#eventually I DO want to make a full

[teacupsandcyanide]

Something I miss from earlier eras of the creative side of the internet was things just being unabashedly low-budget. Just all unashamedly amateur, unprofessional, ‘I don’t own a good camera but I have a story to tell you’, ‘I can’t afford a good mic but I have a song to sing for you,’ ‘I don’t have any kind of background in editing or lighting and I only just picked up this guitar last Tuesday but here’s an entire musical me and my friends wrote about our favourite book, we filmed it on a potato and put it up on YouTube in ten minute segments because we thought it was pretty funny.’

#everything felt so much less like Content then #and as someone who wants to share creative stuff online #it’s now incredibly daunting thinking about doing that bc #especially as a disabled person who can’t work full time #it feels almost impossible to extricate art from being Content #like there’s this immense pressure to produce things that could pass as professionally produced by a team of educated people #and to make smart decisions so that somehow eventually you can profit off your art #and instead of it being a ‘hey look at my silly little song’ it becomes #competing in an over saturated market already dominated by the nepotism afforded by wealth and connections #and it feels like it would very difficult not to measure my personal satisfaction with how a certain piece of art turned out #by how much attention it got online #even though I genuinely have zero desire to be famous and it sounds like a complete nightmare #anyway I’m gonna have ice cream for dinner how about you guys #hmp42

[averlym]

fairest of the fair

#hi! im alive and back and etc. #six the musical #six the musical fanart #katherine howard #thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art #this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self #aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying #redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me #back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit #also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill #multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me #notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts #of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions.. #1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was #pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes #3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume #and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to #explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is #darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall #outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet #within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions? #7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah #8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck #anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)

[princesskealie]

taking my mom to the doctor again tomorrow~ please send any good vibes/prayers/thoughts her way that all goes smoothly! 🙏🙏

#always sorry to be asking this of you guys ;-; #but always so grateful for your kindness!! #whew it's been quite a spring #long story short my mom will also be facing oral surgery soon #and as for me ah haaaa i dislocated a rib (eventually two) and can't seem to get them to stay put despite treatment ;-; #anyway! good news...a dream literary agent requested the full manuscript of my thriller novel AHH #another dream agent offered me an R&R which basically means she wants me to make certain revisions and resubmit #if i can do the revisions well enough she MIGHT offer askfjaf...she said she absolutely loved my book!! #but it's been challenging to work on everything during this spring of health issues gahh #trying my best though and fingers crossed one of these agents will be the one!!! 🙏🙏 #how are you all doing?? feel free to send an ask or reply here! i love to hear about what's happening in your lives!! #personal

[fabaceous]

isnt it so interesting and so reflective of being a teenage girl how the yellowjackets collectively and sort of automatically/instinctively assign certain roles to certain members of the group, often roles that involve getting their hands dirty and doing things that are anywhere from gross to ethically questionable to truly morally reprehensible but necessary for their survival, because no one else can stomach it, and then they punish her for acting out the exact same role that they assigned her?

#im thinking of nat the hunter lottie the girlprophet and shauna the butcher here #roles that feel like they were created just to be hated and scorned #i mean i think it makes sense on a certain level that the group dynamic NEEDS clearly defined roles to function #especially in such a precarious situation #and someone has to play each role #but those three in particular seem to be set up to fail #they're damned if they do damned if they dont #i may elaborate on this eventually but i feel like i need to see the full extent of the wilderness play out first #but to my other point its ACTUALLY LITERALLY JUST EXACTLY THE TEENAGE GIRL EXPERIENCE #you get put in a box and if you try to get out of it then everyone hates you #but if you live up to the expectations everyone still hates you #ok after so many tags im arriving at my thesis statement #its about how the group is so prepared to punish people for the very things they know they benefit from #do you feel me? #ok. anyway ending this here unless i get a second wind and want to delve into specifics #yellowjackets

[napping-sapphic]

Love is so freaky and messed up to the point that sometimes i do wish and hope SO badly that no one ever has to suffer being in love with me specifically because it honestly sounds absolutely unbearable

#my brain sure is braining lately #ignore me ive been having a Few Days for sure #and there aren’t enough words or enough time in the world to express the full context of this thought #like #the love story doesn’t happen in the epilogue #and the epilogue can’t fix an ending that failed to satisfy the reader #and an authentic and satisfactory sequel is impossible when the ending killed off too much of the plot #does any of this make sense #do i even know what i mean #just ignore me im overthinking #and of the like five different crazed rants i drafted tonight this one is like the shortest #and least weird i think #and i wanted to shout my nonsense into the void to shut my brain up for a minute #apologies for that #pls continue as you were and i hope your brain is quiet and your day is good <3 #wait also im all good im just thinking no need to worry! #this is just my nonsense that wanted to be set free from rattling in my brain just let her be and she’ll go away on her own eventually😪

[subwaytostardew]

▲ Subway to Stardew - Ingo 8-Heart Event ▲

This plays after getting at least 8 hearts with Ingo and entering the library. Ingo sends a letter for this too...

#submas #pokemon #stardew valley #sdv mods #Ingo #Nobori #subway to stardew #subway to stardew terminal station #events #I do want to make a full-platonic route for Ingo eventually but... I can't quite figure out how the development for that will go #So for now he has a love at first sight that consumes him and he feels so terribly guilty about #He sends you a 6 page love letter like one heart in LOL #Still working on the letters and I only have one done... also might move some lines to other ones so I can't show them yet #Emmet can vent to Ingo but Ingo can't vent to Emmet about having a crush because Emmet is a menace

[eiyuuou]

I can’t think of text to add so you’re free to imagine what he’s saying

#dick grayson #dc comics #nightwing #nightwing fanart #mine #sent back to the pixel mines to dig for art #also continuing to spread my redesign. you WILL look at him #maybe ill make a few more emotions eventually. make this guy a full spritesheet #i know stardew modding so i could put him in in theory but do i want to write dialogue and such? no. #Happy Passover Happy Easter and Ramadan Mubarak everyone :)

[maddieandangel]

Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf

More context will be in the tags, for those interested!

#hollow knight #little ghost #hk ghost #the knight #hk hornet #hornet #alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf #i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though)) #there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all! #the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas #though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe? #more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too #so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason #also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh #i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough' #anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption. #though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected #i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally #there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her #that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there #i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf #anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water #(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao #and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too #there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did #ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin #BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3 #she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself #but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though #aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

Anyway prohibitedwish dark medieval mystery drama au. The story is interjected every so often by prismo and scarab arguing over what should happen next

#random thoughts #adventure time #over time scarab learns to accept when things dont go his way (especially when prismo has a very good idea) #and prismo gets help working through his depression through the beauty of creating with another person (euphamism for gay sex lol) #hey prismo why do you want to collab with scarab hmm? to create life with another man? pretty gay it does seem #anyway in the beginning they argue because scarab wants stuff to go his way #and prismo keeps bringing up bad ideas and wanting to put jake-esque characters in everything #prismo is. not very creative #anyway their universe ends up following a sheriff and a self-declared wizard in the late-12th century (so around robin hood times) #as the sheriff hunts down a group of bandits #(prismo ends up really liking the bandits and thinking the sheriff sucks balls for hunting them down and scarab's like you just dont get it) #the self-declared wizard is very much a conman hawking snake oil (i do NOT sound like that is. very commonly interjected by prismo) #there is no magic. prismo keeps trying to put magic in there. scarab keeps shutting him down #scarab ends up trying to kill off the wizard for a dramatic moment and prismo gets upset about it #'it's a tragedy! it's supposed to be sad!' 'but WHAT IS THE POINT??? it's just tragedy for the sake of tragedy!' #'if your plan this whole time was to make me upset then congrats!!! you made everyone's friend prismo upset. im gonna do something else now' #prismo disappears and scarab feels. bad. it doesn't feel good. #eventually prismo comes back in to apologize for getting too into the story and leaving in a huff and shit and surprise!!! #the wizard is still alive! scarab LISTENED and he CONCEDED and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABEY!!! #now the ending of the story they were trying to tell is more bittersweet instead of a full-on 'everyone's dead or sad' thing #btw the sheriff and the wizard end up kissing and prismo and scarab are both VERY awkward about it #scarab still likes dark edgy stuff but he recognizes the universe he created with prismo is a SHARED project and he's been kind of a pill

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

Better accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues should suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things!

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to take to cut your awkward self some slack for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

#social skills #i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag #original #maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title #in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You' #or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am #challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong. #and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment #for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the #most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than #most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny #(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility. #and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by #being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating #i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate #I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity. #when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to #really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would #go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people #it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party' #it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them #stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!' #I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in #order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially #autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules #and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules #but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!! #i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird?? #I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind. #also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too

[hiphopcherrrypop]

😭thinking abt my beach day bucchigiri dream and if that was a real episode i think zabu would have the worst time ever cus he seems to be guy who is just constantly suffering...

they play volleyball (siguma vs minato match lolz) and he gets hit in the face so hard

#bucchigiri beach ep u will be real someday #i will make it reall...... #not full ep #but i have access to storyboard pro now soooo ✌😂 #i wanna do boards of some beach scenes for funzies #i want to sooo bad but i will probably end up giving up on it LOL #i'll hopefully do it eventually but no promises #i wish i couldve had some done for tomorrow lolz #like. no new ep?? ok i will tkae things into my own hands...

[doodlboy]

Yk realistically if the om bros were fucked up like demons should be, they wouldn't be that disturbed by bloodlust el's personality.

However, I think the terror and angst comes from the fact that they lived with him his whole life, and for the most part, he was very passive and calm and never immediately resorted to violence, so to see [what used to be] their human revel in bloodshed is.. unsettling.

#bc they loved him for being human #being kind!! he was their connection to the entirety of humanity bc he loved people. bc he was human #they knew he was going to die eventually bc he's mortal. to them his life feels like minutes passing by 2 their immortality #[the universe where he turns in2 bloodlust el is the 1 where solomon can't reproduce the accidental immortality spell he used on himself] #[so el dies of old age after a full life of the devildom and his partners and magic] #so- imagine you die. your life was full and complex and loving #and [for a reason i haven't decided on yet] heaven/the celestial realm wipes your memory of all of that shit and u turn in2 a blank slate #2 be molded and shaped into something befitting an “angel” #then u start getting your memory back and you damn near start another war bc you're so pissed off you fight god & actually land a hit #which gets u cast out of the heaven and when you go crashing into hell you land smack dab in the middle of the garden #that belongs 2 the ppl who once loved you #but when u crashed you fucked up your head and now you're “wrong” #different from the human these people want you to be. and you hide away. they make you feel like a monster when you can't stop it #and get imprisoned for it. then used as essentially a court jester/executioner bc the prince needed to do *something* with you #fucked up #they wouldn't care if he was just another demon. but he's what remains of the human they loved yk #so it's more disturbing #anyway long ramble over #elliot rambles #obey me #obey me mc #obey me demon mc #obey me demon oc #avatar of bloodlust #demon elliot oc

[seilon]

genuinely it is so depressing to spend money drinking just to end up doing nothing interesting and just sitting around

#i need friends who like. doing things. #i need more friends in general but i mean yeah. #would love to have an actual college experience one day. I’ve been in college 4 years or so and I’ve never been to a party and I’ve never #made lasting/close friendships. since pre-covid I haven’t really made friends at all #all my friends (all four of them) are from high school #it’s really fucking pathetic actually how incapable I am of making friends or having a life #and it just feels like a huge fucking waste of time and a waste of a college environment #part of me wishes I would rent at a place full of mostly other students and get a roommate I don’t know (as much as that’s a bad idea if #it’s anything like last time) just so I can be around people and be forced to meet people #also so I can avoid getting lowkey fucked over because my friends I’m supposed to be renting with eventually don’t want to pay a #significant amount of rent and I’d end up paying way more than them just because they supposedly can’t afford it (we all have about the same #income.) #gehsdhdhdhshhd #they also want to rent a place with four of us total and I just. really don’t want to live with that many people. like I think it would #drive me fucking insane. I need control over my surroundings and that leaves me with no control and I don’t like it #and a million other reasons I don’t like the idea #it was originally just supposed to be me and one friend. so. this was not the plan #hahsgshhshh anyway kill me #I’m in that post-drinking state where all pleasant affects of the alcohol have long since worn off and I’m just sort of left a hollow shell #depressed and disappointed. #and I have to go to work this afternoon woohoo awesome so cool #kibumblabs

[chlorinewaterdrinker]

Pizza pizza

#this is my second time trying to post this cuz the quality was crap #if it happens again I’m not gonna try and fix it 😭😭 #fnaf au where it’s more like cec/rae #I based these off the rae/battington designs bc they’re just better than the canon looks for them sorry #Freddy is like a mix of fatz geronimo and teddy ruxpin #chica is obviously the chef/baker of the group and I wanted to make her bob into an apron instead but I didn’t feel like doing full bodies #for like any of these #foxy is iconic so I didn’t change his design much but I incorporated aspects from different designs-like the beard from squimpus #face from battington and added khol under his eyes bc it felt appropriate #and I added fetch from the books to the main gang bc idk it felt like smth needed to be there and the dog is cute #he’s at the prize counter and gives out prizes and Guards against theft and he’s just a little baby #can’t decide if i want to keep the name fetch or use sparky instead bc sparky was iconic AND ALSO IN THE FUCKING MOVIE???? HELLO??? #this is from my sketchbook so it doesn’t look great and I’ll get around to doing full bodies eventually #im kinda scared to tag this as fnaf #rubensdoodads #okay back to the cec/rae grind #Bonnie is a failed magician and does skits like Rolfe/Klunk does my bad #fnaf

[ablazeinhim]

feeling like such a loser lately and like is it the winter or is the introversion or is it the disability???

#for a while now its been so hard for me to discern if social stuff is hard because im ND or because im an introvert #theoretically i love parties but im horrible at them on my own #i dont know what to say or how to start conversations #i desperately want to mingle and talk to people and have a god time but idk how to start that interaction #esp because i dont love talking about my work/home life (bc it makes me feel like a loser!) so i dont want to ask people about their work #in case they reciprocate and ask me about mine #also the masking #the masking is exhausting #! #the ND masking not covid masking!! #im afraid ill have nothing to add to a conversation #im afraid when i do speak up that ill ramble about something no one cares about or talk fkr too long or being jn skmething that feels like #non sequitur and ill watch peoples eyes glaze over as they scan the room for others to talk with #i have no social anxiety about like asking for help or directions or “hey where did you get that pizza it smells so good” #or “omg i love your outfit!!!” #but in a room full of people who sort of know each ither #or like p much any space where there are clumps of people talking and im not in any of them? #i feel like a bother and incompetent #i crawled out from under my rock for my only social engagement this month and theyre on their 3rd of the day and loving it #hoping eventually i wont feel the need tk mask so much. i know that makes things so much harder #=

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

I love having a dedicated and aware dream alter like sometimes I just wake up with memories of a new superpower this dude's been at it for nearly two decades and still learns new tricks like last night he unlocked walking on air, which might not seem like much for a guy who can already fly in multiple ways, but the thing is walking on air, it turns out, is just a lot easier when it comes to things like taking off from ledges. But like it's like I'm just waking up Matrix style "I know kung fu" but it's instead of martial arts I'm just learning new superpowers that I don't actually have. Whatever they did that in the Matrix too.

#sfw #personal #ok to reblog #Teeth dream #less happy note is that the same dream reminded me how lonely he is in there. everyone he meets is an NPC. #he met mom in the dream and for a moment she seemed like a full person and he actually for once CHOSE to interact with an NPC #(dreams often have scripts he has to follow and thus he's forced to deal with them when he just wants to play with his powers) #but the moment didn't last and it became clear again that she was not sentient and he was disappointed but not surprised and he left #but just. for a moment. just one short moment I think he felt like he wasn't alone. he's used to it but damn he shouldn't have to be. #two decades. although I guess total dream time would add up to something closer to one year but idc which count is more accurate. #brain makes him to fight off nightmares and for a long time his reality was always waiting for the right moment to turn on him #he learned quickly that it was no use trying to talk to anyone because there's not really anyone there #the nightmares eventually go away but he's still there. doing nothing but dream. only experiencing the waking world through shared memories. #on rare rare occasions he gets little moments like that where he isn't alone...