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#i didn't have a firm persona in mind for him

doumadono · 22 days

Text

Warnings: threesome, fem!reader, m/m/f, oral (m & f receiving), fingering, rimming, anal, orgasm denial, dom/sub, names calling, poly relationship, unprotected p in a & p in v

Synopsis: Bakugo's birthday is a special day, and you with Kirishima plan a steamy morning for your boyfriend

A/N: the prompt is: threesome for Bakugo's birthday ft. Kirishima I decided to post this one a bit earlier. Happy birthday, my sweet little gremlin!

MY HERO ACADEMIA MASTERLIST BAKUGO'S BIRTHDAY EVENT 2024

Despite being pro heroes, Bakugo and Kirishima shared their flat with you, a sidekick working for their hero agency.

You weren't quite sure how it began, but eventually, you found yourself in a relationship with not just one, but both of your bosses.

And you didn't mind in the slightest. Both of them were such distinct personalities, and you felt privileged to know both sides of them.

Kirishima, known for his gentle nature, was not only as endearing and sweet as a puppy in public but also had a darker side that yearned to dominate those around him in his private life.

Bakugo, on the other hand, was the most snarky, driven, and grumpy man you'd ever met. Yet, behind the doors of your luxury apartment, he was quieter than his public persona, often letting Kirishima take the lead in decision-making.

Today, however, wasn't just any ordinary date on the calendar. It was April 20th - Bakugo's birthday.

Of course, Dynamight wasn't one for celebrations. He saw them as mundane and completely unnecessary ways to mark getting one year closer to the inevitable end, as he often referred to birthdays.

After all, it was Bakugo's birthday, and with a little help from you, Kirishima had planned a surprise that would leave Dynamight speechless.

As the first rays of the sun peeked through the curtains, Bakugo was rudely awakened by a firm hand gripping his already hard cock. He was having a vivid, wet dream about you and Eijiro when he was jolted awake by the rubbing sensation, growling in frustration. Katsuki groaned, his crimson eyes fluttering open to see Kirishima's smirking face.

"Happy birthday, Kats," red-haired purred, his hand moving up and down Bakugo's shaft. "Were you having naughty dreams again? I bet you were, considering you were grinding your dick against my ass in your sleep," Eijiro chuckled softly, lying on his side and watching Katsuki.

Bakugo grunted, his hips bucking up into Kirishima's hand. "Shut up, Eijiro," he growled, his voice husky with sleep and slowly accumulating desire.

Kirishima leaned down, capturing Bakugo's lips in a searing kiss. Their tongues danced together, exploring each other's mouths with a familiarity that only came from years of being lovers.

Bakugo's hands found their way into Kirishima's fiery locks, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss.

Breaking the kiss, Kirishima trailed wet, open-mouthed kisses down Bakugo's neck, nibbling and sucking on the tender skin, leaving marks that would last for days.

Bakugo groaned, his head falling back as Kirishima's sharp teeth scraped against his collarbone. Kirishima's hand never stopped moving, pumping Bakugo's cock with a steady rhythm that had Bakugo writhing beneath him.

Moving lower, Kirishima licked and sucked on Bakugo's pierced nipples, causing Bakugo to hiss and arch his back slightly. Bakugo's hands moved from Kirishima's hair to his shoulders, his nails digging into the firm muscles as he tried to regain some control.

But Kirishima was having none of it. He pushed Bakugo's hands away, pinning them above his head as he continued his assault on Dynamight's body.

Bakugo struggled, trying to free his hands, but Kirishima proved to be stronger, at least this time. "Eijiro," Bakugo growled, his eyes flashing with an anger that was quickly replaced by arousal.

Kirishima just smirked, releasing Bakugo's hands and moving lower. He licked a trail down Bakugo's stomach, his tongue dipping into the navel before moving lower still, along Katsuki’s blond happy trail. Bakugo's cock twitched in anticipation, and Kirishima blew a cool breath over the head, causing Bakugo to groan and buck his hips.

“Fuck,” the blond-haired man grunted deeply.

The birthday boy wasn't aware that you were seated in his armchair on the opposite side of the room, watching the scene unfold with anticipation.

You couldn't deny it, watching boys together was a massive turn-on. Especially when Kirishima took charge — he was always slow and passionate, unlike Katsuki, who went straight for the main event at the first opportunity.

Without warning, Eijiro took Katsuki's cock into his mouth, sucking hard.

Bakugo's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he let out a guttural moan, his hands fisting the sheets as Kirishima's head bobbed up and down. Kirishima's tongue swirled around the head, lapping up the precum that was already leaking out.

Bakugo, who was usually so brash and aggressive, seemed almost vulnerable at this moment.

Kirishima bobbed his head up and down, his mouth working Bakugo's cock expertly, his tongue swirling around the tip, making Bakugo moan louder. Kirishima cast glances at Bakugo's flushed face from beneath his long, dark lashes.

Why did guys always have such great lashes? You pouted to yourself, pondering the unfairness of it all while fondling your breasts.

"Oh, fuck, Kirishima… Yes, just like that," Bakugo moaned, his hips thrusting forward, his cock hitting the back of Kirishima's throat.

Eijiro gagged slightly but didn't stop, his hands now working Bakugo's balls.

Katsuki’s cock was hard as steel, his tip aggressively red, his entire shaft throbbing with desire.

Just when Bakugo thought he couldn't take it anymore, Kirishima stopped, releasing Bakugo's cock with a pop. "Not yet, handsome," Eijiro mused, trailing his tongue slowly up Dynamight's body. "You need to earn your orgasm," the red-haired cooed.

A frown creased Bakugo's forehead; the blond panted, attempting to thrust his hips to create friction against Eijiro's abdomen, but it was futile. "You're a fucking tease," Katsuki growled, then pulled Eijiro into a heated kiss, wrapping one arm around his neck.

Red Riot pulled back from the kiss after a moment, giving Katsuki's temple a peck. "We've got a spectator," he whispered in a seductive tone, turning to you with a wink.

Bakugo shifted his gaze, and you could swear his cheeks deepened in colour upon seeing you there, dressed only in your lacy, white underwear, watching them with a slight bite to your lower lip. "Hey, Katsy," you greeted him softly.

It wasn't the first time you'd been intimate with either of them, though. The arrangement was straightforward — you could be with each other whenever the mood struck, but it stayed behind closed doors - the boys didn't want the world to know they were in a poly relationship. The media would catch wind of it in no time, and it could actually harm their reputations. And you'd always respected that boundary. You found yourself leaning more towards Kirishima, appreciating the gentler nature of your sex with him compared to Bakugo's roughness. But you’d never been with both of them at the same time.

You rose from your spot with a sway in your hips, making your way to the bed. With a flick of your fingers, you unclasped your bra, letting it drop to the floor with a soft thud. Like a predator stalking its prey, you crept onto the bed towards the boys, planting a kiss on Kirishima's lips before turning to Bakugo. "Happy birthday, Dynamight," you whispered in his ear, teasingly licking his earlobe. You turned to him a second later, your eyes meeting his crimson ones, and you saw the pure hunger in them. You leaned in, your lips brushing his slightly chapped ones, a soft, slow kiss that promised a day filled with passion and pleasure.

Katsuki’s hand reached up, cupping your cheek, deepening the kiss, his tongue exploring yours.

Your hands roamed his body, feeling the hard planes of his muscles beneath the pads of your fingers, your digits tracing the lines of his abs. You felt his cock stir against your palm, hardening even more with each passing second. You broke the kiss, your lips trailing down his neck, licking and nibbling, eliciting a low groan from him. You lazily stroked his shaft, gently sucking on the pulse point on the side of his neck, ensuring to leave a hickey behind, a sign of your fondness for one and only Bakugo Katsuki.

"You two idiots are spoiling me rotten today," Bakugo growled, rolling his head back on his pillow. “Goddamn, this feels so fucking good. Happy birthday to me, I guess," he growled, his voice low and husky.

You felt his calloused fingers traced a path down your spine, sending shivers down your body as you started jerking him faster.

With one swift motion, he rolled on top of you, effortlessly pinning you down on the mattress and peppering your chest with kisses and nips. He then got off you, kneeling beside your head and stroking his own cock. "Be a good girl and open that pretty mouth for me," he commanded.

You complied without hesitation, welcoming the mushroom head of his cock onto your flexed tongue seconds later.

Meanwhile, Kirishima took off his sweatpants, watching the two of you while lazily stroking himself. "Shit, you guys are so hot," the red-haired whispered, giving his own palm a lick before returning to stroke his dick.

Bakugo was surprisingly gentle with you this time, slowly moving his hips as he kissed you deeply. Of course, he couldn't resist fondling your breasts and slipping his rough hand between your thighs, rubbing your folds through the lace of your panties. “Someone’s wet, tsk!” he commanded with a grin that curled the corners of his lips upwards.

You used your hand to slide his foreskin a few times after pulling his cock out of your mouth to spit on its head. All the while, you glanced up at him, admiring the slight frown creasing his forehead as he hissed, watching you work. With your free hand, you gently cupped and fondled his ball sack between your fingers.

“Shit,” Bakugo rolled his head back a little. "This little minx is going to be the death of me one day."

Kirishima couldn't hold back any longer and knelt beside you as well, leaning in to playfully suck on Katsuki's nipples, toying with his barbells. "Kats, love," Kirishima whispered after sharing a passionate kiss with his boyfriend. "I want to... I need to fuck you, please," his voice was nothing but a plea.

Bakugo grabbed a fistful of your hair, gently pulling your head back, earning himself a sad pout from you. He glanced at Kirishima, giving the red-haired's cock a few quick strokes after spitting on its tip. "Go ahead."

Kirishima moved to kneel behind Bakugo, admiring his boyfriend’s tight ass. He licked his lips in anticipation, knowing that he was about to give Bakugo the best morning of his life. His strong hands spread Bakugo’s cheeks apart. He leaned in and licked Katsuki's hole, his tongue swirling around it, making it wet and ready for his fingers. He flicked his tongue against the puckered hole several times, humming. Then, Eijiro reached for the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of lube, squirting some onto his fingers.

Bakugo moaned as Kirishima inserted one finger, then two, into his ass, moving them in and out in a slow and steady rhythm. “Suck my cock,” he growled, lightly tapping your cheek to grab your attention as you were completely engrossed in listening to his pants while Kirishima fucked his ass.

As the obedient girl you were, you ran the tip of your tongue along your lips to moist them and took his throbbing cock into your mouth again, gently bobbing your head back and forth as Bakugo resumed rubbing your pussy.

He pushed your panties aside, revealing your glistening pussy, juices already escaping due to your intense arousal you were experiencing. “Tsk, you naughty brat,” Bakugo growled as he pushed two of his fingers inside you, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit, eliciting a loud moan from you; your sounds were muffled by his throbbing member fucking your mouth.

Kirishima could tell that Katsuki was ready, so he lubed up his cock and lined himself with his boyfriend’s ass, gently poking the tight hole as he slowly entered Bakugo's ass.

Bakugo's breath caught as he felt the fullness of Kirishima's cock inside him, stretching him to the limit. “Fuck.”

Kirishima's movements were slow and deliberate, allowing Bakugo to adjust to the sensation.

Soon, Bakugo's moans grew louder, and he pushed back against Kirishima, urging him to move faster.

Kirishima obliged, his hips snapping forward as he thrust into Bakugo over and over again. “You’re so tight for me, handsome,” the red-haired praised.

Bakugo's hands gripped your hair tightly as he kept on fucking your mouth, his knuckles white as he felt the tight knot building inside of his tummy. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” the blond warned in a husky voice.

Kirishima's hand reached around, finding Katsuki’s cock and stroking it in time with his thrusts. Eijiro's thrusts grew more urgent, his own moans mingling with Bakugo's. "No, no, no, handsome. You'll cum when I say so. This time, you're not in charge here," Kirishima growled, nibbling at the back of Katsuki's neck, increasing his pace. Red Riot gripped Dynamight's hips tighter, pounding into him relentlessly, their bodies slick with sweat.

Bakugo's moans grew louder, his body tensing as he neared his climax. With a final thrust, Kirishima nearly sent Bakugo over the edge, his cock throbbing inside of Katsuki as he spilled his seed in his boyfriend’s asshole, slowly pulling out, watching his semen trickle out and pooling on the sheets between Bakugo’s legs. “Holy shit, Kats, I love you so much,” Eijiro grabbed Katsuki’s chin and turned his head around to kiss him passionately.

Bakugo's cock throbbed intensely in your mouth, and just when you thought he was about to release, he pulled away, muttering something about fucking you hard. You couldn't quite catch his words though; your mind was still foggy from watching the boys getting laid.

Moments later, all you felt was a rough tug at your ankle, causing you to slide towards the center of the bed. Bakugo leaned forward, planting kisses along the valley between your breasts and trailing his warm, wet tongue down your body. With his canines, he caught the edge of your panties and pulled them down your legs. Then, he nuzzled his nose against your moist mound, inhaling the strong, multifaceted scent of your arousal. Bakugo didn't hold back of course, eagerly licking your slit and lightly nibbling your clit, savoring the taste of your wetness on his tongue. “Fuck, you’re so delicious, little cunt,” he murmured, blowing cold air on your slick entrance which made you shudder in pleasure. He sucked your pussy lips into his mouth and let them go after a moment with a loud, wet sound.

Soon, you felt the tip of his cock rubbing up and down against your entrance, all hot and hard.

He positioned himself at your entrance and pushed inside roughly, making you cry out in pleasure and pain. He was monstrous, filling you up completely.

Kirishima lay beside you, slowly tracing his tongue along your collarbones before moving down your chest, flicking his tongue around your perky nipples.

Bakugo’s cock was slamming into your pussy with a force that made you see stars.

“That’s it, slut, that’s it,” Katsuki growled, a bead of sweat forming on his temple as he kept on fucking you hard enough to make the bed creak to the rhythm of his thrusts. He was relentless, fucking you with a ferocity that literally took your breath away.

The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room, mingling with your moans and gasps. Bakugo's thrusts became erratic, his grip on your hips tightening as he chased his release. He reached out to rub your clit, his fingers roughly circling it as he continued to pound into you, slapping your slit from time to time. “Who’s been such a naughty, needy slut?” He hissed through clenched teeth.

"I was, I was!" you whined, threading one hand into Kirishima's hair as he teased your nipples, while the other gripped Bakugo's forearm as if trying to anchor yourself.

Dynamight’s tip grazed all the right spots inside you, and you rolled your hips, craving more friction while moaning his name.

Suddenly, Bakugo gripped your hips tightly, lifting them off the mattress effortlessly. This forced you to arch your back as he thrust into you from a new angle, reaching deeper than before, penetrating the deepest parts of your sweet pussy. He turned his gaze towards Kirishima, pleading evident in his crimson eyes, silently begging for permission to finally reach his climax.

With a merciful nod, Eijiro spoke up, "You've been such a good, patient boy. You can cum now, handsome."

With a final, particularly hard thrust, Bakugo came, his cock spurting cum inside you, his orgasm ripping through him, causing him to cry out in ecstasy. “Ooooooughhh, God! Fuuuuck!”

Your orgasm followed shortly after, and your pussy clenched around his dick rhythmically, your juices coating his shaft entirely as you screamed his name, repeating it like a mantra.

You both collapsed onto the bed, your bodies slick with sweat and cum.

"Happy birthday, Katsuki," you whispered, your voice hoarse from screaming as you reached your hand out to stroke his slightly unshaven cheek.

"Happy birthday, my love," Kirishima accompanied, pressing a kiss to Katsuki’s forehead.

tagging: @shonen-brainrot @gold24fish @b134ch-m4h-ey3z @proherodabisballsack @bakugoscunny @misafiryanki @hornydynamight @pridefulbakugou @einexx @crystalwolfblog @doumaslotus

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acidnhuskerdust · 3 months

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I have an idea what if we had jealous husk not jealous of angels work obviously, but jealous of an old friend that appeared or something like that I kind of want to see him jealous

This sounds like a lot of fun!!! So here is a lil drabble!!! Also thank you, you're my first ask! :DDDD

All Mine (Husk x Angel 18+)

With his time spent at the hotel, Husk grew to appreciate the relative peace it had to offer. Yes, all demons that resided in the hotel carry their own notes of noise and chaos, but it still didn't compare to the bustling casinos he would own during his hay days. There were petty arguments and the drunk shouting during rowdy nights, but Husk preferred them any day to the overwhelming clamor of nightclubs.

However, when Angel approached him, his pretty lips forming that irresistible pout and eyelashes fluttering, asking if they could spend a night out, Husk couldn't resist. He can't tell Angel no when he looked that good.

So there he was, perched at the bar with long white claws curled around a chilled bottle, sipping slowly. His gaze was fixed, not on the chaos of the bar, but on the demon who held his attention completely. Husk watched, captivated, as even Angel's wildest, most provocative dances seemed effortlessly fluid. In such a chaotic scene, Angel's every move was like shelter in a storm.

As their gazes locked, Angel flashes Husk this beautiful, big smile that makes his heart flutter. Then he motions with his long finger to come over, and Husk knew he was wrapped right around it. With a soft chuckle, he sets the bottle down onto the bar and pushes himself off the stool, weaving through the crowd to find who he adored most.

While pushing past a couple dancing close together, he notices a shift. Angel's focus had drifted; his dance has ceased. Instead, he was beaming, his face alight with excitement as he clasped hands with another demon, talking animatedly above the din of the music. Husk's brows knitted together in confusion and a twinge of annoyance as he scrutinized this new figure.

Tall, buff with large horns that resembled a rams. Who the fuck was this guy? And why was Angel so happy to see him?

A twitch in Husk's eye betrayed a sudden pang in his heart, a sensation distinctly flavored with jealousy. Now, Husk doesn't get jealous too often, he doesn't mind Angel's career, doesn't care what he does at the studio, because that wasn't his Angel, that was a persona.

But when he sees him smile so genuinely at someone else? He was jealous alright.

Husk advanced, suppressing the growl that threatened to rise from the depths of his chest. He wrapped his arm firmly around Angel's slender waist, drawing the taller demon in a close embrace. Angel's eyes met his, widening slightly in surprise before softening into a warm, welcoming smile.

"Hey baby," Husk returns the smile, albeit it forced. He exhales a breath, an attempt to calm his nerves as he looked over at the demon, giving him an unimpressed look. "Who's this?"

"Oh!" Angel brings his attention back to the other, "This is Damon! He was one of my buds back in the day, ain't that right?"

Damon nods his head. "Yup, used to live out on the streets together. It sucked, but we still had some fun, didn't we Angie?"

Angie?

Oh, Husk is going to kill this motherfucker.

His grasp tightens around his waist, forcing an even wider smile. "Well ain't that... Nice." He extends his hand out, "Name's Husk."

Damon gives him a firm handshake, and Husk had to consciously restrain the urge to squeeze too tightly. "So you're the one he was just talking about, huh? Well, it's nice to meet you."

"Uh huh." Husk gives a short nod of his head, his reply terse. Lifting his gaze to Angel, he caught onto the shit eating grin spread across his face. He knows.

"Well," Angel began, barely concealing a chuckle behind a cough. "We're gonna head back ta the bar now, kay? Maybe we'll catch up later?" "Yeah, of course, see ya around!" Damon gives them a small wave as Angel steered them both away, navigating through the bustling crowd. Husk lets go of the breath he didn't realize he was holding, mentally cursing to himself, he had to get over this possessive tendencies. He couldn't help it, not when Angel was so beautiful, so amazing. He was his.

As they moved, Husk felt hot breath against his sensitive ear, "You ain't jealous, are ya babe?" Angel asks with a teasing lilt to his voice.

Husk grumbles underneath his breath, this goddamn spider. "No, I ain't jealous just..." He trails off, trying to find a good excuse.

"Mm, sure." Angel giggles, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "Say... Why don't we head home? Use that pent up energy of yours to good use?"

"You don't gotta ask me twice."

#angel dust #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #huskerdust #angelhusk #huskerdust fanfic #oneshot #my writing

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watermelonsugacry · 1 year

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Oooo what about bandmember and The Weeknd Grammy performance to save your tears and Harry’s there. I need a harry and Abel meeting. ilysm girl

ok so YN and Abel first met in late 2016.

She was in a recording studio in LA after finishing up a session with another artist. On her way out, she saw fellow producer Ali Payami. Besides formally being in the most famous band to date, YN was getting more and more recognized for her producing skills.

So after extending a hand out to help the producer in need, she's then introduced to Abel. They vaguely knew each other from commercial success but they actually spent a good hour or so just talking and getting to know one another—she's a firm believer in getting to know the artist behind the music before working with them.

Conversation came easy and a friendship was effortlessly formed as they bonded over their love for music, producing, and knowing how to speak in different languages.

Not long after, she's shown the song he had been working on before he got stuck. And she goes back to her roots: harmonies.

With a suggestion and demonstration of harmonizing with his vocals in his verse:

When I get you moaning you know it's real Can you feel the pressure between your hips? I'll make it feel like the first time

she finds herself in the recording booth laying down vocals for her own verse and chorus for the song.

The two had so much fun making music together that over the next few years, they made three more songs together: Off The Table, Save Your Tears, and You Right.

Harry has only seen Abel a small hand full of times in person. The first time the two met was during the recording of Off The Table back in 2019.

Harry had just taken his keys out of the front door of YN's home to find the open space absent of her presence. He did get there an hour earlier than he initially told her for a nice surprise after she's had a long day in the studio working on her album.

He walks all around her house in search of her and doesn't spot her in her usual spots: living room, at home gym, her bedroom. Suspecting she still must be working, he takes the small walk to her connected guest house she converted into a home studio.

A fond smile tugs itself on his lips at the sound of her laughing but a crease quickly forms in between his eyebrows at the sound of another man's laugh. He knocks on the glass door before entering to find YN in front of the large studio panel with The Weeknd sitting on his own swivel chair beside her.

YN doesn't invite just anyone to her home studio. Aside from Harry and Lizzo, no other artist has recorded in her sacred space.

"Hey b-Harry," YN smiles at her secret boyfriend, pleasantly surprised to have him home earlier than expected.

"Oh shit," Abel laughs in disbelief with a fist in front of his smile. "You're Harry Styles."

"What the 'ell, you didn't seem that excited when yeh first met me," She playfully scoffs.

"You weren't as cool then," Abel teases, making her laugh and Harry's chest burn. Putting on his media-trained persona, Harry takes the artist's outreached hand in a firm handshake, "I'm Abel. Nice you, man."

"M'Harry," He smiles a closed-lipped smile and YN bites one back as she immediately sees through her love's front. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?" Harry asks, the skin on his arms beginning to tingle from not having her in them yet.

"Not at a—"

"Actually," She interrupts Abel and looks to Harry with an amused smile. "We were in the middle of something. If yeh don't mind waiting another half hour or so, we should be wrapping up soon," She advises, making it seem like Harry was there for a recording session rather than anything else.

It really takes everything in her to stifle her giggle at the sight of her boyfriend trying his hardest to keep his front up, knowing full well how much he wants her to be in his arms, pressing her lips to his so lovingly, and having a cuddle.

"Not at all," Harry nods when every fiber of his being is telling him to throw her over his shoulder and ditch the other artist who's taking up her time instead of being with him. "But do you mind if I talk with yeh for a quick sec?" He nods his head over to the other room.

He grows even more frustrated when she hums in contemplation before scrunching up her nose, "Can it wait? M'working."

Harry takes a glance at Abel who's sitting there completely oblivious, clearly not fighting against spending time in the studio with his close friend.

"Of course," He reassures with a smile that YN can quickly tell is forced. "Nice meeting you, Abel."

"Same here, man."

And with that, he's softly closing the glass door behind him when he really just wants to slam it shut.

He waits an hour and a half before Abel finally leaves. Once she comes back into her home after walking him out, she's quickly pressed up against her door by her boyfriend pressing his mouth feverishly to hers.

"Why are yeh laughing?" He asks against her mouth. "There's nothing funny."

"You," She holds onto his cheeks, pulling him back so she can finally get a breath in, "You're cute."

He's quickly attaching his mouth to her neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses at the spot her neck and shoulder meet and she hums happily. He makes his way back up her neck, her jawline, and back to her mouth.

"Missed you," He says, his hand already crawling and dipping into the front of her shorts to where she craves him. She gasps against his mouth, titling her back to thump against the door but since he towers over her, he keeps his lips ghosting over hers.

"I missed you," She pants as he keeps his body pressed against hers. She whimpers when she feels his fingers dip and curl up into her.

"You missed me?" He taunts, his hand only picking up speed. His dimples dig into his cheeks when she nods meekly, her hand quickly gripping onto his wrist. It's moments like these where he basks in the way that behind closed doors, he can make this headstrong, stubborn girl turn into putty in his hands. He even contemplates edging her, leaving her high and dry, and having her wait the same amount of time she did to him.

But the satisfaction of having her writing against him, panting and moaning his name, knowing exactly how to make her feel good, and knowing that he's the only one that can make her feel like this is just too perfect.

"Then show me," He bites at her bottom lip, his own eyebrows furrowing with passion as he watches her tip over the edge.

So needless to say, whenever she and Abel get together—whether it be through making music, meeting up through awards shows, or going to see one another at their shows—Harry gets undoubtedly possessive and jealous. He knows that bottom line, the two are good friends and that she's allowed to be close with people other than him, but he can't help it. Especially now that there's no more hiding and sneaking around since their relationship went unexpectedly public on New Years 2020.

And even after her six-year friendship with the other artist, he still can't shake off the uncomfortable twist in his stomach at the sight of them on stage. Especially her surprise Save Your Tears duet performance at the 2021 iHeart Music Awards.

There's no denying that she looks absolutely gorgeous when she comes out on stage in her plum-colored satin outfit, posing with a jut of her hip and singing so effortlessly as the crowd screams out in a mix of excitement and disbelief. The stage is truly her happy place and it shows as she performs; like everyone else watching, he's excaptivated by her.

So much so, that he almost misses the way that when she sings:

And you deserve someone better

Abel points to her and then himself.

So can he be blamed when he stays extra quiet when he meets her back in her dressing room?

"And it was just so cool to hear the crowd scream like that," YN giggles as she removes her necklaces to place on the vanity.

"You deserve it, lovie. It shouldn't come as a surprise at this point," He looks at her so fondly from his seat on the leather couch.

"I honestly wasn't expectin' that type of reaction but it was..." She takes a second glance through the mirror at her love. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how supportive Harry is to his girlfriend, being with her any way he can and exuding a love for her that is truly unmatched.

But it does take his best friend of 11 years to see that something is up.

She walks the short distance over to him and cups his jaw in her hands and has his gaze meet hers, "Hey."

"Hi," He muses.

"I love you, yeah? Not Abel, not some other musician, not anybody else. You."

Harry huffs out a laugh through his nose, slightly shaking his head in disbelief at how well she knows him. He gently takes a hold of her forearms and leans up to rub his nose against hers, "I love you."

And when he closes the gap between them to capture her lips with his, how can he even entertain the thought of her having eyes for anybody else?

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shunxaii · 8 days

Text

— ★ kamisato ayato ″

x male!clanhead!dendrouser!reader

library ! games shelf !

🐧 title : i'll learn

it was an arranged marriage. for the better of their people. for the better of their clans. a union to fortify.

to build connections.

while kamisato ayato is in charge of the yashiro commission, the shuumatsuban, and komore teahouse, l/n y/n was in charge of the trading connections and facilities—owned by his mother— between nations. the many branches of restaurants his family owned and mizu inn in inazuma were also under his management.

the l/n family was known for their status all around sumeru. it's where they lived after all. however, after the marriage arrangements that has been discussed for many years, y/n, the only child, was sent to inazuma with only book knowledge.

in his years of living, he has only ever done what he's been told. training to be the perfect clan head? done. being shipped away to another nation? done. marrying someone he doesn't know? done. just for his clan. for the people that depended on him.

so why? why was his hand shaking? his breathing faltering. his steps hesitating. "it's only an arrangement." the words that left ayato's mouth made his heart crack. just a bit.

what did he expect? how could he?

how could he fall for his charming persona? his misleading words? his refined and gentlemanly actions? his eyes that conveyed genuineness...? how could he fall so hard, yet so foolishly?

he was a stranger to inazuma, he will remain a stranger.

unlike the traveler, who never failed to bring out a smile on ayato's face.

she was a new tide that could shake the vision hunt decree. a new flicker of hope of abolishing it. and she did. much to everyone's relief and comfort.

"you're right... but i hope we don't end in estrangement...?" y/n carried hope with him, but also a sense of duty. he set aside his feelings, putting his duty before anything else.

if ayato couldn't like him back, he'll do this because it's what benefits both clans.

on the day of the wedding, it was private, with only their families and some friends attending. as they presented their vows to each other, y/n couldn't help but watch as ayato's eyes drifted anywhere but to him. flittering over lumine's figure, who was at the very back, every once in a while.

"...because it is my duty."

his own words haunted him that night. his own words that he memorized and rehearsed so many times. it was his mantra. why did be put it in his vows? because it was true.

their days together in the ayato's estate were awkward. they didn't talk to each other until day three and they didn't eat with each other until two weeks later.

over time, they had gotten used to each other. offering smiles here and there. sharing a few fleeting moments during mornings before they parted their ways, off to their offices.

it had become a routine at this point.

"you can go and find someone that suits your interest," ayato's voice carried over the table. they were having supper. they did this often. holding casual conversations over random things.

y/n halted in his movements. the feelings he swore to bury resurfacing. "i could never choose to love another." his firm statement surprised ayato, making place his fork down.

"are you sure? i don't want to hold you back from a life you could live," his words were genuine, tender almost. in some ways, it eased y/n's mind that ayato was thinking about his welfare.

"i love you, that's why i could never."

ayato has heard this many times. he just could never reciprocate it. his heart aches for y/n. "maybe one day..." he smiled gently towards his husband, "i could learn to love you... too."

after a few more weeks of hushed conversations, y/n had to leave for liyue. to make more connections and to meet with the wangsheng funeral parlor's director. miss hu tao.

y/n departed with a promise. despite the distance, he never plans to find another. despite the distance, he would send letters that strengthened their trust. despite the distance, he'll love him everyday until the ends of the earth and until death.

as promised, ayato received a letter daily. an update of the day before, some words that warmed his heart, and things y/n wanted to try out with him.

it continued for three weeks, until it all stopped.

he waited at the post office the next few days. nothing.

he waited for thoma to come into his office with a letter for a week. nothing.

did he find someone else? did he love another? did he not want to keep his promise anymore? what happened? did the distance tire him?

many questions plagued his mind as he worked. his eyes drifted towards the pendant y/n left him. he put his papers down and reached for the fragile thing. he placed it to his lips, closing his eyes as he felt the cool metal.

"please... where are you? what are you doing? are you doing alright? why have you stopped? please..."

a tear escaped. "i love you. i love you too."

it wasn't until another month later did he get another letter from liyue. it wasn't from y/n, but someone named zhongli.

to the head of clan kamisato,

once this has reached you, it would have been too late. a letter as ordinary as this could take weeks, even a month to be handed into your office. i have no knowledge of the ties that bind you to dear l/n, but a wedding band engraved with your name.

l/n y/n has gone into an unconscious state, his waking is unknown as of the moment. once this letter reaches to you, he is expected to have recovered. we do not know to what extent this damages his health, but we await for your arrival.

how fast his letters reach you, we now know.

his friend, zhongli.

ayato knew one thing. he would send in a written request to have the mail sorters interviewed and changed immediately.

he boarded his clan's ship and set sail to liyue, leaving his work pending.

after a grueling day of anxiety, he rushed to the address of the hostel. there at the lobby he met with zhongli, who looked a bit surprised to see him. though the surprise faded into sorrow. "kamisato ayato, head of the kamisato clan. i welcome you to liyue, the nation of contracts. though, we could have met in better circumstances... follow me."

zhongli led him into a long hallway, skipping numerous doors before they stopped in front of the last one just beside a window. "he has only awoken a week ago and has been having troubles with his memory and emotions. he cannot remember a lot of things. please know how to pace yourself."

with that, he opened the door into a spacious room. ayato bowed his head and stepped inside. zhongli bid him a farewell, shut the door, and gave them privacy.

the wooden floor creaked under his shoes, the table in the corner had new wilted petals on them from falling from the equally wilted flowers in the vase displayed in the middle. why haven't you brought life to them using your vision? cream curtains framed the windows, shedding in light to warm the room from the cold temperature from the night before. a lone bookshelf was beside the door, containing few books and more potted and vine-like plants.

then there was y/n. sitting up on the bed, reading a book about the history of inazuma. why? he has read that already and memorizes the places and their historical background by heart.

the bed he was on was average, it was good for its use, but did it provide comfort?

"y/n... darling?" ayato spoke softly, heart picking up pace. he sat on the bed beside his husband's covered legs. said male peeked over the book in his hands.

shame washed over his features. sorrow filled his eyes. guilt overcame his thoughts. his throat clogged up. his mouth felt dry. his body felt stiff. "i'm... sorry..." he croaked out. "i don't know how it turned out this way..."

ayato's eyebrows pinched together. "what do you mean?"

"i..." y/n bit his lip, slowly lowering his book. ayato's eyes widened. it's like a smile was carved into the once clear skin of his husband. two line reaching out to his cheekbones. "i look ugly."

y/n lowered his head in insecurity. mind jumbled. "i... i can't remember much."

ayato's heart wrenched. he held y/n's cold and lone hand. "well... what do you remember?" his voice was warm. as warm as y/n's heart remembered, but not his mind. ayato's voice was patient, not demanding. not like the practitioner who pushed him to remember.

"i remember meeting you for the first time... how your eyes twinkled when we went on the date our parents set up. i remember my training... as a child. the expectations..." y/n droned on, his face sinking. all he remembered is memories that didn't have him smiling in them, aside from the first date. "i remember fatui agents ambushing us... abducting me... one of them did this to my face and everything else... it's a blur." why did they go for his face? why was everything blank after that?

his life was dull and painful in a way. full of learning. was he that boring?

"i remember you saying that whatever we have is only an arrangement..." y/n's voice faded into silence. his heart unknowingly ached.

ayato neared y/n, "what do you feel about me now?"

"i did this out of duty... i don't know what to feel about you... am i supposed to?" y/n's words stung. where did all the love go? why did his voice sound like it's been rehearsed? "did i love you?"

ayato lifted y/n's hand and pecked its knuckles, "oh, the many times you've told me." his heart ached. he didn't know what to do. was this a consequence for realizing his love too late? or for learning to love too late... he didn't know which. to realize or to learn?

"i love you, y/n. until the ends of the earth, until death... despite the distance. despite the hardships and pain. i love you, please..." ayato's voice threatened to crack. it faltered and shook.

his chin was tilted up, his eyes connecting with ones full of comfort and understanding. "please wait for me. i'll learn. i'll learn to love you again. so please..." y/n's eyes watered, sharing the ache of the unknown with ayato. he struggled to give him a small smile, the dull pain in his cheeks blooming.

"please be patient with me."

#male reader #fanfic #fiction #genshin impact #kamisato ayato #kamisato ayato x reader #angst to fluff #angst with a happy ending

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firstemcee · 4 months

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”So, what’s really on your mind?”

Veneer x Male!Hip-Hop/Rap artist!Reader(can be read as female or gn, i jus feel like they’re male leaning. uses amab pronouns(?) or labels.)

Warnings: discussion of abusive (platonic)relationships. Reader is written to talk like how I do. No use of y/n.

wc: 822

Part 1 — Part 2 (you’re here)—

Summary: An evening stroll in a familiar park leads to running into a pop-star you’ve met before. Who knew he had so much to get off of his chest? Veneer can feel himself growing more and more fond of you as time passes.

As promised, this part focuses more on Veneer. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME!!! 😭🫶🏽 @miralunawritez @lexischococoveredblueberries @nym-blogs @alldoll3dup

The sun, dipping below the horizon, cast rays of golden light throughout the park. You found yourself walking through the simple space, the rhythmic beats of your favorite tracks in your ears as you admired the scenery(On A Clear Day - Oliver Hart a suggestion of a song i personally really like). The park was like an escape from the chaos of the world, one of the places where you could unwind and enjoy the simple pleasures.

As you made your way along the gravel trail, you spotted a familiar figure seated on a bench. Veneer sat casually, the ‘disguise hoodie’ he wore catching the last rays of sunlight. His green lips curved into a smile as he noticed you approaching. “Hm. What’s he doing here?”

"Well, if it isn't the master of rhymes…" Veneer greeted, his voice dripping with lingering confidence from the stage. You chuckled at the title, taking a seat beside him on the bench. The various animals and sounds of the earth did well to hide the awkward silence.

"Didn't expect to see you here," you remarked, sipping on a can of cola you had brought along. Veneer raised an eyebrow, tilting his body towards your sitting figure. "Honey, I'm everywhere. It's practically a public service."

The conversation flowed smoothly as you discussed everything from music to the downsides of fame. Veneer, used to having to entertain, shared anecdotes about his various encounters, sprinkling humor into every sentence. Your easygoing demeanor complemented his flamboyant one, creating a simple yet sweet dynamic.

As the laughter and jokes continued, a subtle shift occurred. Veneer, usually guarded behind his confident persona, seemed…contemplative. The playful shimmer in his eyes just seemed to dampen as he gazed into the distance. You couldn't help but notice, having looked into his interviews and content on your own time well enough to analyze his personality.

"So, what's really on your mind?" you asked, your typically laid-back demeanor taking on a more concerned tone. Veneer let out a sigh and his shoulders slumped just a bit. "You're perceptive, aren't you?" he mused, his usual smugness replaced by vulnerability as his elbow rested on his knee and his chin in his palm.

As the park settled into a dark evening, Veneer began to unravel the layers beneath the persona he’s built up over some time. He spoke about his sister, the abusive relationship hidden behind the scenes. His words made an image of a desperate desire to keep her happy at the cost of his own well-being.

Of course, all while keeping their secret safe. Out of all the things he would tell you, that would never escape his lips.

You listened intently, the usual humor you displayed simply fading from your expression. Veneer's eyes, usually vibrant with confidence, now held a mixture of sadness and frustration. Like they were dull. "Nobody should be treated like that, man." you said, your voice firm. Veneer, for a moment, looked like he had expected harsh judgment but found understanding instead. When he looked over at you, he seemed almost defeated.

"Yeah, well, it's complicated. I just want her to be happy, you know? It's like… an unbreakable loop," Veneer confessed, his hands now resting in his lap idly. You shook your head, the sympathy in your personality seeping through. "Nah, that's messed up. You can't be sacrificing yourself like that."

The park's peace held heavy silence as Veneer processed your words. He appreciated the genuine concern, the rare moment of someone seeing beyond the thrill of meeting a popstar or the basic ten questions. "You're…cool, you know?" he admitted, a hint of admiration in his gaze.

You chuckled, trying to bring back the familiar lightness to the conversation. "I mean, I did grow up spitting rhymes in my parent's basement. Not everyone's journey involves an illegal pet monkey." Veneer laughed, the sound surprisingly genuine in comparison to what you’ve seen online. "Yeah, yeah... I guess we all have our unique paths."

The night carried on with shared experiences, personal confessions, and a newfound friendship that went far beyond the simple facts of fame and struggles. Veneer, once confined to the glossy pages of tabloids, found relief in the unfiltered authenticity of the park conversation.

As the moon arose in the night sky, casting a soft glow on your faces, Veneer couldn't deny the growing crush that had taken root. It wasn't just about the rhymes or the laid-back charm. It was the person behind the vinyl, the one who saw him beyond the carefully constructed exterior.

The park, where you found each other once again, became almost like a sacred spot for shared confessions and the beginning of an unexpected connection. The world might know Veneer as the overnight sensation alongside his sister, but in that secluded area, he was just another person seeking understanding, finding comfort in the company of someone who saw him beyond the stage lights.

under no circumstances do i accept you posting my shit on other sites. don’t.

#trolls 3 #trolls band together #veneer #veneer x reader #velvet and veneer #veneer x reader fluff #mount rageous #slow burn #fanfic #new writer #veneer being emotional 😨

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i-like-anything-water · 10 months

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okay this is rough and jumbled.

SnakeHolder!Chloe headcanons:

Sass is shown to be calm and charming, qualities that make the Kwamis look up to him and consider him as a leader figure. Chloe's tendencies to be easily driven by poor writing by her emotions, especially her self loathing and insecurities can be redeemed with continuous support, calm but firm guidance by Sass. He's also described as mature and responsible which dissuades Chloe's attempts at anything that could get her in trouble or revert her to her old ways.

Sass had doubts at first but after a near death experience where Chloe didn't seem to be fazed or had mind, he was intrigued. And maybe a bit worried.

Surprisingly, Chloe denies him at first saying that Ladybug was right and she shouldn't be trusted with another miraculous. This goes on and on until she finally bursts and all the pent up trauma comes out. Part time Kwami, full time Therapist.

Their relationship is rocky at first but they eventually became civil after they transformed (against Chloe's will) to fight off a powered up akuma. The others weren't aware as Chloe insisted they work incognito.

Chloe slowly redeems herself after acting quick and planning fast everytime she uses Second Chance. It's hard to keep up while making sure she doesn't get seen by the other heroes. It's hard at first but what does she have to lose anyway?

Her new hero persona eventually bleeds into her personal life. She's still sassy (lol), mean, and doesn't take anyone's shit but she's more aware now. Going back in time to fix things alters your brain chemistry.

Awareness is the first step to redemption. After numerous breakdowns and nights of self loathing and pity, she eventually acknowledges everything she's done wrong and sees everything in a new perspective and just freaks out.

Cue Protective Sass!

The process is slow and subtle and people don't notice it at first. Chloe thinks first now. She's able to hold in usual insults that would freely come out of her and reconsider her reaction (unless it's sudden, spooked her, etc.)

Next to awareness and acknowledgement is guilt. After realizing everything she's done, she tries everything she can do at that moment to change even some things. Apologies aren't easy for her because she's never even heard that directed to her. In sincerity and not fear. So, whenever she doesn't have to help Ladybug and Chat Noir, she practices with Sass.

"I..," a shaky breath, "I'm sorry."

She practices the phrase before and after the day.

She's hella confused. She's grateful Sass is there to assure her everytime. She stumbles through her words but she manages to get out a sincere apology to the closest person she has: Sabrina.

They talk about it and their friendship shifts. It's not perfect, but it's better than before.

She hasn't formally apologized to the others yet but she's trying.

With help from both Sabrina and Sass, she starts to apologize (but now with more confidence) to people she's hurt. Rose is open to the idea of mending bonds, the others are wary but doesn't say anything else.

The last two she apologizes to is Adrien and Marinette. Adrien is wary but his kindness overweights his doubts. They're not back to what was before and frankly Chloe is glad. She doesn't want what's in the past, she wants to create something now and for the future.

Marinette was the last.

"You shouldn't forgive me right away," she interrupts the shorter girl, "I know you're kind and such a goody two shoes but that doesn't mean you should forgive me after a week or so." She levels a determined look to shocked blue eyes, "Let me prove myself first." And softer, "please."

Well that's all I have so far. I just find it befitting for two major reasons: Sass's ability can actually help Chloe see things in more than one perspective which would help her deal and open up with all her trauma and toxic habits. The ability allows her to be more observant on where she needs to go back to fix the mistake. It takes quick thinking and concentration of the user. It requires an open mind on alternatives. And secondly, 'Second Chance' is fitting for what she needs. Not a half baked Arc where she doesn't know what she wants and needs. But something firm and continuous to keep her going. A real second chance.

That's just me and my rambling. Feel free to add or correct me about anything! (Don't be rude about it though).

#chloe bourgeois #chloe redemption #i am not excusing her canon behaviors just so we're clear #it's just a silly au of mine where i wished she would get a decent redemption arc #forgiveness isn't easily given nor demanded #some people genuinely see the good even the tiniest bit while some don't #and that's valid #anyways this can have any ships if ever but this was made with chlonette in mind #one thing i didn't want to emphasize is the romantic interactions #because while it could be a factor i want chloe to redeem herself with her own accord #and reason #still #chlonette #marinete dupain cheng #too much of a sucker for them

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9800sblog · 7 months

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hongjoong tarot reading

public persona vs real personality

do i have his energy permission to do and share this reading? page of pentacles

fun fact, this my mom's bias!

I didn't write down the cards because I usually get too many in this type of reading as there are many questions being made. but nothing here is difficult to notice in real life and I'm not exposing any secrets, so just trust me bros 🤥

persona

hongjoong is seen as a leader, he wants to be seen as compassionate and friendly, but firm, he wants others to know that there are consequences and he should be feared if need be (this includes everyone, like how he calls out fans if they mess up bad). he tries to look fun, entertaining, of course, and he really tries to become friends with those involving his work, although he has strong boundaries and limits, if necessary. he doesn't let people walk over anyone, and he's the type to follow strict rules and activities but only with ease, but only if he agrees with them. hongjoong thinks it's important to show happiness and contentment on camera no matter what. his job is to fulfill a fantasy, so the way he acts depends a lot on what's the job - photoshoot, stage, live, vlog, etc. in general, he wants to bring happiness and escape to others, he really dives into the idea of ateez being a family. he also shows a lot of respect to traditions and social hierarchies, he often asks advice and listens attentively to his seniors, and is extra polite around different types of people (reminded of him asking permission to touch a fan's face when ateez was doing their makeup). hongjoong's fanservice is nothing unusual, it's easy to understand and identify (at least that's what he thinks), overall he acts like he is impulsive and all fans are incredibly attractive to him, he acts as if he's genuinely got a crush on people (he's a good actor) and he thinks it's part of a game everyone agreed to play, hongjoong might think his fans are very down to earth and realistic, and everyone knows when he's not being genuine (he is wrong), he does think fans lack boundaries and rules and he tries to put them in their place when he can and sees wrong. hongjoong sees fans from a distance, however, he may gloss over social media every once in a while to figure out fan's tendencies but may think looking often is bad for his mental health, even with those fans that have the best intentions (seeing people that don't know him talk about him all the time is bad for his self image, no matter if they're talking good or bad, as it's disconnected from reality either way).

of all members I've read, hongjoong is the most calm when it comes to fan's idea of him, I mean he is mostly known for social fights and his artistic view (very different from seonghwa, who is seen as a woman, literally, and mingi who is seen as a sex icon, those are more harmful to one's mental well-being and the readins reflected that)

personality

work is a HUGE part of hongjoong's personal life, his friends are co-workers, he relaxes by working, he has fun by working, this guy is a fucking workaholic. hongjoong may find some relief in letting other's guide for once, not making decisions or being democratic. his love language may be acts of service and quality time, as he may enjoy doing things/chores when spending time with friends, specially creative ones and mindful discussions. he may act as a sort of therapist for other members and friends hehe for relaxing, he may enjoy spending time with friends and family, anywhere as long as they're together, he gets to get out of his head a bit, his family is his safe space. and likes to think about life in a "glass half full" type of way, to not be overwhelmed by the negativity that all and any things in life can bring, hongjoong likes to focus on the brighter side and what he can do to change the bad side. he enjoys art as well, it's undoubtedly a hobby of his, we don't need tarot to say this haha. hongjoong may enjoy being around children and animals, parks, water spots (rivers, beaches, bridges, etc) or any family related stuff, he may find a type of bliss and see a type of innocence and beauty there that he doesn't anywhere else. hongjoong loves his job a lot, so that's what he does to have fun too kkkkkk he often enjoys being with his members and maybe the trainees in his company, he loves to play games but I think specially mobile games cause you can bring them anywhere. hongjoong loves to study about different aspects of his job, to learn different things about the world outside of seoul and/or korea, he may also be a very spiritual or religious person in privacy as I got some cards related to that. he may have a specific set of moral rules and standards that he likes to follow, believe in and study about. when totally alone, hongjoong feels he can finally be his truest self, his most genuine and raw version, it feels liberating in a way. he does a lot for others in daily life. although he enjoys it, it's nice to have time to look after his own well-being and stability. he's mostly focused on his inner child, making him feel safe and fulfilled. he doesn't care a lot about being alone, definitely not an introvert or a neurodivergent so if you heard any rumors about that 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ kkkkkkk just joking, I'm being silly 😛😝 but seriously, he doesn't seem to care about being alone, it's nice for a change, he's not the type to be scared of his own thoughts either, he'd just rather be with others because it's fun. when he's alone he may just distract himself, and do whatever there is to do or watch tv, talk to himself. he may like to use alone time to think about himself as an individual too, to try to separate his feelings from others' and, again, may be a bit spiritual!

this is the most stable and calm member I've read, the most consistent energy throughout the entire reading and very comforting in the private section, specially towards the end.

#ateez tarot #kpop tarot #tarot #ateez #celebrity tarot #hongjoong #free tarot

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galaxyinacup · 3 months

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smoleef for the shipping ask game? :3c

Hi anon! I am not entirely sure bbut I am guessing you mean smalletho! If not and this is an obscure ship I don't know about please let me know and I shall correct myself!

I SHIP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1-What made you ship it?

They are so weird about eachother! It ofc started on double life but ever since they just have not let it go at all and I find that so funny.

2-What are your favorite things about the ship?

I am a firm believer that nobody who teams up/bases with Etho leaves unscathed, everyone just gets weirder about him because of his quirked up white(?) boy swag, but also if he likes you he'll just, follow you around like an anxious puppy whenever he can.

Joel gets so flustered so easily it's my favorite thing ever, he is almost on par with Tango when it comes to making Noises and that paired with Etho's kinda dense attitude makes this a very fun pair to watch banter and navigate situations.

Any Etho ship is great in my books but I also just really really like Joel so it's like making your two favorite characters kiss, selfcare:)

3-Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Had tto think a bit cause at first I thought I didn't, and tbh Im not even completely sure? But I have seen a lot of people say that it's Joel who brings out the red energy of Etho, and that Etho in turn acts as some sort of balance or accomplice and I just don't really see it that way? I think it's actually Etho who makes Joel act differently, in double life Etho keeps bringing up Joel's reputation as a Red and once they die it feels like Joel is almost putting up a show. Like he needs to live up to Etho's expectations of his Red persona because he admires him and wants to impress him, the moments that come to mind are the Pearl chase when they first die and then Joel yelling to Cleo about how he killed her last time, I just think they both kinda admire eachother but act so weird about it so there's no other choice but to kiss sloppy style

These are kinda scattered thoughts and I might not be making much sense but I hope it helped! If I think of a better way to word something I'll revise tomorrow ^_^

#alek yells #trafficshipping #smalletho

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clambuoyance · 10 months

Note

I know that you are a stalwart TimKon Shipper

But what are your opinions on other Kon ships?

KonCass

KonCassie

SuperMartian

KonBart

I am a firm KonCass Shipper through and through

even if i have my own personal hcs, i mean i don't mind any of these ships

koncass had a couple of cute issues and they very much feel like young teens trying to date kinda clumsily but i liked that they agreed to just be friends at the end of it T-T also given what cass says about how she's looked at and her relationships with other characters i cant really see her with a guy >_> they are definitely cute tho and glad you have a cute ship to enjoy!

i actually think koncassie are sweet to each other in tt03 but it's like very basic and surface level to me (that's just how johns wrote everyone there though so) and within canon, cassie had something of a celebrity crush for him at first, but there's the issue where cassie looks in the mirror and wishes she was beautiful and wishes kon would stop looking at her as if he only sees her as a sister and nothing more and then they kiss and i was like >_> okay i guess (if we had seen more of this romance from kon's pov i might have bought into it more) and later in tt03 johns writes cassie as if it was a flaw to act so boyish in her youth and while there's nothing wrong with characters growing up and changing it just felt cheap or whateverrr like at least write her realizing she doesn't need to be doing this for a man and only for herself. again, theyre okay to me as a ship on its own and are cute and i joke that kon got domesticated and learned to be a decentish boyfriend i guess (altho i think he was always going to be a loyal bf and the persona from his youth was more of an act). i could enjoy them more maybe in cases where they are presented in a way i find more interesting (such as both having similar journeys in exploring gender, making cassie's stories revolve less around kon or boy drama etc) or outside of canon but personally i also cannot see her with a man </3 koncassie really doesn't do it for me </3

supermartian really only exists within the yja show which i havent watched in over a decade so i can't say much except that i remember being obsessed with them in s1 and then i kinda lost interest and never finished s2

konbart is neat too even if i don't talk about them much either, they also have a lot of canon scenes showing their devotion and support to each other, not to mention the humor in all of yj and dynamic esp during the parts surrounding the apokolips-ish era(the guilt and worry kon felt, associating bart for a chick etc etc). they also have a lot in common origin/character wise (very sci-fi/experiment origins, inertia and match, interesting relationships with adult figures and expectations, both dying, being written off as stupid or immature, etc etc) so i can definitely see the appeal and think theyre also cute. honestly for me it probably just came down to preference and the order i read things in bc if i read yj2019 first or didn't tend towards tim drake/annabeth chase/rose lalonde coded characters i might've had a different main dc ship but theyre neat :)

ofc again these are just my personal opinions and hcs i have nothing against the people who like em (except maybe for the writers of some of these comics)

#once saw koncassie but they were both lesbians and i was like omg <3 #like okay. u can argue that cassie and tim act really similarly towards kon #which also provides intersting relationships and bonding #but given how many types of stories are allowed to female characters in comics #its eghhh if that one story is so revolved around a man >_> esp given the range of stories cassie sandsmark could hold #also. ive been watching utena lately and i cant stop thinking of cassie when i see the things utena does and says snlgd #also for example i like mu deok and jang uk a lot but seeing amnesiac her throw herself at him in s2 i was like GIRL. STAND UP!!!#nothing against boycrazy girls i just go >_> when ive already been introduced to a version of them that is very much Not boycrazy #clam answers #dc #i just be rambling

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misscammiedawn · 7 months

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Penlight Spoiler Reviews (Sayori Part 2)

Download Penlight (Pay what you like) from Itch.io here

Past reviews: Quick Review - Nozomi Routes - Sayori (Part 1)

Turq's reviews: Hiroko Robot - Hiroko Tickling - Nozomi Zombie

So... last time we met with Sayori and turned her into a Doll.

This time we're going to discuss the impact of Personality Play on a person and outright give Sayori dissociative identity disorder. As a person diagnosed with DID and a victim of personality play abuse I have a lot to talk about on this topic. I hope you don't mind me being a little over-indulgent.

CW: The Alter route will discuss topics of IRL hypnotic abuse and the long-term effects of personality play on a person's psyche as well as perspectives of how DID presents in my personal experience. I put the reality segments in italics to help people skip over them.

ALTER ROUTE:

Note that the name I refer to the Alter by in this review is the name I gave her. It is not even remotely canon. Aiko, Megumi and Yuri are the default names given by the game. Please do not take the naming convention I used to reflect DeMille's authorial intent. I use it mostly to match the screenshots and give some more pump to a narrative twist.

The first half of the review contains some seeds of discussion topics that I want to grow out so I highly recommend reading that one.

This route is my biggest hypnotic trauma being played out in visual novel format. I'll sprinkle my thoughts on the reality within the fiction. I'll put the reality pieces in italics if you want to skip them.

So if the Doll Route is based on the concept of boundaries and respecting someone's comfort then the Alter route answers the age old question of "What if your hypnotist were hit by a bus" that is to say, what are the impacts of going about your life with dangerous and permanent programming still in your head?

I suppose another theme would be one I vibe with intently. "Be careful who you entrust your mind with"

Sayori asked "what's the worst that could happen?" at the start of his hypnosis scene. Sayori, always so careful to think about things before committing takes her time with the doll suggestion. What if she didn't advocate for herself and set up firm barriers?

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Alter Route is a winding map of many paths and much of it is still yet to be written. The route begins with Sayori being asked to adopt a carefree persona who hates to study (and has a crush on Kyou). He also specifies that this persona will have no idea that Sayori even exists.

You, the player, are given a prompt to provide her a name.

I called her Sapphire. First playthrough and so shall again for this review. I picked that name with intent. I'm still not 100% sure it was a good idea, but I did.

Is it because of the alliteration? The blue hair? My referring to my hypnotic eyes as having a "sapphire flame"?

I said that this route was my biggest hypnotic trauma being played out on the screen?

In 2003 a dumb 19 year old met a man online named AW. AW saw that teenager's mind was fertile ground for character play. He planted a couple of alters in that kids head but none were as beloved nor as important as his little recruitment doll. His "slave" (oh how I have grown to hate that word) who he trained to bring him pretty girls...

The name I feel comfortable with in this current era of my life is Dawn. I prefer people call me Dawn when I am in this headspace, though I don't mind being called Camden and can tolerate being called Cammie when it is said by someone affectionate of us as an individual. But I am fractured. Diagnosed with DID in 2023. I type about it every now and again.

He called me Sapphire.

It was the name of a roleplay character... I even have Sue-Chan art commissioned of her. I have another piece at my bedside desk and have had it much of my adult life.

I have done a lot of thinking on if my DID is a result of this extensive play or if my DID simply made my mind more susceptible to it. The question is moot for the most part but I have found comfort in believing that there were elements of our heart which we were unaware of at a young age...

And AW reached in and found those elements within us. He found the part of us that was unburdened by sexual or gender repression and was able to personify our hypnosis obsession in a way we simply could not otherwise. He saw it. He identified it. Named it... Then dared to claim ownership of it.

In the game, Sayori takes to the suggestion swimmingly. She embodies the traits of this alter personality. She becames [Sapphire]. Giggling and acting shy around her beloved Kyou, she demands a tour of the house and Kyou becomes increasingly concerned that this act is going a little too far and you are given your first option.

For simplicity's sake I'll divide the path into 3 distinct branches (I made up the names for clarity as they do not have names on the official route tree):

Golden Ending - In which Sayori is woken up in Kyou's room and is so freaked out by the lack of memories between going into trance and waking up that much like Doll Route she refuses to let Kyou hypnotize her until she feels confident of the safety. In this route [Sapphire] does not come out ever again.

Day Lost - In which Kyou does not wake Sayori up and lets [Sapphire] go home and spend a night at home and isn't woken up until the next day at school. In this route Sayori's trust is broken enough that she seeks Nozomi's help, not Kyou's in saving her from this situation.

Week Lost - In which Kyou does not wake Sayori up and instead he decides outright to program [Sapphire] to be the dominant persona and avoid detection from the outside world.

For the Golden Ending there are a number of prompts during Sapphire's (let's drop the bracket gimmick and just call her that, it's better than saying Alter Sayori over and over) brief stint where you are given the option of bringing Sayori back and after she is justifiably upset about waking up mid-conversation in a different room you are given an option to summon Sapphire again.

I like that the chaotic nature of the initial encounter allows a number of options to go between what essentially are the options of "let Sayori exit Kyou's room" or "let Sapphire exit Kyou's room", especially as Kyou himself is making a decent number of assumptions about Sayori and her willingness to go along with the suggestion.

Kyou is a very big believer in the idea that a person's willingness to obey a suggestion is equivalent to a person's consent to the suggestion. This is because Kyou is a dumb kid and he is playing with fire.

If he does not try to force Sayori to calm down by imposing the carefree persona upon her she will accuse Kyou of projecting his infatuation of Nozomi onto her and become frustrated that he would dare override her core traits with such dangerous programming.

She notes that hypnosis shouldn't make her act the way she clearly was acting and admits this requires further study after cram school. She insists Kyou dedicate himself to further study on the topic too.

His study, which to his credit he does commit to, comes up empty. He believes Sayori is in denial that part of her yearns to be carefree and act as Sapphire had.

Sayori does her own research and...

Sayori is best girl.

She admits herself foolish for going along with it but is committed to the science of understanding what is happening to her. As a test she tries to resist Kyou's sleep suggestion but when she put her head on the pillow she was compelled to sleep deeply. She could not stop it. No matter how hard she tried.

She recognizes that the best hypnotists in the world could not do as Kyou has done.

Kyou gets defensive and starts a fight which escalates. At present you only have the option to apologize but there is a greyed out option for future in which you can bring Sapphire back.

I'm interested in seeing that path in the future.

After the pair talk it through Sayori thinks to involve Nozomi as a third party consultant. She wants to see if Kyou's hypnosis is as powerful on anyone or if it is just her and she knows Nozomi will instantly agree to this.

Sayori is a bad friend. In Doll route she refused to allow Nozomi to interfere with the hypnosis but in this route she weaponizes her knowledge of Nozomi's hypnosis fetish in order to have someone to test on. Even the safest penlight hypnosis has the potential for danger and it's hard to reconcile her involving Nozomi, even in a route where Kyou has proven himself not a shithead.

After school they test the penlight on Nozomi.

and it confirms in Sayori's mind the hypothesis that the penlight is odd and makes hypnosis act in ways it shouldn't. She even notes that the CIA have been trying to do what Kyou has managed for decades and a random high school kid accidentally stumbles on it.

Sayori really hates how Kyou just bumbles into success when she has to fight so hard to scrape by.

Now in the Nozomi route I mentioned that the timelines are pretty rigid for Sayori and to a lesser extent Hiroko. Sayori has cram school every day except for Sunday (which is a day taken by Hiroko's tennis tournament) and much of the Doll route requires maneuvering around study club, an optional obligation, and cram school which is necessary or she will be contacted by her father.

The other Alter routes will involve consequences for Sayori's grip on her responsibilities relaxing a little. Here she is still trying to be everything she should be while dealing with this extra stress.

That all said, she rushes out of the scene when Kyou finished the simple down and up with Nozomi. She has to go to cram school. She vanishes so fast that Nozomi is left sitting at the table running her fingers along the table and processing the fact that a fantasy from her mind control stories just came true and it's all suddenly over.

So Nozomi, with an opportunity to make her fantasies come true, tries to convince Kyou that it would help Sayori out to do more tests. She insists that it is in Kyou's best interest and she promises that if Sayori is upset then she will take full responsibility. She gives Kyou as many outs as possible to tempt him.

You have to deny her twice.

If you accept then there's a rough draft of an unfinished path but it also provides the most Sleepyhead moment in the game.

I swear to heaven Sleepyhead is going to cosplay Nozomi Akemi at a hypnosis convention one of these days...

Turning her down is one of the most mature moments Kyou has in any route.

His crush has just begged him to do the thing this entire affair was for and he turns her down.

I'm proud of you Kyou. You're a good boy. Also Nozo truly cannot be trusted around hypnosis.

You're a lovely girl, Nozomi, but you're insatisable. We all love you for it. But you cannot be trusted.

Look back to the Doll Route and the thing with the culture festival application. Sayori ruins her relationship with Nozomi because he couldn't trust her around the promise of hypnosis or Kyou with the temptation of working with Nozomi.

It's interesting when we get to see these dramatic irony stings.

The next day Sayori turns up and tells him to destroy the penlight. If you refuse then Kyou will force Sapphire out again use her willingness to go along with Kyou to entrance her again and both deprogram Sayori and erase Sayori's memory and then the next day utilizes Nozomi's offer to test more to do the same with her. Alone again but he still have his penlight.

In the good ending. He uses the penlight to deprogram Sayori and destroys the penlight. The story cuts a few months later and Kyou has become a regular at Study Club and is picking himself up. He is treating Sayori's insomnia via therapeutic hypnosis and is truly thinking about becoming a real life hypnotherapist.

He also pulled off the culture festival and though Sayori was not involved, Nozomi kept him on his toes.

The pair have grown close and know a lot about one another's lives to the point of which Kyou asks Sayori on a date to an arcade and she is surprised that he would ask her to such a location and Kyou mentions her talking about how much she enjoyed arcades before high school.

Sayori notes that they may be having a date but she still is still moving if she gets into med school and they won't last long. Kyou acknowledges that it's worth enjoying the moment even if it doesn't pan out.

I love her.

Now this route involves erasing Sapphire in both good and bad ending. She barely got to exist. Less than 5 minutes into the world.

Shall we go back in time to that initial encounter and meet her now?

An interesting part of the Alter routes where Sayori and Sapphire are bouncing back and forth (intentionally or unintentionally) is that this is the only route that has "rules" to keep a track of.

Any time Sayori is turned into Sapphire or Sapphire is turned into Sayori there is a complete void between times that the Become... trigger was used.

Sapphire recognizes that she was given a trigger to have a "carefree and fun" persona installed and assumes that "Sayori" is the name of this. Any time someone calls her it she becomes more and more aware of the situation.

Another rule is that Sayori and Sapphire have a common history and this is a really interesting thing that instantly caught my attention and proved that DeMille understood the assignment and either studied dissociative identities or is quite capable of understanding how they are expressed.

There is nothing about Sapphire that isn't part of Sayori. She is not how Sayori would imagine someone without inhibitions or a caricature of a carefree person. Sayori simply remembered a younger point of her life when she used to visit the arcade with her father and how her life felt before she became weighed down by expectations and the stress of not being able to keep up with her studies.

Look up at those last two pictures. That's Sayori at the end of the Golden Ending and Sapphire at the start of the Alter path. That smile isn't unique to Sapphire. Sayori can smile like that too. She can visit the arcade and have fun. That is a huge part of the story that is being told here. There truly is nothing within Sapphire that doesn't already exist within Sayori. They share a beautiful blushing smile.

It's not fully developed as a story where this was the core of the tale would be but I think that is something that makes it all the more effective. It's succinct. A concept I am completely blind to but I do like it when others pull it off. I am not saying that Sapphire is 12 year old Sayori (well. My thoughts are more nuanced than that at least. We'll see what I mean a little later). I am saying Sayori was asked to conceptualize a carefree version of herself and Sapphire was constructed from the emotions that she was once familiar with.

Which makes for not just an effective story, but a reflection of reality.

AW met us from a roleplaying group. Sapphire was not the only character we played in those days. But she was the only hypnotist character. When we were a teenager we were deep into reading hypnotic theory. We burned through so many books between ages 16-25. But there's a difference between reading how to do a thing and doing it.

But Sapphire was a character and so in posts she would think about different types of inductions by their name and talk about things like convincers and depth signals. She spoke in a grandiose pattern. She was confident. In charge. Dominant.

I don't know how many people AW had us hypnotize but he recognized that we did not have the confidence to do so when we were lucid. But in Sapphire's headspace there was no filter, no cogs turning... it was fluid. A person who knew their stuff, believing they knew their stuff... no delay, no bravado. Was I what I imagined a hypnotist to be or was I just a version of myself unburdened by a shame of kink, a fear of eroticism, any notion that this was not who we were and what we were built for.

I recall in the 2010s when my friend group met "me" in my iteration at the time... there was no hypnosis that time. Just a call from the heart to fill a void in a tabletop scene. Our playable character was transformed into the personality of a femme fatale and we needed to act as her with no time to prepare. We closed our eyes and reached inward. Sapphire is not the shape we sought but it was the shape that reached up and took control in that moment.

We think about that moment a lot. I took the name "Honoria" that day. The shape of "me" had changed. I wonder what shape I was before AW got a hold of me. Sapphire existed before AW... but he poisoned her. Changed her into something else. It makes me wonder what experiences, emotions and memories forged me. I wasn't always here. But now I am...

And I don't just disappear in silent moments or the years between activty.

I'm also a sucker for rules in storytelling and so when things like which name is spoken out loud or the trigger is used I am keeping these things in mind. I wanted to mention that early as it plays in as we go.

So Kyou does not bring back Sayori and Sapphire laughs about how Kyou's hypnosis must have failed when he calls her "Sayori" and she does not recognize the name.

And with Kyou's negligence on full display, Sapphire heads out of the house, not even recognizing her own name. He assumes she'll just snap out of it when the situation calls for it. He doesn't realize the level of distress that can be caused by leaving someone in a literally "altered" state interact with the world and their life.

We used to call it "channeling". Evidence had shown that hypnosis could let our younger self do things that they couldn't do in an unaltered state. Eventually they started to lean into it. At work. In intimate situations. When they needed to perform. When they needed to play a character, to push through barriers of fear and doubt. Close your eyes. Let yourself enter a flow state. Become the person you need to be...

We were already a transgender woman pretending to be a man. This just made us a transgender woman pretending to be a man needing to pretend to be other people just to function in basic life tasks. It felt pathetic. It felt so alienating from my sense of self. I didn't identify with my body or my mind. In seeking ego death we hypnotically abused ourselves to the point of which we were just an idea of a person who had a legal name that didn't feel like our own...

I did this to myself, I would think.

The next day Sapphire ambushes Kyou at the gate. He notes it's odd but he's just happy there's someone happy to see him.

Kyou doesn't realize this is the alter personality and calls her Sayori, convincing her that Kyou is still trying to make the hypnotic compulsion from the previous day work.

Kyou's reply is not to tell her to Become Sayori again. It is to panic about what Sapphire will do when she hears the wrong name being spoken by the teacher and her friends...

In his defense, Sapphire did scold him in trying to trigger her in a public place.

But he still prioritizes a comfortable landing for Sayori over the danger of allowing Sapphire to run rampant.

This priority is the source of much of the drama in the One Day situation.

During class people do infact call Sapphire "Sayori" and she is horrified and confused by it.

We are given two options.

"It's a prank" - Change her back

We'll focus on change her back for now and come back later for "It's a prank". After all. Kyou may be able to tell himself that he is prioritizing Sayori's safety and doesn't want to wake her up to a public setting but the longer he puts this off the more distress both Sayori and Sapphire will be in.

It would be irresponsible to actively encourage this situation to continue by gaslighting or worse programming a woman in distress to lean into her altered headspace to avoid confronting the reality of the other persona being upset when they wake up.

...so let's have Kyou bring Sayori back.

Penlight hypnosis causes the hypnotee to blank out entirely. We saw this directly in the "Reversal" route. This counts for altered states too. We had seen it when Sayori woke up suddenly in Kyou's room and we saw her reaction to it in the Golden Ending path.

Imagine how terrified she would be waking up a day later with no memories of her night. Knowing that some other version of herself had lived a day in her life. Spoken to her parents. Attended school. Acted as if it were here.

The sentiment makes her sick to her stomach.

Sometimes in our emails and chatlogs we find little bits of evidence of our actions and behaviors, areas of the internet we had posted in with no recollection, even after system discovery.

AW had Sapphire make her own Yahoo account to send messages from, I have the sign-up email in my inbox. When I saw it my blood froze cold. I still do not know the password and it has been locked from my attempts to get in. It terrifies me to think of all the things I would see if I managed to get in.

I don't think I can describe the powerlessness and vulnerability that comes when you realize that the continuity of your own experience has been disrupted and even in the face of evidence you're unable to reconcile it. You know that it was you. You cannot deny that. But it still remains alien. You have no memory at all of the situation or scenario. It makes you feel so hopeless and untethered.

She takes it fairly well, given the circumstances.

Sayori retreats to the rooftop club ordering Kyou to stay the hell away from her. She is beyond terrified.

Kyou, being Kyou, instantly starts internally pouting about how he is not at fault for how people take his hypnotic suggestions and that it is unreasonable to blame him when hypnosis cannot force someone to do something they didn't want to do.

Typical Kyou stuff.

He does note he should have been better about safety and beats himself up a little about his mistake, though.

From here the school week continues on with Sayori avoiding Kyou. She instantly speaks to Nozomi, someone she knows can help her with matters of hypnosis. Nozomi even gives Kyou a firm talking to and tells him in no uncertain terms "you hurt my friend. You have to atone. On her terms, not yours."

Nozomi is wonderful. She really gets to shine in this route as she is the voice of ethics in hypnokink. Ironic, given how quickly she throws that all away when she has an opportunity to go under for herself but she knows her stuff, she knows her ethics.

It speaks to how much a person can let their own safety disappear when they are given opportunities to play. I'm certain all the older members of the hypnosis community had some brushes with dangerous individuals due to their own level of self-neglect.

But Nozomi does know what ethics are and she wants to protect her friend. She does a fantastic job of it.

She acts as a mediator and invites Kyou to her house the following day so that Sayori has a safe space to work out what the heck is going to happen next.

At Nozomi's house they gather together and Nozomi lets Kyou have it, she all but screams at him.

(Nozomi and I share a soapbox)

The rant Nozomi gives on ethics at this point is one of the highlights of the game for me and not just because of my connection to the reason she's yelling. She speaks passionately about how ethical hypnosis is performed, she uses the word "hypnotee" several times (proof that DeMille is read up as the fictional space and public consciousness tend to favor "subject") and notes how Satoshi, the senior from last year's show, had performed correctly.

Nozomi's anger at Kyou is something that reminds me of a number of my close friends in the best possible ways.

Sayori even notes that she is certain Kyou meant no harm and that she forgives him. Nozomi's reply is "Not until he gets on his hands and knees"

Better be careful, Sayori. Nozo is coming for your "best girl" crown.

Sayori is Sayori though and she is not going to submit herself to deprogramming hypnosis without understanding the situation in full and having control over how the matter is handled. This may not be the consent/rapport version of Sayori's story but she is still the same woman. Well, Sayori is anyway.

Sayori notes that the level of control that Kyou has demonstrated matches years of conditioning with a hypnotist and shouldn't be replicated with 2 sessions worth of trance.

AW and I met in 2003. I broke it off with him in 2010...

Sayori wants to understand the rules and pontificates that if they are as she thinks then if Sapphire came out she would not recall anything between the last time the trigger was used and the present moment. Sayori is also certain if she heard the trigger phrase she would be incapable of resisting it.

To prove this she asks Kyou to use it.

And it works. Sapphire returns, giggling at the magic trick of Kyou teleporting her from school to Nozomi's house. She's just delighted to be out of class. She is hypnotically compelled to hate studying after all...

Sapphire takes it all in stride and seems to have no qualms with Nozomi's presence, outright saying that she assumes Nozomi invited them over because of her "hypnosis-loving giddiness". Sapphire knocks Nozomi off her balance by outright identifying her fetish and laughing at how Kyou clearly picked up on it too.

All Kyou needed to do was say "Become Sayori" again and the scene would be over, hypothesis confirmed. Alas, what can go wrong must go wrong and Nozomi's mother enters the scene and Kyou prioritizes the comfort of Sayori waking up in an awkward position over her safety.

He convinces Nozomi to let the conversation play out and just trigger Sayori when the mother has gone. Right? Sorted.

A small chat turns into lunch.

Lunch stretches on and Sapphire starts talking it up. We learn a little more about Nozomi's board game hobby and the fact she has a secondary friend group she plays games with on some evenings.

Sayori's phone goes and Sapphire excuses herself to answer it... and then goes missing.

The next sequence is a lovely wild goose chase of Nozomi and Kyou unable to find Sapphire (her phone is turned off!) and worrying that Sayori's father referred to her as "Sayori" and Sapphire worked out she's the installed personality and ran off to prevent anything happening to her.

Remember how I said the timelines of the game are rigid. Saturday is a good day for this to happen. Sunday is Hiroko's tournament after all...

...and Saturday is cram school for Sayori...

Her dad was upset she wasn't there and Sapphire, hypnotically induced to hate studying, hung up on him and turned off her phone and ran off to have fun.

The goose chase has some wonderful characterization of Kyou and Nozomi bickering, a brief Hiroko cameo and some character history for Sayori.

They find Sapphire at the arcade. In every route, as noted by the ending of the Golden Ending, Sayori has fond memories of going to the arcade with her father prior to high school and she was actually remarkably good at video games and found them relaxing fun.

Sapphire is just built from that feeling after all.

I do not know how much research DeMille did in this route. Turq told me in reading blog entries (this specific route was written this year) that DeMille was not happy with how this route was written and I was surprised to hear that. As a person with DID and former victim of personality play abuse I felt the nuances were handled remarkably well.

One of the theories of DID (which is a dramatically contested topic in psychology. I should do a post on the 3 major theories that are kicked about someday) is based on Attachment Theory. In child's psychology they are developing aspects of identity, self and personality which are typically reinforced by their relationship to caregivers and the stability of their environment.

Attachment Theory posits that while the child is developing they come to have subconscious expectations of their environment based on how they are treated that cause a level of anxiety and avoidance with Secure Attachment being low anxiety/avoidance and Disorganized Attachment being high levels of anxiety/avoidance. Disorganized Attachment is more than just anxiety/avoidance, though. It comes from unstable environments where the child cannot reliably act in a certain way to get their needs met. Caregivers and authority figures do not respond well either via abuse or neglect (for instance an alcoholic mother may be violently and angry towards a child at night and then loving and apologetic in the morning) leaving the child feeling confused and afraid and unable to rely on stable protection and affection. Thus the personality and stable sense of self does not develop as the child is not modeled a correct way to behave, leaving them without a stable core.

Add in some cPTSD to the mix and you get some fun stuff happening in the brain.

Incidentally Disorganized Attachment is something that comes up in the development of BPD (which includes Identity Confusion as a diagnostic criteria) as well, which is why some psychologists believe that DID is just BPD with extra steps. As I said it's a contested field.

That all is to say that Sayori's relationship with her parents is strained. They are always working, something she and Kyou bond over, and she herself is busy to the point of breaking trying to live up to their expectations. Maybe I'm just headcanoning it but Sayori and her father clash a lot when Sapphire goes against his wishes.

So it is truly remarkable to me that Sapphire regressed to the point in her life when she used to visit the arcade and play games with her father. Sayori always refers to him as "father" and (in this route) Sapphire always refers to him as "daddy". I chose to put weight on that, even if it's not intended by the author.

Every one of her routes this love of video games exists but you'd never see it if she didn't have a reason to let it shine. It's not that she's ashamed of it. She just cannot be the person she was before and it's part of the reason she resents Kyou. Kyou can just take it easy and coast without even trying. She's sacrificing SO MUCH and cannot even feel confident about her ability to succeed.

Sapphire just takes the weight of that responsibility off of her.

Oh it's been a while since I used a photo. I got caught up talking about psychology stuff. I do that sometimes. Here. Have a Sayori kicking Kyou's butt at Street Fighter!

Sayori decides that this proves her theories about the penlight hypnosis without a shadow of a doubt and requests Kyou allow her to hypnotize him with it.

She does so at Nozomi's home and much like the Nozo-Reversal route we have a quick blank out from the induction to 20 minutes later. Nozomi and Sayori worked hard to be safe about their suggestion and we witness one of the most interesting scenes in the game from an ethics standpoint.

Kyou remains in trance and during this 20 minute window is forced to deprogram Sayori and remove Sapphire and sleep triggers from Sayori's mind.

We'll get more into the ethics of just erasing Sapphire in the final segment of this route...

Kyou argues that the penlight isn't a mind control device and Nozomi, clearly done with Kyou's denial and is about to get into an argument when Sayori steps in and notes how Kyou believes that the penlight is just a hypnosis tool and not a mind control device and if such were true then he would not obey any programming that he did not want to.

She orders him to break the penlight.

Kyou obeys.

But he fights the compulsion.

He fights it with all his might.

Seeing just how much he struggled in this scene reminds me of the ending of Nozo-Trance where Kyou commanded her to be his girlfriend. The penlight can overrule agency and in this moment Kyou cannot resist. He screams, begs the girls to stop, swears at them and cries out at the top of his lungs.

But he obeys.

Kyou is livid. Yelling at both girls that they had no right to subvert his will and destroy his hard work. He even threatens to build another one... and it is in this moment when...

Sayori hugs him and shares a moment of perspective. They had both been violated by the penlight and left to feel confused and afraid at the complete lack of control they each had in their own mind.

The ending to this route is actually rather positive. Sayori's father relents enough to let Sayori ease from her studies a little as it is clear that she had a burnout that erupted in her behavior during Sapphire's reign and that she was working better with full rest anyway.

Any Sayori route tends to include a note that moderation helps her more than obsessive study. Burnout will actually kill her but she needs to make the change from inside. She's a proud woman with a firm sense of control on her experience. She does not want to be told what to do, but she benefits a lack of pressure.

Kyou, Sayori, Hiroko and Nozomi start a D&D campaign together and Sayori finds an affinity for acting out characters in the setting.

Trust me, I can relate.

So this is what happens if Kyou wakes Sayori up on the school day after creating Sapphire.

...what happens if he didn't?

What happens if Kyou is arrogant enough to think Sayori is better as a carefree lady who hates to study?

What if Kyou decided he wanted to keep Sapphire?

"It's a prank" Route:

Every now and again I pull up my chatlogs with AW and one question plays in my head over and over again.

"How could I trust someone like this with my mind"

I pulled up chatlog and did a word search for "memory" to see if he ever did amnesia shenanigans with me. I found this exert:

AW: so she's pretty much wholly brainwashed at this point AW: her memory, personality, beliefs etc… are all customizable AW: she's got a second, deeper moral compass now. 'right' is what pleases master, and 'wrong' is what displeases master

As I read this all I could think was how did I let someone talk to me like that. How did any part of me accept that he could be allowed to mold us... it was such a violation.

If there is one thing I am grateful for it is that hypnosis in reality is not hypnosis in Penlight. The things AW commanded us to do were unconscionable. But we simply did not obey. But we did not run from him. It took him trying to make moves on people in our vanilla real life to make us break it.

If Kyou decides to trick Sapphire into thinking everyone is calling her Sayori as a prank, she instantly starts to threaten Sayori's entire career by complaining about study club and how much she hates school. Kyou doubles down.

Kyou doubles down in the worst way possible.

He hypnotizes Sapphire to always hear the name "Sayori" as Sapphire and to always unconsciously refer to herself in speech and writing as Sayori. By the absolute grace of DeMille Kyou remembers enough to make this suggestion in a way that saying "Become Sayori" will not be heard as "Become Sapphire". Though in my opinion the fact he even thought to close that loophole speaks to how unethical he is being right now. He knows what he is doing and is doing it anyway.

When Kyou is a little fuck he really makes me hate him...

During this hypnosis session Kyou starts thinking of Sayori as "Sapphire's other personality" before internally correcting himself to say "real personality".

That's one of the biggest themes of this route. "Real".

In the first two routes, Sapphire was a suggestion gone awry. Her autonomy (as well as a good use of "compartmentalized memories" in dialogue) is noted in the "Bring Sayori Back" (Day Lost) route but it is in this route that Sapphire and Sayori are treated as full dissociative identities.

Having just committed an atrocity on Sayori and helped smooth out any wrinkles in the personality he installed in Sayori's mind (that is commanded to have a crush on him), Kyou wakes her and she confesses her love. Kyou reciprocates.

Kyou's denial is legendary enough that if DeMille revealed he had a hypnotic compulsion to have the worst possible take in any scenario where the player isn't controlling the situation, I'd believe her.

Sapphire is all about the public displays of affection and starts being intimate and close to Kyou at school, pulling him to the rooftop club. There she mentions that she is dating Kyou and they are practicing hypnosis for the cultural festival.

Nozomi's hypnosis radar is pinged.

After Hiroko incredulously calls her bullshit, Sapphire doubles down and states that she is going to have a proper date with Kyou during the coming weekend. When reminded that mock exams are coming up and she should be studying, Sapphire happily says she will blow it off in order to spend time with her love <3

Nozomi's bullshit detector is pinged.

However, Nozomi is Nozomi. So she simply chimes in that as Class Rep it is her duty to help with the cultural festival and she must be involved in this hypnosis show. There is no options in this. They will attend Kyou's house tomorrow and there is no ifs or buts.

Sapphire also proves she cares about her friends and notes she is prioritizing Hiroko's tennis match for Sunday. Sayori is a good friend, even when her moral limitations and over-controlled behaviors are turned off.

Why, yes. I do know what I typed in the last review.

Have you considered Sayori is best girl, though?

Nozomi spends the day scripting out what will happen with the hypnosis session (no shenanigans, just scripting) and is enjoying herself but then Sapphire gets the phone call. Same time as it happened in the previous route. Sayori's father is livid that she is not at cram school. This time however we get to hear the argument and it is fairly pointed.

Sayori cannot avoid going in this route. It's interesting to note the differences between Sapphire without Kyou's reinforcing her presence in Sayori's mind and how she is here. The other Sapphire just hung up the phone. This one ended up going.

Nozomi excuses herself before noting "Sayori has never missed school. Not once. Not regular school of cram school."

She notes the discussion about second personalities and knows damned well what is going on here.

My beloved audience, behold! It is the thesis statement of this entire route. Also I will remind people of what Nozomi's first action is when she gets a hold of the penlight in Nozo-Reversal route.

There are so many times in this game where characters make overt ironic references to other routes. This is most certainly one of those moments.

After cram school Sapphire and Kyou meet up for their date and Sapphire talks about how she had intended on getting in a higher level high school but had not been able to be accepted elsewhere. She was happy to have Nozomi and Hiroko still in her life but it marks the moment that Sayori had become obsessed with study.

She visits the arcade and notes how she used to visit with her dad. Once again I note the fact that this Sapphire is less childish than the previous one. I feel the "Bring Sayori Back" Sayori was regressed to who she was before high school, referring to her father as "daddy" where here she calls him "dad" every time. Sayori always says "father".

Kyou's hypnosis has integrated Sapphire and Sayori and more importantly associated the memories, just not the behaviors. This Sapphire is an adult and she has full ownership over her actions during high school and has decided that she does not want to be that person anymore. She is happier like this.

Sapphire plays an arcade game and thanks Kyou for letting her "relive a happier time in her life" before dragging him down for dinner.

The two bond over their estrangement from their parents. Kyou is from a broken home with a father he barely sees and Sayori/Sapphire have a paramedic mother they barely see and a father who doesn't do anything to help anyone and Sayori/Sapphire disagrees with what he does and they argue about it.

She had wanted to become a doctor to make them proud even when they did not have economic advantage but Sapphire is not as sold on the idea. A doctor needs to keep up on study for their entire career. She has no interest in such a life.

Kyou starts to realize he is making a huge mistake and that programming Sayori to go against everything she stood for.

Finally realizing what Nozomi was trying to tell him before he realizes that he's done a horrible thing and tells her that they have to break up. He confesses everything. That he used hypnosis to change her personality, that he expected she would snap out of it, that he is going to throw her entire future down the drain and it's not right and they have to stop.

Then Sapphire pulls the rug out from under him.

We have just lost cabin pressure...

So you may have noticed that I was calling her by the alter's name this entire time.

The game text is still calling her Sayori and has been since we reprogrammed Sapphire to unconsciously hear the name Sayori as her own. Kyou has been calling her Sayori. The entire game up until now has been treating this character as if she is Sayori but with her personality adjusted.

This scene has the game switch the name card back to Sapphire.

She's known the whole time that she is the installed personality. She worked it out on the first day when people were calling her Sayori. The installed personality was supposed to be "carefree and fun-loving" and she sees those traits in herself. Therefore it stands to reason if she behaves in the way Kyou's hypnosis was supposed to make her act and people called her the wrong name then she is the one who Kyou created.

And she's okay with it.

Moreover she knows Kyou can just say "Become Sayori" and be done with it.

And she is NOT okay with that.

"What is this "real" business? I am as real as can be, Kyou. Do you mean to say I am not the original? That I am a creation that must be destroyed now that I have inconvenienced you?"

"Kyou, I am no parlour trick for you to put away once it has been used. I am real. I have lived a life."

"Do you... do you really think you have the right to take that away from me, Kyou?"

Sapphire explains she has existed as a feeling within Sayori for some time and that her experiences these past few days are her own and belong to no one but herself.

Flooding with tears she says that what Kyou calls "fixing" her is actually Killing her.

One thing I see argued back and forth in support groups is the concept of a core/original/real personality. Many therapists, especially those approaching from the perspective of the IFS model and expect there to be a "Genuine Self" waiting to emerge. I do not share this viewpoint and even if I did , how ethical would it be to assume the birth identity is the only valid one when we've been living as a woman for 3 years.

Even still... would "birth identity" and "the original" even be synonymous. I consider "birth identity" to be the boy from London, not the person in the stories we were told of our childhood.

I may not have full memory of my childhood but I am fully aware of the things the "little monster" did. I wasn't allowed to grow past it. Suspended from school 3 times, expelled once, hospitalized a kid by cracking his head on a concrete pillar, stole, broke into places, got brought home by the police a couple times. All before hitting 10 years old.

I do not know who that child my father would tell me stories about was. I don't identify with him. I do not feel him inside me. I am aware it was me who flooded the toilets, punched a teacher and broke into abandoned buildings.

I also remember the refrain in my head in those young years "don't be like them." I remember moments of oblivious bliss and moments of being consumed by an all powerful righteous fury in my heart. Simultaneously a happy child and an angry adult. Seeds that would grow into Cammie and Camden. Yet neither of those were my name... they wouldn't be for another 20 years.

When we transitioned. We didn't know we had DID. Camden had been running the system for a few years at that point and was finally able to express openly and outwardly... and so on days when we couldn't present femme our self-loathing and emotional volatility increased. We began to hate with a burning passion any expression of masculinity and our English heritage.

We began to hate our birth identity existing within us. We tried to erase him. End him.

It's actually a common practice for people going through gender transition. Here's a comic that makes the point more clearly than I ever could. See my tags for it? This comic convinced me exactly what the game is saying firmly. The Boy has a right to exist within our heart. We don't get to put him away just because he's not convenient to our gender expression anymore.

Kyou is told firmly that to erase Sapphire from Sayori would be murder and that Sapphire believes Kyou is a better man than that. She acknowledges this is a heavy topic and gives Kyou time to think. Our little idiot hypnotist is left completely out of his depth, forced to accept that he has given life to this alternate personality and such gifts cannot be revoked lightly.

What follows is a sequence at school where the rooftop gang gather and Hiroko stresses about her performance in the tennis tournament may impact her scholarship giving Sapphire the opportunity to show how carefree she is about scholarships. Nozomi confronts Sapphire with the knowledge that she is an installed persona and is horrified to find out that Sapphire not only knows this but does not care to be "fixed".

The conversation also bounces back and forth between using the names "Sayori" and "Sapphire" enough that Hiroko and Nozomi notice traces of Kyou's meddling. He confesses that he has programmed her to hear the name she is comfortable with whenever someone is clearly addressing her.

Nozomi is LIVID at hearing Kyou tried to mitigate harm by disguising it. She knows just how monstrous and unethical that is.

This is something that I fear isn't delved into enough within the ethical routes of the game. There are shadows of it here but I really feel like there needs to be a route that is specifically about owning mistakes.

As Turquoise pointed out in his NozoZombie review, a good hypnotist can still make no errors and still hurt a person. Kyou is entirely the type of person to utilize amnesia suggestions to bury mistakes and put things "right" but typically this only happens in the bad endings of routes.

I know too many people who played in the 2000s with dangerous hypnotists who crossed boundaries or made abreactions and tried to make the hypnotee forget rather than owning their mistake. I truly feel this is a topic that DeMille would knock out of the park if it were the sole focus for a storyline.

I also want to know that Sapphire's speech patterns at this point of the story are unique to her. Sayori has a grandiose way of speaking and the way that Sapphire talks is in character for Sayori but where Sayori's expanded vocabulary and wordy ways of speech is treated as her being a little loquacious, Sapphire embraces the concept of "eccentric", utilizing some phrases that she uses as a point of comfort such as "as you like".

Oh and as a British expat, I do love when I can feel DeMille's nationality bleed into this Japanese setting. It just makes me happy in the same way playing a 90s era RPG with American pop-culture references or seeing Brock eat a "jelly donut" would.

On the rooftop Nozomi caves in to despair, realizing that her friend is the one being killed. Sapphire insists that Sayori still exists within her mind but she has no reason to yield her existence to her. Nozomi's crying starts attracting attention and so Sapphire concedes that Sayori needs to be part of this conversation but it has to happen later in a safer place.

"Wait! Not here. And certainly not now [...] do you have any idea how Sayori will react were she to wake right now? In this place?"

Sapphire says that they need to perform the hypnosis in the privacy of the study club, where Kyou first hypnotized Sayori.

If you've not played this route yet, I want you to cast your mind back. Kyou did indeed hypnotize Sayori for the first time in the study club. This is a true statement.

But there's something odd about it, don't you think?

Kyou notices too but cannot quite identify what it is until Sapphire says that in order to make a safe landing spot for Sayori the conditions need to be perfectly replicated. Including Kyou and Sayori being alone in the room.

What is she scheming, I wonder?

After school Sapphire enacts her role as head of the study club and Kyou waits until afterwards to meet with her. Nozomi makes a final plea to bring Sayori back and tries to explain that Sapphire is not a real person and that the fact he can erase the hypnotic trigger is a proof of this fact. Kyou, who has spent time with Sapphire and recognizes her as a unique entity, disagrees.

Kyou's denial is legendary, though. Nozomi is making sense. She feels this "Sapphire" is simply Sayori following hypnotic programming, acting in the ways that Kyou told her to act and there is no separate individual. There is just programming that needs to be removed.

I like that this argument is left as a firm disagreement between Kyou and Nozomi. The ethics are dirty as can be in this situation. Kyou literally created a personality that is hypnotically compelled to love him. Earlier in the route Nozomi says that Sayori is "under duress" when Kyou says they are in love and that is right.

The situation has spun out of control and now the morality of it has become ungovernable. It is wrong for Kyou to permanently change Sayori into his girlfriend, it's the same situation as the endings where Kyou forces Nozomi to become his girlfriend. It is wrong to deprive Sayori of her autonomy, her life, her years of hard work.

Erasing Sapphire should be a cut and dry case.

But Sapphire is advocating for herself and does not consent to being erased. The whole situation boils down to whether or not you believe Sayori is following hypnotic conditioning or if Sayori and Sapphire are separate individuals with autonomy.

To add in further moral murkiness, Sapphire has come up with a scheme.

She will finish out her high school career pretending to be Sayori. Acting as a stuffy and studious woman, friend to Nozomi and Hiroko and stay away from her beloved Kyou. Earn their freedom by going through the motions and then after school is over she can return to Kyou and not have to worry about her parents or friends or society nagging about her behavior ever again.

Obviously that is an unacceptable circumstance.

Makes it easier to just ignore Sapphire's consent. She's not "real" after all...

But Sapphire is smart enough to know this may be the case and has selected the Study Club as the location of their hypnosis instead of Kyou's home.

That's the thing that was odd about the location. Kyou hypnotized Sayori in the study club for the sleep suggestion. Sapphire was created at Kyou's home.

She knows that if Kyou tries to bring Sayori back then he will be forced to manage the fact that she has lost 5 days of her life. Sapphire is so intent on living that she has put Kyou in a position where refusing her is disadvantageous. Sapphire is an evil mastermind when her back is to the wall.

In her mind to "include Sayori in this conversation" would be to destroy herself. Once she loses her ability to advocate for herself then Kyou would be the only one who could speak to Sapphire's autonomy and Sayori, Nozomi and Hiroko would never treat her as "real".

We know this. Nozomi said as much just before this meeting.

Sapphire admits, she has no right to demand this of Kyou (though she did think to put him in a position where refusing would end poorly) and that if he simply remembers her and keeps her in his memories then it could be enough.

You are then given the option to bring Sayori back or not.

Bring Sayori Back - Go Along with Sapphire's Plan

Should you go along with Sapphire's plan then she will have Kyou use a fake trigger to "bring back Sayori" and invite Nozomi to come into the room and begin acting out as if she were Sayori.

As soon as Nozomi comes in she keeps asking Sayori if she's okay. Telling Sayori that it's been 5 days. That Kyou hypnotized her.

Sapphire sells her role and is as livid and rigid as one would expect Sayori to be. Nozomi starts peppers every sentence with Sayori's name. Truly concerned about her friend.

Then Nozomi proves she is smarter than Kyou and knows her shit with hypnosis.

"Sayori" does not even react. She is hypnotically compelled to hear either name and internalize it as the name she should hear. Nozomi said Sayori every sentence in order to slip in a "Sapphire" and see how she reacts.

Sapphire fails to notice and Nozomi knows that the pair of them had lied to her...

In despair she once again cries for her friend to come back and Sapphire springs into action.

We get a timeskip to the final day of school. "Sayori" hangs out with her friends and Kyou remains a social parriah. Everything has gone "back to normal".

As they pile out of school Hiroko notes that Nozomi looks jumpy and just doesn't want to be there. Sapphire looks at Nozomi and assures her that she is amongst friends and she shouldn't be so tense. That if she had anything that was concerning her she could speak up and she would be happy to help her see things in a new light.

We flash back to the study club room.

Sapphire didn't use the penlight. She threatened to use the penlight.

She kept Nozomi in line via threats because she enjoyed watching the discomfort in her face whenever Nozomi was caught in the moral quandry of doing something or not fighting against this injustice. Sapphire gets off on having power over people and making them stew in discomfort.

Full credit to @spiralturquoise for pointing out that in the doll route there is a moment where Kyou has a thought box where he is convinced Sayori is enjoying his discomfort.

I am convinced that Sayori in every route enjoys watching people in moments of discomfort. It certainly explains her reactions to NozoZombie's stage show and why she makes the best audience member to be watching the events.

There are actually a number of little bits of foreshadowing in other routes. In one route Hiroko even jokes about how "we don't need two Sayori's around here". I look forward to replaying the game and catching the little asides.

DeMille has a very firm idea of who these characters are and is so gifted at maintaining their internal consistency. More impressive given how each character is dramatically altered when they interact with the penlight.

The bad ending concludes with Sapphire reuniting with Kyou andf starting their new life together with her performing a little bit of jabbing at him to see his own discomforted face contort as he struggles against the morality of his actions.

This ending has Kyou and Sapphire break off from the world and alienate themselves from family and friends to dive into a life consumed by one another. I find that this is one of the more intriguing fail conditions of the routes. Isolation is a big theme of all the bad endings. Whether Kyou ends up ostricized due to his misdeeds, sacrifices connections with the girls for what he feels is the safest option or is consumed by a hollow life where kink has consumed everything.

The doll bad ending is of a similar calibur where Sayori has no cares or interests outside of how wonderful hypnosis feels and so Kyou finds a full time job in maintaining a hypnojunkie and his life entirely becomes about catering to those needs.

Intimacy and connection is the good end. Isolation, even when alone together, is a bad end.

But that's a bad end. Let's bring Sayori back instead.

Kyou's lip trembles and he mumbles out his apologies. Sapphire just smiles back and closes her eyes in acceptance.

"You... You need to Become Sayori again."

Sayori wakes up and is stunned, scared and confused. Nozomi rushes in to hug her friend and they go to Kyou's home in order to sort things out. It was where the suggestion began and thus it seemed prudent to handle it there.

Nozomi and Kyou explain everything and Sayori listens and absorbs. She is numb by the end and tells them what it felt like for her. There are no memories at all of her time as Sapphire and she could not impact anything from within their mind, she was simply trapped in a void.

Kyou takes this as confirmation that Sapphire is a being unto herself.

Sayori agrees, noting that her hubris enabled this and that she should have been careful to entrust her mind to an idiot clod. She now has a dissociative identity to show for her arrogance. Sayori fully accepts that Sapphire is a separate entity born from her thoughts, emotions and memories and does have a right to exist.

Sayori is the best girl and I love her.

She gives Kyou two options. Erase all the programming and lock Sapphire away inside her mind forever, unable to come out and interact with the world. This option is as good as killing Sapphire but will allow Sayori full control over her life.

The other option is to integrate their consciousness to function together. Nozomi is horrified to consider this option, noting that it would be the end of Sayori's aspirations for med school.

She gives her signature Sayori smirk and boils it down to a simple statement.

"Ruin my life or destroy hers."

You bring Sayori under penlight hypnosis once again and are given the final option of the story.

Sapphire... I won't leave you behind - Sapphire... I have to let you go.

First off I note that Kyou frames this choice as being about Sapphire and not Sayori. I say that with no judgment or commentary. It's simply a fact of the route.

To erase Sapphire ends the game with an abrupt timeskip. The rooftop club want nothing to do with Kyou and he lives out the rest of his school career in solitude. Sayori manages to recover her lost week and feels confident about her chances for med school.

When Kyou speaks to her on her last day of school she is blunt and angry with him. She says every time she sees him she remembers how close she came to losing everything.

She says trusting him was her mistake and she takes ownership of it...

But Sapphire's life was placed in her hands and he sealed her away forever. Sayori wants Kyou to live with that. She wants him to miss her for the rest of his life.

She says goodbye and Kyou never sees them again.

I can think of few things in life more painful than being revoked access to speak to someone you love. To see them in front of you. To interact with them and to know that you are no longer on the "inside" of their trust. That you know the true names and shapes of the person... the people behind those eyes and know that you no longer have permission to see that. You are no longer allowed to hear their individual voice. It is a pain I would never wish on anyone.

And oh the level of self-loathing in internalizing that you have no right to be upset about it. That you are not owed access or trust. That you have to just live with the knowledge that they would take it all back if they could.

I know what it's like to miss someone for the rest of your life.

...so...

What if we integrate the pair into a single consciousness?

This time Kyou programs the two to have a line of internal communication and the ability to trade the body when they need to.

The timeskip happens again and Kyou has once again gone the final months of school alone. He is not soon to be forgiven for his actions. But as exams end the rooftop club have a date to go to karaoke to celebrate. Sayori is pessimistic about her propositions but did promise to celebrate. She also promised to talk to Kyou.

The rooftop club approach him and invite him to the celebration. As Sayori speaks with him, cold and upset, she is caught in moments of aside where she is caught in an internal argument.

The scene at the karaoke club is so beautiful and shows that not only has Sayori adapted to include her alter self into her life but Nozomi and Hiroko fully accept Sapphire as the 4th member of their group. Hiroko and Sapphire even seem to get along greatly.

Sapphire comes out to Kyou's comfort and delight and explains that Sayori pulled out of her emd school plans and they have to live a completely different life to accomodate their ideology clashes.

Kyou himself being one of them.

Sapphire and Sayori have internal conversations that Nozomi and Hiroko ask to be filled in on and for all it is worth this is handled just as it tends to be in my lived experience. DeMille did a good job of showing what "healthy multiplicity" looks like in a social dynamic and I cannot begin to thank her enough for that.

The whole "split personality" thing in fiction is always used as a source of drama. Internally as the turmoil between two (or more) individuals fighting over the solitary life. Externally as people not always knowing which alter they are speaking with.

I always appreciate when it's shown as just a part of who a person is. That people struggle to keep up with the shifts but are capable of following the changes and being aware that the person they are speaking to contains multitudes and the statement "they are the same person" and "they are different people" are both true at the same time.

In support groups I tend to see a common refrain that "DID is actually boring. It's just traumatized people trying to live their lives." and I agree with it. There's so much less mythology and intrigue in reality. This scene does a good job of showing the mundane reality of a person who has attained dynamic system communication and has people who they trust and share their truth with. The clumsiness and uncertainty of how any of it works and just trying to not stumble or apologize too much.

I often think I don't deserve the way people see me. See us. I've never been able to be what I am lucky enough to receive for others. In support groups and in life I have met other people who have these experiences and I fuck up. A lot. I try to not worry about it because I know I'd forgive the people around me if they messed up. But it takes earnest care and trust to be open with another person and for them to accept you and adapt their behavior to invite you in. It heals my heart to see Nozomi and Hiroko roll with it, even if they don't fully comprehend it.

During the karaoke party Kyou asks Sapphire where they stand, if they have a future or if tonight is a goodbye.

Sapphire takes him outside and admits that she still loves him and as Kyou reaches out to make a connection Sayori steps in and scolds her alter for breaking their agreement.

The pair get into an outloud argument over the situation and the impact Kyou's hypnosis has had on their shared life.

Sayori had to talk to her parents and tell them that her stress had caused a breakdown and she needs to adjust her life goals in order to accomodate her abilities. Sapphire jabs that Sayori would have had a miserable life treading water if intervention had not happened. Sayori notes that being forced to surrender her dreams is not a favor.

The sequence ends with Sapphire saying that she forced Sayori to give up her dreams. Giving up her love of Kyou is a suitable price.

Kyou will always be the one who ruined Sayori's life and saved Sapphire's. Sayori cannot bring herself to hate him but she cannot allow him to be in her life.

In a bittersweet ending, Kyou allows Sayori/Sapphire to return to the karaoke bar and he walks home.

The end.

The route is interesting in that there is real basis for it and yet the dynamics of the route lean more heavily into hyperbole than most need to. Adjusting a person's identity and risking them gaining a dissociative disorder is a very real issue within the hypnosis community.

I recently made a post about the topic which was inspired by my playing this route. I have no desire to out any of the people I have spoken to in the weeks since I posted it but a number of people have approached me to thank me for the post and share their experiences which mirror much of what AW did to me.

Then there's those Disney Deer files that are so imfamous at altering people's personalities and compartmentalizing their thought process that there are major online publications doing exposes on the topic.

DeMille handles the situation both in the present of noting what happens when a person's behavior is shifted by hypnotic conditioning and just how dangerous it is to give birth to alter egos via hypnosis. I feel there is full respect in her depictions and spare for Kyou's behavior being on a spectrum of irredeemable and fucking stupid; the characters treat the scenario with the gravity it deserves. I never felt like anyone betrayed their character's core while arguing on the agency and legitimacy of the alter personality.

I don't know if this is going to be the best storyline for anyone or be relatable to anyone outside of a very narrow window of individual... but as a member of that pinpoint Venn diagram... I appreciate that this story exists.

I think DeMille knocked it out of the park and I cannot wait to see what happens in the grayed out paths when they are written. Even if it hurts to read.

Next time we'll visit Hiroko. Though Turq has already handled the Tickling route if you want to read that now.

Going to take some time to focus on Not Penlight for now though. This took an age to write and edit.

#dawn posting #penlight #hypnosis #hypnokink #DID #watch me post my trauma in public #t4e #sayori is best girl #media myself and i #media essays

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sherlolly-siya · 2 years

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steve was not ooc in season 4, stancy build up was not 'for nothing'. I'm sorry but I simply cannot accept a opinion that's formed 30 seconds after binge watching x seasons of a show. the whole beauty of story telling and character progression relies on audience giving themselves the time to absorb what happened in each episode, each season. Personally I find steve and Nancy perfectly in character throughout their journey.

Steve's moto in life had been "Conceal don't feel" his entire life until the point he met Nancy. He went as far as to tell Dustin that the trick is to pretend as if you don't care

But what did we see? Steve cared and he showed, I'm a firm believer that character progression does not limit to finding a love interest. But the right one? They make you be a better person. Nancy was that for Steve.

Season 1: Steve's initial reaction to barb's death was poor (I won't defend it, there's no excuse for that) but he came back, even when he got in trouble with his parents. Because Nancy was distraught, because he cared about Nancy. He came back for Nancy every single time. He didn't know how to respond in the situation, his solution to watch a movie was bad, but he tried. He cared enough to drag his friends who didn't give two shits about Nancy with him to check up on her. His reaction to Jonathan taking unsolicited pictures of his girlfriend was justified, his reaction to pick a fight with him after seeing nancy allowing Jonathan into her home was justified for a hurt teenager. But the moment he had the time to think over it, the moment he saw the consequences of his actions he went back to apologize to Jonathan. Where he happened to find Nancy, but he hadn't come for her. He had come because he was feeling shitty about himself, you might close your eyes at this point because he's not your favourite but steve was growing as an individual, apart from Nancy.

He went as far as to buy Jonathan a new camera and have nancy give it to him. Because he knew nancy had forgiven Jonathan, there was more important life threatening stuff going on (although, I believe Jonathan deserved to have absolutely no access to any form of technology since that day). Nancy defending him to Jonathan in the woods was not in vain, steve really was a good guy under the 'king steve' persona.

Season 2: this is the key, anyone that has watched this season would not have questioned the scene in S4 where apparently steve forced Nancy to birth his kids. Steve always had a dream about his future, that dream didn't involve a solid career plan for himself, but that dream always involved Nancy.

He despises his father, but he was willing to take the job because it had benefits, (now which highschooler thinks about health insurance and benefits if they're not having a long term plan in their head?) and because he could stay around Nancy for a little while longer.

But It was one step forward three steps back with Steve at this point, the way he said in season 4, he was crawling slowly. His reaction to a guilt ridden nancy was poor. Once again the time wasn't in their favour. Although they still loved each other, nancy was finding it difficult to express that because she kept associating her happy memories with steve to barbs death.

So she ran, that's Nancy's character trait, she ran to Jonathan because he was the one at the time willing to find answers (coincidentally it aligned with his need to save his brother will). Once again, steve realised it a little late, he was at her doorstep with an apology already forming. But when steve saw the two of them working together, that is where he got his proper thump. And he let go, he didn't force nancy to confront anything, he knew she's not good at it. So he let go of his question, he assumed she didn't love him anymore. Mind you, Nancy never said she didn't love him, just like she never said she loved Jonathan.

Season 3: We see Robin asking steve if he's still in love with Nancy, and he says he's not because he's found someone that suits him. The problem here is that he still believes he needs to have a girl by his side. So he's trying to aimlessly flirt with every girl that comes to scoops ahoy. He tries to move on and is met with disappointment. But there's this another girl he's just met, that he works with, spends most of his day with and she challenges him. The same way Nancy did. She doesn't fall for his charm and he thinks she's the one. But she's not. Robin is not nancy, she's not falling for it because steve is not where her interest lies. Throughout the season we see steve and nancy maintaining the distance, for being in the same town, for running in the same circles, not once did they cross paths. (Once again, they're growing as individuals apart from the other.) Except for the very end, where Nancy and others are in danger and steve leaps in without a second thought, he's still looking out for Nancy, but he's also looking out for the kids because he promised someone he would.

Meanwhile nancy is learning the tough lesson: shared trauma doesn't last forever. Life happens beyond it, and as it turns out, her and Jonathan are not compatible for that. They're arguing over a silly story that Nancy thinks could lead to upside down and the monster. While Jonathan got his resolution, he got his will back, nancy didn't get barb. Nancy might not address it but it's there still at the back of her mind. She wants to chase the lead, she's facing sexism at work but jonathan tells her to deal with it, to drop it because he's worried about his job and his family (sadly he doesn't consider her a part of his family, even though Joyce knows they're dating, he's still hiding Nancy). So Nancy goes alone, she's learning she doesn't need someone to rely on to solve her problems, she's learning to face them alone.

Season 4: Steve is still trying to move on, after being rejected by another girl who he thought could be Nancy, he's doing the same thing, he's dating aimlessly.

Robin is wrong though, steve knows what he wants. He wants a relationship that means something. He's been in love before, he knows what that feels like, and he wants to feel it again. He's grown as a person, as a friend as a mentor, from the boy who told Dustin that the key is not care even if you do, he's telling Robin to stop pretending to be someone else.

So when he meets Nancy again, and she's off chasing the leads on the latest villain (did anyone notice how nancy said it was a shot in the dark and she didn't want to waste their time? She thought just like jonathan once did, steve would discourage her too). But he doesn't stop her, he tells her she shouldn't go alone and volunteers to go with her. But he keeps Robin with the kids, he's not leaving them helpless either.

In the beginning of S4 Nancy is still dreaming about the whirlwind romance she had with Jonathan. She expects him to visit her over the spring break, but her own ambitions are important enough to her that she doesn't want to leave her job at the school newspaper even for a little while (or its just an excuse to avoid the inevitable). Jonathan on the other hand, is lying to her, he has not applied to the college of her choice, because that's not his dream. He wants to stay with his family, which is fine on its own, but he doesn't consider the fact that Nancy would understand, he assumes (making her decision for her) that if she found out, she would sacrifice her dreams. He assumes they would end up in a loveless marriage filled with resentment. Here we see the cracks in their understanding of the other. Nancy is expecting the same Jonathan from S1 and S2 that showed up for her to show up now, Jonathan is assuming she'll run with him just like she did in S1 and S2. They're glossing over the events of S3 where they both wanted different things from life, their routes only collided when Nancy's lead connected to Jonathan's brother will.

Many fans have noted the similarities between Fred and Barbara, so when he died, nancy was surprised to find the last person she expected to stand by her side. Last she knew, they had said their goodbyes.

But this time around, steve was there with her all along, supporting her in every action she wanted to take. She was seeing the boy she left become a man who she can rely on if she ever grew tired. She was seeing him in the new light. She was seeing him being a brother/babysitter to those kids. She was seeing him jumping into the water because he was the only one who could do it. (Steve wasn't doing any of this to impress her like he did in S1, he was simply doing it because he could). When steve got dragged down, she jumped in after him. As Natalia said in a recent interview she could have jumped in for anyone, because that Nancy, she has always cared about other people. But the plot narrative was to show her jumping in after steve. Because the feelings never went away, and now something was hurting the one she loved. It's complicated with Nancy, while steve let go of her, found a way to accept that she cannot be with him and tried to move on, it wasn't the same for her. She was with Jonathan physically but her heart lied with steve, she was jealous of the next girl in his life (Robin) the moment she saw her in S3 , we see her jealous in S4 as well.

So it's not out of character for two people still in love to drift closer when people around them are telling them how they can see they're still in love, re: Robin and Eddie.

Steve is extremely cautious this time around, he's gotten his heart broken once and he's not prepared for that again. When he's telling nancy about the dream he once had, he's telling her a story from the past, there are no expectations, there's no pressure (contrary to popular belief, I've watched the scene multiple times but I did not find steve demanding nancy birth the kids right there). He's telling her, she's always been a part of his future, his family (something that Jonathan is grappling to come to terms with). Steve also tells her it was his fault they didn't work out the first time, may be they can now if they were meeting for the first as the people that they're today. May be he could have held on and made it work. But nowhere is he asking her of faulting her for their failed relationship. This is in stark contrast to how Jonathan views their future together, steve has a optimistic approach, he's willing to make it work, he's willing to put the effort. and she's seeing all of this.

She's seeing how far steve's come, she's admitted to Fred already that she can feel Jonathan pulling away. (Jonathan won't even contact her from another state when hopper contacted Joyce from another continent. Difference being, hopper considers Joyce his family.)

Nancy is still Nancy in a way, she saw barb in her vecna trance, but avoided talking about it. She chose the easy way out again and fell into Jonathan's arms. But they're both sensing the cracks. Jonathan or his family's life wasn't threatened at the time nancy asked him if his acceptance letter had come. But he chose to lie still. She's defending steve to jonathan again when he makes a snide comment about him, she's telling him she was glad he wasn't around, subtly proving him wrong that she might not leave her ambitions at the moments notice if they chose different paths, she can handle things on her own.

Throughout the 4 seasons (except last 10 mins), Steve and Nancy were written beautifully. It's a slow burn that's served at its usual pace. I'm sorry the writers room doesn't seem enthusiastic about Jonathan when it comes to something that's not related to will, I'm sorry they've made him the side character in his own relationship but that doesn't mean steve or nancy were in the wrong. Their stories are written how they're supposed to be.

Season 4 was open ended, there was a huge plot whole named "two days later" no one knows what happened there, how they got out, or what happened to Eddie or if stancy ever talked about the whole "you've always been there." thing. But we do know that Nancy is not opposed to it or bothered by it. She has still chosen to hang out with steve and robin. Before the Cali crew approached, she was set to go to HHS and fold baby clothes with steve :) so hold on to ur butts brochachos, we've still got S5, we've still got nancy finding out the truth.

#tldr: stancy did not come out of nowhere #steve is not ooc #nancy is not ooc #you need to watch the show at its pace and stop consuming media like water #i tried to make it pretty with pics #stancy #steve x Nancy #steve harrington #nancy Wheeler #jancy bones incoming

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thesoulesscollection · 1 year

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writing idea: Henry and Ellie first time fusing into Ellry

Gosh, I'm sorry you had to wait a long while for this. Hope this makes up for it as I adore Ellry. As well, I did have them interact with Charles here and be post fusing together so hope you'll don't mind.

Writer's block and many other things got a choke hold on me /j

"Wow" His head rested on the fusion's chest, cushioned on the softly firm muscle, Charles is flabbergasted. They were huge, easily they could pick him up like a ragdoll and they did when holding them close. "I didn't think I'd be able to see this for myself. You look good together"

"Thank you, Char" They said, laying their head on top of his where he snuggled on.

"How did this even happen anyways? Like I'm so curious?" As he questions them, the fusion, a whole new person who's no longer his two best friends moves his headset off.

"I… We really don't know?" A large, smooth hand with manicured fingertips gently went to brush through the pilot's fluffy locks. "It just happened? So randomly yet it came with ease for us?" Then Ellry responded in a cautious tone. Obviously, they were as equally

"Oh. Well, what I hear about them, fusions I mean is that they only ever do it, fuse when they feel strong emotions"

"They do?"

While Charles itches the black polish of the other's nails, he looks up at them, a guilty smile on his face, "Hm. Yeah. I may have read some hidden government files about them. What I heard is that people only fuse when in danger, or they're super close"

"I got the first one… That's how we came to be. Though how close? What do you mean?"

"Um, usually who fuse together are like best friends or better yet lovers. That does help a lot we figured out" Charles answered. "What did you feel when you two fused?"

"It felt amazing. We can't even try to describe it. It was like electricity coursing through our veins" Face was heating up like fresh pooled lava and Ellry is struggling to maintain their cool, level-headed persona. Rolling on the balls of their feet in growing excitement, they began to smile, "Energy we never knew had existed. As it was happening, Henry and Ellie, both their souls and body ripped apart by the seams to fuse into me"

"Sounds kinda grisly"

"Not really. When you fuse, it's actually a very pleasant feeling. A wondrous experience. We can do it again and again if we can"

"Nice sounds cool. Wish I can do that"

"Maybe you can. You never know until you try it out?" Ellry reassures calmly.

"Sooo. What does it feel like for you guys then when you unfuse?"

As they shrink a little the fusion shrugs, "Well we don't know how. How to unfuse so we're kinda stuck there for the moment…"

#Answered Ask #Ask Away #mystorl #Thsc Fic #Thsc Ellry #Charles Calvin #Henry Stickmin Collection #The Henry Stickmin Collection #Thsc Au #Thsc Charles

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jeanmoreaux · 1 year

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Hi!!! Sorry for this question, I haven’t read SoC in a while™️ and I wanted to ask what makes Kaz and Wylan kind of similar in your POV? Cz I remember him looking up to Kaz in some sort of way but not that they were specifically alike 😂 pls help this aging fan, I’m just curious!

oh, i'm happy to share some of my thought on what i mentioned in this post about regarding wylan as somewhat of an alter to kaz! i'd love to give you some exact quotes and page numbers, but i sadly don't have the time to go back to the text and search for all the details. consequently, my claims will be rather broad and you might have to make up your own mind, on a re-read, if you (dis-)agree with my thoughts on the matter.

first, it's important to mention that, for me, wylan embodies many of the qualities of who we assume kaz rietveld was. he's honest, earnest, a little sheltered, has a firm moral compass and generally believes in kindness/goodness. he's then—quite violently—thrust into this new life, left all alone with no one to lean on. interestingly, both their "rebirths" are closely related to water (there is sure something to be said about the symbolism of water as something cleansing and its important role in baptisms.... also the implications of almost drowning but ultimately making it to shore. it's like a shared metaphor.)

They both then cleverly adopt personas to survive ketterdam's streets and distance themselves from their pasts. and here is were a lot of differences in their circumstance and environment come in. kaz's only option is to "toughen up" and turn into "the bastard of the barrel" & dirtyhands. wylan, on the other hand, continually makes himself out to be this naive ingénue in the criminal world (even way past beyond the point that's true) to fly under the radar. the thing is, since wylan falls in with the crows and has people like kaz around to do the "morally dirty" work, he gets to hold on to many of his qualities that kaz had to lay down to survive. kaz didn't have someone to do that for him.

((wylan occasionally makes some offhand remarks that hint a potential for violence, or at least an awareness of necessary violence, but he's never actually forced to act violently to save or protect others. there's not really a reason for him to suppress his empathy completely. it's clear, though, that if push came to shove he could stomach what the situation throws at him and deal with it. he's not a delicate flower, but compared to kaz he's lucky enough that he doesn't have to repress his natural tendency for kindness.))

Both characters are also intelligent and curious (they need so understand how things work) and they use that as a way to work around their individual weaknesses (kaz's issues with mobility & wylans dyslexia). for both of them, their intelligence is probably their greatest asset. they also both like a puzzle (mainly because they enjoy the process of solving it). generally i'd say their minds work much alike, which we see especially during the planning and execution of the plan to steal jan van eck's seal or when wylan deciphers kaz's cryptic infos that lead him to his mom—it's just that wylan usually doesn't use his faculties for crime. this also this is also somewhat hinted at by inej (and jesper) in ck when they're hatching out some plan and she goes like "wait, wylan, is that a scheming face?!" which is very much an expression for a look that has only ever been brought up in connection with kaz before that point. an interesting detail, that doesn't have to mean anything but is worth mentioning, is the fact that kaz often trusts wylan with more details than the other crows. whether that be to receive some input or just have a second person look for holes in his plan or out of necessity or some other reason is not always clear, but it definitely means that kaz values wylan's talents and mental faculties.

oh, and ofc wylan is probably just as cunning as kaz when he wants to be. they both can read people motives and intentions pretty well while being skilled in concealing their own (think: kaz in almost every situation ever, also think: wylan's kuwei stunt in soc or his spiel towards the end of ck). wylan's various tricks he uses to divert attention form his dyslexia fall in this cunning behaviour as well, i'd say. like, he knows exactly how to hide that he can't read but at the same time get people to help him without them even noticing (pretending he's too new to an area to understand written direction or claiming he can't read someone's handwriting, not knowing sufficient fjerdan to complete the writing on the map, etc.). if i remember correctly not even kaz figures it out, wylan has to tell him about it.

#honorable mention: remember the time wylan bet kaz that his dad would sacrifice him for profit without second thought #and kaz lost the wager #what an iconic interaction between them that's so THEM #oh and just ignore any typos and mistakes—i am tired and my brain is mush atm #i hope it's coherent enough to give you a rough idea of where i am coming from with this lmao #have a nice day <3 #anon #answer #mish talks books #mish talks soc

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dankmetal · 2 months

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didn't mean to turn this into a whole essay lol. brief abuse ment jic /

internally debated like five times already if i want to make john a young woman or not (visibly) with my main concern being the gender difference between john & irving and how audiences could react to it, specifically seeing it framed as "oh he abuses her because he's a cis man in a patriarchal society" when physical attraction in both versions isn't even a conscious factor for the character, rather it's way more the want of a personal power high. this should be obvious hopefully but you never know.

i've had early readers suggest irving as a female character as well, which could also be interesting if john remained a masculine figure in the story. however, i'm not at all opposed to making them both female, which would be very powerful in selling the story's themes on 1970s ableism, especially ableism against women. AND depiction of violence perpetrated by women. AND violence between women.

but still not sure if i want to change john (and/or irving) as men considering their gender is an important detail (at least, it's more prominent for irving); as in, being more easily defended from accountability BY being a cis male. gender is also important for laurence, another male character in the project; i feel a bit unsure if i were to make him the only male character because i absolutely love writing Different Types of men to compare & contrast.

laurence also takes a huge bite out of irving's public presentation in looking up to him unbeknownst his professor's toxic behaviors (styling his hair similarly, adjusting his language & articulation). sexuality for laurence in relationship to irving('s persona) makes it all the more difficult to combat the disillusionment once it shows up, with laurence turning john into both a threat (against his denied/ closeted q.ueer sexuality) & competition ("why do you get to be so close when you don't even like him").

this all would work much differently if irving was a woman. unless i change to an all-female cast (oh ho ho!), i intend to keep laurence my token Not-Straight Cis Man guy of the project.

yknow it's funny i actually once thought of an AU where laurence was a butch woman [gets shot]

i do worry the overdone "female rage" trope would be applied to any of my characters as women. and by overdone i mean taken out of context when literally any horror girl appears covered in blood. "female rage" in a male character is immediately going to be read as "(cis) male rage", which audiences will see & read differently. technically laurence has his "male rage" moments so i don't entirely see a need to focus on one specific character. and ellen Cannot be the only firm female character displaying "female rage", not for my sake & not for my readers (especially if Some readers are gonna be racist abt her being Black & mentally ill).

this post is super all over the place already so i'll start at the beginning & add that i'm frustrated ellen is the only female character in a mostly male cast. i don't think i would mind sacrificing laurence's maleness & making an all-female cast; i just don't have a lot of projects right now featuring mlm characters & their sexuality being a factor of analysis. but i have time to figure things out, i'm sure. rewrite & repeat.

i will say john's christlike imagery & metaphor is actually even more exciting to me if he were to be a young woman, metaphorically "pregnant" with/hosting a bundle of parasites. she is jesus & mary & joseph all at once through allegory & dissociative disorders 😚✌️

#wip 1

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scarletooyoroi · 6 months

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"Ah the Pocky Game, a true classic. Shame we've not tried it out…" Kuki plucked one of the pocky sticks out of the box, moving her hand to place it in his mouth. Before she swiftly and suddenly moved her hand aside, with a flick of her fingers launching the pocky stick into the air and grabbing his cheek and pulling him in for a kiss. Far from a light kiss, she put quite a bit of effort into it. But that didn't mean it lasted long, it was fairly brief.

After which she pulled back, straightened herself, glanced up towards the pocky stick and caught it in one hand. "Ops, seems I lost." And then she took a small bite out of it.

(hope he has fun w/ the bait and switch)

Watching as the certain confection finds itself holding home within her grip, the dots were gradually connected, outright stated once Kuki had created the fine lines of what could transpire. Being able to get a finer note of her daredevil persona has certainly made him imagine such challenges would be up her alley. How well could they thread the needle without letting it tilt to a rather adventurous beyond?

"A test of courage? Well you can certainly consider me game, let's see how well we can exercise some control." Thoma openly mused as the article was retrieved. While the rarity of that mask being discarded was one rarity, once the stick found itself having the base of his lips for support, it left him entirely open for the abrupt flick that thumped him into a mildly dazed..

Only to receive a very Shinobu blessing the instant her hands reached for the true prize, leading to Thoma's expression to be rendered into caught off surprise.

Oh.

Here he found his lips being graced by the fair nature of her very. Distinct, firm and so utterly certain as the firm appliance briefly renders his mind into a showcased sea of static. The warmth found itself blooming with vigor, the questions flowing, melting, and attempting to be some amalgamation of what as a crimson flourish found itself coating his face.

To think there would be a day the Fixer would be utterly flipped by a moment of sweet mischief. By the time she returns to embracing the treat, Thoma's still feeling the presence of her kiss leaving such an electrifying tingle upon his countance, warm and adventurous as utter nonsense sputters briefly from his lips.