#food guilt

[willows-woes]

i waste every day waiting for it to end, and never enjoying my current experience. i just want my consciousness to end.

and then i go to sleep, and wake up the next day, and this repeats.

i spend every waking moment of restriction waiting for my next meal, and the moment that food is given to me i immediately feel guilty and disgusting. this includes denying myself any food that i am not made to sit down and eat on days when i still eat 2 full meals.

#tw ed #food guilt #is this suicidal ideation ?

[thatmessofadaydreamer]

29/365

Ate tons of cake, had bread both at lunch and at dinner, had icecream after dinner AND actually enjoyed it without ending up being overwhelmed by feelings of guilt or starting to overthink my entire diet. 

It. Feels. Really. Good. 

#personal diary #diary entry #tumblr diary #clean eating #eating disoder trigger warning #food guilt #orthorexia #80/20 diet #80/20 principle #tmd2k23

[deadweeds]

Older post but-Follow me? Need more people who relate.

#th!n$p0 #th!nspo #tw ana thoughts #€d #urge to purge #bul1m14 #bulimima #bul!mic #i will reach my ugw #bingepurge #body ch3ck #food guilt

[moonscratch]

i ate so fucking much today. yeah it was one meal but it was sooo much smfh

#thinking back to all the food i said no to and trying to be happy about that alone #i wish i was skinny #food guilt #idek hm calories it was i was w my family 😭 #i’m so fucking FULL but i refuse to purge oh my fucking god #binge eating #ed but not sheeran

[fallere98]

Ahh wonderful I’ve consumed like 3,000 cals today because of stress and traveling. Also ignoring my gluten intolerance and now i feel like shit. The fucking food guilt is so heavy. I HATE eating fast food yet i do it when i have no energy for real food which is often. Why can’t i just not eat???

#self sabatoge #food guilt

[solreefs]

you ever get surprised by your own recurring issues. like come on man. I thought we were past this.

#solreefspeak #food guilt go brrr and it’s like no! bad brain!

[healthylifestyletrends-blog]

What is Food Guilt and How Can It Be Handled?

Healthy eating has gained popularity in the US as a way to lower the risk of obesity, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. Food guilt is one unfavorable consequence of those healthful habits.

#Food Guilt #Food

[misofoodtrips]

Pho #1's Egg Rolls

#asian food #delicious food #foodie #food #foodism #foodies #foodgawker #foodgraphy #food guilt #food list #foodlover #foodblogfeed #foodblog #foodblogeats #foodblr #foodblogger #food blogs

[weareallgreyreally]

Woke up from a nightmare about my ex-abuser, cried for half an hour about gender dysphoria, spent the morning feeling sick about work anxiety, suffering from food guilt now. You ever feel like your brain is trying to suffocate you.

#mental health #anxiety disorder #food guilt #gender dysphoria

[halfbluemoons]

Went through two intense high anxiety weeks following Covid. You’d think I’d be able to be kinder to myself but nope, feel like sht bc I haven’t stayed on my diet plan. Why is my brain making me feel bad for putting on 2.5lbs in 6 weeks,, I don’t deserve this lmao

#my own worst enemy #tw dieting #mental health #food guilt #anxiety #stressed #i’m tired

[magicalgirlpropaganda]

Food guilt hrs

#food guilt #tw ed #not ed just using tags

[willows-woes]

i ate one [1] banana after dinner, and i feel bad about my body now. great.

#food guilt

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

#theres no peace #every little thing reminds me we are poor #seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time #im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly #the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job #and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support #and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money #because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live #its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin #time #cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for #sorry for the ranting i cant sleep #truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin #more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful #i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it #i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things #spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income #not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it

[deadweeds]

You ever binge so much that even the next day you’re still purging to get it out of you cause you still feel super nauseous?

Nah me either…

#bingepurge #th!n$p0 #th!nspo #€d #bingeguilt #guilt #food guilt #m!a #m!4 #tw ana thoughts #tw ed vent #tw ed not sheeran

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.

But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.

Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.

I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.

I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?

Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?

I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.

...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.

#yeah idk either i wrote this in a haze at 1 am #also i have not yet finished trimax so idk how these kinds of matters are going to be tackled or if i am way off base #if nothing else this kind of reads like one of my guilt spirals and writing it out made me realize how batshit insane i must sound #outside of my own head so if nothing else i guess it was kind of useful for that? #anyways. vash's solution to being hungry all the time is to pretend he isn't hungry for so long he doesn't know what he craves anymore #incredible. #on that note by contrast i'm intrigued by meryl and milly ordering their trademark food and drink with such confidence #also i do love how this fear of a part of himself conflicts so strongly with how incredibly confident he is otherwise #cool character choices you know? #aghhh ok i guess i'll post this before i chicken out. i can always delete it if i hate it after #trigun #trimax #tristamp #vash the stampede #storyrambles

[hayaku14]

kuroba toichi you need to stay dead or im going to fucking kill you myself

#you sick son of a bitch #if you truly love your son you wouldnt be alive #it's bad enough that you basically left the mantle for your teenage son to take up but you actually being alive???????? #you just out there living your life while your son is destroying his relationships chasing after something that you started???????? #his very motivation is your death and it's not even real??? the utter fucking betrayal??? #and maybe being kid has kade him a better magician and has helped him find out more about himself #but he shouldve been able to have a choice if he even wanted to be kid at all it shouldnt have been a responsibility pushed upon him #AND IF YOU ARE FUCKING ALIVE AND YOU'RE JUST WATCHING YOUR SON RUNNING AWAY FROM THE POLICE WITH PRIDE INSTEAD OF GUILT YHEN YOU CAN #GO FUCK YOURSELF #Honestly the worst #also that theory that maybe chikage is travelling the world because she KNOWS toichi is alive and she's with her elevates this fuckery into #a whole different level #anyway go read cuethesun's tomorrow and the next day #good fucking food and bad parent chikage and toichi enjoyers will be pleased ;> #lol #dc prattles #as much as i want happy everybody is alive kuroba family #i need touichi and chikage if she knows too to feel the repercussions of their horrible parenting and i need kaito to be able to let himself #feel the hurt and betrayal that he is justified to feel even if he is happy that his dad is alive #but i dont trust gosho to handle that nicely if anything i think hes gonna just handwave it and wont address it properly #anyway my point is i just need more hurt and angry kaito also if shinichi is there im happy #sorry i sneaked in a kaishin i cant stop the brainrot unfortunately theres no cure 🤚😔 #ALSO DONT GET ME STARTED WITH BAD PARENT KUDOS OOOOOHHHH