#finding genuine connections

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

I get back to our messages and read them once in a while.. Yesterday I thought, how can someone feel so real and yet be so fake, how can someone fabricate a connection while you've poured your deepest darkest secrets? Well, that's life, you never know who's real to you. I guess the younger me was right, you shouldn't trust literally no one.

#emotional betrayal #deception #fake connection #hurt #disillusionment #distrust #vulnerability #life lessons #self-protection #cynicism #unexpected betrayal #questioning connections #guarded heart #protecting one's inner circle #learning from past experiences #cautious approach to trust #finding genuine connections #spilled thoughts

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[galedekarios]

minthara's dating profile 🩸🗡️

[x]

#i saw this floating around on twatter and had to share it here bc it's genuinely hilarious #less hilarious is that she put more care into researching drow lore than larian lmao #i also love how her ad runs through waterdeep connections too #gale 🤝 minthara: hoping to find their s/o through waterdeep connections #minthara baenre #emma gregory #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #ch: minthara #vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #misc: video #actor: emma gregory

[biblically-accurate-dca]

first meetings (bonus panel under the cut!!)

i didnt wanna add it to the main post bc it's a different size and it would mess up the format lmaooo

i think about these two a lot i think they could be really fun together in several ways. monty golf is right next to the daycare after all!!

#my art #daycare attendant #sundrop #sunnydrop #oh idk how to tag for monty.... #montgomery gator #monty gator #this isnt explicitly ship but if u wanna read it that way go for it lol #i genuinely do think these two are like.. connected in some way. i just have a hunch okay just trust me #monty golf is right next to the daycare. they were both side attractions before bonnie's disappearance #they've both got destroyed staff bots in their rooms. the 'decommission monty' mission makes you go back to the daycare #as well as monty being the one that gets called when a staff bot finds you in the daycare #IM JUST SAYING.... it cant be a coincidence right. it probably is but just hear me out okay #what if monty didnt kill bonnie. thats all i'll say for now #i'll stop being a conspiracy theorist in the tags now

[cemeterything]

shipping isn't about wanting fictional people to fuck nasty or whatever well it kind of is but it's also about making some of the best friends you'll ever have by finding people who don't make you feel like this

#🐉 #i havent posted enough cringe this year. time to change that. #but genuinely. yeah its silly and fictional but its funny how you can find human connection through a shared love for the phenomenon of #human connection. #or just connection. monsterfuckers and machine lovers i have not forgotten you.

[bucephaly]

It's kinda shocking to me how few people seem to know how prevalent the 'my great grandmother was cherokee' myth is and how it's almost never actually true, especially when it comes with things like 'never signed up' or 'fell off the trail' or 'courthouse burned down destorying the documentation' etc etc.

People just don't even seem to know the history like.. when the Trail happened. My great great great grandfather was 2 years old during Removal in 1838, so peoples 'my great grandmother hid in the mountains!' is so clearly wrong. And we have rolls. From before and after removal, rolls done by cherokee nation and others by the government, rolls that were not stored in one random flammable courthouse. It's not difficult to find the actual evidence of ancestry.

And just.. there are lots of ways those family stories get started. It was a practice during the confederacy to claim cherokee ancestry to show one's family had 'deep roots in the south' that they were there before the cherokee were removed. Many people pretended to be cherokee and applied for the Guion-Miller payout just to try to steal money meant for cherokees - 2/3rds of the applicants were denied for having 0 proof of actual cherokee ancestry. [We even see lawyers advertising signing up for the Miller roll just to try to get free money.] And the myth even started in some families in the cherokee land lotteries, where the land stolen from us was raffled off, including the house and everything that was left behind when the cherokees were removed. We have seen people whose families just take these things stolen from the cherokee family and adopt them into their own family story, saying that they were cherokee themselves.

If you had some family story about being cherokee and you wanna have proof one way or the other, check out this Facebook group run by expert cherokee genealogists that do research for free. Just please read the rules fully and respect the researchers. They run thousands of people's ancestries a year and their average is only around 0.7% of lines they run actually end up having true cherokee ancestry.

#and ive heard even dumber origins of the cherokee family myth #such as an ancestor having a silly sounding name so the descendents just go 'oh she mustve been an indian!!!' #i was one of the few people who had my ancestry done on the facebook and had genuine cherokee ancestry #[though i had found it before it was just really validating to get it double checked and i started finding cousins (:] #like. i was told once when i was a kid by my grandma that my dad had cherokee ancestry and i didnt believe her. its wild that so many peopl #will make it a Fixture of their identity [or even just smth they bring up ever] with Zero proof #at least for cherokees from what ive seen its usually considered really disrespectful to claim to have cherokee ancestry without #actually having the documentation [like ancestors on the rolls] #and no a dna test doesnt count. nor does 'my dad is Clearly not white!' or 'high cheekbones' or old family photos or anything #i had this discussion with someone recently whose dad had been calling himself 3/4 native but didnt know exactly what nation ???? hello? #and its like... sorry but ur dad is like. italian lol. #[and blood quantum is bullshit anyway im tired of the 'im 1/16 cherokee' comments its dumb #cherokee nation does not have a blood quantum requirement. its pointless bringing it up in the discussion of who is or isnt cherokee] #also mandatory disclaimer that im reconnecting. i didnt grow up connected to the culture of even knowing my ancestry #this is all from my looking into this stuff over the past year or so. i cant claim to be an authority over anything regarding this #this is p much all my repeating things ive heard said by people who know a lot more than i do haha #man. and this isnt even starting to get into the fake tribe stuff. the only legit cherokee groups are the 3 federally recognized bands #cherokee nation of oklahoma. united keetoowah band. and the eastern band of cherokee indians. #any others that are state recognized or not at all arent acknowledged as legitimate by any of the legit cherokee groups #anyway. my final message goodb.ye #cherokee #tsalagi

[humming-fly]

don’t wanna get too into it bc… nsfw but how does asexual greed work when he literally says that he wants sex and women? is he just not attracted to them in that way or–

well in terms of nitty-gritty homunculi biology they are quite literally an asexual species, like father reproduces via budding lol. And then given his physical embodiment of lust herself seemingly has no sex drive and is instead Way more interested in killing it's a pretty easy conclusion that as a species they just have no sexual interests because why would they (pretty sure father as the dwarf in the flask had some comments about finding human pairings distasteful, and given all his kids are just offshoots of his personality i can't see that shifting much haha (also more shitposty take but there's the much funnier observation that all of the homunculi come with their funny little onsies literally built-in to their regenerative code so there is an incredibly real chance they're all just ken dolls down there anyways))

as for why greed himself says stuff like wanting women and sex etc., i mean he also says he wants money and power and the finer things in life and then spends his time happily hanging out in a dingy dive bar with no real long-term goals besides 'hang out with my friends and investigate immortality which is definitely for me and not for anyone else that i'd be sad to see die no siree don't ask me why i'm doing this if i'm already virtually immortal'

so yeah it's a fun aspect of his character that greed says he tells the truth but he will also just sort of...lie about his own drives to himself and others all the time lol - i'd almost chalk it up to his love of performance but there's def also some intentional personal misdirection going on, which was very obvious as greedling when ling (correctly) calls him out on acting like all he wants is power when really the only thing he wants is to have friends

basically he says he wants money and power and women and sex because that's what common human desires are but then he makes absolutely 0 effort to follow through on any of those claims because deep down that isn't actually anything he's interested in

#greed: haha yeah I want money and sex and the finer things #also greed: what if I lived in a sewer #anyways i'm sure i've made these arguments more eloquently before but I can't be bothered to find those asks again right now haha #but yeah greed is a funny guy who is also a Fascinating character study when you remember he represents a driving part of what was the dwar #a lot of bravado hiding a genuine desire for human connection #reply #fma #meta #i suppose lol

[bygideonsgrace]

You can keep your "discourse", I'll be down at the river !

#my butch taught me how to fish today and it was genuinely very fun and peaceful. #feels connecting to nature in a way that just like hiking doesn't. less touristy. #especially for us since like we're actively partaking in the ecosystem tryin' to find guys that might be big enough to get food from #I dunno feels connected to the reality of the world in a way that is very lost in the modern day. i can get why people love it.

[daily-hanamura]

Hanamura Yosuke's first appearance vs last

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 dancing all night #p4d #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #HAPPY LAST DAY OF THE YEAR AS A GIFT PLS TAKE THIS COMPARISON #guys our boy has grown up so much hes changed so much hes!!! #hes gone from this lonesome kid struggling to find his place in inaba and in the world #hes putting up facades to be liked and going along with whatever people wanted because he thought it would make him accepted #hes forming relationships based on superficiality because he cant connect genuinely with them since he wasnt being honest #half of inaba treats him like an outcast because of Junes and the ones that want to connect with him cant because he doesnt know how #and now here he is!!! hes the morale leader of the team!!! hes the second banana to bancho's first banana!! #hes the team wrangler he gets them together he gets them going!!! #hes loved and hes accepted and they rib on him but they also respect him so much!!! they follow his lead wordlessly!! HES TRUSTED!! #LOOK. AT. HIM. LOOK AT OUR BOY!!!!!

[the-modern-typewriter]

Just a brief anecdote based on your most recent posted anon that I thought you might find amusing- one time I was talking with someone about protag/antag dynamics and how they're some of my favorites in media. They mentioned that they hadn't seen that dynamic very often and I was like "huh, weird! I've read so many, I see it all the time!" And then when I was thinking of examples I realized that. I was just remembering your whole catalog of work which I love dearly and have read all of (I'm a long time subscriber to your patreon as well). A slight spiders georg moment

oh my god

am I villain spiders georg

not exactly the same, but here are four books with good protag/antag vibes:

Summer sons by Lee Mandelo

Dark Rise/Dark Heir by C.S Pascat

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E Schwab

The Last Tale of the Flower Bride by Roshani Chokshi

#i do find this amusing #be the change you want to see in the world #literally my not finding the protag/antag dynamics I wanted to read was precisely why I began writing it #so always happy for further recs #i just love it so much when it's done well #the variation #the complexity and the nuance #and i don't mean oh the villain is actually a poor misunderstood baby and the hero's side is secretly evil arc #as much as that also entertains me and has worth #i love a genuine villain (at least at the start) who is also so ambiguous and genuine in the connection they have with the hero of the stor

[knight-of-skyloft]

"Navani is a traitor for working with the enemy" this "Raboniel used her" that THAT'S NOT THE POINT THAT WAS NEVER THE POINT!!! It's the realization that they can accomplish more together than apart! They never could have made the Rhythm of War alone. They had to be in tandem, not fighting or trying to come out on top. That's what they taught each other! Raboniel was like "oh I'm totally not playing you, we can accomplish more together, wink wink" and the whole time she was playing herself, because she slowly came to realize that they could accomplish more together, that they were equals, that they could coexist, that the war can end.

#literally the whole point of that plotline is the shortsightedness in thinking that the war is the most important thing #and people are like 'navani backstabbed urithiru for her own ego' #NAVANI TRANSCENDED A MILLIENNIA-OLD CONFLICT TO FIND GENUINE CONNECTION WITH A FUSED #and it saved the sibling! it saved everyone living in the tower! #stormlight archive #stormlight archive spoilers #rhythm of war spoilers #navani kholin #raboniel

[buqbite]

I like to imagine that her gentleness is genuine

#Havent used this brush in forever #it's usually too soft for my generally very... jagged art #ill write down some thoughts later lemme write the fandom tags first lol #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr robin #hsr spoilers #implied... its hella subtle tho #my art #(pulls out the plastic chair) ok listen up. #first of all i leaned a bit into the old timey tv style bc i felt like itd fit her vibe ykno #second of all the little pinkish thing behind her is meant to resemble a) a blood splatter and b) xipes fucked up halo #penacony is so fucked up and twisted and all while robin has been genuinely kind so far #Like even firefly was kind of weird and suspicious but she appears so earnest #and Im really curious how the story is gonna go for her. Im expecting her to still be alive in some way #Esp so we can find out why she left penacony #and her connection to the family #my hope is for her to be out of place in the place that should perfectly fit her vibe #alternatively itd be rlly funny if she was like. evil. not evil evil but more like Hey Remember How The Harmony Is A Hivemind

[lemongogo]

< 2023 trgnz

#not to get all sentimental or whatever #but im really happy w how trigun has developed / influenced my art these last few months #its jst made me feel overall more confident in what ive drawn #and that i can connect w my art in a way that i never have before ?? #LIKE THATS SOOO CHEESY BUT ITS SOOO TRUEEE #before trgn i was feeling soo dejected and unmotivated and like .. generally unsure if id ever really find my footing #and even tho idk maybe not much has changed frkm an outside perspective #but i just feel so happy w it . at least rn . SO IM ENJOYING IT RN☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ #theres still so much i want to work on ykwim but its such a crazy feelign to like .. #actually using my art in pfps (not tmblr sryHAHAGA) or like . printing physical copies of my stuff bc i genuinely want to decorate my walls #w it or like .. Wanting to put in more effort in a way i never rly have before #its still so hard 4 me smtimes and like frustrating😭 when im artblocked or not sure how to progress w something #but its made me feel like i can Know that i will figure it out in time . and thats SOO crazy tew experienxe IDKKFFFKK #and its soo silly that trgns whats made me want to like ..push tht aspect pf my hobbies . SOO SILLYYYYY #anyways i wanted to see some of these side by side #its so jarring 2 me that i have all of these .. and that they r generally pretty consistent style wise . compared to before at least 😭 #ANYWYSSTYY #trigun #my art

[olasketches]

me and like two other sukuna stans making posts about how miserable he is

#I'd say tragic but I wouldn't go that far... YET #even tho he's already a deeply sad character to me #its almost... all I talk abt here lol #he seems kinda depressed to me idk #you cant really see it when he fights someone but the thing is he's only happy and excited WHEN he fights someone #any other time he's bOred #hes looking for pleasure and fighting gives him that pleasure but its all surface lvl cause once there's no one left to challenge #he's left feeling not only bored but empty... #you can even even see it after he kills jogo #his face is devoid of any emotions and his gaze seems soooo....... empty #only after uraume arrives we can see for the first time a genuine joy on his face #its that connection w another person sukuna not only lacks but actively rejects claiming he doesn't need one #but yet here he is being genuinely happy after seeing uraume #this man is not only contradictory but also in deep DEEP denial #ryomen sukuna #god this got longer than I expected lol #anyway #it’s sukuna angst hrs #I ALWAYS reblog an angsty suku post whenever I find one

[tombstoneswerewaiting]

track 3 trilogy wins every time

#i couldn’t find a good pic of all 4 of them from arms race and i love this still of pete and patrick so that’s what we’re going with #my favourite lyrics from my favourite trilogy #these are genuinely three songs i’m so attached to and the fact that they are connected fills me with so much joy it’s insane #fall out boy #fob #pete wentz #patrick stump #andy hurley #joe trohman #dance dance #this ain’t a scene it’s an arms race #hold me like a grudge #from under the cork tree #infinity on high #so much for stardust

[rawliverandgoronspice]

given that seems to be the new popular take in the fandom at large since totk got out: let the record show that I'll gladly let myself get repeatedly manipulated by the wind waker speech and be foolishly moved by its implications over rejecting space for humanity and vulnerability in the monstrous and the dispossessed, and then feeling weirdly smug about severing that fleeting attempt at connection and deem it obviously insincere

#tloz #wind waker #ww #ganondorf #zelda fandom critical #it's just not even nice for the writers? #like they obviously tried something here #it's thematically resonant with the rest of the text #you don't have to connect with it personally of course #the complexity of a genuine cause being taken over by self importance and cruelty and what is owed to whom in the bloody aftermath #but to reject that it tried to touch upon something ambiguous and complicated is a shame in my opinion #voluntarily depriving yourself of depth sure is a move I don't understand #(the youtuboys of the world are just *so smug* about this and I find it... kinda tragic modern nintendo seems to agree with them) #(not to mention... seeing a guy coded as foreign going “hey I was sick of having nothing and wanted more for myself” and going) #(“!!!! that's manipulative and illegitimate and deserves no sympathy whatsoever” is a questionnable gut reflex to cultivate in my opinion) #(yearning for a privilege ganon could only ever access through submission can *absolutely* coexist with tyranny and selfishness) #(and isn't that layered and complicated and unfair to everybody involved?) #(doesn't that make for MUCH richer conflict than “he lied because he was greedy for power”?)