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#i just didn't say anything at the time cause i didn't feel like getting crucified
stairset · 1 year
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Both kinda funny and kinda annoying to me how Andor was like, a show that had some flaws just as literally any show does but was overall really good and people were like “oh this show is FLAWLESS this is The Only Good Star Wars Content Ever Made and I’m gonna shit on the rest of the franchise to hype it up” and now it’s been a few months and the hype’s died down and some people are pointing out that maybe it wasn’t 100% perfect so now some people are suddenly turning against it. Something something classic Tumblr “put show on pedestal then shit on it later” pattern.
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komugistissue · 3 months
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Oooo, what about sucking Aki off every time he's on the phone just cause you like to be a distraction. Do you think he'd try to end the call quickly? Would he be able to hold back his moans? Would he lose his train of thought whenever your nose hit his pubes? What would he do when he finally hung up?
anon.. i'm so in love with this idea thank you so much 🥹
i had fun writing this, this idea is so hot to me but i have no idea what'd you'd call it, so if anyone knows pls lmk in the comments lol! also i reallyyy enjoy writing/reading about sub men so i hope u don't mind i made aki a lil bit subby in this! (i need him so bad) also this is NOT proofread so pls don't crucify me if there's any spelling mistakes 😣
pairing- aki hayakawa x afab reader
warnings- subby aki, blowjob while on the phone, oral (m receiving), reader calls aki a good boy, aki calls reader ma'am, afab reader
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"everything is in order, the devil was executed and i'm about to start writing the report on the mission." your boyfriend spoke into the phone. you sat next to him at his desk, impatiently waiting for this phone call to end after he told you to be quiet so he could take it.
"it was a bloody fight, fortunately there were no casualties and no one is severely injured. we were able to recover...." jesus christ. when would this phone call end? there was no possible way he had this much to say about a mission where barely anything happened.
"hey! hey! ki!!" you whisper shouted, snapping your fingers to get your boyfriend's attention. he put his finger up to his mouth in a "shush" motion and turned his chair away from you. "ugh!'' you rolled your eyes. you just wanted to hang out with your boyfriend and this stupid call was taking up all your alone time with him!
god dammit, you thought. how could you pull his attention away from this totally unimportant phone call onto his totally important girlfriend? you thought for a second. that could work. you got up out of your chair with a plan in your head. aki was so focused on his phone call that he didn't notice when you stood up, or when you got underneath his desk.
he looked over when he felt the warmth of your hand touch his upper thigh and saw your other hand reaching toward the crotch of his pants. "what're yo... oh um i'm sorry, i was just talking to my, uh, dog. please continue." he looked at you anxiously when he saw his belt being undone and your hand reaching for his cock.
you grabbed his cock, that was growing harder by the second now that he understood the situation, and ran your thumb against the tip, gathering all his precum on the tip of your finger and licking it off. he clicked the mute button on the call, "hah.. what are you doing? y-you know this call is mmm-important to me.." he said between breaths. you took your finger out of your mouth and put it up to his. "shhh ki. be a good boy for me okay?" you moved your finger away from his mouth and pushed the unmute button.
"mr. hayakawa, are you there." aki was so caught up with you he hadn't realized his superior had said something. "y-yes sir i'm sorry, just my dog is really needy mmmf-today.." you smirked hearing him try to keep his composure, sure you did feel a little bad, but hearing him hold back his little whines erased all guilt you had.
you grabbed his cock and licked a stripe all the way from the base to the tip of his leaking cock. poor baby aki covered his mouth and tried so hard to hold back his little whimpers. he looked down at you with tears in his eyes and a look that said "please just make me cum already." you took his cock into your mouth and started licking his tip. he muted his voice and started to moan out to you. "hah.. fuck.. please just mmmf-just stop teasing.. please.." you took your mouth off and stopped completely, "if you keep muting this call i'll stop aki. do you understand me?" "...yes ma'am" he said, clearly embarrassed about the entire situation. "that's my good boy. now unmute your voice, and let me take care of you."
you put your mouth back onto his neglected cock and let the tip hit the back of your throat. you did feel bad for making your poor boyfriend feel embarrassed like this. you could spoil him for a little while.
fuck, he could feel every little thing. the way your nose hit his pubes when he was completely down your throat, how you were rubbing little circles into his leg to (attempt) help him keep his composure. he felt like he was going to go crazy. your throat was so warm. all of a sudden, he felt you cup his balls. "i'm sorry sir but something hmmff-came up, can i call you back?" aki hung up before he could hear the answer.
"fuck.. please baby i-i'm sorry for hanging up! just please... mhnnghh please make me cum pleasee" he blabbered out to you. damn, how could you be mad at his cute face? "it's okay my good boy, just sit back."
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munchmemes · 5 months
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florence + the machine lyrics, high as hope edition
A SIDE
❛ i'm so high, i can see an angel. ❜ ❛ i hear your heart beating in your chest. ❜ ❛ the world slows 'till there's nothing left. ❜ ❛ in those heavy days in june when love became an act of defiance. ❜ ❛ hold onto each other. ❜ ❛ you were broken-hearted and the world was, too. ❜ ❛ i was beginning to lose my grip. i always held it loosely but this time i admit, i felt it really start to slip. ❜ ❛ at seventeen, i started to starve myself. ❜ ❛ i thought that love was a kind of emptiness. ❜ ❛ at least, i understood then the hunger i felt & i didn't have to call it loneliness. ❜ ❛ we all have a hunger. ❜ ❛ don't let it get you down, you're the best thing i've seen. ❜ ❛ we never found the answer but we knew one thing. ❜ ❛ in that pink dress, they're gonna crucify me. ❜ ❛ how could anything bad ever happen to you? ❜ ❛ you make a fool of death with your beauty. ❜ ❛ i thought that love was in the drugs. ❜ ❛ the more i took, the more it took away and i could never get enough. ❜ ❛ for a moment, i forgot to worry. ❜ ❛ i thought it doesn't get better than this. ❜ ❛ there can be nothing better than this. ❜ ❛ the world is at your fingertips. ❜ ❛ everything i ever did was just another way to scream your name. over and over and over again. ❜ ❛ i want a space to watch things grow. ❜ ❛ did i dream too big? do i have to let it go? ❜ ❛ what if one day there is no such thing as snow? ❜ ❛ i don't know anything. except that green is so green. ❜ ❛ there's a special kind of sadness that seems to come with spring. ❜ ❛ you need a big god. big enough to hold your love. ❜ ❛ you keep me up at night but to my messages, you do not reply. ❜ ❛ you know i still like you the most. ❜ ❛ you'll always be my favourite ghost. ❜ ❛ sometimes i think it's getting better and then it gets much worse. ❜ ❛ is it just part of the process? jesus christ, it hurts. ❜ ❛ though i know i should know better, i can make this work. ❜ ❛ shower your affection, let it rain on me. ❜ ❛ are you deeply sleeping or are you still awake? ❜ ❛ a good friend told me you've been staying out so late. ❜ ❛ be careful, my darling. be careful what it takes. ❜ ❛ from what i've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break. ❜ ❛ i can feel your anger from way across the sea. ❜ ❛ i was kissing strangers, i was causing such a scene. ❜ ❛ oh, the heart, it hides such unimaginable things. ❜ ❛ i want you so badly but you could be anyone. ❜ ❛ hold me down, i'm so tired now. ❜ ❛ leave me where i lie. ❜ ❛ i feel like i'm about to fall, the room begins to sway. ❜ ❛ i can hear the sirens but i cannot walk away. ❜ ❛ i thought i was flying but maybe i'm dying tonight. ❜
B SIDE
❛ i'm sorry i ruined your birthday. ❜ ❛ i guess i could go back, try and make my parents proud. ❜ ❛ i don't think it would be too long before i'm drunk again. ❜ ❛ this is the only thing i've ever had any faith in. ❜ ❛ [NAME], i don't say it enough. you are so loved. ❜ ❛ all the walls were melting and there were mermaids everywhere. hearts flew from my hands and i could see people's feelings. ❜ ❛ and you, you were the one i treated the worst. only because you loved me the most. ❜ ❛ we haven't spoken in a long time. i think about it sometimes. ❜ ❛ i don't know who i was back then and i hope and hope i would never treat anyone like that again. ❜ ❛ oh [NAME], you've always been my north star. ❜ ❛ i have to tell you something, i'm still afraid of the dark. ❜ ❛ do you understand that with every seed you sow you make this cold world beautiful? ❜ ❛ you told me all doors are open to the believer. ❜ ❛ i believe her. ❜ ❛ how's that working out for you, honey? do you feel loved? ❜ ❛ i drink too much coffee and i think of you often. ❜ ❛ are you afraid? 'cause i'm terrified. ❜ ❛ you remind me that it's such a wonderful thing to love. ❜ ❛ i believe in you and in our hearts we know the truth. ❜ ❛ i believe in love and the darker it gets, the more i do. ❜ ❛ it's just too much, i cannot get you close enough. ❜ ❛ a hundred arms, a hundred years, you can always find me here. ❜ ❛ lord, don't let me break this, let me hold it lightly. ❜ ❛ we have no need to fight. we raise our voices and let our hearts take flight. ❜ ❛ my held breath fills the room with love. ❜ ❛ it hurts in ways i can't describe. ❜ ❛ my heart bends and breaks so many, many times and is born again with each sunrise. ❜ ❛ we're sorry, we thought you didn't care. ❜ ❛ how does it feel now you've scratched that itch? ❜ ❛ hubris is a bitch. ❜ ❛ i feel nervous in a way that can't be named. ❜ ❛ we're a family pulled from a flood. ❜ ❛ it was so far to fall but it didn't hurt at all. ❜ ❛ i've always been in love with you. could you tell it from the moment that i met you? ❜ ❛ they told me that they loved me then ghosted me again. ❜ ❛ the older i get i find that happiness is an extremely uneventful subject. ❜ ❛ i must confess, i did it all for myself. ❜ ❛ the loneliness never left me. i always took it with me. ❜ ❛ the loneliness never left me. i always took it with me but i can put it down in the pleasure of your company. ❜ ❛ no chorus will come in. no ballad will be written. it will be entirely forgotten. ❜ ❛ and if tomorrow it's all over, at least we had it for a moment. ❜ ❛ things seem so unstable but for a moment we were able to be still. ❜ ❛ this will be entirely forgotten. ❜
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robinofinashiro · 2 years
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“I will always step in between you and something like that.”
characters/fandom: giorno giovanna / jjba
request status/note: closed / god giorno is just (chefs kiss) but if this sucks im trying so hard to getting back to writing so dont crucify me for it lmaoo
pronouns: she / her
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you and narancia walked inside the loud club immediately dancing to the rap music playing in the background. the club was known for locals/foreigners to attend and with that usually meant shady business happening underneath it all.
the music had you distracted, same went for narancia as bruno whispered to you both to pay attention. you gave bruno a pleading look, trying to contain yourself to the level of professionalism that was required for all of you. it was harder than it looked when it was a song you and narancia constantly listened too.
"might as well let them enjoy themselves, we could benefit from them blending in with the crowd," mista inquired. bruno knew he held a point as you and narancia continued to sing to each other, "two bad bitches like i'm sha-sha-shabba ranks!" he heard you scream along with the crowd.
giorno couldn't help but stared at you amused. he knew you were the extroverted kind but he never saw you in this particular setting before. you and narancia were very outspoken and loud mouthed individuals but one thing he hated about that was how close you were to him and mista at times.
you were closest to them and sometimes he took that as you liking them. it was no secret to the rest of gang that giorno saw you in a romantic way but his very reserved nature stopped him from ever confessing his feelings to you.
"so, what's the plan?" you asked giorno and bruno. he saw the stares you were getting from others as well as the chemistry you were having with narancia earlier and remained silent for a second, "how comfortable are you with dancing with narancia?" he asked.
you stared at him, not knowing what to say. you were close with narancia but you saw him as a brother more than anything.
"dancing like?" you asked with your voice trailing off in confusion, "like that," he stated pointing out a very drunk couple dancing against each other. narancia stared at him in surprise, "like we're a couple?" he yelled.
you sighed not believing what bruno was saying, "i mean, that's as far as we're getting bruno. anything other than that and we're having a stand off," you replied. bruno chuckled but thanked you for going beyond your boundary just this once, "what about you narancia?" he asked. the purpled haired boy agreed almost instantly.
"oh god this is going to be embarrassing," you whispered to him. narancia agreed as he offered you his hand. you took it hesitantly and let him lead you to the dance floor. you couldn't help but wonder what this would even have to do the current mission all of you were on but you didn't want to question bruno or giorno in this situation.
what once was started playing through the speakers as bruno told the rest of the gang the instructions on getting information of the rival gang. they needed to know who was the asshole causing so much destruction to one particular part of naples. a part where passione had connections too.
"do you ever think that giorno and bruno put us in these situations so we don't fuck something up?" you asked narancia. the two of you stared at each other before letting out a belting laugh, "i wouldn't blame him but come on, we're useful for some stuff," you added on.
as you and narancia continued to talk, all that was left at the entrance of the club was giorno and mista who were keeping a look out for anything that could harm you and narancia or fugo and bruno. he didn't exactly like that he was on protective services given that he knew you and narancia could hold your own but protecting you was his second biggest rule.
"man, you have desperation written all over your face," mista said through soft chuckles. giorno gave his partner a look of confusion, "you might have everyone but me fooled. you like her and i'm beginning to think that it might be more than just that," he continued.
giorno didn't say anything for a moment.
"what made you come to that conclusion?" giorno finally asked. mista gave him a quick look, "listen, whenever we aren't working, i always see you staring at her. whenever im around her or in this case narancia, you get this mean jealous look on your face so it's pretty safe to assume that you at least hold some romantic feelings for her."
giorno never realized that mista was so quick to pick up on social cues but given that he was also one of the more extroverted and friendly ones in the group, he knew he couldn't lie to him so openly without getting caught.
"when are ya going to confess your feelings to her? i'm sure she'd return them," giorno was a bit taken back by the sudden question. he knew he wouldn't be handle the feeling of rejection, especially since the two of you worked together, "she won't return the feelings," giorno stated.
mista groaned in annoyance.
"there's no harm in asking especially if i know she would probably accept whatever it is you tell her."
before the covnersatoin could continue, bruno had called in for your help, "he have him cornered and we need you. i think you could make him weak," bruno whispered in your ear. you rolled your eyes knowing exactly where this was going. you hated when bruno put you in these borderline sexual situations especially in front of the team. you knew he'd never put any of the boys in situations like this.
"you said you'd never make me do this again," you told bruno with anger rising in your eyes. bruno gave you a sheepish smile, "im sorry but he's a weak one. from today on, i'll never make you do it again." you stared at him before punching him straight in the arm.
"the last time and if you dare to put me in this situation again i swear on my dead grandfathers grave i'll make giorno the leader of this damn mafia before you can say your own name."
mista, narancia, and giorno albeit very silently started laughing at the way you were lecturing bruno. they all knew that you were the only one who could get away with it without hearing a mouthful back from him. you slammed the door open, staring down at the roped up man who was now screaming into the piece of rope to release him.
"come on, you stopped a woman from dancing to get this small bit of information from you. was that really necessary?" you asked him, staring at him with wide and seemingly innocent eyes. the man stared down at you as if you were a piece of meat to him.
you took the rope out of the mans mouth and stood in front of him, "well, how much harm could you do to just tell us where your boss is located?" the man licked his lips, "that mouth works wonders, i bet. those men around you must know what it feels like." your eyes widened at what he was insinuating.
"bruno i'm going to kill him if i don't leave right now," you said deadly serious. bruno saw the rage in your eyes but before he could step in, giorno had done it first, "were you not taught any manners? it's despicable to speak about a woman like that," giorno said putting his hand on the mans neck.
the man started to choke instantly as you gave him an evil smirk, "do it gio," bruno scoffed, pulling the two of you out, "now i really think it's time you tell us before they find your body laid on this ground in a few hours," bruno exclaimed.
you three stared the man down as he tried to wiggle away but realize that he really only had two options open. he could either tell the location or die by bruno's hand and death did not sound too pleasing.
"if you leave her and i for just a few minutes alone i promise i'll give her more than what you're asking."
you pushed the two taller men behind you, instantly pulling up your sleeve, "okay so you choose death. weird way to die but it's not something i'm not used to doing," you said immediately taking out the gun from the back of your skirt.
everyone realized that you weren't joking when you said you weren't above killing him as you shoved the gun inside his mouth, "now give me the damn location or i'll make a painting out of the bits of your brain on the wall," the man was now shaking in his chair as he pleaded for you to let him go.
"north of naples!" he screamed, "santoro street," he added on. you gave him a smile before pointing the gun down to his foot and getting a perfect shot making him scream in pain. bruno didn't think you were this trigger happy.
all of you realized that the club was now going crazy in commotion after the sound of your shot rang off. you opened the window quickly jumping out of it as the others followed along. bruno sighed, "we could have left the club peacefully," he stated. you couldn't help but roll your eyes as you were not in any mood to be dealing with his side remarks.
"what's it to you? you weren't the one getting sexualized here. i'm trying to do my damn job, not get thrown around like some gang slut and it's clear that dumbass wasn't the only one who thought of me in that way," you spat as you continued to run alongside giorno. the gang remained silent knowing you had a point. passione, excluding trish, had never had a female member before and it wasn't exactly subtle that bruno constantly put you in these sexual situations in order to get information out of people.
bruno didn't respond but as all of you went back to the restaurant, you were now a lot more quiet than usual. you put your jacket down on the couch before heading to your room. you were in no mood to be dealing with anyone or their attitudes.
"woah," narancia said, letting out a big sigh to defuse any kind of uncomfortable tension, "she's a member just like any one of us are and it's becoming evident that she's not comfortable doing interrogations like that anymore," giorno stated looking at bruno dead in the eyes, "you promised her you'd never make her do that again and now you not only upset her but made her question her ability as a member to this gang."
bruno sighed, "i never realized she was that upset with it," giorno hated getting into altercations especially in front of others but you more than once mentioned to bruno how much you hated being in sexualized situations, "this isn't the first time she's mentioned it. if we lose her because of this, it's entirely your fault and no one else's."
you were standing at the end of the hallway, a small teary eyed smile appearing on your face as you heard what giorno was saying. you knew giorno was very protective over you but you never thought he'd ever tell bruno off in this way.
you couldn't comprehend what else was being said as the conversation ended with a semi-annoyed bruno saying he'd apologize for his action coming more. you knew he really didn't mean harm with what he did. bruno did genuinely care for you but sometimes it really irked you when bruno saw you as just a piece of meat. you were valuable to passione and he knew that but bruno was as stubborn as they came at times.
you laid on your bed, recounting the events of the last few hours and sighed. you knew all of this would blow over come tomorrow but as you were about to get ready to bed, you heard a knock on your door. you prepared yourself for it to be bruno but much to your surprise, it was giorno.
"may i come in?" he asked. you nodded, letting him inside. your room was decorated nicely. it had a few teddy bears, some decorative posters on the wall, but overall it was just a regular bedroom.
"i'm sorry if you've ever felt like you weren't an asset to this team. you are just as much of a member as the rest of us are and we aren't trying to make you uncomfortable," you smiled at him, patting the spot next to you to let him sit down, "listen, i know bruno doesn't do it on purpose. i can see why sometimes that kind of interrogation could be a way to get information but it really hurts when people see a woman and only assume that we're good for just being sexual. plus, i also heard what you told bruno earlier and i thank you for it."
giorno gave you an appreciative smile, “I will always step in between you and something like that, it's important to me that you aren't uncomfortable with any of us," giorno stated.
you returned the smile to him before standing up and placing a kiss on his cheek, "that means more than you could understand," giorno's mind was now running a mile a minute. he recounted the conversation with mista earlier and although he felt like this was the worst time to actually confess his feelings, he had enough confidence for once to do it.
"how would you like to come out to breakfast with me tomorrow morning?" he asked. you were taken by surprise which started to scare giorno at the silence you were giving him, "breakfast? of course, i'd love too," you replied.
giorno smiled once again as he went towards the door, "nine tomorrow," he said. you nodded, once more before he shut the door and went towards his own room.
your heart raced at the fact that the don of passione had asked you out on a date. you had your feelings about giorno and the slight crush you had on him was undeniable so now that he had the courage to ask you out was more than you could ask for.
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psilactis · 9 months
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Ok here's reaction to episode 2 and 3, this will be a spoilery one so it will go under the cut
The Soundtrack keeps being awesome and the characters started feeling more like the ones we know, but like....
Why are they together tho. Sure, they had to leave Shells town together on account of being hunted, but no one but Luffy even wants to be there. By the time they finish fighting Buggy, each one should've gone their own way. Neither Nami nor Zoro has agreed to join Luffy as crew, and Zoro is still acting like a pirate hunter and Nami as a thief. They don't really have any reason to stick together at all!!
Why are so many scenes being filmed in the dark now.... I can't see anything...... The circus was ok but confusing to keep up with, but Kayas mansion is just so grim and dark, why.....
On to things I liked now tho because oh boy.
I love loved love love Buggy. He's so good he's so stupid and emotional and goofy and beautiful. Oda really did make this whole TV show just for Buggy, and it shows. And I thank him for it.
The whole Buggy episode was really good, them really going off with the circus theme and making it all creepy. Kinda sucks we didn't get much of buggy's crew action tho.
Im really enjoying Zoro being an Actual Pirate Hunter, like knowing the pirates and their names and their bounties. Its a really small detail but that I feel like it works to tie the whole universe together really nicely.
I love Kaya in this!! I'm really indifferent to her in the anime/manga, but in the show she is very charismatic. The decision to have her be literally poisoned instead of being just implied poisoned is also very good. This is something that has been going on on the show, instead of just implying they really do say their stuff, and I feel like it does add to the whole thing, like Zoro actually killing people instead of it just being implied.
Im not sure how I feel about the Coby thing. I think taking away the scene of Luffy telling the marine Coby used to be a pirate was a bad decision. That scene helped to develop both their characters, Luffy as someone who will help his friends, even if in a convoluted way, and Coby finally cements his will to become a marine and fight pirates. It also settles their relationship - one of mutual respect and friendship, even if on diverging sides that will clash one day. Giving the role to Garp to know that Coby was a pirate once feels really weak and really puts off the relationship between our boys.
I also don't think the whole Morgan debacle made much sense. Sure, me as a manga reader know that Morgan was corrupt and abused the town, but we don't see much of that in the show, apart from the marines causing mild discomfort at the bar. So why was he crucified? Because he was defeated by three kids? Doesn't make much sense. Doesn't make sense for Garp either....
Usopp looks a m a z i n g. I liked the way his backstory was told, the transition was very cliche but felt really nice to see. I think the jump of him meeting Luffy and immediately taking him to Kaya didn't make any sense tho. In the Manga/anime, they talked for a while, and then Usopp left, and Luffy and Co followed him to Kayas place. Feels kinda odd that Usopp would care so much about her, and then drag virtual strangers to her place like that.
While some adaptation is necessary, it feels like the TV show is kind of relying a lot on the audience having some previous knowledge of the source material, which isn't good.
Before I forget, the CGI is looking great actually. Every city and ship feels real. The fights can be a bit wonky sometimes but not in a bad way, it really does feel more like something of the universe, which is good.
I feel like Luffys backstory should have been told all at once, or in two episodes instead of three. However, the way it was done isn't necessarily bad, just feels a bit dragged out. They tried juxtaposing his past with his actions from the present, which, cinema, I guess, but also feels a bit unnecessary and a bit on the nose. The fight of the red hair pirates vs the mountain bandits was top notch tho!
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imjustrileyhart · 2 months
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The Watcher
It was just a normal day, except that’s what I thought…I was wrong. On February 24, 2024, I learned the truth, what goes on in this little town, Blue Springs, Missouri. It was about 5 days before my family and I were gonna leave to go on a trip up to Chicago, but some strange things started to happen…It's hard to explain. I mean it’s not normal what happened to me, not at all. It was almost like I got a sense someone or something was watching me from afar, but it wasn’t comforting, you know? It was like that thing had the intention of hurting me and my family, god how I hated  that feeling.
So it’s about 4 days until our trip now and the feeling is getting worse. I can’t even remember what caused such a feeling of paranoia and dread…I mean a couple weeks back I did decide to go in the forest alone with my friends, but it was for a party. We got a little drunk, but it wasn’t an unsafe kind of drunk. Apparently my friend said I passed out and I can’t remember that so it’s most likely true. After that I thought things were fine, but then it got worse, especially on that day…
I don’t know what happened, but I feel sick just writing about this. Maybe he’s watching me…I don’t feel safe, not at all…I decided to go to one of my friend’s, his name’s John and he’s super sweet. Not to get all personal but I’ve liked him for a while. I would hate for him to get hurt by this thing watching me…Anyways, I decided to go to John and tell him about this, just to maybe get an idea of what was going on, right? Wrong. John apparently knew about this thing and had been also experiencing it. He told me that he also went to this party in the forest, I don't know how I didn't notice him, and that he got the same feeling as me. I just want to know what’s going on…
We both decided to go to the library, just to get some understanding of what the fuck was going on. I decided to go to the paranormal section since I’m into all that spooky stuff while John went to the science section. He was more into the logic behind it while I’m more of a theorist, you know? So I got this result saying how Woods Chapel Park, a forest and park in Blue Springs, how there was this ritual held years, and I mean years, back in the ‘90s by this satanic cult. When I tell you my eyes widened and I was petrified by that, I was. It was almost as if it all made sense, like it connected to what was happening…I read more on it and after they had this ritual a creature or demon, whatever the hell you wanna call it, appeared and it was named The Watcher. 
This watcher thing apparently stalked its so-called “prey” before killing it back in the forest. I immediately went to tell John this but he didn’t believe a thing and said we just got a little messed up at the party the other night, that it just messed with our heads, or that's what he read at least in the books he found. We got into a little fight and so we both went our separate ways…So then a couple nights go by and on February 5 he’s not at school. Later that day I found out he was dead in the forest, the same way it said in the books…He was hung up like he was crucified with his guts hanging out, like he was on display…
I decided to skip the rest of that day, I needed to find out more about The Watcher…I went back to our library and looked through the books, just anything that would help me find out more. The only more information I got was this:
“The Watcher is a man of mystery. He is known to appear in the forest and is brought to be through a satanic ritual involving a crow skull, human remains, and a silver dagger. The ritual itself should be around midnight so you don’t disturb others. You then do the following:
Break open the crows skull
Set the human remains in the skull
Sacrifice your blood from the left palm of your hand and other party members
Put the blood in the skull
Stab the skull three times in honour of the holy trinity
You’ll know he appears when you get a feeling of nausea and like you want to cry. You’ll then pass out for a little, normally a couple minutes. There is no way at the moment to get rid of him.”
After I read that I took the book back home with me, for proof that I wasn’t crazy about such a thing…When I got home I felt sick to my stomach and immediately went to the bathroom. When I threw up there was so much blood, it was terrifying. I didn’t tell anyone out of fear that I would be taken to a hospital, I was fine. I’m fine.
About a week went by after that, same thing, throwing up blood, feeling watched, same old, same old, that was until February 22…That was when I saw him for the first time…He was tall and lanky, like a man you would see on those eerie true crime shows, except, he didn’t look human. He was like a shadow, a tall, lanky shadow. I saw him while I was walking to school that day, he was by a couple trees and a bench. When I saw him my vision became blurry and I felt dizzy, then he disappeared and those feelings were gone.
The next day it only got worse. I saw him more frequently. He’s watching me. He knows everything I do. Every little move I make. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I need to tell someone. I need help. Please help me. Help me.
February 24, 2024:
My family and I were packing to leave for our trip, we were gonna go for a nice long drive up to chicago, stay there for a couple days, then come back. Something is wrong with today. As we were driving, our car got into a crash, we swerved off the road and into a ditch. I limped out of the car in pain, my left arm was broken and some glass from my glasses was lodged into my left eye. Left. Left. Left. My family was seriously hurt. They died. I limped into the forest, getting away from the accident, not baring to hear screams of my brother in pain. Wrong choice. The Watcher was nearby. He caused this. He killed my family.
The Watcher is a strange man, he helps people in need, but hurts others as well. He helped me. He healed me. My left arm and eye are better now, he healed them, but my family is still gone. As of today, March 13, 2024, I still see him. He still watches me from afar. When the news comes on the same thing still happens to others, just like John. The Watcher did it, he killed them, and if you do the ritual he’ll kill you next unless you’re lucky like me.
Written by,
Riley Hart
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alexhogh7137 · 3 years
Text
The Battle Between Love and Fire-
Ivar the Boneless × Reader
Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Eight: "..do you really think that you would even have a chance, huh..?"
Word Count 3.5k
Warnings: some angst, fluff
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The Same Night…
Ivar hid his true emotions horribly. One second, he would be looking at you or Asta and smiling and in the next, he would see Daario walking in his halls and his teeth would grind. You could feel his anger and hatred for Daario's actions in coming to Kattegat. Especially since it has only been a week or so since Asta was born, and now he is in his home. He has some nerve doing that to you and Ivar. But like he said, he was not thinking clearly. Hvitserk and Ubbe are on high alert, as well as every viking and guard in the house. Hvitserk is not letting him touch you or his daughter, that is for certain. Ubbe is sitting with Torvi and little Ragnar, but you can see his emotions change as well as Ivar's when Daario walked into the room. 
Daario "Nice kingdom you have here, Ivar."
Ivar "Hmm." 
"Treat my husband with respect Naharis. You are in his kingdom, you call him king."
Daario "My apologies, my king."
Ivar "You know, if you were not a friend of my wife's, I would have killed you as soon as you walked through those doors," Daario's smirk fades, "but because you have Y/n's respect, I will respect you in return." He said as he looked at you with a small smile on his lips. 
Daario "Y/n has my loyalty and respect, you know that don't you?" 
"Of course." He nods. 
Daario "And I thank you for letting me stay this night with you all. I promise I won't be a burden."
Hvitserk "I sure hope not." Daario tried to look at Hvitserk but he did not let him have the chance to respond before getting up because Asta started to cry. 
"I have to feed her." He hands her to you. 
Ivar "Go with her will you?" 
Hvitserk laughs, "You didn't even have to ask." Ivar nods and then looks at Daario. 
Ivar "Naharis and I are going to have a little talk." Daario's first instinct was to put one hand on his dagger but that was a foolish mistake. Ivar noticed Daario's sudden action and pulled out his dagger and held it up to his chest. 
Ivar chuckles, "Really?" Daario holds up his hands in defense, "Do you really think that you would even have a chance, huh?!" Daario does not answer, "Look behind you, my friend." He does as he is told and Ubbe has his ax to the back of his head, ready to strike if necessary. 
Ubbe "Hand it over." Daario does not hesitate to hand his dagger to Ubbe and he hands it over to Torvi.
Torvi "Well, well..how fancy Daario. Where did you get such a dagger?"
Daario "And what is your name miss?"
Torvi "I am Torvi, wife of Ubbe."
Daario nods, "Lovely to meet you. And to answer your question, it was gifted to me."
Ivar "By who?"
Daario "That is no concern of yours-" he could not finish his sentence before Ivar slammed his danger to his throat. He did not cut him, only pushing harshly into his Adam's apple. "Alright..alright. I was gifted my dagger by an old friend of mine. He since died in battle." Ivar let his dagger fall. 
Ivar "And what was this man's name?" 
Daario "Baron." 
Ubbe "Well he gifted you one fine dagger, that is for certain."
Daario "I know. I take it everywhere with me. That is why I did not think of not bringing it with me to Kattegat."
Ivar "You bringing it here, is not the problem. You were going to kill me..that was the problem Naharis."
Daario "Gut instinct, I suppose."
Ivar snickers, "Well, your gut was correct in telling you that I was a threat."
Daario "I know all about you, Ivar the Boneless. You are known all around the world. You are infamous for killing innocence." 
Ivar laughs, "I do not kill without a good reason. That is where you are wrong." 
Daario "I do not believe all the stories I have heard of you. But the killings, I do believe. I also believe that I would have died multiple times if it wasn't for your wife." 
Ivar "You are right. Y/n is my better half. She changed me as a man and as a father."
Daario "She touches everyone in different ways."
Ivar "And how has she touched you..huh?"
Daario "Her kindness. Her passion, her strength..is unmatched." He nods, "I suppose her strength rubs off of me."
Ivar "I would have to agree with you. But just remember, that you are in my kingdom, my daughter is newly born..I will do anything to keep them safe-"
Daario "I pose no threat to you Ivar."
Ivar "We shall see."
As soon as your daughter latched onto your breast, she calmed down instantly. You sigh from relief from the silence. 
Hvitserk "Are you alright?"
"Quite drained. I was fine until he showed up. All of this tension is so draining." Hvitserk leans down and kisses your forehead. 
Hvitserk "I know. But you are my strength. So with you, I feel like I can win a battle." You giggle, "And do not worry about Daario, he isn't coming close to Asta."
"I know that. I am her mother, he is not touching her. I may trust him with my kingdom, but never our daughter."
He nods, "I am glad that we have her with us now. It feels like we waited a lifetime to see her."
"It does. It almost feels like I have known her my whole life-"
Hvitserk "In a way you have. She was destined to be your daughter, just as she was destined to be mine. It all worked out for us in the end." You hum and rest your head on his shoulder. "You have gone through it all, kitten. But now is your time to rest and thrive." 
"All I care about is Asta and our family. You all are my priority."
Hvitserk "As you are ours."
"Do you think Daario is still alive?" He laughs, "I don't hear any screaming.."
Hvitserk "Nor do we hear chaos so I suppose he is. Sadly."
"He's a good man. Just does not think before he acts."
Hvitserk "Is that a good man to lead your people?"
"I think that he is, but when it comes to me, he thinks differently."
Hvitserk "You are right, and that is my concern."
"I understand, but I can defend myself."
Hvitserk "That you can, kitten." You lean up and kiss his lips before Asta unlatched.
Hvitserk "Done already, little one?" She coos as she yawns. "Yeah, you're too sleepy now huh?"
"Maybe Ivar will let us sleep with her tonight!"
Hvitserk "I do not think so. If Daario was not here, then maybe.."
"To me, Daario isn't even here. And his opinions do not matter to me." Hvitserk cups your cheeks and kisses you gently and swiftly, almost knocking you off your balance.
Hvitserk "I love you, you know that. If I had it my way, you would be sleeping with me every night, but tonight is not the night. It is too risky." You nod and look down at Asta. 
"Then you sleep with her." You hand her to her father and he kisses her little round cheeks. "I'm going to check on everyone, you two get some sleep. I'll tell Ivar that you two went to sleep-"
Hvitserk "Y/n-"
"I love you to two.. get some sleep." He let you walk away without protesting and you were out of the room. You know that he is absolutely right, that is why you were not mad. Only sad by the fact that you cannot sleep with your child and her father. But hopefully, that night will come soon. 
When you find Ivar and Daario, Ubbe and Torvi have joined them since you and Hvitserk left. That was not a surprise to you. Ivar could feel your presence as your ora filled the room and he looked in your direction. As his eyes met yours, you both smiled. 
"What have I missed?"
Daario "Where is Asta?" 
"Fast asleep. What have I missed?"
Ivar "We just had a nice long talk, my sweet. All is well."
"That is good to hear. With the being said, can we go to bed?"
Ivar "Of course. Good night you all." They all said their good nights and you and Ivar went into the chambers that you share.
"What exactly did you two talk about?"
Ivar "Well, to start, he tried to kill me-"
"What?!"
Ivar "I am still alive aren't I?!" He said sarcastically and with a chuckle. 
"What happened, Ivar!?"
Ivar "He put his hand on his dagger and I got mine out quicker. He didn't have a chance, my love."
"I am surprised that you did not kill him for that."
Ivar "Believe me, I wanted too. But I thought of you and your kingdom. If I killed him, you would have to leave for England..I can't be away from you again." Your eyes go soft and your heart flutters. "You and Asta come first in my mind. If I didn't have you two, he would have died a while ago."
You giggle, "How would you do it?"
Ivar "Oh..would you like to know?"
"Come into bed and tell me." He gets undressed while you get into your black night dress and you two join each other in your large, fur covered bed. 
Ivar "Well, where do I start?!" You two giggle like children that are coming up with a malicious plan. He tells you how he would torture Daario for the way he looks at you, before crucifying him and sacrificing him to the Gods for good luck. He went into gory detail of how he fantasizes about killing him. 
Ivar "But that day won't come unless he gives me just cause. And you know what cause that would be, don't you?"
"Yes, my king." He leans down and kisses you long and passionately. 
Ivar "I do not think that you will ever know how much I love you."
"I do know, and I love you all the same. There are just no words." He smiles and kisses your entire face before he lowers himself and rests his head on your chest. 
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Ivar "When Naharis leaves tomorrow, what would you like to do, my love?"
"Hmm, I might take the dragon's out tomorrow. They have not spent much time with me since Asta was born."
Ivar "Alright."
"Perhaps we could take Asta to the lake!"
Ivar hums in relief, "I was hoping that you would say that."
"Then it is settled."
Ivar "Perfect. I love you, princess."
"I love you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you awake, you hear your daughter's cries for you. Ivar was still asleep, so you slowly get out of bed and made your way to Hvitserk's chambers. When you open the door, Hvitserk is in his bed, rocking little Asta. 
"I'm here-"
Hvitserk "Good morning princess."
"Good morning," you sigh from being tired, "how did you two sleep?" You asked while getting into his bed and preparing yourself to feed her. 
Hvitserk "She slept for a few hours straight, but she could not stay asleep the past two. She was getting hungry."
"Well come to momma.." he hands you your daughter and she latches onto you with ease. Hvitserk leans in and kisses your forehead. 
Hvitserk "How did you and Ivar sleep, huh?"
"He better than I."
Hvitserk "And why is that?"
"I am not certain. I just know that I was up throughout the night."
Hvitserk "You need your rest, kitten."
"Believe me, I want to rest. But my mind won't allow it." He nods and takes a deep breath because he can relate. 
Hvitserk "Well maybe you and Ivar should head out for the day, hmm?"
"We were planning on it. But Asta-"
Hvitserk "Do not worry, I'll take good care of her."
"I know that you will. I just don't know if I can part from her for that long."
Hvitserk "Where would you be going?"
"The lake."
Hvitserk nods, "Well I think that you should go. It will bring you peace of mind." You nod while looking down at Asta, "We have to take her to our spot as well. When you want to, of course."
"Oh yes, I would love that. She will too." He smiles and kisses his daughters forehead before getting out of bed to get himself dressed. His body always takes a hold on you. But you try to control yourself because you know that you can't. 
"So um," you clear your throat, "what are you and Asta going to do while I am gone?"
Hvitserk giggles, "Anything and everything." You smile from ear to ear. Asta unlatches from you and you redress yourself and Hvitserk notices. "You didn't have to redress, you know."
"I could say the same thing to you." He chuckles and makes his way to you and cups your cheeks before kissing your lips. You can't help but moan, just a little. 
Hvitserk pulls back, "I had to do that."
"I-" there was a knock on the door. 
Hvitserk "Who is it?"
Ivar "He's awake." You're heartbeat started to race as soon as you realized who Ivar was talking about. Now you have to deal with Daario. 
Hvitserk "We will be right out." You two hear Ivar's crutch bang its way further and further from the door. 
"Great."
Hvitserk "Hey, he is in our kingdom, he has no power."
"He thinks that he does, does he not?"
Hvitserk scuffs, "Yes, yes he does. But that should not worry you, Y/n."
"I know. I have to get dressed. Come find me when you're done." You kiss him one last time before handing Asta to him and leaving the room. 
You have your maiden's braid your hair and you dress yourself in your favorite outfit: black firm-coat that has dragon attachments to hold a cape of yours, with black boots. 
"You look absolutely beautiful, my queen." Your maiden said. 
"Thank you, my friend. As do you." She smiles. 
"Duty calls!" You say with a fake smile on your face as you two walk out the door together. When you make your way through the halls, you did not hear your husband's voice, nor Daario's. So you walk on, eventually leading out the door to outside. 
When you make your way outside, you find your people as well as your husband gathered underneath an awning. You push your way through the crowd and find Daario standing before you with his nose stuck in the air. 
"What is going on here?" 
Ivar "Naharis wishes to talk to you-"
"Okay-"
Ivar "Privately."
"And why is that?"
Daario shrugs, "You are my queen, I came to see you, not everyone else."
"I am standing in front of you, what is it you wish to talk to me about?"
Daario "Y/n, please."
"What is it, Daario? What can't my husband hear-"
Daario "It's not like that-that is not the reason why I wish to speak to you privately."
"Okay. Okay, fine." 
Ivar "Y/n-"
"If he was going to hurt me, I would know it. Don't you trust me?"
Ivar "I trust you, not him."
"He has not given me a reason not to trust him Ivar. I will be close." You look back at Daario to signal him to walk with you, to which he does happily. Ivar watches you walk off with the man he should have strung up on a tree. Why? Because he did not leave when he was told to. 
Ivar "Ubbe," he walks up to his brother, "watch them. Don't let her out of your sight."
Ubbe "Never." He and two other men follow your trail, close but not too close. Ivar watches everyone scatter, and crutches his way back to the house. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your strategy was to lead Daario to where your dragon's are located. Your dragon's are your biggest protectors, nothing can harm you when they are near. Daario catches on fairly quickly when he hears their noises. As soon as Ryuu notices his presence, he growls.
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Daario "You really don't trust me, huh?"
"What did I just get done telling Ivar? Hmm, were you not listening?"
Daario "No, I heard what you said-"
"Then you answered your own question Naharis. I do trust you. You would not be in charge of my kingdom while I am here, if I did not."
Daario "Fair enough." You walk a bit further until your legs start to get stiff. 
"So what is it that you need to tell me?" 
Daario "I just wanted to personally congratulate you Y/n. Asta, is it?"
"Yes."
Daario "Well from what I saw of her, she is just perfect."
"She is as perfect as one could be."
Daario smiles, "Of course she is, you are her mother."
You smile, "That is very kind."
Daario, "I was wondering if I could hold her before I go?"
"I am afraid that won't be possible."
Daario "May I ask why?"
"Because I am her mother and I said no. Therefore the answer is no, you cannot."
Daario puts his hands up in defense, "Okay, alright. I had to ask, I did not mean to upset you." 
"I am not upset. If I was, you would know it. But when a woman says no, she means no. That isn't just a warning for men Naharis."
Daario chuckles, "Yes, my queen." You nod and take a quick look behind you and spot Ubbe not too far behind, which made me internally smile but you do not show it on your face. "Well, you look good."
"Oh do I?"
Daario laughs, "Yes, you do! Especially for having her a few days ago."
"Thank you, I appreciate your compliment."
Daario "No need to thank me, it's my pleasure."
"Well, I think that you should start heading back to Wessex. If you leave now, you can make it before night fall."
Daario nods, "Right, of course." He takes your hand and he kisses your knuckles. "Thank you again for allowing me to stay the night last night."
"You're welcome." You say wiping the kiss off on your coat.
Daario "I will write to you once I return, and give you updates if you'd like."
"Yes, please do. I will return as soon as I can."
Daario smiles, "Not alone, I figure-"
"Never alone."
Daario nods, "Well, we shall see each other very soon, my queen." You nod and watch him walk back up the hill and take a deep breath. As soon as the coast was clear, you joined Ubbe and the two guards. You informed them of what was said and they just listened. 
Ubbe "I saw that by the way."
"Mhm."
Ubbe "He just can't help himself, can he?"
"I suppose not."
Ubbe "Well, let's go back inside aye?" 
"Yes, Ivar and I have plans."
Ubbe "That is good! I am happy to hear that."
"Me too." You two talk the whole way back to the village and through the house.
Hvitserk is sitting with Ivar, talking and eating while Torvi rocks Asta in her arms. You smile at the sight as a sense of peace returns to your heart. 
Ivar "Where is he?"
"At the gates, about to leave." He gets up and walks up to you, kissing your lips before talking again.
Ivar "I am going to make sure that he leaves, then we can go, yes?"
"Yes." He nods and walks out the door while you and Ubbe sit down at the table. 
Hvitserk "Where did you go?"
"Daario wanted to talk, so that is what we did...by my dragon's."
Hvitserk chuckles while taking a drink of ale, "That's my girl." You giggle while snatching his horn and taking a drink of it. 
Torvi "What did he want to talk about?"
"He congratulated me and told me how good I looked for only being without child for a few days." Torvi rolls her eyes. 
Hvitserk "Well you do."
"I do not think so. My scars from Wessex have stretched terribly-"
Hvitserk "I do not want to hear another word. You are perfect. And your scars tell your life story. How brave you were, how strong you are and how you lived through it all.."
"I-"
Ubbe "My brother is right. You need to stop thinking that way Y/n. You are beautiful."
"Thank you Ubbe. And thank you love.."
Hvitserk nods and takes another bite of his food. "Can I hold Asta before Ivar comes back in? I want to get a few cuddles in before we leave." Torvi doesn't hesitate to give her to you. "Hello little one. You be good to your father while I'm away, okay?" She smiles and coos while clamping her tiny fingers around your index finger. 
Hvitserk "We are going to have a blast, aren't we princess?" He said while kissing her forehead. 
"I love you all so much..you know that right?" You asked while looking at your loved ones. Of course they all said 'yes'. "Good.." you smile and look back down at your daughter, realizing how lucky you truly are to still be alive.
TO BE CONTINUED
@hvitserkmarcosource @ivarsgoddess @youbloodymadgenius @conaionaru @krissydclayton93 @a-mess-of-fandoms @readsalot73
21 notes · View notes
dreamsister81 · 3 years
Text
"If  you listen to the lyrics of Hallelujah closely, you  notice  it’s a  song  about  sex,  about  love,  about life on Earth. The hallelujah isn’t a tribute to a worshipped person, an idol or a god, but it’s the hallelujah of orgasm. It’s an ode to life and to love."-OOR, August, 1994
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Why did you cover a Leonard Cohen song?
Because I find myself in Hallelujah, not because of Cohen.-Knust interview, September 13, 1994
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“Any of the covers on the album are there because they mean a certain thing in my life that I love and I miss. One day I was house-sitting for a friend and she left her whiskey out and I got into it and hit this horrible sorrowful jag. I went to the gig-Sin-É, in fact-weeping like a fucking animal. The whole time. I sang ‘Hallelujah’ that night and I got through the show just on the edge of tears. I don’t know why. It just wells up inside you."-Hot Press, October 5, 1994
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And this version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah", does he know the John Cale version? "Well, actually, I'm playing John Cale's version, that's where I got it from, from that record "I'm Your Fan" that I listened to at a friend's house. I also know Leonard's original, but he doesn't sing every verse, the way John interprets it is so...simple."-Rock & Folk, October, 1994
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" 'Hallelujah' for example I learned in New York from John Cale after a year working at Sin-é on a day when I found myself crying like a baby and that song expressed exactly what I was feeling. A title like 'Hallelujah' makes one think of the church, of morality and instead there is a deep humanity inside, there is the idea of making love, losing love, being crucified. Leonard wrote ten verses for that song and I don't know why he didn't sing them all, I just chose the ones I felt were most mine. He has this extraordinary ability to grasp the fundamental element of a certain situation and to "steal" it, make it his own and build the text around it."-Rockerilla, October, 1994
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The artists you've covered so far are Van Morrison, Leonard Cohen, Alex Chilton, they're connected on a certain line. It's kind of cult people or like that. Do you select those songs consciously?
It doesn't matter who's song it is. I did it because each moment in my life matched the song so well. For example, Leonard's "Hallelujah." One day, I was intoxicated with so much sadness, I was totally wasted after drinking whiskey and practicing this song. Right after that, I went into the gig as I was, and I was screaming like an animal. I'm singing that song with those experiences in mind. I have to be myself before the song exists.-Rockin'on October 1994
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"Hallelujah, I was just housesitting for a friend, watching her cats while she was away and I got into her whiskey and got into her record collection and there was there was John Cale's version of Hallelujah on I'm Your Fan. And I'm not...there are Leonard Cohen enthusiasts...it's not because of Leonard that I did the song, it's simply because of the song and because of the verses. I'm just in there somewhere. I have no blood bound allegiance to Leonard, although i have an incredible admiration and real great love of his work you know? There's a difference between somebody who's a total Tom Waits freak and just somebody who just likes to listen to them, and you know, the Tom Waits freak will know everything: the demos, the back in the days when he used to sound like Billy Joel, blah, blah, blah...hear the European demos, well, he didn't used to, but back when he was a bit smoother. You know, just knows everything. And I don't know everything about Leonard Cohen, and I haven't read Beautiful Losers, and I haven't done that, but it was just a great song."-WBCN's "Nocturnal Emissions", October 23, 1994 in Boston, Massachusetts
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" 'Hallelujah' I didn't do it because it's by Leonard Cohen, but because I like the song. Based on that it was done for all the songs, including mine. The version that inspired me is a John Cale version with all ten verses, unlike the way it appears on Various Positions. The night I first proposed it at Sin-é was a special night, I had also been a bit of a jerk. You see, the word Hallelujah has its own definite sign, you connect it to the church. Instead, for me it is a word that celebrates something very human, it speaks of a deep connection between pain and the human condition. That word has nothing to do with being nailed to a cross: there's when you're hurting, but there's also when you're making love, when you're losing it."-Buscadero, November, 1994
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"The fact that I did Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah doesn't mean anything, Cohen is something you discover when you're discovering life, you don't get there when you're very young."-Rumore, November, 1994
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"Finally, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah not for the meaning of religious purity that anyone can see, but for more earthly reasons: pain, sex, orgasm and the cruelty of everyday life. I believe in people, not in heaven. Without people God would not exist, he would not make sense."-Tutto, February, 1995
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I wanted to ask you about your version of "Hallelujah". I guess its based more on John Cale's version than Leonard Cohen's original?
Yeah. But I heard the one on (Cohen's album) Various Positions first. Then I was stuck in a room with that I'm Your Fan CD (a Cohen tribute album) and I listened to (Cale's version) and it was, again, very simple. Then I heard that version one time again in Tower Records, and I was just struck. There and then, I thought, "This is wonderful ."
But am I right in thinking you don't really rate your version, compared with Cale's?
Well, he's a man. Mine's too fast. I know the difference between myself in a totally empty situation-which is best, where anything can happen-and in a situation where something's expected. And I don't feel very good about that day, and the time I chose that song to be included on the record, it was between that version and another version that I really despised. All in all, there must 22 versions floating out there. It's just never the right time. It seems that the only right time is when I'm telling it to people. And I guarantee, I have mashed that version into the ground nightly on tour, just creamed it. And there's also a version on the master reel for "So Real" that, because I was so wiped out and exhausted after that day-we'd recorded "So Real" and I recorded one last "Hallelujah", and that was my best one-I just forgot about that "So Real", I was so tired. So it's just hanging around out there. C'est la vie. Part of making records is letting stuff go.-February 28, 1995 interview, published in Uncut, September, 2004
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 I tell him that Bono loves Grace and says that Buckley's cover of Cohen's Hallelujah is better than his own. (Buckley plays John Cale's slightly altered version of the song from the I'm Your Fan tribute album to Cohen.) Buckley slumps back in his chair, as he does when on the defensive, and curls his lip in a manner that accentuates his resemblance to Matt Dillon. "I don't think I did that right," he sighs, passing over the compliment without comment. "I hope Leonard doesn't hear it. The way I do it live is better. I did it all live in the studio, there's no overdubs at all, but I pop it in unexpectedly in the show and it works better. The way I did it sounded more like a child and sometimes I've sung it more like a man."-Mojo, March, 1995
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"It's a hymn to being alive. It's a hymn to love lost. To love. Even the pain of existence, which ties you to being human, should receive an amen-or a hallelujah."-Schwann Spectrum, Spring 1995
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"I found myself in that song and I performed it many times in solo shows. But I'd be neglecting something if I didn't say that I learned it from John Cale. John Cale was the one that brought it to recording first, on the tribute album I'm Your Fan and he used these lyrics, these verses, for the song that didn't appear on Various Positions, which was the first album that Hallelujah appeared upon. I was house-sitting for my friend Susan and she had some whiskey...I don't know, I just hit a big, really bad sorrow jag and put on the song, and it was so simple the way John sang it that the words went through me, and I learned the words that night, played it that night at my gig at Sin-e...I don't know, it just stayed with me ever since. I wasn't gonna put it on the album at first 'cause I didn't write it and it would be kinda cheesy but I thought better after a couple suggestions from a friend of mine, and I did. Unfortunately, I think people will ask for it until the day I'm grey and old and fat, which I don't like, so I'll have to write something better, and I will."-Sony promo interview
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"He has a unique talent for making everyday life poetic and surreal-the most difficult way to write. However, on Hallelujah, I much prefer the lyrics rewritten by John Cale for the I'm Your Fan compilation. It is this version that I have taken up, not Cohen's version."-Les Inrockuptibles, July, 1995
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"That's not a hallelujah of chasteness and piety," Buckley explains. "It's more menstrual. It has more to do with the hallelujah of orgasam, of pain, of joy, of flesh, of being tied to the earth. Not of invisible angels in heaven who may or may not come down to tell you how good or bad you are, or Santa Claus."-Sydney Morning Herald, August 25, 1995
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beamsmom · 3 years
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Fics I've written for sunakomo week 🌻 it's completed you can find em here
Day 1
Prompt: "it's nice to meet you"
Suna's POV 
A denim jacket over the shaggy sweatshirt that has life-changing lines imprinted on it, no gender just swag, that's what it reads, the broken amends of the crucified ripped jeans that my parents hate, I proudly wear those and I pick up my skate, glancing one last time in the mirror.
 "Uhh, how am I still single? " 
Yeah, my very first thought. 
I swirl around to some beats, throwing some TikTok dance steps. I open my window and slip down my skate in between my arms, trying to step out numb on my toes keeping it quiet as much as I can and my one foot trip on the roof and my body rolls down through the slanted wood and hugs the holy mother earth echoing a thudding sound while my limbs pain me down. 
I shouldn't be outside at this hour, wait what time is it again ?, gazing up at the sky I reckon the moon's position.
"It's 2 or 3 AM"
I embark on finding my skate and my eyes catch a scene that hurts me more than my back. 
Some dog is chugging on my skate. It isn't some normal dog, it's the most beautiful creature, a pitbull. That thing has the aura of some ragious God dog. I step forward and horror rapidly runs throughout my spin. 
What a great day. I spread my lips wider ready to start a fight with the dog's owner. I swivel my head on either side scavenging them.  I'm not really a ragious person but I'm off beat now and then and that's now and then is too often. 
I kneel and give the damned dog an astounding smile. " You aren't eating my skate, give me my skate, please" and the dog growls right at my face, rendering its sharp fangs, daring me to open my mouth again. I waved both hands in the air, accepting my defeat. 
Okay, somehow it appears mad, his eyes are red bloodshot and he leers ragious and that thing engraved its fangs deeper on my plain Rick and Morty mimed board. 
Ouch ouch ouch 
Enough with playing the nice guy, I'm gonna have to do what has to be done. I hold the other side of the skate and force it towards me. 
Why the hell is this small shit so strong? Why isn't his owner around?? 
"Give me my skate," I yell and it barks at me. 
"See dog-" it barks again but this time it's louder. 
"See, SIR, I'm already sneaking out, if you're barking, gonna wake my parents up, I'm going to be grounded for a couple of months and we don't want that, do we ?" 
"Give me my skate, you piece of sh-t, wait, once your owner gonna be here, they'll pay for your deeds, f-ckface" 
I hear someone from the back. I cocks my head in their direction. It's bland and dark. I can't see anything but a stepping silhouette and his voice sounds ethereal.
Why am I getting carried away, I have to yell at them? 
"I'm so sorry," he says, bowing down. 
A boy who is probably of my age, he's wearing a tee which goes as yes I'm wearing a meme and white sweatpants. Adorable.
"Wait-, you didn't give me a chance to be mad at you" I pour, crossing my hands at my chest. 
"What?" he obliviously stares at me through his lashes. 
"I mean, nothing" I choke up on my own words, and all of sudden my heart beats fast and it's about to come out of my mouth. His face, his damned face. I never thought it could be possible to feel this physical attraction to someone. Wait are we gay panicking over a stranger, yess most definitely we are. 
He hesitantly pierces his lips together and our eyes meet and I have always been competitive in everything, so I have no intention of breaking it. He twitches the corner of his mouth and walks towards me. He leans down, plucking the other side of the skate from my hand.
"Ponny, please baby take this out of your mouth, see I can't do this in the middle of a night, please, you're causing trouble to them" 
The dog finally let go of the skate and oh god and the condition of it. I can cry a river just right there. He pats his dog and puts back his leash.
He is too sweet, if it were my pet I probably would've yelled and snatched the thing away without even thinking. 
"Hey I'm so sorry, ponny can get hard sometimes. She's just too much to deal with, I'm so sorry, I'll pay for your skate"  his eyes are apologetic. He appeared genuinely upset about my skate. 
"No it's fine, I can fix it" I try to soothe him. Although I respectfully su-k at comforting people, it's the effort that counts. So bare with me.
"For real ?" He beams at me and I see sprinkles and stars in his eyes and oh man he's the human version of a golden retriever. 
~~a part of me want to pat his head so bad~~ 
"Yeah, I just have to change the board and repaint it" I replied, picking up my broken board.
"I can help you with that," he sings.
"Um, honestly you don't have to go through all that because of me" 
"No, no it's fine"
"Well, we can meet at my house after school, I guess"  
"Yeah sure," he enunciates.
"You know I used to have a pet as well" for the first time, I tried to hold a conversation with someone. So I thought it'd be great to tell him a story about my pet hamster.
"Yeah?" he replied, exhibiting a smile.
"His name was hamster" 
"You name your hamster, hamster," he asks and I nod in response, cause the choice I had was to either call him the rock or the hamster, I chose the one I liked the most.
"Well it was better than calling him the rock" 
He laughs and I catch myself staring. He is intriguing.
"I'm Komori motoya" he offers a handshake.
I take his all small fingers under my hand's embrace, "I'm suna rintaoru" 
"It's nice to meet you, rin-san" 
"It's nice meeting you too" 
"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow ?" 
"Yeah you will" 
"Night komo" 
"Good night" 
I turn back and crash into someone," watch out moron" if I've known the words that are going to slip out of my mouth are my last words I would have chosen them more wisely. My mum is standing there, exhibiting no emotions, "rin". Oh god. 
"Hii mum, what are you doing outside at this hour," I say, trying to break the awkwardness creeping up in the environment. All of a sudden I can sense the humidity in the air, my shirt clings to tacitly on me. 
"You're grounded for a month," she warns. 
"Yes ma'am, wait it's like I can't go out but someone can come in, right ?" 
"Well, I guess" 
"Sure" 
She quirks a brow towards me, " have you found someone? I mean finding out romantically since you've never asked that question and I'm speaking from my experience of grounding you several times"
"Perhaps, that's something is for the future" 
"Don't get hurt, okay ?"
"Don't play the nice mom after grounding me for a month" 
She shakes her head and gestures to me to get back inside.
The end
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Daenerys Targareyan: The Path Towards Madness.
Okay let's begin.
Intro: I read book 1. And then, I binge watched seasons 1-6 after season 6 finale. By that time, I knew all the major theories like L+R=J, dark!dany, targ!tyrion etc.
So, I was paying extra attention and these are some of the obvious moments where I felt they showed Dany's mad side show. Some points, you may find valid. Some points you may find silly and over-reaching. In any case, this is what *I* felt.
Feel free to have discussions. Appreciate positive critisism. However, just yelling/abusing will not be tolerated.
1. Lack of Empathy
Her obvious lack of empathy when her brother was killed.
I did not expect her to save him. I did not expect her to mourn him. I did not even expect her to cry for him. I did, however, expect a reaction, any sort of reaction, when someone close (despite him being an abusive asshole) dies that suddenly and that violently.
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2. Her facial expression during Drogo's speech.
"I will kill the men in iron suits and tear down their stone houses! I will rape their women, take their children as slaves and bring their broken gods back to Vaes Dothrak!"
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3. During her Breaker of Chains phase, she conviniently seemed to forget that she used to practice not only slavery, but also pillaging while she was with her khalesar.
Master Illeryoi owned slaves. Her brother owned slaves. She was gifted slaves to teach her how to please the Khal.
Her husband was a war-lord and her khalesar constantly raided and pillaged villages. They killed men. They raped women. Remaining alive women were taken as sex slaves and later sold. That was their way of life. She saved Mirri Maz Duur and several other women from the fate of gang rape and murder but they were still dragged along side the khalasar as slaves. In books, the reason MMD was not sold was so that she can assist Dany during childbirth.
4. The burning of Mirri Maz Duur (MMD)
This is going to make sense to a lot of people. But confuse the fuck out of many. But let's see.
In colonized countries, we have a term called "Savior's Complex". It is where a colonizer raids a country, steal its riches, impose extreme taxing, destory most of its heritage and then expect praise for bringing something (could be education, technology, architecture).
Dany takes the complex another step above. She not only expects gratitude from an enslaved MMD while dragging her along with her khalesar with sole purpose of assistance with childbirth, she also expects her to save the life of her husband. The war-lord whose khalesar raided her home, pillaged her village, killed her countrymen, raped/killed her countrywomen, dragged remaining alive women along with the khalesar to be sold later. Despite all this, Dany expects gratitude from MMD for her life. This flawed logic however is thrown back in her face.
"So, tell me again exactly what it was that you saved?"
"Your life."
"Why don't you take a look at your Khal? Then you will see exactly what life is worth, when all the rest has gone."
This is an old age tale of revenge. Khal raided her village. She took revenge on them for destroying her temple. Dany burned her for it.
What completely bamboozled me in this fandom was how much people hated MMD for what she did while completely making Dany the victim in this scenario while forgetting that MMD was the orginal victim who was not only an enslaved prisoner of war, but also gang-raped victim of her khalesar's doing.
5. Ser Barriston's words.
Ser Barriston in Mereen, tells her to treat injustice with mercy. She replies that she will treat injustice with justice.
Another quote by Ser Barriston: "He gave people the people the justice he thought they deserved."
Justice and what people in power percieve as justice is often very different.
6. Daenerys' justice for the crucified slave children
She did that by choosing 163 random Great Masters and crucifying them to avenge the 163 slave children. This seems like justice. But is it, really? They never recieved trial. They were never proven guilty. Like Hizdahr Loraq said, some of the masters were not in favor of crucifying children and tried very hard to stop it. Who knows how many other good masters she crucified?
This is a direct parallel to Ser Barriston's words about Mad King Aerys: "He gave people the people the justice he thought they deserved."
7. She stopped slavery only when it benefitted her.
Some of you, while reading point 6, may have thought, "They were SLAVERS! So what?!".
Well, while choosing 163 masters, Dany decided that all Masters are her enemies. She decided that all of them deserved punishment. She decided that they were guilty just for engaging in slavery while conviniently forgetting that if that were the case, she should be the one in the first cross.
8. She burnt Great Masters without even investigating who were behind the Sons of Harpy's attack.
After Ser Barriston's death, we again get to see more of her twisted sense of justice. By her own words, "Who is innocent? Maybe all of you are, maybe none of you are. Maybe, I should let the dragons decide."
It is not supposed to be called justice if you punish (and a cruel punishment, at that) without even caring whether they are innocent or not.
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9. "You are a conquerer. Not a ruler."
Time and time again Dany proves this to be true. She conquered Yunkai and left immeidetely. The slavers took back the city in no time. She closed off the fighting pits and refused to open them despite being told that participants will be free men who enter willingly. This is where ruling comes in. Any place she conquered and freed, she failed to put something else to keep up the economy. She collapsed the economy so bad that slaves were selling themselves again.
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10. Wrongful imprisonment.
Dany finds that Drogon has harmed children. The correct response is to either train or punish the dragons. She, however, imprisons the two dragons who werent at fault while Drogon ran free. Does that mean she is not responsible for whatever terror or death Drogon caused to wherever he flew off to? What exactly does imprisoning Rhaegar and Viseryion get her?
What kind of justice is it where the accused is free while the innocent get prisoned for association. Again, feeds into the twisted justice train.
11. Twisted Justice. Hipocrisy. Again.
While many men were fed to dragons, Hizdahr Loraq was imporisoned. He begged for mercy in terror.She also decides that she will show her respect for Meereen by marrying a member of one of its great families. For a woman who was forced into marriage and "sold like a broodmare", she sure didn't feel any moral dilemma in making a terrifed man betroth her. His death though, proved that he was not at all involved with Sons of Harpy and he was imprisoned for nothing.
12. Burning POW's
Burning Tarly's (father and son) was a direct paralell to her father burning Ned's father and brother alive. You cannot hide behind "It was a war. She gave them a choice." No matter what defenses one can attempt to give her, killing (forget burning) POW is a war crime. So is forcing prisoners against their own side of war.
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13. Defending cruelty in path of justice
She killed Tarly's and defended that decision, by saying that was necessary.
When Hizdahr asks her how many men will have died to achieve her goal, she says "They would have died for a greater cause." She is talking about destroying cities and sure, that must be for a greater purpose.
When Tyrion reminds her that about what her father planned to do when she said she wnated to burn Mereen to the ground.. her response was "This is different,". How, exactly?
"The easiest way to defend cruelty is to say that it is part of the destiny."
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14. The insinct to burn down cities.
By s8e01, she has wanted to burn down cities thrice. Meereen - once. King's Landing - twice. Both times, she had to be talked out of it by her advisors. The fact that her first instinct when her plans were failing was to burn down cities. Direct parallel to Aerys wanting to destroy king's landing because he thought there were traitors everywhere. The fact is that a person can surrond themselves with good counsel. But it is not necessary that the counsel is always heeded. Which is what happened to Aerys. He was going incresingly mad for months and his counsel members hid the fact from the outside world because they thought they could control the madness. We all know what happened in the end.
Since s7, Dany has been becoming increasingly paranoid about Tyrion's loyalty and increasingly more frustrated with every loss. How long before she decides not to listen to them anymore?
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15. The entire collonialist/white savior imagary presented in Essos.
It is amazing how most of the fandom either ignores it or is just unaware of it.
Though this point doesnt parallel anything to the show, i just found it extremely cringy. I am sure members of most colonized countries would. I cant even beging to describe how cringy that mysha scene was.
16. The typical white priviledge mentality.
She wants to inherit her ancestor's throne and power. But she doesnt want to repent for her ansestor's sins and betrayal.
17. Wrong sense of entitlement
She truly believes that she is entitled to the North's fealty. She asks Jon Snow not to judge her based on her ancestors and in the same breath asks him to hold up the vows of his ancestors.
But, whatever vow the Starks made to the Targareans was broken the moment Aerys decided to burn the Starks. The fealty was made on promise of protection. Technically, any member of the houses that Aerys burnt, is no longer accountable to the vow.
Still, she expects everyone to uphold their fealty but refusing to accpet that her father broke that fealty when he decided to burn the vassels (whom he promised to protect) alive.
18. Savior Complex
Some parts of Dany reminds me of how missionaries work.
"Will your God punish me for not praying to him if I did not know about him?"
"No."
"Then why did you tell me about him?"
I believe one thing about Daenerys Targareyan. That she truly wants to help people. That she truly wants to save people. But her problem is, she wants to be the one to save people. She doesnt seem to understand that some people dont require saving.
She talks about freeing the world of tyrants and in the same breath refuses to give North the independence that they demand in solidarity. How is that not the definition of tyranny?
This is Westeros. I am not expecting a democracy and free elections. If she wants to be a conquerer, then she can be one. If she wants to bring to bring together the 7k, she can. What she cannot do is talk about destiny, talk about a wheel, talk about breaking the wheel, and and then do the exact same thing her ansestors did years go by spinning the wheel so that she is on top.
19. She was smiling when she saw that her dragons terrified people of Winterfell.
20. "They eat whatever they want"
Is that really the correct way to respond to people are already scared/cowering over the arrival of dragons? To people who have never seen such beasts before? Did she forget that few seasons ago "whatever they want" that Drogon ate were children?
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21. Jaime's trial
She made Jaime stand trial and was heavily leaning towards punish him despite the fact that she knew what her father had planned and what Jaime Lannister had done. She openly spoke in favor of the Mad King in front of Northern Lords. When Tyrion intervened, she publically breated him and questioned his loyalty. Further adds to the Mad King's paranoia and unwillingness to listen to counsel.
22. Jaime Lannister
Not only has he tried to kill her, he has also questioned her intentions twice. The only living person who knows about Mad King more than anyone is perhaps Jaime Lannister. When he questions Tyrion, "Is she really different? Are you sure?" in a sceptical tone. If he doesnt trust her or thinks she had the Targ madness, then I am willing to bet that she probably does.
23. Her decling human connections
the show seems adament in making her seem alone. Like a stranger in her own home land. In an episode full of emotional reconnections, tenderness, friendships and relationships, she is shown all alone. In later episodes, she is incresingly shown alientated: Theon coming to fight for the starks despite being her bannerman, death of the Jorah, Tyrion's withdrawal.
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24. jorah was her mercy.
She had shown jorah mercy despite his betrayal. She cared for him and most importantly, completely trusted and listened to him. When she felt no remorse about berating Tyrion and strongarming Sansa, jorah urges her to forgive tyrion and to try and make amends with LAdy of Winterfell. And, she listened to him. He is the only advisor she fully trusts and listens to without having to worry about wavering loyalties. And jorah's death is going to be the acorn in Ice Age that started the avalanche.
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<<2 episodes left. will add more after next one airs.>>
This is not to say that she was an evil character. She was a good person with good intentions and bad execution with a twisted sense of justice and destiny. But, the journey to hell is paved with good intensions. Dany was a character who had the potential to be great. But she was always headed to doom. She is a good person whose downfall will be due to pride, ambition and obsession with destiny. She will chose her fate with a sound mind but a flawed personality. Her story will not be heroic, but tragic. Not because of what she was, but because of how she could have been.
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ma-gic-gay · 3 years
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"What happened, it happened. That's my feeling on it. Doesn't change how I feel about you, which is friendship. You're my best friend," Jason answers.
"Oh thank god," Carly says, engulfing him in a hug. "No offense or anything but I feel exactly the same way."
"None taken."
"Alright good, so let's keep this a secret. Not because it's an adulterous thing because it's not but because people are going to get the wrong idea about us if they find out we did it. Especially Sam and our kids. They've already asked if we're together."
"I was planning on keeping this to myself in general, Carly. Who do you think I'm going to tell?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know. Look, let's just not tell people unless it comes up in conversation. It's no one's business," she declares as Michael and Willow come in with Ophelia, Donna, and Wiley. "The kids will get confused and we don't want to give them the wrong idea about anything."
"What are you keeping secret? Does it have to do with Dad?" Michael asks after telling the kids to go play in Donna's room.
"We have to tell him now," Carly whispers to Jason.
"Yeah, we do."
"We didn't even last an hour!"
"Technically we lasted fifteen."
"Technically we're screwed."
"Is that really the expression we're going with, screwed?"
"Well what expression do you want to go with?"
"Literally any other expression."
"You didn't even last an hour with what? Are you two together? Like, romantically together, kissing and love and all that stuff? Dating? Romantic attraction?" Michael asks disgusted.
Both burst into laughter at the thought. "No, Michael, we're not dating. Nor are we romantically attracted to each other."
"Does it have to do with Dad?"
"No, it does have to do with us. There's nothing new on Sonny. As far as I'm aware, your dad is still most likely dead," Jason answers him, frowning.
"Then what did you two do you don't want us to know? I mean, you've done some fairly questionable things that I haven't judged you for in the past, what makes you think I'll judge you for something?" He questions seriously. "Did you two commit a felony or- oh my god. Did you two have sex?"
"How did he figure that out?" Carly marvels quietly. "Seriously, it's impressive."
"That's what you're focusing on here?"
"Well it's impressive!"
"Am I right? Are you two doing it?" Michael's voice is dripping with disgust as he asks them frantically, "Why are you doing that? There's plenty of people your age in this town to do it with!"
"Yes," Carly admits, "Jason and I did it. Once. Last night. That's all it was, it doesn't mean anything. It was a one night stand. Nothing more."
"What- why- Mom aren't you in- you two- sex- like- how children are made- you two- last night- why- what- how- when- Sam- I- you-" Michael stutters out in an effort to form a coherent thought. The effort appears to not really be a reality, but it's a good try.
"Take your time to pick a question, Michael," Carly urges her son.
"From one father figure to another, Mom! You really have a type, don't you? I mean, I could understand if you hadn't been in love with Dad all year but you claim to still be in love with him and then you go and sleep with Jason, knowing that would hurt him the most! No matter what, this is the thing that would cause him the most pain." Michael exclaims angrily.
"Honey, it just happened. Much like Ophelia," she answers and that doesn't help his anger.
"Do you think you're pregnant?" He asks, looking like he's about to pass out. "I can't believe I'm about to ask this but did you two use protection last night?"
As if this situation couldn't get any more awkward, Josslyn walks in right as that question is asked. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting?"
"We're terrible at keeping this quiet."
"Thanks for the newsflash, Jason."
"The whole town is gonna know by this time tomorrow, aren't they?"
"Yeah."
"This can only end terribly."
"Well, for once we won't be blindsided by the current drama."
"That's because we're going to be the main focus of it."
"There's this thing called a positive outlook. You should try it sometime."
"I'll think about it when you agree to no longer cause public scenes."
"I don't do that. Often."
"Define often."
"Okay so maybe I do it regularly but only for really good reasons."
"Mhm, sure."
Laughing, Michael says, "No, you're not interrupting anything, Joss. But apparently Mom and Jason did it last night. I'm currently worried whether or not they used protection."
"Michael! Yes, we used protection," Carly answers his question.
"I'm sorry, did you just say that they did it? As in, had sex?" Joss asks.
"Yes, that's exactly what I said! I can't believe it happened," Michael exclaims.
"Michael, you can feel whatever you're feeling but you can't act like you weren't expecting this to happen. I'm honestly more surprised they're not dating," the younger blonde says. "Wait, are you two dating?"
"No, we're not dating. We're friends, it was a one night stand. That's all," Jason reminds her.
"Can it be a one night stand? You two have known each other forever. You're best friends. He basically lives here- not that there's anything wrong with that, there isn't- and you depend on each other. Whether or not you'll admit it. Besides, it's not like you'll never see each other again. Your lives are intertwined and I don't think you can go a day without speaking to each other. Are you just going to forget that last night happened?" Joss asks calmly. She's taking this news fairly well, in a surprise for the others in the room.
"Yes, it is. We're not going to forget about it, but we're not going to dwell on it. There's no attraction there," Carly assures her daughter.
"If there's no attraction, you wouldn't have had sex. That's not how it works; there, on some level, is a subconscious attraction," Michael interjects. "Mom, you sound crazy talking like that, saying that there's no attraction. You're clearly attracted to each other, no matter how much you claim not to be. This is just evidence of that."
"Friendly attraction," she agrees. "Nothing more than that."
"Sure. He steps up and spends more time here, consoling all of us. Makes sense, he's your best friend. You were weirdly close anyways, so no one really thought anything of it. But then, it started to feel like you two were together. Nothing like this, of course, just the way you acted. There was kind of... A shift. I don't know if it was because you two became practically inseparable or because of something else you're not owning up to right now, but something changed. Not in a bad way, of course, but there was a definite change," Joss counters.
"Nothing's changing. We're friends," they both insist.
"Friends who did it last night," Michael argues. "That's not exactly the most friendly thing to do, is it Joss?" His sister nods her agreement and he continues, "No one will blame you two for whatever you decide. Look, we all know about the unbreakable bond you have. The very strange situation where he was kidnapped by Russian mobsters didn't even strain it. But sex isn't something you have with your best friend. Not unless you have feelings of attraction, in some way, for them. People don't just go and do it with their friends spontaneously or randomly. It wouldn't make any sense."
"Well that's what happened here."
"Look, this is none of my business, but I don't think that you're going to be crucified if anything happens with you two. This is a thing that primarily affects you two, so whatever happens I know it'll be fine, but we're right. Something's happening here," Joss says before leaving to go up the stairs to her room.
"How do we prove it to you two that we're not into each other? Seriously, it's seeming less and likely we'll be able to," Carly asks.
"Maybe that's because you're not not into each other," Michael muses.
"We just went through this, we don't like each other like that." Jason reminds him.
"I've got an idea of how you can prove you're not into each other. Or officially figure out you are. Whichever happens, it'll be fun to observe."
"And what is this idea?"
"You're gonna hate it."
"Try me."
"You sure?"
"Just spit it out already."
To be continued when I'm not as sleep deprived because I'm going to bed at 2:30 am this is healthy :)
ah
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depressedkeysmash · 2 years
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anyway here's how i dropped out of highschool: i moved to ireland in late 2019 and i was supposed to start my second semester over there in january. I had my own issues settling in since no one would explain to me how to do things and i was supposed to take tests on subjects i had never even heard of before, but generally speaking i don't feel like i was causing any issues. I was quiet in class, i sat alone at lunch and yeah i was failing most of my classes except for geography art and music (i was decent in english too but i couldn't pronounce most irish names so the prof just gave up on me at some point), but it's not like i was some monster. not the one they made me out to be anyway.
i feel like i should also note that i had to wake up at 6AM to get there in time and couldn't come home until 6PM because of transportation, all of this without having had breakfast (i physically can't eat in the morning and my father wouldn't even let me have coffee since he had it first and then wanted to leave immediately after, which didn't leave time for me to make mine) and lunch (because of other registration issues. and i couldn't make my own because again, i had no time). Which means that I would usually come home (starving), eat my one meal for the day, and then collapse from exhaustion until the next morning. I was having panic attacks in the shower every goddamn morning by the end, and I usually did my homework in the halls waiting for classes to start.
Then one day this happens:
i got dress coded (i wasn't wearing the uniform on a day we didn't even have school in the first place, i wasn't there as a student and most people weren't there at all, so i thought i didn't have to. go ahead and crucify me) by the vice-principal, someone who had already made it clear she didn't like me (she kept calling me to her office mid-class for every little thing) she didn't say a word to me at first, i was waiting in the hall and she came my way, spat out a furious "you. follow me." and walked back to her office. first she said something like "do you think you can just do whatever you want around here?", then brought up some other problems i had apparently been causing since day one, like how i wouldn't wear my jumper (which literally no one did. like i'm not kidding people were only putting those on if they were cold.) or how i kept bringing my jacket, scarf and full backpack around, from class to class (but she wouldn't give me a locker despite me asking at least once a week) and then the one bad thing i did, when i couldn't take my physics text (because i had taken three classes so far and had literally no idea what anything meant) and so i just... wrote that on the page. "i'm sorry, i can't understand any of this" etcetera. there was an extra page (literally just a piece of copy paper) that we could do the math on without messing up the test, i didn't know you were supposed to give it back and i used it to doodle in the meantime. so yeah that test went really bad and the professor complained to this woman (without saying a word to me. like if she had bothered to ask me what the fuck was going on i could've explained the whole thing in seconds but nooo let's call the woman who told my father i was gay instead i'm sure she'll take care of it), which yeah was entirely my fault but i wasn't doing anything out of malice it was just a misunderstanding for fuck's sake.
and yeah by the end she's talking about me being disrespectful and having an attitude (because i had dared to interrupt her accusations to try and defend myself), until she literally told me to leave, how school clearly isn't for me and i'm old enough so i should just go.
and i did. i grabbed my bag and walked out. i think the counselor must've heard some of the conversation because as i left the office she started following me and asking me to come back, but i was in tears and still believed i had an ounce of dignity so i ignored her. when i got to the gates she told me "you can't just leave like this" and i snapped. i turned around, yelled "well i'm doing it right now" and kept walking.
not proud of yelling at that poor woman who was just trying to help some kid stay in school, but my line still feels pretty cool. my father tried to bring me back a couple days after that but i was having a really bad breakdown and i jumped out of the car and walked back home.
and yeah, that's it. that's how a 16 year old with fucking neon signs of mental illness gets fucked over and over until they break.
the end.
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arlethea-sweetie · 4 years
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I gave up everything that was given... Now my life is also given back to where it came from. Don't you dear think about shedding one tear for me. Remember how you had judge me an keep it there. Remember you didn't like me an keep it there. Remember how nasty you down me an keep it right there.
You all have done your job raping my mind an my body an soul. Persecuting me and crucify me at the same time. Congratulations an no I ask for nothing or wanted anything from you. What I take with me is all the abuse of everything that I had experienced in life.
So when my time stop remember. Your time just began of your judgement. Remember who you push away when I had a hard time an needed your help. Remember why you didn't want to take time to hear my story. Remember the hateful words you had said to me. Remember how you took advantage of me. Because of something you didn't have.
Remember how hurtful it was to not be able to trust you, because you wanna sex from me in order to help me. Remember how you lied to my children knowing my condition but not caring about me, to prove to yourselves I was weak. Remember when I needed a ride you were so busy. I myself learned to stop asking. Knowing I needed some help.
Remember there's more down to when I was a child. How you used sex to justify how I loved? You took advantage of my childhood which it had effected my adulthood. I see you hiding. I'm not worrying cause your judgement is soon to come..
Remember no calls was accepted because how disrespectful you had curse me using your vulgar words. It take time to truly get to know someone. But what if they know you just to keep you away. All because they don't want to feel what they once had instead of keeping me away. Why not talk about your own feelings instead of adding others into your feelings? They only feel like that all because of what came out of your mouth to them.
That why they were so quickly to judge my situation an do nothing for me but help me suffer even more. All the Hell that I had endure still kept me strong enough to have this last say. By time you received this message I will be long gone. Curl up in a ball because this is how
I chose to be buried. An I will become one with the earth an become one with the root of a 🌳.
I left you here with four of my offspring. Three hate me an don't want nothing to do with me. Remember one family to busy with their own life. To help me come an visit. The other said stop calling because I need control over my two girls. Blocked me all the way out. No visitation because I didn't know where they lived. Only one house till this day I remember.
But won't never again step foot in. All because the welcoming was severely cut off. So I never ever go where I'm not welcome. I not the one to be forced. Or come around where drama is present. One is if a woman who stop me from being around my daughter. Fell threatened by my present because I'm the one who gave birth to his child. May feel some type of way about me.
Some women feel threatened by the baby mama. An wants no parts in helping the baby mama. Even after I talk to her an reassured her. She still didn't believe me or help me. It's time to step back an off.
I'm not want there so the stronger choice for me to do is step away.. I know nobody like me the men only wanted one thing from me an that was sex. The kids was unplanned pregnancy. I wanted my children more then anything the more I want the difficult it became to keep them.
I needed help to get them back. I needed housing. An who came through my first husband. But he wasn't all what was crack up to be neither. He had more deep dark secrets and skeletons in his closet to. I needed help through my lifetime. Everyone still do I did for myself an my kids but I had problems that I could see right off rip.
Some people must think I was a fool or something. I remember my childhood an use that to identify problem from my own childhood. But everytime I let my guard down even once. That's was the gap the trouble seep it's ugliness in full. Thing's went fast an it was over just like that. I lost everything to start over with trouble again.
I don't trust no one nothing no more only my son an my dog. Maybe one of my daughters. I don't know yet. Because they aren't interested in me. I tried to contact them. But they either to busy. I wish they was taught to make time to for your love ones. An not call or talk to me if you always wanting something. Just a how are you? Suitable an enough for me.
I learned that from my momma an my grandma an my uncle's. Well I have everything about me and the secret that other know about me. I remember when I was a child how my second baby daddy let me stay in his fire smoke down abandoned house to dry out I was only 14 teen then. 13 teen years of age I got in 30 years an over bars an club's. All because how mature I act. All because how I learned from men an women. Who had taught me well.
Anyways I lived every single day of life fast. An I ain't forget the good or the bad things that I went through. I can say one thing for sure now. The men I was with ain't nothing but a bunch of liars. Now take that to the bank. And don't come to my funeral neither. Stay continually absolutely absent out of the last part of my life an death. I just might have my son there an that's all I need period.
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