#i was waiting for 114 to make this but life got in the way and i kept postponing it

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Question: why do people refer to Tobias in Megamorphs 4 as a "quasi-voluntary" controller? I don't have access to my copy right now but I don't recall anything that would imply he had any knowledge of what he was joining/cooperated in any way? Did I miss something?

So I call Tobias quasi-voluntary, because I think — from my read of MM4 — that Tobias is about as voluntary as any "voluntary controller" ever gets. Which is not that voluntary. Tobias goes to a Sharing meeting because Jake's there, but pretty soon he gets sucked into the cycle of love-bombing: "When you attend your second meeting of The Sharing they assign you a guide" (MM4). In Tobias's case it's a guy named Bill, a few years older, who spends every meeting praising Tobias, and talking up how the Sharing cured his depression and being a full member changed his life.

Bill waits for Tobias to say "I want to be a full member." And then he asks if Tobias is sure, and Tobias says "Yes." Bill presses all the way to "You trade a little bit of freedom for a lot of belonging" and gets Tobias to agree a third time. When the time comes for the "ceremony" (infestation), Chapman makes Tobias explain why he's joining, and Tobias does. Three more times Chapman asks, and three more times Tobias says, out loud, that he wants what's going to happen next. Chapman explains why they want Tobias's consent: "We only have problems in twenty-one percent of willing members. And there are... fewer incidents of contested control." Tobias withdraws consent when he realizes they're about to put a slug in his brain, but by then it's too late.

Later Tobias says "Most painful of all was the image of myself swallowing everything the Sharing told me. I had walked, willingly, to my own destruction. At the time I'd seen no alternatives." So is Tobias voluntary? Well, is Chapman voluntary? He agrees not to resist in exchange for Melissa not being recruited, and he keeps his end of the bargain (#2). Not only does he not fight back while there's a yeerk in his brain, but there's every possibility he's one of the people allowing the yeerk to slip out of their brain and then quietly walking to go wait in the break room without supervision.

Okay, but surely the taxxons are voluntary. They chose to ally with the yeerks... Only it turns out their options were ally with the yeerks or starve to death (#53), and just because their leaders chose the yeerks doesn't mean individual taxxons were okay with it (Andalite Chronicles).

But then, we all know Taylor is voluntary. Because she gave up her freedom for little old things like... relief from pain. And escape from discrimination. And basic health care that didn't cost her family their life savings (#33). And she could never change her mind, because she got punished by Sub-Visser Fifty-One for misbehaving (#43).

But Mr. Tidwell's definitely voluntary. He chooses to have a yeerk in his brain even after joining the YPM. Only he was so depressed he couldn't take care of himself when he joined (#29), and probably would have literally died without the yeerks.

Hang on, is Tom voluntary? He spontaneously offers to "be quiet" and "never trouble you again" when Temrash 114 starts trying to recruit Jake (#6). We don't know for sure that Tom isn't hanging out in that same break room after the events of #1, in exchange for Jake not being recruited.

So on. We know the Sharing targets people who are unhoused and/or mentally ill, and that the ones with happy, stable home lives (Tom, later Jake) tend to go unconvinced. You have to be vulnerable to end up voluntary, the series shows, so vulnerable that your whole ability to consent is seriously called into question.

#animorphs #yeerks #controllers #voluntary controllers #tobias fangor #emohawk #mm4 #yeerk empire #cult tactics #consent issues #intense indoctrination #heck - maybe alloran's voluntary - he does wait around to be reinfested rather than trying to escape in book 8 #maybe jenny lines is voluntary if the alternative is dying of withdrawal syndrome #maybe visser two was telling the truth in book 41 about having convinced marco to go voluntary #IS EVERYONE BUT EVA SECRETLY VOLUNTARY? #more at 5:00

[v3nusxsky]

114 and 34 🔥 with larissa? i don’t know how it works, i’m sorry it’s my first time here

Sweet girl 18+

*Authors note~ loving the use of the prompt list and a formal apology to anyone waiting for requests im still not in the swing of school yet*

Trigger warnings~ public sex edging mommy kink Praise kink degrading kink fingering oral teasing edging dom larissa sub r fem r punishment spanking

Prompt~ 114 and 34 🔥 with larissa? i don't know how it works, i'm sorry it's my first time here ✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿ "Come in my love and lock the door dear. You'll be here for a while" the principal murmured to you as you entered the room just after the lunch bell. "Rissa, my love, i have class" you whispered hoping to avoid what was ultimately coming your way in the near future. "Now i know my little witch knows that mommy already checked her schedule. Are we trying to escape your well earned punishment?" Judging by the blondes raised eyebrow, you knew you'd added fuel to the fire, "No mommy, i was a brat" you confirmed hanging your head low in shame. "And now you're going to see what mommy dose to sluts who cant follow my rules, kneel" she demanded pointing to the side of her desk chair.

While you repeated the safe word's for her she worked on stripping you of your skirt, tights, and emerald lace underwear. "Good job, now you are getting five, so be good and it will stay that way, misbehave or miscount and we start again with two extra for every mess up, am i clear?" You tapped your index finger against her thigh to show you understood before feeling a hand rest on the small of your back to steady your frame on her lap. "One thank you mommy" you squealed and made sure you took a deep breath before the next strike. You do not want to disappoint the older woman anymore than you did to get yourself in this position. "Five mommy thank you!" you sobbed slightly gasping for some air as the sting began to subside. "Good job darling girl, now tell mommy how to fuck her girl. Rough or gentle?" she purred rubbing your back in a soothing manner. "Rough please mommy" you whimpered as she brought her fingers down to tease your soaked hole. "Hmmm later sweet girl, God I'd fuck you right here if i could, however you haven't earnt the privilege of mommy touching you like that have you love?"

"Please mommy let me earn it. Please! Ill do anything" you pleaded with the principal. That is where she brought out your remote controlled vibrator and instructed you to sit still and not fight her. if you could make it through her meeting she'd fuck you the way you love. Naturally you were ready to do anything to cum for her so she knew you'd let her insert thee toy, fix your skirt and conjure yourself some tights. the joys of dating a powerful witch. You took your place under her desk with her final warning ringing in your ears, "don't make too much noise, you don't wanna get caught now, do you?" The voice of the Mayor filled the room and you internally groaned, this was going to be one hell of a meeting because he talks entirely too much for your liking. it could also be down to his jealousy of Larissa choosing you, an outcast, a witch over little ole boring him. Thankfully for you, your wife also tires of the Mayor quickly and focused on subtly playing with your aching core until you were driven to insanity of being edged to high hell. A constant vibration was currently assaulting you swollen clit when you noticed your wife spreading her legs to reveal her cunt to you. immediately knowing what she wanted you to do you got to work eating her out like your life depended on it. the thrill of getting caught only adding to the fun as you flicked your tongue against her hard puffy clit as you thrusted two fingers into her warm heat and began to curl them just how your mommy had trained you to.

It's a blur really, one minute your lapping up her orgasm and the next she tugging you up from under the table and praising you for what a sweet slut you are and how well you did for her. You'd truly earnt your reward and she was going to make damn sure she spent all night, touching, kissing, sucking, biting your smooth skin as she brought you over the edge and overstimulated your poor pussy until you were nothing more than her dumbed down sweet little girl who had been properly fucked like her slutty heart deserved. There would be no surprise to Larissa if your magic reacted during this, it only happened during heightened emotions like this and you knew she would always listen to your body. Who needs to walk on a Saturday morning anyway?

word count~ 986

Tag list

#v3nusxsky answers #anon answered #fanfic #anon requested #larissa weems #larissa x you #larissa x reader #larissa x y/n #larissa smut #principal larissa weems x reader #principal weems #larrisa weems #V3nusxsky #v3nusxsky kinktober #weems #weems smut

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 115. brb x oc

a/n: so I'm stiill waiting on tumblrs email...it's uh, its really weird lol. But at least I'm not shadow banned ( apparently ) so...that's good??? I'm just going through it my guys, it's been a journey. Anyway, smut in the next chapter, it's been a while.

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none.

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64/65/66/67/68/69/70/71/72/73/74/75/76/77/78/79/80/81/82/83/84/85/86/87/88

/89/90/91/92/93/94/95/96/97/98/99/100/101/102/103/104/105

/106/107/108/109/110/111/112/113/114

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! )

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2

@emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads @bigpoppajes @taytaylala12

@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things @caatheeriinee07 @dhwanishah09 @jesfreedark @katiemcrae @lilmonstrjedi @hobiismyhopeu @teacupsandtopgun @insominac23 @gh0stsgoodgirl @mygyn @chavivaelisheva

-

He waits for her at the balcony, seeing that she was still trying to mingle with the rest of Marcus’ friends and he had a feeling she’d need the gust of fresh air when she got outside. He turns the mocktail glass on the railing, the bottom scraping against the surface and creating a gritting repetitive sound that could still be heard even with the music and talking from the inside.

Bradley just smiles the second he sees her, her face flushed and smile so bright it was like she’d overshine the lights inside the room. He flicks two fingers her way in a simple wave, seeing his wife speed her step and part the doors open, her sandals clicking on the floor as she makes her way over, immediately hugging his neck and kissing him, “I’m sorry!’ she mutters against his lips, “Everyone was tugging me inside.”

‘I know, Miss Popular.” she laughs on his mouth, “You are just too precious to share so everyone needed to have you.”

Beatrice pulls back to smile at him kissing his chin, “You are my favorite one though.”

“Hm?”

“To have me.” she wasn’t drunk, she had no alcohol, but her boldness surely wasn’t missed by his already fired up brain. He just smirked, slowly,like a predator ready to bite at her words, leaning down to press a trail of kisses down her cheek towards her neck.

“Don’t tempt me,Mrs.Bradshaw.”

‘Never,Mr.Bradshaw.’

Bradley’s hands slide down the slope of her waist towards her ass, “No one is looking.” he says when she stiffens as soon as she feels those warm hands digging into her buttocks, “Too busy paying attention to anything but us.” and he hums, again like a big cat purring, as his fingers feel the outline of her underwear under the soft dress, “You look fucking out of this world.”

Beatrice’s arms around his neck tighten and she giggles, nuzzling his shirt, “I do look pretty good.”

He smirks, proudly, “Hell yeah you do, you always do.” her response was still a bit quiet and shy but he was happy that she agreed, “You look amazing every single time.”

“Stooop!”

“No.”

She tries to squirm away when he playfully nibbles her neck, squeaking out a laugh as his mustache tickled her skin, her hands slapping his chest in hopes it’d stop him from almost biting her neck but in reality…she didn’t care. She just wanted to be held by him.

That night…was turning out to be so incredible. Not only did she met the biggest names in the fashion industry, but she also met Ashley Graham. She loved that woman so much, she looked up to her so much and tonight she held her hands and told Beatrice how wonderful she looked and how amazing she did!

Beatrice was over the moon, because it seemed like her life was just what she always wanted as a child. She was so happy because this change started the second she saw Rooster in the bar, that was the turning point.

Her husband was special that way.

“Okay maybe I don’t want you to stop.” she whispers, drawing random shapes on his shirt with a little cheeky smile, peeking up at him through her lashes, “I kinda like hearing your voice telling me nice things, because I love your voice so much.”

Rooster’s smirk only widened and his lips dragged up to her ear where he whispered a “Good.” that made Beatrice giggle again and shudder in his hold, “But I’m glad you are having fun.”

“I am.” she says, “Oh! I need to check my phone,I hadn’t checked the whole night, what if my parents called and-”

“They could call me too.” he suggests, leaning his head back with his eyebrow up, “And my phone has nothing…don’t worry gorgeous,it’s okay. Everything is okay,Nikki is fine.”

Beatrice frowns, looking down at her phone to see that yes, much like Rooster, it was free of any messages from her parents but that didn’t make her feel any better. Because while she was happy,she missed their daughter so much, that little angel was such a blessing she couldn’t help it, “Do you think she’s having fun?”

“You know she is.” she pouts harder, “Gorgeous…”

“I just miss her,Roos.”

“I know baby,I know.” he loves Beatrice and how expressive she was, undoubtedly Nicole got that from her, his lips touching her scalp then the bridge of her nose, “She’s fine,she’s having a lot of fun, she really is.”

“Yeah…you are right.”

“Just like her mama.’ he smirks, digging his hands into her ass just a bit more, bringing her closer to his chest, “Who’s looking so nice and smelling so good it’s making me think very,very naughty thoughts.”

Beatrice bites her lower lip after putting her phone away, blushing a deeper shade of red and giggling at him, “Roos…” she could feel his hands still squeezing and massaging her ass with gusto, something he never got tired of doing not matter what time, “Well…I-I’m glad that you do…because um…so am I.”

Bradley’s eyes darkened over her words, his lips quirking up even higher and he gave a fleeting glance towards the party, then back down at his watch, “Do you need to stay much longer? Or can we leave?”

Beatrice looks back at the party much like he did, then chewed her lower lip, “I think we can leave,I don’t think there’s anyone else I have to talk to tonight.”

Music to his ears.

He kisses her lips soundly, giving her left buttcheek a gentle slap - again, no one was looking at them - before he interlaced their fingers and they marched back inside. They had to walk through the guests to leave, they could talk to Evelyn and Jake on the way out, they knew the two wouldn't bat an eye at their hurry out.

If Rooster’s absolute shit eating grin was any sign that is.

But before they reached the door, Marcus’ shiny suit appeared in front of them, “Darlings!” he coos, throwing his hands up with four assistants behind him, “Oh my darlings! Are you two leaving?”

“Uh, yeah.” Rooster replies, looking down at Beatrice, “I think it’s time for us to go.”

“Of course, of course.” Marcus said, looking back at his assistants with his hands clasped together, “But before you do.”

The four short assistants marched up to the front, holding boxes in different sizes and shapes, some of them so big they couldn’t see the top of the assistants’ heads. Beatrice parted her lips in surprise, “Marcus– no no no! You already gave me gifts-” but that was too late because the group was walking out of the building with Marcus following behind.

And the two of them knew they had to follow as well, “I’ll unlock the car.” Rooster mutters, kissing her temple and walking ahead to reach the Bronco, Beatrice watched with a little confused smile but hugged herself, almost in disbelief at what was happening.

She couldn’t hear what Rooster was telling Marcus and his assistants, but he was grinning when he opened the car for them to put everything inside. Beatrice walked close enough to catch bits and pieces of the conversation.

“You are just going to spoil our daughter,Marcus.” Rooster says,”She already got so much from you.”

“Don’t be silly,I love the little princess! And there are gifts for you two as well. What sort of boss would I be if I didn’t do that?”

Beatrice noticed how the boxes had the same greek motif as the launch, she knew these were the clothes she wore during the photoshoot…and a few more, because she knew Marcus. She just knew him way too well.

“Thank you,Marcus.” she whispers as the assistants keep on putting on the boxes inside the car, leaving space in it enough for them to put Nicole in her seat when they went to pick her up. She was thankful that it wasn’t that late and her parents, ever since they had the new round of grandchildren, would usually stay late anyway so they wouldn’t wake them up.

“Darling.” Marcus smiles, tilting his head a bit and hugging her again, this time the hug had even more feeling and care, he was thanking her without words, gently rubbing her back, “Oh,darling, you don’t have to thank me.” he whispers, “You did wonderful, everyone loves you…you are magnificent.”

Beatrice just smiles shyly at the compliment, air kissing Marcus as he holds her hands in his, giving her another grin, “Anyway! I must go back to the party, do not worry,I’ll make sure Evelyn stays hydrated because of the little one.” he says, “Now you two drive safely, you hear? Do ring me, darling, when you get home.”

“I will Marcus.” she nods, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,darling.” he grins one last time, then says goodbye to Rooster with a hug and a pat on the back, “Very well! Everyone,inside! I didn’t see any of you eat!”

“But,Marcus, we did eat.”

“Oh?Well…there’s always room for more!” he laughs with a gentle toss of his head, letting his assistants walk inside first as he stands on the sidewalk watching the two enter the car. He waves his fingers in a gentle wave, one that Beatrice reciprocates as she latches on the seatbelt.

She turns her body a bit more as they drive off, seeing Marcus’ body get smaller and smaller the farthest they get from his house…and Beatrice falls back on her seat with a smile, closing her eyes with a pleasing sigh, smiling even more when she feels Rooster’s large hand engulfing hers.

“My girl.” he says,gently shaking her hand and then bringing it up to his lips to kiss her knuckles and the back of her fingers, “You did so amazing tonight.”

‘Thank you,Roos.” she replies, bringing his own hand to her mouth to kiss his fingers as well, then nuzzled against his knuckles with another sigh, “I…I’m really happy, I really am.”

“Good,you should be.”

The gated community is now away from them, far,far away, as they make their way to Little Italy to get their daughter back. Beatrice sinks into the seat a bit more, then toes off her shoes with a grimace, “Ah….freedom.”

“You good?”

“Yeah,” she rolls her foot a bit, hearing it crack with the movement, “Just a bit sore.”

“Do you want me to carry you past the threshold?”

Beatrice grins at him, placing his hand on top of her thigh “I wouldn’t mind it.” she says, rubbing his finger with her thumb and thankful that he could drive one handed - one of his many talents if she had to admit herself - towards her parents’ house.

Luckily, the lights were on, including the Christmas lights, they probably had an idea when they’d come anyway so they didn’t keep everything dark. Beatrice saw her father on the window, holding Nicole and their little daughter immediately wriggled and smiled as soon as she saw the car.

‘Roos.” she calls his attention after he parks. “Look.”

Rooster has to lean down a bit to have a better view, but his smile only widens when he notices Nicole wriggling and giggling, like the happy baby that she was, “She’s so cute, we have such a cute kid.”

‘We do.” Bea grins, kissing his jawline before he steps out, waiting inside the car because Rooster always,always liked to open the door for her no matter what, “Thank you,Roos.” she says, dropping her clutch onto the floor and ignoring that she had nothing on her feet, deciding that comfort was much better than anything else. 

“Tesoro!” Her mother’s voice breaks the air, the gentle sound of Christmas music inside as she holds her robe, her smile dropping when she notices that Beatrice had no shoes on, “What the- where are your shoes?”

“Oh ah, in the car.”

“I’ll get you some slippers,” Claudia is already turning around, “Don’t move! I have an extra pair!”

Beatrice just sighs with a little smile knowing there was no way she’d be able to stop her mother from doing so. She walks up the steps, greeting Pomodoro and Marinara once she gets inside and she hears her daughter’s happy squealing. “Okay,okay, little passerotto, I know you miss them- hello honey.” he leans down to kiss Beatrice’s head, “You look beautiful, how was the party?”

“Thanks papa, it was fine, really fun.” she gasps gleefully as she picks Nicole up from her father’s arms, smiling when she notices the onesie they dressed her with was one of her old ones - with the little tomato embroidery on the front - she filled it almost perfectly, “How was Nikki tho? She give you any trouble?”

“Nicole? Never.” Rafael smirks with his hands on his hips, “She enjoyed a lot of old cartoons. She watched Topo Gigio huh? We put on the old dvds for her to watch and she loved it.”

“Wow,Topo Gigio, I haven’t heard that name in so long.” Beatrice giggles, kissing her daughter’s head, smiling even more when her little arms reach behind her, Rooster walking inside and immediately leaning down to kiss her button nose. “I’m sure it was fun.”

“What was it? Hi Rafael,” the two men shake hands just in time for Claudia to come back with an arrangement of slippers, in different colors and patterns, setting them down in front of Beatrice so she could choose one, “What was it that she watched?”

“Topo Gigio, it’s an Italian kids show.” Beatrice says, “We all watched once in our lifetimes- mama, it’s okay.” Beatrice sighed, lifting her foot so her mom could slide one of the slippers under it so she could put it on without issues…and so her mother could calm down. “It’s really fun.”

‘Yeah?” he smiles at Nicole, gently prying her from Beatrice’s arms to press several little kisses to her soft cheek “That seems fun, did you have fun Nikki?”

“Dada!’ and she noms his cheek, her own version of kisses was still the most adorable thing in the whole universe, “Ahmm muh muh!”

The three other people watching this just smiled at the interaction, their chat was short and to the point, they had to go back home after all and Nicole had to sleep. So with their goodbyes said, and Beatrice wearing a pair of bright pink flowery slippers that her mother bought when they went to Hawai’i that time when Guillermo went to college, they set Nicole into her seat.

The little baby looked down at the boxes with her eyes wide and curious, vocalizing more and letting out an ‘ah?’ every now and again, as if she was asking what everything was.

“Gifts from your uncle Marcus,Nikki.” Beatrice smiles, kissing her daughter’s cheek after she’s safely put in her seat. Nicole just kicks her little legs while bringing her fist into her mouth, more out of curiosity than hunger - amazing how she could understand Nicole’s little quirks now and so easily as well. They said goodbye to her parents one last time before entering the car and driving off..

And they heaved out a sigh.

Then chuckled quietly.

‘Fuck,” he smirks, rubbing his forehead, “What a night.”

“What a night.”

“You know…” he licks his lips, “...never in my entire life I thought I’d befriend a fashion designer…and that this fashion designer would sew clothes for my wife and our daughter and me…hell,I’m still trying to wrap my own head around it.”

Beatrice lowers her brows with worry, “...how does that make you feel?”

“Honestly? I feel like everything I planned in my life went the complete opposite way.” he didn’t sound upset when he said that, “...and I wouldn’t have any, any, other way…I really wouldn’t.”

“Yeah?”

Bradley lowers his eyelids, his smile disappearing for a second, “Yeah. I love this.I love our life together…and I love that I can try new things with you,gorgeous. I really do.”

Beatrice smiles back at him, their daughter still vocalizing in the back of the car, “...me too,Roos.” she holds his hand, “Me too.”

#bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x oc #top gun maverick #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw x named reader #tgm oc #tgm fic #tgm fanfiction

[shugokairifatewin]

I was going to wait until Chapter 116 released to give a full length rant, but it's been eating at me the last few days and we really need to talk about Chapter 114 and 115 of Seraph of the End. As always, spoilers ahead, be aware! Unpopular opinions also ahead; I'm pretty heated about this one, just a warning!

*~*~*~*~*

Let me start by saying I am hurt. I am offended. And I am betrayed. Because Kagami really over here hyping up this whole family-always-sticks-together BS with Guren and Yuu and the rest of Squad and even Mika jumping in there like yeah this is my family, and it's great and it's wholesome and we're making progress-

Only to turn around one (or two? I can't recall) chapters later and plunge a sword through Yuu's heart - and mine as well.

Mika has always always always been my favorite character. He has suffered. He has died, he's come back. He finally freaken started finding peace of mind as Yuu's demon. And I would fight wars and burn worlds for this man to have some damn peace and happiness with his boyfriend best friend and family. And Kagami TEASED US with that glimpse of happiness and acceptance and then CRUSHED IT.

And frankly it makes me sick. I'm so done with the greedy ass manipulative people who have been twisting knives in the backs of my favorite characters for YEARS of this story now.

This whole damn time, Guren KNEW that Mikaela was going to have to die AND HE HAS MANIPULATED THE EVER LIVING SHIT OUT OF YUU KNOWING THIS. This whole fucking time, he's been saving this kid, keeping him alive, feeding him false hope and bullshit about family this and keep living because some day you'll find a reason again that - ONLY FOR THIS INGRATE TO KILL THAT VERY REASON OF EXISTENCE FOR HIS OWN ENDS! I am hot mad about it.

Guren has always been a rollercoaster character for me, love and hate and despise and love again and pity, but this shit is unacceptable. Sure, he wants to save all of humanity and that's a noble goal but the means to an end he's used is absolutely unforgivable.

I'm going to feel terrible for saying it but I hope Yuu razes them all to the ground. He has been used and manipulated, treated like crap left and right and frankly I don't blame him for going off the deep end. In fact, I'm cheering you on my guy.

Moving on from my intense, undiluted fury at Guren and the crappy way he's treated Yuu and Mika, who literally just want to live their best lives in peace, I am broken and in pieces over Chapter 116. I haven't cried this much since Mika died and turned Demon.

To see this expression on Mika's face while Yuu is crying is literally enough to rend my heart in two.

And then when Mika started crying too, I LOST IT. I almost threw my phone I was so emotional. KAGAMI WHY

I FEEL PHYSICALLY UNWELL. My boys are crying 🥺 they are hurting and I cannot handle it.

And can we talk about how we got to see Mika grow from suspicious, angry Vampire who only cares about Yuu and making sure he's okay to caring, compassionate Demon who would give up his life for all of humanity? Only for Guren to not even bar an eyelash at killing him? I just can't.

AND WHEN MIKA TELLS HIM THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER -

MIKA DESERVES HAPPINESS. YUU DESERVES HAPPINESS. SHIKAMA DOJI AND ANYONE ELSE BE DAMNED THESE TWO DESERVE A FREAKEN A CHANCE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES.

IF GUREN SURVIVES THIS SERIES AND MIKA DOESNT I'M GOING TO RIOT IN THE STREETS.

THEY HAVE BEEN HURT ENOUGH. LEAVE MY BABIES ALONE.

This has been weighing on me for weeks now. I needed to get it off my chest.

That is all.

#ons chapter 115 #ons chapter 116 #i will riot in the streets if Mika becomes a sacrificial lamb #save mika 2022 campaign #Mika and Yuu deserve better #I'm still furious at Guren and his manipulative ass BS #family my ass get out #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #mikaela hyakuya #mikayuu #ons #sote #yuuichirou hyakuya #furious #a rant i needed to get off my chest #seraph of the end rant #be right back I'm selling my soul to save Mika's because he deserves it #the next chapter bettywr fix some crap.

[nastudragneel]

Mating Season and daily life

NSFW 18+ ONLY

Natsu x F!Reader

Please comment constructive comments

I'm only on 114 episodes so some things could be wrong.

You get captured by an evil guild. You have sexy time. Then Gajeel and Natsu fight for your hand.

~

Rising up early you felt a hand that's not your hand. Looking over you see a pink haired cutie. You immediately think of what happened last night. But for the love of god you cant remember. Too much booze. Your fully clothed so nothing weird happened. Though mating season is coming right up quickly.

'He couldnt possible love me. Yea were just friends unfortunately' You take a shower change and get ready for your day. Natsu is rustling awake, yawns and stretches his arms.

"Morning sleepy head" you state and pet his head as he gets out of your bed.

"Could you light my burner please?"

"Sure no problem" as he yawns he flicks his finger and a tiny flame popped out while smiling. He inserted it into the hole and waited for the fire to rise.

'Finger? Hole? Give it a rest brain I know your in heat' you think to yourself. After making a huge breakfast mainly because he eats so much, you both and Happy merrily go down the road to the Fairy Tail Guild. Meeting up with Erza, Grey, Lucy, and Wendy, and Carla we all looked at the poster board and wanted to do different things. So you took a poster that said to slay A Chimera 120,000 jewels. You all part ways but agree to meet tonight and your off on your own down the road once you get to the location you were caught off guard

"Wh-" as you were knocked unconcious.

~A Full day later

"Wheres (n)? She didnt meet up with us last night, but I thought she was just tired." Natsu says concerned.

"It is strange how one hundred percent of the time she checks in and this once she didnt" Erza announces.

"Well let's go look for her" Grey says. Lucy, Wendy, Carla and Happy nod at this.

"All right let's check what quest she was gonna do ah there! Slay a Chimera 120000 jewels. Shes crazy, alone? Wow!" Lucy states dumbfounded. "Let's go!" Natsu yells as he runs out the guild doors saying he has to find her frantically.

~At The Spot

Natsu sniffs the air sniffs until he finds your scent until he finds your beaded bracelet that's been torn off.

-Natsus POV-

"This was hers she had it on this yesterday morning" I say as Grey opens his mouth.

"What are you sleeping around for pick one all ready" Grey punches my head. Suddenly a huge robot dragon emerges from the ground. Emblem is a dark guild.

"Now that I have your attention dragon slayers. Behold one of your own is about to be sacrificed" The evil guild master Vugo yells and laughs maniacally.

"But (n) isnt a dragon slayer let her go or I got a bone to pick!" I yell and tremble with anger.

"Actually she is a dragon slayer of gravity Natsu. She made me promise not to tell anyone but she is gonna die!" Lucy exclaims which makes me even more mad grunting clenched jaw.

'Why didnt she ever show me? Why didnt I know about this?' You think quietly to yourself.

"Shes behind dragon proof armor in my robot you idiot's. The timer had been set oh looky only three minutes left until she dies into dust." Vugo Yells down to the team.

"NATSU HELP!" I hear (n)s voice muffled from the robot.

'She must have been here all night while we were all at home. Poor (n) out here all alone with no one to help' I think quietly to myself.

-(n) POV-

"Well I'm sorry I wasnt here earlier you must have been scared and felt all alone well I'm here now!" I hear Natsu yell as he powers up. Everyone stands back. Lucy is the only one who knows you have a crush on Natsu. Well maybe Erza knows too or just suspects it but she never says anything.

"Hey Natsu the weak point is there!" Happy yells over to Natsu who's powered up. Everyone gets ready.

"Okay I'll work on the robot, you guys get the creep!" Natsu yelled as he jumped up with fire feet then double jumps towards my direction as your blacking out you hear glass break as your ripped out of the holder. You feel so warm against his skin as he holds your freezing body you can only make out the others dragging Vugo behind them as you look up to see Natsu you pass out in to his chest. You could have sworn he was blushing.

-One Day Later

Your eyes flutter open, you try to get up falling a couple times groaning.

"So your finally awake I was getting worried(n)" Natsu says with a soft tone helping you sit up.

"What happened I feel like I've been hit by a truck. This must be what it feels like to be out of magic. Wait why are you here? Did you stay the whole night?"You question.

"Im here to make sure you woke up Wendy said you may go in to a coma but luckily we avoided that. We defeated the Vugo one of the dark guilds. Found out your the Gravity Dragon slayer. Found out that... you love me..." Natsu trialed off a bit at the end. You just look down.

"I'm sorry I never meant for you to find out that I love yo-" you were cut off by a warm hand tilting your head up to him to reveal your tears.

"I just didnt want... to break our friendship..." quietly tears streak down your face as he leans forward soft lips meet yours as relief washes over you.

'So does he feel the same or?' You think quietly. He deepens the kiss making your heart race and heart melt all at the same time.

"I've always noticed things youd do like make me lunch or dress up more, but I could never tell. (N) I was in love with you this whole time ever since we were kids"

"Now I know who I want to imprint on it's just if you'll let me or not what do ya say? Will you let me imprint on you, you seem fine now?" Natsu says finally finished with his speech. I just nod and say

"Yes I would love that. So you will be my boyfriend?" You question.

"Imprinting isnt just boyfriend and girlfriend, think more husband and wife forever though, you better think this through" Natsu explains. You ponder a moment then decide.

"Natsu I want to be together with you forever" you say as you lean over and passionately kiss him. He reciprocates wrapping his arms around you as you snake your way around his neck. Breaking for air.

"The answer is definitely yes forever" you squeel happily. Natsu give a big ass grin your assuming he didnt really think I liked him. Breaking for air he says

"Were going to have to talk about things but not right now let's do the imprinting now get it out of the way." Natsu says quietly.

"Haha yea it's too intimate for a wedding" you say jokingly.

"We could have one in the future if you want. Clasping your hands to your face. You pinch his cheeks

"My lovely salamander how I love you so!" I squeel again. Natsu blushes deep red so you kiss him then release.

"Okay what do I have to do?" I ask nervously.

"Well you'll have to take your top off since it goes on your back." He explained in a good manner. You didnt dare let him peek, not when you havent done the naughty yet. You turn around take your shirt off and lay on the bed. He starts by building up magic then pushing down hard on my back. I let out a squeak.

"I'm sorry but it has to be this hard almost done" he says then after a couple of minutes

"There now your my mate but you have to do the same to me now" he gloats. I grab my shirt and hold it on my boobs as I look in the full length mirror. A dragon's foot was slight glowing red and the imprint was shadowed.

"The imprint will become darker the more were around eachother and love eachother" Natsu fills me in.

"Ohhh that's why I couldnt figure it out. Okay now turn around." He obeys as you put on your shirt again.

"Okay you can look now"

"Now it's your turn Mr. Dragneel" I wave him and pat my bed. He follows and takes his shirt off to reveal his juicy abs. He flops like a fish onto the bed on his stomach and gives a thumbs up.

"I've never done this before please tell me if theres to much pressure." You say cutely. He gives you a thumbs up as you gather your magic finally you press on his back and release the magic kindave by nature knowing what to do. His imprint is purple glowing and the same shade as your imprint.

"There all done. I'm sorry I tried!" You squeel .

"Its perfect! What are you crying about come here"Natsu says. *tickle tickle*

"Bwahahahha! Stop please I'm gonna piss myself" you say as he releases you from his strong grasp. You layed on him face to face. Snuggling his cheek, then lick his neck.

"You taste so good.. Natsu" you say almost, almost moaning.

"Why taste me you could smell me too ya know?" Natsu says gently.

"In my teens I lost my sense of smell I always hid it very easily and hid my training. I wouldnt be able to find you anywhere without this imprint." You said as he looks shocked.

"That must be rough, no smell even though your a dragon slayer I'm sorry (n)but why didnt you ever tell me I was, am your best friend?" Natsu holds you close and snuggles with you.

"I was just that embarrassed."

You take tiny licks on his neck as he shivers, you could feel something rising down yander but ignored it. Then you start nipping as his neck the good side. He gives a small moan. So you decide to leave a hickey on him. Sucking as he moaned a little louder. Such a sweet sound.

"You know if you play with fire your bound to get burned (n)" Natsu warned as he readjusted himself laying parallel to you.

"What you cant handle a little teasing?" You whisper in his ear causing him to shiver again.

"Its just that everything is new to me since I'm still a virgin." Natsu says melancholy.

"Who said I wasnt pure I'm plenty a virgin too Natsu" he looks to me and smiles.

"Well I guess thats good for us then" he says happily. We both interlock mouths fighting for dominance flicking our tounges around. As you hold his hand and put it on your breast he opened his eyes for a second then rolled with it. He held your boob and gently squeezed it around while making out. So you held his hand and gently went under your shirt you felt him freeze up but for a second when you placed his hand on your bared skinned breast. He moaned a little just the softest moan ever.

"Do you want to or no?" You ask Natsu who was struggling.

"No but yes very much yes, but only if your okay with it." Natsu said affirmatively and man spread his legs.

"I'm okay with it if you are, just let your instincts take over" I say happily.

"Were both virgins" you say. He quickly got ontop of you un buttoning your shirt and quickly discarding it on the floor. While you take of his shirt throwing it on the floor.

"Hey I wont be able to see you over your scarf can I put it right next to us?" I ask unsure.

"Sure as long as it doesnt touch the ground" Natsu says happily. You place his scarf on a pillow. He grabbed your chin and turns your head so he can whisper in you ear.

"I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight, lie still, and close your eyes girl, so lovely it feels so right.

I want to hold you close, soft breasts, beating heart, as I whisper in your ear, I want to fucking tear you apart" Nastu hums in your ear as he takes off your skirt and panties. You rise with him as he takes off his pants and boxers off blushes profusely. You get off your bed and get on your knees.

"Relax its okay" you say as you lick the tip in circles causing him to spasm with pleasure. Next you gulped about half of his length then started going back and forth until you were deep throating him.

"(N) I'm ..I'm gonna cum. What should I do?" Natsu wonders as you stop leaving him wanting more.

"Oh yea? You need to please your woman first" you say as he pounces on you onto the bed.

"Tell me how to please a woman please?" He asks cutely.

"Well first I'd think I'd go down on her first or eating out"

"What are those" Natsu asks.

"You know what I did to you but in reverse stick your tounge down there and basically suck the juices." He complies and goes down on you, you forgetting his long dragon tounge. He grabs onto your thighs for support. Moaning loudly catching you off guard.

"You okay up there my little salamander?" Natsu asks.

"Ya your just naturally good at that I forgot our tounges are longer than humans" You bluntly say huffing.

"Well lucky me" Natsu says as he goes down again causing many moans and whimpers to come out of your throat. After around the same time you went down on him hes got you begging.

"Please Natsu make love with me I'm wet enough pleassee" You squirm huffing hard clearly in heat, he let's go of your thighs and crawls up ontop of you. Wiping his mouth first he bends down and kisses you while his hands explore your body. One hand you stroke through his surprisingly soft hair the other hand feels his arm and back as your legs intertwine then untwine.

'Hes big but not ginormous thank god hes still huge though will it fit?' You think as he places the tip at your entrance. Your whole body begging for him and only him.

"Please Natsu I need you" You say as he inserts his erect cock into you slowly until he hits something.

"What's that?" You hear him ask.

"Its my hymen proving I'm a virgin. All right this is probably really gonna hurt but shove it in" you finish saying. Natsu nods following what you said.

"Aghh!" You yell in pain. However your enveloped in warmth. Looking down you see Natsu bent down hugging you giving you small kisses everwhere.

"Itll be okay just wait" Natsu responds. After a couple minutes you nod.

"Its not so bad you can move" You say softly to Natsu as he slowly slides in and out of you. You both moan at the same time and giggle. After awhile of touches and kisses he picks up the pace until he definitely knows what hes doing. He keeps a steady pace as you push upward in sync. As he goes faster it makes you both huff and puff dripping with sweat.

"Natsu I'm I'm gonna cum"

"(N) I'm gonna cum what should I do?"

"Dont take it out or I'll kill you!" Huffing and moaning barley able to lift your hand.

"Fine with me!" Huffing as he shoves his cock in and out vigorously. After some couple minutes later

"Here I cum (n)"

"I'm cumming Natsu!" You say as you both embrace eachother riding out this high.

"Ahhh..." you both huff and sigh. Wrapping eachothers arms around eachother you embrace calming down.

"How was it really?" Natsu asked after untwining from eachother and cleaning up since there was a blood spot.

"It was fantastic Natsu I'm impressed by you to be honest now let's get cleaned up" as your legs shake trying to walk.

"Yea looks like I did do a good job" he says smiling. First the blankets then turn on the bath then pick up the clothes wash them real quick. You spy Natsu about to put on his scarf.

"Remember were gonna take a bath unless you want it to get wet?" You say loud enough so he'll hear.

"Okay my little salamander" Natsu exclaims.

"Um Natsu I'm a gravity Dragon Slayer not a salamander but I do like the sound of being your little salamander so I approve" you smile wide at him which makes him smile wide too and hug you. Once out of his grasp he watches you do things like finish drying our clothes.

"Ah the bath should be ready now let's go cutie" you grab his hand and walk into the bath he follows.

"Ah it feels so good after that um yea" you mutter the last part blushing hard.

"Hehe I'm that good to make you blush again and again? That reminds me how are you feeling down there?" He asks concerned.

"I'm okaish it hurts a little now but I'm sure itll heal." He reached out and cupped your cheek.

"I promise for the rest of my life I will protect you (n)" looking you in the eyes .

"And I promise for the rest of my life to protect you too" you cupped his cheek. After you both were dry you changed into clothes.

"Let's go to the guild salamander" you say perky.

"Oh just know, you have to hold me hand" you add. He tuns and looks at you.

"I'm sure will figure it out." He says and you nod. As you lock your door you spy

"Hey Natsu, (n)!" Happy yells.

"Hey there Happy were headed to the guild, did you check it out yet?" I asked politely.

"Yea I did everyones there waiting for you both let's go" Happy retorts. After walking hand in hand through town gaining some remarks like good for ya boy, and ous and awes you all finally reach Fairy Tail. Letting go of your hands you all are about to go in.

'Maybe I shouldnt have worn a clear back crop top. Oh well everyone will soon find out. Natsu and Happy go in but you locked eyes with Gajeel. He walks up to you.

"Let's go by this side wall" he says and grabs your hand and drags you around.

"I wont drag it out. Its mating season and I want you to be my mate." Gajeel

"I'm sorry but I just contracted my mate and we've completed the whole ritual" I turn around to reveal Natsus imprint.

"It smells like Natsus" he says bluntly.

"It is hehe" I say then feel Natsus presence coming around the building.

"There you are! You just dissapeare-"

"Gajeel." Natsu says an guard.

"What are you doing with (n)?" He says offended. You turn to him and responds

"Gajeel was just asking about mates" you say quietly. Natsu walks up to us and asks Gajeel

"Yea what about them. I wanna know just what exactly were you asking her" Natsu says aggressively. You walk over to Natsu and stay by his side. By now a crowds gathered.

"I was asking her to be my mate but shes taken. But if I win, shes mine" Gajeel says roughly.

"Thems fighting words let's go!" Natsu yells. Now in front of the guild everyones watching you Natsu and Gajeel.

"Why are they fighting? Do you know?" Lucy asks who was right by Erza, Grey, Wendy and Carla.

"Gajeel wants to be my mate he wont take no for an answer but I'm allready mated with Natsu and we've completed the ritual I dont know what happens if a dragon slayer is imprinted on twice." I say to them.

"From what I know they die, there can only be one life long mate to one" Grey says.

"So that means if Natsu fails she will die too!" Happy yells.

"Has everyone forgotten I'm a dragon slayer too?! I can take him no problem im just letting Natsu go first" You exclaim to the world, everyone shocked by your unusual loudness. You turn your attention back to the fight and there going as all out as they can but to protect the guild. Gajeel made a beam but Natsu dodged it with ease and ran up to punch him. At the last second Gajeel turned around and punched Natsu hard making him fly about 40 feet. Natsu was clearly struggling to breath. Gajeel made a beam that was going to hit a allready downed Natsu a dirty trick. You ran in front of Natsu feeling his eyes on you.

"No this is my battle dont interfere" Natsu coughs up standing up. As he sees the beam you punch it straight on crumbling Gajeels beam. After that you step behind Natsu.

"Thanks for the save" Natsu said greatfuly. Everyone in the crowd goes ouuu.

"Here eat up my little salamander" you say as you throw him a fire crystal that's flaming. As hes eating the entire flames out of it I decide to speak to Gajeel.

"Why do you want me so bad? Go mate with someone else! I'll die if I get imprinted twice!" You yell at him, while he makes a shocked face.

"Now I have to save face!" Gajeel yells over. You feel Natsus hand in yours looking over to him

"Dont worry I got this. I told you I'd always protect you" Natsu says sweetly.

"Now I'm fired up!" Natsu yelled as he flame foot quickly to Gajeels face rampaging fists of fire furry. He wouldnt let up he just kept punching.

"No dont do it hes not calm!" Erza yelled but you ran up to Natsu and put a hand on his shoulder. He stopped punching Gajeel. He looked over his shoulder and growled.

"Its time to calm down my salamander" you ruffled his hair. He just growled but knew it was you. Eventually he calmed down. Gajeel was koed.

"Woah he was koed that's amazing!" Cana says in the crowd.

"Someone get a medic!" Someone in the crowd yelled. Most people in the crowd were cheering though. You grab Natsus hand he turns to you then you hug him close. He hugs you back. You pull your head back and kiss him in front of everyone then break apart. There were lots of whistles and yeas! You and Natsu holding hands and everyone in the group met up at the door.

"Shouldnt we, I dont know maybe tell the master?" Happy asks.

"Yes that would be the next course of action" Erza says then goes inside.

I follow Erza and Natsu follows me by being hooked together. Which makes everyone follow. We all arrive on the second floor and hear Erza talking then we see them as we all come up the stairs.

"Oh dammit you kids just fix everything up send Gajeel to the med ward there" the master says as Erza, Grey, Wendy and Carla walk off.

"And now you two"

"I've heard that you imprinted on eachother that's a whole nuther matter"

"Do you know what I'm talking about kids?" The old man asks. I look over to Natsu who looks at you we both shrug then turn back to the master.

"You two are even more dangerous now! The more your imprints turn black the more dangerous you both are. Because imagine one of you gets hurt. You could destroy a town. How far are you through the ritual?" Master asks.

Natsu and I look at eachother with an O fuck face then turn back.

"Well funny you should ask" Natsu chuckles. Both of us blushing.

"We completed it this morning sir" you say the rest for Natsus sake. Master facepalms.

"You idiots! You allready completed it.

"It was spur of the moment we weren't thinking straight obviously since its mateing season sir" you apologize for both of you. You squeeze Natsus hand and he squeezes back.

"Well it cant ever be undone. It will get you to S class quicker and you can protect the guild better. I'll approve it " master finally says. You sigh in relief.

"What would have happened if you didnt approve?" You ask innocently.

"Oh you would be banned from Fairy Tail forever" The old man says.

"Natsu you dumbass you didnt tell me that!" You yell and squeeze his hand really hard then let go and cross your arms.

"(N) everything's fine" Happy says.

"Have a good rest of your day kiddos try to not destroy anything. I'll have a talk with Gajeel" The old man says. You all nod then walk down the stairs.

"Sorry about squeezing your hand hard" you admit.

"Its fine I barley felt it" Natsu shines a bright smile and a thumbs up at you.

"Hey congrats on the new power couple"

"Salamander totally took Gajeel down hard"

"That's what some people will do for love"

you both turn to see and hear people from the crowd pouring into the guild.

"Let's grab some food and drinks while we wait for the others to get back" Natsu nods in agreement. As usual he got basically one of everything off the menu and you just had a slice of cake and beverage. While Wendy and Carla came over and sat down.

"What is mating?" Wendy asks as you and Natsu spit out your drinks.

"Umm your not really ready for it but come by my I mean our house sometime and I'll explain it just in the daylight hours only though please Wendy" I say with a huff. Natsu just thumbs up me.

"That's my little salamander always thinking" Natsu says cutely. Finally Erza, Grey, and Lucy show up.

"I need a rain check" Erza says to everyone.

"That's okay me too" Lucy says followed by Grey. Wendy and Carla decide to take the day off too. After they all left and you payed the tab it was just you Natsu and Happy.

"So what should we do now?" You question them.

"Hmm well we just did the Chimera quest so how about we stay inside today?" Natsu says happily.

"Okays well we should get groceries first" I say cutely. We walk to the market hand in hand and get giggles from women and atta boy from men. You picked some potatoes, tomatoes, and a lot of meat oh carrots, rice and lots of fish.

"Thanks for carrying everything cutie" you gave him a kiss on the cheek. He got heart eyes and hearts coming out of him.

"Your very welcome cutie" he said cutely. You open your door and yell

"If theres anyone in there I'll kill you!" Silence...

"Okay give me some of the stuff so I can hel-"

"No way. I know how to treat a lady" Natsu says as he painfully goes up the stairs. You facepalm and Happy just flies in.you just go in and lock the door. When you get up to the kitchen Natsu has all the bags nice and neat. Looking around you get heart eyes and glomp hug him.

"Thank you so much" You cry out.

"Well I do what I can for the people I love" Natsu says with pride and him smiling. You smile back.

"So do you think maybe you could light the burner please?" I ask softly. He perks up and says

"All you gotta do is ask" he says as he lights the burner.

"Thanks love I'll get cooking" half an hour passes one hour passes. Natsu shuffles into the kitchen and he immediately perked up seeing all the food on the table.

"Wow you made all of this?!" He yells with sparkly eyes and a bit of drool.

"Start eating I'll be done in a minute save me some food" You say but then notice Natsu is waiting for you.

"Awee are you waiting for lil o me? How gentlemanly" you say but hear his stomach rumble.

"It took you so long to prepare everything, waiting a couple more minutes doesnt matter" as he gets up walks over to you, you getting ready to finish. He gently kisses the back of your neck which makes you shiver. After a couple minutes he stopped teasing you and sat down.

"And with this! I present the last dish!" You yell happily and sit down.

"Thank you for the food" Natsu and happy yell before digging in.

"Natsu I'd like to try at least one of everything my bites are small I promise" he gulps down some beer to clear his throat then says

"Of course you made it after all" Natsu says while eating. You reach over to grab something off his plate but then you see him glow bright red. You look down and see your well endowed and he seems to like it. Booping his nose with your other hand you continue grab the food then sit down and this is how it goes until all the dishes are devoured. Sitting in Natsus chair facing the stove and sink you watch him clean and put away everything that you used.

"Awee your soo sweet how is it that you havent found someone earlier?" He stopped dead cold.

"I used to have this small thing with a girl named Lisanna, but she died." He said stone cold. In shock I say

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to bring up bad memories! Please forgive me." He started washing and drying again. You knew he could feel what your feeling that your feelings ran true because he turned around when done with a bright smile while your over here silently crying. He looked not very shocked due to him feeling what you feel. He goes over asks you to stand and hugs you crying finally letting it out. You just hug him close and rub his back telling him it's okay things are the way they are.He calms down after and hour finally out of tears, but he holds you close so close it almost hurts. Once he calmed down you pet his head and give him a head massage. After he surprises you

"Let's um have a drinking contest" Natsu says sniffling up the last amount of sadness he had.

"Um okay but drinking wont solve this but your lucky I'm stocked all. The. Time." You say without mercy. You pour some wine into two glasses.

"I'll show you no mercy Dragneel Natsu"

"Okay by me and hey thank you for before noones ever done that for me before" sipping your wine.

"Well I'm glad I could help any... you seem to have been very in love with her shes lucky.." you chug your wine and begin again while Natsu chugs his you refill his glass.

"It wasnt meant to be. My heart was just looking for you this entire time (n)" Salamander says in a matter o fact tone. Which makes you blush very red.

"Oh yea what are ya thinkin my lil salamander" he chuckles.

"Oh man you guys are so screwed tomorrow goodnight" Happy says interjecting.

"Okay Happy" we both say.

"Uh-h its just I'm so happy that I'm at the center of your heart. I've been alone my whole life I can relate to you alot. All I've ever wanted was love. Instead I got pain." You finish saying. Natsu reaches over and pets your hair calming you down.

"Let's drink to us" you say but then Natsu raises a glass

"Lets drink to love" he says and I nod and cheers with him. Eventually you both finish six bottles of wine and curl up with Natsu as Happy curls up by the fire place. You and Natsu wrap your arms around eachother you deliriously kiss him all over as he passes out you fall asleep as well.

-The Next Day

Rising up early you felt a hand that's not your hand. Looking down you see a pink haired cutie. You immediately think of what happened last night. But for the love of god you cant remember. Too much booze. Your fully clothed so nothing happened.

'Wait this is deja vu' you think. You look at Natsus resting peaceful face. You bend down and kiss his lips.

"Mnnm (n)" he mutters out.

"Natsu..." you gently kiss him awake.

He rustles around and opens his eyes. Looking into eachothers eyes he says

"Goodmorning my lil salamander"

#natsu x reader #fairytail #fairytailnatsu #natsu dragneel

[ddoxhan]

traffic light

114 times.

word count : 1.4k

genre : angst but not to the point you'd need tissues; gn!reader

tw : death(?) [very vague tbh]

a/n : not the best at writing angst but writing this while listening to sad songs 👌👌 enjoy !!

that day. you just wished your professor didn't drag the class. wished you didn't run late. wished you brought your charger. wished you were too busy to notice. wished you didn't meet her. wished that she was still yours.

that bus stop shared your first encounter with her. as usual, you were running late, again, for your part-time job at a cafe a few minutes down the road. you could have just walked, or even ran over to the cafe but you decided to take the bus that day. you still had to wait for minutes for the bus to arrive.

your phone died on you when you wanted to text your manager, leaving you no choice but to ask for someone's phone. you happened to lay your eyes on a young lady as she was seated next to you, an evident gap between you and her. she had her hair tied up into a ponytail, with fairly casual clothes. you assumed she was a college student like you were. there wasn't anyone else nearby so you attempted to ask for her help.

'hey there, sorry to bother. may I borrow you phone for a second? I need to call someone urgently.'

'umm, sure. here.'

she whipped her head to your direction when she heard your voice calling out for her. you swore your heart stopped for a second before you remembered your intention on bothering the stranger. you accepted the phone from her hand, slightly brushing your fingers across her hand. the feeling of it tingled your heart, as if sparks flew when they came in contact.

you knew this stranger wasn't gonna be just a stranger in your life. after finishing up what you had intended to do, you returned the phone to its owner.

'thank you so much, I would have lost my job if I ran late without a reason again.'

'it's nothing. glad I could be of help.'

'if you don't mind, you can always drop by Gooreum Cafe. it'll be on the house, as a return of favor.'

'oh thank you. sure, maybe tomorrow? will you be in?'

'yeah, feel free to come anytime. I work the whole day on Thursdays.'

the chat carried on until you reached your destination. you and her exchanged goodbyes as she still had a few stops before she would get down. not gonna lie, you were reluctant to get to work and just talk with her but you knew, you had just met her. taking things slow was only right. but that time, you didn't know.

from the short trip, you got to know her name, jimin. she was majoring in performing arts at the same college with yours and also the same age. weird that you have never seen her on the campus though it does make sense since you took architecture, where both majors were in total opposite blocks.

your colleagues eyed you as they were worried. you were smiling the entire time you entered the cafe, even after being told off by your manager. all that didn't matter. what only had your attention was the cute girl you met earlier. perhaps you were in love.

everything went well. she came over to the cafe, you spent more and more time with her, and she seemed to feel the same way for you, the same you did for her. you two would go out on seemingly 'dates' together where you have lunch, watch the movies and even go to the amusement park together. all that was left was the confession to happen and you could call her your girlfriend.

just the thought of it made you giddy and shy. you were so grateful that such an angel entered your life and probably reciprocated the romantic feelings, and she actually did. you confessed to her after setting up a rooftop movie date and surprise to tell her that you liked her, loved her.

word spread fast on campus that you two were dating. some were supportive, some were jealous and some were just minding their own business. everything was working well, you were dating jimin, you started an internship at a rather famous company and your family was slowly doing well financially. you couldn't ask for more and you didn't. what you had was just perfect, too perfect to be true. you never once doubted things that you experienced as you always believed what you see.

which is why you were so sure that things were doing fine with you and jimin, when they actually weren't. you could sense that she was acting rather distant than usual. you asked her what was wrong but she'd just return a smile and grasp your hand to assure that she's fine. brushing whatever you felt intuitively, you trusted her. but you shouldn't have. she was drifting away from you and you couldn't have known, because you were so busy with everything else, you neglected her. at the very moment she needed you the most.

jimin felt depressed with how she was not good enough for you, how she could not execute dance moves like others in her major and how her family was falling apart. she needed your comfort and support but every time she called you, it went straight to the voicemail box. she was getting tired, tired of waiting and tired of the relationship. she lost the feeling of butterflies in her stomach whenever she's with you. you couldn't have known, or perhaps you were just so oblivious.

the day finally came, she broke it off with you, leaving you in pieces that you don't know if you could fix. it was sudden to you. what you assumed had gone so well actually was on the verge of falling apart. and you did nothing to hold it together before it did.

crying over spilt milk wasn't the solution but you had to try. where was this you when things were still fine? you'd go over to jimin's apartment to ask for a second chance but you only received silence as your answer. it went on for a month and a little more. even the neighbours pitied you when they pass by. you didn't mind that you were receiving stares, what had mattered is that jimin finally opened the door for you. but only her to push her way past you to head out.

the temporary smile fell as it was replaced with a hurt expression. you had no right to be hurt but what could you do? it hurt so bad that you wished you could turn back time and realize that jimin mattered more than anything else to you. plopping on your apartment bed, you made up your mind. you fished out your phone to text her.

'can we meet at the bus stop at 4? I want to talk to you.'

no reply but she had read it. you had to give it a shot. dressed decently, you remembered to bring your power bank along in case your phone died. arriving there, you reminisced all the memories you had with jimin. your first encounter, your first date, the confession, your first kiss on new year's and the very last smile you saw on her face. before you knew that she was already falling out of love.

the first hour passed and still no sight of your beloved. you were determined to win her back, although you already knew she wasn't with you anymore. you didn't want to believe. you needed confirmation that you and her were over, and this was the very moment.

the second hour had gone, soon followed by the third. and the fourth was coming. it was almost 8 already and everyone else seemed so happy. and there you were. heart-broken and disheveled from the waiting. you finally accepted the truth, the truth that jimin wanted you out of her life. the amount you were so in love was the amount it hurt, hell you bet it was more. you wondered, if she had felt the pain too.

you didn’t want to believe it, that she actually didn't. because you were the one who loved her more than she loved you. and it took you 114 traffic light changes to realize that.

laying on the hospital bed, your eyes slowly drooped, smiling but a tear dropped. you loved her, and only her. yet she’ll never come to know.

#karina #yu jimin #aespa #aespa angst #aespa imagines #aespa scenarios #aespa x reader #karina x reader

[fsbc-librarian]

I posted 500 times in 2022

That's 423 more posts than 2021!

86 posts created (17%)

414 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@musette22

@fsbc-librarian

@buckymilf

@shrunkyclunksbang

@possibleplatypus

I tagged 175 of my posts in 2022

#stucky - 121 posts

#fsbc - 114 posts

#fsbc library - 109 posts

#bucky barnes - 92 posts

#steve rogers - 91 posts

#fanfiction - 66 posts

#stevebucky - 65 posts

#fanfic - 55 posts

#library - 49 posts

#fic rec - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 111 characters

#i remember reading the earliest versions of abo before supernatural took it and turned it into what it is today

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Nomad Steve..

100 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#4

This is an open call for someone to create a ficlet for me.. I’ll even turn it into a podfic in the end

But imagine: Bucky is shopping with his and Steve’s daughter, but it’s been a long day and everyone is tired, and everyone is cranky and just want to get home, and this is the last thing that needs to happen before they can (cos it’s Sam and Nat’s wedding, and this kid is as stubborn as Steve ever was, and is the one who insisted on a dress in the first place, and god only knows what will happen if she doesn’t get one)..

185 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

#3

Stolen from a friend.. but this should be a Stucky Fic 👌

244 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

#2

I have three fics waiting to go into The Library, and I cannot for the life of me work out which category/s they belong in.. (PS these are all explicit, please check the tags before reading)

Collar Full of Chemistry

2bestfriends

Summary:

Steve is very rich and desperate to feel in control of his life again after a recent divorce has left him feeling bitter and lonely. When he keeps crossing paths with a disaster twenty-something, an unconventional solution presents itself. Steve's always been one for following his instincts.

Bucky is very broke and can't seem to catch a break, especially after some asshole fires him for one fucking mistake. So of course, it follows that he should sign a contract agreeing to do everything and anything that same asshole wants for a whole year in exchange for a payout that could finally change his life for the better.

~🔥~

in the gold room [ where everyone finally gets what they want ]

CircaClementine

Summary:

It’s only when they’re on opposite sides of the country attending University that our beloved boneheads realise how head over heels for each other they are. It’s true, after all, that you never know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

Steve’s pining from New York, terrified to make a move and lose the person that means the most to him, while Bucky’s been planning a birthday present to himself– one that’s been over a decade in the making. Will Bucky have the courage after all? Will Steve risk the possible loss to see if Bucky feels the same way he does?

~🔥~

Proprietary Information

notlucy

Summary:

Okay, so Bucky Barnes has a crush on Steve Rogers. The guy's gorgeous, talented and, oh yeah, the Chief Design Officer of the biggest tech company in the world. In other words: he's so far out of Bucky's league that he might as well be in a different stratosphere.

~🔥~

And a reminder where you can find our current and upcoming categories

The Master List

258 notes - Posted May 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

As far as i’m concerned, fanfiction authors saved the entire MCU - y’all kept me around long enough for them to make the multiverse canon, which therefore canonises *every* fanfiction every made 🤷‍♀️

438 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[zmediaoutlet]

I posted 4,203 times in 2022

That's 812 more posts than 2021!

178 posts created (4%)

4,025 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@samshinechester

@zmediaoutlet

@mannequin3thereckoning

@silver9mm

@stanfordsweater

I tagged 4,198 of my posts in 2022

#spn - 1,940 posts

#art - 689 posts

#dean winchester - 294 posts

#sam winchester - 237 posts

#jensen ackles - 125 posts

#:) - 119 posts

#the boys - 119 posts

#wincest - 116 posts

#lol - 114 posts

#thanks canon - 99 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#hunter corp john got dean a custom-built vermeil cock cage for dean's 21st birthday and it's dean's favorite present he's ever received

I sent 2 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

fic: the constant vow (chapter one)

You ever have that fic idea that you think, mm, that'd be fun to write, and you keep kind of prodding at it and tweaking it and reworking, and then it turns out it's like 9 years later and you finally sit down to write it and it turns out to be long and complicated and, oh damn, quite the endeavor indeed? Yeah.

I'm going to post the six chapters of this over the next six Fridays (barring getting hit by a truck or something) and, I'll be honest, I really hope people give it a shot in sequence even though it's technically a wip. Hopefully each chapter will be satisfying, even if you have to wait for the conclusion.

title: the constant vow pairing: Sam/Dean (brief Dean/others) rating: E length: 12348 (chapter one) warning: dub-con tags: Season/Series 06, First Time, Case Fic, Genderswap, Fuck Or Die

summary: With Crowley apparently dead and Sam's soul back in place, even though Eve is a worry and Castiel's fighting a heavenly war, Sam and Dean at last have some space to get back to what passes (for them) as a normal life. They've just finished up a pretty standard job and are killing time in snowy Wisconsin when Dean wakes up no longer looking like Dean. That's just the start of their problems.

(AO3)

82 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#4

can I ask what the appeal of wincest is to you? do you have a manifesto somewhere?

I do not have a manifesto. Do people write manifestos?? The only manifesto I can imagine being required is from people whose literal not-ironic favorite movie is Sharknado. And even then, the answer should be: "lol, why not?"

I can't decide if this is a bad faith ask or not but let's assume it's not, for fun and profit: the first level of the answer is lol, why not.

The second and largest part of the answer is: by watching the show as it's presented to me, without trying hard at all, I see a deep and tangible connection between the two main characters which is so intense that it actually would be less weird if they were fucking. The fact that they aren't, according to canon, actually makes Sam and Dean Winchester very fucking strange indeed. No one is that world-leveling over a sibling. It's insane behavior. They're bringing each other back from the dead and ruining each other's romantic relationships and accusing each other of cheating (thanks Sam) and condemning all of humanity to a world that still has demons in order to keep living in the same underground bunker together. Holy shitballs.

In some ways, wincest-where-the-relationship-is-physicalized is kinda cheap and redundant. Their actual-canon gencest relationship is so intense and over-the-top and strange that physicalized wincest almost becomes the only way we can talk about it, because we can't really conceive of relationships outside of romantic ones that are that powerful and all-consuming for characters.

So given all that, why not have them express their apocalyptic, world-ending (and world-saving!) love for each other via penis jousting. Like, might as well.

136 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#3

if you could completely excise an element from your fandom -- like disappear it forever, there would never be another post about it and indeed the thoughts that caused them would never even appear in another fan’s head so as not to potentially foul the air with their presence -- what would it be

150 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

#2

Sam’s fiftieth birthday isn’t much of an event. They don’t do much for their birthdays, never have, and even milestones have gotten lost in the general maelstrom that their lives became. When he was eighteen he ran away from home and felt so gut-shot horrible about it that he puked five times on the Greyhound taking him to what he’d thought was a new clean future. On his thirtieth he was in a coma in a hospital, getting nonconsensually filled with an angel. The years in between, May 2nd was a nonevent, other than a bloody reminder of bad times that weren’t far enough in the past.

In 2033, it’s different. Still reminders but they do feel distant. Some glass partition that’s slid down, between the bad old days and the current ones. They’re good, Sam guesses, but more than anything they’re---neutral. They’re exactly the days that he makes out of them, every morning. Lot of lives he could have had that would be worse than this one, and he knows that better than any other human in the universe, bar one.

It’s a Tuesday. A cool morning, for May. Sam goes for a run, like always. He comes back to the coffee not started, like always, so he starts it, and then goes and takes a shower. His knee hurts but not any more than his knee usually hurts, these days. Jeans, a sweater. The bunker seems colder than it used to, but then he’s a little skinnier than he used to be. A sweatshirt helps.

In the kitchen he pours two cups, and walks them careful back down through the halls to room fourteen. The door’s still just cracked and it’s dark inside, and he’s quiet as he sets the one mug on the bedside table but there’s a rustle, anyway. “Oh,” Dean says, and coughs phlegmy, and Sam wrinkles his nose but murmurs, “Sorry.” A waved hand, pale peeking out of the blankets, and then it gropes for the coffee. Sam shakes his head, goes to leave---thinking of the book he’s got split on the arm of his favorite chair in the library---but his knee’s hooked before the first coffee slurp is even over, and he waits. 

“Ugh,” Dean says, like always---Sam rolls his eyes, like always---but then there’s a little tug at Sam’s jeans and he sits, obediently, and waits for Dean to gulp down half the mug, and even in the half-light from the hall he can see the grimace. Dean sighs, putting the mug back on the table. “One day you’re going to learn the right amount of grounds to put in, dude.”

“One day you’re going to get up early enough to make your own, dude,” Sam says, and Dean blows a half-hearted raspberry. Even with the queen mattress they moved in here years ago, there’s not much room; Sam props himself up with one hand on the other side of Dean’s hip. Sips his coffee, looks at Dean waking up. Even with a drool smear he’s clumsily wiping off his jaw it’s a nice sight.

Dean curls an arm under his head, stretching his legs out lazily. “Fifty years of being my little brother, you oughta have realistic expectations,” Dean says, airy, but there’s a little smile curled in through his beard, and Sam pauses with his cup lifted halfway to his mouth. Surprised, sort of, and then not surprised. He finishes the sip and then sets his mug next to Dean’s, and when he leans down Dean’s already tilting his chin up for a kiss. Coffee and morning breath, and the soft scratch of beard. If he had any tension in him anywhere it’s gone, just from the taste of him, in the warmth of their bed in the morning. Dean’s fingers slip through his hair where it’s still wet at the back, slide down to hook into the v of his sweater. Sam pulls away from his mouth, kisses his cheek instead, and Dean huffs and pushes him back, just fingertip pressure but Sam sways easy with it, propped over Dean, thinking---nothing. Nothing at all.

“Want to go over to Marlow’s and get burgers for lunch?” Dean says, after a little while of looking all over Sam’s face. Sam wonders what he sees. He’s content to wonder. “And I got a good lead on a bottle of scotch that might just be hidden somewhere in the library.”

“Oh, a mystery,” Sam says, dry, and Dean smiles at him outright, easy, no smirking or holding back, and god, he’s just. He’s so. Sam smiles back, helpless to do otherwise. “Yeah,” he says, and then has to clear his throat of thickness. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Cool,” Dean says, casual, like he didn’t just catch Sam in the middle of loving him. 

Just another day in the life, together. Every morning that’s true---Sam wouldn’t  be caught dead calling it a gift, certainly anywhere that Dean could hear it, but. It’s something, all right.

“Maybe after some scotch you’ll let me do that thing you’re embarrassed you like,” Dean says, and Sam refocuses to find Dean looking a little less sweet than previously, and---goddamn him, it’s not fair that after fifty years he can still make Sam---

“Dude, cut it out,” Sam says, and Dean grins filthy and says, “Come on, remember? That time in Germantown where I got your leg bent back to your shoulder and---”

“I hate you,” Sam says, getting up, and Dean crows back, “Oh, I know how you do,” and just for that Sam takes both coffee mugs with him, and what’s so supremely irritating about Dean is that Sam’s flushed (not blushing, thanks) and annoyed and is now thinking about how his knee isn’t so bad today that they won’t be able to do---that---which he’s not embarrassed by, he just doesn’t like how he gets so out of his mind when Dean---when they---

Dean’s cackling back in the nest of blankets. Sam heads determinedly out of range and thinks about pouring the rest of the coffee down the sink, just for retribution, but it’d be a waste of good coffee. 

That night, in bed, after lunch and a movie and scotch and then other things and then clean-up, because even if Dean doesn’t mind it Sam’s never going to like sleeping like that---Dean curls up to his back, kisses behind his ear. “Happy day, man,” he says. “Many more.”

“Minimalist,” Sam says, and Dean snorts. Sam covers Dean’s hand, where it’s settled naturally over his breastbone, and thinks of all the days to come.

(on AO3)

156 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hello, hello -- happy w.w. to all who celebrate -- and as part of that delightful day, I wanted to get a sense of interest in a similar project that might have a slightly wider scope. You'll see the details in the linked google form.

Fandom's not *dead*, it's just... tired. And busy. And overstimulated-while-simultaneously-not-taking-anything-in. And sometimes people feel like they can't send a message or leave a comment or whatever because a) they just didn't have time when they saw it, or b) because they thought the post was too 'old' and it might feel weird, or c) who knows! Tons of reasons. But, in general, it's the interaction and communication that makes fandom feel alive, so -- we want to encourage that! Wouldn't that be fun? A little 'hey, I see you!' across the various dashboards.

It'd be super helpful if you'd take the little survey. (It's seriously little: two questions plus an optional short answer.) Share it widely! Tell your friends! Tell your enemies! And then, at some point, a later project (with an actual title) may come your way.

180 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post #i'm glad all my top posts are text based ig #and i stand by that longest tag #gpoy

[honeyviscera]

I posted 3,595 times in 2022

That's 2,566 more posts than 2021!

371 posts created (10%)

3,224 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@channeling-inner-potato

@hi-raethia

@spixi

I tagged 3,037 of my posts in 2022

Only 16% of my posts had no tags

#jujutsu kaisen - 613 posts

#caps - 340 posts

#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood - 299 posts

#haikyuu!! - 200 posts

#ocean asks - 160 posts

#my hero academia - 148 posts

#mob psycho 100 - 147 posts

#ocean.mp3 - 130 posts

#project sekai - 118 posts

#satosugu - 114 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#hhdkjhdkgdvfhdgsjkdjgvdhkdjhjhddjkdhdjdhjdkhhddkhjkdhljghdjgdjkhhgfgkhdhkjdhdkgdvgdkjdhbdhkjhbeyhhjkbdkjdhbkhebouhebhjkhbdhjbdhsjkhshgeuoyg

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

the amount of detail and effort that went into it. i just KNOW i have to rewatch it to really get it bc there was so much THERE it was so jam packed of stuff i LOVED it

36 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

#4

Something I wish was like. Actually Covered in Dr. Stone that I think would have been super cool is like. linguistic differences.

Because like, okay. you have a mini society that's been living in complete isolation for over 3000 years, totally apart from everything else, and then you have characters like senkuu, gen, tsukasa, ukyo, hyoga etc. who are very much from 'our time', kept in stone for those 3000 years, retaining all memories and language from that era.

like. 3000 years is a SUPER long time. Even with the 100 Tales that got passed through the generations to Ruri, which I imagine would help in keeping the language the same for all that time, I'm surprised there's like. zero differences. that they're able to communicate seamlessly. that there is no variation, no slang, no new words, no thick accents, no nothing.

Like, as a real life example, Old English was used about 2000 years ago. And I bet most of you would have a Pretty Hard Time understanding it, and that's only from like 2/3 the amount of time that separates the Ishigami villagers and the other characters. it almost seems like another language.

I would have LOVED the first interaction between Kohaku and Senkuu to have been WILDLY confusing and surprising. Kohaku sees this random dude and attacks, and then he starts speaking this absolute gobbledygook that only sounds very very vaguely familiar and also sounds weirdly Proper. and then kohaku responds in confusion, and to senkuu she's speaking this weird weird language that is only barely recognisable and sounds super casual and fast. and they Can't Talk to each other, which makes the entire ordeal with getting the villagers to trust senkuu That Much Harder lmao. but finally, FINALLY when Senkuu is able to meet Ruri and she hears the way he talks is like hey wait a minute I Know This. and she tells him the 100 tales (still in the original language) that everyone else thought sounded like a series of weird incantations but senkuu is like Oh. Oh Okay also dad why did you put so many memes in this. (like in canon lmao) and just. the langauge barriers!!!!! I WISH THERE WAS A LANGUAGE BARRIER IN DR. STONE OKAY.

EDIT: some cool people showed me a really good fic and a more in-depth post on this concept!! I highly reccomend checking them out!

57 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

#3

what if i broke down. what if this was it huh.

86 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#2

it's. it's about human connection and the loss of it, it's about not fitting in and rejoicing in that uniqueness, it's about longing for something, having it, and mourning the loss of it, it's about searching for that person everywhere, once they're gone you see them in everything its about the confusion and ambiguity and panic that comes with a realistic dream, it's about dreaming and the strangeness of dreaming, it's about being a little in love with your best friend, it's about the fragility of our bonds, it's about missing people, it's about love.

125 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i get so emotional over non-human characters who are experiencing 'being human' and fundamentally are lonely and just want friends that all they'd ever want is friendship and company and that is the most important part of being human for them is to have friends..... god. GOD,, give me a moment here im. IM.

538 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #aaaah my adam by eve post and my favourite hgsn post being my top 2 <333

[justanotherfanartist]

2, 12, 20, 24, 48, 64, 66, 76, 84, 97, 114, 116, 117, 120, 123, 155 for the ask game (ik it’s a lot, no pressure for any of them)

omggg this is so fun there’s so many!! alrighty I went through and picked my faves (warning it’s a long post lmao):

12: Coffee, tea or cocoa? It depends tbh. If it’s that stupid Vanilla Cold brew from Tim Hortons, coffee all the way. Besides that, I love a good cup of tea. Chamomile and honey is so delicious and soothing. mmm

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

Talk about a hard one. The idea of living underwater, like in subnautica, is something that makes me all happy tingly when I think about it. It’s something I’m obsessed with in game sometimes lmao, I love it. But space? I don’t think anything can beat space for me. Since I was little, we’ll really my whole life, I’ve been raised with sci-fi. It’s ingrained in my childhood nostalgia, my comfort characters and media, hell it’s in the video games I love (shout out to No Man’s Sky fr). The big empty black filled with stars and silence, but so full of people and other worlds. The ability to be in flush and full environments or simply…the silence. Nothing beats the atmosphere and intrigue of space. It’s like…the good kind of lonely, I guess. 48: A sound you really love? Okay okay I have two for this one. Rain (both soft and FUCKING THUNDERING) and soft, deep static. Or brown noise, whatever you call it. They’re both incredibly comforting and atmospheric, and as someone who lives in Washington state I miss it when it doesn’t rain. Which, these past summers especially, is getting less and less frequent. And hearing the rain reminds me that things can be good for a while. (I hate climate change. I can’t take these heat waves man, they’re not natural around here) 66: Favorite emoticon? 🫂 is the top, followed closely by 🫡 lmao and 👁👁. The first one because as soon as I discovered it I used it all the time to greet or comfort my friends and tbh I just love it for that. The second because the deadpan expression and the salute looks like you’re sending off your friend to their grave after some stupid shit they did it’s a beautiful emoji. And the last one because it coveys “gazing disrespectfully” like no other emoticon ever has. Wait are emoticons like the :) things I’m just not realizing they might be uhm. :] is top tier because it looks like a cute little smiley robot! 97: How long can you hold your breath for? Lets see! … 47.37 secs but I’m sure I could push for longer

155: Do you like to play with others hair? I think it’s nice ngl. What I reaally need is a friend with super fluffy hair that lets me give them headpats and muss it up affectionately and run my hands through it…sigh. I have my own hair tho which I mess with all the fuckin time lmao so yeah. 10/10 messing with hair is good times. Yknow, this reminds of a friend of mine. She loves messing with peoples hair but hates it when people touch hers. Back when I had longer hair, I would let her mess with it whenever she asked. She would play with it or style it or braid it, just with her hands or whatever she had ON hand haha. Usually just while we were talking, I would sit down and she would sit above me and it would just kind of be like that as we all talked with the rest of our friends. She uh, she moved recently. Out of state. And it’s gonna be weird not seeing her again. I really idolized her a lot when I was younger, and we had the nickname of Twins because our teachers used to mix up our names all the time. I never got to be as close to her as I wanted, mostly because of myself, and I’ll miss her. But I like seeing things that remind me of her, especially the hair thing. She really hated it when people touched hers lol, so we never did. She braided a lot of my friends and I’d hair at one point or another. She’s great.

#ask game #hiii mutual!! #lol didn’t mean to get kinda sappy at the end but I’ve known her for years and the move was recent #I cried a lot at first but it’s been a couple months now #lol #anyways ty for the ask!

[mylifeinchastityandflr-blog]

I am a fairly big woman, and in my eyes, I look like an elephant. I struggle allot to lose weight, and I am very conscious of my weight. It's a very touching subject.

A few years ago, my husband bought me some sexy outfit. But I could never get myself to put it on. I was so self-conscious about my weight that I never gave it a chance.

About a year ago, I came across a post of a woman who went through the same problem. And she actually did a daring experiment that opened my eyes forever.

She opened a fake account on instagram and put some sexy photos of her on it. First off, soft lingerie. and then off more outgoing latex and corsets. She also put some pictures of skinny women on there as well , and the results were shocking. 76% of the 10 784 men commented on the 114 pictures thought that the bigger women in latex were the best , 18% of the skinny women in latex got the thumbs up, and the remainder of the girls in lingerie got the rest of the points.

This made me think about my mindset, and to my shock, I realised that my man likes me big. If he didn't, we would not be together, and nobody else is going to see it.

So I bought the sexyest latex outfit l could find on the net. And boy, did it feel good. Was very nervous, though, as I was scared to how my husband was going to react. I never tried it before, but I always wanted to. But I never had the courage to do this.

When it arrived, somehow the orders got mixed up, or i clicked on the wrong one, and they sent me a full body suit. I could not help myself from excitement. I waited for Friday night. Had a romantic dinner and then went to our bedroom. Told my husband to undress and put his hood and restraints on. I tied him to the bed tike normal, but instead of starting with him, I went to the bathroom and got dressed. It's not the easiest thing to get into, but o my God, what a feeling. I did have a problem, I could not zip myself up, and I didn't want to give away the surprise. So I helped him up, put on some wool winters gloves, and put his hands on me to zip me up. He could not feel the latex yet, so I lay him down and tied him up again.

I then finished lubing the latex and climbed on top of him, and started cuddling him all over. It felt great. No, it feels amazing. The only problem is that he did not make two minutes before he exploded. He came so hard that for a minute, I thought he passed out.

After I came, I got undressed and cleaned up before I untied him to go and clean up.

I waited three weeks before I had the courage to dress up for him again, which drove him absolutely crazy but worth every second.

Enjoy and embrace your body. Don't let your own insecurity stand in your way. He doesn't care. Live your life and enjoy.

Sex in latex is amazing. Try it. I also find that if you exercise in it, you sweat a lot, and I mean, a lot. And it does make me lose weight a bit faster. It is not a miracle cure, but every little bit helps.

And yes, he was punished for his actions. Although I did go easy on him. When he comes without any stimulation and in his cage, he normally recovers in a few hours. It's where he has a full-blown orgasm that it takes days to recover.

The point is that you are limited to your own imagination.

[sinfultray1408]

Scene Comparisons: -8-

My Life With Chaplin: An Intimate Memoir by Lita Grey Chaplin with Morton Cooper (pg. 114-118)

Wife of the Life of the Party: A Memoir by Lita Grey Chaplin and Jeffrey Vance (pg. 49-50)

I wondered what kind of heartless animal I was - my mother was ill, maybe very ill, and I could barely wait to get into bed with Charlie. But I had talked myself into agreeing that he indeed was right, that I could do nothing for her by staying here. After another couple of hesitant minutes I got up and tiptoed across the soft carpeting toward the bathroom, not taking my eyes from Mama. I went into the bathroom, closed the door soundlessly behind me, and rapped ever so softly at the connecting door to Charlie's room. He whispered, "Come in."

A small light was on and he was in bed, lying naked atop the blankets, his arms extended. I began to unbutton my blouse as I went to him, amazed that my body was so stoked with passion even though he hadn't touched me, amazed that I could undress myself so boldly in front of him. Until now I had waited for him to peel my clothes off; until now I had been passive, or what I supposed a girl should be if she was to be called feminine. Now, though, I was acting exactly the way I was sure sluts acted. In taking off my blouse without the preliminaries of seduction I was announcing that I was eager for sex. Surely decent girls never behaved like this. Now, standing at the side of the bed, I freed the single button at my skirt waist. The skirt fell to the carpet and I stepped out of the ring it made around my feet.

"You step away from a skirt like an empress, Josephine," he said softly.

My instinct was to warn him to make no sound, but I realized he was talking normally and that even if Mama were awake she couldn't hear anything. Not amused, not proud of myself, I answered, "I don't feel like an empress. I feel - hot." The vulgar description just popped out of me. I was at a loss to understand the sensual abandon I felt, it didn't occur to me that the brandy might have had something to do with it. Feeling irresponsible, yet swelling with explicit urges, I pulled the panties down over my hips. Without a word, I conveyed the idea to Charlie that the fearfully timid Lita had been replaced - hopefully forever - by an unapologetic wildcat.

He sat up, his eyes grave. I was just about to step out of my shoes when he muttered, “No, wait. Keep them on.” He pulled me down on top of him, encircled me with his arms and gripped me with fantastic strength. I kissed him with my tongue, teasing lightly at first and then driving deeper and deeper, with heightening intensity, into his mouth. His fingers found the clasp of my bra, released it, and thrust it away.

He pushed me off and maneuvered his torso toward my mouth, urging me to do the thing I had refused to do so many times before. Less inhibited now than ever, I was on the verge of doing what he wanted, but at the last moment I turned my head away and refused again. Charlie tried once more, again without success, and then invaded me quickly and unceremoniously.

For me, the rapturous joy of making love with Charlie lay in those serene moments afterward when we huddled together, still deliciously sweaty, embracing each other protectively against the world. This night, though, scant minutes had elapsed before he was aroused again, and we were locked together once more.

When we were still again I asked, "Do all men do it like this, one right after the other?"

He laughed. "No, if you must know. Most men need a rest between - ah - bouts. I don't. I'm either lucky or divinely blessed. I'm a stallion, Lita, and you'd better resign yourself to it."

Later on I was to learn that this was no idle boast. There were nights, after our marriage, when Charlie was good for as many as six “bouts,” as he called them, in succession, with scarcely five minutes' rest in between. But tonight was to be merely a preliminary.

Continuing the banter, he teased me: "Considering that I get no real cooperation from you, you pretty bitch, I think I'm the Eighth Wonder of the World, at least."

"Cooperate? Who says I don't cooperate?"

In a suddenly serious tone, he said, "You've got to learn something, Lita. Nothing is wrong if two people love each other. Love is not only sharing but giving. What I want you to do isn't all that monstrous. But I'm not a fiend, an ogre. Maybe I'd better just bide my time till you love me."

"I do love you.

A pause. "Then why this ridiculous holding back?"

"Because - because the thought of it makes me makes me gag. I love you, and I'll always love you. But I can't do that."

He cuddled me. "Very well, then. Not now, not yet. You'll change your mind in time, though. You'll come to see that love has no fences around it."

"Yes, I'll try," I murmured. I reached over and kissed his beautiful lips, marveling at the fact that this man I adored, who had not yet propelled me to the promised clouds, was able, by his presence and even by the thought of him, to send me into a feverish frenzy of desire.

In the room's purring softness, in each other's arms, we talked. About nothing and about everything.

And heard the doorknob squeak in turning.

The door opened and Mama tottered weakly into the room and saw us there, without our clothes on.

As we sat there, frozen, she stood in the doorway, staring at us with a glazed, unseeing look on her face, and then staggered back and closed the door, leaving us alone.

I scrambled to my feet and dressed hurriedly. Charlie reached for his robe, but, oddly, seemed only mildly upset.

"In a way, it's good she saw us," he said. I was sure he had to be raving mad to talk like that, but I didn't answer him. All that mattered now was that I go to my mother.

I would say nothing because there was nothing that could be said, but I had to see her and have her see me.

Mama was in bed, her hands lifeless, her full eyes trained on the ceiling. Her cheeks were moist with tears, but she would not look at me. I wept, and I kissed her cheeks desperately, in urgent need not so much to be forgiven as to let her know I was aware of the pain I'd caused her, Still not looking at me, she finally said, in a fuzzy voice befogged by dope, “I dreamed that…it didn't happen…I dreamed…”

She turned to me, but her eyes were still far away. “I woke up. I went to the bathroom. I heard you and him, I thought I heard you, I was there and dreaming and I heard you. So sleepy…I want to leave here…so sleepy…”

Charlie knocked and marched into the room, ignoring me in order to give all his attention to Mama. He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand. "Lillian, listen to me. This wasn't the way it appeared. I love your daughter, do you hear me, Lillian? I love her, and she loves me, and I'm going to marry her."

Mama blinked. I was thunderstruck.

"Are you listening to me, Lillian?" he said intensely.

"I've been planning to make Lita my wife for months now. I adore her. There aren't five minutes that pass that I don't think of her. I'm not a bad man, Lillian. I'm going to do the right thing. We'll make the arrangements, and when the picture's finished we'll have the biggest wedding the world has ever seen."

He was talking fast but with emphasis, knowing her sedated brain couldn't take everything in, yet intent on making her understand that everything was all right. Mama began to talk, but her words and thoughts rambled. Suddenly she was asleep again.

An hour passed and I was sure that Mama was asleep. I pulled my bedclothes back. The bed springs creaked a bit as I got up.

Tiptoeing across the room and through Charlie's connecting bathroom, I went into the master bedroom and into his bed. He had been waiting for me and clasped me in his arms.

What I did not know was that the creaking springs of the bed had awakened Mama, and she got up and followed me into Charlie's room. Charlie and I were startled when she entered his bedroom.

"Lillita!" she gasped. "What are you doing? How long has this been going on?" Great tears welled up in her eyes, and she began to shake.

"Please, Lillian," said Charlie. "Don't cry. I love Lita. We've been together several times when you didn't know about it" He was already in his dressing gown and comforting Mama. "If Lita gets pregnant, we'll get married," he told Mama in an effort to console her.

Mama tried to control her emotions, but she was still shaking.

"Go back to bed, the two of you," said Charlie. "We'll talk about this in the morning."

Back in bed in the guest room, I stared at the ceiling. I heard Mama crying for a long time. It was to be the first of many sleepless nights for me.

In the morning, Charlie met us downstairs. "Come, Lillian," he said, "have some breakfast. It isn't the end of the world."

"It's the end of my world," said Mama. "She's my baby. I've always tried to protect her from any harm." Mama began to cry again. Charlie sent us home in his limousine.

#charlie chaplin #lita grey #memoir #the little tramp #the tramp #charles chaplin #scene comparisons 8

[britishchick09]

for the first time in forever... a ranking is here!

that’s right, i’m doing another beatles ranking after 84 years! (or 7 months) i usually do these in groups of 10, but let’s do five for this one! there are 215 songs down below ;)

love

1.     ob la di ob la da anthology 3

2.     nowhere man

3.     because

4.     my bonnie

5.     i saw her standing there

6.     here comes the sun

7.     i need you

8.     the night before

9.     i’m down

10.  i’m looking through you anthology 2

11.  revolution esher

12.  christmas time is here again

13. beautiful dreamer

this is a nice little song with great backup vocals! the lower quality gives it some nostalgia (as does it being in my poto rewrite in a way!)

14. fool on the hill anthology 2

this one is so much better than the original! there’s something about paul’s slightly higher vocals and the different instrumentals that make it magical :)

really like

14.  i’ll follow the sun

15.  devil in her heart

17.  a hard day’s night

18.  she loves you

19.  with a little help from my friends

20.  do you wanna know a secret

21.  back in the ussr

22.  octopuses garden

23.  can’t buy me love

24.  strawberry fields anthology 2

25.  take good care of my baby

26.  i’ll be on my way

27.  rock and roll music

28.  i call your name

29.  all my loving

30.  baby’s in black

31.  while my guitar gently weeps anthology 3

32.  for you blue

33.  this boy

34.  don’t ever change

35.  when i’m sixty-four

36.  shout

37.  two of us

38.  penny lane

39.  the ballad of john and yoko

40.  one after 909

41.  i want to tell you

42.  things we said today

43.  i will

44.  sweet little sixteen

45.  ain’t she sweet

46.  sure to fall (in love with you)

47.  i’ll be back

48.  she came in through the bathroom window

49.  i feel fine

50.  i’ll cry instead

51.  i’ve just seen a face

52.  your bird can sing

53.  that means a lot

this one gives me rewrite eristine vibes! i like how simple yet sweet this one is :) (and it should’ve been on ‘help!’ instead of ‘dizzy miss lizzy’...)

54.  i’m looking through you

55.  matchbox

56.  honey pie esher demo

57.  i’m happy just to dance with you

58.  crying waiting hoping

59.  you won’t see me

60.  all together now

61.  i me mine

62.  anna (go to him)

63.  in my life

64.  i wanna hold your hand

65.  help

66.  ‘till there was you

67.  across the universe wwf

68.  maggie mae

69.  boys

70.  i don’t want to spoil the party

71.  don’t pass me by

72.  wait

73.  yes it is

74.  i’m so tired

75.  p.s i love you

76.  what goes on

77.  for no one

78.  hold me tight

79.  ticket to ride

80.  across the universe

81.  she said she said

82.  i’m a loser

83.  another girl

84.  revolution

85.  oh darling

86.  i’m gonna sit right down and cry over you

87.  eight days a week

88.  nothin’ shakin’

89.  something

90.  revolution 1

91.  birthday

92.  yellow submarine

93.  please please me

94.  mother nature’s son

95.  i’m only sleeping

96.  maxwell’s silver hammer

97.  sgt. pepper’s lonely hearts club band

98.  get back

like

99.  the honeymoon song

100.         besame mucho

101.         you’ve really got a hold on me

102.         we can work it out

103.         while my guitar gently weeps

104.         money (that’s what i want)

105.         all you need is love

106.         please mr postman

107.         act naturally

108.         hello goodbye

109.         good day sunshine

110.         norwegian wood

111.         solider of love

it’s not about sailor venus, but it has great john/backup vocals :)

112.         you never give me your money

113.         and i love her

114.         good night

115.         what you’re doing

116.         yesterday

117.         when i get home

118.         don’t let me down

119.         blackbird

120.         she’s leaving home

121.         teddy boy

122.         glass onion

123.         i’ll get you

124.         from me to you

125.         here there and everywhere

126.         any time at all

127.         ooh my soul

128.         can you dig it

129.         tell me what you see

130.         ask me why

131.         i’ve got a feeling

132.         thank you girl

133.         lady madonna

134.         hey bulldog

135.         your mother should know

136.         sexy sadie

137.         every little thing

138.         i should’ve known better

139.         getting better

140.         tell me why

141.         got to get you into my life

142.         love me do

143.         misery

144.         you’re gonna lose that girl

145.         roll over beethoven

146.         let it be

147.         fixing a hole

148.         eleanor rigby

149.         dear prudence

150.         fool on the hill

151.         martha my dear

152.         if i fell

153.         long tall sally

154.         chains

155.         magical mystery tour

156.         twist and shout

157.         hey jude

158.         julia

159.         paperback writer

160.         old brown shoe

161.         you’ve got to hide your love away

162.         cry baby cry

163.         michelle

164.         day tripper

165.         ob la di ob la da

166.         strawberry fields forever

167.         a day in the life

168.         no reply

169.         long long long

170.         it’s only love

171.         dizzy miss lizzy

172.         you like me too much

173.         if i needed someone

174.         the word

175.         mr. moonlight

176.         you can’t do that

177.         little child

178.         kansas city/hey hey hey

179.         come together

180.         slow down

181.         the continuing story of bungalow bill

182.         baby it’s you

183.         all i got to do

184.         the long and winding road

185.         being for the benefit of mr. kite

186.         honey pie

187.         taxman

188.         there’s a place

189.         don’t bother me

eh

190.         not a second time

191.         lucy in the sky with diamonds

192.         helter skelter

193.         baby you’re a rich man

194.         good morning good morning

195.         dig it

196.         piggies

197.         i want you (she’s so heavy)

198.         rocky raccoon

199.         it won’t be long

200.         i wanna be your man

201.         girl

202.         dig a pony

203.         happiness is a warm gun

204.         like dreamers do

205.         a taste of honey

206.         dr. robert

207.         a shot of rhythm and blues

208.         you know my name (look up the number)

209.         it’s all too much

210.         only a northern song

211.         drive my car

212.         blue jay way

213.         love you to

214.         i am the walrus

215.         revolution 9

#beatles rankings #i've been listening to the songs i have so i don't come across new songs as often #but the one i discovered today inspired me to make a new one! :D

[superjaegerbros]

Zeke Jaeger through the years

#snk #snkedit #snkgraphic #zeke jaeger #zeke yeager #zeke #snk graphic #my graphic #i was waiting for 114 to make this but life got in the way and i kept postponing it #also i burned several braincells to estimate the years but pls correct me if i'm wrong #snk 70 #snk 86 #snk 95 #snk 114 #snk 93 #snk 107

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047�� ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

#sentence starters #generate sentence prompts #rp meme #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #prompt for writing #rp prompt #send emoji meme #long tw

[ctto-becauseimunoriginal]

The Girl of His Dreams 01

bully!eric x fem!reader (a bit of sunwoo)

mentions of: bully!sunwoo, juyeon, hyunjae

warning: smut, slight angst, nsfw, bullying

content: switch!reader, exhibition kink, mutual pining, lewd daydreaming, eric is tied up, profanities, lengthy character background, reader is a runaway, minor character death, drinking, smoking, bruises and blood, inconsistent spacings

word count: 114.k

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summary: y/n leads on the notorious bully Eric Sohn and threatens him as payback for always bullying her friend, read part 02 here

┌───────── ·  ·  ·  · ♡

“you’re all bark but no bite”

“worthless piece of trash can’t even stand boohoo”

obviously he couldn’t stand against the fight, let alone win, he wasn’t built like them and he wasn’t as strong as them. he won’t ever win against the soccer captain, baseball captain, and some other guys from the basketball club.

the teachers did not even do much for him, he reported the bullies countless of times but all they ever got was to sit in a lousy classroom, and call it a day, also known as “detention”

as much as he wants it to stop, he always stayed hopeful for it to magically stop one day just like how it magically happened all at once the first time around.

he always asks himself what got him into this situation and what was the reason but hearing them spit venom on him carrying the name of his sister and parents gave him more than enough idea as to why he was chosen to be their prey.

he had too many weaknesses

“i heard you have a sister why dont you bring her over some time? you’ll get less beatings that way, we promise”

“i hope your mother dies, she deserves it for giving birth to a bitch like you”

he wants to fight it and he badly wants it to stop but the longer it kept going on, the less pain the words stunned him, and here he is now, numb.

fighting would do him no good, it was the reality anyways. he cries to his mom every night, he longs for his parents everyday, but there’s not much he can do about it when they’re both buried six feet under. all he has left to lose is his sister and he swears on his life to not let anything happen to her. she is what’s keeping him together, she is what’s keeping them alive and the least he could do was face his problems on his own and not drag his innocent sister into this.

ever since she started coming home early from school, now switching work from her usual after-class into night shifts at a call center, the more she sees her brother come home beaten, limping, and locking himself in his room. even though she keeps on begging for him to tell her who did it, he refuses. she also can’t tell anyone else about it because he threatens to blackmail her if she gets caught mentioning the slightest bit about his state. not wanting to cross limits and boundaries, all she could ever do for him was look out for him and make sure he’s still alive and eating every day.

your best friend never really shone much light on it, the first time you saw his brother come home bruised black and blue on the cheeks you asked her about it but she shrugs it off and says she can’t say anything even though she really wants to.

The more you see him come home with scratches and sometimes subtly limping, you already knew the poor boy was having it rough at school.

it’s currently 5 am on a monday morning, your best friend was cold asleep on their couch as you were out in the balcony lazed in the cold air as fog from last night’s downpour starts fading out.

you were smoking a cigarette and mindlessly scrolling on your phone waiting for your best friend to wake up when you hear a click of a door shut break the silent air.

thinking it was your best friend rushing to the bathroom to throw up the remnants of last night’s drinks, you crushed the lit end of the now short cigarette onto the ash tray beside you and left it there then proceed to drag yourself into the warm living room and slide the balcony door shut.

taking a peek at the couch, your best friend was still sound asleep on the sofa. wondering where the click came from earlier you wandered around the apartment to see if her brother woke up, if not, a burglar.

making your way to the dimly lit kitchen you hear soft shuffling growing louder as you got nearer and peeking in you saw her brother already dressed in his uniform taking a bottle of juice from the fridge.

the strong scent of nicotine reached his senses before he could see your figure from his peripheral vision.

“it’s 5 in the morning you’re already going to school?”

you asked him leaning against the entryway to the kitchen thinking this would be a good time to confront him about his scratches, considering you were both finally alone and his sister is sound asleep.

“i have club practice”

he mutters standing still in between the fridge and the door of it that’s swung open not bothering to make eye contact with you.

“it does not take a genius to know what’s going on, you know”

you state in a matter of fact manner to him.

“did she tell you? besides, it doesn’t matter, it’s none of your business.”

this time muttering through a clenched jaw as he shut the fridge door to fully face you. you took this chance to closely examine his beat up face, a patch of purple was on his jaw, scratches littered onto the apple of his left cheek, another patch of purple onto the his other cheek, a bandaid over the bridge of his nose and a healed scar on the arc of his brow. he wasn’t taller than you making it easy for you to look at his facial features under the light.

“no your sister wouldn’t say anything to me, i took the luxury of pairing the puzzle pieces myself”

with a roll of his eyes he turns to make way towards you in an attempt to leave the conversation but you raised your foot up and placed it against the other side of the entryway denying him his exit.

“okay talk to me, you probably don’t talk about it to your sister but talk to me.”

silence.

“okay first off, im going to usher you to talk whether you like it or not. second, you’re not late to anything so i can hold you here for as long as i want. third, im not interested in what got you in this situation or why and you already know that i know why. fourth, im interested in who did this to you.” you say holding up four fingers in front of his face glaring at you as you counted off.

“and also, whether i will take action on this myself or not, you won’t be dragged into this anyway. i can always act like a douchebag and fight a stranger”

letting your words sink in, he gives in,

‘you’re not interested in the what why or how but in who’

“just… who did this to me right?”

he trails off as his free hand balled into a fist and to which you replied by nodding holding his gaze. if looks could kill, your facade right now would be long dead.

“and what will you even do if you knew who”

“i just told you, act like a douchebag to him or her or whatever they are and pick a fight, they dont know me anyway nor do they even know im related to you in any way”

interested in your idea, he crosses his arms in front of his chest as his weight now shifted onto the heel of one foot, you smirked back at the boy intrigued at your plot.

“Eric Sohn”

“mind giving me more details than that? you’ll have me end up fighting just about anyone i assume is called Eric Sohn”

“obnoxious purple and blue hair, that won’t be hard to find”

“hmm okay.. any specific places you know i might meet him?”

“some cracker place called creker, he goes there after baseball…. and our thing”

you didn’t miss the way his jaw subtly buckled at the mention of their so-called thing, nodding your head in understanding you relaxed your foot and brought it down to make way for him.

you silently watched his retreating figure as he takes a turn to the main door

“you’re still going to school this early?”

you asked him with concern laced in your voice.

“i’ll pick up breakfast along the way”

and that was the last thing he said before shutting the door and leaving.

the loud click of the door ringing through the apartment nudged your best friend to wake up a little bit, you hear shuffling from the living room and so you brought yourself to her figure who was now wiggling, stretching, and finishing it up by yawning which was cut short as a hand flew to her mouth in a blink of an eye as her other free hand practically ripped the blanket off of her laying figure.

you were quick witted, prepared, and most importantly, familiar with what’s happening. the bathroom door was already open, her route is clean of any trip-causing hazards, and the toilet cover was already up. you lowly laughed at your best friend’s unfortunate morning which you never got tired of, practically happening every week.

grabbing your friend’s hair you held it up for her as her gripped on the toilet tightened and her grunting echoed through the 4 walls as she empties all the drink into the poor toilet.

what a great monday morning for the both of you

2 hours, you’ve been in this dimly lit arcade for 2 whole hours just sitting in the “adult corner” of the cracker place which happened to be an arcade, sipping on your second glass of milkshake. however, you had to admit, their milkshake was pretty amazing.

your best friend’s brother texted you earlier that this so-called Eric often leaves the campus at around 7 at night. and so you came over to the location at 6, giving the benefit of the doubt his baseball practice might be cancelled for the day.

but now it’s 8pm, and all you had for “dinner” was two sweet sweet milkshakes.

feeling grumpy and impatient, you were about to stand up and leave opting to come back the next day when noisy chatters and cheers suddenly boomed through the place that was already noisy with game sounds as a group of rowdy teenage boys come bursting through the door.

scanning your eyes through the group, you caught a pink and blue pastel hair just like what you were told it looked like. your eyes fixated on the pastel head, he’s short, making it a little difficult for you to keep an eye on him when he’s constantly disappearing behind someones back or a shoulder.

finding the pastel head again when the group dispersed, he was leaning obnoxiously on the counter waiting for the worker to give him the change he needs to play whatever machine he wanted.

feeling a set of eyes devouring him the very moment he walked in his “home” Eric can’t help but look around the place to see who’s the culprit. and that is then he caught you scan him up and down painfully slow which to him meant you were checking him out.

he gave you a smug smirk as your eyes brought themselves back up to his very own staring right back at you. you shot him the best flirty wink you can smiling to yourself that your plan is starting to work, but to him that smile meant something else, perhaps you wanting to be under his sheets.

cutting the tension short, his attention was stolen by the coins pushed towards him on the counter and he tried his best to hold them all in his little fanny pack slung across his chest managing to drop some coins in the process.

a sight he didn’t expect to see greeted him when he was about to pick up the fallen coins. he took in the sight of your delicious breasts from above, the way the pendant of your necklace sat perfectly on top the valley of your breasts, and not missing the way your top hugged them all too deliciously. he would’ve pulled down his sweatpants and let you suck him clean while you’re on your knees right now but held back since you were both out in public.

“you like what you see baby?”

you muttered as you stood up to hand him the coins.

crossing your arms against your chest making sure to push your boobs up and make your cleavage more inviting. you didn’t miss the way his eyes devoured your figure and linger on your chest before coming back up to hold your gaze at him mirroring the same smirk plastered against his face, this time missing the way his bulge grew hard and prominent under his grey sweats.

“shouldn’t i ask you that? you were checking me out first princess”

now slowly coming up to you, you stood your ground, eyes flickering from his own to his lips and back to his eyes a couple of times.

stopping in his tracks as his nose brushed against your own, his smirk only grew smugger when you didn’t move an inch away from him.

“what? afraid to push me against the counter and trap me between your muscular veiny arms while we make out?”

you wet your plump lips making them more inviting than it already was as your fingers lightly traced a path down his arms falling to his pretty hands and guiding them to rest on your waist. looking back at him with lustful eyes, he took this as a sign to do what you challenged.

with a tightening grip on your waist he pushed you towards the counter, his growing hot breath fanning against your lips inching closer and closer together.

you pulled yourself away catching him by surprise but in a split second the shock in his eyes was replaced with a smug look.

“suddenly scared princess? don’t worry i won’t hurt you, not when you’re still dressed”

sinful words dripped from his lips as he teased you, but still putting up a fight you muttered in the most lustful and teasing way you can

“tsk i still had to tell you what to do… forget about making out and let me mark you up baby”

your doe eyes look up at him as your thumb played with his bottom lip while you slowly trailed soft kisses along his jaw and down to his neck, not missing to suck on the skin under his ear.

his grip on your waist tightened as you lick a sensitive area along the crook of his neck, aware of his reaction, you bit down softly and sucked on the area leaving a prominent purple mark for the morning.

your free hand move down his clothed hard toned body, mindful to do it at painfully slow pace, he lets out a low groan slightly throwing his head back when your hand found its way under his oversized shirt and onto his toned abs.

shushing him, you pushed your thumb on his lip into his mouth prompting him to suck on it, which he did.

your lips busy themselves by leaving marks on his neck and exposed collarbone, your hand on his abs left lingering touches on him as you took the luxury of feeling his hard abs, and with your thumb pushing down on his tongue while his plump lips wrap around the shaft of your digit he swore no one has ever made him feel this good being controlled before.

his grip on your waist tightens even more, definitely leaving a mark the next day but you grant him the freedom anyways.

letting go of your thumb with a pop as he pulled away, a trail of saliva connecting from his lips to your thumb made the view more sinful than it already is. he removes one of his hands on your waist and brings it up to your cheek, angling and slowly pulling your pink swollen lips onto his own but before your lips could crash you pulled away yet again.

you enjoyed the view of a frustrated eric in front of you, brows knit together and a frown evident on his lips as the hand that cupped your cheek now stays frozen in the air.

“not tonight baby”

you sent him a wink and a flirty smile as you carefully slipped yourself out from the heated space between his hard body and the counter, making sure to leave a lingering touch onto his painfully hard bulge as you purposely brush your thigh against his hard member as you slipped out.

speed walking out of the arcade without looking back, you quickened your paced out of there. finally out of the of the shop, you darted and ran away as fast as you can and made a sharp turn to a corner, making it hard for the pastel boy who walked out right after you to find you in the area.

waiting in the cold air for the past hour was not something your best friend’s brother expected on a tuesday morning. sure, Eric could be late sometimes but it’s never that he never showed up.

“buy me coffee everyday and i’ll tone down the beating after class. how does that sound?”

Eric squatted down to meet eye-to-eye with the helplessly panting black and blue bruised boy leaning against the wall laying on the ground clutching onto his stomach.

“deal.”

was all he could let out of his quivering and bloody lips as Eric stood up again, watching him turn around he thought he was finally going to leave but to his dismay he suddenly turned on his heel to send a hard kick to the boy’s ribs making him cry out in pain as air got kicked out of his lungs from the impact. falling to the floor, he helplessly curves into a ball clutching onto his ribs as tears started streaming down his face again.

thinking that was the last blow, he placed his guard down again but what he got was more painful kicks. one painful blow managed to get through his ball position and kicked him right where it pained the most. as expected from the soccer captain.

“you know what, bring breakfast and coffee for all of us instead”

and that was it before they all turned and left the boy helpless and on the ground once again.

ever since then, he always used up his money to buy them breakfast and coffee. they were cheap but he was thankful nonetheless that they didn’t point that out, yet.

students started filling in the campus as class starts in ten minutes. and there he saw them, walking together as other students’ heads turn to their direction. Sunwoo, the soccer captain, turned to his direction and lock eyes with him even with their far distance making him instinctively gulp a ball of saliva down his throat in fear. he was numb to the pain but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t fear them.

sunwoo made a gesture towards his way that he is dismissed, something he doesn’t see often from them but thankful whenever they do. he subtly gives him a bow which sunwoo also subtly returns to him with a short nod before walking into the building and same goes for the poor boy that's been waiting in the cold.

‘cold noodles for lunch i guess’

‘shit’ he mentally cursed at himself for getting way distracted of Sunwoo to forget about his goal of the day. Eric

he wanted to see if you kept your word and bumping into them in the hallway while on his way to class gave him the same golden opportunity as earlier if you had done what you promised.

after silently offering them their bags of breakfast, which they’d still eat in class anyways, they accepted it along with the cold coffee then comes the bickering

“our slave serves us so well we just might not look for another”

“don’t go broke on us or else we’ll have to replace you”

the duo from the basketball club speaks, Juyeon and Hyunjae. They never really did much in terms of beating him up but rather they take pleasure into hurting him verbally, the maximum effort that they’d do would be spitting on him.

remembering why he mustered up the last bits of courage in him to still approach them and give them their breakfast, his attention shifted to Eric. he didn’t look beat up

instead, he was sporting a fresh patch of hickeys down his neck.

‘was this all you were up to? sleep with him? to make my blood boil?’

he thought to himself as a familiar feeling of betrayal clutched onto his pained chest. you were probably out and telling his sister about Eric, he thinks

after the “incident” the other night, you packed up your pride and shame and still went to Creker. Your outfit got more revealing and teasing than last time.

you sported denim shorts that hugged your waist, hips, and ass too perfectly with a black halter-neck top. With its strings that held up your top tied to the back of your neck it exposed your collarbones, shoulder, and upper back showcasing several minimalistic tattoos you have. your soft skin out and about was enough to make any guy go crazy.

sipping onto your milkshake as you were on your phone, missing to notice eric and his rowdy group was already in the building.

from a couple of tables across you, Eric was practically eye-fucking you in front of Sunwoo. taking in the way your red lipstick would leave prints on the paper straw, mentally imagining you on your knees, red lips wrapped around his member taking him in so well as your mascara stained face looks up at him while he throat fucks you.

unconsciously licking his lips, he shamelessly allows his imagination to run wild out in public. the soft skin of your back, shoulders and collarbones littered with hickeys he’ll put himself. sucking and biting on the back of your shoulder as he fucks you from behind. hand around your pretty throat also littered with his love bites, fucking you senseless as he rubs circles onto your clit making you scream his name

begging for release as he brings you to your own body-shuddering orgasm then proceeding to fuck you through your high.

his cock grew painfully hard at the thought and it grew torturing as he takes in the way your skimpy shorts rides further up your thighs or the way you would push your ass out, arch your back and unconsciously push your chest out on your seat whenever you’re tired and placing your head onto your palms as your elbows were prompt up on the table, an evident groan shaping your lips.

from doing the bare minimum you were so hot. he swore he could see himself fucking you right there and then in your seat. him seated under you as you push your ass out and bounce onto his hard cock. hands behind your back as he holds them in place, tugging on them to make you go faster as he thrusts his hips upwards in rhythm with yours feeling him go deep into you in this position and new found rhythm.

his train of filthy thoughts was cut short when a bunch of napkins fall onto his face. shifting his attention back to Sunwoo who has holding a fork in hand and ready to throw it at the pervert in front of him. Eric raises an eyebrow at him, his thoughts were only getting better before it was interrupted.

“you were drooling”

sunwoo deadpans as he brought the fork down to stab it on the slice of strawberry cake in front of him. he was well-aware of what his friend was thinking of, it was obvious on the way his eyes would painfully scan you top to button several times and unconsciously licking and biting his lips in the process.

he doesn’t blame him for acting that way, if he was in his position yesterday, a hot girl coming up to him and giving him love bites, it would’ve escalated to something more.

in addition, your outfit for tonight was too inviting for wild fantasies than it should be. not that he was blaming what you were wearing, you just looked terribly hot, too hot for his liking of you wanting eric and not him.

only difference if Eric was him though, you two would’ve been in his car right now as he fucks you senseless, words of praise coming out of his mouth as he mutters them against your lip.

your red lipstick? long gone from marking and making out. he would make you mark him everywhere he wanted. red kiss marks up and down his neck, his chest, collarbone, heck even on his white dress shirt so everyone knows it was from you.

your shorts? probably thrown to the front seat as he makes out with your wet cunt, lapping at your juices, sucking and biting on your sensitive bud as his fingers curl into you making you see stars, your fingers lost in his own peach hair as he lets you grind on his face enjoying it as much as you are.

the star of the show, your top? it’s still on you as he admires the way your braless breasts bounce as he fucks himself into you. loving the way they bounce to the rhythm of him fucking you, the way you would hiss under your breath whenever his cold ring brushes against your hard nipple poking through the fabric—

this time it was sunwoo’s train of thoughts that was interrupted when a napkin comes in contact with his face.

“you were drooling”

Eric mocks the way Sunwoo interrupted him earlier which earned him an eye roll and a scoff from the latter.

“as i was saying, if i went up to her, do you reckon we will make out for real this time?”

Sunwoo raises a brow at the boy across him, not liking this new “im sure she will fuck me” energy he has.

“why are you even asking me? it’s not like i ever made out with you to know if girls come running back”

“i know but i need a support system here”

Sunwoo rolls his eyes again for the nth time tonight. he looks over to your table trying to look for these “signs” that you would make out with Eric. but to his surprise he was met with an empty table, eyes shifting towards the lines of machines in front of them, he finds you sat down and hastily spamming on buttons as you played Street Fighter against what he assumed to be your friends.

looking like you’re out of it and having fun playing, it doesn’t seem like he sees any glints of the teasing and flirty you from yesterday.

“seems like you are out of her head at the moment, doesn’t seem like she would make a move on you tonight”

Sunwoo states in a matter-of-fact way before shoving a bite of cake into his mouth.

“then i guess i should make a move myself”

and with that, Eric pushes himself up from his seat and makes his way to you, Sunwoo watches the way you caught a glimpse at his friend coming towards you before proceeding to run off avoiding him. he lets out a short entertained laugh as he watches this unfold before him. his own stuck-up-his-own-ass best friend gets ghosted by a girl that made moves on him.

finishing the game, surprisingly winning even though you had no idea what you were doing— you stood up and just in time you caught a glimpse of Eric from your peripheral vision as he makes his way towards you. remembering the plan, you turned to his way and gave him a flirty wink first before turning on your heel and making your way around the machines towards one of your other friends.

earlier, you were frustrated that it was taking so long for him to walk through the door and into your peripheral vision. groaning, you wanted to leave but as your head faced the other tables in front if you a familiar colored head caught your attention, Eric

he was seated with someone, that someone threw a napkin towards Eric’s face and then they held a conversation

you mentally cursed yourself for not realizing sooner that he was already here and how you could’ve been done for today way sooner.

ready to throw out another frustrated groan, it was cut short when familiar faces walked through the door, they were your co-workers at this diner you worked at during the day.

noticing you sitting by yourself, they make way to you giving teasing looks

“hm so you left work early to go to your date? hmmmm”

“is he really that good in bed that you’re early and he’s not”

you laughed at their straightforwardness, they definitely had no filter when they talked.

“i came over to cool off, they have great milkshakes”

you said gesturing towards your now empty glass

“gonna try some later, me thinks”

“but for now, let’s play, let’s go!”

“i’m not putting my pay on the line on bets”

“i second that”

and with that, they dragged you over to the machines totally forgetting the real reason you were here in the first place.

but now you were totally avoiding the person concerning that reason. not because you no longer had the shame from yesterday, you still had it. you just didn’t want to show it in front of the same people you work with.

and so here you are, bending over the counter waiting for the change of your paper bill, shorts riding up high against your thighs and tightening around your core. not gonna lie, the feeling got you a little horny.

feeling eyes on you again, like how it always have been for the entire night, you turned your head and shifted your direction to the table where Eric sat, catching him devour the sight of your ass.

biting back a laugh at Eric’s shocked expression looking back at you when you caught him checking you out.

you sent a wink to his way as a smug smirk grew on his lips. directing your attention back to your friend, you subtly swayed your hips side to side when you whined to your friend who asked you to buy you three milkshakes with your own money, missing the way eric subtly grabbed his bulge under the table to help ease himself.

“your ass is so-“

smack

“what do you call it… excited?”

your friend playfully smacks your ass at your whining not knowing this was driving the poor boy insane.

her hand stayed on your ass rubbing soothing circles on it, probably from habit or something. with a little smack again on your ass you straightened up as the worker slides you both the coins you need for the machines.

the night went on as you planned it to be, thankfully. being the coin bearer of the group, you roamed around the space bringing coins to whichever called for you making sure to pass by Eric whenever you can, not missing the way his eyes would stay glued to your chest or your ass whenever you walked by.

your friends also caught up to this and asked if you knew about the guy eyeing you out like a pervert but you shrugged it off telling them not to mind him.

on the other hand, you were driving Eric insane. he wanted to go up to you and just make out, let you know he knows what’s this game you’re playing. but constant restrictions from Sunwoo stopped him for doing so, saying quote end quote “do it when she’s alone, she probably doesn’t like you around her friends”

everywhere you went, every game you would stop to play, his eyes never left you but only to talk to Sunwoo or give him glares. Eric is over the edge by now, as your shorts would ride up your thigh whenever you sit, the way your ass looks delicious when you pick a coin up, the way your breasts subtly bounce whenever you walk, the way your smooth skin looks so tasty right now under the dim lighting and countless neon lights.

he can’t count how many surfaces in this damn shop he ever imagined fucking you all in one sitting as you ran laps around his mind. hands on either side of you as he pulls you back to him, thighs quivering and close to losing strength as he's fucking you from behind while he distracts you while you're playing. you on your knees, slotted in between his parted thighs, red lips sucking him off while he sits to play. his bruising grip on your hips as your one leg is swung over the counter as he fucks you from behind angling in the perfect spot as he slams into you with no control. sweat glistening bodies looking so perfect reflecting the neon lights, your constant moaning of his name above the video game sounds as you would beg for release like the good girl you are. and the new addition, bending you over on the counter to eat your wet cunt while he fingers your tight ass and slapping your delicious ass making your body shudder as you orgasm on his tongue.

he wanted you, all of you

unbeknownst to him and you, the peach haired boy across Eric also had the same thoughts for the same reasons.

‘you always want what you can’t have’ sunwoo thinks to himself when bitter reality hits.

nevertheless, whatever you had going on, this went on for the rest of the week, your clothes getting more risky and inviting every day. even as much as going braless one time and wearing only a bralette under a huge blazer the other day. you knew you were driving him insane, and you loved every single bit of it.

eric now goes to Creker everyday, sometimes even earlier than you expect. he knew you were playing games with him but he still loved every single bit of it.

for every outfit you wear and every move you make you’re making it easier for him to think of ways he could fuck you once he gets his hands on you. Already giving the imaginary-you petnames, his favorite being “slut”.

“you love that don’t you? making me cum on your pretty little fucking face. you’re such a cumslut for me”

“a slutty whore who likes to dress up in public needs to be put in her place, now be a good girl and bend over for me”

“you like it when i fuck you like this? making you see stars and orgasm ‘til you can’t anymore? you like that don’t you slut?”

“you’re so wet princess, so wet and only for me. you like it when i play with your fucking cunt like this? of course a slut like you would like it. heck you would squirt just from it because you’re a slut like that”

everyday it went the same, you were avoiding him but still putting on a show. whether he had a lot of friends with him or not it didn’t matter, you were putting on a free show just maybe not only to him.

last friday was nothing different until he couldn’t handle it anymore, this saturday was going to be his shot in getting laid with the girl of his dreams. literally, his nights have been constantly filled with thoughts if you and wet dreams are still about you as if the daydreams weren’t enough.

that night, although drunk and dazed over the thoughts of you, he plucked up the courage to run after you when you walked out. roughly grabbing your wrist, he whips you around with so much force you almost lost your balance, almost.

“sorry”

was all he could mutter as he rubs a hand over the back of his neck. you crossed your arms against your chest, a move he never got tired of no matter how many times you did it, your eyebrows furrowed at the boy in front of you at the sudden rudeness of pulling you.

“do you need anything?”

the cold tone of your voice caught him off guard, after all the teasing and out of the blue you are acting up caught him by surprise. but then he realized he really just did whip you around almost ripping off your arm.

“there’s a party at my place tomorrow night, care to come over?”

he muttered finally looking up to meet you eye-to-eye, his eyes no longer had the lust that it always had whenever you were around, surprisingly it was a genuine emotion of expectation and anticipation.

poking the tip of your tongue to the inner wall of your cheek, you placed a finger to your lip pondering on your decision. a party was never part of the plot.

“address”

you didn’t miss the way you caught him staring at your lips before you answered.

“uhm… Kakao M University, just ask for the TBZ frat house”

you can’t help but notice the way his strong facade was slowly breaking down into pieces, you were probably scaring him right now, good.

“dress code?”

your unexpected question caught him off guard, again. he was looking at you questioningly and you only returned a raised brow at him instead of repeating yourself. as soon as the words sunk in and he finally understood, his mouth formed an ‘o’ shape as his eyes also lit up

“just wear anything”

the facade was building itself up again at the thought of your previous outfits at the arcade, wondering how you’ll surprise him again. a smirk slowly growing itself, he sent you a wink.

feeling playful, you sent him a flirty smile back, you already have the perfect plan in mind

“i’ll be there”

you sent him a wink this time before turning on your heel as you jogged back to catch up with your friends now waiting by a stoplight, missing the way a wide grin grew on his face, he just asked out the girl of his dreams.

Sunwoo’s jaw practically hung open from the other side where he was watching it all unfold from the arcade’s window. he saw his best friend’s facade falter, no longer seeing the predator gaze he always had in his eyes ever since you started coming to the arcade, this time he saw nothing but just Sohn Youngjae, no longer Eric, the hormonal douchebag.

‘damn what did you do to the kid’

it was still the same friday night, let’s just say you had a lot on your plate. after your usual show at the arcade, Eric’s invitation, and your friends’ constant pestering on what they assumed was your “date”, you find yourself at your best friend’s place.

just earlier after you walked your two friends to their shared apartment and you were on your way to your own, your best friend had called you up for an invitation of her own

Y/N!!

damn im right here no need to shout

Y/N!!

what what what what

Y/N~~ i missed you~~

pfft you’re already drinking without me?

no but i do need you to stop by please

hmm okay but can i get a reason though?

i want to drink with someone

okay okay I’ll be on my way with bottles

hihi i love you~

goodbye im dropping the call

and just like that you were on your way to her place, bottles and a pack of cigarette in hand. you were practically like a big sister to her and her brother, losing their parents was a hard thing to move on from but they had to, and they had to do that quick. meanwhile you, you willingly left home so you could live on your own and start anew.

You knew the risks and consequences it would come with but you went for it anyways. You spent months looking for the perfect place to run off to. And that’s when you stumbled upon this beautiful place called Spring Snow Valley, it had all the perfect places you wanted, it was cold, colorful, and calming. All the pictures you’ve seen online were giving such a comforting vibe to you, it felt like home. And that’s when you decided you’ll go here, your parents never took you to that many places before, especially this one. This foreign place that you fell in love with at the mere pictures you’ve seen of the place.

the moment you hit 20, you decided it was time for you to leave for real this time, time for you to runaway. time for you to cut off from everything that weighed you down and find your own sense of comfort. So you packed your bags, a backpack and a handbag which held not that many clothes but enough to get by and a bunch of other necessities. With the plane ticket and your passport in hand, you could still remember yourself trembling at the counter realizing you’re actually doing it.

stepping foot into your dream land, pictures didn’t do it any justice. It felt like how you know it would, comforting. Settling down in this cheap and small studio you booked beforehand, you started slow in adjusting and your job was your priority in settling first. You were fortunate enough there was a diner that offered online recruitment for waitresses and you were lucky enough to be selected. The very next day you headed to work right away, not the best way to enjoy a new place but then again, you have the rest of your life from now on to explore its endless beauty. And at present, you’re deep in love in the place you live in, your very own home, your very own comfort place working a stable job at a diner providing for yourself. You were happy, finally.

in a similar way and around the same age, your best friend also underwent her struggles being also a runaway herself. They were a happy family of 4, her parents worked hard and had stable jobs that were enough to provide for their 2 kids, they always had support in everything they did, they were loved immensely, cared for, they had the perfect parents. everything was perfect, too perfect. without warning, all was taken away from them in the blink of an eye.

one tragic pouring night, the kids received a call saying their parents had passed away. it was all too much all at once, they didn’t want to believe it until they had to watch their caskets get brought down. on the very night they received the call, an hour before the call was made, their parents got themselves in a car accident. the road was wet and slippery, other cars’ headlights were on high. in the blink of an eye, the container trucking van in front of them suddenly took a sharp turn in an attempt to avoid ramming into the cars that collided in front of him and killing any survivors if there were any. due to heavy rain making it hard for the dad to see, he wondered where all the bright headlights went and before he could turn the car around with what’s happening in front of him, the container that the truck was connected to started tilting towards them and before any nearby cars could make way for them to back up and several others to avoid the fall, the container came crashing down on 2 cars, all of which had no survivors.

They were never told the story of how their parents died, the best they got was a “it was a car accident on the road”, and they were smart kids, they always pestered the adults about their suspicions

“you said it was a car accident! if it was they shouldn’t be dead!”

“darling i know it’s hard to accept but not everyone who gets into a car accident survives”

“but… they should be alive”

“im sorry darling”

not wanting their ending to be just a “car accident”, your best friend in younger form resorts to the internet, she spent nights looking for articles that were written about that day. until she stumbled on the perfect one, it had a picture of their car’s crushed state with the plate number only slightly dented. reading further, the article ended with the name of those who passed, two of which were their parents.

from then on she has always kept it to herself, that she knew how they died, why they didn’t even get to have a last look at them. that is until she decided it was time for her brother to also know. all these years he’s always blamed it on himself that they died, for all the times he would refuse to spend time on them because he was too sucked up in a game, for all the times he’s been a burden at them and letting his anger talk for him. but his sister knew, she knew he was struggling on his own just like she was, but before he drowns himself in his thoughts, she lets the truth out hoping it would stop her brother from constantly thinking about ending it all. they’re both struggling in their own ways and their own reasons but the love they have for the parents always held them together.

which takes them to the night they packed their bags and left their grandparents. they never treated them right, only seeing them as an asset to their fortune, aside from their view of them being children of an “affair.” having enough of the constant stress and pressure that they put them into, they left the house for some place better. a place they would like to call a second shot to home. with her being a legal adult and him not even of legal age yet, she dragged him along wherever she went.

which takes them to this serene place. It was calm, peaceful, and comforting, a place they both really needed all this time. just like her fated best friend to be, she also found the place off of the internet. she already has everything settled from the apartment they will stay in, her job, and to his studies. she successfully got him a scholarship to a nearby school where he now goes to, it’s not the best, heck it’s always hell where he gets beat up like no tomorrow, but as much as he wants to drop out he fights the urge and insists himself to finish the year first. all for his sister. finishing school meant he would be able to land a job somewhere needing his credentials, it meant he can work now and lighten the pressure on his sister.

weeks down the road, they would meet this sweet waitress in the new diner they decided to try out. little did they know, that same waitress was going to be their guiding angel. what you did for a living at that time wasn’t really “angel-like” but out of the mature industry you were in that had you stripping for dollars on the side, you were the sweetest, your calm and comforting presence reminded them of their mother. you were a friend they call often out of work to hear out their problems, get together and drink, you also handled their financial settlements like bills and such to untangle their messy perception of which to pay first and what to prioritize least. you taught them a lot, a lot about life and a lot about growing. you grew into each other and before you know it, you’re the third sister in the family you three called your own. and one alcohol-drenched night prompted you three to get matching tattoos, to be reminded that it won’t ever be complete if it wasn’t three. you had the roman numerical value of 1 being the eldest, your best friend having 2, and her brother having 3. it was your connection to each other

the walk to your best friend’s apartment was and always will be painfully long but it was calming either way— and you also always have time to drown in your daydreams, so you didn’t mind. the street’s aura shifts into different settings and vibes every time you pass by the route, it made the experience feel even more magical. it would start with a dimly lit street where warm street lights littered the pathways, then next thing you know you would be walking beside the river as lamp posts replaced street lights, then it would switch again to you walking under trees that blossom seasonly as short little pathway lights replace the lamp posts, and your last stop, the busy street where neon lights and various store lights littered the area.

making a sharp turn around the block, you climbed the stairs to your best friend’s apartment now taking notice of the bottles noisily clanking against each other for every movement you made, knocking on her door as you stood there waiting, she's in her pajamas as she greets you all giddy and excited as she swung the door open.

“IT’S FINALLY TIME!”

she cheerily shouts for the whole building’s residents to hear as you made your way into her warm place drastically different from the cold breeze that hugged you for who knows how long outside.

and so the familiar night unfolds, it was the same as every other weekend, your best friend wanting to drink as a way to celebrate for quote end quote “getting through another week” and dragging her younger brother along into drinking, who was he to refuse what he needs the most.

too focused on downing your drinks you missed how her younger brother suddenly looked… cleaner.

“y/n can i talk to you in the kitchen please”

that was the reason you were here again, same position as the last time you both met, him by the fridge and you on the doorway as you left your best friend to pass out on the couch.

“what did you do?”

in your dazed state you raised your eyebrows at the sudden straightforwardness of the younger

“excuse me what, what did i do? i think i missed a chapter here”

“what did you do? no— what are you doing? you said you’d fight him, remember?”

trying to muster up as much of a sober state as you can, you tried to hold a proper conversation. thinking too hard on how to word it out correctly, you bit your lip to stop yourself from letting poorly worded statements drip out.

“just tell me what’s going on… the first time i saw him after monday he had marks up his fucking neck, was that you?”

silence. you cant bring yourself to tell him

“y/n…”

“okay yes it was me—“

“you’re unbelievable”

“hear me out first before you blow me off”

you raised your foot against the other side of the doorway you’re leaning on, now this definitely looks like the first confrontation.

the silence in the air gave you a green light to speak up

“im trailing him on so he thinks im into him but i’ll really beat him up for you…. soon”

the little details in your statement gave a lot of room of suspicion for him, so you gave in, you told him everything that happened and what’s happening. you even told him about the party the next day

“are you sure about this?”

“yes”

“y/n, it’s a frat house you’re going to get ganged up”

“i won’t, i’ll get him alone somehow”

silence

“and don’t worry, he doesn’t know about this”

you held your wrist out where the tattoo sat, pulling down on the arm band that’s been keeping it hidden this whole time.

“by the way uhm… i wanted to thank you”

“for..? picking up a fight? it hasn’t even happened yet”

he shook his head as he looks at your pink state, evident that the alcohol is slowly settling in.

“for doing this…”

“...admittedly, the past days i’ve had it easy, he would always leave the campus early and the rest of the guys hasn’t been that tough on me… ”

“...and now that i know why he’s been leaving, i wanted to say thank you, you kind of saved my cheeks from bruising this week”

you only nodded along to his words, eyes closed and a knit smile on your face, he laughed at your state not knowing if it’s because the alcohol fully took you in or if it’s because you actually listened and looked like a proud mom from it.

care to explain how you got into this position? no im tired go away

you were on eric’s bed sloppily making out as his hand traveled up your skimpy dress, stopping onto your breast to grab harshly at it causing you to part your lips in surprise, he took this chance to dart his tongue into you and explore you. tongue fighting for dominance, you didn’t want him to top you despite his growing pressure on your body.

successfully gaining the top hand, you push his tongue out of your lips with your own, pulling away a trail of saliva connected you two together, taking in your fucked out state with hooded eyes before diving down onto your neck as your hands gripped his shoulders.

“stop acting like you don’t want this baby you got me riled up like this the whole week...”

“...you— are— the— reason— for— this”

he muttered the last statement word for word as he thrusts his clothe hard bulge against your covered core making you squirm from the friction.

tugging on the flimsy straps of your dress you let him slide them off your arms before pulling the top part down exposing your hard nipples to him.

your soft moans mixed with the muffled music from outside filled his dimly lit room. your fingers entangled themselves into his locks as he gave your nipple kitty licks before latching onto it, sucking and biting occasionally on the sensitive nub. his other hand giving the same attention to the other one, giving it rough massages and occasionally pinching and pulling on your sensitive nub. to add fuel to the overwhelming pleasure, he was still thrusting his bulge into your aching core loving the friction he was getting from it.

“who made you this feisty?”

you muttered in between moans as your eyes roll to the back of your at the overwhelming pleasure, it earned you a low chuckle as he bit and pulled on your sensitive nipples making you cry out his beautiful name.

“you did princess, this is all your doing”

letting go of your nipple, he prompted himself on his arms beside your head, your legs wrapping around his hips pulling him impossibly close as he sped up his thrust unto your covered core. wanting to grab on anything for support you went to grab at his back, scratching him in the process as you arched your back at the stimulation. too focus on your high you missed the way he took in the way your brows would furrow as your eyes flutter shut when he grazes your sensitive clit, or the way your lips would part only to be sucked back in as you bite on it to suppress a moan. god he loved you looking like this, so fucked out, and he’s not even in you yet.

not wanting to release just from the foreplay, you weakened your grip around his hips.

“Eric…”

“baby just a little more”

“Eric… i want to cum on your hard cock please”

thrusts slowing down and his body coming down on you, in an attempt to hide his proud smile as you begged for his cock he buries himself into your neck again, biting down and muttering against the skin

“anything for my good girl”

you took this chance to muster up all the strength you had left to turn your two bodies, now you were on top of him sitting on top of his hard bulge as his hands roamed from your thighs to your hips, the bundled dress on your waist, breasts, anywhere he can hold.

grinding on his bulge at a painfully slow pace, he ushers you to do it faster and with more force as he adds pressure to his hands gripping on your hips guiding you.

instead, you leaned over, hands trailing lingering touches up his hard abs and toned chest, you came face to face with him muttering against his pretty swollen lips

“baby let me take control for tonight”

“go for it, make daddy proud”

pulling away he tucked an arm under his head, enjoying his wet dream worthy view of you. you climbed off of him and situated yourself between his his two legs. never breaking the lustful gaze between you two, you bent down to grab his hard bulge and give it a soft massage as you placed soft kisses on the jean-clad boner, his free hand tangled itself in your hair and you squeezed his hard cock harshly as you pulled away from his touch in response as you now sitting on your heels.

“i thought we agreed i’d be in control”

“sorry baby i couldn’t help it you just looked so pretty against my cock”

with a roll of your eyes and a low chuckle from him your hands went to work with his belt and sliding it off the hooks.

the black leather still in your hand, you bent down to trail wet kisses up his abs and chest until you’re met with him face to face. throwing your thighs around his hips, you were straddling him again as he just kept his lust-filled gaze on you the whole time.

smirking down at him you took a grab of his free hand and put it up above his head on the mattress as the hand under his head soon followed. distracting him, you made out with him and slid your tongue in going as deep as you can while your hips worked wonders against his bulge. your pace going faster and rougher he lets out a soft moan of your name against your lips as he feels the familiar feeling of his high build up again.

denying him of his release again, you pulled away from him and sat onto his bulge still grinding painfully slow on it. smirking to yourself you admired your work, eric sohn being tied up and bound, neck littered with your blue marks, chest filled with red fresh scratch marks, abs littered with more marks of your own. god he looked so good under you like this.

eric could only lowly laugh at his state, completely controlled by the girl who’s been the definition of sin to him the past days. he could’ve sworn he saw a hint of mischief in your eyes as you eyed him deliciously before straightening up on his hips fumbling with the bundled clothing around your waist, you fished out the belt you’ve been wearing around you.

leaning over to tower over him again you gave him a smirk as you hovered over, taking his bound wrists and tying them with your belt to his headboard, fully restricting his hands from anywhere.

eric couldn’t care less about it as he just wanted you tonight. with your breasts hanging right over his lips, he took the luxury of giving it kitten licks before taking in a nipple in between his lips. sucking, biting and pulling, the sensitivity of your bud made you grip onto his headboard with your head thrown back letting out profanities as his eyes never left your face taking in how hot you are whenever he pushes the right buttons on you.

regaining your composure, you pulled yourself away from his touch, letting go of your breast with a pop, he then proceed to show off a smug smile at you as you rolled his eyes at him

bringing yourself back down, you went back to grinding onto his hard bulge. starting painfully slow making him thrust himself up at you which only earned him a scowl from you. growing hotter by the minute you pulled your dress to the top so now you’re only in your panties grinding on his painfully hard bulge, the site driving him to go crazy and fully mark you up.

throwing your head back as the rough material of his jeans grazes against your sensitive bud, you went harder and rougher at grinding, this time making him let out low moans to the sight of you getting yourself off on him

“you like that baby? you like it when you use me like that?”

you frantically nodded at him as you closed your eyes and bit back moans as you went faster at your grinding, nails digging into his chest as you feel your high coming.

“come on baby, just a little bit more”

your hips are digging into his bulge as your sensitive clit constantly grazes against the rough material as he also started grinding up towards your core to meet your rhythm. tears collected at the corner of your eyes threatening to fall at the overwhelming sensation you’re having. growing weak, you fell onto eric’s sweat glistening body, burying your head against the crook of your neck as you let out soft moans at how good he’s making you feel

“baby oh my god im so close”

“i know baby just a little more i know you can do it”

your moans growing higher pitched and ragged breaths against his neck is tickling the sensitive area as your hips continued to roughly grind against his own, god you wished you didn’t tie him up so he could hold you in place.

your nails that were digging and making new scratches on his skin now weakened, your body slowly relaxing as you came undone on him. plopping his hips back on the mattress as you plopped yours on his hips.

admiring his body and face glistening with sweat making him even hotter than it already was, you bit your bottom lip as you carefully traced a pattern up his abs and chest until it reached his neck. you took a hand and wrapped it around, careful to add light pressure around the sides. his lips slighted parting at the subtle action you cant help the inviting look of his pink swollen lips from biting back all those pretty moans of his from earlier.

your lips on top of his own, you muttered against the pretty pair

“now let’s talk”

his lips parted slightly bigger ready to speak but your grip growing alarmingly tight around his way prompted him to swallow the words

“so… a little birdie told me on the dance floor…”

you trailed off slow, letting the fingers of your free hand trail leaving lingering touching up and down and skin while holding his scared gaze on you.

“that you take pleasure into hurting others? is that right you fucking douchebag?”

you can feel him swallow a lump down under your palm around his neck

“answer or else i’ll make sure to tighten this that you won’t see the light of tomorrow”

the already tight grip on him prompts him to nod his head frantically

“tsk, what? suddenly you can’t talk? i heard you say the same thing to your little victims”

“so tell me, how does it feel”

silence filled the air as he couldn’t pull himself to talk to you when fear filled his eyes. who are you and what did you do to the girl of his dreams

frustrated at him refusing to speak, you brought your free hand up from you back and sent a blow right under his ribs, making sure to hit him right in the diaphragm making him sharply inhale a breathe as his eyes widen in fear.

“talk”

tears now gathered at the corner of his eyes threatening to fall. shifting in your position, you were now on sitting on his chest, his throat perfectly under for you to shift all weight onto that hand and strangle him to death

growing even more frustrated, you pulled the tight grip away from him making him take a deep inhale of air but cutting that moment short as you landed a sharp and harsh slap across his cheek leaving a red stinging mark on it with a little scratch slowly opening up as little drops of blood seeped through.

examining his alarmed state closely, you see him open his mouth rather wide, ready to shout for help but you were quicker. your hand flew back to grip around his throat making him choke on air.

“make any noise and you really won’t see your precious tomorrow”

glassy eyes filled with anger looked back at your own that was full of mischief.

“so, the little birdie told me…. that you stopped bothering him and went to bother someone new…”

lies

you licked your bottom lip as you felt him swallow another lump

“well guess what… him not being bothered anymore isn’t going to stop me from inflicting karma unto you. got that?”

leaving all thoughts behind of who this little birdie of yours is, all he could do was nod frantically in fear as venom dripped from your mouth. leaning into his ear you whispered life-sucking threats to him like a lullaby

“and listen carefully, if you think… im going to let you mess with more kids your age and make their lives miserable… then think again.”

“the pain you inflict on them? expect that coming back to you. im going to do this for the next days, weeks and months if i should”

“thinking about breaking a bone or two to your new play toy over this for relief? then know that i will personally break your bones for you”

“baby you may break bones and puncture lungs for a living, but i can do just as much to you, now remember that if you ever try to touch anyone again”

looking up at the poor boy, tears streamed down his face as quivering lips stayed agape shaking uncontrollably as his breaths were quick and ragged against your face looking down at his pitiful state.

“listen here you fucking bitch, i personally came from your own school, i know more birdies than you think”

lies

you spat to his face one more time before pulling away your grip on his airway and climbed off of him to get dressed leaving him gasping for air chest rapidly heaving up and down as air slowly fills his lungs again.

“and one more thing, expect me to be around you more baby”

the petname was the cherry on top for him, a name so innocent yet sounded so life-threatening.

bending down to pressing one last soft kiss unto his neck as your hand slowly comes up to his mouth before applying pressure to his lips as you muffled his scream and when you bit down rather harshly at the skin. a little more pressure on it and it would’ve been bleeding

“tsk what would’ve happened to me if someone heard you scream like that without my hand”

you clicked your tongue as you threw another air-sucking blow to his diaphragm before walking off.

fixing up your messy hair and hastily wiping off smudged make up you looked at him through the vanity mirror he had, entertained at the way he was so horrified at you to not even move a muscle or beg you to loosen the restraints. walking away from the mirror you made your way to the door of his bedroom, sending off one more wink towards his way before you shutting it close and leaving the party.

masterlist

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