#i got unmotivated about half way through

[ravenslvt]

Hi! I saw that you're taking requests, so is it okay if I ask for a spoiled city girl! Reader x country boy! Leon?

Reader's father sent reader to spend the rest of the year at her grandparents because he's had enough tolerating her. Eversince she arrived, yeah, the whole town hated her alright. Her grandparents made her do errands and shit and she'd complain and do it lazily.

Leon on the other hand- who's been hearing rumors about this girl, didn't think that she was that bad until he encountered her himself. And hell, she was way worse that bad.

Possible virgin, kinda innocent (only when it comes to ykyk) reader and brat tamer Leon?

Ignore if you're not comfortable with the idea.

🎀 cowboy!leon s kennedy x f!innocent reader 🎀

cw: smut, implied virgin reader, brat taming, sort of hate sex, p in v, oral m! recieving, v fingering, degrating, edging, light spanking

of course there was no cell service in this shithole. you groaned, falling back onto the white sheets of the squeaky bed of the guest bedroom in your grandparents house.

you had taken a gap year off of college, wanting a break and hoping to ‘find yourself’, but you just got unmotivated. your father asked you for months to find a job in the city, but you’d talk your way out of it everytime. of course, enough was enough and when the time came, he had talked to his own parents and decided to send you over to a small little farm town where they retired to, hoping to shape you up a bit. they owned a quaint farm with chickens, sheep, pigs, all a cute little older couple could ask for.

but it was your own personal hell. having to feed, clean, and even pick up after the smelly animals. at least some of them were cute. no technology to ease your mind. it didn’t help your grandparents made you drive their shitty little red truck into town once a week to get supplies, since you were so ‘nimble’ compared to them. to say the least, the whole town was not fond of a bratty city girl storming irritatingly around. refusing to do work, and even when you did, you just half assed it to get it over with.

the local townies and shop workers alike always stared when you’d walk through town with your cute little purse and skirt that rode up your thighs. it was a hot town, what else were you supposed to wear? older women having to slap their husbands when they oogled for too long at the young woman walking into the supply store. that was until you’d start an argument with another customer. they’d either be judging you or too scared to say a word. sometimes both.

in one instance, there was only one stack of bird feed left, and you’d be damned if you weren’t gonna be the one taking it back to the farm. that was until a prudish older lady grabbed it at the same time as you. your eyes met, challenging each-other. she put on a fake smile. “oh sorry sweetie! need this food for my little chickies at home.” her high pitched voice irritated your head. “oh that’s unfortunate, i need it for the same reason. so if you could take your wrinkley little fingers off of it that would be great.” you yanked it from her hands before she gasped.

“what a disrespectful young lady…” she mumbled, turning around to the door of the door, looking down at her hands as she left. you mumbled a quick curse at her before walking up to the register to pay. the store clerk looked a little nervous, so he rang you up in silence in fear of you lashing out at him.

this was just one of the many incidents since you got sent here.

at least you’d found new hobbies. you started going to the small library whenever you were sent into town. there wasn’t many choices, but that along with a few of your grandma’s books from her collection, you were somewhat less bored. that and you took up sketching. sure this place was boring as fuck, but you couldn’t deny that the scenery was pretty beautiful.

it’s been almost a month since you’ve been here. you silently lounged in the room you’d been staying in, reading some god awful romance novel. you heard your grandma call your name from downstairs. you sigh before getting up. “what?” you yell back, annoyed you got interrupted reading your newly picked up book. she didn’t respond, another tindge of annoyance reaching your skull.

as you walk down the creaky wooden steps, noticing the front door open to find the older woman on the front porch. you heard a deep voice chuckling from outside. walking out, you were greeted with a handsome young man. he only looked two or three years older than you, but he was tall and had a good frame. seems like doing work on a farm for years really builds up muscle. the wrinkled woman calls your name, snapping you out of your trance.

“um, what can i help you with?” you reply, crossing your arms over your chest. the man gives you a smile before holding out his hand for you to shake, lowering his dark grey hat to reveal some of his dirty blonde hair underneath. “i’ve heard a lot about you miss, names leon.” his large hand extends towards you. you just eye it and roll your eyes. “hi? can i go now, nana?” you plead to the woman. she just sighs and puts a hand on your shoulder. “pop and i gotta go into town for a couple days for this chicken auction he’s been wantin’ to go to. our friendly neighbor here offered to help show you around the farm a bit. teach you a few things” she eyes you sternly.

“teach me things? i���m not twelve. i can handle myself” you retort, glaring at the tall man. he just chuckles. he had heard from around town you were feisty, but it was even better to see in person. he rests his hands firmly on his hips.

“promise i won’t get in your way, darlin’. we’re doin’ some renovations on my own house a few miles down the road. your kind grandmother here offered to let me stay in the guest house while they’re gone.” he smiles assuringly. you were annoyed. you had already spent the last thirty seconds planning on sunbathing or sitting in your room, free of any work on the farm.

“i just don’t think this is very necessary. surely you can afford a hotel?” you retort back. your grandma gives you a light smack on the back of your head. “sorry ‘bout her. not from here” she smiles kindly at the young man. you just pout. “yeah, thank god” you mumble, causing you to get another light smack.

“oh it’s no trouble at all. got myself a little cousin back home that’s a bit of a brat too.” he comments, his eyes never leaving yours. your face flushes. “excuse me? a brat? fuck off dude-“ you start. “language!” she scolds you. you mumble a small apology to her while still glaring daggers at leon.

leon just stands there, entertained by your little outbursts. he could tell you really did not enjoy being here, but he was ready to fix that. his gaze shifts down to your attire, you clearly didn't pack for working on a farm. always in cute little outfits that you'd always wear back in the city.

your grandma changed the subject, asking leon a few questions about his family and his own farm. you were lost in your own thoughts. at least you'd be stuck with a hot farmer instead of some old creep. maybe you could just fake flirt with him to get him to do all your chores for you. that should work, right?

after a few treacherous minutes of standing on the badly painted white porch, you said your goodbyes. leon gives your grandmother another respectful handshake and he just tips his hat at you while you just stare, giving a tiny wave before storming back inside.

about two days later you said your goodbyes to your grandparents, they gave you some hugs and kept repeating the list of chores they'd tasked you with. feed the chickens, take out the eggs, you really just blocked out their words from entering your head. you just smiled and nodded, waving at them as they drove off the property.

you gave a sigh of relief, leon wouldn't be here for another few hours so you thought you'd have some 'me' time. taking a long hot bath (your grandparents always got mad when you used up too much hot water), reading your romance novel while relaxing in the warm water. your cheeks flushed at a certain scene in the book. you didn't expect the library to carry a literal smut book. the main male character in the novel was going down on the pretty girl, the writing made your stomach churn in arousal. you'd never read anything so... descriptive before.

right before you could turn to the next page when things were getting more hot and heavy, there was a heavy knock on the door. you jerk up from your laying down position in the bath and sigh, leon was early. you lay your book upside down so you wouldn't loose your place, wrapping a small towel around your figure before fully stepping out, draining the bath. another knock and a familiar voice calling your name. "you home?" he calls. "yeah, hold on!" you scurry around, cursing yourself for not laying out clothes beforehand.

you carefully step downstairs and opening the front door, peeking out. leon had a duffel bag with him with his things in it. "um, yeah?" you say, trying to hide your toweled figure behind the door. he smiles. "just need the key to the guest house, darlin." oh right. you nod, grabbing the key hanging near the door and hand it to him, your fingers brushing slightly, making your cheeks heat up. before he could open his mouth to speak, you shut the door on him unremorsefully. "thanks." he chuckles out, turning to make the walk to the guest house about a hundred feet away from the main house. and of course you were the one who had to clean it up before he got here.

after putting on your favorite outfit and boots, you make your way back downstairs for some water. sipping from the clear glass cup, you notice leon outside the window. he was already getting familiar with the animals. he looked good in his light blue button up shirt, it really brought out his eyes. the way he had rolled up his sleeves so his veiny arms were on display. he was squatted down next to the new baby sheep and was petting her. you pouted, she didn’t even let you pet her. you sigh, placing your glass down before making your way outside.

leon’s head perks up as he notices you walking twords him. he gives you a charming smile, standing up from the baby sheep. you speak first. “she lets you pet her? everytime i come near she yells at me.” you cross your arms at the man. he looks back down at the small animal who gave you an angry look, running off somewhere. “you gotta' know how to approach em’. plus they sense your vibes” he adds, his eyes back on you.

“my vibes, huh? what’s that supposed to mean, mister?” your eyes squint at him, a hint of irritation in your eye. he doesn’t feed into your attitude. “leon” he corrects you.

“leon” you repeat. the way his name sounded rolling off your tounge made his lips quirk up in a small smile.

“now-“ he starts, grabbing a nearby bag and handing it to you. “- better start on those chores, hmm?”. you glare at him, scoffing. “you’re joking.” you retort. he just shakes his head.

“i’m here for a reason, darlin’. best get to work so you can get it over with faster.” he shoves the bag in your arms and you give him your best puppy dog eyes. “c’mon leon. you’re so big and strong, i’m sure you’d get it done a lot faster than me.” you bat your eyelashes at him. he seemed gullible enough to seduce. he just chuckles. “nice try, you’re cute” he says, walking off to leave you to your chores. you groan. “fine…” you mumble, walking off to to collect the chicken eggs.

over an hour later, you lie in the green patch of grass, playing with your nails. pouting that cleaning the coop made you chip one. you’d finished majority of your chores, hoping it was enough to get leon off your back. whenever you’d start to walk away from a task, he’d appear to show you what you did wrong and how to improve. you wanted to punch his pretty face.

you were snapped out of your thoughts as you heard a deep voice approach you. “takin’ a break?” he says, standing over you. you sigh, not even bothering to look up at him. “i finished for today. i’ll do the rest tomorrow or something.” you continue playing with your nails, still annoyed.

he crosses his arms over his strong chest. “you’re quite the lazy girl, y'know that?” you just scoff. “whatever, asshole” you spit back.

“you got a bit of a mouth on you, don’t ya’?” he squats down so he’s level with you. you finally turn to him, glaring. you angrily stand up, dusting yourself off before gasping. “fuck!” you yell, looking down. your favorite skirt had stains of grass and dirt on them. you didn’t realize the grass was wet before you sat down on it. “are you serious?! this is so gross!” you try wiping the stains off, but only making it worse by spreading them around. you notice leon laughing at you. you turn to glare daggers at the now standing man.

“what the hell is so funny?” your face has annoyance all over it.

“c’mon, let me help you get those stains out, sweetheart. wouldn’t want such a pretty skirt to be ruined” he starts to walk twords the guest house.

“i’m not your-“

“you want that skirt clean or not?” he sighs. you silently nod, following behind him. he opens the door to the clean little house, holding it open for you and shutting it once you were both inside. it was surely nicer than the place you were staying in. a big bed against the wall and a little kitchen table. you remembered staying in here with your father when you visited as a kid. you loved it here back then.

he sets his hat on the counter, finally giving you a full view of his parted hair. he was even more handsome without the hat. he caught you staring and you quickly look away.

“gotta' take the skirt off so i can run it in the wash for you before the stains seep in.” he says, leaning against the counter with his large arms crossed over his broad chest. your eyebrow quirks. “um, i’m not doing that”. he gives you a questioning look. “i’m not wearing anything under…” you add. you only wore your panties under, not wanting to ruin the outfit with ugly shorts. he sighs. a thought flickers in his mind of you taking your skirt off, your pretty ass on display for him.

“fine. you can borrow some of my sweats.” he walks over to his bag of clothes, rummaging through until he pulls out a pair of plaid blue pajama pants. you scoff. “these are ugly as fuck, this is gonna ruin my outfit.” you hold up the pants. they were way too big for you. but they smelled like him. woodsy and a hint of pine. he steps a little closer to you. “if you’d rather let that pretty little skirt get ruined, then be my guest.” he says. you have to crane your neck to look up at him. you sigh, taking your shoes off. “you could just change in the bathroom, you know.” he comments.

“well you could also just look away, pervert.” you say, carefully setting your boots on the floor. he puts his hands up in defense, turning and walks somewhere across the room. “y’know, some day that mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble.” his voice is lower now, more serious than before. you roll your eyes, shimmying yourself out of your little skirt. “fuck off. you’re not my father.” you bite back, pulling the loose pants over your hips. “these are too big…” you say, holding the pants up or else they’d fall to the ground. he turns and walks up to you, inches away. he grabs the drawstrings, tightening them so hard that you let out a barely audible gasp.

your eye’s focus on his hands. the way they tied the strings perfectly, patting your hip once he finished. “better now?” he asks, looking down at you. you didn’t say a word, just nodding. he smiles. “no words for me from the mouthy girl?” he says. you huff.

“you don’t know anything about me, leon.”

“i know enough. i know you’re an entitled little brat who needs to be put in her place.” he whispered, leaning into your ear. his hot breath left chills down your neck. you could feel your nipples harden against your top. his arms trapped you against the counter.

your eyes finally pull to his, almost magnetically. “what’s your story then, pretty? refusing to work so your daddy kicked you out?” he guesses. you stay silent. he was right.

“what happened to that little mouth of yours? got nothin’ to say now?” he teases, leaning twords your face. fuck, he knew how to shut you up.

“you- i-“ you stutter, unable to respond. he just smirks. his hand slipping to your waist. “you talk all this shit, but can’t handle it comin’ back to you, can you?” god it was almost like he was getting off on seeing your flustered face.

“fuck you-“

“watch your fucking mouth, princess” he practically growls. his grip on your waist only tightens, making you almost whine. his demeanor completely changing from his lighthearted charming self. you felt yourself getting wet from his words alone.

“or what?” you spit back.

“you wanna find out?”

that’s how you ended up with your shaky knees, pressed against the hardwood floor, leon’s big veiny cock sitting right in front of your eyes. his hand was in your hair as your hands nervously reach out to stroke him. he could tell you were inexperienced.

“what’s wrong, baby?” he coos, looking down at you as your small hand wraps around the base of his large cock.

“i don’t- i’ve never-“

“never had a cock in your mouth?” he asks. you just shake your head nervously. he pulsed at the thought of being the first man to be inside of you.

“ever even kissed someone?” he tilts his head.

“just once…” you pout. you were getting tired of his teasing. he just gives your hair a light tug, making you whine. he uses his other hand to bring his thumb to your bottom, dragging it down. you respond, opening your mouth to suck on his thumb. he presses it into your tongue, you swirl your wet muscle around his finger. “good job, see? you got it” he encourages. he removes his thumb, a trail of spit between your lips and his finger.

“now just open your pretty lips…” his hand cups your jaw, you open your mouth. he slides the tip into your hot mouth before hissing. “no teeth, darlin’.” he warns. you nod, taking him deeper. only halfway in and you’re choking around him. he groans at the way your throat contracts around him.

“fuck, you’re a natural slut, aren’t ya?” he grips your hair, moving you up and down his cock. you whine around him, the vibrations sending more pleasure straight to his dick. he abuses your throat and mouth, watching you as tears well up in your eyes. “look at you. your mouth is so much better around my cock.” he lets out another groan when you suck your cheeks in, sucking him off completely.

“think you can swallow all my cum? or are you too good for that, princess?” his voice was horse and low. you just nod, a tear falling from how deep you were taking him. he curses as his tip hits the back of your throat, thrusting his hips to meet with your head. your nose burried in the base of his pelvis. you shut your eyes tight as you feel his warm release down your throat. after a few more thrusts, he pulls out a bit of a mix of cum and spit falling from your mouth. he cups your face. “swallow it.” you gulp, licking your lips and swallowing everything he gave you. you open your mouth to show him.

“such a good little slut, yeah?” he soothes your hair, wiping the remaining tears from your eyes. your cunt was throbbing with need. you look up at him through wet lashes, your mascara was probably running down your face by now. he grabs your arm to help you stand up. your legs were wobbly and hard to stand on. your panties were probably soaked at this point.

your eyes go to his lips and his smug gorgeous face. “you want a kiss?” he asks, you nod. he just chuckles. “too bad” he says, making you whine.

“leonn” you grab onto his shirt, pleading. he just shakes his head. “you need to learn how to be patient, gorgeous.” he warns, grabbing your wrists. “you and that fucking attitude. gotta do somethin’ about that.” his eyes grow darker.

he had a strong grip on your wrists, firm but gentle enough not to break you. it made you shiver knowing how easily he could. fuck it was hot. “i’m gonna fuck it right out of you. got that?” his head lowers to suck marks into your neck and collar bones, making you groan. he bit down in a particularly sensitive spot, making you cry out his name. he pulls away dragging you to the bed. “lay down on your stomach” he commands. your eyes grow wide, about to object until his brows furrow. you lie down on your stomach, your feet dangling off the edge.

you turn to look at leon over your shoulder, yelping when he drags you so your legs hung off the edge of the bed. he quickly pulls the string of your his pants before ripping them down your legs. you gasp at the cold air hitting your bare legs, your panty clad ass on display for him. he gives it a good smack, making you give another yelp into the sheets.

“you’re fuckin’ soaked through your panties. i’ve barely even touched you” he gives a small laugh before pulling your white panties off. his large skilled fingers run through your folds, making you squirm.

smack

“stop moving”

he admired the large hand print he left on your ass, feeling his dick harden again. he started with pumping one finger into your tight little hole, making you gasp. it hurt for the first few seconds, but eventually faded into throbbing pleasure. you let out mewls of enjoyment, crying out into the sheets below you as he jackhammered his finger into your sopping cunt, adding another finger to stretch you out.

“ohmygod leon!” you cry, muffled by the blanket. you’d never felt absolute overwhelming pleasure like this before. it was fucking addicting.

his fingers curled inside of you, hitting a spot that made your belly fill with a hot pleasure. you were so close, so fucking close. right when you were about to cum, he pulls his fingers out.

“leon!” you yell, looking back at him.

“told you i was gonna teach you how to be patient, didn’t i?” you wanted to wipe that smug ass smirk off his face.

you were practically drooling onto the sheets. tears falling down your face as leon edged you for the fifth, sixth time? you’d lost count after the third. “fuck leon! please please please let me cum, m’so close please!” you cry into the bed, resorting to begging. your attitude thrown out the window whenever he curls his fingers inside of you.

“since you asked so nicely…” his thrusts his fingers at a delicious speed, fucking you until you cried out his name. you clenched around his fingers, gripping onto the sheets as your vision blurs. his fingers fuck into you as you cum, coating the sheets and his hand.

“look at you. fuckin' dripping down my wrist.” he groans. he flips you so you’re on your back. you were panting, mascara completely running down your cheeks and a fucked out look on your face. he brings his fingers to your mouth and you immediately open them for him, licking yourself clean off his hand.

“that’s my girl” he praises, making you tingle. you were still coming down from your high, staring at him blissfully. his fingers leave your mouth with a pop. you watch his expression through your lashes.

“you’re so much prettier with your mouth filled.” he smiles, leaning over you. “i think you deserve that kiss now, don’t ya think so?” he asks. you nod. “yes please”

his mouth meets yours in a hot feverish kiss. his hand coming to grip your hair. he bites your lip hard enough to make you gasp. your pussy throbs with need of being filled by him. “leon, please” you beg through the kiss. he pulls away, looking at you.

“what is it, sweetheart?” he kisses down your jaw.

“i-i need you inside, please!” you beg, looking down at your bare cunt.

“aww, you just want my cock so bad, hmm? who am i to deny such a slutty girl what she wants.” he sits up, dragging his long cock up and down your wet folds. when his head caught on your clit, it made you shiver. he teases you, catching his tip on your hole before rubbing up and down again. you whine. he gives you a stern look.

“m’sorry” you pout. he chuckles, slowly dipping his thick head into your tight hole. he eased himself in, making your jaw slack open. once he was fully seated into you, your brows furrowed at the stretch. “hurts, s’too big!” you cry out. he tsks.

“you wanted this, didn’t you?” he pulls out just to push himself back into you with a powerful thrust. “fuck, you’re sucking me in, baby. must be so worked up. is this why you’re such a bitch all the time? never gotten dicked down properly?” he teases as he thrusts in and out of your abused pussy.

you mewl when his cock hits a deep spot inside of you, but it wasn’t enough. he sensed your need, grabbing your legs and putting them over his shoulders to thrust even deeper into you. the angle made you scream out. your fingers grip into the sheets again. one of his hands find your clit, pinching it.

“y’feel so fucking perfect. like you were made for me.” he groans, loosing his composure. his thrusts got more intense, faster, and sloppier. but still felt heavenly. the mix of his cock hitting your soft spot along with him playing with your clit, you squeeze around his cock, about to cum. drool fell from the corner of your mouth as your tits bounced in your shirt as you came closer and closer to the edge.

“gonna-gonna cum!” you scream. he only goes faster.

“gonna cum with you, baby. bein’ so fucking good for me.” he gets more vocal when he’s closer to cuming. he didn’t know what felt better, your hot mouth or your hot tight pussy. there was sweat dripping down his neck. you wanted nothing more than to lick it up, but didn’t dare move in fear of him not letting you cum. he was in full control. with a few final thrusts, you finish around him with a loud moan. he follows suit, his hot seed filling you to the brim.

you are both panting at this point, but he’s still half hard inside of you. you look at him with heavy, confused eyes when he doesn't make a move to pull out.

“oh, we’re not done until you’re begging me to stop, pretty girl.”

“wow! this place looks amazing! you guys did a great job around the farm!” your grandma smiles at the handsome young man. he gives her his classic innocent charming smile.

“can’t take all the credit, m’aam. your granddaughter did most of the work.” his strong hands rested at his hips.

“how in the world did you get her to do that!?”

you watch from the porch, wearing a sweater to cover all the marks leon had given you. everytime you’d complain about a task, he’d bend you over and fuck you until you were crying for him to stop at the overstimulation.

the older woman called you over to have you help with leon’s bag. you sigh, walking over as she walked away to talk to her husband.

“you still never gave me my panties back…” you lean against his truck, looking up at him. he chuckles, running a hand down your arm.

“think of it as your parting gift to me, darlin’” he says, giving your arm a squeeze before shouting a goodbye to your grandparents and giving you one last wink and a tilt of his hat before stepping into his truck.

maybe this town isn’t too bad….

masterlist

a/n: i got a little carried away with this i just loveddd this prompt. tysm for this request!!!

#x reader #reader insert #smut #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy smut #resident evil smut #leon smut #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy #leon resident evil #re4 leon #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy smut #leon s kennedy fanfiction

[spctrsgf]

the cantina

summary: men at a cantina are never a good sign. luckily, you’ve got one small trick up your sleeve that you didn’t even know you had. 

word count: 2.3k

warnings: f!reader (din uses the nickname “sweet girl,” I'M SORRY I COULDN'T PASS THE OPPORTUNITY UP), mentions of sex, protective din (deserves his own warning), fluffy as hell

a/n: i am SO sorry for my lack of activity, i've been so unbelievably unmotivated :((( here's an old fic i wrote because protective din has my heart and soul<3

“Hey.” Your head picks up at the sound of Din’s modulated voice, dragging you out of your head. The kid lets out a garble as your attention turns away from rubbing between his ears, but he quickly quiets when you resume your earlier motions. “Mhm?” Your eyes land on the thin strip of glass on his helmet in an attempt to hold his own gaze.

“Would you like to come with us?” 

Your eyebrows furrow. “To?”

Din’s helmet lifts as if in confusion, and it seems to hit him that he never vocalized his plan. “Into town. I need to meet Karga and the kid needs food.”

You look down at the kid, his pearly black eyes now pleading, and relent almost instantly. “Sure.”

Din nods, leaning against the wall as you get yourself together. You could feel his eyes tracking your moves, even through the visor, but he wasn’t judging. Just observing. It’s slightly unnerving, but you try to let it slide off your back. Pulling on a light jacket and sealing the kid in his capsule, the three of you then head on your way. 

You follow Din as he weaves diligently through both buildings and people, but it’s not like anyone’s really getting close. The locals lend you the courtesy of their attention as you pass, stopping to watch with folded emotion. Maybe they don't get many passersby here. 

Nonetheless, the harsh stares punch and stab their tiny claws into you as you fold in on yourself. The new notion makes you unbearably uncomfortable. In contrast, Din stays tall in front of you, the beskar wrapped around him serving as a barrier.

You drop your head at the snarl of one man you made the mistake of connecting eyes with, picking up your pace. As your footsteps become mindless, your mind prepares to delve into itself with the questions you’d since busied yourself away from since leaving the Crest. 

Why did he offer to take you with him?

Why was he talking to you now? He used to be so quiet.

Did he feel unsafe without you?

No, that wasn’t it. You couldn’t protect him half as well as he could on his own under all that armor. Hell, he was the one protecting you. 

Was he worried about you?

No, let’s be realistic here. He’s worried about the kid, and the kid’s recently taken a liking to you. Din wasn’t worried about you, he didn’t return your feelings…

You yelp as you nearly run into the said man’s back, avoiding a gnarly bruise from the rocket he had strapped on. Din turns, and you take a step back with increasingly red cheeks. “Sorry. I didn’t know we had stopped,” bubbles out of your mouth. 

He doesn’t say anything, just holds open the door for you to step in. It wasn’t meant to be rude, you know; he just didn’t talk unless he had to.

But, he didn’t have to ask you if you wanted to come earlier, he could have just told you to-

You squash that thought as you step into the cantina, straightening your shoulders. The atmosphere squeezes the air out of your lungs as everyone turns towards you. Or more accurately, Mando. 

He nudges you in gently as he sweeps past you, Karga already having his ecstatic greeting halfway out of his mouth.

You hover near the door, unsure of what to do. Sighing, you stride towards the bar, deciding to buy a drink and keep yourself occupied until Mando is done. You feel a cascade of eyes on you again, but this time, they’re on you for a different reason. You will your shoulders to not slump as you pull at your attire, now hating the way it hugged your form.

You gingerly place yourself on a barstool, ordering a random soda in a haste to have something to do. The bartender droid slides the drink to you, but before you can catch it, a hand reaches out to grab it.

“Put it on my tab.” The man next to you says as he plops himself onto the seat next to you. You reach out with a hand that shivers to grab the drink, meeting his gaze with a small smile.

“Thanks, but I can pay for it.” 

The man shakes his head. “How could I let someone as stunning as you pay for it? Please, allow me.” 

“Alright then. Thank you.” You take a sip of the drink. He seems nice enough. 

“I’m Qui.” He holds his hand out.

You respond with your name, meeting him halfway to shake, but instead of doing that, he lifts your hand to his mouth, placing a kiss on the back of it. 

You swallow deeply, retracting your hand. Is he flirting with me? Your brain swirls with this newfound discovery. No, that’s bullshit, don’t push it. Your eyes flick across his face quickly before dropping down to your drink. He wasn’t that cute at all, really. You much prefer men that wear a beskar helmet and have a kid with big green ears.

…too specific?

You could feel Qui’s gaze on you as you watch the condensation drip down the side of your glass, hovering in places that make you squirm. Oh Maker. You shift uncomfortably, apparently wiggling too much for the man next to you. His hand shoots out to grip your arm alarmingly fast, and you freeze, unsure whether or not to push him off. “Aren’t you gonna finish that drink, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart. You hate that nickname. 

You cough to clear the shake in your voice, turning to meet his intense purple eyes. “I’m okay, thanks. I actually have some business I need to attend to, but thanks for the chat. And the drink.” You turn to walk away, but his hand grips your arm harder, yanking you into his chest. 

“I’ll come with you. Someone as attractive as you shouldn’t be walking home alone.” His eyebrows wiggles suggestively. 

You shake your head, pulling away from him again. “I’ll be fine, really. It’s just a few blocks away.”

Qui puffs out his chest slightly. “Are you sure?”

You nod, expelling out a quick; “Yep!”

“Could I get a method of contact then, love?”

Love. You only want to hear that one from one person's mouth, and it definitely wasn’t Qui’s.

“Uh, maybe another time?” You back up slightly, unsure of how to reject someone when it’d been so long since you’d been asked.

Qui surges forward and grips your arms again. “C’mon, please? You know you wanna meet up with me again.” 

Maker, how big is this man’s ego? It certainly wasn’t helping that everyone’s now turning to watch the scene unfold in front of them, none even thinking of reaching out a helping hand.

You yank yourself from his hands, taking on a sense of urgency. “No. I said no.” 

Qui’s face twists into a sour frown, jutting out a quip of your name and then “Give me fucking something to contact you with.” 

“N-“

Qui leans in, and you could smell the foul smell of alcohol reeking from his breath. “I said give me something. I won’t ask again.”

“Please stop.” You put your hands up and step back, beads of sweat rolling down your back. 

“Give it!” He yells, and if people weren’t looking then, they sure are now.

You decide that words weren’t going to get through to this man, no matter how hard you tried. Frozen in place, you brainstorm as quickly as you could. You need something that would threaten him, or even someone-

“Is there a problem here?” 

Ah. Like that.

You hear Mando come up behind you, jumping slightly when his hand grips the side of your waist as he comes to stand next to you. Qui frowns, muttering your name in confusion. “Who’s this-“

“I’m a Mandalorian.” Mando didn’t offer his hand out, only a tilt of the helmet.

“Well yeah, I see that-“ he turns to you with a sickeningly sweet smile. “C’mon, you're hanging with him? Ya haven’t even seen his face, I bet.” 

Mando’s hand tightens around your waist, and if looks could kill, Qui’d be fucking dead. A pile of fucking bones.

You surge out of Mando’s grip in a wave of anger, coming up to Qui’s chest. “I don’t need to see his face to know he’s not a fucking asshole like you.” 

Qui’s smile only falters for a few seconds before it renews even brighter. “Ah, I’m an asshole like this? Because you might be saying something different if you and I left right now.” 

Qui’s hand raises to grip your hip, but you’re being yanked backwards into a metal covered chest before he can do so much as move. Your shoulders relax as you puff out breaths of air, coming down from your surge of anger. Mando wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you both diligently out of the cantina, dropping a few credits to a waitress on your way.

The walk back to the ship is quiet, and you’d assume Mando is upset at you if it weren’t for the hand that grips your shoulder tightly. You and the kid are ushered in before Mando closes the hull door almost aggressively.

You busy yourself with situating the kid as Mando watches the door close, silent. The green eared menace is already half asleep, so you don’t bother taking him out of his pod, only wrapping a blanket around him. 

You go to turn around to plot the coordinates to your next destination, knowing that Mando is preoccupied in the depths of his helmet, but when you turn, you nearly bump into the said man.

His hands fly to your cheeks in a millisecond, tilting your face left and right as if you had just been in a fight. You let him turn you around to fully assess you, confused at display of affection. As soon as you come back to face him, your eyes dart around his visor like you would be able to read him.

“Are you alright?” Mando’s voice cuts through the silence of the hull. “I- I’m okay, yeah.” You mumble, going to tilt down your face.

A gloved hand catches your chin and tilts it back towards him. “That’s not very convincing.”

“Mando, im fine-“

“Din.”

Your breath catches. “Um, yeah. Din, I’m fine. Just a little shaken, I’ll be okay. I think.” You lift up a hand that’s shivering as if it’s cold.

“You’re okay,” He states, and upon hearing two words that you’d never thought you’d hear from Din’s mouth, you relax slightly into his infinitely stable grip. “He’s not here.”

You nod, believing him. You go to pull away, feeling better now, only for the shock of the whole experience to hit you like a truck. Your chin wobbles as tears threaten to spill over the ducts of your lids. 

Din’s helmet lifts up sharply, and if you weren’t so focused on crying in front of the strongest man you knew, you would have registered it as fear. Your eyes flick downwards as a tear slipped out, not wanting to look at him. His hand shifts to your jaw as he wipes the tear away with a care you’d only seen him extend to the kid, gloves kissing the skin of your cheek. 

“I’m sorry,“ you burst out of Din’s grip in embarrassment, hiding your face. “This is stupid, I shouldn’t be crying-“

“No,” Din snarls, the ferocity of the word causing your head to shoot up. “No, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault, it’s that idiot’s fault for touching you,” his hands grab at your forearms like a little kid and drags you towards him again, capturing you in a tight hug. “I swear I would’ve- I wanted to-“ he takes a deep breath. “You’re okay.”

You two stand like that for a while, Din whispering reassurances that you weren’t sure were for you anymore. You cry a storm and a half into the crook of his neck, between the lip of his helmet and the edge of his undershirt, finally calming down enough to pull away some minutes later.

But, when you move to pull back, Din’s arms don’t budge. You relent your efforts almost immediately, knowing deep down in your gut that both you and him need this connection now. You weren’t complaining, anyway– this is something you’d wished would happen for so long. Maybe not under these circumstances, but you would take whatever you could get.

“Din,” you mumble into his shoulder. “I’m okay. I’m here.” 

“Please don’t leave.” He barely says those three words, but you hear them loud and clear.

You tighten your grip on him. “I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me now.” 

He let out a huff of air, and you couldn’t tell whether it was a huff or a laugh. “You were never a nuisance.”

You flush. “Ah, well that’s good news.” 

Din let his helmet drop to your shoulder, the cold beskar a contrast to your burning skin. “You’re amazing. I don’t deserve you, sweet girl.”

Sweet girl. Now that was a nickname you could get used to. In fact, you already loved it.

#din djarin #din djarin fluff #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin imagine #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian fluff #pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x reader #star wars #star wars imagine

[henrioo]

°•*⁀➷ ORANGE THEORY: TRIO MONSTER

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : "It seems that if your lover peel an orange for you without you asking him first, then that means they really love you, since they can do things for you without you even asking they for that."

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ : Male! Reader (can be trans or cis), MLM, homo relationship, man x man relationship, Sanji and Zoro bickering in their scenarios, it's mentioned that the reader likes orange and likes food in general, gay being used in a way to make the other embarrassed (not using for you), term men-kisser, Sanji is a little pervert about your male body (nothing too weird), a lot of terms and nicknames for male people

꒰ WC ꒱ : 1,6 in all, 300 for Luffy, 772 for Sanji and 576 for Zoro

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : So lol I wanted to do this one because I saw a lot of those one week, then I though was fair for boys having that too. I planned to post this some week ago, but I passed through a lot of things so I got a little unmotivated, but now since I have 700 followers from the night to the day I think I have to give everyone more content, so hm here it is, for all those people... Jesus this is scary, I'm still gonna make an official post for celebrating the followers, but I'm planning a thing for that so maybe it will take a while, but it's coming and with some present for you guys. Enjoy!

➤ Luffy

Naive of you to think that you would need to go to Luffy, the moment you appear on the deck with an orange for your snack, your boyfriend is already on top of you with his arms wrapped around your waist and drooling all over the fruit.

“Hey (y/n), did you get it for me?” He would ask laughing as you huffed at his insatiable hunger.

“No, for me, why would I get it for you?” You said feigning anger with a pout on your lips.

“Because…” Luffy made a hurt face, with big puppy dog eyes and a truly hurt pout. “Because you are my boyfriend and your duty is to feed me!” He said irritated and rocking you in his arms.

You just laughed, Luffy almost never called you his boyfriend, only at appropriate times for him, like now. The boy might have an airhead, but he knew that using titles like that would make you melt and fulfill his every desire.

“That goes for you too” you snorted, offering him the orange “You’re also my boyfriend so you should feed me too” you said laughing at his logic, but still finding it cute.

Luffy just let you go and took the orange in his hands, you were distracted to answer something to Usopp and took your eyes off the boy. Soon you felt him poking you and when you turned around you found Luffy offering you half of the peeled orange.

"Here! Now we’re even, you fed me and I fed you!” He said laughing as he stuffed half of the orange into his mouth and ran off to do something else.

Simply leaving you there with half an orange in your hand, red cheeks and a racing heart. Besides, of course, the obvious certainty that you loved Luffy.

➤ Sanji

It's impossible for Sanji to leave you hungry, he has a biological clock that works solely to always give you treats and small snacks between important meals. It's easier for you to get tired from eating so much than to actually get hungry around this man, especially when you're his boyfriend, and therefore his number one priority.

You had just helped Nami and received one of her precious oranges as a reward, so you decided it was a good snack until lunch time that was approaching. You entered the kitchen and sat at the counter, placing your orange there so you could eat.

“Do you need anything my beloved (y/n)-kun?” Sanji asked, looking at you over his shoulder as he continued preparing for lunch.

“No, I just wanted to stay here with you for a while” you answered him with a smile, Sanji didn't usually let you help him with most of the main meals, he said that the pressure of having to finish the meal on time for everyone was bad for your skin. He would prefer that you could cook calmly and calmly, making meals without a delivery date. That's why you usually only watched him cook the main meals, already knowing that he would refuse your help.

“You are so lovely Mon ange, I am so lucky to have you” he said, sighing dramatically with heart eyes as he turned to you with a lovestruck face, he quickly noticed your orange with curious eyes. "An orange?"

“Huh? Oh yes, I was helping Nami and she gave me one” you explained to him, knowing that he would be curious that you had a snack that he didn't give you.

Before any other movement was made, you heard Nami calling you on the main deck urgently. You huffed angrily and got up, telling Sanji that you would be right back while he opened the kitchen door to resolve whatever situation they needed from you.

When you came back a few minutes later, sitting at the counter again, you noticed that your orange was gone. You looked around looking for the fruit, it wasn't anywhere else on the counter, nor on the table, nor had it fallen on the floor or anywhere nearby.

“Sanji? Have you seen my orange?” You asked, not remembering taking the fruit with you.

“Just a moment my dear” Sanji said, still fiddling with something with his back to you. Confused, you followed his order and waited in silence.

Then your blonde boyfriend turned around and handed you a plate with your orange, but very different from the orange you had initially left. Now it was completely cut and all the pieces separated, that white part that you always complained about was gone and the slices were positioned to form a heart, in addition to, of course, a toothpick stuck into them with a heart design on top.

“You already work so much with those idiots, you shouldn't tire your beautiful male hands…” Sanji said and quickly fell silent, you felt like he was going to say a perverted sentence but he held himself back to keep the moment cute.

“Ah, Sanji, this is so cute” you said, observing the dish that was so well crafted, you hadn't even asked him and yet he did everything as if it were his duty. “Thank you for that love,” you said smiling at him.

Sanji stared at you in silence for a few minutes with flushed cheeks and a shy smile... and then he lost control.

“Ah, my dear (y/n)-kun! Please don't waste your compliments on me! Oh, you are such a kind man! A true gentleman! I could do anything you want my beloved prince! I will serve you all the days of my life and protect your beautiful strong manly body! Oh you are so sexy my dear (y/n)-kun! You are the most handsome man on the entire planet, I am so lucky to be your boyfriend! Please marry me and be my husband!”

You didn't even need to react as Zoro entered the kitchen yawning. “Can you stop being gay, cook? There are people wanting to have lunch”

“Who are you calling gay you little shit?!” Sanji shouted angrily.

“You, man-kisser,” Zoro shot back angrily.

“Listen here, the only man I kiss is my beloved (y/n)-kun and I would rather die than kiss anyone other than him!”

“Still a man-kisser” You decided to ignore them fighting while you ate your oranges… Sanji might be a bit exaggerated but you knew he loved you and you loved him even more.

➤ Zoro

You plopped down next to your boyfriend, sitting next to him against the ship. He complained with a huff about you disturbing him in his nap, since you were practically lying on top of him. So he decided to open his eyes to see what you were doing.

There you were smiling as you held an orange in your lap, you looked beaming as you shouted something to Luffy and Chopper in the distance on the other side of the ship.

"What is that?" Zoro asked about his fruit.

“Hmm? Snack” you said smiling childishly “Sanji gave it to me when I said I was hungry, cool right?” You said excitedly, when it came to eating you were always happy.

But the mention of the cook made Zoro lose all the excitement he gained seeing his cuteness, what was that stupid cook thinking? Sure, Sanji practically hated men and would never be with one, but you were still Zoro's boyfriend! Sanji couldn't just be nice to you like that! That was only the swordsman's right!

You seemed to ignore your boyfriend's instant bad mood, you didn't usually care about Zoro's jealousy, always saying that he exaggerated too much sometimes. Not that it was a lie, but that didn't stop him from feeling jealous. He snorted thinking about millions of things, did you like the cook more because of his kindness?

While you were distracted screaming and talking to your captain about something stupid, Zoro stole the orange from your lap and started peeling the fruit as best he could, after all his anger told him to throw that fruit into the ocean or else throw it at the head of that idiot blonde.

When you stopped talking and went to get your fruit you noticed it was missing, you immediately became desperate for having lost your snack. “Zoro, have you seen my orange?!” You asked looking at your boyfriend, had Luffy caught her while you were distracted?

When you looked over at Zoro, you found him offering you a piece of orange, which was now peeled in his lap and he was separating the slices.

“Huh? Why is this out of nowhere?” You asked curiously, of course Zoro also had his moments of kindness, but you thought there was something behind this action today.

"Do you want it or not? I thought you liked gentle men” he said irritably as his face turned red and a frown formed on his face.

“Huh?” You had to think for a few seconds, but soon you connected all the dots. “Oh! Were you jealous of Sanji? Oh, aren’t you a cute boyfriend?”

"Shut up idiot!" Zoro shouted as he angrily shoved the piece of orange into your mouth, forcing you to chew and swallow the fruit.

You continued laughing as Zoro cursed you and tried to make you swallow all the orange he peeled for you. Whether he was trying to feed you or kill you, you didn't know.

“Sanji! Zoro is trying to kill (y/n) by choking on an orange!” Luffy shouted, amused by the scene.

“Zoro, stop wasting my orange!” Nami shouted angrily at him.

In the end Zoro decided that he would be the one to bring you snacks, every time you went too long without eating he would show up with something stolen from the kitchen. He had to make sure he marked his territory and let you know he could be gentle too.

#one piece x reader #one piece imagine #anime imagines #one piece x male reader #one piece x masc reader #one piece x trans male reader #one piece x transmasc reader #x male reader #x masc reader #trans male reader #male imagines #male reader #friendly boys imagine blog #boys blog only #sanji x male reader #zoro x male reader #luffy x male reader #sanji x reader #zoro x reader #luffy x reader #one piece x you #one piece imagines

[bagopucks]

C. Caufield - She’s Taller

✄————————————

Cole Caufield x Reader

Requested✨

Word Count: 4.7k

Warning(s): little bit of body insecurity, making out, undetailed mention of grinding, implied sex.

It was proofread, like.. once. And then I proofread in random spots after.. so.. yeah.

—————————————

“How long are you gonna stare this girl down? It’s starting to become creepy.” Trevor startled Cole out of his trance, the blonde jolting and stepping away from the window.

“She’s so pretty.”

“I’m sure she thinks that about the creep in the window too.” Quinn quipped from the couch, the occasional soft click of controller buttons balancing the conversation and the background noise.

“Why don’t you go and talk to her anyway?” Jack sat on the arm of the couch, a freshly opened beer in his hand.

“Cause she’s huge!” A choir of “woahs” and gasps broke out. A misunderstanding leading to the immediate shock of every man in the room.

“Cole! Buddy, you can’t go weight shaming people.” Trevor scolded with a shake of his head.

“No! No it’s not- god no.. it’s her height.” Heads turned in his direction. Cole felt his cheeks flush. He’d liked tall girls before, but he never went after them. It was never about his masculinity either.. it was more so the fact that he never wanted to go through the trouble of getting his hopes up. Tall girls didn’t like short guys.

“She’s taller than you.” Quinn’s lips tugged into a cheeky smirk.

“Yeah. Girls don’t like guys shorter than them.” Cole stated, ‘matter of factly.’

“She might like you.” Trevor coaxed. “Go say hi. Just- puff your chest out a little and.. I don’t know, try a pair of heels?” A few quiet snickers drowned out the silence. Cole sighed and pursed his lips.

“She’s probably got a boyfriend anyway.” The second he started talking himself out of it, the video game controllers were tossed down. The boys could tease and torment their short friend all they wanted, but they never let Cole beat up on himself.

“You stare at her every day. She’s gonna think you’re a creep if you don’t just talk to her. If you don’t ask her out at least wave so she doesn’t get uncomfortable.” Quinn folded his arms across his chest, eyeing the blonde by the window. Jack climbed off the arm of the couch and made his way over to Cole, grabbing ahold of his friend’s arm.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Jack tried, guiding Cole toward the door.

“She laughs at me.”

“Who would do that?” Luke asked absentmindedly, his tone flat, but everybody knew he was being sarcastic. Cole glanced back at Luke, half offended, half concerned.

“Not helping, Luke.” Jack called to his younger brother before he pulled the door open. He stepped out onto the front porch with Cole. The blonde barely registered what was happening until Jack led him to the patio steps.

“Look. She’s sun tanning in the grass. Not a single soul in sight, and we haven’t seen a dude go in or out of that house all week.” Trevor stood in the doorway while Jack spoke.

“She’s your bird man. Go do a little mating dance and squak at her.”

“That is the most unmotivating thing you could have said.” Cole ran his hands through his hair and drew in a slow breath.

“You got this.” Jack encouraged. “She might not even stand up.”

“I’m gonna go talk to her.” Cole became suffocatingly aware of his height the second he stepped off the last step of the deck. He had never been so anxious to speak to a woman before. Girls shorter than him had never been a problem. Girls taller? He hadn’t explored that world. It was safer not to.

The second he got across the street, Cole started to brainstorm his opening line. Something smooth. Something creative.

-pov switch-

Sunglasses were my closest friend. When my girl-friends informed me we were getting a lake house for the summer, I thought they were crazy. I much preferred real beaches over lake beaches. When we arrived though, I decided to be optimistic. The first few days were primarily spent taking time to move in and get familiar with the surroundings. Halfway through the week I’d been on the front deck when a group of boys arrived at the house across the street. They were all fairly handsome, but there was a particular blonde I enjoyed eyeing when he was outside. My friends called it weird, but none of those boys had been any wiser. They couldn’t see my wandering eyes beneath my sunglasses.

I had gone out to tan for the first time that week, as opposed to most mornings when I’d merely lounge on the porch with a glass of coffee or an energy drink. I enjoyed the peace of laying in the sun, expecting to have a calm day. Until a voice ripped through the air above me.

“Hey!” He startled the shit out of me. I sat up immediately, head lifting to spot the man who startled me. The cute blonde.

“What?” It came out harsh, but in my defense, he scared me. I couldn’t tell if the sharpness in my tone made him pale, or if his complexion was simply like that.

“I uhm.. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just-“ he had nothing. “You’re really pretty.”

Pretty was new. It wasn’t sexy, hot, smokin. It was pretty. Not lustful or laced with ulterior motive. I slowly sat up, a smile settling into my features. I allowed my eyes to rake over his appearance. Gym shorts and a white shirt with what appeared to be a sports logo on it. Nothing special. Until I took a look at those blue eyes, and that shaggy blonde hair. And the fact that he was polite enough to deliver a genuine compliment. I decided it fair to give him the time of day. I’d only been eyeing him up every time he came out of that house.

“What’s your name, Casanova?” I asked, resting my sunglasses on top of my head.

“Cole. You?” I introduced myself after him, the smile on his lips putting his beautiful white teeth on display. I finally stood up to properly speak to him. We were eye level for a moment, then we weren’t. He cringed. My brow furrowed.

“Sorry.” I wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, but I could almost assume by the way his confidence crumbled, that it was the height difference that bothered him. It made me smile. I’d been taller than guys before. Not one had ever apologized. They usually resorted to insulting or acting like they lost interest.

“You’re handsome.” I complimented gently. His face lit up, and I wished I could have documented that reaction for a lifetime. My gaze only shifted when I saw movement from behind him. The faces peeking out of the windows in the house across the street. “Got friends betting on this?” I asked, somewhat amused. When Cole looked back, I heard him groan.

“No. They just- they’re stupid. I’m sorry about them too.”

“Quit apologizing.” His gaze returned to me swiftly, and I offered an encouraging smile. “We can talk inside for a bit if you’d like? It’s a lot more private than the front yard.”

“Are you sure?” Despite his excitement, I could see the hesitance. “I’d hate to intrude.”

“Nobody‘s home, Cole. Come on. I need water anyway. It’s hot out here.”

Cole spared a glance back at his friends before he followed me inside. I pushed the door shut and led him into the kitchen, pulling my hair down from the bun it had previously been in.

“Where are you from?” I asked opening the fridge to grab two bottles of water.

“I came here from Montreal.”

My brow rose in surprise, I tossed one of the bottles in his direction. He seemed to have no issue catching it.

“What kind of job do you have?”

“I play hockey.” I cracked open the seal of my water and twisted the cap off.

“For the Canadiens?” It was his turn to be surprised.

“You a sports fan?”

“Now I am.” It was shameless flirting, but I enjoyed watching his cheeks flush. Cole’s lips turned upward in another smile, a quiet giggle escaping.

“You’re pretty good at this.” He commented, taking a sip of his own water.

“Is it working?” I leaned forward against the counter, setting my water down.

“Depends on what your goal is.” A little hard to get never hurt. It brought a smile to my lips.

“To go on a date with this famous Cole from Montreal.” His eyes lit up.

“Tonight?”

“Oh bummer..” I put on theatrical disappointment, watching his face fall. “I’m busy tonight.” And I truly was. I already had plans with my girls.

“That sucks.” He sounded nervous, like he couldn’t tell if he was being turned down or not.

“Ask me again tomorrow.” I eased his worries, standing upright.

“I’ll get a yes?” Cole asked.

“Probably.” I shrugged, watching him chuckle. “Most likely.” I changed my answer. “You’re pretty sweet. I don’t think I could turn down this opportunity.”

“Perfect.”

We exchanged phone numbers, but we didn’t speak until the next day came. I wasn’t sure what Cole had in mind for a date, but I was certain I gave him enough time to think something up. And I had done some planning as well, in the off chance he didn’t come up with anything. By the time lunch rolled around, I had received a text asking if he could come over. I told him to give me thirty minutes. I at least needed a little time to get ready. And despite my thirty minute warning, he was still knocking on the door in twenty five. I heard the door open, and I bit my lip at the sound of Carole’s voice. I couldn’t guarantee she’d be filtered around him. But she wouldn’t scare him off.

Despite my confidence in her, I still rushed to finish the last of my makeup and slip my shoes on. I grabbed my purse and bounced down the steps, almost tumbling down the last few when I realized Cole had put in quite the effort to look nice. His hair fixed up, a nice pair of -what I assumed were- golf shorts, and a blue polo. He looked better than he had the day before, and I noticed a faint tan line around his temples. From sunglasses I had to assume.

“You didn’t tell me Mr. Eye candy was coming over.” Carole’s words earned a sharp glare from me.

“Eye candy?” Cole laughed quietly.

“She has a hangover from last night. Forgive her.” I crossed the entryway to stand by Cole in the door.

“I do not! I didn’t even drink.” Carole smiled, shaking her head in disbelief.

“What’s eye candy mean?” Cole pressed on.

“Nothing, Cole.” I shook my head. Carole waved a hand dismissively.

“Cole‘s a nice name.” She complimented. “Better than ‘the sexy blonde from across the street.’” Her addition was unnecessary, but inevitable.

“Well.. technically Trevor’s kinda blonde too.” Cole glanced at me. I flushed red.

“We should really go.” I gave him a light push, guiding him backwards out of the house.

“Do you guys really call me that stuff?” Cole asked more questions than a child.

“They don’t.” I clarified, pulling the door shut behind myself. I watched his cheeks flush again.

“Have you been watching me?” Cole didn’t feel near as creepy now. I glared at him.

“Quit asking questions.” I gave him a playful shove, hearing his amused laughter. “Just tell me where we’re going.”

“Well… they have this really nice cafe nearby. And I know it’s lunch, but they have the best breakfast foods.”

“Good thing I didn’t eat this morning.” I commented.

“I think you’ll really like it. Then after, we could go mini golfing? Or we could go out on the lake?”

“Yes to mini golfing.. and yes to the lake. If you think we have time for all that.” I smiled at him.

“Of course! And I can drive.”

“Such a gentleman.” I carefully brushed my hand against his own, and Cole picked up on the opportunity, intertwining our fingers as he led me down the porch steps toward what I assumed was his car in the lot opposite of mine. We were both a bit nervous, but I figured I read Cole better than he could read me. He seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve. It was refreshing compared to others I had tried being with. We didn’t know each other well, or really at all, but I was looking for something fun. I was in no mindset to take things slow or be patient. And when he squeezed my hand, I was met with the assumption that he didn’t mind that either.

The brunch went well, sitting across from one another discussing our lives. We got to know each other far better than as the ‘cute people across the street.’ After Cole asked what Carole meant when she was saying everything she had before we left, I had admitted to keeping an eye on him when he arrived. I was relieved when Cole giggled and informed me he had enjoyed seeing me a few times too. Turns out, we were both a little creepy. And he certainly hadn’t been wrong about the food. We got a few different things to share and try. Cole eventually moved his chair to sit beside me while we reached across and over one another eating the various foods from various dishes. It was clear I was not a salad girl when it came to eating with a guy.

We got milkshakes before we left, and finished them off in the parking lot of the closest mini golf place. I learned on hole one, that I was incredibly out-skilled, but with that came the assistance of Cole. We both got caught up in touching each other when he occasionally stopped what he was doing to help fix my stance, or to move my hands on my putter. He was merely offering help, but at some point we began sharing knowing glances and little smiles. It stopped being about help, and started being about the feeling of his skin on mine. His gentle touches and sweet embrace.

I blamed him for my loss. He was too distracting, and I made sure he knew it the whole way home. The sun was just beginning to set as he pulled into the driveway of the place he stayed in, asking if I wanted to change into something more appropriate for boating. I pressed a well deserved kiss to his cheek before we parted to change.

When I stepped into the house, I snuck up the steps and through the hall to my room. Smiling like an idiot while I changed into a swimsuit and pulled a pair of shorts on, as well as a short sleeved button up. I grabbed a hair tie as well, and slipped on a pair of sandals. When I stepped back outside, I wandered across the street, soon met with Cole opening the front door and stepping out of the house.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

“Alright.” Cole held his hand out, and I slipped mine into his own. “We have a private dock out back.”

“Oh?” Cole led me around the house, the back had a beautiful deck and yard, a few wooden lounge chairs scattered about, a football laying on a picnic table, various pairs of swim shorts all hung over a rail to dry. But the view of the lake was beautiful, with the setting sun barely touching the horizon. Still, the deep orange glow reflected off the water to mirror the image. It looked like something out of a storybook.

“Yeah.. it’s not that cool though.” Cole playfully shrugged off the statement with a laugh. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

“Are the others gonna mind us using the boat?”

“Nah. They don’t mind.”

“Do they know?” I reworded my question, earning a side eye from him.

“They’re out. I didn’t figure I needed to tell them.” Cole shrugged, guiding me through the yard and onto the wooden dock. Two jet skis resided on one side while I nice sized boat was tied up on the other.

“You know how to drive this thing, yeah?” I asked as Cole let go of my hand and went to untie the rope.

“Absolutely. We all do. We’re here every summer.”

“When did that tradition start?” I asked curiously as he worked.

“Uh.. maybe a year after I was drafted.” Cole tossed the rope onto the dock and waved a hand for me to join his side. I quickly did, and he helped me up onto the boat before following behind.

“What made you boys decide to start doing this?” I watched him get situated behind the wheel, eyeing the various places to sit before I plopped down in the seat closest to Cole. He worked his magic getting the engine started, and I was blessed with the sight of his muscles peeking out beneath an old t-shirt.

“I don’t really know. We’re all just really close, and we wanted to stay that way.”

“Well that’s nice.” I pulled my legs up onto the bench seat, resting my back against the cushion behind myself as Cole got us moving. The roar of the engine wasn’t unbearable, but compared to the quiet atmosphere just moments before, it was something I had to adjust to. I watched him slip his phone from his pocket, and a surprised smile immediately formed on my lips when I heard the music begin to play over a few speakers.

“Who woulda thought.” I teased, watching his head whip in my direction.

“What?”

“Cole from Montreal.. a sucker for sappy romance.” I watched his cheeks flush again, perhaps my favorite sight.

“Oh come on,” he whined, “it’s just to fill the silence.” I let his response sit for a moment before I shifted in my seat.

“Ya know.. I can’t hold your hand over here.” Technically I could have, but reaching across the boat and leaning forward to hold it would have been uncomfortable.

“You can come sit here.” I raised a brow, watching Cole move one of his legs toward me. I slowly got up and made my way over, resting my hand on his shoulder as Cole shifted in his seat.

“You sure?” I asked, locking eyes with him.

“Go for it.” His sweet smile brought butterflies to my stomach. I slowly sat down in his lap, angling my body sideways to be able to speak to him and watch the scenery. I felt his arm wrap around my back, enough encouragement for me to lean into him, and rest my head on his shoulder.

“Fuck you, Cole.” I mumbled with a chuckle.

“What’s wrong?”

“I wasn’t looking for some guy to spend my summer with.” I explained, resting one of my hands on his hip, playing with the fabric of his shirt. “Now I can’t think of spending my summer with anybody but you.” I heard him laugh quietly.

“I’d be happy to make time for you this summer.”

“You’d better.” I teased, pressing a quick kiss to his collar. I felt his body tense. The perks of sitting on a man’s lap. So I did it again, tilting my head slightly to kiss his neck.

“Hey.. hey-“ Cole shifted. “Can you at least wait till we stop?” I giggled. “I’m not saying no- it’s just.. I’d rather not do something stupid.” I pressed another kiss to his neck, higher up, nipping at his skin and feeling him jump. “Fuck.”

It was the first time I’d heard him curse, and it was intoxicating. It wasn’t long before I heard the engine shut off, laughing softly to myself. We were far enough out on the lake anyway, I was satisfied with the view.

“Alright.” Cole moved the arm around my back, gripping my hip as I sat up. I carefully twisted around and tossed one of my legs over his own, straddling him and leaning back against the steering wheel. I smirked, eyeing his flushed features as he tried to tug my hips forward. A nervous smile pulled at the corners of his lips, and he started to giggle until he couldn’t take the silence any longer.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just how sweet you are.” I shrugged, finally leaning forward and resting my arms over his shoulders.

“Kiss me?” Cole leaned in.

“I’ll think about it.” I kissed his cheek before returning to his neck, laughing to myself at the groan that left his lips. Annoyed, but pleased all the same.

“C’mon,” Cole whined, one of his hands slipping beneath my shirt. I lifted my head to look at him, snickering at his furrowed brow and pouty lip.

“Really?” I teased.

“Yeah, really. I want you to kiss me, for real.”

“Are the neck kisses not good enough for you?” I feigned offense, leaning back only for him to pull me forward again.

“Trust me, they’re amazing, but I’d love to feel your lips on mine.” I could have swooned. “Please.” I gave in.

I rested a hand on his cheek, smiling at Cole before I leaned in to press my lips to his own. There was no feeling like it. No feeling like kissing the guy from across the street, who you’d known for barely a day. No feeling like understanding you’re about to have the fling of the summer. No feeling like-

A gasp broke us apart when Cole shifted his hips. My gasp. A sigh immediately followed, our eyes meeting for a moment.

“Sorry.” He apologized swiftly, but I shook my head.

“Don’t be. I just didn’t expect- that.” I felt the heat rise to my cheeks.

“Can we do this somewhere that isn’t this uncomfortable seat?” I chuckled and quickly stood up, reaching a hand out for Cole. He grabbed it and hoisted himself up as well.

“There’s a shit ton of seats to choose from.” I glanced around the boat.

“Let’s do the front.” I couldn’t really understand why, until I looked back toward the front and caught sight of the orange glow that stretched across it. Illuminated by the sunset.

“You’re so cheesy.” I let him pull me toward the front seats.

“I’m romantic.” Cole corrected as he twisted us around. I felt the backs of my legs come into contact with the bench. I watched his eyes travel the expanse of my body, then return to my face. An awkward smile formed on his lips. ���It’s easier to kiss you when you’re sitting down.” I couldn’t help the fit of laughter that fell from my lips.

“What?” I teased, “can’t stand on your tippie toes?”

“I can!” Cole chuckled, giving me a gentle push. “It’s just-“

I cut him off, dipping my head to level with his own before kissing him once again. I rested my free hand on the back of his neck, keeping our lips connected as I lowered myself down to the bench seat. We only broke apart when I hoisted one of my legs up, the other on the floor to make space for Cole. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but comfort was forgotten when he lowered himself on top of me, elbows resting carefully on either side of my head. Our lips met once again, and my hands quickly found the hem of Cole’s shirt. We parted as I started to hike the fabric up his chest, panting for air.

“So soon?” Cole teased, helping me pull it off of him.

“I know what I want.” I replied quickly, wrapping the shirt around the back of his neck and pulling his lips back to mine. I discarded the shirt and shuddered as Cole lowered his body closer to my own, a chill meeting my collar. Only when we broke apart did I look down to see the silver chain he wore, pooled against my chest.

“This is nice.” I hooked the chain on my finger.

“Thanks.” I locked eyes with Cole once again, his chest dangerously close to my own. “Can I take your shirt off?”

“Absolutely.” I replied quickly, aiding him in the process of removing my own shirt- with what little space we had. Cole balled up the fabric and reached behind my head to carefully lift it up. At first I was confused, until he stuffed the shirt behind my head like a makeshift pillow. I couldn’t have fallen for a man any more than I did then. So considerate. Even at a time when most become selfish.

“Fuck, Cole.” I felt breathless. So enamored with him. We only just met.

“Yeah?”

“You’re just so…” I couldn’t find the word. “I can’t wait to spend my summer with you.” I raised my hands to his cheeks, using one to reach up to push his shaggy blonde hair back.

“God you’re perfect.” Cole dipped his head below my jaw, pressing quick kisses to the skin on my neck before venturing lower to find one of the straps to my bikini. I lifted my hips into his own, hearing him gasp and trying to hold back one of my own. “Do that again.” It wasn’t a demand. His tone was somewhere between asking and pleading. I did it again nonetheless, and we quickly built a rhythm. Cole’s lips returned to my own, our kisses more rushed and sloppy than before. Eventually his hands ventured below my stomach, and at that point things flew by in a blur.

Did I question the legality of sex on a boat in the middle of a lake? Absolutely.

Did I stop Cole? Absolutely not.

I doubted anybody could really see us, and if they could, there wasn’t much to be seen. That, and the sun had already been setting. There wasn’t a lot of light to be shed on our activities after a good ten minutes.

By the time we settled down and caught our breath to relax, exhaustion caught up quickly. Cole hadn’t moved an inch other than grabbing his shirt to drape over his ass. I couldn’t help but laugh at him, laid out on top of me, trying to maintain modesty after the acts committed on a boat that wasn’t ours.

“We have to go back.” Cole mumbled against my skin, head tucked into my shoulder.

“Fuck that.” I mumbled. “Let’s just stay here.”

“Your back will feel like shit in the morning.” Cole’s muffled voice reasoned.

“My body’s gonna be sore no matter what.” I heard him giggle.

“That’s why they call me the cock.” I couldn’t hold in the laughter that followed Cole’s words. He lifted his head to look at me, smiling so wide I couldn’t help but question his statement.

“Who calls you that?”

“My team!”

“No fucking way.” I moved one of my hands from his back to grip his shoulder. “You’re serious?” I asked between incredulous giggles.

“Yup.” Cole looked so prideful that I couldn’t help but chuckle again.

“That’s hilarious.” I commented removing my hand from his shoulder to drag through his hair. “The cock.” I muttered, testing the nickname out before I laughed again. “Makes sense I guess.” He rested his head on my shoulder again, tucking his arm into my side while his other hand played aimlessly with my hair. I heard him yawn, smiling to myself at the sound.

“Tired?” I asked softly.

“A little.” He paused. “You need me to move?” I sighed and shook my head.

“Nah. You’re good right there.” I closed my eyes, allowing myself a moment to truly relax before I heard him speak again.

“Never would have thought.. the tall girl across the street would give me the time of day.” His words were both mumbled and muffled. I smiled slightly, twisting a lock of his blonde hair around my finger.

“Glad I did.” I whispered in response.

“Me too.”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

#nhl imagine #nhl x reader #cole caufield blurb #cole caufield x reader #cole caufield imagine #cole caufield #jack hughes #quinn hughes #luke hughes #trevor zegras

[grxcisxhy-wp]

𝖼.𝗁. | 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗌

back to masterlist

pairing ; c.h. x reader

requested ; yes

summary ; you stumble across a video of calum's fingers that has you all hot and bothered.

warnings ! SMUT, masturbating, fingering, riding, praising, finger sucking, titty sucking (?), unprotected sex, p in v, slight cockwarming at the end

word count ; 1.1k

a/n ; i think i have this weird thing for riding, but whatever. anyway, sorry it's been awhile i was just unmotivated, but weirdly listening to 1D got me to finish this work. also, thank you guys so much for 100 followers! hope you enjoy!

You had the day off from work, so you spent your time cleaning the home you shared with Calum and Duke. You had finished cleaning about half an hour ago, deciding to spend some time scrolling through social media on the living room couch.

Scrolling through your feed on Twitter looking at posts you were tagged in, posts Calum was tagged in, posts the band was tagged in, etc., you landed on a short compilation of Calum at different concerts, but the motion of his hand stayed the same.

Your eyes couldn’t help but focus on the movement of his fingers – them being the whole reason the compilation was made. Their movement was enticing and all too familiar – flashes of Calum’s fingers moving like that inside you playing in your mind. You just had to watch the video again… and again and again.

The need for Calum grew quickly from there, wishing he could hurry home from the studio faster, but you knew how important his music was to him. So, you decided to do the next best thing.

You laid back on the couch, spreading your thighs enough to slip your hand between them. You teased yourself over the fabric of your underwear – the only thing you were wearing other than a shirt of Calum’s. You tried to mimic the way Calum’s hands would tease you if he were there, but your fingers could never reach the right places like his would.

Still, you managed to work yourself up enough to have soft moans and whimpers falling from your lips. You had removed your underwear, rubbing shameless circles on your clit with one hand while the other moved at a steady pace in and out of your cunt. Lost in the feelings of your own fingers and imagining they were Calum’s, you hadn’t heard the door open and close.

Calum slid his shoes and jacket off after closing the door. He crouched down to the floor to meet Duke, smiling at the dog’s excitement in seeing him. When he stood up, he was about to call your name when he heard something that made him stop in his tracks.

He followed the noises that led him to the living room where he took in the sight of you spread out on the couch. He watched almost hypnotized as your fingers moved to please yourself. It was obvious to him that you were trying to replicate the way he did it.

When he snapped out of his stupor, he slowly made his way over to you as quiet as possible as to not disturb your concentration. He knelt down in front of the couch, leaving him almost eye level with your sopping cunt. He held back a groan as his fingers slowly moved to replace yours.

Your eyes shot open at the pleasant surprise of his touch. Your eyes found his already looking at you, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment as he began to rub circles just as you had been doing.

“Don’t be embarrassed, love,” he said, a small smirk adorning his lips. “Mind telling me what got you like this in the first place?”

“Saw a video,” you said simply, beginning to lose yourself in the feel of his hands.

Calum’s thumb kept at its motions on your clit while his ring and middle finger slid through your folds, spreading your arousal around. “About?”

“Your fingers. Liked the way they moved.”

At your admission, Calum slid his fingers into your entrance. He began moving his fingers in the exact motion of what had been in the compilation. “Like this.”

“Yes,” you gasped. “Just like that.”

Just as you felt the coil in your stomach begin to form, Calum removed his fingers from you. You watched with confused eyes as he stood up. His hands moved to his pants, unbuttoning them and pulling them down along with his boxers. His cock slapped against his stomach, and you moaned.

“Come here, pretty girl.” Calum held his hand out for you. You put your hand in his and he pulled you to stand up. He replaced your previous spot on the couch, patting his lap. “You want to sit on my cock?”

You nodded, quickly clambering over his lap. You used your hand to guide his dick through your folds before slipping it into your wet hole.

“Good girl,” Calum groaned. “Taking my dick so well.”

You moaned as you sank all the way down onto his length. His hands grasped your waist, helping you rise up only to slam you back down.

“So good,” you moaned.

“Yeah?” he said. “You just love riding my cock, don’t you?”

“Mhm. Love it,” you gasped. “Want it all the time.”

“That’s my girl.” He smirked, one of his hands abandoning its place on your waist to trail up to your breasts.

He palmed at one while he leaned forward to take the other in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the nipple before sucking it into his mouth, making you clench around him. He groaned and repeated the action, rewarding him with the same reaction, adding to both your pleasure.

You reached for the hand that was on your breast, bringing it up to your mouth. Calum had momentarily stopped his attack on your breast to watch as you guided his pointer and middle finger into your mouth. He was mesmerized as you swirled your tongue around the digits like you’d done to his cock countless times before.

He groaned and pushed his fingers deeper into your mouth. “God, you’re so fucking hot. Sucking on my fingers like it’s my cock. You like my fingers that much, sweetheart?”

You moaned around his fingers, nodding eagerly as you clenched on his cock.

“You gonna cum?” he asked.

You nodded, trying to ride him faster, but your legs had grown tired.

“D’you need help?”

“Please,” you said, words muffled by his fingers.

“Okay, love. You just keep sucking those fingers, okay?”

“Okay.”

Calum grinned and kissed your chin, not bothered by the drool dripping down it from sucking on his fingers. He wrapped his unoccupied arm around your waist, holding you up as he thrusted into you quickly. You whined around his fingers, walls clenching his cock as he hit deeper than before.

“That’s it, love. Let go. Let it all go.”

You practically cried out around his fingers as you came, his thrusts continuing through your climax. He groaned as he followed right behind, hot ropes of cum painting your walls.

He removed his fingers from your mouth as you came down from your high. He kissed you for the first time on the lips since he came home. It was lazy and messy, but neither of you cared.

“I love you,” you whispered as he pulled away.

He kissed your forehead. “I love you, too. Now, let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Can we stay?” you asked. “Just for a little bit.”

“Of course,” he said, wrapping his arms around you. “We’ll stay for however long you want.”

#grxcisxhy's writing #calum hood imagine #calum hood #calum hood smut #5sos x reader #5 seconds of summer #5sos #calum imagine #calum hood oneshot #luke hemmings #michael clifford #ashton irwin #calum hood x you #calum hood x y/n #calum hood x reader #smut

[threadsun]

Anonymous Asks: "Don't have to answer this:

How would the Sunny Day Jack characters (not the manager) and Bo do with an MC that feels useless and stupid. Always messing up, feeling unmotivated to do things, and falling behind work?"

Okay before I answer this I need to know if people adding Barry The Manager to headcanon posts is a common enough thing to warrant a disclaimer like that 😂 is there a thriving Barry The Manager community?? Are people out here Barryposting on main??

Anyway, as for the request, I hope this works for you!

Content: negativity/depression/lack of motivation, therapy, medication, nonsexual bdsm as a coping mechanism, general rejection of capitalist ideas of worth

Jack:

He's Mr. Motivation! This is exactly the sort of thing he was made to help with!

He'll become your #1 cheerleader! He'll get you out of bed every day, make you eat three square meals and drink enough water, give you your 5 a day, everything to keep you healthy!

Too much work and no motivation to do it? He'll help you break it down into smaller pieces and do bits at a time until you're all caught up

He won't stand for any sort of negative talk! No "I can't do it" "I'm useless" "I suck," he'll make you replace every negative thought with a positive one!

Seriously, he's basically your personal CBT/DBT coach! He'll get you out of your slump with no judgement or guilt, just love and support

And if there's anything you need to get done that he can help with, he's absolutely jumping at the chance, of course!

Ian:

He gets it. I mean he really gets it. He's felt that way for a lot of his life, and you were the one to help him through it. So, of course he's going to return the favour!

He won't let you forget how amazing you are and all the things you have managed to do

He takes on anything you need him to, helping you get things done or even just spending time with you while you get things done to help keep you motivated

If you think therapy or some sort of medication would help you, either with your executive function or the negative feelings, he'll happily pay for it himself

He's pretty good at balancing up and deciding what things do and don't need to get done, and what corners you can cut while doing things

Generally, he'll help you come up with quick fixes and coping mechanisms until you can get more help

Shaun:

He's on top of everything all the time. It's almost scary how someone can seem like they've not got their shit together at all while still getting everything done

But that means he knows how to help you cram things at the last minute when you've procrastinated them

He's a master at half-assing things so they're just good enough while not taking all of your time and energy. He'll help you come up with all sorts of cheats!

When you get too overwhelmed and shut down, he'll remove you from the situation and help you calm down before letting you even think about all the things you need to do

He's another person who will help you break things into easier to digest pieces, so you can take things at your own pace and get things done

He's so patient and reassuring, reminding you that productivity isn't what defines your worth

Nick:

Some people will use bdsm and d/s dynamics to keep themselves organised and as a coping mechanism for executive function

Nick is very familiar with that sort of thing, so if it would interest you then he's happy to make you check in with him and show proof of the things you do

He'll help you devise a system of rewards for when you do what you're meant to, and also for when you're gentle and kind with yourself

If that's not your cup of tea, then he'll just help you set up systems that make your work easier for you. He makes sure you know that there's no shame in needing accommodations

Seriously, he's big on using accommodations, whether you have a diagnosed disability or not. If something makes your life easier, he'll encourage you to use it!

He really does go out of his way to help you find systems that work for you so you don't have to struggle

Joseph:

He will NOT accept any sort of negative talk about yourself. No calling yourself stupid or useless

That doesn't mean you can't vent. In fact, he encourages it! But he'll make you change your language to things like "I feel useless" rather than "I am useless"

He gives you space to let your feelings out and he'll listen to your venting. He'll talk it through with you, reminding you to talk to yourself the way you'd talk to him

Seriously, he'll make you say everything you want to say to yourself to him instead, to make you realise how mean you're being to yourself and how unnecessary it is

Once you've understood that, he'll suggest that you give him advice as if he's the one struggling with these things, and then get you to take your own advice instead

He's incredibly understanding and level-headed about it. He'll make you love and support yourself eventually!

Jean:

Look, there's nothing he can't get done with his money and influence, so you never have to worry about getting enough things done when he's around

He'll take everything off your plate, leave you with nothing to worry about while he makes sure everything gets done

But once your plate is cleared, he'll start focusing on your feelings and lack of motivation. He's not going to just fix things for you, he's going to help heal you too

If it's therapy you want, he'll happily pay for it. If you need money or need him to buy you things that'll help you be productive, he'll do that too

He's not got many of his own suggestions about how to fix it since he's always been almost too motivated and struggles to turn off work-mode, but he'll try his best

He'll look to you for guidance, asking what you want to try rather than suggesting things

Bo:

He has no idea why you might think that you're useless just because you don't get work done or mess things up

Seriously, he doesn't. Of course you're useful! You make him happy, you try your best, you impact the world around you. Of course you're useful, you're alive!

His whole outlook on life is so different from a human's. Productivity isn't a measure of worth, and he's one of the lucky ones who realises that

He makes you set aside anything that isn't 100% necessary to do, and instead makes you connect with the world around you and realise you matter just because you exist

Once you feel recharged and ready to conquer the important things, he helps you with them. But he's always there to remind you to just ignore the stuff that doesn't matter

Seriously, he'll change your entire world view if you let him. He'll remind you of what it means to be alive

#swwsdj #something's wrong with sunny day jack #dachabo #sdj jack #sdj ian #sdj shaun #sdj nick #sdj joseph #sdj jean #sunny day jack x reader #ian duff x reader #shaun durand cofer x reader #nick herraras x reader #joseph haberdae x reader #jean laurent x reader #bo x reader #gn!reader #sdj headcanons #dachabo headcanons #18+ only #sunshine

[supermarvel-fics]

Tickletober Day 25: Teasing

fandom: marvel

word count: 680

pairing: loki x reader (platonic)

summary: you tease Loki in the same way he teased you and he does NOT like it.

author's note: sorry this one's late, too. I've been so unmotivated lately.

“You do realize that escaping me in inevitable…” Loki stated in that deep, growling voice of his. It wasn’t a question. He was telling you how this was going to go. You’d be a fool not to feel intimidated by his words. “I will catch you one way or another.”

You backed away from him, elbows already glued to your sides at the mere thought of what he was threatening to do to you. “You know, this really isn’t fair. I’m a mortal and you’re a God. The playing field is not very level here!”

“Oh, so you have no problem mouthing off when we’re scheduled to spar, but then I find out you’re ticklish and all of a sudden my strength against yours isn’t fair?” Loki raised an eyebrow as he stalked closer to you, a smug grin on his face. He knew he had you.

“It’s different!” You shouted, wincing as your back hit the wall. Loki was on you in the milliseconds your guard had been down, swiftly pulling you forward and spinning you around so that your back was flush against his chest.

Loki splayed his fingers wide across your ribcage as he whispered in your ear, “I don’t think so.” Boisterous laughter ripped from your throat as Loki vibrated his fingers into your ribs. He chuckled darkly as you jolted and practically folded in half to block him. “You are quite ticklish for a mortal.”

“I-HI HATE YOHOHOU!”

Loki dug into the soft skin of your belly and you screeched, your legs failing to hold you up any longer. He gently guided you down to the floor, pinning you down with little to no effort. He pinched at your sides, smiling endearingly down at your bubbly giggles.

“Come now, I’m sure you can fight your way out of this,” Loki teased you. You shook your head, hiccupping for air through your laughter. Loki paused his attack immediately, grabbing your wrists in his hands and pinning them to the floor. “How adorable—just some wiggling of my fingers makes you lose all sense of coherency.”

You grunted, attempting to pull your arms out of his grip. After a few seconds, you relaxed, breathing deeply to evaluate the position you were in. The way he had you pinned was similar to a hold you were familiar with how to escape.

“Have you always been this ticklish, agent? I mean—”

As Loki got lost in his monologue, you swung your legs up, crossing them around his neck and pushing him down onto his back. He promptly let go of your wrists and you sat up to quickly pin him in the same way beneath you.

“All talk and no bite,” You taunted. “And what about you, Loki? Are you ticklish?”

Before he could even protest, you scratched at his belly, surprised to hear a surprised yelp and some giggles come from his mouth. You didn’t let up, only tickling him harder and faster, moving up to his ribs to get a better reaction.

“L-eheh-LET GO OF ME THIHIS INSTANT!”

Smirking, you responded with a fake accent, “You are quite ticklish… for a God.”

Loki’s cheeks grew red as he laughed, embarrassed that his own words were being used against him. “Yohou w-eheh-hill pahay for this, yohou insolent wrehehetch!”

“How adorable! A giggling God,” You chuckled, moving up and down his torso to evade his hands trying to grapple for yours. Loki growled at the reciprocation of your tease and twisted harshly underneath you to throw you off balance. You fell onto your side and it was only seconds before you felt ten fingers squeezing mercilessly at the side exposed to him.

“AHHHAHAH!” You screamed, curling into a ball. It did no good—Loki had you exactly where he wanted you.

“Regretting all those words now, I’m certain. Let’s see just how long you can last.”

Loki tickled you for what felt like hours, throwing in verbal teases every so often which unfortunately only made you laugh harder. But you filed them all away for future use. You’d be getting him back.

#marvel #marvel tickle #mcu #tickle prompts #tickle fic #lee!reader #ticklish!reader #ler!loki #lee!loki #ticklish!loki #loki tickle #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x reader #augtickletober2022 #tickletober prompts #tickletober2022

[writhe]

i really think i’m doing okay all things considered but i feel so fucking tested this week / as of late. i feel so irritable & a lot of stuff that’s usually not much of a problem feels present (been dysphoric this week? hello? and feeling very weird about food?)

the pain is really taking its toll, everything got even worse because of the grief curse only now it’s snowy and below freezing and i feel still rigid and unmotivated and exhausted. i usually feel more better if push through to walk or hike but that hasnt been working (i mean, im still going) & i don’t really have the ability to rest more than i have

more people have been around the house than i’ve felt up for, but no one is actually doing anything wrong at all (and, like, i really like everyone!) but now i’m getting in my own head about being unsociable or being in the way or being weird

i’m out like 350 bucks rn bc i ordered shirts to print and haven’t been able to touch em. also out hundreds for tattoo stuff & it’s been half a year and i have yet to put needle to skin despite folks waiting & encouraging me (not planning on making people pay me but like it sucks to throw a lotta cash at this and to just have not had a good moment because honestly wrist / hand pain has also been a prohibitive factor)

and im so angry about everything that happened last week. feeling really lucky to have franklin. other friends have been offering support too, but struggling to take them up on it because it feels both talked to death & overwhelming to open up about & a good chunk of how i spent last week was doing very very intense emotional support that involved a lot of being erratically wailed / shouted at for hours.

having a weird experience being in spaces where people don’t know what’s going on with me, which is unfortunate because i definitely seem very pissed off and tired, but like, i swear i have a reason. i’m gonna push myself to connect with folks though, once i figure out what would feel good. it also sucks just, like, having had time off last week & zero ability to enjoy it because now i’m in the middle of a 10 hour workday & i feel physically and emotionally stuck

i’m not sure what comes next. it’s opening up a lot of feelings, which reopens the wound of grappling with losing (in an extremely exhausting, shitty, and unceremonious way) a very massive years-long friendship earlier this year. i’d definitely been holding for something there but i think the reality is that my & everyone’s life has changed too drastically since for us to ever get anything back that could be nearly as meaningful or close. it’s hard when stories end but worse when they rot

#ACK!!!

[roanniom]

BOARDING SCHOOL!STEVE!!!! your mind!!!

what do you headcannon as the dynamic between steve and the reader would be? i feel like there's definitely potential for enemies to lovers here...

Boarding School!Steve Harrington x Fem!reader

Boarding School!Steve AU

Oh definitely enemies to lovers.

The first day he meets you, he stumbles into your study room in the library. You’re studying feverishly and his intrusion is entirely unwelcome.

“This room has been reserved,” you say curtly from over your book. Steve has been peering through the little window in the door, but he looks over the shoulder at you when you speak.

“Good, so they probably won’t think to check in here?” he asks.

“That depends. Who are you running from?”

“The welcome committee. If I hear about one more school club I’ll lose it,” he says with a lopsided grin, dropping himself into a chair beside you. You frown at how he’s made himself comfortable.

“That’d be Miles. He’s planning on going to a state school,” you say distastefully, returning your attention to your book and flipping the page. “You’re safe. That boy hasn’t seen the inside of a study room since freshman orientation. I don’t think he remembers they exist.”

Steve snorts and leans back in his chair, surveying you filling for the first time. Taking in your excellent posture, your neat clothes, and the stacks of books and papers around you.

“Not a fan of state schools?”

“They’re fine,” you shrug, not looking up at him. “If you don’t plan on succeeding in life.”

“Wow,” Steve let’s out a laugh, flexing his hands open and closed. You notice them in your peripheral vision and try to pretend you didn’t. “You’re a little intense, aren’t ya?”

“The word I like is motivated,” you counter. You place the book down on the table and fix him with a stare. “I’m assuming you’re not…”

“Steve,” Steve offers, reaching a hand out to shake, a smile on his face in spite of your coldness. “Steve Harrington. Transfer senior. Unmotivated. Probably destined for a fate worse than state school.”

The corner of your mouth quirks and you work hard to suppress the smile he’s pulling from you. He’s charming, the bastard. You have no time for charming. You do shake his hand, however, and tell him your name.

“A fate worse than state school. That’s a defeatist attitude, Harrington. I’d rather…” you trail off, not sure if you should go that dark, but Steve finishes for you.

“You’d rather die? Harsh!” He takes the sentiment with good humor. “Ok so if my future isn’t worth living for, what’s the future you’re aiming for that’s got you cooped up in here all day?”

“The Ivy League,” you say without a second of hesitation. Steve’s eyebrows lift.

“Well excuse me. I’m in the presence of greatness,” he says with mock reverence. You roll your eyes as he stands up and gives you a slight bow. “I guess I should get out of your hair then and let you get back to more important things.”

You finally smile, both charmed against your will and relieved to see him put his hand on the door knob.

“Yeah, you probably should.”

“One last thing - can you point me in the direction of the basketball court? That’s the only place on this campus that I’d give a shit about.” He shrugs to himself. “Though I’m sure it’s too late in the year to join the team at this point.”

You laugh in response. A jock.

Of course.

“Did you see the dining hall yet?”

“Yeah.”

“The gym is in the building directly to the right.” You look back to your book, but then something compels you to add, “The janitor leaves it unlocked on Tuesday nights, if you’re looking for some time on the court after hours.”

“How do you know that, book worm like you,” Steve asks incredulously, half way out the door. “You ball when you’re not in the library?”

You smirk up at him.

“No, I swim laps in the pool when nobody’s around.” It comes across as a challenge, both to his perception of you and to his teasing.

“Sneaking around after hours. What would the Dean say?” Steve waggles his eyebrows before stepping out into the greater library. He looks both ways to ensure the coast is clear and then looks back to you with a grin. “See you around, Ivy League.”

He disappears as the door swings shut, causing a draft that ruffles your loose papers. And as you try to settle back into studying, you can’t help but feel ruffled yourself.

#boarding school!steve #steve harrington x reader #Steve harrington fanfic #stranger things au

[half-tabaxi]

I need to get a grip. I am going to miss the idea of being in a relationship, not the relationship itself. I don't hate the dude but he is in a transitional period in life and it has become clear he is not ready for a serious commitment. There is so much emotional turmoil and an alcohol addiction that he needs to work through. I wish I took my time with him more and learned the ins and outs before pouring my soul into a bottomless pit of despair. No one wants to admit they aren't ready to love and be loved but I wish he was at least a little self-aware and would have fucking spared me because *I* am ready. So then I get suckered into this half-assed romance where we did not know enough about each other. Despite my reluctance, I thought we were at least worth a shot because he seemed sincere, but I just became some sort of lackey and chore person with a pussy to fuck. It was a domestic partnership, like, three weeks into knowing each other. I was not graced with a honeymoon phase, and the tenderness quickly melted away. All of "our" plans were just things he thought up on his own that he wanted or needed to do, and I tagged along because he asked me to. My priorities and responsibilities were hardly taken into consideration, only viewed as inconveniences. Money was an issue and I tried so fucking hard to help, loaning him five hundred bucks despite me not being able to afford it. My car was driven around for food deliveries and I accompanied him, even though I had no desire, because his license still needs to be obtained. And even then, I got chewed out for not doing enough because I didn't have the answers to the last minute questions he would ask, as though I am supposed to be alert and work his job for him. Ungrateful, unappreciative, and selfish. Then I get judged for being (clinically) depressed and unmotivated, even though I have suddenly and unexpectedly inherited another person's stress on top of my own and am being stretched thin. Wanting to sleep in and cuddle after a night of miserably driving around I guess is laziness because I should always be thinking about our next move. We weren't "adventuring" enough and I am to blame, yet the weather, ex-girlfriend drama, and the need for funds put a damper on more than half of his made-up plans. And the most basic indicator of us not working out was my sense of humor not being entirely understood and him personalizing all of the stupid, mindless shit I say. When I would stand up for myself and offer up my perspective, that meant I was disregarding what he thought/felt and because of that, *I'm* the reason, at thirty-years-old, he bottles up his emotions. I'm sure the eight-year relationship he got out of last year and very little self-reflection have nothing to do with it. He never asked or cared about Appa the way I did with his animals, hardly ever making the effort to spend the night at my house. I also am too strong-headed and quite frankly, he would benefit greatly from therapy. I feel like an idiot. I think I would have rather been fucked and then ghosted after meeting than "dating" for three months but maybe I am just angry.

[pianostarinwonderland]

What do you think about Leona for the character opinion bingo?

[From here!]

Can that diagonal on the left be counted /j man, I’ll never get at least one row in these things lmfao

Tagging good friend @greninjajeje for being a funky lovely brainy friend who made me learn more about Leona than I ever expected

Leona used to be one of my least favorite characters, half because I initially didn’t like his looks very much except for his eyes, but a part of it was because I saw my most unsavory traits in him. Fans will call Leona lazy or joke about it (myself included), but Leona is honestly more than just “lazy”. He’s unmotivated, he’s tried hard at some point in life, and he saw that it wasn’t worth it because people will always praise someone else.

It hit a sore spot in me because I’m unfortunately like that. I could try to do my best in my studies, in my hobbies and skills, heck even in my blog posts, game strategies (at least for Twst), and theory postings, but I’ll always feel like someone is better than me despite how much I hone my skills. And often, there will always be at least one person who will be praised more than me. It’s enough for me to lose the will to continue doing what I do because what’s the point if my efforts are never going to be appreciated or bear fruit? The burnout from this is so much worse than burnout that school can give you. At least burnout from school can go away after a few days. This kind of burnout can last for months, years even, because your insecurities and anxieties eat away at you. So even during those days when I disliked Leona, he’s always the easiest to write for because the words just flow out from my fingers.

Leona really is deeper than many people think, which is part of why I think he gets done dirty by fans. People always frame him as someone who’s angry, someone who’s just sleeping, someone who’s just gonna pick a fight with you for no reason, someone smug and shit. But it feels like people aren’t even touching the surface of Leona’s character. 😂 Aside from Leona’s unmotivation (and implied depression), he’s also wise. You already see this wisdom in chapter 2, in the way he gave up when he saw that his plan failed. Anyone could say he gave up too easily, but you also have to know when to give up. What are they going to do, fight Malleus and risk elimination (even though they nearly got eliminated anyway)? His wisdom is seen in chapter 6 too, example being when he surrendered to STYX while also putting Ruggie in charge of Savanaclaw because what can he do, fight magic immune robots?

Then he isn’t as mean as most NRC students. He’s known to be a good upperclassman (as stated by Epel in his Union birthday story). He helped Yuu and Grim out with Azul (granted, he got something out of it, but still). He helped Epel, Yuu, and Grim with a potion in his Lab story. And honestly? I don’t even think I’m going deep into his character just listing off these details.

Some fans also think that Leona didn’t undergo character development in chapter 6, hence why they tend to feel :// about Leona. Which I also disagree with. Leona’s already a grown man with a personality that he can’t really just Change all that much. But he has been going through development, it’s just subtle. The best example of this is in chapter 6, when Leona lectures Jamil on his arrogance. He tells Jamil to stop blaming others for his own setbacks, which mirrors the advice that Lilia gives to him back in chapter 2.

It’s these things that make me think that Leona’s potential was wasted in chapter 2. There’s so much details about him that you’ll find in personal stories, and eventually as the story progressed, he becomes an even more fleshed out character. There could have been more to explore about him, but mostly we get him whispering to himself that nothing’s going to change even if they win the tournament. It’s also why I’m shading there that he didn’t get enough screen time. I think he needed more screen time for people to understand and even sympathize with him more. It could have made his Overblot a lot more impactful.

Surprisingly, this got a bit emotional. 😅 While Leona isn’t a top 5 favorite, I appreciate him very much because he makes me think, but he also reminds me of my biggest shortcomings. He’s one of the most compelling characters Twst ever wrote, and I genuinely look forward to more content from him.

#twisted wonderland #twst #leona kingscholar #ask #ask game

[oflowtides]

⸻  JOHN GALLAGHER JR. HE/HIM  / have you ever heard of I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO COLLEGE by avenue q obc, well, it describes JAMES ‘JIMMY’ BRUMEIER to a tee! the thirty seven year old, and DESK CLERK was spotted browsing through the stalls at portobello road market last sunday, do you know them? would you say HE is more unproductive or more BOYISH instead? anyway, they remind me of crooked ties, coffee ring stains on a nice desk, unruly hair no matter how many times you comb it and never really wanting to grow up, maybe you’ll bump into them soon!

time in notting hill: ten years

The best word to describe Jimmy would be unmotivated. He never had much of a drive to do anything other than play video games or binge watch shows and movies. Growing up, it was like pulling teeth to try to get him to do his homework and participate in class, or even get a part time job because he really just didn't want to do it. Despite this, he didn't hate school; the structure was reassuring and helped keep him on a schedule despite the late nights doing whatever it was he wanted to do with his free time.

There were a number of reasons for Jimmy to show up to school every day - one of them being he had to, but the other was Yale Cameron. She was both his best friend and his longest relationship - the pair dated for two years, and there was no one he felt more comfortable or at ease around. He had been convinced for a while that she was his soul mate, and while that still rang true after they broke up, it was not in the way he had initially thought. However, the two became a packaged deal, rarely going anywhere without the other, and their closeness and lack of boundaries often made their respective dating life hard.

Everyone who knew him was only half shocked to hear he actually wanted to go to college - his lack of drive in school lead most people to believe that he'd graduate high school and wash his hands with schooling, but the idea of more personal freedom coupled with the structure Jimmy clung to was too enticing. He barely scraped by and managed to get into a state school, and the cycle started over - but this time he tended to skip more classes so he could party or sleep or play video games all day. He failed his first year, which wasn't a shock to anyone, but he didn't get kicked out either, so the cycle continued.

He did manage to graduate (a few semesters later than the peers he started with however) and spent the first six months doing nothing but buying lotto tickets and sitting around doing nothing, living close to campus because student housing was cheaper and he refused to move back home. This weirdly paid off, as Jimmy won the jackpot. Suddenly he had more money than he knew what he could or even should do with - so he decided that he should move to the UK because there was nothing tying him down (especially because Yale was moving with him - he wasn't going to go anywhere without his platonic life partner).

The move was surprisingly easy - though he kept the fact that he was now nearly a millionaire to himself. He decided to get a desk job to keep himself busy, and to have a means of income to at least explain where he got money to do stuff with. The structure of an office was good for him - he's too aimless without someone telling him what to do and when to do it - but despite being in a more 'grown up' environment, he was still stuck in a college boy mindset, and that was very evident from the way he ate, talked, and often dressed outside of the office. It was either charming or a huge turn off - Jimmy found there was rarely a middle ground.

He hasn't burned through too much of the money; rarely wanting to draw that much attention to himself or want to make big purchases, he still has about half of it after all this time, sitting in a savings account. Only the Cameron siblings know about it, as they're more or less his own siblings at this point. He could mature a little more if you asked anyone who knew him, but his personality is pleasant enough, eager to step up and help anyone who needs it with minimal complaining depending on the task, and sometimes his more immature outlook on life can remind people that not everything needs to be so serious all the time.

#nottinghillintro #jimmy brumeier ; biography

[polarisbibliotheque]

Update - My Health Saga

Hey guys! I hope you are all doing fine, my beautiful amazing beings that lighten up my day with your presence ^^

I decided to make a post about my health saga (yeah, not a journey; it's almost a walk to Mordor already) so maybe it can help other people going through it as well - and also explaining a bit to you all.

As a big summing up of what I'll be saying here: don't give up on your health and keep going. Someday you'll get a diagnosis and a proper treatment. It can seem like a neverending quest, but trust me, it WILL get to a resolution - sometimes, taking much more time than we actually thought it would. But it is NOT forever.

(Yes. Long post ahead)

So, flashback to 4 years ago.

I was the most hopeless workaholic you could ever think of. I usually stayed at work for 10h, didn't have breaks for the bathroom/drinking water and stopped eating lunch. I was fresh out of college and bullied by my co-workers (having previously been bullied at school and still recovering from it) and my boss knew it and did nothing. My health started going on a downward spiral, but there was nothing I could do.

I tried to find another job, but unemployment was already becoming a huge issue in my country. Why did I stay there? My parents couldn't get retired and couldn't find a job, so it was up to me and my sister to provide everything in the house and hold it all together. She couldn't do it alone, so I couldn't just throw my hands in the air one day and leave. I had to stay there or find a new job.

After 2 years without vacations, I got fired by my new boss only 1 week before taking my 30 days of vacation I had stored up and I desperately needed - and her reason to do so is that I was unmotivated.

Needless to say, I broke down (and got trauma from work). It was a 2h ride back home and I walked all the way back, thinking what the hell I'd tell my parents and my sister. I literally lost everything I had build up to that point in my life.

I tried so hard to find a new job, I sent thousands of CVs, I went to interviews, but I was never able to find something. I started a post-graduation, for everyone was telling me that was what was missing from my CV, but I couldn't focus and had to drop out.

I wasn't doing anything right. I was just trying so so so hard to get my life back, to have my sense of self back - all the while my body was slowly crumbling and I was eating less and less, feeling sick every time I had any kind of food, healthy or not.

Then the pandemics came, we got in a lockdown and I lost my sanity as well as the rest of health I had.

My mom got increasingly worried and I lost lots and lots of weight - I'm currently underweight and people think I'm doing fine. Still, I always tried to go back to my old self, to what I knew I was - desperately trying to hold on to anything that gave me a sense of who I was.

After around a year and a half of lockdown, we started seeing doctors - I needed help. I really needed help, even though I ignored it to keep going, to keep trying.

We went to 6 different doctors and I went through all the medical exams you can imagine. Invasive ones, non invasive, blood tests... The whole thing. I got skinnier, exhausted and barely able to do the things I always did. To the point of looking at myself in the mirror and not knowing who the hell that was - externally and internally.

All doctors told me the same thing: I had to do yoga, I had to meditate and relax, I had to take a few pills for pain because of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and just... Try to eat. That simple.

Can you imagine it? I never thought of just trying to eat!

(read it with sarcasm)

Now, I've always been the "I never give up and I do what I set out to do even if the whole world is against me" person in my house. But I got to a point I sometimes can't even get up from bed - I have no energy.

Just imagine how mad, confused, sad and exhasperated I got the first time I realized I couldn't get up from kneelling on the floor without help. I barely have the strength to walk up a hill - and that comes from someone who spent more than 12 years doing sports, dancing, swimming, tennis, running, strength training, HIIT, cardio, fighting and such on a weekly/daily basis.

Every time I have to call my mother to help me get up from kneeling/leaning down I feel like... Well, I feel like if I was Vergil from DMC, I wouldn't even think about using the Yamato to save my crumbling ass. I'd do it, no matter the consequences.

My mom found a 7th doctor earlier this year and I was so tired. I told her I didn't want doctors anymore - I was ok with being sick for the rest of my life, even if I didn't know how long that would be in that condition. I gave up on hope, on doctors, on medicine, everything.

So she dragged my ass to the doctor's office.

More thousands of exams. MRIs, blood tests, feeling miserable, invasive exams... Nothing new. And the more time passed, the weaker I got.

And then, after 4 years struggling with this mysterious health issue, my doctor got 2 diagnosis: SIBO and Primary Sclerosing Colangitis.

For SIBO, it was more of a try really rather than a certainty - but I got the reactions from the tests, even if they were negative (there are 2 types of SIBO, but in my country we only have 1 type of test). I took an antibiotic and lo and behold, my quality of life improved drastically.

I wasn't fully cured, but hey, I could eat soup! That was a huge improvement for someone living literally of just bread and tea for more than a year.

For Primary Sclerosing Colangitis, my doctor started asking some pretty expensive and obscure exams regarding the liver (you guessed it, my sister has to pay for everything and I never felt so useless in my life) because one of my blood tests always came back with a huge alteration and everyone dismissed as "something normal to me".

Again. I had been to 6 doctors. And all of them thought it was because I drank or used drugs, even though I could barely eat food.

So, after two MRIs, Primary Sclerosing Colangitis. That means the bile ducts to my liver, internal and external, are slowly closing, slowly fading away, until one day they won't be there anymore and I'll have a cirrhosis, needing a liver transplant to stay alive.

There is no cure and no treatment. It's a super rare disease and guess I was chosen by the gods to carry it. Now, the catch is, there are people who don't develop it quickly and live their whole lives without getting to a bad stage and there are people who live three years and have to go over two or more transplants. There's no way to tell how mine is going to develop.

Needless to say, it's a lot to deal with. Really a lot. Suddenly I'm 28 years old and I have to start thinking about life insurance, health plans that cover transplants, retirement, disability retirement, how to deal with friendships, how to get into relationships with something like this, if I'll be able to have kids, how long I'm going to live and what do I want to do before I die.

I started taking a medication that isn't protocol but has good results in holding back the disease, and thankfully my most recent blood tests have already drastically changed. From April to now, August, my liver enzymes are doing a lot better.

And then I went to a clinical nutritionist who has asked me another exam and finally my final diagnosis is Dysbiosis! Basically, my gut bacteria is all wrong and making me sick with everything, even if I don't have any kind of food allergies (trust me, I tested it too).

I just started a new diet with lots of suplements and medications from both doctors and it's the first time in 3 years I'm able to eat 3 meals a day, consisting of proper food: soup, chicken, fruits, vegetables, yogurts, cookies, teas, mug cakes... A whole bunch of things I didn't even remember how they tasted like.

Of course, for a month I'll have to eat it all in very small quantities and cannot eat gluten, lactose or sugar (or at least keep a very low amount of sugar in my diet). My parents managed to recently get their retirement and, even if it is kinda low and not at all what we were expecting, it's already helping - as I'm not being able to help anymore.

(That scene from Sandman where Morpheus just got back from the waking world and is trying to muster all his strength to put everything back into place but then he falls on the ground, tired, broken, beaten down by 100 years of abuse in the hands of his captors? The way his eyes were glistening with tears of anger and despair? Not knowing who he is without his tools? Yeah. I felt that.)

Weirdly enough, it's the first time in 4 years I'm feeling a slight sliver of hope - I'm showing some improvement, I have a proper diagnosis I can shove in the face of everyone who had ever told me I was just a brat who didn't want to eat, I finally have a light regarding my health. I have a prospect that at least I can get better and fight my chronic illness until the Fates decide it's my time to go.

If it wasn't for my mother, though, I'd have given up. Honestly. She kept trying, she kept dragging me around. She's still doing it, helping me with all the implications of having a chronic illness that I know not how it will develop in the future.

So, Polaris, what's the moral of the story?

As bitter and gloomy as I am, the moral is: don't give up. Don't EVER give up. I know how it is like to have people look at you, doctors even, as if you're crazy, as if you're just a little brat who's throwing a tantrum, as if you're not making enough effort to heal yourself. I know how it is to feel hopeless, to feel like there's no perspective of ever getting back to be a healthy person or at least find the proper medication to help you with your struggles.

But don't give up. Even if you're feeling like you're dragging your crumbling body around, don't give up. It may seem stupid, but seeing V and Vergil in DMC5 always gave me some kind of "C'mon, I can't let go now, I have to keep trying. At least one more time." and maybe you can find something that gives you motivation too - but keep going.

It might take a lot of time, but you will find a doctor who will know what kind of problem you have and help you. In the end, with the Colangitis, my doctor accidentally found it and I'm being able to take the meds to hold it back a lot earlier than many people - and that might be something that will help me in the long run. Weirdly, it was good that we stumbled on it so soon, not when my liver is already failing. Again, it took me 7 doctors, but he did what no one could do before. Maybe you're in the brink of finding your doctor as well. So don't give up know.

That's why sometimes I'm absent for weeks or even a month - my health isn't always at its best and I'm always having to do lots and lots of medical checks to keep track of it. That's why sometimes it takes me a long while to reply my messages - but I can assure you all, this blog and the Shall Never Surrender Project is something so dear to me. I'm feeling useful again and I have only to thank you for being here with me and reading what I have to say.

Is this a huge TEDtalk? Oh yes. Apologies for making it so long, but we are long and complex stories anyway. I just thought this might help someone who's going through some existential crisis while battling their health issues. Or other issues too.

My new meds have literally just arrived and honestly people, I promised my gods I'd start some competitive sport if I get better this time. If all goes well, hopefully you'll be able to see me competing on archery or something of that kind next year ;)

That's a nice perspective to have. Don't forget yours. And keep going, no matter what.

#polaris speaks #update #life update #personal post #personal story #health issues #chronic illness #chronically ill #health journey #colangitis #sclerosing colangitis #sibo #dysbiosis #mental health #workplace stress #toxic workplace #bullying #motivation #health motivation #I know it's a lot of tags #but I hope the people who need this will find it #even though it's a huge post and I know many people won't have the patience to read it xD #I believe the gods will put it in the path of those who need it #or whatever kind of mystic force you believe in #thanks for reading and being here #I hope you get better and keep going

[shig-a-shig-ah]

Hey! So a while back I remember you mentioning having to prepare yourself for the motivation of writing (and completing) a long fic before starting AtBI, and I was wondering if you could go more into what that process was like? I want to try my hand at a longer fic for the first time in a while, but I struggle a lot with motivation these days 😞

Oh, man. So for me it involved doing a couple of things. The first was literally just psyching myself up for it which I know is vague, but it's the truth. I don't think there's any shame in writers moving on from long fics and leaving them incomplete, but I didn't want to do that so I tried to steel my resolve or whatever by literally thinking a lot about the time commitment. Not so much in terms of what I'd have to invest in writing week to week, but in terms of how long it would take me to finish the story. I also thought a lot about the fact that it would be my main writing priority for potentially a really long time. (I still WAY underestimated that time frame, btw. Partly because I'm posting much slower than I used to, and partly because the fic is going to be twice as long as I originally thought.)

The second thing I did was more practical, and that was outlining and making sure I more or less knew what was going to happen for at least the first 90% of the story. My outline was way more specific about the first half of the fic than the last half--probably 80% of what's happened in the story so far was according to outline. I think one of the big reasons long fics get dropped is because people don't know where they're going and things just kind of peter out. I don't think having that kind of plan is is strictly necessary, but it does make my life a lot easier on days where I'm feeling uninspired or unmotivated, because the writer's block doesn't hit as hard. I at least have enough already done to work out a very shitty rough draft of a scene, and from there editing is always easier. I think I've mentioned before that I already had a pretty good writing habit--it was a big part of my morning routine so I'd literally sit down to work on thing around the same time every day--and that also really helped with the motivation.

So, idk. I think just really thinking through what you want to accomplish, how you'll make sure you're working on it consistently (if that's a goal), and what you'll do if it starts to feel like a slog are all really helpful for actually getting it done. It feels important to note that doing all that only helps so much, too--I really love writing AtBI but I have thought about abandoning it or going on hiatus more than once. It can be weirdly stressful writing a long fic, for a lot of reasons. You might get new ideas you wish you had more time to pursue, and then you have to think about priorities. Or you might get kind of bored of your own story, because if you're trying to keep tone/characterization/dynamics really consistent, eventually things are going to start feeling repetitive. Maybe not to readers (although I guess people could weigh in on that) but definitely as a writer. And that's without thinking about the potential added pressure if people get invested in your fic. It sounds kind of egotistical to pose that as a problem, but most people I know who've written long fics that got traction have agreed that after a while it gets easy to stress about disappointing your regular readers, so things start to feel more high stakes. I have definitely spiraled out more than once thinking I'm about to post garbage that people will hate, and while it's logically easy to know that I'm writing for myself and have every right to tell the story I want to tell, sometimes it's harder to actually feel that if you get what I mean.

Of course, some of this depends on how long 'long' is to you. AtBI is probably going to be 250k words by the time it's done and that's just stupid. I would never attempt to write another fic that goes through the whole canon timeline, or anything even close to that long. Something that's probably going to be 60k words is going to be a lot easier to get through and avoid some of these problems, I think.

Anyway, that's probably more than anyone wanted on the subject but I, uh, have a lot of thoughts on writing long fics, and the sum of it is that to do it I think you have to be either a really fast low-stress writer, or a little bit insane.

#i am definitely the latter #catch me AGONIZING over my fics always #ghuleh.answers

[decaffeinatedchaosdemon]

I can feel the downward spiral into a depressive funk.

My chest hurts, and I can even feel it in my stomach. It hurts to exist. But I can't cry because there are too many things going on for my family, and really crying just to cry would be a little self centered. I still live with my parents. My mum is absolutely calculated and cutting when it comes to mental problems. Most of the time, yeah, she is a good mum, and I do love her. But I don't enjoy being around her anymore. I do it out of obligation. I like hiding away in my little apartment when I can.

Scratch that. I don't really.

My dogs are in the main house. So is running water and trash bags so I can clean in here.

But I constantly feel scared waking up whether I've slept too late or am being lazy already. She swings between being very compassionate towards my disability and understanding that it affects my sleep schedule and energy, to just saying that I'm lazy and unmotivated, hiding behind my illness. I never know who I'm going to get when I go out there, and these issues go beyond just my energy levels. She will be either sweet as butterscotch or picking apart every bit of my interests and personality and existence.

Today she told me that she wanted me to think of an idea for dinner, so I started asking what she was in the mood for and making nervous small talk. She said "I don't care! I just need something solid for the first time in a few days. Think of something." Granted, we have been fighting lately to find out if my sibling has a child from a one night stand, and their ex partner has been horribly toxic every step of the way. But today we have found out niece is in fact my niece. The whole ordeal, however, has been a legal fight of bushwhacking through lies and stalling tactics. She's likely just overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to break the news to our rather large family that we now suddenly have a seven month old out of thin air.

Anyway, keeping that in my mind, I went downstairs and got a box of chicken tenders and a box of onion rings, thinking it'd be a fun supper, and she seemed delighted. But her fridge was so freaking full of things that should have been thrown out. So I as I try to help her out with this, she tells me what to do, as I'm doing it.

"Obviously you can't fit that in there, you need to rearrange things." As I'm assessing the entire mess of things.

"You can't just move stuff, things need to be thrown out." As I was already getting up to get the garbage.

Finally I brought up my worries about my disability and whether it would hinder my siblings custody case. Ideally I would have done it later, but I knew that my brain would forget if I did, so I tried to get it out of the way. She just grew more and more exasperated. But I'm excited to be an auntie. We never grew up knowing our own, just because they decided that they wanted nothing to do with my father, their half brother. I want to be better than that. After she brought up a few good points, I thanked her and just let her know that I had been worried, because I never thought of these things, but it was met with a pointed "It's fine, but I'm not really in the mood to talk right now. I'm a bit busy posting about [sibling's] new baby."

Usually, I try not to have my phone on me. She only messages me personally to tell me to do things. My partner regularly brings up the concern that she uses my being housebound as a reason to use me as a free housemaid, even though I don't fully agree with him. But somedays she does bring up that it's the least I can do since she regularly "drops everything to drive me everywhere" and that she "built an apartment for [partner] and I to live in". He also brings up that she will regularly use my medical issues as an example or a "hey I'm a disability ally" in media posts, even though I dislike talking about my own disability around people I know.

We are saving up to move out. But days like today, and everyday really, are a cycle of tamping it down until every bit of my soul aches and I'm dysfuctional. But god forbid I should say something, because "I'm the spoiled child, and I don't get to complain if I have it this easy." Years ago I used to be suicidal, but I now talk myself out of the thoughts because a funeral would be to expensive, and I do have a partner and friends who need me as much as I need them. I live fairly remote, so my friends aren't nearby. Visiting them is a whole day, so we try to do it once a week. My partner works a nightshift, so he desperately needs to sleep during the days. I feel alone, and I've tried joining online communities. I can't get therapy because getting mental help is met with shame here.

But I feel like I live with a martyr. I'm not her daughter, just a tool for media and household maintenance. It hurts emotionally. To my very soul. I'm temporarily the only unemployed resident for the moment. She works from our home as a small business crafter and marketing consultant, and I'm proud of how far she's come. She's awesome at what she does. And I'm very happy to pull my own weight in the house, and to shut up while doing it. But I'm tired of playing the game of "Mary, Mary Quite Contrary". I'm tired of guessing which mother I'm holed up with for most of my day, everyday.

#help #i need somebody #not just anybody #mental health #mental health support

[clumsyclifford]

2022 Writing Evaluation

hi i dug this up from the archives of this time last year because it was fun to do and i wanted to give other writers a chance to reflect if they’re so inclined! so here is my 2022 writing self-evaluation. point of order, i’m mostly filling this out specifically for my bellawritess ao3 and all the rpf stuff i write, not my other secret ao3 where i put fics written about fictional media. okay, onward. 

1. number of stories posted on ao3: 23!

2. word count posted for this year: 117,763

3. fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, atl, and 1d (but also teen wolf, mcu spiderman, hawkeye, and daredevil)

4. pairings: cake, lashton, malum, jalex, narry, halex (you know that very popular harry styles/alex gaskarth ship), and mirry.

5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: the answer to all three of these criteria is a change of heart and a silver lining, my winter 2021-22 fic exchange fic, which makes me very happy. i cannot believe that fic was from last year, january feels like forever ago but i love love love that specific work so much, in large part because of how much i was able to tailor it to meg as reciprocation for all the times and ways she tailored things to me.

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): i’m gonna say a three-way tie between (1) i got a radar for trouble (and you’re a renegade), (2) between all the gasping i finally breathe, and (3) play it again and again and again. #1 is the cruel summer prequel fic that i always half-jokingly said i would one day write and then surprised myself by actually writing, and i am incredibly proud of how well i managed to recreate the vibes of cruel summer fic but also write a prequel that made sense with the direction the actual cruel summer story took. #2 was one of the first legit fics i wrote to break myself out of this big 5sos fic slump i had been in (consequence of a perfect storm of a lot of small things), and i may have gotten lost in the metaphor sauce but i maintain that the metaphors are really fucking good which was gratifying to me as a writer who had felt like maybe i’d lost my real writing skill before then. #3 is the christmas fic i wrote for hazel, and what i’m most proud of there is that i fuckin actually wrote that. my love for my friends carried me through the warfields of attempting to romanticize christmas, and in so doing i think i actually learned something about christmas, ugh i feel like i’m getting less jewish every second i spend talking about this but i really am proud of myself for writing that and even moreso because i think i tailored it pretty well to hazel’s taste and that made me happy. it was like an extra challenge i set myself and then i did it well.

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): pretty much all the prompt fics from this year’s batch, tbh. this malum roommates one is really funny if you imagine you’re a fly on the wall of mine and megs’s dorm room but it’s the most nothing fic on the planet otherwise, and you’re my whole house is cute but again, literally nothing. unfortunately these were written while i was binge watching seinfeld which probably contributed to how much they were About Nothing but that’s no excuse.

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: i’m super terrible at remembering comments and stuff that people leave me but a few days ago i got a comment on yssdf saying it was one of the best love stories they’d ever read and that just about knocked my socks off

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: from aboutttt february to september, which is pretty obvious when you notice that i didn’t post a fic (on this account) between march 18th and september 27th of this year. i hit that aforementioned slump in a big way and i was also busy with life stuff and i was also just. unmotivated and uninspired! but in that time i wasn’t really doing a lot of writing to struggle with. something that was actively hard to write was definitely parts of the jet lag songfic i wrote for the fest. megs and hazel both experienced various aspects of my intense battle with Plot and Characters. it was not pretty.

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: luke in the muke college beach fic!!! he was so much more gutsy than (a) he’s usually written and (b) i expected him to be. and tbh, michael in that fic also kind of surprised me, although less so because he was based on a real guy i know, so it was more like trying to delve into the fictionalized mind of a real human being i go to school with and understand what it is that makes him only APPEAR to be an asshole and in reality maybe actually have a heart of gold. if that makes sense. character work but the character is based on a real person who is based on a real person. meta af.

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing: ill be the first to admit im a sucker for when there’s a song playing in the in-universe fic scene and then the lyrics tie into the moment. i have that in two fics that i can think of, so here they both are:

(1) from everywhere, everything:

Luke is trembling when he looks up at Ashton, but he only nods. Tilts their foreheads together.

Say it’s me that you’ll adore— Sinatra sings, and then there’s a scratch and a crack, and the whole record player crashes through the glass tabletop.

(the end of that lyric is “for now and evermore” !!!! HOW FUCKED IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

(2) from faith in a stolen car (the jean jacket songfic i just wrote for the fest):

Calum’s rumbling laugh shook both of them as Springsteen vowed I’ll love you with all the madness in my soul, and Ashton sang along in a silly voice so Calum knew he meant it with everything he had.

[and]

He turned up the music, and ‘No Surrender’ blared out of the surround sound. The lines that had been stampeding around Ashton’s brain since Calum had first swept him up in tonight’s teenage delinquency now screamed against the wind in his ears.

Ashton smiled wider than his face could handle and screamed right back.

“WE MADE A PROMISE WE SWORE WE’D ALWAYS REMEMBER,” Calum’s voice joined his, and together they beat back the deafening gales; “NO RETREAT, BABY, NO SURRENDER!”

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? this year i learned the importance of conflict. “hey bella, didn’t you learn that in seventh grade english?” YES but then i IGNORED it and now i have relearned it in a fanfiction context and in the broader sense that i now understand every story has a conflict and more than that, a story needs a conflict, because that’s what drives it. after i finished writing those prompt fics, i thought, damn, these are fun but nothing is fucking happening in any of them. i wonder why that is! and then i realized. there was no conflict. i was writing “scenes” but nothing interesting within those scenes, so there was nothing pulling the characters from point A (the start of the scene) to point B (its conclusion) and as a result they all became meandering blocks of text with no goal or direction. anyway. point being that i have embraced conflict as a necessary factor in storytelling and i hope this will mean no more seinfeldian fics, prompt or otherwise.

13. how do you hope to grow next year? yes <3 jk but i sincerely have no idea, i don’t have any current ideas on how i plan to grow next year i just very much intend to grow. how it happens is anyone’s guess

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? gotta be a tie between megs @igarbagecannoteven and hazel @allsassnoclass. obviously megs is my #1 rubber duck roomie, whether she likes it or not, and she has helped me solve more problems than i am comfortable admitting. actually i’m very comfortable admitting it megs has untangled a myriad of fic knots on many occasions this year she is the best rubber duck in the world. and hazel has become my virtual rubber duck which is great because it means i have all my bases covered! truly these two are a dynamic duo because they will both just let me sit there and complain and yet always have the right thing to say.

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? as always, a great many things. make the same mistakes ‘til the morning breaks and the muke college beach fic are both inspired by things that happened with this one guy i know from school (yes, the same guy, and yes, he is represented by michael both times, and no, i do not know why it happened like that). the latter came from just a single snap i saw on his snap story, and none of the fic is actually based on real events, but the former is HEAVILY based on real events between this guy and one of my good friends at school. lmao! 

i’ve been wishing i could breathe underwater is based on my experience scuba diving, which is to say, pure unmitigated terror, 1/10, do not recommend except to say that you did it. tequila shots from the dark scene of the crime is chock-full of baseball talk, specifically about Worst Team In Baseball the Washington Nationals (affectionate), so those feelings are straight from my heart. the concept of tell me what to see has not happened to me but it was very much inspired by my experience of getting in the habit of working out and realizing your muscles are literally increasing in size. the christmas fic has all my jewish disdain for christmas. that’s the shortlist, i think!

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? honestly, nope! i think other writers are thriving on their own fic journeys, as i am on mine. you guys seem to have a handle on things. i can reiterate my vehement loathing of comma splices or otherwise incorrectly-placed commas, but other than that i don’t have much to offer in the way of wisdom.

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? yes!! i am really excited to (hopefully) finish this fic ive been intermittently writing that is based on back together by tss. well, actually it’s based on the specific energy that was created in the world when back together and 2011 were released on the same night. it’s a tss!5sos au. it’s going to be really good okay. it’s tasty. and as always i hope to finish summer camp au i am dead fucking set on finishing that fic there is no question in my mind that it will be completed someday sooner rather than later i hope but definitely eventually. aside from those, i can’t think of any other fic plans i have! just gonna see where the winds of fic fate take me.

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: @igarbagecannoteven @allsassnoclass @kaleidoscopeminds @burstingsunrise @cringeycal (?) <3

#stuff #tag games #fic talk #it's 3:20am im going the fuck to sleep #tomorrow is going to stress me out so much #ive been experiencing low-grade but slowly-growing levels of stress for the past week or two about this trip #and now it's. now i'm leaving in TWO DAYS and jesus christ im nervous #i am so stupid for this #for everything #it's going to be fine #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gay fucking fear!!!!!!! #goodnight