#i know this is a serious discussion but i am absolutely incapable of being serious dfhglkdfjg im so sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blessed1neha · 1 year

Text

Proof of Krishna in Vedas

LORD KRISHNA IS MENTIONED EVERYWHERE IN THE VEDAS

Lord Krishna is mentioned everywhere in the Vedas. If this were not true, He would be at serious fault for making the following bold statement in Bhagavad Gita.

vedaiś ca sarvair aham eva vedyo

‘’By all the Vedas, I am to be known’’- Bhagavad Gita 15.15

Before jumping into quoting the various verses from the Vedas, please hear my two cents of blabbering. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

BE A SEEKER NOT A SKEPTIC

There are many such bold declarations, such as Gita 15.15, made by Krishna, throughout the Bhagavad Gita. Are all these statements not to be taken at their face value? Did some ghost speak through the transcendental body of Krishna? Should I attempt to screw up some indirect meaning of such direct declarations? We should ask ourselves such tough questions, before making any judgment call on whether Krishna is mentioned in the Vedas.

The whole thing hinges on a few important questions. Are we ready to sincerely explore? Do we seriously wish to study scriptures with an open mind, without any pre-bias and envy? Do we really have faith in the words of the Vedas as something divine, and not as a man-made concoction?

If the answer to the above questions is yes, we will find that Krishna has been glorified throughout the Vedas. Else, our intent will be no different from western orientalists such as Max Muller and H.H. Wilson, who wanted to look down upon Hindus, proving to us that we worship many man-made, pagan, mythical, and polytheistic gods.

Are we okay to buy into the above colonial mindset? If not, Hindus should become more responsible, less skeptical, and more a seeker, a seeker who is curious to explore the knowledge of Brahman. Knowing well that I am incapable of deciphering the terse Sanskrit texts of the Vedas (BTW, thanks to the colonial mindset, I know English well), one should humbly approach a qualified Guru- the spiritual master, who follows a proper disciplic succession (Parampara) and learn Vedic scriptures from them, for they have realized the absolute truth. More on this later.

THE MEANING OF THE VEDAS ARE DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND (BE HUMBLE)

In Srimad Bhagavatam, Lord Krishna explains to Uddhava as follows

śabda-brahma su-durbodhaṁ prāṇendriya-mano-mayam ananta-pāraṁ gambhīraṁ durvigāhyaṁ samudra-vat

‘’The transcendental sound of the Vedas is very difficult to comprehend and manifests on different levels within the prāṇa, senses, and mind. This Vedic sound is unlimited, very deep and unfathomable, just like the ocean.’’- Srimad Bhagavatam 11.21.36

In the above verse, Krishna explains the difficulty of comprehending the actual meaning of the Vedas, for Sabda- Brahma (Vedas) is another form of the Lord Himself. Thus, even the great sages such as Jaimini and others find it difficult to arrive at the proper conclusion of the Vedas.

LORD KRISHNA ALONE CAN UNDERSTAND THE TRUE MEANING OF THE VEDAS

One may ask if the meaning of the Vedas is so difficult to understand, who is capable of knowing it? In this regard, Lord Krishna explains

kiṁ vidhatte kim ācaṣṭe kim anūdya vikalpayet ity asyā hṛdayaṁ loke nānyo mad veda kaścana

‘’In the entire world, no one but Me actually understands the confidential purpose of Vedic knowledge. Thus people do not know what the Vedas are actually prescribing in the ritualistic injunctions of karma-kāṇḍa, or what object is actually being indicated in the formulas of worship found in the upāsanā-kāṇḍa, or that which is elaborately discussed through various hypotheses in the jñāna-kāṇḍa section of the Vedas.’’- Srimad Bhagavatam 11.21.42

māṁ vidhatte ’bhidhatte māṁ vikalpyāpohyate tv aham etāvān sarva-vedārthaḥ śabda āsthāya māṁ bhidām māyā-mātram anūdyānte pratiṣidhya prasīdati

‘’I am the ritualistic sacrifice (Karma Kanda) enjoined by the Vedas, and I am the worshipable Deity. It is I who am presented as various philosophical hypotheses (in Jnana Kanda), and it is I alone who am then refuted by philosophical analysis (Neti Neti). The transcendental sound vibration thus establishes Me as the essential meaning of all Vedic knowledge. The Vedas, elaborately analyzing all material duality as nothing but My illusory potency, ultimately completely negate this duality and achieve their own satisfaction.’’- Srimad Bhagavatam 11.21.43

veda-vid eva cāham

‘’I am the only true knower of the Vedas.’’- Bhagavad Gita 15.15

Thus, only Krishna knows the confidential meaning of the Vedas, in truth.

THE ESSENCE OF THE VEDAS CAN BE UNDERSTOOD THROUGH THE MERCIFUL REVELATION OF LORD KRISHNA

Considering the above verses, one may ask if Vedas are so difficult to comprehend that even great sages fail to arrive at the proper meaning of the Vedas and if only Krishna knows their confidential meaning, how can a common man understand the essential import of the Vedas? To this query, Upanishads state as follows

nāyam ātmā pravacanena labhyo na medhayā na bahunā śrutena yam evaiṣa vṛṇute tena labhyas tasyaiṣa ātmā vivṛṇute tanūṁ svām

‘’The Supreme Lord is not obtained by expert explanations on Vedas, by vast intelligence (Sanskrit scholarship), nor even by much hearing. He is obtained/understood only by one whom He Himself chooses. To such a person He manifests His own form (revelation of Sabda Brahma and Param Brahma).”- Katha Upanishad 1.2.23 & Mundaka Upanishad 3.2.3

deva prasadat ca

‘’Only by the mercy of Lord, one can understand Him.’’- Svetasvatara Upanishad 6.21

In the above couple of verses, it is explained how the essential import of Vedas, verily Lord Krishna Himself, is revealed only by His mercy. If one doesn’t have Lord’s mercy, he will never understand the import of the Vedas, even if one goes on studying the Vedas for innumerable lives. Thus explains the Lord Brahma

athāpi te deva padāmbuja-dvaya- prasāda-leśānugṛhīta eva hi jānāti tattvaṁ bhagavan-mahimno na cānya eko ’pi ciraṁ vicinvan

‘’Lord Brahma says: My Lord if one is favored by even a slight trace of the mercy of Your lotus feet, he can understand the greatness of Your personality. But those who speculate (through misinterpretation of Vedas) to understand the Supreme Personality of Godhead are unable to know You, even though they continue to study the Vedas for many years.’’- Srimad Bhagavatam 10.14.29

MERCIFUL REVELATION HAPPENS ONLY BY BHAKTI, PERFORMED IN BONAFIDE SAMPRADAYA

If only by Lord’s mercy, one can understand Him, one may ask how Lord’s mercy can be obtained. To this, Lord Krishna states

bhaktyā mām abhijānāti yāvān yaś cāsmi tattvataḥ

‘’Only by Bhakti (devotional service), one can factually know about Me.’’- Bhagavad Gita 18.55

Thus Bhakti is the key to unlocking the mystery of the Vedas and to accessing the Lord’s mercy. Now, Bhakti is channelized to us through a system of Parampara, which gives us an opportunity to render service to the Lord and His devotees, following a bonafide Sampradaya. The Guru should be following one of the four authentic Sampradayas. In fact, one of the qualities of the Guru is mentioned as ‘saṃpradāyī’ (belonging to the bonafide Sampradaya), as quoted in Padma Purana, Patala Khanda 82.8.

LORD KRISHNA IS CONFIDENTIALLY MENTIONED IN THE VEDAS.

Now that we have understood, at least theoretically, that Krishna is the purpose of all the Vedas, one may ask, if Krishna is so clearly declaring, in Bhagavad Gita, that by all the Vedas, He has to be known, why doesn't it appear that simple and clear? Why does it seem, to many people, as if Krishna is not mentioned or somewhere missing in the Vedas? Why such confusion?

To answer the above question, before throwing any speculation in the air, let's hear what Aitareya Upanishad 1.3.14 has to say

tam idandraṃ santam indra ity ācakṣate parokṣeṇa parokṣapriyā iva hi devāḥ parokṣapriyā iva hi devāḥ

‘’The word Indra means idam drah (one who is beyond the range of senses). Thus wise one confidentially calls Him (Hrisekesha or Krishna) Indra. He likes to be invoked confidentially (paroksha priya). Yes, He likes to be invoked confidentially. ‘’ -Aitareya Upanishad 1.3.14

Thus Vedic scripture declares that Brahman or God likes to be invoked confidentially (in a terse or esoteric manner). Thus, Vedic seers and Mantras invoke Him accordingly.

REASON FOR THE CONFIDENTIAL DESCRIPTIONS OF LORD KRISHNA (IN THE VEDAS)

Now, one may ask why God likes to be invoked confidentially. Why does He want to hide His glories in the Vedas? Vedas seem to glorify Him so confidentially that even many Sanskrit scholars fail to recognize the presence of Lord Krishna in the Vedas.

To answer the above query, we have to understand that such confidential descriptions serve two important and necessary purposes.

Firstly, it inspires followers of the Karma Kanda to practice their fruitive rituals, which serve their evolutionary needs (since they are not, currently, ready to take up the Jnana Kanda).

Secondly, it helps conceal the confidential glories of Krishna from the faithless and envious people, who are simply not ready to understand His Tattva or surrender to Him. In fact, the only reason Lord Krishna explained Bhagavad Gita to Arjuna was that Arjuna was a devotee, a friend, and a non-envious of Krishna. This is mentioned by Lord Krishna as follows

bhakto 'si me sakha ceti rahasyam hy etad uttamam

‘’Oh Arjuna, since you are My devotee and friendly to Me, I am speaking this confidential knowledge to you.’’- Bhagavad Gita 4.3

pravakṣyāmy anasūyave

‘’Oh Arjuna, I am speaking this confidential knowledge (of Bhakti) to you because you are non-envious of Me.’’’- Bhagavad Gita 9.1

Further, Lord Krishna doesn’t want Him to be taken cheaply by others, for things that are obtained cheaply are also lost easily, for people don’t tend to value cheap things and, unknowingly, end up committing various offenses to Krishna that only take them away from the ultimate goal of life.

LORD KRISHNA WISHES THAT HE BE GLORIFIED INDIRECTLY (OR CONFIDENTIALLY)

The fact that Lord Krishna has been glorified indirectly in the Vedas has been confirmed by Krishna Himself, in Srimad Bhagavatam 11.21.35, as follows

parokṣa-vādā ṛṣayaḥ parokṣaṁ mama ca priyam

‘’The Vedic seers and mantras deal in esoteric terms and I am pleased by such confidential descriptions.’’

Thus, in the above Bhagavatam verse, Krishna acknowledges or re-affirms, without doubt, the Aitareya Upanishad verse as referring to Himself (parokṣapriyā iva hi devāḥ; parokṣaṁ mama ca priyam)

EXTENT OF THE REVELATION OF THE CONFIDENTIAL TRUTHS IN VARIOUS UPANISHADS

Due to the above-cited reasons, generally, many people, apparently, don’t find enough Vedic Mantras that directly glorify Krishna, although that is not the case, as discussed before and as will be proved later. This confidentiality applies not just to the Mantras of the four Vedas but also to the Upanishads. It is for this reason that Muktika Upanishad states that for realizing the knowledge of Brahman, only Mandukya is enough. If knowledge is not realized from this Upanishad, study all ten primary Upanishads. If still, the knowledge is not realized, then study the 32 Upanishads, etc.

The reason such a hierarchy of Upanishads is presented is that the primary Upanishads generally employ terse and esoteric means to offer the knowledge of Brahman or Krishna. Thus, their revelation is much more indirect and confidential. Thus, many unqualified people are unable to comprehend Brahman from such indirect descriptions. At best, they misinterpret. However, it is also true that Brahman is best realized through such confidential descriptions mentioned in the primary Upanishads, for other secondary Upanishads in the canon may tend to confuse readers through their apparently direct glorifications of various deities, thus making people confused as if which deity is Brahman or Supreme.

However, those who are truly qualified to know Brahman can sufficiently know Him from the ten primary Upanishads, for those are declared to be enough. So, others, who have failed to know Brahman through the primary Upanishads, may not yet be ready or may be qualified to know Him. This is the implied meaning.

Those who are truly able to understand the nature of Brahman from the primary Upanishads should be understood to have properly grasped the true meaning of paroksha jnana (confidential jnana described indirectly). Since they have been able to realize such confidential descriptions, they have themselves proven their qualification and spiritual stamina to know Brahman, and, thus, they don’t take such knowledge, so realized, cheaply. This is another implied meaning. This makes their conviction firm and devotion steady.

However, the general mass may not be able to decipher such confidential descriptions, so commentaries of the qualified acharyas and taking instructions from Guru become an important necessity. It is for this reason that various Vaishnava acharyas have kindly provided us sufficient commentaries on such principal Upanishads, duly following the chain of bonafide Parampara (disciplic succession). This indeed is the requisite qualification to know Brahman.

VEDAS FEAR MISINTERPRETATION FROM NON-DEVOTEES

Now, that we have understood the reasons for such confidential descriptions and their place of importance, it won’t be surprising to see that many unqualified Sanskrit scholars would immediately want to jump onto the Vedas to translate or, put another way, mistranslate them, to serve their ulterior agendas. Naturally, that which is too terse is expected to have lots of misinterpretations too.

Thus, Vedas fear such misinterpretations, for they cloud the real knowledge of Brahman from the innocent masses. This fear of Vedas is stated as follows

Itihāsa purāṇābhyām vedam sam-upabṛmhayet |

Bibhetyalpa śrutād vedo mām ayam prahariṣyati ||

‘’One should interpret the Veda through means of the Itihāsas and Purāṇas. The Vedas fear a person of little learning fearing “he will misunderstand me!”

Quoted in Vasistha Dharma sutra 27:6, Padma Purana 1.2.52, & Skanda purana 5.3.122

TO AVOID MISINTERPRETATIONS, ACCEPT ITIHASAS AND PURANAS AS THE FIFTH VEDA

Since the four Vedas fear misinterpretation of their confidential and indirect glorification of Krishna, Vedas consider Itihasa and Purana as authoritative means of knowledge, and thus consider them the fifth Veda, for they are much more direct and accessible to the masses. Thus, states the Chandoga Upanishad

nama va rg-vedo yajur-vedah sama-veda atharvanas caturtha

itihasa-puranah pancamo vedanam vedah

"Indeed, Rg, Yajur, Sama, and Atharva are the names of the four Vedas. The Itihasas and Puranas should be considered the fifth Veda." (Kauthumiya Chandogya Upanisad 7.1.4)

Thus, one shouldn’t proudly assume ‘’I will only follow the four Vedas as the authority. Puranas are recent and thus I don’t consider them authority’’. Such understanding is grossly defective, for Vedas themselves declare Itihasas such as Mahabharata and Ramayana, and Puranas such as Bhagavatam, etc as authentic. Thus, states the Skanda Purana

veda-van niscalam manye puranartham dvijottamah vedah pratisthitah sarve purane natra samsayah

‘’O best of the Brahmanas, the meaning of the Puranas is unchanging just like that of the Vedas. The (confidential meaning of) Vedas are all sheltered within the Puranas. Of this, there should not be any doubt.’’- Skanda Purana 5.3.121

Thus, one should corroborate Vedas with Itihasas and Puranas.

FEW GLIMPSES OF LORD KRISHNA FINDING THE MENTIONS IN THE VEDAS

Now that we have discussed a lot, giving a backdrop on the confidentiality of the Vedas, qualification to know the essential import of the Vedas, and difficulty in interpreting the Vedas, let us now find some glimpses of Lord Krishna in the Vedas.

apaśyaṃ gopām anipadyamānam ā ca parā ca pathibhiś carantam |

sa sadhrīcīḥ sa viṣūcīr vasāna ā varīvarti bhuvaneṣv antaḥ ||

‘’I saw a cowherd boy. He never falls from His position; sometimes He is near, and sometimes far, wandering on various paths. He is a friend, decorated with a variety of clothes. He descends again and again to the material world.’’ -Rig Veda 1.164.31

tā vāṃ vāstūny uśmasi gamadhyai yatra gāvo bhūriśṛṅgā ayāsaḥ |

atrāha tad urugāyasya vṛṣṇaḥ paramam padam ava bhāti bhūri ||

‘’We wish to go to Your [Rādhā’s and Kṛṣṇa’s] beautiful houses, about which cows with large, excellent horns are wandering. Yet distinctly shining on this earth is that supreme abode of Yours that showers joy on all, O Urugāya [Kṛṣṇa, who is much praised].”- Rig Veda 1.154.6

govinda pundarikaksa raksa mam saranagatam

‘’Oh Govinda, Oh Pundarikaksha, please protect me. I have surrendered unto You.’’-Vasudeva Upanishad

Sac-cid-ananda-rupaya krsnayaklista-karine

‘’I offer obeisances to Krishna, the form of eternity, knowledge, and bliss, whose every act is wonderful.’’- Gopala Tapani Upanishad 1.1.1

brahmanyo devakiputra brahmanyo madhusudanah

‘’Brahman is the son of Devaki. Brahman is the enemy of the demon Madhu.’’ -Atmabodha Upanishad & Narayana Upanishad.

taddhaitadghor āṅgirasaḥ kṛṣṇāya devakīputrāyoktvovācāpipāsa eva sa babhūva so'ntavelāyāmetattrayaṃ pratipadyetākṣitamasyacyutamasi prāṇasam̐śitamasīti tatraite dve ṛcau bhavataḥ ॥

‘’The rishi Ghora Angirasa practiced this Purusha Yajna with the dedication as "This is subservient to Krishna, the Son of Devaki". That Ghora Angirasa had no thirst, as he came upon Brahmavidya through this. At the last moment of his life, he said to Brahman, "You are imperishable, You are unchanging reality (Achyuta), and You are the subtle truth(prana) enlivening this universe"- Chandogya Upanishad 3.7.6

eko devo nitya-lilanurakto bhakta-vyapi bhakta-hridy antar-atma

"The one God is eternally engaged in many sports (pastimes) in relation with His devotees.’’- Purusha Bodhini Upanishad (Atharva Veda)

dve parsve candravali radhika ca yasya amse laksmi-durgadika saktih

‘’In the land of Gokula in Mathura-mandala, Lord Krsna resides. His two sides are Radha and Candravali. Laksmi, Durga, and the Lord's potencies are expansions of Sri Radha.”- Purusha Bodhini Upanishad (Atharva Veda)

Above are just a few glimpses of the mentions of Krishna in the Vedas. This is in no way exhaustive, for there are innumerable such references. For fear of becoming too voluminous, I will not anymore quote such miscellaneous verses.

COMPLETE KRISHNA LILA FOUND IN RIG VEDA (BASED ON MANTRA BHAGAVATAM)

In this last and very important section of my answer, I will try to showcase the pastimes of Lord Krishna that are mentioned very confidentially in the Rig Vedic Mantras. All these pastimes are already mentioned in Srimad Bhagavatam, which is considered the cream essence of all the Vedas. Thus, it shouldn’t come as surprise to the devotees.

I will divide these pastimes progressively into four broad Khandas, along with one miscellaneous section, as follows

Gokula Khanda

Vrindavana Khanda

Akrura Khanda

Mathura Khanda

Miscellaneous Section

This has never been presented before and will showcase the extraordinary brilliance of how Rig Veda has managed to conceal Lord Krishna- The Supreme Brahman- through its complex and esoteric Mantras. I will not be explaining the complete meaning of any Mantras but will just briefly be indicating which Mantra denotes which pastime of Lord Krishna, in a progressive manner. For a complete explanation of the Rig Vedic Mantras, I would suggest inquisitive readers make a careful study of the book ‘’Mantra Bhagavatam’’, composed by Sri Nilakantha, who is also the author of other famous works such as Mantra Ramayana. He has also written a complete commentary on a hundred thousand verses of the Mahabharata.

Following the explanations of Sri Nilakantha, I have compiled a tabular excel worksheet that progressively explains the eternal pastimes of Lord Krishna, as performed during His Avatara Lila, in reference to the Rig Vedic Mantras.

Note: In case the below worksheets are not clearly visible, please click on the same, it should get zoomed in.

I. GOKULA LILA IN RIG VEDIC MANTRAS

CONCLUSION

Thus, one can see the extent of the numerous pastimes of Lord Krishna that are mentioned confidentially in the Rig Vedic Mantras, in a very indirect way ( parokṣapriyā iva hi devāḥ). One who is interested to go in-depth into the explanation of the above Vedic Mantras should consult ‘’Mantra Bhagavatam’’. The link is shared in the reference below. Again, this is in no way exhaustive, for Krishna Lila is unfathomable.

However, if one is not interested to study the explanations of these complex Rig Vedic Mantras and has complete faith in the statement of Lord Krishna, as stated in Bhagavad Gita 15.15, ‘’By all the Vedas, I am to be known’’, you may stop here and simply go on chanting Hare Krishna Mahamantra, for this indeed is the essence of all the Vedas, in this age of Kali Yuga.

*** unable to upload more pics of excel sheet (i wonder why), However if u read this article u will get the jist of it w/o excell

#harekrishna #hare krishna #iskontemple #krishna #lordkrishna #vedicknowledge #vedanta #vedas

4 notes · View notes

deafmatteo · 3 years

Note

hello just saw the cancer discussion and j have a question. I really hope it's not insensitive. If it is please just ignore it. But is the brain tumor the reason you are deaf? And also you still have terry in you? What did they operate then? Or did they not operate and I misread that. Anyways take care 💞💞

not a bother at all! i’m a pretty open book so i don’t mind talking about these types of topics, as it helps me process through them & to an extent, helps others learn & whatnot. 🖤🖤

(t/w physical abuse, cancer discussions)

so, i was actually born hearing but had a bad situation go down. think arthur broussard- style hearing loss. adam parrish? if you don’t know either of those characters or their deaf-story, they were basically beaten by their fathers until they became deaf/hoh. i just happened to be a lot younger than either of the characters were so the damage was more severe and as time goes on, it gets worse. it’s really complex and hard to explain but the damage stunted the necessary components & as my body got older, it wasn’t suited for the growth and it got worse. they suspect i’ll have pretty much 0% hearing when i get even older.

the surgery conversation was around a cosmetic surgery i had gotten done a year prior & i’m in the process of getting on a waiting list for a preventative surgery to eliminate the risk of a cancer that runs in my family because i refuse to let my individuality complex be ruined by something so generic. (jokes. i just rather would not have to put my loved ones through the experience of having to witness it).

unfortunately, the tumor is still in my head & it probably always will be. there difference is that now he’s dead & i’m gonna outlive him 👉😎👉

take that, terry!

#tw // abuse #tw // cancer #i know this is a serious discussion but i am absolutely incapable of being serious dfhglkdfjg im so sorry #it helps lighten the mood #also if you laugh at any of it don't feel bad 🖤#laughter is a good medicine & i live by it #connor's got mail 💌

3 notes · View notes

airlya · 3 years

Text

Sign + Planet effects

Quick disclaimer: i'm not the author of this information and i don't know where i found this but i saved it on notes app so here it goes.

Any planet in Aries operates more decisively, quickly, and in a more ego-oriented way than usual. This can be a problem for planets that are not especially ego-oriented such as Venus, the Moon, or Neptune.

Taurus is the slowest sign in the zodiac. All planetary action in Taurus is slowed down and bent toward practical objectives. The only planets that may really suffer from this are those in which high-speed action is intrinsic.

Among the most affected are Mercury and Uranus.

In most respects Gemini is the opposite of Taurus. It tends to quicken the energy of planets, and to make them work at a more abstract level. Planets concerned with feeling, emotion, and sensitivity are the ones most negatively affected by Gemini. Among these are the Moon and Neptune. Venus is often fickle in Gemini, but otherwise it is not seriously affected. Slow-acting planets such as Saturn do not seem to be seriously affected by the sign, but they do operate at a higher energy level.

Cancer is at its best with strongly emotional planets like the Moon, Venus, and possibly Neptune and Pluto (although Pluto in combination with the maternal group of symbols can be so intense as to signify difficulties). Jupiter is favored in Cancer not so much because of its emotional quality as because it shares with Cancer a protective feeling and the desire to support those who are still growing.

Because of the strong ego-orientation of Leo, planets in this sign are more likely to be directed toward the service of self (assuming that they are not, like Neptune, incapable of being bent to that end). Issues surrounding planets in Leo are likely to be areas in which one’s pride or sense of self- esteem is involved. For example, Mercury in Leo would indicate that one speaks one’s own mind forcefully, or that one takes pride in one’s mental capabilities, or (at worst) that one can see only one’s own point of view. Saturn in Leo might give one a strong sense of pride in being disciplined, careful, and righteous. And so on.

The principal effect of Virgo on planets is to make them work with extra precision and care. Planets with exuberant and explosive energies (like Mars and Uranus) do not get along as well in Virgo as those (like Saturn) whose nature is steady and cautious. Whether or not Mercury rules Virgo, it is favorably placed there. Venus does not seem to do well in Virgo from a sexual point of view, because Virgo, as its name suggests, tends to be sexually modest. But Venus in Virgo is more successful with regard to creativity, especially of the craftsmanly kind.

Obviously, planets in Libra increase the airy and cardinal qualities in a chart. Also, Libra is more favorable to planets that are relationship-oriented and generally peaceable in nature. Libra is at its worst with individualistic planets such as Mars. Mars in Libra does not know whether to go it alone and live its way, or try to get along in a Libran manner. It indicates someone likely to create intimate one-to-one relationships of the combative type. In general, planets in Libra will bend the issues concerned with each planet more toward relationships and getting along with others. At the same time, planets in Libra will tend to operate in a lighter, less serious manner than in other signs (especially the next sign, Scorpio).

Any planet in Scorpio is likely to become an agent for the individual’s transformation. Planets in Scorpio operate with intensity, usually emotional intensity. Airy planets like Mercury do not operate well in Scorpio because the emotionalism of the sign interferes with the detachment necessary for their functioning. Also, Scorpio’s tendency to personalize everything it experiences works badly with social planets. Thus Venus in Scorpio, while not a severe problem, is less able to maintain detachment or objectivity about relationships in which it may become involved.

The Moon is often said to be severely debilitated in Scorpio, but I am not inclined to agree. A Scorpio Moon may be difficult for others to understand, but it is at least in touch with its own feelings. It is certainly not a Moon inclined to repress emotion.

A large number of planets in Scorpio will increase both the emotionalism and the stubborness of the chart. Issues associated with these planets may not be communicated as clearly as others might wish, but they are not usually misunderstood by those who experience them.

Planets in Sagittarius increase the general quantity of mutability and fire in a chart, and indicate a desire for freedom. Sagittarius gets along best with planets like Mars, Uranus, and the Sun, which are fast-moving, energetic, and not resistant to change. Mercury, which is traditionally in detriment in Sagittarius, does not seem to be all that bad there, its main difficulty being that it loses the ability to operate with precision and to deal with detail.

Planets in Capricorn tend to increase one’s reality orientation and may limit one’s ability to get outside the social viewpoint in which one was reared. For this reason, the sign is best with those planets that are not especially concerned with freedom and innovation. Uranus is probably not at its best in Capricorn. Neither is Jupiter, though I have observed that Jupiter in Capricorn is not as tense a combination as Saturn in Sagittarius. Jupiter is often quite happy to turn its attention to the achievement of social status and importance. Strongly emotional planets do not do well in Capricorn because the sign tends to repress emotion in favor of discipline. The Moon is particularly difficult here, because Capricorn will not allow the Moon to enjoy being dependent on others, a mode of relationship that is absolutely essential to the Moon’s functioning at some point in life.

Aquarius is most beneficial to planetary energies that are airy and/or socially oriented. Airy Mercury and socially oriented Jupiter are well placed in Aquarius. So is Saturn, for the reasons discussed above.

Although the Sun is traditionally in its detriment in Aquarius, there does not seem to be any serious problem for the Sun here, though of course its expression is not allowed to be so self-centered. The same is true of Mars, which, while not especially badly placed in Aquarius, does have a more social expression here than it does elsewhere.

Emotional planets such as Venus and the Moon have more difficulty in Aquarius.

A large number of planets in Pisces tends to reduce the forcefulness of the personality while increasing its level of empathy and its receptivity to others. Planets that are strongly yin tend in Pisces to take on a dreamy, fantasy-prone quality. This can be very creative and imaginative, but may also weaken the individual’s hold on reality. The Moon is especially vulnerable to this. Venus may become excessively romantic under Pisces’s influence, but it is also capable of the most selfless kind of loving.

It is planets associated with the will and with energy that suffer most in Pisces.

#astrology observations #planets #signs #zodiac #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #sagittarius

147 notes · View notes

wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i · 2 years

Text

PMDD and ADHD: Part 2

Hi, everyone! Welcome back to my two part series on the way that PMDD and ADHD interact. If you didn't get a chance, I'd highly suggest reading part one so that you can get a closer look at ADHD, RSD, and how it affects women and afab individuals with periods.

Here are some other useful links:

Here is my post about the definition of PMDD, how it presents, other people's experience with PMDD, as well as my own experience

Here is my post detailing what OCD is and how it presents

Here is part two of that post discussing how PMDD and OCD interact (you can also read about Premenstrual Exacerbation, or PME, on this one)

Here is part one of my ADHD/PMDD series.

Here are some resources for supporting a loved one with PMDD, and for taking care of yourself.

I want to preface this by reminding everyone that these testimonials are purely anecdotal and should not be viewed as a confirmation of a connection between PMDD and ADHD, same goes for my post on OCD and PMDD. I am merely providing them as a way to take a look at how other people experience these disorders together from another, less clinical angle. I am not a scientist or a researcher in the traditional sense. However, I have lived with all three of these disorders for over a decade and have done a lot of research on this topic.

Now that we have that out of the way, let's get started.

PMS + ADHD is an absolute nightmare

"I know, I know - we have this topic all the time. But just to add my voice to the choir, after like 200+ menstrual cycles, I'm still taken aback by how wildly disabling the couple of days before my period are. For context for the menfolk out there, estrogen fluctuations can badly exacerbate ADHD, and the pre-menstrual stage is the worst for this, mimicking symptoms of a serious mood disorder in some women. Case in point:

Despite knowing what's going on intellectually, I feel so deeply empty and hopeless. That depression elephant? Squarely on my chest. Crying every 10 minutes for no apparent reason/stream of quiet tears all day. Restraining myself from texting my friends/boyfriend/family because I just want to ramble about how incredibly shitty I feel and it's no one else's job to manage me. Juggling nonsense thoughts like "I should move to the woods"/"I should destroy all my relationships so no one has to deal with me"/"I should quit my job"/"I should move to another country." Feel completely incapable of focusing on anything - making food, drinking water, getting off the couch, let alone doing my job or anything remotely complex.

Some months are worse than others, and this one is particularly bad. Not really asking for advice, just needed to rant - I know the treatment options, and have tried some of them, but feel like it's mostly a matter of riding it out." -webdevq23

PMDD AND ADHD experience, tips, anything you’ve found to help

"I have PMDD and ADHD. I have work my best to get anything important finished before my cycle hits because I know I’m going to be about as useful as a loaf of bread. I take 20mg Prozac for it which helps a bit but I think I need to get my dose upped because I still struggle a lot. I take 30mg XR adderall daily, and around my period even if I take a double dose I still find it hardly works. I have panic disorder as well so I’m prescribed Xanax, which is also helpful for dealing with my PMDD. Yesterday I slept till 4pm, couldn’t drag myself out of bed until almost 6pm, only to mope around the house with absolutely no energy. Ended up binge eating Easter chocolates and crying in bed around midnight. The suicidal thoughts are my favorite part 😑 although I wouldn’t act on them & I know why they being caused it’s still miserable to experience. I don’t even track my periods, because my symptoms make it so obvious it’s on the way. I have to warn my family to stay away because I’m going to be a mega bitch & will snap over little things. Some months are better than other but this round is extra rough." -caffinatedcondom

Does anybody else struggle with PMDD and ADHD?

"Specifically, who else notices that their PMDD and rejection dysphoria makes life feel like literal hell for about a week and a half every month?

My periods have always been tough on me. Extreme mood swings, extreme irritability, all that stuff. It got a little better for a couple of years because I was working so hard at my old job I was too exhausted to be capable of much in the emotional department. When I quit that job a year and a half ago it started getting bad again and really started to reach its peak about 8 months ago- I was just spiraling out of control once a month and then I had to spend the next three months clawing my way back to normalcy until it happened again.

A friend of mine who was diagnosed with PMDD a few months before me suggested I look into that and lo and behold... Yep. Finally an answer to the problems I've been having for YEARS. So I started skipping the placebo weeks on my birth control and haven't had a period since Christmas and the change has been enormous?? I still struggle with the rejection sensitivity but it's not as out of control as it was, and I did have a pretty severe breakdown last week because I'd missed a couple of pills the week before, but I'm so glad I had somebody to point me in the right direction.

I don't really know what the point of this post is. I just wanted to see if there was anybody else here who struggles with this. Most of my friends don't know I have it because I feel like they'd just brush it off as me making an excuse (even though I do try to keep my brain problems in control, it can be hard when I'M not in control) and that it's "just PMS like everybody else deals with," even though my PMS comes with extreme ups and downs as well as the occasional suicidal ideation. I'm just tired of feeling alone in this." -anisthetic

PMDD and ADHD - Connected?

"I was thinking about my own experience with severe PMS, as it's affected me most of my life. A week or two before my period can be hell. Some months can be better than others, but this month has been a joyride yet again. And then I started to wonder how much of my PMDD could be linked to my ADHD, something I've only just been diagnosed with two months ago. I'm 22 years old.

My PMS is not normal. I suffer from anxiety and OCD (two very common disorders often going hand in hand with ADHD). But the PMS.. I get awful depression, constant crying, withdrawal from others, mood swings, constant cramping, the lot. And recently since being medicated with Ritalin I noticed that it doesn't work very well at all during the two weeks before my period.

So I started wondering, how many women are experiencing this? How many women could potentially have PMDD with undiagnosed ADHD, or ADHD with undiagnosed PMDD, and just have no clue as to why they are the way they are? Constantly feeling broken?

During this phase, estrogen levels are low. Estrogen has a huge affect on neurotransmitters, particularly dopamine. I've realised that when estrogen is low, my levels of dopamine may also be lower - hence my medication feeling like it's not doing anything. And I realised that having ADHD with already low levels of dopamine production could be a reason why symptoms of PMDD occur. It's like running on an empty tank X 2. Then there's progesterone. We are such complicated creatures! It seems like a never ending list.

Just wondering how many other women with ADHD have an experience of worsened PMS or their medications not working. Having ADHD, we already struggle with regulating our emotions, soothing ourselves, and for me; being impulsive.

Much love and be kind to yourselves. xx" -Elaineeeee4

Facebook

An entire group dedicated to this topic: PMDD/PME & ADHD/ADD - The Double Whammy!

My personal experience:

I have General Anxiety, Depression, OCD, ADHD, and PMDD. ADHD and OCD tend to go hand in hand (same with Depression and Anxiety). It's a hell mix. As you have seen in my last post, nearly 100% of people with ADHD suffer from rejection sensitive dysphoria, which can mimick a full blown mood disorder. Furthermore, as you know from my PMDD posts, during the two weeks of the lutel phase before the cycle starts, the person with PMDD is extremely sensitive, with mood swings, feelings of tension/anxiety, feelings of sadness/despair, etc. And you know from my OCD post that there are multiple symptoms that are exacerbated by PMDD, such as intrusive thoughts, depression and anxiety.

I've described my PMDD, OCD, and ADHD mixture as a "hell mix" but I'm not sure if I've ever described what actually goes on inside my head when I am going through the two weeks of the month where all three of these disorders overlap.

youtube

I'm not joking. Part of what my brain sounds like starts at 1:55, when the wind gets so loud that the man's voice can still be heard but is drowned out.

Pair it with this sound:

The best way I can describe it is like this. Sit in a dark room, put in headphones, and listen to this video at full volume (or as much as you can take). Notice how it starts out relatively calm and then rises and falls. Imagine you are in this building, sloshing through flood water, in the dark, in a building that is actively decaying, while the sounds of thousands of dying souls around you are crying out through the wind. It gets louder, and louder, until the wind and the rain and the screams are all you can hear outside of your own heavy breathing.

Now, notice how the video fades out and then just cuts off. You might get a bright and cheerful TurboTax ad right after or something. No more rain, screams, or wind. You can see clearly now (the rain is gone...lol). This is your period starting (when all the PMDD symptoms stop), and the everything you just sat there and imagined are the two weeks before.

It sounds exaggerated and unrealistic, but it's the best way to describe my brain. The fact that I can even form a coherent thought during those weeks is a goddamn Olympic-level accomplishment given that my brain is so crazy and I am so hormonal that I can't even see right. I don't mean my vision is affected. I mean, I literally get tunnel vision and all I can focus on are the horrific fucking maelstroms going on inside me. Everything else around me is only making it worse. Imagine going through all that flood water in the dark with those sounds, and then someone is doing anything other than holding your hand the whole way through---complaining, judging, whining, bullying, etc. It's like going through the flood water while someone is hitting you over the head with a bat over and over. That's what maintaining relationships during that time is like.

Though I maintain that I typically still have valid arguments (in my opinion), I am acting completely under duress. All of that wind, and rain, and screaming is going on in my head and I experiencing every symptom in the book of all of my disorders at once to the max. So, yeah, I'm not really gonna be a total peach during that time of the month, and won't make the same decisions that I would make any other time.

I don't know if other people experience this hurricane in their brain, but I do. It's why I try so fucking hard to warn people about my disorder before it happens. I am not myself, and I won't be for a minute. I have had so many situations and relationships suffer because people underestimate it, or I underestimate it. When I say that I underestimate it, I mean I underestimate exactly how accepting other people actually are and how much they actually understand the disorder. I also tend to overestimate how much I can really handle.

The boundaries I set when I am calm are not the same boundaries I have when I am experiencing symptoms. I need grace. I need support. I need patience. I tend to think that if I just warn people, and try really really hard to be perfect and never do a single thing wrong, everything will be okay. I can overpower my hormones. I can overpower my symptoms. I can overpower all of these things while I'm in school and working and maintaining several friendships at once.

I also want to mention that I can't really medicate and therapy is hard to come by. I take antidepressants, but I forget a lot and save my meds often because my insurance runs out when I turn 23. I turn 23 in August. I also can't really medicate because my body is sensitive to medication. In the past, I've had to lower all my medications (escitlopram and adderall) to the lowest possible dose so that I don't start experiencing suicidal ideation, overwhelming anxiety, depression, nightmares, etc. Most of my medications when I am actively taking them only help on a very, very basic level. Not enough to alleviate my symptoms by a substantial amount. Just enough to help me think straight.

I have a therapy appointment coming up with a therapist who specializes in mood disorders. But for the last two years, I haven't had a therapist because I haven't found one that either takes my insurance, or works with people who have mood disorders and takes my insurance at the same time, or is open to new clients. Not to mention the trauma I have to rehash every time I start therapy, which makes it hard for me to even convince myself to go in the first place. And I won't have a therapist for much longer than three months because I won't have insurance after I turn 23.

All I have is me to manage my symptoms. Myself, my meager medication, and my support system. So, yeah, it's kind of ass. But I'm proud of how hard I work to warn others, even if it ends in disaster. I'm proud of myself to recognizing when I am experiencing symptoms and for trying to own up to that, for trying to set that boundary and to ask for that support, even if I don't receive it or it's too late and I've already monumentally fucked up. I'm sorry to the people I've hurt during my episodes. The loss I experience is tremendous to me, and every month, I re-experience it over and over and over, either because of my OCD, my RSD, or my PMDD. So, I'm not standing here trying to act like some guy whose above everyone else for not understanding a highly misunderstood, and underdiagnosed disorder like PMDD.

What works for me to support myself during my episodes is talking with other people, naming my emotions and where they are coming from, taking more walks/practicing for dance, and reminding myself that I am not hard to love or difficult or unreasonable. I have a disorder, several disorders, that make it hard for me to understand my brain, let alone another person unaware of the extent that these disorders fuck with me when they overlap. But that doesn't make me hard.

It makes me human---neurodivergent, human, and complex. But not hard.

I hope you enjoyed my discussion on how PMDD and ADHD interact, as well as my other posts about PMDD and OCD. As PMDD awareness month draws to a close, I will shift my posts toward looking at how to support loved ones with PMDD, how people with PMDD can support themselves, and how we can continue to shift our cultural narrative regarding this disorder.

9 notes · View notes

thefirstknife · 3 years

Note

I keep seeing this brought up in your posts with o14 and just want to point this out: just because someone doesn’t know/say they’re being abused doesn’t mean they aren’t. I myself didn’t know the emotional/verbal abuse I endured until after the fact and this really makes me uncomfortable when you use that point. Please understand that it is very much a thing that happens to those (not all cause everyone is different) that are abused.

You’ve brought up an important point that I am very well aware of. I am glad you sent this ask in this way and I want to address why I don’t use it as an argument.

Under read more, warning for talk about abuse:

I specifically don’t want to entertain this part of the discourse because abuse is about power dynamics. The abuser is usually someone with more power over the other person and the abused is usually someone who cannot escape the situation due to that power imbalance. And the abused person often either doesn’t have the capacity to understand the power imbalance or isn’t capable of asking for help or escaping the situation because the abuser is in some way threatening them. It doesn’t have to be a direct and physical/vocal threat (though it often is), it can be implied, but the imbalance in power dynamics is essential to identify an abusive situation. This is why abuse always features an age imbalance, economic imbalance (employer-employee or a household where only one person works and has control over all the money), family imbalance (parent-child) and so on. The abuser is the one who must have power and control over the abused.

There is no such thing between Saint and Osiris. In no way are they ever presented as one being above the other. They are equals in every single way: age, experience, position within their respective jobs and so on. Saint does not fear Osiris, nor does Osiris have any power or control over him. Saint isn’t afraid of talking back to him and challenging him. Saint isn’t isolated from others and he isn’t afraid or incapable of asking for help (from YW, Ikora, Sagira previously...). For that reason, I cannot accept that there’s a possibility of Saint being abused but just not knowing about it. From all the available lore that I’ve poured through to compile all of the known and documented interactions between the two, there is no indication that Osiris holds any power or control over Saint in order for this relationship to be classified as abusive.

Some people said that Osiris is being abusive by “withholding emotions” from Saint, which can definitely a part of an abusive relationship. However, I do not believe that Osiris is withholding emotional availability; this argument only popped up after Sagira’s death and their bickering in the Hangar (where Sagira was mentioned). It is explained numerous times by many different characters that Osiris does not respond to grief well. Ikora knows it, Saint knows it. This is not an abusive trait per se, as one cannot really control how they handle that sort of extreme grief. One could even argue that Saint was the abusive one in this situation by bringing up Sagira before Osiris gave him permission and a green light that he’s okay with discussing it. Same thing happened when Crow brought it up. However, I will not claim that Saint or Crow are abusing Osiris because there’s no other evidence to it. The situation is complex and not just easily boiled down to abuse. As someone who has been through abusive situations, I believe it’s reductive to call one bump in the road as abuse. It makes it harder to recognise actual abuse, both for victims and onlookers.

Of course, maybe there’s something in the background that we don’t know about. After all, we don’t have every single Saint/Osiris interaction written out in the lore. However, considering what we do have and what we do know about these two characters, I can say for a fact that there is no power imbalance between them and Saint is not the type of a person who would sit back in fear of anyone and not know about being abused, definitely not by Osiris. There is simply no evidence. Of course, if someone just doesn’t vibe with the situation due to a personal experience and the whole Saint/Osiris argument that happened most recently in the lore is triggering for them, that is something I can respect. It’s personal, you can’t control what triggers your trauma. But that’s a personal experience, not an objective read on their relationship. People have been adamant about saying that the relationship is objectively abusive, which it is not. If it’s upsetting for personal reasons, I would absolutely recommend not interacting with the upsetting content and would implore people to tag their content appropriately.

In my original post from back a month ago or so, I specifically addressed how people tend to claim Osiris is abusive over Saint without backing it up with anything and essentially vilifying one of them (Osiris) while completely infantilising the other (Saint). It’s harmful to mlm, especially to mlm of colour because of how Osiris is treated by the community. It’s a reductive view of a long-term mlm relationship that spans centuries. The time span is quite literally incomprehensible.

People also never bring up Saint’s behaviour towards Osiris, such as pushing a sensitive topic in public and pressing him on it when he’s clearly not ready. These are also signs of abuse. Another sign of abuse are also threats of physical violence which Saint does in the Devil’s Ruin quest dialogue when he tells Osiris to “get off this line” to which Osiris responds with “make me” and then Saint quips with “you would not survive that.” Nobody brings that up as abuse. And they shouldn’t! It’s clear that this isn’t a serious threat. And it should be clear that one quarrel over a traumatic topic isn’t a sign of a toxic relationship. Saint also greets Shaxx with the line “I always hated you, brother” and then they both laugh. Saint is very clearly often joking in this way and people recognise it as not serious. Osiris should be given the same benefit of the doubt when he retreats into himself over indescribable grief; he’s not emotionally manipulating Saint, he is grieving in the only way he knows how.

I find it highly suspect that this whole discourse only started once the pairing was confirmed as canonical. People have been shipping them way before that and with way less information available and there’s never been any discourse about how Osiris is actually abusing Saint in this relationship. I just find it really suspicious that a mlm relationship featuring a man of colour gets labelled as abusive from the side of that man of colour specifically, only after we’ve received the information that it’s canon. It’s an incredibly common pattern in fandom spaces when a fandom favourite (in this case Saint) gets into a canon relationship with a character that’s easy to be prejudiced against. Even if that prejudice is unconscious, it’s still prejudice and it’s painfully obvious to anyone who has ever been in fandoms for as long as me (or longer). There are also literally scientific studies on this so I’m not just talking about my own experience.

Without any evidence of abuse and no imbalance in power dynamics present between these two characters, I can’t see how someone can come to a conclusion that Osiris abuses Saint after they’ve argued once “on screen,” especially after Saint himself explains what the situation is about. He eloquently puts his reasoning into words when Amanda asks him if there’s trouble and also promises to reach out for help if he needs it. I don’t like the trend of jumping to a conclusion, especially when people who do it are highly inconsistent about it (most recent one being the person who claims Osiris is abusive, but also claims that both Osiris and Saint are grown men who can handle themselves without our help; this is a contradictory statement, as Osiris cannot be abusive to Saint if Saint can handle himself and can just leave if he wants to).

I apologise if the discourse about this whole thing is making people uncomfortable. I should’ve addressed my reasoning behind it earlier, in order to make sure that everyone is on the same page. I should’ve also tagged it with a warning for talk of abuse, but no one else did and I didn’t think to correct it, which is definitely something I should’ve done. People started talking about how Osiris is abusive and toxic without thinking that people going into the tags might be upset by it and unfortunately I didn’t think of it either.

I hope this explains it adequately. It’s a long post but I didn’t want to hold back on any of the details because this is an important topic. If there are any points that anyone believes are not properly explained, feel free to ask for further clarification.

#destiny 2 #discourse #saint-14 #osiris #o14 #abuse warning #i don't want to get into personal information but i've been through abuse myself #and while every abusive situation is different and unique to the people involved #there are patterns for classification #most important being power and control #ask #Anonymous

34 notes · View notes

bondsmagii · 3 years

Note

I have to disagree with the idea that some autistic people are genuinely incapable of learning and respecting boundaries and consent, that's kinda infantilizing and honestly kinda ableist, even those who have low empathy and difficulty fully understanding boundaries can learn what's appropriate and how to respect people's boundaries (also most autistic people reject labels like "severe" "mild" etc bc of ableist implications, it's less a sliding scale and more like a salad bar of symptoms) (1/2?)

HOWEVER, in the case of Chris Chan it is true that she'd likely already have issues understanding boundaries and consent but what really makes the difference here is that, from the sound of things, she had so many people around her actively and maliciously destroying and distorting her conception and understanding of boundaries and consent which is an important factor in understanding the situation I think

(just to confirm this immediately -- "consent" is not just something for sexual situations. when I discuss consent, here as in the other asks, I am referring to all situations. I get the feeling that some people may be reading my responses through the lens of only sexual consent, which is not and has never been what I've been talking about.)

I gotta ask, just to clear things up: are you saying that when it comes to autism, there's no "salad bar" of symptoms possible that would make a person incapable of constantly and consistently learning and respecting boundaries and consent? I ask sincerely. I don't think it's ableist to say that when it comes to autism (and other things, like certain mental illnesses, personality disorders, or behavioural/developmental disabilities) there can arise situations where a person has symptoms so severe that they are incapable of acknowledging and understanding consent. this is not a malicious choice on their part, nor is it a conscious one -- it's merely an effect of a symptom. if an autistic person struggles with social cues and non-verbal communication, like Chris does, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that she cannot therefore deduce from body language alone that a woman does not want Chris to touch her arm. this is the kind of thing I'm referring to, by the way -- Chris is not groping or molesting these women. she's standing too close to them, looming over them too much, touching their arms, etc. I don't think it's ableist to say that her autism might have influence over why this was an issue for her.

going on from the constantly and consistently thing I mentioned before: this isn't a black and white thing. it's not "this person either understands consent and adheres all the time" or "this person doesn't understand consent and is incapable of respecting it". it's more a case of, to use some examples:

"this person understands consent most of the time, but when they get excitable they forget and become highly animated, grabbing their friends and pulling them around and being highly physical, despite their friend having told them in the past it makes them uncomfortable."

"this person understands consent most of the time, but when they become highly distressed they are prone to meltdowns, and this causes them to violate people's consent by, for example, barging into a sibling's room when they have been asked to stay outside."

"this person struggles to interact socially and has complex interpersonal issues which causes them to have difficulty relating to other people and understanding their thought processes, which results in them repeatedly doing something upsetting or harmful while genuinely not realising or understanding why it is upsetting or harmful."

"this person is totally fine with all issues of consent apart from one particular thing they consistently forget, despite their best efforts, resulting in them constantly interrupting their friends when speaking no matter how serious the situation is or how many times they have been told to stop."

"this person is aware that they don't necessarily understand social interactions or cues and has been trying to teach themselves how to improve, but because they have been self-teaching they make mistakes, such as always assuming you go in for a kiss at the end of a one-on-one interaction with a girl."

all of the above examples are ones I have witnessed or been guilty of myself (I am not autistic, but I have ADHD; the second-to-last bullet point about interrupting is a personal example). I really don't think it's ableist to acknowledge these things and keep them in mind, nor do I think it's ableist to point out that for many of us, the statistics on autism and associated behaviours are skewed. many autistic people on this website are... not like Chris. it's easy to look around and see your autistic friends and mutuals and safely say "no autistic person would ever act like this/have problems with that/misunderstand this". I know that none of my autistic friends and mutuals would ever act like Chris -- nowhere near. but there are many more autistic people out there who, while they might not necessarily act like Chris, they also might not be as capable of assessing situations like you do. there are autistic people out there who do struggle with such things, who will struggle to understand these things, and can and do cause people harm. it isn't ableist to acknowledge that with something as complex as autism, everyone's behaviour and needs are different. it is also not ableist to say that sometimes the symptoms of something cause a person to act inappropriately, or cause harm. at no time have I said all autistic people struggle with this -- just that some can and do. acting like this isn't the case is speaking over people who have been hurt by this kind of scenario.

as for the second part of your ask, totally agree. it's absolutely impossible to expect Chris to work out how to act appropriately when her entire world is being constructed by trolls encouraging her to believe falsehoods, advising her to always act in the worst possible way, pretending to be her friend, and taking absolutely everything she does in the worst faith imaginable. every time she tried to improve herself, they beat her back with increased ridicule and emotional abuse. it would be dishonest and outright malicious to view her behaviour without this context.

#chriscourse #anon #asks

15 notes · View notes

murder-raven13 · 2 years

Text

My BNHA Ships pt. 2

I meant to get all of these into one post because I don’t have as many as I did for Haikyuu!!, but then the first post got really long. So, we’re back with more ships that no one asked for. [We’re also gonna ignore the fact that I have three (3) assignments due today that I haven’t started, Italian and anthropology ethics be damned]

Warning(s): cursing [this is gonna be a perpetuality with me; I am incapable of not sounding vaguely like an angry gremlin when I talk of anything remotely affectionate or lovely in nature], I am going to try and contain my word count [I fail, of course], Mineta slander, [minor] spoilers, low-key character study/headcanons, low-key became a story instead of an explanation for Shinkami

Word Count: 1,356 [proud of myself]

PT. 1

Momo x Jiro [Minor Spoilers]

Did anyone think I wasn’t gonna have at least one lesbian ship in here? [We’ll ignore the fact that I headcanon Jiro as pan and nonbinary for the sake of statement simplicity there]. Anyway, I don’t really know where this ship started for me, but it’s there. I think their relationship dynamic in the show is really interesting, even though it’s not shown as much as some others. Both of them are more quiet, serious characters, especially in the beginning. Jiro, especially around the school festival arc, ends up being a fun, outspoken person, a kind of support beam for their class, especially in the field. Eventually, Momo ends up being very involved with her class. She acts as a voice of reason and encouragement, and she never really expects to get that particular brand of care in return. Jiro, bless them, does return that brand of care, though not in exactly the same way. They’re a shoulder for Momo to lean on when it’s needed. I also firmly believe, especially among the hecticness of class 1A’s personalities and everything they go through together, that these two find a kind of quiet solace in each other that they don’t often get elsewhere. Basically, Momo is Jiro’s safe space and Jiro is Momo’s. I don’t see this as a kind of grand or particularly passionate kind of love, but rather as a simple kind. It’s not made of grand gestures and dramatic declarations of love. Instead, it’s quiet mumbles of “I love you” into the dark and small, fleeting kisses left on calloused palms. It’s steady and strong, an undercurrent that keeps them afloat. Momo and Jiro’s kind of love is fundamentally just safety, surety, and it’s powerful in a way that isn’t outright, and, honestly, a love much rarer than most would believe.

Ochako x Asui [Minor Spoilers]

The lack of screen time and development Asui gets is honestly criminal. Fucking Mineta got more of a backstory than Asui did and Mineta is a piece of shit. Personally, from the show, I have basically nothing to go off of to build this ship. It’s mostly built upon passing mentions of it in fanfic I’ve read and my own self-indulgent bullshit. So, let’s discuss that, why don’t we? Ochako, in the show, has a bit of crush on Izuku, which I think is not only predictable, but also just a bad idea. Ochako is prone to not believing in herself and turning to others to look for a way to fill the gaps she sees in her own abilities. This means that Ochako often mimics the traits she values in others [she does this a lot with Deku in particular, which is why I don’t think their relationship would be healthy]. Asui also has moments of doubt, but she never strays far from who she is as a person or from what makes her individual. I think Asui would help Ochako realize the strength in her own character, her own drive, and her own abilities and stick with that. And, honestly, after Ochako’s time with Gunhead, she starts focusing more on physical training, which I adore. But it also means that I legit headcanon adult Ochako as absolutely ripped. This woman is massive and entirely muscle. And her face is still friendly, of course, but she can also look frighteningly serious, which is comforting to other pros and civs and very terrible for villains. I don’t think Asui gets much bigger than she is at UA. I think she gets taller, and she’s definitely toned and strong, but not built like a goddamn truck the way Ochako is. And I think that physical dynamic is really cute, especially in wxw relationships. That being said, I don’t headcanon Ochako as butch or anything like that. I just think these two would be cute together. And, in my head, both end up pros that focus a lot on rescue work. So, they understand the particular pressures and feelings that come with being tasked to getting people out of high-risk situations and the feelings that come with failing at that [it’s a lot more common to lose people during rescue work than during legitimate fights with villains themselves]. This is another relationship I see as more lowkey and, like Momojiro, I see them as a couple that finds a safe space in each other, as well as a confidence boost.

Mineta x Death

Death is not a character. I just hate Mineta. That’s it. I think he’s the epitome of a man who goes after a position of power to use it to abuse women because he’s an entitled piece of shit that doesn’t understand why women don’t just like him.

Denki x Shinsou

My love for this ship is astounding and I hate it. Shinsou is so tired all the time and Denki is always so hyper. Not to mention Shinsou is grumpy and sarcastic, and Denki is fun and only speaks in memes [a social butterfly]. This is Erasermic, part 2 in a lot of ways. But it’s also different. Shinsou is someone who’s angry and insecure and depressed, whose only solution to any of that is to just work hard. And Denki is anxious and low-key hates himself, despite everything he seems. He feels dumb and inadequate and a burden to his friends and he hides all of that, smiles and laughs at his own expense because he believes whatever joke was made about him is true. And Shinsou, made up of all his tired righteous anger, does not stand for this one bit. He’s brutally honest and even more observant [having a quirk that requires knowing how to pick people apart makes such things an inevitable], and he sees Denki’s self-sacrificing tendencies for what they are: not stupidity or recklessness, but a profound desire to be enough, if even just for a moment. And that’s something Shinsou can understand, because all anyone has ever done is look at him and see villain the way they look at Denki and see moron. It’s subtle, the way Shinsou goes about approaching Denki, the way he lets Denki see parts of him he religiously hides from everyone else. And it’s slow, because Denki is observant, yes, but he also never thinks that someone is purposefully trying to show him things, trying to let him become something more than a stranger or a colleague. But Shinsou is patient, if anything, and he coaxes Denki into realizing, in order to spare the delicate pride Shinsou has spent all his time at UA, with Aizawa, building and protecting. He wants Denki to say it first, to extend friendship to him with the same beaming smile he offers to everyone else. And Shinsou takes it quietly. And their friendship isn’t much to others because it continues just the way Shinsou started it: quietly. Their friendship lives in the hours between midnight and 4 a.m., when no one else is awake but them, when the two of them are drowning in their own inadequacies, unable to sleep when they don’t even think they can breathe. It’s a silent kind of friendship, the kind where they sit together in the dark, breathing in synch, without saying a single word, without any questions. They learn a lot about each other in those silent hours. They learn how the other cries, how the other watches the stars like they’re something to be envied, understood, how the other seeks comfort in linked pinkies and brushing bare ankles. For a long time, from its start at UA to their careers as pros, they continue like this. Seeking silent companionship in the dark. Until Denki, washed in pale dawn light, all glowing gold and soft edges, pinky linked with Shinsou’s, looks at their hands, at the rising sun, and softly says, “I love you.” And Shinsou, for all he lacks in transparency with others, is a clear as glass right then, lavender and remnants of starlight as he whispers back, squeezing Denki’s pinky with his own, declaration of his own in the words, “I know.”

6 notes · View notes

caffeinated-yearning · 3 years

Text

Confessions and (Bad) Dancing

In which pieces of the puzzle slot into place, feelings are lain bare after a year of working together on cases, and some people are better at dancing than they have any right to be (but unfortunately I am not one of them).

Word Count: 2103 Warnings: uhhh aside from crippling embarrassment as a center-stage piece, none I can think of.

“Slow dance? No, sorry, I don’t know how.” It was ironic, the tone Mark used- but he was sincere; not for lack of trying, but a waltz was simply outside his dancing expertise. So was pretty much every dance step ever; he had never been very skilled with dance. I’ll step on your foot and scuff your shoes, or I’ll fall into you, or “it will be unsightly,” and that’s a promise. A low hum as the half-smile fell from something almost sincere into a flatter expression that looked more unyielding than it was.

Mark’s eyes remained on the offered hand, still outstretched as Mr. Edgeworth spoke; “I promise it’s easier than you think.” For one half-second, Mark actually considered it. Considered it carefully, from every angle- and from all perspectives foresaw himself getting embarrassed. Either through his own inexperience, or some comment thereupon. If nothing else, being that close to Miles- to Mr. Edgeworth would destroy the easy-going facade that he so carefully kept. A quick one-two and done, Mann overboard.

Miles added, after a half-second of silence; “consider it a request; it has been a while since I’ve had the opportunity, and I can think of no one I’d rather share it with.”

…

What?

Operation ‘try not to think gay thoughts’ has been blasted wide the fuck open, and all smashed to smithereens; what does that mean? What does that mean?! Dumbstruck, feeling his hands and feet go ice-cold and at the same moment his chest and face start to burn, Mark was… Passingly aware that he’d accepted Edgeworth’s (Miles’?) hand.

What???

What a terribly foolish thing to admit. Miles chewed his lip, hoping that that specific admission would pass cleanly over Mark’s head. The opportunity, hah! No one he’d rather share it with— a request?! How utterly embarrassing to have said so much. He considered himself lucky, and unlucky, that this Mann was so incapable of noting any act of affection leveled toward him.

Not… not that Miles was well known for being terribly affectionate. Still.

And, likewise now, Mark seemed wholly preoccupied with other things. Perhaps his utter obliviousness would continue to spare Miles the indignity of having to discuss any matters of the heart.

… That there were matters of the heart which needed discussing was… well. It certainly wasn’t something he wanted to acknowledge.

Mark didn’t have the emotional wherewithal to hold his head up on the path to the dance floor- normally he wouldn’t dream of hanging his head, but the ground became very interesting when one needed to focus on one’s step, and even if he didn’t need to focus, meeting the eyes of (not allowed to think ‘crush’ but) Miles Edgeworth was dangerous enough.

Ah- oh no. They really had crossed that distance rather too quickly for Mark’s liking. Hand-on-back that rested warmly against this, his body, and it suddenly felt cumbersome to be- just to be. Mark’s own hand held feather-light over Miles’ shoulder; unwilling even to touch- to touch Miles. His hands were so cold and his face so warm- God, if there be any mercy in the world, may lightning strike me down here and now.

Alas, no such luck.

As the music started, step-one-two, don’t mess this up and stumble as Miles pulled him closer-; hand landing like lead to stabilize himself, and Mark felt his brain go absolutely empty- empty and full of static at the same time. “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, pulling back just to see where he was stepping- to see he was trodding on Miles’ feet and step-step stumble off. “I’m sorry—.” Sorry sorry sorry fuck.

“You really are unfamiliar with this,” Miles almost found it amusing, how little coordination there was. It- the dance- was all an excuse to be close to Mark in an otherwise over-crowded venue; he almost certainly should not have done this, should not even have admitted that he wanted to do this, but he had. While it was clumsy, it was still enchanting- just to be there together.

If only Mark were slightly more aware of the situation.

Miles sighed lightly, watching Mark glance one way, then the next- evidently searching for something, though what exactly he was looking for was beyond Miles’ kenning. Looking up, then down, then up again; it was a wonder he didn’t get dizzy.

A tense voice, anxious; “I said I’m bad at dancing.” Not exactly… ideal, for a (not a date but) dance.

“You’re not the worst,” Miles offered.

“But I’m not the best.” Quickly dismissed.

“Do you need to be the best at everything?”

“You can’t tell me you disagree- that you don’t want to be the best at everything you touch.”

That was… A fair enough point, he supposed. “But it’s an unreasonable standard to hold yourself to.”

Mark laughed at that- rude enough, tonight; “from you? From you?? We’re the same in that regard, at least. Neither willing to be less than the best, and neither expecting the world to live by the same standards.” At least he wasn’t still so stressed. And he’s back to watching our feet.

Mark felt himself pulled along at an unfamiliar speed; again he had been pulled a little too close, the dizzying steps tossing him face-first into Edgeworth’s cravat with a muffled ‘oomph.’ Despite all his struggling, he managed to scowl up into the grey above when he recovered his legs. So much struggling, with this dance thing. Struggles to meet a gaze, struggles to match the step. Infinite struggles, it seemed. Terrible!

Miles looked away too quickly when the glare was cast- had he been looking at me? “It gets easier with practice, you know.”

Mark grumbled and huffed and felt very inelegant as he tried not to step on any shoes without looking. “Which is useful if you are inclined to practice- so, not useful to me.”

“Hmm. Perhaps you would be so inclined if you had someone to practice with?”

Mark glared back at his feet with that; to look at Miles when his face was this bright (step over, Rudolph,) would convey only that he found the notion embarrassing- and master of logic that Miles was, surely if he didn’t put it all together by now, he’d have the final piece of evidence in the long and storied history of Mark has a big ol’ stinkin’ crush on pretty boy Miles Edgeworth like some kind of gay dweeb or something. Mark was sure he hadn’t been found out, but just as sure that it was only a matter of time. Damned if he would speed that along by actually showing off his embarrassment like some neon sign over his head. Over his face. Whatever.

“What-? Practice with you?” He tried not to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“Is that so bad an idea?” Oh Miles was on fire with suggestions that would be impossible to explain away in the future, when they had work tomorrow and had to act like nothing happened.

“It’s a terrible idea!” Despite the words, Miles could hear the smile in Mark’s voice; like it was all a joke.

“Oh?” He tried not to take offense to that- the offer was genuine, even if it would have been hard to explain away in the future. “And what’s so terrible about it?”

Mumbling, as though trying to speak under his breath and not accounting for the fact that they were less than arm’s distance from each other; “I’m gay; you figure it out.”

This time when Mark walked into Miles’ chest, it was less because of his own inexperience, and more to do with Miles coming to his own screeching halt.

“… What?”

“What?” Mark looked up, and reflexively Miles looked away again.

While blushing might have been a bit too strong a word for it, Miles felt his throat, face, and ears burn with… hmmm, embarrassment? Something more akin to sudden, unwanted understanding, as all the pieces fell in place. “Wh-?! What does- what does that have to do with it?!”

“I said I’m bad at dancing! You’ve noticed!! You can’t tell me that you haven’t noticed. Perhaps I am completely without rhythm, perhaps I am wholly incapable of such things as stepping around a room elegantly!”

“That’s definitely not what you said,” he started moving again- but this time, it was less of a dance and more of an attempt to hurriedly get out of the center of the room, get off the dance floor and into a place slightly quieter, slightly less in the view of everyone around. The appreciation in Mark’s expression was subtle, once he realized they were leaving- only for it to get suddenly screwed up into apprehension.

Miles supposed it was probably because Mark had put together that they were leaving for the sake of a slightly more serious discussion.

The evening breeze was lovely, Mark supposed; it was cool enough that he could almost radiate away all the embarrassment without having to go shove his entire head under a cold tap.

Almost.

“Now,” Mark refused to look at Edgeworth- not that looking would have been so difficult in the dark of the night, but the idea that Edgeworth would be able to see Mark’s own face was enough to keep him looking to the side. “Mr. Mann, please.”

He glanced over in spite of himself- and though it was dark, something in Miles’ stance, or gestures, conveyed the same unease. “This is he who’s speaking.”

“This is not the time for jokes, sir.”

Miles groaned, and despite the fear sense in the air, Mark cracked a smile. “But I am such a jester! It’s only natural that I crack a joke to lighten the mood.”

“I— even so,” Miles sat on the steps, gesturing for Mark to join him. “Please explain why your being gay is relevant.”

“You’re clever; can’t you figure it out?” Mark had almost sat down, and then the question (request?), and he elected instead to lean against a pillar and not, in fact, sit at all. “Surely something like that is obvious.” The smile had faded, that much was obvious in his tone.

“You’re not afraid to fall in love with me,” Miles posed it as though it was a question, rather than a statement of fact; attached to the end was an ‘are you?’

“Far worse,” Mark breathed; a whisper directed away that didn’t land upon any ears at all.

“Since that’s not an issue, I’m afraid I don’t see the logic.”

“I already…” have.

“Hmm?”

“Your logic is faulty. It’s well past your statement.”

“My… Do you mean ‘afraid to fall in love’?”

“That one, yeah.”

“Well past, then…” The silence sounded almost like disbelief; not that Mark was going to look over and see for himself. “You—?”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

“You didn’t—!”

“For a long time!!” Mark wanted to laugh and scream all at the same time. God, what a terror this was! To admit to a crush one’s feelings, to acknowledge—.

“You didn’t notice either—?”

Wait what??? Mark turned around so fast he got dizzy and fell over. Miles was standing, having stood up at the revelation, and now he was leaning over Mark to help him get back up on his feet, and oh what a humiliating thing— “what do you mean ‘notice either’??? What’s that supposed to mean???”

“I knew you were oblivious but I was certain at least by tonight you’d have figured it out-.”

“Figured WHAT out?! What are you talking about?! Is this a dream? Am I dying and dreaming or something??”

“When I asked you to dance I was certain that would have clued you in-.”

“Oh my GOD whAT no I’m surely dying this is it, goodbye sweet world!”

“I can’t believe you would just throw away all evidence that pointed to my liking you at all!” By now they were both standing, and the panicked stream of words that had seemed never-ending had slowed to a point where they once again took turns speaking. “You really had no idea, then?”

“No. I’m a clown, remember?”

“Hmm. Well.”

“Regretting saying anything?”

“No, I think not.”

Hand in hand, a moment’s pause before clearing of throats and suggestions that perhaps they ought to return inside.

“I still think I’ll simply die if you try to teach me how to dance.”

“Well we certainly wouldn’t want that. Very well, you are free of such an obligation.”

“Good. I’d rather not have any more heart-attacks for a while.”

#for reference when there's a single dash it's meant to indicate perspective shift #[[ Reason and Rationale | Miles Edgeworth ]]#I've had this in my WIPs for TOO LONG #IT'S FINALLY DONE #caffeinated writing #no memory of my tagging system. sadge #no I do not know how to title things. thank u

6 notes · View notes

twc-thoughts-you-didnt-ask-for · 4 years

Text

Mortality - Adam

An anon asked if I would write fics on the detective bringing up the big topic of if the LI would change them so here we are. I am starting off with Adam.

Please let me know if it’s absolute trash and I should quit while I’m ahead, or if you would like to see more. I am not very experienced in the fanfic department...

My detective, Dinah Greene, is people/psychology based and friendly and charming for background info btw. Fic is under the read more :)

“Again.”

If Dinah heard those words one more time from Adam, she felt she would truly snap. Crazed vampires changing her blood for life and making her a target she could take. Adam nonstop beating her no matter what she did, she could not.

“Can I take a break?”

“If this were a real fight, you wouldn’t get to take a bre-” Adam began lecturing, but Dinah interrupted him quickly.

With a sickeningly sweet look in her eyes and an equally sweet, pathetic tone she asked, “Please?”

... He gave in nearly immediately to that.

Dinah collapsed into a heap on the deliciously cold floor of the training room. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as Adam let her take a quick break from their rigorous training. Well, rigorous for her, anyways. Adam couldn’t be less bothered if he tried.

Each muscle ached in protest as she raised her limbs to survey the damage. Everything was still there, though she was sure every part of her body would have scornfully abandoned her for putting them under such abuse.

Studying her skin closely, she began to look for the early signs of bruising. It was a habit she gotten into every time she tried her hand at honing her nearly non-existent fighting skills against the supernatural. It’s not that Adam, or any of her fellow members in Unit Bravo, intended to leave any mark- but it was impossible to avoid given the activity and her frail (well, frail by supernatural standards) body. Luckily, such markings only appeared in places very easy to cover up by her usual attire of a summer dress, covered by a cardigan, and matching tights or leggings.

If she had managed to land a good hit on Adam, any sign of it would have disappeared immediately. He looked as overwhelmingly handsome as always, unbothered as he checked his phone to make sure he did not miss any emergencies (or what he considered an emergency) while she tried to become one with the floor to avoid any more physical activity.

She wondered if the contrast in their states bothered him as much as it did her. Or, rather, if the contrast in their circumstances bothered him. She had no way of knowing if Adam put the same stock into the realities as she had... unless she were brave enough to ask.

She sighed loudly, the volume more than enough for his super hearing to catch, to prompt an inquiry out of him.

But, alas... nothing.

So she sighed even louder and longer this time.

...Nothing.

Are you kidding me?

She put every ounce of drama she could muster into another sigh and this time she saw results.

Not a peep came out of Adam, but a small rare smile tugged against the corners of his mouth. He was getting on her nerves on purpose.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m but small, girlfriend-shaped puddle on the floor that also happens to be the love of your shockingly long life trying to speak with you.”

Adam chuckled at that, but his focus remained on the phone.

“Oh, truly? I hadn’t noticed by the very pointed sighing coming from that side of the room. And what might the very convincing puddle have to say to me, I wonder? Surely she wouldn’t be trying to charm her way out of training... again.”

Dinah looked towards the ceiling, nervously biting at her lip.

“Have you ever thought about it?”

“Thought about what? Trying to charm my way out of training? You’ll have to be more specific. As I have often reminded you, I cannot know your thoughts if you do not share them with me.”

She turned her head to look in his direction and said with apparent disgust, “That I'm getting older.”

He looked at her from the corner of his eye, humor still clung to his mouth and voice as he said, “Dinah, need I remind you that I am over 900 years old?”

She swung and missed. It wasn’t direct enough and she hadn’t brought the topic up in a serious matter than would warrant his stern response.

She would try again.

“No, but you must be aware that time will continue ticking and me moving along with it. I know I am. I’ll be decrepit some day and considering my very unique blood situation, I’d be lucky if I get to live anything resembling a long li-”

Dinah stopped mid-sentence as the phone dropped from his hands at that, but lightening quick reflexes caught it before it could hit the ground. He really couldn’t afford to break anymore of his or her stuff.

The silence between them was deafening.

“I’m not discussing this.” he stated.

With a groan of pain, Dinah got off the floor to approach him and gingerly place a hand on his forearm.

“Adam, please, some day we will have to discuss this. Why not now?”

His arm tensed under Dinah’s touch, but it was a good sign that he did not pull away. She didn’t know what she would do if he had pulled away from her- protecting himself by denying what was there.

“You are young and healthy. I am doing everything I can to protect you and teach you to protect yourself, the team as a whole is doing their utmost for your safety, and you doubt it? The chances of you... The chances of extreme harm coming to you are not zero, but not likely either. We wouldn’t allow it.”

She could not help but notice how desperately he danced around the word “dying”.

“Adam, it’s not about ‘allowing’ it. I know you think things happen only as you approve them, but that’s not how it is. How many gambles do you think it will take before I’m all out of chips? Hell, my number was moments away from being up when we fought Mur-”

She regretted it the moment she nearly murmured Dr. Murphy’s name. Adam’s eyes closed and his jaw tensed, as it does when he was reminded of Dinah’s state that day. Cradled in his arms, her blood rapidly leaving her, her hand raised to him tell him he’s handsome... She had nightmares of Murphy, but she could not deny that so did he.

“Dinah, please.” he pleaded quietly.

She wrapped her arms around him, a silent apology.

After a while like that he sighed, pulling only his arms out of her embrace, placing both his hands on the sides of her face, and angled her to look at him. Her dark eyes met his icy ones and they stayed like that for a long time. Eye contact from day one had always felt like their own personal eternity.

“I have thought about your inconvenient mortality, Dinah, I’ll admit it. But it is not a topic I wish to linger on for any amount of time. The realities of what you are, what I am, what we face, does not allude me and-”

His phone, as it often does, pings to interrupt the moment.

After checking it, he announces that it is her mother and that he must go.

Placing a very tender kiss to her forehead he says, “I’ll send Mason to come finish your training.”

As his hand touches the handle of the door, Dinah boldly asks: “Would you do it?”

He freezes, stiffness coming back to his shoulders. She didn’t specify what “it” was as he usually would ask of her. He seemingly understood exactly what she meant.

“Would you turn me?” she followed up, unnecessarily but quietly.

He did not look her way as he responded with a defeated tone.

“Dinah, I am incapable of denying you anything if you ask it of me. If you decided you wanted it, if it were the right thing to do-”

“An answer, please.” Dinah interrupted.

“Yes.”

And with that he walked out the door.

#the wayhaven chronicles #wayhaven chronicles #adam du mortain #the wayhaven chronicles detective #twc adam #twc detective #twc fanfic #the wayhaven chronicles fanfic

95 notes · View notes

mythvoiced · 3 years

Note

ALLOW ME TO PLACE THESE Q'S HERE FOR OUR FAVE GOBLIN: Besides meat, what other foods does he find delight in? What's something that gives him utter peace as soon as it's there? How was his life during the Joseon era? Are there certain things in the past that he wishes could be available in the modern world, or is he fully comfortable with what's at hand? How would he feel if a particular gumiho suddenly hugged him from behind? 👀 LOVE YOU

-. @jeoseungsaja | Alex I would literally kill for you, if anybody ever comes at you, let them know I’ll be the last thing they see, BECAUSE I LOVE Y O U

---

This got so loNG I’MS O sorr y- Also look at this gif taken from the pack you sent me the link of <W<

-. Besides meat, what other foods does he find delight in? Would saying ‘fish’ be a bit too close to meat? Okay, that aside I do think Shin has a rather varied palate, mostly because he's had plenty of time to visit any place he’d wanted to visit and explore dishes and specialities to the point where it would be extremely shameful if he chose to not keep an open mind about new dishes. I also think he’s particularly fond of Korean dishes (in a similar fashion to Hyun) simply because it feels like home, especially if it’s traditional enough that it can bring him back to the beginning of it all, perhaps without reminding of the contexts that had made the beginning difficult. And I also think he might be a little bit of a gourmet: he’ll absolutely eat what he can get, considering how fond he seems to be of beer he can’t say he doesn’t like junk food or anything you could get and/or make easily. But for some reason I have a feeling that Shin thinks of food in a ‘the eye wants its part too’ fashion, meaning that he also enjoys when something looks good, when it’s presented well, and when it looks like it’s trying to make an impression - which is something we’ve seen him do before. Kim Shin is characterised by an interesting combination of ancient and modern, old and young, where he is both wise and petulant, reliable and petty, and these many contrasts living within his personality, can present themselves in something as simple as cuisine, too. So, yeah, he’ll eat ramyeon. But also that Canadian steak. And he loves homemade... and sitting in fancy restaurants.

-. What’s something that gives him utter peace as soon as it’s there? The people he loves. The Goblin has lived so long, has seen so many things, has owned a great deal of trinkets, properties, treasures. But nothing material can bring him the peace that the people he holds dear to his heart can. Because even objects with value only have said value because they remind him of those he’s had to move on from, loved ones he no longer gets to see. So, he might show anger at losing a plate Louis XIV used to eat on, but did that plate bring him peace? No. Does knowing Ji Eun-tak is safe, sleeping in a room in his house, hopefully soundly, bring him peace? Yes. Does the pitter patter of Saja’s houseslippers headed towards his bedroom bring him peace? Yes. Does purposefully ignoring Deok-hwa’s faux innocent smile in his peripheral asking him for money bring him peace? Yes. Simply getting to sit there and witness the people he loves be themselves, alive, hopefully well, going about their existence by pursuing their hobbies, engaging in their quirks and habits, is the most Shin doesn’t dare to ask for. That’s when he’s tranquil: when he gets to see those he loves be, free of plight, or imminent danger. When he’s sitting on their couch and watching Eun-tak spread her homework across their coffee table and occasionally shoot him that special smile, while Saja slurps on his milk and gets too invested in a drama playing on TV, and Deok-hwa is walking into the room babbling about some girl-related nonsense, well... What more can he possibly want?

-. How was his life during the Joseon era? I remember one shot of Shin in Joseon era, I think he’s sitting at a table and having a good time, possibly even gossiping about something, I don’t remember the episode this scene was in, nor can I find it anywhere else, but unless I’m having brain fry, I vaguely remember his appearance as well: according to his outfit, he must have been a yangban. Yangban is sort of what you could have considered nobility at the time, the ruling class of the Joseon dynasty, made up of military officials and/or scholars. Why am I mentioning this? Well, because obviously Kim Shin would have found a way to become a yangban. The title/class of Yangban is, this all according to my research so if I’m wrong shoot me and pls correct me, something a man had to earn by passing certain exams/attending a school, that would basically qualify them for the social status that would then turn the entire family into a yangban family (also because women couldn’t take these exams and studies, nor become officials or scholars, but could still inherit the title of yangban female from their fathers, for example). So, how was his life during the Joseon era? Well, high class I would say. I don’t remember what was being discussed in that scene, so I can’t say for sure, but I can’t see Shin choosing to become a military official yet again. Considering his experiences with the empire while serving it as a general, I can see Shin simply defying from the crown by minding his own and no longer offering his self and his services in any direct way to the palace. I can see him as a scholar, perhaps simply living his life as a yangban male and every now and then attending a few things just to maintain his status, all while he simply continued to explore the country and play pranks on other officials. And I can’t tell you why, but I can absolutely see him play pranks on other officials, or sneak some reading material to a daughter, or monopolise the attention of court ladies just because he can, going as far, of course, as he can get away with flirting with anyone at the time. He most definitely grew fond of a few faces here and there, since Shin is literally incapable of not growing fond of someone, once you enter his heart, you simply do, it’s far too big for a man like him, and far too willing, far too desiring, desiring to give and receive love, to give and receive attention, to give and receive the warmth and familiarity of connections. So, he led a good life, definitely financially speaking and simply in terms of quality, he was probably annoying for some, and probably avoided the very centre of palace life, because I can see him not wanting to have as much to do with royalty anymore.

-. Are there certain things in the past that he wishes could be available in the modern world, or is he fully comfortable with what's at hand? Shin is the sentimental type. I’m not even headcanoning it, and even if he attempts to hide it, he usually does an awful job at hiding just how much he cares and how much things affect him. He’s very loud and almost obnoxious at times in his reactions, he explains himself the same way a child might at times, he’s excitable, and he doesn’t feel shame to show Saja how much it matters to him, what impression he’d make in front of Eun-tak. He cares, and while vocal admittances are usually reserved for those very serious moments, he’s always proving just how sentimental he is. So, I would say, it’s a yes to both those alternatives. First the latter: yes, he’s fully comfortable with what’s at hand, because the modern world simply has so much to offer that he enjoys. Even if he doesn’t understand it or make regular use of it, you can see him move about the modern world rather comfortably, learn about any new customs, institutions, or ways of living. He keeps himself up to date (the business card thing, I swear-), he likes to tap into new passions and likes. And at the same time, he loves the world he came from. I always feel like, compared to perhaps Hyun, who I’m mentioning here because you know him which makes comparison easier (;3), who doesn’t feel himself to belong in any particular era but rather to existence as a whole, whenever I watch Shin, he’s extremely self-aware of the fact that his time on Earth has long ‘expired’. Other than the fact that he literally should have died back in Goryeo, one of the things that kind of fortifies this idea for me is what Shin looks like when he does actually die (and then returns): he’s dressed in the same clothes he wore when he ‘died’ in Goryeo. Shin’s soul seems to belong to Goryeo still, and as such, the life he’d led at the time (now, personal interpretation) somehow feels like The life, his life, while all the centuries that followed had been the extension. The culture, the habits, the food, the garments, anything, honestly, that belongs to Goryeo feels as if it’s something Shin knows, things he grew up with, things that shaped him, that was his time, and the modern world, Joseon, they’re times he’s visiting, even if it’s against his will. That’s the vibes I get. And I realise this answer is perhaps a little too much in contrast to the question :’3

-. How would he feel if a particular gumiho suddenly hugged him from behind? 👀 Oh YEAH- Now, I could answer this question by dipping into what we’ve seen Shin do in the canon in romantic scenarios/romantic-coded scenes, but I don’t want to. Because I don’t want to recycle reactions and demeanour he portrayed for/relating to Eun-tak, I want to explore what he does, and who he is, in the particular world that is verse 4 (because, this is a particular verse for Shin as well, since Yeo’s the bride <w<). SO, the reaction obviously always depends on what stage of their relationship they’re in <w< In the canon, he usually startles when Saja does anything remotely romantic(-coded?) (well, safe for some scenes where he looks a little surprised but not displeased-), but in my boat- Circumstances are different, Yeo/the person is different, and they’ve been interacting differently. I think at a point in time in which nothing has been said but a lot has perhaps been done and/or hinted at, insinuated, he’d probably startle and not really know what to do with himself. The worry that this is just a fox-antic meant to tease him or poke fun at him might be small, but very much present, so he’d just try to play it off with some lame line, half-jokingly insinuating Yeo’s being sweet because he wants something, or even straight up interpret it as Yeo holding onto him because he stumbled and Shin was just... there, to hold onto to so he doesn’t have to fall flat on his face. Have things been... discussed though, honestly, we know sometimes Shin acts like a shy virgin, which is honestly adorable, and he might even act that way a little bit in this scenario where he just has that goofy smile on his face and is doing that flustered shifty eyes thing, but I also like to think that the moment Yeo’s arms are around him, Shin just.. laughs. Like, a warm, heartful chuckle, as he leans back into Yeo’s chest and just kind of leans his head back and turns it enough to be able to look at Yeo, give him a silly flirty one-liner, maybe try to get a kiss out of hi- Or he’ll end up turning around in his arms still to grab his face and SMOOCH HIM- Might be vary slightly depending on what Shin’s doing, but this is the gist of it, yet, no matter what, sMOOCH FINALE-

#jeoseungsaja #a:#the goblin;about #the memories i have of you are not quite as bloody as you might be inclined to assume;historical wang yeo & kim shin #ALEX I CAN'T BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE HURRICANE OF EMOTIONS I GOT WHEN I SAW THIS ASK #FIRSTLY oh goodness i hope these are any good at ALL it's been so long since i've seen a full episode aND might be a little off on #quite a few things actually i'm not sure but basically I HOPE THESE MAKE SENSE #SeCONDLY th ank y OU s O m uCH THANK YOU SO HECKING MUCH I CAN'T SAY IT ENOUGH #JUST? THESE the reason I wrote way too much is just because you GAVE ME SO MUCH THINKING MATERIAL THESE #HONESTLY I GOT TO DO SO MUCH THINKING AND SETTLING AND #JUST thank you so much for sending these and for giving my Kim Shin a SHOT hONESTLY? I got so excited writing this my brain suddenly went #'hey make a single muse blog for kim shin bc this is kind of BOSS' BUT I WON'T because he's all set up here iT'S JUST THAT #THE THOUGHT POPPED UP AT ALL? goes to show how much you do for him and me and my inspiration and writing and BASICALLY #if folks aren't stanning Alex on both jeoseungsaja and theimpalpable i'm NO LONGER ASKING-#gonna post it in a pinned pOST I SWEAR JUST?? this is she is YOU'D JUST- honestly-#;queue

8 notes · View notes

cv-nobody-and-associates · 3 years

Text

Foggyvent Epilogue, and a new beginning

Nobody Wants To Know

Part I – Prologue

The Hub was an interesting place. A meeting place among the infinite dimensions across the multiverse, it was a large and vaguely dome-shaped space with a pale silver colour in the sky and a metallic texture to its walls and floor. It was filled with tables and chairs of various sizes and shapes to accommodate all of the physical impossibilities that would find themselves sitting there, and it was at one such table that Nobody found herself in conversation with her succubus companion, Zila.

The two had loved one another from their first meeting, and as such when Nobody needed comfort and answers after her experience with the fog, there was only one person she sought out. Launch was a close second, but her second partner was rather difficult to track down on most occasions, and was usually not interested in getting involved in serious matters such as this, preferring to take a more background role.

“…And then the vision passed.” Nobody finished her recounting of exactly what she had seen in the fog – the two figures that taunted her and the vision of those she cared about most laying dead at her feet. “I still don’t know what it truly meant, but ever since I’ve been feeling…different than I used to. I don’t think that I only saw my fears.”

“You think it was some kind of vision?” Zila said, in that youthful silken voice of hers. In more pleasant circumstances, Nobody could lose herself in that wondrous sound, but at the moment she had more pressing concerns. Still, even watching Zila’s beautiful skin and golden blond hair, gazing into her piercing yellow eyes as she spoke, brought Nobody comfort.

“Sort of.” Nobody answered. “Not a vision of the future, but perhaps it was showing me some truth within myself. Something I have been incapable of remembering for whatever reason. Perhaps a good reason.” Zila seemed to frown at that, and Nobody almost felt dumb for even suggesting the idea. At times, Zila’s charisma was infectious even without her willing it. One of many features that came from being a Succubus. Two drinks arrived at their table, which Zila took, passing one to Nobody, who nodded her thanks.

“What kinda ‘good reason’,” Zila said, emphasising the air-quotes. “Would there be for not knowing who you are?” She asked. Nobody shrugged in response, uncertain of how to answer the question herself.

“I can only conclude it’s something my employer would want.” She replied. “Kuryo has informed me that my existence has certain terms, namely serving him on my missions. This could be another?” Nobody shook her head. “I’m really not sure, and it’s something I intend to look into. But it’s not the only reason I came here.”

“Oh?” Zila said, placing her head forward and resting it on one slender yet well-toned blue arm. She grinned for a moment, showing pale white fanged teeth for just a moment. Behind her question-marked face, Nobody smiled warmly, and placed her hand on Zila’s free one.

“I also came to see you.” She said happily. Zila’s face blushed a warm red colour, something that Nobody found adorably amusing. “After seeing the other vision, seeing you lifeless… I had to. I’m sure my friends would consider it selfish, but I won’t apologise for my devotion to you surpassing any other factors.”

“You mean everything to me, Zila.”

“Y-you’re just trying to make me blush!” Zila playfully protested, quickly putting her hands to her face and shaking side to side, a sight that made Nobody laugh, with a genuineness she hadn’t felt in quite some time. Zila took a moment to calm herself before speaking again.

“What about your other partner? Lift-off or Rise or something like that?” She asked, and Nobody sighed.

“Launch.” She corrected. “I love them too. Of course I do, and there’s next to nothing I wouldn’t do for them. We’ve discussed this before, and nothing has changed.”

“Nothing?” Zila asked. “Wait, does that mean that they still don’t know about… you know, about us?”

“Whether or not they’re aware, I cannot say.” Nobody said, leaning back in her seat and sipping her drink, an odd substance that tasted vaguely like orange juice despite looking like clear water. “But I have yet to have the opportunity to tell them. I intended to, but then they died.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Don’t panic, it wasn’t permanent.” Nobody chuckled, and Zila sighed in relief. “I don’t fully understand the details, but they have a system in place that makes them essentially immortal. They respawned, and sent me their location. Alas, I was unable to find them before getting side-tracked by work. We next saw each other at the New Year’s party on Creatorverse, Internia. And only briefly before disaster struck.”

“What kind of disaster?” Zila asked. She was always curious about Creatorverse, a world that she herself had yet to visit. “Was it those Blockhead things you told me about?” Nobody shook her head.

“No, I’m told it was Mori.” Zila nodded, vaguely recalling what Nobody had said about the mysterious Mori.

“That’s the destroyer god, right?” She asked. Nobody thought for a moment, then shrugged.

“Something like that, I think. I forget the full story, and no one ever seems to agree on the details.” She answered. “All I know is that Mori used to live in Creatorverse, but was exiled for some reason, and now they want to destroy us all for revenge?” Zila raised an eyebrow.

“That sounds kinda fishy.”

“I agree.” Nobody nodded. “But it’s not really my business to examine it further. I’ve got nothing against Mori, nor any of their companions. I’ll only intervene if absolutely necessary. Not my fight.”

“So, they sabotaged the party?” Nobody nodded at Zila’s deduction.

“Indeed. They were also responsible for releasing the fog. I think they were trying to get some kind of paperwork using it, but I don’t believe I caught the full message before I left. I didn’t see Launch at all after New Year’s. I hope they avoided the fog.”

“I hope they’re okay too.” Zila said comfortingly. “Based on what you’ve told me, they sound pretty cool.” She smiled at Nobody.

“If they only seem ‘pretty cool’, I must have undersold them.” Nobody joked, and the two laughed pleasantly for a few moments.

“Hopefully I’ll get to meet them someday.” Zila said. Nobody nodded, raising her glass.

“With any luck. It would be great for all three of us to hang out sometime.” The two lovers clinked their glasses together happily and drank for a moment. There was a pause before Zila spoke again, this time nervously.

“If…” She hesitated, and Nobody leaned forward, listening intently. “If you had to choose. If you had to choose between me or them-”

“I’d choose you.” Nobody cut her off. “I love Launch, I care for them a lot, but you’re always my number one priority.”

“Thank you.” Zila said after a moment, shining clear watery tears.

“No need to thank me for honesty.” Nobody replied. “But enough about me. How have you been? Hopefully you’ve been doing better than my vision suggested.” She joked, which caused Zila to chuckle before groaning into her hands at the thought of how things had been going for her.

“Ugh. Let’s just say I’m glad you’re here. Things haven’t been going well since our last meeting.” Nobody took a long sip of her drink.

“Oh, trouble at work?” Nobody asked, setting Zila off.

“You have no idea!” She cried, throwing her arms up in frustration for a moment. “All I’m trying to do is seduce people and take their souls, but everyone keeps trying to get feelings involved! It’s so uncomfortable. I’m just there to fuck, not for love.”

“That’s not how I remember our times in bed.” Nobody said light-heartedly. “I seem to recall us being very passionate indeed, in more ways than just physical.” Zila froze for a moment, going red.

“You’re the exception.” She said, seemingly both flustered and amused. “No one else is like you, ya know.”

“I believe I do.” Nobody nodded. Her thoughts wandered back to her vision in the fog for another moment. “Although I find myself wondering as to what I am like now. There’s still so much I don’t know…” She trailed off, something Zila noticed.

“It’s the vision, isn’t it?” She asked, to which Nobody nodded. “If it’s bugging you so much, you gotta go look into it.” Nobody looked up for a moment.

“I…” She stumbled over her words. “I have some ideas. Nothing concrete, but there are a few places that might hold some answers for me.” She thought for a moment.

“The other Nobodies.”

“Pardon?”

“When I enter another world, there is only one me.” Nobody began to explain frantically. “I just change to fit that world and its rules. But there are three exceptions I know of. One I made, one I chose, and one took the name herself. Three other Nobodies. And if I am included, there are three people within me. It’s not a coincidence, I just don’t know how it connects.” Zila smiled happily. Hearing Nobody ramble so passionately always brought her joy.

And if she was being honest, she had certain ideas for what to do with three Nobody’s…

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go check them out!” Zila encouraged. Nobody smiled beneath her question-marked face and burst forth from her seat, before remembering a crucial detail she had forgotten.

“WAIT, CV!” She yelled in a panic. “I was meant to get some things! Vanilla extract and a big magic supply! And I was meant to help those outside in the fog!”

“Wait, the fog was still happening when you got here?!” Zila shrieked in surprise. “I thought it was done!”

“I’M SORRY, I HAD TO SEE YOU!” Nobody said in response. Zila stood for a moment, briefly going red before sighing.

“Hun, I love you, but sometimes you can be a real dumbass.” Nobody nodded at Zila’s wisdom, chuckling a little. “Give me a sec, I’ll help.” Nobody gave Zila a quick hug in response to her words.

“Thanks Zila, you’re a life saver!” Zila rolled her eyes but gave Nobody a loving smile as she gently left her arms, and opened up a flaming portal. One of the perks of being a succubus was the ability to essentially travel anywhere, and in style to boot.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” Zila said, before blowing a kiss at Nobody, which the question mark girl happily caught. She then vanished through the portal.

As she waited for Zila’s return, Nobody took the time to write a small note to apologise for her absence.

Dear Shandy, or whoever else finds this note,

I apologise for failing in my duties during the Fog Outbreak. I had much to do, and some crucial personal business that I am afraid takes priority over anything and anyone within the city. Said personal business is also why I will not be returning in person.

The Fog may have shown others their fears, but to me it showed a vision. It allowed for some part of me long forgotten to connect to the rest, and I now need to find answers. I understand if you will not forgive me, but I shall not apologise.

However, thanks to a special someone, I have some gifts I had promised, that I hope shall make up for my extended absence.

Take care, and don’t die,

Nobody In Particular

Zila returned as soon as she had finished writing the letter, holding a rather nice-looking woven basket.

“Alright, I got you a bunch of Vanilla extract, a duplication ring they can use to get more, and…” She took out a large black sphere that seemed to hold within it a burning white-hot flame. “One Hell Pandora. It’s a magic sphere that holds some of the most potent powers and souls from hell, like a pocket dimension. Don’t worry about using souls, they were in Hell for a reason.”

Nobody nodded, taking the basket and briefly opening a portal of her own. She placed it carefully at the door of the council building, never fully stepping through. Once she was sure it had been safely placed down, she came back to The Hub.

She then wrapped Zila in a tender embrace, and after a moment the gesture was returned.

“I may not know the full story of who I am,” She began, before moving to look Zila right in the eyes, holding her by the shoulders. “But I know that I love you, and I always will.” After a moment’s hesitation, Nobody peeled back the question-mark face she wore, revealing her True Form and its human face beneath. Then, she gently removed that face as well, showing off the face of her Final Form.

Her right eye was finally open, a prism of strange and interdimensional energy held within it. Her natural blonde hair now stood in eerily still spikes, mixing with a misty aura around her. Her mouth was now masked with a deep purple and black misty aura, mixed with fiery fangs.

This was Nobody in her purest state, something that only Zila had ever seen. And whilst most avoided it as much as possible due to its fearful effects, Zila only ever admired it as she did all aspects of her lover.

Gently, Nobody kissed Zila, letting their mouths come to a pleasant embrace. It was all too brief for the both of them, but at the same time it was also a moment that neither would ever forget.

“No matter who you become, I’ll always love you.” Zila said, gently caressing Nobody’s face as it morphed back to its default question-mark state.

“Now go.” She spoke. “I’ll be waiting for when you return.”

And with those final words, Nobody departed, beginning her search for answers.

[END]

AN: Thanks for reading this! This started as just an epilogue for the Creatorverse Foggyvent, but I’ve been working on some of Nobody’s backstory and lore, so the idea to expand this struck me as an excellent way to explore it! The three other Nobody’s mentioned are all characters that I created, and the only AU Nobody’s to not just be the canon one shifting based on the world she’s in.

I should probably give some context for that. The short version is that Nobody is an extra-dimensional being. Specifically, she is a Fusion, which in this case means she is a cross between the souls of a Creator from Internia and an entity known as a Void Demon, an energy being that lives in the Void, a space between realities. Both of these are separate from Nobody, who is a third being created from combining the previous two. More info will be revealed as the story progresses.

As for Zila, she’s another sona of mine! I made her to be a somewhat less complex character than Nobody, who has a lot more complex lore behind her. So Zila’s whole deal is that she’s a Succubus from a realm known as Hell, and she travels across realms to…well, do what Succubi do. I’d be happy to talk more about her if asked.

Worth noting, Nobody is indeed canonically cheating on Zila with Launch, even though Zila is aware and fine with it. It’s not a poly without everyone knowing what’s going on and giving consent, and since Nobody has yet to tell Launch about Zila, it’s cheating. Out of character, Zila is just another representation of me just like Nobody. They’re both parts of me. So, unless dating literally myself counts, no IRL relationships are affected whatsoever.

There’s more I could ramble on about, but I don’t want to drag this AN out for too long, so I’ll leave you here. I hope you enjoyed this!

#creatorverse #my post #Nobody Lore #Nobody Wants To Know #Foggyvent #epilogue #Also a prologue

9 notes · View notes

ablednt · 3 years

Note

“No other discrimination you may face cancels out your cis privilege you absolutely must address this if you want to go on calling yourself an intersectional activist or a liberal because at this point it's all performative.”

Holy fuck, are you serious? How can you say this when black people and other racial minorities are still killed by the police and for hate crimes? Women in Mexico, ciswomen, are being murdered in such high numbers and basically everywhere around the world too for that matter because they’re cis women. Women who are trapped in ICE centers right now are having hysterectomies forced upon them. But the awful discrimination they face doesn’t matter because they might be cis? I just can’t wrap my head around this, that’s a really self centered mindset. I think you need to consider intersectional issues than just gender.

That's not what I said, and not what you quoted means even remotely. I did not say no other discrimination you face matters. I said none of that cancels out cis privilege. That's how intersectionality works, every one is discriminated against in some ways and privileged in others and the more ways people are discriminated against the more struggles they have.

For example I face discrimination for my disabilities, plurality, gender, sexuality, and more but absolutely none of that discrimination (even though some of it is extreme enough to put my life at risk) erases the fact that I have white privilege. I also am TME (transmisogyny exempt) so even though I'm Trans and nonbinary I still have privilege over people who face Transmisogyny. I also have privilege over many disabled communities because my body can see and hear and walk etc.

I cannot speak on how experiencing racism affects someone's experiences so I will not attempt to explain what level of cis privilege any of the aforementioned groups experience but I do know that there are trans and nonbinary BIPOC and that in their communities cis people do have privilege over them which they've talked about. This is what the concept of intersectionality is describing and iirc it was coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw to discuss racism in feminist spaces and it also inherently applies to any kind of privilege and discrimination. Rather than being synonymous with "inclusive" as it's often used, it's a way to look at the way discrimination overlaps and affects privilege and is necessary for understanding better how to accommodate people and coexist as marginalized communities.

My whole point is that facing other types of discrimination does not make people incapable of transphobia and nonbinaryphobia if they're not trans and nonbinary. That statement makes no comparison to other forms of discrimination and does not speak on their severity or importance in advocacy.

Edit: When I say I won't get into what privileges cis people of color have, I mean that as a white person I have no right to an opinion on that matter as that is very clearly an intercommunity discussion that I do not have the experience necessary to be a part of without being insensitive and discriminatory in one way or another because of my privilege. That conversation is best led by trans people of color, not me.

#death tw #ask to tag im not sure what to tag this #outbox #i would really love it if people would actually take the time to read the things im saying before putting words in my mouth #my blog is just that i think coolsville sucks meme by now and its exhuasting #if you truly dont understand what im saying ask nicely for an explanation before getting on my case i fucking swear to god

4 notes · View notes

brotheralyosha · 3 years

Text

DK: We should discuss the pivotal scene with Kevin Garnett that sets off the climactic sequence. The most memed scene in the movie: “This is how I win.” It’s this neat little examination of race and capitalism, in which Garnett catches on to the fact that Howard is massively profiting off of this deal they cut. And ultimately that they’re both profiting off of the Ethiopian mining operation that we see at the beginning of the movie. And he seems to convince Garnett that his talent for petty bourgeois exploitation is basically the same thing as being good at basketball.

AA: It may not have worked with any other basketball player besides Garnett. When Ratner is saying to him in that room, “This is how I win,” he’s saying that because he knows that Garnett is one of the most ruthlessly competitive players in the NBA. He’s notorious for saying and doing really fucked-up things to players on the paint—saying he fucked their wives, or like barking or blowing in their faces. Waging psychological warfare in order to win. You couldn’t make this movie with LeBron James or Dwyane Wade. Those are beloved, morally upright characters.

AMB: It has to be someone whose performance you can bet on, but also who sucks as a person.

NG: It seems important that the people who mined the opal are Ethiopian Jews. Aren’t the black opals decorating the yad or something, when the Ethiopian Jews are reading Torah, in the scene where Ratner’s showing Garnett the video where he discovered it? Ratner is compelled by that in an almost religious sense. There’s a spiritual dimension that he’s interested in, and some kind of feeling of community—Am Yisrael. But then, of course, it’s the inspiration for him to buy this opal from them to sell at a huge profit. So it turns out that the founding violence of the film is a white Ashkenazi Jew exploiting black Jews.

AA: Well, isn’t that also so Jewish? Historically, weren’t Jews merchants in part because they had access to Jews in other places? I don’t know. I’m changing my whole thing. I came in thinking, he’s American, but actually now, no, he’s a fucking Jew.

AMB: After America, there will still be the Jew.

JP: I’m not sold. It depends on what you mean by “the Jew.” Really, he’s just a normal, scummy guy dressed up as a Jew, dressed up in these mannerisms, but really his main connection to Jewishness is this material connection to this diamond mine many thousands of miles away.

There’s the intimation of world politics at the beginning when it’s Chinese guys who own the mine. There’s a whole world out there happening, and then it’s happening inside of this gem and Ratner cannot see it. The movie is about a man who comes into possession of a piece of the universe and doesn’t know what it’s worth.

AMB: Or only knows what it’s worth.

JP: And then he’s wrong. At the auction it’s worth way less than he thought!

NG: Are you sure he can’t see it? Ratner literally says, “You can see the whole universe in these things.”

JP: I think Ratner is a man without metaphysics. He’s incapable of metaphysics, or meaning, or any of these things. The question to me isn’t so much, does he have to be Jewish? Rather, it’s this: what does the fact that he’s Jewish mean? In this case, nothing. He’s festooned with Jewish symbols—the sign on his shop that’s a blessing for the store, the book Great Jewish Men—but when you ask what’s really Jewish about it, Jewish on a level deeper than a pastiche of symbols, it’s hard to answer the question.

There’s that Leonard Cohen quote where he says Judaism is “a secretion with which an eastern tribe surrounded a divine irritation—a direct confrontation with the Absolute. Today we covet the pearl, but we are unwilling to support the irritation.” Ratner doesn’t even come away with the pearl. He’s got nothing. He’s the non-Jewish Jew, in the opposite sense of Isaac Deutscher’s non-Jewish Jew. That to me was the central uncomfortable reality where this best reflects our lives—more than, say, the spiritually fraught main character of A Serious Man.

AA: In that sense, he’s American.

JP: Exactly. He has to be American.

“An Unserious Man,” Jewish Currents, by Arielle Angel, Jacob Plitman, David Klion, Nathan Goldman, and Ari M. Brostoff

#uncut gems #movies #jewish currents #jewish things #leonard cohen

2 notes · View notes

warrioreowynofrohan · 4 years

Text

Okay, this is probably going to offend people, but I need to get it off my chest because I feel like my brain is going in circles.

I’ve seen a lot of posts and statements and articles saying “It’s not the job of black people to educate white people about racism; educate yourself.”

And when it comes to people who are basically saying, “Prove to me that racism exists,” I get why that is a problem. In the interview transcribed in my previous post, my pastor talked about something absolutely horrific that happened to him. And he talks about it fairly frequently, and calmly and collectedly, in public fora, because it can take that kind of testimony to convince some non-black Canadians that racism is a serious problem in Canada. And that’s a terrible burden that he shouldn’t have to bear.

But I do not get the “educate yourself” narrative when if comes to discussions about how to confront and deconstruct systemic and structural racism. When you’e discussing policy - and when you’re discussing the even more complicated issues of forms of racism that can’t be addressed by government action and need to be dealt with in private sector, interpersonal, psychological, and other terms (i.e., it’s not like we can ban microaggressions) - I don’t see how we can get there without white people being allowed to ask black people questions and rely on their expertise and lived experience. There is only so far that articles, and books, and podcasts can take you, because pretty early on - after you’ve consumed a few of them - you are goung to come to issues where 1) there isn’t consensus and 2) there aren’t easy answers.

Ta-Nehisi Coates has talked about the problems of media and white people wanting “black spokespeople” to relay the views of the “black community”, when the black community contains as many viewpoints as it has people. (The media, ironically and I’m sure very frustratingly for TNC, responded to this by trying to treat him as a “black spokesperson”.)

But the only way to do this is to engage with multiple different black people with different viewpoints and, crucially, this means forming your own opinions. We cannot simply echo a generalized black consensus on social/policy solutions if that consensus does not exist and the assumption of such a consensus is, in itself, racist. And that means white people who want to get involved cannot simply listen, absorb, and accept - it means we ultimately need to make choices, I agree more with the perspective and policies of this person than that person, even if I first come across a few of the different perspectives by reading, podcasts, etc.

And that means that we need to be able to get in discussions, online and in person, with black activists and black friends, and we need to be able to ask questions and ask for elaboration and even disagree and debate in order to form thoughtful, meaningful opinions about how to go forward. Because anyone can spam their representatives with form emails, but if we really want to try to convince other people - friends, family, business leaders, politicians - we need to know what we’re talking about, have a strong understanding of our views and the arguments behind them. Trying to convince people by parroting standard talking points does nor work, and leaves them with less respect for your opinion. I know - I’ve tried. (On First Nations issues. The fact that there are several hundred First Nations groups, all with their own differing views and priorities, makes it very hard to say “We should do X because the First Nations want it” without looking like a moron.)

And I feel like I’m being told that if I try to have these conversations with black friends - and make them real, two-way conversations - I am making things worse. But without those conversations I am completely incapable of making things better.

One of the articles I read (thanks, @tolkienillustrations!) compared white people asking black people to explain racism to interrupting a professional baseball game to ask a player the difference between a ball and a strike. Fair enough. But to continue the metaphor, the goal isn’t for white people to watch the ‘baseball game’, it’s for us to participate. I see three options: 1) white people are supposed to learn everything for themselves, comparable to someone who has never played baseball trying to learn it solo from books and videos; 2) white people can learn from other white people, comparable to a whole team of people who have never played baseball trying to learn it by practising together; or 3) white people can learn from conversations with black people, conversations that are two-way and involve some give and take, even though white people will sometimes be clueless and inadvertently offensive; this is analagous to people who don’t know how to play baseball practicing with people who do know how to play baseball.

Option 3 is the only one that gets you a functioning baseball team. And I feel like everything I’m reading is telling me Don’t even bother showing up to the baseball game until you’re a good baseball player and that frustrates me deeply because I can’t do that without practice and I’m also being told that I’m a bad person if I’m not in the baseball game.

I don’t know how to do this without being able to ask questions. I don’t know how to do this without having the opportunity to ask, to try, and to form my own opinions, not solely echoing someone else’s. don’t know how to do this without black people being willing to tell me if I’m being clueless about something without regarding me as the enemy (or for that matter, overenthusiastic white people treating me as the enemy). I need to be able to disagree, challenge and raise counterarguments, because if I am going to try to convince other white people of policy solutions, I need to feel solidly convinced of the effectiveness of those policies and be able to answer the counterarguments other people will make. I can’t do any of this in isolation. I can’t learn all of this from books.

So no, I can’t do this - none of us can do this - without black people being willing to educate us.

(Did I say something clueless in this post? Or this one? I don’t know! I can’t know if nobody tells me!)

(Also, the crying thing bugs me and feels like it’s repurposing old sexist tropes about women deliberately crying to be manipulative. I can’t tell you how many instances of serious criticism from a teacher, supervisor, or other authority figure I’ve got through without crying, but it’s definitely less than 50%. Telling someone they’re a shitty person for having emotions will not, amazingly, cause them to stop feeling those emotions. And yes, I do recognize that people do that all the time to black people who get angry.)

I feel like being sincere and honest is more productive than sticking to talking points and is the only way to really move forward in a meaningful way, so I’m putting this out there even if it is offensive.

(Wow, it feels good to get that out. I feel like I’ve repeated the gist of this post at least 10 times in my head, except all of those contained a lot more CAPSLOCK. I’m like 90% calmer for just having organized this and written it down.)

#racism #racial justice #politics #dialogue #blacklivesmatter

15 notes · View notes