#i played that game pretty much 24 hours a day until I was done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dnowit41 · 9 months

Text

Dirk Nowitzki's journey from Germany to Dallas to the Hall of Fame

By Steve Aschburner

His shot became his signature, that signature became a statue. It’s planted there now for the long term, emblematic of Dirk Nowitzki himself, who came to the Dallas Mavericks a quarter century ago and never left.

Resplendent in white bronze, 24 feet high, over on the right wing of Victory Plaza outside the American Airlines Center, Nowitzki is immortalized in the shooting form that earned him so many of his 35,223 points (regular and postseason). It earned him a bevy of admirers, too, among peers and rivals like Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant and LeBron James who adopted the big German sharpshooter’s one-legged fadeaway as both a tactic and an homage.

“The Dirk,” as that shot has been dubbed, is here to stay. Both as a weapon – “the equivalent of what Abdul-Jabbar did with his sky hook,” one opposing coach said the other day, both awed and irritated by its effectiveness – and as a tribute, frozen in time, the distillation of 21 seasons and 1,667 games logged with the only NBA team for which he ever played.

One city, one franchise? Only Utah Hall of Famer John Stockton (1,686) ever played more.

It’s funny, though, how a player celebrated for staying planted in one place for more than two decades could have traveled so far and covered such ground in the process. It showed in his game, the way he developed, refined and tweaked his unique style until he had dragged the whole position with him.

“Watching him play, I remember thinking, he’s just getting better and better and better,” said Hall of Famer Kevin McHale, one of the NBA’s greatest power forwards. “And he really changed things around the way the position is played.”

It showed in Nowitzki’s influence, a European prospect who came over younger than most of the imports who preceded him and shined so brightly that, well before he was done, he was regarded as the best player ever from that continent. Fifty-one Most Valuable Player trophies had been handed out in NBA history before Nowitzki won the 52nd as the first Euro. Now guys from Greece and Serbia have taken home four of the past five.

“Every tall kid around the world saw Dirk,” Mavs owner Mark Cuban said, “and realized they could play basketball and not have to be a back-to-the-basket center. Dirk paved the way for players of any size to be multi-positional and have a variety of in-game skills.”

Certainly Nowitzki, 45, moved geographically in a career that spanned half his life, from Wurzburg, Germany, to Dallas and now to Springfield, Mass., where he will be inducted Aug. 12 into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame with the Class of 2023. He has been there once before, in 2018 when a pair of his point guards – Steve Nash and Jason Kidd – were both enshrined. This time, those two will be official Hall presenters for their tall teammate. Nowitzki’s guest list for the weekend – after wife Jessica and their kids Malaika (10), Max (8) and Morris (6) – ran “a couple hundred, I think” at least in invitees, if not attendees.

His speech is pretty much done. “It’s been fun,” Nowitzki told NBA.com recently by phone from Germany. “Really what you’re doing, you’re reflecting on the whole journey. Who’s meant the most, who’s done what. I’ve actually found it cool to sit down in the evening after everyone’s in bed and I sit here for an hour and think about that stuff.

“There will be a little nervousness. But I’m also going to enjoy standing up there and looking out at this amazing crowd of family and friends and great athletes. I’m going to try to enjoy it as much as I can.”

From Germany To Dallas

His father, Jörg-Werner, competed internationally in team handball. His mother Helga and his older sister Silke played basketball.

“Growing up I was always in gyms,” said Nowitzki, who mostly played handball and tennis. “I was tall, and I played basketball in school. I had a cousin who was with a club team, so I went one time to practice and I got hooked. I wasn’t very good but I could move pretty well for a big guy and I had decent touch for my size. It didn’t come that hard for me, and I loved it from Day 1.”

After joining DJK Wurzburg, Nowitzki was spotted by Holger Gerschwindner, a former national team player turned physicist, trainer and coach. Gerschwindner offered to work with the lanky lad, got the family’s permission, then began to hone every aspect of Nowitzki’s game.

One part guru, one part Svengali to Nowitzki’s Trilby, Gerschwindner favored unorthodox techniques and drills to coax out his players’ abilities. For instance, he would invite an old friend who played the saxophone to the gym, then instruct Nowitzki and other teen players to dribble and move in rhythm with the music (“dance the game,” he termed it). He gave them books and swapped out weight training with morning rowing on a local lake.

“Holger was a little bit mystical figure in Dirk’s orbit who thought completely out of the box,” said Golden State assistant coach Ron Adams, an international scout for Portland in 1998. “He’s a little full of himself and some people look sideways at him, but they let Holger do his thing for the most part in Dallas.”

At 19, Nowitzki had developed enough to be invited to the Nike Hoop Summit, an All-Star event pitting the top international prospects against a squad of U.S. high schoolers. The game was held in San Antonio, but the foreign players convened and practiced in Dallas.

Donnie Nelson, son of Mavericks coach Don Nelson, served as a volunteer assistant coach for the overseas team. A stint with Athletes in Action playing internationally during his time at Wheaton College piqued the younger Nelson’s interest in the NBA potential of foreign-bred players.

“We scouted Europe more than anybody, really,” Don Nelson told NBA.com last week, calling from his home in Maui. “Donnie got the international team to work out at the YMCA in downtown Dallas. So for a full week, I’m watching Dirk work out. He was the most unbelievable young player I’d ever seen.”

Other teams perked up after Nowitzki scored 33 points with 14 rebounds to spark his team’s upset of the Americans, including Al Harrington, Quentin Richardson and Rashard Lewis. But as the 1998 NBA Draft approached, the Nelsons were ready.

“We hid Dirk for several weeks before the draft,” Nelson said. “We made a commitment that we were going to draft him. We just wanted to keep him from going anywhere else to work out. He was going to be ours. He was happy with that. So he hid for a week in Donnie’s basement.”

The Mavericks held the No. 6 pick that year but had more ambitious plans than simply taking Nowitzki at that spot. They arranged a deal with Milwaukee at No. 9, in which Dallas picked Michigan’s Robert (Tractor) Traylor and the Bucks took Nowitzki. They knew Boston had interest, leaving the Celtics to draft Paul Pierce at No. 10.

The Bucks also sent the No. 19 selection, Pat Garrity, to Dallas, which promptly packaged Garrity to Phoenix for a young point guard named Steve Nash.

The Early Years

The 1998-99 NBA season is one that lots of folks would like to forget. First of all, there was no 1998; a labor lockout wiped out training camps and the season’s first two-plus months. The new CBA that was wrangled in January was followed by a frenzied 50-game schedule that began in February. Summer leagues, orientation, September individual work and scrimmages, everything an incoming rookie needs for that first difficult season was off the table.

Then there was Nowitzki, who had just turned 20 and, by his and Gerschwindner’s admission, was probably one or two years ahead of schedule in trying the NBA.

“It was right after they drafted me,” Nowitzki said, “that I had the doubts. Should I go to the NBA? I was skinny, I had played second division in Germany. Can I make this jump?

“I talked to Nellie and Donnie. I got to meet Steve and Mike [Finley], and they all assured me, being a young team, we could grow together. So before I left from home, I said I’d come. But I wasn’t able to sign a contract because of the lockout, and that worked out kind of perfect for me.

“I got to stay home. I got to train with Holger. I got to play first division in Germany for a couple more months and really developed my body a little more, my game. Then I got the call in late January from Donnie. ‘Hey, the season is on. Get your butt to Dallas!'”

Let the record show, in his NBA debut on Feb. 5, 1999, Nowitzki shot 0-for-5, made two free throws, got no rebounds and passed for four assists in 16:20 of an overtime loss to Seattle. That first season, he averaged 8.2 points and 3.4 rebounds while shooting 40.5% overall and 20.6% on 3s. The Mavericks finished 19-31 but the Nelsons made good on their commitment, using Nowitzki in 47 games and starting him in 24, including the final 14 when his minutes doubled to 32.9 per game.

“Super nervous and anxious,” he recalled. “I didn’t know what to expect. We had a week of training camp maybe. I didn’t know all the plays or the defensive calls. Then we had five or six games in a week? It was insane. Looking back, it was good for me to get adjusted and learning. But it was tough to go through.”

There was one bright side: Nash. The unheralded playmaker from British Columbia by way of Santa Clara had been buried in the Suns backcourt his first two seasons. He and the German rookie clicked instantly.

“Well, they both loved to drink beer, so I’d say they clicked,” Nelson said, laughing. “They hung out. They both were single at the time.”

It was a lot more than that, Nowitzki said.

“We came to Dallas on the same day,” he said. “We didn’t have any friends. We lived in the same apartment complex. His family is from Europe, and he loved soccer. So we had that and we completely bonded. We went to dinners. I was feeling homesick so he’d take me to movies, out to eat.

“On free nights, we’d go back to the gym, train, lift, run, shoot, play 1-on-1. We just worked our way to be better and better every year. Steve knew the league, the routines and how to get ready. So I learned a lot from him.”

In his second season, during which Cuban bought the franchise, Nowitzki doubled his output to 17.5 points and 6.5 boards while shooting 46.1% overall and 37.9% from range. He averaged 21.8 in 2000-01 as he and Nash became a devastating pick-and-pop combo, and the Mavericks won 53 games in the first of 11 consecutive years of 50-plus victories. The next season, the guard and the forward were All-Stars.

“The crazy part still is, when he got to the NBA, people were upset that he didn’t play like a traditional center,” Cuban said. “They asked why he wasn’t a rim protector. It’s insane to look back at that now.”

Nash went back to Phoenix in free agency in 2004. Finley was gone a year later. Jason Terry came in, and later Kidd. Their coaches changed, from Nelson to Avery Johnson to Rick Carlisle. But Nowitzki was the cornerstone and he was on a roll. He went to 11 All-Star games in a row and 14 overall. He was a 12-time All-NBA selection. In 2006 he led Dallas to the Finals for the first time. The next season, the Mavs won 67 games and Nowitzki won his MVP award.

The coaching changes, never easy, panned out for him. Nelson tapped into Nowitzki’s rare combo of size and ball skills, using him as a lengthy small forward. He was 26 when Johnson took over, demanding more toughness, post work and even defense from his offensive star. Carlisle, who coached him from 2008 until Nowitzki retired in 2019, was a combination, wanting “a lot of free-flow offense and a lot of structured, detail-oriented defense.”

“I always thought, what if I had gone someplace else? Bulked me up and just put me under the basket and made a center out of me. With Nellie, that never happened,” Nowitzki said.

Johnson perfected Dallas’ use of Nowitzki at the “nail,” the center of the free-throw line where he posed the maximum threat to opposing defenses. It enabled him to punish smaller defenders that would switch onto him, without the time and grind to work into the low post, and likely draw a doubling big man.

“The spacing was good,” he said. “I wasn’t the greatest passer, but at least this way, I knew where my spot-up shooters were. I knew the big guy was in the dunker spot underneath. And if nobody came to double, I was going to just shoot over the little guy.”

As for Carlisle, that partnership produced the highlight of their careers and Cuban’s tenure, Maverick fans’ warmest memories, one of the city’s happiest sports celebrations and a reason so many junior-high kids named Dirk are running around.

“I came in the fall of 2008,” Carlisle said last week, “and the main thing was, ‘Dirk’s got about 4-5 years in his prime. We’ve got to figure out a way to win a championship."

‘Now I’m The Old Guy’

Nowitzki was 14 years old when Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird and the rest of the Dream Team colonized the basketball world during the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona, Spain.

“I was already an NBA fan and with Jordan winning his first championship in 1991, I became a huge Bulls fan,” Nowitzki said. “Then obviously ’92 happened. I had posters in my room of [Charles] Barkley, Shaq later on, Jordan of course, Bird.”

He had a poster, too, of Detlef Schrempf, the native of Leverkusen, Germany who was drafted eighth overall in 1985 by an earlier Dallas regime. Schrempf, a 6-foot-10 forward, grew up in Centralia, Wash., and spent four years at the University of Washington. He played 16 seasons, averaging 13.9 points, 6.2 rebounds and 3.4 assists per game. Later playing for Indiana, Seattle and Portland, Schrempf made three All-Star teams, one All-NBA squad and twice was named the NBA’s top Sixth Man.

Of the 27 NBA players born in Germany, Schrempf is the closest precursor to Nowitzki.

“Of course, Detlef was also one of my favorites. Everybody in Germany knew how good he was,” Nowitzki said. “And then my first game in the league, it was against Seattle and Detlef. The way he treated me there, introduced me to his family, he couldn’t have been nicer. He gave me his phone number and told me to call if I ever had any questions.”

Other notable European players have made their marks before or since. Players such as Sarunas Marciulionis, Drazen Petrovic, Vlade Divac, Andre Kirilenko, Rik Smits, Toni Kukoc and Tony Parker right on to Domantas Sabonis, Luka Doncic and Nikola Jokic.

Now Nowitzki is their flag bearer, a role that makes him almost as proud as when he carried Germany’s flag in the opening ceremony of the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

“I got to play with [Mavs forward] Maxi Kleber my last two years. How special is that, a kid from my hometown comes to us? We spent a lot of time together, before the season we trained together and he had a lot of questions,” Nowitzki said.

“And [Toronto guard] Dennis Schröder, when he got in the league, he actually worked out in Dallas before the Draft. I went there, got to see him, got to meet him and gave him my number. Told him when he had any questions to call me up. So we’ve basically been in contact his entire career.

“Now I’m the old guy. It changes so fast. Twenty years have flown by.”

Dirk Stays With Dallas, Wins 2011 Title

This bond of Nowitzki with Dallas, Dallas with Nowitzki, is something to savor now, full of giddy moments and fuzzy nostalgia. But it was forged in hard times, ordeals that are only appreciated in retrospect and even then with a wince. The early days with the Mavericks had been a challenge for Nowitzki, but nowhere close to what he and the team’s fan base endured a few years later.

In 2005-2006, Dallas won 60 games. Nowitzki averaged a career-best 26.6 points, finished third in MVP balloting and – with teammates such as Terry, Josh Howard and Jerry Stackhouse – once again was the lone All-Star.

“Dirk played with Jason Kidd near the end of his career and Jason was still a great player, but he did not play with a bunch of Hall of Fame players in their prime,” Carlisle said. “Nash left before he really hit his stride. Dirk carried an amazing load with the Dallas Mavericks over a period of two-plus decades that may never be rivaled again.”

Nowitzki was his usual stellar self in leading the Mavs in the 2006 playoffs to series victories over Memphis, San Antonio and Phoenix, with his Game 7 work to beat the Spurs overtime in the West semis most remarkable. He and the Mavericks took a 2-0 lead over Miami in the Finals. Then Dwyane Wade happened, the young Heat star binging at 39.3 points and shooting 73 free throws over the final four games.

The Mavericks regrouped to win 67 games in 2006-07. They were so good, with Nowitzki as MVP, they dragged Howard to his only All-Star selection. Heavily favored against small-ball, eighth-seeded Golden State, Dallas was upset in six games, including defeats by 12, 18 and 25 points. Their old mastermind Nelson was working the Warriors’ sideline at that point, and his insider defense on Nowitzki saw the Mavs star score just eight points on 2-of-13 shooting in the elimination game.

“It would have been unbelievable to win in ’06,” he said. “And then losing in the first round in ’07 to the Warriors, those were some tough, tough losses. Gut-wrenching, to the point where I was embarrassed and disappointed and didn’t want to leave the house for a couple weeks.”

In fact, the only thing that blocked him from a hasty retreat to Germany that spring was the NBA, asking him to stick stateside for a couple of weeks until the MVP presentation.

Another first-round loss in 2008, to New Orleans this time, cost Johnson his job. Carlisle came in but two more abrupt exits followed, to Denver in the 2009 semis and to San Antonio in 2010.

Nowitzki was 32 and, for the first time in his career, a free agent. Three years earlier, a perennial All-NBA forward had accepted a trade in hopes of winning a championship elsewhere: Kevin Garnett left Minnesota after 12 years and insufficient help to finally win in Boston. Was Nowitzki next?

“I always wanted to make it happen,” Nowitzki said. “I met with Mark [Cuban] and we both got a little emotional about what we’d been through together. And he said, ‘Let’s finish this together,’ and I was like, ‘I don’t want to be anywhere else.’ I ended up signing a four-year deal and we won a championship in the first year.”

The 2010-11 Mavericks did more than that. They delayed and possibly altered the trajectory of LeBron James’ grandiose Super Team plans in Miami. The “not one, not two, not three…” hubris of that initial public appearance of James, Wade and Chris Bosh became the thud of “not one” when Dallas and Nowitzki beat the Heat in six games.

Said McHale: “Kidd was really, really smart. Just knew how to play. Some of the guys were older, too. They had a blend of guys who just played so well together. They would do this 2-3 zone when I was [visiting Carlisle] in camp and I told Rick, ‘Your zone sucks. You’ve got to stop using that.’ Hell, they played that zone in the Finals. They had a bunch of high-IQ guys. And pro’s pros. They were not going to beat themselves.

“But the thing I remember the most was Dirk making these unbelievable shots down the stretches of games. He’d make a crazy shot to give them breathing room all the time.”

At this point, Nowitzki believes the elation of 2011 never happens if not for the heartbreaks that came before.

“In 2011, I was the finisher I needed to be in the final moments,” he said. “In ’06 and ’07 I just wasn’t quite there yet to make the big baskets. It wasn’t fun to go through those years when we were favorites but it’s part of my journey and it made me a better player and person for sure.”

Nobody quibbles with that last part. Nowitzki’s lack of drama and pretense drew mentions time and again from people contacted for this story.

“He was the greatest superstar teammate that I’ve ever seen,” Carlisle said. “He had a really humble demeanor, he knew who he was, he knew what his responsibility was.”

Shawn Marion, the 2011 teammate who refers to Nowitzki as the “7-Foot Rainbow Assassin,” also said: “His ego never got in the way of what the biggest goal was. He’s a quiet leader. And he had a bit of a joker side to him too.”

And over the years, with Nowitzki now focused on family, a low-demand Mavericks consultancy and a relaxed TBD future, those close to him have reconciled the global icon vs. Mavericks fixture split.

“Dirk became very Americanized,” Carlisle said, “where Germany and Europe could feel like he was theirs, and the people of Dallas could feel like he was theirs. And no one needed to fight about it.”

#Mavs

2 notes · View notes

jigensass · 1 year

Text

You know I was planning to do like a 5 to 6 part review of 2022 but wrote only two parts as to build up some big narrative about my life and how I changed for the better this year or some shit in some realization that I had finally figured myself out.

In reality, I haven’t changed a damn thing, if anything I’ve went 3 steps back in life.

It’s no surprise I’m mentally disabled. I tell anybody this IRL, all the time this is the reaction I get

‘Yeah it’s called drugs and not socializing because I know I’m a fucking weirdo’

I have to remind people constantly ‘if you don’t tell me that I upset you because of something I said/did, I’ve never going to pick up on it until it gets to a boiling point and then I’ll have a mental breakdown over something that a neurotypical would deem as benign’

Somehow one of my coworkers managed to ignore this statement for a literal year and a half until I subtly noticed them giving me the cold shoulder during one of my fits of paranoia that we all had to sit down and have an intervention about it because they couldn’t be straightforward with me. And all the other coworkers knew about it, and they were afraid to talk to me about it as well.

People just assume that I’m just okay with their bullshit insanity yet I am always the one who has to call out the neurotypicals out on their bullshit. Like they just think because I can make mountains move when I put my mind to it, that I can always do that 24/7 because I’m apparently Jesus to them. This includes being clairvoyant and telepathic. People have played that previous statement off as a joke to me when I don’t get the memo and have to call them out on their bullshit of when the message doesn’t get relayed to me when it should of.

But when I need/want one small thing done it takes literal weeks to get it done and when I needed that thing done, and the person who asked for me to get said thing done now has a metaphorical gun to the back of my head with my hands now being tied, and the person who should have gotten the thing done just IGNORES ME, YEAH I GET STRESSED OUT. I have gotten so cynical lately to subtly call people out on their idiocy by attaching old emails and screenshotting messages to respond to someone as to get the point across of ‘you dense motherfucker learn to fucking read’ when I get to a breaking point that people think it’s funny when I act this way.

It’s not funny, it’s sad and depressing. It sometimes gets to a point when I’ve been having suicidal thoughts.

And it’s caused me to do some pretty stupid shit (like spending hundreds of dollars on a gatcha game without remorse. There I said it)

Wanna know how many mental breakdowns I have had in this year alone? It’s a big number because I lost count.

That’s how stressed I’ve been. That’s how much I’ve been literally fucked in the ass. Now let me be clear. This year, I can say with a clear conscience no one on tumblr has treated me this way. My mental strain is all exerted from one source: my job.

I can see it now in the comments: ‘why don’t you just quit and find a better job?’ My response is, I’m getting paid $25 an hour to deal with idiots. Twenty-five American dollars every sixty minutes.

That’s 3.4 times higher than the national average.

Some days, the idiots are manageable. Other days, not so much.

But recently I have been noticing that the company has been accommodating me. But it’s only after I have hit the boiling point and have gone on a callout email thread. Also this is because I was forced into a position I never wanted to be in and surprise: high stress levels and me having to manage people equals a hell for everyone else. (This was partially my fault because I felt bad because the guy’s mom was on her death bed and he was doing what I was doing and unlike everyone else, I had the balls to call him out on his stupid streak aka constantly checking up in on work AS HIS MOTHER WAS DYING and he actually listened. Funny how no one calls me out on my stupid streaks and here we are)

It’s only after the damage has already been done that people go ‘oh shit, the asset is being serious’ as I lay crying in the corner.

And that what my life has become: I’m a joke of an asset. Because my anger of how people act on The Office is FUNNY.

My stress, paranoia, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts to people IS FUNNY.

And then they get upset when I give them the cold shoulder once.

I live in this hellhole that it’s okay for everyone else to have a ‘fuck it not my problem attitude when it is their problem’ but I have to constantly give a fuck. Even when I’m PTO. Yes my PTO days have become semi-anti stress days. I spent two weeks in August holed in my house because of the hell I went through in May-July. Last week I took two days off to recoup my losses and as soon as my PTO was over on day two, I was back on my laptop playing catch up for the next day.

Everyone else in this world is allowed to fall short except for me. Because I’m the only person who can get results and hit my target.

And then I ask myself why I gravitate to the ‘broken dad who is perfect at their job’ stereotype. Because if I had a penis, they would literally be me.

If you have gotten this far in rant, thanks? I guess?

I forgot to mention the part said how I felt to my family about Thanksgiving and even they have pushed me away because they finally realized how taxing I am to their environment because I spoke up on how I felt.

I know you, the person reading this, want to jump on my DM’s and into my inbox to tell me that what I wrote was wrong and I’m a beautiful person and blah blah blah. I have been down this road before. Words of encouragement are starting to become apathetic to me.

All I want in this hell we call life right now is one other soul who I can be genuinely honest with, as well as be myself without a filter. Someone who can accept me for my faults and not be afraid to call me out on my bullshit. Someone to be able support me after I’m done supporting everyone else. Someone to have around to know that everything’s okay so I can stop worrying for five minutes. Someone who just…gets me.

‘You mean a partner, right?’ Kind of, I guess.

People think I’m so complicated and high maintenance when in reality, I’m not. That I’m difficult to deal with. When in reality, I’m not. I’m just like everyone else when broken down to my main core, it’s just after 30 years of walking this earth, I’ve been everyone else’s punching bag that I’m beat up and worn out.

So when I beat back with words filled with truth or mixed with perceptive lies based on how I feel (usually anger), I just get shoved into a corner and expected to continue to process results like I don’t have feelings.

I don’t understand why my boss got to take a month and a half off this year yet for these last three weeks she had no PTO and told me to my face ‘I feel bad for doing this’. IF YOU FELT BAD THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT?

When I feel bad for doing something, I actually feel bad and guilt trip myself.

You want to know how I’ve back pedaled into any progress of good mental health I wanted to have this year?

Two words on repeat: ‘I’m sorry’ as a response to my existence.

Anyway, let the queen burn in Hell and RIP Kiyoshi Kobayashi

Here is to 2023 possibly being the same level of shit and maybe one person will wake the fuck up and realize how messed up in the head I am. Because lying to my psychiatrist that I’m happy isn’t working.

#i don’t remember #when I watched The Joker #but it’s a really good movie because it is not afraid to address real issues while being in a fictional superhero universe #yesterday was a breaking point for me #it’s not the fact that people didn’t acknowledge my birthday it’s the fact people used me as a punching bag as to why shit wasn’t done #this was supposed to be the last post I made but I said ‘fuck it’

3 notes · View notes

lifewithoutmeds · 10 months

Text

june 29, 2023

thursday, 7:34 p.m.

as usual, upon writing, i’m feeling minimally better today than i have probably been for at least the past 10 days.

i’ve been stuck in a cycle of getting out of bed late, watching dumb youtube videos, reading dumb facebook posts, and eyes just pretty much glued to my phone every waking hour of everyday. i’m looking at weird stuff too, outside of my normal healthy stuff. i’m watching police body cam video of people behaving badly and the police actually having a lot more patience than the average person, and i’m reading a lot of AITA and “Entitled Karen” posts on facebook which are usually just a bad, ad-ridden collection of reddit posts with poorly written commentary and unnecessary summary surrounding it. typically halfway through or so, before i get to the clickbait story i had initially seen that had drawn me in, the whole website crashes and i have to go back to facebook and scroll through until the next thing catches my eye. i watch/listen to youtube until i fall asleep, then sleep for anywhere between 8 and 13 hours, depending on what i’m required to do the next day. last friday i slept for 13 hours. last “night” i fell asleep before 6:30 p.m.

it’s a weird sensation. there’s nothing in the day really to look forward to or that gives me much joy or hope. sleeping seems like the best course of action. i struggle to do simple things like take out the trash/recycling, wash the dishes. i’ve been only showering maybe once a week and even getting the mail seems cumbersome.

work is rough. i have no problem sitting at the dining table, but tearing my eyes away from the phone even for a few minutes is difficult. i sit, uncomfortably for hours on end, but get very little done. i respond to most emails but have difficult doing the work or research that they entail.

i’m not eating well, i’m not exercising, i don’t have a lot of plans for the future or goals that i can think of. everything seems quite wearisome. there may have been one day in the past week where i went outside for a morning walk, but otherwise it’s felt too hard to do so.

however, it seems the days in which i have the strength/motivation/wherewithal to journal, those are relatively good days and not representative of all of the days in between.

the last couple weeks in review: monday, june 19: had dinner with my mom at a very expensive but extremely mediocre sushi restaurant off of foothill in la crescenta next to a car wash. i should have known. we then went to the burbank AMC to watch Past Lives, and got some Pinkberry frozen yogurt in between. the movie wasn’t great, but also learning that my mom had gotten dangerously close to hanging herself at the sylmar house closet while living with my dad was extremely upsetting and triggering. i spent days ruminating over that as well as my dad’s behavior the past 40 years and wondering whether i should just cut ties with him completely. tuesday, june 20: amy ended up canceling for lunch, as she had meetings come up. wednesday, june 21: grabbed a drink with gyoon after work downtown at the arts district brewery before meeting esther and her sister for dinner at the nearby Taberu. dinner was ok, then we got a few drinks afterward at Propoganda. i tried to be in good spirits but was really struggling mentally to keep it together. friday, RDO: slept an unhealthy amount. 13 hours, beating my old record of 12 hours. saturday, june 24: spent the entire day cleaning and preparing for at home kbbq dinner with tracy and her wife. also taught and played a few games of monopoly deal. also briefly saw amy and her daughter on their way home from their visit to see jenny. tuesday, june 27: in office. wednesday, june 28: WFH plus psychiatrist zoom appointment in which i updated her on my medication side effects, namely: a decrease in itching/rash and sobbing, and an increase in sleepiness, irritability, random irrational pain in my foot, and rumination. she seemed pleased that the itching/rash had gone away and starting today i increased my dosage from 25 mg to 50 mg. unfortunately, the effective dose is 200 mg and i can only ramp up 50 mg at a time and side effects can onset at every dose increase so i could anticipate two more months of despair and side effects before feeling any better. looking ahead: friday: will be hosting xio and matt for kbbq dinner. will need to clean and buy groceries. will be good to see them, but i know they’ve been struggling physically (xio) and mentally (matt) so i’m a little nervous that we’re all so sad but maybe it’ll be ok. saturday: celebrating zoe’s bday at lana’s place. taco guy will start at 12:30 p.m. but i’ve been asked to come earlier, around 9am to come help. also to bring my Yeti. looking forward to seeing people and getting out of the house. sunday: church with mom. tuesday, july 4: will go hang out with Rhiannon as we both have no other friends and no other plans. friday, july 7: will hang out with stephen, who i haven’t seen in years. saturday, july 8: quasi-monthly brunch with amy (lee)

my life feels stagnant and without hope or joy, but i suppose a tiny minuscule part of me wants to live as it keeps texting people stupidly and making plans that i have trouble keeping up with at times.

random journal prompt: what is a unique talent that you have?

so i had to scroll through like 20 prompts before i could find something that i thought i could think of a response. i think i’m good at explaining things without making people feel bad. i think i’m a fairly good teacher and i think i do it in a way that feels genuine and well-intentioned and non judgmental. i’m thinking recently of how i taught tracy how to surf fish and tracy and her wife how to play Monopoly Deal. i don’t really get frustrated with explaining and re-explaining as necessary, and it’s so important to me that they don’t struggle and have a good time, that i think i check in a lot with them, for understanding, for their feeling. i think i’m good at not pushing things onto others if i sense they’re not feeling up to it. i think i create a non-threatening environment, and i think i’ve been able to teach and share my interests with a lot of people in that way, mainly with fishing and monopoly deal. i try to make sure people have a good time. i think that’s a good thing.

0 notes

survey--s · 1 year

Text

456.

1) What’re your plans for the weekend? Absolutely nothing lol. I feel like I've not had a proper break from work in ages as Archie was really sick last weekend so we ended up down at the vets. This week has just been insane too so it's really nice to just be able to relax.

2) Could you ever be vegetarian - why or why not? I was vegetarian on/off for a few years as a teenager but ultimately it's not really something I'm interested in.

3) Name a quote from your favorite TV show: "That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds".

4) What time did you wake up this morning? About 6.45 as apparently my body clock is back to being on work-time lol. I didn't get up until closer to 9am though.

5) What chores do you do around the house? Well, pretty much everything that needs to be done as it's my house, lol. I mean, nobody else is gonna do it for me.

6) Do you like wind chimes, or do they annoy you? They're fine at other people's houses but they'd drive me mad if I had them outside my own house lol. Especially as they'd probably set the dog off barking constantly. 7) How much sleep do you usually get a night? Normally around seven hours.

8) If you could have any outfit, cost not an issue, what would you get? I'm not really bothered about having nice outfits. 9) Do you play any instruments? I can play a few but I haven't played them for ages.

10) What song would you say describes your life right now? The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars lol.

11) Do you have snacks lying around your room? No.

12) Did you get up to much today? If it’s morning, what are your plans? Not really, just normal household stuff. I had a lie in, fed the animals, let the dog out, vacuumed, did the litter trays, made breakfast, went back to bed for an hour, washed up, showered and now I'm just messing about online and watching TV.

13) What’s your favorite animal to see in the zoo? Penguins, tigers, elephants, squirrel monkeys, lemurs.

14) When do you start back to school or college? I haven't been in any kind of education in over a decade now.

15) What other social networking sites are you on? Facebook and Instagram.

16) What was the best year of your life? Hmm, overall I would say 2007, 2016, 2018 and 2022.

17) What plans do you have for the rest of summer? It's only February but mostly I spend my summers working and riding, plus I have a couple of weeks off in August.

18) How old is the person you like right now? He's just turned 38. 19) Do you get an allowance? How much? No, I have a full-time job lol.

20) What games console is your favorite? What about favorite game? We have an xBox but I haven't played it in ages. I liked Gems of War, the old-style Lara Croft games and also Super Mario back when we had a Nintendo.

21) If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why? I'm honestly happy just chilling out at home today. I need a lazy day after how manic my week has been.

22) Do your parents nag you a lot? What about? I don't live with my parents so it's not really their place to nag at me. My mum sometimes complains about the state of my car though lol.

23) What is there on the walls of your room? There are a couple of paintings but that's about it.

24) Is there anyone that just really annoys you? Oh yes.

25) What are your plans for tomorrow, anything good? Just a chilled out, lazy day as I have another fully booked week next week. Luckily Mike is off so he can sort the dog out lol.

26) If you could wake up tomorrow being able to do one thing perfectly, what would it be? Sing.

27) You have two wishes to make to help the world, and one can’t be “another wish” or anything similar. What wishes do you make? Clean water and ample supply of food. <--- this.

28) Do you reckon world peace is possible or are we just too selfish? People are way too selfish.

29) Do you listen to Bright Eyes? Wow, nostalgia alert lol. I used to LOVE Bright Eyes - especially Lua and Bowl of Oranges but I've not listened to them in YEARS. I might download them off Spotify actually. 30) Are you interested in politics, or do you just not care? It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't think anything us "mortals" do can actually make a difference.

#survey #surveys

0 notes

chicagolive · 1 year

Note

Doly, Doly, Doly! My dear friend, I’m sorry for going like a week without sending a message! This week really got away from me. How’s your vacation been? How’s Hail Mary? I hope you’re doing well!!!

Oh my brother always hated having to share with me cause you know I was the annoying little sibling who wanted to play with all the stuff he had. It was the only way I played like any video games until I was in my preteens and got a wii and DS but I’m not sure which one was first lol. But I still tried to play games on his stuff.

We definitely would! There’s so many concerts I wanna go to and I can’t wait till I feel comfy enough to start going back to them!!! I’d absolutely go see Niall in a heartbeat. There’s just something about live music that really is magical. And it’s also one of those human moments of “I’m in a room full of all these people and we’re singing the same songs and love this person on stage.” And what a feeling that is. Especially for an artist that makes you feel like at home, that is truly special.

How exciting! Let me know how you like it once you get it! I found that I enjoyed it quite a bit! And I’ll have to see if I can find them! I took photos of that installation like six years ago now!

I want a Louis hoodie so bad! I have one of his shirts but it’s kinda old, too small and the back art on it is peeling. My favorite YouTubers announced they got married recently and oh my heart, it was so sweet. For streamers I feel like I rarely catch the streams live so I watch a lot of vods or people editing down the streams to the important/good bits. I think I said I tend to wear a normal like baseball cap? I’m not sure how else to describe it but I wear it when I’m having a bad hair day or just don’t wanna deal with it. I got to wear my beanie today which was nice since I rarely get to! It was pretty cold so it worked great when I went out/had to let my dogs out. I will say, I think I prefer ice skating to roller skating! I’ve been roller skating a normal amount and I think I’ve only gone ice skating once but it was so fun cause it’s just so different! I’d love to do it again. Italy! How exciting! I bet it was beautiful. I know this sounds crazy but I’m not sure of the last time I had a mango/if I’ve ever had one really. I know I’ve had kiwi but it’s been a very long time so I dont remember much about the taste. Cleaning carpet is awful! I’ve stained my carpet horrendously by accidentally leaving a tube of black paint out and stepping on it 😐 and then a blue drink spilled on my beige carpet sooo. I like it in my room but probably nowhere else in a house.

I know this isn’t as long as the others but I feel im blanking on what to talk about atm buuut I’ll still do a speed round of course!!!

Since it’s the holidays: if you have a Christmas tree, do you prefer a fake or real one? I understand the appeal of a fake one 100% because there’s no cleaning up, watering and throwing it out like a real one and plus it’s a one and done payment for years to come! However, im a sucker for a live tree. I love smelling the tree in the house and I love going to pick one out!

Do you dilly dally? Like when running to the store are you someone who gets everything they need and then goes straight to check out or do you kinda get pulled in by other things not on your shopping list? I feel I can do both but I absolutely dilly dally more than anything. I get distracted easily like when Walmart was open 24/7 my dad and I would just be like “we should go get snacks” at like 1am and then we’d be there for an hour and a half… it’s why my mom refuses to go inside Walmart with him.

Do you prefer to use the stove/oven or the microwave? Like when I make soup I make it on the stove my friend makes it in the microwave. And like a stouffer’s meal I make in oven every time my friend will just the microwave. Like even when making water I’ll boil the water instead of using the microwave. I hate using the microwave for most things I’m not sure what it is or why but it just feels better using the stove/oven.

When it comes to jewelry, do you prefer gold or silver? I personally prefer silver. I think it just looks better on me! But I feel that I don’t wear much jewelry anymore at all.

I can’t remember if I’ve asked but which do you find more interesting or even scary? Space or the ocean? I feel both are equally so fascinating but also absolutely terrifying!! I love the ocean though, I used to want to be a marine biologist sooo and someone tried to tell me we’ve explored a lot of the ocean so there was no point in being a marine biologist and I almost lost my mind cause anyone and everyone know how little of the ocean we’ve actually explored!

Do you enjoying sparkling water? I personally am not a big fan. I just don’t like the taste of almost jay of them! I think it’s very rare for me to find one I like.

What was the last movie you watched that had you thinking “I’ve got to tell everyone to watch this movie” because you enjoyed it so much? I’d say mine was probably Glass Onion and Nope. Also, what’s an underrated movie you think deserves more love?

Okay, I think I’m done for today! I’ll talk to you soon!!! Hope you’re doing well and are having a good day/night! ❤️

-🎉❄️

Hello, lovely!! Happy Louis Tomlinson day!! 🥳✨🥳✨ I can’t even believe he’s 31 like- time is truly and illusion cause he doesn’t look a day over 25!! Also, Merry Christmas Eve!! May you spend this day filled with the love and joy from friends and family!!

I totally understand!! I, too, have fallen behind on my Christmas asks this year. It’s been tough to find the time to send these asks, so no worries, love!

My vacation has been going very well!! The next couple of days are going to be me just trying to soak it all in!! The days are counting down and before I know it, I’m back in the cold again. 😵‍💫 how are you on the weather situation? I heard it snowed pretty bad in the southern states, so I wasn’t sure if you were affected? I haven’t read Project Hail Mary since I landed last week. It’s one of those things where I have to be in the mood to read it. But I definitely will get back into it at some point once I’m back home!! I like it too much to just abandon it!!

I think all of us younger siblings are embedded with the ability to annoy our older siblings into either 1.) letting us play video games with them or 2.) doing everything in their power to make sure we’re not two feet within the proximity of their gaming systems lol. It’s the annoying young sibling to gamer pipeline!!

You described the concert experience to a tea!! Two days ago, I went to see a Latin reggaeton duo that I’ve been listening to for as long as I can remember!! It was a magical experience in that arena and I would do anything to relieve it again!! Can’t wait for what next year entails for live music!!

Are you talking about Jenna and Julian? I saw!! I’m so happy for them!! I remember watching the one really old video where they both try MacBook filers. Julien had me in tears that day because of how hard I laughed!! I only wish the best for them!! ✨ wait, you’ve never had a mango? Oooo, if I can send you a box right now, I would!! It’s not mango season here on the island or else I would send a picture of what I believe are the best mangos! When they’re just ripe, they’re so sweet, yet tangy at the same time!! Highly recommend!!

Speed Round Answers!! Fake/real Christmas tree? All my life, I’ve only ever had fake Christmas trees, so I’d probably say that only because of convenience! If I had my own proper house, then I’d say yes, probably! Even if it’s just for one holiday season!! It sounds like something nice to have and I do like the smell of pine trees lol. When you get the chance, I’d love to see a picture of your tree when you can!! Do I dilly-dally? I can wholeheartedly say that I’m a dilly-dally kind of person!! I have to go down almost all the isles to find things that I would like, both when I’m grocery shopping and clothing shopping; hell, even just window shopping when I’m not buying anything!! Lol. I think I get it from my mom cause she’s the same way I am where she has to go down every isle, unless she’s in a rush for one specific thing. I’m definitely someone who’s down for snacks in the late hours of the morning lol. Microwave/stove? For convenience, I’m a microwave user, but I’ve also realized the importance of using a stove to reheat food! Especially things like leftovers, they taste better reheated on the stove than using the microwave!! Unless it’s like 3am and I’m hungry for something I’ve set aside, I’ll just pop it in the microwave and hope for the best lol. Gold/silver? Depends on what I’m wearing that day, but I would probably say silver! I think it goes with everything a lot better than gold does. I say, as someone who doesn’t wear jewelry all that much except for their ear piercings that have mismatched earring on that follow no specific pattern whatsoever. Space/ocean? Both are equally as cool as they are absolutely terrifying!! While there is still so much of the ocean that hasn’t been discovered, I can agree and say that we can definitely keep it that way!! I’d say space travel (I wouldn’t go up into space myself, but the idea of it does sound exciting nonetheless). Sparkling water? Not a big sparkling water/soda drinker. It doesn’t really taste like anything (even though water doesn’t have a taste anyway) and the carbonation isn’t really my favorite. I’ll only really have a carbonated drink when I’m out and that’s all they have to offer. Other than that, I’ll take a juice/plain water any day!! Movie to inform the masses? I haven’t watched a good movie in a long time!! The last movie I saw in theaters was My Policeman. Just out of the sake of my lack of movie engagement, I’m gonna say that!! It has a really good message about love and loss, especially in a society that didn’t allow that kind of love to happen. While many current places are still restricting lgbtq+ people today, it shows we have the ability to move past that kind of mentality in the upcoming years!! Underrated movie? Hmmmmmm…. I’m not sure. I’m gonna go with the easy answer and say the Andrew Garfield’s adaptation of The Amazing Spider-Man. I really enjoyed those movies when they came out and seeing a lot of people undermine the cinematic masterpiece that it is makes me sad. I haven’t seen Nope, but I heard a lot of good things about it. Never heard of Glass Onion though. Might have to take a look.

Hope you have a wonderful holiday season, love!! Sending all the love to you and your family/friends/whoever you choose to celebrate this year with!! I’ve truly enjoyed talking with you this December!! Until the next one 💕.

#holiday pals 🎄✨#ask

1 note · View note

steamishot · 1 year

Text

early december

traveling has been aggressive recently. it was montreal mid-november and then LA late november. i finally used mywealthydiary’s template and inputted the last 6 months of expenses for the both of us. i only included our joint expenses (no personal shopping/clothing items) and it was about 345 lines of data. typing all the data out, i realize how easy it is to click a button to pay for things. paying for a food delivery service that cost $20-30 (a meal for two) seems justifiable. but not when it’s almost every day lol.

this week, i have felt at my wit’s end with matt. he has been generally anxious and OCD driven since the start of this year. i was able to overlook it because he really did have very difficult things to go through. and then again during the transition to attendinghood. now it seems like things at work are evening out and to be fair, he is improving/not AS anxious and working more on his physical health. so far, he has lost about 20lbs and isn’t emotionally eating much.

during LA and some parts in montreal, i have called him out for not being present or always in his head/worrying about something. this is part of the bad habits that were carried over from residency. he has become so prone to worrying at work that he can’t turn off the worrying outside of work and attaches it to harmless things. being that i’m around him all the time, i’m getting resentful that his negative/worrying mood dampens my mood when i’m trying to have a good time on vacation. i understood it during residency because the time off was so limited, and even during the transition period, but now i’m getting pretty impatient.

i learned that he’s very emotionally muted post-training. a lot of what he goes through in life nowadays, no matter how good or how bad is usually just “alright”. his coping mechanisms during residency were working harder and doing deals/buying food deliveries. now i realize that ubereats was the equivalent to alcohol or video games during his training for self-medication. it’s just a whole process of unlearning and healing. of course, i had to google this and found an article that spoke to me:

“In medicine, I can work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and still have more to do. This false comfort and escape can be likened to an alcoholic with access to a 24-hour liquor store. Always there, welcoming me. Always masking the pain or fear. And, for me, giving me a feeling of redemption and value because what I do, what we do, is worthy, important, noble work. What I did not realize until I was nearly 40, is that I cannot selectively mute my feelings.

My joy, humor, love, kindness, and compassion were also reduced, numbed. My emotional bandwidth was so narrow that I could no longer experience any intense feelings. There were no highs or lows. In fact, love and joy felt just as scary and unmanageable as fear and grief. My friends and family were the collateral damage of this coping mechanism.“

anyway, i have basically told him that i need him to get therapy asap as this is a serious issue and i am reconsidering this relationship. i think he will go next week if there are available appointments.

LA summary

my niece is getting more and more adorable, i can actually play with her now

i miss my family. i also see that my bro and SIL are very stagnant and coddled lol. i feel a little upset that my parents are more hardworking than them/take care of them but can’t fault this dynamic if both parties enjoy it. the moment i come home, my parents and uncle ask me to do tasks. and i’m like, uhh could my bro or SIL not have done this for you? they’re here every week

this time around, i was actually craving homecooked foods (since we do so much food delivery here). i only ate out a couple of times.

matt’s mom is making amends with me. apparently she noticed that i don’t go over to their house as often anymore and is putting the pieces together. she was actively trying to be nicer this time around. the MIL/DIL relationship is definitely complicated.

went on a 7 mile hike with matt’s dad - he bought us new HOKA hiking shoes. i returned the ones i bought for myself lol

had “dinner” at my bro’s house. i thought it was going to be a casual dinner with our immediate family, matt, and my SIL’s uncle and mom as they were visiting from out of town. turns out, there were 3 other relatives who showed up, and then my SIL invited her friend’s family of 4 over, one who would be matchmade with her uncle. it just became one loud party

last time i was in LA, i was in on my aunt/uncle’s family drama. this time, my dad got mad at me and complained to me about my grandma/uncle

saw S for coffee/brunch!

used classpass to bring my mom and me to a fancy hair salon in arts district to get moisture treatments. it was the first time that either of us had our hair did by a white person

gave my dad some love too - bought him some new brooks shoes because he said his knees hurt. convinced him to do a TSA precheck appointment. purchased (well he paid for) a new iphone 13 and i got an apple silicone case for him on sale. i learned quality cases make a difference

i’m not sure what the perfect distance would be from my family. at their age, it seems both set of our parents have the time to want to hang out quite frequently. i can definitely imagine my parents inviting us over to dinner every week (or multiple times a week) if we lived in the city. it would break my heart to decline their invitations lol. now i’m thinking that maybe 1-2 hour drive from LA would be ideal for that sense of independence and ability to work on ourselves, as well as close access to family.

0 notes

dreaminginpastels · 2 years

Note

hi lovely!! thank you so much for sending this in, and sorry for the delay in answering (was finishing a dumb assignment) 🥰

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

19. do you have a best friend? how long have you been friends?

I’m actually really lucky, I’d consider my sister to be my bestest friend and I’ve known her for as long as she’s been alive haha, but I have two really wonderful in-person best friends and some lovely online friends I’ve made too that I’m really thankful for. for my in-person best friends, I’ve known them for two and a half years for the first, and 9 months for the second 🥰

20. what/who do you miss?

I miss a lot of things haha, some deep and some shallow.

for the deeper ones, I’d say family members that have passed away, friends that I’ve lost, and most of all, my childhood. that was a really wonderful time in my life.

for the shallower, I used to have really lovely thick hair, but now it’s thinned out. also kinda miss having really beautiful natural blonde streaks all through my hair. and I miss living near the beach, my childhood house was so beautiful and I miss it everyday.

21. how was your day today?

It was actually really nice! had some lovely chats with friends, got an assignment done, laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe, and am about to go to a friend’s house to eat pizza, cuddle her cat, and talk about a play I’m directing later this year!!

22. how much sleep did you get last night?

I can tell you exactly thanks to my health app, I got 5 hours and 13 minutes last night, which is actually a lot less than I’ve gotten lately. I’ve been so good, I think my weekly average is 7 hours? so pretty happy with that! never really liked sleeping until I have to get up haha

23. do you believe in aliens?

I honestly have zero thoughts about this. I’ve been asked a few times and people are so confused that I don’t have an opinion but like, I don’t know, it doesn’t feel relevant to me? I hope we’re not alone, though, big star trek fan so that would be so cool. I feel like an alien a lot 😅

24. when was the last time you cried? why?

hahahaha literally a couple of hours ago because of my assignment and the stress that I wasn’t going to get it done. turns out it was completely irrational and I smashed it in an hour or so 🙃

but I’m actually really grateful for tears, I’ve found it super hard in the past to access tears even when I feel deep grief, so really excited that they’re coming a bit more naturally now.

25. what’s your favourite decade?

hmmm favourite decade that I’ve been alive? it’s a tough combination between probably the early 2000′s and... the 2020′s, ironically 😅

the first because my childhood is a really cherished time for me (got a pinterest board based on it and everything), and the 2020′s is where I’ve really felt like I’ve gotten to know myself, and I’m starting to like who that is.

26. what are some seemingly childish things you like?

oh god, so many! my favourite movies are pretty much all animated, I absolutely LOVE the original barbie films, I like playing nostalgic games a lot, I love colouring in (but only if it’s super easy), and just the other day I bought gold scrunchies to look feel like a fairy character from my childhood.

I’d say I’m really in touch with the things that I used to love as a kid. I also describe my dress sense as “toddler chic” so that probably tells you enough haha

27. what’s your favourite book? or just one you’ve read a few times?

I’m a massive book nerd and always have been so this is a really tough question. my favourite standalone book from my childhood is “the lost island of tamarind” by nadia aguiar, and my favourite standalone books as an adult are “the night circus” by erin morgenstern, and “the charm offensive” by alison cochrun

aaaand also “loveless” by alice oseman (but tough because it hits home hard because I’m a sex-repulsed demi), and the entire “heartstopper” series 💌

28. how are you, really?

thanks for asking this, people really don’t do this enough!

I’m getting better every day. really starting to feel like I like who I am, and I’m finally starting to attract the people around me that make me feel loved, accepted, and supported. there are still really big struggles and I’m nowhere near loving myself, but I’m trying to be as compassionate as possible and let myself enjoy love as it comes to me, because even though for ages I didn’t think so - I do deserve it.

#lovely mutuals 🥰#daniella answers asks #⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ lexi ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

1 note · View note

prettytoxicrevolver · 3 years

Text

Acrylics | Headcanon

Requested? Nope

Warnings? None

CC's Included? Corpse Husband, Dream, Awesamdude, Wilbur Soot, Sapnap, BoomerNA, Punz, Quackity, Karl Jacobs

Word Count: 1,730

My first ever set of headcanons! Pls feel free to tell me if they suck or if you want more!! My requests are always open :)

Corpse

-you’ve had earrings for years now and didn’t think acrylics would mess you up

-you were definitely wrong

-you suddenly became notorious for dropping earring backs, losing them in the carpet, and fumbling around for minutes at a time

-corpse had noticed you had started to take longer and longer getting ready

-he knew you loved changing your earrings, matching them to your outfit, and making a whole outfit out of it

-and yet one morning you two were actually headed out to get breakfast together

-when you were taking a while he decides to check on you and see if you’re okay

-he walks into the room, watching you pout in frustration as you tried again to put in your earrings

-he can’t help the small smile on his lips that occurs, watching as you tried over and over to put the jewelry in your ear

-he walks over, placing his hands on your shoulders until they fall down over your hands

-“let me help”

-he takes the earrings out of your hands, nudging you to turn in his grip

-he brushes your hair back before focusing intently on putting the earring in

-he’s scared about hurting you but you’re too busy focusing on the butterflies in your stomach to even notice

-he fastens the earrings with ease and without a second thought he presses a kiss to your forehead before telling you to turn and look in the mirror and see if it’s okay

-you’re practically glowing and that alone make corpse smile

-from now on he puts your earrings in for you

Dream

-the minute you got your nails done you realized what a struggle opening cans was going to be

-you loved Redbull and soda and pretty much anything that came into a can so you were definitely struggling

-dream watches as you leverage the can tab with a knife and pop it open that way, an adoring smile on his lips

-he watches you do this for a while, finding the action absolutely adorable for whatever reason

-one day you head to the fridge and grab a can of Redbull and Dream takes it out of your hands instantly

-he pops it open without a word and hands it back, pressing a kiss to the side of your head as he walks away

-you stand in the cold air of the fridge for minutes afterward, struck at how such a perfect boy could notice something so minute about you

-he always opens cans for you now

Sam

-having a difficult time typing never even occurred to you when you got your nails done

-you figured you’d either find a way around it or use text to speech if it got really difficult

-and it did get really difficult

-you had a 10-page essay due and the idea of ripping your extremely expensive nails off had crossed your mind more than once

-when you’re on your third page and can’t type one word without a mistake you let out a muted scream before dropping your head onto the desk

-Sam who had been sitting in the room the whole time offers a concerned look

-he makes his way over to you, rubbing your back slowly

-“what’s wrong baby?”

-“these stupid nails keep messing me up,” you whine leaning your head into his chest

-he picks your hand up, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand before nudging you out of the seat

-“what are you writing about?” he asks as you plop down onto the floor

-“what?”

-“what are you writing about? I can type it,”

-you swore you were about to get down on one knee and propose to him

-“uhm it’s about the similarities and differences of an older text and a newer text and why it’s fundamental to use both”

-“alright. tell me what I need to write next”

-you spent the next few hours telling Sam your plans and thoughts about the paper while he typed, your heart slamming appreciatively in your chest

Wilbur

-you had done pretty well with your hair after getting your nails done

-brushing it out, pulling it up, even twirling it around your fingers caused no issue and all ease

-however, when you see a TikTok tutorial of a girl pulling her hair up with butterfly clips this is when the trouble starts

-you sat in front of your bedroom mirror, twisting your hair and attempting to clip it in place, and proceeding to drop the clip over and over and over

-the frustration is unreal, and at one point you almost start crying in annoyance

-Wilbur walks into the room clueless and stops in his tracks immediately

-he kneels on the ground behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders

-you lean back into his touch and let it calm you as you drop the clips from your hands

-”what’s wrong my love?” he whispers calmly while pressing kisses to your head

-”I can’t get my hair right,” an unintentional whine coming out of your lips

-Wilbur reaches down to where the clips lay on the ground and gather them up

-”what do you want me to do?”

-you’re practically crying for a whole other reason now

-”i’m just trying to twist my hair up and pin it back” you explain

-wilbur watches you pull the hair back before opening the clip and securing it into place

-he smoothes down the hair as if he’s done it a million times and presses kisses to your head

-he’s the first person you call now when you need help with your hair

Sapnap

-okay you’ve never been great at opening sauce packets before

-but now that you got your nails done it’s downright impossible

-the first time you tried you swore it took you 30 minutes to even get it a little bit open

-so when you and Sap go to Chick fil A and sit down to eat you’re already groaning in annoyance as you pull out the chick fil a sauce packet

-Sap watches with amused eyes and a slight smirk as you struggle even getting the plastic between your fingers

-he grabs it from your hands without a word, tearing it open before placing it back in front of you

-every single time you go to a fast food place now he does it subconsciously whether you have acrylics on or not

-your heart aches a little every time he does it, nothing but love for the sweet boy before you

Boomer

-alright so you’ve never been a huge gamer in life

-sure you played the occasional game when you were younger or when your older brother needed help beating a level but that was about it

-when you met Boomer you realized how little you knew about video games, specifically minecraft

-while you never played the game you listened to Boomer tell you all about it and explain

-however when he started playing Halo in his free time that’s when you became interested

-your dad used to play the game 24/7 when you were younger, beating it a multitude of times on the old PC in the computer room

-and when he saw your interest piqued, he knew he had to teach you how to play valorant

-similar shooting games, right?

-you sat on his lap, his hands on top of yours as you try to work around having the longest fingernails ever and learn a new game

-you swear instead of you actually playing Boomer was doing all of the work

-it made your heart happy anyway

-you joked with him that when the fingernails come off you’ll beat his ass in valorant

-”Whatever you say my love” he assures pressing a kiss to your shoulder

Punz

-okay but opening jars normally is hard

-how the fuck were you supposed to open them with long ass fingernails on??

-you did probably the most ridiculous tips and tricks from TikTok to try and loosen the top of the jar

-nothing worked

-punz watched you amused day in and day out whenever you tried to open any jars

-some days he even let the jar loosen before hiding it back again and watching as you cheer excitedly, opening it on the first try

-one day you’re having a particularly hard time opening a jar, going as far as cursing in frustration over the opening

-punz walks over to you, pulling the jar from your hand and popping it open with ease you watch admirably

-you lean up and press a kiss to his cheek and he flushes underneath your touch

-now every time you have a jar you can’t open you’re right by Punz’s side pouting and holding out the food

Quackity

-obviously, Alex has always opened doors for you

-he’s even gone as far as smacking your hand away when you try to open a door for yourself

-and when you get your nails done? Forget about it

-he barely lets you lift a finger, not wanting for you to ruin your brand new manicure

-he’s seen you pull off quite a few nails by missing the door handle and hitting it a bit too hard

-there’s no way he’s gonna make you lose more

-”i’m going to work!” you yell out to Alex as you walk out the door

-he rushes in behind you unexpectedly and out towards your car

-he already has the door opened and is offering a big grin

-you lean up and press a kiss to his lips, your heart surging at the idea that you had gotten the best boyfriend in the world

Karl Jacobs

-kinda like typing, you never thought you’d have an issue writing stuff down with your nails on

-however, this time around you got your nails a little longer than usual and it was a struggle

-as you’re scribbling down a grocery list you mess up practically every other word in sloppy writing

-Karl tilts his head when he tries reading the list and smiles

-”baby let me write the list,” he whines the next time you go shopping

-you tell him everything you need and Karl writes it down in perfect hand writing, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he gets up

-you’ll never not be shocked when he does something so simple but precious

1K notes · View notes

quackiseok · 3 years

Text

— strawberry kisses

feral boys x gn! reader || headcanon

genre : fluff

warnings : swearing

summary : their reaction to you giving them a kiss on the cheek for the first time!

a/n : hi hi! this is my first fic, i hope you like it 🥺 and i'm so sorry if there's any mistake, i'll try fixing them asap!

song to listen to while reading :

; DREAM

this man right here is VERY careful with you

always asking for consent before any physical contact with you (consent is always the key!)

he was so happy when you said that you were fine with cuddles and hugs with him! be ready for tight back hugs from him 'cause he loves putting his head on the crook of your neck >:)

but kisses... you were a bit shy about it since you were new to this type of relationship and you wanted to learn a bit first,

you told him about wanting to take things slowly and get used to it first, and of course he understands! dream will 100% respect your boundaries

he will wait patiently until you're comfortable enough with him because he loves you so much and he wants you to see him as a safe, comfort place :)

then one day when the two of you were baking cookies for valentines day, dream jokingly asked you to kiss him on the cheek as a thank you for helping you with the cookies

i mean, it's almost valentines anyways. a small, innocent kiss wouldn't hurt right? ö

you just giggled and gently leaned your face closer to his cheek, your fingers softly bringing his chin closer to you

you gently placed a kiss on his cheek, then quickly turning away from him with a wide smile

congratulations, you have successfully broke dream

man would be frozen on the place for a full minute, trying to process what just happened and is this real or not (because if it's not real he'd cry on the floor)

expect him to cling on you and not letting you go for the next few hours, calling you with sweet names like baby, hun, etc. for no reason and just be all lovey dovey with you ♡

he would secretly mark the date on his phone's calendar just for this special day where you kissed him for the first time HHAHSJDKSKD

if you were comfortable, he would offer you a kiss on your cheek to return the favor 🥺

and if you said yes, AAAAAAAA he would be so fucking happy, his serotonin level would just go through the roof like 📈📈

and ofc, he would happily give you a sweet kiss on your cheek! ( ˙ᵕ˙ )♡

; GEORGE

george is definitely very shy with you at first

he's VERY careful around you and treat you with so much care 🥺

( but once the two of you have gotten pretty used to each other, you guys bully each other 24/7 💀💀 (jokingly ofc!) )

at first, you thought george didn't like physical affections like kisses, hugs, etc.

boy you were wrong

this cat boy secretly LOVES physical affections from you, but he just hides it from you! and of couse, you love giving them to him too :)

but you were a little bit shy about kisses, and same goes to him. two shy cuties !!

if he was being honest : he wants to squish your cheeks and shower you with kisses, but he respects your boundaries and will wait until you're ready to take a step further! (( and he's really shy, he would also need time to get the courage to do it :D ))

then one day george has just finished recording for minecraft manhunt and boy, that block game can actually make you tired

the moment he's done with the recording, he immediately rushed to the bed and plop himself next to you

you would ask him things like how did the recording went, etc. and he'll answer you while letting you play with his soft hair 🥺

george was feeling a little playful, so he joked and asked you to give him a kiss on the cheek to recharge his energy

you looked at him with your cheeks slightly reddened. george has been working hard lately anyways, he deserves a gift, right?

you slowly bought your face closer to his cheek and planted a quick kiss on his cheek before looking away then melt into a puddle

georgenotfound who? i only know georgenotworking

his eyes would be widened, face red, and he would just sit there with his palm on the cheek where you planted the kiss on

it's been 3 minutes and his face is still red, huge grin on his face while hugging you tightly

he won't even try to hide the fact that he loves being affectionate with you anymore

it's the first time george has ever been clingy with you and you're living for it tbh 🥺

he'd ask you if you want a kiss too, in such a shy manner like "i can... give you... a kiss too... if you want... 👉👈"

if you say yes ? MMMMMMMMMM the two of you melt into a puddle together <33

he'll give you a quick but sweet kiss on your cheek with his face redder than before (,,．．„ )

; SAPNAP

man seems like he would fight you no matter what size you are

but in reality? sapnap's the sweetest and the clingiest (in a positive way, ofc!) man you've ever been with and you're so into this

he LOVES being affectionate and clingy with you, in fact he does it all the time. it's just how he is with you :)

he also LOVES giving you affection. he doesn't care about who's giving and who's receiving tbh, he just loves being around you in general 👉👈

you love his affection and giving him affection too, of course!! but you were a bit shy since this was your first romantic relationship with someone and kissing was a new thing to you

sapnap would tease you for being so shy around him, endlessly flirting with you just to see you all flustered, because in his eyes? you're so fucking adorable and that's a fact. ♡

despite him being all playful and flirty with you, he respects your boundaries and will 100% wait until you're ready!

of course he wants kiss you right on the spot but he can wait patiently, just for you <3

then one day, he was playfully flirting with you as usual

and he jokingly said "hey y/n, i think i deserve a kiss on the cheek for being cute!" well, you couldn't disagree with what he just said 👀

so you put on a large grin and placed a kiss on his cheek, immediately turning red afterwards

sapnap's the new pogchamp emote now

he would be so surprised and just turn into a ball of absolute joy

he'd immediately scoop you closer to him, hugging you tightly while giggling and just— shower you with lots of love 🥺

and trust me, he won't let go of you unless it's emergency or if you were uncomfortable

but if you were fine with it? this man will hold you like his life depends on it

he would also give you kisses on your cheek / the top of your head if you were comfortable enough :)

and if you did allowed him to kiss you? he'll immediately shower you with kisses and calling you his in between the kisses, like "you're mine, mine, mine" 👉👈

; QUACKITY

alex, he's such a flirty mf 😳

endlessly teasing you and flirting with you just to see you being flustered, just like sapnap

he'd call you with sweet spanish nicknames like mi amor, hermosa, etc. and you find them cute, honestly 🥺

he's really clingy with you (in a good way!) and always hugs you whenever he sees you. it's almost like an instinct to him when he sees you :) but you don't mind since you're living for his warm hugs and cuddles ♡

he LOVES the way you melt under his hugs, and honestly? he wants to cover your whole face with kisses but he knew you were new into dating and want to take things slowly, so he respects your boundaries! :))

one day, he was in a discord call with his friends and they were endlessly teasing him; which leads him to fake crying as a joke and asked you to give him a kiss on the cheek to make him stop crying

man, alex is so fucking adorable and you thought that he deserves a reward for being such a cutie

so you giggled and moved closer to him, slightly bending down to get to his level and placed a kiss on his cheek before turning away with a large grin on your face.

you know that one time karl jokingly leaned in to kiss alex? yeah, he has the exact same expression now

this man would stare blankly at you, his cheeks slightly red but then a few seconds later he's screaming in absolute joy

his friends would be so confused, asking him if he was alright but instead of answering them, he mutes the call and immediately clings his arms around your neck

"mi amor, you should do that more often if you're okay with it ;)"

100% endlessly flirting with you while hugging you tightly, melting you into a puddle ( bonus point if you knew spanish, cause he'd say cheesy pick up lines in spanish for you ;) )

and just like sapnap, he'd shower you with sweet kisses on your face if you were fine with it!

and if you were okay with him kissing you? man... you know that one vine where a kid is crying because of how cute her puppy is? yeah that's alex quackity @ your existence

he'd just be so happy and shower you with kisses, praising you, telling you how adorable you are, and telling you that you're his and he loves you so fucking much 🥺

; KARLJACOBS

karl jacobs is the definition of wholesome itself

he's literally the sweetest human being you've ever met, you can almost taste cotton candies when you're with him

he's really affectionate and loving towards you, always praising you whenever he's hugging you and holding you close to him! and of course, we can't forget the sweet nicknames he have for you. he just loves giving you so much affection, and you're in for it! 🥺

don't forget his playful side too! he would always joke around with you and maybe be flirty when he's feeling extra playful :) he can go from sending you wholesome memes to weird cursed images, no in between

but you were a little bit shy since you were new in this type of relationship. you told karl that you wanted to learn more first before jumping into more romantic gestures, including kisses.

of course this boy would go "okay! :)" and shower you with gestures you're comfortable with instead (hugs, cuddles, etc.) he wants you to feel comfortable around him, so he respects your boundaries! ♡

then one day when the two of you were cuddling on the couch while watching adventure time, karl jokingly asked what if you gave him a kiss on the cheek like marceline did to bubblegum

and you thought karl has been so sweet with you this whole time. you gotta return the favor to him, right?

so you just displayed a shy smile, leaning closer to him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek before you slowly melt in his arms

his eyes widened and he just wants to scream the way puppycat did

he'd immediately bring you closer to his body and mutter out uncountable i love you's, calling you perfect, sweet, etc. just praising you and being all giggly with you. of course he would be so giggly, you just gave him a kiss!!! 🥺👉👈

he would LOVE to return the favor to you, if you're fine with it!

and if you said yes? places such a sweet kiss on your face and just admire you with his starry eyes 🥺

JNNGGHHH SO MUCH SEROTONIN THIS RELATIONSHIP IS JUST 50% WHOLESOME AND 50% WHOLESOME BUT IN RED

2K notes · View notes

kpopfanfictrash · 3 years

Text

Raise the Barre (Epilogue)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Creative Contributor: @baebae-goodnight for the last Raise the Barre moodboard TT she nailed it

Pairing: Jimin / Reader

Rating: 18+ (Smut)

Genre: Enemies to Lovers / Dance Academy!AU

Warnings: sexual content. Dry humping, fingering, hand job, oral (female), breast play, multiple orgasms, Jimin gets turned on by making someone else come, dirty talk. Jimin’s pants are tight.

Word Count: 13,409

Summary: You and Park Jimin have been rivals for as long as you’ve known one another; ever since he tripped you in the front row of your first dance convention. When you graduate from high school and enter Russet Ballet Academy, you tell yourself you’re leaving all past quarrels behind. The main problem with this though, is that your past seems determined not to leave you alone.

Worse still, the obstacles you face while out in the real world might prove more challenging than anything your enemy has to offer.

“And… more pointe shoes,” you said, opening the box in your lap. “Wow. Thanks, mom and dad.”

Your dad laughed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You’re welcome, kiddo,” he said, nodding from the couch. “I know Russet gives you some already, but you can never have too many.”

“Out of curiosity.” You glanced at the tree. “Are there any boxes from you which aren’t related to dance?”

“Not related to dance…” Your mom pretended to think. “I don’t understand.”

“Mom!”

She laughed. “I’m kidding! Yes, there are other presents. You just happened to pick all the pointe shoe boxes first.”

Shaking your head, you placed the box aside. You smiled though, warmth in your chest at being home for the holidays. Classes at Russet had ended a week prior and it had been nice for a few days to simply relax. Already though, you found yourself itching to return to the city. It was strange to wake every morning and not head to ballet. It was even stranger to take classes at your old studio, trying to stay in shape before second semester began.

Playing with the string of your sweatpants, you couldn’t help glancing at your phone on the couch. It had been several days since you’d last seen Jimin in person. Oddly enough, the separation had been harder than you’d thought it would be.

Immediately after ending things with Finn, you and Jimin had tried to keep your distance. The pain of your separation had been too fresh to even consider dating someone else but, as time had gone on, you and Jimin had started becoming friends again.

It was hard not to be, with Jimin continuing as your dance partner and classmate. At the end of the semester, you’d had the opportunity to switch partners, but you and Jimin had chosen the status quo. It just made sense this way; you couldn’t think of anyone else you’d trust as much as him.

At first, things between you were strictly professional. You saw him only within the confines of the dance studio but eventually, his presence bled into your normal life. At first, the outings were small. Jimin went to a pregame you also attended. He saw you once at the coffee shop and, instead of running away, he stopped to chat. One time, he walked you back to your dorm.

When the month became December, you found your outlook improving. Most of November had been spent wallowing in your dorm, but the holiday season brought with it endless activities. The very first weekend of the month, a bunch of your Russet friends decided to go ice skating and you’d ended up tagging along.

The biggest problem had been you’d never ice skated before. Noelle had been patient, skating backwards in front of you and dragging you around the rink. Jimin had done the same thing for Hoseok, who was in a similar predicament to yours, and at some point, they swapped partners and left you skating with Jimin.

When he’d taken over for Noelle, your stomach had swooped. Hands touching, he’d led you gently around the edge and the world had seemed to still. It had been the first time you’d felt anything stir outside of your break-up. Whatever hurt and distance had sprung between you, it seemed something had survived between you and Jimin.

Nose red, Jimin had smiled as he skated backwards. “It’s easy,” he’d told you. “You just swivel, Y/N. In and out, in and out. Got it?”

“Um, no!” you’d yelped, nearly crashing to the ice when Jimin let go of your hands.

He’d laughed, catching you easily and skating like that for a while. Eventually, Jimin had helped you off the rink and gotten hot chocolate, which you insisted on buying. Payback, you said, for the impromptu skating lessons.

That day had been a turning point for you both. Throughout the month prior, you’d texted sporadically but after, you seemed to talk every day.

Jimin even offered to drive you home from Russet, given the fact that your hometowns were so close together. After much hemming and hawing, you’d eventually taken him up on the offer. The savings it gave your bleeding bank account were well-worth the potential discomfort.

This had led to both the best and worst twenty-four hours of your life.

Best, because Jimin was an excellent road trip companion. He let you choose the music, laughed at all your dumb jokes, and agreed to play the road trip games you suggested. You’d already made a firm rule not to compare Jimin to any past boyfriends but couldn’t help but note this as an improvement over anyone prior.

The sole reason the twenty-four hours were also painful was because you stopped at a hotel halfway through. It was either this or drive until 3:00 AM, so you chose the smarter option and rested for the night. You and Jimin bought separate bedrooms, but they’d ended up next to one another, so you’d been forced to spend a sleepless night imagining Jimin separated from you only by a thin sheet of plywood.

You had told yourself this was silly. At Russet, Jimin hadn’t been much further away, but something about the closeness in the hotel made you nervous. It was infinitely easier to forget about boundaries when you were separated by only a car console for hours at a time. Infinitely easier to forget the rules when you were outside of Russet, cocooned by his car and the snow.

You couldn’t help but think about the one kiss you’d shared.

That had only been a taste, barely a teaser, but the memory kept you awake for more nights than it probably should have. You couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to kiss Jimin again, under different circumstances.

Groaning, you’d covered your face with a pillow that night and tried your best to sleep. It hadn’t really worked, and you’d shown up at the car the next morning with dark shadows beneath your eyes.

Forcing yourself back to the present, you glanced away from your phone and focused on the tree – only to see its screen light up in your peripheral. Grabbing your phone, you realized Jimin had texted. Stifling a smile, you scrolled through the conversation until you found his last message.

Jimin: MERRY CHRISTMAS! [10:23 AM]

Jimin:

Y/N: oh my god everything’s so... coordinated lol how long did that tree take to set up? [10:24 AM]

Y/N: and merry Christmas 😊 [10:24 AM]

Jimin: not long at all. I just googled ‘christmas trees’ and that was the first one I found [10:24 AM]

Y/N: ha ha hilarious [10:25 AM]

Y/N: so, what are the Park family plans for the day? [10:25 AM]

Jimin: the usual. Opening presents, going to my grandparents later for dinner. What about you? [10:25 AM]

Y/N: same, minus the grandparents. We usually have a pretty low-key day [10:26 AM]

Jimin: sounds nice [10:26 AM]

Jimin: what’s your favorite present so far [10:27 AM]

Y/N:

Jimin: LOL [10:30 AM]

Jimin: how many of them did you get? I’ve gotten two new dance bags and seven pairs of black leggings. It’s like our parents have forgotten we do anything else [10:31 AM]

Y/N: no new dance belts? 😈 [10:32 AM]

Jimin: Y/N, I’m shocked [10:35 AM]

Jimin: mind out of the gutter. Stop thinking about my junk [10:35 AM]

Y/N: as your dance partner, I have a vested interest in your junk. What if it breaks free in the middle of practice? [10:38 AM]

Jimin: the more delicate ladies would faint, I imagine [10:41 AM]

Jimin: and probably Paulo [10:41 AM]

Y/N: lmao [10:43 AM]

Y/N: but seriously, I hope you get presents other than dance gear [10:43 AM]

Jimin: back at you haha [10:47 AM]

Y/N: I can’t help but notice you didn’t get me, your dance partner, a Christmas gift though [10:50 AM]

Jimin: was the drive home not enough? [10:50 AM]

Y/N: oh, shoot. You’re right! You did get me a Christmas gift [10:51 AM]

Y/N: I’m the one who’s been remiss [10:51 AM]

Jimin: don’t forget about my housewarming gift, too [10:52 AM]

You smiled, sitting back on the sofa. Jimin was lucky enough to be moving off campus second semester. He, Hoseok and Alex Wong were moving into an apartment not far from Paulo’s. You and Noelle had decided to stay in Grace Hall, but you’d talked about moving someplace else next year.

Jimin was heading back early to move into his new place, so you’d need a different ride on your return trip to Russet. Still, you were looking forward to Jimin’s apartment hosting parties in the new year.

Y/N: don’t get greedy on me now, Park [10:54 AM]

“Who’re you texting?”

Jerking your head up from the screen, you nearly dropped your phone. From the couch opposite, your mom gave you a knowing look.

“No one,” you said hastily, setting your phone aside.

“Oh, really?” She glanced with your dad. “No one wouldn’t happen to have dark hair, his own car and excellent table manners, would he?”

Immediately, you felt your face heat.

When Jimin drove you home before Christmas, your parents had insisted on feeding him before he continued to Harleigh Heights. This had led to the weirdest double date of your life – which was, in fact, not a date – including you, Jimin and your parents for dinner. Luckily, your parents had been great and Jimin hadn’t cared, but you’d been endlessly mortified for your first date with Jimin to have included your parents.

Not that you’d called it a date. When Jimin had left that night, you’d brushed it aside and he’d simply gone along with it. After Jimin had left, you’d gone to your room and wondered what the hell you were doing. It was clear you still liked Jimin and wanted to be more than just friends. Still, something continued to hold you back.

You weren’t sure when it was considered appropriate to move on. The line seemed fuzzy, so you hadn’t dared cross it and Jimin hadn’t asked. You got the feeling you needed to be the one to make the first move – which made sense. You’d been the one who asked for more time. You’d told Jimin you’d say when you were ready.

Any next steps would have to come from you.

It had been weird to go home and not see Finn. His house was only fifteen minutes away from yours – you’d driven past it on your way to the grocery store last week. Still, seeing his home hadn’t caused the pain you’d expected. It was strange not to see him, but more like you’d forgotten something you needed to do, as opposed to missing his actual presence.

If you were being honest, Finn had crossed your mind less and less lately. Possibly because you’d been falling out of love with him long before you’d broken up in November.

Still, it would be unfair to jump into something before you were ready. You’d already hurt Jimin once this past fall and were determined not to do so again. No matter how good things had been lately between you, you didn’t want to make the mistake of dating Jimin too soon.

Despite this, things had become flirtier between you as of late. Exhibit A: casual text conversations about Park Jimin’s junk.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said lightly.

Your dad laughed as he stood from the couch. “Alright, then,” he said, grabbing another gift. “How about you open this one next?”

Accepting the thin package he handed over, you frowned. The box wasn’t large and, shaking it slowly, you heard no sliding inside.

“I swear,” you said as you began to undo the bow. “If you wrapped your passport photo again, dad...”

Laughing, he settled back on the couch by your mom. “It’s not that, I promise.”

Grumbling, you opened the box and immediately froze. Staring at the paper inside, you slowly looked up. “Is this… is this what I think it is?”

“It’s a plane flight,” your mom said with a smile. “I know we’re supposed to drive you back on the third, but we thought you might want to celebrate New Year’s with your friends.”

“But…” Speechless, you returned to the box. “We always hang out together on New Year’s Eve.”

“I know,” said your dad. “But maybe it’s time to start some new traditions, kiddo.”

With that, he stood and took his mug to the kitchen. Sensing he wasn’t needed for this conversation any longer, he began washing dishes and to prepare breakfast. Once he was gone, your mom moved to your couch and settled beside you.

“I… this is too much,” you said, immediately backpedaling.

“It’s not.”

“Well…” Hesitant, you considered the possibilities. “I guess Ari will be in the city for New Year’s Eve. Maybe Noelle, too. She mentioned she might go back early.”

Gently, your mom smiled. “That’s great if you want to hang out with them, but… didn’t Jimin mention going back before New Year’s?”

Startled, you glanced up. You were surprised she’d remembered. Jimin had mentioned it briefly at dinner last week – he’d said he was moving off campus, which was why he’d needed to return home to pack.

“I – he might have,” you said cautiously.

“I see.” She paused. “I just… I don’t want you feeling like you need to hold yourself back, honey.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Your mom glanced meaningfully at your phone. “I’m glad you’re taking time to yourself,” she said slowly. “It’s important to know who you are and what you want. But also – don’t feel like you need to follow someone else’s timeline when it comes to moving on.”

“I know, but…” You trailed off. “We only broke up in November.”

She shrugged. “Only you know when you’re ready, honey. I just don’t want you to keep punishing yourself for something that’s over. You’re allowed to be happy, even if you’ve messed up in the past.”

Swallowing, you glanced again at the gift. The plane ticket was for the day before New Year’s Eve. Plucking it from the box, you sat back on the couch.

“But…” you said lowly. “Mom, it’s only been two months.”

“And are you still in love with Finn?”

“No.”

“And did you learn anything from what happened this fall?”

“I… Yes. A lot.”

“Good.” Reaching out, she squeezed your hand. “Learn the lessons you need to learn, and then move on. Self-flagellation isn’t productive, Y/N.”

You nodded, still uncertain about what she was saying. Her words made sense, but everything she was saying uncovered a dormant fear. You were scared. Scared of hurting someone else, scared of being hurt by someone else in return. Your last relationship had ended so badly, it was hard to convince yourself it might be worth it to try again.

Finally, you turned to face her on the couch. “Does it ever get any easier?” you asked. “This fear of being hurt… does it ever go away?”

Something sad passed over her face. “Yes and no,” she said, pulling back her hand. “You’ll never be as innocent as you were in your first love. There’s something special about loving someone and never having been hurt before. Once you’ve gone through that kind of pain, you aren’t the same after. But… it does get easier. And better. You’ll know more about how to support this time, instead of tearing down. How to make a love stronger, instead of hanging on.”

Something about this speech gave you comfort, and you slowly nodded. Again, what she said made sense but if there was one thing you’d learned from the fall, it was no matter how great the advice was, it was impossible to take if you weren’t ready to hear it.

You continued wondering if the risk would be worth it. No matter how much you felt for Jimin, you couldn’t help but remember how you’d felt breaking up with Finn. You hadn’t been in love with him at that point and it had still been so painful. It was terrifying to imagine loving someone again and having things end the same way.

Your mom was right, though. You couldn’t keep punishing yourself for something you couldn’t change. There were several ways you could move on from here. The main question to ask yourself was whether you wanted Jimin in the picture.

“Alright,” you said softly. “Thanks, mom.”

“Anytime.” Smiling, she stood and dusted off her pants. “I’m going to see if your dad needs help making breakfast. Don’t be too long, now!”

You nodded, watching her go, and then glanced at the ticket. Your mom’s words continued to run through your mind and after a moment, you picked up your phone.

Jimin had texted back.

Jimin: I would never! [10:57 AM]

Y/N: hey, so [11:01 AM]

Y/N: I did get one non-dance gift this year. A plane flight the day before New Year’s Eve [11:02 AM]

Jimin: oh, wow! That was really nice of your parents [11:03 AM]

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes. When you opened them, you found yourself newly determined.

Y/N: when do you get back again? [11:03 AM]

His ellipses started, then stopped, then started again.

Jimin: December 28th [11:04 AM]

Y/N: what are your New Year’s Eve plans? [11:04 AM]

For a moment, he didn’t respond, and you felt your heart catch. Maybe you’d misread things. Maybe Jimin had moved on and didn’t care about you anymore. Maybe he didn’t want you to tell him you were ready.

Jimin: I’m free 😊 [11:05 AM]

Jimin: want to be my New Year’s Eve date? [11:05 AM]

Smiling ear to ear, you responded.

Y/N: yes. Please [11:06 AM]

On the actual day of New Year’s Eve, you found yourself stressed beyond belief. Standing in front of the mirror of your dorm room, you adjusted your dress and worried over the hemline. Jimin had arranged to meet you around 7:00 PM and it was dangerously close to 6:55.

“Is the dress too short?” you asked, turning a little to face Noelle. “It is New Year’s Eve in the city. Should I wear pants, or something? Will I be cold?”

Noelle considered, then shrugged. “Just drink more. Problem solved!”

Snorting, you turned back to the mirror. Nervously, you smoothed down the front of your dress. You’d bought it at an after-Christmas sale and had fallen instantly in love. It had seemed perfect at the time, but now you were having second thoughts about the thin straps and tight bodice.

��Alright, so Y/N.” Noelle changed the subject. “Here’s the plan. Are you listening?”

Hiding a smile, you adjusted an earring. “Listening.”

“Good. Okay, so Ari and I will be at a party uptown. If the date goes badly, just say the word and we’ll call you a cab. You can be ringing in the new year with us within the hour.”

“Perfect,” you said. “It’s good to have a back-up.”

“It is.” Noelle paused. “Not that I think you’ll need this, of course.”

“Well, you never know.”

“Please.” She snorted. “What’s Jimin going to do? Be too charming? Too respectful of boundaries? Wear pants that show off his ass a little too much?”

“Noelle!”

She laughed, coming to a stop alongside you. Noelle wore a sparkly dress which made her skin glow, although this may have been the glitter dusted over her shoulders. Looking at herself in the mirror, she fluffed her hair.

“Seriously,” she said, meeting your gaze. “You’re going to be fine.”

“I know, I know.” Shaking out your arms, you forced yourself to exhale. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. It’s been a long time since I went on a first date.”

Noelle considered. “That’s true. Allow me to give you some dating tips, then.”

Laughing, you turned around and sat on the futon. “By all means.”

“Alright – number one.” Noelle removed lipstick from her purse. “Don’t order anything with garlic. I know, that sucks because garlic is everything, but no one wants to make out while they have garlic breath. Rule number two!”

“Whoa, whoa,” you said. “Who said anything about making out?”

Noelle gave you a pointed look. “Just in case it should happen…”

Shaking your head, you sunk back on the futon, but you knew she was right. Tonight was New Year’s Eve, after all. Ideally, you’d like to do more than kiss Jimin, but this seemed like too much of a jinx to say out loud.

Mentally, you agreed to the ‘no garlic’ rule.

“What else?” you prompted.

“Let’s see.” Noelle began to reapply her lipstick. “Relax.”

“What?”

Glancing at you in the mirror, she raised both brows. “I can see your shoulders tensing from here, babe. Just relax, okay? Tonight will be fine. You’re just hanging out with Jimin. You’ve done that before.”

“I know,” you groaned, lowering your face to your hands. “For some reason though, I’m very aware of the ‘date’ aspect of tonight. I don’t know why.”

When you looked up, Noelle gave you a sympathetic look, but before she could say more there came a knock at the door. Half-standing, you moved to open it, but Noelle shooed you back.

“Rule number three,” she said as she crossed the room. “Never answer the door for your own date.”

“What?” you laughed, although you sat back down on the futon.

Grabbing the handle, Noelle pulled open the door. Blocking you from view, she leaned her shoulder against the frame.

“Password?”

“What?” came Jimin’s voice, sounding confused.

“That’s correct!” Noelle stepped aside.

As you stood, you saw Jimin for the first time. He wore a pea coat over his outfit, his dark hair pushed back from his face in a devastating manner. When he saw you, Jimin froze, and you saw his eyes widen.

Silently, you congratulated yourself on having picked the right outfit. His gaze slowly trailed your body, lingering in places which made your cheeks heat. When he returned to your face, he slowly exhaled.

“Hey,” he said. “You… you look beautiful.”

Smiling back, you found yourself at a loss for words. “So do you.”

Jimin grinned and you stood there, smiling at each other like idiots until Noelle cleared her throat.

“Well,” she said, side-stepping Jimin to grab her coat. “I’m going to head over to Ari’s. You kids be safe, okay?”

“We will,” you laughed.

Noelle left in a flurry of kisses and glitter, waving goodbye as she stepped out the door. Jimin turned to face you once she was gone, offering a smile.

“Are you ready to go?” he asked. “I brought you these.”

From behind his back, he pulled out pink peonies, which made you gasp. They were your favorites, a little limp from the cold, but still beautiful. Taking them gently from him, you turned them over in your hands.

“They’re wonderful,” you said happily. “Thank you.”

Jimin smiled. “I’m glad you like them.”

Glancing around, you found a clean glass near the sink and filled this with water. Arranging the peonies on your desk, you took a step back and cocked your head. You’d always thought the idea of flowers on dates was kind of cheesy, but now that you’d experienced it in person, it seemed unimaginably sweet.

“There,” you said, turning back. “All set.”

Jimin smiled at this, then glanced at your bare arms. “You’re going to be cold without a coat,” he said. “That’d be a bad way to start off the new year.”

“Oh – duh,” you said, hurrying towards your wardrobe.

Pulling a coat out, you slipped this over your dress and buttoned the front. As you left the room, you turned off the lights and shut the door behind you. Jimin walked with you down the hall, continually glancing your way from the corner of his eyes.

You felt oddly shy, despite this being Jimin beside you. Jimin, who you’d known since you were teenagers. Jimin, who’d been both the utter bane of your existence, along with the single person you trusted most in the world. He’d tossed you up in the air and caught you no question and somehow, this felt like the most daring thing you’d ever done.

It was strange to walk beside him, out on a date whose future held a large question mark. Excitement and uncertainty warred in your stomach, which only seemed to exacerbate the situation. You felt as though you stood on the edge of a precipice, staring into a ravine with no discernable bottom.

As you left the building, snowflakes swirled in the sky up above and you looked up in surprise.

“Oh,” you exhaled, breath frosting before you. “I didn’t realize it was snowing!”

“Yeah.” Jimin grinned, tilting back his head. “Snow is my favorite weather, actually.”

“The wet and the cold does it that much for you, huh, Park?”

“That, and the romance of it all.”

Your smile softened a little as you fell into step alongside him. The snow continued to drift as you walked, melting as soon as it touched the pavement.

“So, where are we going?” you wondered, glancing at him. “You said you’d tell me once you picked me up and I’ve got news for you, Jimin. I’m here. I’ve been picked up.”

“Right, sure.” He shoved both hands in his pockets. “I made a reservation at this restaurant around the corner. The food’s really good so I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will.”

“Huh.” Jimin paused. “That was easy.”

You shrugged. “I’m just excited for tonight. That’s all.”

His gaze softened a little when he glanced at you. “Me, too.”

Smiling, you continued to walk alongside him. New Year’s Eve in the city was a grand affair. The sidewalks were still lit with holiday lights, people hurrying past in brightly colored coats. Privately, you were glad Jimin had made a reservation at a restaurant instead of trying to brave a club or a bar. You’d heard horror stories from people who paid extravagantly to get into a club, only to spend the entire night waiting in line at the bar.

Turning the corner, you saw the restaurant Jimin had chosen and brightened. It was one you’d walked past several times and always wanted to try but had never found time.

Jimin held open the door as you entered. The inside still had their holiday decorations up, garland strung across every surface with tiny, white fairy lights hung up above. Everyone who was dining wore formal attire, laughing and chatting in the glow of the fireplace. The food smelled amazing and immediately, your mouth watered.

Joining the line at the hostess stand, you waited for the couple before you to leave and then Jimin stepped up.

“Park,” he told her. “Party of two.”

The hostess smiled, nodding as she flipped through her notebook. “One moment, please.” The longer she looked though, the more her face fell. After a moment, she glanced up. “Park, you said?”

“Yes.” Jimin nodded. “P-a-r-k.”

The woman nodded, flipping through her notebook again as though the name might magically appear.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, glancing up again. “There seems to be some kind of mistake. I don’t have you listed as a reservation.”

Jimin’s expression faltered. “Can you look again?” he asked, leaning forward.

The hostess nodded, running her finger down the numbered rows. “I can’t find you anywhere. Do you remember who you spoke with on the phone?”

“Rebecca.”

“Oh.” Her face immediately fell. “Rebecca left the restaurant last week. It seems a few reservations slipped through in the transition. Is there… well, before I do that – let me see what I can do,” she blurted out, turning around to rush into the restaurant.

Jimin watched her disappear and you saw his expression tighten.

Silence fell between you as you adjusted your coat. Jimin looked stressed and you weren’t sure what you should do about it. Frantically, you tried to remember times he’d been stressed during class, but before you could do or say anything, the hostess returned.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, looking harried. “The restaurant is completely booked up. I was trying to see if we could squeeze you in, but there’s just no room. I’m so sorry. Normally, only one person does the reservations, but we’ve been so busy lately...”

“It’s fine,” you said, jumping in. The poor woman looked like she was about to burst into tears. “Please, don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something out.”

Jimin glanced at you, surprised, and then nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, returning to the hostess. “Thank you so much for your help – I appreciate you trying. We actually have a back-up reservation somewhere else, so don’t worry. We’ll come back another time!”

“Oh, really?” Her entire face brightened. “That’s so good to hear. New Year’s Eve, and all. Thank you for being understanding!”

“Yes, busy night,” Jimin said with a smile. “Take care of yourself!”

The woman nodded, seeming grateful when you stepped out of line. Jimin followed your footsteps, heading towards the door and then came to a stop. Slowly, he exhaled.

“So,” you said, turning to face him. “Where are these back-up reservations?”

Jimin winced and met your gaze. “I have none,” he admitted. “She just looked so sad. I wanted to put her out of her misery.”

“Wait.” Piecing this together, you paused. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” he said miserably. “I only made reservations here and that was super lucky, considering most places in the city have been booked for weeks. I don’t have any back-up plans.”

For a moment, you could only stare. “So, you said all that just so that poor hostess wouldn’t worry about a mistake her restaurant made?”

“I – well, yeah.”

You stared another moment, then started to laugh. It started out small but grew until eventually, you were wiping tears of mirth from your eyes.

Jimin watched you laugh, seeming thoroughly confused. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just…” Shaking your head, you paused to catch your breath. “You’re unreal. Most people would be super stressed about New Year’s Eve plans falling through, but here you are lying to make a hostess’ night better.”

He blinked, still uncertain. “I’m… sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize!” you insisted as you straightened. “It’s… wonderful,” you said to him shyly. “I like that about you.”

Slowly, his expression changed. “I really don’t have other plans, though,” he admitted. “I wasn’t lying about that. And I am stressed about my reservation falling through. I wanted this night to be perfect.”

The sweetness of this made your heart start to melt and newly determined, you nodded.

“We can fix this,” you said. “We’ll just go somewhere else.”

“Like where?”

“Like...” You paused. “We could hang out at my dorm. Or at your apartment! One of our kitchens has to be free, right? We could make dinner and hang out, watch the ball drop.”

“We could go to my place,” said Jimin slowly. “Hoseok and Alex are at a New Year’s Eve party uptown. We’d have the kitchen to ourselves.”

“Perfect,” you said. “Let’s go there.”

“I should warn you, though – I can only really cook one thing.”

“Spaghetti-o’s?”

“Okay, two things.”

You laughed. “So, what’s the first thing?”

“A pasta dish they taught us in Senior Foods class. But it’s nothing fancy.”

“Perfect.” You shrugged. “That will go nicely with my contribution of store-bought bread and olive oil.”

Jimin started to grin. “Alright, then, it’s settled. Let’s go to my place.”

You smiled when he opened the door, following him onto the sidewalk. Jimin’s new apartment was a few blocks away, but time passed quickly with him beside you. Oddly enough, the mishap at the restaurant seemed to have cleared some of the lingering awkwardness.

Noelle had been right, you realized – you had nothing to worry about while you were with Jimin.

He talked while you walked, detailing the ongoing fight at his apartment about some posters Hoseok wanted to hang. This segued into the general ridiculousness of New Year’s Eve – a topic you wholeheartedly agreed with.

“It’s stressful,” Jimin complained as you walked. “Everyone’s always asking about your resolution, you need to find someone to kiss at midnight, and there’s that super awkward moment with the countdown and your date…”

You laughed, grabbing a basket as you entered the grocery store. Jimin had suggested you stop by, since he didn’t have much food at his place.

“Doesn’t the countdown make it easier?” you joked. “It really dumbs the whole process down. Fool-proof.”

“Well, sure,” Jimin said. “But then you end up staring awkwardly at someone for ten seconds while you slowly lean forward and wonder when you should blink.”

Laughing, you reached on tiptoe for a loaf of bread. “Alright, you got me there,” you admitted. “I’ve never had a proper New Year’s Eve, anyways. I’ve always been dating someone and then, it’s just kind of assumed you’ll kiss. None of the magic you see in the movies.”

Jimin nodded. “Most of that’s just movie magic, though. You aren’t missing much – trust me.”

“I don’t know,” you said as you turned the next corner. “The anticipation sounds kind of nice. Wondering if someone will kiss you back, if they’re thinking about you the same way you are…”

Jimin made a humming noise, low in his throat.

Coming to a stop, he reached overhead to grab some pasta. Putting this in your basket, Jimin casually brushed your arm as you met his faze. Fighting back a shiver, you tried to remember what you’d been saying.

Giving a smile, Jimin continued forward and kept shopping. You stared after him a moment before your gaze dropped to his ass. Inhaling quickly, you remembered Noelle’s comment about Jimin’s tight pants. She hadn’t been wrong about that. Hurrying along, you quickly caught up.

Grabbing another jar, Jimin placed this in the basket. When he caught your eye again, he grinned, his hair falling forward. The sight made your heart flip-flop in your chest.

As you entered the check-out line, Jimin came to a stop alongside you. His gaze traveled the store, eyes widening when he glanced over your shoulder.

“What’s that?” Jimin gasped.

Startled, you turned. “What’s – hey!” you blurted when he took your basket.

Grinning widely, Jimin placed the food before the cashier. “Too slow.”

“Jimin, come on,” you said, slightly flustered. “I can pay. I –”

“You can pay next time, if you want.”

This shut you up and you stared at him a moment before you stepped forward.

“There’s… going to be a next time?” you said.

Jimin glanced in your direction. “If you want there to be.”

“I do,” you said softly, and he smiled.

Taking another step forward, he pulled out his wallet to pay and you let him – this time, anyways. Outside, it seemed to have grown colder since your arrival and you shivered as you exited the shop. Noticing this, Jimin immediately undid his scarf from around his neck.

“Here,” he said, handing it over. “I don’t need this.”

“But then you’ll be cold,” you pointed out, accepting it anyways.

“I’ll jog in place to keep warm.”

“… With me walking beside you?”

“Yep.”

You laughed, even more so when Jimin began to demonstrate. He jogged for a few steps, then slowed to a walk.

“Changed my mind,” he said with a wince. “I’d rather be cold.”

You laughed, cheeks starting to hurt from both this and the wind. Jimin’s apartment wasn’t far, although it did turn out to be a third-floor walk-up. This left you slightly winded when you arrived at his place, to which Jimin shrugged and said the rent had been cheap.

Opening his front door, he led the way into – boxes. Tons of them, although most of the furniture had been set up around them. Jimin fumbled for a light, flicking this on and setting down the groceries.

“Most of the boxes are Alex’s,” he sighed, looking around. “Hoseok and I have a secret deal we’re going to unpack him ourselves if he doesn’t do it by Monday.”

“That doesn’t sound like much of a detriment to Alex.”

“I never said what we planned on doing with his things once we unpacked.”

You laughed, undoing your coat to set aside. Glancing around, you saw Jimin was right. Most of the boxes were scrawled in the same handwriting. Beyond them, you saw the living room had been mostly set up with a couch and TV.

To your right lay the kitchen, in which Jimin was already unloading the groceries. Beyond him was a hallway, through which you assumed were their bedrooms and bathrooms. Wandering back to Jimin, you realized he was staring.

“What?” you said, coming to a stop. “Did I spill something on my dress in the store?”

“No,” Jimin murmured, shaking his head. “I just… I know I said this before, but you really do look incredible.”

“Oh.”

Looking at him, you felt your face growing hot. Jimin smiled and ducked his head, resumed pulling things out of the bag. Stepping from your shoes to place in the hall, you returned to the kitchen and pulled out a stool.

Sitting down, you propped your chin in your hand. “Aren’t you going to take off your coat?”

Glancing down, Jimin blinked. “Oh,” he laughed, undoing the buttons. “I forgot I was wearing it.”

You smiled, but this quickly disappeared when you saw what he was wearing. Jimin had worn a dark blazer and trousers, paired with a paisley shirt and black boots. He looked ridiculously good and again, Noelle’s comment about his ass came to mind.

She’d been correct – his pants were well-shaped and well-formed.

After removing both coat and shoes, Jimin returned to the kitchen and pushed a hand through his hair. You watched him get to work, leaning forward a bit when he began to dice vegetables. Immediately, your brows raised. It seemed Jimin had undersold his skills in the kitchen.

When you said as much, he laughed.

“Maybe a little,” Jimin said. As he pushed veggies from the cutting board, the pan began to sizzle. “It’s all part of my master plan. Set expectations low, then over-deliver.”

“It’s working,” you said with a laugh. “You seem pretty damn impressive to me.”

Jimin’s cheeks reddened. “You’re just saying that.”

“Why would I lie?”

“I seem to remember some shocking texts about my junk and dancer’s belts. You could just be after my body, Y/N.”

“I – that’s not!”

He looked up and grinned. “Kidding.”

Flustered, you blurted, “That wasn’t nice!”

Jimin laughed. “I’m sorry.”

You huffed, waiting a minute before you continued. “You do look really good right now, though,” you said softly.

He looked up, eyes wide. As much as Jimin said he enjoyed being liked, it seemed to throw him for a loop whenever you said you liked him. It made you pause, mulling over this for a minute.

“You seem surprised,” you said quietly. “Whenever I say things like that, you always look surprised.”

“Well…” Jimin hesitated. “I just think… there’s been a lot of times where I never thought this would happen. It feels kind of unreal have you here. In my kitchen. On a date.”

“Times after November?”

Jimin paused.

Your brow furrowed. “Before then?”

Opening the pasta, Jimin added this to the pot. He stared into the steam, slowly exhaling before he looked up.

“Let’s just say I’ve wanted this for a while,” he admitted.

“What? But you hated me before Russet.”

“I…” Jimin trailed off. “Kind of. It’s complicated.”

When he failed to elaborate and returned to his cooking, your eyebrows shot up.

“Uh, no,” you laughed. “You can’t just say that and not explain what you mean. What are you talking about?”

Jimin winced as he set down his spoon. “Okay,” he said, gripping the counter. “I guess what I’m saying is I never really hated you. Not truly.”

“You didn’t.”

“No.” He spoke flatly.

“But…” Confused, you searched his face. “You’ve hated me ever since we met, Jimin. That first weekend at NUVO dance competition. We were both called out to demonstrate and you tripped me!”

“Well, maybe that’s not exactly what happened.”

“What are you talking about?”

Jimin released a low breath. “Okay, so here’s the thing. That weekend happened a little differently from my perspective.”

“How so?”

“We were both called out to demonstrate,” he said, repeating your words. “But I hadn’t seen you before then. When we both reached center and I turned and saw you – I froze. I couldn’t remember how to act. Every thought I’d ever had just… flew out of my head.”

You stared at him, speechless.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Jimin continued softly. “I’d never felt like that before. When you started to dance, it only got worse. I’d never seen someone dance like you did. That’s why I entered the combination late. That’s why I was in the wrong spot at the wrong time and that’s why I accidentally tripped you. I was… well, I was distracted.”

“By me,” you whispered. “You were distracted by… me?”

“Yeah.”

“So,” you said, breath catching. “This entire time, you haven’t really hated me?”

“Ah, I don’t know about that.” Jimin rubbed the back of his neck. “You could be really infuriating,” he said with a laugh. “There were times when you genuinely pissed me off. I meant it when I said I wanted to win against you. But also… I don’t know. I never really forgot the first time I saw you.”

“Oh,” you whispered, unsure what you were feeling.

It made your head spin to hear this different version of events. Jimin hadn’t hated you – at least, not in the same way you had. He hadn’t been the one to make the first move after all. You had when you’d decided not to listen to his apology.

“Oh my god,” you groaned, burying your face in your hands.

“Hey – what’s wrong?”

Dropping his spoon to the counter, Jimin came around and stood beside you. Keeping your head down, you refused to look up until Jimin touched your arm.

“I just,” you exhaled, turning to face him. “It was my fault. This entire time, I thought you hated me and that’s why I hated you. But instead, I just decided to hate you – and for what?”

Jimin’s upper lip twitched. “I wasn’t entirely blameless, you know. I was such a little shit at that age. I wouldn’t have believed me, either.”

“You tried to apologize, though!”

“Hey.” Gently, he gripped your elbows. “If it makes you feel any better, I did trip people just to get to the front. I was an ass. It’s why that Jungkook guy hates me. I started dancing later in life, so I was really hung up on proving myself.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t true,” you told him. “You didn’t trip me on purpose, and if I’d only been less stubborn –”

“Whoa, hey.” Jimin smiled. “You weren’t the only stubborn one. Maybe it started off as a misunderstanding, but I didn’t really fight it. You were my competition as much as I was yours.”

“I guess,” you said quietly. “I just… I feel like I wasted so much time hating you. Maybe we could’ve even been friends.”

His gaze sparked. “Just friends?” he asked with a quirk of his brow.

“Jimin,” you groaned, but started to smile.

“Listen.” Expression softening, Jimin moved closer. “Even if I had decided to explain all this in high school, would you have believed me?”

“Probably not.”

“Exactly. I was a dick back then.” He nodded. “Remember that one time I lied and told you the awards ceremony had been pushed back an hour?”

Sitting up straighter, you glared. “Oh, I remember. I showed up after they’d already taken the photo for Top Junior solos.”

Jimin grinned. “Or the time I put an out of order sign on the women's restroom after your solo at BRAVO, so you had to run all the way across the auditorium?”

“That was you!” you blurted out, wide-eyed. “No one would believe me when I said it was! Every girl was so pissed off at you that weekend.”

“Which is exactly why I could never admit it was me!”

In disbelief, you shook your head. “You did all of that just to get back at me?”

Jimin’s smile disappeared. “Hey, you weren’t innocent either,” he argued. “Remember the time you spilled an entire water bottle next to my bag so that when I sat down, my ass got all wet?”

Devious, you smiled. “Honestly, there was kind of an ulterior motive there. As much as I hated you, your ass looks great in damp sweats.”

Jimin’s jaw dropped a little.

Managing to shut this, he took a casual step forward. “Is that what you thought?” he murmured, barely able to conceal the thickness in his voice.

“I… may have noticed a few things about you.”

When he placed a hand next to you on the counter, your breath hitched in response. Jimin repeated this with his other hand, bringing his body a step closer to yours.

Hesitant, his gaze roamed your face. “What else did you notice?”

“I…” you exhaled and glanced at his lips.

The air between you could have been cut with a knife, heated for a different reason than the stove beside you. Which – eyes widening, you glanced over.

“Shit!” you blurted. “Jimin, the pasta!”

Startled, he looked in the same direction as you and realized the water was boiling. Rushing away, Jimin entered the kitchen and turned down the burner. Now that you were separated by a solid counter, you felt somewhat dazed when you glanced up and saw him.

Meeting your gaze, Jimin came to a stop. “Anyways,” he said softly. “Now, you know. I didn’t trip you on purpose. I never really hated you. And I’m incredibly glad you’re here tonight.”

Watching him speak, something warm bloomed in your chest.

“Me, too,” you whispered.

Smiling, Jimin returned to the pasta and you settled back on the stool. Delicious scents soon filled the kitchen and you realized how truly hungry you were. You hadn’t eaten much at lunch in preparation and by now, you were famished.

It wasn’t long before Jimin placed pasta onto plates, adding the bread you’d cut up on the side. He brought these to his table, disappearing briefly to return with two candles.

“Oo,” you said as you took a seat. “Fancy.”

Jimin lit the one closest to you with a flourish. “We aim to please, here at Park Jimin’s Fine Eating and Dining.”

“Is that the name of your restaurant?”

“It is.”

“And you’re set on that decision?”

“I decided on a whim, but I have no regrets,” Jimin said, taking a seat across from you. “Now, eat before you piss off the chef and he takes back your food.”

Laughing, you dug into the pasta before you. It was delicious and, after the very first bite, you sighed in appreciation. Apparently, Jimin had truly set the bar low. Conversation began to flow, any lingering tension disappeared after talk of your past.

It was the oddest thing. You’d heard stories from friends about other first dates. They worried about how to behave, what to wear, or what to say to their date – but none of these worries seemed to exist for you in the moment. You’d been so concerned before the night began, but now that you were here, all these worries seemed to fly out the window.

You’d thought you’d spend the entire night comparing. Comparing Jimin to your last relationship, comparing Jimin as a date to Jimin as a friend, but instead, it felt like natural progression. It wasn’t a matter of comparing Jimin to anyone else, but rather simply enjoying where the night led.

After dinner, you insisted on helping clean because Jimin had cooked and bought the food. Donning rubber gloves over your dress, you stood at the sink and began to wash dishes. Jimin laughed as he joined, pulling on gloves to dry the dishes beside you. Once this was done, he suggested watching a movie before the ball dropped.

Collapsing onto the sofa, you adjusted your dress and scanned the room. The posters Jimin had bemoaned were now hung over the TV – you wondered if Hoseok had managed to somehow sneak them past his roommates. Small touches here and there made you think of Jimin.

A game he’d mentioned was out on the coffee table and a blanket which smelled like him was draped over a chair. Pulling this towards you, you wrapped it around yourself as Jimin left the kitchen.

Holding two glasses of wine, he paused when he saw you.

“What?” you said, glancing down.

“Nothing.” Jimin cleared his throat. “Are you cold?”

“A little,” you admitted, tugged his blanket closer.

“Shoot.” Jimin frowned. “The heat’s been weird since we moved in. I’m not sure how to fix – oh!” Setting the glasses down, he rushed towards the hall. “Do you want a sweatshirt?” he called.

“Yes, please!”

Jimin reappeared moments later, a navy sweatshirt in hand. Handing this over, he settled beside you on the sofa. He’d ditched his blazer and now, Jimin was dressed in only the paisley shirt and slacks.

Pulling his sweatshirt overhead, you somehow managed to get stuck right away. It was hard not to, with your hair and the dress, trying not to flash him while you kept your legs crossed.

After a moment of watching your undignified struggling, Jimin cleared his throat.

“Need help?”

“Yes, please,” you said weakly.

Jimin laughed, helping you free and once the hoodie was settled, you sighed and leaned back. Glancing sideways at Jimin, you found him already looking at you.

“What do you want to watch?” you asked.

Jimin blinked, then glanced at the TV. “Hm,” he mused, grabbing the remote. “We could watch the ball drop and enjoy the fact that we’re sitting inside, not standing in the freezing cold without any bathrooms.”

“I know!” you said with a shudder. “Out of all the stupid traditions, that’s one I’ll never understand.”

“How do so many people have it on their bucket list?”

“Right? That, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Zero out of ten. It’s cold, there’s wind and again, there’s the question of bathrooms.”

Jimin laughed as he scrolled through the channels. “Alright, so no to the ball drop. Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“What movie?”

“Why’re you making me pick?” you whined, sinking deeper into his cushions. “That’s such a large amount of pressure.”

“Exactly, which is why I don’t want to do it.”

You laughed and after some back and forth, decided to watch About Time. This was a movie about obstacles and falling in love, which seemed more than fitting because of the new year. At first, you and Jimin were watching diligently but eventually, he asked a question and conversation slowly drifted from the movie.

At some point, Jimin lowered the volume to focus solely on you. You curled deeper into the couch beside him, your thighs somehow touching and shoulders inches apart. Jimin’s head leaned against the cushion and he continued to smile in a way which made your heart flip.

“Here’s a question,” you murmured, no longer pretending to watch the movie.

His eyes gleamed in the darkness. “What?”

“Why’d you tell Sabrina you only wanted to be friends?”

Briefly, his eyes widened. “How did… you know about that?”

“She told me.”

“Hm.” Jimin gave you a dubious look but moved past it. Sabrina had begun hanging out with your friends as of late. “But alright, I’ll answer. If I do though, you need to answer one of my questions. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“So, I was single when I came to Russet.” Jimin paused. “It was the first time in a long time, and I may have hooked up with a couple of people.”

“Hm,” you said tightly.

His eyes danced with amusement. “Jealous?”

“Answer the question.”

He laughed. “Anyways, I only hooked up with Sabrina the one time. Afterwards…” Jimin sighed. “I felt kind of weird about her asking me to switch partners. Then I overheard what she said about Ari at weigh-ins and just didn’t feel like anything more... Plus, there was the other reason.”

“And what was the other reason?”

“I was starting to like you,” he said, a bit softer. “The day you said you wanted to be friends was a giant weight from my chest. And the more relaxed you were around me, the more… I don’t know. The more I liked you, I guess. My mom has always called me her hopeless romantic,” Jimin said with a smile. “I don’t know about that, but I can be single-minded when I like someone. That was part of the reason I told Sabrina we shouldn’t hook up anymore.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

His smile turned lopsided. “Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah. I guess it does.”

“My turn, then.” Smile disappearing, his gaze darkened. “Why did you really call me that night at the club?”

“Oh. That. Well, I –”

“And don’t say it was because I had a car,” Jimin interrupted. “There were a lot of people you could’ve called to help. You didn’t, though. You called me. Why?”

You hesitated before you realized there was only one answer. “I wanted to see you,” you said honestly. “I was scared, I was alone and… you were the person I wanted to see.”

Jimin’s gaze had become nearly black, the air between you thick with something unsaid. You were suddenly conscious of all each part of your body pressed to his. When Jimin shifted on the couch, you moved somehow closer.

He hesitated, then glanced at your mouth. “I don’t…” Jimin licked his lips, sounding hoarse. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“You won’t,” you told him.

Something uncertain passed over his face. “Maybe we should take things slow.”

“Or,” you said slowly. “I could tell you things I like about you, instead.”

“And what would be the point of that?”

Your gaze shifted to his. “You’ve told me a lot tonight about how much you like me,” you said softly. “About how long you’ve liked me. I think it’s time I returned the favor.”

Something in his gaze cracked and he nodded. The TV in the background was quiet, only the noise from the street and the whoosh of the heater breaking the silence.

“First,” you said, glancing down at his lap. “You have really nice hands.”

Jimin’s lips twitched. “My hands? I’ve always thought they were small.”

“Wrong. They’re the perfect size. Never have they dropped me.”

“Mm, that’s a good point.”

“And your smile,” you said.

“What about it?”

“I like your smile,” you told him. “It makes me smile.”

His eyes crinkled in demonstration. “Oh, yeah?”

“And your ears.”

Jimin laughed. “My ears?”

Reaching out, you delicately traced over an edge. “I’ve spent a long time looking at your profile, Park. I know what I’m talking about here.”

As your fingers moved lower, feather-light down his jaw, Jimin’s smile disappeared.

“I like your jaw, too,” you told him.

In the darkness, his gaze glinted, and you felt his jaw tense.

“And your lips,” you added, gaze lowering. “I like those a lot.”

“Y/N…” Jimin’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Yeah?”

He slowly exhaled. “I just don’t want you to regret this.”

“Jimin.”

He opened his eyes.

Your expression was serious. “I told you I wouldn’t jump into something before I was ready,” you said, lifting your other hand. “But I’m not in love with Finn anymore. It doesn’t hurt when I think about what happened last semester. I like you, Jimin. I want you. I don’t want to keep pushing you away. I get if you’re unsure about this, though. If you’re unsure about me.”

Jimin’s gaze roamed your face. “Unsure?”

“I know I hurt you before. I shouldn’t have kissed you and ran away. But I promise this isn’t like that. I’m not running away. I’m the furthest thing from running and I –”

Cutting you off, Jimin pressed his lips to yours.

You shuddered a little, leaning into his kiss before he pulled back. Jimin exhaled, barely a breath before he kissed you again.

Noses brushing, lips lingering, the kiss slowly deepened. Your hands curled into his hair, pulling him forward to bask in his warmth. It was dizzying, how different this felt than last time. Last time you’d been heartbroken, desperately yearning each time your lips had touched.

Now, Jimin felt like air, like sunshine as you drowned in his presence. Hand grasping your waist, Jimin moved you closer so your chest nestled to his. Lifting his fingers, his touch skimmed your jaw, your hairline before he circled the nape of your neck.

Drawing away, he bit down on your lip. With a low sort of moan, Jimin sought your lips again. When his mouth opened yours, his tongue swept forward and you nearly combusted.

This was only to tease, though. Only to taste before he pulled away, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. Thumb skimming your jawline, Jimin tilted your head back to brush a kiss to your throat. Moving higher, he worshiped a slow path up the column of your neck. At your ear, he nipped gently before he returned.

Now, his kisses began to deepen. Mouths opening, your tongues brushed only briefly before he chose to withdraw. You were glad you were kissing on the couch, because suddenly your own legs felt weak underneath you.

Hand re-gripping his waist, Jimin pulled you against him. Eager, your hands found his neck and the blanket dropped to the floor. It wasn’t enough, though – you needed more, wanted to feel him fully beneath you. Rising on your knees, you swung a leg over his lap and settled on top.

Jimin hissed, his head hitting the back of his couch. Your dress had ridden up in the process, exposing your thighs – his thumbs skimmed the surface before he looked up.

“Shit,” Jimin croaked.

Smiling, you bent to kiss him again. Jimin arched upwards, each part of your body electric where you touched. He shifted his hips, granting friction and heat which made you short-circuit. Pressing yourself closer, your thighs sild backwards until they nestled around his waist.

Jimin’s hand found your spine, pulling you closer as his hips pushed upwards. You groaned when you felt him shift underneath you. The kisses grew steadily hotter, this ache in your core increasing with every touch.

“Can I…” Pulling away, Jimin glanced lower. “Can I take off the sweatshirt?”

“Yeah,” you said, a bit dazed.

Jimin didn’t waste time, helping you pull this swiftly overhead. It was tossed on the ground and when your dress was revealed, he inhaled.

Slipping his hands up your bodice, Jimin met your gaze. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he confessed, his voice hoarse.

“Do what?”

Your breath hitched when his hands skimmed your breasts, lingering in all your softest places.

“Touch you,” Jimin said. “It was torture to see you, to look at you and not be able to do this. Not how I wanted, anyways. I’d tell myself not to think about it, but…”

“Jimin.”

He paused and looked up. “Yes?”

“Touch me. Please.”

Without hesitation, Jimin slid his hands lower. Cupping your ass, he pulled you against him and allowed his other hand to drift up your spine. You shivered, closing your eyes as your head tilted back.

His hands slid up your front, over your breasts and under the straps of your dress. Jimin’s thumbs drifted lower, brushing your nipples through the fabric of your bodice. Opening your eyes, you looked down at him and saw his gaze darken.

Reaching higher, Jimin cupped the back of your neck and returned your lips to his.

He kissed you slowly, purposefully as you melted forward. Shifting against him, the kiss began to intensify. Mouths opening, your tongue swept forward in bold strokes against his. Suppressing a whimper, you ground your hips on his lap.

“Is,” you murmured, breaking free. “Is your bedroom unpacked?”

Jimin went still. “I – mostly, yeah.”

“Can I see it?”

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned, releasing your thighs as he stood from the couch.

You laughed, sliding down his front as your feet hit the ground. Tugging your dress down, you followed Jimin when he grabbed your hand. He pulled you down the hall, coming to a stop at the last room on the row. Pushing open the door, he flicked on the light and came to a stop.

Stepping forward, you glanced around Jimin’s room. You recognized some of the items from the two times you’d visited Jimin in the dorms. Photos of his family were carefully hung on the wall and he had the same pillows laid over his queen-sized bed.

Turning around, you took a step backwards and sat on his bed. “It’s nice,” you said, patting the comforter. “I like it here.”

Jimin watched you, his gaze half-lidded from the hall. “I like you here.”

Cheeks heating, you watched him enter and gently shut the door. Leaning back on your elbows, you arched a brow.

“Where’d we leave off?”

Jimin exhaled as he crossed the room. “I think you were on my lap,” he said hoarsely, kneeling beside you.

You nodded, moving to straddle him as he leaned to the wall. Catching your waist with both hands, Jimin pulled you against him, kissing you roughly even before you sat down. Suddenly ravenous, his hands slid to your ass as he rolled you against him. Inhaling sharply, you sucked his lower lip between teeth as he groaned.

Reaching up, Jimin tugged on your hair as you inhaled, throat exposed for him to kiss slowly down your front. When he returned to your lips, you ground your hips impatiently over the bulge in his pants.

Shifting his weight, Jimin’s spine hit the wall. He stared at you, slightly dazed with his kiss-reddened lips. Without looking away, Jimin lifted his fingers and began undoing his shirt. You stilled, watching each inch of skin be revealed. When he reached the last button, you gave in and helped push this aside. Smiling, Jimin sat up as his shirt fell to the floor.

You weren’t sure where to look first. Hands faltering, you slid them up his abs, over his shoulders and down his biceps. He was so perfect, it almost hurt to look at. Jimin’s breath quickened as you touched him and slowly, he lowered you down to the bed.

“Enough,” he said roughly, returning your lips to his.

As you kissed it turned lazy, nothing but grinding and touching. Jimin’s hair was messy beneath the pull of your fingers. He didn’t seem to mind, his own hands digging into the curve of your thigh. Playing with the hem of your dress, he deftly slid upwards.

“Jimin,” you said, breaking free. “Unzip me.”

His gaze darkened. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Jimin nodded, following suit when you sat up beside him. Turning around, you exposed your back and Jimin began to lower the zipper. He moved slowly, taking his time as his fingers brushed skin. Holding the dress up with your hands, you waited until it was fully unzipped before releasing it to the floor.

Turning around, you found Jimin’s jaw slack.

“You…” He roughly inhaled while he scanned your body. “Lace, Y/N? Really?”

“Do you like it?” you asked.

You may have gone overboard preparing for tonight. Although you hadn’t been sure what would happen, you also hadn’t wanted to be caught off your guard. Tonight, your constant need to plan had come in handy. Beneath your dress you’d worn a crimson lace bra and panties – a matching set which Jimin seemed to like, based on his expression.

“You’re going to kill me,” he muttered, lowering his lips to your neck.

Kissing slowly down your chest, he came to a stop where the two halves joined together. Skimming the length of your torso, his hands trembled a little when he brushed the lace.

Jimin looked up. “I’m sorry I keep touching you,” he murmured. “I just – you’re driving me crazy. You’ve been driving me crazy.”

“You said that before,” you whispered.

“I meant it.”

Kissing again up your body, he lingered in places your skin was exposed. Inhaling, your eyes fluttered shut as you grasped his shoulders.

Jimin’s hand slid between your thighs. “Part them,” he murmured, and you obeyed.

Heart racing, you opened your eyes and watched Jimin drag a finger slowly up the center of your panties. Even you could feel how damp the fabric was, how wet and ready you were for him.

Lifting his finger to his lips, Jimin sucked. “You’re soaking,” he breathed, sounding eager. “So good to me.”

Lowering his head, his tongue flicked your breast. Teasing the nipple through fabric, he urged and he sucked until it was fully erect. Moving onto the next one, Jimin grazed with his teeth until it pressed wantonly into the lace cup of your bra. Moaning his name, you arched against him.

Finding your wrists, Jimin pinned you backwards as he continued. Thighs caging your waist, he kept you hostage with his exquisite torture. The lace of your bra was now drenched, Jimin sucking debauchedly through fabric.

“Jimin,” you groaned, twisting on the sheets. “Please.”

His hips rolled lazily against your center. “Not yet,” he insisted before pulling back. “Not until you make a mess of my sheets. Want to ruin these panties.”

Sliding a hand between your thighs, he lightly circled your entrance. Feeling how wet you were, Jimin softly groaned. Sitting back on his heels, he finally relented and pulled your panties down. Tossing these to the floor, he returned to your thighs and spread your legs.

Lightly, Jimin dragged the pads of his thumbs up and down your panty line. “God, you’re so perfect,” he murmured. “Got my sheets fucking soaked.”

Separating two of his fingers, he slowly dragged his digits up and down your folds. You inhaled, feeling needy while you watched him touch you. Each brush of his fingers had you dripping – teasing over your entrance, he refused to give you exactly what you wanted. Feather-light, Jimin circled your swollen clit with his finger.

Hands gripping the sheets, you could only stare while Jimin brought you closer and closer to the edge. He was barely touching you, but it was the most turned on you’d ever been in your life. Jimin’s thumb swiped over your clit, rubbing you gently as you keened in frustration, arching against him.

He continued like this until you were gasping, begging for more and then – only then – did he slide a finger inside you. Legs trembling, you arched on his mattress and stared at him, glassy-eyed. When Jimin began to move in and out, you lost all control.

Lowering his head, he closed his lips over your clit.

“Oh my god,” you whimpered as you broke apart.

Barely did he suck before you were coming undone, pulsing around his fingers. Shuddering with pleasure, you collapsed on the bed as you rode out your high. Gently, Jimin pulled out his finger and returned to your lips.

Reaching behind you, he undid the clasp of your bra and tossed this on the floor. Once you were fully naked, he pulled you against him. You felt limp, thoroughly sated, but familiar excitement began to stir at his front pressed to yours. Tilting your head, he gently kissed you while your fingers wound in his hair.

Jimin moved slow, letting you take the lead. Your core continued to throb with oversensitivity, although this seemed to lessen the longer you kissed him. Before long, your nipples were hardening as you rubbed against him. Fingers digging into your thigh, Jimin pulled this over his hip to watch you lazily grind.

Realizing he still wore pants, you lowered a hand, determined to fix this. Jimin helped, dragging the zipper down to throw both these and his boxers down on the floor.

He bent to kiss you again, but you placed a hand on his chest. “Wait,” you murmured. “I want to see you.”

Jimin exhaled, leaning back so you could take in his body. If you’d thought his chest was unreal, it was nothing compared to his trim hips, sculpted thighs and cock nestled between.

“Oh,” you said, dragging a hand down his front.

Jimin shuddered a little. He was already hard, his cock thick and pretty with a reddened tip. It made your mouth water to look at, wanting to lick up the shaft. Reaching between you, you closed your fist around him and slowly jerked him off.

You watched in fascination as Jimin responded. His jaw tightened, abs tense while you teased over his frenulum. His cock responded instinctively, hardening further the longer you touched him.

After a few minutes of this, Jimin shook his head. “No more,” he said huskily, taking your hand in his. “I’ll come if you keep doing that.”

“Oh?” you murmured, gaze darting lower.

He chuckled, a rough sound in his throat. “I like watching you come,” Jimin confessed, his cock hard between you. “It turns me on. I’m… still trying to recover from your last orgasm.”

“Oh,” you said, in a completely different way.

Jimin exhaled, hair falling forward. “I hope that doesn’t weird you out.”

“Does it… weird me out that you like giving orgasms?”

“Well, when you put it like that.”

“How else would I put it?”

His grin became devious. “You could ask for another.”

Breathless, you nodded and Jimin’s gaze darkened.

He descended your body, not wasting any time as he positioned himself between your legs. Licking slow up your center, you gasped and instinctively drew your legs higher. Jimin didn’t bother easing you into it. No, now he ate you out like he wanted to.

Kissing your folds, he returned to your clit and sucked this into his mouth. Rolling the sensitive bud with his tongue, he teased and released before you knew what was happening. He continued to do this, spreading you underneath him and bringing you close to coming, only to pull back and leave you maddeningly empty.

Spreading your folds, he began licking sweetly over your clit. This was followed by loose, lazy sucking and more tender flicks. You stared dazedly at him between your legs, the sight more erotic than anything you could’ve imagined.

Grinding his cock into the sheets, Jimin thrust his hips while he pleasured you. You could tell he enjoyed this; each grunt from his lips was more affirmation. Moving lower, he circled your cunt with his tongue just to lap up your juices. You gasped at the sensation, having never felt it before. Flicking your clit with his thumb, Jimin fucked your cunt with his tongue before he slowly withdrew.

Spreading you wide, he returned to your clit and you clasped a hand over your lips before a moan could escape. Each curl of his tongue left you gasping, writhing beneath the pleasurable onslaught of his mouth. Pulling away, Jimin pressed a gentle kiss to your thigh before he rose up your body.

At your mouth, he kissed your fingers. “You don’t have to be quiet,” he told you. “I want to hear the noises you make, Y/N. It makes me feel good.”

Removing your hand, you slowly nodded.

Jimin just grinned, dropping between your legs to begin eating you out again. This time, you didn’t hold back. Jimin seemed to appreciate this as you slipped further from control. He was so good with his mouth, making you see stars as your legs started to shudder. When he slid his finger inside you and fingered you again, your hands fisted in the sheets.

“Ji-jimin,” you gasped, writhing beneath him. “Jimin, I – oh.”

He began to move faster, adding a second finger as your insides clenched around him. Everything tightened, hovering at a breaking point while Jimin continued, relentless. His mouth on your clit, his fingers inside you – everything broke apart when you came, gasping his name.

Jimin didn’t move, kissing your sex as you slowly came down. He lapped at your sex, licking up your arousal before withdrawing his fingers. Once your breathing had steadied, Jimin returned to the sheets beside you.

“Good?” he breathed, draping an arm over your waist.

“Oh my god, yes,” you exhaled, burying your face in his chest.

He laughed, pulling you closer. Jimin started to pull away, which made you look up and frown.

“What are you doing?” you said.

He paused. “I’m looking for a tissue.”

“Why?”

“I… I’m kind of at a loss here.”

“No, I mean why now,” you said, baffled. “I can come again, Jimin. I want to come with you inside me.”

Jimin stared at you a moment.

“Unless…” Uncertain, you hesitated. “You don’t want to…?”

“Fuck,” Jimin muttered, sounding hoarse. “No – I want to. I really want to. Are you sure, though?” he said, reaching to open the side drawer of his bed.

You grinned when he pulled out a condom, ripping this open.

“I’m sure,” you murmured, moving closer.

Jimin rolled the condom onto himself, pausing before he went any further. Shifting his weight so he hovered over you, Jimin searched your gaze. Reaching lower, you casually stroked his cock and guided him to your center.

He didn’t enter yet, content to take his time. Instead, Jimin bent and kissed you, dragging a hand down your side. His fingers paused at your breast, tweaking your nipple until it stood fully erect. Moving to your waist, he curved under your ass and lifted your hips to his.

Arching upwards, you felt his cock brush your center. The touch made you pant, wanting him inside you and wanting it now. Rolling over his length, you marveled at the feel of him between your legs. Having him so close and not having him inside you was maddening.

“Jimin,” you whimpered.

“Yeah?” he murmured, continuing to thrust between your thighs.

“Please,” you begged him.

“Alright, baby,” he said and rolled you onto your back.

It was the first time he’d used the endearment, sending a wave of warmth through you as your legs parted. Reaching lower, Jimin positioned himself at your entrance. It took him a moment to work his way in; you were so wet, he needed a second try. With only his tip inside, you immediately clenched and buried your head in his shoulder.

Lightly, Jimin brushed a kiss to your hair. “Relax, baby,” he murmured, making you glance up. “I’ll make you feel good. I promise.”

Slowly, you nodded. “Okay.”

Laying slowly back down, you tried to relax while he worked his way deeper. With slow, shallow thrusts, Jimin finally bottomed out and you stared at him in amazement. His cock was thicker than you were used to and stuffed to the brim like this, you felt so full. Glancing down, you saw his hips nestled snugly to yours.

When you looked up, Jimin met your gaze. “I’m sorry,” he exhaled, hanging his head. “I just – I need a minute.”

“What’s wrong?” you blurted, immediately worried.

A smile passed over his lips. “Nothing’s wrong.” He looked up. “You’re just… fuck. I feel like a damn virgin. You’re so tight and wet, I’m losing my mind.”

Hearing him say this sent a shiver through you. Shifting your hips, you reveled in the sensation of him moving inside you.

Jimin groaned. “No,” he protested. “You can’t do that right now.”

“Do what?”

“Try and make me move,” he murmured. “I know you can’t see yourself, so you can’t see how hot you look. Tits out, pussy spread and dripping all over my cock.”

“Oh,” you breathed.

“Sounding like that.”

“Jimin. If you don’t –”

He suddenly thrust deeper, grinding his pelvis against your core and making you groan. Speechless, you stared as he slowly pulled out. Jimin teased you with his tip, moving a few inches back in before he thrust again.

“Oh,” you groaned, jolted upwards on the bed.

His gaze dropped to your chest. “Fuck,” Jimin said quietly, dropping down to an elbow.

He moved again in earnest, thrusting slowly in and pulling back out. It made your breath catch, needing more but loving the torture. It was torture to feel every inch of him and have Jimin continue to hold back. You knew he could go faster, deeper, but wanted to stay in control.

Dropping his head, Jimin slowly kissed your neck. His cock continued to move, fucking you slowly as your legs opened wider.

“Jimin,” you whimpered.

Your hips chased after his, hoping to coerce him deeper.

He smirked. “Yes, baby?”

“Please,” you said, arching against him. “I want more.”

“You want it harder?”

As he said this, Jimin increased his strength. Keeping the tempo the same, each thrust of his cock had your lips parting with pleasure.

“Yes,” you whimpered, barely hanging on.

“And faster? You want that, too?”

You nodded, slack-jawed as Jimin sped up the pace. His cock began to pound into you, hand fisting in sheets as he gave it to you hard. Arching underneath him, your hands dragged down his back as Jimin fully let go. With each thrust of his hips, his pelvis brushed your clit and yet, it still wasn’t enough.

“More?” he teased, continuing to fuck you.

“More,” you whimpered, sliding your hands up your breasts. Tweaking the nipples, you watched his gaze harden. “I want more, Jimin.”

He immediately moved, as though he’d been waiting for this. Grasping your ankles in one hand, he lifted them high overhead and pulled his cock out. You gasped when he did so, your hands falling to the side while you were put on display. The position pushed your pussy lips together, giving an incredible view of your dripping cunt.

Jimin plunged his cock back inside, nearly making you scream. It felt so deep this way – so deep and hard and deliciously wanton. Jimin fucked you from above, hips slamming into you and making your breasts bounce.

Jimin groaned, his hips never faltering. “Touch them,” he said, lowering your ankles to one shoulder. “Touch your tits for me, baby.”

You obeyed, hands sliding over your breasts to tease your nipples. This sent a shock of pleasure straight to your core and Jimin hammered your g-spot, making you see stars. Jaw slack, you could only lie there and take it while he made you come.

It was too much, the wave of pleasure threatening to overwhelm, but then Jimin leaned forward and you finally snapped. You felt him release into the condom as you fell apart, rope after rope of hot cum inside you.

Eventually, Jimin softened and fell onto his elbow. As he opened his eyes, he sought your gaze and you smiled. His cheeks were flushed, his hair dark and sweaty and you couldn’t help the deep surge of affection within you.

“I don’t know about you,” he murmured. “But that was pretty fucking incredible.”

“Same here,” you whispered. “I’d like to do it again sometime.”

“Three orgasms weren’t enough?”

“Were they enough for you?”

“No.” Jimin laughed. “I could watch you come all night. But we should probably get you cleaned up and all that.”

“Probably,” you agreed, although you made no effort to move.

Eventually Jimin sighed and gently pulled out. Tossing his condom in the trash, he showed you to the bathroom and let you do what you needed to do. When you returned, Jimin was on top of his bed. He’d put back on his boxers and held out his sweatshirt.

“I thought you might want this,” he said, uncertain.

Smiling, you took it and lowered it over your head. Climbing beside him on the bed, you rested your head on his shoulder and cuddled beside him. Listening to his breathing, you concentrated until yours started to match.

Outside, cheers erupted from the street. Scrambling upwards, you fought to look out Jimin’s side window. As you hurried to see what the commotion was about, Jimin groaned when you flashed him your bare ass, but followed suit.

Glancing outside, you realized it must have turned midnight. Fireworks went off over the skyline, people cheered below, and someone had lit a sparkler on the street. Voices drifted higher, wishing each other a happy new year as slowly, you turned around to face Jimin.

He smiled at you, his happiness clear when he pulled you to him. A dizzying rush of what-if’s and excitement went through you and somehow, you knew this would be only the beginning.

“Happy new year,” he murmured.

“Happy new year,” you whispered, tilting your face up to his.

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading this series 😊 It’s been a whirlwind, so thank you for sticking with our main characters throughout the journey! I hope you enjoyed and are having a wonderful holiday season :) happy (almost) new year!

RAISE THE BARRE MASTERLIST

#btsbookclub #bangtanarmynet #bts smut #jimin smut #bts fanfic #jimin fanfic #bts series #bts writing #jimin series #jimin writing #bts dance au #jimin dance au

2K notes · View notes

queenshelby · 3 years

Text

Just Friends - Cillian Murphy Imagine

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: SMUT

Words: 5034

Foreword:

I have never written anything for an actual person. For my own comfort, I will not be referring to Cillian’s actual family and, instead, I have created two small biographies for the Reader and Cillian.

Biography:

The Reader:

The Reader is 24 years old and recently moved to Dublin with her 5 year old son, Max in order to take up a fantastic job offer.

Max’s father isn’t interested in a relationship with his son and separated from the Reader pretty much as soon as she found out that she was pregnant.

The Reader is a novelist and editor for the Irish Times.

The Reader’s interests include books, listening to records, theatre and attending live music gigs.

The Reader has a close relationship with her grandmother who is 65 years old and a writer herself. She also lives in Dublin with her second husband, who is originally from Galway.

Cillian:

Cillian is 42 years old in this story. He is divorced from his wife Siobhan and has two kids, Charlie (6) and Hendricks (8).

He lives in a town house in Dublin and shares custody.

In this story, he finished filming Season 4 of Peaky Blinders about three months ago, which is when the Reader first met him.

---------------------------

JUST FRIENDS

Three and a half months ago you moved to Dublin to take a position as editor at the Irish Times. Initially, the move was daunting to you as you were a single mother and moving your son to a different preschool concerned you.

Fortunately, your grandmother was living in Dublin as well and offered to help you with looking after your son, Max. She was a retired novelist herself and you always had a close relationship with her. Having her around was a blessing.

Over the years, you also met some Irish writers and established good relationships with them. Therefore, finding friends in Dublin was not an issue.

One of your best friends was a play writer from London and was working in Ireland at the time, promoting her theatre play called ‘Blessings’. She introduced you to a bunch of people, most of which were working in the entertainment industry in some way or another.

Whilst all of your new found friends were a fair bit older than you, you related to them. You had interests in common and most of them had children, just like you. They understood that sometimes plans had to be cancelled and flexibility was limited. Having children is a commitment which many of your younger friends didn’t understand. You weren’t interested in late nights because a young child meant early mornings. For this reason, you would much rather attend a dinner and board game night as a opposed to a night club.

And this is how you met a very interesting man named Cillian. Three months ago, your friend Orla invited you to a board game night with a couple of her friends. Cillian was pretty much the only other single person in attendance and, since this was a board game that had to be played in teams of two, you and Cillian were paired up with him.

He was funny and smart and very attractive. You had a good time that night and even won the game with your combined knowledge of random trivial facts.

He was a fun person to be around and you had several common interests.

Over the next few months, you spent a fair bit of time together, mostly with other friends but sometimes alone when your friends were doing things as couples with their partners.

Just recently, you went record shopping together and the weekend before last you and another friend of yours would take all of your kids to Dublin Zoo for the day. Your son Max developed a great friendship with Cillian’s youngest son Charlie. Playdates were a common occurrence.

While both of you separately explored the dating world, you really enjoyed Cillian’s company as a friend and he enjoyed yours and you would often chat about the mishaps you encountered and laugh about them. Dates gone wrong was one of your favourite topics.

The last relationship Cillian had was with a co-worker, which was far from ideal. They’ve met on set of one of his movies about a year after he divorced from his wife, but things didn’t go as planned and the relationship didn’t last. It ended about four months ago, being just one month before you met.

The last relationship you had was over a year ago and it also didn’t last as your boyfriend couldn’t deal with the fact that you were a single mum and that your son always came first.

For Valentines Day this year, your friends set up dates for each of you. It was disastrous. Neither of you were interested in committing at this point and you both were rather flustered about your friends’ efforts after you both had told them not to bother.

You were happy singles.

Theatre Night

As happy singles, you decided to go and see your friend’s new play ‘Blessings’ with some of your other friends on the night you all managed to be child free for once. It took a while to organise but was worth the effort.

‘Hi Max, how was preschool?’ Cillian asked as he opened the door to your townhouse for Cillian while you were in the bathroom, putting up your hair.

Max met Cillian numerous times and got along with him very well. After all, Cillian had a son the same age as Max.

‘Good. Do you want me to show you what I made?’ Max asked while you waived at Cillian from the bathroom.

‘Absolutely, show me’ Cillian said with a smile as he followed Max into the living room.

‘Look’ Max said as he held up two paintings.

‘Wow, is that a T-Rex?’ Cillian asked, causing Max to nod with excitement.

‘That’s very cool…he looks super scary’ Cillian added just as there was another knock on the door.

It was your grandmother who was here to pick up Max for his sleepover at her house.

You opened the door and asked Max to get his bag from the living room which you had packed for him earlier.

‘Nan, this is my friend Cillian’ you said as you introduced Cillian to your grandmother.

‘Hello Cillian, I am Margot. I loved Grief is a Thing with Feathers. It was such an intense play’ she said, knowing right away who he was despite the fact that you had never mentioned him to her before.

‘Thank you Margot and I loved By The Sea, it was a fantastic book’ Cillian responded. He read the book after you told him about your grandmother. Your writing style was very similar to hers and he always loved a good book.

‘Oh thank you very much. Now Max, are you ready?’ your grandmother asked.

Max was ready and you said goodbye, giving him a big hug and thanking your grandmother for looking after him for the night.

While Cillian waited in the living room, you finished your make up and slipped on your shoes.

‘Thank you for picking me up. I really have no idea where this place is’ you said as you grabbed your bag and the two of you were heading out of the door.

‘Any time Y/N, it isn’t far from here actually’ Cillian said.

As you were walking to the Arthouse Theatre you talked about all sorts of things, music, childcare and books.

It was a cold night in Dublin and you were probably underdressed for the occasion.

At the Arthouse Theatre you met up with another two friends of yours. They were both married, to each other, and shared three children. Luckily for them, they had a baby sitter that night.

The play was amazing and you all enjoyed it with a few glasses of wine which were served at the theatre. Cillian had good taste when it came to wine and you usually sought his guidance on what to order.

After you left the theatre, you felt awfully hungry. You hadn’t eaten dinner that night.

‘I am starving, is anyone else up for Pizza?’ you asked your three friends, including Cillian

‘We would love to, but only have a baby sitter until 9pm, sorry’ Amanda said, explaining that she and her husband had to head home fairly soon.

‘What about you Cilly?’ you asked.

‘I would love some Pizza, let’s go to Pizzinis’ he said.

Both you and Cillian said goodbye to your friends and made your way to Pizzinis.

As usual, it was packed and there were no table available.

‘Wanna grab them take away and go back to my place? I’ve got wine and you can show me this new album you were talking about earlier’ you said.

‘Sounds good, let’s do that’ Cillian said before ordering two pizzas.

More than Friends

You arrived at your apartment about 30 minutes later and Cillian put on some music. He found this new Irish band he liked and you were really keen to hear them.

‘Hmm Indie…I like it’ you said as he connected his i-phone to your speakers.

‘Wine?’ you asked as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the shelf.

‘Yes please and thanks’ Cillian said as he put the pizzas on the table.

‘I was meant to ask you, how was your Valentine’s date?’ Cillian asked before taking the first bite of the pizza.

‘Oh god, don’t remind me on it please’ you said with a laugh.

‘That good ey? What happened?’ Cillian laughed.

‘He was weird. He basically left after I told him about Max’ you responded.

‘I think that sometimes guys your age might be a bit freaked out by the fact that you have child. I can’t say that I blame them. I couldn’t imagine myself becoming a step father when I was in my 20s’ Cillian said.

‘He was 32’ you responded.

‘Well maybe he was just weird and you are just unlucky when it comes to dating’ Cillian laughed.

‘Yeah, maybe…I am just over dating’ you said…’What about your date?’ you asked.

‘Pretty average. I mean she was nice but had no sense of humour’ Cillian said.

‘Oh what, wait…she didn’t laugh at your Irish jokes?’ you laughed.

‘Outrageous I know. I mean how could she not?’ Cillian joked.

‘Here is to failed dates’ you said as you held up your wine glass for a toast.

‘To failed dates’ Cillian responded with smile.

Over the next hour or so, Cillian and you finished both pizzas and talked about books, including the book you were currently writing, music and embarrassing things your kids had done.

Quite music was playing in the background by then while you talked and laughed together until Cillian brought up a specific book he had read recently, written by a writer named J A Hanson, which he said reminded him on you in a way.

‘I have read all of her books and I really wish I could write romance as well as her’ you said.

‘Her books aren’t exactly romantic’ Cillian responded.

‘Her storylines aren’t romantic, but the character she uses in all of her books involves herself romantically with several other characters throughout the series. The way she writes makes you relate to the character even in these intimate moments’ you explained.

‘She is 60 and probably speaking from experience. I have read in a paper a few months back that she had quite an interesting and adventurous youth in the 70s and 80s’ Cillian said.

‘Free Love…Yeah, I have read this too’ you laughed. ‘Perhaps I just need some inspiration to get over my block, otherwise I will never finish this damn novel’ you said as you poured yourself some more wine.

‘You don’t have to answer this, but when was the last time that…?’ Cillian asked and, before he could finish his question, you interrupted him.

‘That I had sex? Gosh…well over a year ago’ you responded, causing Cillian’s chin to drop.

‘Over a year? Seriously? I mean, surely, a woman like you would get plenty of offers…’ Cillian said, not knowing what else to tell you.

‘A woman like me? What do you mean by that Cilly?’ you asked with a slight giggle.

‘Well, you are attractive, smart and funny. You would get a fair bit of interest’ Cillian responded.

‘So, you think I am attractive?’ you asked with a smirk, causing Cillian to choke slightly on his wine. He regretted what he had said almost instantly, causing awkwardness between you.

‘Well yeah, I think you are an attractive woman’ Cillian said quietly. ‘In a totally objective way of course’ he added, while, just in this moment, you observed his facial expressions.

You observed him drop his eyes to your lips as he said it, and then lower to the place where your shirt opens at the collar, the buttons undone to below your collarbone.

He pressed his lips together. ‘I think I should probably get go…’ he said, and, before he could finish his sentence, you leaned in and kissed him suddenly, like the peck you give a boy you like on the school bus the second before you jump up and get off – a brief bravery without a plan.

He was caught by surprise.

‘Y/N’ he said and, before he could say something else, you apologised to him for what just happened.

‘I am sorry Cilly, I don’t know what just came over me’ you said.

‘It’s alright, I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was inappropriate’ Cillian said.

But, with Cillian’s response, you couldn’t leave it alone and asked ‘So, you don’t think that I am attractive?’ you asked, giggling slightly with some embarrassment.

‘Any man who thinks that you aren’t attractive is clearly blind. But, with that being said, it doesn’t matter what I think, you are 18 years younger than me and it would be wrong for us to take this further. Despite, I don’t want to fuck up our friendship’ Cillian said calmly.

You didn’t know what to say to his comment and, instead of using any words, you ran your hand gently over the side of his perfect face while biting your lip.

‘Just one kiss between friends then, we can blame the red wine after’ you whispered as a comfortable hot feeling washed over you. You felt some sort of attraction towards Cillian since the moment you met him, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself, let alone to him.

‘I don’t know Y/N’ Cillian said as you leaned closer towards him and pressed your lips onto his. You knew he was reluctant but he didn’t push you away.

To the contrary, as you kissed him, his hand came up in a rush to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. Within seconds, his tongue slipped between your lips, whispering over your teeth and began dancing with your tongue.

You noticed the brush of his stubble on your cheek, the press of his lips on yours and the way his mouth tasted, a mix of minty gum and red wine.

It shouldn’t have been so hot, but it was. The taste of him, the smell and flavour, and it made you whimper in your throat. You knew this was one off and you didn’t want this moment to end.

‘Are you ok?’ he asked after he pulled back a little and paused. He was scanning your eyes and there was a cautious considering from his side. You could tell that he was surprised about what had just happened.

‘Yeah, you?’ you said as you couldn’t help yourself but stare into his baby blue eyes.

‘Yes’ he said as he cleared his throat slightly.

There was an awkward silence in the room and you couldn’t stand it.

You build up all of your courage again and leaned over him, pressing your lips onto his once more.

Cillian didn’t hesitate then.

His tongue slipped right back into the same spot than before, before his lips then moved over your face and down to your neck, leaving gentle bites and kisses.

Cillian’s hands were busy touching you at the same time his lips were trailing over your neck.

One of his hands was in your hair at the back of your head while his other hand was moving down to press the small of your back so that your body was pulled forward into his.

As you were exchanging passionate kisses, you could feel the shape of him, the firmness of his body against yours, your legs pressing into his and his chest pressing into your breasts. You could also feel his erection through his jeans, hard as anything, rigid and warm against your tummy.

By this time, you wanted more than just kisses.

‘Sleep with me, just that once’ you whispered.

‘I can’t Y/N, you are 24, it is not right’ Cillian said pulling away from you.

‘It’s just sex Cilly, I am old enough for that’ you laughed.

‘Yes, but I don’t want this to ruin our friendship’ Cillian said.

‘It won’t. There are no strings attached, it’s just sex. Unless you don’t want me’ you responded. ‘Although I think you do’ you giggled as you ran your hand over his pants, feeling his erection.

Your comment made Cillian chuckle.

‘This is a one off, alright?’ Cillian asked, causing you to nod.

‘One off…and it stays our little secret’ you said before smashing your lips back onto his for another minute or two.

After you exchanged more passionate kisses you stood up.

‘Common, I show you my bedroom’ you said cheekily, taking his hand and guiding him towards the bed.

‘Can you help me with this please’ you asked, turning around to face the bed. Your back was now facing Cillian and you pulled your hair aside so that he can open the zipper of your dress.

Cillian unzipped your dress carefully, exposing your black lace underwear.

As you pushed your dress down onto the floor, Cillian began kissing your back and neck, while running his hands over your breasts and stomach, all the way down in between your legs.

You let out a brief moan before turning around to face him and help him pull his t-shirt over his head, exposing his perfectly shaped biceps.

Looking into his eyes, your hand glided gracefully, for once, past Cillian’s belt buckle and into the holy crevice of his Calvin Klein briefs. His cock was hard and ready.

You moved it between my your slowly, relishing his obvious eagerness.

You used the other hand to unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans, shortly after which he pushed them down to the floor while your other hand never left his warm and hard cock.

After the jeans came off, Cillian pressed his lips back onto yours while using his skilled hands to unclip the back of your bra. The bra also landed on the floor within seconds.

‘Lie down’ he whispered into your ear. You obliged and crawled onto the bed, facing him.

He loomed over you, climbing on to the bed as you scooted backwards further so that he could straddle your hips while you pushed up against him, wanting the rub and friction against you.

Cillian kissed you passionately as one of his hands moved in between your legs.

He could feel your body tensing up as he ran his fingers over the top of your panties

After all, he knew that it had been a while since you’ve been with anyone. He knew to take it slow and give you some reassurance.

‘Just relax’ he whispered into your ear with his thick Irish accent as he edged his fingers over the lace of your panties, his hand leisurely rubbing up and down the length of your squirming crotch, until he pulled your underwear aside and slipped two fingers inside of you.

You could feel your mouth widen and a loud moan escaped you as he teased the full mound of your clit. The stroke of his thumb was purposeful and steady on your firm, dripping pulse while his fingers plunged in and out of you, sinking further and further.

You held onto him tightly as the slipperiness he found made it easy for him to penetrate you with his fingers. You were so wet.

You shuddered at the pattern, shocked to find it could still stun you, unlocking newfound levels of moisture and desire, even when you began to meet the repetition of his thrusts. You naturally tilted and buckled beneath him.

As he was pushing his fingers in and out of you, he trailed kisses down your neck while your hands clutched at his shoulders, scratched down his back, held him tighter to you as I screamed into his skin.

Cillian’s breath grew more desperate and rugged.

‘It seems like we should take these off’ he said, causing you to nod with anticipation.

‘Don’t move’ Cillian ordered as he lowered himself on the bed while removing your lace undies.

Within seconds, Cillian’s lips were an inch away from your crotch, where he painted your inner thigh with tiny and soft kisses.

Cillian pushed your legs apart gently and you knew what would be next. You have read about this many times but this was the first time any man had gone down on you before and you were nervously biting your lip.

You tried hard to relax as Cillian’s lips finally reached your entrance, tasting the evidence of how much you wanted him.

‘Oh god, fuck’ you moaned as his head dove between your legs. His tongue prodded you softly, short licks against your clit.

Instantly, all restraint and reservations you had vanished. You were relaxed completely as his tongue danced and writhed inside of you.

With each skillful stroke, your thighs clenched. But you still needed more and he read you just right; he didn’t stop as you pushed yourself up the bed. Instead, he held you steady, causing you to look down at him and watching his eyes widen as they met yours, reacting to the rush of your wetness.

‘Cillian, oh god…you need to stop, I am so close’ you moaned, not wanting it to be over. You never came more than once so you wanted to feel him inside of you first.

‘That’s good, just let go’ Cillian said quietly with a grin before he continued and slid two fingers back inside of you while whirling his tongue over your clit.

You couldn’t hold on any longer, no matter how hard you tried. Your exhales began to emerge as deepening sighs and you leaned my head back and lived out the fantasy that had flashed through your mind all along.

‘Oh god Cillian’ you moaned as your back arched and a rush of ecstasy flew through your body. You grabbed onto Cillian’s hair as he sucked every drip from you as your orgasm flooded your body.

As you came down from your orgasm, Cillian shuffled himself back up the bed, kissing you passionately.

You could taste yourself on his lips and you were ready for more.

‘I want to feel you’ you whispered after your lips drifted apart and while reaching for Cillian’s hard cock.

‘Do you have a condom?’ he asked, causing you to nod. You had purchased some before your Valentine’s Date, just in case you needed them.

You reached for the bedside table and opened the pack of condoms, handing one to Cillian.

Cillian was quick to get rid of his briefs and put on the condom, before positioning himself on top of you, in between your legs.

He shuddered a great rushing gasp of breath as he entered you. He couldn’t believe how good you felt, so tight.

You felt him push into you then, slowly and carefully, filling you completely.

‘Cillian’ you moaned as you held onto him tightly as he slowly began to move.

With every thrust, you gasped, whimpered, soft mewling noises, begging for more.

You felt him all the way to your belly button and screamed out with pleasure, your hands taking the heat as he thrusted fast and deep.

As he picked up his pace, you got louder, groans becoming moans becoming shouts, and the bed frame thumped against the wall, louder and faster and louder and faster.

‘Oh god, don’t stop’ you moaned, his skin slapping against yours.

‘You are so beautiful’ Cillian said in between his moans before pulling out of you slowly and lifting up your legs above his shoulders.

He knew exactly that, this way, he would be reaching your g-spot while he was fucking you.

You were slightly surprised by this position but were flexible enough to run with it.

As he entered you again slowly, you let out a loud moan.

‘Fuck’ you moaned in between the high-pitched noises that escaped you.

‘Does this feel alright?’ Cillian asked, wanting to ensure that you are comfortable.

You nodded eagerly and whimpered a shaky ‘yes’ as he continued to thrust into you. He was right at your g-spot and you could barely control yourself.

He slowly picked up the speed and you could feel another orgasm coming on as the tip of his cock kept hitting your g-spot over and over again.

‘Cillian, oh my god, don’t stop…’ you moaned as you held onto his arms tightly.

You began to shake heavily as your orgasm washed over you and tears of joy escaped your eyes.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian groaned loudly as he felt your walls tightening around him. The sensation coupled with the sounds you were making sent him over the edge and he almost came in sync with you.

As soon as he came, you released your legs from his shoulders and he collapsed on top of you, kissing you passionately.

You could still feel Cillian pulsing inside you when the sudden oddness of what you had done washed over you.

‘Are we ok?’ Cillian asked as he slowly pulled out of you and removed the condom, disposing of it discreetly.

‘I think so’ you said shyly.

‘Good…because I really enjoyed this’ Cillian said as he ran one of his hands over your cheek gently.

‘Me too…plus, I’ve got some inspiration for my book now’ you said cheekily.

‘I am glad to having been of assistance. Make sure you credit me in the end notes’ Cillian said jokingly.

‘Hmm, if I did, it may become a best seller…Sex Scene Inspired by Cillian Murphy’ you said with laughter, causing Cillian to laugh also.

‘I should better get home’ Cillian said as he was playing with your hair. He really didn’t want to leave, but he felt as though it was inappropriate for him to stay the night.

‘You can stay here if you like…’ you offered, but Cillian declined.

After all, this was supposed to be a one off. You are nothing more than friends, or are you?

You accepted Cillian’s decision to leave and weren’t upset by it. You enjoyed your time with Cillian and slept well that night, snugging up in the doona which smelled like his aftershave.

Finishing the Book

The next morning, you got up early to begin writing the intimate chapter of your book. This was the chapter you had struggled with for a while and you finally felt comfortable writing it. If readers would know that, in this particular scene of your book, you were basically reliving your night with your friend, Cillian Murphy, that would be scandalous.

So, you decided to make sure that no one would ever find out about your little adventure.

Unfortunately for you, your grandma seemed to have a good sense of what was going on.

She was on time as usual and dropped Max back at your house at 10am.

‘Had a good night my dear? I can see you are working on your book.’ She said.

‘Yes nan, the play last night was lovely. It has given me some inspiration’ you said.

‘The play has given you some inspiration to write about orgasms?’ your grandmother asked with laughter as she read the screen on your lap top.

‘Nan! Oh my god, don’t read what I am writing’ you said with embarrassment.

‘Oh dear, it’s alright. Believe it or not, I used to write novels myself with a little hint of filth now and then. But, somehow, I don’t think that it was the play that gave you the inspiration to write this little naughty chapter. By looking at the bruises on your neck, perhaps it was your friend Mr Murphy who gave you this inspiration?’ your grandmother said with sarcasm.

‘Nan, no Jesus, please’ you said as your face became flushed.

‘Don’t be embarrassed dear’ your grandmother said. ‘It is good for you. I mean, he is handsome and I saw the way you looked at him yesterday evening…and the way he looked at you’ your grandmother continued.

‘There is nothing between us nan, we are just friends’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Alright dear, whatever you say’ your grandmother said, not believing a single word that came out of your mouth.

‘I better go, I have lunch with Alma later… I love you my dear’ your grandmother said before heading out of the door.

‘Love you too nan’ you said.

WHO WANTS A SECOND PART OF THIS?

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #Cillian Murphy x Reader #Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby smut #tommy shelby x reader #cillian murphy imagine #smut #fanfic

576 notes · View notes

harrywritingsbyme · 3 years

Text

A Show

Based Off Of This Ask

And This One

This One Too

A/N: I can’t get enough of these Subby wife!Y/n concepts!! I also love love love a good camgirl!Y/n and camboy!Harry read...so I combined the two! This one is hot as fuck...enjoy🙃

3.9k words

When it came to you and Harry, the two of you were always putting on a show. From the outside looking in, the two of you looked like a young and happily married couple. And without a doubt you two were just that. Neither of you could stand being away from one another for long periods of time and the both of you could just burst at the seams with how much love you two had. It’s just that you guys’ relationship had a couple more layers that weren’t exactly obvious to the people around you two and would definitely raise eyebrows if they were.

For starters, you and Harry were in a bit of a dom/sub relationship aside from your “foundation relationship” so to speak. As your relationship together blossomed, you and Harry ventured out into trying things that you’d never even considered doing in the past. After expressing your desire to give being a submissive a try, you and Harry tried it and never looked back. Of course you two weren’t in this space 24/7 and you liked to switch it up from time to time. But for the most part, you were perfectly fine with being subby with Harry as your Dominant. Sure when you two were out and about, you both exhibited some of those dom/sub tendencies, but it was nothing like how you both were at home. If you were feeling small, you were always in his lap or on your knees beside his legs, constantly begging for touches, cuddles, kisses, and his cock. And depending on how good of a little girl you’d been, Harry never minded to give you all of those things whenever you wanted. But if you weren’t a good little girl, he’d either take you over his knee and spank you, making you count out each one, or he’d decide against giving you his cock, no cockwarming and no sex. Also when at home, you’d always be in either a pretty little set of lingerie, or a cute little outfit that you’d picked out. Either way, Harry had complete and easy access to your body at all times. From the onset of you guys’ relationship as a whole, you gave Harry permission to take you anywhere and anytime he wanted. So if you were standing at the kitchen counter, Harry could simply come up behind you, pull your panties to the side(if you were even wearing any) and push his cock into you. And of course, if you weren’t feeling it, you’d simply use the safe word and he’d stop immediately. For you and Harry, this was heaven. And neither of you could get enough of it.

Another thing that wasn’t in the forefront when it came to you and Harry was you guys’ mutual exhibitionism. It was something about the risk that captivated you two and made you want to keep going and up the ante a bit. Now you and Harry are very good at not getting caught. The two of you are pros at keeping your little sexscapades under the radar, proceed to go about your business afterwards as if nothing happened, and have everyone around you think that as well. But whenever there was an opportunity to feed into that exhibitionism, you two always did. For example, last summer Harry planned an amazing trip to Italy for the two of you. He managed to secure a suite on one of the higher floors that was absolutely amazing on the inside, with an even more amazing view. The room had a balcony facing the water and you both took advantage of it all week long. Not only did you two cuddle up in your bathrobes in the morning when you guys ate breakfast or after a night out of taking in the city, you and Harry also had some very loud and intense rounds in that balcony. He’d be giving it to you so good out there. And as he slammed himself into you, he’d constantly whisper into your ear to scream and let the people down below know how good he was making you feel. When you two were at home, he’d make sure to make you moan and scream as loud as possible while telling you that he wanted the whole neighborhood to know what he does to you and how good me makes you feel. When doing movie nights with friends, you’d always cockwarm under the blankets. And if it couldn’t get any worse, Harry had one very large window in his office at work. This meant that whenever you popped in to pay him a visit, the number one, go to spot was right against the glass. Even though no one could really see what you two were doing, there was still a thrill that came from going at it against the window. There was also a thrill when it came to the possibility of someone knocking on the door. Even though getting caught would be horrifying and humiliating, whether it was from down below, or from beyond the office door, it was still a turn on for you both.

Now the third and final layer was a combination the dom/sub side of the relationship and your mutual exhibitionism. The two of you had a pretty sizable following on only fans. At first it was just you. But after things between you two got really serious and you told Harry what you were doing, you wanted him to join in on the fun. It was definitely a bit of a shock to him at first, but after mulling it over and listening to how much more jealous he’d be if he wasn’t included, Harry caved. And seeing how diligent you were about having a measure of privacy when it came to your identity was the icing on the cake. In the beginning of you guys’ “partnership”, Harry’d make an appearance every once in a while, the majority of the time popping in whenever you were live and watching you play with yourself or go on and on about how good daddy aka Harry, made you feel. This sort of pattern lasted all the way up until you guys moved in together. Once you two lived in the same space, Harry was a regular on there with you and he even had some times to himself. This platform that you once had to yourself grew and was even better than before. All of your numbers increased across the board and you both were very happy about that. Harry tended to be more happy about it out of the two of you though; he’d constantly tell you that they come to so see him and to see him rail you with a smug smile plastered across his face as he says it. And to be honest, he was kind of right. Your numbers were good before but they skyrocketed once he came into the picture and the most popular content was the content with the both of you in it. Now even though you two were enjoying yourselves, there was still a balance between public and private times. The both of you loved showcasing your amazing sex life and continuously feeding off of your mutual exhibitionism, but you and Harry also loved ditching the camera and the fans and just being alone together in that space as well. The sex was always mind-blowing, but it was taken to another level when it was intimate. The volume of intimate moments always outweighs the public ones and you two liked to keep it that way. The two of you went as far as to make a little schedule for what content you guys wanted to put out and when. And for the most part, you and Harry stuck to it.

Except for today though.

You were being a brat for the majority of the day. From the moment Harry sat down in his chair at work, your little messages game began. The first one was a simple one telling him that you were missing him already, which he thought was absolutely adorable and made him want to go back home and spend the day with you. After replying with a sweet message, he was able to go 3 hours without receiving any messages from you. In that 3 hour time period, you got some extra sleep and you got some things done around the house that needed to get done. And once you got all of that taken care of, you were on fire and you were riling Harry up. As you were doing a bit of self care you were sending Harry photo after photo, and explicit message after explicit message. He couldn’t get you to stop and he couldn’t stop himself from hardening in his pants. Every picture, message, or even the occasional short little video was more explicit than the last if that was even possible. You were going on and on about how couldn’t wait until he got home and that you needed daddy inside of you. It was so much that Harry couldn’t even leave out to get lunch. He was so hard that he locked himself inside of his office for lunch and took his cock out of his pants to let go of some of that mounting pressure. And even with that, it still wasn’t enough. As if things couldn’t get any worse for Harry, he was so close to finally getting off and coming right home to take care of the situation with you. Where was the problem? The time was moving incredibly slow as the day wound down and the workday came to an end.

Meanwhile, your little teasing session went on all the way up until a little after five o’clock. You sent your final tease to him when the time hit 5 before going into the room that you two had set up specifically for filming. You got the computer all ready, and your new toy from the box. The schedule said that today was your day to do a live performance of you playing with yourself. So you picked out a cute set of lingerie from your collection and put it on before making your way over and onto the bed in front of the camera. You then do a little test in the camera beforehand to see if everything looks good before starting your live stream. And in an instant you were flooded with viewers. Before just jumping right in, you have a little banter with your audience. You tell them in detail about how you’d been a bad girl for daddy today and that you were waiting for him to come home and deal with you. As you do this, you’re toying with your panties and playing with your breasts that were confined to the lacy bra you had on. You then go on to tell them that you were going to play with yourself anyway and just hope that you weren’t going to get into too much trouble, even though you knew for a fact that Harry was going to punish you for what you did to him today. In no time, your panties and bra are off and your legs are spread to expose the sticky area between your legs.

“Do you guys like this new dildo my daddy got me? It’s not as big as him but it’ll have to do.” You say happily, bringing the toy down to rub it against your plushy and very sticky cunt. You begin to tease yourself, pushing it up and down your folds and right against your entrance. Before pushing it into your entrance, your bring the toy up to your mouth to slobber all over it and make sure it was nice and ready. You then start to slowly push it inside, and as you do, your moans get louder from the way you were being filled up with the toy. It was nowhere near Harry, but it definitely felt good.

Now while you were on camera fucking yourself with the dildo, Harry was trying to get home. All of your teasing caused him to slip into his dominant space and he planned on really giving it to you and making sure that you knew how brats were dealt with. He was filled with anticipation and excitement to get home and right into you. Harry tried his best to avoid any traffic so that he could get home as fast as possible. Luckily for him, he managed to avoid a good amount of traffic and get home in less than an hour. He practically throws himself out of the car and into the house where he shrugs his coat off and charges upstairs to you. When he makes it up the stairs, he can already hear your moans echoing from down the hall. He pretty much sprints down the hallway towards the noise, his movement coming to a halt when he finds you spread out on the bed while pushing your toy in and out of your pretty little hole and moaning your little heart out. His mind just goes to giving it to you hard and without any type of mercy. You had the audacity to tease him all day long then play with yourself while you waited for him to come back home. He could see that you were filming but he could honestly care less, if you were going to be a brat, you were going to pay for it. Harry makes his way through the doorway and goes straight to the box that held some of you guys’ toys. Your actions immediately come to a halt when is steps enter the room.

“Daddy’s home!” You announce excitedly, keeping the toy inside of you and lifting yourself up into your claves. While you sit there anxiously waiting for him to come over, Harry picks out the shiny handcuffs that were inside the box. Without saying a single word, Harry completely undresses himself from behind the camera. Even though they couldn’t see him taking his clothes off, they could hear it and they were able to get a good idea of how good he looked from the way you were rocking back and forth on the toy below you. “Missed you so much t-“ You begin, being cut off mid sentence with a hand around your throat.

“How about you shut up?!” He snarls back to you, dropping the handcuffs onto the bed and turning your around into a new position before pushing you back against the bed. He then moves onto the bed, immediately straddling your body to keep you down. Since you were in a new position, Harry adjusts the camera a bit so that the audience could get a better view of you both. “It’s funny how you think that you can just do whatever you want and not get punished.” He chuckles down to you, pushing down on your throat one final time before releasing you. “Think that you putting on your little show is gonna stop me from teaching you a lesson and taking you however I want?” He asks rhetorically, as he picks up the handcuffs and brings his free hand to your wrists. He gathers them in one hand, bringing them above your head and securing them with the handcuffs. “If you wanna be a fucking slut and send me all types of obscene things while I’m at work and then get online and fuck yourself with a dildo, then I’m gonna treat you like a little whore. Understood?” Harry growls above you.

“Yes sir.” You whisper shakily. Your heart was racing and your body was tingly. Even though it was expect that he’d establish dominance over you and do whatever he wanted, everything was live. That meant that everyone was watching as you got punished.

“Now as your first punishment, m’gonna make you gag on my cock.” Harry says, bringing himself further up your body so that his cock was even closer to your face. He then wraps his hand around his girthy shaft and lifts his cock a bit to tap at your lips. Once they open, your mouth is immediately filled with his cock. Harry pushes in and lifts himself a bit so that you’re taking all of him all at once. He wanted to be in your mouth and in your throat. “Look so cute with a mouth full of cock little girl.” He admires through a moan, finally feeling the pleasure he was in need of all day long. After calming down a bit, Harry begins to move himself in and out of your mouth, each time pushing down on your face a little harder and keeping a hand pressed down onto your wrists. The sounds of your little whimpers and gags were euphoric for Harry. He liked knowing that you were stuggling a bit and he wanted the audience to know that you could take anything he gave you. As he continued to thrust into your face, your messages were being flooded with people telling him how he was lucky to have such a pretty set of holes and how good of a girl you are for taking his big cock down your little throat. “Fuck! Such a good little hole f’me.” He sighs, pushing back down into your mouth and grinding his hips down into your face. After a couple more thrusts into your mouth, making them a bit harder than the ones before, Harry decides to pull out of your mouth so that he can push into the hole he was most excited about. Since you were lying on the bed, Harry made sure that the camera was positioned in a way that only showed the lower half of your face. This meant that the viewers could see him pull his slobbery cock from your wet mouth and him on top of you. “Look so pretty babydoll.” He admires, taking in your tearstained cheeks and glistening mouth. “Gonna make you nice and filthy once I’m done with you.” Harry promises, gripping onto his shaft to give your cheek a little tap. He then lifts his body off of you and makes his way down between your legs.

“Need you daddy.” You whine, squirming against the bed as he kneels between your legs and stares at your filled pussy.

“Aww, does my pretty little slut of a wife want her pussy fucked?” He patronizes, swiftly pulling the toy out of your cunt.

“Yes daddy! S’achey down there.” You cry out to him, feeling yourself slipping into your subspace.

“Should stick it in your ass and fuck you like a real whore?” Harry suggests with a cynical chuckle, ignoring your cry out to him and bringing the dildo down to tap it back and forth against your puffy cheeks.

“Please daddy!” You beg, turning your head to the side to take the toy into your mouth.

“And suddenly, my desire to push this into your ass is gone.” He promptly states, dropping the dildo next to you and pushing you body back a bit, moving your face completely out of view. He then pushes your legs back a bit more so that you’re spread even wider for him. “Now are you going to take your pounding like the good little slut I know you can be?” Harry asks, bringing his hand down to deliver a quick swat to your sensitive cunt.

“Yes sir!” You promptly whined, needing to feel him inside already. And with that, Harry lines his cock up with your entrance and slams right into you. When he does this, your eyes roll to the back of your head and the biggest moan leaves your mouth. It felt so good to have his big cock inside of you. He was so big that you felt him in the pit of your tummy. You loved that. Now instead of giving you any time to adjust, Harry doesn’t stop; he goes straight into pounding into you. He couldn’t stop himself, your cunt just felt too good around his cock for him to stop ramming his cock in and out of you. Plus you were being punished which meant that you took whatever he gave. While Harry continued to fuck his cock into you, the audience was going wild. You two were getting an insane amount of tips and messages encouraging Harry to keep on fucking you and to go even harder, and messages for you saying how cute your pitiful moans sounded as you took his cock into your stomach. Harry was making you feel so good right now, his cock was going so deep inside and he was just slamming into you over and over again. You were on cloud nine.

“Y’look like a proper slut now.” Harry hums through a string of pants, taking in your appearance below him and bringing his hand back up to your throat that in turn silences your once loud moans. “Tearstained cheeks, drool coming out of that mouth, a hand around your throat, and m’cock in this delicious cunt of yours.” He points out, beginning to change the pace of his thrusts to more of a one at a time type of pace. He was still delivering those deep and hard blows, they were just a bit slower. As he continues on, Harry shifts his weight onto the hand that was around your throat and brings his now free hand up to the side of your face. Keeping his eyes locked in on yours, he gives you a soft squeeze before drawing his hand back a little to give you a nice slap. It wasn’t extremely hard, but it wasn’t weak either. It was enough to be for pissing him off. As he feels his release getting closer and closer, Harry does a couple more things to make you a bit filthier. He gathers some of his saliva in his mouth and he spits down into yours. From your eyes alone he could tell that you wanted to sallow, but you couldn’t since he had a tight grip on your throat. He then proceeds to do this twice more, aiming for your breasts that he’d neglected this go around. “Fuck m’gonna cum!” Harry grunts, feeling the warm and bubbling sensation mounting in his lower stomach. And before he could even comprehend how amazing he felt, Harry was erupting inside of you. The audience could hear his moans as he came inside of you. Meanwhile, you were on the brink of your release, but given the fact that you were being punished, you weren’t cumming any time soon. You hadn’t cum yet you could feel a tiny bit of a soreness forming in your lower half. As Harry pumped his cum into you, the messages just cheered him on to fill you up with his seed. Once he’s all done, Harry pulls his cock out of you, allowing all of his cum to pour out of you. He then releases your throat, causing you to break into a fit of pants as you try to catch your breath. “Came a lot in there.” He observes, tapping his fingers on your lower stomach before scooping up the cum that was dripping out of you and bringing it to your pebbled nipples.

“Now were gonna sign off now, but don’t worry, we’ll record the rest.” Harry hums darkly before ending the live stream.

You were going to be in for a very long, punishment filled night. There was no doubt in your mind that he’d be ruining you tonight.

Masterlist

1K notes · View notes