the funniest thing that’s happened to me recently is that someone seemingly tried to update my pronouns on the medical system but accidentally made it so that my actual name is now “They Them”
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I can literally feel the thoughts bubbling in my head like a cursed soup
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I just wanna die
I'm not like actively suicidal I just. Don't. Wanna. Be. Alive. I'm so tired and I wish I wouldn't exist. Sometimes I wish to have a terrible accident so I could die without people being angry at me and be finally dead (because I'm a coward to do it myself)
I just want some fucking peace. I wanna stop feeling
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Why it's so hard to understand that I handle feelings differently, I experience them more strongly. And sometimes I can't tell you exactly what's wrong because I don't know either
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when you're having a hard time and trying to reach out for support and suddenly you're a child again hearing "i'll give you something to cry about"
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when will i ever just be loved, to be loved. because someone wants to love me. because someone cares about me and wants to care. i’m so sick of feeling like a burden and a chore. i just want to be loved, i try to be worthy of it so fucking badly.
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BPD culture is feeling bad when people say your blaming your behavior on BPD when you're putting in every ounce of your being to change and act differently while explaining how your BPD makes your symptoms appear and why you act that way because of it.
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it’s not fair that i have to keep my cool and not be as reactive as my body so desperately desires to be. i need to scream.
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I can’t believe I forgot the most important rule: everybody lies
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Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurted my feelings
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