#how i learned im bi

[wahlpaper]

Imogen, Obviously Review

Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli

CW: Swearing, Mentions of Sex, Underage Drinking, Gaslighting, Queer Gatekeeping, Internalized Biphobia, Anxiety, Celebrity Pressured into Coming Out, Bullying, Queerphobia, Biphobia, Positive Reference to David Bowie

5/5

I obviously read this book because I read all of Becky Albertalli's books, she even has a tag on this site. I love knowing that I'm getting queer and/or Jewish content when I start to read any of her novels. However, Imogen, Obviously ended up being extra special to me. Imogen and I are very similar people with very similar experiences. I am warning you now that I am going to go into some of my own queer journey further down. There is some bullying, but I will keep the details light. It is impossible for me to talk about this book without going into what it means to me.

Imogen Scott is a senior in high school who has just been accepted to her best friend's college. Lili is one year older than Imogen and has been begging her to come visit all year. When Imogen finally does, she quickly gets absorbed into the group of cool college queer folks that Lili is a part of. That includes Tessa, a chaotic lesbian who reminds Imogen of her favorite character in her favorite movie. It turns out that these friends think that Imogen is bi, as Lili pretended that they used to date. Imogen agrees to go along with it, but she starts to consider all she knows about being bi and what that might have to do with her.

Imogen, Obviously is written very well! Every joke landed, the characters felt like the ages they were written as, there was plenty of diversity, it dove into real and important issues, the pacing was perfect, and mental health was handled realistically and with care. Mental health is very important to this novel, especially considering the anxiety Imogen seems to be struggling with. Other mental health topics discussed and shown in this book are ADHD, bullying, bigotry, gaslighting/gatekeeping, and self-esteem. The diversity in the novel goes beyond queer representation, including a black character, an Asian character, and a Jewish love interest. The book takes place over the course of about a week, but nothing feels rushed or like it couldn't fit. Albertalli is great at making all of the elements work together.

Albertalli has discussed her story on social media, so I will discuss her’s before my own story. If you know it before you read the book, you'll be able to pick up on the references to it. However, you will still get a lot from Imogen, Obviously even if you don't know. There have been a lot of creators of queer content that have been pressured into coming out, especially from within the community. Becky Albertalli is one of them. Others include Kit Connor (Heartstopper), Jameela Jamil (Legacy), and Rebel Wilson (Isn't It Romantic). Albertalli faced years of scrutiny, harassment, criticism, and invasive questions surrounding her sexuality. Although she has been a great ally and advocate to the queer community and has never written anything exploitative, people had a problem with her writing queer content while being seen as cis and heterosexual. Her books led her to questioning her identity, but she should have gotten to come out on her own terms, if she ever wanted to. Imogen, Obviously explores both the pressure to come out when creating queer content and not knowing that you are queer until later in life.

Now for my own story. Thanks to queer media and Glee specifically, I started to consider that I might be bi in middle school. I called myself bicurious at summer camp between sixth and seventh grade. In retrospect, I had a crush on both the girl and boy in a couple I knew there. Although, my first unknown-crush was likely on a girl in my second grade class. However, in middle school, a bully found out that I am bi when she took my friend's phone. I believe I said it was a joke when I realized, and then went so far back into the closet that I thought I was straight.

I was a strong ally to a bunch of queer best friends throughout high school, even to the one person that was a lot like Imogen's friend, Gretchen (you'll know what I mean if you read the book). I also had my one "girl-crush" on/obsession with Felicia Day. In senior year I learned about aesthetic attraction and started coming back to terms with not being straight. It wasn't until the summer when I was posting a lot of pictures of Hayley Atwell on tumblr and also found the term "biromantic" on there, that I finally knew I was bi. Albertalli touches on this a little near the end of the book, but we need more asexual representation in school and in media. The lack of knowledge and the presence of bullies kept me from realizing who I am until a little after Imogen figured herself out. Still, it took me several more years to fully process where I am on the ace spectrum. My story is obviously mine, but I feel a deep sense of familiarity with Imogen.

Thank you for reading my story and Becky Albertalli's. I hope that you'll read Imogen's as well. If you like queer nerds and college stories, Imogen, Obviously is a great book for you! A giant griddle, underground passageways, and dark academia await you in the pages of this book!

#becky albertalli #imogen obviously #bookblogger #book blog #queer books #queer characters #jewish books #wlw #jewish authors #bisexual mc #contemporary ya #teen rom com #college #asexual side character #personal story #queer journey #how i learned im bi

[tiredyke]

every time queer discourse surges on this site everyone is so quick to jump to “it was actually the evil lesbians who divided us” because y’all heard the term “political lesbian” and never bothered to figure out what that meant

#‘political lesbians’ were and are predominantly STRAIGHT WOMEN #and a good chunk are bi #what don’t you understand about these women thinking lesbianism is a CHOICE? that it’s only used by women as a reaction to the patriarchy? #like lesbians can’t possibly like women and not men for any reason that isn’t some deep-seated hatred for men? #they all think lesbianism is dirty and impure and here you people are saying that this is PROGRESSIVE #and that they actually think that lesbianism is some golden standard for its purity???? you guys are so fucking stupid oh my god #you go on and on about learning your queer history until it comes to lesbians and then you’re perfectly happy rewriting our culture #and narrative #wtf is wrong with you people #and y’all braindead mfs use this to act like men are actually oppressed by the meanie dykes #i hate y’all #but none of y’all actually give a shit about lesbians so i guess im yelling into a void #lesbophobia #top posts #neon talks #LOL at the fucking idiot who reblogged this and tagged it ‘misandry’ not sure how you got that from my post but i hope your day sucks <3

[lollytea]

I'm never shutting up about this

#toh spoilers #im SORRY but you dont get how happy this makes me #the moment i saw his face i said ''bi'' and its one of those headcanons ive been deeply attached to #and i want to cry thinking about how he KNOWS. He knows hes bi. #hunter the golden guard is fully aware that hes bisexual and he wears a little pride flag patch #i KNOW this doesnt actually prove anything but SHUSH. I like it #im fully dumping my prior headcanons to hunter being unaware of his own orientation until recently because i like this better #hes always been aware. its just been a fact to him. same as being blond or named hunter. #its not something hes ever had to think deeply about. it just Is #but its probably not until luz came out that he learned that being bi in the human realm was an entirely different thing to back home #and i can imagine him personalizing this garment of his and its like #hunter: its MINE. i want to patch it full of stuff that i like. stuff that represents me. #luz: hmmm. sorry hunter. ive only got these two patches to choose from. good witch azura and the bi rainbow #hunter: i guess the rainbow works. that represents me. gimme!! #luz: ....the bi rainbow...represents you...? #hunter: yeah?? #luz: YOURE BI??? #hunter: YEAH??? #luz: sorry its just...you never mentioned it...not that you HAVE to mention it but-- #hunter: *shrugs* never came up.

[deoidesign]

I'm sorry if what I say is wrong in any way, I don't mean to offend you, it's just something I'm not completely sure about. Does Adam use he/they or they/them pronouns? I think I saw a post of yours where you said that Adam uses he/they, but it was a while ago and now I'm not completely sure (and I don't want to use the wrong pronouns)

I know you don't mean anything by it, but I am sad that so many of the asks I get start with people saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to offend you" or some variation thereof, followed by completely normal questions. I think I may have been responding too harshly to too many things and given the impression that I'll jump at people for being wrong...

But asking clarifying questions is always okay. I mean, it's also okay to be wrong and even offensive. What matters is if you learn from it when someone points out that it was wrong or offensive. I won't stop telling people they're saying something hurtful if they are, but I don't want that to lead people to be scared of me or something.

Correcting people is always just about correcting them, not hurting them. It's okay to need to be corrected, were all learning new things every day.

Anyways Adam uses he/they, you remembered correctly

#i dont like when people pry about personal things #especially not when it's accusatory. I'm admittedly sensitive to a lifetime of people denying my identity #people saying i dont count as bi. or nonbinary. or disabled. #and so i tend to take questions around these as people trying to 'sus me out' as a fake or something... #and I'm always going to try to explain. generally gently... how these things are hurtful to me personally #or in the case of my characters how certain things can (in my opinion) be harmful mindsets to have #but i dont carry them with me and im not mad #im just 26 and kinda tired of making myself small to make other people more comfortable. #so. if im uncomfortable ill just say jt! #and ill do my best to explain why so people can maybe learn from it #but as someone who. i talked about this recently elsewhere. as someone who has anger management issues #and unfortunately has had to deal with people i care deeply about being scared of me... #it just makes me sad to see anons being scared of me. #that's all #im not upset or anything. just trying to be a better person. #I'm learning everyday too #asks #anon

[toreii]

Bi-Han screenshots belong to far2wi on X. Other images sourced from unsplash and pexels.

Pairing: Bi-Han x OC (Yue)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: mild sexual content, implied sexual content, character death

Summary: They were destined to meet again and again. Though fate conspired to keep them apart, they somehow find their way back to one another at the restart of another timeline. A promise spoken from ages ago, a solemn vow to reclaim what once was theirs.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything proper, and with so much thought put into it. This fic originally began as little snippets of ideas that I had when MK9 came out. I’ve been a fan of Bi-Han for years, but never really pursued writing for him. I am much too shy to write for him. But, I wanted to try now that MK1 came out. With a little encouragement from @peijizerojournal I finally finished writing this prequel of sorts. I had a little hiccup getting it written because of my work and the holidays keeping me busy, but I’m relieved and so happy to see it done. If you give it a read, I hope you enjoy it. Kudos not necessary, but appreciated.💖

I have a main story to plan now, ahaha…🥲🙃

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #bi han #mk1 bi han #sub zero #mk1 sub zero #oc #self indulgent fic #shoutout to everyone who wrote character anslysis about bihan bc i read those #thank you for guiding me #im still learning how to write him #he makes me so nervous lol #i also made a moodboard for them #yall i was really invested into this

[lautakwah]

i need 2 ask for a raise.

#we were at work with only 2 ppl (4 at most but only for a few hrs) and i was there from open til almost closing 😭 #A TEN HR SHIFT!!! #and i love my coworkers theyre the sweetest guys (not u ******) but they all get paid more than i do #which is yk. minimum wage. if i didnt need the money....... #also im gonna talk abt unionizing w mr bi coworker bc this man NEEDS to learn abt his rights 😭😭😭 #i said i read the documents n he was like :0 wait rly? i never knew that :0 #like sir.... this is how they take advantage of u!!! #ling.txt

[lottieratworld]

hey since pride month is starting, i want to make it very clear i do not condone people who discourse or start arguments over labels and identities they dont understand. its none of your business if someone calls themself, for example, a bi lesbian. the least you can do, beyond being supportive of your queer peers, is keep your hate to yourself, because theres more important shit to worry about. if you come up to me personally to tell me to block someone for supporting bi/pan lesbians, transmasc lesbians, neopronouns or genders, asexuals, bisexuals, etc, then idk what to tell you, im probably gonna block you instead. the last thing i need to see is people trying to divide the community over harmless shit just because theyre unwilling to accept or understand the lgbt community, ok? thanks.

and no im not interested in debating this. i hate the discourse, im not getting involved, i didnt join tumblr to fight, dont bother me about this. accept others or leave me alone. i hope you can all understand this even if you disagree with my stance.

have a happy pride, everyone

#this just happened and like. im sorry to the person who messaged me that they had bad experiences. but i hope you learn better someday. #ill admit i wasnt sure how to word it because they mentioned being harassed by anothers followers over it and thats terrible but #no im not going to block someone for supporting bi lesbians thats not gonna happen #even if you word it like 'supporting lesbians wanting to fuck men' #and from what i could tell the other person involve didnt outright tell their followers to harass them or anything so. what am i to do. #i dunno

[theguardianace]

i have this whole aroace wxs fic saga like completely planned out with various themes and experiences of being aroace and the different ways each of them would view their own identity but also i cannot for the life of me figure out the plot of any of the stories.

#minus rui ive already finished and posted that. #but emu being so secure in her identity but everyone (her family?) being really aphobic to her bc how could someone like EMU not fall in lo #(but they learn and come to accept her even if they don't really understand) #and tsukasa confidently identifying as bisexual because he doesn't really think gender has anything to do with liking someone #but then being confronted with the fact he's never actually had a crush and what he confused for attraction was admiration instead #but that bi label is something he really does value and he does think both guys and girls are nice looking even without being attracted to #so bi aroace tsukasa KING #and nene who was like “why is everyone being so weird about sex and romance im the only normal person here” #but then realizing “wait people aren't choosing to fall in love like this is a real thing that happens” and being like “ok well not me” #no internalized aphobia or anything just straight to acceptance #yeah. all these ideas. too bad i can't write.

[x-v4mp3y3lin3r-x]

if you're deconstructing your ideas of binary gender and binary sex— you also have to deconstruct your ideas of binary sexuality and romantic attraction, too, fyi

#'are you saying homosexuals don't really exist??!?!!?!' no. please use your brain. #im saying it literally doesn't matter if a lesbian dates someone who YOU perceive as a man. #because the people in that relationship know more than you. #and human experience does not exist in a binary. #you have to accept that sometimes other people will experience life differently than you do #this also goes for gays and bis and pans and aces and aros. #the only people who get to define their experiences are them. #so no I don't really care if a gay man says his true love is a woman and he means it. #i still consider him gay. because he knows himself and his partner better than i know how to perceive them both #and how someone else identifies is none of my business. #that woman may be only part woman. or only perceived as a woman. or only sometimes a woman. or always both woman and man. #there's so many ways to be human. you have to learn to take other queers at face value and not question them #when you question if someone is 'REALLY gay' or 'REALLY trans' or 'REALLY bi'; you're thinking with the mindset of an oppressor #you do not need to gatekeep queerness. queerness is not a limited resource. queer people are not your enemies. #learn to empathize and embrace experiences unlike yours. be a better ally to the people in your own community instead of immediately - #- searching for ways to cast them out. be better. stop thinking like our oppressors. queer people do not need to rationalize ourselves for - #- anyone. they don't owe you an explanation. you cannot take their 'gay card' away.

[carry-on-every-neverland-magic]

Bi Aro/Ace King

#obi wan kenobi #obikin #bi obi wan #ace obi wan #aro obi wan #HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS I'M SO HAPPY <3 #also the third gif looks trash the lighting is bad and Im still learning ps

[pockethexapod]

large fellow

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatfest #team water #big man #b ig man #bi g man #big m an #big ma n #im slowly learning how to shitpost #how am i doing so far

[nicastamatis]

it's so embarassing when you agree with someone's general position in an argument but they're being weirdly inflammatory and seem to exclusively argue with strawmen. can you please go to the other side you seem like the most annoying person on earth.

#<- checking the yso server and glanced at the bi lesbian discourse #we need to put the phrase 'terf rhetoric' on a high shelf until some people learn how to use it #correct take on flag & identity discourse is as always: who give a shit #maybe im just not a teenager and have learned to exist around bigots but what is the point even. who cares. #That One Coworker was watching piers morgan on the job the other day like idk i think thats more impactful to homophobia #than bi lesbians existing. personally.

[fatuifucker]

im i spent money on clothes (which i need) and its making me feel financially insecure and i feel like i keep postponing the commission post bc i feel guilt for not working on sucker + my remaining requests 😭 like ik if im getting paid i will likely be more motivated and finish it bc then its an obligation, doing requests is just a silly little thing but AAAAAAA I FEEL BAD

#i feel like i need a character ai detox too it may be affecting my writing #ok bc ngl i realised my writing sucks now bc whenever i rp in character i am not as descriptive bc ik its pointless for the bot #as for sucker i do not wanna abandon it but it used to be a way for me to vent my bpd episodes #but now im not experiencing that i find it hard to get the sense in how kuni feels #not to mention im in my mortal kombat phase so im not that motivated to write for genshin atm #i mean ill probably try to rush a bi-han fic and some requests and get it out of my system #hshshshshs i hate it i feel like im so critical of writing and i genuinely enjoy it as an art #but i cant fucking write nor so i read or engage in any media thats not mindnumbing like character ai or tiktok #its rlly fucking dumb i feel like a fraud and i need to learn how to break these habits #ivytalks

[babydarkstar]

normalizing pansexuality is just. as a bisexual person having dealt w multiple pansexual ppl calling me transphobic, to my face, on several occasions for identifying as bi instead of pan, i fucking hate when people make art of and bi and pan flag as like a union of sorts, like two characters hugging and repping the flag colors or some shit. and that sounds like such a dumb nuanced thing to obsess over but fuck! i see it everywhere and it’s annoying as hell because so many bi people have said that pansexuality is the same thing as bisexuality while actively being biphobic. if youre admitting it’s the same thing why are there two things that mean the same thing. like i just dont see how thats a good thing and if the goal isnt to erase bisexuality and replace it with pansexuality then what is it? you cannot be ‘more inclusive’ than a sexuality that already included every gender under the sun. bi means attraction to ppl who are the same gender identity as you, and people who are not. everyone falls into that category. by forcing ‘inclusion,’ youre actively erasing/rewriting the work that was already fucking done by bisexual predecessors. they literally acknowledge the existence of more than two genders and state that bisexuality does, has, and always will include trans/nonbinary/neo-gendered people. the microlabeling is redundant and unnecessary and causes so much biphobia, no matter how unintentional.

and like, if so many people are telling you that youre being bi- and transphobic, maybe u should reconsider the label you use to identify

#like the one experience i have as an lgbt person is a group of my pan friends teaming up on me and grilling me for ‘not id-ing as pan’ #and ‘not wanting to date trans people’ #the literal few in person experiences w other lgbt ppl was that. #literally fuck all the way off i’ll kill you. i want to fall in love w ppl bc i like their vibe. #i dont care if youre trans (i do care in the ways that it matters to u tho) #i want u to make me laugh above all else like that’s whats important to me #i love you because youre full of character and life and because we’re compatible #not because youre trans #idk. just thinking #battleaxe bi #sry i know some of yall are pan and youre not intentionally trying to hurt others but goddamn learn something abt how it’s affecting others #it’s on a level of offense that equates to s*per st**ight for me ngl #this could be worded better but im upset (rightfully) #if youre a pan mutual i still love you and think youre cool #i am however being panphobic on main and will likely comtinue to do so

[onepiexe]

ive not been on here at all oh my god

#logbook #my last text posts were from like. laurel day. and then nothing until back on like the 5th. #anyways hi im alive SKSHSJFKG spring is almost over. .i habe been told i'll still be busy in the zummer but it wont be bad #it'll be a busy im actually really excited for and have wanted to do this whole time lol #ive got new plant babies. i bought some new furniture. im slowly cleaning my space. #i made new friends at work with some of the cashiers finally. turns out we're all the same age. #we're planning to hang out this week after work too :) #ummmmmm. mostly been watching alfred bi attorney streams/vods and reading again. #relearing spanish. . .learning botany from books. . .going to start on my course this summer too. #i got a plushie i preordered back in like. 2021?? 2020?? and havent slept a night without em<3 #yeah idk ive been doing alright. hows everyone been. missed yall. #tell me whats up if you read this :)

[keydav]

Sometimes I see the most garbage, zero-nuance, strict label definitions, queer takes and I usually go to their profile on whatever app I'm on to block them, cause I don't need to be able to come across that shit, and so often they have their age in their profile and they are a ~literal teenager~ or at the max maybe 20 years old and my response is always "oh, it's because you are a child, just a little baby child" (and still block them, cause whatever the reason I don't need those takes in my life) and sometimes I feel kinda bad about that cause I know when I was that age I hated being called a child or older people treating me like I didn't understand the way the world worked cause I was younger but, honestly, 1) I didn't understand the way the world worked and 2) if they didn't want me to treat them like a child, they shouldn't have childish opinions, like grow up and learn that the world isn't black and white and there's a lot more nuance to life than you apparently think

#personal shit #lgbtqia+ #'ew trans men cant be lesbians' #'uhhh just cause you're a lesbian doesnt mean youre not fetishizing your girlfriend when you think about how attracted to her you are' #GROW UP AND READ A BOOK #or just reckon with the fact that the world doesnt adhere to these miniscule labels #this is a big reason why the older i get the less i use bi or pan to describe myself and just opt in for queer #im also mad cause im only 28 im not a queer elder by any stretch but these fuckin kids are making me feel like it! #and just to be clear i dont say this to them #like im not about to harass a young person on the internet or anyone for that matter #and i recognize that they just need to learn #but this is why i block and move on #cause its not my job to educate them thats not what i want my internet time to be spent on #and i dont want to have to see those takes all the time #so instead i scream into the tumblr void or talk about it with my queer friends #*edited: fixed tags #hopefully at least lol