#i like to think he naturally tends to have that body type where he cannot keep muscle on. but he has managed it by sheer brute force anyway

[bansenshukai]

1.17.23 - returning to my original purest reason for art making (to draw shirtless anime men)

#kakashi #scribbles #my babygirl #ilysm. so tragic he has no ass #i hc him as lean but fairly built thanks to his insane training regimen #i like to think he naturally tends to have that body type where he cannot keep muscle on. but he has managed it by sheer brute force anyway #he hates forced bedrest bc the muscle just melts off and it takes so much work to build it again #+ repeated use of chidori -> scarring (konoha's medical division is pretty good but not good enough to fix such a severe repeated injury)

[akiology]

Hi 💕! It’s nice seeing someone with persona content! May I please request headcanons for Goro Akechi and Ren Amamiya having a short girlfriend? Someone petite who has to step on their tip toes to kiss them, ask them to reach stuff at the top shelf, and maybe how they carry them? Thanks!

Akiren, Goro with a short girlfriend

Note: I love this ask because I am short af and only up to Ren and Goro's shoulders (in terms of official heights). I might've went crazy since this is something I can relate to, oops?

Akiren

Ren deeply cares for his friends and teammates alike. And that includes you, ESPECIALLY you. He finds you very adorable, and is protective of you. But he respects your space and trusts your judgment. He is the kind of boyfriend to observe you and your body language first should you encounter a shady person while he is talking to someone. If he sees you getting uncomfortable, he will intervene.

His protectiveness is amplified when you are more than a few inches smaller than him. He does not think you are fragile or anything though! Just think of it like cuteness aggression, except instead of aggression he is filled with immense feelings of overprotectiveness. He sometimes cannot resist pinching your cheeks, or patting your head. (If you let him!)

If you like wearing your boyfriend's clothes, and Ren sees you wearing one, ha! He feels like he can die happy at the sight. It makes him so happy that if this was the last thing he sees he would not regret it. (He actually said that to you).

He also does this thing where he sits with his legs far apart so he is taking most of the space. When you ask him where you will sit, he pats the space between his legs and smirks. If you do comply, he will wrap his arms around you and place his head on your shoulder. He also gives you neck kisses like this, and if you are ticklish... Good luck!

He likes helping you with whatever you need that otherwise you may have a hard time doing on your own. Like since he has longer legs, he tends to walk faster. He will try to match your pace, or hold your hand so you do not get lost. He would love to give you a piggyback ride, and when you cuddle he loves cradling you. When you ask for a kiss, he would happily bend down. He loves doing certain tasks for you, like reaching the top shelves, or seeing over a barricade. Though he may tease you about it, and fish for compliments while he is at it.

"I cannot reach the coffee beans..."

"If only you have a strong, and tall boyfriend to help you," he says with a pout and slowly bending so you are face-to-face. A silent request for a kiss.

Goro

Goro is very closed off. He usually wears a mask and puts up many walls. The only rare few that gets close to him is his rival (and arguably his best friend), and you. So naturally he fusses about you a lot. And when you are smaller than him? Oho, he is even more annoying. Like he feels like it's his responsibility to protect you because of your small stature. He kind of feels like a white knight on a cavalry horse. He likes to be the one leading in the relationship, and it feels like it with the height difference.

Other than that, he adores you a lot. Practically heart-eyes whenever he looks at you, and sometimes he has a hard time of masking it. Like he puts a hand on your shoulder, and ends up mindlessly playing with your hair. Or you loop your arm around his and intertwine your fingers, he might unconsciously rub your hand with his thumb.

If you like wearing your boyfriend's clothes, and Goro sees you wearing his clothes... He is SO proud. He will smirk at you and tease you, asking you if you missed him that much. He also adores how big it looks on you. But after the first time, he will leave some of his clothes at your place. An invite to keep wearing his clothes, and will spray some of his cologne in it.

You are both are rarely seen together in public, for obvious reasons. But away from the limelight, he is very playful. The type to play with you, like he will be asking you to get him a drink that is out of your reach ON PURPOSE (He put it there). And he finds it amusing to see you struggling. He will help you after a while and give you a kiss to make up for it. However, if other people did this to you... Well. They better ask for forgiveness. Otherwise he would not be so kind.

He really loves it when you ask for a kiss, and try to get on your toes to reach him. He will eventually give it, but he finds it really adorable and entertaining to see you trying. He likes hugging you where one hand is on your back, and the other is behind your head. It makes you feel safe, and it makes him feel grounded. That you are really here, with him. He likes spooning you in bed and burying his head at the back of your neck. He will trail kisses from your neck, down your back. He also likes when any part of you is on top of him, like maybe your hand on his thigh or your head on his shoulder.

"I feel cold."

Goro looks over, and places an arm around your shoulder while pulling you towards him. "My poor [Y/N]," he coos while lifting your legs to place on top of his and putting a blanket over the both of you.

#persona #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #persona x reader #fluff #goro x reader #goro akechi #goro akechi x reader #akira x reader #akira kurusu x reader #akira kusuru #akira kurusu #ren x reader #ren amamiya #ren amamiya x reader #joker #joker x reader #crow #crow x reader

[palettepainter]

Weirdos in love

I’ve got Lew Zealand x Crazy Harry brainrot so have some small headcannons while I’m cutting stencils at work:

-Harry sleeps unnaturally still…to the point sometimes people panic and assume he might be dead. It doesn’t help that Harry naturally has a very pale completion which often has people mistaking him for being unwell when they first meet him. Harry is also not apposed to collapsing asleep at a desk or table. When Lew catches Harry asleep and unmoving he’ll place a written note by his head saying “Not dead, sleeping”

-Lew Zealand is trans I don’t make the rules guys 

-Harry loves taking apart random appliances to tinker with them and see how they work. More then once Lew has returned him to find Harry taking apart the toaster 

-They live in a small house together near a lake where Lew likes to go fishing. The house has an old basement Harry hides in to do all his explosive related work, while Lew practises his boomerang skills in the garden 

-Lew likes to go fishing, it’s a hobby he picked up in his teens but his family have always had a knack for fishing. He’s always been a more catch and release type of person though, he’s fine with eating fish based dishes but he doesn’t have the guts to kill a fish himself 

-Lew loves swimming and he used to compete in competitions at his school. He is very aerodynamic in the water and basically considers it a second home with how comfortable he is in the water. Harry on the other hand cannot swim to save his life, he never learnt, ontop of hating how cold water feels on his skin and the feeling of weightless ness Harry avoids large bodies of water at all times 

-Harry and Lew aren’t as smart as Bunsen and Beaker, but they’re not as oblivious as most people think. Lew has always loved and been passionate about sea life, he has a fondness for tropical fish and other species that often look peculiar or silly, like puffer fish.

Harry is also smart. He was the smartest kid in his science class and left with high grades…But he also knows a lot of bizarre weird facts no normal person would think about: like how to make a pipe bomb out of an air fryer, or how quickly acid can burn through metal, or how to pick locks without leaving evidence, how to hot wire a car, how to escape a country in a day (I’m not saying Harry has a past of criminal offences and may have gotten in trouble with police and has a past wrapped in mystery but I am saying it’s a possibility) 

-Harry loves knitted cardigans and sweaters, though he leans more towards cardigans. Maybe he could have grown up somewhere cold and far away from any big city? Hence why he can sometimes be a bit out of the loop with social ques and norms. All of his cardigans are well kept, but they all stink of smoke 

-Lew can’t cook to save his life and Harry only knows how to use a microwave and air fryer, so they often don’t eat the most healthy foods. Mac and Cheese is Harry’s favourite while Lew isn’t fussy and tends to eat whatever Harry does. Chef - as a culinary master - is personally offended at their poor diets and on more then one occasion has cooked meals for them (Lew and Harry are very enthusiastic about Chef’s meals, but his irritation about their poor eating habits fly right over their heads)

-They adopted, aka Harry found and brought home, sphynx cat named Newton. They thought they where a boy but it was only after they’d had the cat for a month did they realise it was a girl. Newton is Lew’s and Harry’s adopted hairless baby and they love love LOVE her. Harry in particular is very fond of their little wrinkly four legged child. If it wasn’t for Lew Harry would have adopted a whole army of hairless cats (he knits Newton sweaters in his free time)

-Harry has a bizarre ability of just…appearing out of no where. You’ll walk round a corner and Harry will unexpectedly be there, unblinking, staring at you 

-Lew and Harry are close with the band, and Harry in particular is good friends with Animal - mostly because the two balance out each other’s craziness. Newton also loves Animal and likes to curl up on his drum stool or lick at his mess of hair. The other band members are sometimes caught off guard by Harry and his ability to appear out of no where, except for Floyd 

-Lew is a big summer guy, while Harry hates the heat. Lew is all about summer fun! Swimming in the sea, sandcastles, ice cream, volley ball on the beach, fishing, kayaking, the whole show! Meanwhile, Harry is huddled under an umbrella at the far end of the beach the furthest away from the sea 

-Harry is the best person for scary stories because he doesn’t hold back, something which Lew learnt the hard way and paid the price for by not sleeping well for the next five days. 

-Lew and Camilla are surprisingly very close, they bond over the fact of them both having crazy, bizarre husbands who they adore dearly. Camilla sometimes asks Lew to “eggsit” for her when she and Gonzo go out for the evening. Harry doesn’t understand why they need to babysit…eggs of all things, but he knits Lew egg cozies for them 

-For some reason I can picture Lew as being Italian, or at least he has strong family ties in Italy 

#Fools in love #theyll either blow something up or have a romantic take out dinner of Mac and cheese #Whose to know for sure what will happen #Muppets #the muppets #Lew Zealand #Crazy Harry #Ships #headdcanons

[mermaidsirennikita]

Do you have any recs for paranormal romances? 🤔 No worries if not 😘

I have recs, but they're limited. I actually read a good bit of PNR as an impressionable youth, but because I don't remember their quality or even whether I'd consider them romance these days..... I'll hold off until I revisit.

There is, obviously, Immortals After Dark, my favorite romance series... possibly of all time. To paraphrase Edward Cullen, IAD is like a drug to me. It's hot, it's demented, and part of why I haven't gotten into other PNR series since I blazed through it is because I want to make sure I'm not doing a comparison.

Some people say these books can be read as standalones... I think some can, some can't, and there tends to be books that for sure read better with some context. I.... haven't rated an IAD book below a 4/5, so I tend to recommend them generally, with warnings.

My obligatory cheat sheet with tropes, hooks, and triggers is here. Many species are covered in this series. My top 5 IAD books would, as of now, of now, be:

Lothaire (which I literally consider a romance classic, it's bold as hell). Insane vampire villain paired with tough as nails defiant heroine who tries to outplay him with her mind AND her pussy.

Pleasure of a Dark Prince. Earthy sexual guy paired with valkyrie who's made a deal with a goddess to stay chaste in exchange for supernaturally accurate archery skills. Chastity becomes a lot harder when they must team up to take down a cannibalistic god. An EXTREMELY horny book.

Dark Needs at Night's Edge. Bloodlust-maddened virgin vampire is taken to a New Orleans mansion to detox by his brothers, thinks he's hallucinating a hot dancer that nobody else can see, but in fact, she's a HOT GHOST. Has one of my all time, world star heroines, and God I love him too--also has a scene where she's like stripping for him while he pretends to be unable to see her. Neomi is my FOREVER GIRL. This pairing is the "HE SAID NO PICKLES" pairing of IAD, and I stand by that.

Dark Needs at Night's Edge. Demon king/sorceress. She kidnaps him and chains him to a bed in order to conceive a child, but he has to verbally vow that she's his wife in order for the kid to be legitimate (which is important for her brother's evil plot). Sooooo a fuckton of edging commences. It's very dubcon, very dom/sub, has an evil heroine who slowly becomes... less evil, sort of, paired with a very upstanding demon dude who gradually releases that he actually enjoys dominating his partners.

MacRieve. Extremely emotionally damaged werewolf paired with an "unbeknownst to her" succubus in what is THE MOST EMOTIONALLY SCARRING BOOK I'VE EVER READ LOL. But I do love it. It's very challenging. There's a lot of trauma. I wouldn't recommend reading this solo, but it is one of my favorites, so.

... Anyway, I would also recommend Kathryn Ann Kingsley's Tenebris trilogy, which cannot be read as standalones and must be read in order. It's a horror/monster/occult paranormal romance set in like, a pseudo-1920s type world. The heroine goes on a crusade to find her missing twin brother, runs into his old professor who turns out to be not only a stern brunch daddy, but a high-ranking cultist who merged his body with an internal demonic creature that manifests in murderous shadow tentacles. Naturally, there's tentacle sex. And stuffing.

TW: secondary romance involves a supporting character who is a trans woman (transition was magically ensured) and a cis monster hunter guy. It's a wonderful romance. However, the trans character is briefly kidnapped by a villainous figure who attempts to forcibly de-transition her. This is portrayed as bad, is largely offscreen and brief, doesn't work, and the main lead rescues her and is totally supportive of the trans character, as is everyone else who is sane in that moment.

Mating the Huntress by Talia Hibbert is a light, fluffy, HOT Halloween-set werewolf novella. The heroine comes from a long line of werewolf hunters, which is PROBLEMATIC when the werewolf she's trying to hunt recognizes her as his mate. I love it when werewolves do that. Very soft, and the hero is a *virgin*.

Run, Run Rabbit by C.M. Nascosta. My personal favorite of Nascosta's works because while I appreciate her soft content, I prefer toxicity. The world has monsters and humans out in the open. The hero and heroine are both werewolves and work in a law firm together. They are hyper competitive, he's her boss, and she..... smells like prey. They enter into a years-long situationship where they meet and fuck (sometimes in shifted form) which culminates in this Lupercalia celebration where they've kinda gotta nut up or shut up about what they are to each other. DOES include a scene where he comes inside her and makes the other werewolves clean her up. Also includes a scene where she helps him get off by making out with him while two human women blow him. It's not for everyone. It is for me.

Laura Thalassa's Four Horsemen quarter is a post-apocalyptic PNR-type series. The setup is basically "woman meets horseman of the apocalypse; sex and love ensues". Best if read in order. Very dramatic. Lots of violence and gore. Pestilence and Death are virgins (the heroine of Death's book basically gets down there and is like "welp, I'm taking one for the team", which is a NICHE trope I love--"someone must give this monster an orgasm to save the world, and it might as well be me").

I've heard good things about Nalini Singh and Gena Showalter, buuuut I'm holding off on them until I'm in *the mood*.

#romance novel blogging #book recs

[corruptedsilence]

@sssardonian-ssserpent​ asked: ((I’ve once heard a great analogy about how evolution is not able to be premeditated by an intelligence and is in fact merely based on the surroundings of the environment it’s based in. That’s what has me looking at people who are like “survival of the fittest means bullying people who you perceive as weak because they’re not conventionally stronger” like 🤨. Like, no, that’s not what survival of the fittest means. It means being the most suited to survive your environment. Like how the Galapagos Finch split into many different subspecies, with beaks built for different tasks (blunt beaks for crushing seeds, thin ones for grabbing bugs out of holes in trees, etc) or how it’s actually scientific fact that people’s genetics, if someone came from poverty or were in circumstances that lead to little food, will go on to ensure their offspring will gain more weight faster so they don’t starve.))

See and its’ that reason why my Anthropology teacher always hammed in the phrase

“ Death to the least fit “

Because it more accurately describes the phenomenon. The term “survival of the fittest” implies that you only survive by being the fittest amongst the species, but that simply isn’t true. Especially becaise “fittest” is subjective. A natural disaster can easily change who is the fittest being, but the previous “fittest” can still survive so long as they are not the least fit of the species.

The idea that “your genetics are shaped by what you see” or intelligence as you put it is outrageous. It’s because whatever allowed the species to survive to the next generation will most likely (unless there’s a mutation) be passed down to the next generation.

When it comes to vampires and threnody/vampair while I do believe that Artemis can still die of starvation, he in his methods based on the drastic change that happened still allowed him to survive and as such his genetics in vampire-type/species were passed on to his fledglings. Duke, who already was horribly skinny and mostly starved was able to survive better because of his own human genetics, mixed with Artemis’s vampiric influence which then allowed him to be incapable of dying from starvation.

Not only was Duke already able to survive in such a starved state, but also Artemis and his ability to live through the great vampiric starvation were passed to Duke.

Artemis was not the fittest, as he still starved, he still struggled, but he survived and the things that allowed him to survive were passed down which can go on to grow and mutate in their own right. Just like in real life, the traits and genetics that allow generations to continue living are passed on and often times its a natural disaster or a drastic change in environment that DOESNT change genetics, but it FAVORS, other species.

The least-fit creature might not survive in one environment, but if it’s changed or they migrate, they might be in a favorable spot which allows species who already have these traits to continue to thrive.

It’s not a matter of the species changing to the environment, but that the environment favors certain traits which determines who can or cannot survive. You’re right, with how people who have survived with little food, their kids are more likely or inherit the traits that allowed them to survive in such circumstances. One reason my doctors weren’t too concerned about my weight was because they think it was genetic. My birth family was horribly poor, like, living in an allyway, no food or drink poor because you gotta love Russia.

But they survived, they were still able to survive and it’s more likely I have a slowed metabolism because it is that slow metabolism that allowed them to survive and not die. I also tend to be extremely warm, I give off a lot of body heat as well. I cannot wear long sleeve shirts because I start sweating horribly, i just give off too much heat, but if I were in russia where i was born that could help me a whole lot. I just happen to be in a place where I don’t have to worry about that. They think it’s genetic which sucks cuz its near impsosible for me to lose weight, but I’m able to stay a stagnate weight despite me literally not eating anything.

Legit I do not eat food often. I don’t like eating food that much. I rarely feel hunger and only get hunger pains after 12+ hours. I just--- don’t need a lot of food often enough and when I was a kid (and my ADHD was more treated liek it is now) i didnt have issues with energy levels or being able to do work either. it’s so fascinating when considering it’s not just “mind sees this thing, it adapts”. It’s so much more wonderfully complicated than that which i think is also a lot cooler too

#Out for a Bite // OOC #Screams from the Abyss // MT

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

oh, our discord is raihansofficialboywife if thats .. reassuring (?) for you. .. dont say anything about the username, i know its silly but its personal for us so just dont question it lmao . again i dont really have any interest in moving this over there but im.. sure youre well aware of that by now hm?

we have the inner voice thing, kind of. im not really sure if thats actually even what it really is, but we can talk to each other without saying anything outloud, headspace or otherwise. ("i think thats just telepathy" - luca .. true, but still lol..) admittedly sometimes i miss my old bodies, but i think the one i have now is pretty nice. i dont really have a solid form, i kind of change tiny things about my appearance constantly even when i dont mean to, but mostly i latch onto whatever im presenting as at the moment with my own things added, some of them are surprisingly consistent between forms, like my fucked up eye whcih is why i have the x as that eye in the little emoticon thingies (x_o <- those) .. i like having my own little typing related things that are specific to me because theyre tied to my personal appearance in headspace, its a nice special comfort. andrew does it too, he puts little bunny ears on the sides of all his kaomojis.

i could talk a lot about my headspace appearance, because i personally find it very interesting .. but i also am very much a narcissist (npd holder, along with.. just being incredibly self absorbed and otherwise narcissistic by definition even outside of the pd, hahah) so i personally find every little tidbit about myself to be utterly fascinating.

man thats fuckin awful, im sorry that shit happened to yall. like.. i cannot express enough how genuinely insane that is..? and excuse my language in referring to it.. just. lord. it still disturbs me to this day how malicious people can be for no real reason greater than for the sake of it. how i wish it was just humans but i suppose every being is unfortunately prone to that ill natured behaviour ..

thats a really crazy coincidence in all honesty лол. i forgot how exactly i started using it for myself, i think it started as an aesthetic thing to go along with an old layout of a blog i dont use anymore, and then i started using it as signoffs in asks and just.. got attached, and started using it for myself in general. we even use it for ourselves as a collective now, its been in our discord status and bio for like.. a month or two i think? maybe three. were really bad with time perception so i couldnt give a very good estimation if i tried.

🪷

No no it's okay, we don't need your discord but I am thankful you were at least open. While we are on discord far more frequently we should be talking where you're comfortable. Where both of us are comfortable.

And yes, I believe telepathy is very common in the headspace so I'm not too surprised it's not just us. It's funny too, because while we don't have a fucked up eye, we often feel like we do. It's so strange and I think almost like phantom feeling, like having a phantom limb except it's more of a phantom scar we can't explain. Of course we're not going to be dumb like those "trans-abled" people and fuck up our eye just because we think it would feel right, that's just stupid. (it's our left eye)

And yeah we know what you mean, having little things helps a lot. We have a hood with ears on it but it's got paws attached too. The ears are fixed upright but it's a black hood. Still, we love it and we're glad we have it.

We love our self absorbed alters /hj

No okay for some odd reason our brain tends to latch onto alters that tend to have more self-absorbed personalities. Does this go for all of our alters? of course not. But Edgar Valden, Bob Aken (Obake), Me and the multiple doubles we have of each. But then we also have our Andrew and Aesop doubles and they aren't self absorbed so much as they just prefer their space. It's so strange how our system works. Systems are fascinating tbh.

And yeah, it was just beyond fucked up. It was ridiculous and even when we tried to move someplace else they followed us over. It's just.. such drama. The idv fandom is really fucked up in general. Already a few servers we've come forward on have either been hostile towards us or have actually infantalized me. And I mean waving images of baby keys in my face level and "feeding me meat and rice."

Frankly our status will not hold that emoji forever. We actually.. have no clue why it's even still there lmao. We just put it there one day and never changed it. Time perception is hard fr.

#fictive #idv fictive #ask box #anon asks #night watch fictive

[stingslikeabee]

❛ 26 . a kiss on the stomach . ( from Yeehaw Daigo <3 )

the overwhelming desire to kiss . accepting

It was easy to pretend that time stood still whenever Daigo was around - and being the owner of that place definitely helped not being interrupted and having girls knocking at her door until the lawman left. However - maintaining that illusion tended to be a bit more complicated these days...

...Particularly when she felt nauseous every morning, could no longer stand the smell of certain types of fruit or even looked at the mirror in certain angles. That both of them managed to keep it a secret thus far was nothing short of a miracle - one undoubtedly supported by the fact Melissa had no clients of an intimate nature and that she could manage to keep up appearances by loosening just a bit of her corset.

"Do you think us mad, Daigo?" she asked at some point, but the madame was not looking at him; Melissa's honeyed hues were focused on the ceiling of her room, glued to a particular corner where the wallpaper was peeling off as if it was the most interesting thing of all world - and not the unborn child inside her body or the way that the Japanese man moved against her, laying by the brunette's side and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"I'm afraid I can't say I have a good track record with reasonable decisions," he murmured, but Daigo's voice was fond. His touch on her face was like a balm to soothe anxieties and worries that had multiplied since their... Accident happened. There were ways to try and resolve it, of course - but doctors would say these were not risk-free; and at Melissa's age, neighboring a third decade so soon, it made everything more complicated.

"I just don't want him to be shunned. It's not fair - he didn't ask for it," Melissa sighed deeply, "With me as his mother... It will haunt him. We would need to move or maybe he should speak no English. Maybe it would be good if he didn't know people are being mean to him."

"It shouldn't be a curse - I will see it doesn't turn into one," Daigo said with a certain determination in his voice, and raised his body enough to look at the woman at his side, propping an elbow over the mattress to ensure his angle wouldn't tire him out so easily - their conversation merited that seriousness, "Why should he be ashamed of having a mother that will do everything for him? That raised his aunts beautifully? He will be lucky to have you as the girls here do - but I cannot vouch for the father," the lawman quipped with a small grin, but he was successful in making Melissa laugh - as if he was the greatest problem in that equation.

Well - it wasn't without reason; Daigo's ancestry did bring problems more often than not even if he was no longer the token foreigner as the city grew and changed, but people could be horribly biased every now and then. The difference is that he had guns and an imposing stature - and the protection he offered now extended to Melissa, and arguably to their kid.

"Melissa - you keep saying 'he'; are you sure it's a boy?" the lawman raised an eyebrow at her, but his lover just nodded without a second of hesitation. As Daigo's hand trailed towards her stomach, so did one of the madame's - and they linked fingers there, together, as if hoping to transfer some sense of hope towards the child that was ignorant of the issues and complications likely waiting for him.

"I am - I even have... A name in mind," the brunette bit her lip next, ambar-colored irises meeting the intensely emotional, black ones above. Daigo seemed surprised - they had never discussed it before - but eager to learn more, shifting again over his body to redistribute his weight and nodding at the madame. "I thought about naming him Kazuya."

"Kazuya?" Daigo blinked, surprised; the name sounded different for someone who spoke Japanese as his first language, but Melissa's pronunciation had been good enough for him to get it. At the look of confusion, the brunette reached out to his face with a free hand, digits trailing his familiar visage with undeniable affection and watching how he, even after all these years, still leaned into her touch as if it was the first time.

Melissa would never have anyone else, really.

"I spoke to Shun. I asked for help with names that had... A hopeful meaning. He suggested a few, but 'Kazuya' sounds nice. It's not that hard to say for us and... I thought it would be nice. Some peace and harmony for our lives, if we can ask for it. Something tells me he will take after you - I thought a Japanese name would go nicely with him."

A moment passed - and then Daigo grinned again, but in a way that offered a glimpse of his teeth and poured all his soul into it. Melissa's breath was temporarily stolen - whenever he acted like that, it was impossible for her to even understand why most of the city feared him so much. Within the privacy of her room, he had always been the most brilliant and charming ray of hope; it was only fitting that their son carried that legacy.

"Kazuya," he repeated, nodding before moving again - he let go of his lover's hand, but only because Daigo crawled towards the end of the bed, finding a way to settle in-between Melissa's legs and kissing her stomach fondly, eyes peering up at the brunette before a second kiss followed and his hands gently held her in place.

"Hello, son," he chuckled, "I hope you're doing okay - but you should know we both want to meet you, Kazuya. It's scary out here... But you'll have the best mother. And your father will try his best, ok?" the coarse thumbs of Daigo's hands moved over Melissa's skin, adding to the gentle encouragement of his words, "We love you, Kazuya."

#dojimakaichou #v: Yakuza ; wild west AU #overwhelming desire to kiss prompts #replied #...I might have gone a bit ahead re. timelines #but the idea hit me like a brick this morning #so here it is :)

[godofstrife]

dimitrios demopoulos / "two faced monster"

pansexual and switch

bartender at an 18+ bar / vrykolakas

to be finished

full name - "do you think asked for this?"

dimitrios demopoulos (Διμιτριος Δεμοπουλος)

the name dimitrios is a name of greek origin, it means devotee of demeter. demopoulos is derrived from either demeter or demos.

nicknames / aliases - "look i know this seems bad but at least i am no werewolf."

dimitri is a short hand of his name, often used by close friends.

gender, relationship to gender & sexuality - "just call me a vampire will you?"

dimitrios has never really thought of his sexuality as something of importance, he tends to very much go with the flow when it comes to his likes and dislikes concerning sexual intercourse.

he considers himself as a cisgender man, using he/him pronouns exclusively. he is furthermore shown to struggle with internalised toxic masculinity due to his past in the military during world war i.

species - "i learned the fluidity of trust the hard way."

formerly, he was a human. his current state is a vrykolakas, a greek rendition of the vampiric creature. this species has an unquenchable thirst for human flesh and blood. this means that their shifted forms also come with a change in personality and outlook on life as well as the people around them. a vrykolakas may be created in several ways, for dimitrios this was dying upon unconscrated ground and never being buried properly. the species has overlap with both vampires and werewolves. rather than just taking blood however, his species is known to eat human liver as well. the biggest differences between the vampire and the vrykolakas are in appearance and origin. he has heightened strength, endurance and regeneration. on top of that, he has heightened senses as well. he is practically indestructible, unless certain types of weapons are used. he cannot enter holy ground and gets hurt by religious objects and chants. furthermore, silver hurts him badly. he can be killed by staking his heart, cutting off his head or burning him. importantly, a vrykolakas becomes stronger the older they become, meaning that the older one is, the more difficult they will be to kill. unlike vampires, a vrykolakas is not able to turn another person into one, because they are created out of circumstances.

appearance - face claim evan evagora

dimitrios is often described as a handsome young man who has chocolate brown eyes and deep brown hair. he has olive toned skin that seems to be lacking any kind of bumps or texture as long as he does not shift into his real form. his brown hair is curly and bouncy, he tends to keep it somewhat messy. his eyes are almond shaped and are framed with deep brown eyebrows. dimitrios has a rather strong bone structure. he does however have a mole underneath his lip on the left side.

when he does shift, his appearance drastically changes, as much as his personality does. his skin pales and becomes blotchy and extremely textured. his irises become larger as well as pupilless and black. dark circles form under his eyes and veins over his body become a deep purple shade. any areas with loads of veins, such as his wrists, hips and the back of his knees become this same deep purple like the dark circles. he does have fangs, two of them on each side of his upper jaw where his canines would be. these are sharp like daggers. his nails lengthen to short sharp claws that are perfect for destroying a human's abdomen to get to their organs.

age, heritage and culture - "will you shut up for once... please?"

dimitrios is physically in his late twenties, although due to his nature as an immortal he is over a century old. he was born in the early 1890s, making him about twenty seven at the time of his death.

his mother was originally of maori descent, his father was a born and raised greek. this makes him mostly greek, although ethnically it makes him maori as well as european. he grew up in an environment of hospitality, which is something he still takes after currently. in the early twenty first century, he began reading into his maori heritage which has been something that has interested him for the most recent years. he was raised as an orthodox christian, but after his dying and resurrection he stopped believing in any kind of higher power. he had experienced hell on earth, why would a deity allow such a thing? he has a strong dislike toward religion because of this.

occupation / affiliation - "would be great if i learned anything theoretical..."

soldier at the macedonian front during world war one (former) job hopping (current): barista, bar man, grocery store employee, etc. currently he functions as a waiter in an 18+ club.

birthplace & current home - "who doesn't long for home?"

ammos, othonoi, greece - located near corfu, dimitrios was born on the rather small island of othonoi. due to this positioning, dimitrios speaks fluent greek with a corfu-esque accent which has something italian to it. macedonian/salonica front, macedon, greece - during his period as a soldier he was dispatched to this place. [ rp specific current home ]

relationships -

familial - "i do miss them, those little kiddos.."

father / unnamed, deceased mother / unnamed, deceased three younger sisters / unnamed, deceased four youner brothers / unnamed, deceased nieces and nephews from these siblings.

history - "no, i would prefer you do not touch that."

dimitrios was an olive farmer's and a fisherman's son, he grew up in a rather poor environment and often had to work hard on the land of his father to help and make ends meet. especially after the birth of his youngest sibling, when his mother died in labour, he was tasked with more and more heavy work. his father slipped into a state of depression and tended to not leave his bed unless there was an emergency. dimitrios lacks any kind of education due to this fact of having to work continuously on the lands. he was in his late teens when he learned how to read. after his parents' turn away from them, he became the sole supplier for his much younger siblings. the oldest was nearing seven at the time. news of the great war had been spreading through europe, everyone in ammos was talking about it - and with such a small community, everyone knows everyone. it was stated that men above 18 were forced to enlist. this included dimitrios as well. so he was forced to leave the siblings he had been caring for with their father who was very much out of it. he does not know if any survived their childhood, but markings of his family name and connections to his siblings indicate that his siblings managed to at least live for a period of time. in the late summer of 1915 he was drafted for the military and joined to protect his fatherland. he was not necessarily a greek nationalist, especially due to the poor treatment of othonoi. yet he joined in as it was his duty to the country he was born into. the first few trench battles went pretty decent, although nearing the end of the conflict, he was shot in the head trying to protect a civilian child. this shot killed him, leaving him to rot on the battle field. he does not remember much besides waking up in a burning field. he also remembered the burning throat and the extreme hunger he had felt. hell he even remembered his first victim, that same child he had tried to protect from the other soldiers. he ripped out their organs and devoured them with ease. a lot of his past is a blur because there is just so much to remember, being more than a century old. below some of the events that were significant will follow. early 1920s: a period in which he got used to his new body, living mostly secluded in the macedonian pine forests where he hunted and attempted to get in control of his powers. his high kill count led to him becoming a myth within the area. eventually authorities found him and interpreted him as a missing person and was held until he was 'stable' again.

personality -

likes & dislikes -

strenghts & weaknesses -

motivation & goals -

concrete traits -

extra -

[otptings]

hi! idk if this a reaction or headcanon, but what do you think wayv is like when having sex? like their favorite position, are they rough or gentle, pure fucking or love making type? sorry if you don't take smut/nsfw requests ahfahfeh

For personal reasons this will not involve he who shall not be named

Kun - I love him, I love envisioning him as someone who'd be rough and dominant since he just gives natural gives off that energy (multiple licenses, degrees, leader) but realistically I feel as if he'd be soft. He's very domestic so I believe that he's a big love maker type, always for some slow sex filled with passionate kisses. His favorite position is definitely missionary. And to add on he also loves giving oral, something about being able to show you just how much he loves you, wouldn't even expect anything in return from you just for you to know that he loves you.

Ten - Most definitely dom but he's a softer dom. He tends to be sassy in videos, and behind the scenes shoot but he has a confidence that you cannot ignore. He's all for random sexual jokes and teasing, sending you his scandalous looking photos before they get released, giving you the first look at some of WayV's (sexual) songs. His favorite position is you riding him (reverse or regular), but with a twist. He likes forcing you to ride him after he's spent the whole day edging or teasing you, watching your legs shake as he lays beneath you is a sight that he would never give up.

Winwin - He's a switch all day, he doesn't care about being a dom or sub all the time, his mood changes like the seasons. After really hard dance practices or hours of recording he would want you to be in control. Tell him what to do, control how many times he can cum, force him to call you mommy it doesn't matter anything goes. When he's feeling subby he likes you riding him, it's the easiest way to put him into sub space. When he's a sub he also soft sex, you telling him how much you love him, and sharing sweet kisses. On good days, or when you need a picker upper he's happy to be a dom, not too hard or too soft. When he's a dom he loves fucking you until you don't remember your name, specifically loves doggy style so that he can fuck you into the mattress with a great view of your ass.

Xiaojun - Also a switch but a sub lean, he has no problem with being in control but you have to push him to really want to be one. Such as if you're particularly bratty or too teasing (sending him scandalous pictures while he's around the boys, or calling him just to moan while he's in the dance studio trying to practice) he'll come home and fuck you with a vengeance. He's the type to press you against the wall and suck hickeys onto your neck until you're begging him to type. His favorite position is 69 due to his love for pleasing you at all costs (sub in him) while also never being one to turn down head. When he's a sub he is the best listener, but even then he likes hearing you call him a slut or whore.

Hendery - Hard dom, the absolute hardest dom out of wayv. His thrusts are routinely rough and powerful, has no psalms on leaving bruises. Bruises in the shapes of his palm, hickeys all over your body. I just feel like it needs to be said he has an exhibitionism kink, no problem with fucking you in public places (dressing room, studio, dance studio they're all free game) and has on more than one occasion almost gotten you caught due to pressing you up against the wall and fucking you where anyone could walk in. That being said it's something bout turning you around, and bending you over the kitchen counter while the others are in their room or otw home will always give him an instant erection.

Yangyang- Heavy switch dom leaning. When he's a sub he's a brat, that is the most obvious statement around and I will never change my mind. Teasing, being purposefully annoying, randomly biting you absolutely anything that can get a reaction out of he will do it. And if it doesn't work? He'll do it again until it does. He is a masochist who loves his punishments, spanking him, edging him absolutely everything goes. However, he is mainly a dom and a hard dom at that. Anything that you think you can do to him while he's a sub he will turn it on you so fast. You edge him for twenty minutes? He'll edge you for an hour, you spank him 30 times he'll push you to 50 with a heart shaped paddle. The dom that you do not want to mess with because he'll always one up you. His favorite position is definitely you on your knees. He slid a vibrator between your thighs and leave it there, fuck your throat, make you watch him jerk himself off. The possibilities are endless.

#wayv #nct #kpop smut #kpop hard hours #kpop request #kun #winwin #ten #hendery #xiaojun #yangyang

[bakugosbratx]

NSFW 18+ The Assistant— AU Levi Ackerman x Fem! Reader

Warning: 18+ Content. Smut, degrading, cursing, punishment, dom levi, sub reader, bondage, bdsm, some angst, toxic relationship, spanking, cheating, etc.

Words: 3, 673

Check out my other works here

A/N: Me and my irl moot @idfkwtfgof came up with this idea so I decided to write it out. Enjoy this fifty shades of gray moment. I’ve been working on this for over a month 🙃 I’m sorry it took me forever.

Tags: @idfkwtfgof @awilddreamerwrites @peachsenpie

You take a deep breath as you approached the double doors in front of you. Your heart pounded against your rib cage. The silent hallways seemed to be echoing the thumps. Anyone in your position would be nervous too if they had to meet with the CEO of the Ackerman Industries. He was not one to enjoy much company nor request it. His gaze alone could intimidate the strongest of people and you are no different.

Fist resting on the wooden door in front of you, you hesitate, but close your eyes and knock anyway. You did not hear a response as you patiently wait. Instead, the door swings open to be met with the CEO himself, Levi Ackerman. Not a word was spoken, but he ushered you inside his huge office.

Scurrying, you slightly jump as you heard the huge door slam. You are in Levi’s office. Only businessmen and women are allowed in here. You feel not even worthy to be stepping on the same floor these successful people walk on. It could also be the fact that the office seemed spotless. For someone as busy as the CEO, he sure did know how to make a stack of papers seem neat in a stack.

“Sit.” Levi instructed as he strolled over to his desk chair and doing the said action. You looked around the room. Behind Levi is a wall of windows to overlook the city of New York. His desk his a beautiful dark brown that was so clean that you could see your reflection. Along with seeing your reflection, you can see —and feel— Levi starring at you. Meeting his silver orbs, you gulp.

“Do you know why I called you in here, Y/N?” Levi questioned, his tone remaining calm as always. Somehow, this intimidated you even more.

“No, sir, I don’t.” You admit. In all honesty, you are not sure why Levi called you into his office. He waited until almost everyone has gone home for the evening to set up this meeting. You have felt nauseous all day about it. Receiving an email from the CEO was enough to make anyone’s breath hitch, but to have a meeting — alone — with him is enough to make one soil themselves.

“I want to offer you a promotion,” Levi explained, his gaze hardening. “That is, if you want it?”

This is way better news than you expected. Levi has employees for a reason. He always calls the shots since it is his million dollar company, but why get his hands dirty when he can pay people to do it for him? Since no one is allowed in his office without special permission, this seemed a bit off.

“What does the job intel?”

“Well, my company is expanding even larger than anticipated this year. I need a personal assistant. Examining the work you have put in over the years, I decided you are cut out for the job. What do you say?”

You take a moment to contemplate his words. The offer is amazing and would definitely look great on your resume, but working so close to the CEO of the company is quite intimidating. Any bad habits you have developed better end swiftly or else it’s your job on the line. Levi is not afraid to terminate anyone not fit for the job.

“I’ll take it.” You smile, the words flowing out before you could even think any further.

“You start tomorrow. I expect you in my office 8am sharp. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re dismissed.”

Standing up, you straighten out your black pencil skirt and head your way towards the door. Levi’s eyes did not once leave your figure. The way you naturally sway your hips as you walk and the way the skirt hugged your hips just right. His eyes are enjoying the desires most men have yet when you turned to look over your shoulder, his eyes where focused on his paperwork.

You went home that night, excited to tell your significant other about your promotion. He did not even blink an eye in your direction. Instead, he is pissed that you are home later than normal.

“Babe—“

“Where the hell have you been?” He hissed.

“I-I was called into the CEO’s office. I got a promotion!” You stammered, nervous under your boyfriend’s glare. He always made you feel small and his anger tends to send you over the edge. This is one of those many times.

“Why would he have you in there this late? Do you think I’m really that fucking stupid?” He scoffed, shaking his head.

“Babe, I’m being serious. I would never lie to you.” You argued.

“And how do I know that?” He countered. “How am I certain that you aren’t cheating on me? Or even hurt? Are your damn thumbs broken, Y/N? Can’t keep me updated ‘bout what’s going on? I was worried sick about you.”

You let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, babe. I’ll do better.”

Your boyfriend walked over to you, embracing your body into a tight hug. You had so much more to say, but to prevent any further escalation of an argument, you apologized and kept your mouth shut.

The next morning arrived. You woke up extra early to have time to do your hair and makeup, dressed in your nicest attire, and wear the most expensive of jewelry. Since you are going to be around the CEO for now on, you cannot show up to work appearing sluggish. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror, your boyfriend leaning against the doorframe.

“Dressed quite nicely, huh?” He spoke, meeting your eyes through the mirror. You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat.

“I have to be.”

He stayed silent for a moment, his orbs tracing your figure. He hated when you showed confidence. It killed him inside and knowing that other men saw your beauty as well made his blood boil. He just has to ruin it.

“For the circus? Your makeup looks awful and your hair is tremendous.” He scoffed.

You bit your bottom lip. Tears welled in your eyes, but you prevented them from falling. You refuse to let him ruin your confidence. You are a strong woman and his insecurities shouldn’t be placed upon you. It is not your baggage to carry.

You meet his eyes again through the mirror. You feel your confidence crumble beneath you, but you remain strong. Turning around, you brush past him as you stroll out of the bathroom. You ignored him calling your name and demanding you to return. All he could do is watch as you left without even saying goodbye.

You arrived to the business earlier than expected. You have checked your hair and makeup more than once in the car review mirror. You are not necessarily even wanting Levi’s approval, — though he is quite handsome — you just want to look presentable. He is your boss, after all. He is not afraid to fire anyone on the spot. You are no exception.

Inhaling a sharp breath, you knock on Levi’s office door. You hear his approval to come inside and welcome yourself inside. You were not even receive a glance as you closed the door behind you. Levi’s gray orbs never left his monitor screen. You gulp nervously as you proceed towards his desk.

“I stopped to get some coffee. I brought you a tea,” you lay his cup on his desk, “just how you like it.”

He nods, still typing away. This did not help your anxiety at all. Is he regretting his decision making you his assistant? Are you disturbing him? Is he contemplating firing you? Your stomach turned at the thought.

The sound of the printer disturbed your nuisance thoughts. Levi grabbed the piece of paper and placed it on top of a neat stack. He stands up, finally looking at you.

“I have a meeting to attend to in an hour. I need these documents assorted in alphabetical order before then.”

Your eyes fall to the tall stack of papers. You definitely need more than an hour to get through them all. By Levi’s facial expression, you knew he was serious. Levi always looked serious.

“Yes, sir,” you grab the stack and meet his a gaze again, “I’ll get it done swiftly.”

“Good. I’m counting on you. Sit over there.” He orders, glancing at the couches and coffee table in the middle of his office. Maybe it is just your nerves, but his workspace seems bigger than remembered. This did not help your anxiety.

You began getting to work. You thought you are doing well on time, but time seemed to have passed you by. Levi is now towering over you, his unsatisfied silver orbs glaring down at you. You hesitate, but force yourself to meet them.

“Thought you said you would have this done?” Levi recalls.

“I-I’m really sorry, s-sir.” You stammered, expecting the worse.

“Sorry doesn’t sort the papers, Y/N.” He scolds, his silver eyes only being shown through slits.

“I—“

“We will discuss this after my meeting. Until then, I want my office spotless.” Levi continues, cutting you off. He begins walking towards the door and pauses once he reaches for the handle. “Oh and Y/N?”

You look up, meeting the CEO’s annoyed orbs. “Yes, sir?”

“You’re on strike one.” Levi warns. You did not even have a chance to ask questions as his office door slams shut behind him, leaving you alone to sulk in your thoughts.

You tidied up Levi’s office like he requested of you. Every paper went into its appropriate home, cushions are straightened out, rug is vacuumed, and you are currently dusting. This man is a clean freak by nature so there was not much to do. Still, your nerves were pulsating. This is only day one and you are not on Levi’s good side. You are becoming worrisome as your job is now potentially on the line.

The door opening made you jump. You can feel Levi’s silver orbs on you as you dust his bookshelf. He did not disturb you, though, as he proceeded towards his desk and went to work like nothing happened. Curiosity is begging you to speak, but you remain silent and complete your task.

You gather the cleaning supplies and place them back into the small closet. Returning on the guest side of Levi’s desk, he does not even look up from his monitor.

“I’m finished cleaning, sir.”

Levi did not say anything. Instead, he stood up and went to the window. His fingers grazed along the exterior which collected dust on the tips. He studied it for a moment. Your heart stopped as your breath hitched. You did not mean to forget the windows, but they look so clean already. They truly do not need much more cleaning.

“Seems like you missed a spot.” He remarks, turning to face you.

“I-I’m so sorry, sir. I thought—“

“Your cleaning is lamentable. Back to dusting. Now.” He demands, cleaning the dust off of his fingers with his handkerchief.

“Yes, sir.” You reply, gathering the cleaning supplies once again. You sprayed the windows and clean every inch of them until lunch time. Levi was sure to inspect your work before releasing you to go get something to eat.

“You’re dismissed.” He finally speaks. You are quick to collect your belongings leave his office. You stroll the long hallway to the elevator. You are finally alone with your thoughts and honestly, they were overwhelming. This job is very nerve racking and it’s only your first day. You are not making the best of impressions on your boss.

Digging in your purse, you check your cellphone. You have several missed calls and texts from your significant other. A pit in your stomach began to drown your appetite. You know this is going to cause a major fight between you two. A fight you did not want to participate in.

Reluctantly, you call your boyfriend back. He picks up on the second ring.

“Where the fuck have you been?” He hissed, sending chills down your spine. The elevator doors open and you head towards the cafeteria.

“Working. I can’t be on my phone while I’m—“

“So work is more important than me?” He interrupts.

“What? No. That’s not it at all.” You argued, picking up a bag of chips and a drink from the dispensers before checking out.

“Then answer my damn calls, Y/N!”

“I can’t when I’m at work!” You exclaimed. You hand the cashier money before mouthing the words ‘thank you.’ She gave you a worried look, but you disregarded it. This is not the first time that have heard a heated conversation between you and your boyfriend.

You go find an empty table to eat by yourself. The bickering between your boyfriend did not end on a good note as the other line went dead. You slammed your phone back into your purse and forced yourself to eat your chips. You did not even want them. Your relationship is falling through the cracks, you are failing at your job, and you are on the verge of losing what is left of your sanity.

Time really slipped away while you fumed in anger because you are now late to returning to Levi’s office. Tears prickled in your eyes. This is not good at all. Levi is going to be furious. Even possibly firing you.

You raced to his office. You did not even take the elevator as it will take far too long to get to his office. You are panting by the time you arrive and sweat droplets formed at the top of your forehead. Your hands began to shake as your hand rested on the handle. You need to go in there, but your body did not want to move. Your boyfriend is already pissed. You did not want to deal with your furious boss.

Sighing, you forced yourself to go inside. “I am so sorry.” You blurt out as you enter inside. Levi is giving you a disapproving look.

“Take a seat, Y/N. We need to have a talk.”

Following your boss’ orders, you sit in the chair parallel to his. You begin to tremble as you expect the worse. Levi’s glare does not help you feel any less uneasy either. His silver orbs are staring deep into your soul and making you feel small.

“You know you’re on strike three.” Levi begins. You gulp.

“I know, sir. I’m very sorry. I’ll accept any punishment you have in mind for me.” You sigh, trying to remain brave. Levi can see right through it, though. His gaze hardens and he makes his way around to your side of the desk. He folds his arms but does not remove his gaze from you once.

“What punishment do you think you deserve?” Levi ask, hoping you have the same answer in mind as him.

“I-I’m not sure. I’ll take anything. It’s what I deserve.” You admit, a flustered feeling coming across you. Levi studied your features, clicking his tongue.

“Bend over the desk.”

“What?” You whispered, not sure if you heard your boss correctly. He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. His intimidating glare pierced through you.

“Talking to that lame ass boyfriend of yours must have you goin deaf. I said bend over my desk.” Levi instructs, letting go of your chin once you catch his drift. You do as your told, bending over his desk. You are uncertain what he is planning to do, but the removal of your skirt gave you a pretty good idea. Your cheeks felt hot as your bare ass is now exposed to Levi’s viewing.

“Lace panties, huh? You planned on being put in this position later?” Levi chuckles, his digits playing with the strap of your thong. You bit your bottom lip, not knowing what to say. A hard smack to your bare ass caused you to release a moan.

“I asked you a question. It’s only polite to answer, brat.”

“Yes. It was for my boyfriend.” You confess in embarrassment for more reasons than one.

“Oh, I see. Your toxic little relationship is in need of fixing, but the only thing you have to offer is your pretty little pussy.” Levi analyzes, rubbing his hand on your ass before delivering another slap. You wince in pain, but you mentally screamed for more. You wanted Levi to continue spanking you.

“That’s not it, sir.” You mumbled. His hand landed down on your sore ass once more while the other hand finds refuge in your hair. He pulls it, tightly, bending your head back.

“What really gets me is this mouth of yours. I suggest you use it to tell the truth before I stuff it.” Levi growls lowly in your ear, letting go of your hair to return behind you.

Another slap was delivered. Little melodies of moans escaped your lips that you attempted to conceal. Levi did not comment on it as he proceed with the punishment. Your cunt dripped with your slick. It is begging to be touched, fucked, anything Levi desires really.

A few slaps and a very red ass later, Levi’s digits founder their way inside your soaked cunt. “Someone enjoyed themselves, hm?” He teased, curling his fingers in you. You shuffle a bit, enjoying the sensation he is giving you. The removal of his fingers made you whine in a needy tone.

“I did, Levi. Please fuck me.” You cry, wanting his cock already. He chuckled at your begging, his hand rubbing your red ass then hitting it again.

“On your knees. Now.” Levi demands. You happily oblige before him. He pats your head in approval. “Good girl. You do know how to listen.”

Levi begins unbuckling his black belt. You are practically foaming at the mouth as he slides the leather out of each loop. He sets it on the desk before proceeding to unbuckle his pants, releasing his hard cock for you to pleasure. Your eyes light up at the sight. The tip of his erection is at your lips, ready for you to move forward. Your tongue teases his sensitive head before you let each inch slide in-and-out of your saliva filled mouth.

“Yeah, like that, baby.” Levi praises as you deep throat his length. You choke some, but continue taking all of his cock. Your tongue spends time playing with the veins in his cock while his head relaxes in your throat.

“The cock hungry slut having a hard time deep throating all my cock?” Levi mocks as you pull it out to catch your breath. A string of saliva connected your lips and his cock together as your lust filled orbs met his.

“Not a chance.” You grin, placing his dick back in your mouth. Levi groans in delight as you repeat the same patterns as before. His cock twitches inside your mouth as pre-cum leaks from the tip and down your throat. You gladly swallow it as his cock becomes overwhelmed, releasing his semen onto your tongue. Not a drop was spilled as you milked his cock for all he had to offer.

Pulling away, Levi praises you again. “Such a good little slut you are. Time we give your pussy some attention, huh?”

“Yes, please, sir.” You beg, eagerly. He taps his desk.

“Bend over my desk.” He commands. Following orders, you bend over his desk like before. You arched your back so your ass and pussy is more accessible for Levi. He spreads your legs out more so your weeping cunt is fully exposed. The cold air sent chills down your spine. Levi is already hard again as he stares at your pussy.

Aligning himself, the tip of his cock enters your dripping hole, sliding in perfectly. You moan as he thrust a rough rhythm. His hips slap against your ass and his hands cling onto your hips. You tightly hang onto his desk as he pick up the pace. You sob out pleas for more.

“Better quiet down. Don’t want your coworkers hearing me fuck you like the whore you are now do we?”

You did not even care. You wanted Levi and you wanted him bad. Groans and profanities filled the room from you two as Levi hits all the right spots. You babble incoherent sentences as you start to climax again on Levi’s girth. Your walls clenched on his size and released when he re-enters himself. This does not stop Levi, though, as he chases after his own high.

“Already cumming again, slut?” Levi teases as he is slowly losing himself inside you. He hit your ass again while his dick twitches. “Ask permission next time.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” You cry out, not wanting him to stop. He pulls on your hair again, bending down to whisper in your ear.

“I’m going to fill you up so much that you have to hide it from your boyfriend.”

“Please Levi.” You beg, not even caring anymore. You wanted Levi. You have wanted him for a long time and the feeling is mutual on his end. That is why he hired you, after all.

Levi’s cock could not withstand the pressure anymore. Releasing into the depths of your cunt, he huffs profanities as every drop enters inside of you. You gladly take it as you breathe heavily. He finally pulls out, leaving you a cum filled mess. Giving your ass a gentle tap so you will get up.

“You are dismissed for the day.” Levi grumbled as he situated himself and you did the same. You straightened out your outfit and fixed your hair. You will fix your makeup in the restroom. You proceeded to exit your boss’ office when he called out to you. “Oh, and Y/N?”

“Yes?” You purred, looking over your shoulder.

“Let your boyfriend know you’re my slut now.”

©bakugosbratx

All Rights Reserved

#bratx request #bratx writes #levi ackerman #levi smut #levi ackerman smut #daddy ackerman #snk levi #snk anime #aot smut #aot x reader #aot requests #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #levi x y/n #levi x fem!reader #attack on titan #aot imagines

[narraboths]

I really like the idea that whenever Supergirl and Lena Luthor are in public together their world just narrows to the two of them and they absolutely cannot act anything other than enamoured even with eyes and cameras on them

When they enter the Tower, Alex is pacing around the main hall with such heavy steps that Kara wouldn’t be surprised to find she’s already managed to bear her trail into the wooden floorboards. Her sister looks worryingly worn and morose, her heartbeat erratic as she waves them over to her desk.

“We have a problem,” she states gravely. She leans forward, palms resting on the desk as if she was bracing herself, and Kara’s brain goes into overdrive.

“Is it Cadmus? Darkseid? The Dominators?” She’s rocking back and forth on her feet, adrenaline coursing through her body. Her eyes light up for a second. “Do I get to fight a dragon again?”

Alex shakes her head with a heavy look and Kara deflates a little. Lena, however, picks up right where she left off.

“If it’s my mother, I swear to God,” she huffs, and Kara forgets her eyes on the adorable little blush on her cheeks, the angry snarl of her lips. The tension in her body melts away in an instant, and despite the situation, Kara can feel a smile tugging on her lips as Lena presses on. “That woman can’t even leave us in peace when she’s on the run–”

“No, no, none of those things,” Alex cuts her off. She gives an inexplicably vehement side-eye to Kara before she’d flip her tablet open and push it in front of them. “It’s you,” she declares, crossing her arms. “Both of you.”

They both stare at her in confused silence, then look down at the tablet at the same time, to be greeted by the loud, garish headline, fittingly typed in bright red: 

Super-Pals? Supergirl and Lena Luthor Getting Cozy at Charity Event.

There are photos, of course, of things that Kara would swear are only cozy, good-natured moments of fun between two friends who like to save the world together. Lena is leaning up to whisper something in Supergirl’s ear in one (definitely 100% work-related, Kara could vouch for it), with Supergirl’s hand resting on the small of her back in turn. Alex lets them mull over it, then scrolls down, wordless, to another segment of the same article. Trouble Seeing Eye To Eye? it asks, cheeky, accompanied by photos of the two of them talking, Supergirl’s eyeline clearly not on Lena’s face. Kara blushes.

“It’s just a gossip rag, you know this,” she says, not entirely managing to hit the dismayed tone she was aiming for. Beside her, Lena shifts on her feet and crosses her arms, like she tends to when she gets defensive. “They’ll do anything to drive up their numbers.”

“Yeah, sure,” Alex rolls her eyes, then flicks to a new tab. “Daily Tribune, last week.” A photo of Lena gently wiping the soot from Supergirl’s face after a press conference fiasco. Alex switches tabs again. “National City Gazette, How To Catch A Super.”

“As if I’m some sultry seductress,” Lena scoffs. There’s a little blush on her face again, and in spite of the scornful tone, there’s an impossibly fond look in her eyes as she takes in the photo below the headline: her cradled in Supergirl’s arms, one hand pressed against bright red S with Supergirl’s hand laid atop hers, their fingers interlocked. Under the desk and out of sight, Kara reaches out to link their fingers together, and Lena’s hand meets hers halfway through. They lean closer as their hands intertwine, their shoulders brushing together, and Kara won’t even try to smother her giddy smile as Alex carries on.

“Daily fucking Planet, Supergirl and Lena Luthor: A Timeline of a Relationship.” She slams the tablet’s cover shut with a huff. “Brainy has a whole batch of them, and he surveys more social media accounts than I’d ever have liked to know about, too. So, care to explain?”

Kara takes a deep breath.

“We’re just friendly!” She complains, exasperated. “You can’t expect me to act like I don’t know her!”

“We are long-time partners in making the world a better place, after all,” Lena adds. Alex raises an eyebrow.

“And you act like you’re long-time partners in marriage.”

The only reason why Kara doesn’t cross her arms, scandalized and irate, is because the gentle, comforting warmth of Lena’s hand wrapped around her own is too nice a sensation to end just for this. She makes do with an angry stare instead.

“Do you have a problem with that or something?”

“Are you asking me if I hate Lena or if I’m homophobic?” It’s the first time a smile appears on Alex’s face during their conversation, albeit a very tired one. Her tone turns softer then. “You realize that if people think Supergirl and Lena are involved with each other beyond a simple partnership, there’s gonna be a bigger target on her back than there already is, don’t you? That whoever would try to harm or abduct any associate of Supergirl’s would go at her first. Is that what you want, Kara?”

“No, of course not,” Kara mumbles, ducking her head. Lena doesn’t interject, either, only squeezes Kara’s hand in support and Alex must clearly take her silence as agreement. She draws herself up and clears her throat.

“I would like both of you to pay more attention to acting more professional in public for your own sakes,” she declares, in the Director Danvers tone. Her face is so strained that Kara has to hold back a giggle.

“Understood,” she quickly says before she’d ruin it, and Lena nods along.

“Loud and clear.”

“Great.” The tension in Alex’s shoulders visibly eases. She snatches up the tablet and starts towards the door. “See you both at game night.”

Kara waits until her footsteps die down in the hallway before she’d slump against the desk.

“We are so bad at this,” she whines, tugging on Lena’s hand, and Lena laughs, letting herself fall into Kara’s arms, tucked against Kara’s chest. She leans up, kissing the pout off of Kara’s lips, her free hand cupping Kara’s cheek, gently stroking along the line of her jaw when they part. Her eyes sparkle, happy, mischievous, and Kara can feel her heart growing three sizes in her chest. It’d be worth it to endure millennia of dressing-downs from her sister just to see Lena looking at her with such love.

“I don’t think today’s the day to break it to her, darling,” Lena whispers, nipping at Kara’s lips.

“No,” Kara agrees, pressing their foreheads together with a sigh. “I’m gonna make that photo from the Gazette my screensaver though.”

#Anonymous #my fic #supercorp

[boldbrash-fandertrash]

Ignore me, unless I’m right in which case I fucking called it

So I was rewatching the episode for the fourth time and one I realized that Remus is much much smarter than we give him credit for and two I can generally predict how the rest of the story is gonna go.

We’re gonna have another aside video with Patton and Janus before the big season finale, and that aside is going to be one of the most important videos to the general progression of the plot.

I’m sure you’ve noticed the pattern so far, two sides who diametrically oppose each other being forced to work together on a problem they vastly disagree about, usually turning the small issue into something much messier than it ever would be and them learning something about themselves in the process.

Each pairing exists to point out to the viewer exactly what issues exist with each side that need some form of resolving, and the big unifying theme amongst them is “you’re not listening to me”. Roman and Virgil dragging Thomas across the cafeteria in favor of or agains him talking to Nico, Logan and Remus deliberately ignoring and working to undo the others work in an attempt to break Thomas out of the depressive funk he found himself in. Nobody is working together here. The only side to even remotely cooperate with the group was Virgil body checking Thomas into Nico, and it took him and Roman bullying each other and Thomas for an entire video to even get to that point.

Watching Logan and Remus interact, one, brought me immense joy and I will be chasing that high for weeks to come, and two, after an ounce of critical thinking was frankly painful to watch. Any critiques Logan offered to Remus were immediately discarded with absurdity and any critiques Remus offered to Logan were discounted as absurd.

During the obvious scene at the end with the Eyes™️, Logan claimed he wasn’t pretending Remus didn’t exist, but honestly, he kinda was.

The Dunce Cap Scene really accentuates this point. Logan pulls a holier than thou, why won’t you learn I’m always right, bullshit passive aggressive remark, Remus does his dramatic repenting student shtick, starts singing directly into Logan’s ear, and makes a kink joke. Literally the words Remus sings are “can’t fix this guy, all by yourself”. Remus is saying this inches from Logan’s personal face and even still the logical side ignores him outright, because of all the fluff around the message. Hell, in Remus’s introduction video, Logan likens him to a screaming baby on a plane, essentially saying “well eventually he’ll stop screaming so just bear with it for a while and you’ll be fine”. He’s ignoring Remus outright due to a preconceived notion and missing out on valuable information because of it.

The dunce cap scene indirectly calls back to learning new things about ourselves, where Logan is completely unreceptive to the puppet bit because of its perceived absurdity and absolutely refuses to acknowledge any potential the medium might have for learning until he physically cannot anymore.

Remus is capable of, and does often, make valid points and offers genuine critiques of shit happening in their lives. In Forbidden Fruit, almost every single line harkens back to some idea the other sides had been trying, and failing, to communicate to Thomas. “Good and bad is all made up nonsense”, “if you shared those musings with your friends i doubt they would forgive you”, “why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself” “people don’t like me much, Thomas, but that only just cause I’m honest”, “these sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man who’s soul is truly rotten.”

Despite all of this, he is ignored outright because of his medium. Just like Logan is ignored due to his monotone cadence and large volume of content, just like Roman is due to his flair for the dramatic and artistic display of ideas, just like Patton is due to his playful and childlike nature, just like Janus is due to his perceived role as the Villain, just like Virgil /was/ due to his perceived role as the villain.

They all have become accustomed to being stepped on by the other sides because of who they are and how they communicate, and have in turn learned some less than ideal methods of being heard again. Logan yells and gets passive aggressive, Remus ups the fear factor for everyone around him, Roman shuts down anyone who tries to talk through bullying and raising his voice, Patton manipulates the others into feeling guilt and covers it up with a smile, Virgil whips out the tempest tongue and incites fear in Thomas, and Janus physically silences anyone in his way.

And here’s why I say the next asides episode is going to be the most important one developmentally. Patton and Janus are going to be forced to work together. Patton, who is in the midst of an identity crisis, and willing to listen to any new ideas provided they offer a valid solution to the shit he’s found himself in, and Janus, who knows a lot more than he’s willing to let on, who concerns himself exclusively with Thomas’s self preservation, and loves to talk when given the opportunity. Janus is gonna have a thing or two to say to Patton when they’re inevitably faced with their moral dilemma, and Patton is going to be in just the right mindset that he’s willing to listen. And Janus is going to end up being right, and the small issue they’re facing will be resolved, which will therefore strengthen Patton’s trust, and his openness to changing for the better.

Patton is goofy, and childish, and kinda ditzy sometimes, and because of that we as a fandom tend to overlook any of his moments that are anything but that, but we are not giving this man enough credit. When Patton sets his heart on something, he throws his whole self into it, and is willing to stand up for his beliefs in the face of extreme opposition, and would gladly do anything in his power to defend his family. Once Patton decides that he’s willing to grow, and if he believes that this growth will help put his family back together, nothing can stop him, and that will be absolutely crucial for the growth of all the other sides around him.

Whatever him and Janus discuss during their aside will absolutely give Patton the information he needs to help stitch together the rift between everyone.

I predict the next official Sanders Sides video is going to be the longest one yet, possibly over an hour long, because there’s a LOT of work that is going to need to be done, and Everyone is going to be in it. The big issue of “you’re not listening to me” won’t be resolved, but it will be acknowledged in a serious light by everyone. We won’t be getting any appearances from the Orange Side I don’t think, that would end up just complicating matters even more when each character is already incredibly shaky in their own identity.

Something less than ideal is gonna happen between Thomas and Nico, he’s gonna summon the initial three to deal with the matter but the other lads are gonna worm their way into the discussion, everyone’s gonna start screaming at each other, and Pattons gonna do something that stuns everyone else into silence (I’m guessing he’ll start crying, considering the start of season two was all about him repressing negative emotions and what better way to show character growth than to sob openly on camera).

Once everyone just fucking stops for ten seconds that’s when the apologies start. None of the sides are ever the first to apologize, we’ve seen that time and time again. Their desire to be in the right as well as their pride will always get in the way, however if someone starts the apology train everyone will eventually follow suit. We see that in Alone On Valentines Day, My Negative Thinking, Growing Up, Accepting Anxiety, Fitting In, Moving On, actually in pretty much every video where an apology actually takes place, once one person apologizes the other will immediately follow suit.

Patton is gonna be a goddamn mess, he’s gonna apologize to everyone in the room for anything he thinks he may have done to wrong them, and that’s gonna be what gets everyone to acknowledge all the shit they’ve put each other through, and the others are going to jump between trying to console him and trying to apologize to each other. They’re going to come to the unified decision that they need to work together more on future issues, the group is all going to offer up a solution and decide together on a remedy to whatever happened together between Thomas and Nico, and that will be that. Season three will be about them finding the balance between stepping on toes and being stepped over, while also working out how the orange side fits into everything.

Thus marking the end of my rant.

I started writing this at 2 and it’s now 4. I have to be up in three hours. I have an essay due at 3pm tomorrow that I haven’t started, but instead I typed up all this bullshit. I hope any of this made any sense, and I hope this is a suitable replacement for my emotions essay that’s completely untouched because chances are this is what I’m presenting to my therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck.

#sorry for no page break I’m on mobile #I’ll be fixing that in the morning after some well deserved rest #thomas sanders #sanders sides #ts sanders sides #ts spoilers #ts patton #ts Logan #ts roman #ts Virgil #ts Janus #ts Remus #ts theory

[defdaily]

Arena Homme+ Magazine September 2021 issue featuring JAY B: Nature, Dreams and Music

Translated by defdaily.

That day, JAY B’s world was filled with grass that came up to his knees, sunset that briefly peeked through the dark clouds, and ghosts of the silent campsite. Insects flew about in the intimate conversation of creation, dreams, and the future. An interview with JAY B amidst the passing seasons.

So you are working on an album?

The album is almost finished. I couldn’t release it at the beginning of the year, so I’m releasing it now in the second half of the year. I’m thinking of preparing things early on for next time so [we] are preparing for the production of another album.

There was a big change this year, you moved from JYP Entertainment to H1GHR MUSIC, right? What did you expect before becoming a part of H1GHR MUSIC?

At first I was worried. and was concerned over what to do if I couldn’t adapt. My goal for this year was to adapt to the agency and its artists, but everyone has made me feel comfortable. I thought I would have to do a lot of adjusting to the new agency staff, but I was surprised by how understanding they were of the system I had experienced. The way there has been no problem in our communication has far exceeded my expectations. Things are flowing smoothly.

It must feel like a fresh start. You must be looking forward to getting to do what you couldn’t do previously, but on the other side you must also have hopes to learn more. Is there anyone that could provide you with blunt advice?

I’m not the demanding type. And I have never strongly demanded anything from the company either. But that doesn’t mean I accept anything the company makes and provides me. The difference is that my opinion is reflected in my work more than before. If I was going to lead everything at work, there would have been no need to join an agency. Joining the agency means communicating with their staff. I also think we should listen to other people's opinions a lot. And you have to give feedback too, of course. I am working well with the company. Be it a push or advice as help, I learnt a lot from my previous company. Since I have learnt a lot from there, I should trust myself a little more now. I try to relay what I know and learn about things I’m not knowledgeable of. I rely on Jay Bum hyung a lot. I contact him right away when there’s something I don’t know, and we have a lot of conversations.

Is it important that an artist is stubborn? Do you feel the need to emphasise your own music and personality?

Artists have different personalities, just as people have different preferences. I don't want to diss an artist who is stubborn, nor do I want to tell anyone who isn’t stubborn that they are not an artist. I acknowledge everyone. I, personally, want to express the way I live. I like making music. An artist should be clear about what they want to do. Whether it be to become a star, or to express themselves through music or to earn money, it has to be clear.

What is your clear stance as an artist?

Whether it’s fiction or reality, I want to make stories. I’m the type that wants to tell a story. It was like that too in my GOT7 days. I believe one should create and establish their own path in life. I think that's fun. It's hard, but it's worth it. It adds more meaning to my job and I think it becomes more valuable. If I didn't do it myself, I would feel less attached to it.

There’s nothing more fun than one’s own work. Showing your work and waiting for the response must also be thrilling.

Exactly. I love hearing that my music is good. I’m very shy so I cannot express it very well but I’m very thankful and proud too. And it reassures me that I’m not going down the wrong path.

It does feel like all the hard times disappear when you hear good feedback. But feedback isn’t always good. There are even people who avoid them because of fear of criticism.

To be honest, when it comes to unpleasant feedback, it kind of makes me feel… “ouch!” But I accept it because it is still an evaluation. It also gives me a boost. It’s fun.

You are a solo artist now. Do you feel a burden or pressure?

I don’t feel pressured, but I do feel the burden. I joined H1GHR MUSIC and I feel a sense of belonging. I gain something from this company, but I think this company should gain something from me, too. I have worries about things like whether I’ll be able to benefit the company or not. I feel slightly uneasy about possibly not meeting expectations too.

You feel a sense of responsibility.

There's always a reason and a purpose to start anything. Everyone starts music because they like it, and if they start, there must be music they want to make. So if there is criticism, one would feel down, but if the final product is good, the people that worked on it would feel good. That’s what I hope for.

You uploaded a bunch of your Def. songs onto your YouTube channel. There was quite a lot. Are you the prolific type?

I used to be but… I guess I’m still the type to make many songs. (Laughs). But compared to back then, my production has decreased a lot. My stamina can’t keep up. (Laughs). I used to be able to start and finish working on a song at dawn and when I felt like I could do more, I made more. Nowadays, even when I’m working on only one song, not only is it hard for my body, but I also feel drained so I can’t make many songs.

Isn’t it really fast to make even one song at dawn?

Ah, that’s true. I used to work like that three or four times a week, but now I work once or twice a week. Come to think of it, I don't think I'm the prolific type anymore.

Being able to make a lot of things means you have a lot of ideas.

Having run out of ideas is also a reason for having less work done. There are five mixtapes I’ve uploaded onto YouTube with four to five tracks each. At the time, I not only worked on those but music for GOT7 too. After hustling so hard, I feel like I’ve run out of material. I look around wondering where to find inspiration. When I finish making the melody and want to write lyrics, I feel lost.

In order to be prepared for those situations, creators keep a collection of material. How do you collect resources?

I often read or use my imagination. These days, I often put myself in others’ shoes. When watching a movie, one would empathize with the protagonist. It’s only natural since the plot revolves around them. But I would pay attention to the supporting roles or passerbys in the background and think about the story from their point of view. I would think about what I would do if I heard those words and if I were in that situation. I also pay close attention to any words that might be a good source of inspiration. In the past I would focus on how the plot developed, but now I look at the words that the author uses repeatedly. When I think of any useful words or ideas, I jot them down.

Observing the supporting roles instead of the central narrative is such a novel idea.

I suddenly thought of it while watching a movie at home. The protagonist had said some harsh and rude words to a supporting role. It was something like “Get out of my way.” I thought “How would it have felt to be the one moving out of their way? What would they feel?” These were the thoughts I had.

Has anyone told you that you have a unique perspective?

I’ve often heard that my personality is very unique.

People can say they don’t like something despite others saying they like it. That could come off as unique and fresh ideas come from an uncommon perspective too.

I think it’s 50/50. There are times when something might not feel like much for me while others like it, and times when everyone else seems quite indifferent while I like it. A song I recently liked the idea of is “Smile, Wait for the Flash” by Giriboy where he used the ‘kacha’ shutter sound as gunfire. Using ‘kacha’ like a gunfire as a metaphor for wrapping up your feelings after a breakup was a refreshing idea. It was great.

Do you also often use your instincts?

I try hard to. I don’t naturally use my instincts, but I try to look at things through a different lens. I tend to have random thoughts, and I had one today during the shoot too. This is a camping site, but there was no one camping. So I imagined how it would look when full of people moving about. Also during the shoot, there was a long blade of grass under my feet on a field of grass. I should have avoided it but I accidentally stepped on it. I felt sorry for the grass that got stepped on and out of instinct I said “sorry…”

Seems like you have keen sensibility.

I wish I could be sensible. I’m too cautious to say that I am sensible, though.

I think you would be considered a sensible person because you make music. But I noticed that the comments are disabled for Def.’s mixtapes on YouTube.

The songs that I make under “Def.” are 100% music that I personally wanted to make. I didn’t want to receive feedback, so I disabled the comments. If I release an album under “Def.” in the future, I probably won't be able to disable the comments. I don’t know. The reason I have disabled the comments is because I don’t want to see any praise nor criticism. I don’t look at the comments for my SoundCloud tracks either. Because they’re very personal projects, I’m worried I could be swayed by it so I don’t look at it on purpose. I don’t want to be swayed by anything when it comes to my personal projects. I guess that’s my way of being stubborn.

So it sounds like you’re saying the songs that are made under the name Def. are like a part of you. I can feel your sincerity towards your music.

I would pretend to be indifferent to evaluations, but I’m really scared of receiving negative comments. Not the criticism but I’m scared to look at comments that decide something as ‘not good.’ If they say that it’s not their style, then it’s just personal preference. There may not be songs that match their preference within my discography. But it’s difficult for me to hear people say ‘this is not good, bad, or meh.’ After all, those songs came from me and are like my children.

I remember many tracks with gentle melodies and discovered JAY B’s delicate side. Is this surprising to hear?

This is the first time I’ve been called delicate. I do have several sensitive/vibey songs. I want to try something like a pop, hip-hop, or smug and cocky vibe but I’m not good at that. I don’t think it’s my personality.

What is considered a good melody to you?

Something that feels good at the first listen. My music taste has been so diverse recently that even when I talk to my friends about music, the songs that we all like are different. It’s hard to reach a consensus. In the creator’s perspective, even if something doesn’t sound good to others but it does to the creator, I consider that to be a good melody. I used to stress over how to write a good melody, how to sing it, and if the company would like it. As I move on step by step, I found a standard where at least the melody should sound good enough to me to not abandon the song since everyone has different preferences.

Personal preferences are important but it must be an important job to cater to the general public too. No, I mean, a difficult job.

That’s right. I think I still lack the ability to create melodies that the general public would like. I will have to learn step by step. One thing I feel is that there must be a part that sticks. I can’t exactly describe what type of melody it would be, but to set a minimum standard, it would be ‘a melody that I’m satisfied with. If it’s one that I’m not satisfied with but the public likes, I should follow that.

Do you tend to use many tracks when making music? There’s lot of songs these days that use dozens of layers of tracks.

We used a lot of harmonies with GOT7. Because there were so many harmonies, there was a crazy number of tracks too. These days, I try to be minimal and reduce harmonies. I don’t layer many tracks. I usually have the main track with a few harmonies and some adlibs.

K-Pop in particular mixes many genres and harmonies to create complex music. They are very flashy. What do you think of this phenomenon as someone who prefers to be minimal?

I see it as a good thing, because it means that the general public’s preference is expanding to a variety. It’s rather better. Of course, the basics are also important and I do feel the necessity to study them but we also need to agree with change. We should accept change. Who knows, I might grow old to be someone that can’t accept change and wonder, ‘what kind of music is this?’ But I feel that now is a time to open our eyes to change. When I find that a song is difficult to listen to, I will purposely listen to it repeatedly.

It’s been 10 years since you’ve debuted. How much have you changed over these 10 years?

In the past I was ambitious and had high expectations, but now I am more relaxed. With age, I think my sensitive side is becoming more and more dull. When I let go of some desires, I get to be accepting of more things. The scope of my activities also seems to have widened. I used to have a stubborn side to me in the past. Now I’m like ‘don’t expect too much, don’t anticipate too much,’ just do my job diligently!

There are many artists that use other creative hobbies to ease the burdens of their main job. What do you do to cope with your fuel for creativity?

My hobby is photography so I take many photos. I also learned how to draw at one point but nowadays, I don’t have time to draw since I’m busy. I also make records of things often. I write down my thoughts, even useless things. I also use an audio recorder to record my mood, thoughts, and things I’m currently doing. I also write letters to my future self. Things like ‘this is why I’m struggling, this is what would be good for me now but how it would be for my future self?’ Wondering what I will be thinking about and what I would look like. I write letters to myself about stuff like that. I put them in envelopes according to the year and on the envelope I write down the year the letter was written.

So It’s like an archive of your time. Writing, journaling, letters, photos, music, it’s interesting. A very organised way of saving your thoughts to not lose them. Having said that, is there anyone else you would like to show your records to besides your future self?

Ah! I can’t show this to people. They’ll cringe. (Laughs) It’s sort of embarrassing. I can show the photos to everyone but I want to keep voice messages to myself. I hope that when I am older, I can look at them as I laugh and reminisce about my life. They’re records for myself.

Do you also record everyday life in any way?

I record when I find it interesting the way I thought about something. Even looking at my journal from last year or the year before, my thoughts were different from now. I find it intriguing to see the way people can change like this. I think I tend to have many thoughts, so I record them every day.

From the position of a creator, I guess journaling can be seen as an activity to collect one’s senses and emotions to use them as material for inspiration.

That’s right. My brain isn’t good enough for me to remember everything. There are situations when I recall a memory and decide I could write this down.

What was the most fun thing you did lately?

It’s a bit dangerous, but it was when I rode around on my motorcycle with my friend. There was suddenly a heavy downpour. Since I needed to go home, I rode the motorcycle in the rain. I was completely soaked when I got home. The journey home was super difficult, but I was fortunate enough to not have suffered any injuries. It was a completely new experience so it was very fun. I don’t want to experience it again but it felt like an adventure.

Wearing the Burberry 2021 F/W collection in the pictorial today must also be a new experience. Slightly different from the refined and classic Burberry, the collection shows a lot of change. What were your usual thoughts on Burberry?

I thought of it as a clean and straightforward style. Ever since some time, I noticed their young and bold changes. Although today’s outfits contained many new attempts and changes, I felt that their style was still well refined. I felt that Burberry used their own unique perspective to cleanly interpret nature’s elements. Wearing the outfits, I felt like they had a lot of fun ideas.

Which outfit left the biggest impression on you?

Choosing just one is very difficult. There was one that gave off the feel of a medieval knight, and made me feel like a monarch. I’ve heard that in medieval times, people would also wear bearskin from hunting. I think that has some influence on the Burberry outfits that I wore today. Every time I put on an outfit, I always felt like a medieval knight or king. The fur on the clothes had a strong animalistic feel to it. The scenery, weather, and concept were all very harmonious with each other.

Going back to the topic of music, you said that you like to tell stories. Do you also create a universe with music?

Yes, I create a universe for each album. This album creates this universe, while that album creates another. The albums won’t connect to create one universe, though. Each album is its own world, nothing more. I can’t make them magnificently connect into a grand universe. I like to put my story into each album.

Can you use a keyword to describe the universe of the album you are about to release?

It would be “SOMO:FUME.” This is the first album that I made after joining H1GHR MUSIC. This album consists of my energy, feelings, and thoughts, so it contains the meaning of my hopes for people to consume (somo in Korean) this product and and my wishes for my emotions to smear on to you like perfume, which is why I combined [somo] with the [English word] perfume, and named [the album] SOMO:FUME.

In which direction will JAY B’s music flow from now onwards?

I’ve pondered about directionality for a long time, but I couldn’t come up with an answer. The important part is to participate enough for me to not have regrets and be careful. I may disappoint myself if I have too many expectations for the future. I need to work diligently to not be disappointed when I look back; so that in the future, I can see that I worked hard.

Translated by defdaily.

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[babaleshy]

I'm Autistic

Because this will likely be a lengthy, wordy post about my self-diagnosis as Autistic as well as all of my experiences regarding Autistic traits, I'm going to leave a "read more" link so that you're not scrolling for ages just to catch up on your feed.

Ah, I see you've clicked "keep reading" or "read more" or whatever this site has it labeled as, now. You don't get to be mad at how long this is or how much of a waste of time reading this may be to you because you consciously clicked on the link. Therefore, I am exempt from taking responsibilities of eating up any bit of your time, including the time you've wasted reading this disclaimer.

So... Yes. I am. And it's a self-diagnosis right now.

You're probably thinking that I saw a Tik Tok clip, checked out a page on WebMD, and decided that I'm Autistic (this is in reference to a Tik Tok I saw last night that nearly made me spit out my drink because of how painfully accurate the "what people think self-diagnosis is vs reality" clip was). That is, of course, not the case.

A few years ago (likely 2018), I don't recall what it was I read online, but it made me go, "Oh wow, that makes so much sense to me," in regards to a neurodivergent trait. However, this was then I thought I had ADHD. My husband has ADHD, was diagnosed with it as a child, and because his dad forced the doctor (this was like, in the late 90s, early 2000s I think) to put him on Adderall and Ritalin, my husband does not remember 3 years of his life because he was a drooling, zombified mess. Why did his dad do this? Because his grades were bad. Did this help with his grades? No. Did his dad take him off the meds because he didn't get the desired result? Also no. My husband wasn't even informed on what ADHD was. He was simply told he had it and to take these pills. It wasn't until he (my husband) read the label saying that it could increase the risk of heart issues that he cussed his dad out and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Up until very recently, he wasn't sure if he actually had ADHD until he saw a YouTuber who was actually diagnosed with it display the exact traits he had.

But he didn't see this YouTuber when I thought I had ADHD, so my husband couldn't exactly relate, plus I didn't want to trigger anything with him on the subject.

But the more I researched, the more I realized I could be on the spectrum. It wasn't until 2019 that I was printing out articles, trait lists, etc. to highlight and put into a folder (which is thick and nearly bursting with what I've printed out to have a hardcopy of records highlighting the traits that I have, including traits my husband and my mom see in me) that I realized "I could have Asperger's."

Of course, I no longer use that term after finding out it was named after a n*zi, and I began to embrace the term "Autistic" instead.

But the thing that triggered me into going, "Wait, so it's not ADHD that I think I have, it's Asperger's?" was, like my husband, seeing a YouTuber talk about their traits and experiences. I had identical struggles, myself. (Through this same YouTuber, I also found out I'm greysexual, too! There's a name to describe my experience with sexual attraction! Yay!)

There are a lot of VERY SPECIFIC TRAITS Autistic people experience that aren't mentioned by the YouTuber or in anything that I've printed out and highlighted that I have found through various Tik Toks that I have personally experienced that simply further solidifies the fact that I'm definitely on the spectrum. When I showed the Tik Tok I mentioned earlier (I don't remember their name) to my husband last night, he was wide-eyed because the description of how that individual self-diagnosed themselves WAS EXACTLY WHAT I DID WORD FOR WORD HOLY SHIT.

I was already convinced I am Autistic, but each time I read Twitter threads of people's experiences with their Autistic traits, each time I watch Tik Toks or certain YouTubers share their experiences, it further solidifies that yep, I'm Autistic.

What's amazing is that my husband is very supportive. I'm extremely lucky to have married him. I've been a terrible masker but he loves me anyways. He never gave me shit for my meltdowns and tried to help me out, thinking I was just horribly overly stressed. Now that he knows why I've had the few outwardly noticeable meltdowns that I've had throughout our years together, he knows how to help me more, now. And while he's figured out my traits and what issues I have, knowing that I'm on the spectrum helps him make sense of why I'm like this, and he can help me accordingly whether it's to prepare for something in advance, help me calm down, etc.

(I should also add here real quick that there's a high chance I have OCD as well, but less of the compulsive actions and more of the obsessive thoughts, but I'm not entirely sure just yet if this is the case. I'm actually hoping to see someone about this but with the pandemic, I don't know when that will be.)

Now... onto the traits and experiences.

My Traits (that stand out with neon lights)(Will copy word-for-word a trait my mom or husband see in me and it will be typed in a different color.)

Having a folder that has all of my research I've obsessively looked up, printed out, highlighted what I saw in myself with one color (yellow) while highlighting what my mom and my husband see with another color (pink). I'm also using this folder to make this list as a reference because I sometimes forget certain traits I do have are because I'm Autistic. (I'm 32 as I write this, so when so much of what you think, do, and experience that you see is normal for you turns out to be an Autistic trait, it takes a while to get used to it and thus remember that because you haven't had a label for it your whole life.)

Despite being goth/punk, I dress as comfortably as I can. Textures aren't a very big issue for me, but what feels like strangulation of my body tends to be a problem. I cannot handle having the cross seams of pants feeling like I have a chopstick slowly impaling my vulva, or I can't stand how tight some shorts are that they pinch my hip joints.

I've NEVER spent much time grooming my own hair. It's either tiring, I"m impatient and want it done NOW, or both. This is why I have a Tank Girl haircut (all buzzed except for bangs), where I can basically "wash and go." (Husband does my haircuts and dyes and he's kickass at it.)

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than male counterparts.

"May not have strong sense of identity and can be very chameleon like before diagnosis." (This resonates with me in the form that I never saw myself in ANY fictional character other than Tank Girl. My husband agrees with this opinion, but he also says he also sees a lot of me in Caulifla from Dragonball Super.)

I enjoy reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's (sometimes), can have favorites which are a refuge.

Uses control as a stress management (like routines, rules, rigid certain habits, etc.)

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

I've been seen as "sensitive" by some, and mocked for crying a lot by others.

I struggled with social aspects of college and have 2 partial degrees.

Often have trouble holding a job and finds employment very daunting.

Slow at comprehending at times due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

DOES NOT DO WELL WITH VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS; MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN

Special interests (I'll get into these later).

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions (some of which might be due to possible OCD).

I do have some sensory issues such as visual processing issues at times, certain sounds, certain smells, food I think, and issues with sunlight and my goddamn retinas.

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. Both of my parents as well as my husband have described my personality as reminding them of a cat.

Mild to severe gastro-intestinal difficulties (some of which could be due to endometriosis, btw).

I stim a little such as leg-bouncing, foot-waggling, some hand-flapping, some bouncing, the "spine-shimmy," joint-cracking, or playing with my ears.

Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice and hates being misunderstood, which incites anger and rage.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown, likely to stutter and may have a raspy voice.

Words and actions often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passionate/obsessive interests.

Will shutdown in social situations once overloaded but generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a "performance."

Doesn't go out much; will prefer to go out with partner only (aka my husband).

Will not do "girly" things like shopping.

Takes relationships seriously.

There's a bit on this chart (some of you probably already know by know what chart I'm using here) that says due to sensory issues, one would either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it. I'm in the former camp complete with a pretty high libido.

Often prefers the company of animals.

So there are the traits that REALLY stick out like a sore thumb. These come from a site regarding female Asperger traits or however it's labeled as. I have plenty more from two other articles I printed out with lots of highlighting, but the chart actually sums a lot of the definitive shit quite nicely. At some point in this list, I could tell I went "fuck it" and copied many things word for word anyways since I'll be talking about experiences later in this post.

But it was this chart that I'd discovered that I started to realize that I really am on the spectrum, and to triple check, I asked my mom and my husband if they saw any of this in me. The traits typed in green are ones I wasn't sure of and had to ask them if they saw it. I'm not always aware of how I am, who I am at times, etc. I also didn't want to lie about it, so I had to get second and third opinions.

Despite all of this, only very few people that know me IRL know about me being Autistic. This is because I was heavily bullied growing up and since I haven't exactly left my hometown, I really don't want whoever stayed in the area as well to either have more fuel and re-enter my life that way, or try really hard to relieve their guilty conscience and demand that I forgive them or some shit. I also don't want "Autism Mommies" to come at my ass either asking that I help their kid (I'm not fond of children so that's not happening, plus ableism is what fucks a lot of Autistic people over regarding of age but they won't take that for an answer) or that because they---a neurotypical person---have a child who's Autistic, then that means they know all about it and because I'm not exactly like their child then I can't possibly be Autistic. It's just a whole mountain of shit I don't wanna get into.

This next bit will be split into 2 parts. One will be my special interests, and the other will be my experiences from my past that are prime examples of being Autistic long before anyone in the common public knew what Autism actually was.

My Special Interests (Both Forever & Temporary)

The following list will have my special interests but with indicators in parentheses as to whether they are forever-interests (as in, I never lost interest in the thing) or temporary (meaning, it was short-lived be it by weeks, months, or a few years). This will be in chronological order, meaning: the order of which these have appeared throughout my life.

Barney (temporary; helped me skip preschool and become honor roll student in kindergarten though)

Halloween (forever)

the color orange (forever)

dinosaurs (forever)

Donkey Kong Country esp. for SNES (forever)

animals (forever)

Godzilla movies (forever)

monster movies (forever)

Pokemon (temporary; I still like Pokemon, but it's not as hyperfocused as it used to be)

Digimon (temporary; same situation as with Pokemon)

Dragonball Z (forever)

Sailor Moon (on-and-off)

Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei) (forever)

Freddy vs Jason movie (still like, but the hyperfocus was temporary)

horror movies (forever)

Transformers (temporary)

Dark Knight movie (temporary)

Harley Quinn (temporary)

Lobo (temporary)

X-Men (forever, but only certain universes, mainly the 90s cartoon, and the character is always Hank McCoy)

neon-colored stuff (temporary; kind of some sort of semi-rave/techno phase)

books (forever; this was when I discovered it's "legal" to enjoy books if you "aren't smart"; I may explain this logic I had later in the post)

sex/sexuality/sexology (forever on the first two, temporary on the last one)

BDSM (on-and-off)

feminism (temporary in regards to doing research and educating myself; I still hold the views I've developed as a result, just not obsessively researching this topic anymore)

anarchism (forever)

ecology (forever)

Pleistocene epoch (forever)

goth and punk stuff (forever after discovering what these things are all about for real compared to when I was in high school and had no idea how to ask, who to ask, or where to look this stuff up at in rural Ohio)

Hellblazer (temporary)

Serbian heritage (on-and-off)

bats (temporary)

arachnids (forever)

teratophilia (forever; finally have a word to describe this damn kink)

gardening (current; unsure)

Russian language (current; unsure)

DIY things (forever)

Towards the end, it may not be in the proper order thanks to slowly losing my damn mind being cooped up mostly in my room on this farm since moving back here in 2014. The two that are "current;unsure" are ones I have a hyperfocus in right now, but I don't know if this will be temporary or not. I certainly hope not, especially considering how useful these things will be. And while I have gardening as one of them, I haven't properly begun yet because I get empty promises from my parents where they claim they'd help me, not to worry about it, then get irritated when I ask where the help is and they suddenly can't give me the help when I told them I needed it.

I should also note that I don't exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge in a whole lot of these interests that are forever-interests because I'm normally exhausted just trying to exist with minimal trouble from people. I'm hoping this will change. The things I know I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge in would be Dragonball Z, animals/ecology, and... a-and that's it. That's really it. That's all I've got because Dragonball Z was so profoundly different compared to other cartoons I've watched in the 90s that it was a wonderful escape, and I grew up around animals, taking care of animals, and watching nature documentaries. The stress I went through growing up has caused my memory of some of that wonderful animal knowledge to be lost and what could be re-gained may be easily forgotten again, hence why I need to narrow my focus for what I'd like to be an ecologist for. While I love paleontology, I want to help the living world's ecosystems and environments, too. I'd love to go back to school for this stuff now that I'm more informed of who I am and what I want in life (as opposed to being forced to pick a college major while still in high school while I'm just trying to survive the concept of existence).

In terms of collecting things pertaining to my interests, a common pattern you'll see me have is a very slowly growing Hank McCoy collection. This is largely because there isn't too much stuff made regarding this character. (There also isn't much stuff I can find that involves Piccolo, Cyndaquil, Donkey Kong, giant ground sloths, etc. that isn't already snatched up by other fans.)

Now, I'm going to get into the list of experiences. Some of which will talk about my special interests, but I also really want to talk about my struggles, too.

Experiences That Screamed "I'm Autistic"

In gradeschool, I was friends with someone who probably wasn't actually a friend and her mom made her hang out with me since I didn't really have any friends. She has told me several times that she didn't want to be my friend anymore with some kind of hostile catty smile, but I just.. I wasn't getting it. Because there was a smile. Why say that with a smile? After all we've been through? Then she's back to being my friend the next week. She really wanted to hang out with the popular girls (yes, there were cliques in 90s American gradeschool) and has done countless things to sabotage our friendship such as telling me Barney is a fake, Donkey Kong was a real gorilla who hung himself, etc. And I believed all this shit, too, in an attempt to still be an acceptable friend. She even told me that I couldn't be a witch because I liked toads so much (toads were the only wildlife I excitedly interacted with in my back yard on a regular basis).

I love Halloween for many reasons, but one of them (aside from my favorite color being involved) was the fact that it was acceptable to wear a mask. I love (and still do) the idea of covering my face because I feel less "naked" to the world. So this pandemic had a small plus for me in the form of mask-wearing outside of Halloween has become somewhat more acceptable.

In 5th grade, another classmate who had more obvious Autistic traits and was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time was an asshole to me. They would constantly give me shit and bully me for whatever reason. When I finally took a stand, the teachers on duty at recess called me to the bottom of the hill, forcing me to look at them WITHOUT allowing me to have my hands up to block the sunlight that hurt my eyes, and were able to manipulate me into "admitting picking on so-and-so for no reason" because I chased them around the playground where a group of girls (the same cliquey assholes the former "friend" wanted to mingle with) had to group-carry me away. They're the ones who snitched and they gave me those same hostile smiles. That's when I learned that not all smiles meant good things. I was 10.

I sometimes "lose the ability" to ask for help long before the "help" I ever got in any circumstance was just me being met with frustration by whoever is trying to "help" me or I'm met with "sorry, can't help you there. (The former being with homework or school work, the latter being with going to authorities about bullies.)

Growing up, I was never girly (or girly enough) and I've tried to, but I failed miserably. My special interests would roar through and because it was too odd or different or annoying, it gave other girls fuel for bullying me with.

Regarding the lack of being girly enough, I was at a pool party with the former "friend" mentioned earlier and she started this "game" where she and the other girls would leap into the pool saying, "I love you, Leonardo!" This was in 4th grade and in reference to the Titanic movie, which at that point, I'd never heard of, because I was too pumped for the latest Land Before Time sequel. So when I leapt into the pool, I said, "I love you, Raphael." All the girls were confused, asked who that was. I then asked, "Aren't we playing Ninja Turtles?" Because the only Leonardo I knew of was a fucking Ninja Turtle, goddamnit. Who let you brats watch that shitty romance film anyways? Boring as fuck.

Aside from the occasional weekend visits or sleepovers at the former "friend's" house, I didn't get to socialize much, so I would spend most of my days (especially in the summer) watching what was on TV or watching from our very large VHS collection. During which I would make mental notes on how certain characters acted or what they said and try to remember that to mimic them in a social setting, which would be out of place because I'd be so focused on mainly the dialogue that once it prompts me to say the thing, they don't respond how I expect them to and then I'm at a loss.

I was very ignorant of music and didn't even know the concept of independent or underground bands existed. Plus, rural Ohio is a cultural wasteland. Otherwise, I would've gotten into metal, goth, and punk way earlier in life. So I thought that bands that existed were because television said so.

Speaking of an odd logic... If it was taboo or bad to talk about, I thought it was illegal. Thus, I thought any knowledge about sex was illegal and that it was supposed to happen "naturally."

I also thought that, because I wasn't considered as smart by my peers, some teachers, and even as such in the form of an insult from my parents from time to time (despite what they claim NOW), that also meant I wasn't allowed to enjoy books, because only smart people are allowed to enjoy reading. So therefore, it would be illegal for me, a not-smart person, to enjoy reading a book. So I had to focus on the pictures because if I enjoyed reading, somehow everyone would know and then I'd get into trouble.

I also thought it was illegal to talk about periods.

I socially struggled BADLY when I got to middle school because my brain was like... 4 years behind? How the fuck do people know all these bigger words? Or complex issues? This was also when I had to start suppressing ALL urges to cry because at that age, I'm not "supposed" to cry over everything. So I still, to this day, suppress it to the point of guaranteeing inducing a headache. Because I've always caught shit for crying.

Middle school was when I met an oppressive "friend" who was obsessed with me because she had a crush on me and was rather controlling of who I could and couldn't talk to and got pissy if I got close to making a new friend. Because I was desperate for a friend that wasn't like the former "friend," I allowed this abuse into my life.

High school was me just trying to survive. By the time I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to enjoy anything short of watching TV or whatever was rented from Blockbuster.

My brain was still feeling like it was years behind, and I struggled to keep up with whatever was supposed to be something I knew about, including the concept of masturbation.

Like I said earlier, anything sex-related might've been illegal to talk about, and because masturbation was still kinda taboo, I feared I'd get in trouble, but my teenage hormones compelled me to do it a LOT. It consumed my free time almost like an escape, a form of stimming, but I was shameful of it to the point of suicidal thoughts.

The former bullet was due to being raised in a christian household. My parents didn't have such views on sex like this, but I was afraid of being in trouble for asking, took to the internet, and caught some misinfo about how immoral it was. I mourned I'd be going to hell.

Speaking of religion, I thought it was illegal to change your religious beliefs, and there was only Judiasm, Muslim, and Buddhism outside of christianity (I'm Pagan, now).

While I was excited to get away from my parents presumably for good after high school, college was a new form of hell. The sudden, dramatic change in environment and lack of ANY preparation for living like an adult on my own caused me to mentally/socially/emotionally malfunction. I had outbursts I desperately tried to suppress, I felt stupid because everybody sounded smarter than me, I didn't actually want to go to art school but wasn't smart enough for anything else and never really bothered to better my artistic skills and thus felt like I shouldn't be there anyways, I struggled to fit in better, I had no idea how to function that certain habits such as neglect of my own dishes on my desk developed because I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE MY OWN MESSES DUE TO THE STRESS I WAS EXPERIENCING. This was 3 or 4 long YEARS of this.

Attending art classes mostly run by very demanding (and demeaning) teachers while my art skills weren't up to par added to this stress on top of me not actually wanting to be THERE in the first place, just away from my parents.

I nearly ruined a friendship with a roommate because of my struggles. I'm not even sure if she is aware of my Autism because I'm afraid to approach her about it for some reason.

Plenty of times throughout my life where I'm loud and don't even realize it.

I've info-dumped on my parents, but right now they half or completely ignore me.

I've tried making eye contact, but it's like staring in the sun not in the sense of pain, but in the sense of by natural reaction looking away. When I force myself to make eye contact, I'm spending so much focus and effort into doing that to the point where I am unable to pay attention to what the person is saying. Instead, I stare at the mouth so I make sure I hear correctly the words they're telling me.

Each time someone is mad at me and gives me the silent treatment, and I inquire what I did to piss them off, they get madder because I'm somehow supposed to immediately know when I fucking don't. Then, half the time, they continue not telling me and I have to hear it from someone else. This further confuses me as to why they don't just simply fucking tell me.

I've annoyed people to listening to the same one or few songs over and over again. A lot (currently obsessed with the Sunset Overdrive and Tank Girl movie soundtracks).

I can "smell" the heat outside on a summer day.

I can smell other people's unique scents sometimes (especially when in someone's house; also experienced this in other people's dorms).

I can't remember what grade this was, but in high school, we went to some kind of space camp facility thing, and our class was split into two groups: one group was the group who was on Mars and ready to come home, the other was on Earth and can't wait to go to Mars. I was in the former group. My job in this little fun display interactive room thing was to examine the isotopes and report... uh.. I can't remember.. Report something that was off. Everyone else was dicking around with what they're supposed to do, and I was actually doing my job, and then said something, like I was supposed to, if I found something that was off (I don't remember the specifics). When the scientist who worked at the facility praised me on "saving the crew," I caught this look from the entire class a look I can't quite describe other than they didn't seem to like the fact that I did a good thing and was being praised for it instead of any of them (or they were shocked that a "dumb girl" like me could achieve this and get praise for it, I don't know.. hard to tell). This was a science class field trip, but despite this, I didn't have an interest in space, and still didn't feel I was smart. (Come to think of it, I think this was actually an 8th grade field trip, I can't remember.)

Just discovered this today: I'm actually very easily overwhelmed that could trigger a meltdown when I wake up. I don't know for how long until that point passes, either. But this could also be explained with how I've reacted to certain alarm clocks (the ones with the bells just induce pure rage in me). Either I will be on the verge of a meltdown or I'll have a fucking headache all day. Normally, I just wanna drink my coffee and either read or practice a little on Duolingo.

I don't always have enough room for a lot of info in my head for things that I like, so I have to carefully narrow shit down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do about my urge to get my hands on some monster movies while making sure nothing else I've retained info for wanes. Not sure if this is due to stress or what. But apparently I have designated compartments for certain categories in my brain. If I get into monster movies, continue to work on my knwoledge on ecology and paleontology, and gain more knowledge about arachnids, that shouldn't impede on the "language" category, so whatever I learn in Russian will remain safe.

Interest "Webs."

I have what I'd like to call an "interest web." My special interests in one thing can lead me to having an interest in another. I care about nature, and I also care about paleontology. Paleoecology is something I'd like to dip my toes into. But because this all involves nature, I have an interest in botany (though it's still intimidating so I'm sticking with local native trees) and arachnids (after conquering my fears and learning more about them). So the web stops at arachnids there (no pun intended).

Back to ecology and paleoecology...

I have a major interest in the Pleistocene because it was just before we humans started writing shit down. Hints of that era echoes within our current environment, from the pronghorn being "unnecessarily" fast (due to miracynonyx, the "American cheetah," which is now an extinct cat) to avocados not seeding like they should without human assistance as well as the yucca trees (Joshua trees) going into retreat thanks to the absence of giant ground sloths.

But the planet is warming, and we could use all the help from plants that we get, especially when it comes to making sure that permafrost stays frozen. So there's this "Pleistocene Park" project taking place in Russia, and one day, if I get into the field of paleontology, I may want to chat with those involved in that project, but one can't expect every other country to know English.

There's also FROZEN PLEISTOCENE MEGAFAUNA CARCASSES BEING FOUND IN PERMAFROST, too.

On top of all of this, Russia's northern lands will become habitable for humans if shit hits the fan and the planet's mostly fucked, so it's still nice to know the language.

See how all of these interests intertwine? (It also helps that since I am of Serbian heritage but can't find accessible resources to learn the language and I wanna know a Slavic language that Russian is kind of accessible. It also seems to be the only Slavic language "commonly" found in colleges when it comes to foreign language courses.) This is why I call them "interest webs." Not sure if other Autistic people have them, but it's something that I have.

The second one could simply involve Halloween, punk, goth, monsters, and teratophilia with Halloween being the gateway because my favorite color is orange.

Just thought this would be a fun thing to touch on real quick.

My Sensory Traits

I do experience some sensory traits, but they're not intense like some people would assume (unless I'm simply not noticing how intense they can be).

I can "smell" the summer heat, which was something I thought everybody else experienced but I'm wrong.

My retinas hurt in bright sunlight despite not looking anywhere near the sun, which I also thought everybody else experienced.

Drinks taste different or off in some way if they're not in a particular mug, glass, etc. that the drink is supposed to be in. (I have certain mugs that I enjoy my coffee in, but the other mugs? They taste off. I can't explain why. I have ONLY TWO acceptable little tumbler glasses for orange juice.)

Breakfast food does not taste like breakfast food unless it's on this one specific plate from my childhood.

Dinner can be iffy on certain plates, but the safest go-to is the knock-off blue willow plates.

Lunch is acceptable on anything, but if I'm having simply a sandwich, it must be on a small plate.

I have specific forks I'd prefer to use because of how they feel in my hand, how the food-part feels in my mouth, and how the fork itself tastes.

Gotta have cinnamon in my coffee. I just do. It's not coffee without it.

I cannot fucking handle hair snippets of any size for any reason on my body. This is why there is a rigid procedure to where my husband must buzz my hair over a paper-towel-covered sink (to avoid clogging the drain) while wearing a particular tanktop Harley Quinn night shirt, and then I must shower immediately afterwards. During the haircut, my skin itches like mad like I'm being poked by the hairs directly even in places where hair snippets have never, ever gone.

I'm overly sensitive to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes.

Also cannot brush teeth with cold water because it's so painful (this was LONG before I had dental issues and persists to this day). Even my tongue hurts from it.

I'm picky as fuck with candy. Trick-or-treating was sometimes difficult because all I cared about was either orange-flavored stuff, or chocolate. Only specific chocolates, too (Krackle, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Butterfinger, Reese's, that was it.) Skittles were okay, but a lot of the baggies I got had a LOT the red ones and the red ones suck. Can't stand the other candies. (But my tastes have changed since then, and I opt for European chocolate from Aldi's as they are far superior, especially Moser Roth's 70% dark chocolate and Choceur's coffee and cream chocolate.)

Speaking of candy, the Whopper's Robin's Eggs tasted better than regular Whoppers and I will never be able to explain why.

Despite loving orange flavored stuff, I have trust issues when I see an unlabeled orange candy because there's the dangerous chance it could be fucking peach flavored. *gag* (I like real peaches, but the artificial flavored ones suck balls.) Due to my dental situation, I cannot enjoy very much in a way of candy, and the only artificial orange flavoring I CAN enjoy is through Vitamin D gummies... And even then, EVEN THEN I have to worry about the fucking peach flavors if I have to go with a different brand because we can't get our hands on a bottle from Simple Truth.

Artificial cherry flavoring is death.

The ONLY flavored medicine that was acceptable to me was orange (of course) and those dissolving strips that were grape-flavored that they don't fucking make anymore because fuck me that's why. Everything else was peer-pressured to do shots kiddie edition.

The different colored coatings on M&M's taste different from one another and I cannot explain why. It's very subtle, hardly noticeable, BUT I CAN TELL.

Peanutbutter is fucking amazing.

The smell of peanutbutter is fucking not.

There are these frozen meals my husband gets for days he doesn't have energy to cook and one of them (all from the same brand) smells like fucking hell.

My husband's Nissan Cup Noodle ramen overpowers my incense despite what other household members say.

I love incense, especially dragonsblood, "coffee time," pumpkin spice, raven, and rain.

All of the autumn scents or scents associated with autumn are orgasmic to me.

The smell of artificial cherry is death.

I would love to have perfume or body spray of Play-Doh.

I can compare smells of some places to others, such as the library branch I frequent smells like my gradeschool, as do SOME of their books' pages, and when my husband and I walked through this hall-like tunnel-like storefront in downtown Pittsburgh, I said it smelled like my grandma's basement, and he thought the same, so we're in aggreeance that all grandma's basements smell the same. Except for my Baba and Deda's. Their basement smelled like they actually still enjoy life and had their shit together.

Speaking of gradeschool smells, my gradeschool had two directions of classrooms, one led towards the gym, but the hall off to the side was carpeted, had some nice colors, and held 2 kindergarten classes and 2 first grade classes. That section of the building had its distinctive smells. The other direction led to the office, the cafeteria, and the hall with the 2 classes of grades 2 through 5 plus the preschool and the art/music class was. The smell was different in all classes EXCEPT for the music/art class, and I never went to preschool so I wouldn't know what that smells like.

ALL PRINCIPLE OFFICES SMELL THE SAME. HOW.

I could smell when my husband accidentally put in cinnamon when he thought he grabbed paprika in a dish that I liked. He was terrified of telling me. That was a happy accident and it became a permanent ingredient. He was mortified and shocked that I could smell his whoopsie in my dinner he made me.

I can also smell the cinnamon they use in Little Caeser's pizza crust. Yes. They use cinnamon. But I was the only one to notice.

Honey is like peanutbutter: it tastes amazing. But holy shit fuck that smell.

Gas stations smell like death, sadness, and questioning life's choices.

No two people's car interiors smell alike.

I can smell when it will rain soon, especially if it's about to storm.

I'm the one who noticed that hairy white oldfield asters smell like cake batter.

Dominant yellow filling my entire vision can be sometimes painful.

I used to be able to "hear" the color yellow in my head so much I thought yellow actually made a noise. It was a particular shade of yellow, and it made this Playskool toy-like clicking bell ringing noise, but really obnoxiously, almost painfully. I don't know how to describe the shade other than "cloudy pastel lemon?" It looked like the fucking lemon-flavored medicine I had to take as a kid.

My parents tried mixing in this cherry flavored death medicine in with my orange soda thinking I wouldn't know the difference but I did, so I dumped it down the drain and opened a new can because that can of Big K orange was fucking ruined.

Orange is wonderful to my eyes. But it's a hard color for me to find when it comes to getting things in a particular color. My back-up colors are red, green, and purple.

The sunlight hurts my retinas, even when I'm not looking at the sky at all, but the pain intensity increases the further I look up on a sunny summer day. This has been like this since childhood. Prescriptive sunglasses shouldn't be fucking expensive and should be covered by healthcare insurance.

I have to try really FUCKING hard not to stare at someone's muscles in person because ugh... Good thing I rarely see anybody who's well-built. (No really, this isn't even really a sexual thing, I'm so fucking fascinated and once I realize "oh, so that particular muscle looks like that from that angle", I get a glimmer of hope that I MIGHT be able to draw something humanoid since I suck at drawing people.)

Orange trees as so pleasing to the eye, and these are much more socially acceptable to stare at, lest I'm in person and the property owner might think I'm plotting to steal some (luckily I've never been anywhere near a place that grows orange trees).

Neon lights are amazing and I want them to come the fuck back. I swear, stores were so much more enjoyable of an environment when they were common. Such lights improve my mood in a way I cannot describe. I'm no longer in a hurry to get home if I am in the presence of neon lights.

Sunny days during winter are painful because the sunlight reflects off the snow. I'm painfully blinded if I look outside or go anywhere.

I cannot handle the sight of someone having boogers/snot hanging from their nose, not the sight of someone vomiting, nor the sight of an syringe needle piercing flesh.

I cannot handle the sound of alarm clock bells. I have woken up in a rage and been in a bad mood I try so hard to suppress for a good portion of the day. If I hear an alarm clock bell now these days, I wanna take it and chuck it across the room regardless the time of day or if I'm already awake. It's not so bad if I hear it from a video. In person? That's starting a war with me.

Children crying or screaming (especially babies) are almost painful to me and triggers my fight-or-flight response.

The reason why I was the loudest mellophone player in marching band was to drown out hearing the fucking trumpets. And I did; I was louder than the trumpets. (I quit marching band my sophomore year but for different reasons.)

Much of the music from the 80s that gave it that sound that definitely said it's from the 80s is very pleasing to my ears.

I love punk music for its messages, lyrics, and energy, but goth always puts me into a headspace where I feel like I'm at home; I'm at peace and want to cuddle the monster under my bed.

However, some punk songs can hit deep or strong and live rent-free in my head, such as Anti-Flag's "Racist," Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl," and Skarpretter's "Nazi Scum."

One particular artist's voice I cannot get over because his is the first voice of any kind that makes me wanna fan myself is Peter Steele of Type O Negative. My favorite song, however, is "All Hallow's Eve" because his voice, the subject, and the lyrical content.

I'm able to hear something off in the oscillating fan my husband likes to use before he notices it.

I'm the one who can hear coyotes at night (doesn't help my mom wants to blast westerns to drown out the world and I'm back here in my room away from that shit though).

I can hear the branches scraping against the house, gently making creepy noises before I realize what the fuck it is, BUT NOBODY ELSE HEARS IT.

I can recognize the call of a robin because we had so many at the house I grew up in, and nobody else in this family fucking noticed.

I tend to notice the sound of the rain over all the house noise first.

I don't like tight clothing, which is why I prefer bralettes because my tits hurt.

If I could, I'd go without the bra because the band can sometimes suddenly feel tighter than it actually is, but because I have large nipples, I kinda need that bra for a bit of protection.

Shorts can be tight around the crotch, hip joins, and lower belly region, and that's a big no-no for me.

I'd prefer baggy pants, honestly.

Can't have tight footwear. No.

The seam at the top of socks or tights hurt my pinky toes if the whole sock/tights shift that way.

I already covered the hair snippet thing so since this is the sense of touch, another body hair thing is I kinda don't wanna shave my pits anymore because they are extremely itchy when they grow back. HAVE to shave my crotch because if I don't it gets horribly itchy, and my thick, fast-growing hair weaves into underwear, gets caught in pads, etc.

Ah yes. Pads. I hate them, but they're far more acceptable than a tampon or a cup because I have vaginismus.

Certain fabric textures are itchy as hell. There's a black shirt I have whose collar and cuffs are gorgeous but I have to wear something underneath to avoid feeling itchy.

Winter is hell for me here in the midwest, as I am very susceptible to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes. I become very slow, too. I feel like I can't get warm enough most of the time.

Air conditioned places in the summer feel almost similar, so I don't always wear shorts if I'm expected to go into, say, a Walmart with my husband to pick up everything. I'll shiver.

(We're gonna get into TMI territory here.) Can't masturbate by hand unless I've got a nitrile glove on because my brain only focuses on what my fingers are touching more than what my cunt feels.

Can't have any sex with my husband without anything brighter than low-light because things can be visually distracting in the room, or lights can suddenly feel way too bright to me. (Halloween string lights or those LED rope lights with adjustable brightness features and colors are excellent for this situation.)

In Conclusion

This is all that I've figured out so far. None of this hit me at once as a realization when I figured out that I'm Autistic. This took a while to realize it, and the realizations were mostly at random times through examples of other people experiencing it on the internet or through me going, "Huh, is that an Autistic trait?"

There may be even more that I'm currently unaware of or have forgotten to type here.

I apologize for how extremely lengthy this was. This took all day to type because of having to get up and do other things that needed to be done. One of the reasons why I really wanted to type this is because it's much easier to organize this on a computer, and I am absolutely shit at organizing files on my computer.

Unfortunately, while my husband is wonderful in supporting me, my parents aren't exactly all that great at it. Especially my dad, who is either vaguely dismissive or outright "forgets" that I'm Autistic (he honestly just... doesn't care, and tries to make things convenient for him at the expense of others most of the time). My mom... I'm not real sure. There are times where she seems to remember and others where she doesn't. I'm honestly wondering if they don't like knowing that I'm Autistic because that means my brother would have been as his traits were far more obvious than mine.

I hope that whoever is questioning whether or not they're Autistic has found this helpful at least in the sense that it would point you in the right direction on where to go next, but I would highly recommend checking out online Autistic communities, as that's where I've discovered that I'm on the spectrum.

#autism #asperger's #adhd #special interests #sensory traits #autistic traits #sorry for how long this is

[the-ravening]

1, 2, 15 & 28? 😍

1. favorite fanfiction trope?

It’s a common and often silly one, but I will always love “there’s only one bed” or any form of platonic bed sharing that results in unintentional snuggling, preferably involving erections and more. I always love that moment when the character first begins to wake and they’re in that liminal space without true thought or inhibition, operating on pure instinct and pleasure, and it’s all warm bodies and grinding. I love the unwitting and inadvertent nature of two characters stumbling into a sexual encounter like this, and depending on the characters it can play out in so many different fun ways in terms of mood and tone and reaction. I guess I just like having a lot of cakes and sometimes eating the same ones over and over in every fandom.

2. what is your favorite ship dynamic? do you have a type?

I’m really into enemies-to-lovers, or just enemies-with-benefits, because the inherent tension between antagonistic characters translates so well into sexual chemistry. I tend to like getting-together fics rather than established relationship ones because that’s where all the build up and suspense is. I love the journey of two people who hate each other’s guts discovering that they actually can’t get enough of each other in certain ways, that the passion of hatred channels well into feverish lust, and then maybe sometimes once they’ve bridged that gap they find they can even tolerate each other, maybe even need each other. Maybe they’re actually the same, though they’d be loathe to admit it. I just want poor communication, lots of insulting each other, and aggressive fucking between idiots who don’t realize they have more in common than they think.

15. what rarepair you think has a lot of potential

I think we’ve already discussed some of my rarepair wishes in depth over the months, so sorry to rehash what you’ve already heard from me, but how are there only 30 Tony/Nebula fics on AO3?? They were trapped alone in space together thinking they were gonna die! Tony is a recovered fuck boi who thinks he’s never gonna see his wife again and there’s a hot, prickly, touch-starved Nebula right there. So much sexy angst potential! And then after they get back to earth, Tony gets to experience the guilt of cheating on Pepper and Nebula gets the jealousy and abandonment issues. It is ripe for fic, how is there not more of it?

My runner up’s gotta be Tony/Killmonger (only 16 fics after that incredibly shippy episode of What If??), Wanda/Fake!Pietro (only 21 fics), and then all my other rarepair dreams are just incest 😅

28. are there popular ships that you cannot get into?

So many! Basically any ship that’s canon is immediately not interesting to me. I crave that which canon will always be too cowardly to give us. In terms of the most popular ships in the parts of MCU fandom I inhabit, probably SamBucky and Stony. I don’t know why, since those pairings have the makings of what I like (antagonism, lots of being dicks to each other), but something about them just doesn’t sing to me. I’d rather ship each of those characters with pretty much anyone else.

Thank you for the ask (and asking some difficult questions)! 💗

#ask meme #answered ask #on fanfiction

[megumisbimbo]

- Four -

megumi fushiguro x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

summary: (y/n) was nothing special. A human being who had no idea that curses walked the same earth they walked. But then they locked eyes with Megumi Fushiguro. Can Fushiguro focus on the task ahead or will he be distracted by the king of curses and his new love interest?

series masterlist

©️ @megumisbimbo — all rights reserved. Please do not repost, modify or translate my work. Reblogs and likes appreciated!

Credit for the main storyline and characters goes to Gege Akutami.

tags: @xreemie @kitkozume @noyakura @vanilnya20​ @tobi--o​

the songs are indicated throughout the story at certain points!

songs used:

put your records on - ritt momney

who dat boy - tyler the creator

goodbye - billie eilish

— put your records on - ritt momney —

(y/n) pov:

It was early in the morning when you were woken up by the sound of rustling. You turn and see Fushiguro frantically getting himself together.

“New mission?” You ask, voice deep and scratchy.

“It was a bit of an emergency, sorry I can’t stay today. But the rest of the sashimi is in the fridge.”

“I’ll be fine Megumi, I promise. You shouldn’t worry so much you’ll get wrinkles.” You say, causing him to let out a small chuckle.

“Are you ready to leave yet?” You ask

“No not yet.”

“Then can I play with Kou?”

Megumi gives you a puzzled glare.

“Kou?..”

“Your white dog. I named it Kou! Isn’t it cute!?”

“You shouldn’t get so attached to them you know.”

“Yes yes I know. Now can I play with it?!”

Megumi smiles and summons his white dog, who he noticed has taken a special liking to you. As much as he knew it would be a bad idea for you to get so attached to his shikigami, he couldn’t help but feel all warm inside when he saw you laughing. He finished getting ready and him and his white dog make their way out the door bidding you goodbye. You stare out the window again, noticing that you tend to do that often. Well you didn’t want to sit around all day bored as hell, so you decide to watch a movie on Megumi’s television and finish the sushi from the day before.

Megumi pov:

They looked so cute playing with my divine dog, how could I say no to that face.

“Snap out of it Megumi.” Nobara says waving her hand in front of my face.

“Were you even paying attention?”

“Of course I was.” I respond, slightly irritated.

“Thinking about (y/n) again?”

“WHA- WHY- WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT??” I say, startled by her question.

“I don’t know. Just a hunch I guess.”

Itadori walks outside and greets us with a smile. Reminds me of their smile...stop it Megumi you’re going insane.

Ijichi-san’s black car rolls up beside us and we step into the backseat. He drives us to the Juvenile Detention Center in West Tokyo. We step out of the car and walk towards building two.

“Our windows confirmed a curse womb approximately three hours ago. Five inmates are currently trapped inside along with the curse. Curse wombs that grow and change shape can be expected to become a curse close to that of a special grade. You are not to engage.”

I know that a curse of special grade ranking should be dealt with by a special grade sorcerer. Where is Gojo-sensei?

“Satoru is currently on a business trip.”

Of course.

A woman comes running towards us, stopped by the gate guards.

“Is Tadashi...my son. Is my son ok?!?”

I turn and see Itadori’s face turn pale. He needs to stop letting his feelings get involved.

“We cannot disclose any more information at this point.” One of the guards explains.

“Fushiguro, Kugisaki. We have to save him.” Itadori says.

“Of course.”

Ijichi-san lowers the curtain and I summon Kou.

“If it gets close, Ko-... my dog will let us know.”

“Let’s do this.”

— who dat boy - tyler the creator—

We walk into the building and are immediately caught off guard. The whole place is a maze. I turn around looking for the entrance.

“Damn. Where’s the door?”

Kugisaki and Itadori panic but I explain that Kou would be able to sniff it’s way out, since it remembered the scent of the entrance.

“You’re so reliable Fushiguro.” Itadori says with a smile, a familiar glint in his eyes.

He reacts the same way (y/n) does. They really must be close.

We walk deeper into the maze and find the work yard where the curse had first been seen. A mangled up body lay across from us. Itadori walks up to the body and pulls on the shirt he was wearing.

Tadashi Okazaki

“Is it that woman’s son?” Kugisaki asks.

“We’re bringing this body back. His face isn’t that messed up. She won’t be satisfied if we just tell her that her son is dead.” Itadori responds.

I grab onto his uniform and pull him away from the victim.

“Leave him. We have to confirm that the other two are dead.” I say, knowing exactly who this man is.

“Everytime we look back the path is different. How’re we gonna get back here?” Itadori responds.

“I said leave him. I never said we were coming back. He’s not even worth saving alive, why would I save his dead body.”

Itadori grabs onto the collar of my jacket.

“What’re you talking about?” He says, anger laced in his tone.

“This is a juvenile detention center. I read about what he did to get in here. He was driving without a license and hit a girl who was walking home from school, and that was the second infraction. I know you want to save everyone, so they can die a natural death, but who’s to say that someone you save won’t kill someone else in the future?”

Itadori looks at me with a blank stare. Anger festers within him. I can feel his energy shifting.

“THEN WHY DID YOU SAVE ME!?”

I...can’t answer that.

Kugisaki’s voice tears us away from each others stare.

“Knock it off you two! This isn’t the time or-“

Her body being sucked into a hole on the ground cuts her sentence off. We both stare blankly at the spot where she was standing.

No way.

“There’s no way...my divine dog would have-“

I turn around and see Kou’s head sticking out of the wall. Completely dead. My heart sinks. (y/n).

“Fushiguro!”

I turn towards Itadori, fear building up inside me.

“Run! We’ll find Kugisaki after we get away-“

My words are cut off by the immense amount of cursed energy I suddenly feel beside us. The special grade.

I can’t move. Neither can Itadori...I think.

Itadori suddenly swings his slaughter demon upwards in hopes of at least wounding the special grade. It proves absolutely futile when both the slaughter demon and his hand fly through the air landing a few feet away from us. I look back at Itadori and find his arm gushing with blood.

We’ve lost.

“Fushiguro. Run. Find Kugisaki. Let me know when you get out of here.”

“I’m not leaving you behind!”

“Fushiguro...Please...”

My heart sinks as I see Itadori’s pleading smile. I know he’s strong, but he’ll die if I leave him with this curse.

Wait.

I nod and find my will to move. I run as fast as I can through the building desperately searching for Kugisaki, my black divine dog leading the way. I finally reach her and, using my frog shikigami, pull her away from the curse that was holding her. We both manage to escape from the building. I drop her off with Ijichi-san, and my divine dog lets out a howl, signaling our escape.

Please let him make it out.

Ijichi-san explains that he’ll take Kugisaki to a doctor, and insists that I come along with him. I refuse and opt to wait for Itadori outside the building. I ask him if he could do his best to bring a sorcerer higher than a grade one when he returns. Although it isn’t likely he will, he agrees and drives away with Kugisaki safely tucked in the backseat.

I wait for what feels like ages. Suddenly, I notice the expanded dormitory has disappeared, which means the special grade curse has died.

Now if Itadori would just come back.

My thoughts are interrupted by a familiar sinister voice.

“If it’s about him, he’s not coming back.”

My whole body tenses up at the sound of that demon’s voice.

“Don’t worry, I’m in a good mood right now. Let’s talk.”

Where’s Itadori? He should have switched back by now.

“He seems to be having some trouble, but it’s only a matter of time before he’ll switch back. So I thought about what I could do in the meantime.” Sukuna says, an evil grin creeping across his face.

I watch as Sukuna buries his fist inside Itadori’s chest and rips out his heart. My eyes widen as I watch him hold Itadori’s still beating heart in his hand.

“I’m taking this brat hostage!”

He can live without the heart but...Itadori can’t. He’ll die if he switches back.

“Itadori will come back, even if his death is the result...that’s just the type of person he is.” I say, my heart racing.

“You think too highly of him. Just a while ago he was so scared while on the verge of death. He was a mess you know. Talking about (y/n) and why he’s sorry and how he’ll miss them. How pathetic.”

(y/n). Dammit.

My mind is racing as I stare at Itadori’s body, covered with tattoos and gushing red hot blood.

I’ll try and make him restore Itadori’s heart before he comes back by convincing him that he can’t win with a heartless body. I have to. But is that even possible? For someone who couldn’t even move in front of a special grade curse. Doesn’t matter. I’ll do it.

“I’m finally outside, Let’s make use of this space!”

I quickly summon Nue to fight Sukuna. Although I’m using my shikigami, I’ll fight him myself as well. I think I manage to land a blow, but it’s quickly blocked.

“Put some more curse behind your blows!” Sukuna says before punching me in the face.

I summon my Serpent and with the help of Nue, I manage to restrain Sukuna.

“Don’t give him a chance!” I yell to my shikigami, hoping that I’d be able to hold him long enough to land a critical blow.

I watch in shock as Sukuna rips my Serpent apart, freeing himself. Without a second to think, I find him grabbing onto the back of my shirt, flinging me into the air. He follows me up into the sky and hits me hard against the back of my head. I fly aimlessly through the air, but Nue scoops me into its wings and softens the blow of the landing. I turn and pet it’s head.

Nue is at its limit. I have to undo the spell before it’s destroyed. I carelessly used my shikigami and now my Serpent and Kou are both destroyed.

Sukuna lands in front of me.

“Your shikigami use shadow as a medium, don’t they?” He asks.

“So what?”

“Hmmm, you don’t get it do you?

I give him a questioning look, still disoriented from the beating I just received.

“What a waste of talent...in any case, I’m not going to heal the brat. He’s not even worth fighting for.”

“Well I save people...unfairly.”

I let out all of my curse, allowing the blue tinted energy to flow through and around me.

“You’re going to get fired up now? That’s good! Well then. Entertain me Fushiguro Megumi!!”

I begin reciting a chant usually done by shinto priests that is believed to summon the dead. Also known as “The ten sacred treasures.” My thoughts are spinning, disorienting me more.

(y/n). What would they think of me? How could I face them if I lose Itadori.

— goodbye - billie eilish —

I stop, realizing the only way to win is to pull Itadori out of his own head, no matter the cost.

“Itadori, I know you can hear me. I didn’t have any logical reason to save you and (y/n) back then. Even if it was dangerous, even if they are a liability, I couldn’t watch good people die. I had some doubts but... ultimately I made a selfish choice driven by my emotions. But that’s fine. So to answer your question...I saved you because...because I’m not a hero. I’m a sorcerer. I never regretted saving you two. Not even once.”

The tattoos on his body begin to fade, and Itadori’s face resurfaces.

“I see...You’re smart Fushiguro and I think the way you live your truth is right. But I don’t think I’m wrong either.”

Itadori’s chest gushes blood and his body becomes limp.

“Ah, it’s almost time for me... Kugisaki and Gojo-sensei...I guess I don’t have to worry about them anymore. Live a long life Fushiguro, and tell (y/n)...I...love....the-“

His body hits the ground creating a puddle of blood. Tears form in my onyx eyes.

I have to go home to (y/n)...what will I tell them. I’m sorry (y/n). I couldn’t save him.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro x reader #jjk anime #jjk megumi #jjk angst #itadori yuuji #gojo satoru #nobara kugisaki #ryomen sukuna