#i am of course nowhere near tumblr famous but like

[utdr-stimming]

Yo holy shit 64 followers!!!

I got a whole STACK dude hell yeah

#💔non stim #i am of course nowhere near tumblr famous but like #technically in the very very niche community of deltarune stim boards i'm the real deal #also it feels so cool that whenever i upload a board someone is like “yo!!! love this” #or like bro i get frequent asks!!! this is so awesome i love you guys honestly

[sourkitsch]

tagged by @flamejob !! Ty Izzy!!

1. why did you choose your url?

Because I’m obsessed w symbolism and metaphor. Also bc if I don’t process my trauma in the most esoteric way possible am I really processing it at all xoxo

2. any side blogs?

Yup! I haven’t touched any of them in years though. Not sure why I haven’t deleted them. They’re just there I guess

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

… it’s coming up on 10 years… the worst part is I’ve never remade this is the original blog I started with

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nope I’m nowhere near that organized!

I do use my queue a lot tho, which is why my blog is so cluttered. Half these posts I saw like. Last month and they didn’t fit the vibe at the moment so I was like “ok sometime in the future”

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Again. I was 12. I had a crush on a girl for the first time and she was a year older than me and had a blog so I joined to reblog anime gifs. Worst origin story imaginable.

6. why did you choose your icon?

It’s a detail from Caravaggio’s Sacrifice of Isaac! A piece that means a lot to me + fits w my url

7. why did you choose your header?

Because I talk about Jesus so much for someone who doesn’t personally subscribe to his newsletter.

Also I love Tiffany Pollard are you kidding me. Somebody lied to her— several times— and told her she was fly, hot, and sexy, and beautiful and she’s nothing like that. She’s nothing of the sort.

8. what's your post with the most notes?

A stupid meme post I made that got 60k notes and was passed around the most annoying group of people humanly possible. I was so close to just deleting it but then I changed it to just a picture of one of my guys.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don’t keep track. I probably interact with 10-15 of you regularly.

10. how many followers do you have?

979

11. how many ppl do you follow?

902

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yeah who hasn’t

13. how many times do you use tumblr a day?

I wish it was less!! This is my only social media though, so it’s better than Twitter I guess

14. have you ever had a fight with another blog?

I’ve never fought with someone on here who I didn’t also know in person….. but I’ve also spent a large portion of my life in spaces where other people have tumblr…..

8-9 times probably

15. how do you feel about need to rb posts?

I’ll read them occasionally. Don’t reblog them though

16. do you like tag games?

Yes!!!!!!!! I love them!!!!!!

17. do you like ask games?

Yes I also love them!!!!!! Unfortunately I sometimes rb them when people are offline but I do try to time them for the most part. I love to share little facts abt me

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

The amount of times I’ve seen Caro’s posts just out and about @lanadelreyrichardlionheart

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Actual genuine romantic feelings? Of course not. I do like to see certain people interact w me and I’d love to get to know some of y’all better though!

20. tags

@calvarydrive @californiaquail @theoryofreligion @blood-and-breath @vivisecti0n if you wanna do it!! No pressure tho ❤️

#caro you’re also welcome to if you want

[coplins]

(1/3) Thanks for responding. I totally see the queerbaiting/kill your gays criticism - it's clear from Misha's comments after the fact that he really thought he was doing something supportive and didn't get how it was the opposite. I wasn't upset with ignoring Eileen because that whole plot was so badly written, and I didn't mind blurry wife because that was a story they'd never have time to tell, so leaving it to be your choice of wife/co-parent (Jared's words) worked for me.

(2/3) I don't see Dean's lack of reciprocation as a problem because Jensen and the showrunners have continuously said that is not their intent in writing/acting that character, so anything folks read into it is subtext. Again, Misha thought it would be better rep than it was. It was a bad call. John isn't canonically a child abuser, just a lousy parent. Both Dean and Sam have done so many crappy things as well that honestly, they shouldn't be there by that metric either. 3/4) But I don't think the finale (awkwardly written as it was) cancels out their character development at all. They are different people - back at the starting point, but not the men they were when they started. Dean is emotionally open; he's dropped acting tough and can talk about his emotions. He can be alone and be okay. Sam is no longer afraid of his blood or turning into John; he can be a good dad. I wish we'd seen Jack and Cas, or heard them at least wish them well, even just a prayer. (4/4) But even though that was crappy to leave out, I don't think it negates the show or the characters. 19 added Cas and Jack's names to the table, and I can be happy with that as the final episode. I was prepared to pretend it didn't exist before it even aired. I AM really glad you're anti-harassment. The shit that even folks like Kripke have been getting on their pages has made me so sad. Dabb posted something about baboons and folks even thought it was about them, not his new show! (Also, sorry to dump like a huge text thing in your inbox. It's totally fine that we disagree on things. I've just seen so many crazy things like people blaming Jared and saying the episode was an ad for Walker and to boycott Walker - a ton of Jared hate in general, really. Or saying Jensen "Destiel Isn't Real" Ackles is secretly a heller who's been viciously silenced by the powers that be for years. And now Misha's getting dogpiled for trying to interact and understand how he fucked up.)

It's fine, Nonnie. :)

Okay, so, just to make one thing clear. If you enjoyed the finale, then I think it's great. For everyone who didn't get their joy sucked out of them, that's awesome! I got to see the Wincest side of my Tumblr dash go apeshit from happiness and I'm happy for them. I've since had to unfollow some of those blogs when they turned bitter and hateful towards those of us who didn't like the ending. I curate my Tumblr (internet in general) experience to avoid seeing hate thrown at ships, actors, characters, fans, or people in general. I unfollow people if they post too much toxic stuff no matter if they're Destiel shippers, angel fans, or whatever part of fandom they're in.

I try not to reblog too much angry/bitter crap either. There are a lot of posts on my dash that I wholeheartedly agree with but don't belong on my blog. And I've written my share of wank and rants over the years but seldom hit post because I don't want to ruin someone else's positivity. When I do hit post I tag it "spn wank" so it can be avoided. If I need to angry-rant I do so in chat. Sometimes I mess up. There are undoubtedly some less than nice posts in the Buckleming wank category on my blog.

Generally speaking, my M.O. is disengaging and/or vote with my wallet. I will never condone cyberbullying. No matter how famous the person, or how nasty they are, harassment isn't okay. Actions have consequences and I try to think of what they are before I act. If I vent hurtful opinions about an actor, it'll be kept in chat, with someone who understands that particular frustration. (Not related to the current situation.)

When it comes to canon, it doesn't matter what showrunners or actors tell us about how it's meant to be interpreted or how they meant to act it. Canon is what's shown on screen, period. As curious as I am about what the actors have to say about things, it isn't important regarding canon at all. I'll stan my boys no matter what their characters get up to on-screen. <3

Yeah, I've seen the theories and the dogpiling. Luckily, I've avoided seeing the Jared hate but I knew it would be there because the internet is a cesspool of people lashing out aimlessly or misdirecting their anger. Even IF they wrote the finale in a way that they thought would put a spotlight on Jared's upcoming series, HE was nowhere near a position of power to make that decision and should be left out of it. I just figured, if it was true that that's what they thought, then the Wincest bunch was their target audience for the new show. *shrug*

Interesting to hear your take on the finale. If I follow people who have your take, they're not vocal about it, or I'm simply missing it because I don't stalk Tumblr. All it takes for me to stop scrolling and go back to my writing is 3 unknown anime posts in a row or one reader-insert fic and I'm nope-ing the hell out of here. X)

I'm not going to argue against any of your points. It's great that you saw it that way. Fuck, I wish I did too.

I kinda feel like I need to address the child abuse comment I made, though. Some separate neglect and abuse like those aren't the same, some only count physical abuse, others include verbal abuse. Too many of my loved ones (both close friends and family) have experienced all three of those categories and the one who was left alone to care for her little sister as a child, definitely has a lot of mental scarring from it, so I'm counting neglect as abuse. That said, I fucking love John Winchester. So it might be Jeffrey Dean Morgan's charisma, so sue me. But John canonically neglected the hell out of his sons. We got proof of that even in this season when John drops his son off for days in a town where kids have gone missing recently. So, yeah... But, on the other hand, of course both he and Mary should end up in Heaven. Like, that wasn't even a question.

I think my strong reaction against it was how every part of the found family the Winchesters had gathered over the years was erased from the narrative as soon as Dean died. The only one who is shown as important is Bobby, a found-family member that initially was connected with John, not someone the brothers had found and connected with on their own. Bobby is also the only non-Winchester in the photos Sam has over his bed when he's dying. I don't know, man, "Everyone's here," simply doesn't do it for me.

"Family ends with blood" like the finale implied, only works if the greatest monsters in life haven't been family members, and my best friends (twins) growing up, just like my mother, were abused, mentally, physically, and sexually, by parents. I've seen the aftermath of those hellfires, how long it takes to assemble the fractures of your being and become, if not whole, at least functional and happy. For them, it was the friends they made along the way, those who loved them when they couldn't, who really mattered.

And that was one thing I really loved about SPN (and still do). Team Free Will. Wayward Sisters. All the people that they met along the way and connected with. I've loved to see Sam and Dean develop their bond by taking it from unhealthy, destructive co-dependency to step by step with several setbacks become their own individuals with lives outside of each other, yet still having the strong bond full of brotherly feels where the love they had for each other was rooted in respect for each other's differences and not who they "were supposed to be for each other". And unlike you, I can't see anything but regression in how the finale played out.

Okay, I gotta stop talking now. ^^ I have one scene my betas told me I need to rewrite in my next chapter, and another chapter half done, and I'm itching to post so I need to get on with it.

I hope I didn't put too much of a dampener on your enjoyment of the finale. My opinions don't matter. We all come from different life experiences and therefore find different things compelling and important. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness. <3

*Hugs*

#anonymous #spn finale #supernatural

[if-weshadows-haveoffended]

Harana - Padawan!Obi-Wan x Reader

A/N: Man I really sat on this wip for 3 whole ass years. OBI-WAN AND INFINITE SADNESS? I DON’T KNOW HER. I ONLY KNOW TEA AND MIST DIFFUSERS. There are some sneaky references to Casablanca in here and a section of Anne of Avonlea.

Harana in the rural Filipino tradition is the act of courtship by serenading (with guitar) and often has the serenadee to respond back in kind (also with guitar). Often your bros would help you woo a girl by being your back up players and singers. Imagine Romeo and Juliet balcony but with significantly more guitars and second-hand embarrassment. Also the wookiepedia entry on music is absolutely WILD. (Reposting bc tumblr hates me and the tags were broken)

Title: Harana Tags: @fangirltothe-end​ , @hellotherekenobi​ Words: 1650+ Masterpost: here (x) Prompt List: here (x) Mixtape Archive: here (x) The Obi-Wan Kenobae playlist (x)

Perhaps you’d foolishly consider yourself a hopeless romantic.

It just seemed one of those days: sunny and the breeze just a touch warm, the scent of Ithorian roses and Sachi blossoms drifting upon it as you spent a day idly reading upon the balcony of your apartment. Somehow it was as if nothing could go wrong. Not spilling your tea all over the counter, not making your bath far, far too warm, hells not even the dozens of unopened messages on your comm could ruin the quiet serenity you were feeling.

And you may as well enjoy it after all, this reprieve from the tedium of study would only last for a few more days. You’d spent enough time watching holo-movies and idly playing music upon your old guitar as it was. It was time to finally work through that pile of reading you had always intended to get to.

The sun was slowly descending beyond the rolling hills at the horizon and you were well into your bookchip now. A story you felt viscerally, had read and re-read so many times and yet you yearned and pined and loved alongside the protagonists of the story. You would always smile, feeling your soul alight as your eyes traced the words upon the screen. Perhaps that explosive, violent love was never for you. The ones they showed in holodramas where the lovers would dramatically meet at the docking bay for one last passionate kiss. A confession and a farewell all at once. No, you ached for something quieter. Something as constant and warm as sunlight.

‘Perhaps, after all,’ you read, ‘romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a Jedi knight flying down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps… perhaps… love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship- ’

You were suddenly pulled out of your reverie at the sound of footsteps and the murmur of a voice.

“Who’s there?” Your hands gripped at a small blaster in the folds of your dress in reaction to the sudden sound, eyes frantically scanning the deceptively serene balcony. Datapad in hand, you slowly made your way to the wide stone ledge. Carefully brushing off fallen blush-coloured petals you precariously leaned over, checking for any assailants below the ledge. Granted it was a stupid idea, but it was worth a shot anyway.

What you hadn’t been expecting was a young man sitting on a balcony ledge below, quietly singing to himself as he stared out into the far distance.

Kriff abort mission, no, nooooooo….nah... nope can’t do this.

You really couldn’t, he looked far too peaceful with one leg tucked under his arm, the other lazily over-hanging his ledge as half-lidded crystal eyes stared out to the peaceful idyll of distant lakes and hills. And yet, you were still there, half-falling off your ledge and staring at this boy as if you’d been ordered to memorise his appearance in order to assassinate him in the marketplace tomorrow. But something tugged at the back of your mind as you took in his relaxed robes in a sort of cream colour, the brown cloak discarded carelessly upon the balcony floor and what appeared to be a braid peeking out from behind his ear-

Oh no, oh kriff… oh kriff, kriff.

You were unaware that the Jedi were even allowed to sing. You’d always been taught that they were a hermit-y sort that didn’t do the whole singing-and-dancing-and-women-and-drink-and-wine-and-merriment sort of thing. Probably spent their free time herding shaak and the like.

But clearly you were very, very wrong.

He was a wonderful singer. His voice carrying the romantic yet mournful tune that you must have heard somewhere before. Was it a play? No, it must have been one of those sweeping holo-movies that always seemed to make every being in the room cry as the battered cantina owner lamented the return of his lost love. What was it? He’d refused to have that song played ever again? And yet he did, drinking whiskey, a single tear falling down his noble features. They’d always have Correlia, he’d say, assuring himself that he truly was fine and not crumbling apart within.

And that young man was still singing the tune, and you… you were simply transfixed at his beauty and his serenity, wondering what other power in the galaxy had blessed him so with coppery hair that glistened just so under the blaze of the setting sun.

“Hello there!” He turned suddenly and cheerfully waved to you.

There were many things you would tell people in the future about that time you first encountered the famous General Kenobi; “The Negotiator”. His kindness, his laughter, his smile…What you wouldn’t tell them, was the absolute mess you’d made of yourself while you fell off your balcony ledge and onto your tiled floor.

Like a complete and absolute ass.

Oh and your pad had tumbled off the marbled edge and cluttered upon the tiles of the Jedi’s balcony.

But it was alright with the coppery-haired piece of shit, apparently. He was profusely apologising and bounding up with his magical force powers to stand upon the narrow ledge on the other side of the stone balustrade.

“Are you alright?” He tilted his head in confusion, padawan braid swinging against his chest. You felt your mouth open and close, but you doubted anything escaped. “It appears your pad has smashed itself into smithereens.”

“I-I,”

“You can speak Basic, can’t you? If not, I can translate into-” He offered very quickly,

“No, of course I can speak Basic, I was just…” Gingerly, you prised yourself off the floor, dusting down rumpled skirts and staring at the odd Jedi. “You’re a wonderful singer,” you blurted.

“Well thank you,” He replied, a little flustered, a hand moving to fiddle with his cute little nerf tail.

Cute. Cute? Kriff, you’d only been talking to the boy for the last thirty seconds. Surely this was a new record.

“I didn’t know Jedi sang,” You rambled on and you simply knew that heat would be pooling up in your face for the boy to see-

Oh no, it was fine, he was turning a rather charming shade of pink too. It only seemed to get worse, didn’t it? Oh of course, of course he was cursed with dimples. You really should have just cut your losses and fled.

He laughed, swinging a leg over your balustrade and sitting upon it. “Oh we sing sometimes, my master says it drives him up the walls. But I am sorry, I’ve been terribly impolite. I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan learner.” He held out a hand and you took it, shaking it as well as you could given your dazed circumstances. You were pretty sure, however, that you at least managed to give him your name.

“Well, Y/N, however can I make this up to you?” He gestured to the mangled, metallic remains below. “It is more or less my fault and-”

He still had not let go of your hand, and despite all common sense, you found no reason to let go. How could you? Obi-Wan (you had the sneaking suspicion it would roll off your tongue) continued rambling and you merely stepped away, your hand fighting to remain in his until you were too far, finger tips brushing against a calloused palm.

“Wait here,” You said, placating the concerned look that had passed before his face. Your feet traced the path through your room, eyes frantically scanning for the sight of warm Kashyyk wood before hefting it into your hands and quickly returning to the waiting Jedi. You noticed with some amusement that he’d balled his hands into the sleeves of his robes. “That pad was old anyway,”

He raised a sceptical brow, “Your face certainly said otherwise,”

“It doesn’t really matter. I’d read that story enough times to recite it in my sleep.” Heart pounding in your chest you mustered the courage to sit beside him, transferring the guitar to his awaiting arms. “Do you play?”

“A little. It was an elective.” He responded, “I’m sure it’s nowhere near as good as you,”

“Flatterer.” You briefly met his gaze, transfixed by their colour. Like a lake mirroring a cloudless sky. And you knew that you were lost. “Well, I’ve been starved for someone else to play with.”

“Have you now?” His teasing was going to be the death of you.

“Yes, now go and be all chivalrous and play something wonderful.”

“Any particular requests?” He asked, focused upon adjusting his hands upon the frets, fingers outlining the ghosts of chords. “Well?” He found your eyes once again, the answer slipping from your tongue faster than you could have ever expected.

It didn’t matter in that moment that a bemused Jedi Knight sat a floor below, basking in the comfort of the living force and the gentle sound of singing above him. It didn’t matter that he should really be bundling that boy off into their ship and off to debrief a council that would be mildly irritated at his choice to delay their return by a day or two.

All you knew- all you were consumed by- was the feeling of your fingers sliding their way along metal strings to familiar positions, passing a well-loved instrument back and forth and exchanging laughs as you missed notes. And if your hands lingered for too long upon his as you performed yet another exchange, you didn’t care.

No, all that mattered in the universe right now was the sound of your voices carrying the half-remembered tune of a song you both loved. And perhaps, just perhaps, this was that shaft of illumination you had hoped for.

#obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan imagine #star wars x reader #star wars imagines #prequel trilogy #ewan mcgregor

[e-w-movement]

The East to Western Movement

Growing up in a Filipino household, I never truly noticed the amount of Eastern Asian culture I was surrounded by. I was so used to watching anime before and after school or eating Asian foods my grandma cooked or bought from the supermarket down the road. It was not truly impactful until I was exposed to social media for the first time when I was 13. The impact of social media on the spread of international media is immaculate, as I watched throughout the years this spread of Eastern Asia taking over my news feed on Facebook and Twitter, to the point where it has almost become a social niche. Ranging from media to electronics to becoming so widespread that the Asian culture has become a fetish and aesthetic.

Above image 

The United States have always had an upperhand in media market, but in the last couple of decades, Asia has been trying to overcome and even challenge the west. Asia has one-seventh of the world’s population, yet they control two-thirds of the world’s total information control [here]. For example, a large breakthrough for Asian media is the growth of Japanese animations for the last couple of decades, specifically since 2013, where contracts from surrounding countries, including the United States, to own the rights to stream anime in their country has grown a tremendous 172% [here]. This is due to the influence of social media. Constantly, videos and pictures are shared, reviews bring certain shows to the top of the list, and friends bond and recommend shows to each other. It is a constant flow of exposure, which what has made mainstream animes, such as Naruto, Attack on Titan, and Dragon Ball, so popular to the point where anime conventions have become an event where thousands of people all over the country attend. San Diego had about 130,000 in attendance in 2017, with an economic impact of 140 million USD [here].  Of course not only Japanese Anime is the only thing given credit, as other popular U.S. shows and comics are included, it plays very big part. Just a couple weeks ago, I went to a local convention called Saboten where I watched several people dress up as their favorite character, including my best friend, and even spent more than I want to say on merchandise and posters (as you can see, my wall is growing in size).

Above Image is Mine

This popularity in anime has led to mascots and video games that have taken over the gaming industry. Pokemon has always been popular since the release of the game, making Pikachu an iconic mascot that even non-fans can recognize. This and Super Mario led to Nintendo’s worldwide popularity. Nintendo’s global net sales are an astonishing 9.95 billion USD and 75 billion USD in the global video game market, the U.S. being the largest share of Nintendo’s revenue (https://www.statista.com/topics/2284/nintendo/). Nintendo games have become a fan favorite, Pokemon and Legend of Zelda being big parts of childhoods. I have not met a single person, online and off, that don’t know or did not enjoy these games. There is also the influence of video games and anime on art, specifically fanart as seen on prints sold at conventions. Even my own art is heavily influenced by these, as I enjoy drawing my favorite characters from my favorite shows and games. This, in turn, causing my art to reach 300-400 notes on fanart on tumblr. This would not have been possible without the help of countries being connected through media and the internet in general, and that has only grown as technology has evolved altogether. A message and a post can spread within a matter of seconds all over the world. Without this, we’d be missing a part of our childhood.

Above Image

This can also be said about Asian film and media. Although not as popular as their anime counterparts, dramas and movies have been moving up, perhaps due to their storytelling that almost emulate those cheesy romance scenes you see in anime, or their stunning videography that make them so appealing. This can be seen specifically in the Korean industry, as movies like Train to Busan, A Love So Beautiful, and Descendants of the Sun, which are seen to be trending on Netflix. Usually, Asian dramas are typically shorter in length, so a lot of viewers tend to go towards them. This can also be seen in the popularity in some animes, which are shorter and usually have a interesting and flowing story line. The U.S. has also been introducing Asian actors and all Asian cast films into Hollywood, something rarely if ever seen before. Movies like Crazy Rich Asian ended up having a box office success of 76 million USD, and To All the Boys I’ve Loved before with an Asian female lead soared in popularity, but this wouldn’t have happened if not for the social media spread of Eastern Asian T.V. into Western media. Asians have always been cast as the nerdy side character or a comedic relief in sitcoms, yet in these films we see them portrayed as something more than that, someone human and not a martial artist specialist. This is important for young Asians in the West that don’t get very much representation in western media, making them feel left out, unattractive, and confused. Fortunately, this Eastern takeover has made Asians out to be more than a fetish dream, something we will get to more about later.

The U.S. has been seen making remakes of shows and movies like The Good Doctor (same title) and Boys Over Flowers (Between Boys and Friends), and upcoming is a remake of a popular Korean variety show, King of Masked Singer. Variety shows are popular for their ability to bring on famous pop singers and actors to learn more about them and make them seem like real people, rather than the pedestal they are put on here in the U.S.. King of Masked Singer is particularly popular for taking Idols and other popular T.V. persons to show their voice and talent, rather than their looks. This is important because of perfection that is portrayed in media, such as in music videos and T.V. shows. They are to be pure and without fault, making the idol status something to be sought after by not only young adults in eastern countries, but also now in the west as the spread of J-Pop and K-Pop has grown tremendously.

Above Image

K-Pop boy band BTS (as show above) and girl group BlackPink has hit the Billboard top 100, with BTS currently at 81 with their new hit “IDOL” ft. Nicki Minaj [here]  and BlackPink formerly at 55 with their single “Ddu-Ddu Du” [here]. Though, many idol groups aren’t far behind this peak, like TWICE and EXO and many more climbing their way up with millions of views on Youtube. This increase is most likely due to that challenge of western standards, with many songs emulating pop genres and simplistic beats and twisting it into something catchy, almost hypnotic. You’ll hear many songs incorporate several genres into one, such as pop, rap, and even rock. Along with this is how flawless an idol looks in their videos, their skin seemingly free of all blemishes and fashion that isn’t something ridiculously over the top or painfully simple, but fashionable and wearable. It’s as if these idols are perfect, which is desirable for many young people. Who doesn’t want to seem perfect?

This ideal in looks has turned Asians from being seen as ugly and undesirable, to gorgeous, cute, and natural. This, in turn, going again that human standard I was talking about before. Soon, people began to ask how they keep their skin like their favorite idols, what makeup they use, and how their hair is cut. Unfortunately, the pedestal the west puts their stars on are nowhere near the God-level the east puts their idols on currently, no matter how many variety shows they are on. This human-like quality is being drowned out by this impossible standard of beauty and personality set by none other than eastern media themselves. Eastern Asian beauty products have had a huge impact on how the west does their skincare. Even large sellers, such as Sephora and Ulta, have a section on their website dedicated to Korean skincare. Even I have put Korean and Japanese beauty products into my daily routine, in order to achieve that perfect skin they have (as seen below) and I have to admit, they are working so far, but it really strikes home as I am writing this that perfection is really what we are looking for in today’s society and it’s very difficult to escape.

Above Image is Mine

This has also hurt the idea that fetishization of Asian culture has also gotten worse, much worse. For years, Asians have been seen as the perfect little wives, shy and obedient. Older white men in the west have turned to dating sites and other sites to look for a Asian wife to marry, but just Asian. As you can see in this short trailer for the film “Seeking Asian Female” by Debbie Lum, the “market” for Asian women is large and has been ongoing for years upon years, especially when the internet really took off. “Asian” has become a tag on pornography sites (along with other races as well, but it is dehumanizing to depict a race as a fetish itself). The perfection of women and men in Asian media has grown this over the past decade, as men and women alike have only wanted to date an eastern Asian man or woman because they “look the best”. Users on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram exposed to Asian media are known for using Asian people to fit their “aesthetic”, or even going as far as wishing and lying about being Asian has become the norm. The Asian culture has been boiled down to nothing more than simply… an aesthetic and a fetish. “When you generalize a specific race or group of people, you deny each and every one of them their individuality and their right to be who they are.” (http://beyondhallyu.com/k-pop/i-love-korean-boys-the-problem-of-fetishization/).

Yet, the east to west movement has opened up this opportunity to change this, as can be seen in western media movies like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before and Crazy Rich Asians. The people in this film are not perfect, far from it. They are shown as humans unlike the crazy high standards held in Eastern media itself. This would not have been done without the spread of eastern media to the west. Especially in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, there is no emphasis on the lead’s race, she is simply a normal girl in high school falling in love.

While this widespread media exchange has had it’s ups and downs on society as a whole, I think we are getting to a place where acceptance is the goal. Social media is a place of opinions and has the potential of creating an entire social movement overnight. The East to Western movement has been on the move for decades, but it is coming to fruition now and creating a change in how the West perceives the East.

Written by Silvia Jordan

#asian #eastern asian #western media #BTS #BlackPink #K-Pop #to all the boys i've loved before #crazy rich asians #east to west #games #nintendo #pikachu #naruto #anime #j-pop #asian media #k-dramas

[the-busy-ghost]

Opinion on Mary Queen of Scots?

Ok first of all sorry I was a bit slow in replying to this but I was daft enough to reblog this meme on Christmas Eve so that’s on me.

Secondly, to answer, my first response is always, just ‘Ah’. Because as far as Mary is concerned I don’t really have a fixed or well-defined opinion on her and it often shifts and changes, and it’s affected by so many things that were not Mary’s doing nor even the result of her own time.

Firstly there’s the fact that she’s simply been overstudied- in certain ways. Partly that means that there’s simply so many resources and so many radically different takes on her that it’s difficult to come to one solid conclusion like it is for so many other monarchs, even famous ones like Elizabeth. Partly that means that I will admit to also having a healthy level of resentment of so much attention being showered on one Scottish monarch, who reigned personally for about six years (which I’m not saying is entirely her fault, but still), when other parts of Scottish, and indeed other countries’, history is passed over- ESPECIALLY when bits of that history should actually impact how we see Mary (people will write about Mary and have no more knowledge of the reigns of her father and grandfather than a basic outline, let alone earlier Scottish monarchs, or the developments in the Scottish Church and culture and stuff- all of these things will have affected how Mary ruled in Scotland, while the same could be said of in-depth knowledges of French and English history,, and European politics for other points in her career) . There’s also the fact that while a lot has been written about her, it’s mostly been about certain parts of her career, while other areas are relatively ignored, while a lot of the historical figures of her own time, including her allies and rivals, are neglected (though this has increasingly been rectified in recent decades), and I think that that doesn’t help us to form a whole opinion at all. 

So at first I need to say Mary is nowhere near the most interesting member of her house or even her period to me, and partly the fact that she has been so overstudied is a bit offputting, even when it could be interesting to study areas of her career that are more neglected. 

That’s not her fault though. As far as Mary herself I think too many people- both her fans and her detractors- make the mistake of not focusing enough on the role she was meant to play as monarch, rather than the individual person she was (and while her personality would affect her monarchical style, too often she gets a lot more forgiveness on that front than other monarchs). A good example would be in 1558, when she signed over to France the rights to the succession of the Scottish Crown. Luckily for Mary this was secret- as a person it’s of course entirely reasonable to make arguments that she was young, that she was surrounded by people she trusted and had been raised by who were telling her to do this, that she probably thought, having been raised in France, that there was nobody better to safeguard Scotland- but that wasn’t her call to make, and certainly not on her own, without providing for a negative reaction by the Scottish Estates. As a monarch then I think it would have been viewed by some as unforgivable, if it had become known, especially given everything Scotland had gone through over the past four hundred years (which it may not have been Mary’s fault for not being aware of but it still happened), and I don’t even think the watershed of the Reformation would have changed that. 

As a monarch then (even without taking into account the above agreement of 1558) we have to agree that she ended up being ultimately unsuccessful and that her governmental style was not one of strength no matter who her allies were, and even when she was at her most powerful there’s signs of that. It certainly wasn’t entirely her fault that her reign was a failure but at the same time it deeply frustrates me when she gets given a get out of jail free card for it, because she was also responsible. There are a lot of factors there- she was raised to be a French consort not a Scottish monarch, she was ill-equipped to deal with the religious situation, she was already distrusted by some of the community of the realm before he even set foot in Scotland, and her gender can’t have helped (though those who attribute her failure solely to that are being deliberately ignorant), that she was dealing with a political situation that had been (in some places) undermined by England before she even got there, but there is also the fact that in her (admittedly young) adulthood she failed to even properly try to understand what she was dealing with in Scotland. But she also has precedents in most of her failures as a Scottish monarch- some other Scottish kings before her had been failures and their problems often are helpful in understanding Mary’s, though other parts of her failure were entirely her own. Either way we need to take it as a starting point that she was not a particularly successful or even influential monarch so far as Scotland was concerned, and that she was partly responsible for that.

As a person? Mary was obviously brave, capable of both fierce defence of her interests and yet also far-reaching forgiveness and tolerance, we all know she was charismatic and she makes a compelling figure when you get glimpses of how energetic and quick she was to laugh even from early childhood, she was generous and empathetic, a good traveller, and at least to a certain extent understood the importance of mixing with her people at all levels of society (if not so strongly as her grandfather James IV, she at least didn’t shut herself off so completely as James III). On the other hand she had a tendency towards nervous collapse when things got too much and while I can see why that would happen (I certainly could not be a monarch and would probably similarly withdraw in tough times, as I think many of us would) it was not exactly helpful when she was supposed to be a queen. But as a person she comes across as a charming figure who inspired a lot of loyalty- but even then we can’t ever separate that from her as a monarch, and there she inspired as many enemies. 

To conclude this long and not really very well thought out rant, I enjoy studying Mary as a monarch, I certainly don’t dislike what we know of her as a person, but overall in comparison to others in history, and how deeply fascinated I am by other Scottish monarchs (and parts of history that don’t involve the Crown) in particular, I’d say I’m almost indifferent to her some days, and mostly feel a mixture of pity and frustration, and only occasional fascination when I happen upon some bit of her career that’s been neglected or a primary source that’s particularly compelling.

Incidentally though if anyone’s wondering why I’ve been talking about her more lately it’s because my dissertation partly focuses on her half-siblings so I’ve been having to reimmerse myself in her reign, which I haven’t really studied in depth since I was much younger. (That’s another thing- I really don’t know as much about her as a lot of people seem to think, both on and off tumblr- I’m much better on the four centuries or so before 1542).

Ok silly not fully informed rant over.

#There are definitely bits of this people will argue with and there's probably bits that are wrong #But I think that's the best way that I can described my opinion on Mary I right now #I need to watch my step though I've got what is thought to be a portrayal of her mother as my icon

[jackieswift]

That album part 6

Hey you! Here you have the next part of that album. I hope you like it! If you have missed the story, you can find the other parts here:

Part 1: https://jackieswift.tumblr.com/post/162440799402/that-album

Part 2: https://jackieswift.tumblr.com/post/162487913687/that-album-part-2

Part 3: https://jackieswift.tumblr.com/post/162839150932/that-album-part-3

Part 4: https://jackieswift.tumblr.com/post/162876753722/that-album-part-4?is_related_post=1

Part 5: https://jackieswift.tumblr.com/post/163046959457/that-album-part-5

--------------------------------------------------------

*Adam’s pov*

I got the first text from Dillon, then another one from Emil. They all still had some contact with her, or at least more contact with her than me. I still had her on snapchat, but I didn’t dare to look at her photos. Because I knew she would see my name. She only had around 50 friends on there, or at least she only had that when she was mine. But everything was different then, so maybe this wasn’t the same either.

It was a picture on a breakfast. I could see that it was in her Rhode Island house, because of the furniture. Taylor wasn’t that “normal girl” that had what everyone else's had or what was the most popular. She had what she liked, you could mostly see that in her Nashville kitchen, but all her houses have unique details that no one else has.

On the picture you could also see a hand. It was a male hand, because it was too big, thick and manly to be a girl hand. Some girls have manly hands, but the most of Taylor’s friends were supermodels or just really skinny anyway. So I was pretty sure it was a guy. And therefore also pretty sure it was Joe.

When I opened it the first time, the one from Dillon, I felt my heart break into a million little pieces. I thought she already had done that with my heart. I thought she had done that when she left me, met Tom, hang out with Tom, met Joe, and was seen with him. And this time, seeing that she makes it official with her friends, well she broke it once again. I guess this would keep happen everytime I see her with another guy.

But the second time I saw it, when I opened Emil’s message, I got angry. Because I realised he can’t make her as happy as I did. He can’t possible be a better man, or could he? I needed her! And that Joe guy, he could just go back to living with his parents instead of living with my girl. He shouldn’t be there, I should. He can’t just take her.

A few days later…

*Taylor pov*

I had my 4th “party” or maybe we should call it meet up, because it wasn’t that many at my place. And Ed and I wasn’t up the whole night singing karaoke, like we did last year. It was just some friends and my family.

I had decided not to post anything on my instagram, tumblr, facebook or anything like that. I only took a few pictures to my snapchat, for my friends that couldn’t come, so they could see what was going on.

My dad and mom wanted to go back to Nashville the fifth and Austin had to fly back to California for some work. Joe would go back home to England for awhile and my other friends went back to their regular lives too. I wanted to record my new song that I had been written a few days earlier, so I decided to go back to Nashville and meet up with my guys there.

On the flight home with my parents they asked me a bunch of questions like; are you and Joe just friends, what are you doing about the rumors, have you heard something from Adam and so on. It was many other, more comfortable questions that came up also, but these questions, they were the hardest to answer, especially the last one. Because Joe and I, well we were just friends. And the rumors, I see them as annoying, but right now, pretty good. And Adam, what should I say? He wrote at least one song about me, telling me that he loves me, and then hanging out with another girl, just like I’m nothing.

Otherwise, the flight was pretty calm. We talked about my mother and her cancer. How she’s fighting and it gets better, but that it still hasn’t gone away. About my father, his work, his friends and everything else that goes on in his life, which was so much more than I thought. And then my brother Austin. He’s so grown up now, and I can still remember him as a kid. The cutest and funniest of them all. Well, I guess he still is today. I feel like he’s always the second child, just because I’m famous or whatever we should call it, but I love him and am so proud over his work. That he gets to do what he loves, well that makes me the proudest sister on this planet. Now we both only have one important thing left, finding true love. Or I knew I had found mine, but also that I had lost it, and probably had to fight really hard to have a chance to win him back.

*Adam’s pov*

I would meet with Ellie later today. To find out what she knew. She had been in Italy, but would now come to America for a few days, so I had made sure she got some time to meet me.

I was nervous. Because Ellie was the one who first introduced me to Taylor. She was the reason I changed my opinion. I had always wanted to meet Taylor, so maybe we would have hit it off anyway, sooner or later. But I was so sure she wasn’t my type, I mean come on, I swiped left on her when I played tinder. So maybe I wouldn’t have looked at her for that long to realise, that that girl has the most beautiful blue eyes on this planet.

The clock was 2pm when she came over to my place. “Hey you” she said and hugged me. “Hello Ellie” I said and hugged her back. “I haven’t seen you in so long, I had almost forgotten how tall you are” she said. I started giggle and joked back “Well, I had almost forgotten how short you are”.

We walked inside and when we got to the kitchen I offered her something to drink. She said she would love some tea, the typical thing with European or at least with British people. We loved our tea. “Sure thing” I said and started making some.

“How are things between you and Tay?” she asked me, out of nowhere. “Ehm...what do you mean?” I answered. Not really knowing what to say. “Oh come on Adam. You asked me about Joe. Are you gonna act like you don’t have any feelings for her? Because sure thing, your song told me a totally different story.” I looked down at the ground, not wanting to face her. Not wanting her to know the truth, because how lame wasn’t I. It had gone over a year and I still wasn’t over her.

“You know what? I don’t even think they are together. I mean come on, she would have posted something fun with him. Remember your 4th of july together? She was all over you, and you were all over her. And none of us dared to go anywhere near her bedroom that night, I mean, I never understood how you dared to do whatever you did to her, with her family in the house. I mean if you guys only had heard yourself.”

My face turned red when she reminded me of that night. I felt awkward, because I hadn’t even thought about how loud we were, when her parents actually were there. But they always liked me anyway, thank God.

“You don’t know that” I finally answered and looked up at Ellie.

“That they aren’t together or that you two were like animals that night. Because I’m pretty sure of the both of them. But I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know how Taylor feels about you. I mean, Better Man had some tough words in it.” she said and I could see that she felt a bit guilty for pushing me, when she didn’t knew how Taylor felt. She knew as good as I that Taylor is a strong women that doesn't need a man by her side. And maybe she doesn't want me or any other guy there by her side.

But Ellie was right about one thing. They didn’t post any pictures, and yeah sure it was her break and everything, but if they were together and she really loved him, she wouldn’t have cared.

We talked for awhile, she played me some of her new music and then she had to leave.

*Ellie’s pov*

I had just left Adam’s house, and I was a bit in shock actually. Because Adam loved Taylor. I loved how they hit it off right away, after I had introduced them to each other. I loved how happy they made each other the first year and how good I felt, for bringing so much happiness into two people’s lives.

So I decided to do whatever it took for them to get back together. And the Adam part was pretty much done. He had basically admitted that he still have feelings for her. The only thing that was left with Adam was his pride. But I knew he would be able to give it another chance so much easier than Taylor would. But before I started working with her pride, I had to find out if she still have feelings for Adam. Ellie the matchmaker was back, I thought to myself and giggled. If they both still had feelings for each other that would just prove how silly they are. Because other people would give anything for a love like theirs.

I took up my phone and went to my contacts. Wrote in TayTay and then clicked on message. "Hey Tay, sorry for not being able to come to your party. But we should totally catch-up sometime. When do you have time over for meeting your old friend ;)? "

Half an hour later I got a reply saying "It's okay. Sure thing, how about some day next week?".

"13th?" I asked, because that day I was totally free.

"Sounds great! Where do you wanna meet?" Taylor answered right away this time. She had so many houses so when I met her it was always so many options.

"Nashville?" I asked, knowing she didn't want to be seen too much on her break.

"Okay, I'm fixing a bed for you." She answered. Taylor was always so opened. I could take in on a hotel, but of course she thought I should stay at her place. I knew it was worthless to fight it so I only wrote "See you then" back to her.

Right after the texting conversation with her I started planning everything out.

#taylor swift #calvin harris #ellie goulding #tayvin #tayvin fanfiction #tayvin fanfic #that album #that album part 6

[all-of-the-planets]

Another world, another strange new place for him to come to accept. Where would his ventures take him this time. He found himself sipping from a favored cocktail even present here. A stranger approached him. “Hello. Answer a question for a weary traveller. Where am I?”

And another night well spent!... Or, rather not if one would consider the circumstances of what brought Piers to this bar tonight. Not that he was an alcoholic, god forbid, though the simple atmosphere of the rather plain bar was a fantastic remedy for sore eyes. After a long, long day of seeing either terrible attempts at ‘paintings’ from an entire class of slacking-off students to the most annoying color of the hospital’s white walls.. Whenever he visited this bar, it was to take his mind off of things. To just sit down and observe each and anyone coming and going. It was fascinating how stupid some of these people are.But one entirely different character caught his eye, he would put both eyes on this newbie if he could but hey, you can’t have everything in life. It wasn’t really any specific behavior that caught his eye, per say.. Rather the presence, the demeanor of this person. He looked like he just didn’t belong in a bar as boring as this one. Time to give that fella a helping hand. From the corner of the bar, Piers got up from his chair, which did involve some staggering and wobbling thanks to his lovely leg prosthesis, and made his way past the drunk regular who always came around noon and stayed past midnight, past the woman always dressed in red but reeked like an ashtray. And what a pleasant surprise, the stranger seemed to be quite open for some chit-chatting. “Oh dear fellow, do not tell me you have no idea where you are? This is one of the most famous bars in town!” Liar, the bar was probably one of the lowest of the low within Dublin, even Piers knew that and he was not a Local. Tokyo got boring quickly, it had been at least 5 months since he moved to this new city. Though the lie was purposely so very obvious that it was more of a bad joke than anything else. “Good sir, you managed to land in the most beautiful parts of the loving capital of Ireland, and if you’re here to get wasted like assumably half of the cities’ population.. Well, that’s at least a starter. If not, you must be half bonkers.” Before even realizing what he had said, he raised one hand quickly as if apologizing. “No offense of course, obviously since I’m nowhere near drunk and do not plan to do so, consider me bonkers as well.” No, there was no stopping the Piers-blabbering-train once it has taken off.((-silently prays this is okay and that tumblr app did not fck up the coding))

[aparoxysm]

3,5,7,8,9,12,15,18,19,20

✿  Does anyone in real life know about your RPing hobby and what, if anything, have they said about it?

My parents know, because for as long as I’ve been on the internet, they’ve known that I like to write and write with friends overseas. My dad still calls it fanfiction somtimes to other people, like he’s proud of me or something, and that’s enough to make me want to never talk to him again out of embarrassment, ha, but I deal with it. Because I truly do love writing more than anything. Other than that, my boyfriend knows, but he doesn’t care about it / ask questions and I don’t really like to tell him about it either. I’m not as embarrassed about RP as I used to be, but I still feel like it’s just something for me that other people wouldn’t really understand the mechanics of. The only times my boyfriend and I do acknowledge it is when I start talking about an RP friend he hasn’t heard about before like a real life friend, so he’s like who dat and im like oh, new rp friend from > insert country

That being said, he actually did surprise me the other week and I have been holding onto it for fear life. We were complaining about a friend who literally just sleeps and watches Netflix all day when she’s not working, and he’s like “I don’t get how you can do that” and im like “Well I have friends online who claim to do that a lot. Me, personally, I’d get too bored.” and hes like “I just don’t get how people can do nothing all the time? Like at least with you and your online stuff, that’s still doing something. I just feel like that’s actually a hobby.” and I kind of didn’t hear whatever else it is he said because he actually ??? referred to my RP addiction as something valid and worthy??? and all this time i’ve assumed he didn’t get it and thought it was dumb??? IDK, it made me feel good.

✿  Have you considered writing professionally or do you have plans to?

Always. But I never will, I don’t think.

✿  How do you handle the toxicity sometimes found in the roleplaying community, particularly in fandoms?How has roleplaying, specifically, impacted your life?

I use tumblr savior to blacklist a lot, because it really gets too much for me to be exposed to it a lot, and it makes me feel shitty and not want to rp with certain people because of how they behave, or makes me feel guilty for how I behave… I usually drift away from things that give me major negative vibes, otherwise I become in great, exponential danger of saying something i’ll regret. I’ve hated Tumblr RP a lot in this last year. It’s nowhere near as relaxed as it used to be, and I know there’s a lot of political debate on the topic of equality but I am not comfortable in a space where I have to edit everything I do and say or just not do or say it at all. When it gets like that level, a good dose of the unfollow button and keeping my mouth shut is what I find the most helpful.

✿  How has writing improved your life and do you see yourself sticking with it?

When I graduated high school, I went to college for art and animation, and it basically ruined my creative life. Before RP, I used to be an avid drawer, I sketched every day, I improved my skills and motivation so much, everyone knew me as the girl who drew in class instead of did her work, the girl who was going to grow up and be a famous artist, and when I went to college, it killed that for me. My ego took a big blow because the tech side of the course absolutely annihilated me, i couldn’t do it. so after that (and that was 2 years ago now) i haven’t really drawn since. but the silver lining was that I took on RP more dedicatedly after that, and found that I truly adored writing. Try as I might, I’ve never really comitted to a personal writing project, and it’s only in the recent times that I’ve taken the pressure off for me to do it, but. RP makes me happy, it makes me feel like I’m doing something good when I reply to people or make new friendships, it makes me feel like I’m wanted and needed, that my characters and plots are valid and that other people would care if I’m here or not. It was a big boost for my self confidence, and it’s also made me so much more privy to the creative world, which i needed after that. so yeah, i see myself sticking with writing.

✿  Is there a quote from a piece of literature that holds great value to you? What is it and why is it important to you?

She stood in front of her closet mirror in her T-shirt and twisted this way and that. What’s wrong with me? She wondered. There was nothing the matter that she could see. She was tall and leggy, like her mother, with full breasts, small waist, and slim hips that curved enough to show she was female. Her skin was gently golden; it was always golden, sun or not, and her tawny hair was thick and long and wild. So why was it that groups of girls stopped talking when she approached them at school and answered her openings with tense words that killed the conversations she tried to start? Was she too good-looking? Was that possible? Was that the threat they saw? 

Legitimately, this was the first and pretty much only female protagonist I had ever read about who fully and whole-heartedly loved herself where it mattered. Sure, she still had her shortcomings and moments of weakness, but god damn, Vivian was so proud of herself and what she stood for, and that was so refreshing to see during that period of young adult fiction. It’s why she became my first favourite character from a book. And has pretty much inspired me to write feirce, aggressive, self-assured female characters ever since. I was just so inspired by her way of thinking as a young girl, it appealed to me so much and so that moment in the book plus a whole lot of others, really stuck with me.

✿  What do you typically look for in a roleplay partner?

Cliche, but chemistry. And not always in the writing kind but a lot in the OOC kind. I like people who I can talk to super easily, who write in the same tumblr language I do, who reference memes and are not afraid to hit me up with IMs and head canons, etc. I just love it because it makes me feel comfortable with a person, and like I’m not being a bother. The better I get to know a player, the better I get to know their character away from IC interactions. Likewise, I adore it when players get to know me so well that they read the patterns in my characters easily, and I don’t feel like I have to explain them all the time? It’s like they just know, and they know what path I want to put them on. I also look for honesty, people who are down to tell me what they’re feeling about a situation or whether something bothers them, or is able to voice if I’m doing something wrong. Most importantly though, I look for decisive people. Not overly decisive but it’s just so important for me to have someone who is like “yes that sounds good, i can start a thing for you if you want” or “i dont think that really fits, how about this plot idea instead?” I really cannot stand sending IMs to people about plots and characters and them just agreeing off the bat the whole time, but never really deciding on anything either, and so it makes me feel like i’m just paddling in a circle until i make all the decisions for us. To me, that’s not what RP is about. It involves teamwork, and effort, and to me, that’s not putting in effort. It gets me really frustrated.

✿  What made you want to join the roleplaying community?

I kept seeing bios in celebrity tags, and so when i sussed out what group rp was on tumblr, i was like holy shit there is a name for the thing i have been doing with friends over email for so many years???? and you can use PICTURES? i gotta get on this.

so somehow, i found a group rp that allowed mythical creatures, i wanted to be a peter pan mermaid, and the rest is history~~

✿  What one piece of literature has been most inspirational/life changing for you? Why?

(( Blood & Chocolate, by Anette Curtis Klause — because of the main character, as per mentioned. She’s inspired me to write full-on, aggressive, assertive, don’t-tell-me-what-i-can-and-cant-do female characters without apology. ))

The Truth About Forever  by Sarah Dessen — it’s hard to explain exactly why, and it doesnt even just involve ONE of her books either, but they’ve kind of shaped my whole general character story directions?? her books always follow a pattern and i really admire that pattern, even if it is repetitive, and i am secretly a hopeless romantic so i really like how her love stories evolve. it’s always slow burning, the boy is usually a direct surprising love interest, and the girl always gains new friends and family out of it, and the stories always involve a nice little reoccurring theme. In the Truth About Forever, it’s a game that she and a boy plays throughout the entire book, which eventually leads to a shift from friendship to something more. THAT PLOT HAS APPEALED TO ME EVERY SINCE. the example of a teeny, tiny, otherwise-completely-average moment greatly impacting the rest of a characters life with someone else… i am weAK for this concept ok. her females are always usally feircely independent too and that gets me ♥

✿  Who are your top three favorite fictional characters and why?

Vivian Gandillon (Blood & Chocolate) — i swear i could go on repeat forever haha, but i’ve basically already mentioned why.

Jace Herondale (Shadowhunter Series) — back when the first like, two books had only been published, i super fell hard for this series and it was straight up because of the commentary done by Jace and his ability to senselessly bicker with everybody in his path. his comments to me, were always absolutely hysterical. i was so in love with his wry and witty comments, especially the way he kept at ease and casual through super distressing situations, and i really wish id kept reading the rest of the series as it was published, but i seriously fell behind. then the movie came out. then the netflix series. now i’ve grown too far out of it and having to see the cast on my dash every second of every day makes me want to burn the books.

Shane Collins (Morganville Vampire Series) — this is an oooold old series that i used to read religiously, and it was more in the style of anita blake and buffy vampires~ rather than twilight and true blood -esque content. it got really weird and complicated though so i gave up on it, but for a time, i adored it. and i loved shane because he was hilariously human, he hated everybody except his housemates (though sometimes that could be questioned) and nobody held a grudge better than him. he had a knack for getting in trouble, usually on his own accord, was feircely protective and spent most of his time just being a genuine nuisance and temper tantrum thrower. i saw a lot of me in him, and idk. i just like people with tempers, i think it makes them super fun to read. 

#me af #psa; ooc #psa; my library #shehasnoears

[shes-a-rebelll]

this might just be ~another~ manic mood swing but..

 i really hope it is the one that goes through. i’ve literally spent so much time wanting to fight against what my parents want for me and what society wants. i just have such a tendency to want to resist any authority or control over me. if someone tells me to do something; it is immediately the last thing i want to do. it’s just an immature emotional response probably stemming from mental illness. and that���s why i’ve been basically demonizing a higher education for the past two years..... because my parents and most of society tells me i will only be successful if i do it.... anyways.

our society is so harmful. the lifestyle that i worship is so harmful. every since i was as young as 11 or 12, an extremely toxic lifestyle was impressed into my brain. handed to me by my false idols.

this lifestyle is one shoved in the faces of many of us in our daily lives. on the cover of every magazine, in the glory of every rock show, in the stories of famous billionaires.

it’s this “rebel against everything and do it your way fuck school it’s all or nothing i’m going to be famous!” ideal. it’s so fucking stupid. but listen. i IDOLIZED people who this WORKED for. i met them. they’re very real.

they got lucky.

the reality they live in is not the reality ANY of us face or can relate to.

the music industry, businesses, corporations, fashion, film, are all well-oiled machines. they need stars, but only a limited amount. famous people are picked and chosen through a selective process. they are chosen for how pretty they are, they are chosen for how charismatic they are, they happen to be doing or writing something that is favorable to the general population. they are talented, but i’m telling you, for every famous person, there is absolutely HUNDREDS of people more talented than them simply milling around in society next to you.

famous people don’t tell you this, or they don’t know it. they will tell you to drop out of school and join a rock band, to never have a traditional job, they will say fuck college because it worked for THEM. because they got LUCKY.

well honey, it will not work for me. and it will not work for you.

i am forever thankful for billie joe armstrong with his guyliner, red tie and spiky black hair, commanding the stage and stealing my little preteen heart, and filling me with hope when i was young. i will always be thankful that i picked up a guitar because of him, that i started writing my first poems and songs because of green day. they led to me finding yet another wonderful outlet for expression and creation.

i am not grateful that they idealized becoming homeless, doing drugs, and leaving school for your art. because they are one of the hundreds of bands that played at gilman in the 90s. and what are many of those bands who played besides them doing now? i am sure plenty of those kids had equal amounts of passion, of drive, of dedication and want to be the starts green day are. they all didn’t get it. 

because hoping for that kind of future is simply not reality. and i am sick of living in delusion.

my entire childhood, i practiced so hard, i fought so hard, but it felt like i was fighting against a strong current. some good came out of this fight: a persistence to create, and a lot of practice on the instrument. but a lot of bad shit came out of it.

writer’s block for YEARS because i compared myself so savagely to ALL other writer’s and artists, because i “wasn’t good enough”. constantly worrying about “making it”, “getting lucky” and the odds. feeling like i was never practicing enough no matter how much i practiced because my idols said they practiced for 8 hours a day, why cant i do that why cant i do that how come i cant just focus and do that???? music never being able to take my full focus when in reality i am a well rounded person with so many interests and passions that included a passion for learning and academic skill.

and the whole time feeling so.... sad. sad that i wasn’t ever able to get in a band. 

but i was hopeful because i kept thinking that, well it will all come together magically at some point before i’m an adult!

and of course, it didn’t. haha, any young adult has gone through something similar like this at some point. reality’s tough, it’s true! i’m a pisces, i don’t spend enough time in it as it is...

well, these past few years have been my worst. it has been college dropouts, quitting jobs, suicide attempts, running away from home, ruining my credit, falling into deep debt, costing my family thousands of dollars that went to waste while they were trying to clean up after my mistakes and keep me from going homeless, developing drug dependency to try to cope with my worsening mental health (just making it 10x worse), and falling apart again and again and again. and hitting lower points than i ever have before, as in, FEELING more hopeless and suicidal than ever. these past few months have been particularly hard on me.

i couldn’t handle the fact that this wasn’t the future i fantasized about. as unrealistic as it was, i couldn’t handle the fact that i am an adult and still nowhere NEAR where i need to be if i wanted to make any sort of career as a musician. hitting dead end after dead end and nothing feeling right.

some of my closest friends are almost opposed to school, literally telling me it’s bad for me because it didn’t work out for them. well, i don’t believe it is too late for them to turn their lives around either, that is their decision to make. but i know i’m not giving into this bullshit anymore.

you’re not rebelling. you’re working for barely above minimum wage doing low skill work that numbs your skull. you hate it, you talk about hating it constantly. a ton of people live this way. i’ve never been able to live like this. i thought my ‘way out’ of it was trying to be a famous rockstar. even if nothing came from this fantasy, it didn’t stop it from being at the front of my mind at all times.

i have let go of it at many different points, in different ways. the thing is i have bpd which gives me intense mood swings that alter my entire life views and personality almost on a day to day basis.... as i write this i am literally worried that i will feel completely different tomorrow, because once again i feel this decision would be right for me. but i am letting go. i am letting go of these people i idolize, of this life i idolize. maybe it helped me in my teenage years but it is nothing but harmful to me now.

i want to create because i love to create. i want to write because i love to write. not for fame or fortune or even recognition. no worrying about where it will get me and if i’m good enough. just creating for the love of creating.

i recently was thrown into a depressive episode because i forgot to register for classes on time and couldn’t take the two community college classes i wanted to take. i just gave up instantly. i’m not giving up. i fucking want this. i’m calling, i’m emailing, i’m going in and even speaking to them if i have to. i am pursuing an education in recording arts and i am so excited and it might become something more and god damnit i actually like this and i’m going to do it!!!

i have also been needing therapy so badly these past few months but NEVER wanting to put an effort into actually getting one for myself. i literally had my mom call some for me but they didn’t even call back. it is very hard to find a good therapist and i have had many that haven’t helped me at all, but two who have been very helpful to me. my best friend told me about dbt therapy for bpd (which she has also) and her therapist was able to find one for me that’s covered by my insurance!! the important thing is that i actually CALLED THE OFFICE and SENT PAPERWORK. with my level of motivation, it’s like..., a huge accomplishment!!

so idk. i just hope i’m moving in the right track now. i have felt completely empty and devoid of life for so long, with no purpose or direction. and i feel like i am finally doing the Healthy Thing and i really hope to break out of my unhealthy habits soon!

i also plan on leaving tumblr in 2019 to better my mental health. as i talked about my problems with idolization (aka obsession, something i legitimately SUFFER WITH through mental illness, seriously guys stop normalizing intense obsession it actually has many harmful effects), it’s best for me to leave a website where i do nothing but reblog pictures of band members i idealize from like 10 years ago. on this site i am orbiting around people who don’t know about my existence or give a single shit about me... and that’s just plain insanity. that, my friends, is why most adults leave fandom at some point. maybe it’s not harmful for everyone, but this behavior is sure as HELL harmful to me. i want to focus on my life and the people in it. i want to focus on reality.

probably no one read this but yeah i really had to go off

#just wrote like an entire essay jfc #it's just like everything i'm going through rn but it's positive so :D #as in a positive epiphany and i'm hoping to make a positive change.. #and theres a lot of typos but i rlly dont wanna proofread

[seafoam-mermaid]

Does anyone want to give a bully on here a taste of her own medicine?

I was scared and hesitant to post this because a) I didn't want that horrid monster coming after me and b) I know no one is going to read it because it's so insanely long but I have decided I will. And honestly I just kind of want to delete my tumblr blog even though I’ve had it for more than seven years because I’m just so hurt :’( I’m too sensitive and unstable and borderline for this shit. Especially right now with so many things wrong in my life. My dog has cancer, there's no money for his treatment, I've been unemployed for way too long and have no money left (no money to help my dog, my to pay for anything even the most basic things, and to get help and treatment for all of my very severe and crippling mental disorders, there's barely even any money for food), I'm bitterly and unbearably lonely and depressed and have watched everyone abandon me and forget about me, and I just recently got abandoned by the same person again. Everything has been so unbearable for so long and I just didn't need all of this hate and drama on top of it all.

I can’t believe these are the kind of people tumblr is filled with. Hateful, petty, childish pieces of shit that act like high- schoolers and go out of their way to be hurtful and then cry and play the part of the victim when confronted. I hate that I basically now have to be in hiding and afraid of more harassment and bullying even though I changed my url, disabled comments, and closed my inbox. It (that bitch) could still find me. She's always going to know my url no matter how many times I change it. I’m so afraid. I shouldn’t have to be afraid on tumblr and on my own blog. All because of this piece of shit bitch that plastered my url on her blog, hell bent on slandering me and getting all of her gullible and lackey followers to come on to my blog and send me hate too. How fucking high school can you get. How fucking SHIT do you have to be??? Preaching ~love and kindness~ and then slandering me in a very public place and threatening to call the police on me because she claims that a) I told her to go kill herself ((which I did NOT. I don’t know who that was but it was NOT me. I did call her a bitch (only because she refused to even acknowledge my genuine apology  which I DID NOT EVEN OWE HER BECAUSE I AM ALLOWED TO POST WHATEVER I WANT ON MY OWN BLOG, but was so rapt and attentive towards all the other ones from her followers putting me down) but I did NOT tell her to kill herself so right there, another flat out LIE)) and b) to have my IP address (which I feel is another invasion of privacy.) She should not have access to my address and it's bullshit and grossly invasive.

How fucking hypocritical can you get??? I’m too old for this childish high school bullshit. I’m too old and too tired. What a downright fucking cunt. But I am so wound up and agitated and upset right now and just want to GET IT OUT. Since clearly I am never going to get my justice. I have no idea how I'm going to sleep. I already stayed up so many other nights from the fear and anxiety that I would wake up to hate messages. I did absolutely nothing wrong. I say that with complete confidence, which is saying a lot because I’m never confident at all. I would gladly show anyone the goddamn fucking tags that she claims were so “offensive.” I am not afraid or guilty in the smallest amount. I don't even regret making the comment because there was LITERALLY NOTHING offensive about it. And even if this deluded bitch DID get offended, she could have quietly unfollowed me. I wouldn't have given a shit and that would have been the end of that. What made me so angry was that she went out of her way to send me a meanly worded message, ordering me to be nice, on my own fucking blog. As if I owed her that. As if I owed her anything.

And I actually DEGRADED myself by apologizing for something I shouldn’t even have had to apologize for in the first place. I was trying to be the bigger and more mature person, unlike her, and unlike how she was accusing me of the complete opposite. Just the very fact that she kept on posting all of the drama publicly proves her massive immaturity. All of this could have been handled PRIVATELY, as I had intended to do so to begin with. I only requested that she take down my url from her post as a) I did not and have not ever mentioned her url on my own blog and b) it was causing me great anxiety, distress, and fear of her followers coming after me (which a few actually did and I had to block them), but all she did was ignore me and kept on publicly posting my pleas (which clearly were very agitated - so much for the kindness she was so vehemently preaching) so she would keep on getting all of her praise and applause from her clearly retarded followers.

I just want justice. She gets to get away with this and will keep on receiving her praise for bullying and harassing me and I have to just be terrified because my blog is nowhere near as famous as hers and of course I have no one to defend me, as I have so few followers and kept the drama completely off my blog anyway. I’m so angry and hurt and upset. She deserves to be shut down but I know tumblr won’t do anything at all. I can’t stand feeling this powerless. I’m having a legitimate panic attack and I want to cry. I wish there was an option to deactivate instead. And to have the power to shut down someone’s blog. I’m just too scared and upset right now. All because I got upset over being told what to think and say on my own blog. Her message was NOT kindly as she claimed it was. It was rude and almost as if she was ordering me to remove the tags she thought were so offensive. Only it wasn’t even anything offensive at all. I didn’t hurt anyone at all. No one else got offended. If it bothered her so much she could have just quietly unfollowed me and it would have ended there, I wouldn't have cared at all, but she had to go out of her way and tell me what to do on my own blog in a very rude tone. Of course that made me angry, anyone would have gotten angry. Throw on top of that my cocktail of various mental illnesses and of course I got extremely angry. Yet even then. I still DID NOT call her out by name. Like she did to me. This piece of shit HYPOCRITE.

And even more pathetically, the fact that she SAW my angry post about how I didn't deserve her message or any of her bullshit. She had already unfollowed me. So for her to have seen it means that she was literally sitting at her computer, refreshing my blog obsessively, to see what or if I would say anything in response to her very rude and unsolicited message. HOW PATHETIC. And yet another invasion of privacy. She had already UNFOLLOWED me. Of course I wouldn't have made the post if she had still been following me. And furthermore, the point is I DIDN'T MENTION HER NAME OR URL EVEN ONCE IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMN POST. NOWHERE ON MY ENTIRE BLOG IS OR WAS THERE MENTION OF HER URL. So even though it made her upset, it's not like I was publicly calling her out and humiliating her. Nothing like what she did to me. No one knew who I was talking about. It could have been anyone. And no one saw the post anyway because I have such few followers to begin with.

What a sad and truly pathetic person. To sit at home all day and do nothing but tell people what to do while hiding behind the mask of anonymous, then crying and wailing and blubbering when she gets confronted about her rudeness and bullying, and turning to her pathetic and abusive followers to not only praise her for her actions but to get them to come after me too. How. Pathetic. I don’t ever get involved in stuff like this. I always go on tumblr and vent and scream and cry and rant because it’s the only place I can do so, and no one ever cares, and that’s that. I never set out to intentionally hurt anyone and if I do ever vent about someone in my life or that I knew I never mention names and they don’t follow me on here or anything. But now I feel afraid. This is all so shit and so unfair to me. I don’t want to have to close down my seven year old blog all because of what some truly awful bitch and cunt on tumblr did.

I just can’t believe that all of this is due to what someone that preaches softness, kindness, and love but is the complete opposite of all of that did. Nothing but a hypocritical, cruel, and pathetic bully. She never even apologized ONCE for all she caused. This is just TOO MUCH for me. I wish there was something I could do. To cause her as much harm and suffering and distress as she caused me. It’s what she fucking deserves :’(

#i wish someone could go into her inbox and give her what she deserves #i wish she could have been shut down #i wish she could suffer and receive hate and have to suffer as much as i have #personal