy day at work… which would probably stress you out to the point where you wouldn’t be able to sleep, or your body would just shut down out of sheer desperation.

“Ugh, Dream’s gonna kill me,” you grumbled into your towel. “Well it’s not like there’s anything I can do about it.”

If anyone else had been this invested in your sleep schedule, it would have been extremely weird. But the fact that it was your partner, the ruler of the Dreaming and Nightmare realms. Sleeping was kind of his thing, and once again the irony was not lost on you: a conditional insomniac, in love with the literal sandman.

Your day was just one thing after another, mostly phone calls. More than the usual volume at work, then a call from your dad, then another one from your aunt for some reason, then one from your brother that you sent straight to voicemail just to have a break. Future you thanked past you for that, turns out he just wanted to once again complain about his boyfriend.

When you got home, your mind was fuzzy with exhaustion, and your body jittered and shook from the after effects of the four cups of coffee required just to get through it all. You felt like crap, and probably looked like crap too.

You shambled through changing into your pajamas and making dinner, barely tasting the food as you chewed. You barely registered what episode you were on, thankfully it was a show you had seen before. Your “bedtime” wasn’t for another two hours; you were ready to drop, but fucking up your sleep schedule even more was a recipe for disaster.

You dragged your hands down your face and groused, “Ugh fuck me.”

“With pleasure.”

The rumbling chortle came from the shadows by your front door, making you spring to your feet. The rush of adrenaline rendered you wide awake, at least long enough to process who was currently standing in your apartment.

A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as Dream of the Endless strode into the light of your living room, hands in the pockets of his signature coat. It slowly dropped from his face as he took in more of your appearance: the blue, almost black bags under your eyes, the pallor of your skin, the slump of your body as if the immense burden of his responsibilities rested on your shoulders.

“My love,” he pressed, almost like a parent trying to get the truth of some mischief out of a child, “It has been some days since I have felt you in the Dreaming for longer than a few moments. Have you not been sleeping again?”

The way your entire body sagged in defeat was all the answer he needed.

He stepped closer to you, gently resting his hands on your shoulders. “Darling, when was the last time you had a good night’s rest?” You shrugged, your brain struggling to come up with an answer that you were allowed to give. Once again, your body language gave him the answer.

“Then why are you still up?” He didn’t sound angry, only deeply concerned. “Why did you not call for me?”

You swallowed hard before mumbling, “I didn’t want to bother you.” A heavy sigh pushed itself out of Dream’s chest and his hands moved to hold your face in his hands, taking the weight of your head off your shoulders. “Beloved, you are never a bother to me. “I would not be a worthy monarch of the Dreaming if I could not even ease my own partner to rest.”

You couldn’t help your chuckle; it was the closest you had ever heard Morpheus come to humility. Your smile brought a tiny mirror of the gesture to Dream’s face as he rubbed his thumb over your cheekbone, trying not to focus on the deep shadows beneath your eyes. He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, letting his lips lingered as he inhaled deeply through his nose, taking in your essence. It stuck in his nose, tainted by your exhaustion. He breathed his words into your skin, “Let’s get you into bed.”

Swift like quicksilver, he scooped you into his arms, drawing a startled squeak out of you, closely followed by a bashful giggle. Dream carried you to your bedroom, staring lovingly at you the entire time. Your bed was still unmade from this morning, and he gently deposited you in it before pulling the blankets over you.

You snuggled into the covers, drawing them up to your chin. You smiled at Dream as he sat next to you on top of the covers. Cool fingers brushed your hair out of your face. You murmured, “Gonna use your sand to send me off?”

Dream chuckled, soft and low and slightly smug. “No, I will not need it to get you to sleep. I need only do this.” His forefinger settled between your eyebrows (some would say over your third eye) and gently rubbed the skin there. You hummed softly, wiggling deeper into the comfort of your bed. Dream’s eyes practically glowed in the darkness of your room, distant, even though he was sitting right beside you.

You were more than bone tired, and sank easily into his soothing touch. Your eyes flickered and fluttered for a moment before finally falling shut. Dream’s touch on your forehead was the only thing that existed in the blackness behind your eyelids, safe and comforting. You could practically feel the stress leaking out of you and into the mattress.

In your last moment of lucidity before you drifted off, you heard Dream murmur, “Sleep well, beloved. I will see you soon.”

#The Sandman #The Sandman fanfic #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader #Morpheus fanfic

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wavesalwayscrash · 3 months

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Waves Always Crash /// Page 7

Previous || First || Next

HE'S NOT EVEN SAYING ANYTHING

#WAC pages #Act 1 #Chapter 1 #Page 7 #c: Lain #c: Grouse

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hellhunde · 8 months

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The First Chapter (18 pages) of my new comic Waves Always Crash is up now on Patreon for $5!

Waves Always Crash follows Chamberlain, the right hand to a King who incited a war that ravaged the whole world. Now that King is dead, murdered at the end of the war he started. Lain is taken prisoner by the winning side and given as a servant to the New King they instated, a strange sea cat named Mariner. Politics, power, and control are uneasy and ever changing, as Lain is forced to get used to his new life.

#s: waves always crash #comic tag #c: mariner #c: lain #c: grouse #c: condor #Art tag #i just think these guys are neat

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simarcana · 6 months

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Now that the Realm has found its equilibrium, it's time to consider the future of magic itself. But what will the cost be?

#tbh i don't know if i'll do something or i'll let hint of the previous stories cause translating is oof #but i loved the idea of this poster so #arcana mundi IS all for the band but i mean... it would have been misleading #save: arcana mundi #ts4 screenshoots #ts4 screenies #ts4 simblr #ts4 maxis match #ts4 sims #ts4 screenshots #ts4 pictures #simblr #ts4 edit #c: alika diamandis #c: aodh ramsay #c: hazel grouse #c: noah lewis

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soup-of-the-daisies · 7 months

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i saw the sirius headcanons by @lesbianmckinnonn which inspired me,,, so obviously here’s some james ones from me

second tallest of the fearsome foursome, but like ✨tastefully✨ tall. a modest six feet, just abouts (sirius is the tallest and he looms over people)

was a very lonely child (paranoid parents who had zero friends with children his age), which is part of the reason why he latched onto sirius so intensely shortly after meeting him

more about his childhood: got spoiled rotten in an almost literal way. his parents were busy people and he had to entertain himself with his toys. whenever his parents weren’t there for an important part of his early life, he got a new gift to ease the hurt

compulsively will share everything he’s got as a result. it’s how he shows love. one time he gave peter his old racing broom and peter hit him over the head with a dirty sock

attracted to sirius but tells himself that everybody stares longingly at their best friend’s chest. or neck. or fingers. or mouth. or—

has one dimple

his family is indo-dutch but they’re quiet about it (as indo families usually are). when sirius came to live with them the jar of sambal became a staple on the dinner table, as they had to cut down on the spice in their meals but they didn’t want to let go of it entirely

thinks english food has no taste other than salt. would’ve KILLED for some nasi goreng at hogwarts. had his parents send him sambal after week after the start of his first year to put on his peanut butter sandwich

isn’t very hairy despite the hair on his head being really thick and remus once said his forearm is ‘smooth, like an eel’. james then ordered peter to hit remus over the head with a dirty sock

can’t grow a beard it becomes really patchy lol

bites his nails (lily grouses that he’s lucky he’s got long nailbeds)

is really lean and wiry, like harry, but could probably lift all three of his mates on his back and carry them to class without breaking a sweat

he allows remus to take advantage of this on the really bad days before and after a full moon and lets everyone think he’s just showing off

c a n n o t sit still for the life of him. rip king you would’ve loved fidget spinners and popits

#i’ve got more but it got long so 🫡#about how he grew up: idk i just think there’s a lot to be said about how james became a bully resembling dudley and malfoy #despite looking ‘well taken care of’#a child doesn’t become mean to other children for no othe reason. every childhood bully i had had things going on at home that werent good #but yeah in my hc he’s indo-dutch like me 🥰🥰#generational trauma but good food etc etc #james potter #james fleamont potter #james potter headcanons

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onstrangerthighs · 4 months

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Billy hadn’t been in this particular friend group for very long, but even he knew about Nancy and Steve’s Breakup. While he’d joined after it, from what he’d heard, it was the Breakup. At least for Steve.

It was mutual, both parties deciding they were better off as friends. Still, every time the rest of the group got together, the atmosphere itself seemed broken, too. Maybe it was because Steve had very clearly not moved on. Billy didn’t understand it, but then again, he’d never really been in love, or vice versa.

Being the new member, and an introvert slash selective extrovert, he always seemed to end up right next to a moping Steve. The scratchy silence was agonizing, especially during New Year’s Eve, for... reasons. Billy couldn’t complain, though. His painfully obvious and unrequited crush on Steve could not have come at a worse time. That’s the thing about romance, Billy groused silently, tearing his eyes away from Steve’s pretty face.

He was pretty sure everyone else knew. Everyone else except for him.

“Not a bad spread, eh, Pretty Boy?”

Steve startled out of his stupor, and nodded, grinning goofily at Billy. Perhaps he’d had too much to drink. For him to get honest-to-God shit-faced, would take an impressive amount of alcohol.

This just may be the only thing besides playing basketball in high school that they have in common. Oh, and the whole pining thing.

“You must think I’m pretty pathetic,” Steve burped, not even bothering to cover his mouth. Yep, he was on a bender.

Billy shrugged. “You miss Nancy,” he replied, and Steve shook his head fervently, burping again. “Am I wrong?”

“I hic miss Nancy, okay, yeah. But it’s... more than that. I’m happy that she’s happy, don’t get me wrong. I’m happy hic for her-”

Before he could stop himself, Billy interjected, “You don’t seem like you are.”

Steve blinked sluggishly, then snorted. “That obvious, huh?”

“A little.” Try a lot.

Bubbles shot out of Steve’s nose as he snorted into his empty wine glass. “Ouch.”

Well, you’ve done it. You’re about to get friend-dumped.

“Has anyone ever told you-”

“-how much of an ass I am? Ye-ah,” Billy sighed, starting to get up. As someone with a shit load of anxiety, he always noted where the exits and restrooms were, along with where he put his stuff, in case he needed to make an embarrassing escape.

Steve grabbed his wrist, and squeezed it greedily, like he was drowning and Billy’s the only thing closest to him to resemble a floatation device. Billy didn’t -couldn’t- pull away from him, or those big, brown voids on either side of Steve’s face. Weak even at his grown age.

“Steve... what... what are you doing?”

“Sit with me. Stay.” There was nothing but desperation and loneliness in his voice. “Please?”

“I don’t have to work until next week,” Billy joked weakly, allowing himself to be pulled back to the couch. So close to Steve and yet so far. This would be the closest he’d ever come to confessing that he’d always make time for Steve Harrington.

“I love... love,” Steve said, resting his head on Billy’s shoulder. Billy swallowed, hoping the older man couldn’t hear his rapidly beating heart.

“What?”

“Ya know... hic* love. I love... the feeling. The idea of it. Falling for someone. When Nancy and I were hic together-”

Billy couldn’t help but groan. He did and didn’t want to hear about his friends’ sex lives. Now might as well be the time to confess that he had a crush on Nancy, too. Well, not a crush, exactly, but... he felt something for her. He just wasn’t sure what to call it yet. Or maybe he didn’t want to accept that he c-worded not one, but two unobtainable people.

“I would... hic say “I love you” all hic the time, and Nancy would hic never say it back. I never understood why until now. I said it not hic hic just because hic I loved her, but... because I wanted her to stay with me. I was lonely. We both were. She’s so easy to fall in love with,” Steve said, a wistful look in his eyes.

“She is,” Billy agreed too quickly that he thanked fuck his companion was so out of it.

“I wasn’t willing to hic give, ya know? Nance gave and hic gave, and I just... hic couldn’t hic figure out how hic to give hic her what hic she hic deserved. I hic guess it’s hic hereditary. I really hic hic mean hic it, I’m hic -appy for her.”

For the first time, Billy believed him. He set down his beer and squeezed Steve’s slightly larger hand. Steve gasped, and returned the squeeze. Warmth filled Billy like someone lit a fire up his ass, and he bit clean through his bottom lip. Where was everyone else? Why couldn’t he notice anyone else right now... anyone else other than Steve?

“I’m just hic s-so hic hic lonely. Empty.” The sweaty hold he had on Billy’s hand tightened as he talked. Drunk Steve was everything Sober Steve couldn’t be. Vulnerable. Openly affectionate towards another man. With Billy of all people. So this was what it was like...

He rubbed his sore chest with his free hand, willing himself not to cry. Steve wouldn’t know it, but Billy and the audience would.

“Are hic you hic crying?” No mockery, no bullshit passed down from generation to generation about how “men don’t cry”.

“N-no,” Billy choked out.

Steve turned to him, expression sweeter than honey, and he began to wipe away Billy’s tears clumsily with his thumbs. Billy was so dumbstruck, he forgot to flinch. No one ever got this close to him, to his face. The touch-starved blond cried even harder, digging his nails into his palm. Steve almost poked Billy’s eyes in a race to wipe away the rest of Billy’s tears. He wouldn’t stop staring! Billy tried to hide his face, but he couldn’t let go of Steve’s hand. He couldn’t stop leaning into the other hand cupping his wet cheek. He was completely and utterly fucked.

“Hey,” Steve muttered, burping in Billy’s face.

Ew. Just. Ew. “Hey, Pretty Boy.” Now his eyes were watering for a different reason. Again, thank fuck Shit-Faced Harrington was with him. With any luck, this would be a distant memory tomorrow. For both of them. And... for Eddie. Fucking Eddie Munson was counting down the seconds to New Year’s, and he had the stupidest smug grin on his face. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Billy groaned, rubbing his temples.

Five!

Four!

“I hope everyone’s got someone to-”

“EDDIE!” everyone yelled except Argyle and Jonathan, who were somehow more baked than the noisy guitarist.

Three!

Two!

“Billy? Don’t hate me for this,” Steve hiccupped.

“Wha-”

One!

He leaned in and kissed Billy so hard, the younger man fell onto his back, sinking into the cushions.

Everyone else was wrapped up in watching the ball drop, but the two dorks on the couch were still going at it.

The smart thing for Billy to do? Push Steve off and flee. After all, he was drunk. He didn’t know what he was doing... or who he was kissing. For all he knew, he was kissing Nancy. Someone he loved.

Tears threated to fall once more, and Billy whimpered. Like a fool, like a dog, he stayed put, even after Steve vomited all over him and then fell asleep.

Happy New Year.

#happy new year!!!#billy hargrove #steve harrington #tw unedited work lol #harringrove #harringrove fic #words: 1259 #according to my notes app anyway #steve x billy #billy x steve #billy hargrove x steve harrington #my writing #so... i can't write fluff lmao 💀#a hint A HINT #of wheelgrove #will this end in poly #absolutely #🫡

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