#girlfailure shit tier ass elf legolas i love you

[twicearoundthebend]

Imagine going on a cross country trip to share the (mildly embarrassing) news with an adjacent king that your guards lost a prisoner, but when you get there- there’s actually a huge crowd of people who all get called into a massive Super Important Meeting. And the prisoner (who you thought wasn’t like That Big of a deal) gets brought up, and everyone’s talking about how great your kingdoms security is, and how important it is that he’s locked up, and you’re just sitting there sweating buckets. And you have to stand up in front of Everybody and tell them ‘actually he escaped and had been gone for months’. While everyone looks at you with the most disappointed faces you’ve ever seen. What a loser.

And Then you have to go on an even Longer trip with all of these people who’s first impression of you was some cringefail sweaty loser who can’t even keep track of one (1) guy.

No wonder Legolas was showing off every chance he got, he was trying to bring his reputation up from like -100

#girlfailure shit tier ass elf legolas i love you #lotr #lotr shitpost #lord of the rings #Legolas

[coveredinsun]

i’ve seen gimleaf fics where they each try to find out how to court by the other’s traditions. and i love those, so i think they ought to be taken a step further. and i think the way to do that would be, naturally, to make bagginshield real. allow me to explain why. ahem. after the ring is destroyed, girlfailure legolas spends two weeks poring over The Ancient Texts and stressing because his one (1) friend who WOULD help him (that’s aragorn) knows jack shit about dwarves beyond the surface (no pun intended) (well gandalf knows things but gandalf is a bitch) (he would just smile at legolas knowingly and wish him good luck instead of giving him answers).

so alas, girlfailure “shit tier ass elf” legolas is left to like, idk, sulk or something in the garden he starts at the Bestie Residence in minas tirith. and after like 2 days sam’s had enough he’s like “dude your vibes are upsetting the plants.” and legolas is like “my bad bro. it just seems i know nothing about dwarves which i probably should’ve thought about before, by elf standards, getting hitched in vegas.” and sam is like “oh dwarves? just ask mister frodo ^_^ he knows tons about dwarves!” and legolas is like “what the shit? him in particular? why does he anything about dwarves?” and sam leans in reaaaalllllll close and whispers behind his hand, “well you see mister elf, mister legolas, sir, there’s always been a very healthy amount of rumors that go around in the shire about mister frodo’s uncle, mister bilbo, and the letters he used to exchange with a certain king under the mountain.” and legolas, who was THERE, is like

#WOAH THIS ENDED UP A NOVEL #girlfailure shit tier ass elf legolas i love you #society if thorin lived and frodo was a regular visitor to erebor #society if gimli was captain of the frodo defense squad #because ‘‘well you see his uncle helped my dad reclaim my kingdom so i’m basically in his debt forever’’ #gimleafposting #lord of the rings #the hobbit #lotr #legolas #gimli #samwise gamgee #frodo baggins #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #bagginshield #gimleaf #gigolas #tolkien #coveredinsunposting