daily affirmations to make myself feel better: if tomura shigaraki was real, i would totally be his type and he wouldn’t be able to get enough of me
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
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Things I wish women were learning from true crime podcasts: how to spot early warning signs of abusive relationships, how to escape abusive relationships, how easily domestic violence can escalate to murder, how incredibly unlikely it is to be the victim of a crime done by a complete random stranger as opposed to friends and family
What women are learning from true crime podcasts: I am in CONSTANT danger and every day I survive without being murdered by a serial killer is a miracle. I should react to everyone I meet with distrust and paranoia and live my life as if I am in mortal peril and if anyone suggests that might not be healthy then they just don't understand what it is to Be A Woman In Today's Society
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*GRABBING YOU* HEY. HEY LOOK AT ME. SHURO DOESN'T HATE LAIOS FOR THE SAME THINGS HE LOVES FALIN FOR OKAY? OKAY? IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME YOU KNOW THAT ALRIGHT. IT'S IMPORTANT YOU KNOW LAIOS AND FALIN AREN'T THE SAME JUST GENDER SWAPPED ALRIGHT? Shuro hates (hates a strong word for it honestly but it's the simplest to use) Laios because he himself was raised to know and rely on subtle social cues and etiquettes that Laios doesn't pick up on while doing the opposite: being very outspoken and unknowingly making things awkward in some situations. THATS WHAT SHURO HATES. We see that Falin while still very weird in her own right is much more conscious of peoples feelings and social cues which Shuro appreciates.
SHURO DOESN'T HATE LAIOS FOR LIKING MONSTERS AND WEIRD THINGS AND LOVE FALIN FOR THE SAME HE HATES LAIOS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE THE ONLY WAY SHURO KNOWS HOW TO COMMUNICATE BOUNDARIES AND SHURO IS BAFFLED BY IT CONSTANTLY.
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Alhaitham, the moment his roommate leaves town: Ditches his house, hangs out in shady back alleys at the port, joins the black market to make illegal purchases, picks fights with random Eremites in the cafes, brawls with the chief of police, raids a forbidden temple, overthrows the government--
Call that "Kavehless Behavior."
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