#gaius has a part in that too but it's a whole other story

[reggie-gremlin]

i'm doing a merlin rewatch and christ. i'd forgotten what a manipulative dick kilgharrah is. i knew he sucked sure, but oh how i would love to make that cave collapse on him.

#then there's uther #abusive asshole who could have died in episode 2 and i would have cheered #morgana's wrongs are a result of uther's hatred and abuse. #merlin's wrongs are a result of the dragon's hatred and manipulation #gaius has a part in that too but it's a whole other story #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin #morgana pendragon #uther pendragon hate club #kilgharrah hate club

[moodcrab]

Fixing Skyrim's Main Quest

Part One, Setting

Obviously it's set in Skyrim, but let's tweak it a bit.

Time

First of all, if there's one thing we can all agree on from Skyrim and Fallout 4 it's that Bethesda doesn't know how long 200 years is.

It's a very long time.

For reference, two hundred years back from the time of writing this Mad King George was king of England, it wasn't even the Victorian Era yet. The American Civil War was decades away from starting. The entire industrial AND technological revolutions as well as BOTH World Wars and the collapse of the British AND Ottoman Empires happened in that time, with plenty of room to spare.

It's a VERY long time!

Placing a two hundred year gap between Oblivion and Skyrim was a bad decision considering how very little actually happened. Tamriel should be drastically different, like they should have cars by now.

The major events that did happen, the Rise of the Medes, the Rise of the Thalmor, The Red Year, The Infernal City, The Void Nights, The Great War and White Gold Concordat could easily happen within one lifetime, so we're going to say the events of Skyrim take place in 4E64.

From a writing point of view, this small change makes it a lot easier to keep track of things that were a bit of a mess in vanilla, like the life of Ulfric, or the backstory of Gaius, Karliah and Mercer, which were all over the place if you were actually paying attention. It also means you can talk to people who actually remember these things happening, who were children during the Oblivion Crisis. You could even change Esbern's name to one of the younger Blades members you meet in Oblivion seeing as Esbern has the role of lore depository.

Religion and Culture

The next setting change is to remember this is Skyrim, not Cyrodiil. The Nords don't worship the Nine/Eight. In fact, the only reason the Nine/Eight exists as a pantheon at all because of the Nords stubbornness around the worship of foreign gods.

The Temple of Kynareth is now The Temple of Kyn, and Gildergleam Sanctuary is the home of Kyn's Holy Order. The College of Winterhold is no longer Hogwarts but the Chantry of Jhunal (a 'college' is a place of study, research and academia, not just a school). You might meet The Vigilant of Stuhn on the road, who don't live in a hut but a temple. Instead of a priest of Arkay in the Halls of the Dead we have priests of Orkey. Tsun, a god we actually meet in vanilla but has no shrines or altars, will replace Zenithar. And, most interesting to our story, a cult of both Alduin and Herma Mora - our two villains - gods to be placated rather than worshipped.

This said, the Imperial Cult will definitely have a strong presence in Skyrim and Talos, being an Ysmir, is particularly venerated (as is Ysgramor and Wulfharth). Yes, over the centuries the Imperial Cult and will obviously have spread into Skyrim, we can lean into this with the Civil War, putting a much bigger emphasis on the more "Imperialised" Holds siding with the Empire and the old school Atmoran Holds siding with the Stormcloaks. It never made much sense to me that the "true Nords" were more upset than the Imperials over the whole Talos situation, this change makes it so that while both sides are pissed off, one reacts with frustrating diplomacy and patience while the over reacts with stubborn honour and impulse, a more cultural divide rather than a pro/anti Talos one.

The Imperial position would be to play along with the Thalmor in the open, but to secretly fund and organise cults to other men-turned-gods and Imperial/Nordic hero gods such as Pelinal, Wulfharth, Ysgramor, Reman, Alessia and Martin, as well as the concept of Ysmir (which would actually include Tiber Septim and The Last Dragonborn). They would not openly support nor allow any arrests or persecutions of these cults by Justiciars. The Stormcloak position will remain "Fuck that bitch this is Skyrim."

Geography

This might sound crazy, but Skyrim was too hot.

No I'm kidding, I'm not so in love with the lore that I think a game of endless snow would be anything but boring. But there are some things that were cut out of the land that left Skyrim wanting. For instance there are hardly any settlements. Amber Guard, Granitehall, Nimalten City, Reich Corigate, Lainalten, Oakwood, Pargran Village, Laintar Dale, Dunpar Wall, Dragon Wood, and North Keep are all Skyrim cities that are missing from the game. Like not even abandoned ruins, they're just not there.

I totally understand there are size limitations but this is meant to be a country. It has five town sized cities and three village sized cities. And some villages. And they mostly look like Riverwood. Seriously, what exactly is the difference between Karthwasten, Falkreath, Shor's Stone, Winterhold and Riverwood, all towns from different Holds? It's like if shopping malls were made of wood.

The other thing about the vanilla settlements I didn't like was Bethesda seems to be stuck in Fallout style post apocalyptic design. Solitude has been there for thousands of years but no one has ever thought to shift these boulders from out of the middle of the street? There are ruins in better shape than Windhelm and Markarth? You can sum it up with Whiterun's Western Watchtower, which looks exactly the same after a dragon destroys it. Surely the ravages of civil war and the dragon crisis would have a bigger impact if things weren't already destroyed.

In fact, let's address the Imperial Fort situation. At the start of the game only 3 forts were occupied by actual soldiers, two of which were destroyed in the early game (Helgan and the Western Watchtower). Literally ALL other forts are in ruins and occupied by bandits or other undesirables. Consider that Skyrim is a country that recently took part in the Great War, but is currently dealing with a Civil War. Forts are not easy to build, and are insanely useful for medieval warfare. It truly beggars belief that practically none of them are maintained and fortified until the Player Character decides to get involved. To strain credulity further, many of the war camps you encounter in the wilds are literally in the shadows of major fortifications that have been left to rot. There is even a side quest to reclaim a Nord's fort from bandits, which is also a ruin. Is the implication that the man lives in a ruin? Or is it that in the short time the bandits have been there they've done a century or two of damage? Why would they do that?

Skyrim has a lot of dungeons, and a lot of quests that are basically "clear dungeon", we can't sacrifice some of this boring content for some more towns or forts, with characters, and things to do?

#skyrim #elder scrolls #elder scrolls memes #skyrim memes #elder scrolls morrowind #truestl #elder scrolls oc #oblivion #tes6 #morrowind #the elder scrolls 6 #the elder scolls online #knights of the nine #elder scrolls online #elder scrolls lore #elder scrolls iv #the elder scrolls #skyrim ulfric #tes 5 skyrim #games #gaming #xboxone #pelinal whitestrake #playstation #gaming pc

[seasidesketches]

Items of Faith..... (Spoilers below, obviously)

....was enjoyable to me, but also overall mid. This was the story I was looking forward to the most, and I still liked a lot about it. But here's what I felt like they didn't do correctly:

1-This is supposed to be Chu Yao's event, but this feels like Farewell Fireworks part 2. I completely understand that these stories are supposed to be like a giant, continuous one, but Chu Yao felt like a side character in his own event 😭 he should've gotten more screen time, and the farewell fireworks characters (especially Su Jue, who has already been featured in SEVERAL events) should've gotten less. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but I feel like I'm going to get tired of seeing her soon if this keeps up. Let new espers be the main characters of their own events please!!!

2- Speaking of Chu Yao, I love love LOVE HIM (yall know this way too well already) but this game is really starting to overuse the twist villain formula. Gaius in the new main story, Yalina in Inescapable Fate, that one guy from farewell fireworks, and the editor from Exposé.... along with Chu Yao, they've all been twist/surprise antagonists. And it's getting really old. I immediately knew from act 1, part 1 that Chu Yao was a twist/surprise antagonist. It was predictable af and it made me feel like there was no tension in the story, because I could easily guess what would happen next. Did I hate it? No.....but I felt like they could've given us something much better.

3-Just like Fu Shi's story, this one had an overall underwhelming ending. It was really cool seeing Raven and Chu Yao talk to each other after so many years of being apart and having differences with their ideology, but everything else felt bland. Ikki leaving the shadow decree surprised me (in a good way) but tbh I think I'm only going to remember the raven convo when thinking of the ending of this event. Nothing else really left an impact on me as a reader.

Ok, now for the stuff that I liked:

The 👏art 👏is👏 GORGEOUS! 🗣️

All the art in this game is great, but these in particular really stood out to me! They illustrated Chu Yao so well, and it makes me so happy that we can see him use his powers AND see him in his more vulnerable moments

Another thing I have an appreciation for is the dynamic between Yu Ran, Su Jue, and Yu Xu. I know I mentioned they should've had less screen time, but I'll admit this: the screen time they got was used WELL. They were still fun to watch, and it's really sweet to see them care for each other, especially when Yu Ran got kidnapped.

Overall, this event was ok enough, even if it had very noticeable flaws. Chu Yao 100% carried the whole thing, and I enjoyed seeing him and learning more about him. Anyways, I'm gonna go back to making more Chu Yao fanart too since his birthday's coming up, but after that.....I think it's time I make OC art again and take another Dislyte art break.

And thanks for reading this giant post, I appreciate it ❤️

#Dislyte #dislyte chu yao #chu yao #Dislyte story #dislyte items of faith #seaside brain dump

[den-gamle-kartograf]

I submitted this for a poll but it's too long to just delete and forget about, so please enjoy

The War Crimes of John "Jod" Gaius: A Brief Summary

The Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court (Article 8, Paragraph 2) defines "war crimes" as follows:

(a) Grave breaches of the Geneva Conventions of 12 August 1949, namely, any of the following acts against persons or property protected under the provisions of the relevant Geneva Convention:

(i) Wilful killing (I mean that's kind of Jod's whole thing, what with his divine origin story of killing literally everybody)

(ii) Torture or inhuman treatment, including biological experiments (we could debate this but I'll be generous and give him a pass)

(iii) Wilfully causing great suffering, or serious injury to body or health (it was. a global nuclear war. nuclear wars cause great suffering)

(iv) Extensive destruction and appropriation of property, not justified by military necessity and carried out unlawfully and wantonly (destroying the planet to become God does not count as military necessity; GUILTY)

(v) Compelling a prisoner of war or other protected person to serve in the forces of a hostile Power (do skeletons or memory-wiped resurrected beings count?)

(vi) Wilfully depriving a prisoner of war or other protected person of the rights of fair and regular trial (ok not guilty of this at least)

(vii) Unlawful deportation or transfer or unlawful confinement (reanimated skeletons? resurrected people shipped off to other planets? people resurrected but kept in stasis for 10,000+ years?)

(viii) Taking of hostages (I'll not count this either)

(b) Other serious violations of the laws and customs applicable in international armed conflict, within the established framework of international law, namely, any of the following acts:

(i)Intentionally directing attacks against the civilian population as such or against individual civilians not taking direct part in hostilities (it was a nuclear omnicide, John)

(ii) Intentionally directing attacks against civilian objects, that is, objects which are not military objectives (IT WAS A NUCLEAR OMNICIDE, JOHN)

(iii)Intentionally directing attacks against personnel, installations, material, units or vehicles involved in a humanitarian assistance or peacekeeping mission in accordance with the Charter of the United Nations, as long as they are entitled to the protection given to civilians or civilian objects under the international law of armed conflict (there was probably a peacekeeping operation going on somewhere when he killed LITERALLY EVERYBODY)

(iv) Intentionally launching an attack in the knowledge that such attack will cause incidental loss of life or injury to civilians or damage to civilian objects or widespread, long-term and severe damage to the natural environment which would be clearly excessive in relation to the concrete and direct overall military advantage anticipated (Jod would probably argue that killing literally everyone was both not incidental and not clearly excessive in relation to the concrete and direct overall military advantage anticipated from becoming God but I DON'T CARE JOHN YOU KILLED EVERYONE)

(v) Attacking or bombarding, by whatever means, towns, villages, dwellings or buildings which are undefended and which are not military objectives (NUCLEAR. OMNICIDE.)

(vi) Killing or wounding a combatant who, having laid down his arms or having no longer means of defence, has surrendered at discretion (alright, fine, didn't happen as far as I know)

(vii) Making improper use of a flag of truce, of the flag or of the military insignia and uniform of the enemy or of the United Nations, as well as of the distinctive emblems of the Geneva Conventions, resulting in death or serious personal injury (no)

(viii) The transfer, directly or indirectly, by the Occupying Power of parts of its own civilian population into the territory it occupies, or the deportation or transfer of all or parts of the population of the occupied territory within or outside this territory (would the Rome Statute still be relevant after Earth is destroyed? because there was a ten thousand year war dedicated to doing exactly this)

(ix) Intentionally directing attacks against buildings dedicated to religion, education, art, science or charitable purposes, historic monuments, hospitals and places where the sick and wounded are collected, provided they are not military objectives (I feel like I'm saying "nuclear omnicide" a lot here)

(x) Subjecting persons who are in the power of an adverse party to physical mutilation or to medical or scientific experiments of any kind which are neither justified by the medical, dental or hospital treatment of the person concerned nor carried out in his or her interest, and which cause death to or seriously endanger the health of such person or persons (you know what, fuck it, I'm saying yes he's guilty of doing this to their souls at Canaan House)

(xi) Killing or wounding treacherously individuals belonging to the hostile nation or army (you set off a nuclear weapon in Melbourne with no warning, John)

(xii) Declaring that no quarter will be given (this one is probably an open question given the whole ten-thousand-year-war thing)

(xiii) Destroying or seizing the enemy's property unless such destruction or seizure be imperatively demanded by the necessities of war (filed under "nuclear omnicide")

(xiv) Declaring abolished, suspended or inadmissible in a court of law the rights and actions of the nationals of the hostile party (not textually, as far as I remember)

(xv) Compelling the nationals of the hostile party to take part in the operations of war directed against their own country, even if they were in the belligerent's service before the commencement of the war (he conscripted their skeletons to fight in the skeleton wars so I'm saying yes)

(xvi) Pillaging a town or place, even when taken by assault (I don't think so?)

(xvii) Employing poison or poisoned weapons (I mean. who knows what necromantic horrors he got up to, but it's not in the text)

(xviii)Employing asphyxiating, poisonous or other gases, and all analogous liquids, materials or devices (same)

(xix) Employing bullets which expand or flatten easily in the human body, such as bullets with a hard envelope which does not entirely cover the core or is pierced with incisions (you know what? congratulations, John. you definitely didn't do this specific war crime)

(xx) Employing weapons, projectiles and material and methods of warfare which are of a nature to cause superfluous injury or unnecessary suffering or which are inherently indiscriminate in violation of the international law of armed conflict, provided that such weapons, projectiles and material and methods of warfare are the subject of a comprehensive prohibition and are included in an annex to this Statute, by an amendment in accordance with the relevant provisions set forth in articles 121 and 123 (I have no idea if nuclear weapons are covered by this sort of comprehensive prohibition and I'm already spending too long on this so chalk this one up under "maybe")

(xxi) Committing outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment (I don't think so? unless desecrating corpses by reanimating them to use as soldiers or weapons counts)

(xxii) Committing rape, sexual slavery, enforced prostitution, forced pregnancy, as defined in article 7, paragraph 2 (f), enforced sterilization, or any other form of sexual violence also constituting a grave breach of the Geneva Conventions (thank goodness no)

(xxiii) Utilizing the presence of a civilian or other protected person to render certain points, areas or military forces immune from military operations (probably safe to say he doesn't care enough about civilians to do this)

(xxiv) Intentionally directing attacks against buildings, material, medical units and transport, and personnel using the distinctive emblems of the Geneva Conventions in conformity with international law (no)

(xxv) Intentionally using starvation of civilians as a method of warfare by depriving them of objects indispensable to their survival, including wilfully impeding relief supplies as provided for under the Geneva Conventions (no he just killed them all simultaneously)

(xxvi) Conscripting or enlisting children under the age of fifteen years into the national armed forces or using them to participate actively in hostilities (the Second and Fourth Houses would like to have a word. children as fists! infants as gestures! yuck! pfaugh!)

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth spoilers

[yzeltia]

FFXIVwrite 2023 24. Lionize

Characters: U'rahn Nuhn, Minfilia Warde Expansion: A Realm Reborn Rating: T Notes: Please don't hurt me. Prompt provided by @autumnslance

“Yahooooooo! Minfilia! Hey Hey! Let’s go out forrr a walk!”

U’rahn pushed through the doors of the Solar, ears perking as he watched the Atecendent become startled and fall off her chair as she tried to hang Tupsimati. Dashing forward, he slid under her and managed to catch her in his arms, chuckling a little as he gave her a grin.

“Thank you, Rahn. Though perhaps a knock before entering might do better for my nerves in the future,” she breathed out, moving to stand up from his arms.

“Sorry,” the adventurer apologized, folding his ears apologetically before getting a gentle pat between them, instantly flitting the back up, “Hey Hey! I can get the old man’s cane up there for you!”

“That would be most appreciated,” Minfilia hummed, handing the pieces back over to U’rahn.

The Miqo’te hopped up onto the chair once more, placing the pieces securely into the old frame, tail swishing about. Once sure it wouldn’t easily be loosed from its setting, he hopped down then clapped his hands together as he looked up at his work and did a little nod. Behind him Minfilia laced her boots then smiled.

“Did you ever meet Louisoix,” the Antecedent asked.

U’rahn closed his eyes, ears twitching a moment as he thought about it.

“I think so. Everything is still kind of fuzzy even without gramps’ spell…I guess I called him that? It sounds familiar. He was with mom when she returned to help take care of Titan and Levithan. Said a bunch of big words and patted my head and told me to grow big and strong. The usual stuff you say to kids. I didn’t really understand much other than my folks had to go fight the primals to keep everyone safe.”

“I see. I suppose you are not too much older than the twins are you?” “Oi Oi! Old enough that it matters! I’m no Mi’kitten. I’m a Nuhn!”

“Yes yes, so you’ve said,” the woman laughed, heading out of the Solar with the Miqo’te to head out onto the streets.

Together, the two wandered up the large hill of Revenant’s Toll, U’rahn walking with his hands behind his head while Minfilia waved to passerybys. As they found themselves in the Diamond Forge, a hoard of Doman children descended upon them, quick to jump all over U’rahn trying to see if he truly was as strong and indestructible as the legends hand come to say. The Antecedent put her hand to her lips, giggling softly as the Miqo’te was overcome then hopped up with a roar. The children screamed and scattered, though soon returned to gather around them to demand stories of their heroics. U’rahn of course was quick to indulge.

Minfilia watched as the young hero acted out his fight with Gaius, surprised he made sure to act out Violet and Jannie’s efforts alongside him in equal strides. As he mimed the final blows, the children were called away, only one stopping to have him sign a little Miqo’te shaped doll crudely designed to look a bit like U’rahn. He beamed then signed his initials on the doll’s belly before handing it back to the very excited Doman.

“It seems the mantle of hero has come to suit you well. I’m surprised. I had thought you to be a bit of a braggart but you really do value your friends.”

U’rahn folded his ears back, “Braggart? A Nuhn never takes credit for what is achieved by the tribe as a whole. I’d have been pancaked by Ultima if it were not for my sisters-in-light. I mean, I know my Echo protects my body for the most part, but all that magic…there’s no way I could have fought alone. And fighting Lahbreha, if Violet and Jannie weren’t there to keep my head level I’d have had a hard time beating up Big Bro Thancred too.”

Minfilia smiled as U’rahn nodded assuredly at himself as he crossed his arms. Whether he acknowledged it or not, she saw the maturity that had come from stopping the calamity. He was certainly not L’loamo’s little boy anymore. More and more he was becoming a fine young man, perhaps closer to obtaining the vision he had for himself with his boasted self-bestowed title.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t beat him up more than necessary.”

U’rahn froze up then lowered his ears, tail drooping behind him. “Yeah…Sorry about that.”

“It is in the past. He is back on his feet and up to his usual antics again. Pray, do not worry yourself about what has passed.”

The Miqo’te turned, getting on one knee before the Antecedent and taking her hands in his, “Big Bro Thancred doesn’t mean anything by all that you know! He’s just a charmer. There’s only one person in his heart.”

Minfilia flushed deeply, pulling her hand free as she looked about, U’rahn making a bit of a scene with his gesture. She gestured for him to stand, head shaking as she led them around the corner and out of the populated space. The Hyur sighed heavily then put her hands on her hips as U’rahn lowered his head apologetically.

“Rahn, I am sure you mean well…but if Thancred has someone in his heart, then it would be best to leave him to come forth with his feelings on his own. Not make a spectacle out of them without his knowing.”

“Yeah Yeah. But…I just want Big Bro and you to be happy. Urianger and Moen too! If someone doesn’t say somethin’ you might miss your chances! Someone else could swoop in and charm one of you. And then what? Someone would be left hurt,” he sighed, wrapping his tail around his leg.

“If it is meant to be, then I am sure someone will eventually speak their heart,” Minfilia assured him, face still a bit red.

“Yeah, but if it’s Urianger I dunno if anyone will understand him.”

The woman let out a laugh as U’rahn watched, grinning at himself soon after. Finding a bench, the two sat down and watched the aetheryte below, adventurers and traders blipping in and out. After a moment, Minfilia broke the silence.

“You are rather preoccupied with love lately. Is there someone you fancy?”

U’rahn blushed a little and cleared his throat, tail swishing out behind him.

“I wanna be like my old man. Before I go fulfill my duty, I’m gonna have a great love like he did with my mom. The huntresses are great and all…but that between them and a Nuhn is a different kind of love than having someone special. I think, when you’re with that special someone, it’s supposed to feel kinda like magick. And you can see it with others…I kinda see it with you and Big Bro…and Moen and Urianger too. Maybe one day I’ll have that with Shtola as well…I’m sure she’ll feel it…maybe.”

The Nuhn closed his eyes and smiled, turning his face up toward the sun. Minfilia looked to him, for a brief moment seeing his mother in him. The Antecedent touched her heart, remembering L’lolamo having said something similar to her when she was a girl. 

“How do you know when you’re in love? Well, it feels kinda like magick.”

She sat for a little while, thinking about sitting with the Warrior of Light talking about the conflicting feelings in her heart over Thancred who she’d seen as a brother up until that point and how they twisted her up inside. Feelings she’d still hadn’t sorted out some five years later. 

“Well, if it is magick like you said…perhaps we should both make an effort to be more honest with our feelings. Why don’t you tell Y’shtola how you feel first? Perhaps one of the four of us will work up the courage by example.”

U’rahn’s face burned with embarrassment, “Tell…Shtola? N-No no. I couldn’t. I still have just a little more growing up to do. We’rrre both still young!”

Minfilia leaned back, staring at the Miqo’te in confusion.

“U’rahn, how old do you think Y’shtola is exactly?”

“She said twenty–three.”

The woman grit her teeth, withholding a laugh the best she could less she have to correct him and earn the lady Archon’s ire. Shaking her head, she let out a content sigh then looked up.

“Well then, I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time too to figure out what is in our hearts. With you rooting for us, I’m sure one day we might find our ways to one another.”

#final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #final fantasy 14 #ff14 #ffxiv oc #ffxiv miqo'te #ff xiv #u'rahn nuhn #minfilia warde #ffxivwrite2023 #ffxiv write #ffxiv write 2023

[ilikedyourablogithere]

My Dislyte Favorite 2022 Awards

I liked alot of stuff so this will be a while

Favorite Character Award: Falken

He looks like a batman villain/ kakashi/ Iori yagami and a Yugioh character mixed into one intimadating look guy but in actuality...he’s just a bit awkward and get misunderstood from time to time but he’s good people.

His story of having to rely on himself to support his family regardless of what was thrown at him is very admirable and you can’t help but want to root for him but then he meet Sander and finally made a friend and he learns to rely on others instead of doing everything himself and then wants to go out and do the same for others. And even though he has lost his friend it didn’t stop him from forging his own sense of justice and continues to move forward. He is a very interesting character to me and I look forward to whatever happens to him

Also he has laser beams, revenge energy stealing eye powers and he can turn into and summon a falcon! how cool is that

Best Boy Award: Lewis

I’ve always been a fan of boxer characters if a game has one I gotta use ‘em and Lewis is no exception. But what really hooked me on him is his wanting to do right by the people in his life. Even when his sister left to go the bad guys side he isn’t trying to drag her back by force or anything, he’s just being a big brother and showing her a good example (whether she’s paying attention is a whole different issue). He got good friends around him like Bardon, Tang Xuan and Li Ling as well as a pretty good mentor in Gaius looking out for him. All and all I think he’s doing just great

My favorite part was that little trivia about how he’s secretly trying to improve his penmanship. Just one of those tiny things that just make gravitate to certain characters.

Best Girl Award: Laura

She’s so dang nice and she just to help people. A bit basic? Not at all. It’s actually super hard to be nice. Like she first went to go be a doctor so she could help people but even after she became a surgeon when she got her superpowers she then went on to join the Esper Union. It’s like lady you’re a doctor you’re saving lives you’re doing good and Laura said “NO! I can be even more nice“ then goes on to save even more people

Like she just adopts a random kid she barely knows anything about. Like people don’t just do that. Being nice isn’t a basic thing at all. And all that nice and kindess she puts just gets to you and make you feel all warm inside and ... how can you not like her?

[NO BEST WAIFU OR HUSBANDO FOR 2022]

[NO BEST SHIP FOR 2022]

for whatever percent of y’all that were wondering about that. I dunno nothing really stuck. maybe next year

Best Anthro Award: Daylon

Should come as no surprise seeing how Sobek was one of my top picks from mythos that I wanted in the game and ever since he arrived I’ve been very satisfied

He’s actually a very chill guy. Nothing too grand or far out there. He’s just a guy, sure he may scare off someone from time to time with the whole crocodile “situation” but that’s not gonna stop him from living his life and helping out where he can as earnestly as he can

Best Monstergirl Award: Melanie

For as overused as the medusa, gorgon, snakes for hair gag is Melanie make it entertaining. Not a dull moment when it comes to her

Her complete unamusement of Fabrice (unless sleep depraved from binge reading shojo mangas) her not taking any nonsense from Leon, Ren Si or Biondina. Her big sister vibes with Li Guang and of course her goofy side she get to show off when she’s around her best friend Celine and she doesn’t have to be the responsible one for a bit.

She’s always just amusing where ever she shows up in the story (obviously someone’s favorite on the game’s team) and I look forward to more of her

Best Mythology Award: Egyptian

While all the character designs in the game are stellar  it’s the Egyptian mythos that stood out the most for me. Whenever a new one dropped they’re decked out in gold and jewelry. Not shy on giving furries some love. The colors from Kaylee being the color of the desert sand to Tiye the night sky. And of course the diversity of blackness. Can not stress enough how nice it is to not be this small corner of the fanbase that just gets brushed over and ignored all the time where we get like 3 and then a bunch of racially ambiguous ones who people will always fight you over because the idea of someone being black just have to be fought back against and it is nice to not have to do that for once...it is very nice

But ya I’ve been loving what I’ve been seeing and hope to love whatever comes next

Best Element Award: Inferno

I like ‘em hot and spicy and this element never disappoint. They can be Fighter Defender Controller Healer you give an inferno unit any role and you’ll never hear anyone thinking it is a bad idea. Flame on!

Best Boss Award: Fafnir

The icy lady is always a fun one to go up against. Whether I’m autoing her or playing the game myself I’m always on edge. All it takes is one move, one resist check and you can be collecting your relics with pride or have your team completely wipe out.

Not to mention her boss theme is a great one

Best Billboard Event Award: Bloody Hunt

Out of all the ones we had this is the one always feel relevant because so many things that were established start getting their pay off. Like various bounties bios and small one off topics that were casually brought up that you didn’t even give that much of a thought somehow end up being actual points of importance in the event. And most importantly of all...Bloody Hunt didn’t “end“ like nothing was really resolved and it feels like something that will come back to at some point in the story

Also dat trailer for it

oh so cool

Best Side Event Award: Origami Love

While I can’t say Ophelia is one of my top faves in the game she did bring along Esper Feud. And like no question my favorite side event

I had so much fun racking my brain figuring out how to beat challenges

Also the story was pretty enjoyable

Best Boss Theme Award: The Dark Star Lord

ho boy did they go that extra mile with this track. Even if you’re not good at this boss fight you still end up feeling good cause you get to here this great beat

and THEN the transition into another rendition of Enter Your Mind seriously how many versions did people submit of this one song ? not that I’M complain of course. My ears love it

Best DJ Contest Track Award : Refuge

Sorry wise there wasn’t much meat on that bone

But that song sure did make up for it. Had that on repeat nonstop for the longest

Best Character Theme Song Award: Reine des Roses

Like I love all the characters themes but I say Abigail’s edges out for that fun factor in it for me

Best Song Sung by the in game Characters: Soul Mate sung by Ahmed

Kinda the only one in this category for now but I still wanted to say it cause it IS a great song

ANYWAYS That’s that

Think I covered all my dislyte faves for 2022 and most certainly can’t wait for what dislyte does next

but for now

HAPPY NEW YEARS CHAMP

let’s make the best of it. stay safe out there

#dislyte

[tfseeds]

Random TF brainworms

Other TF prompts that have been rattling around in my brain the past year(s), mostly franchise-based:

Slime Rancher 2 - With all the weird future/alien mystery science going on, it's prime free TF-estate. And c'mon, there is NO way Viktor Humphries wouldn't have a way to splice slime DNA for science. A cotton slime-ified Gaius would be so stinking cute.

Speaking of slimes, I was definitely on a slime kick -

Stardew Valley - Basically, story involving getting caught on the wrong end of the witch's temper while cave-delving, and getting a good old fashioned slow-burn curse transforming poor farmer Gaius into a slime. Also plays into my favorite trope of trying to keep the changes hidden - as patches of blue ooze-y spots form around his mid section, he tries to wrap them with cloth to keep it from saturating into his shirt. Plastic wrap is also attempted. Too much clothing is worn during the summer. Hats to cover hair that's more like a jello mold. Close friends who discover the secret using a wheelbarrow to haul the poor unconscious slime-guy home before he puddles all over the Halloween party. Figuring out how to maintain a solid enough form to wear clothes, use tools, etc.

BIG OL FFXIV SHADOWBRINGERS/ENDWALKER SPOILERS BEYOND HERE

FFXIV - Aaaaa there's so much I want to draw and design properly.

The whole light corruption/lightwarden arc of Shadowbringers was absolutely my jam, complete with soul-cracking strain and coughing up light gunk. I'm still not satisfied with my first take on Gaius's lightwarden form. The rough mental concepts: Large and bulky, like Zinogre from MHW. Maybe a semi-quadriped. Hooves on the rear feet. Wings for sure, white mane, gold horns. Blend bull and lion and other creatures.

The thing is I really want to bring a lasting physical representation of the corruption to Gaius's current form. I'm struggling with how to do that. Lots of other WoLs changed their hair white after the events of ShB, but that doesn't fit Gaius. I've been playing with the idea of a glowing scar of some sort, like markings on his neck or maybe chest that he keeps covered. I love using the bandana in his regular fashions and could be a fun way to tie it into his lore.

Throwing in my hella-old Zinogre doodles because I want to capture some of that mid-way feature goodness with Gaius's light corruption.

The whole journey of Shadowbringers is such prime real estate for transformation trauma - budding horns, patches of skin/fur bleaching out, those random soul-crunching episodes as a little more light escapes and furthers the process... All the while having to keep moving forward, despite the quest literally eating him. The other fun part with going sineater is the invisible changes, like a growing craving for aether, and losing the clarity of other senses like physical touch and taste. Gaius's character has always been a boisterous lover of food with a bottomless appetite. It's part of his love language - he makes sure his friends are well fed with snacks and home-made meals. This is something Minfilia/Ryne gets to experience intensely as he does his best to make sure the young girl is well nourished through their travels, and as a way to include her in the family.

There is a whole comic I will probably never get around to drawing, highlighting group meals along their journey - Gaius sharing his travel snacks in Il Mheg, getting her to join them for drinks and a big meal in the Crystarium, forcing a second helping of stew on her in Rak'tika with Runar. But then it comes to a small camp in the Tempest as the Scions overlook the skyline of Amaurot, one last rest before they venture into the final leg of their journey. Ryne is the one who brings a bowl of soup to Gaius, who is sitting apart from the others. The man is already showing extreme lightwarden features which have been spreading since the episode on Mt. Gulg. "I brought you some soup. To keep your strength up," she offers. He turns his one still-blue eye to her and smiles sadly. "Thanks, but I'm not hungry." He wishes he was. He wishes he could still taste anything. He wishes food didn't sit like a rock in his stomach. The look of grief and pity on Ryne's face is obvious.

Just, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. *rolls around in traumatizing-OCs-for-fun brainworms*

I want to tie the whole light corruption in with Gaius's struggle with his Inner Release beast - probably the best and terrible example I could give of what's in my brain is like how Naruto has the fox spirit sealed inside him. Inner Release is a whole other monster or side of Gaius that he harnesses for power, but not without risk of losing himself to it. Like something during the post-ARR banquet breaks it and that's why he takes up Samurai during HW, as a way to learn to control himself with discipline, meditation, and patience. The whole lightwarden thing either corrupts or fuses with his inner release, and maybe he still manifests some features while he's berserking, like vestigial horns and spikes. IDK, still playing around with that. I do think he keeps his hair longer to cover the small gold horns left over from his light corruption, along with whatever other scarring I settle on. Trying to distance himself from the 'beast' is a big long part of Gaius's struggle through FFXIV.

AND AND. I THINK ZENOS GOT TO FIGHT FULL-ON LIGHT INNER RELEASE BEAST GAIUS AT THE VERY END. Where Gaius finally let's himself fully sink into the pit and embrace everything he's kept buried away, that even he is too afraid to acknowledge. Accepting Zenos also includes accepting the entirety of himself, beast and all. Fray would be proud.

#More screaming into the void when I should be working

[weakforarwen]

More fic recs! I have to share them before I forget what I read. Arwen fics are usually so short that I can read many of them in half an hour...

A Time of Joy by Nebula5030: This is a baby fic, but it's very cute! It has Gwen and Merlin plotting together, an oblivious and stressed out father-to-be Arthur, Arwen (they're very cute but honestly not super prominent), uncle Elyan!, and the other Knights as well. It's very well-written, with great characterization.

say it first by sadpendragon: I don't read a lot of modern day Arwen fics but I liked this one. Gwen was a bit OOC (on purpose, I believe), but modern day Gwen would probably be like this Gwen anyway. I liked that Arthur was aware of how shitty Uther was and chose to free himself from his father's influence.

The Rising Sun by AliveandMel: Another modern day fic. As it often seems to be the case, Arthur's characterization was better and more accurate than Gwen's imo. I think fic Gwen is usually more aloof and assertive than real Gwen, specifically in her relationship with Arthur. But the story's very sweet from Arthur's pov.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place by 1917farmgirl: Gwen isn't even in this story though her and Arthur are mentioned in the beginning. It's kind of a dark fic and it's just Merthur (platonic). I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it was interesting, engaging, and well-written.

What the Heart Wants by 1917farmgirl: By the same author, baby fic, interesting to read, well-written, Merthur-centric, again not sure how I feel about Merlin's characterization, Gwen appears in the beginning, I liked Gwen, Arthur, and Arwen's characterizations.

Please Believe That I Speak True by Moonflower999: I branched out with this one. There's only a trace amount of post-5.09 Arwen (but it was very much appreciated), a good scene between Gaius and Merlin (spot-on characterization) - the rest was Merlin and Mordred. I liked that Merlin was a bit angry Arthur forgot about him after Gwen was freed from Morgana, and that he felt torn between just being happy that he helped his friends and wishing for acknowledgement of some kind - and also torn between wanting to trust Mordred and thinking he shouldn't. I think Mordred's characterization was pretty good and I liked that he was given a chance to change his fate; I liked that Merlin decided to trust Mordred. Honestly, Mordred and Merlin had many similarities and an interesting dynamic that the show did very little with (some of the most interesting parts of season 5 were Mordred, Mordred and Merlin, and Mordred and Morgana - but, unsurprisingly, the writers fucked it up). Merlin and Mordred had good chemistry, some good scenes together, and Mordred clearly admired Merlin a lot, so it wasn't a stretch to imagine he could've felt more for him. The romance in this fic happened a bit too abruptly but it was very well-done, in a way that felt truthful to both Merlin and Mordred. I enjoyed this fic a lot. It was one of the best and most memorable Merlin (the series) fics I've read so far. I wouldn't mind reading more fics like this. I don't care for Merthur-centric fics, but maybe fics with Merlin and Mordred, Gwaine, or Lancelot could be interesting.

The Queen and the Frog by writerwriting: This was the craziest yet most brilliant fic I never expected to read, my second favorite after the previous one. It's crack but so well-done and thought-out it could almost be canon. I loved Merlin's characterization, loved the humor and genius of the plot, loved Gwen's characterization though it was crack in many places, loved Gaius's characterization, loved Gwen and Merlin's friendship, loved the more serious ending and how the writer chose to make a statement that wrapped things up so beautifully and made the whole fic feel even more like it should've been canon.

Naming Contest by silence_since_silence: Super short but cute and sweet. Just read it. It'll only take a second.

A Golden End by tailysnaily: Uncle Merlin... that's it. I don't know how I ended up reading so many Arwen baby fics, but, yeah, this was cute and super short.

Please by BlackMamba: Just well-written Arwen smut, that's all.

There's a lot more Merlin than Arwen on these fics, but I still enjoyed them and wanted to rec them. I think my recs are pretty diverse this time so there's probably something in here for everyone. Maybe the Mordred/Merlin fic isn't for everyone, but please read The Queen and the Frog at least!, and A Time of Joy.

Dunno if these fics are massively popular and everyone's already read them, but I'm sure I'm not the only newbie to Merlin.

#bbc merlin #merlin #bbc arwen #arwen #arthur pendragon #gwen pendragon #guinevere pendragon #mordred #fic rec #recs

[blood-bound]

what's mark's relationship with his sire like?

holy shit. another question about my oc AND i got to dump his story to another new mutual today... im being spoiled. now for ur question. another long text dump below.

Context needed: its 2000, so before the fall of Vienna, thus Tremere can be (and almost always are) bound to their sire and the seven.

In addition, in our game, we modified blood bonds a lil from how they are in v5. So instead of there being like, 3 levels to it, its basically a whole range - many different levels of being bound, generally scored 1-10. I enjoy it a lot it adds drama and such.

Context needed: its 2000, so before the fall of Vienna, thus Tremere can be (and almost always are) bound to their sire and the seven.

In addition, in our game, we modified blood bonds a lil from how they are in v5. So instead of there being like, 3 levels to it, its basically a whole range - many different levels of being bound, generally scored 1-10. I enjoy it a lot it adds drama and such.

Mark's sire is named Julius.

How does Mark feel about him? Awe; adoration; and fear.

Julius essentially hand-picked him to be turned, having folks spy on him for a few years. I assume OOC that Julius spied on others too and selected one based on that. Regardless, he was embraced for a Reason, and that reason is to help Julius's plans.

Julius requires weekly reports from Mark, as well as various other tasks. They meet in person once a month so that Mark can drink his blood. He was initially bound at level 7 or 8, but it has been lowered to 7 or 6 because Julius said he did well and has proven he can have more autonomy. (I don't know the exact level).

Julius has demonstrated the ability to see what Mark is seeing at any time (a high level Auspex ability) and has spoken to him telepathically often. Also just straight up mind reading when in the same room. Mark does not get privacy when it comes to Julius.

Now this is of course fucking horrifying, but Mark doesn't feel that way - because he can't. He's heavily blood bound. He desperately wants to please Julius. That's not to say there is no fear there, he does worry about what happens if he displeases him, is concerned for the safety of himself, and Sampson, but its just not to the extent that a rational person would be.

As stated before, the best word to describe Mark's feelings towards Julius would be awe. He feels truly thankful for all of the help Julius has given him. He feels honored to have been chosen, in a way. Were he not blood bound, Mark would just be terrified.

Recently, Sampson got Mark to realize that rationally, the only reason he has to follow Julius is out of fear, and that he may be evil. It is the first step to wanting to actually get out of the blood bond. Thanks Sampson! HOPEFULLY JULIUS DOESNT GET WORD THAT YOURE DOING THIS. what could go wrong.

Julius himself is over a thousand years old. He was around when the Tremere became the Tremere Clan instead of house Tremere. He is Lord of the state of Michigan and a few others which I forget right now, so he is really high ranking in the Tremere. (Mark isn't of a low generation because Julius artificially lowered it to 11).

Julius does not show himself in person much. The Reagent of the Detroit chantry, and Tremere Primogen in Detroit, Gaius, has... how you say.... Long Standing Beef with Julius. Because Julius made him murder his own son many centuries ago. And he is also the childe of Julius - so technically Mark's blood brother! (He is NOT brotherly though, lmao). But... yeah. Gaius has eternal hatred for Julius. That is part of why Mark is spying :)

Julius sees Mark as a useful tool, who has for now been loyal and effective. He has other childer, Mark is just in a strategic location and so sometimes gets extra attention. Mark knows Julius does not care for Sampson or humans in general; in an early conversation Julius said Mark could have "many Sammys" if he wanted. So I don't think he... understands human relationships anymore. Lmao.

There are only a few things Mark has hid from Julius... one of which is a changeling contract he's stuck in, which is a tale all its own.

#<3 <3 < #IM SO SPOILED TODAY T_T THANK U #i hope this is coherent

[miqolena]

Endwalker Retrospective

There's a question going around on twitter about what was the most memorable part of Endwalker for you. My thoughts are too scattered and numerous for twitter so I decided to reflect on what I remember of the whole of 6.0.

When I was writing my diary I mostly focused on recording things for writing purposes - I was very fanfic oriented and experiencing the expansion at the beginning in that sort of mindset, though that fell away as I got deeper in. On the first day I woke up at 5am to get into the 1.6k queue, got the 2002 error once, and got in first try after that. This would define my days for weeks to come. I would get up at 5-ish am and log in and never log off if I could help it, for fear that I would get kicked and have to deal with the login queue. While I was going through the plot this was easy to maintain because I was active, but afterwards I couldn't take naps over 15 minutes because of the inactivity timer. And I ran myself ragged staying up late and getting up early over the course of probably a week and then, to a lesser extent, a month-ish.

That sleep deprivation probably ended up defining a lot of how I experienced Endwalker. My stress about the game's plot and my drive to be in the game as soon as possible and stay on as long as possible made me something halfway towards physically ill. By the third day I was running on empty, and I wept dramatically at the scene with Moenbryda's parents and pretty much everything that followed. I remember during the final fight I was fighting back tears until "Our song of hope, she dances on the wind, higher, oh higher" kicked my teeth out.

As for my thoughts on the areas/their plots as a whole, pulled from memory and my Endwalker diary:

Sharlayan

I thought Sharlayan was beautiful, and I liked the tension between the Forum and the Scions. I highlighted the flower scene in my diary, but I was so tired I don't remember what I was feeling about it, really. I felt concern for Krile.

Each return to Sharlayan felt like coming back to more tension, but it was the kind of tension I knew would resolve in Lena's favor, so that wasn't anything that concerned me overmuch. It was the rest of the plot, the other areas, that I was worried with.

Thavnair

I liked all of the characters in Thavnair, especially Nidhana. The Final Days coming there was very stressful, and I remember crying or nearly crying at the scene with Matsya and the baby. I've had some time to let the areas become dull to me in the sense that I see them for gameplay and move through them with that purpose, so Thavnair is a little less colorful now, but despite that I still really enjoy the inspiration they drew from real world cultures.

I loved Vrtra. I wanted more of him. Which is good for me in 6.1+.

I had no particularly strong feelings for Ahewann, and I recognize that it would take a lot of effort and money to animate each class (and each future class) responding to a threat via combat in a cutscene, so I wasn't very moved about him dying in that scene where Lena clearly could have done something but didn't.

Garlemald

I screamed so hard when Gaius showed up and was perfectly fine with him keeping back from Garlemald because this meant I didn't have to try writing him and those inevitable conflicts. His reasons made sense and it was fine.

My opinion on the section as a whole was mixed and over time has shifted to a different kind of mixed. I loved the darkness and despair of the Garlemald plot - it weighed on me so heavily in a way that many stories don't. In From the Cold was not so traumatizing for me as it was for my friends, but I still was shocked and scared, and it was traumatizing for Lena.

Learning later that they had in some ways wanted to do an entire expansion wrapping up Garlemald, and hearing people allege over and over again that they cut Garlemald time for Loporrit time, adds some insult to the injury of the depths they couldn't reach, the story that wasn't told, and what was told too quickly. Sometimes it feels like I'm being pushed into being mad about Garlemald, and overall I liked the initial segment a lot, so I'm inclined to dig in my heels a bit despite people I respect making really good points. Oh well. Mixed feelings forever, I guess.

Moon

The Zodiark switchup got me, hook line sinker. I had totally thought he or Hydaelyn would be the final boss.

I understand and appreciate the comedic relief that the Loporrit section, but I spent the entire time screaming internally about having restarted the Final Days, guys we need to go back to the star NOW, what are we DOING, this is STUPID-

Elpis

I will admit, when he showed up, the Emet shipper in me lifted its head like an old dog next to a fire hearing footsteps coming in from the front door. It was exciting to run around with him and Hythlodaeus and later Venat. But that part of me had been wrapped up and tied off with a bow, and I don't have shippy feelings about Emet anymore, so it was in some ways hard to get into this part. Also by then I was starting to really feel the sleep deprivation, which dulls my feelings and perception of things.

I initially thought "evil aliens" for Meteion's freakout, and I don't remember how I felt about the reveal. Today I'm like... it's okay I guess? I like it well enough. No strong feelings.

I have no strong feelings on Hermes either. I think he's fine. A bit of an idiot, maybe. He holds absolutely no interest to me as a character even if you slap the ol' depression label on him, because I have already progressed through a lot of journey with mental health and I have no desire to engage with stories of characters who are struggling with theirs.

Ultima Thule

I knew none of the Scions would die at this part. They would be returned to Lena at the end of all this, somehow, and this was only confirmed for me when Y'shtola was like "lol use the Azem crystal thing". Still, their sacrifices were emotionally impactful - but I was REALLY feeling the sleep deprivation by then, I was completely emotionally wrecked. The slightest thing was making me cry. I shuffled through each event like a zombie.

Like I said, the final battle had me sobbing.

Conclusion

Next time I will get more sleep, queue be damned. And I will take better notes in my expansion diary.

#ffxiv #lena thoughts #endwalker spoilers

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

The Hell he’s been through;

The Knights have no clue of the suffering Merlin has endured… until one day, they do.

TW: Scars, panic attacks, nightmares, PTSD except they don’t have a word for that, non-graphic description of scars/injuries

Part 2(final part)

It was the height of summer, the bright blue sky was utterly free of clouds and the noon sun beat viciously down onto the training field.

Only the central six knights, their King, and Merlin braved the exhausting heat, the other knights had chosen to train later in the day, when it was cooler, so the field was empty of anyone else. Merlin was sat cross-legged in the shade of a tree, jacket and neckerchief removed (not that Arth- anyone noticed. Definitely not.), though his sleeves were still pulled low over his wrists and his tunic was fastened high up his neck. Despite that, the lack of an extra layer definitely displayed Merlin’s surprisingly broad shoulders more than normal (another thing that Ar-no one noticed). 

The knights were shirtless, despite Merlin’s warning of sunburn, sparring semi-playfully with wooden dummy swords, the type squires train with, and no armour.

Merlin rubs absent-mindedly at the dull, almost gone ache in his ribs, just below his armpit, as he rolls his shoulder. The injury, if it could even be called that, had never been serious and hadn’t even hurt that much when he’d gotten it on the last patrol (a stray mace swing from a bandit just clipped him), at least, not compared to other injuries he’s sustained over the years, but it was an annoyance that made his shoulder stiff on occasion.

Unfortunately, the movement caught Arthur’s eye, and the King frowns, stopping his observation of Elyan and Mordred’s spar to lay a crudely hidden concerned gaze upon his manservant. 

He’d fussed endlessly when he found that Merlin had bandaged his own torso after the fight, demanding that he let someone help next time; Merlin just rolled his eyes at that. The other knights had wisely chosen not to comment, knowing that the attack, and Merlin’s subsequent injury, had already put Arthur in a bad enough mood; though admittedly, the only thing stopping Gwaine from ruthlessly taking the piss out of Arthur’s mother-hen tendencies all the way home was Percival harshly clamping a hand over his mouth and pushing him away.

Merlin looks up to see Arthur staring at him, and the King quickly covers his concern with a look of annoyance when the manservant raises an eyebrow:

“If you’re not going to do anything useful Merlin, get up here, you clearly can’t be trusted to even cower effectively, so you’re going to have to learn to defend yourself.”

Merlin’s eyebrow just rises higher as the rest of the knights’ attention is drawn to the conversation. Lancelot and Mordred hide knowing smiles, well aware than Merlin was more than capable of defending himself, if he really needed to. Gwaine went to open his mouth with teasing grin, though quickly pouts when Percival punches him on the shoulder, and Leon and Elyan smirk at each other before moving their amused gazes to Arthur.

When Merlin doesn’t move, just stares at him disbelievingly, Arthur rolls his eyes and gestures at the half-empty rack of wooden swords:

“Come on, Merlin, up on your feet, grab a sword.”

Merlin just snorts in amusement and shakes his head, settling back against the tree trunk even more:

“Absolutely not. I can handle myself just fine, thank you very much.”

The knights (bar Lancelot and Mordred of course) raise their own eyebrows. Gwaine snorts out loud, stepping up next to Arthur and dropping an overly-friendly hand on his shoulder, much to The King’s displeasure:

“I know you can hold your own in a tavern brawl Merls, but that’s not the same thing as facing bandits and assassins and shit. Princess is right, it might be worth it for you to at least know how to use a sword.”

Arthur turns an accusing gaze on Gwaine, shrugging his hand off as he says:

“And I presume all the tavern brawls Merlin has apparently been getting into are your fault?”

Gwaine grimaces slightly before shrugging with a smirk, and Merlin hides his laughter with a cough before inserting:

“Entirely his fault. Gwaine starts the fights, promptly passes out, and I have to finish them.”

Arthur laughs incredulously; Mordred has to hide the angry clench of his jaw and Lancelot has to hide his sorrow when Arthur replies in a taunting tone:

“I’m meant to believe that you are regularly winning Gwaine’s unfinished fights, am I?”

Merlin shrugs in mock defeat, a grin on his face:

“Believe what you want, Sire, I’ve faced worse than you lot and come out singing, I don’t need training.”

Arthur resists the urge to smirk at the appealing way Merlin manages to make his title sound insulting, and he instead raises his eyebrows:

“You’re not getting out of this, Merlin. I can’t have you bruising yourself every time we leave the city.”

Merlin takes in a deep breath, settling a disconcertingly assessing gaze on The King for a few moments before he sighs and stands up, walking towards the equipment and picking up a sword before turning back to Arthur:

“I suppose you’re right, I doubt any of the other servants would be willing to put up with you if I got too injured. Who would you like me to spar, My Lord?”

Arthur scoffs and shakes his head as the others step back, looking upon the whole scene with fond amusement, bar, once again, Lancelot and Mordred, who are looking an odd mix between concerned and proud. They know that Merlin is capable of more than he lets on, even with a wooden blade.

“You can’t spar with any of us, Merlin, that would be far too dangerous. We’ll start with some basic moves, and then maybe we can move on to a slow, choreographed spar.”

Merlin twirls the sword expertly in his hand, and he’s vaguely away of Gwaine nodding approvingly and Leon raising an eyebrow out the corner of his eye, though he pays them no mind, raising an eyebrow of his own at Arthur:

“Surely starting with a simple spar will tell you my exact skill levels so you can tailor the lessons? You need to know how crap I am before we start.”

Lancelot hides a snort behind a hand, knowing full well that Merlin is just trying to goad Arthur into letting the servant show off his skills without too much effort beforehand. Or without giving Arthur the satisfaction of thinking that he was the one who taught Merlin how to fight. Thankfully, Arthur takes Lance’s snort as a teasing one aimed at Merlin, as opposed to what it really is, so waves him into the ring with a smirk.

Merlin just rolls his eyes, moving to stand opposite his best friend and muttering, just loud enough for everyone to hear:

“Fine, but I’m not taking my shirt off, I’m not as arrogant as you lot.”

Lancelot widens his eyes as Arthur freezes, dread growing in his stomach at the knowledge that The King would take that as a challenge. Arthur turns slowly, a shit-eating grin on his face, and Lancelot grimaces as Arthur claps his hands together:

“Right! I wasn’t going to mention it, but you do have a point, Merlin, if you are to train, you must train as one of us. Come on, tunic off.”

Elyan, Percival, and Gwaine just laugh, but Leon rolls his eyes exasperatedly, and Mordred and Lancelot frown in concern. Neither of them have seen Merlin’s scars in their entirety before, but knowing about the servant’s secret second life had definitely made them more observant than the others, and they had seen hints of old injuries here and there. That’s not even mentioning the times he’s shown up in their chambers, bloody and bruised and in need of treatment, but not wanting to worry Gaius.

Merlin just flushed and stared at him indignantly and Arthur’s teasing grin grew:

“Don’t be shy, Merlin, I’m sure whatever horrific mole or ugly birth mark you’re ashamed of isn’t that bad.”

Merlin rolls his eyes, stepping away from Arthur when he moves towards him. The demand to de-robe, even partially, had immediately put him on edge, and he had gone from playfully annoyed to genuinely irate in a split second. He crosses his arms over his chest protectively when Arthur gestures at him demandingly:

“I don’t have a weird mole, Arthur, you Clotpole, but unlike you lot, I’m not all that keen to show off my old scars.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Merlin was hoping that mentioning his scars in passing would appeal to the knights’ warrior sides, would make them sympathetic to his… shy-ness. It did not. It just made them laugh, even Leon, and they all began to point out various scars they had on their chests and back, remarking that he couldn’t have worse than them. 

Gwaine twisted to the side, patting a pink, jagged circle halfway down his back, a grin on his face:

“This beauty is from when I propositioned a lovely fella who was, apparently, already taken. Man’s wife smashed her bottle on the counter and damn near took my eye out with it.”

Elyan cackles at Gwaine’s story, pointing to a perfectly square burn on his shoulder-blade:

“Yeah, well at least you didn’t fall back into a red hot brand at the ripe old age of fifteen because a girl smiled at you.”

Merlin’s back-up plan, which was sneakily sulking off whilst the knights compared their most embarrassing scars, was cut short basically immediately when he heard Arthur yell out:

“Absolutely not, Merlin, I’ve already told you that you’re not getting out of this. Tunic off, spar Lancelot.”

Merlin huffs, annoyed, feeling rather like he was backed into a corner, and Mordred walks forward, to be between him and The King, quietly saying:

“You don’t have to Merlin, just fight with it on.”

Arthur narrows his eyes in suspicion, but before he can say anything, Merlin squares his shoulders and looks at him defiantly, dropping his sword to the floor as he begins unlacing his tunic, his words coming out harshly, his tone dark:

“No, no it’s fine. The King wants to see my scars, and we all know that The King gets whatever he wants.”

The smiles melt rather quickly off the knights’ faces as Merlin speaks, and Arthur flinches slightly at his tone, starting to realise with just a little guilt that maybe this wasn’t funny anymore. He opens his mouth to take it back, to tell Merlin that he was only teasing and he could keep the tunic on if he really wanted to, but before any words come out, Merlin is gripping the collar of his shirt, pulling it over his head swiftly and screwing it up before tossing it to the side, not once breaking his stare on the now pale King.

Arthur lets out a sharp breath at the patchwork of scars that cover Merlin’s chest, and he’s vaguely aware of the various low cries and gasps of outrage coming from the knights behind him. There are so many, some are large and some are small, some look to be from clumsiness, but others look like they should have been fatal. Arthur’s eyes can’t focus on just one, he’s barely taking in each scar before his gaze is drawn to another, and then another, and then another; it’s a little overwhelming, and it’s only when he starts to feel a little woozy that he remembers to breath.

When he finally comes to the conclusion that his brain isn’t going to able to process this for a while, he looks up to Merlin’s face, instead taking in his resolute expression and hard eyes:

“Merlin, what… what happened to you?”

Merlin raises a slow, mocking eyebrow before breaking his statue-like stillness and picking his sword up again, turning to face a distraught looking Lancelot. This movement only reveals the second mosaic of scars covering his back, but he speaks over the next round of gasps and muffled curses, his tone still unbearably dark as he gestures Lance to get into position:

“I told you, I’ve faced worse than you lot and come out singing.”

The knights are so distracted by the myriad of scars covering Merlin’s torso that it takes the servant’s first harsh, well-aimed blow with his sword to break them out of their stupor. They watch the ensuing spar with morbid fascination, finding that not only can Merlin hold his own, he’s winning. Lancelot loses his breath and rhythm much quicker than Merlin does, and the fast-paced spar only lasts around three minutes before Merlin lands a strong punch to the centre of Lance’s chest and the knight stumbles back in shock, lowering his sword just enough for Merlin to step forward and trip him up.

The scarred servant’s chest rises and falls deeply, but not too rapidly as he lowers his sword and offers a hand down to the beaten knight. Lancelot takes it with a slightly shocked smile, patting Merlin on the shoulder as he stands. Merlin flinches away from the touch, no one misses it, clearly not too fond of people touching his bare skin, and Lance drops his hand rapidly, frowning only briefly before he smiles again:

“Bloody hell, Merlin. I knew you were good, but not that good.”

Merlin gives him a strained smile, grateful for the distraction. Everyone sees the moment Merlin’s mask goes up again; he gives Lance a smug grin and twirls his sword once again as he shrugs mockingly:

“I’ve been watching you lot train for ten years, and I’ve been in a few sword fights in my time. I picked up a few things.”

Arthur finally reacts, scoffing as he shakes his head in disbelief, scars momentarily forgotten:

“There’s no way that you can- that was a fluke.-”

He looks smug as he says it, like he’s figured out some great secret, and Mordred lets out a low, annoyed growl; no one notices thankfully, but Merlin shoots him a quick frustrated line across their mental link:

“Please try not to antagonise him any further.”

Mordred looks to him, keeping his face blank as he nods almost imperceptibly. Lancelot and Gwaine look openly disapproving of Arthur’s assertion, but Leon, Percival, and Elyan look almost convinced. Arthur nods decisively, picking up his sword once again and waving it in Merlin’s direction:

“-My turn. And once I’ve beaten you, you’re going to tell us about all of… that.”

Merlin’s eye twitches, but he doesn’t say anything, just nods slightly as he holds a placating hand out in Lancelot’s direction when it becomes obvious that his best friend is going to start trying to defend him.

Arthur takes Lancelot’s place in the ring and Merlin grips his sword tightly, his shoulders tense and his face showing only mild annoyance, despite the anger that Lancelot and Mordred were sure was simmering under his façade. At Arthur’s nod, Leon reluctantly counts them in, and the match begins.

This one is somehow even more fast-paced, though no one is surprised. The last ten minutes had caught Arthur extremely off-guard. An off-guard Arthur is a grumpy Arthur, and a grumpy Arthur is, unfortunately, still the type to take his frustrations out on others. Arthur wasn’t good at dealing with his emotions, meaning the disturbing mix of horror, guilt, and anger at Merlin’s scars, slight… shock, (because he refuses to call it anything else) at his deceptively strong physique, and surprise that apparently his servant can take out one of his best knights without all that much effort, all together have The King bursting with adrenaline. 

He throws blow after blow, but Merlin’s defence is incredibly strong, and Arthur has yet to land a hit anywhere other than the opposing sword. After a couple of minutes, Merlin switches styles, and Arthur almost trips when he realises his servant has, in the space of a second, gone from fighting like Arthur, to fighting like Leon. The knights notice it as well; Gwaine lets out a low whistle and Elyan smacks Leon on the shoulder, pointing incredulously at a sequence of complicated footwork that usually only the First Knight can manage so gracefully. Apparently Merlin can do it too.

Arthur adapts to this quickly; Leon was his sparring partner most often, meaning that he was accustomed to switching between their styles, and they were the most similar fighters in all the group. 

Another minute passes, and the pair still don’t slow, seemingly unbothered by their dumbfounded audience and the sweltering heat, and this time Merlin suddenly starts fighting more like Gwaine. Instead of staying on the defensive and trying to trip Arthur up, he goes on the attack, landing heavier and heavier hits as The King barely manages to defend himself in time.

Merlin is quickly growing tired, his stamina not nearly as good as Arthur’s, but The King grows complacent, even with the vicious pace, certain that he just has to wait Merlin out. He was wrong. Arthur finally gets an attack of his own in but Merlin dives to the side instead of blocking it, rolling and coming up to Arthur’s left before the blonde has time to regain his balance and turn around. He freezes in place when Merlin touches his wooden sword to the side of Arthur’s neck. He can feel it shaking, but it’s undoubtedly a killing blow, and when Merlin drops the sword to the floor in favour of bending over, one hand on his knee and the other on his side again as he pants, Arthur turns around faster than he thinks he’s ever moved before:

“How the fuck did you do that?”

Merlin is vaguely aware of the knights all clapping and shouting encouragement at him, but he doesn’t look up, just waves dismissively in Arthur’s direction:

“I told you, I’ve been watching you lot train for years. It’s easy to imitate you after a little practice.”

Arthur just stares at him in disbelief, but Leon hands the servant a water-skin, ripping his gaze from the whip marks on his back with clenched teeth before schooling his tone and face into something more friendly:

“Merlin, you switched styles twice in as many minutes… you beat the best swordsman in the Kingdom after already being tired from another spar, that’s… that’s incredible.”

Merlin drinks the entire skin as Leon speaks, looking up with another playful mask on his face:

“Well believe me, I’m so sore I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it again.”

Merlin’s smile drops when he realises everyone is back to staring at him, more specifically, his scars. He steps away from the curly-haired knight, who furrows his brows in concern and resists the urge to reach a comforting hand out to him. Merlin crosses his arms over his chest defensively, hunching his broad shoulders slightly as he frowns at the floor.

Lancelot quickly throws his tunic to him, and Merlin scrambles to pull it on as quickly as possible, but before he can even get his arms through the right holes, Arthur snatches it away, a stern, angry look on his face. Though every one of then can see the badly hidden concern as well:

“No, you agreed to tell us.”

Merlin makes a move for his tunic, but Arthur jumps out of his reach. The servant huffs, annoyed and close to tears all of a sudden as he petulantly replies:

“Actually, you said once you beat me, I had to tell you. I won.”

Arthur raises an eyebrow, taking another step back:

“I’m happy to go another round if you are, Merlin?”

Merlin glares at him angrily for another few moments before completely sagging, staring at the floor with sad, tired eyes as his arms drop to dangle at his sides. Arthur and the knights are completely taken aback at Merlin’s sudden change of disposition, though it heartbreakingly strikes them as less of a change and more of a... reveal. A reveal of some kind of sadness that’s been there all along. How did they not notice this??

Arthur’s breath hitches and his tight clutch on Merlin’s tunic loosens slightly as he all but whispers:

“Merlin... who did this to you?”

Merlin finally looks up at him, letting out a humourless chuckle as he rakes a hand through his sweat-dampened hair roughly:

“Does it matter? Most of them are dead, I-”

His eyes narrow and his voice lowers. The knights hear it nonetheless:

“... I made sure of that .”

Arthur lets out a huff of frustration, not bothering to hide the desperation in his eyes as he pleads:

“Please, Merlin, you’re my... subject, you’re meant to be under my protection. And don’t lie, none of these are more than eleven or twelve years old at most and you got here ten years ago, so they happened in Camelot, under my watch. Please, Merlin.”

Merlin sighs, walking towards the tree’s shade once again. For a moment Arthur panics, thinking he’d pushed Merlin too far as he turned away, knowing that if this conversation wasn’t had now, their relationship would never be the same. But before The King can say anything, the servant slumps back into place against the tree trunk, sitting cross-legged again and biting his lip as he looks at Arthur expectantly.

Before anyone else can move, Mordred and Lancelot take the places either side of Merlin, sitting protectively close. Lance gives Mordred a pointed look, to which the younger knight nods before settling a blank expression on the side of Merlin’s head. Merlin doesn’t look back at him, but pats the knight’s knee as the corner of his mouth turns up briefly in a barely-there smile.

Arthur narrows his eyes, but stores that odd exchange in the back of his mind to deal with at a later date before sitting across from Merlin; the other knights look to each other, worried, before settling in the empty spaces to complete the circle. The group is silent for a while, all staring at a statue-still Merlin who in turn is staring at the grass in front of him; he doesn’t move even when Lancelot brings his hand into his lap, stroking his thumb over the servant’s knuckles absent-mindedly.

It’s Percival that finally breaks the silence, asking in a quiet voice:

“What happened, Merlin?”

Merlin looks up suddenly, as if he had forgotten he had company, taking in a deep breath and tightening his grip on Lance’s hand. He gulps before once again running his free hand through his hair, shrugging slightly as he mutters:

“I don’t recall all of them in perfect detail, just ask about... whatever catches your eye I guess, and we’ll see what I can remember.”

The knights all nod, looking to each other expectantly, no one really wanting to go first. Eventually Leon clears his throat, his voice gentle:

“Why don’t we start with the whip marks on your back?”

Merlin nods, grateful that they were at least starting off with the non-magical injuries. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone as he speaks, his voice croaky and quiet:

“The newer ones are from Cenred, from a few years ago. He wanted information and I spat at his feet and told him to fuck off. He... he didn’t take too kindly to that.”

Gwaine lets out a quiet curse, and Arthur sits up straight, saying in a crackingly authoritative voice:

“Merlin, if anyone ever tries to extract information from you again, you give them anything. Everything. We’ll deal with the fall-out afterwards, it is not your job to withstand torture.”

The other knights nod approvingly but Merlin just looks up at The King with a raised eyebrow:

“Like hell. I can put up with a remarkable amount, I’d never sell Camelot, or you, out. Never, Arthur.”

Arthur huffs and resolutely ignores the tears gathering in his eyes, but Elyan beats him to the mark:

“That’s not... you shouldn’t have to put up with anything Merlin, it’s not necessary. You just... keep yourself safe. We’ll worry about everything else.”

The other knights nod again, but Merlin scowls and tenses even further, even as Lancelot squeezes his hand comfortingly:

“I’ve been through literal hell, multiple times, in order to protect my home and the people that are important to me. I’m not going to stop that just because it makes you lot uncomfortable, and you have no right to tell me to it’s not my place.”

Everyone looks desperate to argue, but they can’t deny that, after what they’ve seen today, in the last half a candle-mark only, Merlin is evidently a lot stronger than they’ve ever given him credit for. Both physically and mentally. Leon just gives Merlin a small smile and nods; he’s the only one here who has known Merlin just as long as Arthur, and he may not be as close to the younger man as The King or Lance or Gwaine or Mordred, but he’s seen his loyalty in action several times over the years:

“You said the newer ones were from Cenred. You’ve been flogged more than once?”

Merlin nods at the knight, grateful for his understanding and change of subject, even if said change of subject was back to his scars. His expression turns slightly guilty as his gaze moves to Arthur, and The King has a feeling he’s going to feel incredibly terrible at whatever it is Merlin is about to say:

“The others are from... uh.... Uther.-”

Arthur takes in a sharp breath as the tears he had just about managed to get under control gather again. The other knights just look angry, bar Leon, who, though miserable, looks as though he sort of expected it:

“-He didn’t like me very much.”

Arthur whispers his response:

“When? Merlin, when and why did my father have you flogged, and how did I not know about it?”

Merlin tenses his jaw, going from guilty to angry in a split second, snapping his response:

“Why do you think?!-”

Arthur recoils and Merlin closes his eyes briefly as he takes a deep breath, looking back to Arthur with a blank mask and speaking in a monotone voice:

“What did you think he would do every time I took the blame for you missing a meeting or a meal or a training session because you were entertaining a woman or pissing about with your knights? I had to walk into the council room and apologise for your absence because I slept in or I forgot to tell you or I sent you on a hunt on the wrong day. Uther was in the habit of burning people and chopping off an alarming number of heads, did you really think I would get away with it punishment free??

Arthur goes pale as a sheet and his hands tremble with the understanding. He shakes his head slightly as he looks to his lap, ignoring the tears on his cheeks as he murmurs:

“Merlin I am so sorry, I didn’t... I didn’t think... if I had known I would have duelled him in the damn town square to protect you.-”

Arthur looks up sharply, wiping his face clean as he settles an assessing gaze on his servant, ignoring Gwaine’s murderous glare as he slowly continues:

“-... which is exactly why you never told me, isn’t it?”

Merlin shrugs, a small smile on his face:

“You may never admit it, Arthur, but you were protective of me, even then.”

Arthur flushes slightly, before frowning again and shaking his head:

“You should have told me, it’s my job to protect you.”

Merlin raises an eyebrow, smirking slightly:

“I think we’ve already had this conversation.”

Arthur huffs and narrows his eyes again, good-naturedly this time, and Merlin just rolls his eyes before seeming to sag again, speaking quietly:

“Come on, next one.”

Elyan raises his hand slightly before pointing to the centre of Merlin’s chest:

“How the hell did you get a burn like that?”

Merlin tenses, rubbing a hand over the roughly circular, pink and white scar in the centre of his chest. The flesh looked melted in places, white scar tissue spider-webbing out from his sternum, beginning to fade just before it stretched around his sides, and stopping a few inches above his naval:

“Witch threw a fireball at me. Hurt like hell, but there was quite a lot of adrenaline at the time so I didn’t really notice the pain until later.”

Gwaine raises an eyebrow, evidently trying to control his anger as he asks, in a shaking, though forceful, voice:

“And what were you doing fighting a witch powerful enough to throw fire around?”

Merlin stops rubbing at the scar when Lancelot tugs his hand and Mordred mutters “You’re going to hurt yourself, Merlin.” in his head, curling his hand tightly in his lap instead and speaking slowly, as if he were choosing each word individually:

“Only Leon and Arthur were in Camelot for that. Arthur was dying from the Questing Beast bite, I... went to the Isle of the Blessed to speak to the followers of the Old Religion. There was said to be someone there who had power over life and death and I... Arthur was dying, I had to try.-”

Arthur’s eyes widened at Merlin’s words, mostly the mention of such a power, but stays silent, nodding at him to continue:

“-But the Old Religion requires balance, a life for a life,-”

Leon releases a deep breath, looking to the floor at the implication with his eyes closed, and Arthur lets out a whispered whimper, knowing the depths of Merlin’s loyalty:

“-I offered my own in exchange for Arthur’s. She, Nimueh, that is, accepted,-”

Arthur opens his mouth to say something, he’s not sure what, but before he can yell about Merlin’s self preservation, he notices the darkness on his dearest friend’s face and his voice catches in his throat. Merlin stares at the floor, his face drawn and angry and his voice stormy and clipped:

“-but she tried to trick me. I didn’t appreciate that, we fought, she died. Her life for Arthur’s: the deal was done.”

An audible gasp goes up around the circle, and Percival, who is (other than Merlin and Mordred of course) the most well versed in Magic Info, responds breathlessly:

“Merlin... Nimueh is a High Priestess, The master over Life and Death, she’s very very powerful.”

Merlin looks up at the gentle giant sharply, his gaze unforgiving and his tone harsh:

“Yeah, and she’s also very very dead, because she pissed me off.”

Percival gulps and lowers his gaze, but Arthur seems to have missed everything the two of them just said as he stares blankly at his servant:

“You’d barely known me a year, and I’ll admit that I was an arse back then, and you tried to give your life for mine. Why?”

Merlin looks at him curiously, not responding for a few moments as his anger dies down and his pride grows:

“I had it on good authority that you would become a Great King one day. It only took a little squinting to see it, you were a good man, a man I was, and still am, prepared to sacrifice myself for. You were an arse, yes, you still sort of are, but I have faith in you, always have, always will.”

Lancelot and Mordred smile fondly at him as the other knights stare dumbfounded, but Arthur clenches his jaw, ignoring the shaking in his voice as he says:

“Well, I... I forbid it. You are officially forbidden from sacrificing yourself for me, legally.”

Gwaine perks up slightly:

“Out of curiosity, do we all get the same-”

Arthur interrupts him with a forceful, though slightly amused:

“Shut up, Gwaine. And no, you’re a knight, your entire job description is to jump head first into danger so I don’t have to. I have every faith that you’ll die for me one day.”

Everyone lets out quiet snorts at that, bar Gwaine of course, who looks jokingly affronted before he nods and shrugs, quietly muttering “Yeah, fair enough,-”, the rest of his sentence (”especially considering you’re in love with him but not any of us.”) goes unheard and unchallenged.

Merlin chooses not to respond to Arthur’s demand, but everyone knows that’s his way of not committing to anything, knowing full well that Merlin had never listened to Arthur’s orders before, and sure as shit wasn’t going to start now.

“Next one.”

Merlin’s face had fallen slightly, knowing he wasn’t going to get away with explaining only two sets of scars, and Gwaine asks next, his eyes being drawn to Merlin’s gesturing hand:

“The red bands around your wrists and neck. They look like burns, but not very deep ones. How did they scar if they weren’t deep?”

Merlin looks down at the scars on his wrists, resisting the urge to absent-mindedly claw at the one he knows sits low on his neck. They’re about two inches wide, pale pink and almost impossible to see in the dark but impossible not to see in the light of the noon sun, even sat in the shade. The edges were clean cut and perfectly straight, and Merlin winced slightly at the memory of his magic being contained in such a way.

He looks around the circle, speaking easily. Though it was painful, it was no where near the worst Merlin has ever had, and even if he couldn’t tell the full truth, it felt sort of nice not to have to hide these ones:

“Some sort of enchanted chains, they drained my energy, made me sick and tired, but the magic in the metal sort of... stung, I guess. I don’t really know. I’d been captured by Morgause (is Morgana not mentioned in this entire fic but still Good? Yes.) again and I suppose she didn’t want to take any chances.”

Everyone looks shocked at his casual admission, and Leon is the first to break the tense silence:

“When were you captured by Morgause?”

Before Merlin can respond, Arthur pipes up incredulously:

“Again. You said again. Merlin, how many times have you been kidnapped by Morgause without anyone realising? How many times have you been kidnapped in general?!”

Merlin winces slightly, speaking in a slightly defensive tone as he stares at Arthur as though the answer is obvious:

“Arthur... I’m The King’s personal manservant. I have the power to overrule the Steward and the Housekeeper if I wanted to; as far as servant’s go, I have the most authority, even more than some low level nobles, especially when it comes to running the citadel. I’m sort of... a big deal. I have access to pretty much any information I could want, even more than this lot-”

He gestures to the knights around the circle. Mordred and Lancelot look a little proud once again, Leon is staring at Arthur, shocked that The King didn’t know this, and everyone else stares at Merlin, only just realising that... Merlin was right. None of them have considered it before, but he practically runs the castle.

“-most of the time, and I’m the only one who knows every single state secret, simply from my proximity to you and your council and your paperwork. That is rather... desirable to people like Morgause, people who want to attack Camelot.”

Merlin purses his lips awkwardly as everyone stares at him blankly, but Gwaine is the first to break the silence:

“... and we’ve just been letting you walk around, unprotected.”

Merlin raises as eyebrow:

“I think we’ve already established I don’t need protection.”

Arthur huffs and throws his hands up awkwardly:

“Well you obviously do, if you’re getting kidnapped so often. When even was this?? You haven’t disappeared for a while, and we haven’t had any trouble from Morgause in months.”

Merlin’s face falls, and the knights are taken aback at the reappearance of the... cruel darkness in his expression:

“Believe me, I know. She... won’t be bothering us any longer, I wasn’t fond of her repeated attempts to kill me or you so I... took care of it.”

The knights go pale at Merlin’s casual admittance of killing yet another High Priestess of the Old Religion. He smirks into his lap briefly until Lance once again squeezes his hand, as if reminding him of the mask he should be wearing. Arthur stares at his servant and long time friend, struggling to reconcile the clumsy ideal he has in his head with this... hardened, tortured protector:

“How? Nimueh and Morgause... just... how??”

Merlin’s eyes slowly move up to meet Arthur’s gaze, and The King gulps at the assessing way the servant tilts his head:

“Playing the role of clumsy rural idiot can be a little demeaning sometimes, but it also means that people tend to underestimate me. They think I’m an easy target, and by the time they realise I’ve played them, it’s too late.”

Arthur recoils slightly, and Merlin once again changes dispositions, shrugging casually and smiling easily, his tone light:

“You can get away with a remarkable amount when people think you’re stupid.”

The circle lets out an in-sync breath. All of them knew that Merlin wasn’t stupid by any stretch of the imagination, but they didn’t realise just how smart he is. None of them would admit it, but Elyan, Leon, Percival, Arthur, and even Gwaine on some level, still subconsciously considered Merlin “just a servant” in the back of their minds. At least... they did. 

(Not that that old thought process made them think any less of him, they just didn’t think of him as complicated, as a warrior.)

Merlin takes a deep breath, knowing that his friends would never see him in the same way, but sort of hoping that that was a good thing, gesturing vaguely to the circle once again. Arthur asks the next question, touching his hand to the back of his own neck softly:

“There’s a cut on the back of your neck. It looks deep, like it was reopened over and over, what is it?”

Merlin grimaces slightly, wiping his free hand over his face in exhaustion as Lancelot squeezes his other hand, and Mordred pats his knee comfortingly:

“That one was a few years ago, courtesy of Morgause again. She put something called a Fomorrah in me-”

Percival gasped slightly, harshly whispering “Gods.” under his breath. Arthur spares him a quick glance, making a mental note to question how his knight seems to know so much about sorcery at a later date:

“-so she could try to make me kill Arthur; it sort of... controls you. Makes you only able to focus on whatever instruction you’re given when it’s first put in you. Gaius kept having to cut it out of me, it wouldn’t stop re-growing until we killed the rest of it’s body, and that was with Morgause somewhere out of the city.”

Arthur looked a little outraged, hiding the worry of “I now know that Merlin could kill me without any trouble at all so how the fuck am I alive?”. Apparently he doesn’t hide it well; Merlin gives him a comforting smile and shrugs his shoulders slightly:

“I fought the compulsion pretty well, kept coming up with increasingly complicated assassination plans instead of just... stabbing you in your sleep or something.”

Arthur goes to respond, but he’s interrupted by Leon loudly cursing, his eyes wide as he stares at Merlin with flushed cheeks:

“I just... gave you a crossbow!! You said you were going to kill Arthur and I thought you were joking and I let you walk out the armoury with a crossbow and a handful of bolts!!”

Merlin chuckles, a blush of his own rising as he responds, rubbing the back of his neck again:

“Yeah... I don’t really remember it, but Gaius and Gwen filled me in on what had happened. To be fair, it’s kind of flattering that you never considered that I was the assassin, despite the repeated attempts being made on Arthur’s life and the fact that I admitted it to your face.”

Leon stares at the floor with wide eyes, seemingly trying to process the fact that he had pointed a would be assassin in the right direction, muttering something along the lines of “oh my Gods oh my Gods oh my Gods” over and over until Elyan awkwardly patted him on the back, breaking him from his embarrassed horror.

Arthur clears his throat, staring at Merlin with an almost unreadable expression:

“I did wonder why the attempts just... stopped?”

Merlin understands the question in his tone and nods slightly before replying:

“Hmm. Gaius and Gwen figured out it was me, found a way to paralyse the thing in my neck until I managed to get back to Morgause’s little lair and kill the main body.”

Arthur nods distractedly. How many times had this happened? “This” being something entirely ridiculous and/or incredibly dangerous right under his nose.

Percival clears his throat and Merlin looks to the nervous man, nodding at him to ask whatever it was that was on his mind, despite his growing discomfort:

“There’s... on your back, it looks like a stab wound but... worse. The veins around it are black and it looks painful despite it’s obvious age and... well... it looks like a Serket Sting, but it... it can’t be, right?”

Merlin tenses, back to looking as exhausted and scared and as ready to bolt as he had at the beginning of the conversation. Lancelot squeezes his hand again, tightly this time, and Mordred takes his other to stop him from clenching it too harshly, murmuring:

“You don’t have to, Merlin, not this one.”

Arthur clenches his jaw at the knowledge that two of his knights had known about this. Had known the collage of agony on Merlin’s body, had known what he’d been through and done nothing. Hadn’t prevented it, hadn’t brought it to Arthur, hadn’t protected him. But equally, with how protective and loyal and secretive Merlin is, and how heartbroken the two of them had looked when Merlin first took his tunic off, they likely hadn’t known the full extent of damage.

Merlin just sighs and shakes his head, sensing the curious stares of the others before rising to his knees and turning around, running a shaking hand over the scar briefly before dropping his hand to his side again. The others stare, astounded. They’d only caught brief glimpses of it before, but now they could see it properly it was undoubtedly a Serket Sting. 

The deep puncture mark on his lower back had closed up, but the skin was still sunken in slightly, red and angry looking with hints of purple towards the middle. Percival was right: dark veins, as if permanently poisoned, stretched out from the centre of the wound, dipping below the waistband of his trousers and fading about halfway up his back. 

After a few moments, Merlin turns around again and sits back down, placing his still shaking hand back in Lance’s lap without prompting. Arthur’s one-word question is whispered and cracked, and no one judges him for the tears in his eyes; most of them have tears of their own gathering and falling at their friend’s pain:

“How?”

Merlin gulps, not looking up as he leans slightly into Mordred’s shoulder. The young knight presses back, knowing how fond the servant is of warm pressure, not minding the sticky sweatiness of their still uncovered torsos in the noon heat:

“Morgause again. She got annoyed with me always ruining her plans, getting in the way. Left me chained up in the middle of a nest of... in the middle of a nest.”

Leon takes a deep breath, rubbing his eyes harshly and sniffing before asking, his voice strong despite the slight waver:

“How did you survive that? I’ve... I’ve seen men get stung by serkets and it’s not... nice.”

Merlin breathes shakily, his mouth open slightly as he stares at the floor, memories flashing through his mind and the scar on his back twinging uncomfortably. Again, Percival was right, despite it’s age, it did still hurt. He takes one last deep breath, clenching his eyes shut tightly before looking up at the curly-haired knight, not quite making eye-contact:

“I uh... a lot of screaming, and the help of an... old friend. I was out of Camelot for a few days whilst I recovered, my friend didn’t fancy being executed for helping me, for just existing.”

Arthur furrows his brows but the others, bar Leon, nod in understanding, looking only slightly guilty and not looking to The King as he asks:

“What do you mean? If someone has found a way to cure a Serket sting then they most definitely wouldn’t be executed for it.”

Elyan snorts and Mordred and Lancelot frown at the floor as Merlin stares at Arthur with poorly concealed contempt:

“Arthur... the cure for a Serket sting has been around for centuries, it just involves very strong, very complicated magic. I didn’t fancy dying in absolute agony, and my friend didn’t fancy being executed for the act of saving my life so we stayed away from the city whilst he treated me.”

Arthur looks at his servant, dumbfounded and confused, and the knights stay silent in their awkwardness. Leon, a lifelong citizen of Camelot, is the only other person to look surprised at Merlin’s explanation, though he nods after a few moments, conceding that it... makes sense. Of course it does.

Mordred frowns when he notices Merlin’s knee begin to bounce up and down slightly, but it’s the way he gulps and tightens his grip on Lance’s hand that has the two knights begin to properly worry. They share a quick look, obviously agreeing on something, before Mordred takes Merlin’s other hand and settles a soft touch on his vibrating knee whilst Lancelot looks to Arthur:

“I think we’re done for the day. This has been... a lot.”

Merlin is getting paler by the second and Mordred can sense the man’s distress, shooting Lance a desperate look before subtly trying to shuffle closer to Merlin, who leans even further into his touch. Arthur doesn’t seem to notice, looking annoyed at Lancelot’s assertion and rolling his eyes before moving his gaze back to Merlin’s quivering form:

“No, Merlin’s suffered and I need to know why. There are mace wounds on both your shoulders, I remember one, but not the-”

Arthur is interrupted by a low whine from the back of Merlin’s throat as he thumps his head back against the tree, eyes still shut tightly. His words out come quietly and broken, as if it were a struggle to breathe, let alone speak:

“Can we please stop now?”

Mordred ignores Arthur, moving to kneel in front of the servant whilst Lancelot glares at The King. Arthur just huffs slightly, though he obviously completely underestimates the distress his friend is in, looking concerned, but not letting up:

“Merlin, we’ve barely gone through a third of them, we can’t stop-”

Lancelot lets out a low growl, letting go of Merlin’s hand and moving towards Arthur, glaring as he says:

“Arthur, we need to stop. Now.”

The young King looks taken aback, though the argument is stopped in his throat when Mordred’s quiet voice interrupts him:

“Merlin, you need to breathe.-”

He peers around the young knight as best he can, but Lance’s still vicious glare stops him from moving too close. Mordred brings one of Merlin’s hands up, pressing it against his chest and continuing his soft instructions:

“-Copy my breathing, alright? Can you tell me where you are right now, Merlin?”

The knights all stare on in horror at Merlin’s pale skin and ragged breathing, staying still in their places when Lancelot gestures at them firmly. It’s Merlin’s next word, cracked and whispered, that trigger another round of tears to gather in their eyes:

“C...cave.”

Mordred shakes his head slowly and Lancelot curses under his breath, kneeling back next to Mordred and retaking Merlin’s other hand, holding it between his own securely. Mordred’s soft voice floats in the wind, and if the knights weren’t so distracted by their friend’s pain, they would think it sounds almost magical:

“No, you’re safe, Merlin. Think, listen, feel. Can you try to tell me where you are again?

Merlin shakes his head roughly, his still-shut eyes not stopping the tears from squeezing out as he flinches, strikes of lightening-like agony shooting out from the scar on his lower back. Lance worries his lip between his teeth, rubbing one of his hands up and down Merlin’s shivering arm; a nod from Mordred has Lance speak, his words soft and low despite the waver in his voice:

“Merlin, you know where you are, and me and Mordred are right here with you. You need to open your eyes buddy, tell us where we are.”

Merlin’s breathing instantly seems to calm a little at Lancelot’s voice, and he cracks his bloodshot eyes open, immediately sighing when his blurry gaze lands on the canopy above him, whispering:

“Tree... sky... Camelot.”

The others can see Mordred let out a relieved sigh, and they force themselves to relax slightly. Merlin’s body sags again and Lance frowns, but the young servant’s stuttering words as he stares blankly up into the tree interrupt any reassurance he could have offered:

“Please, I can’t... I don’t... please don’t make me-”

Lance stills his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, not even paying the slightest bit of attention to anyone else as he replies:

“No one’s going to make you, Merlin, we can carry on another day-”

Arthur’s interrupted “But-” is quickly shut down when Lance turns around to glare at him, a sharp “-I said we’re done for the day.” sent his way.

Merlin flinches again, the pain in his back getting worse and worse and making it harder to keep a grasp on reality, so damning the consequences, Mordred presses a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes and he mouths the words to a sleeping spell as quietly as he can. Thankfully, everyone’s attention is on the glaring contest between Lancelot and The King, so no one immediately notices the way Merlin falls forwards into Mordred’s arms, not until he nudges Lance in the leg and mutters:

“He passed out. We should get him to Gaius, he needs proper rest and pain medication.”

Lancelot nods his head firmly, back to ignoring Arthur and the others as he moves to Merlin’s side, pulling his arm over his shoulder as Mordred does the same on the servant’s other side. Mordred’s eyes scan over the knights, searching for whoever looks the most likely to help without question; his gaze stills on a terribly worried looking Gwaine:

“Gwaine, run ahead to warn Gaius, tell him that Merlin had a really bad episode and then passed out.”

Gwaine gulps but nods, gathering his tunic in quick hands and putting it on haphazardly as he sprints back to the castle. Mordred and Lancelot adjust their grips, standing and bringing Merlin up with them as they turn in the direction Gwaine had ran and begin the careful journey back to the citadel. The knights follow behind them closely, hastily dressing themselves and desperate to ask questions, but knowing that now was not the time. Elyan jogs ahead of them to open doors and clear a path, and Percival had grabbed Merlin, Lancelot, and Mordred’s tunics as Leon put all of the swords away before catching up.

Thankfully they don’t come across many people, though Lance and Mordred still do their best to conceal Merlin between them, knowing that he would be distraught if anyone else saw his scars. They make good time to Gaius’ chambers, and they find the Physician preparing a few strong pain potions and sleeping draughts as Gwaine paced.

Gaius looks incredibly worried, but unsurprised, and Lance and Mordred carry Merlin up to his room without prompting; the sick feeling in Arthur’s stomach tells him that they’re practiced at this. The King goes to follow them, but they kick the door shut behind them so they can have at least a little privacy whilst they settle their friend in his bed. They leave the covers off, knowing that he’d just overheat or kick them off in the nightmares that they know are coming. Lance nods knowingly at Mordred, and the younger of the two moves swiftly back into the main room, shutting the door behind him again softly, avoiding eye contact with anyone bar Gaius, even as Percival hands him his tunic.

The elderly Physician raises an eyebrow, and Mordred answers the wordless question quietly, though not quiet enough for the other knights to not hear him:

“Not yet, but soon, he’ll definitely need a sleeping draught to get him through it. It was his back, so he’ll need the strongest pain one you’ve got.”

Gaius nods, picking up two of the many concoctions he had prepared, not reacting to Arthur’s desperate questions, leaving the conversation to Mordred:

“What are you talking about? Get through what??”

Mordred sighs and frowns slightly, unable to get over all of his anger at the King for pushing Merlin so far:

“The nightmares. He always gets them, especially after an episode that bad.”

Arthur recoils, just a little horrified, but Gwaine beats him to the mark, asking in a shaking voice:

“Episode??”

Mordred moves his gaze to the worried knight, a little more sympathetic to the man he knew was more loyal to Merlin than he was to The King:

“Flashbacks, panic attacks. Merlin has been through... a lot. Chronic pain or difficult conversations sometimes trigger a sort of... breakdown, he struggles to differentiate between memories and reality. Normally he can just wait it out with a little help. When it’s really bad we put him to sleep, it’s the only way to stop him from hurting himself accidentally.”

Everyone looks horrified at that, their focus on Mordred rather than Gaius, who was stealthily ascending the steps to Merlin’s room, potions in hand. Arthur is the first to break the tense silence:

“How long? How long as he been getting these episodes, and why the hell did no one think to tell me?!”

Mordred moves his harsh gaze back to The angry King, glaring at him when his voice rose:

“With all due respect, My Lord, lower your voice. Merlin needs rest, he needs to not be disturbed.”

Arthur looks annoyed, though still heartbroken, but nods slightly, almost whispering as he responds:

“You didn’t answer my questions. How long, and why wasn’t I told?”

Mordred sighs, looking to the floor briefly as he crosses his arms over his chest . After a few moments of considering his answer, he finally looks up again, suddenly appearing exhausted and resigned as he replies softly:

“I don’t really know. He didn’t tell us, we just... found out. It took us a while to convince him to explain it properly and let us help. He didn’t want anyone worrying or treating him like glass; it doesn’t happen very often at all, and this is... this is the worst one I’ve ever seen.”

Arthur frowns and shakes his head slightly, but it’s Leon that speaks next:

“Why not tell us, at least? What if something had happened and you weren’t with us? We wouldn’t have known what was wrong.”

Mordred takes a deep breath and shrugs, nodding slightly, obviously aware that he couldn’t tell them about his and Merlin’s mental link:

“We tried telling him that, but he wouldn’t have it. We were maybe one more conversation away from convincing him to tell Gwaine or Guinevere, but I guess that’s not necessary anymore.”

Arthur pushes down the twinge of jealousy that Merlin had never even considered telling him, but it obviously shows on his face; Mordred scowls slightly, clenching his hands to try and cover his annoyance. Before either men can say anything, Lancelot comes back down from Merlin’s room, leaving Gaius with the young servant:

“It’s starting, Mordred we need to go, everyone else, out.”

Percival throws Lance’s tunic to him as the knights move to the door, albeit reluctantly, but Arthur doesn’t move, glaring down at Mordred angrily when the younger man stops him from going into Merlin’s room:

“He’s my manservant, I want to be there when he wakes up.”

Mordred narrows his eyes, and Arthur kicks himself for never realising how much Merlin meant to him before now, but before the knight can say anything, Lancelot steps up next to him, answering in his stead:

“No, me and Mordred will be there, that’s all he needs. You need to go, My Lord.”

Arthur gears up to argue, to pull rank, squaring his shoulders and snarling slightly, but an angry Lancelot is something he’s never seen and never had to deal with before, so he’s far too surprised to say anything when the knight interrupts his posturing:

“I said no, Arthur. He has to pretend in front of you. You’ve already done this to him,-”

He gestures angrily to the door to Merlin’s room:

“-he needs to not tense up and stress out immediately upon waking up.”

Arthur steps back slightly, but clears his throat, pushing through the slight heartbreak and guilt to argue:

“Oh, and he doesn’t have to pretend in front of you two?”

Mordred rolls his eyes, giving Lancelot a pointed look before stalking up to Merlin’s room, leaving the older knight to deal with the angry King. Lance clenches his jaw and lets out a harsh breath, looking away briefly, as if trying to stop himself from saying anything cruel, before giving up and glaring back at Arthur:

“No. He doesn’t. Because we, and Gaius, are the only people who actually know the first thing about Merlin, and he trusts us. He needs space, and time to heal, and comfort, not the demanding presence of a King whose already pushed him too far, who treats him like shit and forces him to think he has to hide who he is. For God’s sake, Arthur, can you please, for once, think of anyone but yourself.”

Arthur widens his eyes, and though Lancelot looks a little like he regrets what he said, he doesn’t back down, nodding to the door behind Arthur and not moving away until The King steps back again. Arthur takes a deep breath, turning to exit the Physician’s chambers before the knight could see the guilt on his face and the tears in his eyes. He leaves without looking back, ignoring the gaggle of knights waiting worriedly in the hall and stalking straight to his chambers, only just managing to shut the door behind him before the tears finally started falling.

Back in Merlin’s room, the servant thrashes in his sleep, whimpering despite Mordred’s comforting whispers in his head, Gaius’ hand in his hair, and Lancelot’s soft lap as a pillow. 

This... was going to be a tough one.

~

The End of part 1!!!

This was legit supposed to only be one part buuuuuuut we can all see how that went. Part two will follow on really quickly, but it was getting far too long to leave all as one 😅

I hope y’all enjoyed it, link to part 2(the final part) at the top!! :)

#merthur #good morgana #bbc merlin #hurt merlin #good mordred #protective lancelot #protective mordred #merthur whump #king arthur #merlin/arthur #morgana #mordred #sir mordred #leon #sir leon #gwaine #sir gwaine #lancelot #Sir Lancelot #sir percival #percival #elyan #sir elyan #gaius #bbc mordred #scar reveal #ptsd #tw: ptsd #lots of angst #part 1

[hraishin]

After reading the first Dune book I think one thing that stuck to me while reading the story and watching the movie was one of the earliest interactions: the Gom Jabbar scene, where Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam tests Paul to find out if he's human or not. When put through pain, Paul endured it by remembering the Bene Gesserit's Litany Against Fear and letting it all play out.

First of all, I don't know if Frank Herbert had that in mind when he put that scene in, but it really set the scene for the rest of the story. Paul went through the pain, because if he tried to fight it Mohiam would kill him with the Gom Jabbar. He couldn't fight it, only let it happen and wait for the outcome, because his only other escape was death. Through the rest of the story, Paul ends up seeing the future and the war he'd bring, that couldn't be stopped even if he died because he says himself that, if he died, Jessica or Alia would continue it. There was no escape from his terrible purpose, and he realizes that by the end and follows the path future set for him. There was no escape from the Gom Jabbar except waiting, and there is no escape from the war and blood spilled in the name of the Atreides except waiting; Paul can't run.

But another thing about the Gom Jabbar scene is that Mohiam tells Paul he is, indeed, human, and I think that's an important part to understand Dune and Paul's character as a whole. I think we're far too used to seeing the main character as either a hero or a villain depending on the context of their story, because that's how media has been working for a while: there's always the good side and the bad side. But Dune isn't a story of heroes and villains, because there's no hero in Dune.

Paul is not a hero, Paul is not a villain either, even if you could say he's both at the same time depending on the point of view of who was telling the story and depending on your concept of hero or villain. But, in the end, Paul is just a human. He's a boy who lost everything and had to use what he had to save himself and take back what he lost, taking even more in the process. Yes, he can see the future, and mysticism is part of the Dune universe, but even with all this, he's a 15 year old boy whose father is a Duke, and then he becomes a man who rises to power — and he's a tyrant, considering he did take the power by force when he faced the Emperor.

He's, even with everything he goes through and with everything he can do, a human. He's taught by his mother how to manipulate the situation to be in his favor, and yet he can't escape the destiny set for him; he has a terrible purpose, he knows it's a terrible purpose, but he takes it because the choices of many before him and his own choices brought him there. He's a human caught in the actions and beliefs of his mother and father, and of the Bene Gesserit, and of the Fremen, and he remains human even if others think he's a god. He even says he never wanted to be turned into a god, and he knows he's not a god, he's just a human who had abilities and the wit to get to where he got. Is he a good human? A bad human? That will always depend on the point of view: the Fremen see him as a savior and messiah, the people he killed probably see him as ruthless and bad; it's the multitude a human will always have (although considering he murdered a lot of people I do have my opinion set on how I see Paul, before and after the attack on Dune, and I'm sure others who read the books have as well).

In the end, Dune is the story of a human, not a hero or villain, just a human, a leader like many others we see today and saw through history, and I think that's why I like this story so much.

#just wanted to put some thoughts out #dune #dune spoilers #paul atreides #muad'dib #dune 2021 #from my own head #long post

[oswinsdolma]

Yes, it's nearly 2.00am (because that's apparently the only time I have inspiration to write essays) but I've been thinking a lot about this lately and wanted to get it off my chest, so here you go:

The main goal of Merlin becomes disturbingly fractured along the way, which opens up the gaps for the prophecy to seep through instead of following the expected channels, but it can essentially be boiled down to three key elements 1) build albion; 2) decriminalise magic and 3) save Arthur, but when all is said and done, we never really see any of those objectives achieved.

Now, there are a few reasons for this, both from a writing perspective and a plot perspective. The first, and one of the most obvious, is that this show loves irony. I won't go into a lot of detail here because I've already written a whole ass essay in this very subject, but in a nutshell, you can look at this from two perspectives: firstly, it's important to establish that this technique is purely about the angst: it's the writers' way of provoking a reaction from an anguished audience, but it's foreshadowed just enough to make it more painful than it is shocking. Alternatively, there is the more plot motivated irony in that it genuinely makes a good story. Irony is a technique that has been used for thousands of years, not just because it provokes a reaction from the audience, but because it allows you to explore your characters in greater detail than before, riddling them with hidden juxtapositions and internal conflicts that are never resolved quite in the way you expect. The irony in Merlin is the epitome of this, with the whole motif of Arthur needing to die for his reign to begin. It is a classic example of the simultaneous despair and hope that mocks you from the shadows.

Following this, there is another force at play that deals with half truths and seemingly imperfect contradictions, and that's prophecy. It's not really a secret that I have very strong feelings about prophecy and its effects on all the characters, Merlin in particular, and the fact that fate and destiny are such key themes in Merlin both makes perfect sense and wants me to smash my head into a brick wall. Prophecies are another common trope that often go hand in hand with irony (think Oedipus Rex, Macbeth, The Iliad, all that doomed hero shit that I inexplicably adore), the key to their influence over the plot often lying in how they usually come true in the most unexpected of ways. This links back to that initial theme of irony, but this isn't what makes me angry: what is infuriating is that prophecies tend to come true, no matter what, and most of the characters seem not only to know this, but to let it take their autonomy over their respective fates, driving them to disaster.

Let me elaborate: especially in season five (I'm assuming just for the added fall at the end), Merlin talks a lot about how "one day, things will be different". He tells sorcerers that one day they won't have to hide. That one day, they won't have to live in fear of who they are and what others think of them. And Merlin is right: while it is not explicitly stated, it's generally established that this is one of the things Merlin should actively be working towards. But here's the kick: except for a few specific circumstances, when has Merlin ever actively tried to change Arthur's mind about magic? Yes, he has taken a few opportunities, like with Dragoon saving Uther's life, or with the Dolma's final request, where he has encouraged Arthur to rethink his choices, but otherwise, his support has been lukewarm at best. Instead, his primary concern was always saving Arthur, so he can become the king the magical world hoped he'd be, but he left out a crucial part, trusting in the prophecy to fill in the gaps. He knew it would come true, but it was, almost predictably, in the one way he never dared to expect.

And in a twisted way, there's that thread of irony again: Merlin thought he was saving Arthur so he could one day become the king who would see magic as a force for good, but instead, he created someone who was merely a survivor. It was Kilgharrah who said it first, and he who would mention it last: they are two sides of the same coin. But as willing as Merlin was to give his life for Arthur, and vice versa, he was never really ready to give him his mind.

Another interesting thing to note is Merlin's fixation on the "Saving Arthur" lens of the prophecy over the "Restoring Magic" part. Now, there are a ton of ways you can look at this, depending on how far along the scale of Queer Analysis you are, so I'm going to try and address a couple. At one end of the scale, you have the fairly simple and very believable "merthur" take. This basically boils down to the fact that Merlin and Arthur may or may not be deeply in love with one another, and that drowns out any voice of reason that may unfold. This is actually fairly canon compliant, particularly looking at incidents such as the Disir, when Merlin chooses Arthur over his and his people's freedom, though that choice was clearly, in hindsight, misadvised.

At the other end of the spectrum, there is the idea that it is the work of Kilgharrah, Gaius and other responsible figures in Merlin's life when he was new to his role in destiny, who reiterated at every occasion that Arthur must be protected at all costs. This may have ingrained into Merlin's thoughts and influenced his decisions from here on out.

Between those two points, there is a grey area, and I am of the personal opinion that neither extreme entirely satisfies the situation. For me, I think the characters in question are far too complex to have such simple motivations, and that the true reason lies somewhere between the two: Merlin undoubtedly cares for Arthur, and while at the start, his actions in protacting Arthur may have been driven by other (largely superficial) motives, over time, their mutual affection blossomed to the point where certainly the more personal quests were motivated not by need, but by love. However, there is a divide here, and while the line in the sand smudges from time to time, it never really disappears: a lot of instances in which Merlin is trying to help Arthur are entirely overshadowed by destiny, and in time, Merlin comes to accept that Arthur and Destiny are, in fact, one and the same, and this is where that ever-present tragedy lies. For all he truth in here, Merlin doesn't get everything quite right: he sees Arthur as a balance that needs to be protected, without fully realising that he doesn't just have to keep the sides of his equation in equilibrium, but he actually has to start solving them if he wants them to endure.

Having just said all that, sometimes I decide to fuck over complexity for a few hours purely because I am a shameless merthur hoe.

Also, can you take a moment to please note that this last section is highly subjective and it is completely up to you as to what you decide!! This is just my opinion and you're welcome to agree or disagree at any point.

So, aside from the Angst Factor™ and twisted character development, why was the main goal never fulfilled? Unfortunately, that is a question far cleverer people than me can only speculate, as the writers alone know the answers, but I'm going to give my opinion a shot. Honestly, there is something beautifullly poetic about something that never ends, or ends when there could be something more. Humanity has struggled with endings-and beginnings- since it learned truly how to think, because that kind of finality, that inkling that there might have been nothing before and after something else is incomprehensible. In leaving Merlin in a place where the next point was uncertain, the writers left the story open for us. In depriving us of that catharsis, they effectively made sure that the story would never be over, not until we want it to be. And yes, it was painful. I can't think of an ending that was more heartbreaking than that curious mixture of closures and openings all at the same time (hell, I could write a whole essay based on this concept alone!), but it was also a gift, ironically like that of the prophecy itself in that we can choose what we want to do with it, safe in the knowledge that there will be a happy ending again, one day.

In summary, we might not be left with catharsis in the way we wanted. We might not have got the happy ending that could also have stretched on and on indefinitely. But we were left with something else, something equally beautiful as closure, but in the complete opposite way. Amongst the remains of allwe had hoped to build, Merlin left us hope.

#sorry for the inevitable ineloquence here i am absolutely knackered #bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #i'm going to regret this in the morning

[barbariccia]

it’s time to talk about Hydaelyn.

i’ve been sat on this theory for a long time - i’m pretty sure i didn’t come up with the original idea myself, but the more i think about it the more it makes sense to me. i’m not sure HOW it’ll come into play in the story, necessarily, but the new year’s eve poem posted last night has me rubbing my chin even more. so:

Hydaelyn exists under Silvertear Lake and i won’t hear no for an answer.

(please note there'll be spoilers for 5.0.)

we have known since 1.0 that there’s Something Under Silvertear. admittedly, in 1.0 it was likely just Midgardsormr, because the times have been a-changing and while the dev team has done a truly admirable job at building on what lore remained from the 1.X days, they couldn’t and didn’t keep everything intact. i do not at any point consider this a downside, just something worth noting!

the Garleans, headed by Gaius van Baelsar (acting under solus-selch’s orders), after the invasion and successful annexing of Ala Mhigo, pushed into Mor Dhona as the next part of their “invade Eorzea” project as a central location that would make continued pushes into the land easy. not only that, but Mor Dhona is noted as being (and has been since 1.X) the center of aetherial connections in Eorzea, if not the whole world, though Eorzea is particularly topped up with aether compared to other landmasses. Cid Garlond in his 1.X iteration suggests that Mor Dhona is where aether returns to rejoin the Lifestream. Quote:

Cid nan Garlond: All aether would - should pass through Silvertear Lake upon returning to the Land, but it now appears that something is bending the energy's course - drawing it away.

in 1.X, Nael van Darnus was originally drawing Dalamud down to fall on this area, where Castrum Novum (now Castrum Centri in ARR and beyond) was built, until adventurers put a stop to that and the transmitter was relocated to Coerthas, where the Rivenroad was ripped from. I’ll accept it as a happy coincidence - the castra was built in this area, it makes sense for plot events to happen there - but it does strike me as interesting, especially where the parallel between the Garlean’s Meteor Project and the original Meteor from FFVII is concerned. Sephiroth wasn’t just calling down a giant slab of asteroid for shiggles; he was doing it specifically to create a wound in the Planet that would require an immense amount of energy to heal that he could siphon off of and become a god. If XIV’s Meteor had hit (and not hatched like an egg), a similar thing might have happened.

And there’s no better place to call a lot of aether to the fore than somewhere entirely rich in it. Almost like there’s a great being in that area dependent on aether that directs the Lifestream through itself to preserve not only itself, but all life on the planet.

The second the Garleans got too close to the lake, Middy burst out with a whole host of Dravanians and the Battle of Silvertear Skies began (and ended with Dravanian victory at great cost). This sequence from 1.X is notable as being one of those things that has to have been changed from ARR onwards considering what we now know about primal summoning (they weren’t just ‘let loose’ into the world, they’ve been actively taught to certain peoples (though why only ‘now’ and not ‘before, too’ is still up in the air)) - not to mention we know that the Echo started manifesting after the battle, too, almost as though something felt like it was in danger and needed thralls (1) to protect itself - but Middy came out to protect something. He’d been known as the great protector of Silvertear Lake for a very long time, since he first appeared to the source. Quote The Rising Chorus, from patch 2.5:

Minfilia: [...] an unlikely ally came to Eorzea's aid that day─Midgardsormr, legendary guardian of Silvertear Falls, burst forth from beneath the waters of the lake and led a host of dragons against the Garlean airships overhead.

Minfilia:  Midgardsormr was once worshipped as the guardian deity of Silvertear Falls [...]

Minfilia: One of the ancient myths regarding Silvertear Falls states that when the waters came into existence, so too did the great wyrm. Althyk and Nymeia, Brother Time and Sister Fate, decreed that Midgardsormr ever watch over the source, from which all water─and magic─was said to flow.   I wonder... What if this was the covenant of which he spoke, and 'twas not the gods with whom he treated, but Hydaelyn Herself? 

minfy and ourselves can only guess as to the nature of the covenant forged between hydaelyn and midgardsormr. Following the Omega questline, we know that Midgardsormr fled the Dragonstar with his seven eggs to get away from Omega, crossing the vast expanse of space at great cost to his own personal strength. We don’t know at what time Midgardsormr appeared to the Source - whether it was before, during, or after the time of the 13th Reflection being turned into the Void as we know it - but it would have been post-Sundering of the Ancient world, considering he was able to make a pact with Hydaelyn at all (2) (not to mention there’s no dragons on the First; if there were dragons everywhere we’d know they were reflections of the First Brood! i’m still angy there’s no Azdaja and Vrtra. fucking PLEASE squenix i’m DYING for info on them).

(1) this is a good a place as any to mention that in 1.X, Minfilia - then known as Ascilia - witnessed the Battle of Silvertear Falls with her father Warburton and her Echo awoke a few years later. interesting to think that the primal that tempered Ascilia in potential desperation would later scour her clean and use her for its own purposes, though i know this wasn’t intentional from the devs at all as a plot-point.

(2) the nature of Hydaelyn and Zodiark’s battle makes me doubt that there was much time between Her summoning and the Sundering of the world

There’s an interview from 2014/15 with Koji Fox where he notes, quote,"There's a presence [at Silvertear]. It wasn't just Midgardsormr there, it was more of a force[...]". There’s definitely something there that isn’t just the dragons. Something big. It’s Hydaelyn!!! It has to be. (highlights in the excerpt mine.)

My interpretation of this event is that Midgardsormr agreed to protect the physical ‘body’ of Hydaelyn in exchange for the safety of his eggs - the First Brood - which is what he’s been doing for potentially upwards of 10,000 years. The battle at Silvertear is pretty explosive otherwise for what’s effectively a non-event. There might not have been dragons in Gyr Abania, or in Ilsabard, or Othard or anywhere else they’ve been pushing into - but there’s never been any indication of the dragons being particularly territorial. The Dravanians shared their space with proto-Ishgardians back in the day, and their issues with the elezen of the Source was due to some choice eye-vorage, not encroaching on lands like the sahagin and kobolds.

As for Hydaelyn’s physical form - well, it’s known that Zodiark has a physical form which was sealed directly into the moon. The true moon, known to us colloquially as Menphina (3) (is there another name for it? i haven’t seen anything). It stands to reason that Hydaelyn has a physical form as well, then, hidden away somewhere safe, because as we known, primals can be defeated and their essences scattered to return back to the Lifesteam.

(3) Hey, it’s worth noting here that Menphina, the Lover (whose divine stone is parked right where Haurchefant’s grave is) is said to be the younger sister of Azeyma, the Warden! and boy, while we’re thinking about the misremembered names of the Convocation coming back as names of gods in modern day, what significance does that have?

The Antitower: In all of creation, what greater mystery could there be than the fate of this very star? To sound the deepest depths, to study the aetherial sea itself─for these purposes and more was the Antitower built. Abandoned by her Sharlayan caretakers following the exodus, it has since been overrun by the magical guardians they left behind. Yet were one blessed with Her gift to brave these dangers and descend to the furthest reaches─to hear, feel, and think at the heart of this world─what would they find?

(emphasis mine.)

in the cutscenes following the Antitower, we meet Hydaelyn in the aetherial sea, and Her mouthpiece, the Word of the Mother. and by using the Antitower, something specifically Sharlayan-built, no less. I’d be very interested to know if you can reach the aetherial sea from only the Forelands, where that dungeon is, or from anywhere. I’m gonna make a stab at anywhere.

It’s been brought to my attention that in the cutscenes post-Antitower, Hydaelyn mentions in the quest The Word of the Mother (patch 3.2), and Ardbert echoes later in Shadows of the First (patch 3.4) that “across ten and three were [we] then divided, reflections of the source, each possessed of a shard”, which seems to imply that not only the people of the world and Zodiark, but also Hydaelyn Herself was sundered and became weaker in so doing. which is FANTASTICALLY interesting, all things considered! maybe She wasn’t just becoming weak (and finding it harder to take mouthpieces and the like) because of the land’s aether being drained by primals (and other sources).

The just-released (as of time of writing) New Year’s Eve poem makes me think that the “last chapter of this story” might relate back to this in some way.

[EN]

Our progeny may never know Wherefore we look unto the sky Nor why we dig for truth below; We bear their scorn or watch them die.

[FR]

With our mouths closed, we pile stone upon stone, To form a staircase leading to the lands of knowledge, As well as another pointing to the heavens of existence. Our children will remember it, no matter how angry they are.

[GR]

Committed to our silent office We seek wisdom in the deep earth. Put tomorrow in starry hands, Sung by children's lamentations.

[JP]

By staying silent and saying naught, we will not accumulate the crystals(?) (4) To gain knowledge, we climb into the earth, To survive, we climb to into the heavens. Even if our progeny resent us, it is all for their sake.

(4) 石 meaning stone rather than ‘crystals’, 水晶 meaning ‘crystal’ (and used in the JP title of the Crystal Exarch).

*** translations from THIS reddit post and THIS tweet for the EU and JP translations of the poem, respectively.

something something 6.0 is looking more likely to be Sharlayan than anywhere else, something something big tower something something learn stuff from within the earth. c’moooon, i wanna go beat some answers out of crystal mom. walk freeeee indeed.

Getting away from the poems again and back to Stuff On The Source, we can take a look at the First, a much more pristine reflection of the Source due to having no Calamities happen to it ever. The Source (not to be confused with the Source), the equivalent of Silvertear, is being presided over by none other than... Bismarck, a member of the fae (and BOY i’d like to know more about whaleboi in this world!!!!), in exactly the same position Midgardsormr is, presumably protecting something of equal importance. Having said that, I don’t know if by splitting the world, Hydaelyn also split Herself.

Having said that, there’s an environmental anomaly in that area. Fly out to Bismarck’s (5) nose, and then dive under the waves. There’s a crystal formation coming out of the ground that can’t be found anywhere else on the First - there is nothing else similar to this formation - that has patches of light emitting from bits of it. A friend of mine noted that the way it seems to be coming through in only this location is almost cancerous in origin - that is to say, uncontained and Wrong in some manner, more complex than we have words or knowledge of. The only way you can interact with these crystals is in the level 78 mining levequest Crystal Meds, which notes that you can yank salt crystals out of that formation... but it seems a little too suspect to leave as ‘just salt’.

(5) Speaking of Bismarck, from that earlier interview with Koji Fox, he also has this to say, which... what else have you been hiding in plain sight... (highlights again mine.)

Or the Crystarium’s just going around seasoning their meals with primal mama, who knows.

Eep, this post got away from me. Anyway, i’m not really sure what to DO with any of this information. as many of my friends know i’ve been harping on about this for years at this point, and i’m not the best at speculation and guessing accurately where stories end up going - but it feels more right than ever to talk about it now after that poem was release.

hells, maybe they’ll give us another tower. say... a tower of bab-il, to take us to the moon? 6.0 FFIV expansion pretty please??

#ffxiv speculation #ffxiv #hydaelyn #final fantasy 14 #ff14

[fore-seer]

25 and 36 for the fe asks! <3

25. Any general or specific headcanons you have?

my favorite right now is my hc that chrom hires gaius as a second retainer after the war with plegia, inspired by the fact that most of the fates royals have two retainers each and some of them weren't exactly qualified for the job beforehand (niles, azama, etc), and although chrom and frederick already have a similar trio dynamic because of lissa, i obviously really like gaius and i think adding him into that would spice things up. plus there's stuff in-game and in the drama CDs to support gaius ending up in chrom's inner circle; he's one of three newer shepherds to have supports with chrom, cordelia and libra both consider him one of chrom's staunchest allies, in volume 1 of the drama CDs chrom, frederick, and robin are relying on him quite a bit for intel gathering, and in volume 2 he saves chrom's life, so it's MUCH less of a stretch than you'd think at first. the basic idea is that after the war frederick, as much as he hates to admit it, is worried his protection alone might not be enough after what happened with emmeryn, and asks chrom to hire a second retainer. chrom isn't all that into the idea, but he knows how frederick can be about these things, so he agrees. gaius, weird as it might seem at first, is actually a great choice; he has a skillset completely different from frederick's that can deal with threats an honorable knight might not even notice until it's too late, chrom trusts him and he's proven his loyalty, and as an added bonus frederick would be FURIOUS but unable to do anything because chrom is still technically doing what he wanted. getting gaius to agree to this is the hard part, but eventually the promise of unlimited access to the castle kitchens wears him down. (as with all of gaius' decisions when it comes to chrom, he actually is perfectly willing to do it but needs the extra incentive as a cover so people don't think he's gone soft or something.) frederick, as expected, doesn't exactly approve, but there's nothing much he can do and eventually it becomes clear that gaius' loyalty to chrom is genuine, which is good enough for him. overall i just think the three of them would have a very fun dynamic and i wanted to mess around with it! (and now i'm in too deep and can't see it being any other way)

my other favorite is that takumi and sakura are actually mikoto's kids, and not ikona's, an opinion i know i share with a few other fates fans! it makes a lot of things make a bit more sense, especially regarding takumi; his inferiority complex with hinoka and ryoma kinda gains an extra layer if he has a different mother than them, and it adds support for him being the one to go really off the rails after mikoto's death. it also fits better with what we know of the timeline, since mikoto arrived in hoshido when corrin was just a baby so takumi and sakura probably wouldn't have been born yet, and sumeragi accepting corrin as his child basically right away would seem kinda weird if ikona was still alive. also, having none of the hoshido siblings be blood related to corrin when that was the whole point of birthright feels like SUCH a cop-out, and also casts ryoma in particular in a really bad light on that route since at that point the nohr siblings have more claim to being corrin's "real family" than the hoshidans do, since mikoto is dead now and they're the ones corrin actually grew up with, and the fact that ryoma knows corrin isn't related to the hoshido siblings either means he's lying to them the entire time. so all-around i think it just makes the story work better for everyone involved!

36. Share a funny FE-related story, either ingame or not!

so it was my sophomore year of college, which was my lowest point mental-health-wise, and i was up at like 2am scrolling through pinterest (as you do when you have crippling depression) and i’d been like. kinda out of fe for a while by then bc i didn’t have much time for gaming and conquest had discouraged me a bit bc it was too hard for me at the time. so i hadn’t gotten shadows of valentia when it came out because i was too busy obsessing over star wars instead, but i was scrolling through pinterest and i saw this meme

and because i had no context for it whatsoever, and was super sleep deprived and going insane from stress and whatever else, at that moment it was THE funniest fucking thing i had ever seen. so naturally as soon as i had time i went out and bought the game. whoever made this image, if you’re out there, i owe you my life

(fire emblem series ask game)

#thanks for the ask tea <3 sorry i proceeded to only talk about games you haven't played #inquiries #userpoe #ask games #awakening #fates #shadows of valentia

[theonceandfutureking6481]

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 4: The Poisoned Chalice Analysis

This is one of my favourite episodes, in this season, mainly for Merlin and Arthur. They are wonderful in this episode, and this is the first episode where you really see them starting to truly care about each other. This is a show fundamentally about love and the relationships between every character, and Merlin and Arthur are at the core of the show. Everyone in this episode though is so brave, and I admire them all so much. I talk a lot about a lot of different elements of Merlin on here but what I really love about this show is how much the characters inspire me, how much I admire them because I'm not sure I could ever be as brave as these characters, but I'd like to be.

Merlin's courage

There's not much in detail I can say about this but Merlin is so brave at the start of this episode. To burst into the king's hall and publicly accuse another king of attempting to poison Arthur. It's funny but one of the parts of Merlin's courage I most admire isn't his bravery to die for Arthur, it's his willingness to speak out when somethings wrong, his willingness to publicly embarrass himself, his willingness to be brave even when he could be wrong. It's a reachable form of courage, I don't think any of us frequently (or ever) have the opportunity to die for others, but in many ways the fact that we could all be as brave as Merlin in this way, that's what makes it feel so much more unattainable and thus more admirable.

The bigger courage though really is when Merlin drinks from the goblet, honestly even though Uther made him, Arthur probably would have drunk it but Merlin didn't let him. Merlin knew he would die if he drunk from that goblet, because he believed Nimueh to be telling the truth (which she was), but (as Arthur says) "he did it anyway." To meet death so willingly, it's not like jumping in front of someone in the moment in a battle, he had to make the choice to drink that poison because he is willing to sacrifice his life for Arthur's. And it hasn't got anything to do with destiny yet, he cares about Arthur, Arthur's his friend and Merlin's a good person. It's just a very noble moment for Merlin, Uther was making him but at the same time you could see Merlin choosing to drink from it, that's a choice and that was incredibly noble.

Arthur and Uther

There is tension between Arthur and Uther in this episode, between their views on the world and honour. It is, I think essentially summed up in.

Arthur: Because his life's worthless?

Uther: No, because its worth less than yours.

It's funny, you can see Uther's perspective here. He is right about one thing, Arthur is the future king, even if he's not inherently worth more than Merlin the stability of the kingdom rests on a secure succession and Arthur is Uther's only heir, there is more at stake here.

But Arthur's also right, a world in which any single person's life is protected more than others because of their social position is not a good place. It is not something Arthur believes in, but in Uther's world its just a given, it's not even a question that people ask.

Uther: This boy wont be the last to die on your behalf

Arthur: I can't accept that

Arthur never accepts this inevitability, he always seeks to risk his life first before any one else's and people follow him because of that, people (even his enemies) see the nobility in him because of that. His refusal to accept what to Uther appears to be an inevitability of kingship (Not a welcome one granted but one nonetheless) is what's going to make him a better king than Uther. As Morgana emphasises when she's persuading Arthur to go.

Morgana: And what sort of king would Camelot want? One that would risk his life to save that of a lowly servant, or one that does what his father tells him to?

Isn't this really just the point, Arthur will be a better king than his father because for him his right to rule is in some way always premised on his fulfilment of what he sees as right. Arthur is always trying to prove himself, especially in the early seasons. In Season 2 Episode 2: The Once and Future Queen when Arthur is fighting in a tournament under an alias so people don't know its him (and they will hopefully not let him win), you really see this.

Gwen: You have nothing to prove, least of all to me.

Arthur: I have everything to prove, to myself.

This is the fundamental point, Arthur is always trying to prove himself often to his father or others but always primarily to himself. Because he needs to prove to himself that he can rule Camelot, that he is deserving of it, so for the fact that he's going to be king to hold any weight he needs to do what he thinks is right, because if he doesn't then what sort of king would he be anyway?

This ties I think into what I mentioned in the last episode about Merlin and the greater good. The idea that Merlin never really makes the choice to kill Morgana or Mordred, except for in a moment where it was Morgana or Arthur, where it was a certain in the moment choice. Yes, he reaches a point where he tries to let them die but this is different to outright murder, and I think perhaps a Merlin who would have killed them is not a the Merlin we know, it is not a Merlin that could have formed Camelot. Arthur and Merlin's goodness comes from always trying to do the right thing, whatever the sacrifice to themselves, and if they hadn't been those sort of people then there is no way they could have been people who made a better kingdom.

Gaius: Arthur may give you a hard time, but at heart he's a man of honour. Not many people would have risked what he did for a servant

Uther

Uther's interesting in this episode, he has one of his worst moments in the show, not the worst thing he's ever done but certainly one of the worst things we witness. He purposefully lets Merlin die, we could understand it when he wasn't letting Arthur go after him, but to try to destroy Merlin's only hope for a cure to teach his son a lesson, that is cruel and so wrong. This takes valuing Arthur's life more than Merlin's to a whole other level, he values Arthur's obeying of him more than he values Merlin's life.

This goes to another feature of Uther's character I was just thinking about. He constantly mistakes control for love. He seeks to control both his children, he wants them to obey him, and if they openly defy him or disagree with him he punishes them. But he does love them, probably more than he loves anything else. When Morgana stages a coup against him and tells him how much she hates him he is broken, and he literally never recovers he does love them that cannot be denied but he spends so much of his life mistaking his controlling them for an expression of his love. It is an expression of his fear, he is scared of being out of control as he was when his wife died. Magic can be dangerous but mostly it caused him great suffering (although really it was him), so he seeks to control it absolutely, there is no nuance there and this is how he behaves towards his children. Hate and fear are terrible things to be motivated by, and Uther shows that. His hate comes from his fear, and his cruelty comes from there as well.

One thing, Uther does accept his fault at the end of this episode. It's not really adequate but its better than nothing and in its own way shows that Uther is capable of character development, and the fact that he will fail to do it in the most important ways is sad. His moment when he says to Arthur that Nimueh "is evil", it is so clear he is talking more to himself than anyone else. Isn't that a sign of trying to persuade yourself, he has to tell himself that Nimueh's evil cause ultimately she was just doing what he asked, and if he doesn't villainise her absolutely than its his fault too.

The one moment that really does redeem Uther a little in this episode is when he tells Arthur that "You did the right thing... I'm proud of you Arthur, never forget that." The last comment is telling, Uther knows he's not the best father, he knows that Arthur probably doesn't realise that Uther is proud of him. So the 'never forget that' is a reminder, I think, for when Uther inevitably forgets that himself. It is a reminder, for us, in its own way that Uther is trying to be a good father, and at least in this realm Uther realises that he very often fails.

Morgana

One interesting thing I noticed in this episode was how frustrated Morgana is with her life. I've never really noticed it before, but its in everything she says and does, even in the episodes before this. Even before she turns against Arthur and Uther and Camelot she is angry, not just at them, she's angry at her life. You can tell she feels like she doesn't have the power to do anything, like she's being controlled and perhaps like she isn't able to anything good or right because of Uther and her position, she feels pity for all the magic users but she is a part of the body that persecutes them. How do you reconcile that?

Morgana: Sometimes you have to do what you think is right and damn the consequences

There is so much frustration in that, and everything she says in this scene. I don't know exactly what this says about Morgana's character or her eventual place in the story but its interesting to note. Perhaps its to say her hatred of Uther and eventually Arthur isn't only because of her sympathy for magic users and eventually her own fear and feelings of being unloved but perhaps has its roots in her anger at this time, in Uther's control and her own powerlessness.

Merlin and Arthur

This is Merlin and Arthur's episode, so its kind of funny it took me so long to get to them, but there's really not that much to analyse in the wider scheme regarding them. They just are, and they are wonderful.

This is the episode where you see they do truly care about each other and they are truly good friends They risk their lives for each other with barely a second thought, and yes that is partially their own honour and decency but it is also fundamentally their care for each other that motivates them. You can tell when Merlin's thinking about destiny when he saves Arthur, it becomes such a huge part of his characterisation later on even though he loves Arthur more by that point he also admires him more so Arthur's destiny seems more important. Merlin doesn't really admire Arthur that much yet, he respects him and cares about him but the sheer admiration he will have for him comes later, and it is that admiration that makes him care even more about Arthur's destiny, because he believes in it far more. Right now though it is just their goodness and their friendship that motivates them.

The final moment between them though is beautiful. The moment when Arthur goes to Gaius' chambers just to check that Merlin's all right, even though he's obviously been told he is. He brushes it aside as usual, brushes how much he does actually care about what happens to Merlin (I mean Arthur did just go on a perilous quest that could have led to his death for him so I think Merlin gets it). But the moment at the end of that scene is lovely. There is just such mutual respect and recognition of each other and what they've done for each other, and the way they look at each other is just so wonderful.

Merlin: Thank you

Arthur: You too

Nimueh

One quick note about her. We will find out eventually what her motivations really are, that she's obviously not just evil. That she is angry at Uther and understandably so. And I wonder if in her there is a parallel for Uther I hadn't considered before. Both of them were involved in Igraine's death and Arthur's birth. And it was as a result of this action that Uther outlawed sorcery and began the great purge. She out of everyone knows best how hypocritical Uther really is. And in her own way, though it is obviously not her fault, it is her actions that set off the great purge. Uther made the choice to blame her and all magic but nonetheless it was a spell she cast that was the trigger, and I wonder if in her own way she feels guilty (just as Uther feels guilty about his wife's death) but like Uther she takes it out in anger rather than guilt. I'm not saying she should feel guilty, perhaps over Igraine's death but certainly not the great purge. However, she most probably does, and like Uther I think she's refusing to feel that guilt, and to avoid that guilt she chooses hatred and anger instead.

Bravery

Everyone in this episode though, is so brave. Gwen, Merlin, Arthur and Gaius all do risky, brave things that could get them killed, though maybe not killed in Gwen's case but certainly in huge trouble. Gwen sneaks into the dungeons and Gaius does magic. We will learn more about Gaius' character later but he is in many ways not a brave person, he is the sort who witnesses injustice and stays quiet, he's not brave. But he's brave here, he does magic, for Merlin, because he loves Merlin like a son. All the courage and bravery in this show comes from the love people have for others, and that's an important message, that the people we love and our own ability to love others can inspire us to be better people and to be brave.

Their immediate response to Merlin's apparent death moreover is guilty, they have nothing to feel guilty about, it's Uther's fault, but they blame themselves anyway. There is in that a contrast to Uther, who refuses to blame himself. They don't take their pain out in anger, they accept it and even though they have nothing to be guilty for the fact that their immediate response is guilt does say they are better people, braver people than Uther.

Other things

Morgana holding that butter knife ready to fight Bayard's men is the funniest thing ever. Like its an impressive butter knife, but it is still so clearly a butter knife.

Also so many bad guys plans in this show rely on Arthur or Merlin being fundamentally good people, like when your plan involves using people's goodness against them you need to re-evaluate your choices in life. I suppose its part of the point though- that they are willing to harm the innocent or take advantage of goodness in their anger. Uther punishes goodness in this episode.

My new motivational quote—> Gaius: "As the Old proverb says: Hard work breeds..........a harder soul." Merlin: "There is no way that's a proverb. You just made that up."

#merlin analysis #the adventures of merlin #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin bbc #arthurian retelling #arthur pendragon #arthur's character #merthur #morgana pendragon #gwen pendragon #bbc gwen #guinevere pendragon #bbc gaius #uther pendragon #analysis #character study #courage #nimueh #love and hate #friendship