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lunaofthevalley · 5 years

Text

Guilt, an overbearing feeling

Ben! Roger Taylor x Reader.

Plot: part 3 to the over series, Deacy goes to visit the Reader and they have a heart to heart, and a long awaited phone call finally happens.

Warnings: you guys are safe this time, lil tiny bit of angst.

Note: sorry it took so long to update but the holidays had me crazy. But everything is better now. This one is a little bit shorter but next chapter is going to be emotional, just a heads up!

John Deacon was a man who always, or at least half the time, had a plan. And his plan this time led him to standing outside Y/N's door, a bouquet of her favorite flowers in hand and a box of her favorite pastries in the other.

He was smart enough to know that none of these things would get her to automatically forgive him, but he sure hoped they would work as a peace offering.

It had been a few weeks since everything had happened. The boys had decided to give her some space to gather herself, only finding out things about her through Mary, who was the only person Y/N still accepted to see.

He took a deep sigh, composing himself before ringing the doorbell, only having to wait a couple of minutes before the door was opened, revealing a worse for wear Y/N.

John remembered how Freddie had described her the last time he had seen her, but nothing could prepare John for this. He was sure she was skinnier, her face looked hollow, her eyes empty. It was a sad sight. A sad sight that made evident the hurt she had been feeling.

"John?" She exclaimed in surprise, "What....what are you doing here?"

John gave her a soft smile, "Hi Y/N....I was hoping we could talk."

Y/N didn't reply, only nodded her head and moved aside to let him in. John hadn't been to her flat in so long, but it was as tidy and shiny as it had been last, a stark contrast to how Y/N looked.

She led him to the kitchen and gestured for him to sit down at the small table. He gladly complied, sitting down patiently while she went to prepare tea and set the flowers in a vase with water.

"It's good to see you. Been wondering how you were for the past few weeks."

Y/N gave him a small smile, "I'm sure you know how I've been. I'm pretty confident Mary's been giving you lot updates on me, just like she has been giving me updates of you."

"You ask about us?"

"Not really, but she still tells me," she replied, "but can you blame me for not wanting to hear about you."

He shook his head, "Not really. We all messed up on that one."

She hummed in agreement, "Some more than others."

"Some more than others..."

She had come to the table now, two cups of chamomile tea in hand, and the pastries he had brought now sat on a platter."

"I'm thankful you boys have given me space....it's really allowed me to think, to go over everything," she started, "I sort of understand why you didn't tell me now, wouldn't of have helped really, and although it's something that should have been told, I understand maybe telling it through the phone might have not been the greatest idea, and well you didn't see me before everything went down, so there really hadn't been time."

John took everything in, "So, does this mean you're not mad at us anymore?"

"Don't get me wrong Deacy, I'm still mad at you three, well not mad but dissapointed. You could have done something about it, yet you didn't. You could have stopped him. I understand Roger is old enough to make his own choices, but it would have been nice to know you attempted to do something about it."

"That's understandable. Roger is an adult, but he sometimes does need a voice of reason. But you must know we truly are sorry, we never meant to hurt you."

"I know Deacy, Mary's told me how sorry you three are. I forgive you, I do, but you must understand I won't trust you the same way I used to...at least not right now."

"I completely understand Y/N, truly."

"Thank you Deacy."

They sat in comfortable silence after that, for a while at least, sipping at their now cooled tea and taking small bites from their chosen pastries.

It was John who broke the silence. "Has he been to see you?"

She shook her head, "No...he called and called for the first week, but I would never answer, couldn't find it in myself to do so. My neighbor told me he came around twice, but both times I wasn't home. He went to look for me at work, but the security man wouldn't let him pass unless he had an appointment. Thank god we're on vacation, don't know how I would react if he went to search for me at school."

John had forgotten she was still in school. He had forgotten the complete fact that she was younger than Roger. She was only 23 while he was 25.

"He's not doing good. Gets worse everyday. Can't even play the drums right anymore. He's more like a robot when we're in the studio. Freddie's about had it."

Y/N sighed. "I don't know what you want me to do Deacy."

"You don't have to do anything. We've already told him he should talk to you, apologize and explain why he did it," he paused, "it's the first time he's ever done it, you know. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior or anything, but I thought you should know. He truly loves you and yes he screwed it up, but it was never his intention to hurt you. That's the last thing he would want."

Y/N only nodded.

"I know you don't want to see him, but I think you should. I feel it would be good for you both. He could finally tell you all he's been feeling and you could finally find out the whole story."

"I don't think I'm ready for it though."

"I know you're not, and I'm not telling you to do it right this second, but the longer you drag it out, the worse it will get. That's only going to bring more harm to you both. No argument was ever solved by silence."

She could only stare at Deacy, frown evident on her face, her gaze almost stone cold, "I always hated the fact that you could so easily convince me of something, wether it be for good or for bad." She whispered, "And I also hate that you're right about this."

Deacy laughed, "Well, I couldn't live with my self knowing how much pain you were going through."

"What would I do without you John Deacon..."

"Don't think about that right now, don't want you getting more upset with the mere thought of how terrible and miserable you're life would be without me."

_________________________

Roger's home phone would always ring, wether it be Freddie to tell him some ridiculously thing, as was typical Freddie fashion, or be it either Brian or John to make sure he hadn't killed himself yet, or his sometimes over caring mum who checked in on him, amongst other callers, Roger's line was always busy.

But he didn't expect her voice to come through when he picked it up that afternoon. It had been so long since he heard it, and he never thought the word 'hey' could have such an effect on himself like it did in that moment.

"Hey" he heard her say softly.

Roger was stunned for a moment, "Y/N?"

"Hi Roger."

He took a moment to compose himself before replying, "Uh...hey..hi..how are you?"

He heard her take a deep breath through the phone, "I've been better. You?"

"I've seen better days as well, but all's good Love." He hadn't meant to say it, but it just slipped out, like it tended to happen when they had conversation's. "To what do I owe the call?"

"I think you know why I'm calling Rog," she sighed, "It's been weeks, I think it's time we talk."

"Yeah...I think it's time we talked as well," he replied, "Do you want to come over for tea, and to of course, talk things over."

She took a minute to respond, "I don't think it's a good idea I go to you're place.."

He felt silly for even proposing the idea, remembering it was there where she had caught him in the act.

"Well what about that café you loved so much, that one in the alleyway close to the college."

"As much as I love that small place I don't think the conversation we need to have is set for a public place," she reasoned, "look, why don't you come over and we ca chat here. Away from prying eyes and ears and in the comfort of a place we both know well."

"Sounds good to me lov-" he cut himself off, reminding himself it was probably not appropriate to call her that right then, "what time should I go over?"

"You can come over right now if you're free."

"Right then, I'll see you in a few minutes."

"See you soon Roger."

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