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javierpena-inatacvest · 7 months

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Amor

Summary: After a bad day at work, coming home to his family makes Javi realize his day wasn't so bad after all

Word Count: 1.9K

Pairing: Dad!Javi x f!reader (no use of y/n)

Warnings: Tooth rotting, sickening, fluff 😩😭 Allusions to smut, breeding kink, dad!Javi needs his own warning bc oh my GOD (more specifically, girl dad!Javi...) (*Also general spoiler warning if you don't want to read NTL out of order!*)

A/N: Y'ALL. I told you the dad!Javi brain rot was UNREAL. After writing this, I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to stop writing for dad!Javi ever and I'm not even sorry about it 🤷🏼‍♀️ Don't mind me casually screaming from the rooftops about how much I am obsessed him okay BYE 🤪

Can be read as a standalone or as a part of the NTL universe!

Series Masterlist Never Too Late Masterlist

Shitty.

There were a lot of words Javi could have used to describe how his day at work had gone.

At 9:30, after his weekly phone call with border patrol, who provided him with little to no helpful information, the word would have been annoying.

At 11:15, after Agent Miller knowingly jammed the copier and left it for someone else to fix, leaving Javi with no way to make any copies, the word would have been frustrated.

At 3:40, after his department meeting with the other Sheriff’s Offices from the county, none of whom came prepared, as usual, the word would have been angry.

And now, at 6:15, after a spilled afternoon coffee, a giant stack of paperwork that had been thrown on his desk, and a pounding headache, the word to describe his day was nothing short of shitty.

Throwing his briefcase into the passenger’s seat, cranking the AC up and the volume of his car radio to zero, Javi sat in his truck, silently brooding in his moodiness to sulk in the misery that had been his absolutely shitty day.

The rest of his drive home was the same as his pouting in the parking lot of the Laredo County Sheriff’s Department- no music, no windows down, no grin on his face like his usual drives home after work. Javi couldn’t remember a day at work this shitty since the DEA, and that in itself was saying something.

As Javi pulled onto your street, dust swooshed beneath the bouncing of his truck tires along the gravel road, the sun just beginning to fade from its vibrant yellows and oranges to its soft pinks, beaming behind the clouds scattered throughout the September sky. The view was just enough to snap him out of his overbearing funk- the brightly colored sunset painted behind the view of your house and tiny, shadowed figures dancing in the driveway meant that nothing else in the world mattered anymore. Not frustrating colleagues, piles of paperwork, even spilt cups of desperately deserved coffee. The only thing that mattered to him now, were his 4 favorite people in the world, waiting for him to come home. The only thing that mattered was his family.

Lucy was the first to notice Javi’s truck rolling down the driveway, immediately prompting the 4 of you to pause your soccer game that had been happening in the front yard, which, after your two year old had decided she wanted to get involved, had really turned into more of a match of “Chase Harper through the grass as she tries to run away with the soccer ball”.

“Daddy’s home!” Lucy and Elliot squealed, bolting towards Javi’s truck as it finally reached a halt at the end of the driveway, prompting you to scoop up Harper and follow behind, knowing she would be just as thrilled to see her dad, even if her little legs couldn’t keep up with her older sisters' quite yet. The girls bounced in excitement, frantically waving at Javi as they waited for him to exit the car.

From the moment the driver’s side door was open, and both Javi’s feet were on the ground, Lucy and Elliot were wrapped around Javi’s waist, squeezing him with a love and affection that instantly eased every last bit of stress, melting away any remnants of the previous parts of his day.

“Hi Daddy!” The girls giggled in delight as they latched tighter around their dad’s hip, the feeling instantly making him crouch down to their level and drape his arms around them, pulling them in as closely as he could in return.

“Hola, Pollitas.” (Hi, little chickens). The sigh Javi let out was like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders, hugging his girls just a little tighter and longer than normal, almost as if he couldn’t bear to let them go.

“Daddy, you’re squishing me!” Elliot squealed, wriggling her little body in Javi’s grasp.

“Yeah, Dad, you’re gonna crush us!” Lucy teased, both the girls bursting into laughter as Javi gave them one last squeeze before hosting them up, letting their little legs flail as he shook them in his grasp before setting them back down, pressing a soft kiss on each of their heads.

“Crush my Pollitas? Never. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Javi teased back, making the girls roll their eyes.

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!” Harper cooed, outstretching her arms towards Javi as the two of you made it to the driveway, Javi immediately scooping her up from you and hosting her in the air, peppering her with little kisses across her body, making her squeal just as loudly as her sisters.

“Mi mas pequeño amor (My littlest love).” Javi grinned, resting Harper against his hip as his little fan club had finally parted ways enough for you to greet your husband, gently cradling his face in your hands, pressing a soft kiss on his lips, savoring the sweet taste of him that felt like home.

“Hi.” You smiled, pulling back just enough to see the sweet grin spread across his face before leaning back in for a hug, letting the warmth and scent of his body engulf you whole, making the grin on your face just as wide as his. “Long day?” You asked, still pressed against his chest, noting his arrival time back home was later than normal.

“Not anymore.” He beamed, staring down at you with that tender gaze that still made you melt, even after all your years together.

“Daddy, can I show you the picture I made you in art today? Please, please, please?” Lucy pleaded, once again wrapped around Javi’s hip, gently tugging at his shirt for his attention.

“I made one, too!” Elliot interjected, crossing her arms in defiance, a shocked look on her face that her sister dared to leave her out of the art contribution about to be made to their dad.

“Your little artists have been hard at work today.” You grinned. “I’m pretty sure the Peña house is going to soon be a nationally recognized museum for pictures of puppies, Daddy, and gorillas.”

“Gorillas? That’s a new one.” Javi laughed, looking at you with a confused tilt of your head, your only response to shrug your shoulders in just as much confusion and amusement.

“Mrs. Collins read us a book about them in library today! So I showed Elliot and Harper how to draw them!” Lucy beamed, proudly crossing her arms over her chest with a satisfied nod.

“I’m sure they’re amazing, mi amor (my love), gorillas and all.”

“Alright goobers, now that Daddy’s home it’s time for dinner, why don’t you go clean up the rest of your art stuff and we can show Daddy your pictures before we eat.” You smiled, Javi gently setting Harper back on the ground, only to quickly be scooped back up again by Lucy, the 3 girls racing through the front yard and into the house, giggling and screeching in excitement the whole way there, leaving you and Javi watching your daughters dash across the driveway.

Once the girls were out of sight, Javi’s hands slid down your sides, fingers pressing into your hips as he tugged you in closer, making your rest your hands on his broad chest as he kissed you, now making you giggle as he grabbed an unexpected handful of your ass, giving it a playful smack as you swatted at him, rolling your eyes.

“You’re in a surprisingly good mood for having a shitty day at work.” You smirked, biting down on your lip as you raised a suspicious eyebrow at him.

“How’d you know I had a bad day at work?” Javi asked, cocking his head in confusion, hand still gripped tightly around the small of your back.

“Because I know you like the back of my hand, Javier Jesús Peña. I could just tell. Plus, you always give those girls an extra big hug after a long day, since I know how much you miss them, even though you literally saw them this morning.” You snickered, lovingly nudging Javi before pressing another kiss onto his lips.

“What? Like it’s a crime to miss my family while I’m stuck in terrible fucking meetings and doing shitty ass paper work all day? To wanna spend all my time with my beautiful daughters and their even more beautiful momma? Fine, guilty as charged, I guess.” Javi winked, gently tracing his thumb on the soft skin of your stomach, barley peeking out between your shirt and shorts.

“Well I guess the five of us will all just head off to Peña prison together since we’re all guilty of missing you just as much.”

“God, you’re such a dork.” He sighed, pulling you in to plant a kiss on your forehead. “I love you so much, Osita.”

“I love you too, Jav.” The two of you stood there for a moment longer, the comfort of each other’s embrace, forever your favorite feeling. “Okay, we should probably get back in there before the munchkins get up to no good, huh? In addition to trying to teach Elliot and Harper how to draw gorillas, Lucy was also trying to teach them how to body check someone when they played hockey in the driveway.”

“They are their mother’s daughters, I wouldn’t expect anything less. Plus, I apparently have some pictures of gorillas to go see.” Javi chuckled, reaching back to open the passenger side door of his truck to pull out his bag as the two of you headed back towards the house.

“Well, if you needed something to make you feel better, looking at Elliot’s attempt at drawing you, her, Lucy and Harper riding on a purple gorilla while I chase you riding a rainbow gorilla will probably do the trick.” The two of you laughed, walking hand in hand to the front door, pausing one last time on your porch before entering back into the giggles and grins filling your home. “And if that doesn’t work, I bet after we put the girls to bed, I can think of something else that might help you feel better, too.” You smirked, eyeing Javi up and down with a mischievous grin spread across your face.

“Yeah? You gonna let me give me baby number 4, huh Momma?” Javi’s face lit up, biting down on his lip, his eyes wide and smirk even bigger than yours.

“Bold of you to assume the rainbow gorilla isn’t enough. Guess we do have an extra room to fill, don’t we?” You giggled, giving Javi a playful nudge before heading through the door, joining the girls in the kitchen, eagerly waiting with drawings in hand to show their dad. As Javi trailed behind you, greeted by the image of his wife and daughters gleefully gathered around the kitchen counter, waving their colorful papers at him, he couldn’t help but feel his heart burst at the seams, flooded with sense of love and comfort that he was convinced nothing else on this earth would ever be able to top.

Even on the shittiest of days, Javi knew that nothing could really ever be that bad, knowing he would get to spend the rest of his life coming home to the 4 people in the world that made it all worth it. Knowing he would spend his forever surrounded by the love of his family.

Taglist:

@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @dappydelta @blackfemalenerd

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lookismaddict · 1 year

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Lookism Chapter 437 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made.)

Sorry guys, late once again because I had a test today. But damn… Jihan ambitious? 👀

DAAAAAAAAAMN, THAT’S RIGHT. GET BITCH SLAPPED!!!

TELL ME WHY THAT PANEL REMINDED ME OF THIS??? HAHAHAHAHAHA THEY HAD A WILL SMITH AND CHRIS ROCK MOMENT. 💀💀💀💀💀 I BET PTJ USED THIS SCENE AS A MODEL. BUT IF HE REALLY DID, THEN IMMA BE CRYING TEARS.

Damn. So, my question is... are they all brothers or something? And how are they even family related? Is he their uncle? Am I missing something here? 😭😭 Can one of y'all let me know who this Jichang mf is to them? *am confusion* (Update: I forgot "Hyungnim" is a term for older brother. My dumbass... ignore me. I haven't been watching k-dramas anymore so I forgot. My bad.)

OK MAN, LISTEN. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN... I DO ADMIT. YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE. BUT IF YOU DO THAT TO JAY ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR. IMMA-

This dude is thriving now, but when Jay pummels him... WHEEEEWWWWWWWWWW I CAN'T WAIT TO SIP OUTTA MY FANCY ASS WINE GLASS JUST TO SEE HIM ON THE GROUND.

YEEEESSSSSS JAYYYYY!!! ATTACK HIMMMM!!! BEAT HIM WITH SYSTEMA!!! 😤👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Omg, I can't wait to see him use Kali Arnis. represent 🇵🇭

Oh, sorry. Those were my boobs, my bad. It caught you off guard tho, right? 👁👁

Um... B O I. Your picture would appear under the word "ignorant" because you have no idea who you're messing with. 💀💀💀 YOU'RE LITERALLY, FIGHTING WITH H GROUP CHAIRMAN'S SON. WDYM? You have no idea how much power this kid has, let alone his own PROWESS. 🤡 Also, if this boy Jihan doesn't stop wrecking Jay...

Get it? Since, Jay is already HARMED... then Jihan is about to catch these MF HANDS EITHER WAYYYYY!!!! 👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽

BRUH, I'LL END YOU! TF???

Oh great, it's the smartass twink again...

Has anyone noticed how big Mandeok's hair is? That it's even protruding out of the panel? PTJ you comedic genius...

Oh, wouldn't you like to know? Eugene...

Damon Goh's rubber duck must know some secrets. I bet it even knows the secret to the two bodies AND stuff about Charles Choi. You never know where it might have gone off to. Ooooouuu, it said, "I'm a detective." 😎 And I love how goofy Mandeok can be, even when he's unintentionally funny. Like, man's got the humor and all without him even knowing. (For instance, there's a panel in Ep. 373, which was the chapter when Daniel moves into the Workers' Casino and both Eugene & Mandeok welcome him. Then all of a sudden, Mandeok just grabs onto Daniel then physically shakes him upside-down because Eugene said it's for security purposes. 😂)

SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT THIS DILF IS ACTUALLY A FRIEND OF ALEXANDER SOPHIA'S???? OMGGGGG BRUH. YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW I SCREAMED WHEN EUGENE MENTIONED PARK JINCHEOL. HONESTLY, I LOVE THE PTJ UNIVERSE SM. CONNECTING ALL WORLDS INTO ONE LIKE THEY IN SOME MARVEL UNIVERSE. 😭😭😭

DON'T MIND ME SKIPPING THE PARTS WHEN JAY WAS GETTING BEATEN, BUT YEEEEEEEEEEEE BOIIIIIIIII. TIME TO GET WACKED!!!!! 😆😆😆

"To think you'd look for a woman late at night, Jay Hong." ... hmmm. That line really stuck with me. I've been rereading that over and over again to the point that I lost count. So... does Alexander Sophia know or had a feeling that Jay is...? 😳

AWWWWWW HELL YEAH, THERE'S AN UPGRADED VERSION OF ALEXANDER'S KALI ARNIS!!! THAT'S SO COOOOOOL!!! 🤩🤩🤩

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS JAYYYYYYY!!! YOU DID ITTTT!!!! I love how Jay has such a big heart. Even though Jihan is an enemy, he still considers his health. He even knows his own POWER TOO AND WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF. ALSO, HE ISN'T AS WEAK AS HE WAS BACK THEN. LIKE DAAAAAAAAMN JAY, YOU GOT SO STRONG!!! AM PROUD. 😩😩💖💖💖💖💖

GOD PTJ, DON'T MAKE ME CRY HERE. YK I AIN'T READY FOR A SOB FEST. 😭😭😭😭

I TOLD Y'ALL, IMMA BE SIPPIN ON MY WINE GLASS. GOT THAT ROSÉ IN HAND, EXTRA FRUITYYYY. 🤪

Yeah bro, it's some sexy pervy illiterate demonic Enemy of the State Japanese Yakuza mf named Jong Gun Park.

OH LOOK, THERE HE IS! HI BAE, I MISS YOUR PSYCHOTIC ASS!!! 😩😩🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 DON'T MIND YOUR SON GETTING YEETED BY A 1ST GEN KING. HE'LL BE FIIIIINE... hopefully.

AHHHHHHH SHIIIIII. NOW IT'S DANIEL'S TURN FOR THE SPOTLIGHT. What if Hudson and Jay come to the rescue when Daniel is at his lowest while fighting Jichang? Well, that's one of my guesses on what'll happen in the future. But, I have faith in Daniel. I hope he'll knock Jichang down a peg, next chapter. Well, until next week! 👋🏽

God, I hate how I'm busy on Thursdays now. Almost every week, I be posting my reviews super late now. Smh me. Sorry guys. 😓

#lookism #lookism 437 #lookism webtoon #lookism manhwa #lookism spoiler #lookism spoilers #lookismaddict #lookism memes #lookism meme #jay hong #hong jaeyeol #kwak jihan #kwak jibeom #daniel park #park hyungseok #kwak jichang

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mlobsters · 1 month

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supernatural s1e2 wendigo (teleplay: eric kripke, story: ron milbauer, terri hughes burton)

quelled my irrational anxiety long enough to start the rewatch and recap what i have not yet recapped and thank fuck for that because not having my scheduled evening task was not going well. i am staunchly ignoring the not-so-distant future where i will again be out-of-task.

fun fact this is the first screenshot i took while watching this show, long before i considered doing these posts. brotherly chat at the fire, if i recall correctly. we'll soon see! thought it'd be a fun easy draw because it's almost entirely dark with the little kiss of light around his profile.

DEAN You okay? SAM Yeah, I'm fine. DEAN Another nightmare? You wanna drive for a while? SAM Dean, your whole life you never once asked me that. DEAN Just thought you might want to. Never mind. SAM Look, man, you're worried about me. I get it, and thank you, but I'm perfectly okay. DEAN Mm-hm.

now if that isn't love

SAM What, are you cruising for a hookup or something? DEAN What do you mean? SAM The coordinates point to Blackwater Ridge, so what are we waiting for? Let's just go find Dad. I mean, why even talk to this girl? DEAN I don't know, maybe we should know what we're walking into before we actually walk into it? SAM What? DEAN Since when are you all shoot first ask questions later, anyway? SAM Since now.

little cheesy in execution (blaming some of this on the music honestly*) but whatever :p sammy's a new man, hardened by his loss and grief 😤

*guess who did the music this episode 🤪

was curious since this is the same director as the pilot, if he did more episodes this seasons - nope, just 1x01 and 1x02. but this little quote on his wiki page

David Nutter, even with his extensive experience in the industry, was impressed by Padalecki and Ackles' chemistry. Never have I done a show where two actors clicked so well together. These guys had never met each other before and it was like they were instantly brothers.S1Com

we're all sending up our thanks for whatever led to them being cast, for real

HALEY Our parents are gone. It's just my two brothers and me. We all keep pretty close tabs on each other.

coming in hot already with sibling parallels. even when john was alive, he wasn't around and dean's the father mother brother situation. and we've got a vulnerable lookin little brother here we're all gonna be fighting over to take care of

DEAN Well, we'll find your brother. We're heading out to Blackwater Ridge first thing. HALEY Then maybe I'll see you there. Look, I can't sit around here anymore. So I hired a guy. I'm heading out in the morning, and I'm gonna find Tommy myself. DEAN I think I know how you feel.

looking for dad, looking for sam after dad is gone...

s1e2 / s5e14

oh, my dear old friend, untitled 1 and 2!! and what kind of background is this! lol my spn desktop background update tag for all my riveting screenshots of their laptop desktop backgrounds - apparently i called this their snazzy background when it was used in s5, but damn dude look at the coloring differences. how warm/red the s5 is in comparison. skateboard on a chest i guess is what's happening there

aw man, apparently the actress playing the sister, gina holden, was claudia stilinski in an episode of teen wolf but her scene got deleted. and little brother there alden ehrenreich was han solo in solo: a star wars story (which i haven't seen.)

i do know i know someone in this episode though, little surprised i didn't do a hey i know you post for it actually. not sure when the first one i did for spn was. s1e11 scarecrow apparently!

s1e2 callum keith rennie as roy / the killing s1e4 as rick felder / the x-files s1e15 as tommy / existenz (1999) as hugo carlaw

we got an xfiles and the killing alum, and he was in existenz! in fact i did a hey i know you for him when i was rewatching the xfiles a few years ago 😂

someone give this child a hug (and the actor was actually a kid, 16)

DEAN Sam and I are brothers, and we're looking for our father. He might be here, we don't know. I just figured that you and me, we're in the same boat. HALEY Why didn't you just tell me that from the start? DEAN I'm telling you now. 'sides, it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman. ...ever. So we okay?

oh yeah, dean? what about spilling your guts about all the family secrets to cassie, huh?? lol. gotta maintain your asshole-man image

wonder if the peanut m&ms was the only actual brand placement they did, their production design people were always whipping up fun fake branded drinks and foodstuff

hey, it's one of the xfiles-y sounds (when she says "our packs!") i didn't notice this until way way later. grabbed a clip of it from 10x12 compared to the same effect used in the xf movie fight the future (because i happened to know where the sound was in that movie, it's def a standard xf score sound.) i think it was just a lot more forward in that s10 clip, maybe that's why it caught my ear and had slid by unnoticed before.

cannot get over him looking like the saddest teenaged baby brother in all the lands

DEAN You wanna tell me what's going on in that freaky head of yours? SAM Dean— DEAN No, you're not fine. You're like a powder keg, man, it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember? SAM Dad's not here. I mean, that much we know for sure, right? He would have left us a message, a sign, right?

the brotherly chats *chef's kiss*

SAM Then let's get these people back to town and let's hit the road. Go find Dad. I mean, why are we still even here? DEAN This is why. This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession—everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off. You know, saving people, hunting things. The family business.

the tagline that never dies

SAM That makes no sense. Why doesn't he just—call us? Why doesn't he—tell us what he wants, tell us where he is? DEAN I dunno. But the way I see it, Dad's giving us a job to do, and I intend to do it.

for real, sam. dad's an ass :p i think someone justified it to me that john couldn't contact them directly because of the demons watching him and he didn't want to lead them to the boys

SAM Dean...no. I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about. DEAN Okay, all right, Sam, we'll find them, I promise. Listen to me. You've gotta prepare yourself. I mean, this search could take a while, and all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul. It's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man. SAM How do you do it? How does Dad do it?

oh, sam.

DEAN Well for one, them. I mean, I figure our family's so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little bit more bearable. I'll tell you what else helps. Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can.

it's this kind of thing that grabbed me by the throat early on. clear communication, sam has been deflecting but he opened up a crack after dean gently pushed again. and dean is honest and kind, trying to take care of sam. ugh. hurt/comfort my beloved.

buh, this action music when roy gets yoinked by the monster is not great.

SAM So we've got half a chance in the daylight. And I for one want to kill this evil son of a bitch.

snorted. i swear sam got stuck with some cheesy lines back in the day. part of my hot take theory of why jackles's acting stood out more to me initially, i think he just got better dialogue. padalecki hit it out of the park with those moments with jackles, but same episode he had a lot of like... i'm taking charge of the situation moments that felt awkward

sammy brooding with dad's journal, dean staring at sam for a very long time, he's just a baby 🥺

we're all having a moment

this is why i reached the 30 image limit when i rewatched 1x01 :p

LOL. we can't swear really, but we're gonna use the hell out of the words we can say

baby brother clinging on to anyone at this point, sammy holding the line

kinda looks like the game of thrones night king lol

via wiki

Eric Kripke had long been critical of this episode, particularly because he felt the creature wasn't successfully scary. "He looked more like Gollum's tall, gangly cousin than anything else", he says in Supernatural: The Official Companion Season 2. However on February 11, 2018 he tweeted: "I have something shocking, even sacrilegious to say: I watched #Wendigo with my son for the first time in over 10 years. And it wasn't bad at all. 2005 effects were lame, but it was scary. Plus young Han Solo! I'm taking it off my shit list. #spnfamily @cw_spn"

inexplicably some sort of jaguar type roar as the wendigo is burning

HALEY So I don't know how to thank you. DEAN smirks lasciviously. HALEY smiles despite herself. HALEY Must you cheapen the moment? DEAN Yeah.

very cute. deflecting from dealing with the gratitude and lightening the moment

DEAN Sam, you know we're gonna find Dad, right? SAM Yeah, I know. But in the meantime? I'm driving.

this scene obviously has been gif'd to death but i didn't really remember the context and it makes it all the better. sam gets to return the very long staring moment, and lets dean give him a little treat to take care of him and make him feel better that he declined earlier

and jared, you made a choice with that expression. I think that look could be enough to launch a thousand ships alone. the line feels like it should be kind of teasing mischievous little brother vibes, but his face says unbearable affection and something I'd expect more out of a romantic-dynamic teasing feel. wild

my cup runneth over

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mcufan72 · 6 months

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I woke up to a message at 7 am that nearly broke my heart.😭. I felt helpless. Now I don't even know what to do. I was hopeful that exactly this scenario wouldn't happen... but it did. This precious person (who sent me that message) and I don't live in the same city, not even in the same country anymore (at least temporarily). I'm too far away right now and all I can do is give encouraging words and some serenity. I never expected it to be this hard.

I always thought I was a strong and tough person... but I'm not so it seems and I make every effort not to cry. It just would make things worse.

For now (besides my stressful job) I just have my other half ❤ and my best friend 💖 I can talk to and these two princes to find some distraction.

I wish I had the inner peace to continue reading fics about them or to continue writing my Loki fic... but I just can't right now and that's a horrible feeling. 😭

I'm so glad to have you too, my loveliest friends 👑 @lokisprettygirl and 🦄 @poetic-fiasco You two have no idea how much it means to me that you are always there for me and listening to me, I love you two so much 💞💖🫶🏼💋💋🫂🫂💚🤍💚🤍... and you have no idea how much I hate those bloody time zone differences between us 🤪🤣

Why is life so hard sometimes? 😔🥲 But don't worry about me, I never give up 😊🤘🏻

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punkpandapatrixk · 11 months

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🌱DEVELOPMENTS🪴

Heeey cute and capable peeps~👩🏻‍🌾I've got so much news I actually don't know where to begin! But I'll try to summarise some new developments that have been going on and will be rolling out in the coming weeks~ Kyah!🌞

For starters, Patreon actually upgraded itself massively last week and now the platform has a SHOP feature!✨I've published my Mini Reading🧸 and Unplugged Reading🎻 there, so now you can simply order a reading of your choice without applying for a membership🍀Details can be found in each service's description🔻

Feedback/reviews are on the comments section of my [Paid Readings] post😉I'll be delighted to answer any questions you may have~🌷

✨ON TO THE NEW STUFF~🍩

You may have noticed that now I have a Moon Panda Pick-A-Pic. This, of course, is a monthly PAC and will be based on the gentle guidance of the full moon🌝

I don't think there will be a New Moon PAC because I genuinely think new moons are a time when we need to dive inside and get our deepest Soul's guidance on our own. New moons, basically, you just need to rest a lot and clean your house!🌚HAHAHA

And if you feel a great affinity towards the Moon, my side blog Punk Daily Read is finally up and running💐I post daily readings there🔻

You will love it if you work with the Divine Feminine energy—even if you're just starting to embrace this gentle, loving, compassionate-yet-unabashedly-bitchy energy😈🩰

🍊EVEN MORE NEW STUFF!🎨

For the longest time, I've been talking about wanting to publish stories on Wattpad. It's been difficult to divide my ATTENTION between passionate creative writing and what’s generally a doozie writing😴On the Full Buck Moon though, I’ve decided to strictly invest my precious energy on just my passionate work. I couldn’t deal with the boredom and energy drainage caused by my muggle job anymore😅🤪

Voila, at once I’m able to post weekly again, with less resistance🫦Writing for things that actually matter makes me happier and in time, I’m sure publishing my stories will just come along naturally effortlessly—I just know it📚

Secondly, I have a plan for a new mini segment called Punk Panda Affirmations. Oh well… If only I knew how or had the technology to create subliminal tracks I certainly would go that way instead😃But because I don’t, I will do this in the meantime. If you’re a sub maker, you’re absolutely free to take Punk Panda Affirmations and incorporate them into your own work🪄

The reason I want to do this is because I want to infuse a more advanced understanding of affirmations and subliminals into the collective🤡I’ll definitely expand on that later! I plan on working with specific concepts that hopefully would be interesting to you. Please look forward to how it will all turn out💗😍

Lastly, I have been invited to a PAC collab that's currently in the preparation stage🍜I've never done a collab before!🍣I'm quite excited and hoping something pretty can come from me🐣The reader who's invited me totally offers a very pretty, calming, and healing aesthetic on her blog🍃Please look forward to this collab as well~ Kyah!🙊

Phew, if this isn’t the longest blog update I’ve done so far💛That’s all I’ve got for now. Much Love and please remember how much I am grateful for your reading this!💋Have a great summer!🌻

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justaredheadf1fan · 1 year

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I wish Seb's prediction became true in 2023 and this track disappeared under water right now 🤣

Hola muchachos y muchachas 🤪

It's time to see if I can keep it together and watch this properly. I might die tomorrow morning at work, but who cares.

Quali - Saturday

First few minutes of Q1 not giving much, except for Nico drifting away almost against the wall. We might've had a laugh with this so early...

WHOA KEVIN!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????? Oh my goodness I almost shouted, that was scary, what was he thinking? 😭 Lewis ended up touching the wall, luckily he was super close to the pit lane, thank the stars... AND CARLOS NOW, WHAT IS GOING ON??? And it was just shown how Kevin scratched that wall as well.....

I hate this track. Can someone please stomp some sense into the damned FIA to stop building and using shitty tracks? Seriously, it's not funny anymore. Not justifying them, just trying to see reasons behind such actions. There were not enough images to really see properly what happened and why, so I'm just thinking about my first impressions. Mercedes really needing to rush into the track, what are they doing? They're out right now!!!! Oh my Lance, no.... 🥲

Starting Q2 while yawning so far, right now I'm not quite sure if it's because I'm beat or because this is the worst. Seriously, I think I might be on the verge of dislocating my jaw at this point 🤣

What are Mercedes doing today? Twice now. Are you kidding me?? There's like 2 minutes left, for fuck's sake. Mmmmmm WHAT? Mercedes what the fuck. I'm truly speechless. What was that?

This is far from the team I fell in love with back at the end of 2021, honestly. Not because they're not winning, obviously. But because they're just a shadow of what they used to be and I don't get it, personally. I get that you can mess it up developing such a complicated car with less money involved and new shitty regulations, but as a team doing these kids of things... Unbelievable.

I've checked out. I'm gonna watch Q3, but I'm terribly disconnected and just thinking about having a quick shower and dinner so that I can quickly go to bed. I'm actually falling asleep.

NO NO NO CHARLES NO!!!!!!!! RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID JUST HAPPEN!!!!!!! Oh my god, same place as yesterday, right at the end of Q3... Nope, too tired for this, more tomorrow, and I hope it's a doozy because otherwise I might as well lose my motivation altogether 🥹

Race - Sunday

Well, barely made it after taking a very cold shower, but here I am. I missed all the bullshit going around before the race, thankfully. The shitshow is about to begin. Am I excited? Nope. Do I want it to be short and over right now? Yep.

Very clean start in general, maybe there was something tricky at the back of the grid but for now no clue. Oh, apparently Piastri had a very good start and ate up a few people. Moving on. Sargeant pits because of a broken front wing. No idea what happened. Moving on as well.

Sharl takes Kevin amidst Sid the Sloth's tries and then they both lose position. Tell me again how that car's not illegal 🤣 Apparently, someone made a sandwich outta Lewis at the start. No idea who. Estie Bestie going flying over those turns.

This is just... Meh. Even Alonso and Sainz said to the Spanish media that Fraudstappen would be 1st by lap 25 at most. AT MOST. I mean, if that doesn't tell you anything, I don't know what will. Even they know it's a lost cause already. Pretty sad. And seeing how it's going, he'll be 1st by the time they're on lap 15, 20 at most and I don't think it'll take that long since Carlos is useless.

Meanwhile, Lewis is still P13 and Sharl is P8. Can this be any sadder? Don't think so. Are you really saying that the most interesting thing of this race might be Kevin, Sharl and Estie Bestie fighting? Unbelievable. It's somewhat exciting to watch, not gonna lie to you.

Oh dear God is Carlos really gonna be penalized? I'M FUCKING LIVING RIGHT NOW HAHAHAHA. OH YES, 5-SECOND PENALTY, LET'S GO!!!! If no one can beat the undesirables, at least we have this.

Now Lance and George are being investigating too. Of course I can't have anything nice.

I kinda blacked out for a minute. Not really, it's just... I'm not paying that much attention. This race is complete and utter bullshit. Just like this sport. The FIA wanted Mercedes (Lewis, but saying Mercedes is because that's the team he drives for, basically) out of the way, that's why they pushed these new regulations and instead of making it exciting as they promised they would, they just made RBR untouchable. That's it. No competition, no racing, no nothing. Absolutely heartbreaking, if you ask me. At least for what I gather, Lewis had competition all the way regardless of how crushingly powerful his cars were back then. He competed, not just drove to the sunset and forget about everyone else.

I just need someone to explain to me how the only 2 teams that breached the cost cap and were barely given a slap on the wrist for it, are the teams leading the championship and every single race, and why the fuck no other team is boicotting the sport or doing anything at all because of it.

I'm done with the race. I just hope both RBRs just crash against each other. It's the only chance of anything remotely interesting happening. So Fernando is watching the race ON THE SCREENS. I think that tells you everything that you need to know about this race.

The only interesting thing was seeing Lewis passing Sharl. That's it. Seriously, this needs to end.

I have nothing today after this. Seriously. No words on my end besides what I already said so far.

Good thing there's no race next week, I don't think I would've been able to take it.

Peace out until May 19th or so, no clue when the next one is 🤣

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wxniesrxse · 2 years

Note

HELLOOOO it’s me again ;) I loved your work on my request!! I can’t believe you’re this talented :(( that was so cute, would you mind doing more of scenario thingy where their s/o is really innocent? just so pure and sweet eventhought their evil (HIHIH) with Trainee A???? I LOVE YOU MUAH MUAH

🍊Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so happy that I make readers happy with my work! Here is what you requested! I hope you like this! Let me know! 🧡 @completelyrain

🌼When you are known as the "pretty and shy" girl of the class but you suprise them🌼

Pairing: you x ta member

Genre: fluff

🌼You have always been known as the pretty and shy girl in your classroom. Being an introvert is part of your personality. However, you are a talkative person only that you are not the type to talk to strangers so comfortably. Also, you are so quiet that if you were to say a bad word people will be so shocked. But those kids don't know who you are. 🌼

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Yorch POV. ❤️‍🔥

I never thought she will be this way. After getting in a fight with the waitress YN, thought the older woman was flirting with me because she was smiling at yme sweetly. " Yeah, and you see this boy in front of me, his my man! So only I can look at him" YN, smirks confidently at her. What.The.Heck? I was shocked to see this jealous side of her. Usually, she's so sweet and shy and I even thought she needed someone to protect her. I guess I was wrong and honestly...I love seeing a jealous YN.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Sangwon POV.🍧

"Wait! Wait! YN!" YN, grab my hand while running away from school. I was very surprised to see my shy YN skipping school for the first time! " YN! I thought you would be terrified of the idea?" I asked knowing how she is...well, I thought I knew her well. "I wanted to do that but I didn't know with who to skip school," YN chuckled as she pinch my cheeks. "Hey! That hurts!" I laughed at her cuteness. I like seeing this daredevil side of her.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Woochan POV.🤠

I just met YN a week ago. She is a new student in my class. We started talking together because we sit at the same table together and me being me just talked to her so she wouldn't feel alone. I can tell she's a shy girl. Now we're walking together in the fair carnival, and this girl has me laughing all the time...I never met anyone that can make me laugh this hard as she.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

James POV.🍪

Okay... I think I can't tolerate this girl anymore! At first, she was quiet and shy but now that I got to know her more she is the opposite! You thought I was crazy and funny? Meet YN who's a weirdo (in a good way!) She can't stop talking about her love for Jeon Jungkook and now I'm bored. " alright, umm, you want a cookie?" I asked trying to change the subject. "Kookie?!" She yelled in my ear. Yeah no, not that Cookie... what am I gonna do?

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

JayJay POV. 🩰

I wanted to impress the pretty and cute shy girl in my class but she end up impressing me. As I walk passing by the gym I saw I girl dancing ballet by herself no one was there. So I watch her. Once she caught me she fell on the floor. So I ran towards her to help her. "Wow, I never thought you could be a ballerina, that's cool!" I grin at her. "I have so many talents, cutie~" she smirks and points to my nose with her finger. I swear I feel my blood rush up to my head. DID SHE SAY I'M CUTE?!

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Jihoon POV.👉🏻😣👈🏻

" Jihoon you are cute!" I heard YN say in the back of me. Wait...did she say I'm cute? YN? "Uhh, thank you?" I said a little awkwardly. I mean who wouldn't feel confused when you have the pretty shy girl talking to you and complimenting you? " Jihoon, I know you think that I'm shy and boring, but I'm really not! I would like to know you more because I have a crush on you" YN said as she blushed and avoid my eyes. Uhh...okay...ummmmmmmm-" sure! Let's be friends!" I smiled at her. WHAT AM I DOING?!

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Leo POV.🤪

She's pretty... she's kind...and she's crazy...SO CRAZY. "YN YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN! YOU COULD CRASH MY CAR and KILL US!" I can't believe I let her drive my car. I trusted her because I know she is a serious person but once she turn on the car she look at me and said. " You like crazy? I'm gonna show you crazy! Hang on!" Then she pressed the accelerator. If something bad happens to my car I will regret meeting her.

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moonym0on · 1 year

Text

a short essay on love

And a harmful way of approaching love within people who struggle with their mental health I think we should reconsider.

if you are depressed, know that you are worthy of love.

if you are suicidal, you are worthy of love.

it took me so long to realise, but even when you're at your lowest, you are worthy of love.

Online, I often see people comment things such as "this character is not in mentally stable enough to be in a relationship" when talking about a character in a mutually wanted relationship.

(Recently, in my bubble, Hunter from the Owl House is most often mentioned in this scenario (Huntlow))

While they have a point, I think we need to reconsider this manner of thinking about characters (or people).

Tw: Discussion (no details) of bad mental health

See, in 2021, I was in a very bad place mentally. I am still recovering, which has its ups and downs, but I'm doing significantly better. I now have my diagnosis (autism and generalized anxiety disorder)

I was in love with my best friend. From my diary entries, observations of outsiders and memory, I think I can safely say there was a big chance she liked me back. Younger me though, absolutely terrible at communication, didn't get any hints. I was terrified of losing our friendship, and most importantly, consistently reminding myself we would make a terrible couple.

See, both of us were severely mentally unstable. We had quite triggering conversations, I think there was some codependency going on, etc. I could go on and on. Yes, we probably wouldn't have been the most healthy couple. But we both liked each other.

Of course, nothing happened (except us falling apart very painfully, I still don't like to think about it). I kept saying I should get help before allowing myself to love or be loved romantically. I denied myself love because I thought I wasn't worthy of love, specifically romantic love, because of my mental state.

This idea of not being worthy of love only contributed to my spiraling mental health, and eventually contributed to me and my best friend falling apart. I needed more reasons to back up the whole 'being unworthy of love' thing, so I went looking for them. I found them, kept repeating them to myself, and voilà. How to quickly lose your best friend in 5 steps.

What I'm trying to say in this essay is that the idea that people struggling with their mental health should not be in a romantic relationship because of their mental health (something out of their control) is harmful. When a relationship is wanted by both (or all, in case of polyamory) partners, it is not needed to have that conversation at all.

What is needed, is good communication, check-ups on each other's well-being and having others to confide in should things get complicated.

I am in no way saying the person who is struggling with their mental health should not look for therapy, or that a relationship with them should endure when one party doesn't want to anymore.

Anyway have a nice day. I needed to vent a little because I am having a crisis over yet another person I like and am getting mixed signals from🤪

Disclaimer: Very loose use of the term 'essay' in attempt to sound professional.

#mentalheathawareness #mental health #the owl house #hunter noceda #golden guard #hunter wittebane #huntlow #willow x hunter #willow park #luz noceda #amity blight #toh augustus #toh hunter #Toh

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quickspinner · 1 year

Note

I just realized that Beautiful Dreams hasn't been updated since 2020, and it's not in your WIP updates anymore. Are you still planning to finish that one? I know it's been a while. I love all of your works, and I just reread what there is of that one.

The short answer is that I don't consider it abandoned, I do still intend to finish it, but I'm not actively working on it right now. I have hopes for the fall, when all my offspring-related obligations will be grouped together instead of spread over the whole day. Hopefully I should have more consecutive hours of free time.

All my excuses are under the cut 😂

2020 derailed everything. Beautiful Dreams is a bit emotionally heavy and I found that really hard to deal with in 2020. I also made the mistake (?) of posting Killer Combo while I was still working on it, and it turns out I really can't handle working/updating two multichapter projects at once. KC was lighter and therefore easier to work on so it got finished first. From there it was just one thing after another, some of them (many of them) self-inflicted and some health or family related. But as of right now, I have a bunch of unfinished fics that were either gifts or exchange pieces for friends and I really want to finish those, all of which (except apparently Indelible which got much, much, muchmuchmuch bigger than I expected when I started posting it) first. I want to finish Indelible and Guard My Heart, which are the two most complicated/intensive stories I have on the go, before I even think about getting back into Beautiful Dreams. BD just takes up too much mental space to share with those fics and still make any progress. Live With It and The Magic of You shouldn't be nearly so much work to finish so hopefully I can make some progress on those in between the big stuff and they won't be an impediment to getting back to BD.

Right now I have so little writing time that I've been focusing almost exclusively on Indelible. The end, while maybe not exactly near, is in sight on that one and I am extremely ready to check it off the list. 😆

So that's where we are at the moment. You never know what could change, but for now, don't expect updates to BD until Indelible and Guard My Heart are finished. I am doing the LBSC exchange this year, but having learned my lesson with GMH (which I have only managed to leave unfinished this long because @livrever is a dear friend and graciously patient) I'll definitely be doing something I can accomplish by the deadline. Other than that, I don't plan to commit to anything else until the published WIPs are done. That doesn't mean there will be no fics other than that in the meantime. I'll probably do another birthday big bang type thing, for example. No commitments to other people though until the current commitments are settled! Again, I have some hope for the fall that schedules will be more in my favor, but who knows what else might have happened by then. 🤪

Beautiful Dreams has always been a passion project I was really excited about and I would be devastated not to finish it, so I'm not admitting defeat yet. It helps to know people still care about it, so thanks for letting me know you still enjoy it!

#wip report #beautiful dreams #quickgrovels

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unicornsandhandgrenades · 2 years

Text

Thoughts of Daisy.....

For what it's worth and for those who care. I'm really starting to hate this place. It used to be exciting to wake up every morning and make my coffee and see what my fave peeps are up to. Now I'm reluctant to even look and more often than not I find myself wanting to throw my coffee across the room in anger ( which is a waste of my special wake up brew) #IYKYK😁

All kidding aside.....shits gettin old ya'll. I don't have the energy to deal with it. I'm frustrated because this is supposed to be my place of peace and it's become a fucking nightmare. I don't owe anybody pics and tbh .. I'm not sure when/if there's gonna be anymore (at least on this particular blog) I simply am tired!! Completely fucking drained!! The amount of rudeness is astounding. So for now if ya wanna see pics then you'll have to scroll my archives.......and just so ya'll know I've even deleted a few of those for reasons I don't care to share. I try to be nice and I enjoy meeting new folks but some of ya'll are making me wanna shut down my messages completely.😒

Anyway....just needed to vent or bitch or complain whatever the fuck you wanna call it. But since it's my space I figure why not.... ya'll already know I'm crazy by now anyway.🤣Anyway and Yessss my coffee is kicking in. Would anyone like some?

😆🤪

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yuly · 1 year

Note

Hey Yuly!! I just wanted to tell you how much I love your writing, it’s so deliciously soul destroying <3

If you don’t mind, do you have any tips on starting writing fanfiction? I really love writing but I have absolutely no clue where to start it’s painful 😭

Anyway ilysm ur an angst genius and I just wanted you to know it 💗💗

oh anon 🥹🥹you've made my entire day week with this ask thank you so very much for your kind words and support ❤️❤️

soul destroying 🫢hehe😈🤪

my advice for writing ??? as someone who started writing in Dec 20222???? i'm not sure i qualify to give any type of advice darling😭 but i will say this:

you said you love writing so start there!! don't be afraid!!! if you feel like writing something GO FOR IT, it doesn't have to be novel, hell it doesn't even have to be a full paragraph, write down your idea, tell your story and see how you feel about it, my golden rule is as long as I like it and it makes ME happy reading it, then I’m good!! Literally just open up google docs, or your notes app, whatever, take a breath and type away!!! flood the page with our ideas and then start organizing it a bit etc, don’t put too much pressure on yourself because thats when you lose train of thought and lovely ideas float way, forget about posting and what the reader will think, for now just put your energy into story telling :)

don't worry too much about grammar and schematics in the early stages, just get your idea out, tell your story! In my first few stories I was very insecure about the fact that my tenses were all over the place, I obsessed over it wayyyyy too much (I still struggle with it ngl), we aren't writing legal documents here, cut yourself some slack!! also, english isn't everyone's first language! I use free grammarly its very helpful, I am terrible at spelling etc.

at the same time, be honest with yourself, yes you are a brand new writer and there is lots of room to improve so if and when you receive some feedback, take it!! don't see it as an attack or a reason to not write anymore, incorporate it to the best of your abilities and keep trying!!

be yourself!!! I cannot emphasis this enough, you may not be aware of it yet but you have a certain niche that is going to hit juuuust right for your reader! i've started using tumblr and reading fanfic again since nov2022 and i have come across a wide variety of writing styles, some i personally enjoy more than others (and that's ok!) but there are so many insanely talented writers in this little fandom alone it blows my mind, and each of them has their own unique writing style and a different way to tell a beautiful story, and we appreciate them all!! there is room for everyone <3

most importantly: don't let lack of engagement discourage you, this is easier said than done!! right before I posted child's play, I posted a small one shot titled A Two Way Street, it was different from my usual fluff and actually, it was my very first time writing angst! (a tiny amount lol) and I was so excited !!! I even wanted (and still do) to make a part 2 and had this whole idea planned out, but it sat around 10 likes for nearly two weeks, with no feedback or anything, it was crickets lol. It made me really sad and I started to second guess my idea and just the story overall, I even thought am I writing too much too fast for someone who just started?? Maybe I should take a break. When I got the idea for childs play not long after that, I said fuck it ,I posted it with 0 expectations, I just genuinely liked my idea and telling the story, again, I had an idea for part 2 but this time I told myslef to not expect anything and just take whatever comes my way. The response to that story is still unreal to me, I'm so glad that I didn't let something so small discourage me from writing all together, truthfully some of the best stories I've read on here get way less recognition than I believe they deserve, but that does not take away from the writers talent or the story itself!!!

anyway, that was sooooo much rambling, I hope I was able to encourage you even a tiny bit, you are absolutely capable and worth the shot, don't be afraid, I’m no genius I'm just a regular girl and if I can do it, you absolutely can!!!❤️❤️

#yuly answers #writer things #writers and readers #i belive in you anon!!!

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a-quiet-borderline-diary · 2 years

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I have grown tired of the same old song and dance

People always act so hurt when they find out that I just view them as an audience...

But why would I view them as anything more when they just view me as a source of entertainment.

I give them something to look at, to gossip about.

I have these feelings in me of resentment when people are attracted to my image, even though I am responsible for creating my image myself.

I resent them for never bothering to look deeper.

They like my style, they like my body, they like how exciting I can be.

They like to psychoanalyze me, they study me.

They talk about me as if I am a medical subject to them even though they only took one psychology class in college.

I'm just so interesting, a character. They want to know what I'm doing. They want to see what I look like. Constantly changing. Hair dye, plastic surgery, rapid weight loss and weight gain.

I'm truly a spectacle to many people, I'm sure.

They act so offended that I view them all as nothing but spectators

I am not thankful for your interest

I am not flattered that you find me exciting, I'm acting manic and I only socialize when I'm binge drinking

You think I'm pretty? I want to customize myself like a video game character. I don't care if you like it, it's my character anyway so all that matters is that I look how I want to look

I am not impressed by praise to my outward appearance, despite how it may seem that I dress for attention.

Sometimes I think I am subconsciously setting a trap. I am always generating a self fulfilling prophecy in which I purposefully doll myself up to stand out, only to anger myself when people only approach me when I look visually appealing.

Over time, I have become more private. I don't post my thoughts publicly as much anymore. I don't tell many people any information about what is going on in my life anymore. (this is an anonymous diary so this does not count 🤪)

When I used to post about that stuff on Facebook, I think it made a lot of people feel like they knew me.

They really didn't. I'm not going to give that to people around me anymore.

They thought they were my friends, but they were just an audience to someone they don't even really know.

But is it really my fault if people take shallow slivers of information about me and convince themselves that they actually know me just from that?

No one was hitting me up

No one invited me unless it was a fucking party. Where I can be a spectacle once again.

No invites one on one.

No small get-togethers.

No deep conversations.

Me oversharing when I binge drink doesn't replace laying in bed and talking about our dreams until 4am.

None of them were fucking friends and they deserve to be reduced to numbers.

Well I don't even want them as numbers anymore.

I don't want empty validation. I don't want to be "known" by people I don't even care about anymore.

I am putting locks up. I'm setting passwords. You have to win my trust and my attention, or I won't give it to you at all.

I am probably regarded as self-absorbed. The "audience" may cry out about how I shouldn't isolate myself from them...

Or what? You'll have to find someone else to be your case study?

People who want to get along with as many people as possible are worse than people who are ornery and asocial.

I despise people who value networking and popularity over finding a few people in this world who are actually deeply special to them.

A bunch of shallow connections are worthless to me.

I know I have to play nice in some settings, and just be a little friendly. Just be polite. But it drains me to pretend. It drains me so much

I find more comfort being alone or with my partner. Being with him has the comfort of being alone without feeling lonely.

If I were to die and only a few people knew me well enough to mourn me, I would be ok with that. I do not care if I leave anything behind. I have no children, no legacy.

I just want to exist, enjoy myself, and find a few people that bring me comfort and joy.

I do not feel much shame for how much I prioritize the self.

Men do it all the time. They follow their dreams. They don't have to be dragged down by parenting, that can be left to the mother. They are encouraged to realize their potential, look within, understand themselves and know what they want in life. It's OK for men to care more about making money than being parents and serving others.

Maybe I should have been born a man. But to be honest, my mother raised me equally to my brothers. I don't think she intended to influence me to reject motherhood, but I know deep down she always wished she could have focused on her education and hobbies.

She did everything. All my dad had to do was go to work and come home and watch TV. Although she did love him, she seems to have found freedom in having her children grow into adults. When my dad died, she finally started focusing on her hobbies and her goals. That is what she always wanted.

I do not feel like I am more selfish for refusing to have children and go straight to self growth as if I am a man. I think she wishes she had the option to, but I was born. I wasn't even unplanned.

I think she just always thought that is what her life's purpose was supposed to be as a woman. She had to be a mother.

I get enough mother feelings just from having some lazy, low-maintenance pets. I do not like children. I hate their screams, and I hate what they would represent if I had any. I know that deep down, I would feel like a child is an obligation that would take my freedom away. To be a parent, specifically a mother, you can no longer prioritize the self. You must prioritize the children, the family.

But men can still develop as an individual. I resent them for that fact. And my mother did too.

I am fortunate that my spouse does not force me into a box or place gendered expectations in me. I do not think of him as a "man", though I still use male pronouns most of the time. I am the same way, I use female pronouns but I consider myself a rebellion to what it means to be a "woman" in many ways.

Although my appearance is feminine, I strongly reject feminine roles. I hate cooking, I dislike children, I struggle with chores and organization.

I enjoy studying, I enjoy work that intrigues me. I fight anyone who tells me to tone myself down. I would never submit to a partner that told me what to wear or how to act. How to talk. I would quickly resent anyone who openly criticized me for traits that I value in myself.

My mother used to tell me I should sit funny, or I look mentally ill. Well, I am fucking mentally ill. So I never stopped. (I do kind of regret my bad posture as I have gotten older due to the back pain though lol)

My mother raised me with such a contradictory theme. She raised me to be my authentic self and reject anyone who would bully me or try to dull my sparkle for it, but at the same time she would bully me herself as if she should be allowed to control me but no one else can.

I am very resistant to any personalities that resemble that about my mother. I always go fight or flight. I'm not completely avoidant, but sometimes I find that avoiding people like that is better than fighting because I will lash out and cause a scene when I feel someone is mirroring the treatment I received from my mother growing up. When I feel that someone has crossed a line, all bets are off and I can become cuttingly cruel. Merciless even.

I can get myself into trouble with my tendency to be vindictive and mean, but I rarely ever show that side of myself for no reason. The problem is, no one has sympathy for you when you execute someone for stealing a loaf of bread if you know what I'm saying. Sigh

Anyway that's a wrap I guess for my bedtime rambles. I am getting sleepy.

#bpd #borderline personality disorder #actuallyborderline #borderline #diary

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poptartmochi · 1 year

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OC QUESTION TIME!!! 2, 14, 25, 29, 39, and 50!

OHHHHHOHOHOH, YOU'RE APPROACHING ME!!!! i am not the jonker babey but i AM the rambler so! i'm preemptively putting this below a readmore :']< thank you for the ask sky!!! 😄😄😄💙

here's the prompt!

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

So. 😐😳😳🙈🙈 right now I think the uncontested favorite is Gioia! she's just so girlie of all time... I think the different stages of her character are what keep pulling me back to her- I don't have many characters like that and it's really fun to brainstorm the bridges between each of her eras. Another favorite is Lana, my YGO GX oc and also. my first one ever <3 Gioia has in-universe eras but Lana... lana has had so many rewrites and reincarnations to get to where she is now. working on her feels like honoring baby sarah so I am very partial to Ms. Lana too 🥰

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

ouuuuug I have SO many with tragic backstories.. i was one of those kids growing up that was obsessed with putting my characters through the most harrowing shit ever 😆 i say that like it's in the past.. i am still on this madness n mania! I think one the most tragic backstories I have is that of my Dragon Ball Xenoverse protagonist... Goten! 🤓🤠🤪🤪🤪🤓🤓😳

truthfully in retrospect I cannot tell you WHY I decided to play as Goten, beyond the fact that Xeno Trunks doesn't have his bestie + seemed a bit lonely.. i said by god I'm gonna help you trunks!! 😭😭 I don't remember how or why I ended up where I did, but I decided that this specific iteration of Goten would be from a version of the timeline (and there is. a lot of lore I wrote to explain this 🆘🆘) where Frieza did end up succeeding in defeating Goku and conquering the Earth, falling in line with the Frieza Planet #80 thing that happens in one of the games (I never played it, but I read about this on the wiki and went hahahahahaha). I'm answering this question last so I won't talk too deeply about The Tragedies that happen in his timeline prior to Xenoverse, but :( he ofc never got to meet his dad, and he loses Gohan and Chichi back to back.. I'm going through my notes again- even Piccolo dies?! 😭 Anyways, Goten grows up in a world where everyone is faced with a power so intense that struggling against it is futile. Despite knowing this, the remaining Z Fighters struggle anyways... Without any intervention, the future is very bleak.

Things only change when Goten gets into an attack ship to leave Earth (I think this was originally to go somewhere that he could become powerful without drawing Frieza's attention? but then it kinda fridges the rest of the Z Fighters so i'm not super keen on it anymore..) He's beamed into the prologue of Xenoverse, and the plot unfurls pretty normally from there. Despite the headache he gets trying to understand everything, he's pretty happy to be in the Time Patrol because it does help him become more powerful! plus he gets to learn more about his father + also how to defeat Frieza! I don't think I ever properly circled around to his original narrative, before Xenoverse, but I think that arc should conclude with him realizing Frieza is on some fucked up time sauce and that they Actually Shouldn't be as powerful as they are.. shenanigans ensue, it takes Goten WITH all of the Xenoverse experience, the Z Fighters, and a surprise betrayal from Vegeta to defeat him. :]

Even though his original business with the Time Patrol is finished at that point, I think he stayed with them because he was curious about How his timeline got so fucked up from the original one... this loops into Xenoverse 2, I imagine. Anyways, he has one foot in the Time Patrol and one foot in his own world- iirc they are able to revive everyone who died during Frieza's conquest of Earth bc Gohan has a romance with Videl in their timeline? but I think Goku stays dead bc he'd died twice at that point??

anyways this concluded with xenoverse pan swag, at least one xeno gotenks moment where he uses TWO SWORDS YAHH (Goten uses either Yajirobe's katana or Yamcha's Azure Dragon Sword.. i forget which though 😭😭😭), and a smidge of truten 🥺🥺🥺 to top it all off. his and trunks' relationship here drives me INSANE because like. Trunks doesn't exist in Goten's timeline and Goten doesn't exist in Trunks' timeline, and yet here they are!!! i think they're able to relate on a lot of things too, but primarily the melancholy of fixing issues with the Main Timeline, where everything is good and right, where Goku and Gohan are alive. 🥺 now that I think of it, the one event where your character is supposed to stop Trunks from yeehawing into the sunset with Future Gohan is probably. very difficult for Goten because he'd probably disappear with his suddenly-alive brother too, if given the chance! but anyways thanks to these kinds of things they have a lot of trust in each other + a lot of synchronization between each other.. I think that makes xenoverse 2 a lot more dramatic too mwahahaha

(i answered this one last bc i was worried i'd go overboard with it... the prophecy came true, girl help!! 😱🤪🤪)

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

This one... it is very funny to me... so as I said above, Lana was my first OC ever.. when I first made her at the age of 6 or 7, she was really just a modpodge of things I thought were cool: France 😞, fashion, mysterious green blood that was from another universe....??? When Lana was created, she barely had a personality and well.. since I was an isolated child living on the internet, we really didn't have anything in common.

I rewatched YGO GX during the first COVID lockdown with my sister and girl it woke something UP in me. In her current iteration, there are.. a lot of similarities... like baby me, she was pretty isolated as a kid but Also Thought Nothing of It; she had a fish out of water moment when she finally did get to be around people her own age normally; she had a lot of anxiety about underperforming when compared to her older sibling (this birthed my favorite thing ever for Lana... the Syrus brotherhood of steel.. i thought syrus SUCKED as a kid so this is personally hysterical)... Once she settles into school, she really does fine in her own regard! but that doesn't stop her from having a Senior Year Disillusionment Moment <3, and it takes her many a few years to get back on her feet after graduation...

i'm looking at Lana like 👀👀👀👀 if you can bounce back so can i!!! so can i bitch!!! 👀👀👀👀

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

so considering Gioia literally abandons her entire life to run away with some mystery man and quintessentially go explore some haunted house, without telling anyone... it is Gioia hands down, easy peasy 🤓🤓🤓🤓

I could also see Asa, Thee Primordial Skyrim OC, doing this because she just gets up to this kind of shit accidentally </3 Another OC who would actually do it on purpose would be two of my many Dragon's Dogma OCs: Seveste and Samara! they are twins your honor :] Seveste would do it in pursuit of cool treasure.. Samara would do it to convene with the spirits that haunt the house 😫

39. Introduce any character you want

so I Was going to tell you all about my Dragon's Dogma OCs because they marked the beginning of an Era for my OC creation, and tbh I don't think I'd've gotten to Gioia if not for them, but... I barely have any notes about them and tbh I don't remember the lore enough to actually go into detail about them </3

SO.

I will instead tell you of one of my favorite DD memories and give you a little more info on the aforementioned Mister Seveste! first.. I made him and his sister when I was 15, so. </3 keep this in mind. When I first made him, I wanted to really lean into the thief king idea But I couldn't come up with a name for him.. so I asked my sister for help naming him and she was like Oh! Heinz! because he does Heinous Things!

..............

as u can tell, I Did Not Name Him Heinz. it's funny in retrospect because my first thought back then was Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I was like, NO!!! HE IS SERIOUS!! >:[ but now, he kind of is a doofenshmirtz-esque character..

This Doofenshmirtz aura stems HEAVILY from one very iconic moment in his playthrough. You can romance basically any character in Dragon's Dogma (my first playthrough iirc i Accidentally Romanced the innkeeper or quest-giver without knowing it bc i talked to them frequently. girl help!!), so for Seveste's playthrough I decided to properly romance Aelinore, the young wife of the duke, who is. Much Older Than Her :( iirc this romance was written pretty nicely, although I think you do get thrown in prison and whipped for cucking the duke 🥺🥺 It's all worth it because, in the end, you do get Aelinore out of her situation!!

So, Aelinore romance arc concluded! I carried on with the plot, which eventually meant I had to fight the Now Super Aged Duke in his bedchambers.. Important note here, Seveste is a magick archer and iirc he could shoot flaming arrows? And there were many pots of oil in the bedchambers.. so I remember either pouring these pots out all over the floor or just setting them up maybe? all while the old and feeble duke is trying to get a few punches in on mister Seveste.. it was a time

I got it all set up though, and so the most iconic moment of my entire life unfolded... I had Seveste ready a flaming arrow, and then I yelled at this poor old dying fuck, "FIRST I STOLE YOUR WIFE... NOW I STEAL YOUR LIFE!!!" And then I shot the arrow and he blew the FUCK UP <3

My younger sister and I were like OUHHHHHHH!!!!! It's one of my fondest memories to this day XD Whenever I think back on it now, my brain applies a Doofenshmirtz voice to the quote which makes it even more potent!

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

all of this has made me want to play Dragon's Dogma again... the second game is coming out soon so maybe I should!! beyond that, MAN.. Something I've realized lately is that I honestly need to start reading more and taking more media in.

Growing up, most of my OCs were basically dolls with enough personality and story to make go mwah mwah with the canon characters in whatever thing I was watching. That, or they were my fucked up little meow meows that I used to RP the Hunger Games or what have you... Between Dragon's Dogma and now, I think they've gained a stronger sense of narrative BUT. Something I've noticed between my more recent major OCs like Lana, Thalis, and Gioia is that they're all a reflection of myself in one way or another. Which is partially fine, everything I ever create will have a bit of me in it somehow yk. But I think they're a little repetitive and I want to branch out more with their personalities and stories.. everyone kind of has a depressed girl era that they crawl out of, which I've written to give myself hope in a personally dark time but.. their depressed girl eras can be Richer! them crawling out of the hole can have more depth!

I want to revamp a lot of the OCs I made in my youth and rewrite their stories, but I think I will expand my own horizons before I do so!

#long post #i wrote this many nights ago but it was too late to post.. just remembered to bring it outta the drafts! :3 #the original prompt post is from nov 30th but. my blog was like hi <3 this post was from a week ago and so for a solid three minutes i #thought i had delineated from the fabric of time and space yk! but it's all good now teehee :3c #anyhow. many ramblings aside!!! thank you for the ask sky!!! :D it is so much fun getting to talk about the blorbos of my mind ;w; <3 #sriracha ask game

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ask-the-shorty-squad · 1 year

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Fried_Hanamura69: TERUTERU!!! 😍😍😍😍 I LOVE YOU NOTICE MEE😍😍😍😍

Teruteru_S1mp: てるてるはシャツを脱いで!!

Tickle_me_Elmo: Howdy hey kids!

Fuyuhikos_right_ey3: Fuyuhiko in a tight cat suit🤤🤤🤤😍😍😍😍 Am I right?

T0ph3r: Y'all already know who I am my names Topher and.

Shu1chi_Fe3t_P1cs: SHUICHI FEET REVEAL?!?!?!?!?!?!😍😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘😛😛😜😜🤪🤪🤪🤤🤤🤤

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EWWWWW!!!!!!!

THERE ARE KIDS HERE ASWELL Y'KNOW!!!!!

Definitly_not_old_man: Hi Monaca! I'm 12 years old! Wanna meet after this~

Teruteru_S1mp: てるてるはシャツを脱いで!!

Hiyokos_No.1_Fan: SHUT UP YOU NASTY TRASHY PIG BARF!!!

THESES COMMENTS ARE CRAZY WILD!!!!

I-Buki-Mio-Da!: Meowwwww!

Meowwwww!

Ch1ak1_Fuj1sak1: Fuyuhiko x Chiaki??? Canon?!?!?!

Even if he was straight he's not my type. I always have Milkshakes on a daily basis and wish to share one with my future S/O. Cant do that with Fuyuhiko.

Ch1ak1_Fuj1sak1: FUYUHIKO X CHIAKI CANON!!!!!!!!!🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡😠😠😠😡🤬😡😠🤬😡🤬😠🤬😡🤬😠🤬😠🤬😡🤬😠🤬😠🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡

I said No!

Ch1ak1_Fuj1sak1: FUYUHIKO X CHIAKI!!!!!!!!! CANON!!!!😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡😡🤬🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬

Teruteru_S1mp: てるてるはシャツを脱いで!!

THIS IS INSANE!!!!!!

I will end every single one of you.

MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS ANYMORE!!!!

No more no more no more no more no more no more...

#fuyuhiko kuzuryu #hiyoko saionji #monaca towa #teruteru hanamura #sdr2 goodbye despair #danganronpa 2 #ultra despair girls #danganronpa

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justaredheadf1fan · 2 years

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Back to Marina Bay we go!

Long time no see!

So it's been 2 weeks now and it hasn't really been that quiet, am I right!? First, we have the Monaco GP renewed until 2025 at least, which for me it's great news since I love it regardless of how boring it can be most of the time outside of Quali. And then we have Yuki being renewed too but in this case for another year at Alpha Tauri. Now we only need to see if Pierre stays and the bromance goes on or, on the contrary, we get robbed of the greatest love story after Sewis.

Aaaaand the most non-shocking news was Latifi's exit from Williams at the end of the 2022 season. Now that's gonna be fun. Who will be Albon's new partner in crime?

Also, now it seems we're getting 6 sprint races instead of 3 for 2023. Are you fucking kidding me. Not even asking anymore. Just, are you fucking kidding me.

Apart from that the greatest thing to have happened in the last 2 weeks is the fact that Estie Bestie invited Mick to his birthday party with his family and they went together to Disneyland Paris. How cool is that? And they say you can't have friends in Formula 1. Check them, those are friendship goals 🥰

Lastly, but very, very importantly, Red Bull and Aston Martin suspected of surpassing the cost cap. Aston Martin vibin' spending money and still flopping gives me life. But Red Bull? I truly hope Ferrari's right AND that the FIA do their fucking jobs for once. It's time, they owe it to all of us, especially one very specific someone.

Now onto the important stuff. MARINA BAY IS BACK! And so am I, now let's see what I've missed during my busy work days.

--------------

Alex is finally back after undergoing surgery to remove his appendix during the Monza weekend. Doctors having to turn off the race because he was getting stress is a funny thing, tho.

Estie Bestie and Mick getting asked about their time together on the break between race weeks was quite cute, honestly.

Other than "all" that, the guys mostly talked about the possibilities and challenges of this race, so nothing else worth commenting really.

--------------

I don't think I've ever seen the Singapore track in the daylight. Of course, before this season I never really watched Free Practice so... There's that.

FP1 just starting and Charles already has some trouble with the brakes. Can this boy have a normal weekend??? Please????? He hasn't even done anything because of the issue with his car so far. George going against the wall, slowly at least. Good thing he knows what to do not to fuck up the car, it was so subtle. Good boy, Giorgio.

I'm not even gonna start on the commentators today, I'm not in the mood. Nothing else really happened until Stroll went sideways and crashed into the wall with the left side of his car. "So... Red Flag, Red Flag".

Lewis saying that the car is undriveable and then he gets P1, huh?

This guy!

Carlos almost crashing with everything he has against the wall, Jesus Christ boy, do you want to die?! Between the commentators losing it and the moment itself, my heart wasn't ready 😂

By the way, how cool is Seb's new helmet?! I mean!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! It's fucking insane, I LOVE IT!!!!!!!

Anyway, so Lewis P1, STOP THE WEEKEND! I guess having James Allison there must have been effective.

--------------

How impressive is Singapore from the air? Whoa.

I'm trying to stay awake, at least not to postpone again watching FP2, because I know myself and having to work at 4pm tomorrow, having to FPs to see plus Quali... I won't make it 😂 I'm not making any sense, I'm aware 🤪

Giorgio my boy going against the very same spot in the wall as in FP1? Dear Lord, spare me. And Alonso almost going sideways against the wall too but in his case he always looks like he's bumpy riding or something so 😂

Latifi ranting about Pierre when Pierre clearly, after making a mistake, put the car on the side in order to let people pass? No wonder he's out of F1 next season.

Leclerc catching on pretty quickly after not even touching the track for the whole of FP1 and more than half of FP2. Leave it to Charles Leclerc. Such a guy.

OH MY GOD PIERRE. NO BARBECUES PLEASE, I NEED YOU IN ONE PIECE.

I think I might make it through FP2 without falling asleep, which is a success for today. I know I've probably left out several things I wanted to comment on here for days, but it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lewis drifting into the weekend like he owns it, which he obviously does, as usual. That was hot even if he didn't mean or want to.

So I'm gonna do the same and drift... away to bed 😂 I can't take this anymore, I'm exhausted.

Let's see what tomorrow brings, then. Peace out!

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dysphoriaposting · 3 months

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Vent post:

I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT KILL EM ALL KILL THE PIGS SKIN THE BOIL THEM ALIVE FLAY THEIR SKINS AND RAISE THE CORPSES TO THE SKIES ON BANNERS STORM THEIR CASTLES AND BASH THEM IN THE FUCKING FACE UNTIL THEIR SKULLS ARE MUSH TURN THE FUCKING COUNTRY INTO AN ANARCHY BECAUSE AT LEAST THEN WE STOP SUPPORT THE ASSFUCK ISRAELI MONSTERS, NO, NOT MONSTERS, INCOMPREHENSIBLE SLUDGE FASCIST COLONIZERS WHO ARE CRACKING UNDER THE PRESSURE OF BEING THE WORST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRETY OF THE WORLD. I AM SICK OF IT, I'M SURE EVERY VICTIM IN GAZA AND YEMEN AND ANY OTHER FUCKING COUNTRY THESE BEASTLY RACISTS ARE CRUSHING UNDER THEIR HEEL FOR TRYING TO LIVE. KILL THEM ALL, KILL THEM ALL, KILL THEM ALL, BASH THEIR SKULLS IN, WORTHLESS RED WHITE AND BLUE, WORTHLESS BLUE WHITE AND GOLD, WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS. BULLY THE TRANS PEOPLE OH OF COURSE WHY NOT BULLY THE TRANS PEOPLE, THESE FOUL-MOUTHED MUMMIES PUPPETING ABOUT THEIR OWN CORPSES IN CONGRESS IN SUPPORT OF SHATTERING ANY SORT OF REPRESENTATION THE WORLD CAN GIVE TO ANYONE WHO ISN'T A HOMOGENOUS BLACK AND WHITE SPONGE FOR OPPRESSION. I CAN'T TAKE THIS I CAN'T TAKE THIS I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE. AND KOSA?? DON'T FUCKING START ME ABOUT KOSA. KOSA ISN'T FOR THE KIDS, THE KIDS AREN'T GETTING BOTHERED BY A TRANS WOMAN CELEBRATING HER BODY, THE KIDS AREN'T GETTING BOTHERED BY AN ART PIECE ABOUT THE SUFFERING IN PALESTINE, THE KIDS AREN'T GETTING BOTHERED BY FUCKING SHIT, AND YET RED BLOODED PIECES OF SHIT ARE GOING TO BLOCK BOTH THAT TRANS POST AND THAT PALESTINE ART, YOU BETTER BELIEVE, BECAUSE GOD FUCKING FORBID ANYBODY SPEAK THEIR SUFFERING IN MORE THAN PITIFUL WHINES THAT REINFORCE THE OPPRESSOR'S DELUSIONS OF POWER. THEY WON'T BE BLOCKING PORNOGRAPHY, THEY WON'T BE BLOCKING GROOMERS, THEY WON'T BE BLOCKING CONSERVATIVE PROPAGANDA ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO FUCKING GIVE THEIR LIVES AWAY FOR A MACHINE THAT DOESN'T CARE IF THEY LIVE OR DIE. FUCKING. I CAN'T. WHAT ARE WE EVEN SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DO????? I CAN'T FUCKING T A K E T H I S. RIP MY SKULL APART. WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE?? THIS PLANET IS FUCKED, WE'RE ALL FUCKED. WE'RE ALL FUCKING GOING DOWN IN A DECADE, I FUCKING HATE MODERN SOCIETY.

I am done venting. Ignore what I said above. I am in no way a threat to myself nor people around me nor the pretty little people in their fancy marble temples making rules that don't mean anything for them but ruin the lives of countless others. I'm just sick of the world. I want a better world for my brothers to grow into. What sort of massacre could possibly be waiting next week? We don't know! But it's going to create dangerous ripples across the planet until eventually it comes back and hurts the ones I love most. I'm sure you feel the same. Just remember that all these problems hurting our brothers, sisters, children, and friends are all being caused by bureaucratic freaks sitting in ivory towers who don't care about us. Please stop defending Israel, the American government and police forces, anybody else who speaks of oppression as freedom. I'm done.

If this gets my acc banned, so be it. I'm not deleting this. Take a picture while ya can! 🤪

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