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myfairstarlight · 9 months

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Holding On To Heartache

AO3 Link.

Rating: T

Pairings: Susato Mikotoba/Haori Murasame (Rei Membami). Side Kazuma Asogi/Ryunosuke Naruhodo

Written for Susahao Week 2022. Day 7: Free Day (Roleswap AU)

Word count: 7k

Part of my DGS asoryuu 🔄 susahao Roleswap AU.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

Susato grew up loved, that was never the issue. When her grandmother died shortly after learning of her father’s death overseas, Genshin Asogi and his son appeared at her door like angels here to chase away all her woes. Kazuma taught her the ways of a sword, despite it being unbecoming of her as a girl, and she quickly found herself referring to Genshin as her father because she never got to meet the one she should have called such a title.

And she was fine with the idea, of never knowing who Yujin Mikotoba was, just like she has never known who Ayame Mikotoba was either outside of beautiful portraits. She can not miss someone she had never met, can she? All she had of him was a brooch in the form of a cherry blossom flower she now wears across her heart as a reminder of the family name she had to leave behind as well as an encyclopaedia, and it is all she needs — the man is, but a ghost of a past long gone who lives on through the stories her new father now tells her and if living with the Asogis taught her anything, it is that one must always keep heading forward.

As it stands, fate had another idea.

On the day she turns thirteen, she receives a peculiar letter with a British seal over it and a death wish on ink upon the yellow papers, cursing the Mikotoba name for events that happened seven years prior, the date corresponding to the time of her biological father’s death and her current father and Judge Jigoku’s return from Great Britain. Growing up in a family of lawyers, Susato is no stranger to gruesome tales of twisted truths and betrayals and yet, as she reads about this Professor who brought terror to the streets of London years ago, she simply could not conciliate this image with the one her father painted of Yujin Mikotoba.

And perhaps a part of her was afraid of believing it. That she may share blood with such a monster, her hand coming up to the brooch on her heart with trembling fingers.

So she goes to the one person she knows will always bring comfort to her.

“That is nonsense,” Kazuma says with a frown, barely holding himself from tearing the letter apart, she can tell, there is already a small tear right in the middle of the paper. “I knew Yujin Mikotoba when I was younger too, he was a doctor, Susato, he valued life more than anything, why would he take someone’s, never mind several’s?”

“What you say makes sense,” Susato concedes, “but then why would someone send this if there is not some truth to it? They went through the trouble of finding who I am and our address… it seems like a lot of trouble even for a cruel jest.”

Kazuma’s expression darkens but he still forces out a reassuring smile as he wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes her until she cannot help but let out a small giggle at the gesture.

“We should tell father,” her brother says, “he will have more answers than I, I am sure.”

So Susato nods, following his lead.

Their father wears a similar sombre expression as he reads over the letter but instead of anger and disbelief taking over once he’s finished it, he looks calm and resolute.

And it scares Susato.

“Is it true, then? My father was—”

“Your father,” Genshin cuts her off firmly, but gently, “was a victim of British power.” He sighs, a long-winded exhale that seems to take years off his life. “I had wished to wait until you were much older to tell you about this but this cannot be helped. You should know as well, Kazuma, the whole truth of my stay in London.”

He excuses himself for a short moment to retrieve something in his room and when he comes back, he hands a notebook to Susato who carefully takes it, as if presented by a relic of ancient times — and in some way, it is.

“Before I start, you should read this.”

She opens the notebook to be met with her biological father’s handwriting, in English, detailing his journey in London and the people he met there. Several times, the name Herlock Sholmes appears, which makes her frown because she is pretty sure she has read short stories about this man but they could not be the same, right? What would her father have to do with the famous detective? There is no mention of a Japanese man as the detective’s partner, simply a fellow Britishman, although one with a doctorate. Dr Wilson.

Wait, is that not the name of the new professor at Kazuma’s university? Perhaps he knew my father.

Genshin and Judge Jigoku’s names appear as well, although never part of any investigations he seems to have taken, they only appear when her father writes about missing home, Japan. Her name even appears every once in a while, and the sight makes her heart ache with longing.

He thought of me, he wanted to meet me, he never wanted to leave me behind.

“I thought he was a doctor?” she asks eventually. Kazuma hums above her, having read over her shoulder.

“He was, and a private detective’s partner, medical knowledge was useful in investigations, after all. On my end, I was also taking parts in investigations in a more… legal way, I will say, as I was working with Scotland Yard and the Prosecutor Office.”

“Despite being a defence attorney?” Kazuma this time asks in confusion.

Their father nods. “I was there to learn, after all. And I had a good friend who vouched for me. Unfortunately, he was the last victim of this Professor.”

“Klint van Zieks was it?” Susato recalls. Before this, Genshin was never privy of stories about his time in London, of course only the happy memories and the fact he had stricken an unlikely friendship with the Crown Prosecutor Klint van Zieks and his younger brother, Barok, who followed them like a lost puppy everywhere. She remembers Kazuma huffing a lot when their father first talked about this Barok, jealousy slipping through. Kazuma had declared Barok van Zieks to be his sworn enemy right there and then, even if he does not even know what he looks like.

From what she recalls, they still exchange letters to this day...

Genshin nods. “Although… I suppose the Professor case had him quite worked up as well, he acted strange in the days before his passing.”

“So, you investigated the Professor case, is that why you do not believe Yujin Mikotoba was the culprit?” Kazuma asks. “You would not let friendships get in the way of a proper verdict.”

“Of course not,” Genshin confirms, looking even a little offended at the mere possibility. “Yujin had an alibi for every death and no motive or relation to any of the victims.”

Susato breathes in. “Then why…?”

“I wish I knew, Susato,” Genshin sighs, a pained smile on his lips. “When the trial came, despite my defence, he pleaded guilty immediately. It was not helped by a conclusive piece of evidence the prosecution had, or so he claimed it to be, I thought it came quite out of nowhere and doubted its authenticity.”

“What do you mean?”

Genshin frowns, clearly debating going into further details but Susato keeps staring at him with big plaintiff eyes, her knuckles turning white around her late father’s notebook.

“Father, what do you mean?” Kazuma repeats, sounding firmer and even more challenging. He is still standing close to Susato, a warm and supportive hand on her shoulder.

Immediately, their father’s resolve breaks. “Practicing autopsies was still rather new, and even more so forbidden on people from the nobility like Klint. However, the inspector was… abnormally insistent and his request was granted. Yujin was the doctor’s assistant. They found something of his and he was arrested immediately. Since he assisted the other autopsies, the prosecution argued that was when he would temper with the bodies and hide his involvement.”

“It makes sense in theory, but then why would he not have tempered in that last autopsy, seems awfully convenient. And I am aware appearances can be deceiving but he was one of the kindest men I have ever met, from, well, what I can remember,” Kazuma says.

Susato hums, her heart beating faster. The brooch on her chest feels heavier now. “Father, do you happen to remember who that doctor was?”

“Well, as coincidences may be, he was invited recently to come to teach at Yumei University, I believe Kazuma has met him.”

“Doctor Wilson?” her brother deduces, earning a nod from their father. Susato frowns at the name again. Everything cannot just be a coincidence, can it? What is the truth?

“But Susato,” Genshin interjects her thoughts, snapping her attention to him in surprise, “do not make hasty decisions.”

“I—!” She flushes at being so easily caught.

“I wish to find out what really happened as well but it is too dangerous at the moment. That incident almost caused our alliance with Great Britain to fall apart and it is now only starting to be mended. Everything I have told you has been kept as a governmental secret both there and here in Japan, no one knows Yujin was the Professor outside of the people who were at the trial. Words cannot get out you know about it. You deserved to know and learn from someone who was there, but for now, this will have to stay between us.”

Genshin Asogi has always been an imposing man with incredible charisma and authority. Susato has always admired that, about her father. But at this very moment, she sort of hates how insignificant and young he makes her feel. She never knew how to really stand up to him even if she never really needed to before. Her brother was always the more outspoken one anyway.

She lowers her head. “I understand, father.”

“We’ll just have to find a way to Great Britain and find the truth there then,” Kazuma huffs suddenly. He, on the other hand, has never had trouble challenging his own father, no matter how much he admires him.

“Kazuma, what did I just say? That would be like walking into a lion’s den, son.”

“Not if it’s for a study tour like you did, no one would be the wiser. The program has started again, hasn’t it? Third-year students are given a chance of being selected for this trip and we are allowed to bring in an assistant.”

Susato perks up.

“Kazuma…” Genshin sighs.

“Father, please,” Susato says solemnly. “I want to know what really happened. Why I never got to meet him. I thought I had closure and did not mind his absence but now… knowing so little about the real circumstances… thinking about what could have been… I know I will not be able to rest until everything is clear.”

A beat.

Another long sigh and yet a proud smile adorning the man’s lips. “I suppose I did raise you to be this determined. Women are still forbidden from entering the courthouse here however so becoming an assistant will be quite the challenge, even if I use my influence, I cannot rewrite the law.”

“I am ready to face any challenge,” Susato declares.

Her father laughs and gathers her into a hug. “I know you are.”

And despite the inner turmoil following all those revelations, Susato is glad to observe that the embrace still feels warm and loving, soothing her worries and fears, especially when Kazuma joins in soon after.

She will find the truth about Yujin Mikotoba… but not to the cost of her family, she promises to herself.

She will soon learn that she is not that good, at keeping promises.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

It is two years later when she is finally allowed to walk into Yumei University as a qualified judicial assistant that she can start her investigation despite her father’s warnings, starting with the science department where she knows one Dr Wilson is often seen.

A quiet anger had started to grow within her ever since she learned the first bits of truth about her late father. So, when she wasn’t studying to become a judicial assistant — she was lucky enough to have two of the best lawyers in the country as her family, making the task simpler than it would have been otherwise — she started studying Yujin Mikotoba’s notes, cross-referencing them with the Herlock Sholmes short stories she could find published in Japan.

The stories are exact copies of her late father’s notes if not more romanticised for the sake of story-telling and it made her so angry. This Dr Wilson was using her father’s experiences for fame and money after helping to convict him of crimes he did not commit, there were no strong enough words in the vocabulary to describe how outrageous such an act is.

However, instead of the British doctor, she finds a girl her age on her way towards the Doctor’s office. Well, “find” is perhaps inaccurate — they bump into each other when the girl runs out of the room in a rush, papers flying everywhere in their wake. Fortunately, Susato is quick enough on her feet to grab the other girl’s arms so she does not fall, their respective weight neutralising the other and keeping them upright. The hallway is still a mess though and none of the students passing by seem inclined on helping, sending them a dirty look instead.

“I am so sorry!” the girl apologises immediately, pulling away as she starts hastily gathering all the papers. “Oh, I spent hours organising everything…” she mutters.

Susato feels guilty now and leans down to help her but yelps when she gets her hands slapped away with surprising force. “Hey!”

“Sorry!” the girl apologises again. And then she mumbles, loud enough for Susato to still hear, though: “But he would kill me if I let anyone else look into his research. He is kind and harmless most of the time but ah is he particularly ticked when it comes to his research…”

“Are you talking about Dr Wilson? I was looking for him actually…”

That gets the girl’s attention back to her, eyes sharp. “Are you one of his students? I have never seen you in any of his classes.”

Susato frowns. “Are you? I mean no offence but we seem to be the same age… as in, too young to attend university.”

“You would be right,” the girl sighs, all the papers finally in her hands as she looks down dejectedly at them. But then she shakes her head, her grey eyes meeting Susato’s brown ones. “I forgot to introduce myself, did I not?” She bows then. “Haori Murasame, Dr Wilson’s assistant.”

“Susato Asogi,” Susato introduces herself as well.

Haori’s eyes light up with recognition like that clan name always does around this place. “Oh! Asogi-san— your brother, I suppose? The golden boy of the university.” Susato barely holds back a snort at the title. If only people knew how silly her brother really is. “Your father is teaching here as well, isn’t he?”

Susato nods, pride filling her heart. “Yes! I am Kazuma’s assistant too, and he had requested some papers from Dr Wilson and I offered to retrieve them myself since I was planning on visiting this part of the university anyhow.”

“Oh, he did not give me anything to lend to anyone,” Haori says with a frown and Susato hopes she cannot see her tense smile. “Do you perhaps remember what those papers were about? Dr Wilson is a really busy man so I usually handle his paperwork.”

“Ah, it’s alright, I will come by again later then,” Susato dismisses. “You were quite in a hurry, shouldn’t you…?”

Haori’s eyes widen in panic and Susato has the odd thought that the other girl looks absolutely adorable in this flustered state.

“Oh, I’m going to be late!” Haori exclaims and already starts walking away although she briefly turns around to yell, “Once again, I am the one who handles Dr Wilson’s papers so you know where to find me! See you around, Susato Asogi!”

She waves excitedly as she turns around to run again and Susato finds herself waving back, albeit late.

“See you around, Haori Murasame…” she whispers, frowning at the way her heart feels heavy, all of a sudden.

She brushes it off and sighs, looking back at the wooden plaque on the door with Dr Wilson’s name on it. She will find another time.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

She does not, in fact, find another time. In her defence, Haori is distracting and insanely intriguing. She is barely sixteen like her, and yet she managed to find a place in the university as the assistant of one of the best professors in this university, and all that through sheer work and perseverance because unlike Susato who benefitted from Genshin Asogi’s influence and name, Haori had no connection whatsoever.

Suddenly she understands why one day Kazuma started wearing a red headband every day after meeting his friend Ryunosuke Naruhodo. It seems it is one trait they share as a family, when they fall, they fall hard and fast.

“There’s this exchange student,” Haori complains to her that day, “she’s so pretentious and so rude! Keeps dismissing me and other Japanese students, only speaking to the other British students or Doctor Wilson, she refuses to speak anything but English as well even though I know she understands us. I do not get why she even chose our university if she hates us so much!”

“That is peculiar behaviour,” Susato agrees. “The law department has very few international students, so I suppose I never encountered such a person before.”

“And I do not wish you to.”

Susato chuckles. “Well, I am hoping Kazuma gets chosen for the study tour in Great Britain though, so I will have to live among them.”

Haori makes a face that makes Susato want to squish her cheeks together, for some reason. Fortunately, she manages to repress the urge.

“I cannot say I understand wanting that, but I can say I hope you two get chosen too.”

Susato smiles. “One day, I will tell you why it is so important to me.”

“You are not required to,” Haori tells her gently. “I will miss you, though. I know we have only met a few months ago but…”

She does not finish her sentence but she does not need to because Susato understands. Being the only two people of the same age in this university will tend to create a special kind of kinship, really, although Susato isn’t quite ready to admit other feelings brewing inside her. She has no time for distraction… well, further distraction that is. The clock is ticking, after all, months have passed and soon they will learn who got chosen for the exchange programme.

“What if you could come with us?” she says before she could stop it which prompts a genuine laugh from the other girl.

“Susato, that would be illegal.” There is great irony in the fact Haori is the one pointing that out.

Susato bumps their shoulders together. “Eh, it would be fun though, would it not? Tearing the streets of London together?”

“We would be unstoppable!” Haori exclaims, agreeing. “Perhaps that is why the world won’t let us.”

Susato ponders that. “Yes, I suppose so.”

It is so unfair, she thinks. Although she still had to meet this Dr Wilson — not without fault of trying, the man is always so busy and Susato cannot attend any of his classes even if Kazuma or Ryunosuke is in one of them —, she could tell Haori is just as brilliant as him if she could understand all his notes and add to them. By all means, Haori seems above the title of assistant despite her young age, she should be out here revolutionising medicine and the Japanese scientific scene and yet she is stuck under a white man’s tutelage who teaches her nothing new because her status does not allow her to reach grander prospects.

And Susato wishes she could give her that, the role she deserves.

“I heard women are freer in Great Britain, though,” Haori says, “if Miss Brett is anything to go by.”

“See? Then you should definitely come,” Susato jests once again, earning a playful shove before they both stiffen when someone clears their throat behind them and the shadow of someone looming over them suddenly covers them.

“Miss Asogi, I apologise for interrupting,” a gruff but recognisable voice speaks and Susato whirls around to be faced with Judge Jigoku who smiles kindly at her. It does nothing to settle her nerves, however, the man is tall and intimidating. And he is also thoroughly ignoring Haori’s presence, which seems rather rude. “But I heard you talk about Great Britain and I was hoping to have a word with you about you and your brother’s availability.”

“Oh, of course, Judge Jigoku.” A pause. “… Right this moment?” Without my brother?

The judge nods. “If you do not mind.”

She looks at Haori then who chuckles nervously, cheeks going pink as she already starts walking away. “I-I will see you later, Susato. Judge Jigoku, a pleasure to see you.” She quickly bows before promptly running away.

“Do I really scare people this much outside of the courtroom? Oh dear, I need to change that,” Judge Jigoku laughs loudly, the sound echoing through the busy hallway, prompting a few students to hurry their pace as if it constituted an alarm of some sort.

Susato chuckles weakly. “It… it may be your judge attire even outside of the courtroom as well, sir.”

At that, the man looks down, as if surprised by his own long and dark robe over his body. “You may be right. Anyhow, let us talk in my office.”

Minutely, Susato follows.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

Although Genshin has shared stories of a time when he and Judge Jigoku were once friends, her father has never hidden how little affection and trust he now has for the judge. Susato never looked too deep into it until two years prior — and she made the conclusion that anyone would, probably: Yujin Mikotoba was their mutual friend and with the man gone, their feeble friendship disappeared. She doubts it is the full story, however, because whenever she sees the two interact, she can sense genuine friendship from Judge Jigoku and an immense amount of respect for her father, meanwhile Genshin is much more guarded, although polite nonetheless.

So logic says Susato should be wary of the man if her own father is keeping him at arm’s length despite working in close proximity, but there is very little she can do when one of the most powerful men in this country asks her for a private talk in his office, really.

Especially when he opens the conversation with: “So I hear you have been trying to reach Dr Wilson.”

Susato stiffens. Were they not supposed to be talking about the exchange programme… “I am merely interested in learning more about the body’s response to different types of poison, I hear it can be useful in a trial.”

Judge Jigoku hums. “If that were the case, you simply would have asked your new friend who is a doctor’s apprentice.” Susato barely manages to not frown in frustration at being caught so easily. “You are not as good of a liar as your father, Miss Asogi.”

Which one? She wonders.

“Or perhaps you would like to be referred to as Miss Mikotoba now?”

Susato fights the urge to gape at the insinuation. “Why would I ever forsake the name of the man who has raised me?”

“I was asking myself the same thing but it seems you have been trying to find out more about your biological father, am I wrong?” Judge Jigoku says. “I am afraid Dr Wilson will not be available for much longer for your questions, and I doubt he would answer them anyhow.”

“Is he returning to Great Britain?” she asks, foregoing the idea of asking how the man even knows about her motives.

In her quest to find the Doctor, she sort of forgot the judge in front of her was also an option, or perhaps she willingly ignored it because the figure of a judge who also doubles as their Minister of Foreign Affairs was too imposing and risky.

“You could say that,” is the elusive answer she gets. “Doctor Wilson did not know Yujin Mikotoba for long but I can guarantee he was complicit in some way, for convicting your father, and I know you want to find the truth and seek revenge.”

“I would not necessarily say revenge…” The word sounds dirty, dishonourable. She is seeking justice.

“Now do not play the innocent girl,” Judge Jigoku chastises. “I have seen what you are capable of with your hands and a sword, as a true member of the Asogi clan. And I have an offer to give you.”

He suddenly rounds his desk, opening a drawer and retrieving a piece of paper from it. Then he sits down on his chair and beckons Susato to walk closer before handing her the paper.

Her eyes widen as she is met with the list of potential candidates for the exchange programmes, the name Asogi written at the top of the list.

Except… except it is not Kazuma’s name written before it but hers. And then she notices something odd — none of the other names are law students, or most of them, at least.

“As you know, Great Britain has opened its doors to us, just like we have been accepting British students in our university,” Judge Jigoku says. Susato absently hums, recalling Haori’s extensive rants about said students. “I have yet to approve of the first pair I will send. Of course, your brother has been on top of the list, he is the best in his field and Genshin is a dear friend of mine. However.”

She really does not like the sound of that or the fact the man is making this pause last for far longer than needed. Is he enjoying seeing her try not to nervously fidget under his gaze?

“I was given a condition in my choice from my associate in Great Britain and it has to do with what transpired ten years ago, about your father. If you accept this mission, I promise to tell you the whole truth, if you do not manage to find it by yourself once on British soil.”

Susato frowns. It sounds like a lot of trouble, and yet… curiosity gets the best of her. “So you know what happened when even father doesn’t.”

“Genshin was much closer to Yujin than I was, I simply wished to spare him the pain of knowledge.” It seems cruel, actually, Susato thinks. “Do you accept?” he prompts.

“You did not explain what the mission is.”

“An assassination, and a guarantee you would walk away freely from it.”

And just like that, the blood drains from her limbs as she stares dumbfounded at the man before her. The word was said so casually, so easily, why did it roll so easily from the judge’s lips, even for a man who deals with crime in his everyday life?

“How could I ever accept that?!” she exclaims, losing the carefully put-up walls she had up until now.

Judge Jigoku, however, looks as calm as ever. “And if I told you the target is a man who has wronged both of your fathers, one by planting false evidence and the other by lying to him to his face to this day?”

“… Inspector Gregson?”

“Astute deduction.”

Inspector Gregson has appeared a few times in Genshin’s stories, and several times in Yujin’s notes and the Herlock Sholmes short stories as the Great Detective’s rival. She does remember Genshin mentioning him fondly, calling him a great ally in a sea of untrustworthy British crowds. That inspector could be the real key to uncovering everything about the Professor case since he was the leading inspector and he would probably not suspect a sweet innocent-looking young lady to have foul motives as well. Judge Jigoku knows that.

A familiar rage starts brewing in her heart, the same kind she festers for Dr Wilson now, as if inheriting the feeling of betrayal her biological father must have felt. Her fingers tighten around the paper, creasing it.

Then, a thought comes to her mind. She does not need to actually follow through with killing the man, does she? She does not trust Judge Jigoku, that would be foolish of her, he could tell her whatever suits him once the assassination is done, after all, but she could use this as an opportunity… as a guarantee. He would be none the wiser…

Although he does have an associate on the other side of the Pacific Ocean…

“I suppose this needs to stay a secret,” Susato declares, slowly lowering the paper on the desk. “I will do it.”

Judge Jigoku smiles slowly at her, a sardonic and calculating smile.

This is not a courtroom where I am obligated to tell the truth and yet here he is, assuming I am.

“Then I will promptly fill out the paperwork necessary for you and your brother to be on your way to London by next month. Thank you for your time, Miss Asogi.”

She bows. “Thank you for yours, Judge Jigoku, I will not disappoint you.”

The door closing behind her sounds like the gavel of justice handing down a verdict, as if her whole life’s trajectory suddenly shifted and was sealed.

A few hours later, Kazuma frantically comes back home and Susato feels her stomach drop at the distress on her brother’s face, a sense of foreboding polluting the air.

“Son, what happened?” Genshin asks, rushing to the boy’s side to offer comfort.

“It’s Ryunosuke! He’s been arrested! For…” a deep breath, “For Dr Wilson’s murder.”

Susato turns away with a gasp, pretending to hold back tears to hide the fact that she feels like puking.

That’s what he meant by “Doctor Wilson will no longer be available”. This was the real exchange programme. An assassination exchange.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

Like an utter fool, Kazuma refuses to let their father handle the trial and decides to defend Ryunosuke himself at the risk of losing his opportunity to go to Great Britain, with their father standing next to him as his co-counsel since Susato is still not allowed inside the courtroom.

Years of work and studies and a stupid big heavy block of wood is what’s stopping me.

A part of Susato is proud of her brother for standing up for his friend with no hesitation and such determination, but another part of her cannot help but feel slightly miffed at the fact Kazuma was so willing to throw away her one chance of learning the truth about her biological father out the window for a man he has met only a year prior.

Because she knows this trial to be hopeless, now.

She is waiting in the defence lobby, staring intensely at her laps, knowing that if Kazuma loses, she loses too despite the deal she stroke with Judge Jigoku, when careful footsteps approach before a notebook is thrust into her vision. She startles, lifting her head up to see Haori standing there with a solemn and grief-stricken expression on her face.

And oh, with everything happening, she completely forgot to check on the other girl who just lost her mentor. What a horrendous friend she is.

“Haori—”

“This is Miss Brett’s research notebook,” Haori cuts her off, voice hollow, quiet anger in it. “I believe they will need it. Kazuma and Professor Asogi will soon understand who really did it, I am sure.”

“I… yes, I have no doubt.” Silence. Haori quietly sits down next to her, all poise and elegance to hide her inner turmoil. Susato can sense it, her friend is tense and her hands are shaking under the long sleeves of her kimono. “Are you okay?” she asks eventually, unable to handle the silence.

“Of course not,” Haori replies, she sounds almost indignant to be asked such a question. “My mentor is dead, what am I supposed to do now? None of the other professors ever took me seriously and the only one who did is now gone. My days here are counted now and oh how selfish I sound. A man is dead and all I can think of is that everything I have worked for will surely be taken away from me now.” She groans, hiding her face in her hands. “He was a good man, Susato.”

And Susato, to her own dismay, wants to disagree. That man, for all his kind smile and innocent-looking appearance, was part of some sort of conspiracy that doomed her biological father to a tragic end — and Dr Wilson knew him, they were friends, or at least co-workers. She feels no sympathy for the man, but her heart hurts seeing Haori this distraught over him.

He doesn’t deserve your sorrow, he doesn’t deserve your tears and your admiration.

And she wants to do something about it. “Then when this is over, come with me and Kazuma to England. If no future awaits you here now that your mentor is dead, then let us make one overseas.”

“Susato…”

“You’re light, I can easily hide you in my suitcase.”

This time Haori flushes. “Susato!”

Susato chuckles. “I am not jesting, though. Please do consider it, I would love to have you with me.”

If they even get to go, that is, but if she knows anything about her brother, it is that even in desperate times, he will always find a way to save his best friend. And she knows their father will do the same, he will fight to the end and perhaps even beyond, against Jezail Brett, against Hosonaga, against Judge Jigoku. Ryunosuke is in safe hands.

Her deal with Judge Jigoku is not, however. She did not sign any contract, after all, they just verbally agreed to the arrangement. And now that she knows… if Kazuma loses and Judge Jigoku is forced to choose another pair, would her own life be in danger now that she is aware of the assassination exchange?

Would Kazuma’s and her father’s? Oh, she did not think this through at all. She put her family in danger and the sinking feeling makes her want to disappear into the ground. It is worth it, she tries to tell herself, her father always highlights the importance of unearthing the truth, he, too, wants to know what happened to Yujin Mikotoba and finally lay his old friend’s soul to rest.

It is a gamble. It is worth it.

Is it?

“I must be quite tired because you are making sense to me,” Haori groans, rubbing her cheek. Her voice snaps Susato out of her morbid thoughts. “I love this place with all my heart and yet all I want right now is to get far away from here.”

“Then I will help you, just like your presence would help me,” Susato says, offering her a hand. Haori smiles and soon enough, warm dainty fingers intertwine with hers.

Susato indulges in the peaceful moment, before the doors burst open, her father, Kazuma and Ryunosuke stumbling out with various expressions of frustration on their faces. Susato catches a glimpse of Miss Brett before the doors close, the smug smile on her face blatant and mocking even from a distance. Haori abruptly lets go, jumping to her feet with Miss Brett’s notebook in hand as she walks right into Kazuma’s face to hand him the crucial piece of evidence.

She sees Kazuma’s eyes shine as he goes through the pages, sometimes pointing at a paragraph for Genshin and Ryunosuke to read as well, a winning smile soon blooming on the men’s lips.

Haori then turns around, triumphant and proud, looking for her, for her approval, and Susato smiles back.

Things are looking up, it seems.

It is worth it.

But as she looks at her family and friends from a distance, she cannot quite push down the feeling of guilt she feels, knowing what she is hiding from them.

Do not make hasty decisions, her father’s words come back to her.

Perhaps Yujin Mikotoba was one to do such things and Susato inherited it, who knows? Well, she will discover it soon enough.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

Haori is not quite sure how she survived being jostled around in a cramped suitcase without any bruises, but she supposes she cannot complain. What confuses her more, however, is Susato’s insistence that they cannot tell Kazuma.

“Well, we are doing something illegal. It is one thing for me, the assistant, to bring a stowaway but if Kazuma knew it’d make him complicit and he could lose his licence for breaking laws…” Susato explained.

And Haori understands, really she does, but it does suck to have to hide in a closet whenever the boy is visiting their cabin. Kazuma is her friend too, after all, and she feels guilty for lying to him. They will need to figure out how to announce her presence when they reach London, though.

Also, the cabin does feel a little suffocating, especially considering that, unlike Kazuma, Susato was not given a room in the first-class section of the ship but at least, well, even here no one dares enter a lady’s room — Kazuma being the obvious exception as Susato’s brother — so Haori at least gets to sleep next to Susato without fear of being found out.

And if it makes her feel butterflies in her stomach to lay by Susato’s side and feel her warmth and be surrounded by her sweet scent, well, no one has to know.

It is odd, she thinks, how much Susato has changed her life in the span of a few months. Even Dr Wilson hiring her as his assistant did not feel quite as important, although, obviously, that had been the catalyst leading her to meet the peculiar girl she has been spending every second of her days with now.

“We’re about halfway through the journey, I think,” Susato muses. “And I still cannot like the food they have been serving us.” She punctuates her words by sliding her plate towards Haori.

“You are an awful liar.”

“Well, I did not want you to reject eating the whole plate again,” Susato tuts. “This chicken does have a weird aftertaste though.”

“I’m a scientist, I know how long I can go without food and you’re the one who still needs to go out of this cabin and still appear as lively as ever,” Haori protests.

“See, you’re doing it, again.” Susato huffs. “And that was a logical fallacy, being a scientist does not guarantee you’d be careful instead of trying to take care of me first like you’re doing right now.”

“And you’re being dramatic, it is not like I am starving.”

“Indulge me this, please,” the other girl insists. “Take the whole plate for tonight, I’m not hungry anyhow.”

The dark look in her eyes catches Haori’s attention. “Something in your mind?”

“I just… made a decision. But it is getting late, so it will have to wait tomorrow, I think.”

Haori frowns. “You’re worrying me, Susato.”

Her friend chuckles, a little sadly, guiltily, even. “I figured, after bringing you here, it might finally be time to tell you the truth about my… desire to go to Great Britain.” Susato taps the brooch over her heart. “You remember the story behind this?”

Haori needs. “Of course. Your father’s. Or well, your other father the, uh…”

“The dead one, yes,” Susato confirms bluntly, far less uncomfortable with the concept of death than Haori is, despite the irony that between the two of them, Haori has probably held lifeless creatures in her hands more often than her. “It is the only thing I have left of him, of a man I never met… because he died far away from Japan.”

“So is this a desire to want to see what made him love Great Britain so much? Walk into your fathers’ steps?”

Susato suddenly looks tired, fingers still lightly gripping her brooch. “It is a bit more complicated than that, I will tell you tomorrow.” Then she leans forward, their foreheads touching. Haori’s heart stutters as her senses are overwhelmed by Susato’s gentle floral scent she somehow always carries with her. “But you cannot understand how thankful I am that you are here with me.”

I love you, it’s only been a few months but I love you.

Haori swallows the words. Instead of replying, she hums and leans into the touch. For now, it will do.

It will be her own little secret until the moment is right.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

Haori’s head is pounding when consciousness comes back to her the next day. Her eyes struggle to adjust to the light around her. Yet, there is no warmth beside her, just plain cold sheets which is quite odd— Susato is usually the one who wakes her in the morning, never leaving her alone in bed if she can help it.

“Haori,” a stern and familiar voice, but not the one she was hoping to hear, says and she startles, only to realise that her wrists feel heavy. She moves them, hearing the unmistakable sound of shackles. “What are you doing here?”

“I— Kazuma-kun?” she chances, her vision finally adjusting to everything around her and seeing the boy a few years her senior glaring at her in despair and confusion. “Where’s… where’s Susato?”

Kazuma looks away then, a sombre tone to his eyes and she follows his gaze, her breath coming up short at the outline on the floor.

An outline in chalk.

Like…

Like a crime scene.

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Kazuma says, anger and grief barely hidden in his voice. “Because as the scene stands, Haori, you are the prime suspect for her murder.”

… What?

#susahao week 2022 #susahao #susahao fic #susarei #asoryuu #dai gyakuten saiban #the great ace attorney #dgs spoilers #tgaa spoilers #HUGE spoilers for this one as roleswap aus are wont to be #my fics

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