Fireworks (ShinRan comfort)
This idea has been nagging me these days and demanded itself be written, or else. You'll see I'm craving some major ShinRan comfort... Please, Aoyama, be gentle with our hearts, whenever Shinichi comes back! Also, this was majorly inspired by Clean Bandit's "Everything but you" song, and put on repeat while writing this! That song just feels ShinRan all the way!
Read on AO3 if you prefer!
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"Can I sit here?"
Ran felt her heart skip a beat when hearing his voice. To find Shinichi on the same bus pointing to the empty seat next to hers had been the last thought on her mind. She even took her hand to her heart hoping it would calm down, which, truth be told, had been a rather difficult task these last few weeks...
"Shinichi! Mou, don't scare me like that!" she reprimanded with a little smile, happy to see him.
"Sorry, sorry! You were focused, my bad!" he laughed while sitting next to her. He sat rather close, their shoulders touching, but otherwise, he let himself slouch on the seat as if he was tired.
"Whatcha reading?" he asked after a minute of content silence, looking over her shoulder at her phone's screen.
"Another piece of news of the Syndicate downfall... They are saying you went abroad to USA and Singapur and just returned last month," she responded.
"Well, close enough..."
He sighed. He didn't know where these reporters got their crazy ideas, but he was surprised that they were still willing to discuss the Syndicate's bust after a whole month had gone by and it had already been discussed by everyone in the whole wide world. He understood that some people still had questions and wanted answers -since he had never disclosed the whole truth of the matter-, but he needed to close the chapter and go back to the life of Kudo Shinichi, a 17-years-old, extraordinary ordinary tantei-san.
"And you? How come you hopped on this bus?", Ran interrupted his train of thought, putting away her phone when she finished reading the article.
"I was going back home. I was just at the Metropolitan Police headquarters. Megure-keibu asked me to go over some notes on them and so on..." Shinichi said, avoiding her quizzical gaze.
"Business as usual?" she chuckled, amused.
"Business as usual indeed..." he sighed again.
Although they had been separated by an invisible wall for nearly a year, Ran still considered herself an expert on the expressions of Kudo Shinichi. He seemed sad, but inside was a forlornness that was eating at him. He sometimes laughed, sometimes for her sake, sometimes for the sake of others, but he was not okay yet. He was on his way, and had progressed so much in this last month... She was more than willing to help him get back on his feet. He was a strong one, her baka tantei-san.
"Ne..." she began, hoping that he opened himself to those feelings.
"Hey!" he interrupted, pointing to the window. "There are fireworks at that temple! Do you want to see them?"
"Oh?" she looked outside where he was pointing, watching a beautiful display of colours in the sky "Yes!"
Shinichi left his seat and pressed the stop button, while Ran collected her karate gi and joined him at the door. At the next stop, the couple went down and retraced their steps to get to the temple, until they found a balcony where they could easily see the fireworks without straining their necks too much.
It was indeed beautiful, and peaceful. Just being able to be there, with Ran by his side, feeling her warmth... Sometimes it seemed surreal, after everything that he had endured to return to his body. After all the lies, the tears and the hardships. And she was still there, with him, having forgiven for everything he put her through. His Conan days had been a nightmare, and sometimes it felt like it had been a dream he was desperate to wake up from, but other times it felt real, palpable. Nonetheless, in the dark of the night, he felt thankful for the life lesson.
"Ne, Shinichi..." Ran started, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "How do you feel?"
"About what?" he asked, even though he was sure what she was referring to.
"About everything... It mustn't be easy..." Ran responded, trailing off. Although she needed to hear the answer to appease her heart, she would let it go if he was not ready to answer yet.
He sighed. He knew Ran was bound to ask the question sooner or later, and she, more than anyone else, deserved an honest answer. He braced himself; he had never been good at opening his heart. But it was necessary, for him, for herself, for their blooming relationship. He owed that much to her.
"No," he began, grasping for the correct words while looking ahead at the fireworks. "It isn't. I'm... coping, I think is the word I want to use. Just one month ago we faced them... We both were injured, Hattori nearly doesn't make it out, and the FBI, and Haibara, and Vermouth..." He glanced at her for a moment, but returned his gaze to the fireworks display the next second. "It's constantly on my mind, how much everyone has sacrificed to end them, and I'll be forever grateful that I could return to my body in the end. I never lost hope, but seeing you cry and everyone worrying... I was terrified that they could do something to you or anyone..."
Ran's heart shattered while listening to him. She reached for his hand on the railing, squeezing it, while he smiled sadly. She knew he was grateful for the human contact, although he didn't express it, and it still took everything in himself to initiate contact, even when he needed it the most. She had always been the braver between the two.
"It must've been overwhelming, bearing such a heavy burden on just your shoulders...", she murmured, squeezing his hand again while looking through him into his soul.
"But they weren't just mine..." he interrupted, abruptly, refusing to look at her. "Everyone was involved, one way or another."
"I'm sorry," Ran said, returning her gaze to the fireworks. "I wish I could've done something more to help..."
The ghost of a smile touched his lips, and he allowed himself to look at her. It was just like her to give her everything and not hold back. Stubborn and sensitive. He drank in her pained expression and saw it morph into a more peaceful one while the display of colours in the sky illuminated her eyes, wondering if her tears were just on the way. He hoped she didn't feel the need to cry, but 13 years ago he had told her she could cry whenever she felt like it, so...
"Barou. You helped more than you know."
Indeed, a lone tear escaped her right eye at his words, but he wiped it away with tender fingers as soon as it touched her face. She was as beautiful as ever. He met her halfway, kissing her with all the tenderness and love he could muster. It was wonderfully sweet to be able to be there, with her, in that way. It reminded him of another special moment, in Kyoto, where his time was up and he hadn't been able to kiss her. He regretted having left her then, but it had been necessary to lead them right here and now. He embraced her tighter by the waist, while her hands found the back of his neck. When they opened their eyes, millimetres separating their lips, with only the sounds of the fireworks for company, he felt his eyes sting too. He touched her forehead with his to compose himself.
She sighed contently and let go of his neck, situating herself in front of him, taking his arms around her waist and putting her hands above his. She leant on his shoulder, touching her forehead with his cheek and closed her eyes, focusing on his steady heartbeat and thanking Kamisama for helping him return to her. He kissed her temple and armed himself with the courage to confess something he should have told her since he had come back.
"You were there to keep me sane," she smiled, feeling his heart rate pick up. "I love you".
It didn't happen often, that those words left his mouth. She didn't think it was possible to love him more than she already did, but every once in a while, with little gestures, he pulled the rug from under her feet.
"I'll be here," she responded, her eyes still closed and concentrating on feeling him, his needs, his mind, his heart. She knew he knew she loved him, but he may not know that she would continue to be there for him as long as he let her. Without words, he seemed to have understood.
"I just need to let go of everything..."
The words died in his mouth, but he trusted that she knew his soul inside and out. Indeed, just as he had understood before, Ran understood him all the same.
"You will," she promised.
"I'll pull through."
"You will."
"We'll be fine."
"We will."
Shinichi only pulled her closer, waiting for the fireworks display to reach its end. When it did, he never let go of her hand.
"Let me take you home."
She let him.
I just wanna let go of everything but you…
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My, this just wrote itself! I hope you liked it! It felt good to write after 5 years... Perhaps I'm healing too and I could get back to Run... We'll see! Thanks for reading!
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