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woongisi · 5 months

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Brand New God // Choi Jongho

sub!Choi Jongho x dom!fem!reader // SMUT

WC// 3.2k

Synopsis// Jongho was the perfect son in the eyes of the church. It was your mission to change that. Opportunity comes once he consumes you with a particularly sinful confession.

Warnings// blasphemy, corruption, angst for a bit, oral (male receiving), no protection (pls use it even for oral), improper use of confessional booths, dacryphilia if you squint

Author's Note// This has been a long time in the making. Hope my other religious trauma mfs enjoy it as much as I do. Title is an iDKHOW reference. ☺︎♡

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Jongho wasn't the preacher's son, but he may as well have been. Never late to mass, always helping the elders, scolding the children, the whole lot of it. Sung in the choir. Formerly an altar boy. The envy of every parent's eye.

He was always excited to see you even if he had to preface his greeting by asking why you missed mass yet again. Despite his general duties and all he was never much of an extrovert. You always felt the air of awkwardness that hung around him when he approached you. If anything gave away that he was happy to see you… it was his glossy eyes and trembling smile that he tried so hard to suppress.

Being the son every parent wanted had its perks but many downfalls in the end. Most of the other people your age had largely abandoned the strictness of their faiths. Many still kept their beliefs but no longer felt such pressure to be perfect. In turn, they tended to find Jongho annoying.

You, however? Something about him was cute. Just how nervous he was to speak to you. The deep blush that he tried to hide whenever he told you that you looked pretty. You told yourself you only really went to church out of obligation, but now you'd begun to think you were there for him more than anything. You knew he was perfect. You knew almost for a fact that he'd never touched anyone else or even himself. You'd love to ruin him but at the same time you'd accepted you'd never get to.

Right?

Something about today was different. Jongho's face was red the second he saw you, red before he'd so much as stood up to greet you.

“Miss! You look pretty as always.” He piped up and almost immediately turned to skitter away. Only stopping once you grabbed the sleeve of his shirt.

“Thank you, Jongho. Always the gentleman. You look quite handsome today yourself.” You smiled and ruffled his hair a bit. “You seem nervous. Are you alright? Are you sick?”

“N-no I’m ok!” Jongho avoided your gaze like his life depended on it. “Lying is a sin, Jongho, lying is a sin.” He whispered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Ok, look! Can… Can I ask you something?”

“Anything you want, sweetheart.”

Jongho swore he'd just passed on. There was no way. No girl his age had ever called him that before… only the little old ladies.

“You- What- Ok, ok come on just follow me, alright?”

Jongho led you back to the confession booths. They were somewhat secluded, given the nature of their use. Standing with your back pressed against the wall, Jongho couldn't even hold eye contact as he stood sheepishly in front of you.

“I- Last night-” Jongho huffed and hid his face. “Stop looking at me like that!”

“Like what?” You smirked. “I'm not here to judge. It's just kinda cute seeing you so nervous.”

“Cute…? Anyway! Gosh! Last night I…” One glance at the low hem of your shirt had shut him down. “Never mind. It's ok! I don't wanna talk about it anymore.”

“Get in the goddamn booth.”

“W-What? First, don't use the Lord’s name in vain. Second… what?”

“Just pretend I'm the priest, k? You wouldn't lie to me, would you, Jongho?”

“This feels wrong, but… fine.”

Jongho sat in the booth and closed the curtains with trembling hands. He'd sat in this exact spot so many times and confessed to so many little sins. Little white lies, things that weren't even necessarily sins that he simply felt guilt for. This time he couldn't shake the anxiety.

Situated on the other half, you slid the small wooden door to the side to reveal the rectangular screen that kept you both apart.

“Right. Now tell me what's got you so bothered?”

Shame devoured Jongho from head to toe. He couldn't even believe he was sitting here letting you play priest. Why the hell was he doing this? Couldn't he just tell the actual priest when it was time for confession?

“Well, last night I had a dream.”

His voice has gotten low. You could tell he was trying hard not to stutter and could almost picture his eyebrows furrowed as he picked at his nails.

“I had a dream about a girl.”

“Mhm? What's odd about that?”

“She…” Jongho sighed. “She was touching me.”

“Like a hug?” You caught on to the fact it wasn't anything innocent in an instant but took any chance you could to hear Jongho confess. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience after all.

“N-No. She was on her knees, she was dragging her nails along my thighs.”

“Ah, those thick thighs of yours? I see.”

Jongho chose to ignore that charged comment.

“She leaned down and put her mouth on my- uh- privates. And… why am I telling you this?!”

“Just relax. Let it out.”

“Ok…” The memories from the night before raced through the boy's brain. He felt like he might faint. “She bobbed her head up and down. Told me I looked handsome. Looked up at me with those shining eyes… didn't stop until I… you know.”

Jongho had slumped against the backboard of the booth, evident by the creaking. His hands nervously fidgeted with the hem of his striped wool sweater.

“She was just so beautiful, y/n… she looked like a dream.” A moment’s silence. “I mean I guess she was a dream. I just feel so filthy. I've never had a dream about that. I've never thought about someone like that. I've never even-”

You cut his rambling off. “Kissed someone? Touched yourself?”

“Both of those…” he murmured. “The worst thing about the dream is that we weren't married.”

“Jongho?”

“Yeah?”

“Was this girl me?”

“Yeah…” Jongho’s head hit the wall with a light thud.

The next thing he heard was shuffling, the cracks of old wood, and the curtain being shoved to the side.

“W-wait! I'm sorry… just… don't go.” He shot to sit straight up. “Forget what I said. Please, you're my only real friend.”

You swore you heard his voice crack at the end.

“The others our age aren't kind to me. I pretend it doesn't bother me and remember the Lord has a plan for me, but… you can only take so long of being surrounded by old people and little kids before you start to wonder what's wrong with you.”

He was undoubtedly crying now.

“You're probably already gone. Great job, Jongho, you ruined the only thing you had. Loser.”

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. Unbelievable. He was what the kids wanted to grow up to be like, yet he had such a low opinion of himself?

He about jumped out of his skin once you pulled his curtain away just enough to look in at him. Though it hurt to see him like this, he did look gorgeous. His full cheeks were a rosy pink, his lashes clumped together by the big wet tears that rolled down his face. You hated how it turned you on. Just a bit.

“Y-you didn't leave?”

“Oh, Jongho…” You pouted and extended your hand out to him. “No, I wouldn't leave without a word. I wouldn't leave, period.”

When he took your hand into his you could tell his body was shaking. Though he moved to stand up, it didn't last long before he was dropped on his knees, hand still on yours. You found yourself following shortly behind.

Jongho was properly sobbing in every regard, chest heaving, his mouth babbling nonsense to beg you for forgiveness. You shook away his hand and knelt to one knee. Placing a hand upon his shoulder was the only act it took for his arms to reach around your waist and pull himself against you, his face buried in your neck, his hands gripping the fabric of your shirt like you were going to disappear.

“Jongho…”, You rubbed circles on his back. “Come on. Look at me.”

Jongho obliged with hesitation, still avoiding looking into your eyes. You, of course, followed his eyes.

“I'm no prude. You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. I didn't know you felt so alone, but, honestly… words aren't enough right now.”

You leaned in and placed a kiss on Jongho’s cheek. It was salty, but his skin was smooth against your lips. He flinched in shock but once you pulled away, he found himself wanting more.

His voice was barely above a whisper. “Wait. Can you do that again? Please… this time on my-”

You didn't let him finish his sentence before swooping back in and taking his lips into your own. He gasped so sweetly into your mouth, he tasted like honey and hints of sweetened coffee. Undoubtedly his breakfast.

“Follow my lead, okay?” Jongho was quick to agree.

Based on watching him suck on his bottom lip when he was nervous, you'd figured they'd be soft. They were pillowy, warm, and tasted like vanilla chapstick. His large hand had a death grip on your wrist and you could tell he was riddled with anxiety.

“Jongho, fuck. You taste so good.” You sighed deeply back into the kiss. Jongho's returned advances were shy but undoubtedly needy. The kiss was broken only long enough for you to take his ear lobe gently in your mouth, exercising care not to catch on his studded earring.

Jongho flinched and whined before melting into your touch once more. His mind felt hazy, sluggish, but oh so happy. He’d never dreamed of feeling this way. He didn’t expect to feel any kind of sexual gratification until he was married… whenever that may have been. The guilt he felt for letting you go at his neck in the middle of his lifelong church was immense, but part of him found it unbelievably hot.

“Mmh, please,” Jongho’s hand rested on the back of your head. “Don’t stop.”

“You can touch me, honey.” You smirked and shimmied your jacket off your shoulders. “Wherever you want. I’m yours to explore.”

Jongho was nothing short of eager, with his hands starting to roam the shape of your body. Every stripe you licked down his neck and every sloppy kiss brought forth unholy noises from his throat. His warmly tinted skin blossomed in shades of purple and blue with your manipulation. You’d just have to give him some of your concealer.

“Jongho?”

“Yes, dear? His head slumped forward with a pant.

“Your dream. Wanna make that a reality?”

“What? Isn’t that a-”

“Sin? Mhm. If you don’t sin a bit then Jesus died for nothing.” You giggled. “Besides, it can’t get much worse than what we’re doing already.”

Jongho thought for only a moment before whining and nodding eagerly.

You removed yourself from Jongho and leapt to your feet. “Ok, well we shouldn’t do that right here on the floor. Come on, get back in the booth.”

Jongho leaned back against the wooden wall with his hands bracing himself on the railing.

“Gonna unbutton those pants, alright?” As usual, Jongho was outfitted in slim-fitting black dress pants and a white button-up, complete with a black tie. He truly did look stunning even if you’d never be able to get him to accept it.

Jongho inhaled deeply, watching your every move as you dropped to your knees and fumbled with the clasp of his belt. Undoing it, you waited a moment to fully pull his pants down.

“You’re hard, Jongie~.” You cooed and rubbed the back of his thigh. “Have you ever been hard before?”

“Not outside the ones you get through puberty… or when you're scared for a presentation… well, not until that dream.” One hand brushed your hair out of your face.

“Oh? Sweet boy. I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

Soon enough, Jongho had shrugged his neatly ironed slacks to the floor. Your intuition told you he’d be big… But fuck. He really was. His boxers weren’t tight-fitting in any regard, but the tent formed in them was considerable.

“Oh hell, Jongho! Seriously?! This is what you’ve been keeping from the world all this time.” You groaned and fidgeted with the rim of one of the legs of his boxers. You glanced up long enough to catch his deep brown eyes staring down intently. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you a bit antsy to be under his gaze like this.

“I got you, ok?” Jongho hummed nervously at your words.

Your hand moved across the form of his dick just enough to give him an idea of what to expect from this. The way he jolted was enough to let you know he enjoyed it. You rubbed your hand over him with a flat palm and relished in the girth you could already tell he possessed underneath the fabric.

“You’re so fucking big, damn, did you even realize that?” Jongho shook his head feverishly.

“N-no… am I really?” Jongho felt his heart skip a beat, his hand hovering over you.

You could feel his presence over you and grabbed his hand, moved it to your hair, and gave it a reassuring pat. His fingers scratched at your scalp as if on instinct, soothing himself to the feeling. Every movement of your palm sent electric shocks up his spine.

Deciding it was due time for more, you inquired as to whether you could remove his boxers… met with an overwhelming agreeance. His cock sprung from under the confines of his underwear, causing him to wince at the newly cold air. His length was nothing to laugh at, you’d be a fool not to note the considerable circumference and upward curve as well. He was unshaven as you expected with curly black-brown hair over the expanse of his balls and above the base of his dick. He had a rather prominent happy trail which, fittingly, made you incredibly happy. He was circumcised with the skin around the head a shade lighter than the rest. The tip glistened with pre-cum in the dim light. Jongho squirmed under your watch.

“I-is something wrong? Do you not want to anymore…?”

“I… I’m kind of in shock honestly. Your dick is almost as pretty as you… almost.”

Jongho whined and gripped your hair lightly in response. Your free hand caressed the expanse of his firm thighs, the other encasing the head of his dick.

“A-ah, careful!” Jongho resisted the need to buck his hips against your touch. “I-I’m sensitive. Really.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, gathered a considerable amount of drool in the space of your cheeks, and let it run down onto him. The warm sensation melted the boy’s mind. You gave him a few languid strokes to spread the makeshift lube along the length of his shaft. Using three fingers, you rubbed a deliberate line up the prominent vein situated on the underside of his cock. Jongho’s labored breathing filled the confined space with need.

“Such a pretty thing, you are.” You purred and left a quick peck just below Jongho’s navel. “Such a needy boy.” Your movements matched up with your strokes and fondles.

“Feels good, doesn’t it? Don’t worry about replying, babe. Just listen to me.”

Jongho stroked your cheek with trembling hands. “You’re so beautiful.” His words almost carried a pout and made your heart melt. They felt sincere. Like you could trust them. He meant it outside the heat of the moment.

You met Jongho’s gaze tenderly. “So, you meant it all those times, didn’t you? All the times you greeted me before mass?”

Jongho’s voice was velvety smooth in his response. “Of course I did. Even besides lying being a sin… I’ve always thought so from the first time I saw you. Always…”

“Oh, Jongho… Jongho by the time I’m done with you, you’re only going to want to worship to me.”

Feeling you’d worked him up enough by now, you took his cock into your mouth, giving him time to adjust to the new feeling. You hollowed your cheeks and sunk your head further down around him, embracing the struggle once his length hit the back of your throat. Your gag panicked Jongho, urging him to nervously make sure you’re okay. You lent him a reassuring rub to his thigh, taking his cock back into your mouth with a hum.

Jongho’s grip on your hair tightened in congruence with his loudening moans. He felt as if he might die. He felt he might’ve already died because could heaven be any better than his current situation? He wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Feels so good, y/n, so good.” Jongho’s voice broke toward the end of his statement. You took into consideration how he wasn't used to this, planning every ministration carefully to ensure he enjoyed each moment that he lasted.

Introducing a hand to the mix, you wrapped your hand firmly around the base of his cock. This gave you a bit of stability in leverage so that you could swirl your tongue all over. Around the tip, tease the slit of his head, gently over the thin band of skin below it. You pulled back from his cock with a pop to catch your breath.

“Doing ok, Jongho?” You sighed and rested your cheek against his thigh for a moment.

His head was thrown back to rest against the wood of the booth, forehead damp with sweat. He granted you a thumbs up which you found incredibly in character.

“Cum whenever you're ready, alright? Just let me know.” You lowered yourself down a bit further in order to take one of his balls into your mouth. With one hand twisting and tugging at his cock, you knew he wouldn't take much longer to bust. It seemed you were right, whimpers filling the space around the two of you.

“Close-” Jongho groaned and desperately reached for your hand that was grasping at his toned thighs. You accept his advance, intertwining your fingers with his and squeezing reassuringly. His nails digging into the skin of your hand and his breath fully catching in his throat was the last sign you needed.

Swiftly, your mouth sank back around Jongho just in time for his climax. White hot cum coated the inside of your mouth, plenty of it, that had undoubtedly been waiting since his dream. You wondered briefly how uncomfortable it was for his balls to have been so full. Once Jongho came back down to reality enough, the gravity of what you'd done set in on him.

“You… you swallowed it?!” He gasped, shocked that was even a possibility.

“Mm,” You popped off of his length and shook your head. Opening your mouth wide so he could see his load pooling on your tongue, you made a show of swallowing every last drop. “Now I did.”

After a moment of silence Jongho cocked his head to the side. “Does it, uh, taste good?”

“Only because it's yours.”

Helping Jongho clean up with tissues you kept in your purse, you let him buckle his belt and help you to your feet.

“Don't you want anything in return?”

“Only for you to be mine and only mine.”

“O-Oh, I can do that. But what about your…?”

“Let's wait ‘til mass actually ends. They're gonna wonder where we've been. Come on, Jjongie.”

Anticipation shivered up his spine, taking your hand into his own to lead you to the doorway that opened to the main hall of the church.

Jongho took the initiative to kiss you tenderly. “I'll make up some excuse on the spot.”

“Deal.”

#jongho smut #ateez smut #choi jongho smut #ateez jongho smut #ateez imagines #ateez fic #ateez fanfic #jongho imagines #jongho fic #jongho fanfic #ateez scenarios #[jo fucks ateez 🏴‍☠️]

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autisticlalna · 3 months

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and i am just the NEW INVENTION - a Twitch SMP VikingPilot & Rubyco fanmix

[ listen on Spotify! ]

TRACKLIST: tally hall - Ruler of Everything // oingo boingo - Gratitude // hi i'm case - Monsters Nearby // IDKHOW - New Invention // forrest day - Sleepwalk // jubyphonic, circus-p - Hello, Again // big data - Put Me to Work // chase petra - Reliable Narrator // enter shikari - Crossing the Rubicon // the mountain goats - Younger // rare americans - Up, Up & Away // 65daysofstatic - Aren't We All Running // set it off - Hourglass // USS - Hydrogenuine // agosti - Triangles // becko - HOME // area 11 - Everybody Gets A Piece // panic! at the disco - Crazy = Genius // enter shikari - No Sleep Tonight // fall out boy - The Last Of The Real Ones // i fight dragons - The Devil You Know

(warning: contains strong language)

reasoning behind songs under the cut!

these are a bit of a mess and are anywhere from "viking" to "ruby" to "navigator" to "kinda sapphire-ish??" to "one's feelings about the other" to "both of them" to "general vibe". there's also a few songs that got cut but still kinda hit the vibe that i might talk abt some other time??? i dunno man this playlist was a catastrophe to make. ANYWAY

Ruler Of Everything: "you understand mechanical hands are the ruler of everything, ruler of everything, i'm the ruler of everything in the end" // Viking. i don't really need to elaborate here, it's just Viking.

Gratitude: "but when i think of you, and what you've done to me, you took away my hope, you took away my fantasy, i once had lots of pride, the world was in my hands, i lived way at the top in castles made of sand" // gestures in the vague direction of Viking and Ruby. man i don't even know what's happening over there. this is a bit of a Recency Bias song bc i first heard it like right before lore really kicked off so it was fresh in my mind

Monsters Nearby: "only get so far putting off those dreams of yours [..] thinking of all these strange things when you should rest, it's hard to sleep like this when there's monsters nearby" // Ruby! and, like, of course i'm going to add the song that keeps making me think of the "You cannot sleep, there are monsters nearby" message. "And that voice behind the polarized advice can be the same" is about Viking, though.

New Invention: "oh i can't say no, i'm losing control! i'm having bad dreams, and nothing you can do will keep the bad dreams away from me until i fall asleep. bad dreams! despite your good intentions, that girl is like an architect and i am just the new invention!" // Ruby and Viking! if i did an animatic to any song off this playlist it would be New Invention. goddamn. (also, tViking's design reminds me a bit of eFalse, and roenais's Empires animation to this song lives in my head rent-free)

Sleepwalk: "bad thoughts give me bad dreams and my bad dreams make me get up and walk. bad thoughts give me bad dreams and my bad dreams make me sleepwalk." // oh my god Ruby and Sapphire. the ominous mood encapsulates everything about Sapphire to me, especially before we knew who Saph actually is and she was just "Ruby sleepwalks and leaves ominous signs". it's dark and foreboding and i love it.

Hello, Again: "find a mechanist, a mechanism, working one-by-one! with a busted up database, i'm losing the chase, but i'll say hello again, hello, just who have i become?" // the whole conversation about fixing things, and how that's become a reoccurring theme with Sapphire as well - switching from Ruby being the broken one to Viking being the one needing to be fixed. plus the whole "Ruby and Viking meeting across loops" thing - hello again, hello, just who can i become?

Put Me to Work: "set me off, see what i'm worth! turn me on, i go berserk! i don't care if i get hurt! no, i don't care, just put me to work! [..] i will replace you, replace you, replace you [..] and i won't care when they get hurt, no i don't care, just put me to work!" // Viking is, uh. a lot. hyperfocused to the point of self-destruction. this does bleed over to Ruby too, though, what with zir being desperate to be something Viking won't throw away when he stops seeing zir as useful and Navigator's warning of "don't let him break you". i guess the real question is: would Viking care if they get hurt?

Reliable Narrator: "did you forget that i am not a pacifist? the scar we'll earn from that will be well worth it. did you-- hypnosis, bring roses, don't blow this [..] the bruising will be worth the freedom i have earned from letting everything burn!" // basically every Ruby song on here is "Ruby is going through it". there's a tension here. very fun to have this song on here though considering Sapphire sign "I am a unreliable narrator, am I not?"

Crossing the Rubicon: "fill me out a prescription for this existential dread, i woke up into a nightmare and i'm hoping that you'll take me back to bed [..] fill me out a prescription, can you free me from this curse? i woke up inside your compass and you're navigating us from east to worst [..] something's got to give, we've gone too far to turn back" // this has been a Viking song for ages but never made it onto my dViking playlist for some reason. it works better here, i think. there's going to be a tipping point where you cross the point of no return.

Younger: "try not to lose sight of the mission! it never hurts to give thanks to the broken bones you had to use to build your ladder. moment close at hand, half of you will never understand, and it doesn't really matter. [..] it never hurts to give thanks to the navigator, even when he's spitting out random numbers." // Certified Navigator Moment as suggested by Charm!! this is one of the songs i can't put into words the emotions i have about it but it's just... a lot. "It never hurts to give thanks to the broken bones" is about everybody Viking is going to burn through to get to his goal, and that kinda ties into Navigator trying to intercept i guess??? i dunno man i don't work here <- literally made this playlist

Up, Up & Away: "how many lives can a guy buy? [..] can't erase or save face, what will they think when they hear my voice on the tapes? skies open, wheels in motion, no going back, no, i've chosen!" // Viking!! aaaauughhhhhhhhh. what will you do to get to where you need to go? once again linking into the we've gone too far to turn back thing from Crossing the Rubicon. y'know, in case you can't tell that i think Viking's going to do something awful to reach his ambitions.

Asking For It: "power through the point of no return, famously deranged, all the same hope you change, if the worm is gonna turn, it's none of my concern" // somebody absolutely rips into Viking. probably Ruby. "if the worm is gonna turn it's none of my concern" is said by Viking in this context though. famous last words before Ruby (or Sapphire?) decks him. fun fact: this was one of the first songs i associated with tViking specifically, back during the first lore scene, but i went "ehhh???" on it. then we got to see a bit more of him and... yeah. this guy is asking for it.

Aren't We All Running: [instrumental] // there's a couple instrumentals on here because of talking to Solar about how character playlists rarely have instrumentals and i wanted to have a couple of rest points. i love the slow build here and the overall mood. montage music.

Hourglass: "i can't fix it, is this where i give in? i'm falling through the hourglass, and i don't think i'll ever make it back [..] turn the page, look back at what you wrote, do you still feel the same?" // shoutouts to Rubyco Themself for namechecking this song! it's real good. someone let Ruby out of his BOX he needs HELP

Hydrogenuine: "11 is the number i seem assigned to, inversions of an opposite truth aligns you, directions like the back of your hand will guide you, i am simply here to assist and remind you" // this is kindasorta a Navigator song, kindasorta just The Situation. i cannot properly explain this one, it just Is. what if we kept running into each other in different universes and timelines but something broke this time and now we're trying to fix it

Triangles: [instrumental] // iiii wanna animaaaate to this sooooongggg hope this heeeeelps

HOME: "every road leads back to where i belong! and i can see, when i'm on my own it's the place i can call home! my mind creates a new world that is so disordered, i proclaim myself king and pope! DID, we are in 3 but we're getting along well, i'm glad to be the leader of the wolf pack!" // Viking is so incredibly not okay. just, like, in general. had fun with the DID lyric though considering Viking and Ruby's plotlines are "other versions of themselves are hijacking their bodies" lmao. love unconventional plurality.

Everybody Gets A Piece: "did you honestly think it might've been, might've been me? and all this while, did you think of me? you know, all this while we were pure potential energy dreaming [..] don't ask, you'll never get! you never asked, so you never got nothing! did you get all you wanted from me?" // this one's a bit looser but the vibes are there. the "don't ask, you'll never get" bit is Viking and Sapphire constantly talking in circles mixed with Viking using everybody as tools and that potentially including Ruby. UM. ALSO MAYBE A NAVIGATOR SONG NOW TBH. I MADE THIS BEFORE TONIGHT'S STREAM.

Crazy = Genius: "and i said: if crazy equals genius, if crazy equals genius! then i'm a fucking arsonist, i'm a rocket scientist! if crazy equals genius! you can set yourself on fire, but you're never gonna burn, burn, burn! you can set yourself on fire, but you're never gonna learn, learn, learn, hey!" // peak Viking. LOOK WE'VE EVEN GOT THE FIRE THEME IN HERE! we love an unhinged inventor with an obsession with fire metaphors

No Sleep Tonight: "and from that height we'll leak the lies, and unveil the damaged skies, 'cause we can't quite stomach this! [..] i still can't comprehend a beginning or an end, no i can't quite stomach this! all i'm trying to say is: you're not getting any sleep tonight!" // more hypothetical Future Speculation stuff mixing in with how generally Screwed reality is for Viking/Navigator and Ruby/Sapphire. also the sleepless theming that's clinging to Ruby through all of this.

The Last Of The Real Ones: "you were too good to be true, gold plated - but what's inside you, but what's inside you? [..] i will protect you, i will protect you, just tell me tell me tell me i- i am the only one, even if it's not true, even if it's not true" // WHAT IF YOU WERE SIBLINGS AND KEPT FINDING EACH OTHER IN EVERY UNIVERSE BUT THINGS KEPT GOING WRONG

The Devil You Know: "nobody knows you better than your demons, so, dance with the devil you know or go home."

#leo.txt #twitch smp #vikingpilot #rubyco #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #[inhales] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #bell noises!#tsmp #I FORGOT MY TAG FOR THESE. APOLGIEIS. EXPLODE FOREVRR #clock noises!#leo.mp3

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iiep-wop · 9 months

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Theres something about the song 'Kiss Goodnight' (By IDKHOW) which feels so Ineffable Husbands coded

So many lyrics just feel like them idk how to explain it

But here is my attempted rundown of the lyrics and how I feel it fits them

Warning spoilers for end of S2

(I'm not a proper Good Omens fan unfortunately, Ive only seen it a couple of times, so sorry if I get some things incorrect regarding character motivations and such haha)

'No, I don't care, about anything at all'

Very Crowley coded, he likes to keep himself more hidden and 'closed off' with alot of people, giving off the vibe that he dosen't care to everyone around him

"But I still stop and stare, every time that you call"

He is often seen staring absentmindedly at Aziraphale, and also across the road at the end, just in hopes that Aziraphale will change his mind last minute and stay

'See, I know girls like you, they don't come with guarantees'

He knows that theres danger and hurt in wanting to be with Aziraphale due to the nature of 'their sides', he knows that Aziraphale has often been very about their respective side's, with the fact that Aziraphale left him to join his again

"So If you've got to spend your time, won't you spend it with me?"

I don't really have much for this one other than the fact that he enjoys spending time with Aziraphale

"I hope we kiss goodnight, It might just end my life"

Him admitting his feelings for Aziraphale straight after he had been told he was leaving was such an insanely brave thing to do, but it seemed to absolutely shatter him. His entire life has been flipped because Aziraphale has left, he has barely anything to live for now his love is gone. Aziraphale was his life.

Skipping the next couple lines because they're pretty much just repetitions of that last one because chorus

"Should you invite me in? To spend the night on the floor" He's a demon, he thinks he should be invited in but Aziraphale has given him full reign of the bookshop so he's allowed where he wants.

I don't really have anything for the night on the floor bit

"Oh please beleive I'll be a gentleman, Or you can show me the door"

He thinks that he's not good enough for Aziraphale and that he shouldn't be in his life

"While all my friends and I, Leaf through the books on your shelves"

Self explanatory, Aziraphale's bookshop, Muriel and James short for Gabriel long for Jim being the friends

"No I don't want to spend my life, with anyone else"

Pretty much just what he says to Aziraphale in his final speech to him

Then it repeats the chorus a couple more times because its a song and y'know

Anyway I hope this was somewhat coherent, go check out the song because its very cool (/nf), If anyone else has anything they want to add please tell me because I want to hear more Good Omens adept people tell me things and facts about it because its very interesting

#good omens #good omens season two #good omens 2 spoilers #ineffable divorce #good omens crowley #good omens aziraphale #idkhow but they found me #Spotify

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thorne1435 · 1 year

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What about these?

Bleed Magic - IDKHOW

Wayne's World 2 - Rare Americans

Adventure Is Out There - AJR

Already Dead - Puppet

i wish i could wear hats - Brian David Gilbert

Bleed Magic: I found this track years ago when it had just released, entirely by chance. One of the better ones on that album, really. We love Date-Rape-Song in this household. Also, did you catch that this is the only track on the album that uses the "Turn The Page" sound effect they told us to be listening for? I think that's cruel, personally. Points for not recommending "Choke", though, I'm kinda getting tired of that one.

Well, I would recommend you Half Alive from this one, because I found them around the same time, but you already recommended me Half Alive so...do you mind bilingual music?

Wayne's World 2: Two? Why is it "Two"? Is there an earlier version? Is the first version objectively better, like "Saint Bernard"? Anyway, I think the most interesting part of this song is whatever that string is in the background. Is that a fuckin'...Mandolin?? Ukulele? Somethin weird. The instrumentation is what stops me from calling this "Generic", because it is sort of generic, but it's a really unique way of exploring something generic, y'know? It's sort of like subverting a trope, or at least that's how it sounds to me. Making the cliché interesting again. This is a song I would listen to for a day while it was stuck in my head and then get tired of it and want nothing to do with it ever again. And then I would keep seeing it in my feeds because the algorithms would be like "C'mon Sophie, you LOVED this track, you played it for 12 straight hours!!" and then eventually I'd probably start liking it again because I'd keep hearing it. That sounds hyperspecific but I swear it happens all the fucking time.

You're getting Oliver Tree this time, because their vocal styles have some overlap. I don't like this song, but take it anyway. It was either that or Modern Baseball which is also pretty hit or miss for me.

Adventure Is Out There: wait what?? what the fuck??? is this a peppy folk diddy or is it sad alternative? I think it needs to make up its fucking mind. And that's pretty sick, tbh.

you need something with a...banjo... something with a masculine lead and a banjo, yes? yes. Waiting for Death maybe?

Already Dead: This reminds me of the exactly one Falling In Reverse song that they keep re-releasing with different words, if Falling In Reverse were EDM instead of like...rock or...w/e is wrong with FIR... This song has a lot of allusions in it, and it really seems like it's about an actual struggle that's actually happening (which puts it miles beyond FIR), but I don't know if I can say I like this song, either, because it's just too peppy for a song that seems to be about contemplating suicide, at least at first glance (there's probably more to it that I don't see yet, but I'm dubbing this Rockstep-Suicide-Song for now).

I have suicide songs also. Have you ever heard Your Soft Blood?

i wish that i could wear hats: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

briam dabib gilgerg

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mogamingthe1st · 2 years

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Explaining my Life Series playlist so far!

(OUTDATED AS HELL)

So I have a playlist of songs for the traffic smps, and here's my explanation (now with lyrics i wanna point out):

First, it's divided into 3 sections, one for each season, and each section ends with a song for the winner.

Third Life:

To My Enemies by Saint Motel: just listen to it, literally the vibes of the whole season

I Can't Decide by Scissor Sisters: Red Army, Bdubs Betrayal, Scar or Grian, literally whoever, basically just red lives

Dead Girls by Penelope Scott: Either a) Scott following Jimmy's death or b) Grian, between killing Scar and jumping off the cliff

American Healthcare (Glitzy) by Penelope Scott: I think this is Martyn, especially when Ren asks to be beheaded, but maybe it fits someone else better. Possibly Impulse. ("Well I can say it was the government, the companies, bureaucracy, the congressmen, the lobbyists, and lies")

Choke by IDKHow: Again, just vibes, no one in particular

Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives: Grian, mostly because of that one animation but also because it fits. I'd also consider Lukewarm by Penelope Scott ("I'd die at 22 to feel alive at 21"), but for now it's this

Last Life:

Hayloft II by Mother Mother: vibes of the season, the lyrics and the vibes are good

Tongues & Teeth by The Crane Wives: I honestly don't know, I think this feels like the Fairy Fort alliance (is that their name? Been a while since I watched Last Life)

Who Are You, Really? by Mikky Ekko: Southlands alliance, it just has those vibes, it's the southlands

Born2Run by Penelope Scott: Once again, this is just the vibes that the whole season gives me

Curses by The Crane Wives: Only because of the animation but I do think it fits

Feel Better by Penelope Scott: Bdubs. Literally just Bdubs. Bdubs about Etho. ("But someone loved me, someone fucking loved me")

Goodbye by Bo Burnham: Scott, but you could probably change my mind about this. I just think that parts of it are really his character but I'm not sure. (I like "Has it only been an hour?" Being in relation to how short the sessions actually are irl)

Double Life (these ones are mostly the soulmate pairs):

Canary In a Coal Mine: I feel like this one is obvious, I was very happy when someone made an animation with it, but yeah, rancher duo.

You and Me by Lifehouse: Bdubs and Impulse (it is sickly sweet and mentions clocks)

Too Close by Sir Chloe: Scar and Grian (and BigB) (it's scar about bigb) ("you get too close, take the one I love the most")

Smokey Eyes by Lincoln: Vibes of the season, this is just how the season feels

Burning Pile by Mother Mother: "if the ship burns, everything burns"... yeah

No Children by The Mountain Goats: Pearl, literally Pearl, oh my God this one fits so perfectly, and if you take into account the soulmate thing, the lyrics are so good ("I hope that I cut myself shaving tomorrow, I hope it bleeds all day long" and "I am drowning... you are coming down with me")

I am open to suggestions and will give updates

#life series #traffic smp #mo speaks #life series playlist

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planetorigo · 6 months

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I LOVE music statistics of something that doesn't matter so I'm doing a deep dive of my Obscurify with all of you. Take my hand.

Reminder: I live in Canada so it's set to that by default and I would still say it accurately describes my music tastes.

So while the top genres hardly surprise me, I also need to know what the hell "pov: indie" stands for. If it's meant to describe music that puts you in a specific perspective of something and it's independent music, then I don't know how accurate that is. Primarily because I know why I have indie and indietronica on here. (I was wrong - I thought pov: indie was because of Chonny Jash but checking, he doesn't have a genre labelled to him - it's actually from Mother Mother and IDKHOW)

Also I have literally never heard of "alt z" as a genre. What is that. That's a keyboard command as far as I'm concerned.

Now on that poll, I saw that my music taste is 94%, meaning I'm a pretty unique Canadian with a music taste. However, what I'm more interested in is the summary because it's got this

Honestly impressive Madeon got that high up this year. Like - Chonny doesn't surprise me in the slightest and that's primarily because I've seen my last.fm. Spotify Wrapped will confirm that for me too. But man I've just really been into Madeon. I listened to him more than I thought but maybe I shouldn't be surprised - Pay No Mind is a bop and I'm glad I finally listened to Adventure.

Tracks are fun to look at. Two Marianas Trench songs and I know exactly why it's those two specifically (OC playlists. That's why.) StopRewind is for a similar reason but not so much villain and Villainous Thing but I did listen to them a lot.

Current is also interesting to look at because aside from the tracks, the artists is literally just the same as it says on last.fm right now. ...In all-time. But keep in mind, I didn't know how to actually connect my Spotify account onto last.fm until this year and a month after I made thta account and even if it wasn't a month, it was definitely in August which I'm reminded more and more is a little less and more time than I think.

Funny enough, this is also less unique by 1% than my All-Time.

Next section is "Most Obscure" which immediately gave me a laugh because for Artists, it looks like this.

Ah yes - three members from Aqours, Aqours as a whole and Mr Marianas Trench himself and suspected Loverboy member by Todd in the Shadows, Josh Ramsay. He sticks out like a sore thumb it's really funny.

But then I have a question about the tracks...

Why is Razzmatazz on here? 'Cause just by like - you know. What I know - I know for a fact more people have listened to IDKHOW than Chonny (I actually don't know with Circus-P to be honest but I'm confident in IDKHOW compared to Chonny). And Razzmatazz is such a weird one to be on "most obscure" considering it's the title track of an album, and even if it's the singles version (because of how Spotify works), I still don't get how that can be considered the most obscure??

Fuck - let alone IDKHOW being there at all??? What - it couldn't be Right As Rain? Another Chonny song? I know there are songs on CCCC that not many people listen to compared to others.

Anyways I'm skipping artists and songs 'cause I have nothing to say about them. They're less interesting to me.

Here's what I think is the funniest.

SO for one thing, don't worry about how I'm doing. I'm mostly fine.

However I'm confused by the wording here. Not the idea my music taste is getting sadder or angrier - but what "Your favorite example means". Does this mean it's my favorite example in how my music taste is getting sadder... or is it my favorite example in how happy my music taste can be??? Because I don't know if Zamza by Nightcord ft KAITO is the greatest example.

By the way this isn't the only time Zamza by Nightcord ft KAITO appears.

It's in Danceability too

Considering Chonny is Mr Slut for a Keychange, I'm guessing that's on him. Though it's funny to once again see Zamza being used as my favorite example. Like - twice in a row? Awesome.

It has absolutely nothing to say about me listening to upbeat music by the way. That hardly surprises me as I prefer my music with a lot of energy in it. And coincidentally, that typically involves more electronic sounds.

Though I suppose according to this, my "perfect example" for Acousticness is "Up to No Good" by The Hoosiers. Interesting...

Anyways taking a look at everything else, that's about all I'm interested in sharing. Bar the fact it says my favorite decades of music is the 2010s which I thought was neat but I think it was mostly because that was the time period I got Spotify so of course I'd focus more on stuff there. Also the 2020s aren't done yet.

Okay post is over. I hope this doesn't suddenly become long for people despite there being a Read More. I know I have a Ramblings tag but I don't want to use that anymore. It became hard to distinguish between that and this.

#Tori types things #Long post #Although there is a REad More #Anyways I'm sorry to anyone using Mobile.

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party-lemon · 3 years

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This is gonna be a long post, y'all, mostly cause I like sharing things I like on the internet. So here is

A List of my Top Ten Favorite Albums (So Far) and Why (In No Particular Order)

#1: I Love You Like a Brother - Alex Lahey

Released: October 6, 2017

Genre: Alternative Indie/ Rock

Ahhh, I recently discovered this album (after knowing only the titular track for, like, a year) and it is so good. A running theme will be alternative, rock-ish albums and this is the perfect example of an alternative rock album. I won't get too hung up on genres but this album is fantastic. There's, honestly, nothing overly spectacular and wowing about it but that's what I like about it. It's so simple and I love it for that. It sounds like the soundtrack to a cool, indie movie.

#2: Razzmatazz - I Dont Know How But They Found Me

Released: October 23, 2020

Genre: Indie pop/synth-pop/pop rock

I adore this album. This is in the top 3, if I were to narrow down this list. I went through a period where I listened to this album on repeat for two weeks. Don't get me wrong, 1981 Extended Play was fantastic, I love all of IDKHow's work. But this. Razzmatazz is so unafraid to be weird. There's all sorts of instruments in here that you wouldn't expect but they just work. Saxophone solos? In 2020? It works better than you think. And don't even get me started on Clusterhug.

#3: Hesitant Alien - Gerard Way

Released: September 29, 2014

Genres: Alternative rock/Britpop

Also another album I have listened to for two weeks straight. Where do I start? Like almost every song on here is so unique and different from the other. The Britpop feel is immaculate. Action Cat and How It's Going to Be are some of my favorite songs ever. Brother...speaks for itself. I could go on and on about what I love about Hesitant Alien but it would be so long so I will refrain.

#4: Revolution Radio - Green Day

Released: October 7, 2016

Genres: Punk rock/alternative rock

This album shaped my entire junior high career. I listened to this album (and all of Green Day's discography) non stop. I don't listen to it as much anymore but anytime a song off of it plays, I remember how much I love this album. I don't particularly think it's Green Day's best album (that title will always go to American Idiot) but Revolution Radio just holds a special place in my heart. It was the soundtrack to my life during 7th and 8th grade and introduced me to so many other bands (like My Chemical Romance).

#5: Blurryface - Twenty One Pilots

Released: May 17, 2015

Genres: Rock/Pop/Pop rap

I know, I know, Twenty One Pilots. I'm sorry. But Blurryface is really good. Like, with every other TOP album, I skip a track or two but there is not a bad song on this album. It's so intense sometimes and then, boom, Tear in my Heart and We Don't Believe What's on TV. So good.

#6: The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance

Released: October 20, 2006

Genres: Rock/Punk rock/Alternative Rock

I had the hardest time choosing between The Black Parade and Danger Days. Don't get me wrong, I adore Danger Days. The storyline, the energy, the different sound. But The Black Parade is poetic. It is theatrical and heartbreaking and angry. Dare I say, one of the greatest concept albums ever. There are no lulls. It does not miss a beat, even with Teenagers. Danger Days may contain my favorite song ever but The Black Parade is immeasurably stunning. An absolute masterpiece, if you will. Such a fabulous album.

#7: Melophobia - Cage the Elephant

Released: October 3, 2013

Genres: Alternative rock/Indie rock

I have really grown to love Cage the Elephant and Melophobia is absolutely amazing. This album feels kind of different from the all of the other ones on this list and I can't quite put my finger on why. Hell, I can't really explain why I like it so much. Melophobia is just different and I like it. Every track is so good, the rough sound on some of the songs gives a garage band vibe. The poetry at the end of Teeth is so cool and Cigarette Daydreams is the epitome of every rom-com indie movie soundtrack.

#8: The Click - AJR

Released: June 9, 2017

Genres: Alternative indie/Pop

Apparently people don't like AJR or think they're cringy or something...? I don't care, I love this album. It tackles so many topics about growing up, wanting to just skip to the good part of life, and feeling so lost in adulthood (and sort of life, in general). Plus, AJR's sound is strange but I really like it. They use a lot of trumpets, which is great. And they do this in a living room! The Click just handles itself so well and tries to make you feel okay about being grown and it doesn't care if it fails.

#9: Hawaii: Part II - ミラクルミュージカル (Miracle Musical)

Released: December 12, 2012

Genres: Pop/Ballads/Electronic/Just kind of everything

Literally the weirdest music I listen to and man, is it great. Hawaii: Part II is interesting, to say the least. I think you're bound to like at least one song on here just because it has a bit of everything on it. It is just sort of a trip to listen to. A good one, mind you. Nothing can really describe this album, you just kind of have to listen to it.

#10: Rumours - Fleetwood Mac

Released: February 4, 1977

Genres: Pop rock/soft rock

What a classic, honestly. I wish I had been listening to this sooner (I only recently started listening to Fleetwood Mac) because Rumours is a masterpiece. The entire album feels like the soundtrack to an indie movie (if you couldn't tell, I'm really into indie movies). Never Going Back Again is such a flawless song. The Chain is badass. Second Hand News? Dreams? Just every song is great. And Fleetwood Mac is such a badass band, too. I could rave about Rumours for a while so I'll stop now.

Honorable Mentions:

Danger Days - My Chemical Romance

Back to Black - Amy Winehouse

When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? - Billie Eilish

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace - Foo Fighters

Save Rock and Roll - Fall Out Boy

(This doesn't even include musicals cause there would be a few of those making the list)

Um, if you made it down to here, thanks for reading. 10/10, would recommend all of these albums, give 'em a listen.

#october must be the prime time for releasing new albums cause holy shit #alex lahey #idkhow #i dont know how but they found me #gerard way #hesitant alien #green day #twenty one pilots #mcr #my chemical romance #cage the elephant #ajr #the click #hawaii part 2 #hawaii part ii #miracle musical #fleetwood mac #rumours

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blurrycow · 2 years

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Ok, but Mad IQs by IDKHOW is SUCH a Five Hargreeves song.

TIME FOR A SONG ANALYSIS, which is what I do best.

Let’s start with looking at the chorus. Come inside Twist the knife Like it's something to do I'm a voluntary victim Watch your colonial tongue I'll watch you tighten the noose I'm burning in your mad IQ

alright. Right off the bat, this song is giving off huge five vibes. Indicator- knives. Come inside, twist the knife like it’s something to do- I’m a voluntary victim. Since I am dumb I had to google what voluntary meant and it means ‘willing’. So, im getting that this sort of means that- in the scenario that this song IS him, the ‘come inside’ would be like he’s got walls, ya know? So he’s letting the person in, and they betray him (‘twist the knife’). ’voluntary victim’ could be his family- he’d willingly kill himself for his family. So he’s voluntarily killing himself by someone else for his family which is SO something he’d do. ’watch your colonial tongue, I’ll watch you tighten the noose’ not sure how this would work as him actually but we must keep in mind that not every lyric in this song was written for our short murder man because it WASNT written for our short murder man 🙄🙄 thanks dallon weekes 🙄🙄🙄 and then of course mad iq would be because he’s a fucking genius, that’s self explanatory.

ANYWAY moving on to the actual first verse because I am stupid and skip around a lot.

Oh, you will never, ever stop me 'Cause I'm never gonna quit Gonna get just what I want And I am gonna get it quick

Lose yourself inside the city Lose your mind inside a week You can lose all of your money You can find enough to sleep

In this world to survive We can live while we're alive Or we can die

oop idk why it did the line thing on the side but I’m still figuring out tumblr so whatever

looking at this first verse is like… yeah. Five Hargreeves. The entire first verse- not counting the second part- kind of sums him up. He’s not gonna stop, he’s not gonna quit. He’s gonna get what he wants as quick as possible and skeddaddlydo. For the second part I’m thinking maybe because he has flashbacks and stuff he gets lost in his own mind, and idk about those last two lines in the second part but again I shall reiterate not every song is specifically written for murder man so I have to keep that in mind ugh. Last part- I’d think he’d want to live his life to its fullest because you’ve only got so long on earth, ya know? And he’d know that as well as anyone.

cONTINUING ONTO THE SECOND VERSE AFTER THE CHORUS.

Oh, the apocalypse is coming Don't you lose all your control 'Cause you can't get into heaven If you haven't got a soul

You can never, ever stop me If you're sick or you're obscene You can bend or you can break But they'll replace you with machines

i feel like I don’t even have to explain the first part. but the second part- I’m thinking along the lines of the commission. You can die, but they’ll replace you with another moving part. And the first part of that section, also self explanatory. You can’t stop Five Hargreeves.

finally, the bridge section.

Paralyzed by the sum of your parts, oh-oh Abstracts with a human heart Captivated but I'm so confused, oh-oh Burning up in your mad IQ

His dna has been altered, he doesn’t know HOW to be a real person, society’s definition of a real person, and he So Wants to be that person but he can’t, because he doesn’t know how.

anyway this was fun thanks for reading

#five hargreeves #the umbrella academy #headcannons #tua headcanons #tua #hargreeves #Dallon weekes #idkhow #ryan seaman #idkhowbuttheyfoundme

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xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx · 5 years

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Additional, useless, but maybe fun info on His Smile Will Keep You Safe

Bill and Charlie were not originally planned to be brothers until i told one of my (two) friends about it, and they immidetly went “Like the Weaslys?” so I just HAD to use that one. Their last name, Bellete, is French for Weasel, the mean nickname the Weaslys get called by Draco Malfoy

Jay, Charlie, Lucas and Bill are inspired by the technichians (and in Lucas’s case the tour manager) who I saw working for idkhow in Berlin. There were two guys setting up the stage, one in a plain blue shirt, looking so unnoticeable that he would have been invisiable if I hadn’t paid attention, who inspired Charlie, and one with a beard, black rimmed glasses and a base ball cap who inspired Bill. Jay was lookwise based on this roadie who helped carry the cases with equipement to the touring van, but I gave him dread locks instead of an afro like the guy had. And Lucas is plainly based on the looks of the tour manager

In Köln, when I was waiting for my second iDKHOW show, long after I had finished writing, and after the first few chapters were up, I saw a guy who played in a band in a venue next doors, and he looked exactly what I had always Luis imagined to look like. Seriously, if I had to cast people for the characters, I'd cast this dude as Luis.

I wanted the reader not to be the only woman on tour, so I added Lisa for the merch; the guy who I had seen at the idkhow show got cancled (I’m sorry, dude, even though I don’t know you), but he was super kind and just had some sort of peace about him which I packed into the “fatherly” side of Lucas which we get to see when he talks to the reader after her panic attack

I knew pretty early on that I wanted to include the incident with the stolen equipment from last year, and when the idea with the drugs popped into my head, it made sense to have the bus stolen in order to hide the drugs

Originally, before I created the characters in detail, I wanted the drugs to be smuggled by the lead singer of the opening band, which would have been Jay, but once I was finished with his profile I was like “no, he’s to innocent”, and decided to have it be the most unexpected character (apart from Ryan and Dallon), which was Lisa

Originally I had the reader’s appearance based on a mix of my other friend (who got me into iDKHOW in the first place) and myself, before I changed it to be a little more general. The idea was the reader to have a side cut, like myself, and long, brown, curly hair like my friend.

Also based on my friend’s appearance was the idea that somewhere in between the reader tells Ryan they always wanted pink hair, so he drags her to the hairdresser where they get her hair dyed pink.

Since the story is set in August/ September 2019, Ryan’s hair should be brown. Actually I wrote him brown haired until I asked my friend (the one with the pink hair) and they answered:

If Ryan’s hair would have been brown, and I would have included the hairdresser scene, he’d have gotten his hair dyed blue again, because “damn, I miss the blue”.

I did not include the hairdresser scene, because the only time it would have found some space, was during the time the bus got stolen, and it just seemed weird to have the the characters go “Hey, our bus and all the equipment got stolen, but let’s go dye our hair. Who wants to join?”

Lars is based on the guy I was in love with during high school (but we were never together), who probably still fucks up my self-esteem when it comes to anything that goes into the direction of flirting (aka he treated me like a piece of shit). I like using him as a template for the bad guys, I also wrote about him in “The Red Dress” (Patrick x Reader), and “Someone Who Loves You As Much” (Dallon x Reader).

All the cities they visit in the story are cities in the US at which iDKHOW played in that order during this year. But I pulled everything closer together, eg also skipping the dates in Europe.

I saw iDKHOW on a Wednesday in June. Since the day before, Tuesday, I had planned on writing a Ryan story (but only a short one), after the concert I knew it would be a longer story. I actually started writing while lying in bed in the hostel, next to my pink haired friend, who had fallen asleep already.

I wrote into tumblr drafts, three of them, which I’ve never done before. The first one is the very first sketch of into which direction I wanted the story to go.

The second entry was the reader meeting Ryan in the street (and it’s basically unchanged, except for Ryan’s hair colour) and the third one was the conversation in which the reader’s boss tells her about the contract

On Friday (two days after the concert), on my way home, I had a stop in a huge train station, before getting on the train that would take me home. I didn’t have wifi, so no tumblr drafts to write into, so I got a tiny booklet into which I scribbled the prologue, the second version of the story arch, and the characters

I can’t read half of the stuff I’ve written into that note book anymore, because it’s a MESS

What does that even say? I don't know.

Jay was originally called Kay. I have the name written like that in the note book, and it was Kay in the first Chapter. But somehow I continued with Jay, and then I changed it in the first chapter, once I noticed it.

Pretty handwriting, I know. Anyone who has ever told me to write more neatly is only receiving the worst scribbled Christmas cards.

The opening band is called “Three Beats” as a mixture of “Three Cheers (for Sweet Revenge)” and “The Beatles”

Lisa is actually the name of my sister’s best friend, who is a super lovely girl, but somehow it was the first name in my mind after I knew she’s be the bad guy

After the scene on the bridge, Ryan was supposed to get ill, and the reader contacts an old friend of hers (a doctor), who happens to live in the city they currently are in.

I was considering doing some scenes with Ryan randomly filming her for Instagram stories, like her spreading sunscream on her arms and he joking about her showing off her muscles and silly stuff like that.

I did not know how I wanted the two to get together until about a page before I wrote it. In the notebook I wrote that Ryan overhears the reader tell Lars off when he tries to flirt with her again, telling Lars that she’s in love with Ryan. This happens directly before Ryan goes on stage before the last concert, but he only confronts her after the show backstage. Then two days before Ch13 got posted I changed it again. Until then I had it written out as the reader following Ryan outside the bar, they talk and make up. Well, I decided it wasn't enough heartbreak.

The boy who helps the reader when she confronts Lars about what he told Ryan, is based on a boy who I met at the idkhow concert. Except that it was him who got bothered by a girl and didn’t know how to defend himself, and when he mentioned this in the break between White Room and iDKHOW, the girls around him jumped into defense mode. (I actually got into a staring duell, which is why I was able to describe the fight over dominance between Lars and the reader, because I basically starred her down and was very self concios during that short discussion (according to my pink haired friend it looked impressive, even thogh she didn’t understand a word because we were talking german; I felt more like an angry hamster))

Hamster Picture

I wanted there to be eleven chapters, but because I also wanted certain chapter cuts towards the end, it turned into thirteen. And then I added onto ch13, and now there are 14 chapters

In my word documents, the original chapter 13 is called "ch-13" (still thinking about publishing the way it originally was, like a deleted scene) the chapter you got to read as 13 is called "ch-13.2", chapter 14 is "ch-14" and the epilogue is "ch-13.b"... It's messy.

Doing the moodboards was fun but so much work… never again (how much do we want to bet that the next long story comes with mood boards again, because I’m stupid?)

In the scene in the diner, the reader orders a strawberry milkshake, because Ryan’s smelled so good. I wrote that because when i was in Berlin to see idkhow, my friend and i went fruit shopping, and i couldn’t resist the strawberries bc they smelled so nice

#my friend is called sofie #his smile will keep you safe #behind the scenes #background info #deleted scenes

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