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kittievampire · 7 months

Note

Leviathan Domming reader after he ate some aphrodisiac snacks while games??? 🫢

(Not to mention he has two cocks)

Duuuude I've been waiting for someone to request double-dick Levi so I'd have an excuse to write abt it

Lemme see what I have in my bag, my dear~

Click here if you wanna request!

Gamin Snacks

Warnings: Smut, Cursing, Diphallia (Levi has 2 pps), Dom!Leviathan x Fem!Reader, No prep (for 1 pp. He preps you for the second), Hair pulling, Teasing, Praise, Dub-con, Use of aphrodisiac

Enjoy.

You probably should've known better than to trust any snack Asmodeus gifted you. The mischievous smirk that was on his face was overlooked, as you figured that he was just being overly hyper and ecstatic; The usual Asmo.

Though, you probably should have expected that something was up when you took the first bite.

Asmodeus had given you a small pack of gummies, that of which were concealed in a bright pink plastic bag, and tied with a hot pink ribbon. You hadn't gotten the chance to try them the day he gave them to you, as you were quite busy. However, Leviathan would occasionally invite you to his room to play video games, and, during your sessions, there would usually be a lot of junk food and drinks for the two of you to consume. You figured that it'd be harmless to bring along the pack of gummies.

Your situation with Leviathan was always a bit confusing to you. You were convinced that you had a crush on him, and he'd invite you to hang out with him privately, but then he'd avoid you any other chance he got. While you'd concluded that it was most likely due to his introverted nature, it still hurt whenever he'd run away from you at RAD, or when he'd ignore you at the House of Lamentation. Then, he'd turn around and invite you to a marathon of watching anime, playing video games, and eating junk food all night.

It was all so confusing.

A part of you wished that something would happen. Something that would make his feelings for you more apparent.

"MC! I'm in the middle of grinding this tower, I need your help!" The Avatar of Envy spoke excitedly as you entered the room. "What's that?"

You looked down to where his line of sight ended, the pack of gummies in your hand being the captor of his attention. "Oh! I've got a little snack here," You say with a smile, closing the door behind you and walking over to the purple-haired demon. "I haven't had any yet. I figured that you'd like to try them with me while we play."

Leviathan's breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening in shock and disbelief. "R-Really? You want m-me, a yucky otaku, t-to share your snack?" His voice quivered, and his gaze shifted downward, beginning to twiddle his thumbs. Noticing his self-deprecating tendencies through his body language, you deadpanned. "Levi," You said with a sigh. This immediately made him stop to look up at you, his amber eyes meeting yours. "Let's just play. I've been waiting to hang out with you all day, so spare me the 'yucky otaku' talk, okay?" You sat down beside him, offering a small smile as you opened the pack of gummies and set it on the floor between the two of you.

The demon beside you was silent for a moment, trying to process how comfortable you were sitting next to him, and how you wouldn't allow him to degrade himself any further. A small smile tugged at his lips, and he nodded. "Of course! Whatever my Henry wants!" He exclaimed excitedly, firmly holding his controller in his grip.

About an hour into the marathon, Leviathan started to feel an odd, tingling sensation in his body. He'd eaten twelve of the fifteen gummies, but it never occurred to him to correlate the snack with the feeling. You were unaware as well, having eaten three of them yourself.

However, you noticed how quickly he was dying in-game, as well as the dark blush that was forming on his face. There was an unfamiliar glint in his eyes, and a single bead of sweat trickled down the curve of his face. "Levi?" You called out softly, placing your hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Your voice.

It sounded so sweet, so pure, so alluring. It was proving increasingly difficult for him to stop thinking of you in positions he'd only seen in the middle of the night on a hentai website.

Your voice and your touch made a lethal combo. It would have surely killed him if he weren't immortal. He didn't have the high-level gear required to handle your oblivious actions that made him feel so hot.

"Leviathan!"

Levi flinched at the sound of your call, immediately snapping his head toward you. "Y-Yes?"

Your brows were furrowed with worry as you took in the expression that his face contorted into. You had seen him flustered and stuttering before, but that dark shadow in his half-lidded eyes was unfamiliar to you.

He looked hungry?

"Hey, what's up with you?"

He didn't answer. He couldn't. How the hell was he supposed to tell you that he's suddenly thinking about you squirming and whimpering under him? In a quick attempt at saving face, he wracked his brain for an excuse. Anything that wouldn't make the situation worse. "N-N-Nothing! I'm j-just... cold!" After that statement, he wished that the Devildom could split open and swallow him whole.

Cold? That's the best he could come up with? He was sweating, yet the first thing he thought to say was that he felt cold?

"Very... Cold..." He paused. Now, he wasn't able to control his words, but he was very surprised at what he was saying. "Come here, MC,"

Seeing you furrow your brows in confusion, yet hesitantly crawl toward him obliviously made his throat constrict for a moment. As the heat that pooled in his gut grew worse, he found it difficult to breathe for a moment. Without thinking, he pulled you towards him, ass to crotch, in a warm embrace. Leviathan buried his nose into the flesh between your neck and shoulder, closing his eyes as a delightful shiver shot up his spine.

It wasn't until his tail brushed up against your thigh that you realized his demonic form was emerging. "Levi-" "Shhh," He hushed you softly, the sound of the controller falling to the ground acting as your final warning.

"I-I feel so..." Leviathan trailed off as he pushed his hips forward, his crotch grinding so deliciously against your rear. He hissed in pleasure, gripping your hips tightly. "I-I don't know w-what's wrong with me," He murmured as he tugged at your shirt, the fabric being pulled down just enough so that he could get a better view of your neck. As soon as he caught sight of your skin, smooth and unmarked, he attacked your neck with his mouth. Sucking and nibbling, he held onto you as you writhed and made the cutest of noises. "Levi," You whined softly as he started grinding against you once more.

That's when you felt the bulge in his pants. It was so huge. Was it natural for a demon to be this big? If it felt like that while confined in his pants, how would it feel if he...

You froze, vision blurry as Leviathan started to slide his hands up your body, your shirt being lifted slowly. "L-Levi, wait-" You were cut off by your own moan as he bucked his hips, that huge bulge now making contact with your clothed cunt. That's when the heat that you'd been ignoring for the past few minutes began to pool more noticeably. "Can't," He whined, finally pulling away from the patch on your neck, which was now coated in saliva and adorned with a bite mark. "Want you, MC."

Leviathan was very disappointed at the fact that you were wearing a bra, expressing his disappointment through a low growl and wrapping his tail tightly around your thigh. "S-Sorry, I can't-" He let out a soft moan as he ground his crotch against yours, causing jolts of pleasure to course through your veins.

Suddenly, you felt yourself being pushed to the ground, a fistful of your hair in his hand as he pinned you down. His tail kept your legs at a shoulder-length distance, and his free hand slid up your back to unclip your bra. "MC, I want you," He whimpered as he pushed his crotch against your rear again, the straps of your bra beginning to slide down your shoulders. "P-Please say you w-want me, too."

Hearing him plead wasn't exactly out of the ordinary for you, but to plead in such a lewd manner was so odd. Not in a bad way, that is. However, you found it nearly impossible for you to speak. For whatever reason, your brain started to become foggy, and had your arm not been there to brace you, you would have been drooling on the floor. "Levi," You whimpered softly, pulling your arms through the straps of your bra, and allowing him to slide the cups off of your chest and out from under your shirt. "Fuck, just take it off!" He raised his voice to a volume you'd almost never hear unless he was genuinely frustrated. Suddenly, your bare breasts spilled out into the chilly air of his room, the remnants of your shirt now below you in torn scraps. Levi hooked his fingers around the hem of your shorts, fiddling until he got hold of your panties as well, and yanked them down.

You let out a sharp gasp as your dripping cunt was hit by the cool air, the wetness making it feel a lot colder. Then, you heard a shuffle. His hands were pulled away from you, but his tail kept your legs spread in position. You lifted yourself up a little, now annoyed that he wasn't touching you. "Leviathan?" Suddenly, your head was pushed down against your arm. "Don't!" He yelped out.

That's when you felt it. Or, them.

At first, you thought you were just going crazy; That maybe it was the air or a piece of clothing pressing against your clit, but when you felt the tip of his cock against your entrance, you suddenly regained consciousness.

There were two. One of them pushed against your drooling cunt, and the other teased your clit. "I-I know it's a bit... Weird," He murmured among heavy pants. "I can't-" His cocks both twitched at the same time. "I want both of them in you," He growled out, clearly restraining himself from acting on what his body was screaming at him to do. "But I-I don't wanna hurt you, MC." His other hand was planted on the floor near your waist, the one in your hair keeping you from looking at him.

Leviathan didn't exactly look presentable at the moment. He was in his demon form, his face flushed a deep red, beads of sweat running down his body, and his cocks hard and weeping. "But-" His cock suddenly started pushing into you, the tip stretching the tight muscles of your cunt. "You'd... You'd still take me, right?" He asked through gritted teeth. You let out a soft mewl as he penetrated you, your walls welcoming his cock with a tight constriction. "Levi-!" You were cut off by a sudden buck of his hips, pushing more of his length inside of you. He shuddered at the warmth he so badly desired, his second manhood twitching against your lower abdomen. "You'd take all of me... Like a good girl... Right?" He moved his hand from your hair to your mouth as he buried himself inside your quivering cunt.

It felt like your breath was punched out of you. To be empty one moment, then feel so full the next, the stimulation of his manhoods along with his hands made your body shudder in ecstasy. His second cock pressed against your stomach, making your walls flutter against his length.

He started to slowly pull out of you, amber eyes shifting down to see how your fluids clung to his cock. This made him groan, his hands clenching your hips tightly, as he slammed himself back into you. Your body jolted, and you let out a high-pitched whine. "Just for me, right?" He asked, repeating his movements experimentally before his instincts took over, and he set a brutal pace.

Still somewhat conscious of your volume, you bit down on your arm to keep your sounds quiet and muffled. "You'll take it just for me. No one else." The way he said it made it sound more like a demand than anything. You'd hear him get possessive, and, as the Avatar of Envy, he was quick to get jealous, but this was different. There was also the fact that, when he would shove himself so deep in your cunt, the tip of his cock would nuzzle that sweet spot near your cervix. The stimulation was driving you crazy, and you could practically feel your brain getting foggy.

Leviathan was getting drunk off of the odd feeling in his gut paired with the warmth of your body. His heart was beating ten times as fast, and his thrusts were unrelenting. The lewd sound of skin slapping against skin made his lower cock twitch against you. He stared down at your cunt, watching how it sucked him in deeper with each thrust, how the lips spread to accommodate his girth. He began to wonder just how much you could take. "You'll... Be a good girl for me, right?" He asked, voice now gentle as he moved his hand from your hair and trailed it down your back, making a shudder crawl up your spine.

His pace slowed, and he slowly dragged his fingertips down your thigh, before gently caressing where the two of you connected. Then, he slowly began to push his finger inside of you, the digit sandwiched between his cock and your walls. You shot up at the feeling, turning your head to look over your shoulder. Attempting to protest, you whined out his name, but you were promptly interrupted by his pace quickening. His finger started to thrust as well, and that's when you realized what he was trying to do.

"L-Levi, I won't be able t-to take both!" You mewled out between heavy pants and whines of pleasure. Tears were slipping down your rosy cheeks as you felt your cunt beginning to stretch even more.

One finger became two.

"Yes you can," Leviathan purred out softly, his tail slithering off of your thigh and up your abdomen, circling your breasts. "Because you're my good girl, aren't you?" The tip of his tail flicked one of your hardened nipples, making you, and your pussy, shudder.

Two became three.

It was a stinging sensation, but the stretch was just too delicious to despise. How your body was accepting his administrations without protest somehow managed to turn you on even more. The odd feeling in your gut, the lust that pooled in your cunt was driving you mad, making you intoxicated.

Intoxicated was an understatement for the third-born above you. The feeling that made his body sweat and his cock hard was making him wasted. Not being able to think straight, he wasn't exactly patient with the rest of the prep.

He'd made it to four fingers before he pulled out, his hand and his cock, and used both hands to stroke his two manhoods. You whined at the loss, but once you were flipped over, you could see the Avatar of Envy more clearly. Covered in a thin sheen of sweat, cocks rock hard and standing at attention, tail sliding off of you and swaying slowly behind him— much like a predator on the hunt—, and those eyes. They burned a dark orange, staring at you similarly to how the sixth born would stare down a Devil Cheeseburger.

You keened as the demon grabbed your hips, pulling you toward him. "I-I like you, MC!" He confessed, his hands sliding down toward your thighs and grabbing them firmly, a dark blush dusting over his face. "I like you a lot, okay? So..." He pushed your legs up a bit and spread them apart. "Take me like a good girl, okay? All of me."

Leviathan moved one of his hands down to take both of his cocks into his grip, hissing once both the tips made contact with your cunt. Rather than protest it any longer, you found yourself wanting to try. After a few moments of prodding, both tips of his cocks managed to push into your cunt. With an arch of your back and a cry of pleasure and pain, your legs spread a little wider, in hopes of reducing the sting of the stretch. The demon hushed you as he began to slowly sink in more of his lengths.

The demon threw his head back, his hands moving to grip your hips in an attempt to keep himself somewhat grounded. The way your pussy was constricting around him so tightly, the way your body was instinctively welcoming both of his cocks, as if you were made just for him.

"You're my Henry." He suddenly shoved himself all the way inside, one of his tips pushing against your cervix while the other nuzzled your G-spot. You pulled away from your saliva coated arm and squealed, nails digging into the tile floor. So full. You felt so fucking full. Full of him.

Levi stayed still for a moment, but then he started to thrust. His hips rocked, clapping against your ass and thighs. "M'gonna ruin you for everyone else," He continued grunting out, once more grabbing a fistful of your hair. He pulled you up this time, wrapping his free arm around your waist as he latched onto your shoulder.

He changed the position, sitting down with you in his lap, his hands sliding down your hips and spreading your thighs open. Your gaze immediately shifted downward, and you saw how his cocks went in and out of you. Leviathan pressed wet kisses up your neck, smirking as he saw you watching how you were being fucked. "I think you like that, don't you? You're so wet, MC." He moved his hand up your thigh before beginning to play with your clit. "I can go in and out so easily. Your body didn't even put up much of a fight."

Your face flushed a deep shade of red, and you nearly screamed when he pinched your clit at the same time he buried himself so deep inside of your little cunt. You leaned against him, arching your back and gripping his shoulders. "Leviathan!" You moaned out, only to be silenced with a passionate kiss.

Hungry, and obviously desperate, he started pounding into you. His cocks bullied your cervix and G-spot, one of his his hands trailed up your body to squeeze your breasts, and his tail wrapped around your thigh to keep you spread open for him. His rough fucking, along with the way he played with your breast and your clit, made your walls start to build up around him. You felt a different kind of pleasure, a different need filling your core.

The need to release.

You needed to cum, and with how he was handling you right now, you were definitely going to cum soon. You broke away from the kiss. "Levi! Levi- M-M'gonna-" You clenched your teeth and leaned your head against his shoulder, letting out loud mewls in pleasure.

Leviathan didn't respond, he only started going faster. Harder.

Then, you saw white. Your scream was muted as your senses shut down, your orgasm racking through your body in delicious waves of pleasure.

Levi grabbed onto your hips and pushed you down onto his cocks, keeping you in place as he came. Spurts of cum shot out, the duality causing your cunt to overflow.

As you came down from your high, you could faintly hear him whispering sweet nothings into your ear, all while gently nibbling on your jawline.

"You did so good for me," Levi whispered, slowly pulling out of you to see his fluids gush out of you. You flinched when one of his cocks rubbed against your folds, letting out a soft whine.

"But, MC, I'm not done. You'll let me play with you a little more, right, My Henry?"

Hope you liked it, Anon!

Masterlist

#obey me #obey me mc #obey me smut #obey me leviathan #leviathan obey me #obey me leviathan smut #leviathan smut #om! leviathan smut #omswd leviathan smut #levi smut

1K notes · View notes

hopeluna · 3 months

Note

For the Cupid!! 14 with mammon 18+ fem reader please!!!

𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪ — Valentine's day event ˎˊ˗

Prompt 14: “i think i deserve a kiss.”

CW: mammon x fem!reader, 18+ mdni!!, gonna be honest this is just porn with little plot, jealous mammon, sex (p in v), oral (f receiving), some mild biting cause its hot shush, overstimulation (m receiving), very slight exhibitionism (Lucifer hears ya'll going at it), also some fluff too <3

Wc: 1.3k

⁀➷ cupid: I hope u like your match!

This was definitely going to go on Mammon's list of worst valentine's days.

But let's rewind a little bit.

Mammon had spent the past few weeks trying to come up with the most perfect plan for the entirety of valentine's day for you. He had even worked his ass off tirelessly for the previous months. First, he was going to take you to breakfast at your favourite cafe; then he was going to whip up the tickets to the fair you had always wanted to go to; buy you gifts with his own hard work earned money. Later, he was going to lead you to the fancy restaurant that just opened a month before, and show you his handmade gifts.

Mammon had every little detail planned out to make this day memorable for you.

The day was going as planned at first. You seemed like you had a good time getting breakfast in the cafe, and the content smile on your face made way for a beaming grin on his. A grin that only stretched more at your excited face when he showed you the fair tickets. Mammon was sure his heart was melting at the way you hugged him, ecstatic.

It was at the fair that things started to go downhill. As much as he loved his brothers, he wished that they would disappear from Devildom for this one day.

You bumped into Beel at the fair, his arms carrying a mountain of food items. He looked so excited to see you and practically dragged you both off with him to try out all the food stalls. Mammon had to pinch himself to keep from whining out in frustration.

Beel was not going to leave the fair anytime soon, that much was clear. So when Mammon made a stuttering excuse and lead you out of there, he thought that would be the end of it. No two minutes later, you ran into Asmo.

He managed to keep you busy for about half an hour with declarations of love until Mammon and you made a run for it as soon as Asmo had his back turned to both of you.

Then it was Satan, trying to pursue you to go to a cat cafe with him; when you finally got home, there was Levi with a gleam in his eyes asking you to play a valentine's day themed game he had just gotten.

You could tell Mammon was worked up when he ignored his brother and swiftly dragged you by the hand to your room, shutting the door with a thud, his back to you.

"Mamm-", you're startled at first, soon melting into the fierce kiss Mammon pulls you in. Its not the usual loving, almost shy kiss Mammon gives you; this one is all tongue and teeth, a gasp escaping you when he bites down hard on your lower lip before swiping his tongue over it. It's a harsh kiss, laced with envy and is possessive. You can't help the moan that escapes you, already feeling heat spread in your body.

"Everybody- ", he backs you towards the bed, "- fucking thinks- ", Mammon nips at your jaw, laying you spread on the bed "- that they can have you." you whimper at the harsh way he trails bites and kisses down your neck. "They can't- you're mine."

You grasp at his arms, one knee hooked around his hip. You flip him, switching positions before straddling his lap. "I'm yours." you smirk at the moan he lets out when you grind on the bulge straining through his pants.

Mammon's hands fall on your hips, ceasing their movements. You're confusion melts away when he gently motions your hips up his body, past his stomach, his chest- settling you hovering right above his mouth.

"Want you- want you soak my face", you feel a hot flush creep up the back of your neck, hips moving on their own in search of friction. You both let out a moan in unison when Mammon pulls aside your underwear, swiping his tongue over the length of your cunt.

His moans soon become muffled as he grasps your hips, eating you out like his very life depended on it.

Your eyes threaten to flutter shut in pleasure when you look down at Mammon. You can see the slick drenching his cheek and chin. His tongue alternating between sucking on your little bundle of nerves and dipping into your clenching wet hole. The sight has your mind reeling, hips grinding harder against his tongue chasing release.

Mammon's muffled moans only spur you on. He seems like he's enjoying this more than you are.

You reach your breaking point when he gives you a particular harsh, lewd suck- eyes flitting down only to see him already staring up at you with lust gleaming in his eyes.

Mammon keeps licking at your cunt even after, only relenting with a whine when you move away to straddle his lap once again. Mammon sits up, back resting on the headboard. Your head swims in desire watching him lick away at your slick on his chin, letting out a breathy moan as if it's the most delectable dessert.

The lust in his eyes gets replaced by something playful for a second. He sends a pout your way, lips jutting out, shining with saliva.

"I think I deserve a kiss, with the day that i've had!"

You laugh at the dramatic way his head rolls back to rest on the headboard, face stricken with fake grief. You decide to indulge him for once without any teasing.

"You know what? I think you do." Mammon's head snaps up, face lit. He pulls you into a kiss, a sweet one this time, laced with adoration, some lewdness seeping in at the way you can taste yourself a little bit on his tongue.

Mammon swallows your moan greedily when he moves his hips beneath you, your head falls limply at the crook of his neck, still sensitive from your last orgasm. You huff in amusement when Mammon hastily pulls away his and your clothes, melting into him with a content sigh at the skin to skin contact.

"Lift your hips up for me, baby"

You moan lightly, the head of his hard cock catching at your entrance, making the wettest squelch sound when you move your hips down and down and down, till you're fully seated, hips flush.

You take a moment before moving, savouring the delicious burn of his cock stretching you out. Desperate moans and curses spill from Mammon's kiss-swollen lips when you start to move your hips, grinding and bouncing erratically. The pleasure too much for you to bear.

Mammon leans in, burying his face in your neck. You think its innocent until you feel a sharp sting that only seems to spur you on even more, bouncing up and down harshly on his cock.

The sound of skin slapping and wet squelches seemed to echo in the room and your mind. What tips Mammon over the edge is when he looks down at where your cunt is swallowing him greedily, a ring of white coating the base of his cock.

You follow right behind him, relishing in the feel of his cum spurting in you-

The sound of knocking on wood intertwines with the quiet laboured breaths in the room.

Lucifer's voice rings out, calling your name. Mammon's lips pull down into a frown at the thought of getting interrupted again. Your own lips pull up into a smirk as a idea crosses your mind.

Mammon lets out a choked noise when you grind your hips against his, a noise loud enough to fill the silence of the room. Loud enough to go through the door. And if that wasn't enough, more moans spill out from Mammon when you begin to bounce on his lap, the noise echoing.

Mammon calls out your name laced in a whimper, "shit- i can't- "

You huff a chuckle when you hear the retreating footsteps outside the door a moment later.

You hear Mammon mumble under his breath, almost not catching what he says-

"Happy fucking valentine's day to me-" you cut him off with another roll of your hips.

509 notes · View notes

proxima-writes · 11 months

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I’d like to request a boyfriends dad fic where reader is on vacation with their family and Joel gets handsy with her but she convinces herself it’s okay. Then when her boyfriends ditches her Joel fucks her. Bonus points if boyfriend comes back super drunk while Joel is fucking reader and Joel just puts his hand over her mouth and continues fucjing her and bf passes by them but doesn’t notice 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just some thots…if it inspires you a fic/Drabble would be awesome

I may have....gotten carried away with this one.

title: karma is my boyfriend's dad

pairing: boyfriend's dad!joel miller x female reader

rating: explicit (18+ MDNI)

word count: 6588

summary:

Your boyfriend, Sean Miller, is an asshole. The one redeeming thing about him?

His dad, Joel Miller.

And he's just invited you along on the family vacation to Panama City Beach, Florida.

author’s note: thank you for the request!! this was a fun one. my 1000 follower mark is quickly approaching and i cant wait to do something fun for it! thank you for all your support and love so far 💕

content warnings/tags: explicit sexual content (18+ minors do not interact), explicit language, alternate universe - boyfriend’s dad, age difference (21F and 56M), power imbalance dynamics, infidelity, asshole boyfriend, alcohol use, sunscreen as a flirting mechanism, reader wearing a bathing suit, touching in public, dirty talk, praise kink, pet names, almost getting caught, unprotected p in v, oral (f receiving), thigh riding, sex against a door. let me know if any are missing!

Sean Miller is a shitty boyfriend. He constantly ditches you to hang out with his frat brothers, he’s left you at parties by yourself, he’s forgotten birthdays and anniversaries and, to top it all off, he’s never made you come. You’ve been with the guy for two years and not a single orgasm in all that time.

You deserve better. You deserve orgasms.

The only redeeming thing about Sean is his dad, Joel Miller.

Joel is the textbook definition of a DILF. He’s tall and broad with dark curly hair streaked with gray and kind brown eyes. Even approaching the upper fifties in age, he’s built like a tank. Wide shoulders and biceps that stretch his flannel shirts to the point where you’ll sometimes sit there willing a thread to pop, his thick thighs and a tight ass always hugged by the most sinful pair of Levi’s.

But besides looking like sin, Joel is kind. There’s been more than one occasion where Sean had forgotten your plans, leaving you waiting at his house where he still lives with his dad and Joel would always take pity on you and invite you to watch a movie with him, the two of you sitting on opposite sides of the couch while he played a comedy to cheer you up. On your birthday, he sent you a Starbucks gift card and a text when his own son didn’t even remember. When you would update him on how school was going, he’d always pat your shoulder and say, “‘Atta girl.”

That last memory in particular always makes your tummy erupt with butterflies.

In the last few months, things with Sean have been especially strained. He’s started hiding his phone from you, flipping the screen face down anytime you’re within arms reach of him. On the rare nights he spends at your apartment, he’ll get calls that he insists on taking privately.

Honestly, you were more than ready to end it before Joel caught you in his kitchen one day and asked if you wanted to come with him and Sean on their vacation to Panama City Beach.

“Really? I thought this was supposed to be, like, a guy’s trip?” You ask. You stayed the night last night and Sean was still asleep, always one to sleep until noon if given the opportunity. Joel is making coffee while you sit at the bar.

Joel shrugs. “I’m sure he’d want his girl there. You two can party and leave the old man behind for his bedtime,” he says with a playful smile that makes your heart flutter.

“I appreciate the offer, Mr. Miller, but there’s no way I can afford a ticket to Florida right now.” You reach for the cup he offers, only for him to pull it back out of reach.

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll cover everythin’,” he replies. “Say yes and you can have your coffee.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t want to be a burden.”

Joel’s fingers brush against yours as he hands you your warm mug. A shiver runs down your spine at the contact.

“I’m positive, darlin’.”

________

Joel knows that his son treats you like shit, and he fucking hates it. He’s tried to talk some sense into the kid but all his wisdom just goes in one ear and out the other. He has to pretend that he doesn’t hear him bringing other girls over and it eats him up inside because he wants you to know, wants you to have better, but if he tells you, he’s severing the one tie he has to you and what then? He’s fifty-six, over thirty years your senior. He’s lived over two lifetimes in the course of your one. There’s no way in hell you’d look at him twice, and that’s not even including the fact that he’s your boyfriend’s dad.

Joel’s not sure what possessed him to invite you on vacation. You’re right, it was supposed to be a guy’s trip, a gift from Joel to Sean for his twenty-first birthday that was unfortunately right in the middle of his finals. He knows damn well Sean is, in fact, not going to be happy that you’ve been invited along. He’s certain the younger man fully intended to turn his hotel room into a revolving door for women he picked up at the bars along the beach, one time flings he could write off before returning home to a sure thing.

He tells Sean about the change of plans that evening over dinner. His son whines petulantly, slamming his fork down on the table.

“Dad, seriously? Why the fuck would you invite her, this is gonna ruin everything,” he says.

“Shouldn’t be talkin’ ‘bout your girlfriend like that,” Joel admonishes. Sean rolls his eyes.

“She doesn’t even put out anymore, I don’t even know why I keep her around. I should just break up with her before the trip.”

Joel’s jaw clenches with frustration. “I already bought her ticket. She’s comin’ whether you like it or not and that’s final.”

“Fuck this shit,” Sean says, chair scraping across the floor as he stands. “Whatever. Won’t stop me from having a good time.”

Joel’s counting on it.

________

Joel and Sean pick you up from your apartment at 4 am for the 7 am flight to Florida. Your boyfriend is passed out in the front passenger seat, but Joel shakes him awake and tells him to get in the back. The younger man grumbles but does as he’s told while Joel helps you load your luggage into the bed of the truck. The trip will last four days, so you’ve squeezed everything into a single carry on and your backpack.

After all, it’s Florida. You plan on spending every day in a bikini.

Sean passes back out as you settle in his vacated seat, placing your travel mug of coffee in the cup holder besides Joel’s. He gives you a polite smile as he puts the truck in reverse, placing his arm on the back of the seat and twisting to look out the rear window, his other hand deftly turning the wheel.

You can’t help but squeeze your thighs together, your core already aching at his proximity.

You’re in for a long four days.

_______

The three of you make it through airport security quickly, the early hour lending some reprieve from the crowds.

“Why is this flight so fucking early?” Sean grouses, slumped in one of the uncomfortable terminal seats.

“Did you want more or less time in Florida?” Joel replies, flipping through his newspaper.

“Whatever,” Sean replies with a roll of his eyes, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt up and burrowing into it.

You return from your quest for breakfast at that moment, a white paper bag in your hands and a bright smile on your face as you sit between the two men.

“I got you a bagel,” you say to Joel, pulling a plain bagel wrapped in wax paper from the bag.

“You get me anything?” Sean asks, peeking from beneath his hood. Your shoulders drop.

“Oh…no. You don’t usually eat breakfast,” you reply. Sean groans. “We can share mine?” You offer.

“No, it’s fine, whatever. Thanks for thinking of me.”

Joel’s brow pinches in irritation, the muscle in his jaw ticking as he watches your smile fade into a frown as you look at the bag in your hands. He nudges you with his shoulder.

“Hey, I appreciate it,” he tells you quietly. You give him a tentative smile.

He misses the bright one.

________

“I call window,” Sean says when the three of you have boarded the plane, flopping into the seat after haphazardly tossing his bag into an overhead compartment without waiting for a reply.

Joel fixes his son’s bag before settling his own beside it and turning to hold a hand out for yours. You hand your duffel over to him with a quiet, “Thank you.”

“Which seat do you want, darlin’?” Joel asks you.

“I can sit in the middle,” you offer, scooching past him in the tight space. Your back brushes his chest and he catches a whiff of your strawberry shampoo, the scent making his mouth water.

He sits beside you, tucking his backpack beneath the seat in front of him. Your thigh brushes his as you get comfortable in your seat, the row a tight squeeze for the three of you.

“How long is this flight?” You ask, pulling a pair of headphones from your backpack. Sean’s already unconscious again, his head tilted against the window and his mouth open in a snore.

“‘Bout two hours,” Joel says. You nod, shifting in your seat again. Your shoulders knock into his when you do, and you give him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry. Tight fit,” you tell him. He swallows around the lump in his throat.

He can think of something else that would be a tight fit.

The flight attendants go through their pre-flight duties and take-off occurs without any issue. When they give the green light to use electronics, you pull out your phone, cursing when the screen remains black even as you hit the power button.

“My phone died,” you explain. He smiles sympathetically.

“You wanna watch a movie on mine? I downloaded a couple,” he offers.

“Sure. We can share my headphones?”

“Good idea.”

Joel plugs your headphones into the jack on his phone and passes you the right earbud before sticking the left one in his own ear. He queues up a movie, some action film called Triple Frontier that seemed interesting based on the synopsis, and holds the phone on his lap. You lean into him, that strawberry scent settling over him once again.

You keep fidgeting in your seat, twisting and readjusting your upper body against the arm rest between your seats. After the third time, he reaches down and flips it up, your body slumping closer to his. When he looks down at you, your face is tilted up towards his and he has to concentrate very hard to keep his gaze trained on your eyes.

“Thanks,” you whisper before returning your attention to the movie. “Hey, that guy kinda looks like you.”

________

The flight passes quickly, much to Joel’s dismay. He would have liked to keep sitting pressed up beside you for longer.

At the car rental facility, Joel gets handed the keys to a Jeep Wrangler. Sean’s eyes light up when he sees it.

“Can I drive?” He asks.

Joel sighs. “Fine, just be careful would ya?”

Sean lowers the soft top before hopping in the driver’s seat. Joel insists that you sit in the front passenger, because he’s a gentleman, but he quickly regrets the choice.

With the top down and the music blaring, Sean is in a relatively good mood. He’s smiling at you and even reaches over to grab your hand, pulling it towards him to press a kiss to the back of it. Joel can feel the tug of jealousy in his gut as he watches you smile back at him but there’s nothing that he can do about that.

After all, you’re Sean’s girl.

And he’s just going to have to live with that.

________

Sean is standing behind you with his hands on your hips, lips trailing kisses along the exposed skin of your shoulder in your tank top while Joel is speaking with the hotel clerk, checking into the rooms. You squirm away from Sean’s attention, the man dropping his hands from you and frowning.

“Why are you being such a prude?” He snaps.

“I’m not being a prude,” you say with a sigh. “Your dad is right there.”

He tries to pull you back towards him with an arm around your waist. “Come on, babe. He’s probably already heard you moaning my name,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Not likely, you think.

“I just don’t think it’s appropriate.” You step out of his grasp again as Joel approaches, holding three key cards.

“Room 102 for the two of you,” he says, handing two of the cards to Sean. “And I’m in 104, if y’all need anything.”

“Great,” Sean says, grabbing your hand. “Come on, let’s go put our stuff away.”

You trail behind Sean, but can’t help looking back at Joel.

You’re surprised to find his dark gaze already fixed on you.

________

“Come on, let’s go find a bar,” Sean whines. You’ve just left the bathroom after changing out of your travel outfit of leggings and into a bikini and a sheer cover-up dress.

“It’s so early. I highly doubt there are any bars open. Besides, I need to charge my phone,” you tell him, packing a tote bag with your sunscreen, a book, your copy of the room key, and your sunglasses. “Why don’t we go to the pool?”

“It’s PCB, babe, there’s bound to be a bar open,” Sean says with a roll of his eyes. “But if you wanna be boring then by all means, go to the pool.”

You sigh. “You do whatever you want, Sean.”

He grabs his wallet from the nightstand, shoving it into his pocket. “Fine. I will. Come find me when you’re done being such a fucking bitch.”

The door slams behind him as he leaves, the sudden noise making you jump in surprise.

You can’t even find it in yourself to be upset.

________

Joel’s just opening the door to his room when he hears his son’s raised voice across the hall. He freezes, the door half open as he listens.

“Fine. I will. Come find me when you’re done being a fucking bitch,” Sean says before slamming the door.

Anger courses through Joel’s veins as he listens to his son’s heavy footsteps echo down the hall. He takes a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth, before opening the door fully and crossing the hall to knock on your door.

When you open the door, you look surprised to see him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. Joel has to make a conscious effort to not let his eyes wander your body. He can see the neon pink strings of your bikini tied around your neck and god does he want to see more.

He clears his throat. “Hey. Everythin’ alright?”

“Oh, yeah. Everything’s fine. I was just about to go to the pool,” you tell him.

“I’ll come with you,” Joel immediately offers without thinking.

“If you’re sure. I don’t want to get in the way of any plans you had, Mr. Miller,” you mutter.

“I’m sure.”

________

Joel sets some hotel towels on loungers positioned beside each other on a sunny part of the pool deck. The pool is fairly busy and to your surprise there’s a live DJ and a bartender is already making a steady flow of drinks behind the poolside bar. The pool itself is huge and even boasts its own lazy river that you’re looking forward to floating down.

Your attention is dragged to Joel once more as he reaches for the hem of his t-shirt, lifting it up. Your mouth goes dry as you watch his back muscles work, rippling beneath miles of tan skin that you want to trace with your fingertips.

You shake your head free of thought and remove your coverup while his back is still turned, stuffing it into your tote bag you’ve dropped beside the lounger. You pull out your sunscreen and sunglasses, slipping them over your eyes to combat the harsh Florida sun.

When you look up, you’re surprised to find Joel already watching you, gaze fixed squarely on your chest. You clear your throat, wiggling the sunscreen bottle at him.

“You want me to get your back?” You offer.

“Sure. Thanks,” he replies, voice rough. You have to fight the urge to rub your thighs together for relief from the ache between them, your brain conjuring scenarios of that deep timbre in your ear telling you how good you feel around him.

He sits on the lounger with his back to you, waiting for your next move. You squirt some sunscreen into your palm, rubbing your hands together before smoothing it across his back. His shoulders tense briefly at the first touch of your hands before he goes lax against you, his head dropping as you smooth the lotion on him.

You get lost in the feeling of his skin beneath your fingertips as you drag your hands over the broad muscles of his back and shoulders and down his spine. In a moment of bravery, or stupidity, you let your fingers drag the tiniest bit beneath the elastic of his navy swim shorts, just enough that it could be passed off as an honest mistake.

When you’re finished, you hand the bottle to him over his shoulder. He takes it silently, lathering the rest of his body while you adjust your lounger flat and lay face down. You reach behind your back, tugging at the strings of your bikini until they fall to the side.

“Could you do me next?”

________

Joel takes a seat on the lounger, his hips brushing yours. He’s hard as a fucking rock in his swim shorts, has been from the moment you opened your hotel door wearing your sheer coverup, pink bikini taunting him beneath.

It was a stupid fucking idea to ask you to come to the pool with him. He was clearly thinking with the head in his pants and not the one on his shoulders because he didn’t stop to consider that he’d be getting a front seat to the soft skin of your thighs and tummy, the curve of your waist and ass and breasts on full display for him to commit to memory.

And now you were asking him to touch you. Giving him permission to have his hands on the same flesh he imagines when he’s gripping his cock roughly in his palm and chasing an orgasm that offers hardly any relief.

He swallows nervously before uncapping the sunscreen and squirting it directly on your back. You give a little yelp of surprise, the lotion no doubt unexpectedly cold, but you settle back down when he smooths a palm across your back.

You’ve untied the strings of your top, leaving him with no obstacles as he works the lotion into your skin. He loses himself in the repetitive motion, smoothing his hands across your shoulders and down your spine like you had done to him. He lets his thumbs press into the divot of your lower back, fighting the urge to drag them beneath the scant bit of fabric covering your ass.

As he finishes, he drags his hands back up your sides, his fingertips dragging across the soft skin of the exposed sides of your breasts. He feels the hitch in your breathing as he does and he worries for a moment that perhaps he’s gone too far.

“Thanks,” you say, voice breathy. “Would you mind getting my legs for me? I don’t want to get up.”

Joel thinks he should mind. He should absolutely mind being asked by his son’s girlfriend to rub lotion into her back and legs. The action is too intimate, it’s crossing a line and he knows this.

He just can’t bring himself to give a fuck anymore.

Wordlessly, Joel squirts some more sunscreen into his palm, this time warming it between his hands before smoothing it on your legs, starting with your calves. He slides his palms up your legs, high enough that his fingertips brush the crease where the curve of your ass meets your thigh. Your legs spread just the slightest bit and Joel lets his thumbs drift toward your inner thighs.

He’s playing with fire now as he presses his thumbs deeper, higher, the tip of one even grazing your bikini bottoms. He desperately wants to slide it beneath the elastic, to drag his thumb through your slit and find out if you’re wet just from the touch of his hands.

But Joel pulls his hands away and stands, moving over to his own lounger and laying facedown on the towel covered cushion. His dick presses uncomfortably into his thigh and he uses that discomfort as a means to will the hardness away.

He’s in for a long four days.

________

Your pool day with Joel runs from the early morning to the late afternoon. Neither of you hear from Sean during that time, but you can’t find it in yourself to be bothered. Not when Joel Miller is sitting beside you in an inner tube, floating down a lazy river as you talk about everything and nothing, drops of water clinging to his skin and catching the light. You could stay in a moment like this forever so long as he’s there, too.

As the intensity of the sun starts to wane, Joel suggests finding somewhere to get dinner.

“Pick somewhere nice, though. My treat,” he says as you’re parting ways at your hotel room doors. He doesn’t give you a chance to reply, shutting his door and leaving you smiling in the hallway like a girl with a crush.

You let yourself into your hotel room, not surprised to find it empty. Your phone is still sitting on the charger with no new notifications. The part of you that’s been in a relationship with Sean Miller for two years feels a pang of sadness at your boyfriend’s silence.

The part that wants to fuck his dad doesn’t give a shit.

You shower and change into a sundress before slipping your sandals back on. Checking the time, you grab your bag and head to the lobby to meet up with Joel.

Joel’s already in the lobby, leaning against the wall near the exit and scrolling through his phone. He’s wearing a light blue short sleeve button down that hugs his biceps deliciously, the tan of his skin popping against the fabric, his usual boots, and khakis. You were almost certain this man didn’t own anything besides perfectly broken in Wranglers. His hair is combed back, still damp from his shower, and he looks so good you have to consciously stop your jaw from dropping.

“Hey, you pick a place?” Joel asks as you approach, slipping his phone into the pocket of his pants.

“There’s an oyster bar nearby that looks good,” you reply. He holds the door open for you, broad palm ghosting across your low back as you exit the cool hotel lobby and out into the hot Florida night. The traffic on the sidewalk is thick, people moving like the nearby ocean as they ebb and flow from place to place.

“You hear from Sean at all?” Joel asks as you navigate the crowds, his arm brushing yours as he sticks close to your side. You shake your head and Joel sighs. “I’m sorry. I love the kid, I do, but goddamn if he doesn’t piss me off sometimes.”

You sigh. “It’s not your fault, Mr. Miller. You don’t have to apologize for him.”

You’re both quiet after that. You don’t know what’s going through Joel’s head as you sneak a glance at him and catch only his furrowed brow and tense jaw.

You nearly pass the restaurant in your distraction, but Joel catches you by the arm, tugging you with him to the entrance.

It’s a cute little bar and restaurant, the kind of place that’s cozy without being horribly cramped. The lighting is dim and booths line the walls while tables sit in the middle, candles flickering and casting shadows on the walls and across the white tablecloths.

The hostess seats you at one of the booths, tucked away in the corner. You sit across from Joel, setting your bag beside you after digging your phone out from it. When the waitress walks away without leaving menus, Joel looks adorably confused.

“You have to use your phone,” you tell him with a giggle. “They have the QR code menus.”

“I’m gettin’ too old for this shit,” Joel complains. You roll your eyes, standing and moving over to his side of the booth, settling beside him. His thigh presses to yours and you’re acutely aware of the contact as you lean close to share your phone screen with him.

When the waitress returns, you place your drink and food orders. Joel opts for whiskey, neat, and a medium rare steak because you can take the man out of Texas but you can’t take Texas out of the man. You order a spicy pineapple margarita and a plate of herb crusted oysters.

You should probably move back over to the other side of the booth, but you don’t want to. The feel of his body pressed to yours lights up your nerve endings in an unfamiliar way, his clean woodsy smell settling over you like a comforting blanket. He doesn’t say anything about how you remain seated next to him, just turns his head to talk to you.

The drinks arrive first. The sour tang of the pineapple makes your face pucker when you take a sip, making Joel laugh. You might be imagining it, but you think his gaze lingers on your lips for just a beat too long to be coincidence. You cross your legs beneath the table, squeezing your thighs together for some semblance of relief from the ache between your legs.

A second round of drinks is ordered and delivered while you talk about a TV show you both enjoy. This drink leaves you feeling pleasantly fuzzy around the edges. Joel makes a joke about one of the recent episodes and it makes you laugh so hard you’re leaning against him for support.

You place your hand on his thigh close to his knee. Joel tenses beside you but doesn’t say anything, his eyes dark over the rim of his glass as he takes a sip. You can’t bring yourself to look away but you’re also frozen in place, not daring to drag your hand further up. The spell between you is broken when the waitress drops by with your trays of food, setting them on the table and walking away with a request for another round of drinks from Joel.

“These look amazing,” you say, squeezing lemon over them. Joel’s started to cut into his steak, inspecting the center and giving a tiny nod of approval that makes you smile. “Hey, did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?”

Joel coughs on the piece of steak he’d been eating, reaching for his whiskey and tossing the rest back as he swallows. “They’re what now?”

________

“Aphrodisiacs. They increase your sex drive,” you say, your lips wrapping around the bite poised on your fork. Your eyes flutter shut as you let out a little moan of satisfaction. “God, these are better than sex.”

“Must not be havin’ very good sex, then,” Joel immediately responds without thinking. His hand freezes halfway between his plate and his mouth, his eyes going wide as his brain catches up to his mouth. “Sorry that...that wasn’t appropriate.”

“It’s fine, Mr. Miller,” you say, patting his knee. Your hand lingers there again, the second time this evening, and it makes Joel’s brain misfire. This whole dinner has been a test of his self-control and he is quickly fraying at the edges the longer you sit pressed beside him, that god forsaken strawberry scent flooding his senses.

The waitress delivers the third round of drinks and your hand leaves his thigh to pick yours up and take a sip. His eyes track the way your lips wrap around the straw, mind wandering to something else he’d like to see them wrapped around.

He takes a sip of his own drink, letting the burn of the whiskey down his throat distract him. The third drink is making his mind spin, a voice in his head urging him to trace his fingers along the exposed skin of your thigh beneath the table. He sets his hand on his own thigh, casual as can be.

You’re telling Joel a story about the time a guy in one of your classes was so hungover he fell asleep in the middle of an exam but Joel can barely concentrate. His eyes keep lingering on your lips and trail lower, lower, lower, over the delicate line of your neck, the dip at the base of your throat, the swell of your breasts.

Joel stretches his pinky, the tip of his finger barely skimming the soft skin of your thigh. He watches your face for a reaction and finding none, he feels emboldened. He inches his hand closer, his ring finger joining his pinky in caressing you.

He’s focused on your face, watching for any indication that you notice what he’s up to beneath the tablecloth. He holds his breath as his fingers dip beneath the hem of your dress. You stutter in your story, tripping over your words and Joel’s fingers pause in their exploration.

Joel shouldn’t be doing this. He should pull his hand back and forget any of this happened, forget the silky smooth feel of your skin beneath his fingers, forget the way your smile lit up your face as he floated down the lazy river beside you.

Then you’re tilting your head, eyes boring into him like you can see right through him, see every depraved thought running through his head and your knee presses more tightly to his, your legs spreading beneath the table and Joel’s hand sliding to your inner thigh with the movement.

“Can I get y’all anything else?”

Joel rips his hand from your leg and swallows guiltily as he looks up at the waitress standing beside the booth. You sit up straighter, your heat leaving his side and he curses the interruption.

Perhaps it was for the best, though.

You’re still Sean’s girlfriend, after all.

________

Your skin is buzzing with the liquor in your veins and the phantom feel of Joel’s touch on your thighs. The man is quiet on the walk back, brooding even. His brow is furrowed, jaw tense, hands stuffed in the pockets of his pants like it’ll stop him from touching you again.

The thought makes you downright giddy.

“Thanks for dinner, Mr. Miller,” you say as you stand in front of the doors of your respective rooms.

He gives you a tight smile. “‘Course, darlin’. Have a good night,” he tells you before disappearing into his room, the heavy door shutting behind him and echoing in the hall.

You swipe the key for your room, opening the door to find it still dark, everything the same as you left it. You drop your bag on one of the beds, pulling your phone out to check if you have any missed messages and finding none.

The silence from Sean is the answer to a question you didn’t know you were asking.

You leave your room, crossing the hall to knock on Joel’s door. The man answers a moment later, already changed into a t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama bottoms.

“Everythin’ alright?” He asks, opening the door wider.

“Left my key in the room,” you reply. “You mind if I stay with you for a bit?”

You can see the struggle flash across Joel’s brown eyes, but it’s just as quickly swallowed by a shade of lust that makes your breath hitch.

“Sure, darlin’,” he finally says, stepping back and making room for you to cross the threshold.

You turn to face him when the door shuts. You can’t tell who makes the first move, only that one moment you’re staring at each other and the next your body is being pulled against his, thick fingers digging into your hair and pulling your mouth to his in a bruising kiss.

He turns your bodies, your back hitting the door as his mouth continues to explore, his tongue dipping between your lips to tangle with yours. He tastes like whiskey and feels like sin, his broad body pressing against yours. Your arms wind around his shoulders, pulling him towards you desperately like he’s the air you need to breathe.

“Fuck,” Joel groans against your mouth. “Been wantin’ to touch you so goddamn bad, you have no fuckin’ idea.”

His hands drag up your hips and over your waist, fabric of your dress bunching in his fists. He looks down between your bodies, watching as he slides a thick thigh between your legs, the sudden pressure against your sensitive core making you gasp. You rock against the hard muscle, unable to fight back a whimper at how good it feels.

“That feel good, baby?” Joel asks, lips close to your ear. “Come on, darlin’ move a little faster for me, that’s it.”

His hands grip your hips, urging your movements over his thigh. Your head tips back against the door with a thud as you gasp. His lips trail hot kisses across your jaw and neck, his teeth nipping at the skin just over your pulse point. One of his hands drags the strap of your dress down, exposing your breast to the cool air of the room, your nipples going tight with equal parts chill and anticipation.

Joel rubs a thumb across the tight bud, almost reverently, before bringing his mouth to it, pulling it between his lips and swirling it with his tongue. The sensation makes your hips move faster over his thigh and you can feel how slick you are in your panties with each thrust.

“You have any idea,” Joel groans, other hand leaving your hip and ripping the opposite strap down so that he can give your nipple the same attention, “how fuckin’ hard it is, huh? To keep my fuckin’ head on straight when you walk around lookin’ like an angel that a devil like me don’t deserve?”

“Joel,” you moan, your chest heaving with strained breaths as just this man’s thigh brings you closer to relief than your boyfriend ever has. “Joel, please!”

“Please what, sweetheart? I’m already in this deep, you gotta know I’d give ya anythin’,” he says. “You wanna cum, baby? Wanna soak my thigh for me, get these pants all messy so that I can’t think of anythin’ but you when I gotta wear them for another three days?”

“Oh, fuck,” you whine, your orgasm cresting unexpectedly. Your legs clamp tight around his thigh, the aftershocks coursing through you with surprising ferocity. When your grip on him loosens, the man drops to his knees, looking up at you with a wicked gleam in his dark brown eyes.

“How’d that feel, baby?” He asks, running his hands up the outside of your legs until his fingertips find the elastic of your panties, easing the fabric down your thighs while he waits for a response.

“G-good,” you mumble, feeling a bit self-conscious in the aftermath. You’d just come from nothing but grinding against this man’s thigh for crying out loud. You reach up to fix your dress straps, but a pinch to your inner thigh has you yelping in surprise.

“Nuh uh, wanna see those gorgeous tits when I look up at you,” Joel admonishes. You can feel your cheeks heating, blood rushing to your face from just his words.

He lifts your leg, draping it over his shoulder. The position leaves you a little off kilter, your hands landing on his head for balance.

“I’m gonna eat this pretty little pussy now, okay?” He says, rather than asks. He gives you no time to respond, leaning in to lick through your folds with a deep, satisfied groan. You cry out from the overstimulation to your sensitive clit, your fingers pulling against his hair. He hums, the vibrations pulsing through your bundle of nerves and making you damn near sob at the sensation.

“Joel, Joel, Joel,” is all you can manage to say, a slur of his name as his tongue circles your clit and dips inside your entrance, messy slides of it through your folds as he drinks you up. You look down briefly, only to find him staring right back at you, his heated stare making your blood boil.

“Gimme one more, baby, and then I need to get you on my cock,” he groans before doubling his efforts, licking and sucking and nipping at your flesh until you’re sobbing out his name as you come for a second time. “Fuck, that’s it. Good fuckin’ girl,” he growls.

He stands, shoving his pajama pants down his thighs, his cock bobbing free. The thick length of it makes your mouth practically water as you watch him give it a few rough tugs. He smirks at you, reaching down to lift one of your legs, holding it up with the crook of his elbow at the back of your knee. The position leaves you spread wide for him as he takes his cock in his other hand, positioning the thick head at your soaked entrance.

“Tell me you want this,” he demands, the tip barely pushing inside of you.

“I want this,” you repeat dutifully. He shakes his head.

“No, sweetheart. Wanna hear you say you want my cock.”

You whine, the sound damn near pitiful to your ears. “Please, Joel, I want your cock.”

“There’s my good girl,” he says with a smile, finally easing into you with a burning stretch that makes you gasp. “Christ, you’re so fuckin’ tight.”

You moan as he bottoms out, hips pressing to yours. He kisses whatever skin he can reach as he gives you a moment to adjust before pulling out nearly all the way and thrusting sharply back inside, punching the air from your lungs as his cock drags against your g-spot with each thrust.

There’s a pounding at your back and a shout of your name, followed by, “Dad! Where the fuck is everyone?”

Your eyes go wide and Joel’s hips slow but to your shock, they don’t stop. He brings a hand to your jaw, fingers pressing to your cheek as he slips his thumb between your lips and shushes you.

“Haven’t seen her,” Joel shouts back, even as his eyes never leave yours. Your walls flutter around his cock as he continues to thrust, sharp but controlled so as not to make a lot of noise that can be heard on the other side of the door. “You should check the hotel bar. Said she might get some drinks there if you weren’t back when we finished dinner.”

“You guys went to dinner without me? That’s fuckin’ bullshit,” Sean whines. “Fine, whatever, I didn’t even want to see her anyways. Found me a blonde that I can bring back to the room instead.”

Joel’s eyes flash with rage and you shake your head gently. When Sean’s footsteps indicate he’s left, Joel’s hips resume a more punishing rhythm. He withdraws his thumb from your mouth as his hand slides lower, circling your throat possessively instead. You gasp, moaning loudly as your body relents to a third orgasm that leaves your vision fuzzy at the edges.

Joel’s own movements stutter before he’s pulling out, his cum splashing against your tummy as he grinds his cock against your hip, finishing with a gasp of your name.

You lean against him as you catch your breath, enjoying the feel of his hands smoothing over your hair.

“You okay?” He asks.

You grin at him. “Never been better, Mr. Miller.”

Sean may have found a blonde, but you’ve found your way into bed with his dad.

Karma’s funny like that.

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#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #no use of y/n #joel tlou #joel x reader #boyfriend’s dad!joel miller #alternate universe

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hanjisungslag · 2 months

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Headcanons for when aot men get jealous? Maybe seeing reader and someone else spending time together and getting agitated and then dragging them away - ‘Pay attention to me not them.’ sort of vibe.

💢 aot men & jealously

characters included: eren, armin, connie, jean, reiner, bertolt, erwin and levi.

notes: this ask had me floored.

☆ eren jaeger

he caught you and reiner talking to each other AGAIN.

this has happened one too many times and eren finally loses it.

he’d definitely say something like “what about spending time with your boyfriend instead of him, hm?”

very temperamental about the whole thing..

one second he’ll be furious, next he’ll be sad, next he’ll be happy you’re back to spending time with each other

but mostly angry over it.

he storms over and pushes reiner away from you as he comes between the both of you, “what the fuck do you think you’re doing with MY partner?” eren asked threateningly “woah eren we were just—” but before reiner could say anything, eren grabbed your arm and stormed off with you.

☆ armin arlert

you and jean are very close friends

too close, your boyfriend may say.

armin usually lets things slide at first, he doesn’t want to come off as overbearing or jealous

also you and jean are just friends at the end of the day, right?

but one day, you and jean are laughing away as usual and armin asks what’s so funny and you say..

“oh, it’s an inside joke. you wouldn’t get it.”

after you said this, you continued to laugh. but armin had reached his breaking point, he slammed his hands on the dinner table and rose from his seat turning to face you, “y/n. get up.” your smile drops as you also get up from your chair. you two walk out the dinner hall. armin quickly speaks up “pay attention to me, not him.”

☆ connie springer

you and berty boy were spending wayyy too much quality time together.

making you spend less time with your own boyfriend!

connie obviously took this to heart and had to do what a man’s gotta do

aka pull a prank on bert.

every single day for like 2 weeks, connie would do something just to cause him inconvenience.

just like hiding his things right before practice, stealing food off his plate, replacing his sugar with salt, messing up his laundry etc.

but now what was connie going to do with you? after he pulled one of his pranks on bert he saw you HELPING him so not only do you spend all your time with him but now you’re ruining connie’s revenge plan? nope, not happening. he slams bert’s door open not taking any notice that the both of you are trying to talk to him, he just grabs you and pulls you into the hall. “last time i checked, i was your boyfriend. so, stop acting like bert is.”

☆ jean kirstein

there was someone in the survey corps who clearly had a thing for you

but you didn’t seem to notice. supposedly.

anyways, you guys would spend quite a bit of time together especially during expeditions.

jean obviously took offence to this and what does he do?

showboats🗣️🗣️

while on an expedition, you and this guy were chatting away, killing titans, all the usual stuff. but little did you know, from the back, jean was watching all of this happening and he was getting pissed off. his anger built up so much that when it came to killing the titans be whipped out half of them on his own. everyone was super impressed and the girls started complimenting you for having such a strong, brave boyfriend.

he pulls you aside afterwards and says “that was because of you and him, you know? so, you better start paying more attention to me now.”

☆ reiner braun

there was this one guy from garrisons who adored you!

and you thought he was sweet and you’d always try and catch up with him when you could.

which reiner would say was too often.

reiner would definitely intimidate this guy with how huge he is.

it’d be intimidating even reiner wasnt massive because he was just a garrison.

he’d pump his chest out more and wrap his big arms around you in front of him to prove how much bigger and better he was.

and when it came to you, he was so mad. as you stepped away from the garrison guy, he took his arm off of you and grabbed you by the shoulders turning you to face him. “hey. you better stop talking to that fucking whimp. i’m your boyfriend.”

☆ bertolt hoover

you and connie were super close.

you both trained together, love pulling pranks and just bounce off each other so well.

some people sometimes even think you’re a couple..!

but you already have a boyfriend.

bert doesn’t like to speak up about how he feels for a while until something really tips him over the edge.

bert always used to ignore how close you and connie were, he was too shy to say anything in the first place but he also didn’t want to ruin your guys’ relationship by being jealous. that was until someone asked if you and connie were a couple. that was his final straw. he calmly walked over to you but grabbed you with a grip you wouldn’t expect from bertolt. you found yourself outside with him where he looks you dead in the eyes “unless you actually want connie to be your boyfriend, you better start paying more attention to me, y/n.”

☆ levi ackerman

you mostly worked in the offices after a bad injury.

and there was this one librarian who really took a liking to you.

but, you’re already coupled up with mr. ackerman.

levi sees you guys talking all the time. sees that you’re in the library quite a lot even when you don’t need to be.

because of this he delegated menial work to him and even you, when he’s feel mean.

but when he catches you STILL talking while doing the tasks he set for you, he loses it.

you got distracted from your task when your little librarian friend starts discussing this ancient book he discovered the other day and as you were chatting away, you heard the door creak.. you jump out of your skin, trying to return to your task but it was too late. levi had already seen you. he calmly marched towards you and pulls you away to the other end of the library “is that what i said your task was, y/n? come here, i got a better task for you like helping your boyfriend. not this cretin.”

( however at the end of the week when things were all cleared up and you ask him about it he just says “me? jealous? no, i wasn’t.” )

☆ erwin smith

you and mike were working a little too closely lately.

erwin saw the way mike looked at you longingly

at first he thought it was nothing, he wasn’t even jealous!

until mike starts getting more physical

a shoulder brush here, a slight hand touch there

after this, he fully loses it.

erwin side eyes you and mine when he sees his hand gently brush up against yours, it could be pure accident but erwin couldn’t care less. he had gone too far. he marched over tall and mighty and swiftly stole you from mike “i’m the only man who gets to do that to you, you hear me?”

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mooshs-crack-headcanons · 4 months

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Hi if requests are still open could I ask for nsfw headcanons for Erwin, Levi and Hange? Thanks so much in advance 😊🩵

Yaaaaay, veteran trio sure thing :)

Disclaimer: I use they/them pronouns for Hanji and since this request is NSFW in nature also AFAB language/terms will also be used for them. And Levi’s portion goes into the expected heavy shit about his childhood and Underground. ...Erwin’s I just... idk. Wrote with my dick I guess 🧍🏻‍♂️

Gender neutral reader (no pronouns used) with AFAB or AMAB anatomy depending on reader's choice since both options are lightly given. Hope that makes sense.

NSFW contents under the cut 😉

Erwin Smith

Dear Reader, I want you to look me directly in the eyes and try to tell me this man doesn't have a big dick - trick question you can't. The man is big all over. But he's very polite about it, not one to brag but it does bring a warm smile to his face to see your eyes practically pop out of your head the first time you're down on your knees, crouched down in front of the chair to his desk, mouth already watering as you quickly undo his belt and unzip him to be able to pull him out - only to go eyes owl wide when it nearly smacks you in the face. It takes a lot from him not to chuckle out when your hand goes to hesitantly wrap around it - only for you to flinch back when it twitches hello in your grasp, he finds it very cute actually.

Hairy chest. That's all. Actually no - hairy everything. It's great.

He is loud very loud - Erwin’s a loud man in general, kind of has to be when he's been in a military superior position for good portion of his life. But it didn't come up from that, no, Erwin’s always been loud when it comes to 'entertaining' lovers - even since he younger, if Erwin Smith is having sex everyone will know it, does not help he's a screamer (Nile and Mike have always teased him about it) but he sees no shame in it - just proof his lover(s) made him feel good and wears it like a badge of honor. And don't think he's alone in this, he will make damn well sure you're just as satisfied until your lungs go sore.

But if you are embarrassed of having people give you awkward looks afterwards, the solution is actually very simple: gag him. It could be with anything really; your underwear, your fingers, your hands around his thick neck, your hole/cock, get really creative with it :) And if you want yourself to not be heard, just tell him I'm sure he can think of some naughty ideas too.

Erwin has... complicated issues with relationships, both being Commander and focusing on attaining his dream he'd rather not be tied down to a serious relationship, but he has no issue with a friends with benefits type situation - stress relief. God does he need stress relief. However, if you are in a serious relationship with him then it's clear you're obviously very special to him - which also complicates things. For one I see him refusing to date a civilian so you have to be in the Survey Corps and fully understand what that means, to fully understand the 'delicate your hearts' oath and fully know damn well either of you could die at any time each time you step outside the Walls. Plus Erwin has a lot - and I mean a lot of enemies, you being someone someone so dear and close to him makes you a number one target and he knows that, he struggles with that, however it's a good motivator in a way; keeps him more focused and on guard, it makes him more careful, it makes him gather more and more blackmail on certain people if needed. That being said, the sex between you and him if you're dating - or hell married - is full blown romantic.

Don't get me wrong, he'll still blow your back out if you ask, but most of the times when you both find the time to sink to each other's touch it's with this air of gentleness Erwin has honestly never experienced with another partner, even Marie. You're... something special to him. Maybe it's because unlike past romantic interests - both men and women - you actually understand what's going on inside his head, you get how important his dreams are, you get his guilt, you actually know the... unspeakable wonder (beside all the titan killing fellow comrades thing) of what it's like outside the Walls. Freedom.

His kisses are so gentle yet grounded, he makes sure to kiss every inch of your body while muttering all sorts of praise and adoration with his lips pressed up against your skin so you can feel his words.

His big, thick fingers work open your hole/pump around your cock with steady rhythm as he takes you on his bed. He loves feeling your hands spring up and encourage his actions by messing up his normally perfect stylized hair and turning it into a complete blonde mess.

Loves hearing you, your voice sounds like absolute heaven to him if there is one and your voice crying out his name over and over and over and over and over again as he makes you come with nothing but his fingers/hand never fails to briefly send him there each time.

When he's inside you he can't help but feel overwhelmed, you're so warm and tight hugging your walls around him and if you're smaller than him he will never fail to tell you how seeing his cock not even able to completely enter all the way inside without the tip of his cock already pressed to deep that his head is rubbing at the deepest part it can go without you completely breaking entirely. If you're around the same size or maybe even a little bigger, then it's still the same, it brings a wide stupid grin on his face to look back as he has your legs tossed back and you're on your back you taking his prick all the way up to his base, balls resting comfortably against your ass. He feels ecstasy when he can start fucking deep into you.

When I said loud, I mean loud-loud. And if you're more than just an occasional fuck? Double that by like - twenty. He will vocalize each and every single thing he's feeling and is on his mind as he pounds into you. The headboard? Is banging against the wall so loud that Cadets two floors down in the Mess Hall can hear it and could mistake it for Wall Rose getting breached. It's an absolute miracle that shit hasn't split in two yet and especially with how one of Erwin’s hands clutches down onto it to keep himself grounded as he fucks you, moaning and groaning your name and all sorts of curses so loud that Levi’s viciously kicking the wall down the hall in his own office just as loud to tell you two to shut the fuck up but neither of you can hear it as you're so fucking lost in one another.

Call him Commander in bed. Do it. That twenty will turn into a hundred so fucking fast, not as fast as Erwin rearranges you to turn around - front facing the bedroom door - and straddling his hips with your back to him and your arms are held behind your back as he roughly bounces you on his lap. Everyone in this damn building and outside it will know what you're doing.

I mentioned his hairy chest? Yeah, well that adds a nice friction on your back and his chest is so plump you can lay back in them almost like pillows. Meaty, hairy, pillows. It's nice. They jiggle underneath you btw.

When he comes it's like a geyser going off inside you - literally. He'll fill you so full and your ears will practically ring from how loud he'll scream unless you quickly muffle his mouth up with your own or something, if not... well, everyone already knows what you've been doing at this point. If not? They certainly do now. But you try not to think about it, watching the flood of come pouring out of your when his cock slips out and staining both your and his thighs and the bedsheets.

Erwin acts practically drunk in the afterglow, his words are slurred and he has this wide toothy smile on his face you can't help but to kiss. This is the true stress relief. Here, his thoughts are the furthest from everything; the Walls, the titans, the Government, the Crown, the maybe-possible-if-his-father's-right people living outside the Walls... his dream... all of it. This is one few times he can completely distract himself away from all of it. He isn't Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps and accidental murder of his father - he's just... Erwin. And he's with you, just you - not Squad Leader (Name) (Surname). Just you, (Name). Nothing outside this very room matters, just laying in each other's arms and taking in the glow of being with one another. Knowing damn well you'll have to remember and face it all once you leave here.

But it's fine. He wouldn't be with you nor you would him if you didn't know that, if you didn't want to fight back against everything that be - if you didn't want Erwin’s dream to come true. And everyday, bit by bit you make further strides for that dream, together. You’ll reclaim Wall Maria, capture outside the Walls, beat the titans, learn the truth of what's to know about them. And see that thing mentioned in one of Erwin’s forbidden hidden books his father left... what was it again? Oh yeah, the sea. The ocean.

You two will see that together. You promised one another. No matter what.

Levi Ackerman

Right off the bat it should be stated: Levi has a complicated relationship with sex - it should be obvious, given how he grew up. Where he grew up. What his mother did for a living, and... he very much grew up aware of what she did. It's not just sex either, relationships, dating as a whole he's... complicated with.

Two things: Levi doesn't do causal flings, he doesn't do causal relationships. If he's with you in the first place it's because he loves you. If he didn't he wouldn't be with you and it's that simple, he's doesn't vocalize it much - he has... issues with words, serious, emotion-y words - but if you're with him at all romantically in the first place you already know him fluently enough to understand that. He doesn't have to say "I love you," very often - you already know he does, and when he actually does voice it, it's always at the absolute most vulnerable positions he can be to show you how much he genuinely means it.

Trust is important to him. Very important. He loves you, he wouldn't be with you if he didn't as we already established that. Sex? Completely different ball park. If he wants to he sexually active with you it is beyond trust with him. It's beyond just trusting his own life in your hands, it's beyond letting you handle his old knives, it's beyond trusting you enough to tell you horror stories of how he grew up, it's beyond telling you just how close Farlan and Isabel were to him that they were practically siblings to him, it's beyond telling you about Kenny and how for the longest time and still sometimes that it fucks him up to think... he knew his mother - doesn't know how, the bastard always refused to ever tell him, and then just one day for no fucking reason just... walked out. Walked out without a word or anything. Left him to barely survive down there on his own until Farlan and Isabel. How for years... he was convinced the bastard might be his father. Because what else could he be? Visiting and knowing his dead mother by name - her actual name - and picking Levi up and saving him when he was on the brink of starvation, if Kenny hadn't arrived when he did then... he might've very well been dead by the next day. It's just... or it was hard to think up any other possible explanation but this MP killing bastard being his dad. But now, he isn't sure - nowadays doesn't really care to find out, hell the bastard could be rotting in a ditch for all he cares. He's never told another soul that - just you. Between you and him there's something deeper than trust.

Now, I know a lot of other headcanons tend to make Levi out to be this super dom sexy sex sex man or whatever, but no. He has no fucking experience whatsoever, until he made this connection with you he absolutely refused to - always thinking about that sunk look in his mother's eyes after dealt with clients and how she'd fake the warmth in them to hide the hurt when Levi would be let back in the room by one of her lady 'work friends' and she'd talk to him so lovingly and sweetly... until she got another knock on the door and he'd have to leave again. That sunken look in her eyes immediately returning and even as a kid he'd want to attack the bastards he knew was the cause of her hurt. And that's how he seen sex for the longest time, didn't fucking help with all the degenerates pigs Underground. He can count on both hands and toes and it still not be enough how how many fucking pigs he's had to gut for staring at Isabel the wrong gross way - a child. Still makes him sick. All these years later. So he's stayed away from it. Fought against it, even up against the absolute worst the Underground had to offer.

However, the longest he'd had bad associations with it, but... with you it's different. You're different, different than a lot of people and that's because of the beyond trust thing. He can be different around you - not the smartass, foul mouthed, titan killing machine people know him as now, he can be... vulnerable, alone with you - and he wants to be. He really does, he loves you afterall and... he wants to give himself to you, completely, because that's how special you are but...

It's stupid, he tells himself - he's a grown man, he's in his late twenties right now, acting and beating himself up in such a childish way over a natural thing. What's wrong with him? But it's you to calm him down, telling him you don't have to do anything and that you're content just the way things are between the two of you now. That you didn't need to go further - ever if he wished, that you love him no matter what. But the thing is... he wants to. There's just this - this mental block he can't seem to get across, no matter how hard he tried. Humanity's strongest? Or whatever it is they're calling him now? Scared of what? He scolds himself. Losing his virginity? The two of you share a bed together to sleep in - this shouldn't - shouldn't - shit. But... you look at him. The two of you sit together on the bed and you look up/down/straight forward at him (depending on your height) and he just... feels at ease, he remembers why he loves and beyond trusts you in the first place, that everything's fine, everything will be fine as he puts a hand to your cheek, rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip as he gives a steady nod and melts his lips with yours.

That being all said, yeah, Levi’s a virgin. He doesn't really have all that much idea of what he's doing, just goes by his gut and will rely on you to actively tell him what to do, what you want, and how you want it. But Levi - being the prodigy in every new skill he learns, doesn't take long for things to start clicking together in place. Half in hour and your virgin lover you'd think was actually a sex deity in human form - things just... click for him in that odd way it does for him learning new things (weird fucking Ackerman genes in work in real time, actually)

Insane head-game. Think he mouth I'd just good for crass insults and shit jokes? Nope, but honestly that should be expected. After the first few experimental pokes and licks around, enough to get a good idea of how to get you going, will his mouth latch onto and kiss, bite, and suck around the opening to your wet hole then stuck fucking his tongue deep inside and thrusting in all the sweet places/or mark fondle your balls with his mouth before working up your shaft kissing your head before absolutely deepthroating and going to town on you - no gag reflex, shocker. He loves the way you taste and can go on and on and make you come again, and again, and again, and again repeatedly until you loose your mind or voice. Or both.

Want to play with his insecurities? Not maliciously of course, but in universe I think Levi’s thought of as """"""""ugly"""""" and if that's the case you can imagine what types of disgusting shit people has called/said to him. He doesn't mind or care, especially these days as he's older but... call him handsome, or gorgeous and Levi’s a really pale guy, even if he's been above ground a couple years he's still wasn't born a 'sun-walker' so when he blushes it practically dyes his entire face and goes all the way up to his ears. It's cute. Even more cute when he growls, frowns, and scowls as he tries to hide it and distract you by suddenly entering you - which breaks the facade almost immediately as he goes wide eyed and nearly out of breath as he feels you around him. You overwhelm him, he burries himself in your neck not to let himself bottom out. His chest rocks with each breath and he's quick to litter your neck and collar in bites.

Hope you like it here, virgin or not with that Ackerman stamina you're going to be here awhile as he absolutely rocks your world. For hours and hours on end until the both of you are drenched in sweat and the wall has a crack in it from the bed moving.

Very quiet - nearly silent actually except for the occasional gritted curse and heavy breathing. But the longer you go on the more comfortable he actually gets making noise; moans, grunts, and punched out intakes of your name.

He'll fuck you until your legs go numb, wrapped around his hips and encouraging every thrust he gives you and you'll come over and over until you're light headed, bit with him there seems to be no end in sight as he onyx colored hair swoops down and dances with each and every single one of his movements as he looks down almost dazed at you.

Tell him out loud you love him and he'll come on spot.

Silvery grays practically roll back inside of his head when he hits his release and he'll be louder than anything he's been all night before finally his body gives out and collapses on top of you. Wide pleased smile on his face that's for no one inside these entire damn Walls or below ground to see - accept for you. It's only for you. This all is only for you.

After falling unconscious for about forty seconds Levi wakes back up with his normal expected demeanor, this time he just lies there in your arms and presses himself lazily in your neck. When he speaks it's slightly muffled, but it's fine. You ask him if he had a good time - which he tells you is a stupid question and should be obvious, getting a light laugh out of you as you go to comb through his sweaty hair.

He makes it very clear later that this isn't a regular thing, a once maybe a month type thing until... he gets a better understanding with it. "Shit takes time, you know." And you agree, telling him to take all the time he needs which he just lies there for another lingering moments before pushing himself up and pushing his lips to your own.

A bath sounds good now.

Hanji Zoë

Doesn't really have that much experience, WAY too invested in their work to really have had the time. But! That doesn't mean they're not ready and willing to learn - very opposite in fact, honestly. They are absolutely over the MOON when you come out and say you want to fuck them! They get so excited that they rush off into whatever direction of the nearest library to learn and come up with ideas of what to do with you that they sort of leave you there behind in dust 😅 but not to worry, Moblit's there (somewhat very embarrassed to walk in on this exchange) but he promises you that your Squad Leader means well they're just... you know, eccentric.

Books on sexuality and other ""taboo"" stuff of that nature are looked down upon in the higher society of the Walls, but they're not that hard to find if you know where to look, and luckily Hanji knows where a bunch of them are - in fact they know a lot of libraries have them in a 'secret' section - but pulling a few strings and hinting at knowing about a married librarian's affair with a nurse down the street Hanji is able to gather a bunch of books to bring back to Headquarters! They spend all next and the next few days looking over them, reading them cover to cover - only having to explain to Nanaba once who came to visit their office and curiously had picked up one, only to immediately set it back down when seeing the one of the crude sexual diagrams drawn inside before immediately excusing herself.

So, with all this learning and newly attained precious knowledge and a bit of self discovery, turns out Hanji Zoë is a kinky mother fucker. They excitedly jot down all sorts of things that catch their interest, said list turns several pages long that when shown and told about your eyes nearly bug out of your head. Your face turns scorched hot as you tell your lover that maybe best for now just to... narrow it down to three things, then the both of you could talk and work up to it.

And that's where it stays for a couple of weeks, nothing really happens and things go on as normal, until one day when you're at the Superiors table in the Mess Hall as Erwin draws on and on about Banquet plans - AKA 'entertaining' and kissing ass to the nobles and the Brass to beg for funding for the next expedition outside Wall Maria - to you, Levi, Nanaba, and Mike, until suddenly Hanji comes springing down the hall and grabs your arm and pulls you completely off the bench seat to where you fall on your ass.

"Sorry-important-titan-research-matters-need-to-borrow-(Name)-bye!" And they drag you off, your ass still on the floor. Leaving everyone else at that table speechless.

You're about to scold your lover the moment you get inside the door, now at your feet, and your just about to until Hanji pushes you back against the wood in a feverish kiss that leaves you breathless. When they pull away they have a wide shit eating grin on their face. Okay. You're much calmer now. You let yourself be dragged across the small office and shoved onto the bed tucked in the corner - Hanji gives you a wink and excitedly goes for a couple boxes at their desk, handing them to you for you to open.

Rope. A... harness looking thing that looks like... underwear? With an odd hoop in the middle. And... a large phallic shaped object that makes your eyes go shot wide. Okay, you tell yourself. This must be their three.

"Two actually," They correct you without you even having to say it out loud. "-this is three." Without much effort they start pulling off their uniform to reveal the pretty white laced lingerie they have on that makes you go entirely speechless. They push their glasses up further on their nose with a head tilt. "You like?" You nod without even feeling yourself do so. "Good." You... didn't know to whether be scared or aroused at that glint in their eyes.

You're naked and tied up from post to post with the red velvety rope as your lover straddles you and map out every part of your body with their hands, committing each bump, scar, and curve to memory. Hanji looks at you with this inquisitive look in their eyes - the same look they get during one of their experiments but yet, it's almost different than that, or is it? They touch you and look back up to your face for a reaction, they like watching you squirm but not be able to do anything with your limbs tied and can only whimper and moan for them, they like that very much actually. You can't touch them either, as they straddle you your hips do buck into them - getting a gasp out of them but with their hands suddenly around your neck they scold you with a pointed wagging finger. "Bad, naughty."

Their hips starts grounding into you as they begin touching themselves with only you helpless to watch their hand disappear down lace panties and start working themselves over, making sure to make plenty of noises you can hear until suddenly their slick hand is shoved into your mouth and you're ordered to suck, which you do until they're roughly yanked out be replaced but their breathless kiss instead - tasting their own arousal off you. Then they get an idea.

With a wide smile off their face do they maneuver around the bed to where they're above you and moves the panties aside for you to eat at them as they sit on your face. They hum and moan out all sorts of praises as they let you know how good of a job your doing eating out their pussy like it was your last meal, and since Hanji wants to be the dominant party here, they're not afraid to order you around a bit - reminding you that they are your Squad Leader and you should address them as so. So get ready to add "Yes, Squad Leader," to each and every you say tonight :)

For being so good, they give you a reward: while you continue to eat them out, they'll bend slightly over, spread you legs slightly apart to comfortly position themselves to eat out your hole/or gag around your cock, all nice and good for their beloved favorite squad member until you both come at least a couple times each, and if you're to type to get overstimulated, they'll reassure how well you're doing and tell you in the softest voice they can: "One more, just one more." until you come again.

Once you're done with that and Hanji wobbles off the bed, legs shaking, as they go to gather the harness and dick shaped object off the floor. They slip off the lingerie panties and stuff them in your mouth with a; "Hold these, please." As your lover then boucy legs each of their legs through the leg-holes and carefully latches each strap - only pausing when they look over and realized they forgot the dick. Oopsie. Fix that.

With it finally on they kneel back on top the bed, untying yours legs and arms and rubbing each appendage carefully, muttering to ask if you're okay in your ear - you nod. Now, it doesn't matter to Hanji how big or small you are. You are going on their lap - no matter how maybe ridiculous you maybe might look, you are straddled their hips at your sex is rubbed against their fake dick. But of course, you're not getting it first without begging for it, or beg for it enough for your lover's liking.

When it's in and your hips are encouraged by Hanji's hands at your hips to start bouncing on it, at your own pace at the start, until a sudden slap to your ass encourages you go faster and you make a noise - muffled by the panties still in your mouth - to your lover's shit eating grinned delight as they start thrusting their hips to meet the back or your thighs in wet snaps.

Hanji absolutely loves having their chest marked up, after ripping the underwear from out of your mouth they'll hold your head to bite at their breasts that gets them to toss their head back in a satisfied hum.

Eventually, will push you to your back and start pounding away at you in their own pace, committing every sound you make to memory and drinking in every call of their name like they were on the brink of dehydration and bit by bit more they push you to the absolute edge - until you nearly scream out your climax, for it to be quickly smoothed by their lips and a tight fist wadded in your hair.

Both of you are jelly boned by the time your finished, completely naked now up in each other's arms and honestly half asleep. That is until you chuckle, nuzzling your face in the crook of your love's neck. "I think that might've been just a tad more than three things," you tell them, which they shrug. "What can I say? I got creative in the moment, you know - there's a ton of things in those books! Maybe some stuff you'll like-" You wave it off with a yawn.

"Maybe later. Nap time now," You can't help the amused smile. "-Squad Leader."

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stilemawillow · 2 years

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MTIJ | Ch.20 Assuming This is a Fairytale (II) Why Didn’t The Ball Solve All My Problems?

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader (eren jaeger x reader)

word count: 13.8k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

Tuesday morning. A rap to my door. I almost panicked, thinking I had school. That, or a poltergeist, seeing as Levi wasn’t supposed to be waking me up. I forced my eyes open and checked my phone – my brows instant furrowed. It was eight in the morning and if I hadn’t dreamt that he’d knocked in order to wake me up, he shouldn’t have been here. I slowly got up and made my way to the bathroom with ponderous steps – I washed my face and glanced at the dark spots on my neck. Time for concealer. When I did a half-assed job of that, I headed into the kitchen for a coffee. Waking up early today would help fix my terrible sleep schedule before my graduation tomorrow. Otherwise I’d be a discount version of Sleeping Beauty with nobody to kiss me on time.

“(Y/N), perfect timing. We need to talk.” My father’s stiff speech made my brows furrow as I watched him sit at the counter in his suit. My mother was still in her pyjamas, fidgeting, and Levi was in casual clothes, leaning against the fridge with crossed arms. Now this felt like a set-up. All of them should’ve been at work by now. This was far too suspicious for this “talk” to include good news. I was fixing myself a coffee when it occurred to me each of them showed their “major discomfort” habits – my father was licking, pursing and parting his lips, my mother was playing with her hair and the intern was avoiding eye contact, tapping away at his bicep. Was somebody dying or something? “You’ve surely noticed your mother and I have been more absent lately. Both of us are actually a single contract away from big milestones in our careers.”

“That sounds great. You’ll be beating Trop to that big client then?” My father gave a nod and Levi seemed only slightly surprised that I’d know about their biggest rival. Still, this sounded, contrary to bad, so I couldn’t help but wonder why the heavy atmosphere was still here. “And, mom, is this about your dream of creating a comic book?” She also gave a nod. Well, at least I knew my parents to a point. These were really big milestones for them – they’d been talking about them for the past five years, at least. “So why are you acting like this? That’s great news.” Maybe I was oblivious. Maybe I should’ve known by the constipated look on Levi’s face. Usually, they’d be throwing a banquet and inviting the whole family to boast, maybe even sending over-the-top cards to grandpa Alexander to spite him.

“Well, I have to make arrangements with the writer who’ll be working with me before she signs the contract.” My mother’s timid voice made me hum as I added milk and sugar to my coffee after Levi handed them to me. Making arrangements usually translated into a business trip – but I didn’t see the issue there, since her work included lots of them regularly depending on the jobs she took up. They’d been the main reason I’d learned how to cook. “I’m catching the plane to California today, we’ll sign the contract on Saturday if all goes well and I’ll be back Sunday.” My eyebrows twitched as I aligned the days in my mind. Today was Tuesday. My graduation was tomorrow and prom was on Friday. And then I realised why everybody had been so uncomfortable.

“Levi and I will be going to New York tomorrow morning. Trop are sending their own men the same day, so we’ll be negotiating with the client on Thursday. I’m hoping the proceedings will be done before Monday.” My father’s speech made me grit my teeth. Everybody was avoiding my gaze. It had seeped in and I didn’t want to believe it because I was fine with being on my own most of the time. I was fine with the missed birthdays and the empty seats during the PTA meetings and the occasional performances during extracurriculars, I was fine with passing glances at my report book and SAT results, I was fine with having Annie’s dad drive me back home at my elementary and middle school graduations and I was fine with Eren’s parents giving me pity looks on the first day of high school, when my parents had been the only ones to not attend. I was fine with it. I was fine. Because I loved my parents and they loved me, too.

And I’d hoped for the biggest events of my teenage years, they’d be there so I could show them I was doing well, so I could make them proud. Not even prom, just graduation. Just seeing me get my little diploma, clapping for a bit, taking one picture with me so I could put it in my room. Just twenty minutes of their time for something that would happen only once. Maybe that was too much to ask for. Maybe I didn’t deserve that time yet, maybe I hadn’t done well enough to deserve it. My ears were buzzing and I was staring at the coffee in my cup blankly, shoulders tensing as the realisation seeped in that they would miss yet another part of my life and they couldn’t, for the life of them, care less. If they cared more, there would’ve been an apology somewhere in there. Of course, Ravens and apologies didn’t get along. I didn’t expect an apology.

“Actually, Mr Raven, I was thinking of joining you tomorrow evening.” Levi cut into the tension with his voice, making me snort at his consideration. It’d be better for me to bring him back to reality before my father scolded him for it. Because, when it came to a proper career, Levi was learning from the best – and being the best there meant sacrifices in all other aspects of life. Making exceptions wasn’t what would make him a proper breadwinner. “I’d be there for the negotiations and---“

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I cut off with a spiteful huff. “You’ll be going tomorrow morning because you’re here for experience, not displaying pity.” Our gazes clashed and he wasn’t glaring and the blue specks might’ve tried to tell me something but I quickly turned away and faced my parents with a strained smile. My mother looked so guilty one might think she’d murdered somebody and my father’s face was twisted in uncertainty. Maybe I could at least make him proud by showing him I was still utilising my acting lessons properly. “I’m happy for you. These have been your goals for a very long time, so when you get back, we should celebrate. I’ll cook.” I was smiling and the corner of it was twitchy but this was my limit and I couldn’t force myself past it. “I should go now. The day’s perfect for a walk.” I left my coffee on the counter and walked back to my room, threw on the first clothes I deemed appropriate enough and quickly ran out after grabbing my phone and keys.

Just when I’d thought we’d become a better family, they turned into the deceased parents in every fairytale and left me alone for the big ball – to top it off, I had no glass slippers and no stupid pumpkin, unless my own delusional head didn’t count as one. I was pacing and pacing and pacing – there were close to no people on the streets, seeing as the majority were at work. I hadn’t quite realised where I was headed. I didn’t have the heart to call Annie this early for the second day in a row, though I’d most likely go hang with her later. It seemed like aimless walking to push the anger out of me, till the pacing turned into tired trudging along the streets once I’d exhausted my frustration, leaving only the disappointment. And just like that, it seemed my destination had found me. My eyes softened at the empty park – it was small, stuck between tall buildings and seldom paid a visit by people who weren’t walking their dogs.

The Thinking Garden. My brows bitterly knitted at the memories. I’d almost forgotten about this place, but when we’d been ten and very childishly frightened of my father forbidding us from holding hands, Eren had decided he’d kidnap me. We’d supposedly run away from home after finishing school, then we’d gotten lost and ended up taking shelter under the tall bushes in the back of the park, where we’d later shared the sandwich I hadn’t eaten for lunch break. Eren had gone out of his way to put his jacket on the ground so I could sit on it and we’d spent the afternoon thinking and holding hands, which brought about the name after our parents formed an alliance and sought all around the neighbourhood for us. The sun had set when we were getting scolded. After that, we wordlessly established we’d go there and sit under the tall bushes whenever we needed a spot to clear our thoughts. Sometimes, when he wouldn’t pick up his phone, I’d go out and find him there. Other times, he’d find me. I hadn’t stepped foot here in well over two years.

It was only appropriate then, that I would go and sit where we’d used to sit before. The bushes didn’t seem as tall as they’d once been but that was fine. I tucked myself away from the world and there was not a single person in sight. In my solitude and the muffled faraway sound of cars driving down the street, I tucked my knees close to my chest and leaned my forehead on them, closing my eyes with a heavy sigh. I’d be turning eighteen soon and I felt like a ten-year-old all over again – lost and frightened and mad at my parents for meddling in my life when it came to anything but the things I wanted them to meddle with. Of course, maybe adult priorities were different and I was too immature to grasp that.

Maybe it was more important to scold your child for wiping the counter wrong than to hold their hand on the first day of elementary school. Maybe it was more important to worry if it would get an eyebrow piercing than to congratulate it on an outstanding academic performance for twelve consecutive years of education. Maybe prom wasn’t important – so why would they bother to send me off or tell me I looked pretty, or threaten my boyfriend to bring me back home on time? Maybe graduation wasn’t important, too – why would they attend if they’d seen my report card that one time after my mid-terms and believed instinctively that I’d graduate because that was what everybody expected? Maybe I was just assigning too much significance to something I should’ve expected either way. It was probably the raging hormones and mood swings talking or, right now, thinking. Maybe I should’ve stopped thinking altogether, though it would be like spitting on the very name of the park.

“(Y/N)?” The voice made my shoulders flinch in startlement as my head lifted and I watched Eren leaning over me with knitted brows and a concerned frown. “Is everything alright?” Besides the fact I’d gone ahead and cheated on him? Yeah, no, nothing was alright. I felt sick to my stomach and he was waiting for an answer when I shook my head and his lips pursed. I hadn’t seen him in over two weeks at this point. He looked tired. And what was he doing here? Carefully, as though not to scare me away, he sat beside me on the ground and our shoulders brushed. It felt too good to have him next to me. And then I felt too guilty to look him in the eye. “Do you want to talk about it?” I shook my head again even though I could’ve taken advantage of the offer and won him over with my pity story. But I didn’t want his pity, I just wanted things to be easy and nice, like they’d been before. Because when I didn’t have my parents, I had him and Annie. And I felt I was losing him, too.

“Ren…” My head fell back on my knees and the whimper that had escaped my lips made his eyes widen. “… everything’s shit.” I mumbled pathetically and, a second later, his arms wrapped around me protectively. He pulled me against his chest and I was breathing raggedly, on the verge of tears and furiously biting down on my lip to stop them from falling. Everything was shit. I was a nasty cheater and my parents were careless workaholics and I didn’t deserve my boyfriend and I’d crossed the line and ruined my friendship with the intern. And that left me with only my best friend; thank God for Annie Leonheardt, but even this would be too much for her to reel back into lane. Eren’s fingers tightened their grip on me and his familiar scent made my face contort in a bitter scowl because my guilty conscience was eating me up from the inside. This wasn’t the right moment. Not at all.

I couldn’t tell him now because he’d let me go and he’d break up with me on the spot and I was selfish like this, drawing just a pinch of comfort from his presence when I should’ve been frank about my mistake. I couldn’t own up to it and it made me wonder how he felt. Because he’d asked me to prom and he’d sounded genuine but I hadn’t the slightest of idea what had made him distant in the first place. I didn’t know if he’d gotten tired of me or he’d lost feelings or he’d found somebody else or something entirely different I couldn’t even think of. Maybe it wasn’t love that kept him here right now, maybe it was the love that had once been there, for so many years we didn’t bother counting anymore. Maybe he didn’t love me but he felt guilty because of it. Maybe I loved him too much to blame him. I didn’t deserve him anyway. In spite of that, he kept holding me and I kept silent and still.

Pine, chocolate, deodorant and somehow that didn’t sound like a good combination but it had always suited him. His fingers were softly combing through my hair and I could feel his lips on my scalp, light pecks meant to give reassurance – and they did, except reassurance was the wrapper and the crushing guilt of my drunk actions was the teeth-cracking candy inside. Eren was the best boyfriend in the world – so where along the road had I decided I’d be disloyal? What was missing in order for me to go looking for it in my father’s intern? Maybe it wasn’t in me. Maybe it wasn’t something Eren missed either – rather something I wanted to show him he’d been missing – namely, the point.

The point that he was too good to me, the point that he was too good for me, the point that he could do better, the point that he deserved better, the point that some part of me just wanted to sabotage this fairytale I lived in. The point that life was no fairytale and he was Prince Charming but he couldn’t be my Prince Charming forever. But why? Again that stupid fucking question. Why? Why ruin something so perfect? Why ruin something so long, so stable, so good?

You just had to be like this. He doesn’t deserve this. The thought made me sigh and I felt his arms wrap around me tighter. So many questions and they all came down to the terribly unexplainable “why?”. Maybe hormones. Maybe stupidity. Maybe alcohol. Maybe whims. Maybe bad decisions. Maybe fate. Maybe something else. Maybe I’d never know. Not all questions could have answers. Answers were for closure. Answers were for sleeping calmly in the night. Answers weren’t for everybody. I wouldn’t get mine. You’re so terrible for this. Asshole-me’s whispers made my guilty conscience act up and my heart shrivelled at the thought. Yes, I was. No excuses. No sympathy. I was terrible and I would let the flow take this wherever it was meant to wind up. No fighting the inevitable. Maybe I realised back then, that there was no need to fight.

Eren and I sat like that for hours. At some point, I decided enough was enough and we wordlessly stood to our feet and made our way out of The Thinking Garden to the closest shop that would sell us sandwiches. He paid for them because I hadn’t taken my wallet, then we sat on the curb outside and ate in silence. I hated silence but if I broke this one, I’d hate myself more. Deep breaths and reassuring glances, and the teal was full of blue specks and I knew what that meant but I’d never know I hadn’t been the only one guilt was eating up on the inside. We didn’t kiss and make up. Neither said “I love you” so the other one could fill in with “I know” because that would mean the issue was done for and maybe we both acknowledged it wasn’t. I walked to Annie’s place to complain about the situation and her father slid me a comforting can of beer while she was busy preaching how ignorant my parents were in spite of how they cared sometimes. I listened and it distracted me, and I checked my phone around five in the evening, only to see two missed calls from my mother and one from the intern.

I had pizza for dinner in the Leonheardt household, then we helped Annie’s dad in his garage and gossiped about prom. He drove me home at a quarter to midnight, only for Levi’s indifferent frown to greet me from the counter where I’d planned to chug a few glasses of water before sneaking up into my room. There was tension and it was quite obvious he’d be roleplaying Jiminy Cricket when his brows furrowed and his mouth opened. Was this his way of re-establishing our truce? Did it mean he wasn’t mad at me anymore after yesterday’s flunk? Maybe. Or maybe he just felt the need to have his ten minutes of being a family councilour.

“They both feel terrible about it, you know. You could’ve at least seen your mother off.” His voice was flat and stern and, seeing as I wouldn’t avoid this lecture, I could still go through with my plan to chug some water before going to sleep. I poured myself a glass from the sink and he resumed speaking when my stubborn silence responded to his reprimand. “And just so you know, I wasn’t informed about this, otherwise I could’ve warned you. But, seeing as you’re set on acting like a child, maybe it would’ve been useless.” The spiteful undertone made my mouth gape in offence as I slammed the glass down and whipped my head around to glare at him.

“Oh, I’m acting like a child now?” His impenetrable frown made me scoff before I attacked him. “Because your most important people missed every single important event of your life due to work and you’re so very superior and mature about it due to that?” The sarcasm was dripping, splattering across the counter on his face, but he didn’t twitch. The lack of reaction made me turn back to the sink with a spiteful huff. “Don’t preach when you don’t know what it’s like, asshole.” He clicked his tongue and I could picture him crossing his arms and rolling his eyes at my tense back. I poured myself another glass and had just lifted it to my lips when he spoke.

“Fine, act out all you want. Does it make you feel any better? Or does it magically make them attend your graduation?” Maybe he was right. And maybe I wanted to slap him. “I would’ve gone if you hadn’t decided to cut me off earlier.” And why exactly was that? Why would he bother with coming? Why would he think that would make it any better? I put the glass down and my fingers instinctively latched onto the ring on my other hand. I was frowning and glaring but I didn’t turn around a second time to face him. Instead, I addressed him whilst attempting to burn a hole through the wall behind the sink.

“And why would I care if you came?” My voice came out in a spiteful growl, the exact opposite of the questions that had crossed my mind. Because they were useless when their answers would be lies. He was playing a good Samaritan, trying to be a golden boy to win himself bonus points with my parents. “You achieve nothing by doing it, so better stick to the initial plan and get your experience.” Because that was the point. I knew nothing about him because he was too mysterious and secretive but he knew everything about me – as much as there was to know about me on paper. And if the scales stayed like this, it didn’t matter if we’d re-establish our friendship because I still wouldn’t know him.

“I’m just saying. You fucking adore pretending you’re so tough.” I could hear him stand from his chair, then he made one, two, three footsteps to round the counter. He was probably leaning against it and at my pointed “like you don’t”, he only snorted. If I was defensive enough, he’d back off. Which was exactly what he did, right before landing me such a low blow my knees almost gave out. “Alright then. We’re getting nowhere. My point was to make you realise we care. And if you stopped and thought for a second, you’d notice it.” His voice stayed flat and indifferent, and I turned around, still playing with my ring, seconds away from gesticulating in outrage.

“I know they care. They just don’t show it the right way. I’m used to it. But don’t you dare lie to me again that you care.” I spat venomously, watching his brow twitch at the outburst. “I remember you saying it the other night, too. You heard me right. But the truce and our supposed friendship aside, all that bullshit aside, you’re just my father’s intern and I’m betting my fucking ass you don’t give a flying fuck about anything besides it. So never lie to me about it.” I was a terrible person, but I hated being lied to more than I hated being pitied. He didn’t even try to argue, instead choosing to cling to the one part he hadn’t expected to be there.

“You remember?” He looked visibly disturbed. Maybe because this slam-dunked his reputation into a pool of humiliation? I couldn’t tell because he wouldn’t say. And when I gave the slightest of nods before reaching for my glass and pouring all its contents down my throat, he stood straight, tense shoulders and a finger tapping over his bicep. He was frowning and his gaze refused to meet mine. I shook my head at the shameful display, fully aware I’d lived it, too. “And now?” The inquiry made me blink at him in confusion. Now? What now? What we’d do? God, he and his Neanderthal way of forming sentences. I pursed my lips and he waited, and concluded there was nothing for us to do. What was done was done.

“It was a mistake, might as well pretend it never happened.” I walked past him, ready for the day to end so I could wake up tomorrow and go to my graduation ceremony alone. The intern followed me up the stairs after a slight delay and we were at the top of the staircase when I warned: “But if you annoy me too much, you should remember I have blackmail now.” He shot back the same applied to me and went on to ask whether he should assume I wouldn’t be seeing my father off tomorrow. Didn’t include himself in the question. Typical. And since the childishness hadn’t yet left me and Annie had earlier agreed with it, I only snorted. “Well, he won’t be going to my graduation ceremony and I won’t be making him breakfast before he leaves. Sounds fair to me.” We were standing in front of our respective bedroom doors when the raven glanced at me. “Keep an eye on him and give me updates. He tends to go overboard on business trips.” He opened the door with a curt nod and I opened mine, plopping down on my bed and fixing an alarm for tomorrow.

Now that all the cards were out in the open, I doubted our friendship would blossom into something wholesome or worthwhile. After all, we had made out mere days ago. That, considering our circumstances and roles in this household, spelled AWKWARDNESS in bright red capital letters. We could ignore it but we’d tiptoe around it to the point of it becoming uncomfortable. There was no way to settle this issue besides stealing one of the cool pens from Men In Black and wiping our memories clear of the shame. Meanwhile, a gulp would be getting stuck in my throat each time I looked at his lips… or myself in the mirror when I didn’t have three layers of concealer on my neck.

Coincidentally, Cinderella had spent quite a long time thinking about Prince Charming even though they’d spent just a few hours together, too. Luckily for me, however, my parents weren’t dead, I had no evil step-sisters and no talking mice in the house and the Audi in the garage downstairs was far from a pumpkin, so maybe I wasn’t Cinderella, which made Levi the furthest thing from Prince Charming. Still, I couldn’t help but worry about it a bit.

But that might as well be the least of my problems at the moment – I still had a boyfriend I’d cheated on who wouldn’t reveal to me why he’d become distant, I had two important events that wouldn’t be attended by my parents and… that was about it. So maybe Levi wasn’t the least of my problems, taking into account the issues there were at least three and could all branch out into more. There was Petra and the fact he’d gotten so mad he’d gone ahead and probably slept with my father’s secretary. Then the fact he might’ve been considering dropping the internship and going back to France. And then the tension that could result from the fact we both acknowledged our mistake at Hitch’s party. The worst part about each of those problems was that I couldn’t do anything about them. I couldn’t tell Levi what to do, I couldn’t turn back time and erase my act of infidelity, I couldn’t force Eren into telling me why he’d been acting aloof and I couldn’t teleport my parents back home.

I almost wished to knock myself out in order to fall asleep instead of ponder all that, but my emotional exhaustion did it instead. And just like that, the rap at my door sounded on Wednesday morning but I fell back asleep and when my phone rang, I finally dragged my ass into the bathroom for a shower. The lavender shampoo wasn’t on the shelf there. Well, five days of nobody abusing my conditioner. I made myself coffee and sat at the counter, texting Annie and opting out of having breakfast before going to my room to get dressed and hide the hickeys for the third day in a row. Just looking at them made my throat constrict unpleasantly because they instantly brought up the memories and I had to shake my head to the point my neck popped in order to chase them away.

The weather was perfect for the few hours we spent in the school’s court, seated and listening to teachers’ speeches before they handed us our diplomas. It was an event alright – there were more parents than students present and one glance over my shoulder was enough for my neutral expression to twist into a bitter frown. Annie and Eren clapped when it was my turn to go and shake the principal’s hand as he gave me the document I’d worked my ass off for the past four years to deserve. And, while there was usually a pause for one’s parents to snap a picture of the moment, I only glanced at the crowd and amongst the mass of proudly smiling fathers and joyfully weeping mothers, I hadn’t seen only my own. I stiffly thanked the principal after he quietly congratulated my success, then my feet led me back to the chairs in the audience and I realised there was no point in wondering how my parents would’ve acted – because they weren’t here and I’d never learn. And that was fine, because they’d be home on Sunday and I’d cook food and they’d tell me about their contracts. It never went down another way.

To make up for Rolland and Maria Raven’s absence, I got praised by most of my teachers and, after the formal part of the event was done, Annie’s father pulled us into a tight hug with tears in his eyes. Getting told by anybody at all that they were proud of me was an accomplishment – times better, however, when it came from the man who most often stood in as my father after my uncle. Then Carla Jaeger entered the scene and I performed spectacularly when it came to dodging the question of where my parents were. I had lots of pictures at the end of the day – with Eren and Annie, and Mikasa, and Armin and with the people who’d come along to see them graduate. Wasn’t it quite ironic that I had four other pairs of adults to make up for the lack of my own? Certainly. But maybe it was no coincidence they put additional effort into being nice to me and requesting pictures – Annie surely hadn’t tattled but parents had a keen sixth sense when it came to some things.

Eren and I discussed briefly who’d be picking up who on prom night, then Annie’s dad drove us to their place and we spent some time in her room practising waltz, giving up shortly after and picking up our phones, only for me space out of my Instagram feed and begin the story of what had happened yesterday after I’d gotten back home. It was just then, as though he’d sensed me talking about him all the way from New York and sneezed hard enough to remember what I’d requested of him, Levi texted me with an update on how the business trip was going. As best friends often did, Annie smushed herself next to me on her bed and we read the messages together, how my father had been insulted because I hadn’t seen them off, how the trip had gone without a hitch, how they were constantly getting calls from lawyers and processing papers and how he wanted to see a picture from my graduation, each signed with his initials at the end. And I was supposed to be the child?

After we’d texted for a while, Annie picked up the topic of prom and how she’d heard Hitch gloat about her handsome older date. We made fun of the fact it could’ve been a sugar daddy, then wrote it off as impossible and speculated it could be a paid actor. We redirected the topic to the other pairings we were sure about. Eren and I were a package deal because he’d gone out of his way to ask what tie he should get in order to match my dress. Armin had asked Annie during the graduation ceremony and Mr Smith had close enough to overhear – close enough for me to see him awkwardly fiddle with his tie when she accepted, too. At the beginning of the month, right before the SAT, Jean had boasted that Mikasa had agreed to be his date. Pity was stronger than humiliation these days.

I went back home just in time for dinner – except nobody was waiting for me and I had to cook it myself. I whipped up a quick salad I ate in silence and spitefully blasted music from my phone in order to pretend I wasn’t all alone in the big house. I spent the entirety of Thursday in my room, texting Levi or fighting off pre-prom anxieties. The realisation that I was a senior and tomorrow would be my last day as a high schooler had a hard time sinking in. Four years of memories and I would have a hard time letting them go. I didn’t like this change. I didn’t like that I’d have to go to university, didn’t like that I wouldn’t see my teachers anymore. I didn’t even like the fact I would have to be separated from Eren because he hadn’t yet told me where he’d be studying. I was staring at the ceiling and my stomach was a ball of nervousness, but I was determined to have fun tomorrow. It was the end of an era.

Friday began with me almost sleeping in. I woke up an hour before noon, no alarm and no rap at my door. It made me spiteful that I’d gotten used to it, then I hastened into the bathroom for my shower and from there, still in my towel because I was all alone at home, into the kitchen for my coffee. It was noon when Annie came by so I could drive us around the city for our hair and make-up appointments. I was just a bit bitter my mother wasn’t there to give me feedback, just a bit spiteful I was getting dressed and my father wasn’t pestering me, the intern wasn’t making back-handed comments from the kitchen when I was going down the stairs and my mother wasn’t constantly taking pictures. My fingers were itching for me to call them – any which one of them while I was stuffing my phone into my purse – but I realised I might interrupt an important meeting, so I held back and gritted my teeth when honking was heard from the street out front.

“Babe!” I almost sprained my ankle rushing to the door and Eren was beaming at me on the other side, stunning and smiling, and mature but childish at the same time. “You look ravishing, Miss Raven.” His voice dropped in tone as he offered me his arm and I took it with a teasing smile dancing across my lips while he walked me to his dad’s Mercedes. His tie, as per his promise, perfectly matched the colour of my dress. I almost felt like a princess at that moment, even though that was quite impossible.

“I didn’t know the word ‘ravishing’ was in your vocabulary, Mr Jaeger. You always find new ways to impress me.” He chuckled at my joke and its smooth delivery, then let go of my arm so he could open the door for me. Too much of a gentleman, but this was a special occasion and I’d make sure to enjoy it. Bad thoughts were forbidden and asshole-me was banned today even though I knew that was impossible and she would most likely emerge at some point, maybe when I got myself a glass of punch. The ride was full of us singing along to songs on the radio and the day was moving along too fast because one blink took me to the spacious hall, where I was latched onto Annie’s arm in the corner, breathing heavily and trying to slow time down. “I feel like I might puke.”

“It’s going to be fine.” Annie was patting my shoulder as I tried to cope with the thought that this was it. Prom wasn’t as fancy as portrayed in every single coming-of-age American movie, but it was something I had to remember as my last day with all these people, with my established routine. Sadness wasn’t exactly what made my stomach act up. Because these were my last moments here and I was panicking about what came next and what I’d do with my life afterwards. I’d have to study in a different place, then get a job. I’d have to lose some of my friends and make new ones. My father had taught me change wasn’t a bad thing but I hated new things because they were hard to adapt to, more so when their appearance had been abrupt and they weren’t always for the best. I disliked this new I'd have to go through in just a few days. I wasn't prepared for it and I doubted there were any good step-by-step online manuals on how to become a proper adult.

“Remind me, who was the optimist in our little group?” I asked whilst eyeing the hall as my best friend kept patting my shoulder to the sound of an old jazz song that felt weirdly familiar. I hated change and Annie thought it needed in order to prosper. And that was perfectly fine. I just didn’t want to prosper yet – probably wouldn’t want to either for the next few decades if I had a choice. On the podium across from us stood two lone microphones that were to be used in about twenty minutes for the announcement of the prom’s king and queen. Below the podium sat the DJ set-up – a cheap small table with a laptop on top, operated by our most infamous prankster – Connie Springer – who’d begun his senior with two weeks of detention after stealing the principal’s wig during the opening ceremony.

“Far as I remember, that would be your boyfriend.” Annie’s words made my eyes stray to the dancing crowd a few feet away from us in search of the aforementioned boyfriend, who’d gone to get us punch a while ago and had probably been roped into an eating contest with Jean. The part about prom I didn’t like were the balloons because they were rolling around on the floor and begging to be stepped on and, with my luck, I’d probably break, not just sprain, an ankle if I made that mistake. In similar fashion, the walls were decorated with colourful ribbons and posters – not that the dim lighting and the bright lasers reflecting off the disco ball would let one observe them properly. In spite of all that, we had to give it to the school’s budget for allowing us that much.

“And how do you like yourself as my boyfriend’s best friend’s escort?” I nudged her elbow with a wiggle of my brows and she kept silent, lips pursing as her eyes shyly moved away from the crowd to the punch table where our chaperones for the night overlooked the sweaty mass of raging hormones we formed. Mr Smith clashed gazes with me, I gave him a haughty smirk and knowingly met my best friend’s narrowed eyes. “… he’s been eyeing you since you walked in, you know.” She was towering over me because she’d put on her best heels, whereas I – a proud and scarred survivor from Hitch’s party having learned her lesson – had opted for the shortest ones in my possession.

“I’m aware.” She was twirling a strand of her hair and I couldn’t help but smile at how shy she got when it came to him. If this wasn’t love, I didn’t know what was. So when I jokingly told her now we knew what she’d be doing after graduation, she elbowed me with a stern frown and became as red as a tomato at the mere thought of it. Yeah, it was totally love. “You’re not serious about this.” She hissed out, drowning in embarrassment and tugging on the blonde strand between her fingers as I graced our Psychology teacher with one more glance before meeting her blue gaze and giving a soft smile.

“I am, though. It will do no harm to give it a chance. He likes you and you like him, to the point of avoiding dates of any kind for four years straight. These are our wildest years and you’re being loyal. Might as well get what you’ve been dreaming of.” I gestured in the general direction of the blond male, who was leaning against the wall, lazily exchanging phrases with our Literature teacher and glancing at us every few seconds – probably with the intention to secretly admire the sight of Annie’s dress, as that was all he could allow himself. He had a lot more to look forward to, but if I said that, my best friend would punch the life out of me.

“I’ll see to it, but not right now.” She was absent-mindedly scanning the crowd. The music was loud but the melody was pleasant and it was somehow reassuring to see most people having fun dancing and grinding into each other, or laughing by the punch table with drinks in hand like it was their last time on earth together. Maybe it was, I managed to conclude quickly afterwards. “I wonder where our queen’s at.” The blonde blurted out flatly, making me hum as we watched our dancing classmates with curled lips.

“Probably at the back, filling the ballot box with her name.” I joked condescendingly, fully aware of the fact Hitch could probably be doing just that since she was petty enough to at least try. It would be the only way for her to win anyway because with competition like Mikasa and Annie it would be hard for her to win, moreover when I had insider information from Eren about the childishly superficial rating the boys had performed in their PE changing room back in junior year. Then Annie asked me the one question girls avoided asking each other during prom season – namely, who I’d voted for. “I’m a narcissist, Ann, who do you think I voted for?” She hummed thoughtfully and chirped a questioning “Mikasa?”, to which I only shrugged my shoulders with a smirk. “Actually, it was you.”

“What a coincidence. I voted for myself, too.” She mocked with a smirk of her own, making me nudge her with a fake offended “hey”, which was just barely audible in the dubstep-filled hall. She just chuckled and nudged me back. “Just kidding. I think the students who won’t vote for our golden couple are few.” Her words made me scoff – an unexpected reminder that the golden couple might be falling apart soon even though we seemed quite stable today. But I still hadn’t owned up to my mistake and Eren still hadn’t told me why he’d been acting weird before that. I subconsciously reached for my ring and the hickeys stung my skin under the layers of concealer and foundation.

“Golden couple, my ass. Kind and queen are voted separately, but I won’t be that surprised if Eren won. You know, because I have the most handsome boyfriend in the world.” I sang haughtily, making Annie huff with a roll of her eyes. We both knew it was the truth, though. Eren might have not been the most handsome guy in the world, but he was certainly the star of the room – I was quite aware half the girls had been drooling over him in his rugby years. Most of them still were, even after he’d left the team to pursue his passion for boxing and video games. “Even the cheerleaders wrote so in the third toilet cubicle on the second floor.” I added with a pointed index finger, making Annie chuckle as her gaze strayed to the crowd.

“Speaking of our most famous cheerleader…” One would’ve thought Hitch would be rolling out the red carpet so her entrance would be dramatic enough for the whole city to notice, but she’d snuck up on us unexpectedly. I was in the process of following Annie’s gaze when she cursed: “Oh, shit.” Her bare shoulders tensed and then I saw what she saw. A smart-ass comment got stuck at the back of my throat and my tongue turned to lead. The hall was spacious but there was no air. Shock was an understatement when it came to describing my feelings. Horror was more fitting. “What’s he doing here with her?” Annie’s hiss made my lips purse as we watched Hitch walk in with her date. Yeah, no, she hadn’t lied when it came to her bragging. “I’m going to break her fucking mug.” The threat made me put a hand to Annie’s shoulder as she stepped forward. I knew she could beat up Hitch, but maybe this wasn’t what we’d both want to remember our prom for. There was no need to worry about such an insignificant thing.

Oh, insignificant, you say? Asshole-me truly had the most perfect timing when it came to remarks. Why is this insignificant little thing making you shake then? Or is it just the AC? The mocking questions made my lips purse as I frowned and shook my head to silence the voice. I had my best friend to focus on now and she looked nearly feral.

“Ann, let’s not. Be reasonable.” I warned softly and she looked at me in outrage before eyeing the hand I had on her shoulder. She could feel it tremble. I forced a shaky smile and felt my heart pound so loudly it almost muffled the music. “It’s fine, not a big deal. This drama is too old to bring it up now. Water under the bridge. And I don’t want Eren’s attention drawn here.” My reassurance made her fury subside, only to be replaced by genuine concern. We both knew what had happened and it wouldn’t matter how old this was – it was still a reason for me to worry. And I feared I wasn’t only worrying – I was freaking out, too.

“It’s a big deal, (Y/N). She’s doing it to prove a useless point and I want to break her legs for it.” Her words were a growl and she was being protective because she’d always been. Always the bite to my bark. Always the knight in shining armour when Prince Charming shouldn’t know about my troubles. But this was my fight and it was a fight that needn’t be fought at all. So I clutched her shoulder harder and gave her a pointed look that meant to relate she was acting irrationally – and that was usually my role. “You’re such a pain in the ass in moments like these. Totally different person. Fine.” She threw her arms in the air in defeat and I let out a sigh, about to lean against the wall when my heart dropped to my stomach at the sight of Hitch and William’s approaching figures. Annie saw it, too. Running would be too undignified. “I’ll massacre them if they say anything out of line.” But they’d say a lot of things out of line and I’d make sure she wouldn’t keep that promise.

“Evening, Raven.” Hitch’s dazzling smile and sickly smooth voice made my skin crawl. I was staring at her face and avoiding altogether the sight of the man at her side. “Why haven’t I got a wedding invitation yet? You know, somebody has to comfort Eren.” My jaw clenched – she had how many wildcards against me at this point? Actually, fuck the wildcards – she had a sledge hammer she could crush me completely with, and his tie matched the pompously golden sequins on her dress. Maybe this was fate. Maybe this was the worst month of my life. Maybe I was self-centred. Maybe Hitch had decided to go out with a bang and the collateral damage would be finally landing me a blow I couldn’t recover from. All she needed to do was go and make Willaim shake hands with Eren.

“I’m afraid Eren is off-limits and you should write your own invitation since the wedding is just in your imagination.” I couldn’t look at the ground because that would let her know I was vulnerable and I didn’t have the luxury of being vulnerable right now. The spite in my voice was tangible and I hadn’t stopped shaking just yet, so I clasped my hands behind my back in order to play with my ring. Annie was glaring at Willaim and I couldn’t do as much as glance at him. This was that weak spot I didn’t like hearing about. The one weak spot my arch enemy watched her mouth about – and then she decided that I was ignoring him too intently for it to make her happy.

“Come on, Raven, be a sport. You haven’t even greeted my date.” She squeezed his arm tighter and he was humming along to the song the DJ was playing. Typical of William Greyson. Typical of her, too, to purposefully make me address him. “Don’t we all rich kids have to be polite?” The fake sweetness made my eyes narrow and there was a tangle at the back of my throat and I wanted to be anywhere but here.

“I don’t think anybody who stoops as low as to fuck you needs any politeness from me.” I forced out through gritted teeth, just enough pride in my tipped chin and condescension in my eyes to make myself believe I’d be able to handle this. Annie suppressed a chuckle and Will’s eyes were on me, the dress, the waist, the legs, the feet and back up, glued to my face. Onyx, weren’t they? Yes, onyx. And the same unnerving quality they’d always had had obviously stayed during the two years of absence. I didn’t want to look at him. I swore I’d start running if he spoke. People were right when they said karma existed. Because this was karma, kindly aided by Hitch Richards, letting me carefully soak in the juices of the mess I’d created two years ago.

“Oh, somebody’s prickly today. And poor Will hasn’t done anything to you.” Hitch feigned pity and leaned against his broad shoulder, making the dead look in my eyes turn away from the action. She was trying to make me look at him. “But that’s the point, isn’t it? That he has enough brains to choose me?” Her lipstick was bright red, painting her smugly curled lips, which, at my derisive snort, twitched hesitantly, just enough for me to barely smirk at.

“I think the tequila chose you, Hitch.” I supplied sweetly, making her manicure dig into Will’s black suit. A spiteful part of me hoped that it had hurt and another one told me he’d probably like it because he always thought of sex anyway. “And I don’t objectify myself like a common whore, unlike you.” She gritted her teeth, confidence faltering as she found herself lacking a proper retort, then her eyes twinkled deviously and she took up her next sentence so innocently it made my heart freeze in fright. This would hurt. This would be bad. She had the same look on that day during PE, too. I didn’t want to hear this. Rightfully so, I realised less than three seconds later, because her words made Will’s careless humming halt.

“That’s a surprise. Because a little birdie saw you sneaking out of my mansion with the same older guy who was picking you up that one time. You came with him, too.” She twirled a strand of her curly fair hair around her finger and Annie stilled at my side, instantly making me put a hand over hers. I was smiling but it hurt the more Hitch spoke. “I might like my guys in a bunch but you,” she shook her head with a chuckle and I could feel my composure crumble, “you, Raven, adore denying what everybody can see either way. Which time is this – second? Do you want me to rid you of this one, too?” I swore I could punch her. I swore I wanted to punch her. I felt Annie’s hand curl into a fist. We were on the same wavelength then. But our wavelength didn’t matter when Eren was mere feet away from the biggest disaster of my life, when Hitch was hitting a brand new weak spot over and over again, so efficiently it made me want to puke, when I couldn’t do as much as form a coherent response.

“You’re so fucking disgusting right now.” I forced out just barely, steady voice and a restless heart, and a frown that was slowly falling apart with realisation when Hitch grinned and pointed a long index finger at her chest to simulate offence. Will was looking and he wasn’t humming and his gaze was unnerving and I wanted to get out of here. I didn’t want to think about this. I wanted to puke. And she was right.

“Is that so? You’re pathetic if you’re missing out on fucking such a hunk and a cheating whore if you’re not, so tell me, honey, how am I the disgusting one?” She’d won. She’d won, she’d won, she’d won. I took a deep breath and Annie was about to step forward when I heard my phone ring in my purse. I hastily took it out of my purse and swivelled for the exit, and she was calling after me: “And a coward, too! Come back to watch me get my crown, Raven! You’ll hurt my feelings otherwise!” But I couldn’t hear her, I didn’t want to hear her and I could barely hear myself telling Annie not to follow me. Hitch was probably basking in the glory of having the last word and I was running, out the door, out the stuffy airless hall, out the terrible situation.

“Hello?” I picked up, collapsing on the stairs outside and breathing heavily, like I was tasting oxygen for the first time in my life. I was a terrible person and Hitch had decided to end the school year by reminding me. My heart was racing and my mouth was dry, and then I heard Levi’s voice greet me. I hadn’t bothered to check who was calling me. I closed my eyes and exhaled, quite positively on the brink of hyperventilating. “Oh, asshole. Didn’t expect you.” I forced the huff, I forced the voice, I forced the words, I forced the carelessness. I needed to get it together. I needed my pride. I needed to not think about it. I needed to distract myself from how clammy my hands were.

“Wouldn’t have thought otherwise. Your voice is weird.” His tone dropped in suspicion and I stiffened nervously. Two months of cohabitation and he could tell when my voice was weird without getting hints from my expression. My father did use to say the voice was the most important thing to judge from – and the biggest traitor if not guarded properly. “Is something going on?” The first thing that came to mind after he’d asked that was a lie.

“Nothing at all.” But there was too much going on. Because I was angry at my parents and I’d cheated on my boyfriend and Hitch had brought Will along. She brought Will along and I didn’t want to go back inside the hall, I didn’t want to look at him (you look you die inside, you look you feel the guilt tenfold, you look you remember) and I couldn’t breathe and too many things were piling up when I could hardly handle them one at a time. Why William Greyson had triggered such a big reaction in me was a topic to be pondered on another day. Maybe a sunnier one, a warmer one, one that had more air and more birds singing in the background. Maybe it would never come. The crispy air outside felt suffocating and I took a sharp breath that sounded more like I was choking, and maybe I was because this was too much.

“Are you crying?” I could imagine the quirked brow that went with that question. I could imagine the impenetrable frown and I could imagine the pouting lips and the hickeys they’d left on my neck were itching. I wanted to bring comedy into the situation but the only way to do that was to joke about the mind’s spectacularly unpleasant ability to make the heart hurt when there was no need for it to. Why did that happen again? Why should emotional pain translate into physical one? Why should I be feeling emotional pain at all? Ah, no, it wasn’t exactly pain. Just guilt on top of regret on top of shame on top of fear on top of an old repressed memory of a bad mistake. That wasn’t pain – it was worse. A punch to the gut would’ve felt better.

“Just tell me why you’re calling, asshole. They’ll be announcing the king and queen soon.” I snapped sharply, barely finding the voice to do so. I’d only hoped to have sounded harsh enough for him to back down. And now I could only hope I wouldn’t buckle before I could hang up the phone. Fortunately, Levi knew me well enough to see through it. Unfortunately, he saw through it and pressed further instead of dropping the conversation altogether. Maybe because my excuse had been lame. Maybe I should end this here and just lie back down and breathe. But my fingers held onto the phone and I listened to his reprimanding tone, and if I closed my eyes, I’d be able to imagine him sitting next to me. And then I’d be too proud to cry.

“Like you care about that.” He argued boredly and I kept my eyes closed, listening. “I was calling to check on you since your father’s a bit too stubborn to do it. Now tell me what’s wrong and why Leonheardt is not with you when something’s wrong.” His order made me sigh as I curled up in a ball on the stairs and squeezed my eyes shut. If I cried the mascara would sting. And I couldn’t go back inside like that because Hitch would know she’d won.

“Because I told her so.” I shot out quickly and my pride cowered for fear of the real answer. Because honesty was terrifying and I didn’t want my best friend with me because she’d comfort me and she’d pity me. Because she would’ve handled all this so much better. Because she was stronger than me – physical and mentally both. The bite to my back and yet, it wasn’t that easy letting her handle my emotions right now, seeing as she wouldn’t have crumbled under this pressure in my stead and I didn’t want to be this weak and vulnerable in front of the only person that would be able to handle the sight of it. It was a strange logic but everything was going well for Annie right now – I didn’t want her to feel bad for me. I swallowed thickly and put a hand to my forehead. “And nothing’s wrong. Eren and I will probably be breaking up soon. Hitch’s being a bitch. Everything’s fine. How are you?”

“… bored.” The pregnant pause preceding the one-word answer made my lips purse. “The place is full of lawyers and your father’s nearly gone crazy from anticipation. I’m monitoring a hundred identical charts. That speaks well for the company, but I’ll have my ass handed to me if I mess up the order.” He was complaining and it might’ve been an exaggeration but I loved it when he complained because it took my mind off things, it made me breathe easier, it made me picture him right next to me, maybe at the counter at home while we were both sipping on drinks. The trivialities he usually didn’t bother sharing were like a saving grace right now, except there was a small silence and he decided to ruin the good course of the conversation. “Say, princess, about the other night...”

“What? You’re still mad at me?” My lips curled into a self-deprecating smile as I rubbed at my temple and squeezed my eyes tighter. There was no way he wouldn’t be mad. Even if he’d called and even if he texted and even if… all the “even if”s in the world wouldn’t erase the fact I’d stepped over some invisible line and made him upset. But I didn’t want to talk about that now, I didn’t want to talk about the past because the past was scary and telling the truth about the past was scarier. I was talking to the recent past on the phone and the old one was dancing with my arch enemy, and what would happen if she decided to tell Eren?

“Not that. I’m not.” I huffed at his flat objection, then my brows furrowed in confusion. If not that, then what? And then he brought it up again and he was lying but he hadn’t lied before, he’d never lied to me thus far and, suddenly, I couldn’t put two and two together when I was supposed to be exceptionally good at it. “I do care. Both times I said it.” The addition made a gulp get stuck at the back of my throat. My heart skipped a beat and the landing was harsh because he wasn’t being honest. This was just pity and he’d leave either way.

“Don’t start with that.” I wheezed out in exasperation and my head hurt harder at the thought. He didn’t care because he’d seen Petra and he’d been with Petra and he’d been kissing Petra and he’d been talking to Petra – and I couldn’t care less about that but it made me guiltier to think I’d been the one who hadn’t thought of somebody else. Somebody I loved – so why would this topic be brought up when I already had one mistake waiting to torture me for the rest of the night? “You don’t get to lie like that, asshole. Not when you weren’t---“ The gulp was choking me and I took a deep breath before spitefully finishing: “Not when you weren’t even there.” He’d been somewhere else and I’d been there, there and drunk and stupid, and I hated myself for it now.

“I was there and I was sober.” His defence wasn’t a defence per se – it was just arguing with me. For what? The sake of arguing? Maybe he got a kick out of it. I knew I got no kick out of it because it was about me making the grandest mistake of my life and being caught by a sadistic bitch who wouldn’t be afraid to spill the beans to the person who mattered most. Only a masochist would get a kick out of this predicament. The point was I’d put myself there – so maybe I deserved this. And even if I didn’t like it, I opened my mouth to argue because he kept lying and lying and lying and it angered me almost to the point of tears.

“No, you weren’t there! You were elsewhere and...” I paused for a breath and he was silent, my outburst had been loud and persistent, and my head hurt. “… did you even fucking see me?” The question felt like sandpaper coming out of my mouth and it forced the tears out, and it hurt to ask because I knew the answer but there was no use in hearing it because it had been wrong no matter who’d seen who. “Ugh, forget about it. Don’t answer.” I snapped shrewdly, wiping under my eyes and blowing a breath of frustration. There was no use. It had been a mistake and the moment Eren learned, things would end. They’d ended the moment it had happened. And if that was true, they’d ended two years ago. “And don’t,” a sob was trying to fight its way through but I pushed it down and kept my voice steady, “please just don’t lie to me about the care. I--- it’s fine if you don’t. You’re not here for that or pity kisses.”

“They come with the package, I guess. And they weren’t pity kisses.” His tone was low and he sounded almost hesitant to say it. Again with the stupid fucking lies. I couldn’t imagine the expression that went with those words, but I could imagine Eren’s countenance when the truth came out. I could picture it so well it hurt, so well it made me sick and it made me cry and it made my eyes sting. My neck stung, too. My hands were shaking and the tears were falling – I was so miserable and for what? Maybe it was a teenage girl thing I couldn’t understand because I’d gotten into this mess on my own. And then everybody would leave. Not because they didn’t care but because I’d make them not care anymore.

“Yeah, sure, they weren’t.” I said sarcastically, making him huff and I needed to open my eyes because the tears were overflowing and Eren’s hurt expression on the inside of my lids wasn’t helping. “Pity or not, they were a mistake and don’t matter. I was drunk and I’m sorry for that. Now let’s stop.” I was a hateful little creature and trying to delude myself otherwise was useless. I was a cheater and a bad girlfriend and a liar and I didn’t deserve Eren, or Annie, or anybody else. I certainly deserved, however, whatever Hitch had for me in store. My throat was in a knot and I was spiteful and angry and helpless and – was this what consequences felt like?

“Your voice cracked, princess.” Levi’s casual remark made me choke out a spiteful “fuck you” while asshole-me cackled in the back of my mind, to which he only clicked his tongue. I could imagine him shrug. “Sure, but it’s not the same over the phone.” It sounded so unlike him I couldn’t help but laugh, even though it didn’t resemble a laugh at all. A sex joke? I was on my way to cry my eyes out and he was making a sex joke? I began ranting then, (“You’re seriously pulling this now? That’s so fucking stupid. Did you even think before you spoke, asshole?”) that he was tactless to the moon and back, that this had been so out of character for him I could call the police and have him arrested for identity fraud, that it was so childish and ridiculous it didn’t even deserve a response. I stopped mid-way through, angry voice fading into silence as I slowly came to realise the tears had halted the moment I’d begun insulting him. And I bit back another insult when it dawned on me that had been his point. “I want you to go back inside and have fun. Something’s going on but I want you to ignore it.” He instructed slowly, making me snort and I wiped at my face and shook my head at how he was mothering me. “Drink and dance with your boyfriend and have Leonheardt distract you. You’re supposed to be having a good time today.” Maybe he was right.

“Weird, the only good time I’ve had so far really were the last three minutes.” I muttered nonchalantly, realising quite suddenly I’d have to return to the empty house at the end of the night. I’d be all alone and the silence would be suffocating even if they’d only been gone three days now. It was unpleasant to realise (I don’t want you to leave, asshole I want you to stay I don’t want you to drop the internship I want to talk to you) just how much company Levi had kept me for the past two months, just how much I’d established a routine with him, just how much I feared that he would drop the internship and go back to France. He’d be happy to be home and I’d be alone, clashing with all kinds of changes on my own. That was supposed to be fine. It wasn’t. “Wish you would’ve come along, asshole. At least the bickering would make me feel better.” I sighed, not quite realising my eyes had narrowed sadly at the ground at the thought.

“Phone services are all I can offer, princess. Call me later. Go have fun now.” He urged stiffly, making me snort and then, entirely against my will, smile. It was strange to realise he was the only person who could annoy me into smiling. But it was fine. Because I’d go and have fun, maybe with no other mental breakdowns along the way. I was fine. Emotionally drained but fine. A total mess but fine. A terrible person but fine. Just for now, I was fine with being fine.

“I will, mom.” I mocked in a patronising manner, making him snort and seeing exactly the kind of glare he’d be aiming at me if he were here in my mind. A short silence ensued and then I couldn’t help it. “Thanks, asshole.” I hung up before I could hear him poke fun at my tone and stared at the screen with the spiteful lowercase ID (stupid intern) I’d typed way back after he’d first called me. My finger hovered over the screen and I was pressing the keyboard, typing punctuated by moments of motionless thought until I scoffed at the end result and put the phone down. I propped my elbows on my knees and breathed deeply, heartbeat slowing as my composure returned. It was then, in the peaceful quiet inside my head, that I heard the approaching footsteps. The sight of him stilled me completely and then I opened my mouth. Of course, I’d have to confront both mistakes I’d made in the span of twenty minutes. “Too stuffy for you inside?”

“I wanted to check on you, actually.” His voice was soft and casual all at once. I could think back to the time I’d thought I’d had a crush on him. Back then, his voice had been amongst the things that could calm me. “Hey, I want to talk to you.” His hand was on my shoulder and he was crouching next to me. He never changed. And when I kept silent and stared ahead, he sat down and spoke. There were very few instances in which he didn’t. “Sorry about back then. I took advantage of the situation for my benefit and I led you on, then it got awkward because I should’ve been smarter. I’m taking it didn’t exactly ruin your relationship with Eren if you’re still together.” I didn’t dare nod because it had, in a more mature perspective. There was a small pause but I knew he’d talk again. “The point is I liked you, (Y/N). I still do.” A very casual flirt. That had been exactly the part my naivety had missed. He could say the same stuff to a lot of other girls but I’d thought myself special. Well, not anymore.

“The only sense in which you like me, Will, is the one where you’re not against fucking me.” I scoffed, looking at him with a pointed look for the first time in two years. He’d pretty much stayed the same. The blond curly hair, the olive skin, the onyx eyes. And, of course, that boyish smile that could make anybody soften up. I wondered why looking at him now was no big deal. Maybe because I wasn’t really afraid of him – just what Hitch could use him to achieve. But when I’d been the one to type the detonation input, the explosion wouldn’t really be that unexpected.

“It’s still a sense of the word.” He nudged me and I rolled my eyes, and maybe my face wasn’t too much of a mess because he didn’t say anything about it. “I liked talking to you. I liked that you were smart and kind. And, of course, if you still want to…” He trailed off suggestively, making me frown as I shot out a curt “no, thank you”. He laughed, not an ounce of disappointment or discouragement, and it hit me his laugh had meant a lot to me two years ago. Now it was just laughter. It was then I realised Levi and he were polar opposites. In appearance and behaviour both. Weird. I was almost glad. “That’s fine. If we each other again, I’ll be offering it again.” I rolled my eyes and fixed him with a glare, to which he only grinned. “No glaring, you know I’m a horndog.” I did know. I was looking up at the sky when he blurted out: “I’m glad I saw you tonight. You look beautiful.”

“And you look weird in a suit.” I noted casually, making him chuckle at the way I’d dodged the compliment. It occurred to me only Eren’s compliment tonight had left my heart racing. “You know, Will, it’s fine. I’m not mad at you or anything. I acted like a dumb child back then. I’m still a dumb child now but I might as well learn from my mistakes.” He put an offended hand to his chest at me calling him a mistake, but his eyes were twinkling. “So I think it’s time I go see who won the stupid crown.” I stood with a groan and William offered me a blinding smile along with an extended arm. My nose scrunched up and I reluctantly wrapped mine around it.

“I think you’ll like it.” He stated whilst walking me back inside, making my brows furrow in confusion right before he let go of me. “Now, I should see to my date.” He left with a smile, heading for Hitch who was currently by the punch bowl, pouring cup after cup and gulping them down like water. Was she… crying? I squinted in the dim lighting, then a hand tapped my shoulder and something settled on top of my head. I almost flinched in surprise, only to see Annie’s little smile and when my hand flew up to touch whatever it was she’d put on me, my mouth gaped in shock. It was the crowd.

“You won?” I asked with wide eyes and she nodded, making me laugh. “Congratulations, Your Majesty. But why are you putting it on me?” She rolled her eyes and nudged my arm with her elbow, carelessly stating it was more uncomfortable to wear than it looked, so I had to keep it for her. “Thanks, Annie. And, just so you know, everything’s fine now.” She gave another smile at that, then we watched my handsome boyfriend approach with congratulations right before asking me to dance. “Gladly.” I took his hand and Annie was ushering me onto the dance floor, and I was smiling when I’d been crying mere minutes ago. Nothing was quite fine, but for tonight I’d allow myself the luxury of thinking otherwise.

So I danced with my boyfriend and he poked fun at the crown, and I didn’t step on his feet once, which I only had Levi to thank for. I could smell the pine, chocolate and deodorant even when the hall was full of sweating teenagers and I could feel Hitch’s envious glare from the punch table, glued to the back of my head as my boyfriend held me close and spun me around the room. And when the night came to a close, I was just a bit tipsy, wishing Annie luck because she’d said she had something to do (probably concerning Mr Smith) and gracing Will with a small smile for fear of waving when I was getting into Eren’s car. The ride back home was peaceful and we parted with a kiss, then I stumbled into the empty house, groaning and collapsing over the armrest of the couch in the living room, and searching for the asshole, followed by what Annie and I called the poopy heart emoji, I’d typed earlier. It took him exactly three beeps to pick up.

“How was it, princess? Did you get your crown?” It was cute he’d actually thought I’d win, or maybe he was just extending a joke onto the nickname he had for me. Either way, I snorted before feeling around my head for the crooked crown and holding it up in front of my face in the dark. I did get it, technically. And I’d make a point of wearing it when he got home for the sole purpose of annoying him when he called me “princess” and I went out of my way to pointedly tip the crown and smile at him with a sweet “yes?”. Just imagining that almost made me giggle.

“Annie won, but she told me to keep it. Hitch was soooo envious.” I chuckled, remembering at once the stink eye she’d been giving me, and the sound travelled all around the house before finally fading. “Now I’m home, kinda tipsy and too lazy to go to my room. I did nothing stupid, just so you know.” Almost like I was expecting praise on the matter. I crawled onto the couch fully, turning on my back because my face was smushed into one of the cushions and kicking off my heels in the meantime. This only went to show I hadn’t drunk too much, seeing as I could still multitask. “And I danced properly, so thank you.” I added casually, making him hum.

“I’m glad to hear it.” He stated stiffly, catching the light slurring of my words right before I went out of my way to ask what he was doing. “Seeing as it’s 2 a.m., I think I’m sleeping.” The sarcastic response made me roll my eyes but it hit me that he was supposed to be sleeping – and I’d woken him up. He had to get up early tomorrow and he might’ve shared a room with my father – I wondered if he’d gone somewhere to talk to me or, in the case they didn’t share a room, if he was just aimlessly staring at the ceiling like me. “Something else, princess? Do you feel better now?” I did, but I was thinking about another thing altogether. I was thinking why the hell he’d picked up the phone and why he’d gone out of his way to be considerate.

“Why are you nice to me?” Maybe tonight was my time to be bold. Eren and I would be breaking up soon – and whether soon was three or five months from now, or whenever one of us blew a fuse over the fact we weren’t acting like we’d always acted didn’t really matter. Because this relationship obviously had an expiration date which I’d set. Aside from that, I’d also talked with Willaim. So now the only one left was this one here – the one that would most likely refuse to say the truth. He only dodged by muttering it wasn’t important, to which I, of course, had to argue. “It is important.” But I didn’t know why.

“Maybe because you need it and there’s not much else I can do.” I pursed my lips at the pity oozing from the words, then proceeded to ponder it for a bit, because pity didn’t equal care and I hated pity and I didn’t see what part of anything had evoked it in him, taking into account my problems all stemmed of all the wrong choices I’d made. Then, hiding behind the influence of alcohol, I spoke a bit of that truth which so terrified me.

“Pity then. God, I hate being pitied.” It was an annoyed conclusion, then I slurred just a bit and everything became the quietest of muttering, because being honest stayed terrifying even when he wasn’t here so I could see his face. “Praise would’ve felt better. Did you know you’re a good kisser? Probably. Either way, you don’t need to force yourself to be nice. And I think I’ll fall asleep any second now, so byeee.” The dragged-out “bye” was the only part where the volume of my voice returned to normal. I hoped he hadn’t heard the rest because it was an embarrassingly random jumble of thoughts. He paused and there was silence, and in the silence, I was staring at the silver ring on my finger. It reassured me just a bit – it promised he hadn’t really heard.

“… bye, princess. Sleep tight.” His voice was different and I was so out of it I couldn’t begin to think about comparing it to the itinerary I had knowledge of. Then he hung up and I stared at the screen, eyes narrowing due to the fondness I’d begun developing towards the insult, which, by the way, didn’t feel exactly like an insult these days. It was just a nickname now or a way for him to avoid my name and I wouldn’t be able to hear it and not think of him after the internship was over. Of course, before that, we had about seven months of cohabitation and more than enough time to establish a steady bickering-filled friendship. I hoped we’d be able to do it because constantly being at each other’s throats for the rest of the year sounded like a tiring perspective.

I dropped the phone on the coffee table and stared at the crown in the dark and, true to my words, it took me less than thirty seconds of stillness to fall asleep, so quickly it was almost like I’d been knocked on the head with a heavy dull object. I woke up around noon the next day with a medium-size hangover, plopped the crown crookedly on my head and headed into the kitchen in my (f/c) dress. Three cups of coffee and blasting music later, I was fully conscious of my surroundings and fully aware of the fact this would be another day I’d be spending all alone at home. So I stayed in my dress the whole time and I lazed around, watching cartoons or mindlessly browsing through universities on my laptop, texting Annie and thinking about Eren and concluding I hated change but everything would be fine. Even if it went to shit before that. Because maybe not all princesses were meant to have a happily ever after with their precious prince.

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