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help-the-horse · 3 months

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If You're Still Alive, My Regrets are Few

AO3 Link

Summary: The Normandy crew deal with the aftermath of Virmire.

Pairing: Dead!Kaidan Alenko/Regina Shepard/Ashley Williams Warnings: Major Character Death Words: 2,439

Shepard was the last one to enter the room. She walked across the comms room stiffly, sitting with strained shoulders and fisted fingers.

Ashley was the first to speak.

“I can’t believe Kaidan didn’t make it. How could we just leave him down there?” Her voice was cracking, but she wasn’t showing any signs of crying. Her emotion seemed to come from somewhere more strained and in pain, past the point of tears. The overwhelm of emotion was not lost on the other crew members, all intent on the conversation and still.

Shepard’s face softened for a moment, Garrus and Wrex shooting each other a glance across the room. “Alenko knew his risks going in. He gave his life to save the rest of us.” Her tone was softer than anyone had expected, and the way Shepard’s frown deepened it seemed to even surprise herself. She knew she was being more vulnerable than was good for her.

Ashley didn’t miss a beat. “It should have been me Commander, You know that.” The words seemed to fall from her mouth. Shepherd’s change in demeanor was enough to tell her she hadn’t thought out her reply enough.

“Chief Williams, I am your commanding officer!” Shepard’s voice got dangerously elevated, the muscles of her jaw tight. She was holding back a rage that only ever rose to the surface on the battlefield. “I did what I had to do. Do not question my orders!” Every word was harsh and clipped.

“I-I’m sorry Commander.” Ashley seemed almost timid, the sting of pain in the back of her throat. The level of anger had intimidated even her, and the use of rank stung. She couldn’t remember the last time Shepard had used her rank as leverage. “You saved my life, I’m grateful for that. But it should have been me. Alenko was a superior officer. I would have gladly stayed-” Her tone was uncomfortably cool, slightly too matter of fact.

“I will not fulfill a martyrdom complex, Williams!” The reply was biting. Shepard held Ashley’s gaze, an unbridled attention on her opponent. “Kaidan’s blood is on Saren’s hands. And when I find that son of a bitch I’ll make him pay.” The flare of rage was dying, a clarity of the enemy drawing the emotion away.

“Yes sir, I’m… We’ll get it done.” Ashley understood that she was not to push the subject, resigning herself to agreement. The unspoken words hung heavy in the air.

“Commander?” Liara’s voice cut through the atmosphere, perhaps a bit too soon. “Excuse me for interrupting, I have an idea.” She worked to justify herself for the social misstep. “I think the beacon in Saren’s base might be similar to the one you found on Eden Prime. It may have filled in the missing pieces of your vision, I might be able to put those pieces together.”

Ashley could hear Wrex let out a huff in the seat next to her, focusing on her shoes and not at the empty seat next to her, or the face of the inexperienced Asari.

“Nobody is messing with my head any more.” Shepard motioned sharply and shook her head. “I’m sick of dealing with these visions!” Her patience for experiments and ‘perhaps’ and ‘maybe’ was clearly in short supply right now.

“I understand your reluctance Commander,” Liara shifted in her chair, clearly thinking about what words to use. “But the visions are already there, I only want to help you make sense of them.” The desperation creeped into her voice. “It may be the only way to stop Saren.”

“Looks like I don’t have a choice.” Shepard rubbed her hands through her hair, clearly angered. She hated the way Liara was able to explain the logic in a way Shepard could not argue with. She hated being the subject of a hypothesis with two independent variables. She stood in front of the Asari now, repeating the motions of what they had agreed to after Ferros. The visions flickered across Shepard’s mind, vague and uncomfortable. It reminded her of when she tried to talk about Torfan, or when she thought about Earth.

“That’s incredible.” Liara blinked quickly and looked to the floor with a furrowed brow.

“What did you see?” Shepard was not going to wait for the Asari to think ten steps too far ahead.

“The vision was a distress call sent out by the Protheans about the Reapers, but it was too late.” Liara spoke in that same way she always recalled data out loud.

“What about the Conduit?” Shepard desperately wished Liara would understand what information was critical to the mission.

“The Conduit is on Ilos!” Liara seemed to come to the conclusion on the spot, a revelation to all the possibilities she was running in her head.

“Why would you not mention Ilos sooner?” The other’s in the room all shuffled slightly, Ashley in particular annoyed at the lack of thought put into the question.

“There are hundreds of systems and thousands of planets that connect to the Mu relay, Saren could have been going to any of them. I was able to recognize landmarks of Ilos from my research.”

“We have to go to Ilos.”

Tali was the one to cut the two off. “Good luck. The Mu relay is in the Terminus systems.” She spoke with a kind of resigned pity. “It’s outside Council space, they don’t have power out there, not even Spectres.” She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair. Her nonchalance made Shepard bristle.

“The Conduit is on Ilos. That is where Saren is going. I’m going to be waiting for him when he gets there.” The statement was closed to interpretation, her eyes trained on Tali. The young Quarian sat up straight.

“Commander, Saren will have his entire fleet orbiting Ilos! We need to alert the Council and ask for aid, we are going to need-” Garrus poised to get out of his chair as Liara swayed on her feet, catching herself with a wider stance.

“Commander?” Joker’s solemn voice came over the comms. Shepard was sure he had been listening to the entire brief from before she had even walked in. “There’s a comms buoy nearby, I can patch you through to the Citadel. In case you, y’know, want to warn them about Sovereign.”

“Set up the link, Joker.” Shepard’s attention turned to the holodeck. The rest of the crew all stood, Ashley the first to shove her way through the half open doors.

“Good job on Virmire Commander.” The Turian spoke, a hesitant congratulations in his tone. “Destroying a lab creating a Krogan army is quite the success.”

Rage sparked in Shepard’s chest. “A Krogan army is not the real problem. Sovereign is the problem, the Reapers destroyed the Protheans and they’re coming for us!”

“Yes, the Reapers. You reported a sentient machine, a true AI. This is concerning news, if it’s real, of course.” The Salarian councilor shrugged his shoulders. Shepherd’s retort was lost on him. “We haven’t gotten any additional evidence of what you are describing from any of our sources. All we know are the Reapers from your visions.”

“The Reapers are real, Saren even admitted it!” Shepard spat the words, feeling increasingly betrayed by individuals that she never even trusted.

“Saren has people all over the Citadel,” the Turian waved his hand. “He was using this information against you, talking about visions. And Reapers.” The Counselor nearly rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t trust me about Saren!” Shepard pointed an accusatory finger at the hologram. “Look how that turned out for you!”

“I think you humans have a saying,” the Turian councilor narrowed his eyes. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

“Here’s another saying!” Shepard shifted into a combat stance. “Fuck you!”

“Maybe we were wrong to make humans Specters. Perhaps you are too hot-headed.” The taunt was obvious, malicious and brazen.

“Enough!” The Asari cut through the fight, just as Shepard considered disconnecting the call all together. “Shepard has performed admirably thus far. This… discussion is just a mild disagreement.”

“We disagree a lot, Councilor.” Shepard nearly spoke through clenched teeth. She hated the way the Asari always knew how to downplay conflict and diffuse situations.

“Think about it from our perspective,” the Counselor continued. “Saren is a threat we can recognize. As far as we know, the Reapers exist only in your visions.”

“Our choices affect trillions of lives. We cannot rely only on the accusations of a single individual. Even a Spectre.” the Salarian seemed to add to his sentence at the last second. “Not without solid evidence.”

“We cannot get involved in these affairs, that is why we created the Spectres.” The Asari continued her mediating.

“If you truly believe Sovereign is the real issue, you must end it. And Saren.” The unexpected words from the Salarian was enough permission for Shepard. She could skew that as Council support if push came to shove.

“Good luck Commander.” The Asari nodded. “From all of us.”

Shepard walked across the bridge briskly, stopping to confirm the course to Ilos with Joker. It seemed there was something he wanted to say, but one glance at her face resulted in only a ‘yes, sir.’ She was still in her uniform from Vermire. She would usually shower and change before a debriefing, washing away the tension of gunfire and heavy armor. She had meant to shower, but she had gotten stuck trying to step into the elevator. When the time for debriefing came, she allowed herself two additional minutes. She counted all one hundred and twenty seconds, staring at only her shoes as she stepped out of the elevator and up the stairs, then through the doors of the comms room.

But now she found herself stuck half way down the stairs, thinking about a shower that would perhaps never come. The obstacle in her way seemed insurmountable. Perhaps this is what would truly cause her resignation from the Alliance. She had to go to her quarters, she had to pass an empty workstation. She had to see that Kaidan wasn’t there, and she had the curse of knowing why. She worked to take an additional step down, feeling her knee buckle, her body fighting her. She sat on the step, curling her knees to her forehead, holding her legs with her arms. She felt the rush of tears well up behind her eyes and she stood abruptly. Regina knew she needed to get to her private quarters, so she let the adrenaline fuel her to stumble down the remaining stairs. She gritted her teeth as her vision blurred, holding her breath as she crossed the floor of the mess hall.

She curled onto the floor just inside the door. She whined with a hand over her mouth, and then both. Her face became red with emotion, the screams and sobs still too loud in her own ears. The thought that Ashley might find her like this crossed her mind, hoping she might find support, loathing herself for wanting a shoulder to cry on. And then the thought of Kaidan coming in after her made her stop breathing. She would never have that again, including when she needed it most. The pain was overwhelming, relentless and never ending.

The next thing she noticed, between the screaming and crying, was the opening of the door to her quarters. She turned like a cornered animal, her cheeks still streaked with tears and her face blotchy, her eyes puffy. She drew in a sharp breath to yell, feeling her vocal chords strain, tensing her body as if ready to tackle or run. The words were scratchy and thin, which made her even more angry.

“Get out!” She had more planned in her head before she realized she had lost her voice.

“I just got you a plate from the mess.” Garrus stood in her doorway, slowly leaving the tray on the floor with his other hand raised in surrender. He remained for an extra moment in the doorway. “You want a drink?” He asked like he was talking to a suspect he had to get along with, like he wasn’t sure if the question would escalate the situation. Shepard took a rattling breath, feeling the pounding in her head and her fist. She looked down to see she had bloody and purple knuckles, the wall beside her headboard smeared with red.

“Yeah.” She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her throbbing hand. She stayed sitting on the edge of her bed as Garrus returned, took her desk chair as a seat, and poured them both a glass. Shepard downed the first one quickly as a shot, and then a second, and then a third, before Garrus poured her a half glass and she got the cue to start sipping. She was just grateful it was something strong, not like the beers Kaidan always drank.

“You get this from Ashley?” Shepard stared at the amber liquid in her glass, her throat hurting even worse from all the alcohol and lack of adrenaline.

“No.” Was all Garrus offered. Shepard decided she didn’t want to pursue more questions or any conversation. At least Garrus recognized it. Soon enough Shepard could feel the way the alcohol dulled her senses, numbed her pain and slowed her thoughts. Garrus simply sat there silently, rolling his empty glass around in his hands. He sighed deeply, standing and taking a step forward to clap a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, hoping to find some kind of comfort in the Turian’s face. “We’ll get Saren soon enough Commander.” Shepard frowned and looked back down to her lap. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she didn’t have a better idea for what he could have said to help her. He nodded, taking the glasses and tray with him out of her quarters. “See you tomorrow Commander.” were the words Garrus left with.

Regina blessed the darkness left in her room as the lights shut off., letting the drink take her closer to an uneasy slumber. She didn’t have the energy to look up as her door opened again, what felt like a long time later. She barely stirred as a body crept into bed beside her, the pressure of arms around her waist comforting.

“I’m sorry, Reggie.” Ashley spoke, muffled from her face being buried in Shepard’s shoulders.

“M’too, Ash.” was all Shepard could manage to mumble out. She felt exhaustion take her, thankful for the arms around her even if it didn’t feel like enough.

#Mass Effect #mass effect trilogy #Regina Shepard #Kaidan Alenko #Ashley Williams #garrus vakarian #urdnot wrex #tali'zorah #liara t'soni #jeff joker moreau #helpthehorse writes #fanfic #Dead Kaidan Alenko

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help-the-horse · 2 months

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This Mission Just Got A Lot More Complicated

AO3 Link Summary: Regina Shepard has been posted to the Normandy. She is tasked with reaching the beacon on Eden Prime, even if she is less than thrilled. Pairing: future Kaidan Alenko/Regina Shepard/Ashley Williams Words: 7,218

“Drift… just under fifteen K.” The pilot spoke from down in his chair. The thought crossed her mind again that he looked far too young to be chosen to pilot the cutting-edge vessel. She was unfamiliar with the lingo.

“Fifteen is good. Your captain will be pleased.” The Turian Spectre stood next to her. It was hard to tell if he was impressed or not. The tall alien stepped away from the flight deck, seemingly satisfied with what he had seen. Shepard stood stock still as he walked away. Having such a powerful individual on board left her feeling like there was something she wasn’t being told about this mission.

“I hate that guy.” The pilot spoke, flat. If she could see his face she was almost sure he rolled his eyes. She couldn’t remember his name, or the one from her debriefings at least. Shepard would have to read her files again later to try and memorize more names and faces.

“Nihlus gave you a compliment… so you hate him?” The man co-piloting glanced over. His question seemed genuine, but his face showed his irritation. If she remembered correctly, he was a lieutenant. She wondered what his story was.

“Remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom, that’s good. I just jumped us half way across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead.” Joker was what she had heard some of the crew call him, the ones who seemed to remember names and faces, or care enough. “So that’s incredible.” His fingers flew across his screens, the glow of the orange light attempting to warm the cold, metallic space. “Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don’t like having them on board. Call me paranoid.”

“You’re paranoid.” The lieutenant responded without missing a beat. “The council helped fund this project, they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment.” His argument was convincing at least. He was the biotic she had heard some of the crew talking about. Had thrown a cup at a corporal or something in the mess.

“Yeah,” Joker scoffed. “That’s the official story. Only an idiot believes the official story.”

“That’s enough.” Shepard was tired of hearing the two stubborn men argue. “You’re soldiers, act like it.” The irritation in her voice was stronger than she thought it would be. They probably thought she was one of the no-nonsense types. At least it covered up the nerves she felt, her feelings affirmed since the pilot felt something was off too.

“Sorry, Commander.” Alenko was his name, it finally came to her. He kept his eyes down to his screen. She wondered how he made it so far when he seemed so sensitive to harsh tones.

“Joker, status report.” Captain Anderson’s voice came over the flight room comms. She had remembered his name correctly, at least. Someone with all his decorations stood out, even amongst the various commanding officers she had encountered.

“Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid.” Joker’s pride was unmistakable.

“Good.” Captain Anderson didn’t comment on the tone of the report. “Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime.” That was right, even the flight itself was considered a mission of its own on this ship. Shepard felt her regret at taking the assignment again, everything was too official, too political. She clenched her jaw. Trusting her gut had gotten her through her life, through her training, through Torfan. There had been too many politics involved with that mission too.

“Better brace yourself sir, I think Nihlus is headed your way.” Shepard had missed what Joker had been saying, but the mention of the Spectre brought her back.

“He’s already here, Lieutenant.” The harsh tone in the response made Shepard raise her eyebrows. Now his mouth had gone too far, she wondered how the pilot would react. “Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comms room for a debriefing.”

“You get that Commander?” Joker turned his head to see her out the side of his eye. He seemed a bit more serious now, at least.

“Great.” She frowned, sarcasm coloring her words. “You piss the captain off and now I’m going to pay for it.” She didn’t wait to finish her sentence as she turned to walk away.

“Don’t blame me.” Joker lowered his voice, but it was loud enough for her to hear as she slowed her steps. “The captain’s always in a bad mood.”

“Only when he’s talking to you, Joker.” The co-pilot was almost teasing. He seemed too genuine for a high class, heavily political mission. But she wasn’t the best choice either.

She started walking again, past all the control terminals, hearing various chatter around her. The entire crew seemed to be in a buzz, the energy reflected in the urgent tones and hurried feet all around her. She had always hated being part of the rumor pipeline on deck, but the Navigator’s conversation caught her ear.

“And we’re getting dragged right along with him!” He stood at his terminal, typing away as he spoke in front of the galaxy map.

“Relax, Pressly.” An unconcerned voice leaked out of his earpiece. “You’re going to give yourself an ulcer.” Pressly turned his attention away from his work, saluting Shepard once he noticed her. He was on the older side of the majority of crewmates she saw, might have had a position during the First Contact wars. She was willing to bet he had made his career through trusting his gut feelings too, at least to an extent.

“Congratulations, Commander.” he nodded as he dropped his hand to his side. “Looks like we had a good run. You heading down to see the captain?” Shepard couldn’t help but feel suspicious he was trying to get information to fuel the chatter on deck.

“Seems like you don’t trust our Turian guest?” She had always liked to know everything she could about how the crew was feeling. Who agreed with her was important, maybe she was part of the gossip she hated so much.

“Sorry Commander.” Pressly kept professional. “Just having a chat with Adams down in engineering. Didn’t mean to cause any trouble.” His eyebrows came together as he spoke. “But you have to admit, something’s odd about this mission, the whole crew feels it.” He was genuinely concerned now.

“Info’s on a need to know basis, Pressly.” She diverted his probe for information outright. “Just follow the orders you’re given.” Shepard hated that she didn’t have much information to give, even if she wanted to. She walked on after a salute and confirmation. She could see the lead medic on board talking with a soldier, still in his on-board uniform, hat and all.

“It’s not the kind of place Spectres visit.” the soldier continued, leaning against the wall. “There’s something Nihlus isn’t telling us about this mission.” Shepard remembered Nihlus had held an optional meeting for the crew once word got around he was on board. She didn’t have time to attend since she had chosen to gear up so early before landing. The armor and the guns were more useful protection than all the information in the galaxy.

“That’s crazy.” The medic waved him away. “The captain’s in charge here, he wouldn’t take orders from a Spectre.”

“Not his choice, Doc.” He shrugged, his arms crossed. “Spectres don’t answer to anyone. They can do whatever they want. Kill anyone that gets in their way.” He seemed dead serious. The medic laughed it off.

“You watch too many spy vids, Jenkins.”

“What do you think, Commander?” Jenkins saluted. It was odd when everyone on deck seemed to respect her only because of her rank. Maybe she was right to be worried about rumors. “We won’t be staying on Eden Prime very long, will we?” He sounded young. “I’m itching for some real action!” And he was naive.

“I sincerely hope you’re kidding Corporal.” The doc had become serious now too. “Your ‘real action’ usually ends with me patching up crew members in the infirmary.”

“Marines are meant to fight.” Shepard looked between the two, rolling her shoulders. “You just fix us up when we’re done.”

“I know how things work, Commander.” Her irritation was not hidden. “I’ve seen my share of combat, but it’s foolish to go looking for trouble.” Maybe Shepard had judged her too quickly. Most medics spent too much time in books. “You could both take a lesson from the captain. He’s not afraid of combat, but he knows the value of restraint too.”

“Sorry Doc.” Jenkins sounded persuaded by her words. Shepard was just angry a medic was trying to teach her what combat was like. “But this waiting’s killing me. I’ve never been on a mission like this before. Not one with a Spectre on board!” The excitement slowly creeped back into Jenkins’ voice.

“The captain’s waiting for me.” Shepard started to walk away before Doc could even get out a goodbye. She took a deep breath to try and quell her frustration. She didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot and say something stupid, or dangerous. She stepped into the circular meeting room. The space felt strangely empty compared to the main deck, the hum of the ventilation replacing the hum of the crew. Nihlus was the only one standing before her, facing a large screen. The back of her neck prickled as she crossed the space separating them, leaving a comfortable distance in front of the Turian.

“Commander Shepard.” he crossed his arms. His expression was hard to read, partly from the unfamiliar features, partly from the high contrast patterning over his face. “I was hoping you’d get here first. It will give us a chance to talk.”

“What about?” She struggled to keep her voice and expression even. She hoped her eyes didn’t show her distrust.

“I’m interested in this world we’re going to, Eden Prime.” Nihlus turned and took a few steps, starting to pace. “I’ve heard it’s quite beautiful.” He stopped in front of her.

“I’m a marine, not some tourist on vacation.” Shepard’s shrug and biting response didn’t seem to bother Nihlus, who remained confident and cunning.

“It’s more than a tourist destination, isn’t it Shepard?” His words felt patronizing. “Eden Prime is a symbol to your people. A perfect little world on the edges of your territory.” He got more serious, glancing back at the paused video on the screen, showing some vaguely familiar flora of the habitable planet. “Proof that not only humans can establish colonies across the galaxy, but also protect them.” He turned his back to Shepard. “But how safe is it, really?”

“Are you trying to scare me, Spectre?” She bristled, taking a few steps closer to the Turian. He faced her again, his movements rigid with practiced discipline.

“Your people are still newcomers, Shepard.” Some sense of sympathy leaked into his tone, quickly replaced with annoyance. “Is the Alliance truly ready for this?”

“I think it’s about time we told the Commander what’s really going on.” Captain Anderson took away her attention, walking quickly to stand next to her. How long had he been listening?

“This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run.” Nihlus addressed her. Shepard was unnerved by the seriousness he now had.

“I already figured that out.” Was her flat reply. She hated when others assumed she was just a body with a gun. She had plenty of brain too, when it counted.

“We’re making a covert pickup on Eden Prime.” Captain Anderson stopped her from glaring at the Spectre any longer. “That’s why we needed the stealth systems operational.”

“I don’t like being kept in the dark, Captain.” She always made her voice heard to her superiors when it mattered. And secrets got people killed.

“This comes down from the top, Commander.” Anderson pointed a finger from down at his side, warning her to watch what she asked for. “Information on a strictly need to know basis.” He marked his words with a gesture of his hand. “A research team on Eden prime unearthed some kind of beacon during an excavation. It was Prothean.” Shepard followed him with her eyes as Anderson moved to stand beside Nihlus.

“What else can you tell me?” She understood from Anderson’s tone that the Prothean piece of information was important, but Shepard wasn’t sure why. She could trust intel from him though, and she was finally getting information.

“This is big, Shepard.” He paused to drive home his point. “The last time humanity made a discovery like this, it jumped our technology forward two hundred years.” Anderson had a skill for making you feel informed, but not stupid. “But Eden Prime doesn’t have the facilities to handle something like this. We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study.”

“Obviously this goes beyond mere human interests, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in Council space.” Nihlus interjected.

“We can handle this on our own.” Shepard bit back even harsher words. She didn’t answer to the Spectre, or care about what he was here for.

“Unless something goes wrong.” he warned dangerously, walking to stand closer to her.

“There’s more, Shepard.” Anderson spoke from where he stood, Shepard’s gaze still fixed on the Spectre. “Nihlus isn’t just here for the beacon. He’s also here to evaluate you.”

She was getting tired of this ‘there’s more’ act. “Since when do we answer to the Spectres?” She couldn’t keep the anger from her voice.

“You’re smart enough to know how things work, Commander.” Anderson wandered forward, shrinking the circle of space between the three of them. “The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a bigger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council.” Shepard couldn’t help but feel cornered. “The Spectres represent the Council’s power and authority.” He punctuated his words, dropping a fist into his other hand. “If they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come.”

“I was impressed when I studied the reports from Torfan.” The Spectre looked down at Shepard, studying her in a way that supported her caged animal sympathies. She couldn’t stop the way her face tensed when he mentioned Torfan. “A grim business… but you got the job done.” He let the words hang for half a second. “That’s why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Spectres.”

Shepard could feel her ears getting hot with frustration. “I don’t like people making decisions about my future.” She was sure her anger was evident on her face now, and she didn’t care to hide it.

“This isn’t about you Shepard!” Anderson’s sharp response drew her full attention, her eyes fixed firmly on her captain. “Humanity needs this. We’re counting on you.”

“I need to see your skills for myself, Commander. Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together.” The prospect of working with Nihlus repeatedly nearly made her step out of the room. Anderson began, cutting off whatever she might have said.

“You’ll be in charge of the ground team.” The knowledge she was in control of a team cooled the worst of her anger. “Secure the beacon and get it onto the ship ASAP. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission.”

“Just give the word Captain.” She resigned herself to the orders. As long as the Spectre stayed in his lane, and she could control her team, she would make it through the politics.

“We should be getting close to Eden-”

“Captain!” Joker’s panicked call came over the speakers, cutting Anderson off. “We got a problem.” Anderson glanced up to the ceiling, questioning the pilot. “Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You better see this.”

“Bring it up on screen.” The tension in the air changed. They all turned their attention to the now changed screen, gunshots coming through the audio. The vid was low quality, shaky. A young soldier ran into center frame, throwing the person filming to the ground with a gruff order. The soldier remained in frame and shot off a few rounds, her white armor scuffed and dirty. Explosions seemed to go off, close, the camera continuing to shake and stutter. Shepard glanced over to Anderson, his face guarded. The camera seemed to be grabbed, an additional man in green gear speaking quickly.

“We are under attack! We are taking heavy casualties, I repeat, heavy casualties!” The desperation made the blood start pounding in Shepard’s ears. “We can’t-” The soldier was cut off by an explosion, making the video feed little more than blurs of colors and static. “-need evac, they came out of nowhere! We need-” His repeated call for help got cut off, a sound of cracking armor and the soldier going limp, dropping the camera. It seemed to get thrown around for a moment, another soldier’s face coming into frame for a moment before turning to some great shape in the sky. The feed cut to pure static.

“Everything cuts out after that, no comm traffic at all.” Joker seemed like he was a nervous talker. “Just goes dead. There’s nothing.”

“Reverse and hold at thirty eight point five.” Anderson nodded his head to the screen like Joker could see him. There probably were cameras connected between comms and the flight deck. The shape in the sky came back on screen, looking almost like a divine hand. It was grainy footage, but there were seams and lights on the thing, deep reds glowing out from under reflective and metallic midnight purples. It wasn’t something Shepard had ever seen, and by the way Anderson went pale, and Nihlus’ mandibles twitched, neither had they.

“Status report.” Anderson had his usual order giving tone. He didn’t betray his nerves if he felt any.

“Seventeen minutes out, Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area.”

“Take us in Joker, fast and quiet.” Anderson shared a look with Nihlus, the large brooding shape next to him. “This mission just got a lot more complicated.” The turian seemed concerned as he looked at Anderson, maybe. Shepard still couldn’t really read his expression.

“A small strike team can move quickly without drawing attention.” Nihlus was all serious. “It’s our best chance to secure the beacon.”

“Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold.” Anderson called after Nihlus as he walked away. He started to peel his eyes away from the video display. “Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up, Commander. You’re going in.” His voice dropped as he turned to Shepard. She found herself stuck staring at the larger than life thing still on screen, freeze framed. Her gut told her this was going to be bigger than she wanted it to be, and she was at the center of it all again.

“Your team is the muscle in this operation, Commander.” Anderson spoke over the loud sounds of the ship’s drop deck. “Go in heavy and head straight for the dig site.”

“What about survivors, Captain?” Alenko spoke up from behind Shepard. He had been the one in the flight deck with Joker earlier and was quick to suit up and report once she called him. Survivors were a valid concern.

“Helping survivors is a secondary objective!” Anderson raised his voice even louder as the cargo ramps opened and lowered, natural light flooding the space, causing all of them to blink quickly to adjust. “The beacon’s your top priority!”

“Approaching drop point one.” Joker’s tone had calmed down significantly from the last time she heard him, his voice coming through the deck speakers as well as her earpiece.

“Nihlus, you coming with us?” Jenkins turned his attention to the Spectre, standing with his gun at the ready a few steps away from the four humans.

“I move faster on my own.” Was his only response as he jogged out of the ship, the wind rushing around the cargo bay.

“Nihlus will scout out ahead. He will feed you status reports throughout the mission. Otherwise, I want radio silence.” Anderson looked the three of them over, his dark eyes landing on Shepard.

“I don’t like putting my life in the hands of a turian, sir.” This was another time to make her opinion known. The brass couldn’t blame her for something going wrong if all the reports said she was against the methods of the mission from the start.

“Nihlus is on our side. He wants you in the Spectres, and he wants that beacon.” Anderson attempted to reassure her, again.

“Ready and able, sir.” She nodded. The way Anderson looked at her said all the words he didn’t have the space to say out loud. He was choosing to trust her, despite her protests, and maybe even his own doubts. She would do her job and do it well.

“The mission is yours now, Commander. Good luck.”

Her feet hit the ground hard. Ash and embers floated through the air, plumes of black smoke scattered in the sky. She ignored the report from Jenkins, hoping the silence would give him enough of a hint to keep the chatter down. She drew out each of her guns before putting them back, landing on her assault rifle. One last check everything was in working order, at least for now. She began to jog forward, the green trees and grass around her looking sickly from the smoke tinted light.

“This place got hit hard, Commander.” Nihlus’ voice came over her personal channel. “Hostiles everywhere. Keep your guard up.”

“What the hell are those?” Alenko spoke up from behind her, his voice tense, his gun drawn and pointed at a small group of strange, floating, spherical creatures.

“Gas bags.” Jenkins responded casually. “Don’t worry, they’re harmless.” Shepard shot one to be sure, making Alenko jump with a curse as it forcefully burst, bright green painting the grass around it. They continued past the creatures, keeping a wide berth, moving up a small hill.

“It smells like smoke. And death.” Alenko’s voice was hushed, the three of them taking a knee as Shepard held them up, surveying the area below them. “Watch your targets,” Alenko kept his eyes trained on the terrain when Shepard turned to look at him. “Could be friendlies.” She nodded and motioned them onward with a hand signal. She moved to stand, but hesitated. Jenkins rushed ahead, but Alenko was uneasy too, his steps slow through the many large rocks dotting the small valley.

Movement caught her attention. Shots were fired before she could aim properly or verify the targets, Jenkins collapsing with a pained sound. Alenko took quick cover, firing a few shots from his own weapon. They were three drones, the enemies that had shot at Jenkins. They were taken down with four shots, each blowing shrapnel out as they erupted in fire. Shepard rushed forward to get down next to Jenkins’ limp shape crumpled in the dirt. Alenko was already there, his hand over Jenkin’s eyes.

“Ripped right through his shields.” He stood and turned to her, his strong features covered in remorse. “Never had a chance.”

“Leave him.” She frowned down at the corpse, shifting her grip on her gun. A twisted part of her felt a muted sense of superiority over the fallen soldier. He had been careless and juvenile, and he had paid with his life. “We need to finish the mission.” Alenko only gave an affirmative and a nod. If he felt she was heartless, he didn’t show it. Still burning fires cracked at the edges of the valley as they continued up. The position was vulnerable, and she was down a man barely minutes after drop. At least Alenko could corroborate her story that Jenkins had been a fool. They crept their way onward, occasionally stopping to dispatch a few more of the drones. They were weak, but dangerous nonetheless. She kept them behind cover, only exposed for moments at a time as they progressed cautiously.

“I’ve got some burned out bodies here, Shepard.” Nihlus’ graveled voice made her pause for a step. “A lot of bodies.” He was grim. “I’m going to check it out. I’ll try to catch up with you at the dig site.” He silenced the channel. The tree trunks around them grew thicker, hiding more drones. Alenko took one out that surprised her. He was a good aim, at least.

They both focused their sights down field as they came over a small slope, a white form dashing across the opening below them, drones shooting in pursuit. The person, Shepard realized what it was, had gone out of view behind a rock, forced to the ground as their shields flashed around them. A few returning shots were fired, taking out the drones. The single moment of quiet was broken by a horrific metallic noise, a white spike erupting from a distant device, at least ten feet high. Shepard could feel her face fall as she realized a body was skewered clean through on the end of the spike, resting about a quarter from the top, arms and legs hanging limply. The person who had been running was now sitting on her heels, gun at the ready, behind the rock that had blocked her from view.

Shepard dashed forward, taking cover beside the soldier. It was a woman, wearing the same uniform she had seen from the emergency transmission video. She wondered if it was the same person, taking aim and firing at the two hostiles she could see. The projectiles made them sound metallic when they hit humanoid shapes that moved strangely. They fell to the dirt quickly.

“Thanks for your help, Commander.” The woman spoke, full of breathless relief. “I didn’t think I was going to make it.” She stayed sitting, clutching her gun to her chest, her eyes turned to the hazy orange sky. Alenko slid in next to them, all three of them keeping in cover. “Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the two twelve.” Williams, that was the woman’s name. She swallowed hard and took a few more breaths. “You the one in charge here, ma’am?” Williams met Shepard’s stern eyes, a smile twitching on her lips. She must have needed rescuing if she was happy to see Shepard, it was rare for even the friendliest of people to greet her with a smile.

“I need a status report.” Shepard saw Ashley swallow again, still panting. “Now.”

“Oh man…” Williams coughed, wiping a hand across her mouth. “We were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit.” she stood, motioning in a vague direction. “We tried to get off a distress call, but they cut off our communications.” Williams was finally getting her breath back. “I’ve been fighting for my life ever since.” She was truly desperate.

“Where’s the rest of your squad?” Shepard asked, hearing Alenko walk behind her. He was staying vigilant, she could trust him to watch her back.

“We tried to double back to the beacon.” Williams sounded like she was still in disbelief. “But we walked into an ambush. I don’t think any of the others…” She seemed to catch herself from saying something. “I think I’m the only one left.”

“This isn’t your fault, Williams.” Shepard allowed herself a moment of sympathy, her face softening as she studied the woman before her. She knew she would have appreciated the words after Torfan. “You couldn’t have done anything to save them.”

“Yes ma’am.” Williams nodded, her expression stern. “We held our position as long as we could. Until the geth overwhelmed us.” She seemed to have accepted that her actions were satisfactory, at least for the moment.

“The geth haven’t been seen outside the Veil in over two hundred years.” Alenko’s eyebrows were drawn together in confusion. “Why are they here now?”

“They must have come for the beacon.” Williams shrugged as the attention landed on her, like she could answer the question. “The dig site is close, just over that rise.” She motioned to the small uphill incline at the end of the valley. “It might still be there.”

“You’re coming with us, Williams.” Shepard made the executive decision. “We need that beacon.”

A harsh look came over Williams’ face, determined and angry. “Aye aye, ma’am. It’s time for payback.” Her tone was venomous.

“Move out!” Shepard barked the command. Two capable soldiers at her side set her itching to reach the beacon, fulfilling their objective. Before they moved on, Shepard stopped to stare up at the hanging body on the white spike, bright red dripping down the seamless surface. The other two joined her, mesmerized and horrified by the gruesome sight. Shepard continued up the rise without a word.

The dig site was cleared quickly. The geth were strange enemies, the glowing lights that seemed to replace their heads easy targets, their aim steady and precise. They were machines, but more complex than Shepard had ever seen. Even the few high security research labs she had visited had nothing compared to the construction of this new foe. She wished she could remember anything about them from her galactic histories classes, but she never was bookish enough to remember everything she learned. The squad stood gathered around a circular platform, loose dirt and rock still showing proof of excavation.

“This is the dig site. The beacon was right here, it must have been moved.” Williams shook her head in frustration. Alenko met her with a level gaze.

“By who? Our side, or the geth?”

“Hard to say. Maybe we’ll know more after we check out the research camp.”

“Let’s get moving.” Shepard wanted to keep their momentum, she knew time was against them. “Williams, where’s the research camp?”

“Just on the top of this ridge, up the ramps.” Williams responded. She was easy to ask questions, always ready to give a clear response. Shepard appreciated soldiers like that. Nihlus cut through her thoughts as she looked around the dig site for anything useful.

“Change of plans, Shepard. There’s a small spaceport up ahead. I want to check it out. I’ll wait for you there.” He silenced the channel again before a response.

“Looks like they hit the camp hard.” Williams set her jaw as she surveyed the burning wreckage around her.

“It’s a good place for an ambush.” Alenko kept his voice low, all of them with their guns at the ready. “Keep your guard up.”

The large white spikes were plentiful now, a single body hanging from each one. There were at least a dozen, the corpses on them thin, the skin turned an inky blue, light markings in the same pattern on each. The trio snapped at the sound of one of the spikes retracting, telescoping back into its base. The corpse that laid there suddenly twitched.

“Oh God, they’re still alive!” An edge of panic came through Alenko’s words.

“What did the geth do to them?” Williams sounded appalled, the body twisting and jerking to life, the lighter blues on it glowing and sparking. The beast started running aimlessly, soon locking in on Shepard with its inhuman icy blue orbs where it used to have eyes, its jaw hanging open in a silent scream. She shot the thing, moving for cover as more of the spikes retracted. That wasn’t something human, not anymore at least. The groans the things let out as they died made the hair on Shepard’s arms stand up. The area was cleared, a single building across the small clearing catching all their attention once the threat of attack was temporarily set aside.

“That door is closed. Security lock’s engaged.” Williams gave Shepard a knowing look. They both stood on either side of the door as Alenko brought out his omnitool, hacking the lock. Shepard looked inside first, lowering her weapon and stepping into the small room. The other two followed.

“Humans. Thank the Maker.” The relief in the woman was clear. She seemed like some researcher from the badge on her arm and her lab uniform.

“Hurry,” A nervous whisper brought attention to the man, hunched with his back to the wall in the corner. “Close the door! Before they come back!”

“How did you end up in this shed?” Shepard docked her gun onto her back. The building really was little more than a shed, maybe ten by twenty feet. There were a few crates, a set of bunks, a small light. It was nearly empty, but the small space felt full with five people occupying the space.

“We hid here during the attack. They must have come for the beacon.” The woman responded. “Luckily, it wasn’t here. It was moved to the spaceport earlier this morning. Manuel and I stayed behind to pack up the camp. When the attack came, the marines held them off long enough for us to hide.” The way the woman’s voice got thick bothered Shepard. “They gave their lives to save us.”

“No one is saved!” The anguished words came from the man, fussing with his gloves, still huddled in the corner. “The age of humanity is over. Soon, only ruin and corpses will remain.”

“What’s wrong with your assistant?” Shepard turned to the woman, annoyed.

“Manuel has a brilliant mind, but he’s always been a bit… unstable.” The woman tripped over her words at the blunt question. “Genius and madness are two sides of the same coin.” She looked at him, concern tracing her face, speaking almost to herself.

“Is it madness to see the future?” The man’s anxious ramblings continued. “To see the destruction rushing towards us? To understand there is no escape, no hope? No, I am not mad. I am the only sane one left!” His voice was hoarse, his eyes wildly scanning the floor as he wrung his hands.

“I gave him an extra dose of his meds after the attack.” The woman looked him up and down, unsettled by his paranoia.

“Say goodnight, Manuel.” Shepard couldn’t keep the sadism from her words. The man hardly had time to take in another breath before she knocked him on the side of the head, his body dropping limp with a dull thud.

“Oh my god!” The woman cried in surprise. Williams and Alenko had both flinched back at the sudden movement. “What did you do?” The researcher mustered up the most anger she had probably ever felt into her accusatory question.

“That might’ve been a little extreme, Commander.” Alenko seemed almost disappointed, wary even. Shepard felt her eyebrows draw together in frustrated thought as she looked away from him. She didn’t like how she felt at the thought of him disapproving of her actions.

“You can’t just go around whacking people in the head!” The woman was still throwing a fit.

“It was only a matter of time before he did something crazy.” Shepard pointed down at the unconscious man harshly. “And dangerous.” She had seen people turn hostile under stress, military and civilian.

“I guess you’re right.” The researcher still looked frustrated. “At least by the time he wakes up, the meds will have kicked in.” Shepard turned to head for the door.

“Williams, take us to the spaceport.” Shepard didn’t bother to hear what the researcher said as they all stepped back out into the smoking wasteland.

A distant, powerful gunshot echoed off the rocks. They all moved on double time, standing on the crest of the ridge. An exclamation from Alenko made Shepard look up, her eyes going wide as dread settled in the pit of her stomach. The thing she had seen on the vid was in front of them, rising into the sky, a distant thundering sound reaching them even at their far distance. It was the largest mass she had ever seen take flight, and now she couldn’t blame the poor video quality playing tricks on her eyes.

“It’s a ship!” Williams was as much in disbelief as Alenko sounded, as Shepard felt. “Look at the size of it!” They were all frozen, overcome with awe. The black smoke that billowed out from between its finger-like appendages looked toxic, a red glow suggesting some kind of burning thrusters. No ship of that size could run on combustion. Its narrow, upright body looked strangely organic compared to the straight lines and metallic surface. Shepard had seen space stations smaller than the impossible ship. They all stared until it disappeared from view.

The space erupted into combat again. This time there were the geth in addition to the humanoid monsters, a dozen enemies scattered amongst the wreckage of whatever structure had been here. Shepard found herself satisfied with the performance of her crew, Alenko’s biotics used impressively. Williams knew how to shoot, the three of them spreading out and clearing the field efficiently. She couldn’t remember the last time she didn’t have to give her crew play by play orders. They advanced as a unit to the spaceport, a shape catching Shepard’s eye as they moved to investigate.

“Commander…” Alenko knelt next to the shape. “It's Nihlus.” He looked up from what she now recognized as an armored Turian body, the contrasting white stripes lining his face making his identity indisputable.

“A Turian?” Williams looked between Shepard, Alenko, and the corpse. “You know him?” Shepard only nodded as she gritted her teeth.

“He’s a Spectre. He was with us on the Norm-”

“Something’s moving!” Williams readied her gun, her alarm cutting Alenko off. “Over behind those crates!” Alenko was on his feet, all three of them focused down their sights.

“Wait!” A panicked cry came from the man who was standing slowly, his arms raised in surrender. “Don’t shoot!” His voice trembled. “I’m one of you, I’m human!” He lowered his hands. It took Shepard a moment longer to lower her gun.

“I like the way you hid behind those crates during the fight.” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “Really helped us out. Thanks a lot.”

“Me?” The man was baffled. “But I’m just a dock worker! I don’t even have a weapon!” He took a breath. “My name’s Powell. I saw what happened to that Turian. The other one shot him.” He glanced at the body at Shepard’s feet, quickly looking away.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Shepard was getting tired of feeling one step behind.

“There were two Turians here, your friend and another one he called Saren.” The dock worker brought his hand to his mouth. “I think they knew each other. Your friend seemed to relax, he let his guard down.” A gaunt look took over the man’s face, his skin turning a faint green. “And Saren killed him. Shot him right in the back. I’m just lucky he didn’t see me behind the crates.”

“Where’d Saren go after he killed Nihlus?” Shepard didn’t bother insulting the man for his cowardice, she needed to keep moving.

“He jumped on the cargo train and headed over to the other platform. Probably going after the beacon.” His voice was unsteady. “I knew that beacon was trouble. Everything’s gone to hell since we found it. First that damn mother ship showed up, then the attack.” His tone turned to dismay. “They killed everyone, everyone! If I hadn’t been behind the crates, I’d be dead too!”

“We need to find that beacon before it’s too late.” Her patience was growing thin with this sniveling dock worker.

“Take the cargo train. That’s where the other Turian went. I can’t stay here…” The man started to walk away. “I have to get away from all this.” He disappeared between the crates again without another word. Shepard motioned for them to move out despite an asking look from Alenko.

The geth had been plentiful as they fought their way to the cargo train, and then off of it. The cover was thin but plentiful, and the team moved efficiently. They had even watched over Shepard as she worked to disarm a handful of charges the geth had set up. She had managed to get the job done, despite her being mystified at the technology they used for their bombs. She had tried a few times to use her own biotics, but they still felt foreign and ineffective. They had even faced more of the strange human husks, one getting close enough to claw at Shepard before a biotic throw from Alenko had gotten her enough distance to shoot it. They had a moment of stillness now, the tall structure in front of the three of them a welcome sight.

They had reached the beacon.

It stood proud, almost humming with energy, a strange green field surrounding it. Its construction was strange, different from any alien architecture she had seen in any vid or textbook. She brought a hand to the ear piece built into her helmet, tuning the frequency.

“Normandy, the beacon is secure. Request immediate evac.” Shepard looked to the sky, hoping to maybe see the Normandy on standby somehow. She was ready to get out of a hot zone and accomplish this mission, even if there were losses to contend with. She turned to see Alenko and Williams taking cautious steps towards the beacon.

“Actual working Prothean technology, unbelievable!” Alenko looked on with astonishment.

“It wasn’t doing anything like that when they dug it up.” Williams was casual as she turned away from the beacon. Her tone betrayed her uneasiness.

“Roger, Normandy. Standing by.” Shepard heard Alenko mumble something else to himself. Her eyes were trained on the smoke filled sky. Williams came to stand in front of her.

“Commander?” Williams tilted her head to the side, drawing Shepard’s focus. “I’m glad you came along when you did.”

“Just following orders, Williams.” Shepard dropped her hand from her ear piece. “You carry yourself well on the field.” The compliment seemed to surprise the other woman. A flash behind her distracted Shepard from what she was saying.

Some force was drawing Alenko towards the beacon, the tall structure glowing and pulsing, his boots skidding along the floor. Shepard pushed Williams aside, dashing to tackle Alenko around the waist, pulling him back down to his feet. He held his head in his hands, doubled over. Shepard could still feel the force pulling them both, like she had an internal magnet drawing them to the beacon. She used what strength she had to roll Alenko away, trying to escape the pull. She heard shuffling of feet as she felt her pulse pound, panic overwhelming her.

Dread choked the air out of her lungs, the muscles across her entire body going stiff against her will. She could feel her heart pound in her chest, unable to choke in any breath as her nervous system fought for oxygen. Pictures flashed across her vision, horrid and grotesque, unbelievably vivid but passing through her too quickly to process. The tinted sky of Eden Prime had been shoved away, leaving her stuck in an unending experience of terror and sorrow and pain. The experiences burrowed into her, leaving her in complete nothingness just as quickly as they had worked to fill every part of her.

#mass effect #regina shepard #kaidan alenko #ashley williams #helpthehorse writes #fanfic #fanfiction #eden prime mission #////#once again formatting is the death of me #this one is not my best work tbh #i just spent so long on it i couldnt not post it yknow #anderson doesnt even know how complicated its about to get

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help-the-horse · 2 months

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Regina Shepard Progress Shots

#my art #regina shepard #drawing #art progress #////#i worked hard on the lines and coloring #so i wanted to post them without all the lighting #helpthehorse draws #original character

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help-the-horse · 3 months

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Future Planets

AO3 Link Summary: Ashley invites Reggie to poker night and drinks with her and Kaidan. The night takes an unexpected turn for Shepard. Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Regina Shepard/Ashley Williams Words: 3,386

The night still felt young, but that didn’t quite work properly when you were perpetually surrounded by the stars and darkness. It was actually rather late relative to Galactic Standard time, but it was a travel day so the crew had time to spend. Reggie found herself down in the lower deck, crossing from the elevator to Ashley’s workstation.

“Could you check my rifle when you get done with that one?” Reggie nodded at the partially assembled firearm on the workbench in front of Ashley. The question came out a bit harsh maybe, but she had noticed her aim was terribly off on Therum and the poor performance of her gun reflected badly on her.

“Anything in particular wrong, Commander?” Ashley looked up from her work, her hands covered in grease. The thought of those hands staining her uniform made Reggie clear her throat to wrangle in her thinking.

“The aim was off. I checked the scope three times, but I couldn’t seem to adjust it proper. I figured it was something you could figure out easier than me.” The corners of Ashley’s lips pulled up slightly. Reggie felt frustration and embarrassment threaten to bubble up, a defense or perhaps a ‘never mind’ in the back of her throat.

“That model tends to have issues like that.” Ashley’s smile grew, her eyes going back to the workbench. “I can fix it no problem, Skipper.” Reggie felt the agitation simmer down. She was used to people thinking she was weak for not doing everything herself. Relying on someone was a dangerous thing, she could fix her own damn guns if she wanted to. But somehow, she thought making Ashley feel useful was to everyone’s benefit. And it was nice not to have to do something she was never very good at.

“Something else I can do for you?” Ashley’s question made Reggie realize she was standing there for perhaps a second too long.

“We never got to share that drink you talked about.” The words felt dangerous, too friendly. It was true, but it wasn’t even something that had been at the forefront of her mind. She figured Ashley had celebrated her holiday alone already, and she had expressed her feelings of not wanting to share with the crew.

“Me and the Lieutenant were actually talking about a game of cards and some drinks around twelve hundred,” Ashley seemed easy with her response, continuing her work as she spoke. “You should join us.”

“Are you sure getting drunk with your superior officer is a good idea?” Reggie could feel her eyebrows furrowing with confusion, crossing her arms in front of herself.

“Off the record then, Commander.” Ashley shook her head with the smile still on her lips. It wasn’t mocking or joking, simply amused. Reggie checked the clock across the deck, catching Garrus turning his head back to his terminal next to the MAKO.

“Meeting in the Mess?” Reggie glanced back to see Ashley’s eyes looking up from the side of her lashes.

“See you there.” She looked back down to her work.

The thought that Reggie had been awake too long crossed her mind. She had maybe a few more drinks than she had rationed for herself at the start of the night, and it seemed her crew mates had too. If the way Ashley and Kaidan were genuinely laughing at some joke she hadn’t heard was any indicator, they were all a little past tipsy.

“How do you ever get drunk on those things?” the thought came out Reggie’s mouth, perhaps despite better judgment. She tried to remind herself they were off the clock, off the record. Being casual still felt strange.

“I try not to build a tolerance I guess.” Kaidan shrugged, taking another drink from a green bottle of beer. Something that reminded Reggie of Earth, something he must have gotten on the last trip to the Citadel. “L2’s actually get drunk easier than L3’s. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t take almost double the drinks though.” Kaidan put his glass down a bit harder than it seemed he intended to.

“And that’s why you keep stealing from my bottle, Alenko.” Ashley grabbed her liquor of choice and set it to her other side, where Reggie could still reach it but Kaidan had to extend his entire arm now to do so.

“Yeah, and to try and see where you’re hiding your cards.” Kaidan grabbed the deck from in front of Ashley. “I’ll deal this time, thank you.” He started to shuffle the cards thoroughly. The three had been playing poker, not placing bets despite Reggie’s protests. She argued there was no fun when there weren’t any stakes. Ashley and Kaidan argued she had not just Alliance, but also Council credits in her account. She had lost the argument pretty quickly. Ashley had been winning every few games, with Kaidan following her. Reggie had never been very good at poker, she always preferred to play betting games that involved more knives and guns than cards and chance. She had to admit she was a lot less on edge playing this kind of betting.

“Check.” Reggie hesitated for a moment. They had three cards on the table and Ashley had raised the bet. Reggie had a pair of 2’s. It wasn’t a lot but it was something she was ready to hold fast on, she was tired of folding for the last few rounds, her confidence lost after losing so many times.

“Check.” Kaidan said smoothly. The way Kaidan and Ashley watched each other, Reggie felt like there was an extra layer to the game they understood more than she did. It was frustrating. Ashley raised the bet again.

“Fold.” Reggie threw her cards onto the table, keeping them face down, frowning and grabbing another long drink from the bottle her and Ashley shared. Kaidan seemed to break first, him and Ashley sharing wicked grins across the table. Ashley soon started chuckling along with him. There was some joke Shepard didn’t understand.

“What?” She accused the two as she put the bottle down.

“Nothing it’s just…” Kaidan trailed off with a small cough when Reggie shot him a glare.

“You’re just really bad at poker.” Ashley ran her fingers through her hair, which she had taken out of her military bun at some point to put it in a low ponytail, staring at her ends to avoid Reggie’s focus. “You have an awful poker face.”

“I do not!” Reggie couldn’t help but get defensive. “How many times have you seen me quick draw without a single tell?”

“That’s different.” Kaidan swallowed his drink. “You’re really quite obvious off the battlefield.”

“So what, you’re saying I have a tell?” Now Reggie could feel her ears getting hot, not just from the alcohol. She felt there was subtext to Kaidan’s words, a subtext she didn’t quite want to address. She had always hoped that her lingering glances and personal questions could be ignored or written off as polite or obligatory.

“A tell?” Ashley raised an eyebrow with a smile. Kaidan stifled a laugh. Reggie put her hands on the table and moved to stand up.

“Hey c’mon now.” Kaidan grabbed at her wrist, holding her hand in place. The motion made her tense, looking at the point of contact, staying on her feet. The moment felt like it lasted too long, uninterrupted, anything but casual.

“I don’t appreciate being teased and laughed at, Alenko.” Reggie moved to sit quickly, Kaidan’s hand remaining as a cuff keeping her chained to the table, and the cards, and the drinks.

“I thought you two were on a first name basis already?” Ashley gave an expression of fake surprise, shuffling the cards on the table idly, ignoring the absolute disbelief on Shepard’s face. She might have been a bit casual in conversation sometimes, but she thought it was always seen as innocent. Her thoughts flashed back to her conversations with the both of them over the last few days, talking about personal history and then about Liara, the Asari that had managed to converse her way into a position on board. The way they both talked about rumors, whisperings on the lower decks. About how Liara might be interested in Shepard, how rumor was Kaidan was already sweet on someone, how Ashley had said she didn’t have anyone special other than her family, how she wasn't interested in Alenko.

“I’m not allowed to be casual with my crew?” Reggie could still back out of this one.

“That’s not what I said.” Ashley looked across the table at Reggie, comfortable and casual and powerful and in control from her chair. Her eyes were darker in the dim, orange tinted lighting of the mess hall.

“What are you saying then, Williams?” Reggie couldn’t help but be aware of how hot Kaidan’s hand was still around her wrist. Maybe she couldn’t intimidate her way out of this one.

“So you really wouldn’t kiss either of us?” Kaidan’s question gave her whiplash. She was truly cornered after that move. Her entire face heated rapidly, all her intrusive fantasies bubbling in her mind. Her heart rate quickened as Kaidan dropped his hand to the top of her thigh, leaning nearly halfway out of his chair to fill the space between them. Reggie felt all too exposed, unsure how to respond to such a forward action from him.

“I told you.” Ashley’s voice snapped the tension, her bottle sliding across the table to Kaidan. He gave a big huff, rolling his eyes as he activated his omnitool.

“What the fuck was that?” Reggie couldn’t decide which one to train her irritation to, her hands motioning in a sense of disbelief.

“We had a bet.” Kaidan shook his head as he pressed a few buttons before shutting the device off again. Ashley had a look of satisfaction, and then mischief, cross her face as she read a notification on her ‘tool.

“Care to double or nothing?” Her question was full of daring, her expression straight and jaw held. The challenge was clearly directed at Kaidan, completely ignoring Shepard’s loud outburst interrupting her question.

“How in the hell are we supposed to do that?” Kaidan didn’t lose a beat, the supposed absurdity of the question making him wave a hand as his arms crossed over his chest and he sat back in his chair, cross legged.

“Well discussing the rules ruins the fun, double or nothing?” Ashley repeated the question.

“That’s enough!” Reggie stood roughly, her chair pushing out from under her. “I’m tired of being left in the dark, and you two have been doing it all night!” Kaidan and Ashley were both focused on her now, the playful tone between the two falling flat over the table. Reggie felt she was using the wrong words somehow, that she couldn’t get the tone of her voice quite right for what she wanted to convey. She always sounded too harsh. “I won’t be left out of, or be the subject of, this joke you two have going on!”

Kaidan and Ashley shared a relatively somber look between the two. They seemed to agree on something.

“Look, Commander-” Kaidan started, cut off by Ashley standing from her side of the table. She took a few steps around the edge quickly, determined the way she was when Shepard gave her an order on the field. Every movement she did, from standing in front of Shepard, to her hands slipping around her waist, to the way her lips moved, was deliberate and confident. It was the way Reggie moved when she knew she was doing the right thing, orders be damned. It was everything that always took her breath away when she saw Ashley in combat, when they had a moment to breathe. The kiss was a culmination of all the boldness Ashley could be capable of, motivated tooth and nail to fight for what she wanted and what she felt was right.

Ashley took a single step back, her hands at her sides, almost like she was at attention, ready to salute. Shepard drew her body straight, pulling her arms away. She had nearly bent Ashley in half, off balance.

Kaidan rose to his feet now, Ashley quickly sidestepping out of his way. Shepard stepped back when he touched her, and he waited. Shepard was feeling too much too fast, she could feel the growing panic and overwhelm starting to shut her down.

“Hey,” His voice was gentle, graceful even. No judgment between the words, no fake niceties. “We should have probably talked about this sooner.” He was just true, understanding.

“Talking is what made it go on so long.” Ashley reached around Kaidan to grab the empty bottles, nearly hugging him around the waist. The sight felt uncomfortably intimate to Reggie, despite the fact her and Ashley had shared a near make out in all the same company. Kaidan shot her a hard look as she walked away to the trash.

“That doesn’t mean we don’t still have things to talk about.” He seemed almost scolding. He turned his attention back to Reggie. She was still wary, but she had started to process some of the pieces together. She should keep her defenses down this time, she needed to be able to trust Kaidan, and Ashley. A fearful part of her realized she already trusted them both far more than most. He took a step to close some of the distance between himself and Reggie.

She thought about all the things she could be saying right now, all the threats she could think of to make this stop, all the reasons she didn’t want to say any of them. He could meet her where she was at. She didn’t have to prove something to him, or for him. He wasn’t here for a fight, he was here for a discussion. A true two way dialogue. He would be understanding of any reply, or none at all. She could be honest.

“I don’t know.” Shepard stepped forward, allowing herself to be pulled into a loose hug, her forehead against his chest. “I don’t know what we’re even discussing here.”

“Trust me, I wasn’t keen on the idea at first either.” Kaidan sat back down, tension in his shoulders now. “Me and Ashley had a few long conversations. I wouldn’t say all of them were pleasant.”

“So you were talking behind my back?” Shepard crossed her arms over her chest, hostility coming back to her defense. “I don’t appreciate secrets within my ranks.” Shepard shared her sharp look between Kaidan and Ashley, who had taken her seat back across the table. “From anyone.”

“And neither do I.” The agitation in Kaidan’s voice took Reggie off guard, catching her attention. “So that’s why I talked to Williams. That’s why I thought we should all talk together. It just hasn’t gone how I expected it to.”

“And how did you expect it to go, Alenko?” Ashley frowned.

“I don’t know!” Kaidan let out an aggravated sigh and threw his hands up. “Look, I’m not fighting over this.” “You’re not fighting over me, you mean?” Shepard cut him off. That made him stop short. “And don’t you two start looking to each other for answers either!” Reggie put her hand down on the table harder than she had intended. She hated the way they seemed to be able to talk just through looking at each other. “You decide to start what, fighting for my affection? Without even considering how I would feel, without even stopping to consider the fact maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone?” She felt a stab of guilt at the way Kaidan’s face fell, the way Ashley brought her knees up to her chest in her chair. She felt guilty for telling a lie, even though she had told many. “We have enough to worry about just chasing after a rogue Specter, let alone-” “And that’s the problem!” Ashley spit out the words. “You’re so focused on this damn mission,” She pointed a finger at Kaidan now. “And you’re too focused on breaking the rules, to realize maybe this is what we need.” She was starting to get fired up now. “You’re too focused on not upsetting the brass, and you’re too damn caught up in being the hero to let yourself have something nice for once!” She swallowed hard, her frustration becoming embarrassment, if her red ears and cheeks were anything to go by. “Commander.” She cast her eyes down to the face up cards on the table.

“Look,” Kaidan rubbed his eyes, hiding his face behind his hands. “I don’t care what you two decide, I can get over it.” “Don’t be getting up on your high horse too now,” Ashley glared at him, even if he couldn’t see. “We talked about this. That’s why we’re here in the first place. You said yourself that all you wanted was honesty, and now is the time for it.”

“You’re right.” Kaidan resigned himself. Shepard made a note to ask about these supposed previous conversations. “Look, Shepard, me and Ashley are close but we have no interest in each other.”

“You’ve made that clear.” Reggie was still standing, now with her arms back across her chest, her hip against the table. She remembered how Ashley had scoffed at the suggestion of her and Kaidan when Shepard had brought it up. Now she wondered if she had missed some context to that conversation too.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t think any of us do.” Kaidan continued. “And that makes me nervous. But,” he raised a hand as Ashley opened her mouth to say something. “There’s a first time for everything. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with either of us, fine, that’s understandable. We go back to the mission, we stay civil, we do our duty.” His brown eyes looked dark in the dull orange lighting of the overhead terminals, boring holes up into Shepard. “But I’m willing to try. And so is Ashley. And I think you should too.”

The air felt heavy for a long moment, the focus turned on Shepard. She never liked being the center of attention, it usually meant something bad for her. It meant she had visions in her head, it meant she was getting an award she didn’t deserve, she was facing an interrogation for a crime she didn’t commit. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew this focus was different. This focus was asking, not accusatory.

“Off the record, permission to speak candidly?” Reggie worked to keep her voice monotone. The quizzical looks from both of her companions made the corners of her lips twitch. “You’re saying I get to not only have one, but two of the best soldiers in the Alliance fleet as my date next shore leave?”

“If it works out, I guess so.” Kaidan tried to shrug casually, but the smile was evident in his voice as he rubbed his jaw.

“Too bad we didn’t do double or nothing.” Ashley spoke from her seat, putting the deck of cards back into the box. “Although I guess it was more of a draw.”

“You would have lost, Williams!” Kaidan shot back, that same amusement coming back from when they discussed raising the stakes.

“What the fuck was the bet?” Reggie sat down and slumped, she had missed out on a good high stakes bet.

“Who could get you to make the biggest tell.” Ashley shrugged. “And I would have won.” She hit the edge of the table softly, playfully frustrated with herself.

“No, I proved it was a tell.” Kaidan countered. Shepard was out of the loop again, even in the middle of the explanation. Ashley opened her mouth, then closed it with a look of thought. “You know I’m right.” Kaidan threw his hands up with a surprisingly mischievous smile.

“If I fucking give both of you the full amount for the bet, would you please shut the fuck up?” Shepard rubbed her hands over her eyes. Her headache was already threatening to start if she had to be angry at both of them any longer. Kaidan and Ashley laughed, but this time Reggie felt she could laugh with them.

#mass effect #regina shepard #ashley williams #kaidan alenko #fanfic #helpthehorse writes

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help-the-horse · 3 months

Text

Bloody History

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Summary: Regina goes in with Ashley and Tali to finish the fight for the Citadel against Saren. Kaidan's absence makes a hard task worse.

Pairing: Dead!Kaidan Alenko/Regina Shepard/Ashley Williams Warnings: Major Character death, Graphic Imagery Words: 5,610

Rage gnawed at her, ruthless and feral. She could hardly keep behind cover, hardly stop her finger from pulling the trigger simply out of reflex. She could almost see the shot, the way his head would jerk back, the way the dark blue would spray out behind him. Every careful step she had taken, every synthetic bastard she had killed up until this moment, had taken her here. She dashed forward again, taking place behind a decorative rock, barely large enough to be considered cover. Tali and Ashley scrambled behind her, not expecting Shepard to take such a narrow opportunity to move. They had learned quickly that they had to stay far back around every corner, clear every hallway completely before pushing ahead. The Geth seemed never ending at times, putting up barriers, firing rockets, sending more ground chargers, bringing in more reinforcements.

They had managed to make it to the Tower elevator, finally. They checked their remaining supplies, Tali finding an extra medi-gel packet they had not accounted for, then pushed up to clear the first, and then second set of stairs. Ashley could see the recklessness setting in, the pinpoint focus setting in to Reggie. She had grabbed Tali a few times already, urging her not to follow so closely behind. The amount of time and space it took for one person to move cover was much less than two, and lesser still coupled with Shepard’s observance and daring. Now they could see Saren just over their cover, just across the large open space where Council meetings were held. After two more shots downed the last Geth Shepard could see, she raced up the last flight of stairs at a full sprint, not bothering to signal to her team. This time Ashley had to push Tali onward. Shepard was the first to get there, Saren hardly turning to look at her as he drifted away from the terminal at his fingers. His descent seemingly into the floor seemed to baffle Shepard.

The explosive mine was enough to make Shepard drop to the floor and slide away, Ashley pushing on Tali just a moment later to make it so they weren’t directly over the explosion. Tali rolled from the impact, her kinetic barrier unable to fully take the force of the impact. Shepard was behind a railing, no wider than a few feet. She was really losing it.

“I was afraid you weren’t going to make it in time, Shepard.” Saren’s cool drone seemed to slip out his mouth like tendrils of smoke.

“Had to kill about a hundred of your machines!” Shepard yelled over the alarms and roaring fires, over her hatred and fury. “Sorry to keep you waiting!”

“You’ve lost. You know that don’t you?” Saren seemed to croon, as if singing, or chiding a child who had made a truly stupid mistake. “In a few minutes, Sovereign will have control of all the Citadel’s systems. He will open the Relay. The Reapers will return.” Now he was starting to get frustrated with the child he was scolding.

“I am getting to that control panel. And you can’t stop me.” Shepard knew she was going to win this fight again.

“You survived our encounter on Virmire.” Saren seemed to echo Shepard’s thoughts. “But I’ve changed since then.” Shepard had heard that line before. “I’ve… improved.” Saren couldn’t seem to find a way to describe it . “Sovereign has upgraded me.”

“Fancy tech won’t save you!” Shepard almost spat when speaking. Ashley could hardly believe she was still in her excuse for cover, and not charging and tackling him down with all the biotics she could muster.

“You don’t understand Shepard.” He was still trying to appeal to her somehow. “There is a place for organics in the new order.” Shepard thought he sounded like that damn jellyfish in the Presidium. “The Reapers need men and women of action. People like us.” Shepard stayed silent for a moment too long, allowing Saren to continue. “Sovereign recognizes you. You’ve impressed it. Surrender to the Reapers and you’ll be spared.” His voice seemed to become denser, filling more of the air. “Join us, and we can find a place for you.”

“I’d rather die!” Shepard’s response cut through the air. Tali could see Ashley’s eyes through her helmet visor. The panic she saw there unsettled her. She knew the stress Shepard had been under, she was usually the one that pinged Garrus late at night when she could hear the furniture being thrown in the captain’s quarters. But was the Commander really suicidal?

“Then you will die.” The venom excreting from Saren was nearly unbearable, intimidating and final. “And your companions.” Reggie’s eyes dashed away from Saren to Tali, then Ashley. Ashley’s face had gone stone still, and Tali gave a small nod. It said what she knew her face couldn’t.

The first shot rang out loud and clear, straight from Shepard’s assault rifle. Saren swerved on his hoverboard, his shield repelling the shot and wavering just in front of his eyes. The world erupted around them with more Geth being airdropped down. Shepard ran for different cover as Saren made the entire chamber an arena. Ashley had never felt this surrounded except on Eden Prime. Saren continued to speak over the rockets and gunshots, fully ignored by the three of them. Tali had run in close to Shepard, and Ashley dashed to do the same. The uncontrolled regret on Shepard’s face, quickly replaced with anger, told her she had made the wrong move.

“Spread out, keep moving!” Was the order she barked out. She got to one knee to stabilize her shooting as a bullet whizzed past Ashley’s helmet, hitting thick metal behind her. She rolled blindly to the side, creating more space for Shepard. The large, dark mass collapsed over Shepard, being pushed aside with a biotic wave of the arm. She sprung up to her feet and ran back the field, returning to the stairs they had come up just minutes before.

Shepard came face to face with two additional charger units. Her reflexes started her shooting, and she knew she was in a bad spot. Narrow, enemies front and back, elevation changes. The odds were against her.

The unit she had been focusing fire on shorted out and collapsed with a convulsion only a foot away from the end of her gun. She thanked Tali silently as she focused fire on the other unit now, a few additional feet still between them. That was enough for Shepard to handle. A quick glance told her that this side was cleared, for now. She focused back to the large, high ceilinged space Saren seemed to be able to hover in.

“Under the arch ways!” Ashley heard her call out. Her and Tali had managed to group together behind a piece of rubble where they could at least see Shepard from. Ashley tapped Tali’s shoulder and waited half a second before dashing for the nearest arch way. She followed in perfect synch, taking cover behind the wall of the arch over. Shepard had gone to the wall space a few additional arches further down. The charging and rocket units seemed to be regrouping, leaving only cannon fodder ground units.

“Williams!” Shepard’s voice made her reevaluate her position. A rough knock to the back of her head brought her to her knees, her vision dancing. The heap of metal almost knocked the air out of her when it fell over her back. Tali’s two pronged feet appeared in her vision as she held the back of her neck and breathed. She stayed balled up behind the same cover with Tali now as the charging unit crumpled to the side.

“Is she out?” Shepard yelled over her own gunshot and the explosives that aimed for her.

“I don’t-” Tali started to urge Ashley to uncurl, grabbing her around the shoulders roughly.

“No!” Ashley’s voice cracked unmistakably even over the noise. “I’m not out!” She tried to confirm the sentiment, her voice becoming stronger.

“Focus fire, primary target!” Shepard returned her attention to Saren as Ashley stood up, her shots as rapid as she could pull the trigger. The order was enforced fully, all of them laying in heavy as Saren worked to evade with quick direction changes, breaking line of sight. And then he was gone, and more heavy duty Geth had taken their attention. The heat coming off her gun was nearly enough to make Shepard’s gloves start melting. She was eating through her thermal components, pushing them just under the overheat for too long. They were running out of time before their guns started jamming, before the fleets couldn’t push anymore, before Sovereign was here and Saren would win the fight. A rocket from her cover side brought her back to the present. Saren had flanked them solo, and now he had full access to all three of them.

“Move!” She got the word out. All of them scattered, Ashley and Tali taking different paths in the same direction, Shepard sprinting out straight across the open field. The cover there was vulnerable from four sides and Ashley’s first close call was enough to make them all remember it. Shepard could feel the bullets eating at the physical pieces of her armor, leaving bruises. She wasn’t sure if any actually hit her, but they didn’t stop her running and that’s all she needed right now. She deployed two doses of medi-gel across the Unity link. It still didn’t make her feel completely right.

She sat, willing her tech shield to recharge faster. As soon as she saw the blue sheen flash over her arm, she positioned to fire. She caught the two Geth she could see with a few headshots as they peeked over their covers. Then the inferno approaching made her move back to cover, but just too late. The heat sucked away the oxygen in the air around her and left her gasping, her shields already completely depleted from the single impact. She could hear her crew fire and the metallic thuds on the floor echo. The lack of chaos made Shepard start to panic. Had Saren escaped again? Had Sovereign gotten control of the Citadel, had the Alliance come in and been wiped out too?

She stepped out with a quick jog, surveying the destroyed arena. There were no more Geth, and there was no Saren. Ashley and Tali stayed a few paces back, equally unsettled. Shepard caught a sound of his hover platform, snapping her attention to under the arch ways. She stepped quickly behind the width of the walls. He fired a flurry of semi-automatic projectiles down at her head.

She shot up when she came back out, and she was right on target. He must have been out of rockets, maybe even out of reinforcements. He truly expected to be able to win with what he had. His shields were strong, seeming to regenerate almost as fast as Shepard hit them. He couldn’t shoot three targets at once, so when Tali used a grenade and Ashley fired, it was enough to eat through and make him finally start to panic. He fired wildly, looking between all three cover spots too quickly for his aim to follow. Ashley and Tali had taken cover, but Shepoard pushed harder.

She ignored her burning hands, her twisted insides, her dwindling shield, the cry from Ashley. She stepped completely out of cover, progressing with all the intent of someone ready to win, and die for it. She continued to fire endlessly, her aim true despite the tears forming in her eyes, despite the screaming that clawed its way from her throat.

And then Saren slumped where he stood above them all, his platform controls thrown off by the shift in weight and dropping, flying sideways through one of the arches. His body rolled off over the large pane of glass in the center of the highest tier of the room, crashing through it with a shatter and a wet slicing sound. An explosion made them all lift their guns and find the source, but it was just the stupid hoverboard crashing against a far wall.

The three crossed the space to stand at the edges of the cracking and shattered glass, looking down into the nature scape. The grotesque sight made Tali glance away, Ashley and Shepard looking down at the sparkling pool of deep blood that flowed and bloomed from underneath Saren, nearly cut in half by a shard of glass nearly as tall and wide as him. Even Ashley looked away when he started sputtering, gurgling some nonsense as his hands lifted weakly, looking down at his severed trunk. Reggie saw a certain perverse beauty in the sight. His blood almost looked like space, dark and dangerous and sparkling with all the stars and planets.

The glowing dimmed from his eyes, and he stilled. Shepard jogged to the control panel, her pace almost casual compared to how they had been moving for the last few hours. Her omnitool lit to life as she fussed with the controls, uploading the Prothean data packet from Ilos.

“Vigil’s program worked, I have full control of the Citadel systems.” She turned back to her crew, lowering her ‘tool but not powering it down.

“Quick!” Ashley yelled, too loudly. “Open the station's arms! Maybe the fleet can come in and take Sovereign down before he gets control!” Shepard looked her up and down. Maybe that hit on the back of the head had damaged her hearing, or the rockets, or she was in shock, maybe excessive bleeding. “See if you can open a communications channel.” Tali’s hand rested on Ashley’s shoulder, seeming to surprise her. Shepard thought she shared a look with Tali before going back to her omnitool, but it was always hard to tell with the mask.

“...the Destiny Ascension. Main drives offline, kinetic barriers down forty percent, the Council is on board. I repeat, the Council is on board.” The panicked message made all three of them pause.

“Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel.” Joker’s voice almost made Shepard smile, and the look of relief that crossed Ashley’s face was undeniable as she brought her forehead to her gun in her hands, almost in prayer. “Please tell me that’s you Commander.”

“You were expecting someone else?” Reggie’s snide reply did a bad job of hiding her small smile.

“We caught that distress call Commander. I’m sitting here in the Andura sector with the entire Arcturus fleet.” The awe and cockiness in Joker’s voice wasn’t even layered. “We can save the Ascension. Just unlock the relays around the Citadel and we’ll send the calvary in!” Now he sounded remarkably young with his eagerness.

Ashley spoke up, her voice more even now. “You can’t sacrifice human lives for the Council!” She seemed to be pleading. “What have they ever done for us?” Anger bubbled under the surface of her words.

“This is bigger than humanity!” Tali sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of her words. “Sovereign’s a threat to every organic species in the galaxy!” Shepard was glad at least the young Quarian was sure of that fact.

“Exactly!” Ashley shot back. “We can’t throw away reinforcements trying to save the Council.” Tali had struck a nerve. “We have to hold them back until Sovereign is exposed!”

“What’s the order Commander?” Joker’s uneasy voice came through comms. Shepard had already made up her mind.

“We aren’t going in for the Council. Hold the ships back until we have a clear shot of Sovereign.” Shepard shook her head slightly as she spoke, frowning deeply. Ashley could see this was a choice she didn’t want to make, and she could recognize the pain that had been there before.

“Let the Council die to save the Galaxy.” Tali sounded somber, spelling it out. Reggie’s glare softened. “I hope you made the right choice.”

And then it was just the roaring of the fire and the blaring alarms. And then it was only the fire. Shepard paused for a long minute. She kept her eyes fixated out the window, waiting to see the cracks in the Citadel as the arms opened. She could almost hear the chaos of the comms, the cries for backup and reinforcements, the defeat when there was no answer on the other side. She looked down at her feet, down at Saren’s body. The weight of her last impossible choice nearly brought her to her knees. The words circled in her head.

I hope you made the right choice.

She wasn’t sure. But she knew the Council that had made her a Spectre, led her to Virmire, and made her choose, were going to be dead. Her tight throat threatened her to cry.

“Regina-” Ashley put a hand on her shoulder.

“Go make sure he’s dead.” A full on rejection, a stone cold shoulder. Ashley lingered a moment. Reggie put her hand over the other’s, holding lightly. Ashley nodded silently.

Her and Tali landed onto the grass, having to stumble down a loose slope made by rubble. As soon as her feet touched on the solid flooring Ashley doggedly walked to Sarens’ body. She pulled out her pistol, shooting him in the head repeatedly. Tali could see the stiff anger in the action, the excessiveness of more than one shot. This was more than an order to her, this was personal. And Shepard probably knew it.

“He’s dead.” Tali decided to share the comm, Ashley turning away quickly, disgusted by the sight in front of her.

The unadulterated pride and bitter joy Reggie felt was something she had not expected from seeing Ashley shoot Saren in the head. Her vantage point was far and partially blocked, but she would remember those five gunshots for the rest of her life, the way Ashley stood over him with so much power and assuredness.

She hoped she could forget the way it felt when the air started cracking, when the whole Citadel seemed to shake, the bright red glow that emanated from the space below her, the terror she felt when she couldn’t see Ashley and Tali anymore through the explosion of energy that erupted from Sarens’ twisting corpse. The long outstretching walkway Shepard stood on started to collapse, making her stumble and roll onto the floor a good twenty feet below. She was dazed, seeing flashes of red as she blinked her eyes and reached for her gun. Had she hit her head that hard? She hadn’t thought so, and she never saw flashes like this from a concussion.

She realized with terror that the horrid sounds she was hearing were real, being ripped from Saren. The flashes were him too, surrounded in red streaks of lightning. His transformation was brutal, disgusting in every way. The way he cracked and groaned, the way his limbs stretched, the way he stumbled forward in what seemed like pain. Shepard wondered if this creature before her could even feel pain. It was beyond alien, beyond her most grotesque dreams filled with monsters and death. It was something she had never seen before, and didn’t know how to handle.

“I am Sovereign.” The voice boomed out of the monster as it jumped away faster than Shepard could track. “And this station is mine.” He was perched on the wall. The three of them scattered for any cover, all of them arriving at the same spot. Shepard could feel the pure fury oozing out of every word, knowing the Reaper was using him as a mouthpiece. The battle was fast paced and hectic, the cover was limited and the Geth had returned as support. Shepard moved to give the other two more space in their shared cover. When Tali tried to follow, she got hit by some kind of energy projectile from Saren, causing her to scurry back, clutching her side. Shepard didn’t even need to ask if she was out until she could get some medi-gel on her, and she knew better than to use a dose on herself. Ashley kept her covered, until she fell back with a yelp of pain. She was grounded now too, probably by a rocket or a laser.

They both continued to fire at what they could, but they couldn’t get very good sight lines staying crouched, and they couldn’t get up. Shepard shot down the last Geth on the field before deploying the last two gels they had between the three of them. The teams’ shots were sporadic now, they were really getting tired and it was showing. Shepard focused the creature that jumped along the floor and the walls, hoping the other two could get the Geth that continued to drop down.

She had almost gotten it, she could feel it. She could see the way its body twitched, the hesitation in its movements, she knew it was almost dead. She felt a shot ricochet off her shoulder guard.

“Can somebody get that Geth!” Her frustration boiled over into an order. She needed to focus, her hands were starting to go stiff and her legs were starting to shake when she kneeled. She used a biotic push to force one of the small white Geth off of her as it attempted to flank, but she knew the shot had come from an additional unit. Ashley was being too bold, kneeling out in the open, a little too far out of cover in order to get a better field of view. Tali stayed behind some rubble, still clutching her side and breathing heavily.

Shepard shot again, her aim feeling sluggish but most of her shots hitting. This focus was reflex, instinct, her body taking over when her mind couldn’t. And then the body rolled as it jumped to the floor, laying limply as if it had been powered down instantly. A few shots from both her and Ashley before they realized the corpse was disintegrating. Shepard took the moment to slide over to Tali.

“Can you walk?” Was the only thought that crossed her mind. They needed to move out from this pit before more reinforcements arrived.

“With help.” Tali nodded and put an arm around Shepard’s shoulders. The two stood up, the Quarian remarkably light, but still feeling like an unsustainable amount of extra weight. Ashley walked over and offered her shoulder to Tali’s other side. The three scaled the rubble they had used to climb down slowly, pistols in Ashley’s and Reggie’s free hands.

The explosion they felt rumble every arm of the Citadel made Shepard turn to the window. A one syllable Go! was the only command she could get out before the world started to crumble around them, tearing her apart from the other two.

Ashley had come to surrounded by rubble, Tali shielded under her. She had shouted for Shepard over comms, then yelled as loud as she could. She had lost her voice before Tali had put her free hand on her arm, her suit wheezing as she shook her head. Ashley didn’t know how long they waited there, unable to move, injured, with only each other. She muted all other comm channels except for Shepard’s. She thought she had heard breathing, but then it could have been interference, and she didn’t get a response.

The sound of shifting rubble made her tense and aim her pistol with her right hand. Her left shoulder had been dislocated, she thought. Her aim would be shit.

“Captain Anderson we found them!” The flashlight from the omnitool almost made her shoot. The rescue crewmate was still alive because of her non-dominant hand. “They’re over here!” The man turned to Tali first, who was wavering in her half sitting up position. She was hit worse. Then Ashley looked up to see Captain Anderson, and the familiar face nearly made her sob.

“Take it easy, it’s over. You’re safe now.” Anderson reached for the pistol still in Ashley’s hand. She didn’t let him take it. “Where’s the Commander, where’s Shepard?” Anderson’s face dropped as Ashley shook her head, wiping sweat off her forehead with the back of her wrist, still holding her pistol. This time she really did sob, ignoring that her wrist came away smeared with red. Anderson’s face was full of disbelief, and then solemn fear, as he looked at the rubble that surrounded them. Ashley felt her shoulders shake as she choked on the sounds coming out of her throat, barely able to get to her knees as Anderson helped her up. She leaned nearly all her weight on him, threatening to slump back to the floor if he didn’t steady her. Tali limped away with a medic, her shape blurry through tears. Ashley felt like the whole world really had crushed her, and Saren’s fragmented words consumed her.

You will all die. All your friends, everyone you’ve ever loved.

Anderson’s attention snapped quickly to the surroundings, away from the consolation he was attempting to give. Ashley and even Tali took notice, looking around rapidly. Ashley could hear her heart pounding in her chest, one last surge of hope rushing through her. The movement was barely noticeable through her blurry vision, and she cursed the ringing in her ears.

And then she was standing there, limping and covered in soot, red dripping from behind her fingers clamped around her hip. The sound that escaped Ashley’s throat was almost a laugh. Her feet carried her away from Anderson, away from the rescue crew, all of them stunned into stillness. Shepard took a few limping steps closer, groaning and visually grimacing with each step.Ashley closed the distance and clung to Regina, both of them barely standing. The way Shepard trembled in Ashley’s arms made her hold tighter, trying to support the both of them, maybe carry Shepard the way she had been carried off Virmire. Anderson supported Ashley from behind, the three of them standing on a small, sloped piece of rubble.

“You aren’t allowed to die on me again.” Ashley struggled to get the words out between sobs, dragging Shepard back with her as additional medics rushed over. Reggie’s only response was a nod at the floor as tears fell down her face silently. Then she looked up to meet Ashley’s stormy blue eyes, holding her gaze. The chaos fell away, the pain that was starting to settle into her bones, the toxic smelling flames surrounding them. And all Ashley could care about was the pained smile of relief spread across Shepard’s face.

t took a knowing look from Shepard to get Ashley to let her go so that the medics could do their work. Tali was hooked to multiple monitors, two personnel at her side the entire ride out of the Citadel to the rendezvous point for the Normandy. They had gone through two ship transfers, their initial boarding from the Citadel tower and then another to get from the field ambulance to a deep space faring personnel vessel. One nurse tended to Shepard, the other to Ashley, as Anderson went back and forth between them. He didn’t make comment on their held hands, or their hushed words. Regina would just tell him to fuck off if he did, but she knew he wouldn’t.

Shepard had nearly taken the head off the first medic who asked her to use her occupied hand to hold pressure. The small woman frowned, but didn’t ask again, or worse, demand Shepard comply. They were going to work on her time.

But now Ashley needed to assist her medic with something, so Shepard complied and instructed Ashley to do the same. She followed through after a nervous glance between Reggie and the medic. Ashley was the most stable out of the three, everyone in the vessel knew it, but Shepard had refused care before she ensured Ashley had a personal nurse. The damage was severe, multiple fractures and lacerations, Shepard had taken a hit at one point to the side of her abdomen. Ashley had clearly suffered some hearing loss, probably from the concussion more than the volume, she always wore her standard issue ear protection. Tali had been hit with that energy projectile Saren used, breaking part of her respiration filters, along with a small puncture through the shoulder. She would need a Quarian specialist for surgery.

The report Anderson managed to weasel out of Shepard and Ashley seemed to drone on, his questions getting repetitive. Ashley kept answering after Reggie went silent, despite her uneven volume modulation. Soon enough even Ashley got worn down to simple one or three word answers. That was enough to make Anderson let up. There was a long silence broken only by hushed reports between Tali’s medics and the hum of the ship.

“So you chose to sacrifice the Council?” There it was. The real question Anderson wanted to get to, the one Shepard had twisted and danced around until she ran out of words.

“I held back the Systems Alliance until our biggest threat was terminated.” It wasn’t a lie.

“You know damn well that’s not what I’m asking Shepard!” Anderson’s patience, which he had a surprising amount of, had run out.

“I saved the galaxy!” The fire blazed to life inside her, ready to defend her actions and fight for them if she had to. “The Reapers are coming, and this won’t stop them!” Ashley’s frown deepened as she listened on. Reggie couldn’t use an excuse of rank with Captain Anderson. “If you didn’t believe me, then you should have sent someone else to Virmire, or to Ilos, or Ferros, or Noveria, or somewhere unknown in the fucking Artemis Tau cluster!” Shepard pushed her medic off without breaking eye contact with Anderson when she tried to stop her from standing.

“You’re right Commander, maybe it should have been someone else.” Anderson shook his head, his voice filled with bitter sympathy. “But it was you, and you got the job done.” Anderson didn’t feed into the challenge, not flinching from the unwavering hostility. “That is why I chose you. Don’t make me regret it.” He sat, suddenly looking very tired. That extinguished the tension. A sour feeling filled the pit of Shepard’s stomach, making her sit back heavily and lean over with her head between her knees. The guilt she felt at wishing some other poor fool was chosen instead of her to be the first human Specter made spit well in her mouth as she worked to keep from throwing up. The color must have left her face, her medic holding a sick bag out under her face until Shepard grabbed it and heaved. It took a long few minutes before she stopped gagging, even after all her bile was gone. The medics started her on fluids.

She had to hope it was enough, what she had already sacrificed. Ashley pulled her in on the bench next to her, pressing their broken bodies together, as Shepard kept her face buried in the sick bag to hide her tears. She only noticed she was back on the Normandy, in her private quarters, when she felt her voice hurting. She had been screaming into a pillow she was tightly curled around, crying violently. Ashley’s soft fingers in her hair was what made Shepard realize she was still there, her body warm against her in the dark, on her bed. Reggie worked to regain her breath.

“How’d you think boarding went?” Shepard croaked into the dark after a long time of quiet, pulling the blankets over both of them as she sat up and reached for some tissues. She knew someone kept refilling the box when she wasn’t looking.

“How do you think?” Ashley’s voice was thick, sore after being used so much, after inhaling all the smoke. She seemed sarcastic, almost annoyed. “That tongue lashing you gave Doc almost made her sedate you, did you catch that before the doors closed?”

The memory made Reggie grimace.

“She shouldn’t have argued about both of us staying in the med bay. She could sedate me in my own bed, dammit.” She threw another tissue away from her nose to somewhere on the floor.

“You owe her an apology tomorrow.” Ashley narrowed her still puffy eyes. She had been crying for a while too. Reggie wondered why the apology mattered so much to her that she would bother to talk. Her voice sounded awful, maybe worse than Shepard’s. A nod was the response to her request. They both settled in, physical exhaustion overtaking all the pain, and anger, and adrenaline that had kept them going through the day. Reggie nearly felt glued to the bed, her body too heavy to lift or move. She felt Ashley shift slowly to get her face out from Shepard’s shoulders, silently drawing her focus. Even bunching her eyebrows together hurt.

“I think you made the right choice.” Ashley whispered out, hoarse from losing her voice.

This time.

The words hung heavy in the air between them.

“For what it’s worth.” Ashley finished, laying back down after a moment of no response. The thought that Kaidan would have been able to explain her worries felt almost as painful as the glass that had cut Saren in half, It ripped through her insides. Then she couldn’t get the image of the glass spearing through both her and Ashley, holding each other in the dark, out from behind her eyes. Imagining a pool of dark blood, sparkling with all the stars and different colored planets, glowing and illuminating around all three of them, was what let her finally sleep.

#Mass Effect #mass effect trilogy #Mass Effect 1 #Ashley Williams #Regina Shepard #Kaidan Alenko #saren arterius #tali'zorah #Dead Kaidan Alenko #Captain Anderson #fanfic #posting writings is so complicated #the formatting is such a pain #helpthehorse writes #Posting to be brave

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