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lieslab · 1 year

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A pickle for your thoughts?

Summary: You’re dating Changbin and he had a bad day. As his significant other, he finds comfort in you.

Word Count: 900

Genre: Fluff

Read the last post: 🎶

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Normally, Changbin was in a pretty good mood when he came home. When you laid your eyes upon him, he’d usually have a smile on his face. His eyes would sparkle the moment he spotted you. Not wasting any time, his lips would find yours. His arms would secure themselves around your waist and he’d happily pick you off your feet and spin you around.

Your giggles were like music to his ears. You were the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was rare to see him in a low mood. Today was, unfortunately, one of those days. He came home from the studio with a few grocery bags in his hands.

Not bothering to find you, he made his way into your kitchen. The two of you had been living in the dorm he shared with 3Racha and Hyunjin.

On top of everything else that went wrong today, he had forgotten that today was grocery day. It was his turn to buy groceries and he had picked a bad time to go. The shelves had been picked over.

Since he started shopping a few minutes after five, people stopped in after work to pick up things. People stood in the middle of the isles and blocked them. Some people were pushy towards others. The whole thing had been so overwhelming. Not to mention, they had been out of a few different items.

After hearing the front door slam shut, you sat up in your bed. Something crashed onto the floor and shortly afterwards a slew of curse words filled the air. Tediously, you made your way out towards the kitchen and peeked your head around the corner.

Changbin’s face had turned a shade of red. He had his eyes squeezed shut and three fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. Shattered glass scattered the floor near his feet. A puddle of light green juice slowly inched towards the living room.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Your voice caused him to glance up. He shook his head and glanced down at the mess. “I accidentally dropped and broke the jar of dill pickles.”

“That’s okay, I’ll help you clean it up.”

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s okay, Binnie. I’ll go get the mop and the broom. How about you continue putting the other stuff away?”

“But it’s my mess and I-”

“Rough day?” You cut him off.

“You have no idea! It’s been such a shitty day. I just want to go to bed. Today has been the worst day that I’ve had in a while.”

“Let me go get the cleaning supplies and then we can talk about it.”

You quickly hurried towards the supply cabinet to grab some things. Changbin bent down and gently scooped up the larger pieces of glass. He tossed them into the trash can, washed his hands, and started to place the remaining groceries away.

He pulled open the fridge to place a gallon of milk inside of it. When he turned around, you were kneeling down on the floor. The pickle chips had scattered everywhere when the jar broke. Guilt flooded through him. He should have been picking it up, not you.

“A pickle for your thoughts?” A soft smile appeared on your face as you lifted up the slime green sphere towards him.

He chuckled and grabbed it out of your hand. Without a second thought, he flung it into the trash can. “I was late getting into the studio this morning. It’s been a rough day for everyone. Do you remember that song I sent you a few days ago because I wanted your feedback?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I accidentally deleted it and I don’t have it anymore. We were supposed to work on finalizing that song today and I deleted it, so now I have nothing. We have to have it finished by the end of this week and it’s gone. I have to completely restart it from scratch.”

“Plus, I went to the grocery store and people were rude. They didn’t have certain items that Hyunjin wanted. I haven’t had anything to eat yet because I forgot to bring my lunch earlier. I was going to doordash something and then we all got distracted by working on some other stuff and then we had a meeting and I’m ready to pull my hair out.”

“My poor little baby, you must be starving and exhausted.”

“You have no idea.”

You finished picking up the pickles and throwing them into the trash can. “Well, I’m sorry that you were late getting into the studio this morning. I don’t think I can help you with that, but I can help you with your song.”

“And how are you going to do that?”

“You send me every song to get my opinion. I know how clumsy 3Racha can be. Every song you send me, I download it and put it on a flashdrive. I can send it to you later.”

“Really?”

You nodded and started to mop up the pickle juice. “I’ll finish this and you can finish putting the groceries away. The two of us can go get some food and then we can go to a different store to find the remaining items. I’ll send you your song when you get home and then we can head towards bed. Does that sound good?”

“God, I love you.”

A smile lit up your face, “I love you too.”

Read the next drabble: 🫶

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids drabbles #stay #stray kids fluff #fanfic writing #fanficwriter #seo changbin #ChangBin #changbin skz #changbin fanfic #changbin fluff

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augment-techs · 10 months

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Moving my ask. I think it was 26 or 15 and Lord Drakkon/Coinless Jason. It had to do with erotic branding or marking/claiming ownership. Just putting thus in the correct spot lol

There was a gallon sized pickle jar, in the fridge in Drakkon's old bedroom in the palace, full of blood kept fresh and clean to add to his food, a condiment for eggs and meats instead of barbecue or Tabasco.

There were flash-frozen packets in the freezer marked with words like 'liver' and 'thigh meat' and 'rump'--that last one having a disgustingly innocent little heart tacked on in the corner--without a trace of freezer burn, and another packet that looked like the liver that was half-eaten; a little note taped to the side that read 'use with dirty rice instead of chopped cauliflower; very rare'.

When Kimberly closed the door to the fridge, she really took the moment to read the little recipes posted on a notepad that was taped to the top of the fridge that only came up to her chest, wondering about the measurements, but also about the timetables attached that didn't seem to make a lot of sense...

She considered the words with the same levels of trepidation that she did with everything involving the fucker, who now sat in a room not terribly unlike the one he'd stored Jason in for years on end, (except his had one glass window and was all white; the very best kind of fuck you that had been inadvertent, but savored by literally everyone else). The feeling of something creeping up on her, like a little girl in a dark forest, a hard thing to shake off.

'Can't take too much blood; have to wait another week. Anemia causes loss of potency,' and, 'Maybe give J. some of the skin from the thighs at our next dinner,' and 'Infection. Need to wait until the whole course for treatment plays out. Might try another option, even if none of them taste right.'

And so the terrible handwriting continued on, not a lot of it making sense to Kimberly as she thumbed through; tips of her fingers feeling the indentations where Drakkon had pressed down too hard in something like anger and the pen spurted and blotched the ink.

Until she pulled all the paper up and found a collective of pictures there, in almost stylized black and white with a little pinch of other colors edited in, sort of like models used for headshots she remembered from when she was maybe ten and her mother thought she would do just as well in the pageant circuit as in gymnastics (before her parents realized that it would make their squabbling and inability to be in the same room as each other for a prolonged period of time especially apparent; gossip being poison for them before they moved to Angel Grove and made it a hobby).

The first one was Jason, haggard and maybe in his early twenties in the clothes he'd been placed in while in solitary confinement in the bowels of the castle prison where the softest thing he could touch was stone and his iron shackles, seated on the bed he'd been given, now in the highest room in the tower Drakkon built especially and just for him. He was so thin, his five o'clock shadow a mess, his hair greasy and washed out, and he looked downright pissed to be made to sit like a pet, but also like something was keeping him back from attacking the bastard. His eyes were fixed behind Drakkon with the camera, but Kim couldn't tell anything beyond that. There were no reflective surfaces in that cloistered set of rooms; Jason largely having to rely on Drakkon or what could have been called friends (something Kim still wasn't sure about; Jason had asked for them often enough when he'd been let out, but had also been cautious around them and..sort of sad) in Skull and Adam when it came to his appearance.

The second picture was dated a year later on the front in overly curled scrawl with a sloppy pen; Jason in the exact same spot, but with the light coming in from the window without bars, without glass, with only one way out. He looked almost like his old self, much stronger and clean and practically perfect but for the fake smile he was aiming at the camera in an attempt to play seductive and submissive; and of course Drakkon had made sure to take away all of his clothes for this shot, really get a look at the defined and healthy skin and muscle that he, doubtless, jacked off to more often than not.

The pictures after that was more posed, still on the bed and Jason still not wanting to do this in the eyes of anyone with a basic sense of decency, but Kimberly was brought to think very much of old ads made for Marilyn Monroe for movies where she was still dressed, but was little more than an empty headed bimbo that the executives of Hollywood loved thinking of her as. Though with Jason, Drakkon made sure that there was no clothing and he was displayed in every lewd way the tyrant could think of: propped up on his knees with his hands wrapped in striking red ribbons behind his back; curled around an oversized rabbit plushy as if half asleep and very sweaty from what the camera light gleaned off of him; standing with his arms holding onto a sheet hanging from the ceiling, his right hip on full display to show an ever present bite mark from Drakkon's own mouth that was constantly being reopened.

The last pictures at the bottom gave her pause, courage suddenly hesitant, and sent something curdled and heavy into the pit of her stomach.

More set up, more in order, less wild than Jason in his first picture, was Skull in his Red Sentry Captain's uniform, sans the helmet, standing straight and tall in what looked like a bathroom brought about in the palace; one of Drakkon's luxury suites for visiting warlords and despots and demons; one hand on his lance, and one perched on the shoulder of Adam Park. Adam seated on the rim of the expensive looking tub, in Black Sentry uniform, also sans helmet; legs crossed in an attempt to look proper, with his hands together in his lap. Both looking…resigned. Straight ahead like they were ordered to, and tired.

Bulk had shown Kim old history books with pictures as such; Russian Czars and empresses, Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, those little princes locked in the Tower of London before vanishing in the night.

She couldn't stop her hands from shaking as she finally lifted them up to see the final photo, slightly bigger than the others, and more wrinkled and worn at the edges from continued adjustments.

...After Kim muscled her way into not vomiting down between her feet and onto the cold floor, she was left with a sort of memory of when her parents took her to a museum for a little bit of culture and could not help but draw comparisons between two works of art and the plight of the two who were, apparently, just as much captives of Drakkon as Jason ever was. Kim was left struck, insanely, by how much Eugene looked rather like John Sargent's masterpiece of Madame X; pale figure, smooth continence, extremely dark hair and altogether gorgeous under the sight of the artist themself. Except that woman in the portrait could not be further from undergoing the ministrations placed upon the spy. Drakkon had taken care to highlight and edit in just how RED Eugene's blood was against the marble white of the inside of the tub he'd been placed in, limbs limp and unmoving, and eyes glassy with what had to have been unending agony without the reprieve of medication or even basic drugs to numb him to the cutting. As for Adam (oh, and now she could understand why he seemed to stay so close to him even now, both sheepdogs with a bit of wolf blood or witch hares out in the open and watching out for weak sheep and rabbits against the snapping teeth of a dragon), Kim was still reminded of grand art in gilded frames. Something of a Titian portrait sprung to mind, a showcase of a Greek myth in which a very pompous satyr challenged the god Apollo to a music contest and lost, thereby losing his life by being flayed alive by the god and other satyrs as some mortal king looked on with interest.

Except there was no joy in what Adam was being made to do, hand much steadier than Kim's would have been as he stood on his knees over the tub, a pale imitation of the Dragon Dagger in hand as he sliced a mortician's incision in Eugene's skin, pulling back the edges like a pale wrap to see the pulsing insides.

There was a metal tray off to the side of the tub, stainless steel and with a China plate with stenciled golden flowers on it, holding pieces of extremely dark meat at the center, also edited to show the almost purple hue trailing blood drops that had landed on Eugene's cheek.

And apart from all of these grotesques, Kim's brown eyes had grown almost black with a little ring of dark Pink each as she zeroed in on the finger mark bruises ringed around both men's necks, a ring around Adam's that looked like black paint as his spare hand carefully pressed down just above Eugene's beating heart; and what looked to be dozens of bite marks all along Eugene that hadn't just settled against the skin like they had with Jason. Drakkon had bitten into Eugene and yanked. Her mind did her no favors, reminding her of the sound Drakkon sometimes made when he took a mouthful of rich meat and swallowed.

Putting the pictures back down with every part of her wanting to run away from the room as fast as she could, Kimberly could also not help but stand rooted to the spot, blankly staring at the fridge that had just moments earlier seemed to be entirely harmless, but as she took in frightened little rabbit breaths, seemed more like a collection of all the world's poison and disasters.

And then there was a memory…

#ask fill #prompt fill #boom! comics power rangers #world of the coinless #all our injuries rhyme #Lord Drakkon x Coinless Jason Scott #Ranger Slayer Kimberly Hart #red sentry skull #black sentry adam park

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nad-zeta · 4 years

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I'm a dum dum , didn't even realize your requests are open 😂. Ok~ I hope I'm following your rules– cuz I couldn't find any :")) but would you mind doing a hc for Ikesen characters(you can choose the characters! I don't really mind) reacting to a teenager MC(from ages 14-17)? I've seen lots of child MCs but not a teenager one.

Headcanon: Teenage MC feat: Nobunaga, Kenshin, Ieyasu, Hideyoshi and Masamune

Hehehe that's cause I'm a lazy potato so, for now, there are no rules lol 😂 😂 😂 ! Lol so for this I made it more fun and less romantic cause like don't want my sweet bios to look like pedos u know lol 🥀 ! Thanx for the request dear I hope you like it! And I hope you have the best day! (✿◠‿◠)

Nobunaga

The first time he sees you he is super intrigued

Like how did someone so young and smol manage to pull him out of a freaken burning building

He went into full BIG BRO MODE

The two of you would get up to all sorts of mischief together

Stealing candy together is a given

You would harry potter style hide under a not so invisible cloak, running to the kitchen together like hunched old ladies

The second you enter the kitchen the hunt for the candy begins

You find the jar in 0.2 seconds “Trust me this ain’t my first rodeo.”

“Aaaah so my fireball sister is an experienced thief then.”

The two of you happily munch on the candy in the kitchen when all of a sudden the two of you heard someone at the door

The two of you turned in sync to see Mother Dearest Amber eyes shining with anger in the dark

“How many times have I told you stealing is bad, and that candy before bed is extremely unhealthy.”

He turned to look at Nobunaga, who looked like a guilty schoolboy “My lord, you are supposed to set the example, how do you expect to be a good big brother if you are influencing her to steal and eat candy before bed.”

Everything was going perfectly according to plan- while Hideyoshi was distracted you snuck a few handfuls of candy in the hidden pockets of you kimono

Once you were done with your mission you chimed in “Yeah big bro how do u expect me to be a good girl when you always dragging me along to steal the candy.”

“Oooooh don’t think I forgot about you, young lady.”

He lectured the two of you for three hours

Hideyoshi sent both of you back to your rooms.

Luckily Nobunaga’s’sNobunaga’s’s room was right on top of yours and you were experienced in the art of sneaking out to meet up with friends

So you easily climbed up onto his balcony and snuck into his room

The two of you snicked and laughed while munching on candy together

Hideyoshi

“Have you eaten yet today, brushed your teeth, done all your chores.”

Catches you stealing candy at night with Nobunaga again

“How many times have I told you not to eat candy before bed young lady.”

Hideyoshi has full-blown turned into your castle mom

You had been secretly dating some random boy, you met in the market

You twisted your ankle sneaking out your room to go and see him, luckily Mamayoshi was doing his final rounds of the castle and found you hissing on the ground.

He picked you up and patched you up real good

Cue lecture about sneaking out in the middle of the night

The next day the boy broke up with you- cause he a piece o shit

You spent the whole day crying in your room

Cue Mamayoshi barging into your room, cause the maids had informed him that you skipped breakfast!

(ಥ﹏ಥ)

“Who dare break my favourite sister’s heart” (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

“Just show me who he is and I’ll teach that freaken punk a lesson he will never forget” (╬ ಠ益ಠ)

You spent hours crying on his shoulder, Hideyoshi made you some tea and took you to the market to do some retail therapy

You would go to Mamayoshi for advice all the freaken time, you really did see him as a mom

Have boy trouble Hideyoshi is there helping ya out and giving you advice, struggling to do the homework Mitsuhide gave you, Mama will sit for hours helping you, someone Is bullying you? Hideyoshi will mom style cut them

Will take you out to tea all the time, and the two of you will low key spill the tea on all the latest gossip

Kenshin

Treats you like a fragile princess

Will be an extremely doting brother

Will 100% teach you how to defend yourself

Feeling sad, Kenshin will legit find the source of your sadness and freaken kill them

Feeling anxious or insecure, Kenshin will be there wrapping you in a big bear hug while drawing soothing circles on your back. He will soothingly comfort you as your cry on his shoulder

Will summon his army of fluff balls to cuddle with you until that smile is back on your face

You like a boy in the market… forget about it. Kenshin is there glaring at the boy… “He is not good enough for my dearest sister.”

You give Kenshin puppy dog eyes “No way bunny, you are still a baby, definitely not old enough to date. Come on, let go get some tea and pickled plumbs to cheer you up.”

You cant say no to Kenshin especially when he gives you his puppy dog eyes in return

Will always insist on holing your hand when walking in the market together

Will legit kill anyone or anything that threatens you

Will give you platonic forehead and cheek kisses

Loves it when you sass and roll your eyes at Shingen trying to pick up all the woman at banquets

Will let you sneak a few sips of his sake, and you are the only one he will share his pickled plumbs with

Will send you off to bed when it gets too late, the bunnies have taken quite a liking to you so they will accompany you back to your room and cuddle with you

Masamune

“come on lass lets’s go on an adventure.”

“No way the last time we went on an adventure I was almost killed and both of us got an hour-long lecture about the dangers of waterfalls.”

“Where is your sense of adventure kitten.”

“The same place your sense of safety is, non-existent.’

Drags you with him to go hiking, when you were on the top of the mountain you slipped on some loose gravel. Masamune caught you, and both of you went tumbling into a lake

You couldn’t help but laugh

The two of you splashed around in the water until late into the afternoon

“Quick lass let’s sneak in before mother dearest scolds us for.”

Too late he was already waiting for the two of you

Masa will cook you anything and everything your heart desires, when you tell him you’re on a diet cause some boy called you fat Masamune’s eyes widens.

He will bring your favourite dish an place it just under your nose, you can’t help but crumble damn that smell too good to waste, “Fine but my diet starts tomorrow”, (っ˘ڡ˘ς) you say with a mouth full of food

Lol tomorrow never came and that asshole of a boy was never seen again

Sometimes it was hard to tell who the teenager was you or Masamune, the two of you would always joke around pulling pranks on all the castle residents

You were actually pretty thankful Masamune didn’t drink, cause it made you feel like you weren’t missing out on anything during banquets

At the end of the banquets it would always be you, Masa and Mitsuhide left awake and playing card games till dawn

Will leave Shogetsu with you during times of war. The big cat literally destroys everything

“No way masa, ask Mitsunari to watch him, last time when I woke up he shredded everything in my room”, he just grinned at you “That’s what adds to his cuteness”. (=^・^=)

You narrowed your eyes at him “What’s in it for me”. (¬_¬)

“I’ll bring you back a months supply worth of candy and I Masamune Date will owe you a favour”.

You beamed up at him, that would definitely come in handy one day “Fine I’ll do it”. (｡◕‿◕｡)

“Thanks, kitten that’s why you’re my favourite sister”,

You rolled your eyes “I’m your only sister”.

He pats you on the head while chuckling “Exactly” (＾ｕ＾)

Ieyasu

Would have witty battles with the resident porcupine all of the time

Masamune would literally, howl in laughter when the two of you are at it.

You would juts roll your eyes “Not my fault Ieyasu is always so salty.”

The amount of time the two of you have had an eye-rolling contest is ridiculous

Even though the two of you fight like cats and dog you still enjoy Ieyasu’s’sIeyasu’s’s company

Ieyasu actually shows you his soft side

One day a boy broke your heart

You walked into Ieyasu’s room and looked at him ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

Ieyasu rushed to you and wrapped you up in his arms and let you cry it out

“You know what will be fun” Ieyasu asked with a hint of mischief in this emerald eyes

“What” (“･ω･`) you asked sniffing and wiping the last of your tears away

“If we make that punk regret ever breaking your heart.”

You couldn’t help but give him the biggest brightest smile, the two of you snuck out that night and egged his house

You are the only person privileged enough to know Ieyasu’s soft side

The two of you will have a chilli eating contest

Basically ends with you drinking a gallon of milk and losing all sense of taste “Silly girl this isn’t even the hottest peppers yet.”

You will play matchmaker to get Ieyasu a date/lover

He will legit just roll his eyes at the suggestion, he is way too busy with work

“I found the perfect person for you Yasu, they are sweet, kind you know basically an angel and don’t worry they definitely won’t get put off by your contrary personality.”

Yasu raises a brow “Who” (ーー;)

You snicker a little and burst out laughing “MITSUNAR, he is perfect for you.”

Yasu legit spits out the tea he was sipping on, he was turning as red as a tomato

Yasu.exe has stopped working

“I freaken knew it, I’m gonna go tell him right now” (°o°)

“Don’t you dare” (ー_ー)!!

(✿◠‿◠)

(((( ；ﾟДﾟ))) Yasu legit leaps over his desk and tackles you to the ground tickling you until you surrender

“Fine but if the two of you ever get married, I better be your maid of honour.”

Yasu legit just ruffled your hair and rolled his eyes “Yeah yeah whatever just don’t tell him.”

Hope you liked it, dear! <3

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duallygirl178 · 3 years

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Dearest O'Malley Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Robin, Gonzo and I were trying to think of some challenges to do for a summer fun project. Gonzo thought and suggested; “why don’t we do an Elvis prance or Elvis parade to show off our best impression.” Robin hummed to himself, thought, and said; “nah, “ I had an idea to start so I said; “I know, we’ll have some sort of pickle challenge, but can’t copy the other kinds of challenges that involve pickles. We need something new. Like a pickle bath and flour challenge.” Robin thought hard about it and asked ; “what would we do with the flour part?” that was a good question to think about. I thought a minute and said; “cover ourselves with it to look like ghosts to chase people around.” Robin imagined what fun that would be like. He laughed and said; “good idea, man. I know a brand of flour we could use.” that same day, the three of us; Nathan, Natalie and I went shopping at a big supermarket. I already told Natalie what I needed which was Pillsbury flour. So about 15 minutes later, they came out with groceries, loaded them into the trunk, and we headed home. Gonzo was there, providing the kiddie pool we were going to dunk ourselves in and told me that Robin went to go get pickles from Sam’s club; a big grocery store that was behind WALMART in town. It was already sunset and he still hadn’t returned. Gonzo had to go home but he said he and Robin will do it tomorrow since we didn’t get to do it today. Then they’d start the pickle challenge. I told Gonzo; “that would be a good idea since we aren’t really prepared and set up.” Then Gonzo agreed and headed home.

That night, I watched some TV with Nathan and Natalie. I thought about other challenges that Robin Gonzo and I could do. Something different that others could do. I began to think about it but couldn’t think of anything else to try. The pickle bath and flour challenge was the only one I had in mind. I could have suggested a “Mountain Dew” and corn chips challenge but wasn’t sure if Gonzo and Robin liked Mountain Dew” soda pop. I’ve never seen any of them drink it before. I thought of doing a 24 hour challenge to stay awake but that would be hard and a few people were able to do it. Ironically, I wondered what people would do if I pranked Ol’ Reliable by involving firecrackers. Maybe folks would think I was a bully by picking on little cars. I knew I didn’t want to make all the Chevy cars have a bad reputation. I later on thought I’d better ask Gonzo and Robin if they had any ideas for a few other challenges that people could do to spread all over the world. The next day after the barbeque, Robin, Gonzo came over and the three o us thought up a challenge to do because Robin had a video camera and an account with YOUTUBE. He wanted to post it to see if anyone would participate after we did the pickle bath and flour challenge. So Robin asks Ol’ Reliable to be the cameraman for the day. Ol Reliable cooperated as Robin was directing Ol’ Reliable how to use his camera, Gonzo and I poured about 28 gallon jars of pickles we bought from Sam’s Club into the kiddie pool that Gonzo brought over. The smell was revolting! But at least there was 3 bags of flour setting out and ready on the porch. When Ol’ Reliable got the camera recording, Robin faced the camera and said; “hello fellow YOUTUBERS. Today’s challenge is the pickle bath and flour challenge and what we’re doing is getting 3 people; meaning O’Malley, Gonzo, and me to roll in a kiddie pool of pickles and pickle juice and then covering ourselves with Pillsbury flour after we’re nice and covered with pickle brine. Next, we’re going to the park to chase people around for fun. And you too can try this too, just make sure you’re careful. So I challenge you to try this.” Ol’ Reliable chuckled and said; “This should be fun.” Robin went in first. It was a quick roll and dunk for him, because Robin couldn’t bare the smell of pickles. He got out fast and gasped like a fish out of water. I laughed, teased Robin and said; “We should call you ’Pickle Fins’ because you got pickle brine all over you. I mean what are you? A sissy?” Gonzo bursted out laughing and said; “HA! Pickle fins.” Robin frowned ever so fake-like, splashed himself with flour and said; “Oh yeah, O’Malley. Let’s see how you like this.” Robin picked me up happily, and tossed me into the pool. Juice got all over me. Ol” Reliable, Gonzo, and Robin laughed belly down. It might have been funny to them, but I had a better idea. I took a huge sip of pickle brine , swallowed it down, and as they made sick faces, I said; “Hey Robin, come here. I want to tell you something.” Robin came close and he said; “Yeah?” then, I let out a huge deep belch and blew it in his face. Robin’s face turned green with nausea as he made a sick noise. I laughed and said; “Ah…hallelujah that was swinging.” Gonzo laughed and pointed at Robin as he looked like he was going to faint. I rolled in the juice and covered my whole body with juice. Next I got out and covered myself with one of the bags of flour and said; “Okay Gonzo, you’re turn.” Gonzo right away jumped in and spent an uncomfortable retched 10 minutes in pickle juice. Then he got out and said; “Dappa papa mow, how do you like me now?” as we laughed as Gonzo dumped another bag of flour on himself.

The next thing we had to do was drive in town, Ol’ Reliable followed and captured everyone’s reaction on camera. There were people holding their noses and some were fanning the air. Then Robin started chasing people and dogs as we came to the Brookside park. Gonzo followed after Robin and was making noise that all dogs hated to hear. I watched for a few minutes as Ol’ Reliable filmed. I thought the whole point of having a pickle bath and flour challenge was to roll in juice and get fluffed out by dumping flour all over the challenge taker’s body, but chasing people and animals in the park was stupid. Then Gonzo screamed out “Pickle ghosts!” while Robin did his perfect Taz manian devil Looney toon character noise to whoever they were chasing after. I couldn’t bare waiting. Ol’ Reliable kept filming and said; “Well, go on Grandpa. Join them. I know you want to.” I watched Robin and Gonzo laugh and boy, did it look fun. So I jumped in the chase and joined the two candy-prats in their game. Folks in the park ran and ran. One of them fell to the ground and was crawling to get out of the way. Another wet his good pair of pants and darted towards an SUV our chase lasted up to an hour and when a sheriff arrived, we were done and already gone. Ol’ Reliable stopped filming by the time we got to my house. We got cleaned up as we were laughing from all the fun we enjoyed. Robin bathed first while Gonzo and I waited our turn. We thought of other challenges to do that would be safe. Earlier today, Gonzo suggested we would try the Elvis challenge and I thought that would be a good idea to try. Gonzo put it as the “Elvis prance” which would be a popular thing to do since so many people loved Elvis Presley. When Robin came out, Gonzo had a turn to clean off. Robin posted the video of the pickle bath using Nathan’s laptop for YOUTUBE.com. I talked to him about Gonzo’s idea. Robin thought about it and said; “I think we should try Gonzo’s idea. You only live once to make your print on the world.” the question was, who had an Elvis costume, wig, sunglasses and clothes? When Gonzo came out, Robin asks him; “You you have any Elvis costumes around your house? I’ve decided to do the Elvis challenge.” Gonzo looked at Robin, smiled almost too embarrassed and said; “Yes. I have three costumes stored in a room. Their in a tote box. Impa, O’Malley and I used to dress up as Elvis Presley mobiles for Halloween in the seventies . Why?” Robin shrugged and said; “Next challenge is for all the Elvis enthusiasts.” all those memories with Impa had me remembering of Halloween in the’70s when Gonzo, Impa and I would dress up like Elvis-mobiles and we’d always do the impressions to people walking by. We would go up to people’s doors and do Elvis dance poses and impressions in different positions and make them laugh until the wet themselves. What a bunch of magical Halloween pleasure to be doing that every Halloween year! But enough memories. I was the last one to wash off the pickle brine.

When I got all washed up and cleaned, Robin told me what he and Gonzo were talking about. Robin looked stoked about it and said; “I was discussing with Gonzo about doing the Elvis challenge. I came to a conclusion that we should try it and I think it’s fair that you and Gonzo put on the costumes, do impressions and dance in town since Elvis did wear a lot of white. You know, around the plaza. Gonzo has the costumes.” I wasn’t sure if I liked the sound of that idea. Gonzo went home to get the Elvis costumes about 30 minutes later. When he came back, he had two Elvis costumes and he said; “Okay, O’Malley man. Get changed.” embarrassed, my face blushed. I had given up playing dress up years ago. Robin unplugged his fully charged video camera from the USB port and started recording while I was dressing up. The outfit was a bit tight since I last wore it. Robin turned on the video camera and pointed it towards him. He smiled and said; “today’s challenge is for all lf you Elvis Presley lovers, so, O’Malley and Gonzo are going to do impressions in town for people.” then, the camera turned to me. I had my “Elvis” on. When Gonzo was fixing the wig, I said; “I knew I didn’t like the sound of this idea. Robin, this is unacceptable.” Gonzo sprayed some hairspray on the wig and was fiddling with it trying to get to fit right on me. I cleaned off the sunglass lenses while Robin was holding the camera. He giggled and said; “Come on man, do it for all those Elvis Presley fans out there.” I knew I didn’t want to because I was done with playing dress up, but I had no choice. I had to…for all the Elvis fans. For the king of rock and roll and to make Gonzo and Robin to stop begging. I started to feel self-conscious and when I was about to say something, Gonzo cut me off and said; “Don’t worry, I’ll dress up too so you don’t feel self-conscious.” Robin laughed as he pointed the camera in on me for my facial expression while Gonzo was finishing up putting the wig on me. Then he pointed it at Gonzo. He was getting on the wig himself. The wigs were large and were meant for people who were dressing their cars up for show. I shook my hood in disappointment and humiliated and said; “You better be happy that I agreed to this and that I love you two kooks.” Gonzo laughed and said; “Now we go town .”So, out the door we went with the Elvis hip swinging maneuver . Gonzo and I put on our large sunglasses while Robin met us in the yard and watched us come out. I swear to graham crackers, we looked like the Blues Brothers! It was terrible. Robin laughed with joy and said; “Hey, it’s the Elvis crew, Yo! You two look great” I didn’t know about Gonzo, but I was humiliated to daylights in this costume. We drove to down town and even did Elvis Presley imitations on the side of the road, while Robin kept filming. People honked, stopped to take pictures of us and filmed us doing seven Elvis moves and quotes. Robin got all the footage on camera and when we went further in town, people gave us money for no apparent reason. Maybe they were Elvis fans or enjoyed watching us make fools out of ourselves. They were sticking twenty dollar bills in our windshields and doors, as we were doing different poses that Elvis did much more earlier in his years. An hour later, we swung by Dairy Queen, got some lunch of burgers and fries with Blizzard ice cream treats. People commented us and took pictures of us. I was starting to have fun today. I usually don’t get attention much from people in car shows, but I get eyes gazing at me when I’m not in a car show. After lunch, we headed to my house while Robin uploaded his video on YOUTUBE.com. Gonzo and I had a beer while Robin’s video got a ton of likes, reviews, and good comments. He suddenly gasped and said; “No way!! Four hundred smacker-roos! We’re practically famous!!” I almost spewed out my beer and said; “Say what? C’mon now!” Gonzo and I looked at the video. Unexpectedly, there were over four hundred dollars donated, before you could say ‘hallelujah, Saint Jordan’. We discovered they all came from the Elvis

lovers of America. Robin had added several Elvis songs in the video including; King of the whole wide world, Blue Suede Shoes and Don’t be cruel. On a comment below the video, it read out; “Thank goodness for Elvis Presley.” there was also a link to the website belonging to the enthusiasts of Elvis Presley. Then on another page, there was a paragraph about the really real Elvis. Authorities found a body identifying a man that was the actual Elvis Presley in California. We were shocked because all those years of Elvis facts, we didn’t expect to see this. We had been celebrating early of Elvis’ birthday which was until August 9th. National Elvis day was celebrated in August 9 through the 17th in Memphis. But this was summer and altogether we said; “Oh crud” like professional duets. We saw another link at the end of the Elvis website that linked us to some more videos of Elvis impressionists that we checked out. There were many videos of people dressing up like Elvis and doing what Elvis did best.

So there we had it. National Elvis day was a party in Memphis, Tennessee . He really was an inspiration for the world.

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realityhelixcreates · 4 years

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Lasabrjotr Chapter 65: Like Peeling an Orange

Chapters: 65/?

Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature Warnings: NSFW

Relationships: Loki x Reader (There We Go)

Characters: Loki (Marvel),

Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Loki Gets A Scolding, Sometimes Loki Should Not Do What He Wants, This Armor Looks So Cool In My Head You Guys, And A Fun Time Was Had By All

Summary: Loki helps you into-and back out of-your new armor.

Your armor was finally ready. Loki pored over it, examining every minute detail. It had to be perfect. He had to make sure it was perfect.

The weavers and tailors had brought their best. The scaled plates of nornbein and steel had been removed from their original leather backing, and affixed to new; less bulky, more supple, to better fit your smaller frame. Each bit of metal had been embossed with beautiful swirling knotwork, some of them ancient Midgardian motifs.

The quilted silk tunic glistened like polished jade, soft but tough. It would peek out from under the armor here and there, offering protection from sharp things, and signaling your importance.

But the helmet-the crown-was a grand achievement of deceptive metalworking. It looked so delicate, constructed of dainty petals and leaves, affixed to a wide band. Long, gem-studded petals stretched over the top, overlapping ivy leaves trailed down the back to protect your neck, fiddleheads would cover your cheeks.

It looked as fragile as a real bouquet, but the smith had whacked it with a heavy mallet for Loki to see, and it hadn't left a dent.

“And if anyone tries to strike without a weapon, they'll lay their hand right open.” The smith had assured him. “The edges aren't sharp enough to cut just by touching, but with applied force, they certainly are.”

Loki gathered it all up, impatient to show it to you, to see you put it on, to see you take it back off, and he rushed to the kitchen to pick up some dinner that you could eat together. Preferably in front of the fireplace in his room.

The under-chefs greeted him with some amusement, wrapping up a simple dinner and a chilled bottle of that Icelandic fruit wine for you.

“So, is the Seidkona beginning a new project?” One asked politely. “A special Midgardian spell, perhaps?”

When pressed for what he meant, he became a bit nervous. “W-well, she rushed in here very excited about something, and asked for the largest glass jar that we had. We had some of those five-gallon pickle jars, so, of course we gave her one. She gave no suggestions as to what she was doing with it, but I've heard that some Midgardian sorceresses used to put their spells in jars, so we thought perhaps she was simply making a very large spell.”

“Don't worry about it.” Loki said. “I'll see what she is up to.”

Upon entering you room, he saw that you had placed your flowers-vase and all, inside the pickle jar, and covered the top with a tied down cloth. He set the bundle of armor and the basket of dinner down on your dresser.

“Darling, what-”

“Silvery Checkerspot.” You said shortly.

“I'm...not sure as to what you are referencing...”

You pointed at the vase inside the jar. More accurately at a fat, undulating worm, crawling up a flower stem.

“This creature?” He asked. “Does it offend you?”

“No, this is a caterpillar! It turns into a Checkerspot butterfly. They're pretty. Black and orange, with tiny white spots on the edges of their wings. Lacy. I used to see them and these caterpillars all the time. They're so beautiful. Also, and this is the important part-they don't live in Iceland.”

Your voice had gone a little hard, and Loki internally recoiled. You knew. This traitorous little orm had whispered his secret to you by very virtue of its presence. How could he have known that, among the no doubt thousands of species of butterflies in this world, this would be one that you were so familiar with? How could he have known that there were none here? And how was he to know to search for hitchhikers in the first place?

He'd been so high on success, and trying so hard to hold on to all the sensations that had been swimming in his head, that he hadn't spared a thought to looking out for creatures that would give him away.

And now you knew that he had been back to your home without you, and he was just now realizing how angry you might be about that. Very angry, perhaps. Betrayed, even. 'Never touch me or talk to me again' maybe.

Oh no.

Had he ruined it? He'd been trying to do something nice! How could he continually fail so badly at doing good things for people?

He hadn't always been so bad at this. It was one of the many things that had gotten lost on the way. One of the things unfairly taken from him.

Was it going to drive you away too?

“I thought you had gone back to Akureyri on your business. I figure Leynarodd could probably get you there and back in way better time than we made. But you didn't exactly say where you were going, and that's why isn't it? Letting me assume isn't the same as lying, is it? But Leynarodd can't get you across a whole ocean. God, when I woke up this morning in all that pain, I should have guessed...”

Loki flinched. The pain. He'd thought he could avoid it if he went while you slept, that he could do all this without causing you any trouble at all, but the trouble was all here anyway.

“What could have taken you back there?” You continued. “Couldn't have been just the flowers.”

“I...needed to understand you better.” He explained. “I needed to experience the world you lived in. The surroundings you grew up in. The land that shaped you. I needed to know it better. There's something I want to do for you, and I needed that information.”

“What thing?” You asked, sounding mildly skeptical. Loki's mind screamed at him to fix this, fix it right now.

“It's a special surprise, just for you.” Loki leaned down, placing both hands on your shoulders, gazing sincerely into your eyes. “Please don't be angry with me.”

“Oh, Loki.” You wound your arms around his neck. “I'm not angry. I'm sad I didn't get to go.”

He took the opportunity to hold you tightly to him, relieved that you weren't pushing him away.

“I'm sorry.” He said, possibly the first time he'd uttered the words to you. “Of course you miss it. I'll take you there, sometime. When it's safe. When we can walk the streets without having to hide. They honor you, you know. They've named a cupcake after you. They even seem to have accepted my involvement, though it might be no more than crass opportunistic commercialism. I saw no effigies of myself burning, though, so that's a good sign.”

“Dad and Tara tell me they've been spreading the word about my 'medical treatment', so everybody probably just thinks you're bad at being altruistic.”

Loki scoffed. “I suppose I'm not exactly famous for it...”

“You will be. You really seem to want to do big, great things. As Asgard grows, you'll be able to do more. You'll live so long that you'll have time to do a lot. Long term projects. I wish I could see-”

“Shhh. I'll show you everything.” Loki promised. “Don't you worry. What will you do with the worm?”

You glanced back at the pickle jar. “It's a big bouquet. And the caterpillar is in a late instar. There should be enough there for it to eat until it pupates. Then...I guess I'll let it go. They don't live long after coming out of their chrysalis, and there's no more butterflies for it to meet up with, so there's no way for it to become invasive. The cold will probably kill it early, but that would have happened back in Iowa too. Sometimes they just get started late, and don't have enough time. This would probably have been the last flush of flowers that it would have found. So it's okay. I just want it to reach it's full potential, even if it won't have much time after that.”

Loki stroked your hair. Was that what it felt like to you, when you examined your lifespan in contrast to his? Like this larval creature, did you see your magical potential as something to be mastered, even if you wouldn't have many years to make use of it?

Could there be some way to prolong your time?

And if there wasn't, what would he do?

He released you and you glanced curiously at the things he had brought.

“Presents?” You asked. He scooped up the armor bundle and dinner basket.

“Of a sort. I thought we could eat in tonight. Your armor is finished. Would you like to try it on?”

You agreed, and he led you back into his room, down in front of his fireplace. Dinner first, little bite-sized tidbits that he knew you liked, fed back and forth, and a moderate amount of wine.

He could see just the tiniest bit of tipsiness shining in your eyes when he put the food and drink aside, and brought out your armor.

You marveled over each piece, rubbing your face against the shimmering silk, delighting in the little details all over the armor. Loki helped you put it all on over your dress, and then, he offered the helmet.

At first you were speechless, overcome by its beauty. Then you couldn't stop gushing over that beauty, interspersed with welcome thanks and much less welcome insinuations that you didn't deserve something so grand. You deserved everything. You deserved the moon and stars. You deserved every ounce of precious metal, every carat of gemstone, you deserved it all, if only because he wanted to give it to you.

He stood you in front of the large mirror, and with great satisfaction, lowered the helmet down onto your head. Like a reverent coronation, you stared at yourself, as if trying to recognize your reflection. Beyond the slight asymmetry of your face, which had never quite gone back to normal, there was now the new look of your perfectly tailored armor over top of your flowing skirt, all your beautiful jewelry, your precious knife, and this helmet, a crown fit for royalty.

You were no different in appearance than a noble goddess, one of the glorious Aesir. He could see you at the head of a battlefield, shouting orders and being obeyed, at the head of a table, presiding over a victory feast, at the head of a bed, holding a swaddled infant in triumph.

You had turned and could clearly see what was in his face, as he hadn't bothered to hide it. Maybe he wanted you to see.

“Show me yours.” You said-almost commanded, pawing at his chest.

He liked this side of you equally to the shy side. The side of you that demanded, that expected, that could be selfish. The side of you that made you run up and grab his hand in the first place.

He knew what you meant. Green light webbed over his body, replacing his comfortable tunic and trousers with his ceremonial court armor. You stared, breath becoming heavier, taking it all in. The stiff, thick cape, the tall horns, the complex Nornbein breast plate with all its interlocking pieces meant to mimic the scales of a snake-or the belly of a dragon. The built in scale tassets on the thighs of his fine, olive trousers, that just so happened to draw the gaze in a certain direction...

He watched your eyes drift downwards, slipping down the metal guides to their intended focus-he still couldn't believe his mother had never said anything about it-and grow round at the sight of him, lovingly cupped by taut cotton. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips.

You pressed close, and though he couldn't feel you much through all the layers, there was something just as exciting about the clink and weight of the armor as there was in the silky warmth of bare skin. He wrapped his arms around you, squeezing, and you smashed your mouth against his in hungry lust.

You nearly knocked him over in you eagerness to get him onto the bed, and he fell into a sitting position, laughing.

“Stars, you're beautiful.” He purred. “Powerful. Grand.”

He reached for his trousers, but you stopped him.

“Not yet.” You said.

“Not yet.” He repeated.

“Just this.”

You straddled him, your skirts hitching up around your thighs, and pressed very close. Now Loki could feel your warmth, cloth barriers the only thing separating you from his swiftly hardening member, the bulge of which you began grinding slowly against.

A soft groan escaped him.

His hands found your rear through your skirts, and your throat with his lips, delighting in the vibration of your pleased moans. The friction grew between you as you drew away to gaze at him through heavy-lidded eyes; His armor, his helmet, whatever it was you saw that you liked so much had you throwing your head back and rolling your hips even faster.

And it was he who had done this. Merely existing, wearing a certain set of clothes, he had driven you to this frenzy of lust. Just because he wasn't truly inside you just yet, didn't mean this wasn't what it was. You were taking him as your own, and he was absolutely going to let you do it. Anytime, any way, however you liked.

Your moans grew high and ragged; Loki crushed you to his chest, bucking his hips. The friction, the heat, and the sound of your impassioned cries sent him spiraling into his own orgasm.

You held each other like that until your breathing slowed, and your bodies relaxed.

“Well. We should get you back out of that armor.” Loki said, voice slightly rough. “I'd say it more suggestively, but it appears you beat me to it.”

“You really don't know how sexy that armor is? Didn't anybody ever throw themselves at you while you were wearing that?

“Well...yes. But it didn't really matter. It wasn't you.”

You mewled an embarrassed little sound, and hid your face in the crook of his neck. Loki chuckled, running his hands down your body. Your new armor melted away into your comfortable and modest nightdress.

“Wow...Where did it all go?” You asked, wriggling in his lap, as his own armor faded into soft sleeping clothes.

“To your room, where your nightgown was.” He said, as you ran your fingers through his newly freed hair.

“Your horns are so handsome.” You murmured against his lips. “Just like you.”

He felt the bashful smile curl his mouth. “Will you stay with me tonight? He asked hopefully.

You nodded. “I'd like to. If you don't mind though, I need to play noise on my phone. It's been helping me sleep.”

“Whatever you need.” Whatever kept you by his side.

The two of you took a little time to clean yourselves up and prepare for bed, then snuggled down in the sheets together, holding and stroking one another. You set your phone up to play cicada song, and Loki watched you slowly fall asleep to its sawing.

Soon, his little project would be done, and you might never have to sleep away from him again.

#lasabrjotr #loki (marvel)#loki x reader

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bylillian · 4 years

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So you think you’re in a pandemic? You are. And as someone who grew up learning how to plan for things like this, the Cool Mom Eats team asked me to put together a helpful guide to keeping the family fed (and possibly entertained) during a potential quarantine.

So let’s jump right in.

To panic-shop or not panic-shop. That is the question.

You don’t need to fill your entire garage with toilet paper, although I truly commend you on preparation, should you be on an extreme high-fiber diet.

There are some items you should keep stocked though — but not just for times of home quarantine. As a recovering prepper, I found my “apocalypse pantry” a life saver after a tumultuous divorce, for example. And hey, who doesn’t want bragging rights at being able to fashion an Apple Brown Betty or chocolate chip cookie bars while the world freaks out? Just me?

(It’s just me, isn’t it.)

In seriousness though, I want to focus on the items you really need. But first, let’s get the pantry you already have, organized and ready for stocking.

While this is not a comprehensive list of absolutely everything you’ll need in your pantry/kitchen to feed your family, I assure you it’s a very workable list for you to get started. And if this all blows over faster than we thought, hey, you just saved yourself trips to the market in April and May.

Related: Beyond toilet paper: A helpful list of unexpected items to stock up on in case of a quarantine

Pantry prep: Start with a thorough purge

Before you load up the minivan with instant soup mix, there are a few things you’ll want to do first.

– First, know that this is not about Pinterest. If you are stacking items on top of each other, or making the use of every crevice of a small pantry, do it! Your food does not have to be arranged by color to make a beautiful ombre rainbow.

You are feeding your family, not entering a Instagram competition.

–Clean your shelves. If it’s been a while, can’t hurt to take everything out, give those shelves a good wipe down, and start fresh.

–Search for expired jars of food. Botulism can be a real problem here, and that twist-off can of pickled beets from 2016 isn’t sparking joy. Toss. (Of course keep in mind expiration and use-by dates aren’t always 100% accurate. As for those almost-expired pickles or that box of healthy cereal you hopped your kids would eat but they never did…that’s up to you. First, read this helpful article on food and expiration dates from Consumer Reports.

I’m not a gambler, so my instinct is generally to toss, but CR reminds us that “Nonperishable items like grains and dried and canned goods can still be used well past their label dates.”

–Organize items with the oldest in front. New items go behind existing food. Rotation is the key to a successful apocalypse pantry! Note: I’m currently living in a small apartment and by following the precepts below and being diligent with keeping track of and using my storage, have a four-month supply for me and my teenage son and our pets. It’s doable, it just requires a little forethought and organization

And hey, face those labels out. Not for Pinterest — for you.

– Group food in a sensical way. If you’re used to just shoving the microwave popcorn in front of the soup cans, in front of the flour container, maybe reconsider that. Grouping your foods by category (baking, breakfast, snacks, and so on) makes it easier to know whaat you have and what you need.

Now let’s go shopping!

Related: How to organize spices: 6 easy ideas that let you find what you need, when you need it.

The staples you want to stock

Here are my recos:

–Rice, dried beans, cereals, sugar, all-purpose flour and pasta last forever and are top of my list. Cereals are not just breakfast food. Same goes for dried oats and/or grits. Pasta is the real workhorse here, because of one simple reason: calories. If you need to stretch pantry items for multiple meals, you want foods that can get you to your calorie requirements with as little volume as possible, and here pasta is the waist-thickener you want. If you end up with sick people in your house, they’ll need calories to fight their way back to health.

–Biscuit/pancake mix is terrific for all meals, and don’t believe the old wive’s tale of it turning deadly after expiration, unless you have a highly rare mold allergy. Just keep it tightly sealed.

–As far as protein, it’s good to have frozen meats, poultry, fish… more on that below.

– I’d also grab those big jars of peanut butter if you can have nut butters in your home. (I’ll leave it between your family members to come down on the chunky/creamy side.) Protein sources are needed, and not everyone can tolerate (or want) beans, beans, the magical fruit multiple meals a week.

A good selection of protein-packed snacks

– More protein ideas: Don’t overlook options like canned tuna, sardines, jerky, and if all else fails, protein powder.

–As for canned fruits and veggies, 20 cans each of canned fruits and vegetables are a great starting point for your apocalypse pantry. They can liven up meals in a big way. Fruit and veggie juices are also great additions, and coconut milk will make that 40-pound bag of rice way more enticing, come mealtime.

–Dried milk comes in handy, for cereal eaters and coffee drinkers alike. Also, get a couple of bulk containers of powdered drink mix like lemonade or fruit punch. The kids can get bored of plain water pretty fast.

–Jarred sauce isn’t a bad idea; get a variety of flavors. If you’re coming down with something and have people depending on you for meals who can’t cook themselves, you don’t want to spend all day at the stove stirring homemade sauce. While you’re at it, check your spice rack and make sure you have all the dried herbs you need to make that sauce more like homemade. (More below)

These are nerve-wracking times demanding thoughtful caution, but that doesn’t mean we have to eat like animals.

Stocking the freezer

Let’s turn some attention to the freezer.

I know we don’t all have massive storage in the kitchen; for what it’s worth, I have a small, apartment-sized fridge and have managed to stock 20 days worth of meat and veggies for myself and my son.

–Fresh berries and veggies like peas can be broken into smaller freezer bags and laid flat to freeze, and they stack wonderfully.

–If you’re a meat eater, load up on things that freeze well like chicken thighs and hearty cuts of beef and pork. Buy in bulk and break into portions to go in freezer bags. Plus, it’s easier to store and stack.

–Lord, be a ghost pepper on that raw chicken! I advise you season your raw meat with a marinade now and save time later. Plus, spices like jerk seasoning and other pepper-based spices are a preservative and inhibit microbial growth! You season your food not to replace proper cooking methodology, but also to enhance the flavor.

(And for the love of your gut, chicken sushi is not a thing, and y’all need to stop it.)

Don’t forget pets!

Should we face weeks or a full month of disruption in stores (remember, I’m an apocalypse planner), you don’t want your pets to suffer. How much do they eat in a day?

Multiply that by 30, and that’s what you need to have on hand. Don’t forget treats, supplements, litter, whatever else they need on a monthly basis.

Next-level pantry prep

These are the things that will make pantry food suck less, so take good notes.

–Stock up on dried spices. Garlic salt is everyone’s friend. Ditto to curry powder, ginger, cinnamon. Tarragon will liven up thawed chicken.

–Coconut milk with rice is another way to perk up bored taste buds.

–Bouillon for soup or as seasoning is always a great idea, and don’t overlook options like mushroom and onion bouillon as an alternative to chicken or beef.

–Items that will enable you to impress your family (or at least keep things interesting) include a variety of cooking oils, shortening for pie crusts, baking items for treats.

-Don’t forget fancy snack ingredients like chocolate chips, shredded coconut, condensed milk, graham crackers and the like.

When the kids are bored on day ten of self-quarantine, making a fresh batch of oatmeal-raisin cookies will eat up a lot of their time, and then while they’re recovering from sugar shock, you can grab the leftovers for yourself.

–Fresh herbs are a huge boon. Liz wrote about that here, including tips for apartment-dweller who may want to start a windowsill herb garden.

–Are you a coffee drinker? Do you like cream in it? You may have to resort to powdered creamer in a pinch, so be sure you have that on hand. Same for tea.

–As for water, please! There’s no need to hoard bottled water. Plus we all should be taking steps to reduce our single-use plastic. If that’s not top-of-mind right now, think about it economically — for the price you’d pay for a month’s worth of bottled water, you could easily buy a 2-gallon water filtration pitcher ($45 from our affiliate Amazon) for your fridge or a faucet-mounted filter.

We don’t have to hasten environmental collapse while coronavirus is going on, after all.

In summary:

Don’t Panic Rotation Spices and Seasonings Teach the kids to play gin rummy

We’ll get through this, and we’ll do it without resorting to MREs and Red Dawn-level terror.

Also, wash your hands!

Laura Stone, a descendant of pioneer polygamists from the early days of the Mormon Church, keeps busy as a Master Gardener, author coach and novelist. While the majority of her family still lives in Utah, she resides in her home state of Texas because it’s where the good tamales are.

#tips and tricks #coronavirus #good information

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easyfoodnetwork · 4 years

Text

Eater Staffers Pick Their Favorite Smitten Kitchen Recipes

Pizza beans from Smitten Kitchen | Deb Perelman/Smitten Kitchen

Our editors cook more now than ever — and keep returning to Deb Perelman’s blog to do so

These days, Eater editors are eating out less and less, due to widespread restrictions on dining in and mandates nationwide to stay at home. That means we’re cooking a whole lot more, in addition to ordering delivery and takeout from places we love — and we’re also talking about cooking more than ever before. Sure, we can recognize quarantine queen Alison Roman’s shallot or cauliflower pastas, shiny blue Great Jones sheet pans, and a few specific brands of restaurant-level ceramics, even in a 10-second Instagram story — without tags. And sure, more and more of us fall prey to the siren call of sourdough starters every single day.

But one of the things we realized quickly is that almost everyone at Eater has a favorite Smitten Kitchen recipe, one created by OG recipe blogger Deb Perelman for her website and cookbooks under the same name. She’s widely renowned as one of the best in her field, with over a decade’s worth of “comfort food stepped up a bit” recipes, which have garnered her over 31,000 Twitter followers and over a million on Instagram — and just last week she announced a brand new cookbook in the works for Knopf. Here, now, some of Eater staffers’ most-cooked Smitten Kitchen recipes.

Roasted yams and chickpeas with yogurt: I make this easy-ass yam recipe once a week for lunch. It’s quick and simple, yes, but also packs in spice, sweetness, some crunch, creaminess, and char if you do a little broiling (which you should). It’s also largely made up of pantry staples. — Patty Diez, project manager

Charred cauliflower quesadillas: This is probably one of my go-to recipes when I can’t possibly think of what to cook or am feeling too lazy to make anything else. All of the basic ingredients — cheddar cheese, tortillas, and cauliflower — can be found in your corner store, and it works just as well if you sub it with a different veggie. The key here is the combination of textures: gooey, salty cheese, charred veggies, and a crisp tortilla — how could you possibly go wrong with that combination? — Tanay Warerkar, Eater NY reporter

Ratatouille’s ratatouille: This cartoon-inspired ratatouille has become my go-to showcase for summer vegetables. I’m not a very confident (or consistent) cook, but it’s incredibly easy to make for how impressive it looks, and at this point, it’s possibly the only recipe I’ve completely memorized. — Monica Burton, eater.com editor

Marbled banana bread: This banana bread is decadent and perfect. You’ll never look back. — Madeleine Davies, eater.com daily editor

Quick, essential stovetop mac and cheese: I heard about this recipe through Marian Bull’s Twitter and have been making it at least a couple times a month since. I started always keeping pecorino in my fridge — highly recommend — and had a period where I desperately wanted to eat cacio e pepe but couldn’t make it appropriately at home. This easy stovetop mac and cheese, when made with pecorino, and extra fresh black pepper, is a much easier facsimile. And truly is so fast and easy. Enjoy with a glass of wine to feel fancy. — Serena Dai, Eater NY editor

Pizza beans / tomato and gigante bean bake: The headnote to this recipe calls it baked ziti where the ziti is replaced by giant beans. What could be more perfect? I first heard about the pizza beans when reporting on bean obsession, and now that I’ve made them I completely understand why the bean obsessives were, um, obsessed. Cook up the beans Saturday, bake them up Sunday, and feast for the entire week on creamy, absurdly large beans covered in tomato and cheese. — Meghan McCarron, special correspondent

Deb Perelman/Smitten Kitchen

Everyday meatballs from Smitten Kitchen

Everyday meatballs: I’m pretty obsessed with meatballs (one year I made 53 different recipes for them as a cooking challenge), and I walked away from that experience thinking that this was the best classic meatball recipe I made. I love how cheesy and satisfying these are, and you don’t even need to make pasta alongside it for it to work as a meal (but I fully endorse Deb’s tip to serve it with garlic bread for extra decadence). — Missy Frederick, cities director

Black pepper tofu and eggplant: I first made this when I found myself in possession of an eggplant from a produce box and wasn’t sure what to do with it. It’s now one of my favorite weeknight recipes. I think it finally solved the problem of roasted tofu for me — it’s crispy every time, and so delicious drenched in buttery soy sauce. Serve with chile oil. — Emma Alpern, senior copy editor

Chicken, leek, and rice soup: My first coronavirus cooking recipe was chicken, leeks, and rice soup. Now I regret not buying more chicken thighs so I could have this on hand for a quick meal. I will double the recipe next time. As a side note, a friend gave me her dad’s five-gallon stock pot after he passed away in January, and she was so happy that I broke it in with this soup. — Susan Stapleton, Eater Vegas editor

Easiest fridge dill pickles: I love making a jar of these. — Adam Moussa, senior social media manager

Blueberry yogurt multigrain pancakes: You may think you don’t need another pancake recipe. YOU ARE WRONG. — Lesley Suter, travel editor

Chocolate olive oil cake: Don’t have eggs? Don’t have butter? Can’t leave your house? This is the perfect pantry cake. Most of the ingredients you probably have lying around, plus it’s delicious and lasts for days. — Jill Dehnert, general manager

Strawberry summer cake: I don’t consume much dairy, so I never kept milk at home — until last summer when this strawberry cake came into my life and I started making it for every possible occasion. It’s excellent with any sort of strawberries but truly perfect at peak season, with the little smushy berries that smell incredible and stain whatever you put them in. I bake it in a 9x9 square. — Sonia Chopra

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/2UQ7oR7 https://ift.tt/2UZaD90

Pizza beans from Smitten Kitchen | Deb Perelman/Smitten Kitchen

Our editors cook more now than ever — and keep returning to Deb Perelman’s blog to do so

Marbled banana bread: This banana bread is decadent and perfect. You’ll never look back. — Madeleine Davies, eater.com daily editor

Deb Perelman/Smitten Kitchen

Everyday meatballs from Smitten Kitchen

Easiest fridge dill pickles: I love making a jar of these. — Adam Moussa, senior social media manager

Blueberry yogurt multigrain pancakes: You may think you don’t need another pancake recipe. YOU ARE WRONG. — Lesley Suter, travel editor

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/2UQ7oR7 via Blogger https://ift.tt/2UWTXip

#Blogger #cooking #Eater #food #recipes

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sageinthegarden · 4 years

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A new snapshot from http://sagesacre/2020/03/11/how-to-make-awesome-hot-sauce/

How to Make Awesome Hot Sauce

Making truly delicious hot pepper sauce is easy thanks to the magic of fermentation

TL/DR: Click here to skip to recipe

I love a good hot sauce.

Not that crazy “it’s so hot it has to be stored in a liquid nitrogen cylinder” stuff, but the spicy, complex kind that delivers a wave of interesting flavors as well as heat. For me, fermented hot sauces are the best at delivering that combination.

Fermented hot sauce, like yogurt, sourdough bread, Kosher pickles and other fermented foods, gets its unique flavor from a naturally occuring microorganism called lactobacillus. These little critters consume sugar and convert it to lactic acid which both helps preserve the food and creates unique flavors. Based on the type of pepper, the variety of lactobacillus in your surrounds, and the temperature and length of fermentation, you can make sauces that range anywhere in flavor from hot pineapple and vanilla to tangy curry and lemon grass.

Hidden Lake Hot, my pepper of choice.

Every year I make a batch of fermented hot sauce that takes nearly six months, but you can actually produce a pretty dang good batch in just a week. Even over a period that short, the fermentation process will convert the sugars in the peppers into new flavors and aromas you just don’t get with fresh sauces.

If you haven’t ever tried making your own, you definitely should. Here’s my basic and advanced recipes:

Hot Sauce Recipes

QUICK NOTE ABOUT LACTO-FERMENTATION:

These are simple lacto-fermentation recipes using brine. Basically we want a brine salty enough to prevent bad bacteria from taking up residence, but not so salty it prevents the lactobacillus from fermenting the sugars in the peppers.

The proper proportion of salt to water is ½ tablespoon salt for every 1 cup water.

The water should be filtered, not tap, and salt should be iodine free to prevent off flavors or colors. Just remember to keep to those proportions you can scale to larger batches with no problem.

Basic Fermented Hot Sauce Easy, 15 minutes prep, 7 days ferment, makes about 1-½ pints of hot sauce

Ingredients

1 pint ripe hot peppers chopped or sliced (I like the cayenne varieties)

1 pint filtered room temperature water

1 tablespoon (non-iodized) salt

Instructions

Make the brine by mix the water and salt until the salt is dissolved

Place the hot peppers in an empty quart-sized jar

Add the brine to the jar and stir to remove air pockets

Cover the jar loosely and put in a cool place out of sunlight

Stir every so often to prevent white mold from forming on the surface (if it does appear, just scrape it off with a spoon)

In a few days the mixture should become cloudy and the pepper mixture should have a slightly sour aroma (this is the lacto doing its work).

On the 7th day of fermenting, pour your pepper mixture into a blender (or use a stick blender) and puree the mixture until smooth.

Transfer the sauce to clean bottles and cap.

The hot sauce is ready for use.

Because we haven’t stopped the fermentation by heating the sauce or adding a stabilizer like vinegar, this hot sauce will continue to ferment (though more slowly) in the bottle, gradually mellowing the sharp notes and changing the heat profile.

As long as you don’t open the bottle it should keep just fine at room temperature for several months. Once you do open the bottle, just keep it refrigerated.

Long Ferment Hot Sauce Easy, 3-6 months ferment, makes about 1 gallon of hot sauce

I make one batch of this hot sauce every year. I start it in mid-September and finish in mid-March which provides an extended period of fresh pepper additions followed by a long, slow fermentation period over the winter.

Because of the long fermentation, the heat profile on this moves it from an upfront peppery hit, to a lower, slower build with lots of spice, grass and vanilla flavors followed by a smooth, hot finish that really sets the sauce apart from others.

I use my favorite hot pepper (an accidental cayenne/thai cross from 20 years ago), picked fresh from the garden, but you can use whatever variety or varieties of hot peppers you like most.

Ingredients

Ripe hot peppers (you’re going to add about 4-6 ounces each week)

2 whole garlic cloves (peeled)

Filtered water

Non-iodized salt

2 seasoned hardwood staves (oak, hickory, maple, etc.), bark removed

1 cup white vinegar

Instructions

Week 1: Place a handful (4-8 ounces) of whole peppers in a large, non-reactive container (I use a 1 gallon pickle jar). Add enough brine mixture (water and salt at the 1 cup to ½-tablespoon ratio) to cover your peppers. Cover the container loosely and place in a cool dark place.

Week 2: Scrape off any white mold that has formed on the surface and stir the mixture. Add a handful of fresh whole peppers and enough new brine to fully submerge the peppers. If the peppers float, use pickling weights (or a zipper baggy filled with water) to keep them submerged. Again, cover loosely and return the container to a cool dark place.

Week 3: Repeat the steps in week 2, but add two whole cloves of garlic as well.

Week 4: Repeat the steps in week 2. If it’s fermenting well, the mixture should be cloudy and yellowish.

Four weeks of fresh pepper additions has fermentation going well

Week 5-11: Repeat steps in week 2 for as long as you have fresh peppers to add. Cold weather usually kills mine off in late Autumn, so I can add fresh peppers until mid-December. If your season is shorter, just skip to the next step (week 12).

Week 12: Scrape any mold from the surface of the pepper mixture and stir thoroughly. Add your two hardwood staves to the mixture, making sure they’re fully submerged. Return to the cool, dark place.

Week 13-24: Now we’re just going to let the mixture continue to ferment and age. Each week take the mixture out, scrape off any mold and stir before returning to the cool, dark place.

Week 24: Let’s bottle!

Pour your pepper mixture into a large bowl or pot.

Fermented Peppers in the pot (click to watch)

Remove the hardwood staves from your pepper mixture and use blender to puree it into a semi-smooth sauce.

Using a stick blender to puree the peppers

Place a colander on a large, non-aluminum, pot and pour the pepper slurry through the colander to filter out the seeds, stems, and pepper pulp.

Add 1 cup of white vinegar to the pot of sauce and slowly heat and stir it until it begins to boil. Reduce the heat and allow the sauce to simmer for 10 minutes (we’re stabilizing the sauce so it stop fermenting).

Bringing the hot sauce to a boil

Pour your hot sauce into clean, hot jars and seal. (I like to use 5 ounce bottles you can get on Amazon pretty cheap.)

Allow the bottles of hot sauce to cool, then place them in a cool dark place to rest for a couple more days before enjoying.

Batch 19 of Sage’s Fermented Hot Sauce

Because this hot sauce has been stabilized, it will keep for months (possibly years) at room temperature even after the bottle has been opened—no need to refrigerate to prevent fermentation from starting again.

Enjoy!

From the beginning

Check out these posts for the progress on the hot pepper sauce beginning with its start back in September 2019.

September 2019

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 1

Projects

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 2

Projects

October 2019

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 3

Projects

November 2019

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 4

Projects

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 5

Projects

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 6

Projects

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 7

Projects

December 2019

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 8

Photos, Projects

Hot Pepper Sauce Batch 19 – Entry 9

Projects

End of the Line for Hot Peppers 2019

Photos

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 10

Projects

January 2020

Hot Sauce Batch 19 – entry 11

Projects

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einstein-robin-hood-blog · 7 years

Text

The Dharma Subs, by Jack Kerouac (excerpt)

Just outside of Barstow, the needle on the speedometer hit 120. Dean let out a whoop and put his chin back on the steering wheel. He had a tuna sub in each hand (toasted parmesan cheese roll, lettuce, tomato, black olive, extra pickle, benzadrine) and was steering with his chin.

“Sal, grab the wheel for a sec.”

I leaned over and Dean reached into the cooler on the back seat and grabbed another sub (iron foundry bread, wilted Apache lettuce, Hampton tomatoes, jingo weed sauce, crystal meth). Now he was working on three and yelling:

“This is it, man! No one has ever driven 120 while eating three subs!”

We were headed to Denver to hear Carlo Marx read his new poem -

HOW(L) Do You Want Your Sub? - at a Paint and Sip in East Colfax. There was a waitress there that Dean had knocked up on his last trip through town and since he had just gotten divorced, he was all set to marry Gladys (that being her name).

But it had to be a surgical strike, because there was a warrant out for Dean. Last summer, Dean beat up a kid who was working the counter during Sub Night at the Montbello Paint and Sip. Dean didn’t like the way the kid made his sub (Hawaiian longboard bread, Emily Dickinson lettuce, whorehouse tomatoes, Popeye spinach, olive oil, very few pickles (really, it was insulting), peyote). Dean jumped over the counter, knocked the kid out, and then emptied the whole jar of pickles on his sub (Hawaiian longboard bread, Emily Dickinson lettuce, whorehouse tomatoes, Popeye spinach, olive oil, way too many pickles now, peyote). This probably would have been fine, except he then poured a gallon jug of chipotle mayonnaise on the kid’s head. Dean’s bad luck would have it that the kid aspirated some of the mayo and was in the hospital for six weeks. Yeah, that stuff burns. Also turns out that the kid was a nephew of Denver’s mayor, Aloysious “Triphammer” Fortescue. So the whole Denver police force, batons in hand, were on the lookout for Dean.

The sun was going down when we decided to take a detour to Provo. Good sub town. They had a special sub, called The Esteemed Savory Elder Brigham Young, May His Memory Be A Blessing, Sub (Yemeni pita, sundried lettuce, Incan tomato, pickled forget-me-nots, mescaline), that drew them in from miles around. Folks in Provo got their energy from the mountains and the tumbleweeds that blow through town night and day. True believers who spend their days roping cows, throwing seed on dirt that’s been in their families for generations, or pulling a double shift at the Paint and Sip. At night, they trim their nose hair in the bathroom mirror and wait for the banjo repairman. Say what you will about Mormons, they know how to make a good sub (toasted pioneer bread, double cheese, oil & vinegar, righteous Jesus pickle, amphetamine).

It was around midnight when we spotted her by the side of the road. We had just passed through a ghost town called The Parson’s Handbag and were starting to flag. We were down to our last sub (quinoa loaf, swamp lettuce, moonbeam tomatoes, blind midget peppers, dead coal miner sauce, pineal gland extract).

Her name was Sunbeam and she was dressed as a giant six foot sub (foam rubber bun, styrofoam tomato, green felt lettuce, plasticine chipotle mayonnaise, LSD). And a five gallon tub of pickles under her arm. She jumped into the front seat and sat herself down right between me and Dean.

“Good tidings, hepcats. You fine examples of American manhood wouldn’t happen to be going to Provo, would you?”

“As a matter of fact, sister, we are,” I replied. “Settle in and dig the happenings.” Dean just stared.

“So, milady of the toasted bun, what flame doth draw thy sweet and tender mothiness to the enchanted burg of Provo.” My flirting game was a little rusty, so I may have been laying it on a bit thick.

“Big sub convention! The Mormons are rolling out a new secret sub (?????,?????,?????,?????). They claim just one bite gives you eternal life and your own planet. Makes The Esteemed Savory Elder Brigham Young, May His Memory Be A Blessing, Sub taste like dirt. They call it The Rapture Sub.”

“Far out. I wants in, missy.”

“You gots in, mister.”

Through all this world-class flirting, Dean was quiet as a speakeasy mouse on a three-day cheese and port wine jag. His eyes were glued to the road. Every once in a while he’d reach over and grab Sunbeam by the bun. She’d giggle and slap his hand away playfully.

We eventually ran out of subs and decided to pull over and crash for the night. Being a gentleman, or thinking myself to be one, I offered to sleep in the trunk, leaving Sunbeam the spacious backseat and Dean the front. He liked to sleep with his chin hanging off the bottom of the steering wheel, “Good practice,” he’d say.

I awoke pretty groggy. Climbed out of the trunk, took a quick leak onto sun-bleached desert hardpan, and peered into the car. Sunbeam was nowhere to be found. Half of her sub costume, torn to shreds, was spread all over the back seat. I looked at Dean and saw that his stomach was incredibly distended. Like 12 months pregnant distended.

I shook him awake.

“What did you do? Where’s Sunbeam?”

Dean rubbed his eyes, spit out the window, and asked “Who’s Sunbeam? Man, am I stuffed.”

“Sunbeam is the chick we picked up past night. I think you ate her!” I was starting to panic. This was worse than the kid and the mayonnaise.

“What are you talking about? I don’t remember any chick. All I remember is tripping balls and eating a giant sub that just wouldn’t stop.”

“That was Sunbeam! You ate Sunbeam! You ate an entire chick!” (long brown hair, sports bra, Grateful Dead T-shirt, hold the undies, blue jeans, huarache sandals, giant foam rubber sub costume, peyote).

Just then, Sunbeam sauntered over from behind an ocotillo bush, hitching up her pants and calling out: “Greetings my brothers! I have completed my morning ritual and returned my essence to Mother Earth, as it has been for all generations since Eve trod in the Garden.” She paused and looked at us: “I’m not even going to ask about the sub costume. If you can front a girl breakfast and lunch, we can call it even.”

Dean looked at me and asked who was she and what the hell was she talking about. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and I told him: “Her name is Sunbeam and I think she just took a piss.” Dean nodded, turned on the radio - “Sweet and Dandy” by Toots and the Maytals. I climbed into the back seat, got cozy with Sunbeam, and we were off.

And there we were, two heteronormative men and a lost flower child of yet undisclosed sexuality, burning a sweet black line of rubber to match the white centerline of the road. We had no idea where our next sub would come from, but we knew it was out there somewhere, waiting.

I’m not even going to tell you what the foam rubber sub did to Dean’s digestion.

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xerostark1 · 5 years

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🎶 It's the actual most wonderful time of the year!!!🎶 Spring, and it's only the beginning of the beginning and it's about to get a whole lot greener, a whole lot warmer, and a whole lot bigger! Just picked up this year's first new seeds to go in the future Future Gardens Mark-3 (currently in a downsized Mark-2 beta. Pictures coming soon, I need to take more) and if they go well they will all be available this Summer at the @grovestpeoplesmarket at it's new location at the corner of Florida St. and Glenwood Ave. So if you see something thing you like be sure to tell me and or to come out to the Grove St People's Market this year from April 11th all the way into October. I plan to have all kinds of new products featured throughout the year for my mom's business, Purple Passion Pitstop, and Future Gardens...and maybe a new third business that is currently under construction 😉😉. I also plan to launch a service helping people start gardens in their homes and yards later on this year! The future is now and I'm gearing up! These 10 little seed packs are only the start of something that I already started for the year...earlier this month. In a few months I'm going to start accepting donations for the garden and projects related. It can be pretty much anything so, if you want to be a part of this movement early in it's life, start saving things that you think could be useful in a garden, like almost anything like but not limited to: various woods and wood items, sheet metals and other metal materials, old hand tools and power tools that still function but don't get used often, clean jars (like pickle jars, and mason jars), clean plastic bottles, old clean 5 gallon buckets, wooden pallets (broken and old), shelves, working light bulbs and lamps, bamboo (fresh and dried), organic non-gmo seeds, natural soil (none of that miracle grow BS...well maybe a little for some comparison experiments but I'd prefer the organic stuff especially if you want to eat what I grow in it), clean pots and planters of all shapes and sizes, drawers and organizers, organic compostable materials, etc. Pretty much anything that I think I can turn into something in my garden. Can't wait!!! (at Greensboro, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuSv2Ssn74p/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=iv47smrhsuiq

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vacationsoup · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://vacationsoup.com/homemade-spicy-bread-and-butter-pickles-yum/

Homemade Spicy Bread and Butter Pickles - Yum!

Spicy and Sweet, So Fun to Eat (and Make)

Howdy howdy howdy - Daniel Jr again. For Christmas this year Sherry got me a Guide to Preserving by Ball, along with some canning supplies. Best. Gift. Ever.

We made up a batch of bread and butter pickles a few days ago, and holy cow are they good! Better than any bread and butter pickle we've ever purchased at the grocery store. By far. By a mile.

We made up another batch today, this time adding some jalapenos for a bit of kick, and will be diving into those in a week or so.

The process is very easy, and if you find yourself with a few hours to kill, why not make up a few pints of these scrumptious goodies?

It took us about 3 hours start to finish to make up 6 pints of these delicious bad boys. If you're wanting to make some, we've got the step by step for you.

I'm not going to go into great detail about prepping your canning supplies here. If you're looking for more information on that please check out Ball's excellent write-up - they literally wrote the book on canning.

Ingredients:

For 6 pints, you will need the following:

4 pounds of cucumbers. We used big honking waxed cucumbers that were on sale, but typically you would use 4 to 6 inch non-waxed kirby cucumbers.

2 pounds of onions, thinly sliced

1/3 cup pickling salt

2 cups sugar

2 tablespoons mustard seed

2 teaspoons turmeric (wear gloves!)

2 teaspoons celery seed

1 teaspoon freshly minced ginger

1 teaspoon whole peppercorn

3 cups vinegar, 5% acidity

1/8 tsp per jar pickle crisp (optional)

2 jalapeno or other spicy pepper (optional)

1 bag ice

You will need 6 pint jars, bands, lids and a large bowl. NOTE - never ever reuse canning lids. They are a one-time use only affair. You can reuse the jars and bands. Replacement lids are cheap. We try and keep an extra dozen on-hand at all times should the canning bug bite us.

Step 1: Cut your onions and hot peppers

Cut the onion crosswise into thin slices, place in a bowl

If using spicy peppers, wash under cold water and cut however you like. I left the seeds in the jalapenos and cut into rings. Add the peppers to the bowl with the onions and cover (optional, but I hate to cry with all the onion fumes)

Step 2: Cut the cucumbers crosswise

Wash the cucumbers under cold running water and drain. For the big honking cucumbers I'll cut a good half inch from both ends. If using the smaller kirby cucumbers you'll remove the stem and 1/16 inch from the blossom end.

Cut the cucumbers crosswise into 1/4 inch slices. This is a LOT of cucumbers to slice up. If you have a mandoline slicer, now is the time to pull it out! With a mandoline you can use a wavy blade that gives the pickles the classic crinkle cut look. It's certainly not necessary, but sure looks groovy.

A mandoline will also allow you to set the thickness of your slice, and provide consistency with the thickness of each piece, along with saving some serious knife time.

These suckers are sharp! Using one of these incorrectly or not paying attention to what you're doing is a real easy way to win a trip to the emergency room after you slice the tip of a finger off. I HIGHLY recommend you use a protective glove when using a mandoline. It can be a real flesh saver.

Step 3: Salt and Chill

In a large bowl, combine the cucumber slices, onions and peppers.

Sprinkle the 1/3 cup of salt over the top and toss well. I've found that digging in with both (clean!) hands and tossing a half dozen times or so does a good job of mixing the salt with the veggies.

Cover the veggies with the bag of ice - told you that you would need a large bowl! I sprinkle a wee bit of salt, maybe a half teaspoon or so, over the ice to keep it super cold.

Let stand for 1 1/2 hours.

Step 4: Prepping the pickle spices

While the future pickles are chilling under ice, combine the the sugar, spices and vinegar in a large saucepan. Do not add the pickle crisp at this time! Do not turn on the burner just yet.

Let's chat about turmeric shall we? Turmeric is an amazing spice, but this stuff stains anything it touches. Fingers and wooden stirring spoons are all fair game. My wife won't let me touch the stuff unless I'm wearing disposable gloves. We have a huge 2 pound bag of the stuff, and it stays inside a large gallon ziplock bag for storage.

Once you have your pickle spices in the saucepan you can begin heating up your canning supplies, which brings us to...

Step 5: Prepping your canning supplies

Wash your jars, bands, lids and canning tools in hot soapy water, rinse well and place in your canning pot, bringing the temp up to 180F. Do not boil yet!

If you have a bbq thermometer it comes in handy to monitor the temperature of the water to ensure it's hot enough, but not too hot.

Depending on the size of your canning pot and the heat output of your stove top it can take quite a while to bring the water up to temp.

We just picked up a 21 quart pot, and takes a good half hour to bring it up to 180F. The lid will help speed things along.

Step 6: Rinse, repeat, repeat

After the future pickles have been under ice it's time to rinse.

You're going to rinse the bejeezus out of these to get rid of the salt. I do three full rinses under cold water, starting with a colander, then back to the large bowl fully submersing under cold water, back to the colander, bowl, colander, bowl, colander. Whew!

Step 7: Time to cook!

Bring your spice mixture in the saucepan to a boil, stirring until sugar dissolves. Add the cucumber mixture to the pot and bring back to a boil. It's going to take a bit as the future pickles are quite cold from the ice bath. Once you have a full boil turn off the burner and remove pan from heat.

You're almost there - now comes...

Step 7: Can the pickles!

A canning funnel is your best friend for this next process. Keeps things MUCH less messy.

Using a ladle, pack the hot pickles and liquid into a hot jar, leaving a 1/2 inch headspace (the space between the top of the jar and the liquid). Don't be stingy with the pickles - fill those jars up!

If you're using pickle crisp now is the time. Add 1/8 teaspoon to a pint jar.

Remove air bubbles.

Clean the jar rim using a damp cloth.

Center lid on jar and adjust band to fingertip-tight, then place jar on the rack elevated over simmering water.

Repeat until all jars are filled.

Lower the rack into simmering water. IMPORTANT: Water must cover jars by 1 inch. Adjust heat and bring to a rolling boil, using lid. Boil pint jars for 10 minutes. Turn off heat and remove cover. Let jars cool 5 minutes.

Remove jars from pot; do not retighten bands if loose. Cool 12 hours, then check the seals.

You'll hear a distinctive 'pop' sound as the lids form seals. It typically starts within 10 to 15 minutes after we've removed the jars from the pot, but can take longer. If they haven't sealed after 12 hours you can place the jar(s) in the fridge.

We've been lucky - we've yet to have a jar that didn't seal. Hoping that trend continues!

The pickles will be ready to eat after 4 days, even better after a week, and fantastic after 2 weeks.

Let me know how yours turn out!

Happy canning, and thanks so much for reading!

Daniel Scurlock Scurlock Farms

#AustinTX #GeorgetownTX #HolidayInGeorgetownTX #RoundrockTX #VacationInGeorgetownTX #VacationSoup

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peacefulheartfarm · 4 years

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The Blueberry Jam Journey

Blackberry jam. That’s today’s topic. Seedless blackberry jam of course. I can’t abide those tiny seeds between my teeth. I’m also starting to preserve veggies from the garden. So much to talk about today.

But first, a shout out to you all. Thank you and welcome new listeners. I hope you’ll stick around, subscribe and share my podcasts. Welcome back veteran homestead-loving regulars. I truly appreciate you taking time out of your day to listen to me.

There are tons of things going on at the farm this week. Let’s get to it.

Our Virginia Homestead Life Updates

Scott is still having to do so many other things. The creamery work is creeping along. After tomorrow that will change. Part of the reason he has less time on the creamery is the twice daily caring for the steer and bull that are going to processing.

Cows and Calves

Training the steer and bull to be comfortable with the trailer has been quite the job for Scott. I talked about the small corral he built to enclose them in close proximity with the trailer. They had to go into the trailer to get their hay. Twice a day Scott has been feeding them hay and filling their water. The space is quite small so they ate their ration and were ready for more when he showed up. He has been doing this for two weeks now. It was quite time consuming but it worked. They got very comfortable with the setup and would willingly go into the trailer to eat their hay within a short period of time. Cattle are such creatures of habit. They don’t like things that are different or new, but once they get used to things being a certain way, they just go on about their business.

As far as the girls go, I think we have finally completed the AI breeding. At least I hope so.

Fly control is working. Even the ag tech asked what we were doing and commented on how well it is working. It does have to be done twice a day, but that is easy for us because we are milking twice a day. Scott does it while the milking machine is running. Well, except for Cloud. She is so touchy about anything from her underbelly down. He can spray her back and sides easily enough, but as soon as he tries to spray lower, she starts kicking if the milking machine is hooked up to her.

Recently he tried it again while the milker was running. He had been spraying her either before or after the machine and she was okay with that. Something about being hooked up to the machine combined with the spray was upsetting to her. But he thought surely by now, she must have gotten used to the spraying and would tolerate it while the milking machine was running. Nope. She kicked and kicked and kicked. Of course, she kicked the inflations off. Scott was able to get the equipment out from under her feet before she destroyed it but it was a close call. So back to square one with her. Use the fly spray either before or after, but not during, the time that the machine is running.

Goats

Let’s talk about the intelligence of goats. Do they have any? They do actually. They are quite adept at escaping captivity – except for one specific circumstance. They can get their heads caught in the fence over and over again. Some have a hard time figuring out that it is unwise to put your head through there because your horns are going to get in the way of pulling your head back out. This morning, not one, not two, but three had to be rescued from their self-imposed imprisonment.

Sheep and Donkeys

Not much to say about the sheep. The lambs are healthy and growing. Moms are also doing well. The donkeys are doing their job well and keeping the predators away. We couldn’t ask for more.

Quail

There are 53 quail chicks in the brooder. They are a week and a half old and nearly fully feathered. They are doing great. This week I figured out how to save money and time cleaning up their mess with the food. When eating, they fling the food around. They literally put their head in the opening and start shaking it back and forth and spreading the grain all over the place. What I discovered quite by accident was that once the feeders got down to a certain level, the shape of the container prevented them from slinging it outside of the feeder.

The feeders are half gallon jars screwed onto a base. Ideally, you fill up the jar, screw on the lid, turn it over so the jar is upside down and the feed empties into the feeder tray. As they eat the food, more drops from the jar into the feeder tray. What I found out was that once the jar is empty, the feeder tray starts to get emptied. And as I said, the level is low enough that they can no longer strew the food all over the place. They still sling their heads back and forth but the food stays inside the feeder tray. It means I have to keep a closer check on their food, but the amount that is being wasted is nearing zero.

Before the change, I would fill up that half gallon jar and in a couple of days it would be nearly empty so I would refill it. That’s a lot of feed. The problem was that most of it was on the floor of the brooder being trampled and pooped on. It was quite a mess. Now, with my new system, they still make a mess because they are birds and they poop a lot and there are a lot of them. However, there is no longer a whole bunch of wasted feed mixed in with the poop. The jars are still there but they are empty. Instead of filling them up, I only put a little feed in the tray. It works. Yay. They were literally wasting at least four times what they were eating. Now the brooder doesn’t require as much changing of bedding and we don’t have to buy as much feed. It’s a great solution.

The previous batch of chicks can be considered grown at this point. They are a little over seven weeks old and I am getting 15 to 18 eggs daily from the penthouse. There are 50 birds up there and it is likely that 25 or so are hens. We could easily see those 15 to 18 eggs daily reach 25.

Garden

The garden is still going great guns. I have to water a lot. Sometimes we get afternoon thunderstorms but most days I have to get out there and give them some water.

A few of the tomatoes are starting to turn yellow. There are so many out there. It won’t be long now and they will start ripening by the gallons.

The sunflowers are blooming. Just in the last week or so, some of them have shot up to about 12 feet. It is interesting. For most of the time they were all relative close in height. But now there are lots of varying heights. But almost all are blooming. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes. I hope to have lots and lots of seeds from these flowers.

The peppers are coming on strong as well. They need to be fertilized to make bigger peppers but I’m okay with them being a little smaller. There are just so many. I’m trying to figure out where to set up the dehydrator. The one I have is pretty big. Last year I had it on my countertop in the kitchen. This year my countertops are full of milk cans and butter churn stuff. I may end up just putting it on the dining room table.

Some of the peppers I’m going to use in making pickled peppers. You know those great peppers that they have at Subway? I think those are pepperoncini. They are similar to the banana peppers that I have. I actually like banana peppers better than pepperoncini. Both peppers are mild and sweet, but the banana peppers are tangy where the pepperoncini are slightly bitter. So I’ll be slicing and canning some of those. I also plan on canning some of the jalapenos. I may even try my hand at a mixed hot pepper batch. The serrano peppers are coming along more slowly but there are a ton of them out there. I’m going to have so much fun with peppers.

Blackberry Patch

Now for the main topic of today. Blackberry jam. In order to have blackberry jam, I need to have some blackberries. Therein lies the problem. You know I’m always saying how much there is to do and so little time to do it. The blackberries canes have been neglected over the past couple of years. I already had too much blackberry jam and syrup that I didn’t worry about it. The birds and other animals were getting them all. I was okay with that. Unfortunately, the canes and vines need to be trimmed and cut back regularly because blackberries are very prolific.

The berries grow on the new growth and the old canes need to be removed regularly. Then there is the fact that the vines grow very fast and spread all over the place. We have the original plants all in nice rows and a trellis erected to keep them trained to the row. Well, that doesn’t work out so well if you don’t go out there and actually train them to the trellis.

There are vines out there that shot up from the ground and arched into the air well over my head. They are thumb thick. And you know they are not going to arch over the trellis just because it is there. They will do that sometimes, but they are just as likely to arch across to the next row. And not just on one side. No, no, no. This cane arches this way and that cane arches that way. Not only do the vines go across from one row to the next, but they also touched down in the middle of the rows. Rooting blackberry canes is really easy. Just stick them in the dirt. So everywhere they arched over and touched the ground, a new cane was born. It has become quite a jungle out there.

I was going to go out there with a pair of hedge trimmers and a couple of different pruning tools and work my way through the mess. However, Scott offered to use the chainsaw instead. I immediately took him up on that offer. We had already decided not to worry too much about making it pretty. We just needed to cut through the jungle so I could get to the berries. There are so many berries out there. But it was impossible to get to them. There were no actual rows left. So that was the first task. Re-establish the rows.

Scott took the chainsaw out there and cut a path between the rows. Well, he did most of the rows. There are still a few rows to go. But it was enough for me to get in there with a couple of buckets. I think I got enough for a batch of jelly. And now that the path is clear, I will be able to get more. There are still lots of red ones out there that will be ripening over the next couple of weeks. I think by mid-August they will have played out.

We will still need to get in there and clean it up. As I said, the old canes need to be removed. The ones that grew into the middle of the paths need to be cut all the way to the ground. Hopefully, we will keep those trimmed back from now on. Another issue that arose was the encroachment of wild blackberries. Wild blackberries have wicked thorns. Well some domestic ones do too. But we planted thornless blackberries. Now there are a bunch of wild blackberries mixed in with our thornless varieties. They are easy to spot. They will rip your clothes off. As I said, wicked thorns. Some of them are pretty big too.

In general, blackberries grow really well in our area. We use the goats to keep them under control in the pastures, but we can’t use the goats in the orchard. Goats won’t care whether they have thorns or not. They will simply eat them all.

So long story short, I was able to harvest some blackberries. Folks at the farmer’s market have been asking for jam and I’m going to make some tomorrow. It’s quite the task. As I mentioned earlier, I can’t stand seeds in my blackberry jam. Fortunately, I’ve come up with a system for getting those seeds out that is not onerous. I used to watch my mom using a food mill. Back in the day, it was all done by hand. Today, we have tools that make that task much easier.

I have a food mill attachment for my Kitchen Aid mixer. It is quite simple to use. Hook it up. Turn it on. Put the blackberries in the hopper and the fruit and pulp are separated from the seeds. I use it for tomatoes also. There is quite a bit of cleanup afterwards, but for me it is still worth the effort. The end product is out of this world. I love blackberry jam.

I have a stainless-steel pot made specifically for making jams and jellies. The bottom is weighted. It has pint increments embossed on the side. There is even a pour spout in one edge. I usually dip, but it is nice to have the pour spout there when I want it. The biggest advantage of this particular pot is the shape. It is perhaps eight or nine inches in diameter at the bottom and maybe 12 or so inches at the top. What that does is provide a greater surface area for evaporation. And this is important to me as I like to make my jams without added pectin. Instead of jelling after a couple of minutes at a boil when using pectin from a box, it takes 30 minutes or so to reach the proper temperature for jelling without it. Again, the extra time is worth it to me.

The ingredients are simple. Blackberries and sugar. I use the recipe in the Ball canning book. It takes nine cups of berries and six cups of sugar. Thirty minutes of cook time and it’s ready to go in the jar. Jams and jellies are sealed by using the water bath canning method. Basically, covering the jars with boiling water for 10 to 15 minutes. Perhaps 20 for our elevation. Whatever the recipe indicates is what I do.

Canning used to be a task that I put off as long as I could. It seemed quite complicated. Now, having done it many times over many years, it seems quite simple. It’s amazing how that happens. In the beginning, reading the recipe over and over to make sure I have everything just right. Now, more often than not, I only pull out the book to refresh my memory on how long it needs to boil.

What do you think? Would you like to learn how to can jams and jellies? Once the creamery is completed, the commercial kitchen will come next. How about a few classes in cooking and preserving food?

Final Thoughts

That’s it for today’s podcast. Life is full here and the craziness of the world seems far away. We are blessed with this life that we have built over the last 17 years. It feeds us physically, emotionally and spiritually. There is always purposeful activity and a sense of connection with our Lord in every moment. I know you all have that too. But for me, this environment makes it so much easier. God’s creation is always there at our fingertips.

I hope you enjoyed the trip around the homestead and through the blackberry brambles. And if you did, please hop over to Apple Podcasts, SUBSCRIBE and give me a 5-star rating and review. Also, please share it with any friends or family who might be interested in this type of content.

Thank you so much for stopping by the homestead and until next time, may God fill your life with grace and peace.

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