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#fucking or whatever else you might be reading about
charredpages · 2 days
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[Alt text] ten screenshots of text posts by the user themme_fatale on Instagram. The text reads:
(1/10)
Do you remember the exact moment that anti-masking stopped being a far-right talking point
And became advice you were willing to follow?
(2/10)
I try to make the ways I communicate about COVID as compassionate and non-judgemental as possible because I understand that we have all been failed in this and my primary anger is always upwards.
BUT
I also need you to understand - if you are not taking precautions, you are aligning yourself with eugenicists.
The person who actively says “fuck disabled people they deserve to 💀” and never masks, and the person who never masks because “It’s annoying and besides-no one else is” are BOTH devaluing people’s lives.
(3/10)
And that might feel confronting for some of you, and I know the knee-jerk reaction is probably going to be to deflect by accusing me of “shaming people” or whatever.
I’m not shaming anyone though - it’s just uncomfortable to sit with because if you’re the kind of person who follows me chances are you don’t actually want to be engaging in eugenics.
And re-engaging with the idea that COVID is not only still around, but still actively dangerous is asking a lot of you when the alternative is the comfort of denial.
Especially when so many of the tools to keep ourselves and each other safe have been taken away from us. But the thing is none of that is actually a reason not to act.
(4/10)
There are people IN YOUR COMMUNITY relying on you to take precautions so that they don’t d1e.
(5/10)
With love, and compassion for the fact that this shit is hard - ignorance is running out as an excuse. It’s time to do better, and help your mates do better too.
People in your community shouldn’t have to constantly remind you not to put their lives in danger. Surely you can see that’s a pretty fucked up dynamic, right?
(6/10)
We shouldn’t have to push so hard on “it’s good for you to protect yourself too!” Like it still absolutely is, but saving the lives of people in your community should actually be enough to motivate you to act.
It’s genuinely fucked up to be ok with a whole proportion of the population being either being locked in their homes indefinitely or at risk of 💀 on the daily.
(7/10)
It should be considered more socially awkward to engage in eugenics by k1lling and isolating disabled people in your own community than it is to put on a mask
The fact that it’s not should embarrass all of us until we change it.
(8/10)
It should be considered more selfish to put people’s lives at risk than to ask to be kept safe
Your choices can change or reinforce that culture.
(9/10)
Government inaction puts a weapon in your hand
Pretending it’s not there puts us all in danger
(10/10)
Why do you require a mandate to care about other people?
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samkerrworshipper · 4 hours
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las 15.
mapi leon x reader, alexia putellas x reader (platonic)
warnings: the spanish federation ick
erm look at me posting something 😮 anyways enjoy haha i kinda hate it but need to feed yall somehow
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“You need to be aware of the consequences of what could happen if you sign this document.”
You stared down at the mahogany surface of your lawyers desk, it was dark, sanded, smooth and shiny. Contemporary, but it also looked old, like a heirloom. It distracted your from the non stop drawl.
“I don’t care, I’m signing it.”
Your eyes travelled along the surface, lookinbg at the different waves of wood and the way that the dark colours marbled together.
“The RFEF could come for you, they could try and take your license. You might not compete at the world cup, the press will come for you, Vilda will come for you, Barca could reduce your playing time, it could be the end of your career. There are other negatives.”
You’ve thought about all of them of course, how could you not?
“I’ve already said it, I don’t care. Let them come for me, let them do whatever they want. I am done with it all. Fourteen other players have signed it, no? I will be the fifteenth and that is final.”
You weren’t a big fan of your lawyer, he was old and money oriented. He also didn’t have your best interest in mind, his sole focus was earning you as much money as possible, which had been fine up until today.
“So what? You plan to be the best in the world and never play international football again? This will ruin your career, it will put an end to the Ballon D’or campaign, it will change things for you, you can’t just do this because your girlfriend does it as well, this will be detrimental for you.”
The wood grooved at the edges, flattening out and curving so the edges weren’t too sharp.
“I refuse to stand by and submit myself to abuse. That’s what happens every time I go to that place, every time I go to camp I submit myself to abuse, torture, horrific conditions. The fact that you would even dare imply that I would do this for anybody but myself is preposterous. I am better than the condition I am being subkmitted to, I deserve better than to be objectified and treated as if I am dirt on that man’s shoe and I refuse to be treated as such. I have standards for myself and the people around me and I refuse to live by these for much longer. I’ll draft up the letter, I’ll send it to you for editing purposes and once your done you will send it to the RFEF, consequences be damned. You should be glad that I lasted two more windows then everyone else, honestly I’m ashamed that I didn’t do this earlier, but I’m ready to take a stand with everybody else now. I don’t want to play in a World Cup if it means this is how I will live my life.”
You looked up at your lawyer, hoping the fire burning in your soul was reflective in your eyes.
“This is a bad decision, you are thinking with your heart and not your head, this is unlike you.”
You pulled your eyes from the mahogany, standing up from your seat slowly.
“No, I’m thinking with my own interests, not yours, not my managers, not my bank accounts. I’m thinking with my mental health, my emotional health and my physical health. For the first time in my life I am taking time to focus on myself, so tyeah maybe it’s unlike me, but I’d like to think this might be the a better version of me, I’ll email you my letter, all you havr to do is forward it, if it’s such a struggle don’t even bother reading it, I don’t care what you have to say, I’m legally obligated to make you aware of any contractual issues so here I am. Give a fuck, don’t give a fuck, it doesn’t change anything for me, I’ve made my decision and nothing or nobody will make me change my mind.”
You didn’t wait around to hear what he planned to say in rebuttal, exiting the stuffy office as quickly as your legs would allow.
You made it to your car before you felt the tears flooding down your face. Even now, even after you’d tried to speak out you still felt like you were being silenced, like nothing had changed. That’s why you were doing what you were doing, why you knew this was what you needed to do. It didn’t make it any easier though, knowing that no matter what choices you made, even if they were for the good of you there were still going to be people around you who condemned them.
You were supposed to be at training, but you’d taken the day of to finalise all this bullshit. It was frustrating, knowing that the choices you were making for the good of yourself could end up being harmful to your career in a multitude of ways, it was all so fucking hard.
Everybody was at training, and yet here you were balling your eyes out in the carpark of your stupid fucking lawyers office.
If you hadn’t hit rock bottom at the last camp, the this was it, this was your final straw.
It was all too much, you’d been holding out for too long, but the mixture of the other 14 girls refusing to come back and Alexia’s injury had been enough of a motivation for Vilda to try and ruin your life. It had started with extra training after your sessions, then sessions in the mornings, then separating you from the rest of the team, limiting your diet, gym sessions, changing your schedules to everybody elses, punishing you for nothing, treating you like you were a slave to the Spanish Women’s team.
You were the best midfielder they had, excluding Alexia, and she was hurt, you were the scapegoat for the team, you were responsible for the wins and the reason for the losses.
You knew that with your leave, somebody else would end up taking your role, probably Aitana who was far to young to deal with that kind of pain, and you felt bad, you felt more guilty than you thought possible, but you couldnt do it for any longer, you couldn’t act like it wasn’t killing you on the inside for every second that you spent away with those people.
You hated it, you hated feeling like nothing, you hated feeling worthless, you hated living your life like it was pointless, you couldn’t do it for any longer, not when you were giving up every single part of yourself to keep yourself together.
You couldn’t stay how you were, crying in the drivers seat of your car milling over the memories of your last camp, you needed to leave, needed to go somewhere, needed to talk somebody.
Before you really knew what you were doing you’d started driving, letting the tears drip onto your lap and the steering wheel as you frantically drove your way through the city.
You couldn’t be alone, but you also couldn’t handle all the eyes of your teammates, so you drove to the one other place that you could think of where you hoped somebody would be.
You tried your hardest to wipe the tears from your face, but they kept falling, the sleeve of your shirt getting damper by the second as you tried to wipe up the evidence of your breakdown. It was useless, and eventually you gave up, stepping out of your car and ducking your head as you walked towards the lift and navigated your way through the apartment building.
The person you were looking for didn’t answer the door, instead you were put face to face with Olga.
“Hola chica, Ale didn’t tell me she was expecting visitors.”
You bit down on your lip, tapping your foot against the floor as you peeked around Olga, searching for the person you were seeking out.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her, I can go home, I know she’s been busy with her rehab, I don’t even know how I ended up here.”
Olga tugged at your arm before you could spit anything else out, tugging you through the door and closing it from behind you.
“Nonsense chica, you’re very welcome here, Alexia is sitting out on the balcony doing her exercises, she’ll be more than happy to have your company, just head on through, your always welcome here.”
You nodded at Olga, smiling at her as much as you could with your lip still stuck between your teeth.
“Thank you, thank you so much, I really appreciate.”
You tried to ignore the tears that were still dripping down your face, it didn’t feel like you were crying, even though you were, it more felt like you were shedding a layer of yourself, the layer that was holding all of the trauma that you’d been holding in, like it was your way of getting rid of it all.
Alexia’s apartment was meticulously clean as ever, but you spotted her out in the sun easily.
She was standing outside, in a pose similar to ones you did in your yoga sessions.
She looked at peace, like she was calm, like she was serene, the complete polar opposite to how you felt and you really didn’t want to burden her with your problems, but you were here now anyways.
You tiptoed over to the glass sliding door, pushing it open, causing Alexia’s head to peak up at you. She looks at you with curiosity, but doesn;t move, instead her head nods you towards one of the outdoor lounges beside her, which you beeline for.
She stays in her position as she addresses you.
“The appointment with your lawyer didn’t go well then?”
You did a double take as you stared at Alexia, shocked at the information she’d somehow managed to obtain.
“You don’t take me for a idiota do you? Mapi told me you had a appointment you were keeping quiet about this morning, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out who it must have been with, considering recent events. Although your girlfriend wasn’t smart enough to work it out herself.”
Alexia stayed in her stretch, looking at you as if to prompt you to tell her more.
“Yes, I had a appointment with my lawyer, Alexia.”
Alexia smirked to herself, she was one of the most obersvanet people you knew, nothing got by her, you weren’t all that surprised to find out that this hadn’t.
“You’ll be joining the group then?”
You hadn’t really comes to terms with it, let alone saying it out loud.
“That’s the plan, should be official by tomorrow.”
Tears were still dripping down your face, you couldn’t find yourself caring though.
“Good for you. You deserve better, we all deserve better, may we all hopefully make a change.”
Alexia wasn’t officially a part of the movement, but she was everyway besides a signature as equally involved as everybody else.
“It just feels like i’m letting the team down, that I’m letting everyone down.”
Alexia nodded at you, finally coming out of her stretch and walking over to sit down next to you.
“You’re doing what’s good for you chica, your doing something that is going to make you happier, that is going to make your life better. Nobody else matters beyond that, trust me.”
Alexia looked at you, like she was genuinely struggling to help you out in the moment. She had been your mentor at Barca for forever, you seeked out her advice more than anybody elses, especially in this moment.
“I don’t know how to do it anymore, it’s like he was trying to ruin my fucking life, like his whole purpose for everyday was to make my life a living hell, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t walk around camp acting like it was fine, I couldn’t smile at cameras and talk to the press and tell them about how great I was feeling when it was all lies, all I wanted to do was leave, or sleep, or die, all because of his and his staff. They were hardly feeding me, hardly letting me sleep, hardly giving me a break and expecting me to perform at the same level as everybody else, if not better. I just couldn’t do it anymore Ale, it was too much.”
Alexia’s arm placed itself on your knee, squeezing your covered skin.
“You shouldn’t have to, you needed to leave and you did, you made the right decision chica, you made a impossible decision that will make your life 100 times easier, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you so incredibly brave for being able to identify that you were being treated wrongly and that you needed to remove yourself from that space.”
The tears kept falling, your pants were slowly becoming soaked with the raw emotion.
“Mapi did it because of the abuse, because she had a legitimate reason, I’m leaving because they worked me a little bit harder than everybody else, it feels like I’m overreacting.”
You could feel Alexia rolling her eyes from beside you.
“Really? Has Mapi told you that?”
Mapi had told you that you deserved the world, you deserved everything you wanted, you deserved to be treated like a queen, not how the RFEF was treating you. She’d told you the decision was yours, that she would support you no matter what you did, but she’d also told you that after every camp you came back with a little bit less of yourself, that Vilda was stripping parts of you away to use at his mercy.
“It’s not the same thing, Patri, Pina, Mapi, they all have good reasons, they’ve all been hurt, Vilda is just trying to make me better, trying to make me worthy.”
Alexia’s hand squeezed tighter.
“You’re lying to yourself and you know it. As long as he is in charge, you aren’t going to get treated how you deserve, none of us are. We’ve all paid our dues, yet they don’t give a shit, they break us all down until we’ve got nothing left to give. They broke me down until I did my acl, if you hadn’t of left they would have done the same to you. It’s nonstop, even if it isn’t the same kind of abuse as Mapi, it’s still abuse, they still rip out every part of you in the process. Each time you come back you have less of yourself to offer, but they keep taking, and taking, they make us feel nothing. It’s a waste, it’s a waste of the wonderful life we’ve all been gifted. We deserve to be happy, we deserve to be free of the pain.”
You nodded your head, you’d been avoiding telling Mapi about all of this. You were conscious that she was still working through a lot of her own trauma, and you didn’t want to reopen scars that were only just beginning to heal.
“I don’t know what to do Ale, I sign the papers, I write the letters and I’m taking a stand, I’m trying to make a change. I stay, I wreck it all, but I keep my career. It feels like I’m at a crossroads with myself, and I can’t talk about it weith Maps because god forbid shes already been through enough with her own struggle through it all, she doesn’t need me on top of that.”
Alexia stood back up, getting back onto her mat and pushing herself into another stretch, all whilst she maintained eye contact with you.
“Mapi’s talked to you about her struggles, si? She’s burdening you with her own problems, yet it doesn’t feel that way, because you love her and you’d do anything to make her pain less. I guarantee she’d feel the exact same way. You’ve been through a lot, none of us will ever be able to completely comprehend what you’ve been through, but if you started talking to your loved ones about it we’d be able to support you better. Or a therapist, I know Barca has been giving you sessions, but I mean a real psychologist, not just a person who tells you that you need a day off. You need somebody to help you, to actually make you feel like you deserve better than how they treated you, because I know that you know that but I don’t think you really believe it.”
The tears were slowly coming to a standstill, slipping less frequently down your face as Alexia talked to you.
“I don’t want to make her hurt any more than she already has.”
Alexia just looked at you, with that double eyebrow raise and little crinkle in her forehead.
“If you think that Maria wouldn’t do anything for you, even if it meant sucking every single inch of pain from your body and putting it into hers, she would do it and she would do it with a smile on her face. Her whole world, her whole solar system revolves around you and she’d want you to talk to her about this. She knows better than anybody else what you’re experiencing, she’s literally been where you are, so why not talk to her about it?”
It was true, for as long as Mapi and you had been together she’d tried to fix every single thing, she would do anything to make you feel better, this didn’t feel the same though.
“She deserves to live in a world where Vilda, where the RFEF, don’t affect her anymore. She signed the petition, she’s cleaned her hands of it all, and I should have done it with her, but I didn’t. I chose to keep playing for the benefit of my career, because I was greedy and decided that a Ballon D’or and any kind of accolade I was a shot at was more important then taking a stand and I hate it. I hate that now that I’ve won things that suddenly it’s all hit me that I don’t like what’s been happening, and I don’t want to support it. Mapi doesn’t deserve to go through it a second time, all because I was greedy.”
Alexia switched sides on her stretch, the sun was radiating off of her olive skin and her blonde hair, she looked ethereal.
“Have you told her anything about it?”
Alexia was frowning, like she was shocked by your actions.
“She knows that I was struggling at camp, she told me I was welcome to talk to her. After the last one she knew something had changed, she told me she was worried and I shook her off, because I thought she was being overprotective, but she was right, she had reason to be worried, I wasn’t okay. I’m not okay, i don’t know how to process it all.”
Alexia nodded.
“Go home, tell her what’s happening, see what she says, I think it’ll be a lot better than whatever you’ve thought up. Mapi has been my bestfriend for years, she’s dated my sister, she’s dated my friends and I can confidently tell you that she loves you more than any of them, you’re her do or die, all she’ll want to do is support you, please just go and talk to her.”
Alexia looked at you with such conviction and honesty that you couldn’t find it in you to try and fight her on the topic.
“Thank you Ale, I needed this, I needed to talk to somebody, needed to feel less crazy.”
Alexia did one last stretch before standing up, pulling you into a tight hug before you could pull away.
“You’re not crazy chica, you’re going through a very real, very hard time, and you deserve to have the people around you show you how much they love you.”
Alexia let go of you, shoving you back towards the door.
“Go talk to your girl, and sign those papers, and be happy, enjoy life, enjoy peace. You deserve it, chica.”
You nodded into Alexia’s shoulder, letting go of her and slipping back into her apartment, leaving her to get back to her stretching.
You shivered when you spotted Mapi’s car already parked in her spot. You knew you’d be cutting it close with getting home earlier then her, but you’d held a silent hope that you would be the first home. You hesitated to exit your car, scared of what the inside of your apartment held. You weren’t scared so much, more a little bit tentative of the conversation that you were about to have, knowing that it could majorly impact your relationship. In your heart, you knew that Mapi would love you no matter what, but it didn’t calm the nerves inside of you as you pulled your keys from the ignition, pulled out the papers that your lawyer had given you and exited your car.
The whole walk from your car, to the elevator and then down the hallway to your apartment had your heart thrumming inside of your chest. Your hands were quite literally shaking as you pushed your key into the door.
You toed your shoes off at the door, slotting them down beside the door before slowly walking your way through the entrance. It wasn’t hard to find Mapi, she was right in front of you, sitting down at the island bench, patting Bagheera and eating a post training salad. You knew that there was one meant for you still sitting on the shelf of your fridge, from when the two of you had meal planned yesterday. She looked so undisturbed, with the afternoon light coming in through the gaps in the blinds and the general silence that you were about to break.
You announce yourself by slinging your bag down against the wall, a loud enough noise that seems to wake Mapi from her happy daze.
She smiles as soon as her eyes set on you and it only makes the weight in your gut feel ten times heavier and the pain in your heart ten times worse.
You wanted to turn around and walk right back out the door you’d just walked through, but you couldn’t, not with the way that Mapi looked at you, like her whole day had been made by your appearance.
“Hola bebita, how was your meeting?”
Mapi’s smiling ear to ear, quite literally, you swear you can see every single one of her teeth. It had hurt you to lie to Mapi about where you were going today, telling her that you’d had a crucial appointment with your manager about some media things, it wasn’t a direct lie. You had met with your manager, instead of it being positive though, it had been quite the opposite.
You didn’t have any words to reiterate to Mapi, so instead you just picked up the papers that were tucked away in your hands and placed them down on the island infront of her.
Mapi looked at you with confusion for a few seconds.
“Just read them, you’ll understand it more once you have.”
Mapi didn’t hesitate, picking up the first piece of paper and scanning over it, before moving onto the second, then the third and so on, till she’d made it through the entire stack.
You stood anxiously on your toes the whole time, balancing from one foot to the other as you contemplated how Mapi was going to reply to this sudden change.
When she did finish, she looked up at you, a lot of questions hidden behind her curious eyes.
“I’m resigning, or requesting they don’t call me up. I don’t want to play for a federation that doesn’t care about me. I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier, but I wasn’t ready and I’m sorry I’m bother you with it now but I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you about it earlier, I met with my lawyer for the first time today to sign the documents and write my statement. If it all goes to plan then they should be out in the next week. I don’t want to do it anymore, I can’t do it anymore, I’m sorry.”
Mapi blinked a few times, like you’d just blindsided her completely, and you figured you had.
“I didn’t even really know it was happening until after last camp, and I just realised that I was so exhausted and so tired and so sick of it all that I couldn’t do it again. I should have done it earlier, I should have been a part of it all from the start but I was scared and I still am scared Maps. This is supposed to be my job, I’m supposed to be grateful for the opportunities I’m given and yet I feel like I’m a fraud and I’m lying when I say that because I’m not grateful and I’m not happy and I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t. I’ve been praying every night that I get injured, so that I get a break like Ale, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”
Mapi just stood up and pulled you into her arms, silencing the rambling and making you realise that you were now crying again.
She slowly led you towards the couch, bringing you into her arms as you tried to take control of yourself.
It felt like every piece of anguish, every piece of fear, every piece of internal hatred was slowly being pulled from your body and it felt so good, like you were somehow being healed.
Mapi wiated until you were coherent enough, until you felt more resurfaced, and less like the bloodn was rushing through your ears and every though of self-doubt was spirally through the different ridges of your brain.
“Princesa, you’ve made this decision for you, si? Not because of me, not because of anybody else, because you believe this is best for you?”
You nodded into her chest, enjoying the feeling of your own skin pressed directly to hers.
“I’m sick of them making me feel this way Maps, I don’t like it, I don’t think it’s right.”
Mapi’s body was surrounding you, her scent, her feel, her everything, and it was all you’d needed today, everything that Alexia had assured you would make you feel better.
Mapi’s salad was forgotten on the counter.
Bagheera was somewhere else.
It was just the two of you, just the two of you to face everything.
“We’re put into boxes, as women, men try to make us be everything and yet nothing. It’s not right, we’re expected to be as good as the men, but we have to behave eloquently, say our pleases and thank yous and never be ungrateful for the piss poor conditions we put up with. We’re supposed to be passionate, but we’re not allowed to over react in any way. We can only underperform, not overperform. There are no expectations for us, because we’re women and we’re supposed to be worse than the men, but they’re are also so many expectations for us to meet. It’s okay for you to be done with that, there is nothing wrong with you saying no to constantly being abused. You’re not a fraud bebita and I’m here for you no matter what. You’re my girlfriend first, a person second and a soccer player last. It doesn’t matter, none of it matters, you matter, you’re feelings and how you feel is what matters.”
Mapi’s hand pulled your head from her neck, her lips connecting with your forehead with ease.
“I’m not doing it anymore Maps. I want to be strong, I want to say no. I want to be a part of the right side of history. I don’t want to sit around pretending everything’s fine when it’s not fine. It’s nowhere near fine and until there is a change it won’t be.”
Mapi nodded, pressing a series of kisses to your forehead.
“Then we’ll work it out, you’ll keep me in the loop and we’ll figure it out together, no more hiding these big feelings from me. We’ll go and see our therapists and take soe time off and do whatever you need to feel safe and happy, because what matters is you, nobody else, si?”
You nodded your head once again, enjoying the same smile that her face was covered in. her lips migrated down to your cheeks, pressing kisses to the rosiest parts, pushing the tears away.
“I’ve got you bebita, we’ve got each other, we’re going to be fine, we all are.”
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milqueandsugar · 3 days
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What if,, a band/artist rivalry between Adam and reader?
Since Adam outright says he's in a band in the first episode,, let's say that there's a rising artist who making themselves big in the music industry in Heaven, maybe even the same genre that Adam's band is in, and he gets ticked off.
So out of curiosity, he goes to one of their concerts (presumably to judge the music itself) but then when they start playing, he's just kinda.. in disbelief. Like the music is good?? And the person singing is hot??
Idk that would be something cool and funny to read,, love your stuff btw, been following since like last year 🙏🙏 I'll be 🥐 anon if that's cool and not taken ofc!
🌼☕` Your Tea Is Ready `☕🌼
Gen / Fluff
Includes / Adam
A/n - thanks for following for so so long! This was fun to write!
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| Adam/Rival!Reader|
Listen, alright he only went to investigate
Too see what it was that made you sooo much of a competitor, because upon first glance there was nothing that interesting about you
Like you had cool clothes and hair he wanted to run his hands through, and the most kissable lips he's ever seen, and you pretty much sweated sex appeal but like you were THAT cool
So he takes the chance when an opportunity arises to get seats for your show, he'll take the scolding for the expensive purchase from lute later, the information he could gather was worth far more than any currency
So he goes, fights through the crowd for drinks and then fights through the crowd again to get to his spot
Your fans are insane, thats the first thing, like he's used to fans throwing bras and underwear on stage but these people are screaming and cheering for you like you were on stage, the openers hadn't even started yet wtf was going on??
The crowd hype was real though and by time the openers, who were mid, closed he was feeling the buzz of excitement the crowd carried
It was contagious and his ailment of adrenaline was only worsened when you came on stage and started your first song
Fuck
Yeah he got the appeal
Seeing someone so confident, so in love with their passion made him fall equally in love with you, those are like the two sexiest things and angel can have and you've got them falling out of your pockets babe!!
He buys more tickets to up coming shows and a shit ton of merch while leaving the venue, he would have done it during the show but he couldn't tear his eyes away often enough to blink let alone do anything else
Any sense of envy or competiriveness? Gone, just like the money from his wallet
He only realizes when he's considering buying a signed shirt that he's acting like one of HIS groupies
Oh no
Decides then he needs to quit, you have a sick band, he respects you and has all your songs on vinyl and on his phone but he's not some fucking low life that stalks their celebrity crushes all right?
I mean he's going to keep the merch but hey it might be valuable one day!!
And he'll go see the shows for the tickets he already bought but otherwise it'd just be a waste so whatever it's totally normal
This is such normal behavior, just, be cautious if you ever mention HIS band in a positive light on social or in an interview, he is already heavily considering buying some back stage passes don't force his hand now, come on
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bingbongsupremacy · 3 days
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Closure Pt. 3
I'm taking requests! Please send you ideas in! I'd love to write them!
Pairing: Steve Harrington x plus size!reader
Warnings: swearing, anger, idk what else
Series Summary: You never knew Steve could be so shallow. When he leaves you to date Nancy Wheeler, you're left with a pain you thought he'd never leave with you. Maybe you should've stayed friends.
Part Summary: Robin invites you over for a small get-together before you leave, little did you know Steve was also invited.
*Not Proof Read* Stranger Things Masterlist
Based on Taylor Swift's Song Closure. This was a request. I tried to make everything as general as possible. Pls let me know if missed something ty. Also Eddie did not die in this.
Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3
*****
It's just an hour. And it'll be nice to see everyone again. I mean, I haven't seen Robin in years. I wonder whatever happened with Vickie.
I press the doorbell of the older-looking apartment. A loud ring echoes from the other side of the door. Immediately, it's opened by an excited-looking Robin.
" You made it! " She grins, pulling me into a tight hug. Her hair's grown slightly but she still looks the same as she did in high school. " We have so much to catch up on. I haven't seen you in forever. "
" Of course I made it, Rob. I wouldn't miss this for the world. " I smile at the girl.
She leads me into the apartment, loud voices immediately flooding my ears. " Make yourself at home. There's snacks and games in the living room. And Eddie brought beer. There's a few people I invited that you might not know. I hope that's okay. "
" That's alright. I don't mind. "
" Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. " Eddie's playfully acts annoyed. His hands are on his hips, a pout on his lips. His arms support multiple new tattoos, some of which look fresher than others. " I thought you died. "
I roll my eyes. " Still alive and kicking. I see you're still a drama queen. "
Eddie gasps. " Am not. "
" It's good to see you, Ed. " I grin while hugging the slightly older man. " How's the band? "
" Better than ever. " Eddie pulls out a folded sheet of paper from his black jeans. He opens it, revealing this band logo on the very top. " We're playing multiple venues now. And we've been asked to go meet with some exec hot shots for a record label. " His excitement is evident in his tone. " We fucking did it, Y/N. "
" I'm so proud of you! "
The doorbell rings and Robin jumps up from her spot on the couch to answer the door.
A few muffled voices make their way down the hallway as Robin brings the guests further into apartment.
" What about you? What've you been up too? Livin' good up in the big city? " Eddie asks. His arms are splayed out comfortably on the top of the sofa behind him. His legs are lazily crossed out in front of him, his posture very casual.
I don't get to respond. A voice behind me grabs my attention.
" Y/N? "
I know that voice.
Steve.
I turn my head to see the man I'd been hoping to avoid for days now.
Fuck.
Steve's eyes are wide in confusion. He looks slightly older but still just as attractive as he did all those years before. His hair is still styled the same, only slightly longer.
" Steve? " I mumble in surprise.
" You two know each other? " Robin asks, a smile on her face. She has no idea about us.
I nod stiffly. " We did a long time ago. "
A small movement behind Steve's shoulder grabs my attention. Nancy Wheeler peeks over his shoulder, curious to who I am.
" Oh my, Y/N? " Nancy smiles warmly.
Even better.
" Hey, Nancy. " I greet politely. Moments ago this apartment felt fun and casual. Now it feels absolutely suffocating.
I thought I was done with Steve. I threw his shit away. Why is this bugging me so much? He's a stranger now.
Then why does he feel so familiar?
The doorbell rings again and Eddie lets out a grown. " How many people did you fucking invite, Robin? At this rate the whole towns gonna be here. "
" Shut up. It's the pizza. I'll be right back. " Robin rolls her eyes before disappearing into the hall.
" Didn't you two used to date? " Eddie asks out of the blue, pointing to Steve and I.
" Uh, yeah. " Steve nods awkwardly.
Eddie looks between Nancy and Steve. " Shit, you two dated too! "
Ten points to fucking sherlock over here. Really solving all the worlds greatest mysteries.
" Man, that's awkward. "
" You think? " I glare over at him. Of course, he had to bring that shit up, didn't he.
The room grows quiet. Nancy and Steve sit side by side on the ground across from Eddie and I. A small brown coffee table separates us, thankfully putting some distance between everyone.
" Who fucking died in here? Why are you guys so quiet? " Robin asks while carrying the pizzas in. " This is supposed to be a game night, guys. Not a sit-awkwardly-on-the-floor-in-weird-silence-and-stare-at-the-floor night. " She places the pizzas on an empty area on the coffee table. " I'm gonna grab some plates and napkins. When I come back I want everyone talking. " She playfully orders.
" So..." Eddie drags out the word awkwardly. He reaches into his pants and pulls out a small baggie filled with long white rolls. " Anyone want some weed? "
" You're not smoking weed in my apartment Munson! " Robin shouts from the kitchen.
This is going to be a long night.
*******
" I'm gonna go get some air. " I take one last swig of my beer before standing up.
Who knew Eddie and Robin were so competitive when it came to twister?
They don't seem to hear me over their loud trash-talking. Robin cackles loudly as she manages to contort her body somehow to get her arm onto a green circle. " It's alright, old man. You can give up now. We all know you've got fragile bones. "
" Shut the fuck up. You're just salty I kicked your ass at uno. " Eddie's voice dies down as I make it outside.
Outside is cold and quiet but it's a nice change from the loud environment inside. It's pretty late. Everyone is tucked in their houses, away from the streets.
I'd spent the last two hours debating if I should go home. Every time I'm about to say I need to go, thoughts about how I wouldn't need to leave if I didn't still feel sad about Steve start to pop up.
" Can we talk? "
" What's there to talk about, Steve? You sent me a letter. I read it. We're fine. " I reply stiffly.
" You never replied. " Steve steps out further onto Robins' front porch. He leans against the railing a step's length away from me.
I don't bother to look at him. " I didn't feel like it. I'm not into the whole letter thing. You know that. "
I've never been a fan of writing letters. It feels less personal than talking to someone else in person or on the phone.
Steve lets out a small sigh. From the corner of my eye, I spot the steam of his breath from the cold pre-winter air. " I'm sorry. "
" You broke my heart, Steve. " Anger bubbles in my chest. " You fucking broke it. Why did it take you so long to write to me? Why didn't you try to call? " I look over at him.
" I didn't know where you lived. You moved across the country, how was I supposed to get in contact with you? " Steve asks, his eyes staring into mine.
" That's bullshit Steve and you know it. If you really fucking wanted to you would've tried to get ahold of me. I was still at home the entire summer after graduation. You could've asked my mom for my number or-fuck even my address. You had options and you chose not to do anything. How am I supposed to believe you? " I feel my face heat up from anger.
" Admit it, Steve. You sent me that fucking letter because you feel guilty. You're ashamed of yourself. You wanted to smooth things over, make yourself feel better. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready to pretend nothing ever happened yet. It wasn't just the fact that you broke up with me, Steve. We were friends. Best friends, at least I thought so. You just threw our friendship away. " I let out a bitter laugh. " And the ironic part was you were worried that you telling me how you felt would ruin our friendship. No, you did that when you let other people's opinions into our relationship. "
" I was a fucking coward, Y/N! What do you want me to say? " He asks desperately. " I lived off of the opinions of others and that ultimately cost me the best fucking thing that happened to me. " He grips the cold railing in front of us tightly. " I lost you because I was too scared to be myself and I will never forgive myself because of that. " He sighs. " I don't want you to forgive me, Y/N. I just want to know you're okay. "
" I'm not okay, Steve. I-I'm so conflicted. " I gesture to the man. " I still love you and I'm so fucking angry about it. I shouldn't still love you but I do. "
" I still love you to. " Steve replies honestly. " I haven't stopped thinking about you. I wonder what you're up to and who you've become all the time. "
I miss him too.
" What do we do? " I ask after a moment of silence.
Steve shrugs. He looks defeated. " I don't know. "
" Are you and Nancy dating again? " I ask quietly.
Steve shakes his head. " What? No. We're just friends. We haven't dated since the end of Senior Year. She's with Jonathan. "
We fall into another silence.
" I'm not ready to date you again. I don't know if I ever will be. " I begin.
Steve nods sadly. He shoves his hands in his pockets. " I completely understand. "
" But I'm willing to try to be friends again. Only friends. "
Steve's eyes light up. " Really? " A small smile of relief breaks onto his face. " Thank you, Y/N. Thank you so much. I promise this is going to better than last time. I'll treat you better than last time. "
" This doesn't mean your forgiven, it just means I'm willing to try. "
Steve nods. " I get that. I won't let you down. "
Is this stupid?
Probably.
Will I get my heart broken again? I don't know.
But we only live once and who knows where this could go. Maybe Steve has changed. Maybe he's a better man.
I guess we'll see.
Steve Harrington, please don't break my heart again. Please.
Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog@queen-apple24
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This post is for white people. You can like and are encouraged to reblog, but keep your mouth shut.
Don't even argue with a white person who spoke. Leave that to me. Just mind your own and pass my words if you read em and get the point
Now
It's whatever if you don't listen to Every genre of music relating to black people
It's whatever if rap isn't regularly on your stuff
You won't be hunted for fucking sport over not knowing the top ten ska artist of all time, or for having less rock in your life
The issues is that too many of you have a desperate need to explain that you don't like it and frankly just keep it to yourself. Just don't comment on whatever post hurt your white fragility and realize you don't have to be who the post is talking about if you just... even start with not explaining to use why your the Not Racist. We've all heard that one before, we need your money to be where your mouth is.
Lots of you have issues with generalizing ("Rap is too fast!" "Hip-Hop is about nothing but drugs and street crime")
You don't need to tell me your sensory issues are why you aren't racist. No One Said That. You can just Not Listen to songs that hurt your ears. We're asking for you to explore and try and find stuff that might be within your limits. There's tons of genres made by black people. Put our version in there.
Also there's no way to excuse saying that no version of black peoples various genres cant be used for music stimming. Thats bullshit talk. Methinks you've been slacking you your black history and probably don't realize that (unless you Choose to isten to only white artist which... thats IS racist) an artist you listen to is very possibly a person of color, with a good chance of one being black.
We also don't need the announcement that you don't pay attention to who you listen to. That's 1: Admitting you don't fucking care to actively seek out pur music as we beg not to be drowned out in a world thay pushes white voices to idle ears.
2: Just keep doing it wothout fanfare then at least. If you're going to be lazy about music don't be proud to tell me how you wont make space to showe you care about black voices.
Also don't try and argue about how you know all of this genre is actually bad! You're Wrong.
1. Even the "bad" ones can have all kinda of statements of all kinda of things.
Ex: ou wanna fight misogyny? do you actually understand whet causes it? do you listen when they sing that before they were a pimp they were a little kid who got hurt by a system? do you use that to remember to treat black boys like the kids they are so they don't rush to be the adult men they aren't? They are told they are Men and Men have to get women or else they're Failed Men. They chase their manhood because White Men are eager to tale ir at a moments notice and the slightest offense. Is it okay? No. But it's stoppable. And it starts at listening to how it happens, and being kind and correctional in the right places.
2. Even if we as black people condemned and hated and were in outrage at the "bad verions" that wouldn't invalidate every other version made. That's not how music fucking works for pop or for your old timey classical so why do some of you apply it to our genres so quickly 🤨🤨🤨
And for the love of god.
Don't ask for recs on post venting frustrations about white peoples treatement of our music. Leaving ones if you know good ones is fine usually, but honestly just make your own post and then go out and start searching some key words. Look up what genres have black history. Type their genres in and see what you get artist wise.
Lots of them have mixes into other genres that will fit what kind of vibe you like while still supporting the voices that keep thse alive and authentic.
Or send them ask because that's what to features for. Ask if they're okay with it and respect if they say no, but many of us would be overjoyed to share and actually have some really listening ears out there.
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isackwhy · 24 hours
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still high but cooking. I SHARE COOK
isaacwhy x chubby! reader hc’s sfw
(small mentions of ED)
sfw
AS SOMEONE W EXPERIENCE
gym rats love us
as much as we want to deny it bc of insecurities they love us
so pls don’t be worried about that w him. i get it but he’ll reassure u each time that it doesn’t matter to him
plus i’m pretty sure yumi was talking about the new gamersupps girl who was chubby like the new design or whatever and that isaac liked it. which he didn’t deny
i need to re-find that podcast if anyone knows LMK
if ur a content creator and get the occasional hate on ur body and it gets to it isaac is immediately distracting you
telling u it’s bullshit
“some days they get me. other days they don’t.”
“yeah? fuck them. you’re hot.”
the first few times he asks if u want to go to the gym u say no out of fear and bc in ur head he was saying u needed to go
he assured u that’s not what he meant and that he just wanted to spend time w u anywhere :)
if u guys were bffs beforehand he knows every little warning sign that ur getting insecure about ur body
even if u aren’t he learns quickly
he notices how ur suddenly counting calories or eating less or staying in pjs and not wanting to be intimate
u feel bad. feeling like it might just be repetitive at this point for him
“you always help me when i feel like shit, right? everytime i stress about a video or feel like it’ll be shit you help me. and that’s kinda often. why wouldn’t i help you?” is what he says everytime u feel bad
obsessed w ur thighs
always grabbing onto them, laying them across his legs
love handles? he puts them to use 👍🏻 ykyk
if ur like me u don’t like whoever ur dating to touch ur tummy while ur cuddling. like it’ll remind them it’s there
this man will kiss ur stomach the first time it happens and honest to god u kinda hate it but he’s whispering such sweet things u can’t stop him
“you’re so pretty. so so pretty.”
“alright alright stop please.”
“not till you believe me.”
u hate when u smile bc of ur double chin that always makes an appearance but isaac has a whole folder labeled “y/n’s smile” so pls take a breath
“i’d look better in that if i was someone else,” u point to the somewhat fitting dress on ur screen
“if u don’t buy that right now i might have a stroke, babe.”
u buy it. well. he buys it. it comes in the mail and u we’re not leaving the house that day
ur known to his community and when rumors start to swirl that u guys might be dated, there was also hate that came w it
“isaac would never date someone like that.” a comment reads
that’s a fear of urs ofc but….he’s currently laying next to u and not some other random person so
soft launching until u just give in and hard launch
u guys were already all over each others stories and social medias but after u guys start dating and want to slowly reveal it u guys post a picture of each other every month on the date of ur anniversary w out any context
it’s fun lowkey
will always back u up
the boys and him make sure they don’t fat jokes around u
u told them it’s fine bc it’s a thing between them but isaac could see how uncomfy u got w then sometimes
when he can tell ur mental state is affecting how u see how u look he won’t talk about the gym around u and makes sure the boys don’t either
just the little things
he tried to give u hoodies but u refuse bc ur scared they won’t fit u
he has oversized hoodies and looks at u like ur crazy
“this will fit you babe,” he shakes the black hoodie in front of u as u shiver from the breeze in his backyard
“no. no. i’m fine.”
“lifts ur arms up—“
“wha—“
“lift!”
u comply. the hoodie fits.
“told u.”
nsfw >:)
u didn’t wanna show him ur body the first time around
u left ur oversized hoodie on, isaacs hands snaked under it to hold ur boobs
body worship bruh
kisses every part of u, leaving marks and little bites along ur thighs
u also made him leave the lights off until recently
“i wanna see you properly baby,” he says between the kisses of a heavy makeout
you pout, “isy—“
“you’re gorgeous. you’re amazing and i want to see all of it,” he says, attacking your neck in kisses
how could u not give in honestly
at this point the hoodie is gone everything and u try and use ur arms to cover urself but he won’t let you nope nope nope
fucks u in front of a mirror everytime u feel like shit
“look how pretty, hm? u can’t see what i see? i’ll make sure you do. don’t worry, hun.”
he said that while holding eye contact w u and u nearly lost it there
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First of all I LOVE THIS, AAAAHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤
Second of all I've been seeing people saying "oh god sonic had to watch people die but it actuality it was acting" but I see no one asking "how the fuck did he go super?" And "what about being a werehog?" And all the other form transformation that he has done over the years and also " HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN HIS FUCKING OWN DEATH TO HIM"
Like with the death one, did they put him I a forced coma? Did they tranquilise him? So many thoughts are going on it my head
On a other thought, what is he going to do now he knows that everything is 'fake'? Like he was no clue if sonic's world was real or not cause even tho we know there is no interdimensional interference going on we can't rule out that what happen to sonic was real, whether as an act or it actually happen, cause we know that in the games sonic fort a god(s) and won, and if those god(s) where real what is going on? Are all the actors playing roles that have no clue they are playing? Is sonic the only one who is in the right to believe everything is fake? Is chaos energy real or was it special effects? Is sonic like PROJECT SHADOW? Is sonic a GOD????????? (I'm twicking, or am I 🤔)
We have no clue what is real or not cause we are only the spectators. We are like sonic, we are seeing the things sonic is seeing and making theorys that sonic himself might have not even be thinking about cause our main man is going through like 30 intenal mental breakdowns in like 30 minutes, having an existential crisis and all that.
What is really going on cause it seems like 'shadow' also did not know that sonic had no idea about how they were actors in the beginning of the comic and now he is coming to terms that maybe everything he knew was a lie as well, cause we see reaction to sonic doing a spindash at the wall is when he really started to think the sonic is more then the main character of the story but an actual person who is in the dark and when 'shadow' was bring up all these things from the past we start seeing him get nervous cause he probably is thinking "oh fuck what is happening? I thought he was a actor like I am" and in reality is not
I have rambled a lot cause I love this and with The Truman Show being something I am actively studying for school my mind is going haywire
"Thank you for listening to my Ted talk"/ref
Okay, first of all, massive pretense - there are so many questions in this ask that I cannot (and will not) answer all of them.
HOWEVER.
A lot of these questions are very important, very well thought-out and certainly should not be forgotten - and rest assured, several things you ask about do indeed have answers to them (I'd go so far as to say that about 95% have answers to them, actually). I had a hell of a time reading through this with SB on a discord call and it was SUCH a doozy /pos
The problem with asks like this is that I literally can't say anything without accidentally spoiling the whole comic BUT! I will endeavor to say as much as I can!
Chaos Energy is very much a real force, but it's not universal. In fact, it's pretty much localized. Very localized.
Shamdow may have been acting with Sonic for a long time, but when you're running a long-standing show, you have sets, budgets and effects that reach well into the millions. He had no real reason to question Sonic because surely, it was all just effects. (It was not, in fact, all effects)
Sonic shares some similarities with the concept of Project Shadow, but not all - most notably, he's not an alien or a robot or whatever else Shadow has gone through when trying to figure out what he is in the games. He's not the product of science, he's very much natural.
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thedaythealienscame · 8 months
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human sexuality is a deeply fascinating topic to me which is great except for the fact that you cannot usually share anything that you find interesting with those in your immediate vicinity lest you come off as a pervert
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babsaros · 1 month
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hey. when cis society is oppressing a trans man, what he is experiencing is. In Fact. misogyny. i'm sorry i know none of us like to be reminded of our agab, and it hurts whenever people perceive you as the wrong gender. but a cis person hate-criming, assaulting, verbally abusing, etc, a trans man is not doing "transandrophobia" because they do not perceive him as a man.
they perceive him as a woman failing at her gender, as a woman who has been seduced and lied to and manipulated because women are so easily led astray, just like it says in the bible. they perceive him as a woman who has been mutilated. they perceive him as a dyke that needs to be fixed. if they are hate-criming him because they *do* perceive him as a man, because he passes well enough they aren't thinking he could be trans, then they're doing so out of homophobia, perceiving him as a gay man, a pervert, a sissy, a danger to children. OR, they are being transphobic but specifically because they think he might be transfeminine instead. when cis society oppresses a trans woman, they are able to do it on multiple levels at once. She's a woman failing at her gender, a dyke that needs to be fixed. Or she's an evil and grotesque crossdressing pervert, a rude caricature, a danger to polite society. she will never be doing enough to escape oppression entirely, no matter if she gets every surgery she can and wears makeup every day and passes perfectly, because she lives under a patriarchy, and she's a woman, so she lives in a panopticon, and HAVING to get surgery and wear make-up to be respected IS oppression, especially if the alternative is being hate-crimed.
trans women (and trans men who pass) are not experiencing "transandrophobia" when a 'queer women and nbs" event turns them away at the door for being too masculine. they are. IN FACT!! experiencing the byproducts of misogyny in a patriarchy!!! where the terfs and coward cis women running those events and occupying those spaces have been taught (sometimes through experience, sometimes by men, sometimes by women) throughout life that men = stronger and more dangerous than women ALWAYS. That they need to protect themselves at all times and always be vigilant. That men and women can't be friends without sexual tension (and so as queer women the mere existence of what they perceive as a "man" is a threat). That women need a separate sports league because they can't possibly compete with someone who has even a little bit "extra" (an unquantifiable amount actually because there isn't a standard range) testosterone. That women should cook and men should fix cars. i promise you, i promise i promise i promise. it's misogyny. like!!! you don't say cis gay men experiences "androphobia", bc that's not a thing!! you sound like fucking mens rights activists guys please! you don't say a black man experiences "misandrynoir"!! because living in a patriarchy fundamentally means men do not experience oppression based on their gender. its not happening. shut the fuck up. stop walking us back to 2014 can we please take a step forward and stop bitching about this. there are genuine issues in the world and i'm frankly sick of people who should be smarter than that needing to be gently hand-held through this fucking explanation for the millionth time and still stomping their feet.
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essektheylyss · 10 months
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Would I be a calmer person if I was willing to dnf a book? Undoubtedly. But then I wouldn't get to deconstruct exactly what I don't like about the book for my own learning process, and I would lose out on some prime kvetching, so I think it levels out.
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britneyshakespeare · 7 months
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emily dickinson is gonna win bb25
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macrocosmus · 2 years
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I don’t know how to properly express how I fucking hate how some folks talk about voting as this end all be all while also acknowledging that yeah, I am voting in every election.
I will engage with the system but I don’t trust it for a fucking second and it’s appalling that folks do.
So sure, vote, but maybe also form a union, strike, protest, riot, contribute to bail funds, take part in mutual aid, support strikers protesters and rioters, support counter protests, write to your representatives, read something off the anarchist library website, go to your local library, volunteer, be outspoken, call out shit, make graffiti, cover up fashie graffiti, find your local food banks and help out, educate folks about propaganda and fascism, play punk and commie music, anything
I know folks can do everything, but if voting is your end all be all political engagement... fuck
voting is harm reduction at best
#maybe I'll regret posting this#whatever#im not articulate and i never can get my butt to protests but im fucking trying yknow?#like everyone is saying we gotta vote to keep the good rolling from this administration#and im just here looking at half measures and people not reading past headlines#call me fucking cynical and jaded but like#buddy theres a better world out there#theres a bright future and if you're fixated on voting and throw your faith in the system like it sounds like you do...#do you even know what that brighter future will look like?#*plays Emma Goldman Would Have Beat Your Ass and smokes too much*#listen you dont gotta be like me#heck you might even be better#but like fuck#if you don't vote you're dooming us to these conservatives is so fucking annoying to listen to#you sound like a fucking liberal who went from screaming about kids in cages to simply shrugging and asking where else should we put them#im voting because its the least i can do#and yeah it does fucking help a bit#but get out of my fucking ass about it trying to doomsay me into it#you should duckduckgo image search for ratchet effect politics#maybe that'll learn you something#ALSO#i dont understand how negotiating shit actually works but i know that to get what you want you have to ask for more and#im forced to vote for fuckers who dont seem to understand that#or understand that and want to get less#wheres that simpsons screencaps of the two parties' national conventions#anyway#i've been ralmbing in the tags for long enough#if you made it this far in the tags tell me why
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fluidfox123 · 2 years
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Lets say someone wanted to draw you something, like pfp or anything else, what would you want it to be of? -👑anon
Uhhhhh- man, I don't know? I've had one of my fav ask blogs draw my internet persona before? Most of my pfp pics on my socials are of ROTTMNT Leo (he is so gender, I love him so much), and I really like angst stuff? I'm mostly described as the embodiment of a colorful comic book, but all of its contents are filled with the darkest shit you've ever seen LMAO/gen
I know this isn't an outright answer, but I'm kinda spitballing ideas because I'm going to be completely honest here. Anything anyone makes for me goes in a special folder to be cherished forever. So if you or anyone makes or shares anything with and/for me, that shit is getting put up on my digital fridge to admire UGHTYNHTJGRF
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myname-isnia · 3 months
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*wakes up*
*grabs phone*
*email notification*
*new comment on SotRL*
*throws phone to the far side of adjacent couch*
*goes back to sleep*
#NOT TODAY THANK YOU#not ever. preferably#I was not emotionally prepared for this#look... I think I might be the direct opposite of literally every writer on the planet#because seeing that email made me feel sick to my stomach#this has singlehandedly sent my entire day off kilter#I'm supposed to go to my grandma's today but now all I want to do is rot in bed for the rest of the day#literally anyone else would have been happy to receive a several sentences long comment praising them#but my initial reactions were 'how the fuck did you find this?' 'why the fuck would you read it?' and 'I should've deleted when I wanted to'#I've heard countless stories about sudden comments received years after the last update kicking authors into continuing the story#usually in PSAs to always comment or whatever#but I just feel awful#not because I feel guilty over not finishing SotRL or anything like that#just.. because this is exactly the reason why I wanted to delete that fic#people reading anything I've written makes me want to die but SotRL especially#it's old. the writing is bad. there's a reason I call it my greatest failure#I don't want people to read it. that's why I wanted it gone#and the comment was so nice too. much more than just a call for an update#I hate that it caused this reaction in me because it's clear the person only had the best intentions in mind#but I can't control my emotions. far from the first time I wish that I could#someone put me in the guiness world record book as the first person to ever get genuinely upset over a nice comment#I laugh shit like this off as the mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever but in reality it's so much worse#if I didn't have anything to stop me my entire ao3 account would be gone. I hate the thought of people reading my work#just further proof that I'm not a writer. that I spent six years deluding myself into believing that I was#trying to shove square pieces into triangular holes like a dumb toddler#I should have quit before any of this happened. erased everything and forgotten about it like a bad dream#I should have never started writing in the first place#if I had the chance to go back in time and tell one thing to my 11 year old self it would be to not even think about writing#it has brought me nothing but pain and suffering and I really should have stayed away from it#too late now. I've been irreversibly ruined
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hyewka · 4 months
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—what a loser! | c.bg
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୨୧ synopsis. hearing rumours of your sex life travel around your campus for the first time has you standing in front of the very person that you’re convinced is responsible. your secret fuck buddy.
୨୧ warnings. stoner!gyu, bratty sub!beomgyu, mean femdom, humiliation kink, VERY public, hair pulling, hate sex kind of, cunnilingus, use of pet, fuck buddies, reader has a priest dad, bit of a toxic dynamic
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“Why’re you here?” he mumbles casting his eyes down to his feet as he idly skates around, not paying you even a little bit of eye contact or actual acknowledgement.
“Can we talk somewhere else? More private?”
He ignores you.
You huff, rolling your eyes, adjusting the bag on your shoulder. The sun had already set, there were even less people out—no one was skating around at this hour but Beomgyu. “Why—" you take a breath, already feeling yourself get emotional and angry, “Why did you go around telling people about us?”
There’s a few reasons circling your head. Attention, bragging rights—attention was a big one but you hoped, no, a part of you believes it was an accident. That he let the information slip from his lips when he was drunk, or out of his right mind. But with the way he’s acting, it’s getting harder to hold on to the belief that Beomgyu was misunderstood and not just a fucking asshole.
Too much time goes by with silence and you think hes blatantly ignoring you again, but then he halts his skating, taking the time to run a hand through his hair. Hair that you’ve regretfully played with days on end, twirling strands around your finger, giggling as if the foundation you’ve built your relationship on wasn’t such a fragile fire that could be snuffed out in seconds if not the tiniest bit careful.
Look where you are now.
“Dunno, ‘cuz I can.”
His eyes are on you, bangs parted, looking straight at you. You can’t get it out of your mind, how the ends of his lips twitched up as he said that. Bitch. Fucking bitch.
He finds this amusing. A game. Your reputation was a game to him. Of course it is. He never took anything serious, not his career, not his relationships, not his future—he never cared.
Your nostrils flare as you stomp large strides towards him, charging and shoving his chest, having him stumble backwards off his board, dryly laughing. “The goody two shoes about to commit an assault?”
“Oh fuck off, you wouldn’t dare try suing me. God, I hate you so much. You’re such a—such a fucking loser!” you yell.
That wiped off the cocky demeanour.
“Here’s some two cents for you, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about whatever this is between us. I really couldn’t. But you—” your face gets heated up, pointing a finger at him. “You will never find anything better than what I gave you. And you’re going to live with that.”
He scoffs like he’s unbothered but it’s so clear with the way he clenches his jaw afterwards he’s pissed—it hit a spot. Good. Good, let him be hurt.
“What do you even—what did you gain by telling everybody my sex life? Having people call me a slut? Some sick pleasure from being superior to me for once? Attention? Huh? Why’re you acting out now?” Your eyes are narrowed as they implore answers out of him, searching his face and eyes, anything, anything that you can read from his unbearable silence.
“Yeah.”
You blink confused. “What?”
“Yeah, I wanted the attention. Happy now?” He walks to shoulder you but you let out a scoff, holding him back by his arm and pushing him in front of you again.
“You can’t for one second act like a man can you? You just run away from everything!” you feel like you could rip out your hair with how frustrating hes being.
“If you’re just going to stand there and insult me like a bitch I might as well just go and do something fucking productive.” he spits.
Your cheeks heat up and you think for the first time you understand the phrase of seeing red. Hes been poking and poking and poking with his nonchalance then later smugness then going onto just straight up disrespect—he was really pushing you. So he should’ve expected the hand that goes to strike him against his face—your chest rising up and down, brows furrowed deeply.
A faint red hand print blooms across his cheek, and his jaw falls slack, eyes blown out and wide. You suddenly grab him by the back of his hair, no doubt burning his scalp with the way he lets out a loud hiss. “I fucking hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”
You’re so close to his face and everything about the way he’s looking at you gives you the chills. You hate him. You do. He’s insane, he’s selfish, he’s rude, he’s—
A shaky lopsided grin still manages to break from his face, “No you don’t.”
And that was your last straw.
The addictive nature about Beomgyu is what kept you coming back over and over again—he never lead, he just let you…take him. And sometimes, at a point of your life where you feel like everythings being controlled for you, not having the choice to make the decisions you like, this somewhat served as an outlet.
That’s the more…reasonable explanation.
The other explanation is simple. He’s so fucking sexy.
The way he still melts into a kiss so harsh and mean, attempting to cup your cheeks, but immedietely dropping it when he feels your disapporval, his whimpers already picking up, not taking any incentive to breathe as if this kiss was enough to keep him alive; it’s those little things that have you up in the middle of the night thinking about him. Him.
Beomgyu, the stereotypical bad-boy stoner hipster outcast—the antithesis of everything present in your picture perfect life—he keeps you up at night. The mix of weed and his hilariously bad attempt at covering it with febreeze and cologne wafts your scent, it overwhelms you, but you still can’t get enough. Everything annoying about him disappears when he’s touching you.
“Why? Why do you keep doing this?” you say, finally being able to pull away from him—only after you had jerked on his hair harsher.
His lips are swollen, red and glistening—he looks pretty like this. He really does. But those lips always end up saying something to piss you off. “Keep doing what? Letting everyone know how you really are? Not actually the good girl you pretend to be, huh.”
You don’t know if he’s goading you on purpose because he likes it rough, or if he’s just being an asshole in general. It doesn’t matter. If he’s going to act like a brat, he’ll get treated like one.
Your knuckles had turned white with how hard you were gripping his hair so it feels relieving when you finally let it go. He tries to lean in to chase after your lips again, but you have your hands on his chest to stop him.
The flash of panic in his eyes when you step back from him is hilarious, it really is. It tells you everything you need to know. He wants you. He really wants you. He doesn’t care if you hit him or ruin his life, he wants you.
If his next words are any indication. “Hey, hey what are you doing? Where are you going?”
You walk to sit on a step of the stairs. “Do you think I’m a slut? Is that why you thought you had the audacity? Surely because otherwise if you respected me you wouldn’t have spread those rumors about me.”
He huffs out a laugh, the biggest reaction you’ve gotten out of him so far. He also walks to get closer to you. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You haven’t even come up with one single reason that would paint me in a better light. You really do see me as a fucking douchebag loser.” He’s clearly getting emotional with the way his voice gets higher pitched, the nonchalant front cracking, his lips slightly trembling.
“Because that’s what you are. Douchebag. Loser. You’re. A. Loser. Choi Beomgyu.”
You can see his fists clench at his sides, tight lipped. If you knew any better, you think he might’ve just started crying, but you’re not interested in tears. You angle your feet to point to the ground, “On your knees.”
He only hesitates for a second, he only stands there staring at you for a second, only a second before he crumbles and does as you say, getting on his knees in front of you, between your legs. “Closer.”
“But-"
“But what?” Your skirts already half way ridden up and you stare him down, keeping your eye contact intense.
“We’re in p-public. Anyone can see.”
You know hes blushing when you see the tips of his ears peek out, bright red. Aw, he’s nervous? Embarrassed? Shy?
“You’re never seeing me after this Choi. Make of it what you can or piss off.”
His eyes widen comically at that. “What? What does that mean? Are you leaving me?”
You can’t decipher or understand why exactly hes so surprised but you shake it off, you don’t want your good time to be spoiled. Not when your underwears’ already sticking to your pussy seeing him on his knees, on the ground, with his ripped baggy jeans, no doubt a pavement burn getting to him. “Are you going to eat me out or should I get up and leave?”
He shakes his head vehemently, hands on your knees spreading your legs. “Sorry, ‘m sorry. Don’t leave. Gonna make you feel good, promise.”
He’s already rambling like he’s dumbed out, like he’s about to be a goner. But he’s still hesitant in his actions and you groan, throwing your head back. “What the fuck Beomgyu?”
A pout rests on his lips, “I—…I don’t want anyone seeing you..”
You think he’s giving a fuck for your decency, you think its about you for once. But then another thought pops up in your head and your lips twitch. It’s not for you. It’s for him. He doesn’t want any possible pedestrian to see what only him so far has been able to see.
This isn’t worth it.
You make an attempt to get up before Beomgyu immediately has you sit back down, wasting no time to press his face between your legs, skirt over his head. His tongue pokes out to lick on over your panties, gradually wetting it and you sigh, the tenseness of your body evaporating. “Yeah, thats it. Be good for me pup.” He whines at that.
Beomgyu doesn’t tease any longer the moment your hands go to grab his hair because suddenly he bunches your panties to the side and you feel the contact of his hot tongue on your cunt, already lapping away like a dog. Dumb dog. Dumb dog. Dumb dumb dumb—but shit he’s having you curl your toes at the speed he’s going, the way he moans against your pussy like hes somehow enjoying eating you out more than you are.
“You’re my toy, nothing else. But you just keep—you keep irritating me, you keep being a dick, you keep provoking me.” you breathe out, tightening your fistful of his hair in your hand, making his moans even louder, nuzzling closer in your pussy you think he might genuinely suffocate at this point. But knowing him, he’d probably like that. “God, you absolute loser.”
He whines something intelligible, wet eyes looking up at you with his brows pulling up—it makes you gasp as you bite down on your bottom lip. He’s so pretty it’s unfair. Why’s such a sinful person so pretty? God must really have the time of his life making this hell for you.
You take it upon yourself to lift yourself a bit, grinding on his face harder, trying to reach your high, obstructing your view of his face—even with the anxiety of doing this so out in the open resting at the pit of your stomach. He’s practically mewling in your pussy, and the sounds send vibrations, his nose bumping up your clit every now and then. He lets you use him, he just lets you.
When Beomgyu fully submits like this to you…you see stars, you come hard. “More…more”, he groans, licking up your arousal. It’s so dirty, it really is, but you can’t help but nod.
Having the skater eat you out till your legs were jelly at a skatepark late at night would surely guarantee your place in hell.
“You’re such a whore, letting me fuck your face like this baby—don’t soil your pants yet, I know how you get. Probably getting off at the fact that we’re out l-like this…h-hah—dirty, dirty boy.”
He shakes his head, the glistening sweat of his forehead and the matted strands on his temple proof of how hard hes really going at it. “Not dirty. Just wan’ your attention..”
The second you tut at him for stopping he immedietely dives back in—you don’t know if it’s more him being afraid of a punishmet or because he himself doesn’t want to stop. Never mind that, because now hes wrapping his pretty lips around your clit and you’re fucking losing your mind with how quick your head clouds.
There are so many things circling your head right now. And this always happens whenever he starts talking during a hook up. Yes, it helps you get to an edge even faster but its for all the wrong reasons. He’d dirty talk for a bit before switching up, and suddenly all of his words are loving and cute and adorable and, and that’s bad. When you see him other than the image he’s curated for himself—that’s when you start feeling the unfamiliar butterflies fluttering.
You don’t like it. He’s not good for you.
“Stop thinking, only focus on me.” You gasp, your fingers digging into his tangled hair, disheveling it even more. Only him.
He makes you orgasm again, and when you catch your breath you gently push his head away, then harder when he can’t seem to stop kissing your inner thighs. He sighs, dropping it, but not without giving you one last puppy plea. You avoid his eyes, pulling your panties up and scoping around the area, all of a sudden feeling exposed. Did you really just let this punk eat you out on a staircase?
You stand up, dusting your ass, taking note of the redness of his knees and the large wet patch in between his crotch when Beomgyu follows, getting up from his knees, wiping his ridiculously wet lips. You tuck a strand behind your ear as you awkwardly stand, thinking over what you’re going to say now.
We’re over, bye.
I’ll go home now, don’t call me.
I hope you know how bad you messed up. Bye.
I’m blocking you on everything so don’t even think of contacting me.
“Don’t leave me.”
…That has you snap out of your reverie.
His voice is low, no doubt vulnerable. This is the worst. This is bad. Shit.
You clear your throat. “Why? Why shouldn’t I? Even if I didn’t want to I’d have to…my dad knows about you now because of the little stunt you pulled and he definitely doesn’t approve of you.” You mumble the last part, crossing your arms and keeping your distance. But that’s not of any use when he steps forward every time you take a step back.
“I’m—” He runs a hand through his hair again, clearly frustrated. And you don’t understand why, does he really operate life thinking there aren’t consequences to his actions? If he didn’t want to stop this so bad why’d he tell people about your relationship when you explicitly told him not to? “We can—we can do it in secret like we did this entire time. He doesn’t have to know.”
You sigh, also frankly frustrated. “Beomgyu! Why can’t you just-"
Suddenly you’re in his embrace, engulfing you so gently and yet the desperation in it couldn’t have been any more tighter. “Please, please don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I’ll—I’ll really do everything you want, I’ll be your toy, your pet, whatever shit you’re into—just don’t leave me."
You really shouldn’t give in. You really, really shouldn’t.
But then he nuzzles into your neck, mumbling with that slight whiny drawl in his tone, “I’ll be your good boy, I promise. Won’t misbehave anymore.”
Of course you give in. Again.
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୨୧ note. honestly don’t know where this came from, i was just making up backstory as i was writing. literally only had one thought and one thought only, what if sub!bad boy x dom! good girl? and that was the small attempt made here lol, i love hearing any feedback or even a theory or two concerning the story’s world as i might explore these characters again 🙏
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inkskinned · 3 months
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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
#spilled ink#warm up#can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically#i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason#it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out#we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism#where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell#at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit#but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance#> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally#> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field#> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice#i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)
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