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blue2black · 5 months

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COD incorrect quotes, but their from TikToks I saw and are now buried somewhere deep in my likes:

PART 1

—————————

*in an Uber*

Soap: And I find out that my parents are like, related.

Gaz: Like, their siblings?

Soap: Yeah like, blood siblings.

Gaz: Is that why you walk weird?

—————————

Soap, walking up to Ghost with a camera: Cheese!

Ghost: What is this? 🤨

Soap: I really think I can’t treat you anymore.

Soap: The fact is…

Soap: I’m in love with you. 😍

Ghost: The fu-?? 😨

—————————

Graves: Come on sweetheart, give us a smile.

Graves: Geez Louise, must be on your period. HA HA HA!

Valeria: …

Valeria: Let me drive a seven ton semi-truck over your torso and I’ll be smiling throughout my entire prison sentence.

—————————

Gaz: Nik is so old fashioned.

Laswell: Oh, really?

Gaz: Nik is so old fashioned that he doesn’t even watch TV.

Gaz: Like, when he wants to kick back and unwind he just goes on long fishing trips with Price.

Gaz: And Nik doesn’t listen to any new music, he just listens to a bunch of metal mixtapes that Price sends him.

Laswell: Wait, John sends Nik metal mixtapes?

Gaz: Nik is so old fashioned that he really struggles showing affection.

Gaz: Like, he rarely hugs me or anyone of that matter.

Gaz: One time I thought I saw him and you holding hands underneath a table from afar, but then I got closer and I saw it was just him and Price.

Laswell: Nik and John were holding hands underneath a table? (.-_.^)

Gaz: Well, yeah, but it really more like a good old fashioned handshake. You know? Like, the prolonged kind where two old school guys don’t let go of each other’s hands while sitting side by side listening to a briefing.

Laswell: Kyle…are Nik and John dating?

Gaz: What? No, Nik isn’t dating Price!

Gaz: Most of the time when Nik and Price hang out, they just get in fist fights with each other.

Laswell: They get in fist fights??

Gaz: Yeah, I can not tell you the number of times I’ve overheard Nik and Price go into an office, lock the door and just fist fight each other.

Gaz: I mean, the halls positively echo with the sound of flesh smacking up against flesh, furniture bumping against the walls…

Gaz: And not for nothing, but I think old fashioned Nik is winning pretty much every one of fights based on how loud I hear Price moaning-

Laswell, getting up: OKAY-

(Gaz knew what was going on, he was just fucking with her like the lil shit he is.)

—————————

Price: I just don’t wanna see you get hurt, okay?

Price: Those people up there can kill you!

Price: I know you think you’re tough, Farah, but you are fucking 5 feet tall!

Farah: I AM 5 FOOT 5! 😡

—————————

Laswell, getting ready to order food: Alright, what do you want?

Soap: Hamburger.

Laswell, parroting: Hamburger.

Soap: Chips.

Laswell: Chips.

Soap: Fart.

Laswell: Fart.

Laswell: 👏🏻 SOAP. 🤬

Soap: HEHEHEHEHE *evil Scottish giggle*

—————————

Valeria, dressed up: Okay, how do I look?

Diego: Like a woman about to go forth in sin.

Valeria: Oh, good. Exactly the look I was hoping for. 😉

—————————

—TEXT—

Scottish Bastard: hey

Scottish Bastard: ghost

Scottish Bastard: HELLOOO

Scottish Bastard: simon?!?!

Scottish Bastard: are you there??

Scottish Bastard: ………

Scottish Bastard: just imagine

Scottish Bastard: you and me

Scottish Bastard: in a room

Scottish Bastard: with nothing on

Scottish Bastard: OILED UP

Scottish Bastard: and ready to mingle

You: What the fuck are you on about?

Scottish Bastard: now that i have your attention

Scottish Bastard: i have an idea >:]

—————————

Soap and Price, waiting for exfil: ….

Soap: …

Soap: Last night I dreamed I was a bottle of ketchup, and you were mustard.

Soap: Which is weird, because usually you’re mayonnaise in my dreams.

Price: 🤨???

Soap: Why do you suppose that is?

—————————

Ghost: When I die…

Ghost: ✨Viking funeral✨

Ghost, handing Gaz a gun: You shoot the shot.

Gaz, cocking the gun: Okay.

Ghost: If you miss, you kill yourself.

Gaz: Wait, what- 😨

—————————

*in an Uber pt 2*

Soap: Well, I’m shocked—of course.

Gaz: This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Soap: I mean, that’s dramatic.

Gaz: No, it’s not dramatic! Your parents are-

Soap: That’s dramatic!

Soap: Listen…I was shocked at first.

Gaz: At first??

Gaz: You’re not shocked still??? (ಠ_ಠ)

—————————

(Nik being the cool dad to everybody in 141)

Nik, answering his ringing phone: Hello?

Norris: Hello, sir, I'm the Colonel working for Captain John Price. I have Sergeant MacTavish in my office.

Nik: Okay, what did he do? 🙄

*Norris looks at Soap*

Soap: 😢

Norris: *sighs* He punched another solider in the genitals.

Norris: Three times.

Nik: OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST SAY GENITALS? HAHAHA-

Norris, listening to Nik laughing his ass off through the phone: THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY-

Norris: *looks at Soap*

Soap: *smiling proudly*

Nik: OH MY GOD, he is so funny! 😆

—————————

Ghost: Don't touch me, Soap!

Laswell: Can you guys like, stop having relationship issues while I'm trying to hack into their security?

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wrecked-fuse · 2 months

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Billy and Steve get a lot of grief for being disgustingly into each other but Jason and Eddie take the cake. With Jason trying to extricate Eddie from hanging all over him and Eddie just wrapping around him like an octopus.

Steve, in Billy's lap: And they think we're annoying.

Jason: Damn it, Munson can you let go for a minute I have to tie my shoe!

Eddie: Sugar Plum, let me tie it for you.

Jason: Geez Louise! I can do it myself! *Jason rolls his eyes as Eddie ties his shoes* What else are you planing to do for me that I can do for myself, Munson?

Eddie, mischievously grinning: I can hold it for you.

Jason: Hold what?

Eddie:l When you use the bathroom.

Jason, bright magenta red angrily storms off with Eddie chasing him: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Billy: Steve I love you but I will never hold it while you pee.

Steve: Baby, I am totally okay with that.

Robin, a lesbian who needs more female friends: You are all equally disgusting and I hate this.

Just something funny I thought of.

LMAO i love this ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

#robin bby go run to heather leave boys alone they don’t deserve you 😭😭😭#munver #harringrove #blurbwitch #(ง •̀ •́)ง (ง'̀u'́)ง

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atopfourthwall · 8 months

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Geez Louise that was an aggressive response. I wasn't advising you on how to make everyone stop teasing you, mid level youtubers will always have jerks. I was talking about a proven method to deal with it in a healthy way- judging from your response alone I felt you needed. Think of its this way: you made that comic 17 years ago. Do you really want to be still getting SO angry and snapping at people in another 17? If not at LB but whatever else they'll come up with? But up to you, best of luck.

You're absolutely right it's an aggressive response. Maybe it was an unwarranted one... but your message was frankly unserious and unoriginal. Because your "proven method" is horseshit. "If you let people bully you, they'll stop bullying you." That's what you're recommending - be good natured about people insulting me. It is in fact not healthy to sit there and bear it and pretend I'm okay with it. I was quiet about it for a year or two before I finally started pushing back on it. I was miserable and it was affecting my mental health. They kept doing it - some because they honestly did not realize it upset me (and again, that's who the thread is for and I repeat - speaking out about is what got people to stop). But the other ones? "Do you really want to be still getting SO angry and snapping at people in another 17? If not at LB but whatever else they'll come up with?" Here is what you need to understand and I don't think you do: THESE PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING LIKE ME. They don't like my face. They don't like my voice. They don't like my show. They don't like my sense of humor. They don't like my hat. They don't like that I'm liberal. They don't like that I support LGBT+ people. They don't like that I analyze Power Rangers. They don't like me when I'm happy. They don't like me when I shout. They don't like me when I'm successful. They don't like that I was part of Channel Awesome. They don't like that I'm NOT part of Channel Awesome. They don't like my friends. They don't like me streaming. They don't like me criticizing truly awful people. They don't like when I don't dance to their little nickname. They. Don't. Like. Me. I am a joke to them - a clown, a living meme that they can throw my name out and it's an automatic laugh. I am not a person to them with thoughts and feelings and something that can be hurt. I am only real to them because they think I'm pathetic and they want to bully someone that they think is more pathetic than them. They do not and never will respect me. They see me as the guy who invented Lightbringer 17 years ago. That's it. That is all I will ever be to them... if I'm lucky, because these are the same kind of people who will try to find ANY weakness, anything that's slightly embarrassing I've said or done as a weapon... or just make up complete bullshit to attack me and make that into more memes against me, too. And the fact that you just refer to it as "teasing" me shows everything I need to know, frankly. Because that's all that it is to you - not something that was hurting me. Not something that was affecting my mental health. Not something that I respectfully ask people to stop doing because it makes me uncomfortable. Hell, your original message said I was "constantly" doing it. Two threads a couple years apart with a smattering of me asking one-on-one "Hey, can you not do this? It's actually intended as an insult." The assholes doing it to be assholes just get a block, because why the fuck would I try to engage with them? So yeah, if I'm aggressive in my response, I'm sorry, but your way is NOT healthy. Maybe my way isn't the right way for everyone, sometimes it CAN make things worse... but that's not the case for me and I get tired of bad advice from people who think they understand what's going on.

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intuitivesef · 1 year

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A message from your future lover

Pick a card reading

Don't second guess yourself when choosing a card. Trust your intuition.

Take what resonates, leave what doesn't

Masterlist

Moodboard. Dividers.

Pile 1:

Hello Pumpkin! 🎃,

Today I finally got into the university I wanted. Right now I am working on finishing my masters, I’ve been focusing on engineering. I really wanna get my PhD in engineering so I can have a better career in the near future and of course to spoil you when we meet. I hope you don’t mind cookies, I love baking and I do it as a hobby. When I bake I feel as the world is slowly sinking away and my fingers are creating a masterpiece, oh! That reminds me, I am also an artist so I hope you’re aware that you will become my muse as well. It’s a big thing for me because I don’t actually do things like this but lately every time I look at you…well, I just want to draw you into a renaissance painting or something of Mozart. Yes yes I know he’s a musician but I’m talking about the beauty of his classical music and that’s what I see with you. Anyways, I have a lot to say but I’ll keep them for the future and for me to speak about it to you that is if you don’t mind. Anyways, take care my lovely dove. I’ll see you then. ❤️

Your one and only future prince/princess

ʚɞ

If you want to give tips, click this link. Thank you in advanced. -sef.

Pile 2:

Heyyyy prince/princess,

Hiiii, okay so guess what?!!! I finally and I mean finally graduated from college!!! Whooo!!! 🥳🎉🎊🎁🎈🍾. I’m so happy right now because now I finally get the opportunity to have my dream career EEEEKK. Anyways, well actually not anyways, I mean I’m always so excited with everything actually I’m sorry for rambling on I can’t even think properly where were we? OH right!!

Okay, I’m sorry—I just wanted to say that I love you very much and I’m sorry this is a short message and I’m sorry that I’m so hyperactive but that’s because I suffer with ADHD/ADD. You gotta forgive me baby, I’m sorry. Oh crap, shit shit, I’m sorry I’m rambling on again. UGH. Sigh, I’m really sorry.

Okay I finally calmed myself down. I was getting very anxious about this but anyways, I just wanted to let you know if your feel down in any shape or form to always know that I am here for you even though we don’t know each other yet. I just wanted to let you know that your loved because I’m madly in love with you—hey did you know that? I’m literally and I mean literally in love with you. Actually it’s kind of crazy. I just can’t get enough of you. OH CRAP I FORGOT TO FINISH MY MESSAGE—right! And if you feel alone know that I’m by your side because we both can feel the connection and I feel it very strongly so you need to stop doubting your intuition because its pushing me away and I don’t want that to happen because i really do love you and I need you because i just-yeah I just really love you. Kind of crazy about you but not obsessive like those weirdos. I mean seriously those weirdos are creepy you know? How can you be so possessive and controlling over someone like that? Geez Louise anyways uh I rambled on once again. Man I’m so sorry. I just want to keep going but i shouldn’t. Till we meet again. 🤪Angel, stars, galaxy. That’s your nickname by the way and you will understand in the near future.

Cya, don’t wanna be ya, I’m sorry I’m joking. Peace.

ʚɞ

If you want to give tips, click this link. Thank you in advanced. -sef.

Pile 3:

Hey, hi, hello, what’s up baby girl/baby boy, captain,

So today I got a new sick apartment, I mean it’s all that jazz you know? The cool comfortable movie theater chairs with a nice tv. My bedroom comfortable as hell. The kitchen lookin’ fancy and shit. The whole shabang. Anyways, enough to talkin’ about my apartment, I was kind of curious about where you would be staying when you get here you know? I was thinking you could just sleep on my chest or lap wink wink. Both meanings if you catch my drift. And no I’m not sorry for bringing it up. But yeah, I’m an affectionate person with a poker face you know it’s kind of hard to find girls/guys who like me n shit. People think I’m fucking weird and crap but I swear baby girl/baby boy I’m not. Promise it. I promise and hope to die if I’m lyin’. Now now that’s a big step you know what I mean? Like I’m putting my life on the line for this promise n shit and I’ll do it again just for you baby. Just for you, my devilish and handsome prince/ beautiful princess.

ciao (goodbye), bunny

ʚɞ

If you want to give tips, click this link. Thank you in advanced. -sef.

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stxrmylxve · 1 year

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I’ve been thinking abt Hanma x Kisaki threesome in the bad toman timeline- like imagine getting DP’d by them while one is praising and the other is degrading, or they’re both degrading you! They’re just so mean 😍 Remember when Kisaki was being all fake w/ Takemichi and Chifuyu in that ep? That’s it- that’s the SUS energy he would start with, until his true intentions start to show and they eventually have you right where they want you 🥺

okay i just finished this episode and should i be mad they did that? yes. am i not? yes. bro when they tied up chifuyu i paused and just sat there in shock like-

but fr, they did them dirty like that. but hanma and kisaki were cute and had their moments so its okay with me ☺️

this will be a bit long- (oops) NOTES: degrading, cussing cause… its hanma?, praising, riding, bottom reader, switch kisaki but more of a bottom 🤭, top hanma ofc, inspo from that episode, a whole lotta plot

"Damn is it cold." you mutter to yourself, pulling down your shirt to try and trap some warmth. You had planned this outfit a while ago, and of course the one day you wanted to wear it, it was the fucking north pole outside.

Hanma takes off his jacket, throwing it at your face as he adjusts his shirt. You felt bad, all he had on was a wife-beater top, but you were about to be a popsicle so you gladly accepted it. You slipped into it, in hailing his scent with a smile as your body slowly began to warm up.

"Kisa, look." hanma whispers as kisaki looks up from his book, earning a small grunt as he went back to reading. Hanma shot him a glare as he got up from the bench, grabbing kisaki's feet and yanking them towards him. Kisaki instinctively reached out for something to grab onto, but he was still thrown off of the bench and ended right in the pile of snow.

"Hanma!" he yells, getting on his knees and pulling the tall man down with him, this time making his face plant into the snow with a grin.

"Kisaki... I know he's a bit annoying, but don't get him too cold, will ya'?" you say with a chuckle. You hear a small "fine." come from the man as he gets up, brushing his pants off with a frown as hanma sits up, snow caking his face like make-up.

You bursted out in laughter, doubling over as hanma sheepishly wipes off his face with the back of his hand. Once you and kisaki caught your breaths, you looked up at the tall man that was now standing up fully. You immediately looked back down as you eyed his chest, the snow melting with his heat to make the white see-through.

"y/nnn, can i slide into my jacket with you? It's fucking cold out here." hanma pleads, getting on his knees to beg, making you turn even redder that you had been before.

"sure.." you mumble. The jacket was huge anyway, but you weren't too sure two could fit in it. Hanma examined the jacket with a frown, realizing this too. He looked at the sleeves, noting they were reasonably larger as he stood up. He lifted you up and sat down on the bench, sliding in behind you to where you were sitting on his lap.

Kisaki sat there dumbfounded as hanma smiled, his smile growing with your every move against him.

"Hanma!" you squeak out, not being able to move as he hugged you from behind.

kisaki spoke for hanma, a faint blush coating his cheeks as he gulped, "y/n, if you keep moving..." this made you halt your movements as you realized how close and personal you were hanma, feeling the slight bulge below you as you laid back into his chest with a groan.

"really?" you deadpan as hanma shuffles around, gaining more friction as you place a stern hand on his thigh to stop him. Anyone knew when he was in the mood, you could call him an animal in heat. The pure stamina in him was already ungodly, and if he was already close with you? Geez louise

"Pack it up for today kisaki, we have to meet the others today, remember?" hanma says, changing the topic as slid out of the jacket and grabbed his bag with a scowl.

Walking to the restaurant was silent, but chifuyu ran to you and lightened the mood instantly when you all arrived.

"y/n!" he says with a smile as he engulfed you in a warm hug, ruffling your hair with a grin as takemichi waved from behind.

"So just to make sure, y/n will stay with us while y'all stop hakkai?" hanma asks, earning a nod from kisaki and takemichi as you shrink into his jacket. This wasn't going to go smoothly, was it?

----

"Can I go grab a soda?" you ask, wanting nothing more than to get away from everyone as chifuyu nods.

"Sure, but we're going to go inside, okay? stay safe." he says with a thumbs up and a grin as you nod and take off, skipping down the street as you take in the snowy cold air.

You get to the vending machine, taking your time and getting two sodas for good measure, making your way back to the church with a smile. You shoved the sodas in your pocket as you heard yelling and the sound of bikes, the color draining from your face as you ran as fast as you could. You reached the church just in time, rushing into the door and slamming it as the men outside began to pull up.

You sighed to yourself and took out the sodas, setting them on the ground so they could begin to fizz down as you turned around, finding kisaki watching the fight from afar.

"how's it going?" you ask, spooking kisaki as he turned around.

"fine." is all he says, turning back around with a frown as you stood there, puzzled why all of the sudden he was so cold.

"Something happen or..?" you say, catching his attention as he turned around.

"No. Cut the attitude, would ya?" hanma says from behind you, taking your hands into his strong grip and holding them behind your back. He didn't tie them up or anything, he just held them there as he gazed at takemichi getting pummeled.

"Let go hanma!" you exclaim, ripping your hands away and rubbing your wrists with a frown.

The three of you stood in silence, perking up when more, louder bikes approached outside.

“Should we leave now? Mikey has a way with his senses, and it won’t be good once he sees his captains beaten up like this.” kisaki asks, making it more of a retorical question as he was already heading for the exit door to the side.

“and y/n,” he says as hanma walks out, leaving just you and him in this area, “if you don’t want to get caught, i suggested you come with us.” and with that, he shuts the door, leaving you pondering the option.

You hated leaving chifuyu and takemichi, but with mitsuya, you knew they were better off already. Hakkai would eventually come around, you figured, so you pushed open the door, runninng after the two men in the distance with a frustrated huff.

”kisaki!” you yell, catching his attention as a grin spreaded on his face. you had fallen right into their hands without even realizing it. He turned around, his grin completely vanished as he stopped and waited for you to catch up.

“good choice for coming around.” he says, grabbing your hand as he jogs to catch up with hanma, pulling you along the way and ultimately in between them both.

“welcome back, sweetheart!” hanma says with a goofy grin. He always calls you that, but it was different this time as the actions done earlier in the day replayed in your head over and over again.

“hi.” is all you give him as you throw his jacket over his shoulder. He takes it and slips it back on, eyeing you the whole time as you walk down the street.

“hanma, turn, mine.” kisaki says, abruptly pushing you down an alley way to an unfamiliar part of town. You stubbled forward with a grumble yet continued to follow kisaki, hanma in the back on the lookout for other gang members.

After gettung through the alley way, hanma returned to your side and began to lead the way, taking a few more turns befor approaching a tan house. It was basic yet modern, old yet had fresh paint, it was an odd sight indeed.

“is this your house, kisaki?” you ask, glancing over just enough to catch someone out of the corner of your eye. You pushed kisaki forward, pushing him just in time to dodge the bullet as the man took off, disappearing into the shadows without a trace.

Kisaki pushed himself off of the fence with a groan and looked down, looking at the section of the fence that was been shattered to pieces.

“thanks, y/n. didn’t know i had such an enemy.” he says awkwardly as he opened the gate, unlocking the front door and kicking it open before placing the key back under a fake rock to hide it.

“make yourself at home, my parents aren’t home for the rest of the week.” he says, wandering to the kitchen to make something to eat. Hanma slips off his shoes and lays out on the couch, all too familiar with the house having been there countless time before when his fanily was gone.

You slipped off your shoes and awkwardly sat on the couch, finding it too rude to lay down dispite the tiredness overwhelming your eyes. You opted to gaze off, thinking about anyone who could have taken a shot with that good of accuracy that was an enemy of the gang. Or maybe they had been hired…no way, these gangs around here do things face to face. But what-

“earth to y/n, would you like something to eat?” kisaki’s strained voice brought you out of your trance as you shook your head and hid your face in your hands, overwhelmed with the curious gaze of both of then piercing your skull.

“c’mere~” hanma coos, patting his chest as he brushed the gel out of his hair with his hands. As much as you hated to get too comfortable without permission, a lack of sleep with this type of day did not pair well together. You hesitantly laid down on his chest, listening to his slow heartbeat as you gripped onto his shirt.

He brough his hand onto the small of your back, rubbing soothing circles as he fiddled with his hair. Eventually, you got uncomfortable and began to move around, frustrated at how toned his chest was and how uncomfortable it was.like that’s a bad thing

“darl’, you know how this will end.” he groans out, alerting you and kisaki as you sat up with a blush. You leaned back into kisaki, letting out a squeal as you giggled into his chest.

“are they against it or..?” hanma asks as kisaki shakes his head, looking down at you.

“no, i think they want it, yeah?” kisaki teases as you roll over, facing the couch with a deeper blush. There was a moment of silence before you nod, hoping no one would see it, yet to no surprise, they did and moments later, you were thrown over hanma’s shoulder and were escorted off to kisaki’s bedroom.

Hanma threw you on the bed with a grin as he and kisaki looked down at you with hungry eyes. Kisaki was truly an interesting person; one moment he was calm and collected and the next he was just as feral for sex as hanma was on the daily.

“i think they’re waiting, kisaki.” hanma deadpans as kisaki leans down, unzipping hanma’s pants with a frown. He took his cock out, stroking it a few times to get him hard before scooting away, disgusted at the feelings on his hand.

Hanma chuckles and pulled kisaki up by the collar, sitting him on the bed next to you, fiddling with kisaki’s zipper as he reaches in a drawer in search for a condom. He hums when he finds one as he turns back to you and kisaki all layed out for him.

“shit, gonna’ fill you up.” hanma says with a grunt as he shoves all the way in, watching with a drunken gaze as your head was thrown back and you screamed out his name, gripping onto the sheets and kisaki’s thigh for stability.

Kisaki laid back on the bed, turning his head to you to capture you in a small kiss, hoping he wouldn’t get a notice from the neighbors to quiet down due to ‘excessive noise’ like he had before with hanma.

For you, hanma thrusting ruthlessly and kisaki’s gentle kiss was the perfect you needed to send you over into overstimulation rather quickly. For hanma though, just the sight of you so helpless from the overstimulation next to kisaki was just enough to almost make him bust.

“you- nh- you gotta stop squeezing so hard for me, loosen up now, will ya?” hanma says with a strained laugh and a long groan as he bends over into your torso. You took his hair into both of your hands as you squirmed again, tugging on his hair with small moans emiting from your throat.

“can i have some next?”

“kisaki let me enjoy this will you?”

“… but can i get some of that?

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the-knightmare · 7 months

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Rudy's Trick (Louise's Treat)

Happy Halloween! Here is my fic for the @roudiseshipweek Halloween warm up prompt cult classic/picking out costumes. I mixed the two together, and hope you enjoy:

AO3

“Come on, Rudy, the popcorns going to get cold, and I’ve listened to the Halloween theme at least five times already,” Louise called.

She had popped the bag of kernels, drizzled a liberal dose of butter and nacho cheese seasoning over the final product, and set up the DVD minutes ago. All the while Rudy was, as he has told her before disappearing down the hall, putting the ‘final touches’ on his costume for tomorrow’s party.

He had not told her what it was, even after she had pestered him all week. Not even after Louise had promised to tell him her what her, Tina, and Gene were dressing up as before they showed up to Zeke’s Halloween party. And so, Louise resorted to guessing. Each time Rudy just smiled and even if she guessed correctly, he wouldn’t tell.

“If you don’t hurry up, I’m playing the movie without you.”

“Okay, okay,” Rudy said, suddenly behind her and making her jump, “careful, you almost dropped the popcorn.”

Dramatically clutching her chest to hide just how much he had scared her in the growing dark of the evening, Louise twisted around to look up her boyfriend.

Rudy hadn’t been regular-sized since grade nine, which happened to be when Louise had stopped growing. She was the shortest Belcher, which she could live with if she weren’t also the shortest in her friend group.

“Geez, Rudy, way to sneak up on a girl. Is your costume Michael Myers or something?”

Laughing, Rudy shook his head as he sat on the couch next to her.

“I’ve never seen Halloween, or any other slashers, you know that.”

She did. Which is why they were correcting that now. Movie nights had been a staple long before they had started dating halfway through grade twelve. This being their first Halloween as a couple, Louise was determined to start Rudy’s education on classic horror movies.

“And honestly, that’s a shame.”

Neither mentioned how that was technically untrue, as Rudy had been one of the kids traumatized by a certain deli zombie flick back in fourth grade. It was something they didn’t talk about.

Hitting play. Louise settled into the couch. The bowl of popcorn was emptied before Laurie spies Michael Myers watching her from behind drying sheets, leaving an empty space between them. Louise looked at it from the corner of her eye.

“You know,” she started, “if you get scared, I’ll protect you.”

Rudy glanced up from the screen and flashed her a smile, and only said:

“I’ll remember that.

And didn’t move an inch.

Louise turned back to the movie. Watching as Annie got strangled in the garage. She wasn’t scared, she’d seen plenty of scarier movies, but Rudy seemed far away in the dark.

Without making a sound, she moved a hair closer. She kept doing this, shifting just enough to not be noticed. Her plan at getting closer without him nothing was working. Until:

“Oh man.”

Rudy had been silent most of the movie, but Laurie stabbing Michael with knitting needles got a reaction. Which would have been fine, funny even as his uneven reaction to someone being stabbed in the eye, except for Lousie’s position. She had managed to get so close that his mumble sounded much louder in her ear.

Jumping across the couch, Louise felt her face flush. Twice. That was twice tonight that she had been startled by Rudy. A guy so unscary that birds didn’t even fly away when he approached.

Laughing, Rudy turned a lamp on.

The rest of the movie passed with Louise and Rudy on the opposite sides of the couch. Occasionally, Rudy would look at her and giggle. She would respond by scowling with her tongue out in mock indignation.

When the credits finally rolled and the eerie Halloween theme filled the silence, Louise was left to think of what to say next. She was just about to suggest another scary movie when Rudy beat her to the punch.

“My mom won’t be home for another few hours. If you’re interested, we can watch Hocus Pocus next?”

“That’s not even scary,” Louise argued.

“But it’s a Halloween cult classic,” Rudy said, “and we can cuddle, I was missing it a little during the last movie.”

Louise smiled, then quickly turned it into a smirk. Even though they had been dating for almost a year now, and had been friends for much longer, she refused to acknowledge how soft she had gotten when it came to Rudy.

“Well, in that case, sure. Why not? I’ve never actually seen it anyway.”

Rudy clutched his chest dramatically, “you’ve been trying to educate me, when it seems it’s you who’s been deprived of true Halloween must-watches.”

Rolling her eyes, Louise scooted towards him on the couch.

“If you count baby movies as a must-watch, then sure, educate me.”

He assured her it was not a baby movie as he changed the discs. Settling back onto the couch, Rudy didn’t even give her a chance to move before he pulled her into his arms. Louise felt the warmth of his chest against her back and relaxed without a fight. She only squirmed a little, and that was more to settle herself better than defiance.

“Much better,” Rudy said, his voice a low vibration along her spine.

This time, the movie was watched with more of their usual chattering. Quips about the Sanderson Sister’s thinking a sprinkler system was going to kill them and how cool an immortal talking cat would be passed between them with ease.

The next day, she, Tina, and Gene showed up in their costumes, a medley of Studio Ghibli characters, to Zeke’s a little early. They had brought sliders their dad had made, and Tina had roped them into setting up. Louise had only agreed because she liked Zeke, and it seemed like a good idea to be nice to her future brother-in-law.

Zeke, dressed as Ashitaka to match Tina’s Mononoke, had promised her the ability to setup a haunted hallway equipped with all of the affects he and his cousins had put together.

She also got two full sized candy bars of their choice for the help. Which Louise wouldn’t say no to, especially when her Chihiro costume had so many pockets. Who knew working in a hot spring for spirits would have better pocket options than most regular clothes?

Gene, dressed as Howl, had been promised full control over the music. Something he was taking seriously, with a small DJ station that consisted of a laptop and speakers’ setup in a corner.

Alex and Courtney arrived soon after them. Courtney insisted on adding some songs to Gene’s playlist, which devolved into the old argument of her music major versus his natural talents and composition schooling.

“But you guys always come up with something great together, why not work together?”

Alex’s appeal was just another part in the typical argument that formed the trio’s friendship.

Louise only laughed as she passed them on her way to get Zeke’s approval on her hallway setup, only to groan when she turned the corner. Wrapped in Tina’s embrace, Zeke looked a little busy. Which meant that, with only ten minutes until more guests were supposed to arrive, that her handywork would have to do.

It also meant that she would be able to finally see Rudy’s costume.

Except he didn’t show up. At least, not in the first few minutes like he normally did for parties. Not ten minutes late, which he would smile and say made him fashionable late. Jimmy Jr., Andy and Ollie, Kaylee, Susmita, Henry, Arnold, and the rest of the usual suspects filed through the door, but no sign of Rudy.

After twenty minutes, she found Millie and Jessica, dressed as Norman Bates and Mothman, in the corner chatting about horror movies, and joined them.

“Hey, if you wanna take a look at this, we got an illusionary visionary in the house tonight, the Amazing Rudy, and he’s kind enough to perform a trick as a treat!”

Zeke’s voice cut though the sound of conversation and music, catching Louise’s attention at the mention of her boyfriend.

“Tonight, I have one trick, a costume change from man to beast!”

Rudy’s voice had his customary magicians’ cadence, and Louise found herself smiling as she made her way towards the front of the crowd to see. It was almost like he was waiting for her to be in sight before he continued, but Louise knew that timing was a big part of an act, and it wasn’t for her benefit.

But her smile grew even more when she finally caught a glimpse of him. He looked a little silly in the green-black wig, but Rudy’s Haku costume was good. She wondered which of her siblings had told him about their costumes, since she hadn’t revealed it.

“I stand before you as a simple boy, but what you don’t know is,” Rudy raised his arms in a flourish, “my true identity is that of a river spirit!”

Shocked silence, followed by applause and cheers filled the room as Rudy dropped his arms and his costume suddenly changed into a green and white dragon, complete with a detailed mask and horns over his head.

Louise’s jaw dropped. She’d helped with some of his tricks over the years, but this was the best one yet.

“Wow, that was so cool…”

“How’d you do that?”

“…think I saw something like that on YouTube, do you follow…?”

Louise waited until the cluster of people who had swarmed around Rudy dissipated before she approached.

“Some trick, Rudes,” she said, catching his attention.

“Thanks, I made it all myself. I even got to build this cool dragon head hat to go in my collection.”

“Yeah, it is cool,” Louise agreed, “so how did you come up with the idea for your costume?”

Rudy flushed, rubbing his arm, and looking away. He stuttered out the start of an answer, but Louise just punched his arm with a laugh.

“Easy, Rudes, it’s fine. I know I said no couples’ costumes, but this makes me reconsider that. Especially when you can do cool transformations.”

After that, Jimmy Jr. pulled the attention to the dance floor with a dance-off that Gene’s sound effects only made better.

“Hey, you want climb on my back, and I can carry you like in the movie across the dance floor?” Rudy asked, after they watched the Pesto twins spin around.

“Hell yeah!”

Louise launched herself on Rudy’s back and cackled as he took off across the room. They burst into laughter after making their second crossing, Louise sliding off his back to lean against him.

The rest of the night was spent eating treats, dancing with their friends, and watching people get their pants scared off by Louise’s haunted hallway. In all, she would count it as one of the best Halloween party’s she’d gone too.

Later that night, after her shower, Louise returned to her room and saw that a photo was laying on her pillow and remembered someone had brought a polaroid camera. Picking it up, Louise smiled as she saw what it was: her, eyes closed, laughing, as Rudy carried her around on his back.

#roudiseweek2023 #roudise #louwheeze #louise belcher #regular sized rudy #bob's burgers fanfic

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its-not-an-s · 2 years

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Lois jumped as the door bounced off the wall.

“Geeze Louise Clark! Bad day at the office?” She asked quirking a brow.

She sighed and walked over to him.

“If you put the door handle through that wall again I am not patching it.” She says patting his chest. “You okay honey?”

@a-journalist-not-a-lady

His eyes were glowing red, and he had an odd smirk on his face. "Let's go on a trip, my treat, go pack. We could use a vacation, c'mon," he tries to lead her away from the doorway, without her noticing his eyes too much. "Where do you wanna go? I'll take you anywhere"

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rootbeergoddess · 8 months

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Barnaby: Hey, do you guys want to go get some D-E-S-S-E-R-T? Howdy: Yes, I need me a T-R-E-A-T. Wally: Watcha guys talking about? Frank: Yes, why'd you two just spell dess- Barnaby: Nononono Howdy: Shut up, don't say it. Frank: Um, why? Sally: Oh dear, how do we tell you this? Wallaford can't spell. Frank: *stares at Wally* What? Sally: He can't spell! So when we talk about something he wants, we spell it out loud so he doesn't get too excited. Frank: He's a grown man! He can't handle hearing the word 'treat'? Wally: *excited* TREAT? Barnaby: No treat. Wally: TREAT? Barnaby: No treat. Wally: *dejectedly* Aw. Frank: Okay, what is happening. Barnaby: We told, he gets excited when he hears the word T-R-E-A-T. Wally: Watcha talking about? Howdy: Taxes. Wally: Aw shucks. Frank: So what you just treat him like a toddler? Wally: *excited* TREAT? Howdy: No treat! Wally: TREAT? Howdy: No treat! Wally: TREAT? Howdy: No Treat! Wally: *even more dejected* Awwwww Sally: Frank, you must spell the word if you're talking about F-O-O-D. Frank: Okay, so are we getting a S-N-A-C-K? Wally: *excited* SNACK? Barnaby: Oh come on! Howdy: Geeze louise. Sally: Oh really, Frank? Frank: Oh come on, I spelled it! Wally: Well, he knows how to spell snack. Frank: So he can spell snack, but he can't spell treat? Wally: *excited* TREAT? Frank: No treat! Wally: TREAT? Frank: No treat!! Wally: TREAT!? Frank: NO TREAT! Wally: *frustrated* GOD DAMNIT Barnaby: Alright, he's getting fussy. It's time for an N-A-P. Wally: *happy again* Yeah! Frank: What does N-A-P spell? Wally: Party.

#Incorrect Quotes #Welcome Home #Wally Darling #Frank Frankly #Sally Starlet #Howdy Pillar #Barnaby B. Beagle #This is my third time posting this #Source: TikTok #Don't let this flop.#Please

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mannytoodope · 3 months

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Dr.Yap: Hey, guess what? A crazy thing happened to me this morning. Linda: Oh, yeah? Did somebody bite you? Was it me?

Dr.Yap: Nope. Someone stole a magazine from my office waiting area. Can you believe it?

Tina: Oh, no.

Linda: That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? I've never stolen a magazine from an office. Unless I find a recipe I like. Or a perfume sample. Or just for the rush of it.

Tina: Wow. Sorry, Dr. Yap. Did you call the police?

Louise: Or the FBI?

Dr.Yap: Not yet. Pretty nuts, right? I purposely subscribe under the name "Dr. Don't Take This Magazine," so it says it on the address label for everyone to see. And you think that'd be enough. Yep. Bap, bap, bap, bap...

Linda: Well, I hope whoever did that to you gets stung by a bee right on their butt in the crack. Now, how about some nice water?

Gene: I will get the water.

Linda: I mean, I-I'm getting it already. See? Water.

Gene: That water is stale. I'll get some fresh water from the kitchen sink. Sisters? Will you help me fetch the water?

Louise: Eh, seems like a one-Gene job.

Tina: Yeah, you're gonna do great.

Gene: Help me fetch the water!

Louise: Okay, okay. Geez. Gene, what's your deal?

Tina: Yeah, I know you have some spill issues when it comes to water transportation, but you got to face those head-on.

#Bob's Burgers

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smile-files · 1 year

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wally darling's the type of guy to be way too good at hide and seek and way too dedicated to it. he'd go hide in a really good spot and nobody would find him and eventually they'd all give up and go home. but then they don't see him for like a week and they're freaking out and then they finally find him in like... the middle of the woods or something... and they're all like "golly geez louise wally are you okay? where were you??" and he'd just smile and say "i was right here. you found me :)"

#melonposting #spoof #welcome home #wally darling #kin #he is so silly!! so funny!!!#he worries everyone all the time but he just smiles and does not understand

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danpuff-ao3 · 1 year

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Ah, what can I say about Arrisha (@arrisha-ao3)? What a gift to fandom she is! (Or a curse, if you've read her work and are still curled up in the fetal position over them.) (But let's be real...still a blessing!) (Having your heart and soul broken to that extent is brutal, yeah, but it also builds character!)

That is to say...I am blown away by Arrisha's skill. Everything is built for maximum impact. The detail, the prose, the rhythm of her work; the characterizations, the relationship development, the knowledge of human nature, the thoughtful portrayal of emotion...Geez Louise. This is one smart, skillful lady. And she uses all of that mastery to emotionally torment us create art. Not only great works in of themselves, but very bold works. Not merely a clever stringing of words, or an interesting plot, but fearlessly charging ahead with the demands of her muse, and not shying away from brutal tales or tragic endings. Not everyone is built for that sort of storytelling, let alone the risk inherent in sharing said works, not knowing how they will be received. Spine of steel this one, I swear.

So okay, I'm a fan, yeah, what about it? Can you blame me?? But Arrisha is more than just a remarkable creator. She is a very sweet, humble, smart person. One so passionate for fandom, and creation, and with an excellent taste in ships, let me tell you (hehe.) Also, in fics! I made a very wise choice the day I traipsed through her AO3 bookmarks. What a legend, she is! I am so glad to share a fandom space with her, and so glad to know her!

So here are a few fics you should definitely check out. And as a bonus, you can listen to her interview on the Snape Chat podcast here!

Ab Intra, Ab Extra

Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 156,694. Postwar. Character study. Abuse. Dysfunctional relationship. Possessive behavior. Slow burn. Big angst. Series (2 parts.)

Severus Snape has been in prison for the past six years, but it’s not what you think—life in Azkaban is never boring. Yaxley’s atrocious gang is on the rampage (again), the canteen’s newspapers are absolutely scandalous, kitchen duty pays well, and smuggling in potions from time to time grants Severus protection and free tobacco.

His peace of mind is disturbed when Harry Potter comes to visit.

(Now, surely a mischievous secret must be hiding behind that. Only it’s not the one Severus thinks.)

Molly's Advice

Harry/Severus. Rated: M. Words: 7,189. Infidelity. Hinny. Harry/others. Snarry Swap 2014.

Arrisha's other works are highly praised, and rightly so, but this is my personal favorite! It ticks all of my boxes. A short fic that packs a punch. Mega angst. Postwar life not being all Harry hoped. The difficult Snarry dynamic. Chef's kiss, truly, I'm in love!

Snape used to have a secret; Harry only now begins to realise his own.

The Syntax of Things

Harry/Severus. Rated: M. Words: 200,436. Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (reader discretion advised.) Canon compliant. Student/teacher. Slow burn. Fluff & angst. Drama & romance. Forbidden love. Enemies to lovers. Tragedy. Character Study. One of the best!!!!

A short-lived series of private lessons took place after Christmas in Harry Potter's fifth school year, during which Severus Snape attempted to teach Harry the skill of Occlumency. The lessons were ultimately cancelled when Harry was caught prying into Snape's memories, discovering the strangest things: A mysterious prophecy connected Harry's fate with Voldemort's, Harry's dad was an insufferable bully, and Severus Snape had been in love with Harry's mum. Naturally, Harry now has a million questions. Snape would prefer to answer none.

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes. The same question arises in every soul: "For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed?"

...Or, a classic approach to stubbornness.

for an explanation about Mutuals March, or to figure out why i wrote you a thing, please check out this post.

#mutuals march #arrisha #fic recs #snarry

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