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#stressed

This week sucks. I’ve been super stressed all week and as soon as I complete something I feel like something else gets added on. On top of that I’m having one of those weeks where I just feel fat. I look at myself and I just look fat. Sometimes my weight doesn’t bother me. This week is not one of those times. I’ve been having a crisis about the thought of not existing anymore after dying. I just want to feel like my life is heading in a positive direction. And I don’t feel that.

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You ever just overthink everything. Like literally everything. Something negative happens and all of a sudden you’re all depressed and dont know what to do with yourself?

….and then you step back for a second and realize you’re being a fucking moron and it’s probably not anywhere near as bad as what you’ve been imagining.

Shit is hard guys. You’re allowed to be sad. You’re allowed to have your feelings. And deal with it in whatever way you need to. Do not let anyone tell you how to live, who to love, how to feel. You do you. As long as you are not harming yourself, then you’re golden. You’re good. You’re on your journey just like the rest of us.

You are loved. You are cared for. You have people in your corner even if it doesnt seem like it. Dont let toxic people, or your own negative thoughts get to you. Be the best you and tell all of them to suck it. Because you deserve to be treated like the royalty you are.

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Diary #1

It is Wednesday, the 24th of February. Lately I feel super exhausted from just doing anything. I feel like I could sleep for weeks on end but on the other hand I cannot sleep because I feel guilty for not studying and working in a very important paper. Right now I am laying on my bed because I decided I need to calm down a bit. I put some lofi hip hop music on and lit some candles. I also have some fairy lights on.

I have about half an hour before I want to go to bed. Then it will be 8pm. Even tho I get enough sleep I feel exhausted by just thinking of getting up in the morning. I really need to find some sort of morning routine which doesn’t make me late or just feel like a big potato wobbling around the world.

For now I think I will keep this half an hour before going to bed just for relaxing. While I’m writing this I can basically feel my body de-stress from everything that happend today….and let’s be honest it really wasn’t a nice day…. This whole week wasn’t nice. I hope tomorrow will be a better day and I hope that somehow my mood will lighten up a little.

Good night World. Let your stars shine through the night and keep me some company. We’ll see us in the morning

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I seriously Hate people sometimes because of their dumb choices and the stupid situations they get themselves into.

That’s my Ted Talk for today.

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I love origami. It’s some kind of relaxing.

Aaaand I’m a little in luck at the moment. I have some pretty colorful papers at work on my desk.

So when I feel to stressed I take some papers and fold a colorful origami as decoration since there is no decoration not even a plant in that room.

It some kind of brightens my day a little.

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It has been a week since I posted anything original and it has also been a week since I have actually been able to do anything university wise. I have been really unwell for the last 5-6 days, on antibiotics and have had no energy to do anything other than watch TV.

Normally I would be okay with resigning to the fact that I am really not well but this could not have happened at the worst time. I have less than a week until my transfer VIVA and exactly a week until my conference poster presentation as well as multiple meetings and RA work. I am stressed, ill and frustrated that I have left myself get to this state.

I should have listened to my body in the last few weeks of being exhausted but life doesn’t always work that way. I am just hoping that today is the last day of being so drained of energy now that the antibiotics are starting to kick in.

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This whole move has put me through so much stress. This is my first time relaxing since I moved on the 14th I moved hour and 10mins away from my home town and it’s out A LOT on me..

I haven’t worked in almost two weeks and my Jeep died on me. I’m stressed out of my mind trying to find a job and a new car before the end of March.

But I’m happy to say I’m finally all unpacked and it’s time for some me time.

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