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puhpandas · 2 months

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was thinking last night about the direction the fnaf story is going and I was thinking about vanny cassie. like vanny cassie would be such a perfect villain because it brings vanny back to the spotlight and cassie has a connection to Gregory as a friend.

her arc would be so tragic in every way and she wouldnt know what or who to believe. she would believe she was abandoned by Gregory again (in this case he didnt cut the elevator) like all her friends and her dad did and that vanny is a friend. both manipulation and supernatural mind control stuff like glitchtrap did to vanessa to create vanny.

and 3 stars could be the protags in a post hw2 dlc game that's big and free roam story like sb. I think Gregory would be a better choice as player because he would have the best reason to chase after cassie; shes his friend. vanessa would be very important also because like. Vannys back. and now she has a family and another kid shes gonna fight like hell for.

"the family missed the greatest opportunity of their lives" vanessa didnt destroy vanny glitchtrap and mimic when she should have, and now they're back. and she isnt gonna run away scared this time. shell finally end them for good

and also Vannys motivation. since vanny killed glitchtrap (probably to take his place as big bad bunny virus) this makes you wonder why shes doing this. we dont know why glitchtrap did it either so I guess the same reason as him. shes supposed to be reluctant tho so? idk what's changed. but we'll go with building the monarchy evil pyramid back up

so vanny would be trying to get all of the followers back, or maybe shes still following mimics orders and it wants them back. could have a potential rebellion plot from vanny at the end but that's besides my point

the point is itd be such a fun spot to reveal ggy. Vanessa's been hiding it from Gregory to protect him, maybe freddy too, and Gregory has no idea and just knows he has tons of memory loss. hes moved past it to live his new life, but after doing all this to get Cassie back, it turns out vanny wants all the followers back and hey, why is she talking about 2?? who is dr rabbit?? why is she after me??

I just think theres a lot of potential in a plot like that for all characters. Vanessa's arc as vanny is already so interesting but cassie has an obviously very similar arc becoming vanny but also so different. she would be manipulated while shes alone hurting and believing she was betrayed with abandonment issues and taken advantage of. vanny would be using her as a vessel, so theyd have to get her out of cassie to kill her for good.

and if Gregory had to find out about ggy at this point, itd be a big deal but also truly make that connection between cassie and Gregory. no matter who cut the elevator Gregory would feel at fault because he either did it or wasnt fast enough to stop cassie before it happened. so he would have to confront condemning cassie to the same fate his family and now apparently HE went through and that's his best friend man. and also not to mention the concpet of vanessa and cassie of course

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sumeruin · 1 year

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Prev got me thinkin, anyone on the genshin cast you would headcannon as a vampire and if so how do u think theyd act

minor writing smut, dni if uncomfortable!!!!

omg nonnie ty for letting me push my all the immortals are immortal because they’re vampires agenda <3 but!!! besides all the archons/adepti/kitsune/etc etc. i think diluc, albedo, and pantalone are really good candidates!! tbh i think anyone is a good candidate to be a vampire. i may or may not have a thing for vampires.

i think diluc would be one of the ones to try his hardest to hide it. he’d always feel so guilty about what he has to do :( even if you offered yourself to him i think he’d still be really hesitant to drink from you :( he just loves you so much!! it’d kill him if he accidentally hurt you or made you lose too much blood :( yandere or not, diluc would (sadly) never drink from you :(

i think albedo wouldn’t necessarily try to hide being a vampire, but he wouldn’t tell anyone or let anyone see him feeding. he’d definitely take you up on it if you offered to let him drink from you, but he wouldn’t bring it up himself so you’d have to ask first :( if we’re talking about yandere albedo, then i think he’d be the type to exclusively drink your blood!! he just doesn’t understand why he should have to wait to feed when you’re right there with your perfect, delicious blood :( besides, he always makes you feel so good afterwards!! you’d be dumb not to let him :(

with pantalone, he’d probably flaunt the fact that he’s a vampire to get what he wants :( even if he wasn’t the richest man in snezhnaya and a fatui harbinger, no one would ever turn down someone who could drain you of all your blood in just seconds :( with yandere pantalone, he’d definitely use drinking your blood as a punishment, and i think he’d be the type to make you drink his blood too :( he’d only do that when you’re being bad though!! so as long as you listen to everything he tells you be the good, sweet, little pet he knows you can be everything will be perfect :(

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luckloveandwaterfalls · 1 year

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heya! since you said you were taking support in form of hc's, here are a few dumb ones.

pre-tournament, i bet that briony and finley would have loved having movie dates. theyd also always set up a light-hearted competition to see who could find more errors in said movie. idk i just want them to be normal teens. please.

now this one is purely just me projecting, but i hc that gavin's dad,boyd i think, is spanish and that gavin picked up a bit of spanish from him. however, its mostly just curses and insults cause that what he'd hear the most. :)

moving on, reid listens to taylor swift. he'll never admit it but shes always in his spotify top 5 artists

go to youtube and search up "Y E S spells yes. What does E Y E S spell?" by michelle b. al would be the one getting asked the question and either hendry or gavin (or maybe both) would be the ones recording it.

anyways, good luck and motivation will be finding you soon. there is nothinng you can do to hide, you cannot escape. :]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE <3

This is 100% accurate for them, from the oddly strong opinions about inconsequential things to the unnecessary competition. Flawless. 10/10 headcanon. There are also so many ways to make it angsty (Briony watching a movie after they break up and imagining all the ways he would joke about it if he was there with her? Finley turning on the TV after All of Our Demise and needing to turn it off because it's one that they watched together? O u c h. Sorry for making it worse lmao)

Oww, anything about Gavin's shitty parents makes me so unwell. I definitely think this fits, especially only picking up the curses and insults. Poor Gavin :(

Omg so while I do not personally think this would ever happen, it's so hilarious that I can't stop thinking about it. I Did Something Bad is playing in the background while that TV reporter talks about him writing A Tradition of Tragedy. Alternatively, he happens to overhear the lyrics when Isobel is listening to this is me trying and Reid has to stare at the wall for an hour

Holy fucking shit this is so fucking funny, and yes you are absolutely right. And definitely both, they would absolutely be teaming up on Alistair for this. Gavin brings it up every time Alistair tries to do crossword puzzles for a month

Tysm :) Looks like it caught me! Life has been crazy lately but I just had a major breakthrough on a plot obstacle in Blood Before All, so I'm nearly finished with the next chapter. Plus many, many half-finished drafts for other AoUV fics that will hopefully be coming out soon!

#all of us villains #all of our demise #amanda foody #c. l. herman #aouv #aood #briony thorburn #finley blair #gavin grieve #reid mactavish #alistair lowe #hendry lowe #ask

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fossys · 6 months

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personal system stuff n sh mentions below, but we would like advice so if you are comfortable feel free to read

so ive never gotten to publicly talk about this bcs our irls follow all of our mains but. we have sh scars (on the collective body). we have been clean for almost 6 months (wooho!!) but anon n noire r very on edge about it n i wanna try n help them (i have anons permission to post this even though they disagree with me lmfao).

basically; we hide them and people in our irl besides like 2 select friends do *not* know we ever self harmed. we have some on our arm n some on our thighs so we basically stay fully covered most of the time.

Noire really wants to tell the bodies parents, considering they are all healed, we have been clean for a while, and we know that the bodies dad has dealt with it. Noire is also sick of constantly hiding it because it means we cant dress the body how a lot of us would like to (it also means we havent gone swimming something a lot of us love in a while, because it wasnt until the other day we actually got a swimsuit that could cover all of them.) _ so noire really wants to just sit down with one of the bodys parents and tell them so we can get it over with and stop feeling so bad about it (also bcs it almost got revealed a couple times already).

Anon does not want to do this, since he doesnt trust them or how theyd react to it, and he would rather hide it as long as we possibly can.

see, noire is our primary decision maker n i feel like they should, but it takes anons feelings about it into high priority because they are close, anon fronts a lot of the time and would be affected by how they react, (and the best way i can word this is a lot of them were anons).

so we are kinda stuck in the middle right now. noire would do the talking and actually reveal it, but anon would be affected a lot by how they react. i want to tell them for person benefit, target doesnt seem to care but i think hes nervous about it, glitch couldnt care less, walk thinks we should tell them as well, but ik some of the other fronters that are close with anon arent into the idea of telling them either so. we really dont know what to do right now n need some advice <3

#-val #tw self harm #advice #personal

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uraniumglassgirl · 1 year

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Nagi and reo do make me feel insane though. People mischaracterize them a lot but theres this fundamental aspect that no one sort of nails but i love. And its that their arcs both center around control.

Reo hates people who exert their will on others. his parents who want him to inherit their company. Barou, whos ego is so massive hes incapable of seeing others as people. Kuon, looking to betray team z (and basically give team v a playbook for the match). Isagi who constantly wants to be shotcaller, playmaker, and general mastermind behind everything. Except for when it comes to nagi. He’ll order nagi around until he cant anymore

Nagi is the inverse. He cant stand following orders. Especially ones that require him to put in effort. He almost refuses to learn playmaking from agi. Pretty much wants to quit blue lock before its started after hearing egos speech. But not when it comes to reo. In the early story the only exhilaration he can get is from following reos orders. ‘Nagi. Score 3 goals and you can have your phone back’ ‘nagi, score 3 more so we can get a nicer bed’

I think this is whats so satisfying about the dynamic. They fundamentally must grow apart to become better people, but they cant help but collide back into each other after too long apart in the most bombastic and toxic ways possible

Also this is fanfic stuff but people mischaracterize their romantic languages so bad. Reo is not shy!! He would not hide his crush from nagi. Reo has walked around calling nagi every pet name under the sun for the last 200 chapters. If any thing the main conflict would be nagis obliviousness combined with reos abandonment issues and teenage rage. Also i think after series theyd seperate again and when they came flying back together nagi would learn to understand his own feelings and would be the clingiest boyfriend in existence

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orange-coloredsky · 4 months

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most of my remnantposting is on my twitter or instagram that i refuse to go on ever again. so heres a ""brief"" summary of everything ive ever thought about them ever. good night

i dont think any of them are cool or sexy. i think theyre all teens-20somethings from the early 2000s with little to no emotional intelligence. kadaj bites and spits at people, yazoo has a hyena shriek laugh that genuinely scares everyone nearby, loz has a perpetual sniffle that cant be blown out no matter how hard he tries. they all listen to the gaian equivalent to tool. in my post-ac universe they squat in abandoned parking lots and apartments and constantly smell bad. they steal from local businesses daily. they love each other they kick the shit out of each other they would strangle each other in their sleep theyre all they have.

i dont think theyre in any way connected to the first class trio. if any of them met genesis or angeal theyd laugh in their faces. theyre sephiroth's shitty tulpas that werent expected to live more than 3 weeks. they're the defaced spirits of some dead kids no one cared about that were dug up and reanimated by the Sludgiroth. theyre each individually sephiroth, theyre sephiroth's headmates who escaped containment, theyre sephiroth's children, and they also would shoot sephiroth point blank if they could figure out how to get her to exist at the same time as them. all of this is entangled in my interpretation of them -- these are not separate instances of how they could exist, the remnants of sephiroth are all of these at once.

i am once again reminding the world that kadaj was originally supposed to be like 14 and they aged him up and subsequently nerfed him for the fucking movie and thats a crying shame. i guess i get why but its still sad. he was way funnier when he was a self centered middle schooler who could shapeshift and blow up helicopters with his mind powers. loz and yazoo are twins but loz is older by .3 zeptoseconds and he wont shut the fuck up about it. theyre both 22 at the very oldest. i cant really nail down a cohesive age for them. older than 18 younger than 23 (cloud's age in ac). specifically loz and yazoo have straight up telepathy between each other.

loz is my favorite to think about. when he sneezes he discharges electricity like a cartoon character. he likes dogs and a bunch of strays know where to find him for feeding times no matter where he's hiding that day. he's a wall puncher. he thinks he receives the least Hauntings from sephiroth but in actuality hes just got really good at ignoring whatever the fuuuuuuck is going on with that. hes not stupid hes not a himbo hes fucking autistic. he stole a catalytic converter once, went to jail and then turned into a haze of black smoke in front of everybody in the holding cell. everyone's reaction was "ah. this fucking bullshit again". sure, yeah, hes a secretly big softie but also has thrown people through brick walls. constantly uses the excuse "im just playing" after absolutely obliterating someone. the only way he can sleep is with the knowledge that yazoo is awake.

yazoo cannot go outside without being covered neck to toe. she wears gloves year round, inside and outside. if you tried to have a staring contest with her your eyes would shrivel up in your skull from dehydration before she would blink. she brushes her hair in exactly 153 strokes every day and night. she could tell you how to take apart and reassemble any shinra-issued firearm between the years 1970-1997. she's on the somethingawful forums. her contact picture in her brothers' phones is an anime cat girl surrounded by assorted ballistic and chemical weapons. she actually does have really shitty aim. like really bad its quite funny. any time she's hit something its been a stroke of pure luck. she's nocturnal actually. not a "night person" just straight up biologically encoded to be nocturnal like some sort of opossum or raccoon.

kadaj has 0 chill he will say anything that comes into his mind. its quite stunning. he goes on manic tirades about how nothing matters and how one day hes gonna kill everyone and then yazoo brings home his favorite muffin from a stall at the market and he evens out for a little. he does sermons for the gaggle of street urchins he orders around. he knows the most about the whole jenova-sephiroth connection thing and is mad about it. he stalks rufus shinra for years and has made the turks skitter off like mice just by looking at them. chronologically hes the oldest remnant (existed for several weeks-months prior to loz & yazoo) but bodily & behaviorally he's the youngest. needs constant monitoring lest he wanders into oncoming traffic while following the voice of god. the only way he can sleep is on top of one of his siblings.

#vii #sephiroth variety pack #txt #long post #like realy long ass post #i take them more seriously than any other character outside of the main game and i mean this 100% unironically #i have studied them to a similar degree as i have studied dima just for a much shorter period of time (3 years as opposed to 7)#they fucking rock i do not give a fuck what anyone says

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suicide-kidds · 6 months

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Sometimes i think about how things used to be.

I remember how much i liked you, i remember trying to get your attention. I remember you being there for me when i needed you, you always made me feel better. You made me laugh and smile so much, you were so sweet to me. I remember our drives and listening to music, hanging out with our friends and staying up late. I was so happy with you, and you were happy with me. Or atleast i thought...

I also remember all the red flags i ignored. All the rude things you said to me that i tried not to let bother me, all those flirty texts to other girls that i brushed off, all the lies i caught you in and all the ones i never mentioned.

I remember the first time you hurt me, that memory hurts me more now knowing what it became. We were fighting over something stupid that you were accusing me of doing and i was crying and that made you mad. I remember driving and you pulling my hair so hard that i almost hit the center console and drove us off the road. Which reminds me of when you also tried to wreck my car because i told you to go fuck yourself after you called me a whore for no reason.. The first time you actually hit me it wasnt even just once, it was several times during that fight, and then you walked out of the room while i lied on the floor hysterical because i couldnt believe you would do that to me. You loved me? The amount of times ive said that to myself over the past 2 years. You dont do that to someone you love.

When i remember thinking about how bad it was then im reminded by how much worse it got, how it wasnt just pulling my hair are hitting me. You were choking me, throwing me on the ground and kicking me, throwing things at me. You yelled at me when i cried saying i was pathetic and it was my fault and to be quiet. I hid bruises almost everyday from everyone i knew, non stop about my shitty concealer covering my bruised cheek, going to my families christmas with a black eye. Making up stupid excuses for the ones that didnt go unnoticed..

Yet i stayed.

I let you abuse me both mentally and physically because i cared and i loved you and for some stupid reason i believed you felt the same! I talked myself into believing you didnt stop loving me months ago, a year ago, 3 years...

I defended you to people when theyd say things about you, while you told people horrible lies about me.. You defended other girls.. I stood infront of you broken while you accused me of cheating but you were the one hiding things behind my back and getting with other girls. Youd even get mad at me when id trip on them or freak out if i asked you not to hang alone with them. You cheated on me and lied about it. Came home with hickies like i wouldnt notice. You cared more about how other girls felt and making aure you hungout with them mor than you cared about picking me up from work while you used my car. You used all my money and would get mad when i needed you to pay it back

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pactwyrm · 1 year

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1. most affectionate

ieyasu.. i feel like he would show both physical and verbal affection while seimei is reserved with both

2. little spoon/big spoon

height diff aside i always think the one w long hair has to be the big spoon so the other doesnt choke and die in their hair

3. most common argument

i think theyd disagree on a lot of things their ideologies are very diff.. but i think the one that stands out the most is seimei trying to do everything alone vs ieyasu relying on others (too much?)

that or... yasu probably disapproves a bit of seimei abandoning his wyrmclan leader duties altho sei still does it if its really necessary. sei similarly accuses yasu of going too far and not prioritizing his own needs

4. most likely to carry the other

yasu (no question about it) not only is sei a stick he would also just not want to carry someone else lol... at the most he'd make a shikigami do it

5. fav feature of the other

ieyasu: his (brutal) honesty; bc of this he prob smiles even when he is being badmouthed by sei.. also i just realised this prob meant physical feature so i think it'd just be.. how small sei is in general...

seimei: his smile (thinks it looks dumb but it puts him at ease anyway) (wont say it)

6. first thing that changes when they realise their feelings

seimei: avoids him, i dont think he considers the possibility of yasu returning his feelings and even if he does sei would rather not act on it at all

ieyasu: tries to make excuses to spend time with him but because seimei keeps avoiding him it always ends up being work-related (making sei tell his fortune etc)

7. nicknames

i like thinking abt seimei using the nickname boar (like he does for mitsuhide -> lazy mouse and kuzunoha -> stupid fox) but otherwise none... maybe the first time yasu tries to call him "my dear" seimei gets doman flashbacks so badly he makes yasu never do it again

8. who worries the most

yasu.. bc seimei is bad at self preservation. or at least seimei's concerns come off as more criticism than anything else

9. who remembers the other's restaurant orders

(modern au) i think seimei bc even tho he himself usually orders smth simple i think he'd be good at memorizing stuff like this (theyre like. spells)

10. who initiates kisses

i think both would but yasu a bit more often..

11. who reaches for the other's hand

yasu but i dont think they'd hold hands often bc its like useless pda in seimei's mind

12. who kisses the hardest

... kinda think seimei bc i feel like yasu would be more gentle but maybe if he was really h

13. who wakes up first

ieyasu but only bc he has a better sleeping schedule, if they slept at the same time it would be seimei

14. who wants to stay in bed longer

also yasu... referencing this

15. who leaves notes in the other's lunch

(modern au) i think yasu would be terrible at housework/cooking so it would be seimei anyway.. but i feel like it would just say smth like "dont forget to buy x" or other practical reminders

16. who tells their family/friends first

neither of them have any living family members... 💀 i think seimei would either want to hide their relationship or at least not bring it up ever bc he thinks theres no need.. i think ieyasu's retainers would know quite early and he might let it slip to the other wyrmclan leaders

17. what do their family/friends think

i think ieyasu's retainers would be concerned just bc of the whole heir thing like i think thats what anyones first thought would be.. botan probably supports it tho lol she's probably the one who told him to be a man and ask sei out in the first place

on seimei's side i think kuzu would just be really shocked "lord seimei in??? a relationship??" (<- the reaction being the main reason seimei doesnt want her to know) but she prob has no qualms about it otherwise.. i think gozu would also be happy for him bc it means hes really living (?) his life instead of feeling bound by his duties..

mitsu probably finds the whole thing very amusing bc she's like how the hell do you two find each other attractive... shingen and yoshitsune are supportive tho the latter more in a teasing kind of way

18. likely to start dancing with the other

while seimei is better at dancing i dont think he would particularly try to start dancing w a partner, i want to see yasu get excited about alberian ballroom dancing after he learns it... referring to this and this (bottom pic only)

19. better at cooking

definitely seimei just bc i think yasu cant do household chores.. but i dont think seimei would be particularly good at it hes just. capable

20. who comes up with cheesy pickup lines

yasu but theyre just like. pickup lines in poem form

21. who whispers inappropriate things at inappropriate times

HA... i would say neither but also.. can kinda imagine seimei doing it during formal gatherings to make ieyasu flustered .. i think even if yasu did it it would never be explicit even if it was whispered

22. who needs more assurance

honestly ieyasu hes so self deprecating in shingen's story i think he doubts himself a lot... seimei is always brutally honest with his opinions but i think it helps yasu that he isnt showering him with empty words

23. their theme song

i.. dont know enough songs but i did want to draw smth based on harehareya (hanyuu maigo) with them.. it feels more like sei -> yasu (unrequited) but i like certain parts of the lyrics for them a lot..

24. sing their child back to sleep

oh.. 🥺 i like to think sei likes singing at least a little bc of rikugo but i think yasu would just have a naturally nice voice.. seimei probably sings when no one else is around

25. what do they do when theyre away from each other

i think most of their time is spent away from each other even after marriage(???) they have wyrmclan duties..

26. who asks the other on dates

yasu but i think itd always be really mundane stuff

27. who is the bigger cuddler

ieyasu..

28. what does the other do when theyre sick

seimei: talks like he doesnt want to nurse him but will do all the basic stuff

ieyasu: stresses out but doesnt know what to do it doesnt help that sei insists that hes ok

29. who remembers anniversaries

i think both of them would but yasu makes a bigger deal out of it.. i think theyd only do something for like major ones tho

30. who is more possessive

ieyasu.. i think he has a bit of a messiah complex but in the sense that he often pushes for what he thinks is good for someone even if the person themselves is against it (e.g. how he distanced himself from botan thinking it would be better for her) and with seimei i think yasu views a lot of his actions and mindsets as unhealthy. especially seimei's self sacrificing tendecies when it comes to doman and the way he uses doman to push himself out of his kodoku spasms... i think in the worst case scenario it makes yasu want to become more controlling over sei and his actions bc he thinks he knows what's best for him. also tbh if your boyfriend thought of another man (doman) constantly (bc of kodoku) and you cant do anything about it (hes dead) that would make anyone more jealous/possessive fjdjgbjd

31. who gets more jealous

feel like it ties in with the above so yeah yasu

32. who is more protective

ieyasu but i think they both tend to have self-sacrificing tendencies.. i wrote a short fic abt this..

33. who dislikes pda more

definitely seimei i think hes alr bad with displays of affection but it being public is just. the worst

34. who kills the spider

i kinda feel like neither would bother?? but if its being annoying i guess seimei would blast it in flames

35. who asks the other to marry them

probably yasu bc i kinda think seimei would be satisfied w the way they are but yasu seems like the type to pursue a traditional romance/life so.. also think sei would overthink their positions too much to propose but yasu just goes for it bc while sei is the type to defy the rules yasu would just try to change them outright

36. who buys the other flowers/gifts

ieyasu but mostly because i think if seimei were to give a gift it would be. handmade or smth

37. who sleeps on the couch when the other is angry

(modern au) ieyasu LMAO kicked out of bedroom.. kinda like this ⬇️

38. who tries to make up first after arguments

ieyasu..

39. who tells the other they love them more often

also ieyasu i think he would just verbalize it a lot

#seiyasu #hc #ship meme #i guess...

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the-little-red-noodle · 1 year

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1-12-23 12:06am

You know it’s bad when she’s getting on tumblr

It’s probably been 10 years, nearly exactly. Where did my coping skills go? Where did my hope go? This can’t be just a boy. This is existential. This is everything wrong. This is the 2 people i loved the last 3 years being passive about my affection. Take it or leave it.

I feel empty. I’m all squeezed out. All the good parts of me were handed out in high school. All the passion, all the butterflies, all the fairytale love went down the drain with Harrison, and i don’t think I’ve been in love with anyone since. I’ve drifted to whichever nest would house me for a couple months, and now it’s catching up to my body. All the use, all the pain, all the abuse. The touches i didn’t want, the trauma of loss, and i don’t even know real loss. Abandonment. I’m a shell. You guys won, I’m empty now. I’ve been pushed between people, and didn’t love myself enough to think about it too much. That should have told everyone that something was wrong.

I haven’t hurt myself since i was 15 or 16. I haven’t had to cover up cuts and dread a hot room and dart my eyes around to see if anyone noticed. I haven’t had to strategize how to avoid revealed skin for long enough that theyd look like cat scratches.

Day 0, again. This is the 2nd time in the last few weeks now. I has this horrible realization that when you’ve had an addiction like this, it’ll find you when you’re at your lowest. Even when you’re 10 years sober. Even when you’re the one moms ask for advice about their girls hurting themselves, and you stare blankly because you legitimately forgot what it felt like. To need that, to do it, to feel the after, to hide it..

it’s hot. Warm to the touch, it feels 10 degrees higher than the rest of me. Rush of immune cells and macrophages. Lysosomes dropping off tangled proteins to ward off the invader bacteria that comes from an open wound.

I’m sorry body. I’m sorry for making you feel like you needed to expend the biomatter to clean up after me. I’m sorry for making you confused. I thought we were passed it, too.

Here you are again, Sam. 10 years later, you’ve wound up in the same mental space. You’ve lost your overachiever mentality for school. You’ve lost becca, a best friend of a decade, and you havent even begun to grieve it because youre so resentful and think youre right. You’re far from your family. Youre in a dark apartment in a city you dont care for. You’re starting to get a bad drug habit, with molly this time, so you can numb the bad and feel good. This ones way better than the weed youre using. Youre still scared to talk to girls. You’re settling for whoever will express sexual interest in you because you so badly want to be chosen. You so badly want for someone to want you and find you intoxicating. You think you used to be, i think i used to be. But a luxury product tarnishes when it’s always on sale.

Coming out of a breakup to people putting in fuck buddy applications just actually solidified that this is how people see me. I’m an object. I’m not ugly, but I’m not smart or sexy enough, I’m not actually worth the trouble i cost. I’m just pushed between rooms to the next person who wants to hold my skin for 20 minutes, say they think my hair is cool, and that I’m so interesting when i haven’t said a word.

Edgar basically telling me that he’s not sure he was ever in love with me, school pitfalls, family fragments, i cant even take care of myself enough to adopt a dog.. i just feel like this unremarkable waste of a person.

I wish that i could block me out. I deleted my instagram. I want to block everyone and delete every phone number and write out every word o hate i think and eat the paper. I feel like the paper cuts would be enough to finally drown me out.

I used to try. I used to have that fire. I would feel like i was getting back on the horse, gallop a couple yards, and then get bucked off. My attitude was my saving grace for this last decade, but it was also contrived. I was the manic pixie dream girl. I clung to that. I wanted to be just that. I wanted to be sparkly and bubbly and brightly colored but I’m cynical and I’m selfish and I’m mean and i talk about friends behind their backs and i start drama and i flirt with people until I’m done with them or get bored and move on, and i half ass things, and i have an attitude with my manager, and i eat like crap, and I’m not as friendly as i used to be, and I’m not as genuine as i used to be, and I’m not as trusting as i used to be.

Can you blame me?

Once you go through this many friendship explosions, this many breakups, this many mental breakdowns, this many panic attacks, this many nights holding a push pin, you just stop trying. I get it, id be sick of me too. Id call me a succubus too. Id uninvite me to parties. Id avoid me like the plague. The only people in my circle in la now are the ones i haven’t burned too bad yet, but i will. Because I’m selfish and bad and it’s all a lie. I’m not sweet. I’m not thoughtful. I’m not empathetic, i clam up when people spill emotions now. I’ve been tarnished. I’ve been ruined. Somewhere along the way, those things i loved about myself became myths that i tried to keep alive.

Everything hurts and I’ll close my eyes and I’ll be fine in a week, and I’ll laugh it off that i just had a bad night, just a couple of bad nights.

I need sleep, i need physical contact, i need to feel anchored in this week but i so tragically don’t. Becca pulled my roots out of the ground and left me dry and I’ve been laying on the pavement looking up at the world growing apathetic. I deserve this. I’ll stay here.

Sorry to anyone who’s met me, sounds like a bad time ngl

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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years

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#mine #angry at the fact i am following this guy around like a lost puppy and he called me cute and igot verh happy #evil thoughts head Evil #maybe i am stalking him a little bit<3 #sick of my romantic escapades tbh tired of romance i just like him #im kinda obsessed with him and bad at hiding it but he doesnt mind at least<3 teehee #he just enables my insanity and i like it <3 #to be fair im not being actually insane this time im just very clingy. ive been good about giving him alone time i think so im proud #also im feeling like if anyone i knew stumbled across this blog theyd know it was ME immediately bc my typing patterns are too recognizable #he is my little meow meow ive started calling him all sorts of ridiculous nicknames its very funny #i just like this man in an actually normal way. ik i said i was being insane a few short sentences ago but im like less insane than i WAS #feels a bit healthier :)#will i be insane about him in a later point in time? i might. who knows #im not gonna find the perfect guy so easily so im just gonna fuck around and find out and do what i want even if it means getting hurt #i just want to have fun<3

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sleevesareforlosers · 3 years

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really a twitterverse question but are people (really just cherri/newsie/chimp) ever confused/surprised by the way the fab four (particularly kobra) are with the baby Girl??? i was thinking about how Same Old Antics is partly about reputations/the way people are perceived and the juxtaposition of kobra’s reputation and his interactions w the Girl is so interesting to me that i wanted to ask like how does seeing kobra w the girl affect cherri’s opinion of him and vice versa with him & the twins

oh this is an interesting one! i'm gonna try to be coherent but if im not just lmk and ill try again skdjfh

short answer: no. its not surprising

long answer:

the thing with the girl (in all my canons but ill focus on twitterverse here ofc) is that the fab four dont really... advertise that they have her? theyre already Very wanted by the city (even moreso in SOA) and the girl is Also very wanted by the city so they try to keep a low profile and not like. spread around that theyre raising this highly wanted and important child (BLI knows abt her powers but the fab four kinda dont) bc otherwise the pursuit would be so truly relentless. sure, they take her places and they dont really Hide her but if you consider that cherri didn't know they had her despite it a) being up on the fab fours reputations and b) being Really close with doc who's like... the reason that the four have her then yeah, its not common knowledge that the fab four have a kid.

but like. esp kobras reputation doesnt really have to do with anyone else? like he doesnt have a reputation as being an asshole or being widely hated or a loner or anything he's got a reputation of being a fucking good racer, a quick fighter, and a bit easy. none of the fours reputations Really have to do with them being idk, cruel, just standoffish and wild and yknow, teenagers/young adults (like age range 19-25) in the zones. when you contextualize them as parents/guardians/whatever then things like kobra and ghoul never inviting their hookups back to the diner, party being a bit reclusive and mysterious, even jet having like. a Thing with mad gear but not touring with him or anything starts to make sense.

for the twins their interactions with kobra/the four before they found out about the girl were 1) a mostly-chance encounter in zone five (only two of them) 2) a trade where somehow a toy robot meant more to kobra than getting revenge on cherri did (and only three of them went into the hideout) and 3) a bar fight where again, the whole crew wasnt there. so taking those encounters and combining them with the well-known fact that the four had taken a risky and short-notice run into the City and the lesser-known fact that doc had intel in an important kid needing to get out of the city in the same timeframe, cherri puts those pieces together really fast when he sees the picture that kobra had in his backpack during the race

all this to say that cherri rolls up to that shipment interception and comes face-to-face with the girl for the first time and is met with a) jet, clearly unenthusiastic about it interacting with their kid b) kobra, fairly neutral on the whole thing but him and cherri had also had. a few more encounters then the rest of them and c) party outright telling it to fuck off and not talk to their kid and it goes "oh these motherfuckers are protective"

newsie was probably more surprised but also zie had even Fewer interactions with the four and didn't really see them with the girl until after party had been taken which really had everyone thrown for a loop. chimp was the least surprised bc well, the four had nothing against her when she met them, really, other than maybe thinking she had bad taste, so there was no animosity like there was with the twins. she managed to sweet talk them into letting her hold the girl on the first meeting by smiling and asking and , behind her, pony and doc flashed a thumbs up at a suspicious-looking jet

and like, despite them being not nice to outsiders (to say the least), theres nothing about their reputations to suggest that theyd be mean to each other. crews (esp in my canons) are SO reliant on liking and trusting the other people in them, if the four have a kid its not out of a sense of obligation or anything, its because some part of them Wanted to raise a kid and theyre gonna do their goddamn best with her. if that includes four highly-lethal and wanted rebels stacking blocks and babytalking at a toddler whose first five words included three swears then hey, so be it

god god god okay you already god a short answer but to sum up (again) its not surprising as much as eye opening, throws a bit of light on why the four act like they do about certain things.

#twitterverse #sorry i completely lost the plot on this one if it answered your question at all ill be so so so surprised #anonymous #uh. you can send follow up if you want ill try not to write another goddamn essay abt it

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larrivex · 3 years

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Homie u KNO I gotta ask u for the larrivex for those hcs

where they first met and how

i have no reasoning for this but i feel ghastly (with help from hopeless) first recruited larrikin who was STARSTRUCK but very good at hiding it. probably just in some random tent in the middle of ireland a few weeks after ravel was captured

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

OH MY GOD SOOOO LONG....... ok they met in 1850 they got together 40 YEARS LATER THEYRE IDIOTS. they both caught feelins pretty quick but larrikin dismissed his (he gets fleeting crushes often) and dexter did a terrible job of hiding his

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

hm.... i mean lbr larrikin saw him shirtless the first time and that cemented it in his mind they had to at least sleep together. then they had their longass song and dance through the centuries. i think larrikin fell for dex furst but def denied it for longer

where their first date was and what it was like

uh canon they. well they were a bit busy i dont think theyd have one? though tanith and saracen seem to count "lying amongst the carnage of battle" a date so i guess they did that a lot. larrikin lives au though it was probably some small beach along the countryside. they had a fun mountainclimb too! :D

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

I HAVE A FIC FOR THIS. NO SPOILERS (ok small spoiler: 1890s ball)

who proposes first

they dont, really? they dont need it. i like the idea of them having matching tattoos tho (not just bc i want dex to have tattoo. ok mostly bc of that)

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

they TRIED. but theyre too fucking giddy and more than a bit handsy and literally everyone knew as soon as they got back

if they adopt any pets together

i think if they ever settled down (unlikely, neither are homebirds) they may get a cat. or multiple cats. and some dogs. they both like animals :D

who’s more dominant

they switch :)

where their first kiss was and what it was like

THIS ONE IS IN THE FIC NO SPOILERS (BALLROOM DANCING)

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? )

OH MY GOD DO THEY...... they have sooooo fucking many. gag gifts from the dead men,actual sentimental things, little trinkets from souvenir shops

how into pda they are

oooh, depends. theyre not the handholdy sort but theyll sit closer together when theyre in a group, dance every opportunity, and random kisses when they feel safe

who holds the umbrella when it rains

thats assuming they even own an umbrella?? poor adepts are too used to having elemental friends

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

anywhere and everywhere outside. beaches, mountains, forests... long walks in the middle of nowhere without stressing over being attacked at any moment are their favourite

who’s more protective

dexter. he watched larrikin almost die once, and its NOT happening again

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

sharing a bed? pretty soon after they met (it gets cold in ireland at night!!! it was DEFINITELY just for warmth). tbh itd be pretty bad form to fuck when ur friends are light sleepers in the tent next to you idk maybe they got creative

if they argue about anything

after a few centuries you get most of the real arguments out of the way,but they probably have random spats about trivial shit randomly

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

anywhere people wouldnt normally see is free game. dex is probably more into it though

who steals whose clothes and how often

dexter would rip larrikins clothes idc how built lar is dexter is 6'2 and larrikin is 5'9 MAX. larrikin will appropriate dexters old tshirts into sleepwear most of the time

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

both of them in the weirdest position possible and taking up the most space, yet somehow still holding on go each other :3

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

physical? just lying in bed together. just in general? again, adventuring or going on some hike, or just hanging out with friends

how long they stay mad at each other

the longest was almost a decade (they can both be stubborn) but usually no longer than a week

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

black, but they both like to add sugar. theyre just used to going without

if they ever have any children together

definitely not

if they have any special pet names for each other

their favourite game is coming up with the dumbest terms of endearment. i think they would be overjoyed at "my beloved" becoming a popular phrase

if they ever split up and / or get back together

never officially, but theyve definitely had time apart

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

somehow a mix of military neatness and frat house

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

considering it was the middle of a war, just chilling around a campfire with the rest of the dead men. they took care to place their tent much further away than usual ;)

what their names are in each other’s phones

in line with their petname game, they change pretty often. sonetimes the others will steal their phones to make them normal, after some badguy or another saw dexter hang up a call from "beloved wife" (changed by saracen actually, from something a LOT dirtier) and suddenly rumours were spreading of dexter vex having a secret mortal wife

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )

adventuring!! all the time. but they have special places to go on their "birthdays"

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

larrikin for both. hes a light sleeper but god can he just drop on the spot

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

they swap!!!!

who hogs the bathroom

...am i allowed to say they uh. both do ;)

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

either. but dexter prefers to put them outside and larrikibs is taking after him

#ur insane for thisssss IT TAKES ME SO LONG TO WRITE THESE. ily though it firces me to think abt them indepth more #vexasks #train whistles at night #skulduggery pleasant #dexter vex #larrikin #larrivex #laxter #long post #scheduling this for. Not 4am

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smalltragedy · 3 years

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* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine.

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere.

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster.

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows.

#irvingintro #death tw #grief tw #car accident mention tw #drugs tw #specifically weed n psychedelics i think

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ellovett · 2 years

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Uhhh im gonna talk about my recent dreams bc its bugging me a lot and like there seems to be an unsettling pattern to them?? its under the cut. If you want to filter this post just filter the tag 'kcs sleep schedule is fucked'

CW: creepy dream related shit, sleep paralysis, uncanny valley(?)

Man ive been having like. 3 dreams in a row so far, where like, i have deliberately tried to wake myself up in my own dream 💀 like i would dream smthn at first, that dream would go bad and my dream self would just try to escape that situation by like, running, hiding. I even remembered trying to jump down this abyss thing that was in the dream so that it would kill me and I would wake up, but like somehow it was in a loop? Like id fall through the ground and end up back where I came and I'd just try again and again bc i really wanted to wake up.

I vividly remember one dream where I was desparately trying to set my alarm like a minute later thinking somehow that was going to get me awake bc an alarm usually wakes me up and I do remember being so scared. And like I was doing that bc i didnt like my dream and the people were mean to me and stuff.

Like I knew i was in a dream, and didnt tell anyone and just kept it to myself and i was trying to wake myself up in secret bc if anyone else in that dream knew what I was doing theyd do smthn bad to me.

And then another dream where it's like im in a sleep paralysis situation?? Like a sleep paralysis thing,,within that dream, like i was having sleep paralysis in my dream and I was like screaming to my mom to wake me up bc somehow i saw her just walking in the room I was in.

And then the third one was just weird, within that dream, i was trapped in this like. Artificial world thing? With like people who seem nice on the outside but on the inside were incredibly messed up. And again in this dream I knew I was dreaming, but I didn't figure it out until after my dream got bad. There were two ppl with me and they were helping me get used to like the shit around me, and like after a while we were talkinf and then all of a sudden one of them just points a box cutter to my neck, and like idk I hated it it felt so real and it hurt. And i was terrified and they were smiling so wide and they were just staring at me, then I remember suddenly being aware that i was in the dream and i was trying to escape that world/dream and I was contacting like people I knew in my phone bc i thought that would help me wake up. Literally when I woke up I had to like palm my neck to see if there was any like. Cuts bc it felt that real.

All three dreams recently just involved me being aware that im in a bad dream, and just me being terrified and trying to escape it through any means, and like. I havent told anyone in any of those dreams that they werent real so im terrified on what would happen if I ever told them, I cant control myself in those dreams, so Im just scared i might just say it accidentally.

Anyways thats it idk im just disturbed, hopefully this next dream wont be the same 💀 i cant deal with it fr

#admin post #kcs sleep schedule is fucked

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elisela · 4 years

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i was just gonna say......... hs dad!eddie? whose parents think theyd be better off raising Christopher? hs!buck already like I LOVE KIDS? hmmmm

I’m combining these two!

1. Eddie thinks he has the most spectacularly bad luck in the history of the universe; he has a girlfriend for two months, sleeps with her a handful of times, and gets her pregnant. In his junior year of high school. Shannon doesn’t tell him until she can’t hide it anymore, and by the time Christopher is born, her parents have already bought a house halfway across the country and are pushing them to give the baby up for adoption. Eddie wonders if he’s making the biggest mistake in the world, but it sits wrong with him to hand his child over to someone he doesn't know, so he sucks it up and tells his parents. A judge awards him sole custody ten days after Chris is born; five days later, Shannon is gone.

2. Buck sticks to himself in high school. He’s popular enough; he plays every sport he can just to have a reason to stay out of his house, a reason to be around people who want him around, but he doesn’t really get close to anybody. He’s heading into his sophomore year when he hears about how Eddie Diaz knocked a girl from another school up and after listening to people gossip for three days while he’s forced to wipe up soda spills and tolerate middle aged women rubbing his arm, he finds himself on Eddie’s block. They know each other--everyone knows each other, they’ve been going to the same schools since birth--and both he and Eddie are on the track team, although they’ve only and a few conversations. Still, he feels the urge to check in, because he doubts anyone else is. Eddie’s mom shuts the door in his face for his trouble.

3. Having an infant is hard. It’s harder when you’re a 17 year old fuck up, and even more difficult when your parents don't think you can do anything right and are constantly on you to sign your parental rights over to them. Eddie ends up moving in with Abuela three weeks before his senior year starts, which causes the biggest fight they've had yet and rather than wait for his sister to get back with his car, Eddie grabs the backpack he’s been using as a diaper bag, takes Chris, and leaves the house. They end up at the little cafe half a mile from the high school, and Eddie walks in the door because he has nowhere else to go. When Buck cocks his head and says, “you doing okay, man?”, Eddie almost cries. He hasn’t been asked how he was since he found out Shannon was pregnant.

4. Buck brings him a sandwich and an iced tea and shifts back and forth before asking if he could please hold the baby. He spends the next two hours gently bouncing Chris up and down, smiling at him, until he falls asleep, and rather than give him back to Eddie he eases him into the crook of his arm. Buck loves kids, and he’s always been good with babies in particular; Maddie did a lot of babysitting when he was younger and she’d bring him with more often than not.

5. Eddie and Buck spend more and more time together, usually at Abuela’s, playing with Chris on the carpet or taking him out on walks in the evening after they’ve gotten their homework done. Buck breaks his wrist in early September and, rather than spend his whole time on the bench watching the football team, quits. All the hours he’d spent practicing are now spent with Eddie, trying to make a now five month old Chris laugh. When Buck skips the winter formal because Chris has a fever and Eddie hasn’t slept in nearly 24 hours, Eddie hands the sleeping baby over, watches Buck get settled on the couch, then leans over and kisses him gently.

6. Eddie’s a Mexican-American kid raised in a Catholic family in Texas. With a seven month old. Once the high of being able to kiss Buck wears off, the shame and doubt starts to set in. When he tells Buck, “maybe we shouldn’t do this,” Buck looks at him and says, “Why? You can’t get me pregnant.”

7. Eddie signs up for the Army on his 18th birthday. He doesn’t tell his family. He doesn’t tell Buck. He knows what the reactions will be, but he’s a teenage father who has very little options available to him, and he knows he has to do what’s best for his kid. He puts in to be a medic, figuring that will transfer easily to a job after he puts his four years in.

8. Chris lives with Eddie’s parents when he leaves. Despite Eddie asking them to please let Buck see Chris once or twice a week, they never open the door or answer the phone. He doesn’t see Chris for nearly a month; not until Abuela walks into the cafe with Chris on her hip. Chris reaches out for him immediately, and Buck absolutely does not burst into tears. Abuela tells him that she misses him as well, and lets it slip that she watches Chris on Tuesdays and Thursdays until dinner. It doesn’t give him a lot of time to work with, but he if goes straight there from school he usually has three hours to spend with Chris.

9. Eddie’s been stationed in San Antonio for almost a year now, and Buck is heading into his senior year. Buck writes Eddie a letter every week--they both have cell phones and they talk every night, but he likes the feel of pouring his feelings out onto paper. Eddie only writes back one time; post-marked the day he had told Buck that he was being deployed. The only thing the letter says is “I love you”. It’s the first time he’s said it.

10. They don't talk a lot while Eddie is deployed. Buck keeps writing letters and he gets them back sporadically; sometimes three or four will come all at once after two months of not hearing from Eddie. But when he does get them, it’s pages worth. Eddie writes about what it’s like in Afghanistan, writes about all the different people in his unit and where they’re from, what they’re like, writes about times he remembers with Buck. But Buck’s favorite is when Eddie writes about what their life will be like when he’s out: that after spending so much time in the desert, they’ll live by the ocean. They’ll spend days running around after Chris, weekends driving around and exploring, they’ll have jobs they love, and they’ll never, ever be apart.

11. Chris gets his CP diagnosis three months before Eddie’s supposed to come home. Buck doesn’t hear from him until the day Eddie shows up on his porch, crying.

12. They go to the courthouse the day after Buck graduates high school to get married. Eddie signs up for his second tour three days later. He doesn’t tell Buck before.

send me a buddie au & I’ll write 5+ head canons

#eli writes #eli's head canons #i need to start keeping these to 5 jesus #pan-buck #maddie is my fave

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