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kart0 · 2 years

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meds update plus rant: day 10

I knooow, I knowww no one cares and this is a blog just for me but I'm sorry I skipped day 7 ! I got so overwhelmed and cried a lot and I just forgot to do it, I was rlly tired

anyways, honestly I can't remember at all what happened...

I did have a pretty bad mental breakdown, because I had to do a writing for uni and it took me 6 hours to finally do it. I was sitting in my desk my notebook opened in front of me and my iPad with the article opened and I just. I just couldn't. and it's hard to explain when someone asks "well what have you been doing in these 6 hours you were procrastinating ?" because. I literally did not do anything. I was definitely stressed and paranoid tho. I kept opening twitter and closing it bc I had one thing in mind and it was "do the writing. do the writing." and it kept going on repeat and... sigh... if I at least used these hours to relax or have fun, just, no, I didn't and I didn't do anything. I don't know why, it is always so frustrating. but I was able to eventually and it took me only 20 minutes to do so.

everything was going alright. I submitted my writing ( at 3am ), then went to uni, took 2 exams which were in pairs so it went fairly well. I was really, really happy with myself cuz even tho it took me 6 hours to do it I actually did everything I had to do.

and then I had another writing to do. and it started well ! for 2 minutes

and then I procrastinated for 7 hours. at 11pm I was already sobbing because I was so frustrated with myself. it's so easy ! just do it ! just start it ! you have to do it then just do it it's that fucking obvious ! and at 1am my dad entered my room ( originally to scold me for being awake at that hour ) and he saw my red nose and puffy eyes and asked me why I was crying, and I said because I had to do this project. and he then said "do it then" and left the room and I started crying again. I really hate myself. and then, at 3am I realised i wouldn't be able to do this work, and also I had to study for the exam I'd have on that day. so I went to sleep. and I felt so incredibly defeated. I lost. I always lose in the end, no matter how much I'm working hard, or how good things are going, bc the previous day I had managed to do it, and then it all fell apart.

of course i struggled with the exam and I failed my test. and when I got back home I just laid in bed and I felt really...weird. like. definitely bad but I felt really. idk, but it was bad. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't cry, I wasn't able to focus on social media at least to distract myself, I couldn't sleep. I also had not eaten anything basically all day which definitely did not help at all and I think in fact it made things worse

but then now is day 10. and I am done with my exams. I went to a bday party ( that was on a bar ) and I had a bloody Mary for the first time. it was good. caught up with some old friends. I'm really proud of myself for staying alive, taking my meds and not forgetting a single day, even if I might not be able to take every time at the same hour oof. but I feel proud I think.

I definitely need to checkout on a adhd/add specialist, my current therapist is more focused on depression and grieving haha. there are some days like today that I really feel hopeful for my future. and I feel like I really want to improve. but it's rather rare, most of the time I want to die and feel like I'm condemned to live miserably forever

as for side effects, I don't remember if I said it but sometimes my hands shake pretty bad and my body feels weird and hot and I can't focus, but it usually lasts 10 minutes and then I'm alright. this only happened 3 times that I remember. I also lost basically all my appetite which... is definitely bad because uhm I have an eating disorder and body image issues so I'm like, torn. I'm happy that I'm not eating but I don't like that I'm celebrating this thoughts I don't want them to win yet at the same time I'm thinking how much weight I'm going to lose and unfortunately it excites me. I'm trying to eat properly. I also became really tired on the last two days, like really really tired and sleepy all day but when I go to sleep I suddenly get anxious and it'll take me longer to sleep. for now I think that's all.

I hope things get better for me. this update was long, and I apologize. I will try to keep up with the schedule I made. goodnight :•]

#me #update #rant #antidepressants

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cheeriecherry · 4 years

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Can I request bakugo, kirishima and shoji with a reader who has adhd? It's totally fine if u can't, but I love seeing hcs about stims and stuff,, thank u :) !

//raises hand// u mean me <:3c I have adhd so prepare for a lot of uhhhhh habits that I have-

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

-This guy knows fuckall about ADHD lbr

-He’s the guy who can sit down and study and stay focused, who keeps a regular sleep schedule, who sits still in class (for the most part). Sure, he’s shouty, but he’s not got a clue about what you deal with.

-Before he really gets to know you, he thinks you’re a pain in the ass ngl. Like, why can’t you study, it’s not that hard? What do you mean you didn’t go to bed until 3am because falling asleep is ‘boring’? Sorry when was the last time you showered - what do you mean you thought you already did it?!

-It’s probably frustrating to deal with his remarks. Like, he’s judging you for something that’s out of your control.

-It’s best to just lay it out flat for him; call him out for being an asshole. Not only because he’s just being rude, but because he’s being rude about things that are out of your hands.

-He’ll feel guilty about it, but he won’t say anything. Which kind of sucks, because an apology would be nice but...be patient with him also, he’s still learning.

-He would probably take it upon himself to learn what the heck adhd even is, and how it affects people. And what kinds of things you can do to help with it!

-He’d be quieter around you after that, and more lenient. He’d still help you study, but he’d be less gung-ho about shoving your face in a book. Sometimes he’ll read the paragraphs to you while you follow along or make notes, and he’ll help you make summary pages that are organised and colour coded for easy access.

-He finds a neat little fidget toy online and orders one for you, it’s like. A little cube with buttons and switches and little rolly things on each side, very good for when you’re in class and your leg is bouncing and you’re twirling your pen around while staring at the ceiling.

-He definitely can relate to the emotional side of adhd tho. Feeling Everything or Nothing, not really being able to control or get a handle on intense emotions, having outbursts sometimes. He doesn’t really know how to help you with that, because he is, in fact, a loud boi. It’s probably pretty common that you’ll yell something and he’ll yell back, but it devolves into a basic conversation at a high volume.

-Once he gets to know you and starts dating you, he’ll think your mannerisms are cute. The way you sway back and forth while you’re standing, the little wiggly thing you do with your hands when you’re excited for something.

-He also really likes watching you train, and training with you. Your brain goes fast and the rest of you follows, so it’s pretty common for you to lay waste to your opponents. When you don’t doubt yourself, your instinct shines through and you’re incredibly clever.

-It carries over to conversations sometimes, where you’ll always have some quick remark to smack somebody with when they talk shit.

-He’s seen the downsides of adhd, but he also sees the kind of pros it can have, and he sees how hard you work to get things done in spite of it. He thinks you’re pretty cool.

KIRISHIMA EIJIROU

-He also doesn’t know what adhd, not really.

-He’s heard of it, but only the stereotypes. The ‘can’t sit still, always talking, not very smart’ stereotypes. So he probably sees your behaviours and doesn’t connect the dots.

-He notices you staring out the window a lot in class, and not really giving much to group conversation. Plus you sometimes need people to repeat things, two or three or four times, before it clicks with you. He doesn’t think you’re dumb, not at all (he’s seen your grades and you’re definitely not dumb) but he does wonder what’s up with you.

-He’ll probably ask you one day, after seeing you watching a movie with subtitles on, despite it being in your native language. Just be honest with him and tell him that yeah, you have adhd.

-He’ll probably be the guy to say ‘but you dont act like you have adhd’ because all he has to go off of are stereotypes. It’s important to set him straight. Tell him what it’s really like, the good parts, the bad parts, the ugly parts.

-The ‘not being able to tidy anything up because the stars aren’t in alignment’ parts. The ‘everything looks horribly disorganized but you know where everything is’ parts. The ‘I haven’t brushed my teeth in three days because I lost track of time’ parts.

-He already thought pretty good of your before, but now that he knows you really have to fight to be where you are, he’s in awe. You’re such a strong person, which he really admires.

-If you do something that’s ‘weird’ he’ll ask you to explain it. He’s honestly just curious, and wants to learn more about you and what drives you, so don’t be offended by it.

-But he’ll definitely like the fidget toys you have, particularly the squishy or stretch ones. And he finds that your study tricks really help him in terms of paying attention, and he’s able to absorb the material better. You guys always make sure to create study sheets together that are laid out well and easy to access.

-He also really like the energy you have during training, and often seeks you out to partner up. Whereas sitting in a classroom isn’t your strong suit, being out on the field and moving around is. You’re got a quick wit and a smart brain, and when you’re using your body at the same time, it’s easier to keep track of your thoughts and put them into action.

-10/10 loves the shit out of you and lowkey brags to everyone about how good his S/O is.

SHOJI MEZO

-The quietest and most understanding of the bunch.

-He -like the others- probably also doesn’t know much about adhd, but he’s far more relaxed about it when you tell him. He’s kind of just like ‘oh, okay’ and it doesn’t change his opinion of you.

-But when he sees how it really affects you, that’s when he starts to think differently.

-He’s not a bad student in terms of grades. he’s pretty mediocre, both in hero training and classes, and he’s okay with it. But he sees how much you bust your ass just to be where you are, and he’s certainly not envious.

-When you tell him what other kinds of fun things you have to deal with, he probably feels a little bad for you at first. He’s already self conscious about himself, so if he had to go through the things you do, his self esteem would probably be pretty low.

-but he really respects that you’re owning your adhd, and working with it instead of trying to ignore it and make it go away.

-Plus, with cons come pros, and you have so many of them. It can be hard to get into things sometimes, but once you do? He’s seen the way you get when you hyperfocus, and the amount you can achieve when you’re in that state. He’s learned not to bother you until you’re done whatever you’re doing when you’re focused, knowing that once you lose it, it’s gone and you’ll never get it back.

-And the way you enthuse about your interests is adorable. he admire you passion and knowledge about certain subjects, and the lengths you’re willing to go to in order to learn about them.

-He doesn’t usually like being your partner during training, mostly because you kick his ass using sped and intelligence alone. Plus your stamina and unwillingness to stay knocked down is...something. Something real good.

-He definitely sees the appeal of fidget toys. After he tries yours, he’ll probably get one for himself, and keep it in his off hand while he’s working. I mean, six arms, y’know? That’s like four more arms to not be busy with when he’s working, and four more arms of sensory input. Having something to fiddle with actually helps his concentration too.

-Speaking of sensory input, this guy gives the best hugs when you’re overstimulated by something. A good squeeze calms down the sympathetic nervous system, and he’s hands down the best at hugs. He holds you tightly and blocks out whatever light and noise that he can, until you’ve calmed down and are more equipped to deal with things.

-You two mesh pretty well together, and there’s a lot he can learn from you. He respects you and cares about you!

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #shoji x reader shoji mezo x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #Anonymous

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softer-ua · 3 years

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in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

#tw ableism #ableism #tw biphobia #biphobia #softy answers #I have a sorta sad one shot about Kami and his quirks effects #should i post it?

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ziracona · 4 years

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please bless me with all of your dbd headcanons even just a crumb would satisfy me,,,,, lmao. Fr tho ur hcs are godly pls give me all of them especially for og 4 and wraif

Thank you!! I’m glad you like my hot takes!

Let’s see, og4.

Jake grows facial hair pretty easy (that part is just canon). Usually he either lets it grow and ignores it till it gets long, or stays cleanshaven, but the in-between stage is physically painful for everyone else at the campfire bc you wake up and see rugged 2day scruffy woodsman stretch and he sees you staring and goes, “What?” Looking thoroughly unimpressed and Meg sheds a tear and Claudette pretends to not be looking and stares at her journal and Dwight gets heart palpitations it’s just bad for the whole group. When he shaves he’s an edgy dumbass and does it with a sharpened hunk of metal he made into a knife for himself and Dwight saw him shaving once and had to go sit down.

Jake has a soft spot for many of the survivors he’s known longer (honestly at this point, he’s pretty attached to the lot of them though), but especially the ones who work really hard at protecting other survivors. Double points if you’re younger than him. He would kill for Claudette, and take a bullet meant for Quentin, but would not convey this to them at all. Jake puts almost zero effort into making sure people knows he likes them. The people he has a soft spot for especially are also not always the ones he prefers to spend time with. While they’re survivors he spends less time with personally, Jake respects Feng Min for being the snarky little gremlin she is, and Tapp’s dedication to his job even here. Weirdly, while the people he likes often aren’t aware of affection, the ones he respects but isn’t as close to usually are aware of the respect. Jake also thinks he doesn’t like having friends and spending time not alone, but he does.

If asked point blank his thoughts on a survivor he likes, he’d probably just shrug or say, “They contribute to the team,” or “She works hard,” or “He’s fine,” because Jake just be like that. He had a hard time getting close to anyone initially because of how he grew up. Jake’s very guarded. He’s used to people manipulating and using each other, which makes keeping anything vulnerable close to his chest just necessary as he sees it. Boy doesn’t trust easy. Or open up. Ya need a can opener. Boy also does not like getting pushed around. Least favorite killers (aside from Nightmare) are probably Doctor and Ghostface, because he cannot stand being forced to do things or used. He’d rather take a chainsaw to the back than have someone lord power over him. He’s also got a looong memory, so if you fuck him over, he is not the kind to forget and forgive. He is the kind to resent and remember. Not that he never forgives people, but boy would have to really believe whatever happened was regretted and the person wasn’t like that anymore to let something that made him very angry go. He’s quiet angry though. Bide your time and get vengeance kinda angry. Would never let someone push him around. If a killer tried to fuck with him, he’d do everything in his power to kill them.

While Jake is tough and likes to hike just to be out and moving, and enjoys toughing it out, Meg enjoys being outside more as a fun thing than a wildnerness lifestyle thing. She has a lot of energy, and even in the realm, all that adhd can be a bitch. It would be easy to focus on the shitty stuff happening and drown in that, so she likes to keep moving, like she has since she was a kid and started running. Meg loves hard, and if she cares about you, she’ll make sure you know it. Not good at shutting up or realizing if she’s been going on for too long, girl has passion for everything.

Meg talks a big game, but does not have as much confidence as she pretends to have. She has abandonment issues, but they’re less, ‘my dad abandoned me’ and more ‘everyone but my mom, from him to grade school friends, hasn’t stuck around,’ so she does worry about that and coming on too strong, which she is aware she often does, but she can’t get herself to turn down the power settings on herself even when she tries. She’s never been good at making friends, so all of this in the realm is kinda new to her, since no one can leave. Meg would tell almost no one those things about herself. She cares hard though, and will try to distract other people from realm despair any way she can, because it’s what she needs and she assumes what they must need too. And to be fair, she ain’t wrong. Good at cultivating activities and drinks loving her friends juice.

Big goofball. BIG goofball. Also big gay. Well, bi af, but w a pretty strong preference for the ladies. She is simple of heart. Sees a girl, loses ability to think. Bonded with Nea over this problem. High int, low wisdom, big dumbass. Her weaknesses include girls’ eyes, voices, accents, freckles, scars, stomachs, legs, ass, titties, hair, hair dye, laughs, hands, eye contact, and cute accessories. Not great at expressing her feelings when she catches them, but tries hard. Actually pretty good at romancing once she gets into the groove. It’s just getting there she sucks at. Loyal as hell. Will go to bat for her friends and would rather die than betray them.

Meg has a real temper, especially when she feels like something being done to her or someone else is unjust/unfair, and will always try to fix those things even when it’s hopeless. Can and will weaponize her anger extremely effectively. Ridiculous memory for pop culture, shit memory for homework and things she was supposed to be doing. Memelord, but with some class.

Idk if this is because I identified with Claudette really strongly when I first started playing dbd or not, but I have always seen her as Asexual & Panromantic. Attracted to kindness.

She gets overwhelmed fairly easily, but has been improving that by necessity since arriving in the realm, and can tap into the mom-friend override to fix problems for people who aren’t her. Has a hard time telling when people are teasing her/joking, but everyone knows this so they take it easier on her than each other.

Like Meg, had no friends before this, so it’s exciting and new, and a little scary, but mostly really good. She worries about other people a lot, and doesn’t always know how to help, but she tries. Very relieved Dwight volunteered to be team leader.

Enjoys recording things and studying. Would be fascinated by the Entity’s world if she wasn’t always being killed. Seems small and weak and easy to take down, but she has the strength of will to kill God herself if backed into a corner, especially when fighting for someone she loves. Sweet does not mean she will not fight back, and since being in the realm, and getting over her initial freezing up at the sight of horrifying murderers, she has worked extremely hard to be brave and take an active roll protecting people whenever she can. She is still terrified a lot, but has learned to push through that to help her friends and herself.

Loves animals, including ones a lot of people don’t like (bugs, snakes, rats, etc) and would and has definitely tried to snag a scorpion and a cockroach from trials to study before, and tried to befriend the realm rats now that they exist. Tries to get Jake to show her how to get birds to like you but does know how to ask him right.

Nervous about interpersonal relationships and unsure of herself. Really likes everyone but horrible at telling how other people feel. Feels like she always comes off wrong and can’t put words to things well even when she understands them super well. Does her best 24/7. Incredibly smart and talented. Knowledgeable about her passions. Is always thinking 4th dimensionally and has saved the team many a time by pulling off wild bullshit that makes sense kind of just barely but no one else would have thought of.

Dwight was a loser and kind of a douche growing up, kind of selfish and entitled and weak, but is no longer that person after a few years in the realm. He works hard to make good on his promises to look out for everyone, and cares about them very genuinely. Great at thinking on his feet and sounding like he knows more than he does, wonderful at regulating tasks to people efficiently, and not a bad strategist.

Being the kind of person now who would not have liked the person he was a few years ago causes a little cognitive dissonance and self-doubt, but he’s trying. Genuinely enjoys hearing about people’s days and interests even when he’s completely lost.

Not a fan of heights. If the fear of heights was not vastly overpowered by fear of sharp object, he would actively avoid the old ironworks in trials, but alas.

Used to play video games a lot. Thought he was good at them. Was not. Was definitely not.

Self-improvement king. Works hard and is a really decent dude. A very good sport. Used to be an asshole, so now that he’s nice he’s pretty damn forgiving if other people put in the work to improve too (my boy’s no hypocrite). Has mellowed out a lot and is pretty chill and nice but the damn fool will break his own heart by taking things people say the wrong way, or things they mean as a joke literally, if it’s something he thinks is true about himself, and will totally miss context and vocal inflection and just be like, “I know but I’m trying TuT.”

Big gay but in denial and confused

Just at this point really does want people to get to go home and be ok. Loves hearing stories and listening to his friends talk at the campfire because it makes him feel like things might be okay. Get the same result just by being near his friends, especially the other og3 who have been with him forever. If they’re all still there, things have to turn out okay someday. :’ ) Has never really told them that, because he’s supposed to be the leader, and thinks they’d feel less secure if they knew he depends on being able to sleep close to them at night to feel like he’ll be okay himself. Not in a they’d judge me way, but in a I really don’t want to let them down way. He wants them to think he’s got a handle on things even when he really doesn’t.

I was gonna do Philip too but I got this this morning and this post is already ridiculously long TuT, so here you go. Plus one mini Philip one.

Philip feels responsible for the young man he saw his boss kill the day the Entity got him. He knows that he killed scores of people unknowingly for Azarov, and those weigh, but he thinks sometimes late at night that if he could have just saved that one, it might have been enough to make him feel absolved someday for all the other deaths on his head. He remembers his face very well, and how terrified he was, and the moment of confusion and relief, and almost gratefulness when Philip let him go. He thinks over and over that if he’d just talked to him–assumed something was up, and gotten him to be quiet. Seen Azarov in time and stopped him. So many little things, and the young man would have lived. Even if the others were things he was completely blind to, he feels like that one is especially his fault, and that he could have stopped it. That one really haunts him.

#long post #dead by daylight #dbd #Philip Ojomo #Dwight Fairfield #Jake Park #Claudette Morel #Meg Thomas #I love doing these but I have like 6000 headcanons and I'm not good at picking one TuT I'm happy to do more but please help me give me an #area to focus on I'm dyin' scoob I'm boo boo the fool #Too many thoughts head full #the wraith #ask #anonymous #In Living Memory #In Living Memory (fic)

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hexcaught · 4 years

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it's been 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 since the 𝐩𝐮𝐫��𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 wizard, 𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐔𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘 was sorted into 𝐠𝐫𝐲𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫 upon arriving at hogwarts. i suppose over the years we've learnt that he is 𝐢𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 & 𝐛𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬, i guess that's why they were sorted where they were. ( 𝑙𝑒́𝑜 𝑑𝑎𝑢𝑑𝑖𝑛. )

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 !

a desk cluttered high with half-read books and pencil sketches, sharing a joint behind the greenhouses with a pretty girl whose name you've forgotten, faded photos of far-off places clipped from newspapers, the soft tick of an old dented watch, stifling laughter in the back of class, the smell of slightly burnt fresh-baked bread, hand-me-down robes worn over squared shoulders, running late but always making it eventually.

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 !

i. OLD TOWN ROAD - little nas x ft. billy ray cyrus.

ii. ALWAYS GOLD - radical face.

arthur was born the middle of three boys, smack in-between gabriel, the oldest, and bilius, the youngest, to a family that never had much of anything save love. he grew up wearing hand-me-downs before passing them on. some days he was mischievous and got up to trouble with gabriel, some days he was nurturing and helped care for bilius

the little house they live in really wasn’t built to hold five people and arguments sprung up daily, like weeds through cracks in the pavement, but at the end of the day family comes first.

excepting, of course, his mum’s side of the family. the blacks disowned cedrella when she married septimus, a known blood traitor, but her attitude towards that ( at least outwardly ) has never been anything but good riddance. both art’s parents believe strongly in blood equality.

most people call him art, but he’ll always be artie to his mum. unless he’s in trouble, of course, in which case it’s arthur tobias weasley, come here this instant—

he loves learning, to the point where the hat considered ravenclaw for him. always tinkering with something. total muggle studies nerd

he’s frequently too loud and doesn’t even realize it – growing up with two brothers means you have to be loud to be heard. loudness increases directly as proximity to The Boys increases

definitely has adhd but not diagnosed because #wizards. he’s constantly handing in work late, essays scrawled messily on the back of old homework. always loses track of time and shows up late to class with a big ol’ bashful grin on his face. super forgetful, would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to his neck.

he does his best to be kind !! every single day ! he really is a kind boi

that being said, he can sometimes get overexcited and be oblivious to other people’s feelings or social cues

wants to travel so bad :( but alas #money

lowkey ? a little bit of a player ! he never purposefully leads girls on but he does like having fun without committing to something seriously like a relationship lol

i don’t think i can empathize enough how much he LOVES HIS FRIENDS !! i am serious !!!! tell the whole world we’re bros.... why’d u whisper bro..... cause ur my whole world bro

has tried out for the quidditch team a couple times and hasn’t gotten on but he’ll always be down for a casual game

hands in homework late but you can still find him after class chatting up a storm with the teacher

he’s a prefect and he really does do his best but he do be biased so if you’re a gryffindor breaking the rules he might turn a blind eye. great with the firsties tho

loose connection ideas: HIS BOYS !! ART NEEDS HIS HOMIES !!!, someone muggleborn he can annoy with questions abt the muggle world, maybe someone who had to work with him for a group project and got fed up with his disorganized ass, flings/hookups/fwb ( current or ex ), sibling-type relationship ( especially a sister-like relationship since he already has actual brothers ), people he can play casual quidditch with, prefect buddies, anything honestly

#lumos.intro #𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲. ｢ about. ｣

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amazildoessomethingstupid · 5 years

Text

Chapter 97: After, You

Rise and shine, everyone! It’s September 12th, and you all know what that means right? That means it’s the fourth year anniversary of January! Hurray! And what better way to celebrate, than with a good ol’ Chapter rant on one of the most infamous chapters in BCB. And after all the hype and shit I’ve heard about this chapter I can’t wait to dive right in, sink my teeth in, and properly dissect it! Hmm, that came out a lot hungrier than I thought…

We start off with a bit more of Lucy’s mom being really cute and funny. Although I will say it’s kind of surprising to see that this takes place immediately where the last chapter left off. I guess I’m so used to time frames between chapters being out of whack so much, I just got used to there being missing days or pieces. Can’t tell if good thing or not.

Also, just to point it out. Dat Size Difference Tho. Lucy’s mom is one small mama…or maybe Paulo’s exposure to Daisy gave him some of that mutant radiation and made him huge. Either way!

We spend the first pages of this chapter doing…homework? Kinda weird, I guess it helps to show Lucy and Paulo being nice together. It’s just pointless ship sailing really, and we all know how that’s gonna g-

Bruh…

Wut?

O-oh we’re just going to brush past that? We’re just going to move on, from that random as fuck cross-ship? That’s what we’re doing? OH NO NO NO, YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! LET’S RECAP FOR A SECOND SHALL WE? WHAT DID WE JUST GET FROM THE LAST CHAPTER?

The emerging of Paulo and Daisy’s relationship.

The complete obliteration of Paulo and Rachel’s relationship.

And finally the revival of Paulo and Lucy’s relationship. WHICH IS WHAT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO GET INTO WITH THIS CHAPTER! Putting myself in the writer’s seat for a moment, I thought well hey! This is going to be a little ship ride! And because I have ADHD I can’t really remember what the fuck actually happened in this chapter or what it was really about, but hey! Maybe this is where Taeshi is going to focus on Paulo and Lucy, try and build up this ship and make us give a shit about it. But noooo, that’s too focused for Taeshi! Gotta get that shipping battle in, get that nice dramatic romance conflict! That’s what the fans, and dedicated readers are really here for!

THE FIRST FOUR PAGES! Before we get into what this chapter is actually about, before we know what we’re even in for, before we get to the real shit people want to read about, we gotta remind them that Paulo likes Daisy! And I mean REALLY REALLY likes her! Because fuck, they might’ve forgotten about that! I mean it was only built up recently, was on the rocks for a bit, but got ironed out and set up IN THE LAST FUCKING CHAPTER! What’s the point of this? Why bring up that Paulo likes Daisy? Do you think your audience whom you constantly bait with pairings, and relationships, would need to be hit over the head with a shoehorned reminder that Paulo has feelings for Daisy?!

Actually, yeah I think it’s pretty clear Taeshi has some contempt for her audience. Given she thinks we need to be hit over the head this hard and often. It’s honestly insulting, and I only read this shit occasionally. I don’t know how some of you can put up with this crap. Do the concussions just numb the pain after a while? Whatever let’s get to the fun stuff.

Anyway, Paulo is walking with Lucy and it’s honestly not bad. It feels weird for Paulo to be so desperate, but given that Lucy almost fucking died and was gone forever…Yeah it’s understandable. But this though…

Uhhh…Paulo? A-are you trying to scare Lucy? …what?

Why are you t-rexing right now? What’s wrong with your arms? Why are you explaining it like this? I mean I can get excited maybe? But he seems ELATED about drama which is…dare I say…a smidge out of character? What is this? Also, I actually got tripped up reading this panel and I think that might be the positioning of the word bubbles because instead of using the traditional method of:

For whatever reason, in this panel specifically it’s:

Which is unnatural for most English readers, who end reading on the right. So I didn’t even realize that Paulo said “Whuh?” there when I moved to the next panel. Making the emotional shift in his character more jarring when he switches from oddly joking around, to:

Being moody, to Lucy’s disinterest. But that’s just an odd thing I picked up after going through again to write this rant. It’s not THAT big of an issue, but I do have to ask:

Really? That’s what you got out of that? Paulo says that all your friends were really upset that you were gone, and that’s your response? That’s the only thing you have to say about this? Geeze, it’s almost like you don’t really care.

But anyway, we’re finally on to the Carnival. And we actually do get some nice and interesting dialogue here.

Paulo starts to talk about the things she’s missed out on since she was gone, and it’s actually pretty nice. I like Paulo being more relaxed and natural, playing around with Lucy. Although someone pointed something out to me that really deserves a mention:

Again? Paulo is poor, but he’s never been one to “borrow” or mooch off his friends, especially not Lucy. Paulo has consistently never let his poverty be a burden to anyone else, and it is a real positive factor about him that shows his selflessness. Paulo to my knowledge never did stuff like that, he was the one who bought Daisy lunch, even when Mike was buying Paulo sodas for the contest it wasn’t like Paulo was mooching off Mike’s money to win the contest. It was more of a mutual effort, since Mike couldn’t stomach the stuff. Lucy thinking Paulo would “borrow” things just seems so weird to bring up. And I know none of this stuff is really major or that worth mentioning but honestly…

There is really not much to talk about here. Imma be real witchu chief, I’m a little underwhelmed right now. Guest of Honor had me gripped and had fun in the first parts, Boy Toy I could tear apart with its dumb decisions and missed opportunities, and so on and so forth, but this… This is weird. It’s not that aggravating really, the next page after this is just Paulo and lucy doing rides. I guess y’know, after 5 chapters that knock you around and turn my stomach inside out with force fed bullshit, I guess you gotta have a nice mediocre one to help mellow you out after a while. I’m not really complaining, but I just heard so much about this I expected more y’know? I was hoping for something a bit more to sink my teeth into.

But anyway, back to the comic. Lucy asks Paulo about Abbey and Daisy (for some reason, honestly it seems she doesn’t care about the group anymore so why ask about them, and also why them? They’re like the least close to Lucy why would she care about them?) and…

…what?

*groan* fuck I found something to say.

First of all. That Face. Stop That Face. Secondly, who the hell are you? I know I said in the previous chapter, that Lucy is no longer Lucy, but this here really solidifies it and is very concerning. Who the fuck is this? Lucy has always been snarky; she’s always been one to goad people. But she was never one to be eager to dig into other people’s drama like this! What the heck is this? Who the heck is this? Oh fuck it, whatever she’s a lost cause now.

At least they’re actually talking now which is something I can take some solace behind. And also, yeah really Lucy! You would’ve known that if you GAVE A DAMN!

Okay I need to make up a new name for this new Lucy. Cause I will never stop comparing her to the Lucy character that had been set up, built upon, and established before unless I make some title that draws a clear distinction to say that she isn’t Lucy. Because this is so fucking weird to hear from Lucy, digging for drama, and stirring the pot directly like this. Being such an asshole, and blatantly badmouthing Daisy like this behind her back. This is not Lucy, I refuse to call her that in the horrible fear that this might actually affect my own view of Lucy, and thus my characterization of Lucy in my own comic. Hmm, I’m thinking…how about Lacie? Yeah that sounds good. It’s like it’s ALMOST Lucy, but it’s not. And it’s easy to remember, like Madison’s name! Cause you shorten that to Maddie, and it perfectly encapsulates her entire character which is that she’s mad! And Lacie perfectly encapsulates this character because…

I am a cheeky asshole.

Will say though, this panel got a smile out of me. So that’s good.

Anyway, Lacie and Paulo are talking about Drunk Daisy, and it’s alright. There’s some shipping tension and shit, and I’m just like…

Alright, guy get to the point. At what point am I supposed to lose my shit at this chapter? I swear to god, it’s January’s fucking birthday. Don’t ruin this for me. Gimme the fuckin’ goods. Gimme something interesting.

Oh shit, Lacie just found out about Abbey strangling Paulo! Oh shit, this is interesting!

Awww Lacie is actually showing some fucking compassion to her friend! Ignoring this being a blatant ship sailing moment, this is actually interesting! Alright, you have my attention. Where are we goi-

…

WHAT?! BITCH ARE YOU FUCKIN’ F’REAL SHAKES RIGHT NOW?! YOUR FRIEND JUST TOLD YOU THAT YOUR OTHER FRIEND FUCKING THROATPUNCHED AND THREATENED HIM! AND YOU IMMEDIATELY JUMP TO GETTING UPSET WITH HIM ABOUT YOUR BROTHER?! THAT’S THE NEXT THING ON YOUR MIND?! THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GONNA BRING UP? RIGHT NOW?! YOUR BROTHER BEING IN A CAR ACCIDENT? A CAR ACCIDENT THAT WAS MONTHS AGO! YOU’RE GONNA GET ON HIM ABOUT THAT, EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW IT WASN’T HIS FAULT, EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW JORDAN WASN’T HURT, EVEN WHEN YOU WERE LITERALLY THERE TO SEE BOTH YOUR BROTHER AND PAULO IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! THIS CHAPTER IS LIKE REAL LIFE LAG ON A FREEWAY! YOU’RE SWAPPING FROM BEING DEAD STOPPED TO GOING 100MPH TO IMMEDIATELY DEAD STOP AGAIN! WHAT IS THIS? AND ALSO!

What is this tone shift? Lacie goes from caring and comforting with Paulo, to yelling at him, to being sad. And I know! Mood swings! Lacie is fucking broken, that is without a shadow of a doubt, but that doesn’t change the fact that this emotional rollercoaster is whiplashing me so hard my neck has the structural integrity of a wet noodle! I’ve never seen a tonal shift like this before. This isn’t just jumping emotions page to page; it’s fucking PANEL TO PANEL! What the fuck is this writing?!

Yes, I know I made a whole rant all about January this week, but bitch I will not pass an opportunity to make a good referential joke. Also

“Abbey’s not that bad.” LACIE YOU DUMB SLUT! YOU LITERALLY JUST HEARD HOW HE FUCKING THROAT PUNCHED PAULO! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Even ignoring that, Lucy (the real one) NEVER really liked Abbey. In fact, she was the one person who actually rebuffed Abbey’s white knight schtick!

But let’s go back to the comic for a second, because I ain’t done.

That sure is a lot of presumptions for someone who ADMITTED SHE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON!

BUT SINCE YOU APPARENTLY HAVE THIS ALL FIGURED OUT CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CHARACTER?

Who the fuck is this character? At least Paulo is speaking some fucking sense here! So that’s one character who isn’t completely ruined. But seriously, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is this character?

Wait! You know what this character is? After the recovery she seems to have all the answers? She’s acting like she knows everything, that she doesn’t. It’s like she’s trying to fucking make things go right, but she’s just…so…hateful…

Oh, I see what this is. This is like the result someone would get if they heard what I wanted to do with Lucy being proactive, trying to fix her messes, and standing up for herself; tried to recreate it but not knowing me outside of my negative views of the comic, and ignoring the actual adherence I put to the character. This is what Taeshi thinks I think Lucy should be. I feel like this is just one big stab at me… And if it ain’t…Then it’s just a stab in the heart to every fan who gave a shit about Lucy.

Also, dat mad tone shift again tho.

… Alright, just one more January reference.

Please just let me have this one, I just fucking love this scene.

BUT ANYWAY

Oh wow, it’s so beautiful. It’s like I’m looking at a real carnival from way up high…with my glasses off. Alright, I kid I’m not gonna pick on Taeshi for not going all out on one panel, but it is a bit amusing given the dialogue (and knowing Taeshi can definitely make this look much, much better)

But aww isn’t that nice?

Such a nice sweet scene, of Paulo and Lucy comforting each other, and Lucy accepting the embrace. It’s really sweet and cute, and there is nothing bad for me to speak about here. Yet.

“What we did?”

Heh well that’s a queer statement.

Wonder what you meant by that, Lacie. Would you like to elaborate?

Please tell the rest of the class...

What. You. Did.

CONTINUED IN PART 2

#Bittersweet Candy Bowl #rant

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hoodieimp · 5 years

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sammy lawrence?

MY BIG FAVE !!!!

I know we all joke abt how “shredded” he got in the Ch 4 update but in all honesty…he’s still a fuckin twig, he’s just got actual human(ish) anatomy now (still has no ass tho,,,,)

It’s all in the voice n mannerisms i guess sfjfhdjg

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

I almost went w Slytherin again at first..but honestly? the house that prides itself on creativity and wit would probably be a way better fit for Sammy

best quality: I know I’ve said it a million times but….that Voice……..

(also the fact that he’s secretly a gigantic dork if his Q&A on the Hot Topic Twitter is anything to go by fjdsfdsf)

worst quality: uhhh trying to sacrifice Henry to a demon..also homeboi is waaay too casual abt whipping that axe around

(real talk for a sec though….i feel like his characterization kiiiinda edges a bit close to “~scaaary mentally ill person~” territory? it’s not As Bad as some other games but. i’ve always read him as ADHD+autistic coded (and so have a lot of other fans ive seen which Delights me) which is kinda cool? but i’m a little worried that if Sammy ends up playing a bigger role in other BatIM media like the upcoming novel(!!), they’ll end up reducing him to That Trope…which is decidedly Not Cool..

tho i could just be overthinking this….anyway)

ship them with: Jack Fain!! Gotta have words to go w the tune amiright? ;3

and also kinda with Susie…but only like. a rly specific iteration of her? @ask-joeydrewstudios‘s Sammy n Susie are adorable, but their actual ‘canon’ personalities just don’t click for me, y’know?

brotp them with: I feel like him and Henry might actually get along pretty well? Henry’d be one of the few people Sammy actually tolerated/felt comfortable being around

needs to stay away from: Ink Bendy and Joey. not even in a shippy way, just..in general

misc. thoughts: Sammy is such an entertaining character and I’m still pissed that they “killed” him off in Ch 2, then hinted at him not actually being dead in 3 (which got the fans speculating like crazy dhfdjsf) and then FINALLY brought him back in the very last Chapter…only to IMMEDIATELY KILL HIM OFF AGAIN AFTER AN ANTICLIMATIC “FIGHT”.

like CMON, you could’ve…idk..tried to redeem him and have him join forces w Henry after losing faith in his “savior”? maybe made him like. the Zuko of the group where he starts out as an uneasy sort-of-ally (who may or may not be plotting Vengeance) and slowly starts working to redeem himself??

just. let the ridiculous banjo man rest, Meatly.

(Send me a character!)

#Anonymous #asks #ask meme anything #sammy lawrence #bendy and the ink machine #HEck i meant to answer this EARLIER but i got roped into Family Game Night....#so take this rambly mess dffhfggh #i gotta go to bed soon so i might just have to answer the rest of these tomorrow ^^;;;;#also ive never...actually watched AtLA but ive seen a lot of posts abt it on here #so i don't actually know 100% what Zuko's like #don't @ me on this jfdfgjd

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hayleybaaaby-blog · 7 years

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because I really haven't taken a survey in years - I miss MySpace bulletin board or whatever, lmao.

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person? • I'm not sure, honestly. I was in a severely abusive relationship for well over 4 years, ending in January when he was incarcerated for brutally beating me, raping me, & attacking me, all with our two children present. Our 5 year anniversary would be in a few days, the 28th. 😐 Truthfully, I don't know if I'm stronger, but I definitely know that I'll never tolerate anything like that again. Never. 2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak? • being abused over & over again, physically, emotionally, sexually. All in front of my children. I feel pathetic, weak, & disgusted with myself to have kept taking him back.. 3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself? • uh, well. I don't know. I feel trapped in the house I live in with my parents & 2 kids, but that's because of what Luis did to me in my very bedroom - on my bed - and in my kitchen + living room. I feel HAPPIEST at the park or library with the kiddos. Or outside in general. 4. Where is your favorite place to escape to? • outside with my kids, walking up the dirt driveway. 🌞 5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today? • my kids' father. He's made me the MESS I am today.. 6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? • I can't just name one thing. I hate my mental health issues (severe anxiety, depression, & ADHD), dealing with constant migraines, the fact that I don't have a car, & the way I'm constantly beating myself up about everything. 7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first? • hmm. Take my kiddos to an amusement park or somewhere fun for kiddos. 🌸 8. What decade do you feel you most belong in? • none. 😂 they're all awful tbh. The only one I kinda like is the 1980's. 9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why? • my children, of course 👩‍👧‍👦 I birthed them, ya know 🤰🏼 But aside from my kiddos, I guess my mother. We butt heads a lot, but she's a very strong & motivated person. My sis & I used to be close.... it hurts. 10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best? • no one, shit I hardly know myself. 🙅🏼 11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend? • how they grew inside of me, came from my body, love me unconditionally, & NEVER want to leave my side. 💘 if y'all can't tell who I'm talking about, that'd be my 2 darling babies. 💜💙💗 12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up? • as a youngin', I wanted to be a teacher. Then as I got a lil older, I desired to be a Psychologist. But then I fell pregnant with Miranda & only took one semester in college.. 13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be? • honestly not sure. 14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments? • oh, who doesn't love compliments. They're brighten your spirit. Especially seeing as I suffered years of being told that I'm bad looking 🙄 but I'm also extremely self-conscious & awkward when I receive a compliment, so 🙈 tis the anxiety. 15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical? • I guess non-physical? I like how understanding and caring I am. I tend to care too much, tho. 16. What is your favorite attribute about yourself? • I'm caring. 17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself? • I've literally just said that 😂😂 18. Do you believe in love at first sight? • I used to believe that anything was possible, until I met a monster who destroyed all my positivity. 19. Do you believe in soul mates? • don't think so. 20. How seriously do you take horoscopes? • I don't really check them lol. 21. Have you ever been in love? How many times? • true, blindly, awful love: once. Puppy love: twice. 22. What makes you fall in love with someone? • everything.... 💔 23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable? • vulnerability just perfectly describe me currently. I'm fairly low in my emotions, so yeah. My kids' dad is who always made me feel that way. Also heartbreak, being betrayed, & embarrassment make me feel like that. 24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to? • ain't nothing to scary to ask a man 🤔😬 25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do? • nothing lol I have no desire to be a man. 😳 26. What do you find most attractive about each sex? * men would be probably their eyes, smile, hands, arms, build. women would be their hair, eyes, smile, passion, body. 27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about? • psychology. 28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do? • take my kids to the beach. 🌊☀️🏊🏼‍♀️🚣🏽‍♀️ I've been before, a handful of times in my childhood & teenager years, but not since I was 17 with my mother, my ex (their dad), & a few other people. I would be so incredibly happy to take my babies to the beach, lie out in the sand & tan while we build sand castles & then take off running to the water to swim 💙🙌🖤 Another thing I'd love to do is go on a cruise. I want to travel the world someday, also. I want to rock climb. Attempt to surf or ski. 🏄🏼‍♀️⛸⛷ Even like to try to ride a horse. 🏇🏼 I want to take self-defense classes 🥋🥊🤼‍♀️ that'll protect me & my kids once my ex does get released. I ALWAYS wanted to learn how to play the piano or keyboard 🎹 I wanted to learn to ACTUALLY dance, take dance lessons & also I'm OBSESSED with gymnastics. But since I'm in my twenties, I'll settle for asking my babygirl to join gymnastics 🤸🏽‍♀️ & just maybe, she'll become an Olympian 🥇🎖🏅 hehe. I played softball for 7 years. I hope so much that my kiddos are athletic 😄😅 29. Why haven’t you done it yet? • because that's A LOT of stuff, & I don't have the 💵💰💸 for all that. Kids are expensive lil creatures, ya know. 🤑 but so worth it. 🙌💕 30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be? • I definitely would love to go into Photography. 🖤📸🎥📱 honestly, I want to be a Psychologist & earn my PhD, but that's so many years in school. With two kids, that's going to be fairly difficult when my main focus & top priority is them. I dunno. I have even considered nursing because it's only 2 years in school, fair pair, good insurance, & different hours. 31. If you had off from work today, what would you do? • I don't have a job currently. Just a stay-at-home mama. It's 7:35am. I've done nothing but stay up all night, lying on the couch, playing on my phone or tablet. 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ I'll regret it later 🤦🏼‍♀️😅 32. What was the last thing that made you cry? • some dude. Talking about how I need to get over what Luis did to me because it's "in the past" && how I'm not a perfect mother basically. Here's this: Eff You 🤔🖕 33. What was the last thing that made you laugh? • my son. 💙 his smile & laughter are contagious 👶🏽 34. What is your favorite memory? • the first time I held each of my child, most definitely. 💓 also, the first time I ever breastfed them, kissed them, & pretty much all of the good memories with them. 😍😭 35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you? • I'm VERY easily embarrassed, like it's terrible. So, there's no telling. Everything literally bothers or embarrasses me. #anxietyproblems 36. What is your biggest fear? • losing my children. death. my ex. 37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one? • yes, I have 2 very big ones. The first regret I have is taking Luis back AFTER I left him for around 2.5 months. I was newly pregnant with Leonardo, like maybe 3 months pregnant but had only just found out a few weeks before. He attacked me, and I called my dad. Left him & only took Miranda to see him during daytime in broad daylight, never was alone with him for too long, & did not spend the night. The second regret I have is letting him come in my window the morning he intended on killing me.. 38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? • of course I have. I've been arrested before 🤦🏼‍♀️🙅🏼 All to protect my piece of shit ex because HE ditched my car while drunk. It taught me a valuable lesson, though. I didn't drink after that & still don't. He, on the other hand, didn't learn anything. I ended up with obstruction of justice charges & underaged possession 🙎🏼 I had 100 hours of fucking community service!!! Had to even take an AA class & driving class EVEN after they found out I wasn't driving. Oh, & the magistrate wanted to lock me up for 10 days to "teach" me a lesson about lying to authority 😭 39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? * stay with my ex. 40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger? • sure would. would give me anxiety, but some people need their day brightened. 41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)? * yup sure would. 42. What’s your favorite joke? * I'm not sure . 43. Are you a dog person or a cat person? • can I be both & neither 😂 I love animals, but all of my babies have passed away. I used to have a ferret, who passed in December. She was my girl 🌝🌚 miss my Loca Luna. 🐾 44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? • a cat 🐱 45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy? • Jerry Springer & Maury 🙈🙊 46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child? • like Angelica from the Rugrats 👧🏼 47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be? • when I was like 18 & pregnant. Everything was so new & exciting. I loved my ex with all of my heart, too. So blind. 48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does? • that women have the right to their own bodies. & that borders are imaginary lines that were only created after this country was stolen from the indigenous people.. 49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people? • I'm a single mommy who's been through hell & back but am surviving && thriving 💋 50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing? • a vehicle ..

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